#idk what she's doing but whatever it is she's happy and alive ok

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Same, buddy, same

Your tags give me life btw

One of the many joys of doing elizabeth weir daily

thank you omg this made my day 😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and thank you for doing elizabeth weir daily!!!!! its amazing getting a good healthy dose of elizabeth every day we love and stan her. she is beauty she is grace she has an entire city of people who will punch you in the face for her (bc everyone on atlantis is also obsessed with and in love with elizabeth weir as they should be she's perfection i would commit war crimes for her too)

[mbat]

okay but she was literally made for rose. made to be roses. she was made to always be by her side and serve her and dedicate every second of her endless existence to her. it was written in her code. it was established by their society on every level.

not to mention she wasnt just assigned to any random high ranking gem, but one of the four leaders of the entire species. this is not a role to be taken lightly, even if she was never supposed to get the credit or appreciation a pearl deserves for such devotion and effort and action.

you have to imagine how it felt to be by roses side, especially when rose began to change, not to mention how she cared for pearl, and actually wanted to treat her like a person (the best way rose could, even if it wasnt perfect. in fact, it was far from perfect.)

rose began to do genuinely admirable things, in my opinion. she wanted everyone to be treated equally, and to save an entire planet from obliteration, and she was willing to fight for it, give up everything for it. again, she was far from perfect at this, but she had her intentions.

and in it, they were always by eachothers side. rose even gave pearl the choice to leave, save herself, but pearl didnt want to leave the person she was literally made for. also lets be real, both choices kinda sucked. she could go back to homeworld and be a slave, or stay on earth and risk shattering, or at the very least be stuck there forever far from her people and everything about gemkind except for the ruins of a brutal war.

but pearl didnt care that those were the choices, she was made to stay by roses side, and she adored rose. the untold thousands of years theyd known eachother, weve only seen small glimpses of it. you have to imagine how it felt. they did almost everything together.

not to mention the biggest moment in the show, rose giving pearl her darkest secret that would shatter (no pun intended) everything that happened when it came to the war and homeworld vs the crystal gems. she trusted pearl to help her do this, even though it was really clear pearl was miserable in doing it, and rose did her final diamond command to make sure pearl kept it.

but in this fucked up scene, comes a bond. not a healthy one, but one nonetheless

but really, isnt that what summarizes this whole thing?

they spend thousands of years by eachothers sides, almost always together, knowing almost everything about eachother, theyve made a life together, and changed so, so much together.

and then a human arrives. humans, who only live to be around 80 if were lucky, as compared to the immortality of being a gem.

and rose falls for this temporary creature.

thousands of years of gem-baked devotion, adoration, effort, life... it meant nothing, it felt like. her feelings that she was made with, they didnt seem to mean anything to the person who they were made for.

rose starts giving this creature attention that we have to assume she never had before, not in that way. i believe we heard that shes had flings with humans before, but never like with greg.

and you have to wonder how it compared to how she was with pearl all those years.

and eventually rose makes a decision that is, quite literally, unheard of. something that has never happened in the entire universe, and who knows if itll even work, or how itll work, or why. and this thing will take away rose, and rose knows that.

rose wants that. to be gone. forever.

and she chooses this with greg.

i mean, gems dont even die, not really. and this is something that gems seem to know, at least homeworld does. the way they use gem shards, they know that the shards are still alive, fractions of a consciousness.

so... how should a gem even feel about death?

they experienced shatterings on the battlefield, but you expect loss in battle. it still hurts like hell, but its what happens.

but this isnt a battle. this isnt even a fight.

and its not against roses will, her life isnt being taken away from her. shes giving it up, to bring new life into the world yes, but what would that even mean to pearl? she doesnt care about organic life forms, especially humans, and especially not more than she cares about rose. id even argue pearl didnt care as much about what rose stood for as she mightve thought she did, she mostly did for rose.

so why should pearl care about new life, especially at the cost of rose?

but how she felt didnt matter. it happened anyway, and she lost the person she was made for.

of course she wasnt a good parent. to her, 13 years is a blink of an eye, she was still grieving as if it had happened yesterday.

she wasnt equipped to raise a child, for every reason imaginable. i dont even know if anyone actually tried to prepare her, not really?

this isnt to excuse her actions, of course. she did a lot of things she shouldnt have, and contributed to stevens long list of traumatic memories, but im just explaining, yknow?

so yeah. she was bitter. and yes, she wasnt chosen by rose. she was bitter because she wasnt chosen.

can you blame her?

i dont even blame rose, either, not entirely. do i think rose handled things well? uh, fuck no. i love rose so much, but she was not good at like, most things.

rose knew the situation she was in, that she was given what was basically a toy that was made for her, one that was literally made to replace one she broke, and that toy was living and had thoughts and feelings, but those thoughts and feelings were programmed to be made for her. to think about her, serve her, live for her.

rose doesnt strike me as the type to completely understand power dynamic issues the way she probably shouldve, especially not for the first few thousand years, but i have to imagine she found a level of discomfort in this, because she knew pearl didnt really have a choice. rose loved pearl, but could she even know pearls feelings were real, when they were artificially made? was it fair to either of them?

how was she even to let pearl down? did she even really want to? would pearl have even listened, considered it for a second? what would pearl even do if she was told the truth about it?

she deserved the truth, of course. but she didnt get it.

i have to imagine that maybe rose was trying to drop hints when she would go off with humans, not that that was entirely her motivation for doing that of course, but what does that say to pearl except for 'i dont think i can be what you want me to be for you'? rose couldnt devote herself to pearl. rose wanted more, anyway.

rose loved humanity, something pearl couldnt do for a long, long time. pearl only had eyes for one thing, and rose wasnt the same. the ultimately wanted different things, and those things werent compatible, at least, not for them.

to me, theyre tragic, to put it simply. they both couldve had it all, had they just known how, but there was no guide book. there was no one like them before them.

and it was always doomed to fail, because how do you love someone whos created to love you?

"pearl is just made of bitterness over not being chosen" wow what an absolutely horrible takeaway from the complex and fucked up story of this character

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ IF ONLY I HAD TOLD HER

["whatever our souls are made of hers and mine are the same"]

| ✮ 3.5 stars |

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers for ihhbwm + some spoliers for ioihth]

ok so lemme tell you i had the BIGGEST reading slump ever just as i started to read this. so this review may be a little choppy at some points because i've just pointblank forgotten some parts and don't wanna go back and re-read finny's pov just yet.

i was so on the fence about reading this because on one hand i really wanted to read finny's pov and on the other, complete and utter heartbreak.... yeah....... so anyway i read it.

when i tell you that this book had me ugly crying in the middle of the night. like seriously finny's pov?? fucking broke me. are you kidding me? the way he speaks about autumn? ugh when am i gonna find a guy like finny fr? but seriously this book had me on a rollercoaster of emotions just from the heartbreak knowing whats already gonna happen to finny as he describes how happy he is and how he can't believe autumn loves him back, to the smile i had on my face reading about 'the moms' bickering over baby stuff for autumn.

i will say this now i did expect a little more (hence the rating). i wanted idk more closure at the end there. idk rlly know how to describe it better since its 10 o'clock at night and ive had zero sleep for the past four nights in a row. but yeah i wanted something more. (bitch u wanted finny to be alive)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

finny -

*sobbing noises* i could go on a damn rant abt this boy. holy shit. he's just perfect. if i see one person ONE PERSON coming after him istg- he was such a caring sweet person like the pencil??? and always going to the sketchy gas station (i nearly called it a servo then lmao) to get the candy autumn likes?? and always making sure people were safe when he drives?? *cough* apparently not you though sylvie *cough* just ahhh laura when i get you. cause like why'd you have to make him get out of the car, hmmm? lets just compromise and you give me an alternate universe where finny misses the puddle or better yet where sylvie kept her damn seatbelt on.

jack -

tbh i wasn't all that excited to read about jack. (also to be fair i was still sobbing from finny's pov so that probably didn't help) like i seriously just thought it'd be some jock trying to process finny's death by hooking up with alexis (who by the way can go jump up her own ass and die) but we got the whole other side of him where he was genuinely affected by finny's death and really was his best friend. but the way he didn't like autumn way just- yeah. also i saw him and sylvie coming from a mile away like seriously it wasn't very subtle.

autumn -

*sobbing noises increase* autumn my baby girl. i just wanted to jump through the pages and give her a hug. seriously i feel robbed that we didn't get to see a happy autumn. angie and her's friend ship was so precious tho. and i love love LOVE that they bonded over being moms/soon-to-be-moms. im also just gonna say the way we didn't see an ounce of jamie or sasha this entire book made me so happy! i also lowkey wanted to see more of when she was an actual mom? like what would she name the baby? i wanted to see domestic autumn a little more. but i still love her so much and it was so lovely to see her heal <3

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [spoilers]

"my love for her is the closest thing i have to religion. but it's okay that she doesn't feel the same. i'm fine. i can handle it" - finny

"my devotion to autumn is engraved on my very being. i am in awe of her. i will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. i know i'll always love her in the same way i know i'll always need oxygen" - finny

"it's all done. finn's story is over. his whole life. that was it. not even nineteen years, and he'll never, ever do anything else ever again. finn won't go off to college or celebrate his birthday. he won't get another hair cut or get the oiled changed in his car. he won't bite a hangnail on his thumb or buy another CD. finn smith has done everything he will ever do. he won't get to be with autumn." - jack

“this baby isn't what's left over from our love story. this baby is our story's continuation.” - autumn

"if only i'd told her that i loved her years ago, i wouldn't be here now." - finny

all in all laura you can pay for my therapy mkay?

[wof-reworked]

ok I can't stop thinking about the jade winglet, here's my gender hcs for all of them

Moonwatcher - she/they (nonbinary)

I feel like this is fun bc rn (in canon) her gender is just "anxiety" but like,,, one day in the future she gets to actually play around with it

like she captures a very specific type of person I've met who you go "oh I mean I know she's gay but she's probably cis..." and then you have like one real convo and find out they're like not only nonbinary but better at it then you

I think she should get to be butch when she's older. I think she deserves being a) massive compared to her two twink boyfriends and b) gnc as shit

Kinkajou- any/all (genderfluid +transfem)

Kinkajou strikes me as being like. totally ambivalent to gender. Kinkajou changes her pronouns based on how the fruit he ate for breakfast makes him feel. Kinkajou is better than you

I think she was like staunchly using she/her for a while bc it just felt right and like changes pronouns situationally- Rainwing village is she/her, Jade Academy is any/all, close friends it varies, etc etc

Qibli- he/they (transmasc)

Qibli's just always kind of known who he is, and has been like. pretty contentedly in his corner for a while. I think it's like- a pillar of stability for him of like "at least I know I'm (x)"

Proximity to Moonwatcher puts the they/them in there bc I think it's nice when ppl get more comfortable so they start branching out a lil bit :> Qibli has like. guy who says "he/they" because he doesn't mind they/them and wants his friends to feel supported y'know

Winter- he/him (cis + gnc)

Look I feel bad making him one of like. two cis ppl at JMA but like I think it's funny if he's cis but inflicts a status effect of gender envy on every trans person in his proximity

guy who does makeup flawlessly because "it's fun" and decimates your sense of identity as you wonder why the fuck god gave these gifts to a man

extra funny for the fact that as a dragonet he gets offended by the implication he's pretty. he gets over it eventually I think

Turtle- she/her or he/she/they (transwoman/trans)

See here. Otherwise I think she's like trans and this could go in like. any fucking direction ngl

transmasc turtle??? hell yeah !!! transfem turtle??? hell yeah !!! gender is whatever Turtle has going on and god knows if she knows it

last egg to crack bc Turtle is immune to self reflection that isn't anxiety and self loathing

"Haha everyone hates how other people refer to them and their gender what do you mean? :)" (entire jade winglet: cringing with worry)

Umber- he/him (cis)

cis and a lil insecure about it but like. he's just nice :)

he's like experimented with pronouns and gender and found none of them really stuck so like. cis+. cis (extended dlc). you know what I mean I hope

gonna be honest I'm lost for him bc I genuinely forget he was there bc he peaced out so fast. justice for my boy I want to know more !!!!!

I could be persuaded for transman Umber ngl,,, it tempts me,,,,,,

Peril- she/her (trans woman)

On one hand I'm torn bc I think it almost doesn't make sense for her backstory BUT ON THE OTHER HAND the idea of Scarlet being supportive of Peril's identity and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE is hysterical to me

though actually if we wanna get sad,,,, that 100% could be a manipulation tactic of Scarlet. "see I love you I even accept you" etc etc. now I just feel bad man

Peril's also in the same camp of Qibli of knowing this abt herself since she could think and being happy in it. She knows what she's about

BONUS:

Carnelian- she/they/he (transmasc)

Look butch can be a gender and sometimes you're a mean butch skywing idk what to tell you

wish she stayed alive bc her and Moon could've been legendary together. girl who will kill for you vs girl who desperately wants you to do anything else please we talked about this you can't solve your problems with murder

I think Carnelian's true gender is Skywing Patriot and idk how to put that in hc form but this is as best I've got

[newnlovesjennie]

one piece au where literally nothing went wrong everyone is alive and happy hc's

nami

belle mere is still alive obvi

the attack on her island was less of an attack and more of like a alliance? like the fishman pirates pulled up and were like hey we need a hideout can we pls use ur island. and they were like yeah offer us protection and in turn u can use our island! no violence no blood nothing!!

in this au fisher tiger is still alive and the fishman pirates are still what he envisioned before his death, so he’s the captain, not arlong

speaking of arlong he’s like hella toned down. he got the jinbei affect in the sense that koala changed him and showed him humans aren’t all bad. yeah sure he’s more radical and unhinged than the other pirates but he’s just like the weird conservative uncle you tolerate at thanksgiving not a real threat

hachi and nami bonding!!!

nami never develops an obsession with money, she gets to put her full effort into map making and exploring that talent

she makes maps for the fishman pirates completely out of her own free will

she joins the movement for fishman human equality woohoo!!!

yeah in this au that movement actually gets taken seriously instead of played off and the fishmen actually make progress in equality 

koala visits sometimes! koala and nami bonding time!!!

law

doflamingo is toned down like 1000% in this au he’s not a family killer in this one he’s just odd

like seriously idk how the logistics would work but maybe somehow after the whole “doffys family becomes human” thing the humans don’t persecute him? so in turn he just kinda is pretentious and misses being rich instead of holding a particular grudge against humanity?

either way he’s also just the weird conservative uncle you see at thanksgiving 

corazon is number one dad ever did he offer law henny for his 8th birthday yes does he know how to do laundry or cook not at all but he is trying his best!

LAW BABY FIVE AND BUFFALO AS COUSINS. PLEASE!!!! dellinger too maybe idk if he’s a kid or not tho

the executives like trebol diamante whatever the fuck also aren’t as evil either they just tryna do their own thing yk just black market deal in peace but no unnecessary killing 

donquixote family stays pirates instead of going and trying to take a whole kingdom (took a shit ton of convincing for doffy to accept that)

the whole pirate warlord thing gives doffy enough prestige he don’t need to be a king necessarily 

law eats the op op fruit, doffy tries to get him to make him immortal, corazon slaps him, doffy changes his mind

(i am taking so many liberties in this au omg)

zoro

kuina didn’t fucking fall down a flight of stairs!! yippee!!!

their whole competition abt who will be the greatest swordsman is still on

they venture outside the dojo and become pirates

both bounty hunters maybe

kuina is so so gay

hear me out…. kuina x tashigi? LET ME COOK

yeah zoros just there

they find their way to mihawks island without the whole kuma blasting zoro to a random island thing

they beg mihawk to train them but he’s like wtf get out of my house but they show potential and he’s like ok fine ill train y’all 

persona is also there bc i said so FUCK MORIA ALL MY HOMIES HATE MORIA she left him and somehow ended up with mihawk he also let her stay for some reason (he needs to stop adopting kids)

hear me out…. perona x kuina? or at the very least they become besties

once again zoro is just there

robin

olvia and saul are still alive

all of her island is still alive, don’t ask why the world government is ok with that they just are shhhh shhhhh 

robin grows up an archeologist but decides she needs to find the poneglyphs and discover the truth of the world

so she becomes a pirate and joins baroque works, led by crocodile

he respects her (WHAT) doesn’t try to kill her (WHAT) and they actually have a fun friendship a friendly lil boss secretary relationship its adorable

she helps crocodile get with doffy because god knows he couldn’t do it himself

ok if this is how this au is going robins gotta be besties with bon clay come on. mr three hello?? 

[insert-art-here]

Ok, my billford child idea. Timeline ig?

Some points in her life. It's gonna be long lol

Bill took Ford's DNA

2? Years later bill successfully made a child

(He was not very good at keeping it alive)

She grew up in nightmare realm. Not a fun place to grow up.

Age 10 I think. Yeah 10 is good, Bill started trying to push for her to help him in his plans (whatever that means. I don’t fully know yet tbh)

She said yes only once. She quickly came to regret it. She used her powers to do something he told her to, and like, it went south. (I'll flesh this out later)

She stopped using her powers after and he wasn't happy about it.

Around this time, he learns he can't possess her. He wasn’t happy about this information.

She spent the next while locked up in one spot in the nightmare realm, mostly as punishment.

By 17, something bad happened. idk what but it left her both traumatized and let her free herself from the nightmare realm.

She runs off and starts living life.

She's 28 when ford gets home and far away from the nightmare realm.

30 when she meets Ford for the first time bc the Axolotl is like "family therapy" and Ford is like "?????" While Bill is just avoiding explaining. She was not happy about being there but entertained it.

That's all I got.

[ruggythebugwithamug]

ARCANE SPOILER FOR ACT 3 SEASON 2

My ramblings and feelings! Enjoy.

Ok thoughts and feelings, I am not super feral for this show but I like it, and I am satisfied with the end. Though, I have one note (right at the end).

happy Ekko is alive and got his cool badass moment (TWICE! Both when all the firelights came to save the day + Sevilla and Zaun pals and he did his time stuff) though I wonder who exactly he wrote the note for- OH HEIMERDINGER? (I am bad at spelling) maybe maybe

Other dimension Zaun-is-a-nation Powder is epic and I am very happy the body switching shenanigans didn’t lead to her actual ekko being poofed out of existence. Also found it very funny that ekko is here like gathering shards of hex crystal from a crime seen he definitely broke into while Powder just straight up has them all in the Vi cabinet. Girl had an *insane* week that week (or month idk the timeline)

I like how Viktor slowly became more radicalised in his cult shit in every transformation. I do not like what Viktor helped do to dad. Leave dad alone.

The big fellow who manned the giant magic gun (I forget his name, but the nice enforcer guy) SHOULD HAVE WORN HIS HELMET. I am sad he is dead, but if he’s actively manning the giant weapon that is definitely a threat to the Noxian warriors, he is a very clear target. AND HE’S NOT WEARING A HELMET, THEY HAVE LITTLE SIDES THAT MIGHT PROTECT THE NECK AND EVERYTHING! Dumb ways to die.

go doctor man, very nice that that woman you care about is seemingly alive again (we love the mad scientist does mad science for a loved one trope)

Hell yeah sorceress Mel, I have no fucking clue what’s going on with her backstory things happened and I comprehend none of it

As for the bigger things that happened, the whole Jayce/Viktor in astral projection thing definitely reminded me that yeah… while a lot of the story is emotionally driven by the relationships between the undercity fam, Viktor and Jayce’s experimentation with hextech was core to the plot and they kind of are the most influential characters in the story. That scene just reminded me of that in a meta-sense.

I’m not a big shipping person, like, gay people on screen kissing is cool, straight people kissing on screen is cool (I am covering the screen, I don’t want to see anyone kissing, but the romance part is nice) I… don’t know what happened with them. Are they soulmates? Why is Viktor old and giving baby jayce a rock?? Did he use Ekko’s funky time machine??? Their relationship is… I don’t really care if they’re meant to be read as just really affectionate lab bros or a thing… I just- what the fuck was that ending in that regard? I guess we’re space people now. (I am not complaining, I am just confused)

Also speaking of viktor’s cult, when I saw the weird robot angel things I asked ‘why is the angel machine doing a backflip?’ They are very acrobatic.

anyways, onto Vi and Caitlyn. At least we are a little bit happy in the end. Not surprised they got back together, ‘s pretty neat though.

Jinx is very much alive to me. There are theories! There are mysterious blueprints! Blueprints with possible escape routes-

So is Isha. I have no proof of this of course, but for my sanity Isha defied the odds and definitely didn’t die from the crazy gun explosion thing.

Okay as for my only negative note on the whole story… why did Maddie betray Caitlyn? Genuinely? I could have totally missed some foreshadowing or whatever, but… she was an enforcer before Ambessa got really involved in everything right? So, it’s not like she was put in as a spy- There was that line about professional relationships but like… that was before Caitlyn went against Ambessa. Who was Maddie on the side of initially?

Did she join Ambessa because she was spiteful that Cait got back with Vi? (I would prefer that not be the reason since that just feels like a shallow reason for you to kill someone?? Maddie’s a background character but she deserves better than that as motive.) OR is she just super into the whole martial law thing? She aligned with Ambessa because her political ideals are more in line with how they lead their country. (I’d prefer this) Anyways, I will wait for the character analysis people to do there thing because like… unless there’s a whole heap of subtle clues foreshadowing Maddie’ betrayal… that feels like a plot hole, it just doesn’t make sense. She’s GOTTA have a reason.

besides that, tiny, tiny thing that’s been gnawing at my mind, this was pretty good. Thanks everyone who worked on the show, you won’t see this, but I am astral-projecting (Viktor style) praises to you.

I am open for chat but I will be asleep so if you talk to me I’ll probably only reply tomorrow.

[boonsmoon]

Here I'll throw ya one. On another blog, they were chatting about Raditz with a crush, and now it's all I can think about. In most fics I've read he boinks Reader/Whoever pretty fast (and those fics are amazing and I love every bit of it), but I have been super curious about what it'd look like for him to slowly open up to and get a crush. How he'd act and all that.

Would he be all tsundere and deny it? Would he try and woo us (and probably fail miserably)?

i literally love this?? brainrotting over it now Raditz my beloved <3 im gonna bsffr, this was a self-indulgent piece

Request Chungus Masterlist Dragon Ball Masterlist Raditz x f!reader Genres: Headcanons|Fluff|Romantic

Raditz With A Crush

With a human crush:

so first of all- you're human, he's saiyan, and he sees a problem with this (even before the crush)

so i read on the saiyan wiki that saiyan men LOVE strong women, so you're very feisty and will absolutely butt heads with him, no questions asked

at first he's annoyed like "the AUDACITY of this human to oppose me???"

but then it kinda becomes a thing between yall and he's like "man the audacity lol" and he finds it kinda hot

more time passes and yall spend more time together before it passes the territory of "hey, friends don't do that!" and like everyone points it out (yes he survived the piccolo beam :3 or the dragon balls brought him back idk you choose)

but everyone starts to point out the staring and how he oddly is nicer to you🤨hmmmmm

at first for a few months he's like "me? with a human? grossss"

but then Goku and Vegeta are like "humans are kinda goated, we literally have kids with them" so Raditz does some self reflecting

he realizes that he'd totally get with you if you WERE a saiyan so maybe the human barrier is kinda dumb

after this conclusion he makes it his mission to make you fall madly in love with him

every fic i've read of this man portrays him as a frat boy or sex god, and while i LOVE that for him, i'm a firm believer he's an awkward loser when it comes to romance

he flirts with you but in the saiyan way and there are lots of mixed signals

"fight me!" "no?? hEY-" he's already trying to attack you :/

he eventually learns humans are "lame" and do "boring" things for romance, like movie dates or eating out (cringe, right?)

"h-hey human! wanna go to that p-place you keep talking about?" you're thinking for minute because?? THE Raditz stuttered? crazy

but he takes it wrong and assumes you don't want to, so it's a 5min argument convincing him to go💀

similar scenarios happen for a few more months and it literally eats him alive how slow this is moving, it's killing you too dw

after like a year of human dates he starts ranting because you point out that he seemed kinda tense lately

"well i don't know what i'm doing half the time on this planet, i have to live with being the weakest of my race, i can barely stand to be next to you without burning alive-" he kept ranting but your mind blanked after you heard that

with a smile you began to poke him "you likeee me" the HUMILIATION on this saiyans face "you like likeee me"

not how he hoped it'd go, but you two are very happy together :3

With a saiyan crush:

pretty sure it was in canon lore the only remaining saiyans were male, so um, you're the only surviving female, yippee?

you have many suitors to choose from, but uh, most weren't very appealing

and tbh, Vegeta was never an option, you were a peasant or whatever, so he was grossed out🤮couldn't properly carry out the royal bloodline i guess

because Raditz and you were both weak by saiyan standards, you were paired together often, strength in numbers, right?

this crush developed much faster purely because you bonded over:

similar experiences in society and on the battlefield

near death experiences bring people closer than you think

this doesnt mean he acted faster or accepted it any quicker

he was in denial at first because "she's just a friend!" hmmm ok bud

you two started getting split from each other and working with different partners which is what left him to fully realize his crush

this was mostly due to his jealousy of you spending a lot of time with someone other than him, and that he yearned for your presence often while gone

after figuring out "oh! i like her" instead of telling you, he hid it

not because he was scared no, but because he wasn't prepared for the emotional damage when one of you died and left the other to weather frieza's tyranny alone. he didn't want to be without you or leave you alone in this place

it was after he went to earth and nearly died to Kakarot and Piccolo he was like "erm, i'm gonna say something"

after making it back barely alive he eventually recovered and told you how he felt

his story of how strong earths warriors are made you question staying with the frieza force until it was safe to leave

once Vegeta and Nappa decided to invade earth, you and Raditz tagged along secretly and started to live happy lives as the weirdos next door :3

idk if i'll ever create headcanons as lengthy as these ever again

btw i have 2 Raditz fics in the works tee hee

[glykera]

Intro post

Greetings

I am Γλυκέρα (Glykera {translated by Kiara})

I was told I should make a "blog"

I do not know what that is.

Btw she was also on @willows-pjo-ocs -Kiara

Ooc under the cut

Hello! I am the moderator for @willows-pjo-ocs

my main is @gaygirldoodles

I also run

@kiaradaughterofselene

@southerndaughterofeos

@overlyprotectiveheadcounselor

@amaiahunterofartemis

@melissathetherapist

@selene-goddess-of-the-moon

Unlike the other blogs, I'm going to put all the info under the cut since that is more in character.

Age: ??? She looks around 30

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: ??? Probably aro/ace but she doesn't label herself

#willow speaks ◇ is the tag i use for ooc stuff

#willows pjo ocs ♡ and #glykera of greece are for in character stuff

backstory stuff

(TW FOR SA/IMPLIED SA, PHYSICAL ABUSE, AND MENTIONS OF BEING BEATEN/BEATEN UP)

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ok good i tried to put a bit of space plus it takes a minute to get to the more triggering stuff

Anyways, Glykera is an automaton from ancient Greece. Idk which period, probably closer to when they made more of those statues. She was made to resemble the beauty standard for women at that time period.

Since Hephaestus creates a lot of things, she ended up getting lost and ended up in the hands of her old master.

He would have her assist him with things and stuff, the whole schist. He wasn't the nicest man in Greece, but he wasn't the worst. When he first got her, he ended up reprogramming her so that she wouldn't feel or express her emotions as much. Then he reprogrammed her so that she couldn't really object to her order. Those reprogrammings did take a couple of tries, however.

The time between when she was forged and when she got into the hands of her old master was brief but pleasant for her. She looks back fondly at a time before her mind was meddled with, and before all of that stuff happened to her. She remembered being happy to be alive or as close as she could get to those two things.

He also slammed a hammer or something else heavy onto her hand to see if it would hurt. It did, but since her metal is pretty sturdy, she didn't get dented.

Her old master would have guests over all the time and she would serve them drinks or just stand there looking pretty while she waited for orders.

These drunken guests would occasionally get a bit too comfortable with her, and since she couldn't really do anything, they just continued. You know how those bronze statues of women sometimes have lighter spots on their breasts because people decide to just touch them? Kinda like that but her metal didn't get much lighter. She physically could not say no or move or express her discomfort because of the reprogrammings.

One time, for whatever reason, one of the guests ended up jumping her, almost beating her to robot-death or at least almost leaving her with pretty bad damage.

As a result, she hates being touched. She hates it when people talk about giving her or other automatons upgrades or reprogramming. She hates being called an it as well.

After days when her old master had guests over, he would erase her memory of what had happened if he knew one of the guests had assaulted her, but he wasn't always successful. He often tried to get them to just leave her alone, but he wasn't the most firm about it and they continued.

At some point she was basically powered off and didn't wake up for a few thousand years.

Edit: she didn't really turn off she just sat there for thousands of years waiting and collecting dust. Think Spinel from Steven Universe kinda

After Leo found her and did general repairs, he managed to undo the reprogrammings that stopped her from feeling her emotions as strong, expressing them, and he undid the one(s) that prevented her from protesting against orders and stuff like that.

He also accidentally brought back the memories that had been erased from her.

So for the next few days, the overwhelm of memories and suddenly much louder feelings left her in a pretty bad state for somr days. She would jump at every sound, curse herself for being unable to serve and just being in a heap, and sometimes she would have pretty bad panic attacks.

Since Leo was only really able to help her so much, he went to the Psyche cabin, and now Melissa is her unofficial therapist.

She has since gotten better, but she is still pretty sensitive to sound, touch, and people being upset in general. She always tried to appease them and make them feel better, just to avoid potential consequences. Only a few people are allowed to touch her, and even then, she's still not too big on it. She stays in Bunker 9 whenever they have fireworks displays, trying to avoid the noise, which is pretty effective.

Nowadays, she spends most of her time in Bunker 9, although occasionally, she will stroll around camp.

She also pretty tall. Either like 6'5 or closer to 7 feet tall

She's not as good as the Kourai Khyseai (Golden Maidens), who were also created by Hephaestus, and her facial expressions are limited and kinda uncanny

Also, I do not ship her with anyone.

Face claim:

kind of imagine this but bronze

Tag list:

@unhinged-waterlilly @mache-of-greece @the-gods-abandoned-us @arisdaughter @kaiaalwayswins @yourlocalfallenstar @son-of-the-moonlight @luci-likes-dinoss @elixs-mythology-corner @bast-the-best26 @emdabitchass @if-chaos-was-a-boy @luck-is-crucial @love-lightning-forethought @the-prince-telemachus @pink-koi-lovejoy @fire-boy-official

lmk if you wanna be added or removed

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

I'm gonna share it here because I don't have any other place to put it and if you dislike it's ok ignore this

But I have had this specific idea in my mind for days now where Damian is secretly trans, they just fear telling it to their family because they know everyone is just waiting for them to become batman or the demon, they're under a lot of pressure and then meet this boy (from school probably - both always meet in the art room when is nobody around, more calm to work)

They end talking a lot about art and stuff because they're in the same club, in one day Damian told this boy that they are always drawing their ideal girl but not "I would love to date her" but "I would love to be born as her, if I'm a girl I would love to be her" way

They keep meeting like that, sometimes they just talk about art, life or stay in silence. This boy ends up falling in love with Damian in both ways. Some stuff happens and Damian telling him about being Robin and their emotional struggling

This boy also has problems and the art room is a safeplace for them

At some point they kiss and decide to run away for their family together, start a new life with a new name in some God forsaken place

Years pass (maybe 3-4) and Danny (Damian's new name) is now a housewife in this farm, she always uses gloves when she goes in the small town to do stuff (bat paranoid still alive) and the boy is her boyfriend/husband, they're happy, they have animals then big bad stuff happens and Danny safe the day (everyone knows something is off with that couple but they accept it because they're nice) unfortunately there was a hero in that city and the hero saw what Danny did, then start investigating who is Danny

The hero then starts stalking the couple because they think her way to fight is too similar with the league of assassins and dislike it, Danny dislikes her stalker but doesn't kill them

Shit happens (again) in Gotham and Danny knows it, worrying about her family and with all the stalking things she decides to go back to Gotham, her boyfriend / husband doesn't like it (he hates it actually)

Honestly I have so many no happy ideas about this fic, this fic could end really bad but also some cute ideas like Danny and her partner save money for this new life and stuff, or they first kiss, the joy of wearing a dress in the street for the first time

Idk if I'll write this or just suffer with this idea, also Damian's new name could be: Danielle/Danny, Yesenia (Arab name) or other still doesn't know (I just want to talk about this with someone)

Oh yeah, Trans MTF Damian, like I kept almost writing with my "Damian the Mangaka" Fic! I've always moreso liked trans FTM Damian because I'm trans FTM and if I was going stealth I'd hate for someone to write a fic where I'm a girl. But like, Damian isnt a real person, nor stealth FTM, so it's just a weird little hyper-empathy thing.

I love the name Yesenia! and I love her retiring. Consider: BF/Husband is FTM. T4T gotta love it. Also for your consideration: Bf/Husband is Jon (maybe trans maybe not). ALSO for your consideration: GF/Wife is Jon. She goes by Sadie. She's super into the headpats meta. Loves stuffed animals. Yesenia coming out inspires her to come out as well and Yesenia is like "my yuri fantasies are coming true."

Yesenia looks just like Talia. It's adorable. She loves having long hair. Sadie is a butch lesbian and Yesenia thinks its soo attractive. She starts sending Sadie memes about crushing on butch women and Sadie is like "...do you like me?" Yesenia is like "What haha whatever gave you that impression?" "Well.... I like you. I can be your hot butch gf." Yesenia dies of gay panic (very sad story) just kidding they get MARRIED!!! LETS GO LESBIANS! I so so love jondami au where they are rebellious teenage lesbians. I want them to have sleepovers where they look back and go "Oh that whole thing was one giant egg moment."

[hollywoodstaples]

arcane s2 spoilers ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

ok so i think whatever the next league of legends series they make is will be set in noxus, bc at the end of ep 9 we see swain’s crow flying around piltover, and i think it might have taken the hextech gem from jayce’s hammer? which is cool but also idk how i feel about another show centered around hextech. maybe it could be set in the past and show backstory for ambessa/swain?

i also really wanna know what mel is up to now and WHAT HAPPENED TO JAYCE AND VIKTOR!! are they dead like????

and vi is gonna be so depressed now like how do you move on from that?? and ekko :( getting to experience a universe where he’s happy and with powder only to have his pow/jinx die right after

but sevika is on the council now yay!! i hate that we’re not gonna see much more of these characters i miss them already. maybe they’ll make cameos in the other lol shows but it’s not the sameee.

it’s so sad that jinx didn’t get a happy ending or at least an alive ending… ik it’s a more satisfying ending this way bc she wanted to die and she got to save her family (vi+ekko) instead of “jinxing” them… she’s in arcane afterlife with isha and vander and silco and mylo and claggor now

also THAT MAGE BEING FUTURE VIKTOR THIS WHOLE TIME?!?!?!

[skrs-cats]

I have reread sunrise (the first actual wc book I've ever owned) and it's been WILD reliving a few of my memories with all the made up stuff I've accumulated in brainrot over the three, now I have all these thoughts that I have to vomit out. Aka a REALLY LONG incomprehensible ramble post abt the ending book of po3. Mostly about lionblaze though. I'm sory

*IDK how many times I've mentioned this, but chapter 1 starting out w lion leaving the df for good and beating tigerstar in a fight ALWAYS makes me wonder how things would have been affected if he just straight up went for the killing blow. I've only ever read books 1-5 once, so I don't have the best memory, but I think it's interesting to note that tigerstar managed to actually injure him, and lion was scared that if he died here he'd be dead for real, and then lion was surprised to see the wound when he woke up. I'm just wondering if these facts were first introduced here or if I just have tunnel vision towards this book (which is also true)

*'lionblaze always knew there was something wrong between him and ashfur' no shit bitch 😩😩😩😩😩 and then there's lion wondering if cats suspect him as ashfurs killer, something to do about everyone realizing how they never got along. and NOW I'm thinking about lion ending his df dream w tigerstars blood on his paws, and how that might have made the READERS suspect HIM to be the killer (leafpool prolouge chapter contributing to this supicion seeing as lion is also her kit) Only to end as a red herring when Holly is revealed to be the girlie w mascara running down her face (u can't see it clearly but my point stands)

*interesting lines about ashfurs death that I think about regarding what a warrior means for the clan (nonverbatim):

-'Ashfur never mattered this much when he was alive'

-'Ashfur's murder now made the clan determined to make him into a hero.'

*lion is posited to be the brave one of the three, in regards to physical danger and such. I am taking this character trait and cranking it up to a million

*I forgot smoky and floss existed :( IDK if they're still alive in the latest arcs but I hope they're doing ok

*brambleclaw trying 2 be nice to his kids and tell them that they can confide in him bc clearly they're all hung up about something but being denied it is funny and sad to me personally. He didn't talk w Jay, just as leaf didn't talk much w lion in this book, but I think it's given an interesting ending when in the end, its officially revealed even squirrel didn't tell him of the truth, which ends their relationship for the most part. I really do wonder how well he could have taken this if he was in on the secret from the very start.

*outside of that they sure do like to crank up the dramatics and mention bramble / squirrel as their parents any chance they get so that the three can be Emo about it like. 'THEYRE NOT MY MOTHER/FATHER.' 'WHATEVER SKILLS WE HAVE DIDNT COME FROM YOU.' 'WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? WE'RE NOT EVEN KIN!' last one is abt leafpool which is honestly a lot. I think.

* one of the saddest parts about this book was how lonely they made purdy 😭😭😭 this poor old man. I'm glad they brought him back to the clan. But also I think they just forgot about him bc for someone being so vocal in defending Sol, he was outright just not mentioned when it was revealed Sol 'escaped'

* more lines that I think about regarding clan cats (also nonverbatim)

- Clan cats' instinctive distrust of outsiders

- why do clan cats have to think they always know what's best?

* Sol. He's just there to me ig.

* I liked jingo. I hope she's doing ok even now

*criminal how this book barely has any sibling bonding w the three when that is my blood sweat and tears. Maybes that's why I got so obsessed w the three of them being happy together bc I was STARVED.

* honeyfern 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

* call it the thunderclan bias in me but I was sorta annoyed when the three other clans walked in and told them that they should get rid of Sol or else. But also thunderclans reaction to Sol seemingly having run away is like. Giving back stolen candy to pre schooler vibes. Or something. This makes no sense I'm sorry

*I think it's interesting that Jay and Holly manage to find out who their mother is thru their own way. With the former deducing it on his own (I actually enjoyed the detective esque work he did in doing it) and Holly straight up asking leafpool. So now I propose lion being informed someway or other thru SQUIRRELFLIGHT BC I WANT FOR HER TO TALK W ANY OF THEM AND THAT LION FIINDING OUT THRU HIS SIBS WAS SO BORING OKAY I WANT HIM TO HAVE A SHOCKING REVELATION TOO-

* ahem. Also can I mention Holly confronting leaf abt who their parents were and leaf thinking it was about ashfur is so unbelievably ????? KHADHD, I'm not saying it was bad. but MAN. Talk about awkward huh

* anyways. When they all find out that leaf is their mom and then squirrel and leaf are mentioned to have looked at the three in the same familiar expression they have always had; love. And that line hurt me as much as Holly refusing to acknowledge or listen to it and running away. Lion and Jay werent against listening to what their 'mothers' had to say, but they loved Holly more than to just let her go on her own

* I always blabber about how they should have tried to talk thru their issues but man. They tried multiple times. They tried so hard. I'm not gonna specify who but they tried.

* Holly and lion changing their view of Sol in opposite ways in the two instances they meet w him is interesting but also a bit confusing. The last time we get a pov of lion is when he helped Sol escape so we don't really get a clear idea of his own thoughts anymore w everything after. That's why I can't help but just think abt him I guess

* reading Hollyleaf spiral more and more into her grief and despair sure was something.

* out of the three, jayfeather was actually the calmest in this book. Which is saying something, I think. I'm now taking this and making it my mission to have all the three of them as short tempered grumpy schmucks.

there's a lot more to talk about for me regarding these three, but I think I've used up all the words in my brain. My last thought though, is that after going through All That as an ending, it was really funny to just have this as a preview of the next book.

Also a bonus picture of what this book looks like too, sorry if it hurts u but it's testament to me on how much I adored this thing when I was younger </3

[vintagelacerosette]

Tag game catch up ✨

I was tagged by these magnificent sweet peas Macy @celestialmickey Evie @energievie Ling @lingy910y Laurel @lupeloto Deena @suzy-queued Vey @look-i-love-u Emmet @grossmickey Deanna @deedala Ajax @transmickey Cross @crossmydna Melodie @sirrudo Nosho @creepkinginc Jay @surviving-maybe Harvey @mikhailoisbaby Paola @mishervellous Sisi @sisitrip Donna @sleepyfacetoughguy Kat @milkmaidovich Lyds @ardent-fox Lemon @depressedstressedlemonzest Carolie @shinygalaxyperson Ri @tanktopgallavich Jade @jademickian Michelle @mmmichyyy Arrow @arrowflier Meagan @softmick @solaq Anna @rereadanon Julia @juliakayyy Cherry @too-schoolforcool

Thanks yall 🥰

This weeks Tag game Tuesday

Name: Shermyn

Whereabouts in the world are you? Sydneeeey

Do you have any pets? My Roxy pup

What do you do for work? DMV but we actually help y'all lol

Favourite fruit? Rock melon or as mericans like to say cantaloupe 🍈

A pet peeve of yours: Music or vid in public places like doctor waiting room or in trains

Are you a fast walker or a slow walker? As many have said, bc of short legs it looks fast, but I'm just tryna catch up 😅

How do you usually wear your hair? Down & flowing & I try to make it fun with hair bows or fun clips 💕

Sunny days or rainy days? Sunny days ☀️

What time do you usually go to bed? 11pm-1am

What time do you usually wake up? Sunrise clock is at 6am but I go back to sleep depending on how late i sleep lol so 7am-8am. 9am-10am on days off lol

if you were a cartoon character, what would be your everyday outfit? My birthday dress but in the cartoon my outfit is magic so it can turn whatever I want it to be depending on the occasion but keeping them colours 🩷🩵💜 for example if I needed a business outfit it would turn into a dashing 3 piece suit 💖

Something you'd like to learn: How to write fic & to crochet

and finally, tell me something that made you happy recently: All the birthday messages from y'all (thank you) & seeing my friends for my birthday 🎂💕

Last week's tag game Tuesday✨️

Name: Myn

Age: 27

Pronouns: she/they

Your sun sign, MBTI type, and enneagram type (google them if you’re not sure!): Leo, & Nines (ok screaming bc this was the first time i did thay & can i say accuracy wtf 😭)

How tall are you? 151cm/4"11 aka cute sized by

What colour are your eyes? Dark brown

The last time you saw a movie in theaters (bonus: what was it?): Barbie movie!! It was terrific & hilarious (if i did this one time the answer wouda been Birds of Prey haha great Margot films)

Favourite dessert: Love all dessert rn I'm craving for crepes 😋

Outer space or the ocean? Now I woulda said ocean before but just Good Omens season 2 means me want outta space 🚀

You’re in a McDonald’s drive thru, what are you ordering? 10 pack nugget meal with medium strawberry milkshake & sweet & sour sauce for the nugs

Are you good with plants? Probs not bought some basil & my dad ended up take care of it idk if they still alive 🥲

Would your current self and high school self get along? Sure but she'd berate me asking wth girl thought you'd be an animater 😅

A food you can’t stand:

Something you’d do if money were no object: Have an lavish retreat trip somewhere exciting to meet all the you amazing gallabitches in the fandom, where we can have fanfic writing sessions, craft sessions & even have a meet & greet with Cam & Noel. Oh my! Am I making a dashcon for gallavich? 😆

The last app you opened on your phone: Amazon prime bc of Good Omens s2

and finally, compliment yourself! You are incredibly resilient, creative & full of light. 💖

Picrew

Concert ABC

Five comfort characters

1. Mickey Milkovich from Shameless

2. Lacus Clyne from Gundam Seed

3. Kaylee Frye from Firefly

4. Wylan Hendricks from Shadow & Bone

5. Brooke Davis from One Tree Hill

List five songs that someone else introduced me to that have made their way into my regular rotation

Last line written of fic

“Ok! Small Gallaghers, it's time to get moving and into the car, or I'll be getting chatty kathy up my as again” A familiar voice cuts through the tender moment and causes Ian to shoot up like he’s been electrocuted with Liam still in his arms.

(Ngl i haven't touched my fics in forever 😅)

Fanfic trope tier list

[oc-aita]

AITA for doing the right thing for the wrong reasons? (TIME SENSITIVE)

hi sorry for typos i’m tryping this while having a mental break in my dead friend’s bedroom in the middle of the night while my alive friend is asleep but!! my evil evil dad gave us till february 3rd to settle this so i don’t have much time

none of you will know this cause he’s been real sneaky about it but this year my (M16) dad (M36) took over reality and insterstated his own cringe utopia over it. he brought dead ppl back to life (not my dead friend tho) amd he brainwashed every bad person into being a good person, he abolished the prison system and made gay marriage legal and now the economy’s real good ig??? (idk anything about the economy but ok) everywhere you go there’s happy ppl everywhere and it creeps me out

ugh i’m doing such a crappy job at explaining why this is a bad thing. i SWEAR he’s doing it to spite me cause he knows no one will ever believe me fml

we just found out he literally brainwashed my alive friend (ig i’m calling her that now. F16) into thinking she was my dead friend (her twin sister) so she pretended to be her for a YEAR cause he thought that would make her “happy” i guess?? i’m telling you he’s CRAZY. sorry that word stimatagzes mental illness. i mean he’s seriously bonker balls.

you HAVE to trust me. this man has been living wth me for fifteen years and he doesn’t even know what’s good for ME so how would he know what’s good for the world?

so my friends and i agreed to fight him so everything goes back to normal. and they all made such good points talking abt why this is important to them, cause they want freedom to learn and grow and decide their own futures, and they don’t wanna forget the work they did to get where they are now and obvs i agree w all of that stuff but i feel so stupid cause this is my dad and idk--

he already abandoned my mom and now he’s abandoning me too? he even made my friends’ wishes come true but he didn’t do anything for me. i’m his son but i’m like the only person in the world whose happiness he doesn’t care about. idk what did i ever do to him. i hate him so much dad if you’re reading this i hate you no matter what happens

wow it’s embarrassing. everyone’s got these grand ideological reasons to fight him but all i can think about is how i don’t wanna be the child who has to suffer so everyone else gets to be happy. the only one who’s as pissed as i am is this guy who’s llike our team’s sasuke who is infamous for wanting to kill many dads (M18) and he says we should kill my dad. but obviously i don’t wanna do that. i did all of this so i wouldn’t have to lose family ever again and now i’m feel like i’n abpt to lose him forever. i know things can get better for us but we’ll nevr have the chance if he dies yknow?

anyways i always had such a hard time controlling my emotions and i’m scared i’m letting my emotions get the best of me again cause if i really cared abt this i’d be willing to do whatever it takes to make things right yknow? but i don’t want my dad to die. so maybe i AM being selfish. maybe ppl really ARE happy and i’m just being paranoid and irrational like everyone said i was. maybe we should be putting this up to a vote, idk

please give it to me straight (cause i’m not!!!! LMAO),

AITA?

[softplumbs]

about me: simblr edition

Thank you for the tag @m0ckest, @goremayhem and @thebramblewood!!! (if I missed anyone I will make u a sim ok? literally giving u my child)

rules: you can use any sims game to answer these questions!

Your 3 traits:

Your aspiration:

CAUSE I GOTTA CHILL

In-game world you'd live in: Brindleton Bay or Henford-on-Bagley if I could skip the farm chores. Just chill with my small tomato plants that my boyfriend single handedly would keep alive since I have whatever the opposite of a greenthumb is.

Fav townie(s): AGNES CRUMPLEBOTTOM she makes me feel ALIVE

Most used pack(s): Probably pets (all of em) and city living!

Fav decor object (no cc): The vanity and chairs from the modern luxe kit. I'd get them irl if I had space to put them lmao

Something you want in the game: So many things that they've removed from previous games but alas. The memory system from sims 2, if 4 already has it then yikes because idk her. Also for my sims to have more than 2 different moods, they're always either happy or upset.

What color is your plumbob right now: Green! Enjoying the night so far and I'm looking forward to tomorrow!

This was very fun, especially looking through traits and aspirations and how they've DEFINITELY changed from when I was a kid making my simself lmao.

I tag @ethicaltreatmentofcowplants, @sims4thehoes, @ktysh, @plumbewb, @creatingsims, @moonfromearth and @bubblepopsims! If you've already done it or don't feel like it that's perfectly fine. If YOU (reading, you're gorgeous) want to do it, I got you honey boo - do the funny little game, I tag you. Mwah.

[lizthinspo]

i keep thinking to myself just make it to the end of the year and then ur free to do whatever you please but until then we are crying and screaming my lungs out. isn’t it so funny how the only way i can feel ok is through being myself and driving around, bc that’s how i clear my head probably bc i wish there could be a reckless driver in my path that can pls kill me so i don’t ever have to go back home. i can’t go home. it’s like im not even wanted there, i know when im not wanted somewhere. it’s summer, MY summer, im supposed to be living, instead im crying thinking about ending my life, i feel like im losing control. the things that i used to make myself feel ok are being taken away from me daily. i feel like im going insane bc everything i do is somehow wrong or not what was needed of me and it hurts so much bc how else am i supposed to be alive and happy and ok if im not loved by myself and i hate myself inside and outside i feel like im not good enough for anybody, i feel like im the one person ppl always forget abt like when we’re in a public setting and with a bunch of ppl, i feel like im always the one to have been forgotten or left out. its a horrible feeling honestly bc I WAS THERE. i feel like i don’t deserve anything and i really don’t. but since ik these are my last few memories i want to make the most of them but im also scared of my mom and what she’ll say of me when im happy. and yes i smoke and drink and cvt but honestly i love smoking bc it takes away all of my pain and im left feeling nothing, ik it seems crazy but it makes me feel like im going to make it out alive and ok even for a split second but thats why im always smoking. bc you most def don’t help me feeling ok, you’re the reason why i never feel safe nor ok nor alive nor happy. i enjoy drinking bc im not gonna make it to 21 so im just getting to still experience it and also it makes me feel happy and danceful and full of joy but you always seem to take it away from me always and it truly sucks so much because sometimes i do really want to be happy w you bc you’re my mom. and i wanna be good for you but no matter what i do you can never truly appreciate anything i do. that’s why ive given up, bc you’re never gonna open ur eyes and actually see how much im trying. this summer i had so much planned! i was so hyped and excited abt it, you should’ve heard me all of senior year, talking abt how happy i was gonna be bc im free from school and im finally gonna be able to be me. idk what else you want from me, i wanna go out and have sleepovers and have friends and be out w them for hours on end and stay out late. you say i can’t go out bc im drinking but maybe if i went out more often without ur fucking mf bitch phone call on my ass every single minute. i wouldn’t be out drinking and smoking everyday as you probably think i do now bc i could actually experience happiness. and ykw my #1 rule is to never cvt myself for anyone else’s problems but i truly think that this one deserves one bc i think if she takes my car im actually gonna lost and idk what to do. i keep saying and telling myself to keep pushing for jared and jensen and misha but i don’t think i can bc im so tired and over everything i don’t wanna live anymore. i wanna slit my wrists or hang myself to my death bc i cannot bear the thought of you saying that you’re disappointed in me bc that shattered my heart and to just continue to tell me these awful things that i wish i could respond with just fucking kill me already FUCKING KILL ME! i’m sure that’s what she wanted to do either way. she says she’ll be here for whenever you need me but i don’t need you i’m fine without you in fact i’m better off without you. ik that my intentions are good for others not for myself bc everything i’ve heard come from your mouth i believe by the amount of times that you’ve told me the same things so much so that i start to believe it myself and that translates over to me hating myself constantly and not being able to experience having real friends and have a relationship and to just experience any from of love