#idk this is probably a mess of a post but yeah
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Royal Pains of Uncertainty
@breannasfluff’s Finish the Prompt LU style - Angst
In bold is what Breanna wrote for the prompt. The rest is my own writing. I’m used to only writing in past tense so it was a fun challenge to write in present tense. Making Wild be a bit self-deprecating in this for the extra layer of angst. Also a lot of repetition. And yelling. I am also not used to writing angst. Everyone makes up in the end because I cannot write sad endings for anything.
The crack of an open palm on a face has Wild whipping around. Legend clutches his cheek, already blooming red, and Hyrule lets his hand fall. His fists are balled to his side and his chest heaves.
The two were in an argument before this that was rapidly growing more heated, but what could have led to this? Hyrule usually comes across as meek compared to the others on the Chain.
Yet Legend is shrinking into himself, like something the traveler said hurt him more than the slap.
“What happened?” Wild asks as he joins them. What could Legend have done to make Hyrule so upset?
Hyrule opens his mouth to answer before shutting it in an instant. He huffs, clenching his hands even harder as he whips around, stomping off towards the edge of the camp.
“Hey, Hyrule-Link, Wait!” Wild shouts out,but Hyrule ignores him. The traveler sits down against a tree, burying his head in his knees, gripping them tightly.
Wild looks over at Legend, the pained look he had now gone, replaced with a blank stare as his hand lightly grazes his hurt cheek. Legend suddenly straightens up, looking off into the quarter distance. Wild thinks about reaching out to him, but his hand likely would’ve gotten slapped away anyways.
Legend inhales sharply and shakily, softly cupping his own cheek and walking silently towards the center of the camp. He sits down on one of the logs and buries his face in his hands.
Wild was now alone, a few mushrooms in hand. He was just scavenging for them, wanting to make something nice for the three of them. The others had gone out to investigate a nearby dungeon, the three of them staying behind to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. They all promised to make sure that nothing bad would happen between the three of them.
And look at what happened when Wild broke that promise. He’d just tuned the other two out when they started arguing, because it’s not like it would lead to anything big right? Wild was a fool. He knows this well. He’s the greatest fool out of the group, surely.
That didn’t make it so he couldn’t fix the mess he could’ve stopped, however.
Food is the key to heart, as they say, and Wild already has some mushrooms quite literally in his hands, so he should make food with it, like he planned to. He also happens to have some rock salt in his Sheikah Slate. Salt-grilled mushrooms it is then!
Walking over to the cooking pot that was thankfully already set up, Wild gets to work, humming all the while. He notices Legend looking at him over to his left from the nearby log, head slightly upturned and eyes peaking through his fingers. His eyes were red and wet, clearly having been crying. A lot. Crying so quietly that even the moss he was sitting upon couldn’t have heard him. A skill no one should have to master, yet there Legend was. Wild’s heart stung at the sight, so he gave the veteran a little wave and smile to cheer him up, even only slightly, but the veteran immediately hid his face again.
Wild sighs and turns back to his food. He was a fast cook and this was such a simple dish, so he was almost done already. Looking up and over to where Hyrule is, he was still in the same position, but his head was up and looking away from the camp. Was he crying as well? Quietly as well? Was it a skill well mastered between the two? What had happened between them? Before all of this even? Who was in the wrong and who was in the right? Why did they have to be crying so quietly?
Well, Wild was definitely in the wrong for not paying attention to the other heroes. That was on him. But what in Hylia’s good name are they even fighting about? It was frustrating for him, to not know what was going on between his friends. His crying, heartbroken friends.
But now it was food time.
“Heeeey there Leggy boy,” Wild coos out to his nearby comrade. Said comrade looks up at Wild in confusion, a vague effigy of a smirk on his face. “Wanna have some salty shrooms? That have been grrriiiled?” The oddness of Wild’s current way of speaking makes Legend smirk even more, which was the intended outcome. Sometimes, random is funny. Sometimes.
“Yeah,” Legend answers as his voice cracks, “That’s fine, thanks.”
“No problem friendo,” Wild gives Legend a nice, hot plate of salt-grilled mushrooms. He prepares a plate for himself and a plate for Hyrule. There was a little extra, still in the pot, which was all going down Wild’s throat, obviously.
Holding onto Hyrule’s plate, Wild stands up and calls out to the pouting Link. He knows he was pouting because when the traveler turned around, he was indeed pouting. Hyrule says nothing and does nothing after that. Just blinks blankly at him. With his red, wet eyes.
Wild tries to call out to Hyrule again, taking a few steps towards him, “Heya Rules, you what else rules?” No reaction. “Food! Want some salt-grilled mushrooms? They’re salty~”
Hyrule mumbles something back before looking away. This was going to be harder than he thought.
“Mister traveler,” Wild speaks in a singsongy voice, continuing to walk closer, “it’s eating time~. You need lots of food to grow big and strong~”
More mumbling from Hyrule. A bit louder this time, but Wild still has no idea what he’s saying. Wild groans. He gets even closer.
“I guess you just like acting like a big baby, don’t you?” Wild jokingly scoffs, “And here I thought you were an adult-“
“SHUT UP!” Hyrule screams, whipping his head around. His face is contorted with rage, glaring eyes seething with a rage Wild had never seen from his friend before. Directed at him before. The fury was short lived, Hyrule’s face almost immediately turning into one of regret. But the image was now burned into Wild’s mind, a clear, permanent picture.
Hyrule turns away from him again, the mumbled sorry I’m so sorry he repeats on and on reaching Wild’s ears. But Wild can’t get himself to say anything back. Opening and closing his mouth like a dying fish. A foolish fish that managed to beach himself on a single piece of sand in the middle of the ocean.
Wild’s face was hot. His hands hurt from how tightly he’s clutching what’s supposed to be Hyrule’s plate. Food, food’s the answer to everything. Yes, Wild just needed to make more food. He was the cook of the group. He’s the cook, yes. That’s what’s he good at, cooking, cooking food. The answer to everything. The key to the heart.
Wild walks back to the cooking pot. He sets the plate off to the side and eats his own food, both on his own plate and from the pot. It needs it to be empty after all, if he wanted to make more food. The mushrooms are good, but they were more salty than usual. He can’t see them that well, but that was okay. Food is the key to the heart, and healer of the soul. Wild continues to eat. He’s a quick eater. He’s finished in no time. He’s still hungry.
An angry shout erupted from the left of Wild. Legend throws himself off of the log, and as Wild rubbed his blurry eyes, he could still see the veteran’s furious face as clear as day. But he wasn’t angry at him, no, thankfully no. Legend stomps over to Hyrule, hunched slightly forward, hands clenched into fists. Hyrule shot up, a less angry look on his face, fear and unease filling in for where the rest of the anger would’ve gone.
“You’re a fucking jackass, you know that?” Legend spits at Hyrule, jabbing his finger into the traveler’s chest. Hyrule sputters, anger consuming the fear that had previously held its space.
“You’re the jackass here!” Hyrule shoots back, “You’re the one who started all of this!”
“You know what? Yeah, I did, I know that DAMN WELL!” Legend grips onto Hyrule’s tunic, “At least I wasn’t the one to make Wild CRY! YOU DID!” No, they can’t fight now, Wild didn’t get to make his food, his great food, the key to the soul food. Hyrule’s tearing up, Legend’s tearing up, it’s all Wild’s fault.
No.
No no no.
He can fix things. He was going to fix things.
With a soft, quiet voice, Wild starts to speak, “Al-“ his voice cracks, “Alright you two, break-“ he coughs, “-break it up.”
The two don’t hear him, it seems, as Hyrule begins to snap back. Wild doesn’t want to hear it. He can’t hear his friends be so angry at each and not even know why.
Hyrule shoves Legend away, hard. He stumbles back, surprise quickly being overtaken by even more anger. Hyrule starts to yell, “Well, YOU’RE a DAMNED asshole who-“
“BOTH OF YOU! SHUT! UP!” Wild screams, jumping up and accidentally snapping his wooden plate in half in his rage. It was fine, he had more plates. Sky’s okay with making more plates. Wild had no more patience for these two, however. His throat hurts. Yet he continues, “I am SICK! TIRED! Of the two of you acting like THIS!” The other two flinch in fear, their anger for each gone, albeit temporarily.
Wild was fixing things. Wasn’t he? He had to be, he’s going to fix things.
“Look, I don’t know what bullshit you two were spewing at each other, but can’t you two at least TRY to talk things out like GOSH. DAMN. REASONABLE PEOPLE?!” His throat hurts, his cheeks hurts, he was hurting. But not as much as his friends were hurting. He’s going to fix things.
“This isn’t cute, this isn’t a funny little hoo-ha, people are angry, people are sad, because you two! Who just…can’t be a degree of CALM! Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you?!”
They both nod, but they don’t seem to really understand. Wild is so very frustrated. He hates being so frustrated. He’s going to fix things. He has to.
“Alright, the both of you are going to sit down, right now.” The two shuffle in place, nervously unmoving. Why. Why are they like this? “You two don’t have to sit together, just sit the FUCK DOWN!” Now they rush to their seats, on logs opposite to each other, Legend to his left, Hyrule to his right.
Wild sighs, sitting down and rubbing his temples. He speaks in soft voice like before, so he wouldn’t hurt his throat any further, “I’m sorry for yelling at you two,” he looks at the both of them, who both refuse to look at each other, “And for being rude and mean to the both of you. I shouldn’t have done that, I just-I had felt like I wouldn’t be heard if I didn’t. I was worried someone would get hurt.” Hyrule recoils in on himself, hugging his knees in shame. No, he can’t let them get sad. Food. The key to the heart.
“Alright!” Wild claps his hands, “You pouting mcpout are going to eat your…” Wild looks up at the sky, deeming it to be almost nighttime, “…dinner. Yes, dinner. Leg’, did you finish you dinner?”
“N-no, I haven’t,” Legend responds in a similarly soft voice, “I’ll…I’ll do that now.”
“Good! Now Hyrule,” Wild shoves Hyrule’s plate at him, holding it in place until the traveler finally straightens up and takes it. “Make sure you eat up! And after this, you’ll get to have some cake! Carrot cake! Cake that’s made from carrots.” Wild gives them both a deranged smile as he happily waves his hands as he goes on about carrot cakes. He feels a bit loony right now, loony and tired. He’s not even sure why he suggested carrot cake, but that’s what he’s making now. Carrot cake.
Some Endura carrots, goat butter, cane sugar, and Tabantha wheat. For cake, carrot cake-
“I’m going ducking insane,” Wild groans, running his hands down his face.
“Ducking?” Legend scoffs lightly, a soft smile on his tear-stained face.
“I think I’ve sworn too much today,” Wild shifts into a thinking pose, “Swearing too much can devalue the feelings swearing can bring.”
“Philosophy’s fun,” Hyrule mumbles as he eats.
“Don’t talk with you mouth full huU-ugh, no, I can’t say that,” Wild says as he puts the ingredients into the pot, “I sound too much like a mom.”
“Yeah, you’re not Sky,” Legend teases. They all get a good laugh out of that. A long moment of silence occurs between the three of them after that. It’s not a bad silence, but it’s not really comfortable either. Nevertheless, Wild gets to cooking. He hums the same old tune he’d always hum. He doesn’t remember why this tune was the one he always defaulted to. Was it important to him before, all those years ago? Maybe once this is over, all of this is over, Zelda would tell him. But that was a long way aways from now. Now, he was making cake for his friends. Carrot cake. He wouldn’t be able to eat this cake for a while after this. Or probably any cakes. Or carrots.
“I think I’m starting to dislike c-words,” Wild mumbles aloud, “They’re making me loose my mind.”
“Do you...” Hyrule trails off a bit, plate almost empty now, “Do you want to make something else?”
“Nope. I’m making…this, and then we’re each going to eat a third of it cut into threes, and then you two will talk through you problems. Like adults.” The last word comes out harsher than he intended, but the two didn’t react much, Hyrule continues to eat his food and Legend sits politely, plate clean, awaiting cake.
Wild tries to empty his mind before he does something bad to the food before him.
Wild cheers when the cake is finally done. He makes grabby hands at his fellow heroes’ plates, much to their collective amusement. Legend gives him his plate first, receiving three slices of cake, as promised. Hyrule next, receiving his third of the cake.
“I would’ve given ya one slice at a time, but then I’d probably eat the rest of it,” Wild laughed, scratching the back of his head. Chuckles came from the other two, who then focus on their respective plates of foods. Wild focus on his. His stomach churns as he begrudgingly eats the slices, one by one, slower than he normally would. He still finishes far before the other two.
Wild rests his head on his knees, closing his eyes. The small fire underneath the pot encourages him to sleep. Fire always made him sleepy. But he couldn’t sleep yet, he needed to fix things.
No. He didn’t need to fix things. They had to fix things. The ones who were arguing. Wild can nudge and prod them all he wants, but only they could make things right with each other.
He slows his breath. He relaxes his limbs. He’s wide awake, but his friends don’t know that. To them, Wild’s sleeping soundly. He hears the sounds of wooden utensils cutting through the soft cake, scratching the wooden plate. Sounds of them chewing and swallowing food, of their shoes’ slight movements against the short grass, of the soft breeze that barely moves their hair. A few minutes pass before anyone speaks.
“Legend,” Hyrule speaks up, “I’m…I’m sorry.”
Legend inhales, sharply, before speaking back, “Don’t be. We both know I started this.”
“But still-“ Hyrule pauses after his volume starts to increase, and Wild feels his worried gaze cast upon him. Hyrule lowers his voice, “Still, I went too far. We both know this.”
“You didn’t go far enough,” the words tumbled out of Legend’s, a sharp inhale stopping more from coming out. A few more breaths, and he continues, “I shouldn’t have said you weren’t worthy of a throne.”
A throne? Wild doesn’t move, but he yearns to inch forward, to perk up his ears. But they don’t need him right now, he’s done enough.
“I don’t even know why I asked you that,” Hyrule sighs, “I just suddenly remembered something …and want to ask you about it I guess.”
“…What did you remember?”
“I…there’s something that Impa, my Impa said at the start of my second adventure,” Hyrule takes a deep breath, in and out, “she said her and her family have been ‘waiting for a great king to come’ for generations, to save Princess Zelda.”
“So you feel pressured to be that great king?”
“A bit, a bit yeah. I…know I’ll be a king, eventually. I uh, really like���Zelda.”
“Oh. Ah. Now is not the right time for teasing.”
“I can tell by your face that you really want to,” Hyrule giggles, “but yeah, that’s…why I was concerned about being a king.”
“And you came to me.”
“Well…I figured you’d know more than Wild,” very true, Wild knows nothing about this stuff, “so I wanted to ask you. Because I…trust you.”
A long silence passes between them. Wild wants to speak up, but he can’t. He’ll mess everything up if he does.
“You…” Legend starts, “No, no I shouldn’t say you shouldn’t trust me. That’s not my choice to decide.”
“…I still trust you, you know that?”
“…I trust you too.”
Another long silence. Happier now.
“I’m a prince,” Legend drops out of nowhere. Well it felt like it was out of nowhere, and Hyrule and Wild couldn’t stop themselves from yelling.
“What?!” The two shout in unison, Hyrule yelping at Wild.
“You-you’re awake?!” Legend asks, befuddled.
“Ha ha, yeah, barely,” Wild awkwardly smiles at the other two, “Bold of you to assume I was asleep. You know I snore.” He only snores sometimes, but that wasn’t important. “Anyways, you’re a prince? How that happen?”
Legend looks over at Wild, then at Hyrule, back and forth a few times before sighing.
“Zelda’s my half sister,” Legend said plainly, “I know the trails, and the tribulations that royalty have to go through. I’ve been through some of those things, but I’m grateful that I don’t have to. I just-“ Legend huffs out a small sob, not quick enough at covering his mouth. Hyrule tries to reach out to him, but Wild stops him. He shakes his head softly, ‘not yet’ his eyes tell the traveler. He nods back, retracting his hand and they both await Legend’s next words with bated breath.
“I don’t want you to go through all that pain. And you know me, I’m snarky, I’m the mean, rude one, I’m not good at sentimentality,” Legend runs his hands through his hair, “That’s why I just-waved you off and got so angry when you kept insisting on being a king. I said a lot of hurtful things I clearly shouldn’t have. I’m sorry Hyrule, I really, really am.”
“It’s okay Legend,” Hyrule smile softly at him, “I forgive you. It’s okay you got angry, I understand why you got angry. I know I shouldn’t have gotten angry.”
“No no, you definitely deserved to be angry Rules-“
“I didn’t deserve to HIT you!” Hyrule shouts, throwing his hands up in the air before running them over his face, “I hit you, you never deserved that.”
To both the surprise of both Hyrule and Wild, Legend starts to laugh maniacally at this.
“Sorry, sorry, I just-it’s fine. Don’t worry about it Rulie,” Legend smiles at Hyrule.
“I think you’re downplaying this a bit,” Wild interrupts, to his own surprise, “Even if you don’t care, Hyrule here definitely does.”
“But it’s fine-“
“I don’t think it’s fine!” Hyrule also interrupts him, “We’re not supposed to hit each other because of things like this! You can say you forgive me or don’t-that’s okay, but don’t tell me not to worry about when you’rethe one who got hurt. You just don’t want me to worry about you!”
Legend looks surprised at this outburst, before laughing yet again. Calmer now, gentler.
“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want you to worry. I don’t like people having to worry about me, or having to worry about others.”
“Well, that’s too bad,” Hyrule says in such a way that makes the other two laugh. He laughs too, whether or not he understands why doesn’t matter. “Are you feeling okay Legend, does it still hurt?”
“Of course not, I’m fine-“
“But are you reeeeaaallllyy fine?” Wild dramatically learns over to Legend, who snickers before playfully shoving Wild away.
“Yes, I’m fine, really. It doesn’t even sting anymore. Hyrule’s not that strong.”
“H-hey!” Hyrule’s cheeks turn pink as he pouts. They all laugh.
The tense atmosphere that was here before was now long gone. Things were back to the happy way they were before, with a few more lessons learned.
The stars smile at them as Wild pulls them all into a group hug.
#legend of zelda#linked universe#lu wild#lu hyrule#lu legend#lu triple threat#lu fanfiction#lu ftp#idk how to do angst. did I get it right?#I probably messed up the tense a few times in here. I noticed at least one that I fixed when I posted this on here lol#typically I don’t really care for leg being siblings with fable but I felt like it would fit pretty good for this#over three thousand words heck yeah#writing fever
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imagine if i didn't edit my fics at all and i wrote that phil was too "busy" to get out of bed instead of "dizzy"
#lou is loud#yeah sure i'll post this. i'm almost done i'll probably upload in a few hours if i don't fall asleep#dnp#dan and phil#phan#idk i like to blame my migraine meds when i randomly mess up words like this but i haven't had those ones in almost a week#and i slept okay too no excuses sorry everyone#other than the whole headache thing#writing updates
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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Something something when an Arcane character lets themselves love and care for someone they’re inadvertently loving and caring for themselves.
Vi allowed herself to relax in Caitlyn presence and comfort, she took care of Caitlyn and looked out for her, proving Caitlyn right about her having a good heart.
Silco by the end says he loves Jinx and would have never given her up. We’ve all already talked about Jinx and Silco’s parallels and how he sees himself and his struggles in her.
Vander loving and caring but also fearing for Vi because he knew of the things he has done and these two are very similar, particularly how they developed as people. He’s accepted and moved past it but he still feels guilty.
Letting yourself love and accept someone means accepting the fact that you’re capable and deserving of the experience of love and acceptance. Even more so in Arcane because of the parallels between characters and how guilt ridden they are.
+ just how do you show love and adoration to someone so similar to you while turning around and hating yourself, that’s straight hypocrisy.
Anyway lemme distract you from my incoherent thoughts and make your reading this worth it with a funny
#to slay or not to slay#was in a Pinterest post comment section discussing silco and jinx’s relationship and his love for her but him also being bad for her#and I started to think that the messed up way he loved/ accepted jinx is kind of just the messed up way of his loving/ accepting himself#idk if this makes sense and people have probably said this many times#but uhhhhh yeah#I think I just mean that there’s a ton of projection in arcane and everyone needs to get it together and be ok#ANYWAY IM DONE#arcane#caitvi#vi arcane#vi#piltover’s finest#violyn#vicait#jinx#jinx arcane#silco#silco arcane#Vander#Vander arcane
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not to post abt dr/agon age but I really really need veil/guard to be good. I'm both excited but also trying to temper my expectations. also there's a high possibility that I will be playing it on release (unless the reviews will be really really bad or sth because I'm not preordering) and if that's the case I will probably just go off tumblr or try my best to avoid talking about it much but ofc we will see in 2 weeks I guess dndnnd
#ambie.txt#might live blog it but I probably won't post much#but maybe I will!! idk#I'm learning to enjoy things without having to perform them online#but this is all hypothetical#who knows maybe the reviews will say its an unoptimised mess or sth and I won't play it this month#I mean I HOPE it will be good. I really do#but I have also kinda grew out of the series so I'm trying not to get super hype#also censoring because I don't want to show this in the tag dnndns#don't want ppl seeing me debating the possibility of the game being bad#even though I don't want it to be but. yeah djdjdn anyway
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i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so
#i don't know if this makes sense but i like how character's stories in fontaine are interconnected in the perfect way that they're used to#give depth to each other while also existing perfectly independently#i forgot to add navia's story to the post but that's also another scenario used to characterise neuvillette#the same way wriothesley's backstory exists independently but it's also used to give depth into neuvillette's character and his motivations#the same way navia and clorinde's probably will as well#i always headcanoned (is that a verb 😂) neuvillette and wrio's friendship stemming from neuvillette trying to atone to his silence during#wrio's trial. i think it makes sense. i think it probably meant a lot to wrio too to have someone be so trustworthy after everything he#went through the betrayal from his adoptive family and his only aid through his life being the melusines who aren't human#and neuvillette being that sort of comforting older figure especially probably feels familiar to wrio#i have no idea what i'm trying to say actually i have a big headache at the moment and i feel almost delirious but i just love the concept#of neuvillette as a character and i think a lot about his friendship with wriothesley how it began and the grief and guilt neuvillette#probably still carries#but also about how he also gets the chance to a brighter future and how he achieves it so naturally without even realising#how he never expected anything from his compassion even if he saw it as duty and didn't interpret his own kindness as anything other than#his own responsabilty towards others#like idk am i making sense???#he's just so cool 😂#like yeah there's a layer of there's no reason he would have any animotisity towards humans because they're not at fault for the primordial#one's actions but from that to actually actively being so empathetic and compassionate goes a bit of a long way?!#okay i'm over i'll shut up this is probably si confusing i apologise if anyone read this mess shsjhs#this is also influenced by my tbk brainrot because loving others actively is a big theme and i just think that's beautiful actually#genshin thoughts#genshin impact#my post
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Saw a meme post and started doodling and somehow spawned this???????
#this definitely isnt thematically consistent with ANYTHING#i really just started drawing ig#if the dress seems weird its bc that was the post i saw. dont think it fits the vibe or the character really but its rlly there as a remnant#of the original idea. which was just drawing that dress. which turned into hal bc the black said spectre to me apparently? although the cut#isnt consistent w anything theyd wear in my mind#idk who knows. its late im bored and i just started adding things too it until i was like damn. should probably post this bc ppl may get a#kick out of it. even if there are a few things im :/ abt. namely the dress bc again that was a remnant from a diff idea#and i dont think the text fits the vibe of stuff at all (although i wouldnt fully know) i was just messing around there#bc it was parallax and then in turned more spectre and just yeah. kind of eh but ill put it here in case ppl vibe w it#blah#swishy art tag#not gonna put this in any main tags bc again the style + thematic messiness
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today was SO ASS
#work was exhausting and overwhelming and I FUCKED UP ONE OF MY NAILS. FUCK ME#also i had the awesome idea of lurking twitter and i see a bunch of people hating on joost saying he's a dick and nor a good person like ??#i know it's only a small part of the fandom and its on me too for opening twt but man......#tbf ive never really considered myself part of the fandom bc this is the only place where i actively post about him#and i only have a handful of joost moots but still ive thought about distancing myself from it ngl#cause like. being a joost fan is so exhausting sometimes like theres ALWAYS something going on#and like. idk i love joost and his music a lot and i admire him so much and i really dont wanna let other people ruin that for me#and i know i shouldn't but yeah. its hard ://#the good thing abt joostblr is everyone's just chill here but still in general theres so much negativity and hate#like its hard to not let it ruin the experience of being a fan...and im ngl sometimes i think yk i love joost but maybe im in too deep#bc it messes with my mental and emotional well-being#which is SO FUCKING STUPID I KNOW bc its not that deep like. im just here to enjoy the man and his music but somehow i got too invested lol#anyway im going off on a tangent rn and im probably not even making sense ive just been having a lot of thoughts and i needed to vent#also i edited this post 500 times bc the tags kept getting messed up and theres still a typo but i aint going back to fix that#raquel speaks
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scrolling tumblr is so hard rn cause i see so much of the best friends stuff from the angle i dont want to (chuck should have picked trent. im just gonna say it) but i dont wanna unfollow anyone and blacklisting tags is so hard cause i wanna see chucks and ocs separately but not in this light together and also i dont know what people tag these with if anything and im just hngggggg
just makes me sad
#ive been very open to people shipping it so far but with this its just too much for me even if the posts arent shippy#dont wanna result into unfollowing and blacklisting a lot but theres just ssssoooooo much of it rn#and probably will continue to be. ough#so i guess im just gonna be here much less and at very selective moments or whatever until i maybe feel better about this#or when it blows over. who knows#anyways this week has been an absolute mess from beginning to end and im exhausted and sad and i just wanna sleep forever so#bye#tag me or send an ask if you need me i guess. i also emptied the queue earlier so theres not gonna be any posts woo#idk this just makes me tired. wrestling as a whole again makes me very tired. everything is tiring#i just dont think my place is here rn. not that it matters but yeah. i just feel mentally like absolute shit wowie#okay bye#night is an absolute mess on main
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#small update post#long story very short: my mom passed away from cancer last week#she'd been sick for a few years but went into a sharp decline we weren't expecting#so everything is a mess with house & medical bills and family being here and all kinds of stuff#and i am also. a mess#idk if i'm going into an art hiatus or if when i manage to process everything i'll just want to Make Things#might open commissions like i'd been thinking about#definitely looking to set up a storefront for prints like i'd been meaning to for ages#idk when. probably when days stop blending together. hopefully soon#so yeah. hope you're all doing well. thanks for reading 🖤#🤖🦉
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its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.
anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.
She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”
yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.
all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.
#NOT TOH FANFIC#see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this.#the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR.#*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though.#my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people#its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus.#anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to--#--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS#still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria#they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot...#actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up.#we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh.#anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner#i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them#and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose.#STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH.#we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS.#...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up.#shitposting shit#idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how#mentally ill i was back in 2020#talking into the void yk how it isssss
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i feel such an incredibly frustriating yearn
#when i went to ecuador everyone was so warm#like strangers to you probably not since its dangerous and crime rates and stuff but the general love and care dynamics are so different#like im super anxious and closed up and im not very touchy nor do i say a lot but it wasnt ALWAYS like this and i thought oh maybe i just#grew up but also maybe i just moved to canada#like yeah canadians are super nice but friendships are so strict and dynamics are so like. idk its different#I mean there's obviously the fact that i havent' met a lot of people and that i am closed off and stuff but at least in my old school in#Ecuador friendships are the same and theres boy/girl friendships and its not romantic and hugs are normal and#ive messed up so many guy friendships because of that like im “oh my god yes new guy friend unlocked” and sudenly ive been sending them#mixed signals all along even tho im like yeah we chillin and ahhhhh#like#if i got shit wasted drunk here id probably get filmed and posted on the gc#but in ecuador i did get terribly drunk and i was with a friend (guy) and it was a pool party#this party i did not KNOW it was a pool party so i got thrown in with jeans and all but i got super drunk and everyone was kinda drunk and#there was a point in which he like sat me down and kept giving me water and like its just that care that#ah in canada it could never#at least not at this age i dont think#not at my school at least lmao#like in everything theres no judgement and theres a general friendship thats really good#god i miss it#but i never really had it#yk#like im gonna talk a little more abt this party k#it was the whole graduating year bc we're seniors and they all knew each other#nobody knew we were getting in the pool but by the time i got there EVERYOEN was in#like in jeans and school uniform and all#and people were like DRAGGING YOU#like it was all laughs and skjfhjkdhjjhkdhjkdfsjkhdsjhkdsfkjdfjkhdfs#like physically throwing you in the pool#obv no harm bc it wasnt deep but like everyone was just#like bridal style and wrestling and there were drinks and music
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finally actually working towards fixing my blogs lol 💪
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#THE PROBLEM W ME... though... is i want to fix every single post on this account. which isn't. very. good.#considering i have thousands of posts and i am a very busy student but will that stop me !! probably not.#i'm NOT going to change my tags anymore i think. that'd probably kill me#there's a website tho ik but STILL.....!! troublesome. so. anyway!#gna start writing here soon again but that's dependent on whether i get my shit fully together finally. aaand i'm fixing my selfship#sb and etc etc etc yes <3 it just turned 12 am honestly i don't think i have the braincells rn#i want to COLLAPSE !!!!! tbf i could. totally do so. there's nothing important for me to worry over anymore#i mean yeah i might have a quiz later today but our teacher hasn't responded to email my classmate sent eyaghhhhhhh#SO. idk. we were supposed to do a lab fun thingy yesterday BUT THEN we got. noon classes suspended. weird shit. sigh#so.....!!! so.#it's physics and honestly going to be pretty easy since they're giving the equations so i'll just brush up on my knowledge#and then the concepts etc ... oh god. or maybe i could just yk... sleep...!#idk. anyway. HII GOOD JUST-TURNED-TECHNICALLY-MORNING-BUT-IT'S-MIDNIGHT FROM ME ^_^#i am so ill (figuratively) i am a mess but i'll Fix Things#yk what would be so good for this all... exercise..... i at least am able to walk a lot everyday bcs of school but STILL#okay bye from me now. i am. TIRED... bye <3
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why is it that my body is returning to its former c shape when I literally had surgery to prevent it from doing just that
#also ow#hey spine: there is metal drilled into a third of you and that hurts so bad it messes with my ability to breathe. why do you want more meta#because the curvature is *much* worse than it was before. my neck is very visibly sideways and my hips hurt so bad cuz they aren’t aligned#also my hips make creaky noises whenever I try to turn too much. that’s probably fine though that not as concerning in this situation#I’m hoping this is just like. idk. temporary? idk man I just don’t want to deal with this again#but yeah I am stuck in an extremely unfortunately position/posture. thank g-d for heat packs#vent#it always bothers me to tag these kinds of posts with vent even though they pretty much are lol. idk it just doesn’t convey precisely how#hopeful I am about these kinds of things. like I’m cool with tagging it for other people’s filtering but like. dw I am a very hopeful being#just. a very disabled hopeful being
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// listen don't question me yes it's another rant/vent post I'm sorry aSFDJlkj
#i kinda. already slightly gave up on my rp blog#because i might have messed up a bit and long story short the place just seems sad now even though it was one person and I was blocked#it's NOT a big deal. like. realistically. i vagueposted instead of talking to someone because I didn't know how to bring something up#so now it's just a mess that nothing else is going to come from ! like it's not a big deal in the end but it just makes the whole blog feel#bad. and yeah idk if i'll go back to that I'll probably just stay here and idk write fanfic and not try to do rp stuff. idk I'm kinda sad#cause i put a lot of effort into it and I was kind of excited just for me to mess it up with a stupid mistake I shouldn't have done#and like i know realistically in the end it's NOT the biggest deal but it feels like one and it feels like the whole place is tainted now#and ugh im just so :(#vent post#like i know realistically im at fault. I'm the one who vaugeposted. I'm the one who didn't just talk because I didn't know what to say or#how to bring something up and i know that's on me but it still just makes the place feel bad cause I cant stop thinking about it and how I#messed up
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thinking about the first writing project for next year (yes im still willing to try cause i have too many ideas and i dont learn from my mistakes no matter what, as this is the one thing i have left in this life rn lol) so
the estimate would be around the same length as hanahaki was, maybe a bit longer (hanahaki was just shy of 15k words and three chapters). but yeah would just like to see the general preference, idk if i'll stick to it but i'll definitely consider it
#i probably wont reveal the fic beforehand unless someone really wants to talk with me about it lmao#but um yeah. orangekip au. thats all im gonna say for now#anyways would be nice to hear some thoughts. i kinda wanna post it as one long fic but this might take a while to do so. idk. we'll see#polls#night is an absolute mess on main
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