#idk that's what my parents did for me when i was a kid but with an ipod shuffle
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Would Bill also rationalize that weridmagedeon could be apart of the twin’s birthday party?
Would one of Bill’s henchmaniacs accidentally try to kill one of the Pines family by accident and Bill just incinerates that said henchmaniac?
Food for thought, Bill and Stan have known eachother for 30 years. Stanley and Ford have known eachother for 17 until they broke off contact. Meaning that Bill has known Stanley and has been with Stanley longer than Ford has.
Like man, that must sting on Ford’s side of things.
Another thing do Bill and Stanley read fanfic together? Idk why but it kinda seems like something they would do. I also like how Stanley and Bill are agents of chaos, Gravity falls will not survive them.
I know you said that Stanley’s past comes back to haunt him, but how much does Bill know about Stanley’s past, like in general and because of drunk nights. You said that they’re in a unspoken game of chicken on who is going to admit who cares for who first but who is the one who actually admits it out loud first?
Also about that Gideon rivalry with Stan and Stanfraud pls tell me more I AM INTRIGUED BECAUSE YES GO MAKE ENEMIES WITH THAT 10 YEAR OLD BOY
How far does the rivalry go?
Also also also also does Stanfraud also participate in the catching a dozen eggs thingy like Stan? Idk why I can just imagine Stanfraud being pelted in the face with eggs.
What is Stanfraud’s opinions on Pioneer Day? I know Stanley hates it.
Cracking my knuckles. Okay. Let’s go:
— Oh absolutely. And it’s the best kind of birthday party too! Not to mention, it means they never have to go home, back to a house where everything feels like stepping on eggshells, and they hear their parents argue at night. Obviously it’s better here — a party that never ends, forever free from all human restriction and fear.
He finds himself feeling genuinely hurt when they act ‘ungrateful’ about it. He put a lot of thought into making it as comfortable for their tiny, human brains!
And as for the Henchmaniacs, if one were to be cocky, and go against Bill’s direct orders… yeah. They wouldn’t be around much longer.
— I was thinking about this. It’s genuinely so fucked up. Bill knows Stan better than Ford does, and not because of his all-knowing capabilities, but because Bill has spent more time around Stan, time that Ford missed. It’s the little things. Stan has a nickname for Bill that he let slip around Ford. There’s photos around the shack that Bill — in Ford’s body — is a part of, and he doesn’t seem out of place at all. As a whole, Ford feels like a stranger to his brother, and his brother is a stranger to him. His own twin, and someone else has played the role better than he did.
— They’ve definitely read the same fanfic before. Though, it tends to be more like Stan reading fanfic and Bill being annoying and leaning over his shoulder making unnecessary commentary. Stan has pushed him off the arm of the chair before and will dos so again.
— Initially, Bill knows a LOT about Stan’s past courtesy of being, you know, Bill. He wasn’t stuck in Ford’s body when Stan was travelling the US, and so his all-knowing capabilities were still the same and not weakened. Courtesy of the drunken nights though, he’s gotten to know Stan’s past from a different perspective, and Stan has in turn, gotten to know scraps about him. The longer he possesses Ford though, the more his mind begins to adapt to the human brain, and he can’t remember as much as he once did on a grander scale, but, he still knows a lot about Stan thanks to said drunken nights and the fact they do talk somewhat openly… on the rare occasion.
Also, Stan is the one to break the game of chicken and admit he gives a shit about Bill first. Not sure when or why yet, but It’ll come to me in a divine vision at 2am I’m sure.
— The rivalry is so hysterical to me. Two old men are this kid’s biggest haters. Thinking more on it, Gideon really does try his best to only piss off and encounter Stan. He has gradually become more and more terrified of Stanfraud who has shown he isn’t afraid to threaten taxidermying a child. Mabel is okay with this threat being used in her defence because she knows it isn’t genuine. Her Grunkle has gone on a ten minute rant before about why taxidermying a human is near impossible if you want to do it right, and it isn’t the law stopping him, it’s that.
The rivalry would probably end up very intense if it weren’t for Stan shooting down all of Bill’s ideas on how to deal with Gideon. No, Bill, they can’t dangle the child from a cliffside and make him answer five questions, then drop him if he gets one wrong. That’s too far, even for Stan.
Bill comments they could ‘always do to Gideon what they did to the Llama’, and Stan shoots him such a look that he goes completely quiet.
Basically Bill is being put on a metaphorical leash here courtesy of Stan and the kids, and if he had his way, he would drop kick the child.
— He participates if he’s out shopping with Stan, but by participate I mean he tries to make Stan drop the eggs on purpose. He’s a secondary obstacle for Stan to deal with.
— He loves pioneer day. He thinks it’s hilarious. He loves going around and telling people historically accurate facts — specifically the disturbing ones. He also gets a front row seat to Stan’s suffering!
There’s the whole conspiracy about the Northwests too, which he definitely knows about. He’s just saving it for the perfect moment when it will cause the most disruption.
… Then Pacifica insults Mabel, and all bets are off. He’s coming for the Northwest’s bloodline and reputation.
Hopefully I didn’t miss anything!
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To be deleted, Just venting. I'm sick of behavioral issues in schools. I'm sick of kids throwing shit around, screaming, showing defiance towards basic expectations and then complaining about it afterwards when there are consequences. Genuinely, why the fuck are they like this. Idk if this is the result of ipad kids or the new generation of parents but I'm so fed up. I'm so fucking exhausted dealing with kids who know how to make the biggest mess imaginable crying and whining about having to clean it up after. What in the absolute flying FUCK did you think was going to happen. The attitude that follows and the refusal to follow instructions?
Let's not even start on the apathy kids have towards learning. They can recite shit from tiktok word for word, God forbid you ask them to spell something, that's too much and hurts them emotionally. "UhM, wE'rE jUsT kIdS, wE sHoUlD bE aLloWeD tO tAlK" These words were actually said to me while the kid was complaining about another teacher. Who just asked them not to talk during lessons. And this was the response. That they're just kids, obviously they don't know better so they should be allowed to talk. NOT WHEN THE TEACHER IS TEACHING YOU DUMB FUCK.
Sorry.
Last week I had another kid try to stab multiple people for fun with the Remembrance day poppies. Then that thing spat soda everywhere. Slapped a few kids. Stole their hats. Their persuasive essay topic was why school should be shorter. Because they need time to rest and play and complete their homework. This is from the child who never does it. Their parent believes their sports games are more important anyway so this kid gives 0 fucks about school.
I actually can't tell if I want to quit yet or not. Teaching has changed so much over the last few years and I don't think I can do it when this is the direction it's going in. IDK what else I can do with my degree but I'm about to start researching because I cannot take it.
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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#prefacing this with I Know Spanish. i cant not know spanish‚ my parents don't speak english#but im the only one of my siblings that didnt get to go to school over there 🇲🇽 (just pre school)#adn the thing is like. my siblings wld talk to me in eng of course#(if they talked to me at all! what do u say to a baby when you're 9 12 and 15 yrs older.)#and my parents wld similarly jst not talk to me? i did not have conversations with them from birth to now lol.#thjere is something about how like. my sisters kids are also learning the languages at the same time#but when they mess up in spanish theyre corrected‚ by my sister (their mom)‚ my other sister‚ my parents#why not Me. why wasnt that extended to Me as a child...#the same reason I have the least amount of baby pictures while my siblings all have one full book each i bet#the same reason why my and my eldest sister are 15 yrs apart LOL#igts so crazy to me. i hate mentioning this bc people assume#im one of those ppl who isnt fluent bc their parents speak english and spanish and never taught them#my parents dont speak english❗❗❗❗#my nephew thats older than me who is my fave family member and also only speaks spanish#is coming up on sunday idk that i can fully carry convo with him!#pure spanglish bc i didnt grow up having convos in it writing it reading it#thats why im so desperate to read books in spanish now. im so deeply ashamed#igts so crazy. i hate it.#saw a comment on smthng the other day thats like ''idk how u can have parents that only speak spanish and not know it lol''#well can you take a guess. can u take a guess as to how that would happen via interactions. lack thereof.#idk why but its even more embarrassing this way. genuinely how cld u not know...?#its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years#the language thing. the Hates Eating thing. the trans thing. most severe failure to launch#im so embarrassed to be alive....!#and i dont belong anywhere. and i am Alone wherever I am.#abandoned by direct and distant relatives. ancestors.
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something that really pisses me off is this headcanon that ice would have been or was against mav pulling bradley’s papers for the academy.
like i’m sorry but I need some of you to think for a second. this is a man whose jet wash indirectly also led to the accident that resulted in goose’s death and probably carried that guilt for half his life too. this is also the man who was there to watch mav and carole grieve for the brother/husband they lost for YEARS. not to mention he was close to goose as well since they were both at the academy. like he would have wanted to protect bradley just as much as mav did when he made the decision to pull the papers. it’s a dumb moment for both of them but again. 100% they would have both thought they were doing the right thing for bradley.
#this has been cooking in my head and I needed to let it out#actually while we’re on the topic I’m gonna go right ahead and continue#people saying Mav pulled the papers ONLY because of carole’s wish are.... dumb sorry imma say it!#that’s his best friend’s son. the kid of the brother he lost#like be fr for a second mav isn’t infallible he wasn’t being victimised by carole he knew perfectly well what he was doing#and he did it in part to protect bradley! bc he didn’t want a naval career to kill him just like it did his father!#and ofc you can argue that this doesn’t make sense when Mav raised bradley and knew how much he wanted to be a naval aviator#but. again. that is prob why Mav didn’t step in when bradley chose an alternative path#you can recognise your kid’s wishes and ambitions and want them to succeed and also think that it’s gonna kill them#and act on what YOU think is best for your kid#anyway idk why these headcanons specifically irritate me so goddamn much but they do 😭#icemav were good parents but they weren’t perfect it’s like.... okay to admit that both iceman and maverick fucked up#in this aspect of parenting bradley lmao#su.txt#top gun
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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being a child is fucking crazy like the first 13ish years of your life are just spent entirely controlled by some random person and it has no bearing on how smart you are or the people around you actually are but you cant like. move 10 meters without someone elses permission.
#no one else ever seemed to have much of a problem with this but i do think part of the reason why i was so suicidal at 12/13 was lack of#agency. like literally practically every aspect of my life was controlled by someone else. i couldnt leave the fucking house without#permission like wtf!! id be suicidal again if that happened to me now!! and my parents were like kinda lenient too like i could wear pretty#much what i wanted and i did whatver i wanted with my hair and i had a bank account and could be friends with whoever and etc...#but. i was SO acutely aware when i was a kid that i was Not Free and it was suffocating i didnt have a second where i got to exist by Mysel#yk. unencumbered by what i was doing to other people by existing or doing things. up until i was like 14 at the very least. and even then.#theres still always someone you gotta Report to. idk... its just crazy when u really think abt it. like i dont have an alternative im just#thinking aloud#oliver talks
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absolute worst thing about working with small children is not being able to cuss. sometimes I need to say goddammit
#today one of the kids said something incredibly fucking mean to another kid#and it took SO much restraint not to say 'what the fuck did you just say to her?'#i really hope some of these kids like. learn to be nice before they become adults because oh my god#one of them wont stop being transphobic to my coworker so hes not allowed in her room anymore because he was being so awful#and hes fuckin 8 years old! 8 entire years old and being wildly bigoted! and i don't think its his parents#bc his sister is extremely fuckin respectful. literally corrects other kids who call me mr or miss and tells them i dont like that#so why is her brother wildly transphobic and mean as hell to other kids and shes like one of our best behaved#i dont get it#i want to be patient and understanding but when theyre bullying other kids like! im not gonna let them traumatize people#because they havent figured out kindness yet#idk#its frustrating sometimes
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I didnt know if i should send this ask or not but you responded to my ryudori brainrot post and im entering the epilogue rn. And i just. EVEN MINAKO KNOWS THERES SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN THE TWO
The fact that 2/3s of the rest of the 6.5 cast constantly ask/bother these two about them possibly dating will never not be funny to me honestly. Minako especially feels like the kind that would wanna know every detail of it
#if my memory doesn't fail me i think Midori leaves right away after she starts asking this?#idk it's been a long while since i last watched this#also I'm so sorry for fankid rambling that's not what you're here for#but when i think of them i think of Akira and her following these two around the foundation as a kid#Midori because Minako chats with her often so whenever she was being looked over by her grandma there she'd be with midori too#and from being with Midori she meets Ryutaro and sorta sticks to him as well. whenever he is at the facility at least#so you have this kid that follows these two around sometimes when her mothers are busy#and when she grows older and Ryutaro and Midori have kids of their own those kids follow Akira around like she did with their parents#not that i have any Ryudori fankid tho. i just think it's a cute idea#+ i have a feeling they would have at least one kid in the future if they got together#dra#danganronpa another#ryutaro Maki#midori yamaguchi#hyena ramblings
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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
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welp . due to "unforeseen" circumstances, imma have to leave my toxic ass household :D
#like lolllll who is surprised#i just didn't think i'd potentially have lesser of a relationship w my sibling bc of it#but it is what it is#idk what it is about male-centered women standing behind their man when they're manipulative violent assholes#but again - how can i really blame a victim like i get it ig ur in a hostage situation yourself babe#anyways. idk where my dad got this bat from but i got it in my room just in case someone wants to put their hands on me again#mind you - my situation is literally so easily solvable but bc these ppl are stubborn ...#like. the entitlement is crazy idk#like u want me to be down in the basement with YOUR kids that u neglect and don't even watch#and get mad when i set ground rules for them to follow? which is cleaning up after themselves???? oh brother#like you would think you'd wanna be down here to monitor ur kids but nooooo#they literally want the room upstairs and it was *decided* before we moved in (i didnt even have a chance jdksks)#and they want it bc they want to be far away from their own kids as possible.... like yalls actions are shitty.#imagine if i did ts to them where I have kids - I have them near you - and I DO NOTHING to parent them . thats a frustrating situation for#anybody i feel like ??#and before we moved - i DID have the upstairs like woopty doo ig nicer ofc and they were STEADYYYY trying to get me out of that room#(mind you - i have lived there since i was 12/13 and they came wayyy after)#like ... r u kidding me lolololol u want authority so bad over a basement ur not even in anymore#like mind u im not trying to overstep and be their parent ? ik im not . im just their auntie#its just so wilddddd to me they dont see how silly this is?#like maybe im wrong ? but having ur kids stay downstairs when ur upstairs was already off to me. like bffr u want them kids out your face#and u tryna pass them off to me and it's not subtle. but then get mad when i say smth abt behavior OH BROTHERRRRR#but anyways. the straw that broke the camels back was the fact this ngga spit on me. AND then put his hands on me. like omg???#i wanna break his shit so bad w this bat but chile....that is not productive and that is not me#but the rage i have omgggg. i wanna cus its like?? fuck you. ur literally an ABUSERRR idgaf about ur feelings btch.#chatter
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my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we ‘hang out’ he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#‘oh u ran in the park u ran in the park’ i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like what……#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I ‘ran away’ MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
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processed some trauma i think
#i did a lot of things very wrong when i was a teenager but also i was a teenager and everything was difficult#i feel bad for how i ended some of my friendships over the years bc it was often like.#they were clearly struggling. something was deeply wrong with all of my friends home lives. deadly serious things. molestation abuse etc#but when i was 14-16 that was extremely difficult for me to contextualize. i knew it was bad of course i wasnt stupid#it was more just. i didnt have the life experience to know just How Much it affected a person.#that type of shit can obliterate healthy functioning adults. the type of behavior it invokes in teens can be fucking UNPARALLELED#it affects your entire brain and body. i dont think theres a single part of you thats left completely undamaged.#in retrospect i now recognize that there was more i could've done. i could've talked to my parents more and i really dont know why I didnt.#i think I just felt like nothing could be done?#and there probably wasnt much that could be done#but idk. it could've helped me process it which could've helped them process it.#and as important as i think compassion is. even towards people who can be viscerally unpleasant. i was a kid. not a social worker#it was the responsibility of the adults around us to make it better. and they either failed or made it worse.#it's just awful to think back on it and realize that we were all in this shit together. but the trauma ripped us apart anyway.#i really sincerely hope everyone from those dA chatroom days are doing better now. i hope they're safe. i hope they're not dead.#it's always going to bother me a little bit that i have no way of knowing what happened to any of them.
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I can't FUCKING sleep it is nearly 4am
#but what if all my swimming lesson kids' parents think im a big idiot and did a really bad job teaching their kid#also the one dad tried to talk to me and I was accidentally really short with him because my class didn't fucking listen and I was just lik#oh yeah report cards are over there. 🫥 like a heartless wretch who couldn't be bothered to give the time of day or something#and I didn't mean to but I still did it#and then the one kid said he went out for pizza after swimming lessons were over and I told him to enjoy his pizza when he left but what if#i misheard him or something and then what if thats a not normal thing to do is thay normal idk idk#also i can't find my headphones and they're probably in my work locker but what if I lost them 😞 they're pretty new
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are you the most annoying person in the world or do you just need to eat something: a memoir by me
#i feel like absolute shit rn fsdjkl#i think i talked too much today even though i barely spoke at all#but every time i talked someone else had smth to say and then the leader guy had to keep coming back to me like ''what were u saying?''#which was rly nice of him but like. if i just kept my mouth shut then he wouldnt have had to do that at all fdjskl#i mean like. he did ask me questions directly a few times. so he was trying to help me have opportunities to speak#but fsjkl i just. i feel bad for talking bc i know everyone else wants to talk constantly#and i can do without speaking fsdjkl i just... i kept stumbling over my words so badly and it was rly embarrassing ;-;#but i'd get nervous and panicked bc i knew i'd be interrupted at any second so i was just trying to find the shortest way to say my thing#but then i'd trip over my words bc i was so nervous and it'd take too long#and i just felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into my tone so i probably sounded rly flat today and i just. urgghhh#holding my head and tugging at my hair. why can't i just be normal dgjkl why am i so fucking annoying and weird and difficult#i dont know 😭 today was rly difficult bc i was just feeling kind of awful and like i was in the way all day#i did find some yarn colours i need at a flea market though and also some dip pens that i've always wanted to try#i figure $3 is a steal of a deal to try out dip pens instead of buying them brand new for like $30 fdsjkl#so there was something good from today! i just feel like i was annoying to be around all day idk fdsjkl#i honestly probably was totally fine sdfjkl i just. argh#and i hate going to stores w the centre bc i end up following the group leader around after a while bc i dont ever buy anything#i look around at the stuff i like to look at and then i am done and don't want to be a nuisance by being hard to find when everyone-#-else is done so i just figure sticking by the group leader is the best idea. stores dont like when i hang around the front for long fdsjkl#but then i just feel like a weird little kid trailing after their parent 😭 i wish i could just be an AdultTM but augh augh augh#what a fucking weird thing for me to do dsfjkl i just. dont know what else to do bc stores get annoyed w me if i wait at the front#and i dont want to wait outside bc then they'll forget im out there and look for me inside when theyre done LMAO#if i had income then maybe i'd be able to spend longer looking at things but fdsjkl theres only so much looking u can do when u dont buy#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Actually this needed its own post. Guys look at the cake my sister got me for my birthday!!!
#my parents had 3 kids by 28 and i had a BTS/jujutsu kaisen themed 28th birthday party#i still feel like a kid i cant imagine having kids rn#anyways my birthday was lovely actually and i cried 3 times the 1st time was when my sister brought out the cake#its so beautiful#i loved it so much#i was struggling so hard with my birthday and BTS is a big part of what is helpful get me through everything going on in my head right now#suguru idk what that anime man did to my brain but looking at him just floods my brain with seratonin#bts suga#suguru#also shout out to my sister for understanding and feeding into my love of BTS and JJK
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