#in this aspect of parenting bradley lmao

[mavspeed]

something that really pisses me off is this headcanon that ice would have been or was against mav pulling bradley’s papers for the academy.

like i’m sorry but I need some of you to think for a second. this is a man whose jet wash indirectly also led to the accident that resulted in goose’s death and probably carried that guilt for half his life too. this is also the man who was there to watch mav and carole grieve for the brother/husband they lost for YEARS. not to mention he was close to goose as well since they were both at the academy. like he would have wanted to protect bradley just as much as mav did when he made the decision to pull the papers. it’s a dumb moment for both of them but again. 100% they would have both thought they were doing the right thing for bradley.

[hangmanbradshaw]

inspiration sunday (oops thursday) :) :) :) (this took me forever oops but it's fun so I had to do it)

tagged by @satanssugar (<3 you)

I'll do two. For IWTBY, I'd been thinking about Set It Up, and I'd just gone to the Super Bowl and was missing football so started thinking about how to combine worlds in my head. My original idea was actually that Jake was the QB for the cowboys. He was supposed to be this big star but he got injured and was written off. So he goes through rehab and recovers but Dallas has replaced him. Nat is his agent, and she tries to convince him to come play for Philly. So he goes to meet with her there, and he’s like Nat I don’t know. She also happens to be Bradley’s agent. Bradley plays for the Phillies. She asks bradley to show him around, make him fall in love with Philly. Bradley does, but it’s also cuz he watched Jake play and admired him, and he’s like man you gotta come play for the eagles. This town needs you. So Jake decides to. They fall in love and were the like royal sports couple of Philly. I started thinking about what if a star QB like Brady came out in his prime and then I started thinking what if Bradley never lost his parents but maybe they parallel each other, one with a good family but lost his dream of baseball and the other with a bad family but has his dream of football, what could they teach each other, and it snowballed to IWTBY. (also Jake and Javy's QB/TE duo is based off Mahomes/Kelce)

The fic I just finished that I'm posting shortly....well that one was simply me sitting in AMC watching the Eras movie this weekend and during a song I was like "OH SHIT WHAT IF." And started thinking about scenarios that take in aspects of Taylor's songs, like how I used her music for chapter inspo for IWTBY, and my brain ran with it and well...you'll see :) (I may have gone home and written all 33k in a few days lmao)

No pressure tags xxxx @jaggedstartalk @itshoneywhatever @acetonitril

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hollywood does have a pretty big problem with not letting jewish actors play jewish characters so on grounds of that alone I do think the role should have probably gone to a jewish actor. Jake apsolutley would have commited to portrying Leonard Bernstein's sexuality. He's comfortable with playing queer roles and he definitely would have put more work in than Bradley because he's that kind of performer.

I would definitely have preferred to see a Jewish actor get the role--but if we're being real about this specific case, the Bernstein estate (presumably Lenny and Felicia's kids controlling that estate) sold the life rights to Paramount and Amblin. Amblin being Spielberg's company. Spielberg is the one who tapped Bradley to direct (after Scorsese dropped out... and boy did Scorsese end up making the better movie), and initially it seems Bradley was the choice to star, but then once Spielberg saw ASIB he also went for him directing, which I imaaaagine was wrapped up in him writing it. So I can't say this was just a case of Hollywood not wanting a Jewish actor to have his go at it. The Bernstein estate did sell the rights, but it does sound like Spielberg, one of the most prominent if not the most prominent Jewish filmmaker in the industry, had that Cooper connection.

I think that even the narrative that Jake "lost" the rights has been a little simplified, because he really didn't lose them to Cooper, it seems--he lost them to Paramount and Amblin, with Spielberg having a lot of decision power and Cooper being the second choice as a director. A lot of what happened here is that for whatever reason the estate chose the pitch for the rights that didn't favor Jake. I imagine that a ton of it was financial. But based on Jake's comments, I also imagine that his pitch had a lot to do with Bernstein's identity as a Jewish man, his struggle with it etc.

Obviously, the estate wouldn't know exactly what the final product would be, as scripts evolve etc. It doesn't even sound like Cooper was on the horizon when they sold the rights, and I will say, if I was looking at a pitch for a movie about my parent and one was slotted to be directed by Scorsese and one wasn't, I would have a lot of trouble turning the Scorsese option down. But I also can't help but wonder, based on how happy the estate seems to be with the Cooper version despite its near erasure of Bernstein's relationships with men and his and Felicia's political activities, if they liked the idea of a less "controversial" movie. Did they know that would include toning down Bernstein's struggles as a Jewish man? I don't know. Did they have the power to make stipulations in the sale? I don't know. Probably a lot of it was financial. But I do think it's pretty clear that the estate had the option to sell the rights with a project in the pipeline that would, at the time, almost definitely star a Jewish actor. And they didn't, and Spielberg had the power to cast a Jewish actor, and he didn't. So that's a really complicated aspect of this.

But yeah, I'm personally not a big fan of Jake but I do think he's talented and I for sure think he would've made a 1000000% better project. And admittedly, that's a low bar to clear lmao. But still.

[aarontveit]

chuck, fabien, charlie, eph, pest, callum

CHUCK.

1: sexuality head canon:As much as Chuck has a pretty fluid sexuality, and I believe he’s pretty bisexual, he is just so fucking gay that it hurts. Also, let’s be real, the boy is EphraimSexual. 

2: otp:Chuck/Ephraim & Chuck/Tracy & Chuck/Bradley

3: brotp:Tom, Eph, Tracy, and I feel like one day Ryan could be added to this list(imagine if I could put Aidan *swoons*)

4: notp:Chuck/anyone not Eph or Tracy or Bradley

5: first head canon that pops into my head:Chuck was the kid who secretly liked drawing dicks on everything.Everything. He didn’t know why he was so obsessed with it.He just needed to draw them all the time, because dicks. 6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, think that Bradley is disgustingly pretty & want him to bone me.I, too, would take enjoyment out of watching Eph work up a sweat.I, too, have high levels of anxiety & paralyzing self doubt & hate myself.7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:The box. Fuck you, DD.

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC CINNAMON TOAST. Bye.

FABIEN.

1: sexuality head canon:When it comes to Fabien’s sexuality, I’m not exactly sure? I don’t even know if Famine knows for sure? I think that, in terms of interests of course, that he’s…. like, I really see Fabien on the aro/ace spectrum of things, while also being demisexual in some aspects, if not completely. His sexuality, for me, is complicated in the same way if you were to ask me about Bradley’s - because even though I know that Bradley is gay, it’s still complicated for Bradley himself. The same way Warren’s sexuality is complicated, and even Prestyn’s. It’s all stemming from the things they endured & encountered while growing up with Thierry, you know? And then any & all outside experiences. So yeah, I’d say he falls under the aro/ace umbrella, while being demisexual, but with no real indicators on gender preference (I’m leaning toward polysexual).

2: otp:Bradley/Fabien & David/Fabien.

3: brotp:FABIEN HAS FRIENDS? Tbh, I’d go with Bradley/Fabien or even Ryan/Fabien in the future, and then there’s David/Fabien, whoops. Though, that could change because YOU’D HAVE TO TALK TO ERIN NOW ABOUT THAT HAHAhAHAHAahahahaa ha aha hahahaahahha. I do believe there’s an alternate timeline out there where Fabien & Tracy are bros, though. 

4: notp:Fabien/Drugs. Ariane/Fabien.Fabien/Rehab.

5: first head canon that pops into my head:He couldn’t say Bradley’s name for the longest time and would call him either “Baldy” or “Badly.” 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I’m not willing to explain this one :) but I can deeply relate to him. Also, eating disorder(s) buddies.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:That time he did the thing with David tied to the bed.I enjoyed it, I died.But I also died. 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?Druggomatic Fave. 

CHARLIE.

1: sexuality head canon:I believe Charlie is “whatever the fuck I feel like” in terms of sexuality, but leans mostly toward being straight. Kind of like how Tracy is “strictly dickly” but also loves ladies, except Charlie doesn’t “love ladies.” I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain what I’m thinking. Like, I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s straight, even though I’m ninety percent sure it’s been said that she’s straight. To be honest, I think it’s hard for me, personally, to ever actually sit back & say that someone, 100%, is straight. 

2: otp:Tom/Charlie

3: brotp:Tony & Tom & Chet, tbh (with a side of Ephraim)

4: notp:ANYONE THAT ISN’T TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(mayBE tony in a deep/dark corner of mind, SHUT UP)

5: first head canon that pops into my head:I am pretty sure we’ve discussed this, or that it’s in the head canons for one of them, or both, but I’ve always firmly believed that Charlie would end up taking & wearing Tony’s shirts, and Tony always let her because he didn’t give a flying fuck. He loves his baby sis, and if she wants to steal one of his damn shirts, tie one of his flannels around her waist, etc? He fucking loved it. He thought it was great. The second part of this thought though, is that Charlie did this even more heavily when Tony went to prison & she realized he wasn’t going to be getting out any time soon. She didn’t wear them out as much, it was more so around the house. She’d wear one until the smell was gone, & then she’d move onto the next, using them to sleep in. It kept her close to him, and yeah, maybe it was dumb, but it was almost like she wasn’t letting him be alone in there, and that she wasn’t without him outside. God, that’s so sad why am I like this? 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, took care of my family & had to unfairly grow up young. I, too, watched my brother go to prison more than once.I, too, watched my brother struggle with depression & suicide.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:There’s actually nothing coming to mind, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing. 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?Sinful Cinnamon Bun. 

EPHRAIM.

1: sexuality head canon:He’s very much pansexual, and is actually heavily demiromantic. I mean, really, he’s also incredibly demisexual, but he feels obligated (when not in a relationship) to be a sexual person, so he ends up being sexual despite his discomfort. Good thing he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore! Isn’t this just such a happy head canon!

2: otp:Eph/Chuck & Eph/Gavin & Eph/Charlie.(Eph/Chuck/Bradley, inevitably). 

3: brotp:Gavin (and Charlie, to an extent). 

4: notp:Eph/Neil.

5: first head canon that pops into my head:He was always an antisocial guy, but it didn’t really come into play just how antisocial he could be until his dad lost the money. He was always working under obligation to make these social appearances, and couldn’t understand some of the looks certain parents would give him (because certain people would have actually known that Eph’s father was an irresponsible gambler). So, when his father lost everything, Ephraim just backed off from everything entirely because there was no longer that feeling of obligation to being a person in front of other people (even though he had that obligation his family). 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, can be incredibly gay for Gavin. I, too, am horrible at talking about my Level 12 Tragic Back Story. 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:His dog is named OODLES, for crying out loud!!!!!!!

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?FUCK OFF. EPHRAIM IS A CINNAMON ROLL & I’LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU. 

PRESTYN.

1: sexuality head canon:Prestyn seems pretty fucking bisexual to me, I don’t know, man. 

2: otp:I DON’T HAVE ONE, ACTUALLY!(I do, but it doesn’t make any sense, bye)

3: brotp:Sage.

4: notp:Prestyn/Bradley, lmao. Outside of the OBVIOUS reason, this is because they are just a very toxic thing because Prestyn, without meaning to, has used Bradley, and it just leaves such a bad taste in Bradley’s mouth, especially when he tried to express that to him (not in the best way, but yeah) and it wasn’t dealt with the best by Prestyn. Which makes sense, but it’s a tricky & complicated situation & it makes me sad as fuck, man. 

5: first head canon that pops into my head:Prestyn acts oblivious to the things surrounding his brothers, almost naive to it all, but he’s really not. He knows, even if he wishes he didn’t know. He doesn’t have the confirmation, can’t really place the alarming images inside his head from when he was an toddler. The nightmares are broken, but sometimes he plays it down to just that; nightmares. If it was all just a nightmare, then he doesn’t have to face the reality & gravity of what has happened to both Bradley & Fabien. 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, am the youngest.I, too, fucked my brother’s best friend.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:Anytime he tries to dirty talk, because he’s just….. IT’S JUST SO FUNNY? 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC FAVE, AS OF LATE!

CALLUM.

1: sexuality head canon:He’s asexual & aromantic,but the version of himself that he presents to the public is a totally different person. Someone sexual, if not hypersexual, as well as someone who is actively seeking out a relationship (without ever actually committing to one). He goes on dates, but he never settles (because it’s not something he actually wants). 

2: otp:I mean, if anything, it’d be Callum/Matt, but I don’t really have an otp for this asshole.

3: brotp:Matt.

4: notp:see also: Callum/Matt.(tentatively Anna)

5: first head canon that pops into my head:There’s a part of Callum that believes he’s going to have to kill Matt in the future, only because there is no real purpose for that boy (in Callum’s eyes). He keeps him around for fun, but that fun isn’t always clear & evident. One day, Matt will have to be disposed of because, in reality, Callum doesn’t actually need him. Matt is disposable, expendable. He doesn’t need the guy, and he does find him to be quite the burden on the odd occasion - even if there’s a part of him, way down inside himself, that could almost care about him. 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:The only way I kind of relate to this narcissistic piece of shit is my ability to be a completely different person out of obligation when in a social environment. 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:NOTHING (yet). 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC. Not a fave, but he might become one in the future.

[a-deadly-serenade]

Tag!

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

i was tagged by @ladywiltshire​!! thank youuuu ;3;

1. Do you remember your first time watching or reading Fullmetal Alchemist? What was your first impression?

yes, because it was just this year lmao. i had known about fma for a little while, because two of my friends were into it. i especially recall one of them having icons of lust when we first met, and my best friend (who is also my roommate) has a shirt and the first volume of the manga. we were binging random animes one night and he suggested that we watch the first episode of 03. i just kept making fun of it the entire time, especially after ed’s shirt tore while he was fighting father cornello and just,,,, “hi my name is edward. i’m 15 years old and i’m SHREDDED AS FUC K” good times.

2. Tell us about The Fave™.

i’m assuming we’re still talking about fma so....

the greedy boy is my fav (dam i know,, no one could have guessed). i don’t really know how it started tbh, because i don’t feel as though he left a huge impression on me after i finished 03. although, i do recall looking up pictures of him one night shortly before i started brotherhood and saw his second form and i was we AK. i had always had a thing for guys with long, dark hair so i saw greedling and i was shook. i think i ended up spoiling some stuff for myself (such as his death and that he was reborn, obviously) but i started brotherhood anyways. when i saw ling for the first time i was like, “ohhhh you’re the one who gets possessed. okay.” and when it finally happened it was LIT.

i don’t know, brotherhood was such an amazing experience watching it for the first time, and it made me appreciate so many characters a lot more than 03 did, and i feel as though i really connected to greed. he’s an asshole, that much is obvious, but i think what really stuck out to me was the scene after he killed bido and ling made him realize the severity of what he had just done.

personally, it’s very difficult for me to express how i feel towards people that i am close with. i have friends that tell me they love me all the time, and i often find myself simply nodding or giving them an awkward smile whenever they convey these sentiments. it makes me uncomfortable accepting or even coming forward with intense feelings like that, which is how greed tended to handle these complicated aspects of his relationships as well. i’ve always kind of gravitated towards characters that appear p awkward in the emotional department.

we even handle coming to terms with these emotions pretty similarly. greed bottles all of these sentiments up until it finally crashes down on him during the final battle with father as ling recognizes what exactly it is he’s craving during those last moments. all he ever wanted was friends, people that genuinely cared about his wellbeing and would fight to the death to protect him, which is what makes him act to reckless and in the end, results in his death.

i guess one could call this pretty self-destructive, but it’s something that i am guilty of. i keep stuff bottled in because i’m afraid of the outcome, or how certain people would react if it ever came out. which is what often leads me to have very severe breakdowns, especially during a night of heavy drinking.

he’s also self-conscious about his appearance and i’m like,,, bitch me too, the fuck??

i dunno. there are certain characters that i will really cling to, and greed is one of them. he’s just such a good character, and has honestly helped me a lot recently. whenever i have surrendered to the zone™, i know i can turn to fma:b, and especially greed, to make me feel better. i dunno. he means a lot to me.

3. Do you have a favorite fan work? Fanfics? Comics?

if we’re still talking about fma, then, i know this is a copout answer, but all of the fan art i have seen from the fandom has been really great, and i appreciate all of it!!

for other things, there was this pokémon comic i read awhile back that was based on someone’s nuzlocke playthrough, and it was really funny and art and story are p good too! check it out: http://nuzlocke.com/index.php

and there’s also this winx club fan comic that is taking place with their kids, called “almost magical”. the author, Chocolatesmoothie, has been working on this for years and the character designs are absolutely amazing! what’s she’s written so far is great, so i highly recommend it (even if none of y’all even know what winx is): http://almostmagical.thecomicseries.com/comics/first

4. Hit me with an analysis/opinion you have on the series or characters!

uhhhhhh i guess giving an opinion on the show would be easier for me

so, i guess you could picture me a few months ago, having just finished 03 and finding the ending a bit of a let down. i was a bit hesitant when starting brotherhood because i remembered the drama it had initiated at my high school lunch table full of fucken nerds, and how they had absolutely hated what they had watched of it. it wasn’t until i had gotten to episodes that were completely knew to me (i.e. 15) that i realized, hot diggity damn, this is actually really good. i finished brotherhood relatively quickly (about two days), and started to delve more into the lore and the characters, because i basically loved everything about the series.

the story was one i had never seen before, and i adored how much care that arakawa put into all of her characters. it was especially refreshing how great all of the female characters in the story were, and how none of them were fetishized or used as cheap plot devices in any way; not even the epitome and lust and sexual desire was sexualized which is some gooooood shit, if i do say so myself. the world that she had built was rich and interesting, and no episode of the show had been dull to me, even ones where things took a little step back (i.e. 27 that’s literally titled interlude party).

the much faster pace that a lot of people complained about, honestly reminded me of the one of the biggest gripes that fans give to sailor moon crystal. however, i much prefer the faster pace, since it makes it closer to the original manga and cuts out of this unnecessary bullshit. i remember going through random episodes of 03 again and being in the 20′s, and i saw hughes in the opening, and being so confused as to how they had dragged out his death for so long. the impacts of events that take place in both versions of the anime still held profound effects on the characters, (maes’s death, nina’s transmutation, the discussions on winry’s parents, martel’s death, etc.) so it did not really bother me that maes dies so much sooner in brotherhood than 03. it still held great significance in the development of the characters of roy, winry, and the elric brother’s.

also the music is AMAZING. so good. i want to buy the ost someday. i was deadass jammin out to period while i was making my lunch today no lie. isso good.

5. Tell us about a project you have going on! Or if you don’t have one, maybe something you’ve always wanted to write or draw?

fma related, as of now, i’m finishing up the first part of a reader fic that i promised. i think it’s turned out p good. a hell of a lot longer than i expected it, but i feel good about it.

as for other fandoms, i’ve been in the process of writing this black butler fanfiction for months now and it has yet to be completed. i either don’t have the time to work on it, or i have no motivation to work on it, so we’ll see what happens lmfao.

something i’ve definitely been wanting to learn how to do is make really good gif edits because i keep hearing songs that would fit certain fma characters so well, and i just don’t have the capabilities to make them yet. hopefully someday though.

6. Favorite opening/ending number and why?

my favorite opening is definitely “period” by chemistry, and my favorite ending is what follows shortly after, which is “shunkan sentimental” by scandal. i have always been a sucker for really good guitar riffs, and the one that scandal has as their hook is just so good. mmmmmm. for period, the lead singer’s voice is an aspect i’ve always liked, he gets so passionate and it just works so well with the visuals that they’ve laid out on top of it--which are another part i’ve really liked about this duo.

with period there’s the big explosion that pride causes with his shadows as soon as the beat hits never fails to pump me up, and then there’s the fight with greed and wrath on the rooftop, and lan fan and fu being badasses, and hohenheim being all dramatic, and kimblee popping up outta nowhere to blow shit up, or when ed and al feeling as though they’ve been separated and that they’re all alone, when really, there are hundreds of people there to support them. it’s just... so good.

and with shunkan sentimental, with the transmutation energy flowing down the tunnels going to the guitar, or when ed’s team/greed team 2.0 show up and all look ready to kick some ass when the chorus comes around, and then there’s trisha and hohenheim being cutie pies, and winry making her way downtown with such spirit and purpose... eugh. such good songs. such good openings.

7. Tell me about a scene that really touched your or made you realize something about yourself.

a scene that almost immediately comes to mind is when greed kills bido, and it honestly becomes more and more powerful every time i re-watch the series. when ling finally manages to talk some sense into greed, the audience can truly see how tormented this realization makes him, and that someone who’s supposed to be so high and mighty, and have no other purpose than to strive for their ultimate self-actualization, literally breaks down because of what they had done to another person, a friend. he even goes so far to attack the man that he thinks is to blame, wrath, even when bradley is more than capable to taking greed down, since he was the one that captured him in the first place.

another scene i really like is when ed finally calls hohenheim “father” (even if it is stupid father), and then he travels to trisha’s grave to tell her what happened, before he dies with a smile on his face ;;

8. OTPs! Who are they? Why are you WEAK FOR THEM??

i’m just gonna stick with fma cuz otherwise we’d be here all day.

Royai → they deserve each other like,,, honestly. their bond and trust is so good. i literally screamed when riza got her neck slashed opened and then immediately started crying because she said that she wouldn’t die because she was “under strict orders not to.” bye i love them. and then roy acting like a pos, as though he’s talking to some random elizabeth flower girl when SYKE U FOOL, IT WAS REALLY I, RIZA ALL ALONG. and the constant joke where she has to save roy’s ass when he’s being overconfident in the rain. boi.... sit down.

Edling → ummm....two precious boys??? yes??? yes. this is a more recent one, and all the cute fan art that exists has only exacerbated my feelings towards them. they work so well together, and they support one another, and they’re just adorable bros. i dunno. they’re cutie beans.

Ed/Winry → (idk if they have a ship name forgive me) i was debating making this an ot3 with ling..... but i can talk about why these two specifically are v cute together. i honestly didn’t like winry that much when i first started, but then episode 22 happened. she’s very strong, kind, caring, smart, resourceful, and someone that had put up with ed’s shit for years. and if u didn’t at least crack a smile when ed did that whole “equivalent exchange” confession before he left on the train.... then u a dang liar.

Trisha/Hohenheim → *clutches heart* so good..... trisha was such a good woman. she saw hohenheim as a human being, as someone who deserved love, and deserved the children and loved ones that he had. she didn’t see him as the monster he constantly believed he was. she gave him hope, she understood him.... just.... so good. i love them.

i’ve also seen a lot of v cute art for ed/ling/greed or just ling/greed but idk if i ship them. they are v adorable though.

9. Funniest headcanon you’ve ever seen. Go!

well there’s the one i’ve seen floating around that bradley wears obnoxious hawaiian tshirts which is amazing.

and then kimblee’s garbage ass tipping his fucken fedora.... “m’lady”

my roommate and i have a personal headcanon for pride that instead of shadows, everyone calls them.... “twinkies” i have no recollection of why we decided this but it’s great.

10. What spurred you to join the fandom?

honestly, i try and stay away from the fandom of something i enjoy, because i’m worried about the cringe or nonsense that might happen. but my drunk ass had other plans and thus initiated all of my shit posts about greed. everyone has been really nice so far though!! and i’m even glad that there are still people even active on tumblr since i hopped on the fma bandwagon so late.

11. Definitely the same question… have a fandom meltdown here and tell me why you love your fandom or show/comic so much!

ladies and gentlemen, people of all ages, gather round, because i’m about to: overshare (:

when i first watched fma, it was during my month long winter break from college. i was so pumped to have an entire month to myself, and i had planned to do all of this stuff beforehand to keep myself occupied. finishing fma was one of my goals, and after i had finished brotherhood, i moved forward onto the next anime in my list which was k project. i got half-way through season 2 when i just... lost all interest.

i thought that i had just watched too much in too little time, so i decided to take a break from anime and instead try and pick up the sailor moon manga again, because it had been awhile since i read it. i got up to volume 6, and then stopped.

then i moved to playing smash or splatoon or even bayonetta, because if books and television weren’t keeping my attention, certainly my favorite games could, right? nope.

even the idea of turning on my wii u seemed so... pointless. it didn’t sound fun anymore.

at this point, i was feeling p drained every day and really bummed out. i was telling myself that i should not even think of self-diagnosing myself with some form of depression, but now that i can reflect on those last few weeks of break, i can come to the conclusion that i do have at least a mild case. i had brought up these feelings to my two friends (who had been clinically diagnosed) and told me that what i had experienced, were definitely indicators of a depressive episode.

around christmas is when i really started to isolate myself, and i hardly left my room. however, the cheritz team, the developers who make otome games, came out with a recent holiday dlc for their game mystic messenger, and that definitely helped me feel a lot better. i was finally interested in something again! but i was worried that once i had finished all of the routes, i would just return to that depressed state again.

as i was playing, i got tired of watching playthrough’s of games or even smash tournaments, so, i decided to put brotherhood back on again since i had enjoyed it so much. this time, however, i really took my time to enjoy every episode, and the week i spent revisiting the series, was honestly the happiest i had felt in awhile. it made me laugh, i appreciated the story and characters even more, and i definitely latched onto greed more-so during that time. he was the character i knew could make me laugh or smile, and i dunno, he means a lot to me.

i believe this is why i get to upset whenever someone tells me that they disliked brotherhood, or that they have not seen fma in general, because of how much it helped me, and how much it means to me. i understand now that i use it as a coping mechanism, and that (embarrassing as it might be) i often turn to greed especially when i’m feeling down.

there has been only one other show that i have consistently turned to whenever shit hits the fan and i need a good cheering up (robin hood bbc), so i really do mean it when i say that fma is special, and means a lot to me. it’s a bit bizarre how much of an impact its had on my life when i’ve only been involved in the fandom for about two months, but, it is what it is.

>>god this took so much longer than i thought it would im so sorry

I tag: @kamelothell​, @harmonicsynchronicity​, @sadlysweats​, @silicia​, @fabbyale​, @astralsweaters​, @xall4one​, @mean-bean-machines​

My questions (i made em as broad as possible since not everyone knows fma, even if that was the reoccurring theme sorry my dudes):

1. What fandom(s) are you most into right now?

2. Has said fandom(s) been involved in any drama lately?

3. Do you contribute to your various fandoms in any way? (fan-art, writing, videos, songs, photo edits)

4. Has any show/book/movie had any sort of significant impact on your life?

5. Which character do you feel as though you connect with the most? (from any of your fandoms!)

6. Is there one aspect about your favorite book/show/movie that you would like to change? Why or why not?

7. Is there one character that you absolutely cannot stand, whereas most other fans really like them?

8. Is there one ship that you absolutely cannot stand, whereas most other fans really like it?

9. Do you associate any songs with any of your favorite characters?

10. Which fandom have you been apart of the longest?

11. Would you say that you’ve had mostly good experiences with other fans? If not, then why do you think that is?

[s0023084-blog]

Post P: Evaluation Draft

What were the aims of your artefact?

In my brief I stated:

“I will create a film sequence going on for no more than two minutes in duration that is based upon/influenced by aspects of my textual analysis and my planning.”

I wanted my film to be about someone suffering from depression after a divorce/break-up, not just because it’s relevant to my textual analysis but it is relevant to me as well. Both Tanner Hall (Tatiana von Fürstenberg and Francesca Gregorini, 2009) and Carol (Todd Haynes, 2015) have this theme with Fernanda and Gio splitting towards the end and Carol and her husband Harge with their ongoing divorce. Through my textual analysis, I hoped to find out how women are treated and represented both in the fictional narratives they inhabit but also in film/media in our world, and how they are portrayed when going through a divorce/heartbreak. I wanted to find out because my mother at the start of my analysis began to get her divorce from my father, so I wanted to explore how divorces were represented in media (from a female point of view) – and then convey to the audience what love and heartbreak means to me.

Before I started planning, filming and then editing, I wanted to complete all the necessary research needed to properly depict a failing marriage. I mainly took inspiration from my two films for my textual analysis, but I also studied a few other films that fall under the romance genre. I dedicated some time to research the typical nuances of romantic films, (such as the big kiss scene at the end) and the I decided to look at varying examples of other romantic films to give me inspiration for when eventually made my own film.

What codes and conventions identified in the textual analysis were used in your film?

Both of my films from my textual analysis were classified as a drama and a romantic film. In order to work under the same codes and conventions as my films I decided to have moments of flashbacks which would be depicted as romantic (or at least “normal”) as shown here: (insert pics here lmao)

This will show the audience that there was a time when the couple in my film were happy and that they made each other happy. This will hopefully resonate with the audience as they may have possibly been in a happy and fulfilling relationship. For the drama aspect of these films I decided to have multiple sets of arguments spread throughout the duration of the film as shown here: (insert pics here with other pics from the films n talk about how you linked the scenes together).

Cinematography:

For the cinematography I was mostly inspired by Carol's usage of the two-shot when characters either engage in conversation or argument. It's a simple shot, it helps to avoid the repetition of shot-reverse-shot, and also helps to focus on two characters which is useful especially in my film which is predominately about my two leads. It helps creates a intimate feeling which ultimately clashes with the actions within the scene, helping to convey the idea that love is simply not simple. At the beginning of the film, we see Caitlin and Bradley talking civilly – this is a example of shot-reverse-shot. Inspired by the restaurant scene in Carol, it is mainly to convey the idea that they are just talking like normal. The shots of the photographs, the bills, the burning cigarette and prozac pills were all shot to show the kind of monotony that loss can put you through; the bills you put off, the memories you bury yourself in etc.

Mise-en-scene:

For mise-en-scene the costumes for the flashbacks were mainly inspired by Tanner Hall's dulled down colours – Bradley wears a black jumper, with black suggesting his unhappiness in the relationship whilst the sophistication, formality and elegance that comes with the colour black matching his outward appearance. On the other hand, Caitlin dons a dark green t-shirt to represent her jealousy and disdain towards Bradley and his seemingly content nature. Later on we see Caitlin in a stylish 70s fur coat - much like Carol's fur coat - which is brown in colour. Brown is often associated with a materialistic kind of feeling – reliability, comfort, stability which Caitlin's character is not accustomed to. In a way, the brown coat is symbolic of what she will feel, contrasting what she feels currently as reflected by the emotions in her face.

Editing:

During both my films chosen for the textual analysis there are cuts throughout most of the arguments, however I opted to have very few cuts in mine because this way the viewer has to watch the couple fighting which in turn creates an uncomfortable atmosphere. I wanted this atmosphere because I wanted my film to be as brutal as possible when showing these scenes because, as aforementioned, love just isn't as simple and perfect as it is generally is portrayed in typical romantic films.

Sounds:

Now with sound comes the most glaring difference between my textual analysis films and my own – in my film there are only two spoken lines and a song being played extradiagetically. This is for two reasons: the first being that the original dialogue in my opinion simply didn't fit the films narrative and secondly I believe the lyrics of the song to have more of an impact on the narrative. The light-hearted tune alongside the dark images throughout the film to me create a much more interesting experience overall. The use of black title cards are also a way to overcome the issue of no dialogue and are there to help carry the narrative clearly.

How were the planning materials used in the construction of the artefact?

The way I approached planning and constructing the artefact was by picking two films with very similar plots – albeit with major differences in terms of settings, etc. Also by having already seen these two films and loving one of them a lot I was easily able to dissect them very quickly. Following on from there I picked out two scenes that lasted five minutes (that I would use for inspiration later on) and I analysed them both. After that I was able to decide on what I would use from the two scenes to include in my short film. With all my inspiration from real life and the various short films combined with the films used for my textual analysis I able to come up with a plot very quickly. After some vague planning for the set I had no need for further planning – the film had already sorted itself out.

How successful was the artefact in achieving the aims?

I believe that my artefact was 100% successful in achieving its aims. Firstly, seeing how my aims were to explore how women are treated and represented in fictional narratives and how they are portrayed when going through a divorce/heartbreak, I included how cinematography, editing, sound and mise en scene were used in both films to convey this theme and I am satisfied with my final draft. However with my film I believe that whilst it did achieve the majority of its aims there are still bits that need to be improved, and due to some complications there was a lot of improvisation that needed to be done that I'm not sure were as good as it first appeared in my head. I feel, because of some of the improvisations, my film drifted further and further away from the films used in the textual analysis (especially the word cards over the choice of dialogue) and therefore causes my artefact to not fully match up with the expectations. Also, due to the time constraints, a lot of footage had to be removed and therefore I am concerned that some of the meaning maybe have been lost on the cutting floor (though in a way, for me at least, the ambiguous nature of the film fits the emotions I have felt during my parents divorce). Altogether, my audience and myself mainly agree that all in all my artefact was moderately successful in achieving its aims.  

(Feedback: https://s0023084.tumblr.com/post/160190494462/post-o-feedback-edit )

If I had a chance to complete another edit or start entirely again I would attempt a much more simple film – perhaps if it were to be a romantic film then I would make it strictly romantic. I feel that my ambitions got in the way and I attempted to make something that was out of my simple skill set, so next time I would attempt something that is perhaps more in tune with my abilities.