sundiced

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i'm not sure how exactly to articulate it the way this makes me feel but it is utterly wild to me that we live in a world where your information, your posts and images and digital property and data are all both simultaneously 'on the internet forever' and 'could disappear at any time without warning'

that video an ex-friend took of you doing something embarrassing might follow you for the rest of your life. that file you saved to the cloud might end up corrupted and unsalvageable tomorrow. the art you posted a year ago - yeah, the one you decided to delete a few days later - still pops up on pinterest. reposted on instagram. on facebook. on websites you've never even heard of before. that recipe you found a month ago pulls a 403 error when you next go to the link.

you're told not to post anything you wouldn't want potential employers to find, ever. you're expected to save files in multiple locations - locally, to the cloud, and be sure to have backups - if they're actually important. oh, you paid for that game? that movie? that music? too bad, we've removed it from our platform.

i'm not sure what exactly my point is apart from how strange and dissonant it is to navigate a world with both these truths simultaneously

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anyone done this yet or?

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based off this

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big fan of characters with abandonment + attachment issues so profound that they leave claw marks in everything they touch but would sooner gnaw off their own leg than admit they just want someone to stay for once. in a totally normal well adjusted and not at all projecting way of course.

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the transition from people needing each other to wanting each other is literally one of my greatest weaknesses that shit makes me want to walk into the sea and sit on the ocean floor for a thousand years

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Post is set for a week, let's see how it goes...

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do you have a favorite number?

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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games. to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[sundiced]

“Average cultivator has killed their brother” factoid is actually just statistical error. The average cultivator has killed 0 brothers. Fratricide Georg, who lives in Lotus Pier and has killed every demonic cultivator that could potentially be his brother for the past 13 years, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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tear out your heart(it will always be mine)

Pt 2/2

🔪Rated E / Completed / 18 3k

🩸rnis / isrn / rinsagi

🔪 assassin au / dark academia / possessive behavior

As seniors at the illustrious Blue Lock Academy for the Deadly Arts, partners Rin And Isagi are both aiming for the same goal: top ranked assassin in school. Even if their shared history together keeps complicating things.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56241877/chapters/142879780#workskin

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man this guy is my favourite character (throws rocks at him) (throws rocks at him) (throws rocks at him) (throws rocks at him (thr

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In an alternate universe they're university professors and married I saw it in the wild rune

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You should always strive to give your followers an extremely warped impression of your favorite media

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Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Blue Lock (Manga) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Michael Kaiser/Alexis Ness, Itoshi Sae/Michael Kaiser Characters: Michael Kaiser, Alexis Ness, Itoshi Sae, Don Lorenzo (Blue Lock) Additional Tags: Minor Original Character(s), Canon Compliant, well it's more like canon-adjacent, Alternate Universe - Magic, Character Study, Complicated Relationships, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, it's not explicit but like. it's kaiser, Relationship Study, Pre-Canon Summary:

Statistically, a name is the most common first word to appear. A newborn child is passed into waiting arms of their mother and she will lean over that wrinkled crying thing that wrings all the love out of her heart like a sodden dishcloth. She presses her mouth to the fragile forehead and speaks the first piece of her child’s identity into existence.

Michael Kaiser learns to love in a world where the proof is written all over him.