#idk please just help
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look I want to write and I know what I should write but do I want to write it? No
so I'm making a poll! you get to choose for me! please dear lord choose for me
(some links to snippets)
#dpxdc#wip wednesday#(tis almost wip wednesday tuesday)#please help ššš#also like. i KNOW i should be cetbwa-ing but i am feeling SO intimidated by this chapter#its a big one guys and i gotta get it right šŖš¤#so the perfectionist in me is telling me not to do it haha#not all the wips but all the ones i want to work on!!!!#ngl the gala twin reveal is feeding me rn#ive recently reworked it all so it reads much better#and there's plenty that im feeling guilty about not working on so like ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ#idk please just help
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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some epilogue vibes (an excuse to draw some hugs. and my durge so many times)
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#wyll#karlach#astarion#shadowheart#lae'zel#minsc#jaheira#durge#oc: noon#anyway as said attempting to tag late game stuff more just in case#spoilers in the tags also bc i'm gonna ramble lol ->#i'mmšhaving played embrace durge for most of the game all the sweetness punched me in the face (affectionate) like girllllll lolšš<3#tho let wyll be hugged damnit >:(#(i wonder if they added wyll hug in the new patch? doubts i don't trust like that but huge if they did)#also idk why minsc got that ending lmao. i didn't even know there were diff outcomes just found out looking for his ref for this pic LOL#i helped nine fingers and the guild helped in the endfight?? idk what happened but godspeed my guy#also loved jaheira's ''good to see you please for the love of gods remember to never have kids''#minsc in the bg: ''i'm getting executed tomorrowšÆšŖ''#also i didn't even know why karlach glowed blue then looked it up like ohššš„ŗ ohhhhh
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SO IVE BEEN GOIN INSANE SINCE THIS TRAILER DROPPED. JUST. SIMON. SIMON. SIMON.
#simon petrikov#fionna and cake#adventure time#goin insane over him#thers no words to describe how im feelin#i wish i could draw somehtin better but i am goin INSANE#FINALLY. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. we are being FED.#ALSO?? HOW THEY SHOWED HIM EXACTLY WHEN THE LYRICS GO ''WHATS WRONG WITH ME'. LIKE HELLO???????#ive seen so many good theories PLEASE GOD WRITE FICS I AM BEGGIN I LL DRAW U FANART BLS HEL P#IDK WOT IM GONNA DO FOR A WHOLE MONTH#SOMEONE KNOCK ME OUT TIL THE 31ST. HIBERNATE ME. HELP.#also i need to put it out there the first thing i thought when i saw this trailer was simon is tryina rewrite fionna and cake#which is why their world keeps changin so much? idk idk#ive seen so many different ideas and they are all so good please help#ALSO GOD. THIS MAN IS JUST GOIN THRU IT. AND ITS ONLY BEEN A QUICK TRAILER.#im sorry for so many tags idk where to put these help#maybe i should make an actual blog for like. whatever. n reblogs. help.
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Jesus showing off his top surgery scars to the boys (John. 20:27)
#i'm a professional theologian on master's level so you can bet that any intolerance against this interpretation is null and useless :P#the border is the same passage in koine greek btw#jesus christ#trans jesus#artists on tumblr#digital art#doubting thomas#incredulity of thomas#saint thomas#holy wounds#lance of longinus#religious art#religious imagery#my art#idk what to tag this as please just behave or so help me god#trans#theology
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Reawaken ššāļø
First post here~
Never had a tumblr before so learning how things work here should be,, interesting lol
#Zelda#legend of zelda#TotK#zelda TotK#tears of the kingdom#TotK Link#zelda fanart#totk fanart#fanart#first post#Daeyumi art#i just got here so idk how to tag yet#also please help me find my moots lol
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had to be done š¤·
#sasunaru#naruto#sasuke#sns#my art#comic#is it bc idk#meme redraw????? idk????#round fox baby#narutoās boyfriend#HAHAHAHAH#i couldnt rly#fuckin do sasukeās coloring im just glad my friend#helped me out bc like i was gonna scrap all the#work i did on naruto just to accommodate sasuke#dkfhdkdkd as always this is my art#my own interpretation#leave if u dont agree with this please#no more tags abt what u expect who to be who#this is what i wanted#i made this for ME bc im gay
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stay warm! šš¬š¤š
#stupid idiot forgot his mittens. to the shredder#merry yurimas.#polysho#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#proseka#Oh my god im waking uo for the stupid broadcast in like 6 hours im dumb as fuck#WEH. WEH#merry whatever the fuck#AUUUUUU excited to have nothing to do and draw for myself for um 12.. days. Oh my god theres only 12 days til 2nd sem. Oh fuck everything#I NEED TO DRAAAAAAAAW.#guys help i was going to draw song covers i want but i need to sleep cause i have stuff tomorrow but listen#if rks gets a snobbism cover i called it. Ok? ok.#i think it would be funny and just if they dont get another duet again. get the ruinene treatment. CAN WE FREE RNN ACTUALLY ITS CHRISTMAS#what was the other thing. um carnival that song i want it added so bad idk if theres sny songs with its letter count but please.#literally played nijiro stories on repeat while drawing this we need them back#fucking NBOODY TOOOOLD ME ITS EMUKASA WEEK ON STIPID TWITTER IM NOOOOTHING IM NOTHIN#i usually acknowledge that i dont have the moxy to do fanweeks but i really want to be drawing more and faster so i will participate.#emurui week is like march iirc. you wont get away from me this time.
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guy who's been everywhere and knows everyone
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sth#god i needed to draw something different im stuck and i hate everything i draw#i dont have the the theee energy or whatever i cant get myself to work on my art and it sucks#and idk what to do about it#ughhh#im just making ugly doodles that i hate and i feel even worse please sonic help meee save meeee#art#fanart#digital art
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#vampire hunter d#vhd#art#D the horseman of death (ćāæćā”)#Hello Hello I hope you're all doing well š„¹š„¹#Sorry that I only draw D haha I can't help it (ā ā¢Ģį“ā¢Ģ )ā”#I started Tyrant Stars recently and I finished gold fiend about a week ago?#Honestly I miss the stories where D would stay in one town in the entire story and be a little detective#since pale fallen angel it's been a lot of traveling ....š„²#and it will never not be funny to me that D has pockets full of dirt š D take a shower man.... or wash your clothes pleaseš#2 versions because as much as I like white hair D he looks like alucard here because of the gold accents ( ā¢_ā¢)#I've never actually watched or played any of his games idk it does interest me? but not enough to sit down and watch it yet#I wanted to experiment with a black out style ( I tried incorporating red but I got too annoyed.#I intend to render it at some point!#so it might end up looking completely different#well...If I get myself to complete this and I like how it looks in the end I think I might make a little bookmark out of it for myself (ćāæć#I think it would be neat...#....you see me drawing poppies a lot forgive me šThey're just my favorite flowersš The symbolism works out for this drawing....
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was reading Sherlock holmes and this popped into my head
#Iām fine with writers doing something different with a character but they keep making them weirdly mean for no reason#please stop mischaracterizing the blorbos#Sherlock is not a heartless machine of a man. he has allot of compassion he just has trouble properly expressing it.#Why do they keep making him emotionless and broody#well the broody is accurate#stop making him mean to Watson thatās his hypeman bestie soulmate he would kill and die for#And he has a sense of humor. heās described laughing giggling or chuckling in the books allot. Especially at his own jokes#Batman is a genuinely good person who cares about the people around him and also the entirety of Gotham#He cares about his mentally unwell villains and wants them to get the help they need#And he also doesnāt kill. Under any circumstance. Thatās a big part of his character idk how anyone could miss that#the mischaracterization of Batman is so bad itās effecting the comics#Itās spreading like a infection#Superman is sweet and kind and full of love for humanity#heās ridiculously powerful and uses that power to selflessly help others#most importantly heās just a farmboy from Kansas#Not that deep into Superman lore sorry#Thereās hope for the future of Superman and Batman movies#which is nice#Sherlock holmes#acd sherlock#Superman#batman#Dc
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there are days that it is hard, and unfair, and some horrible part of me wishes i could have been born in a different world. i love being queer, i hate how others react to it. when i first came out at 15, my mom whispered: please don't say that. your life would be so much harder.
it is harder.
it is also a tuesday, walking my dog. we are both skiving off of work, and yes both of us have dyed hair and pronouns. mine is patchy - it was my first time trying bleach; i didn't have enough. theirs is a resilient toadstool green. a little girl comes up to us and asks um, excuse me? is your hair real? 'cause jason says you're a fairy.
it is sunday brunch, all of us talking over each other, overfull on love. she is trying out a new name today, and we made her a cake with today's name scrawled in shaky purple letters. she laughs so much she cries and then gets frosting in her hair. someone young at a different table keeps giving us these large, wide eyes: the same look we have all been on the other side of. the kind that says, breathless: wait, is that possible?
it is a half-fight in a supermarket because he loves "dance moms" and says abby's tiktok is funny and meanwhile i think the children in that show should be allowed to sue abby lee miller for child abuse. i tell him that it led to the casual acceptance of child harassment for mainly adult views; and then i am standing, suddenly, in someone else's thrown soda. there's a white lady standing there, furious, saying something about hell-on-earth. i had forgotten i was wearing stuff with pride colors. and then it is this: he had just been casually arguing with me - and within an instant, he squares his shoulders and goes after her like i am his sister
on saturday i sat in a circle while beca played with my hair and we were all over 30 and we laughed about how much happier we are being this old, how much more we appreciate our community. 25 minutes from now, we will be on stage to dance in baggy beige clothing, but for now we look on with envy to the dancers in loud-and-bright buttondowns. where are they getting these shirts! i cry, distraught. everyone laughs. one of our friends has a mushroom witch hat. this would have been cringey in high school, probably. instead we are all delighted with each other; happy just to be here and alive and moving
it's that last week my new friends cried with joy for me when they heard i'm getting top surgery. every so often i have the honor of being the first person someone feels comfortable enough to tell. i'm trying to make long fluttery butterfly wings to wear to pride; but i don't know anything about fabric or dye, so my friends have been sending me their personal advice.
i think in a different poem i would talk about how sometimes you walk into a room and put the mask back on. but i'm sleepy and my whole brain is fuzzy so i think in this one, it's a monday, and my dog and i took a nap on a couch, and i had missed texts from friends. i used to wake up lonely. i think this poem is about walking into a room and seeing someone and just knowing, the way you just-know-sometimes, and then giving them that little smile, and seeing them light up with joy and relief. it is how we always seem to be able to find each other in a crowded room. how we always seem to make friends with each other before even we know-it-to-be-true. it is saying: we're very different people; but i belong to you.
it is harder, yes. but it comes with a built-in family.
#wish this was better written!!! but im sleepy!!#writeblr#pride#lgbt#but for real please help me make these lesbian wings. gonna get the supplies tomorrow . i have#no sewing machine but know how to hand sew#have never done a good job with tie dye so idk why im just runnin with it#ps im specifically going to boston pride next weekend come hang out with me
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Bored out of their minds waiting for the helo
#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mw2#cod soap#cod gaz#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#cod fanart#I. do not understand forearm muscles. please help.#also I haven't drawn Gaz in so long <3 I love how he turned out#I make him wear this sleeveless hoodie a lot... idk it just feels like something he would wear#these are really fun to do and they only take like and hour maybe 90 mins#i feel like i can focus more on anatomy when its not a whole comic
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WE ARE | EP16
#we are#we are the series#we are series#tanfang#aou thanaboon#aouboom#boom tharatorn#my edits#weareedit#AOUBOOM MAIN LEADS WHEN???#i do appreciate them and the way theyāve been portraying tanfang#i know tan was a bit over the top 99% of the time#but every scene and touch felt so genuine#and iām not gonna credit that to new#bc he wasnāt able to direct ppw in a way that didnāt make their kisses look a bit awkward#i know scenes have to look aesthetically pleasing in some way#and thatās why we keep having to deal the āno one would kiss with this much space for jesus between each otherā complaints#but like look at aouboom here#this is mostly them and their acting choices in my humble opinion#and donāt get me started on the pecks#ppw BARELY touched the other oneās lips when they had to do a peck kiss#like cmon the difference between ppw and aouboom pecks is insane#iām sorry for picking on ppw but iām a bit sad that some of their romantic scenes were a bit lackluster#especially that very last kiss which tbh i rather wouldnāt have seen bc it felt a bit awkward to me#but that may be just me#i need new to get a bit more frisky with kiss scenes when it comes to his directing#bc i feel like friskier kiss scenes only happen when the actors mostly do their thing after finding out what the director wants#(maybe iām completely wrong about new but tkdkfdkddkdk)#and donāt get me wrong idgaf if there are kisses or not but if thereās a kiss scene you should commit instead of holding yourself back idk#and ppw definitely need a better director to help them achieve that bc jojo was definitely better at directing them
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*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*
Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.
You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah
Iām doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts Iām spinning in the blender
ā¦..I made the moodboardā¦.
#chapter 37#of 120 or something#I must be like 90k words in haha#large word count is not an intimidation. Itās an invitation haha#I love the fics that I canāt read in just one hour:)#I gotta say I donāt enjoy the concept of making robots into organic life#itās just my preference#seeing them as humans or animals or whatever feels so fucking wrong#the concept itself drives me off#like. Strongly#But at the same time. This fic isnāt about them being āhaha cute organicsā#itās āoh god. I was turned into something Iām notā#instead of teeheee theyāre fluffy#itās please free me from this fucking nightmare. please let me be myself again.#idk how to explain. I resonate I guess#it often feels very disturbing but the characters are also disturbed#So now Iām kind of stuck reading this fic because I just canāt stop lol#just politely skipping the parts that make me too uncomfortable#also#the body horror isā¦.damn. Impressive. I didnāt expect to read about grotesque fleshy creature turning itself inside out#itās not even aesthetic or symbolic#it literally looks like a fucking nightmare. Which is impressive also.#the flesh is g r o s s#the beginning got me struggling and skipping#but the intermission is currently ruining my sleep schedule#oh fuckā¦.I usually send my posts to the authors of the fics I readā¦..but I feel like I might offend the author of Ninth if do thisā¦ā¦..#thereās a tiny chance theyāre following meā¦.if itās true then I wanna tell Iām sorry pls donāt take this seriously#your fic got me waay out of my comfort zone#huge points for writing Ratchet. Drift in this fic isā¦the grossest fucking thing I could probably imagine but Ratchet doesnāt even hesitate#he helps him and he cares for him. Which isā¦..imma be real my first instinct would be to set Drift on fire to end his misery
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I have this one "OC" that does not yet have a name that I've drawn several times for a couple years. I was thinking that if I tried making them in FFXIV that I'd use elezen as a base... but then I remembered what other race have their near exact hairstyle... and now I'm like damn... I played myself...
#idk if ill do anything with them but im saving the design. just in case.#perhaps the ffxiv setting is whats needed to gain an idea of who they are#as of now i havent even figured out their gender like are they male? female? both? its one of those but which? who knows. not me!#i think besides that i knew they were really tall. a magic user. and i was pondering on some italian name#... could work with the 13th i suppose hmmm.#anyway i have more character design ideas than i could ever hope to put to use! send help!!!#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#ff14#final fantasy 14#roegadyn#hellsguard#gpose#ffxiv screenshot#ffxiv gpose#ffxiv screenshots#i almost tagged edit but these are completely untouched#i tried but then id have to do all to be happy and make them match LMAO#nabaath-areng#my screenshot#i took soooo many screens but i feel like the post is already bloated yells#so these shall suffice. but please DO know that theyre painfully photogenic#and that practically every screenshot turned out super sexy
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