#idk man i am not meant to live in a city!!
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southislandwren · 1 year ago
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crying in a coffee shop as i apply to a second shift quality assurance lab technician position at [redacted]. all this CDL nonsense was god testing me, it was always going to be [redacted] there was never any other option. i would be in the lab with my two bestest friends (A and M if any of you remember my [redacted] posting). i would work 10am to 7pm- at work while the neighbors are noisy and i would be off work in time for band/orchestra practice. i knew in 2020 this is how it would go and its all coming together now
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girlivealwaysbean · 17 days ago
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so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????
#my dad is like#you can't just be in your room all the time then what's the point of you living here if ill be sitting here all alone then#and im like bhai what#mom also says this to me she always wanted to sit and rant and she used to say you never talk to me#both of these people don't even fucking get it that they're not even interested in me listening to me#mom just wants a sounding board for her venting and dad just wants someone to pretend everything is okay and happy all the time and#the only important things in life is the immediate present and food and making money and stuff#i swear this is why i feel so ????? about myself my identity like no i can't describe myself#because there is no myself there is just a white sheet of paper where people can write whatever they want#im so tired man#why can't they just go and live with each other and leave us kids out of it 😭🙏#like i genuinely am getting teary eyed about such a small thing but god. i want to have my own life so bad. im sick of feeling all these#complicated emotions guilt and anger and pity and obligation and duty like just god pls fuck off#people my age are so fucking mature and put together than me so confident so clear about their path#have friends partners breakups parties just so many new memories#and im just stuck.#and im fine with it now because i get it studying is really important and this is quite basic requirement to be perfect at#atleast my syllabus to survive in this industry#but then. let me do that only. please don't make me pretend to like you like spending time with you and everything#ive hated you for like. idk 14 whole years. since the first time you hit mom in front of me#i remember it so well like my childhood broke that day you slammed her into a wall for some stupid fight and her hair was all messy and#untied and you shouted so loud i thought surely everyone can hear. and then you left to roam around the city at night with your friends#i remember this because my mom and my sister sent me to check up on you with the excuse of a painting of a parrot that i had made#i didn't understand anything back then#but yeah fuck you fuck you fuck you for being so fucking delusional thinking i love you or something#ive prayed to god that you die and i still do#it would directly mean 4 people being happy#anyway#dni#this was meant to be fun and short lol fuck
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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last few hours in boston :(
#purrs#conference tag#we literally just got here and now we have to go 😭💔 i havent rly felt as enriched by this conference as i have in the past (though there’s#still 2 more sessions to go to incl the closing plenary and we’re getting lunch in the station before the train ride home) but ive walked#around so much and have spent time with people i love and some people i miss. and have been on adventures i have been looking forward to for#a rly long time though i am kinda bummed i never made it down to fanueil square. but… idk what happiness feels like anymore but maybe for me#it’s just absence of misery and despair. or contented ness. i have gotten a little triggered from time to time these last few days and ive b#been lonely in my hotel room but MAN it has been nice to not be miserable and suffering and to take walks and to not go to every session (ev#even though i do feel bad abt it like i missed 2 plenaries and an afternoon concurrent session which is more than i usually miss) and to#be in this city which feels so much like brighton and so uncity like in some ways. it’s so charming and omg i went to harvard and it was#NOTHING like what i imagined it to be / feel like.. just a quaint artsy quirky town. and the rest of the places ive been have been like that#too. and people LIVE here every day!!!!! there’s a big beautiful world here both above ground and below!!!! and im gonna be late to#breakfast but… i just feel nourished and healed in a way i wasn’t expecting to. I haven’t been this far away from home in 3+ years and#it’s just been really nice being somewhere else and going on adventures and seeing things surviving. i miss my grandparents a lot and im sad#to not be visiting them and to be unable to visit them now lol but it’s just rly nice and special being here. im goingto miss it so much and#im trying to savor every second. i wish we had one more day here and im a little sad to be going home lol#* what i meant when talking about happiness earlier is that i think… i have been happy these last few days. for the first time in a really#really long one. and that’s nice. it’s good to be happy again. and good to be here
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lizardho · 2 months ago
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I came out to my dad as bisexual at 14 and I was PANICKED because I had a crush on a guy in my Boy Scout troop and thought I was Going To Hell Forever and he was so kind and understanding of my distress, but he had NO idea what bisexuality was. He just said “yeah but you like girls too? This is normal. Everyone is like this.” And I love my dad and trust him with my life to this day and the idea that the concept of bisexuality had not occurred to him had not occurred to me so I put it off.
By 16 though I had a crush on like THREE boys. Three entire boys in my Boy Scout troop. I felt like my sin was slowly advancing, until like an untreated cancer it had become metastatic. I remember bawling my L’il limp-wristed sissy eyes out in his big rumbly truck on the way home from a scout meeting and him telling me that it was OK, that he still loved me if I was gay, but that he knew I wasn’t gay because I still had crushes on women and that meant I was straight. I didn’t quite know how to explain that those felt *~*different*~* and that I felt like I was losing a fight to evil inside me but I again felt comforted by his reassurances and his genuine fatherly love.
At 18 I was like “hey I’m realizing all my friends are going on missions. I don’t wanna do that. Idk how to say that and I don’t have a ‘good enough’ reason to not wanna go.” So I just put it off. Again, my parents were extremely supportive of the information I gave them (I blamed it on perpetually forgetting to start the paperwork.) and one day my mom texted me that she had done the paperwork for me! And that all I needed was to get a physical! So I did that (it was awkward af tbh, my hernia check was done by a trainee doctor and she spent like 3 minutes fishing around my inguinal canals before her attending rescued me) and was sent to Mexico City where I learned that in addition to dipshit himbos with strong hands and scruffy guys with artistic hearts I was REALLY into chubby Latin men with strong personalities who bullied me a little when I lived in Mexico.
I remember my first companion got annoyed with me during an argument and said we were just gonna wrestle and whoever won the wrestling match won the argument (I stg I am dead serious this happened.) I was like…SWEATING when he tore off his tie and threw his white button-down shirt onto the ground (I won btw, don’t ask me how).
I remember one of my companions with this really intense, almost manic energy telling me that he was gonna make sure I was safe in a new area I didn’t know very well. He cooked breakfast for me and we’d go shopping together on P-Days and in the mornings before breakfast he’d jog around and do pull-ups with his shirt off and I’d do anything but look at him because my face would break out in a sweat so intense he’d think I was crying and come over to see if I was OK and somehow make it worse. He let me play D&D with myself in the evenings even though it was against mission rules because he knew how lonely and stressed I was.
I remember one of my companions was a big chubby man with a loud voice and a great sense of humor. He was kind and direct when addressing conflicts with me, and always bragged about how he knew the secrets of women’s minds and it felt like he really did since it almost always boiled down to “Treat Them Like People and Love Them a Lot. Don’t Stop Being A Person For Them. Also Eat Them Out Sloppy Style.” Our P-Day activities sometimes felt like dates, and it seemed like he was more attentive to my emotional state than I was since he was always the first to suggest we slow down our Divinely Mandated, God-Ordained, Super Sacred Work and Wonder to get a snack or check out a Pawn Shop (I love Pawn Shops).
I remember another companion who asked me to bully him every time he did something against his goal of losing weight. It was like he gave me Carte Blanche to take out my crush on him by being a nuisance and I LOVED that. I remember having a breakdown one day after we’d spent the afternoon frantically cleaning our disgusting-barely-habitable mission house to make it look less vile that it was (not our fault imo?) and I started bawling and he pulled me into a hug and he smelled good and he told me he knew it wasn’t just the house and that I was mad at him for being a Huge Dickhead for about a week (true) and that he would work on it. (He’s also a huge chaser but that’s a separate thing.)
I remember one of my companions waking up early (and our schedule is already built for sleep deprivation) to make me a “birthday cake” from knock-off Nutella and bread. He used matches for candles and woke me up, lit the ‘candles,’ pulled them out, then smashed it in my face and took a bunch of pictures while I was still madrugada and disoriented as fuck. He had the same sense of humor as one of my HS crushes and I could push his buttons pretty easily which was so fun.
I came home from my mission and started back at BYU where I became actively and aggressively suicidal. I had a stalker the year I moved up there and my dad’s solution to that was to get me a gun. I know he wouldn’t have bought me a gun if he could have read my mind, but I had a loaded pistol under my bed during a trifecta faith/sexuality/gender crisis and that was not helpful. I remember that the day I decided to kill myself I figured I’d call the BYU CAPS and see if I could get into therapy because it felt like what I was “supposed to do” so I could check my suicide boxes. My therapist was the guy who’d helped me pick a major the year before and was this drop-dead gorgeous Hawaiian man who cried when I told him how I’d been feeling.
A few weeks into therapy I met another stunning man with soft eyes and a scruffy illegal-at-BYU beard he kept pushing his luck with. He was funny, kind, patient, married, and wouldn’t give me the time of day if he knew I was crushing on him. We were in my history of psych class, which was inarguably the worst psych class I have ever had, and we studied together for every assignment and test and I realized that my feelings for him and for all the men I’d already mentioned were in direct conflict with my faith and relationship with God. My already agonizing spiritual conflict became even more wretched and as a result of this plus some other tightly-packed experiences with Mormonisms bullshit, I left the church.
After leaving the church I decided to move back to AZ and transfer to ASU. My mom helped me get a dog since I think it had started to dawn on my family that my mental health was barely getting me through the day, and she knew that we both loved dogs. Madi made my last year at BYU livable while I got my shit together and transferred. In that last year, I went on a date with quite possibly the only semi-openly-out trans person on BYU campus. It was not a great date imo, I was not doing well, but the person I spoke with was fun and fascinating and talked to me about Gender Dysphoria and it really cemented my need to go. To leave and never come back to that fucking school.
I started at ASU a month after my last semester at BYU and within a very short time frame it felt like I was coming back together, like a puzzle magically putting itself together in an environment that wasn’t slowly draining that puzzle’s will to live.
On the 4th of July, the year I started at ASU, I saw a transition timeline photo of a gorgeous happy beautiful happy radiant happy woman and her former Mormon missionary self and I realized the light that was on in her eyes was the light that was off in mine. I looked into transitioning for 3 days, sleeping about 10 hours total during that time. I started talking to other trans people on Reddit (one of whom is now my beautiful fiancée @cintailed) and after about a month of making preparations to be disowned and kicked out, something I was not sure would happen but was ready to go through to Turn On The Lights, I came out to my family and it was amazing. I started HRT a month after that. I secretly dated some dorky guys for about a year while I applied to grad schools. I got into a great grad school for me and my needs. I got FFS. I did my trainings and classes. Me and my fiancée moved in together after some LDR shenanigans. We’ve lived together now for 4 years of basically marital bliss. We have a cat named Grandmother Esmeralda Weatherwax who bites the hell out of my feet about three times a day. My bi-cycle continues to be part of my life but now it’s not as scary. Baby gays in my life have started to look to me for advice. Idk how this all happened so fast. When the years, months, weeks, days, and hours seems to crawl by so slowly now they are rushing past me so fast it’s almost bewildering. Whereas before I felt like I was living on borrowed time, past my ‘expiration date,’ now it feels like I can Fucking Breathe. I’m training myself to slow down now and it feels worth it to Live In The Moment.
Idk why I wrote this. Idk why these thoughts only seem to come up on Sundays when I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation. Idk why I’m crying rn or why I feel so happy. I’m gonna post this shit then get on with my dissertation I guess. Read more Terry Pratchett and give yourselves the time you need. Get a pet. Talk to someone. Re-examine the events that brought you here. Be gayer. Love y’all 💕
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devilishchaos · 1 year ago
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Heyy idk if u take requests but can u do where the reader have a girl with ruben and they’re celebrating the ucl win on the pitch etc and the their child starts playing with ronny and they assume that the girl and ronny have a tiny crush on eachother yk cute moments etc🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Moments like this | Rúben Dias Imagine
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Rating / genre: pure fluff
Pairings: Reader x Rúben Dias
Warnings: use of pet names "babe", "baby"
Word Count: 1 059 words
AN: Hello! idk if I take requests, I received this one and this is my first ever request, I loved it and thank you so much. <3 I unfortunately don't speak portuguese so I used google translate, if you find any mistakes don't hesitate to let me know. On another note - I absolutely love Ronnie and everybody from City! I kind of added a little bit more plot so I hope it is okay and I also made it kinda long, like why am I like this? but hey I loved working on this, so I hope you enjoy it :) x
p.s. while I was working on this Mr. The Sexiest Man Alive posts this picture..like sir, are you trying to unalive me or sth..respectfully tho..Rúben stop playing with me and let me have your kids <3 :p x
This is a work of fiction. The story, names, characters and incidents either are product or the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
“Is your missus here tonight?” John asked his best mate Rúben, from across the room, as all Manchester City players were getting dressed in their kits and were preparing to attend the Uefa Champions League final tonight. Rúben turns away from his locker, trying to brush out a crease that had formed in his shorts. 
“Yes, she flew with the kids. They landed, like two hours ago.” He tells him, going to the mirror to begin fussing with his hair, even though he would just be pushing it back out of his face anyway. “This puts even more pressure. I’m basically obliged to perform well.” 
“She flew alone with two kids for what four hours?” Bernardo joins the conversation, grinning at Rúben. “She is a wonder woman.” 
“She definitely is!” John agrees, walking over to pat Rúben's shoulder comfortingly but he shakes his head, already nervous at the idea of his kids watching him. After the loss in the final 2021 and in the semi’s in 2022, Rúben promised his family to win the next time around. And now it was hitting him hard - he never breaks his promises. The pressure was definitely skyrocketing through the roof. 
*
It all happened very fast. You needed a couple of seconds to process that Rodri in fact had scored a beautiful goal. Which meant that City took the lead 1-0. There were approximately 20 more minutes and if City were able to handle the tension, that meant that the guys would complete a treble. You knew what that meant to them, to Rúben. Everything was at a very high stake. Your stomach was in knots and your leg bobbed up and down with anxiousness as you were looking at the clock, counting down the seconds until the end of the match, until the referee's final whistle. 
After what felt like the longest extra time that you’ve experienced in a match it was finally over, when the end of the match was announced everybody in the VIP sector (the families of the players) stood up and raised their arms in joy, cheering in excitement. 
“George. Azlia. Come on! Let’s go congratulate daddy!” you took them by their hands and somehow managed to get down to the pitch. 
The three of you push your way through the crowd on the soccer field. It was hard for you to see the way in the ocean of bodies. Then John taps lightly on your shoulder and points at a gap you can pass through. That’s when you see him. He has his back turned to you, engaged in conversation with a staff member. He doesn’t see you, but it’s like he feels you coming, and turns around, his gaze landing to you. Without looking back at the man behind him, he excuses himself and starts making his way over to you. 
“Papai!” George screams as he breaks away from your hand and runs to your husband, obviously he can't contain his excitement anymore. Rúben kneels down to be on the same level as him and he runs straight in his arms. You picked up Azlia as she was struggling to keep up with your pace with her little feet, because you wanted to get to Rúben faster. 
As you finally reach him you walk right into his open arms, your hands fisting his jersey. It feels so good to be holding him. 
“You did it! I’m so, so, so proud of you, amor! You did so good! I’m so happy for you! A treble, wow..unbelievable!” you said quite loudly in his ear with a smile that hurt your cheeks. 
You raised your head a little and he bent down a little, so you could share a kiss. As you pulled away, you gave him a kiss to the side of his mouth and ran your fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. 
“Eu te amo, meu amor.” he said to you, looking directly into your eyes wanting to look into them forever. 
Not breaking eye contact you replied just a heartbeat later “Te amo mais.” 
“Da-da,da-..” Azlia babbled in your arms, reminding you guys of her existence. 
“Eu também te amo, princesa.” Rúben said as he kissed her chubby cheeks. 
*
The awarding took place very quickly. You moved away with the rest of the wives, girlfriend and family members of the players and found yourself jumping from conversation to conversation. Everyone was so excited. Except the kids. They didn’t understand what was happening and just ran away the second the ceremony was done. 
You were frantically looking for Azlia when you felt two big, strong hands on your waist, bringing you into a hug from behind. 
“What are you doing, love?” Rúben asked with amusement. 
“I’m looking for Azlia! I can’t find her! George ran away with Roman and Riaan, and I swear Azlia was standing right beside me and now she is gone.” you said while turning in his arms, to face him. 
“Baby she is a one-and-a-half-year-old, with tiny little legs. How far can she go?” he chuckled, as you continued to search for her with your eyes. 
“Oh, there she is. Taking pictures with the other kids.” you finally spotted her, taking a picture with Kyle, his sons and Ronnie. 
“Baby, chill. These kids are having the time of their lives. They can’t stay in the same position for more than 10 seconds. Look at them running around!” Rúben assured you. That made you smile, but not as much as when you watched Ronnie chasing Azlia around and the two pig tails on top of her hair were bouncing with every step she took.
“Aww, look babe, Ronnie is showing Azi his medal. How cute!” you pointed at them for Rúben to see. 
“He is now putting his medal on her..” Rúben stated quite shook “Yo, Foden, watch your son!” he then shouted in Phil’s direction, who stood all the way to the other side of the pitch. 
“Rúben! Oh my God! Baby..they are kids..” you hit his chest lightly, bursting into a fit of giggles. 
“I have a medal, too..I’m gonna go show it to her.” and with that he left you watching him attempt to come close to Ronnie and Azlia, but when they saw him approaching them - they ran away laughing.
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deconstructthesoup · 2 months ago
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Sorely tempted to run your typical high-fantasy game of D&D so I can fulfill my worldbuilding dreams of just making elves Weird
Like, oh, high elves are isolationist and snooty and live far away from people and are usually characterized as being calm and emotionless? Great, let's make them live in the mountains and wear fluffy coats for flavor, and let's also take the "elves are tall and skinny" thing and make high elves Uncanny-Valley levels of tall and skinny, complete with blank white eyes and a tendency to speak in unison when in groups. Make it so they deliberately suppress their emotions in favor of cold, hard logic, and make it so they're so disconnected from time due to their lifespan and their environment that they truly feel like relics of the past.
Wood elves live in the forest and are big nature people but aren't that different from high elves usually, and also elves as a whole come from the Feywild? Awesome, let's give them cat's eyes, claws, and tufts of fur at the end of their ears, make their teeth a little sharp and pointed, and throw in some green blood for good measure. They're our baseline elves, so some of them might live in cities and some of them might live in the forest, but make it so being a jack-of-all-trades is part of their culture, so they tend to have insanely niche knowledge of an insane amount of useful skills. Hell, make them a little bit chaotic and freespirited, moving away from the "I am calm and at one with nature" thing and more towards a "nature is a force that will fuck you up and I embody that" thing.
Drow live in the Underdark, an underground realm that's filled to the brim with weird-ass Aberrations and all-around freaky creatures, and worship a spider goddess? Perfect, let's make it so their purple/blue skin is something that's meant to help them blend into the Underdark and that their white hair is a blessing from said spider goddess, and let's take some inspiration from The Magnus Archives and spin their spider aesthetic into a culture that values charm, family, and forming "webs of connections---" and this can mean anything from making a drow character who's just a really nice person who wants to make friends to making a drow character who's straight-up a mafia boss. Make it so that because they live underground and are therefore closer to a lot of natural resources, they're more technologically advanced, but also make it so they've embraced the weirdness of the Underdark, creating a steampunk-meets-Lovecraft society where there's radio towers made in part with the psionic powers of mind flayers and trains created combining machinery with the carcasses of Aboleths. Maybe all of this weirdness is why people are so scared of the Underdark---a lack of understanding, rather than drow being genuinely evil by default. But also... make drow a little bit too charming, a little bit too used to how alien their home is, and have them feel like they're time travelers who've gone back in time and are just a tiny bit lost. They're disconnected from time like high elves, but in a completely different direction.
Idk, man, I just. Elves should be weird.
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honeyedboneset · 2 months ago
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one x one rp search
hello! i'm boneset (or bone). thanks for stopping by my super-specific search thread! if interested, please leave a reply or dm me! 
a bit about myself: 
she/her. 
Late twenties
EST.
Currently: full time employee & grad student
i have a dog and a cat named after science fiction horror icons. 
I’ve been writing/roleplaying in some shape or form for 12+ years. 
A bit about how i write: 
The shorter the post, the faster i can write (esp with my schedule). Usually 500-1k now a days, give or take a little. 
I prioritize gelling with my partner than any kind of like…idk, anything about the writing itself. 
I’m super flexible with post rate but i will yap at you. 
This is a hobby. This is meant to be fun. I would like to have fun. 
I am terminally unserious (by choice). Canon plotlines and timelines are suggestions. Idc. the world is our playground. 
I only ever double. So i play a cc and oc and you play a cc and oc. Or two ocs. Whatever it works out to be, you know? 
Love ooc chatting, sharing memes, head canons, all that stupid stuff. I love making friends. My two best friends i made through roleplaying and now they’ve been stuck with me for around a decade each. 
m/f is preferred for my pairing. I’ve been around long enough a lot of m// and f// dynamics gives me hives. I’m flexible though. 
hard limits: be 18+ (21+ preferred) | will not write with people who identify as male (he/him) | incest | fetish stuff | abo | pwp | pedophilia | furries/beastiality | explicitly written sexual assault | abusive relationship dynamics between main characters | heavy substance abuse | main settings being medical | most highschool settings/underage characters | genuine love triangles or infidelity between main characters 
Fandoms (canon x oc): 
Marvel cinematic universe: 
Looking for: matt murdock, sam wilson
Can play: nearly anyone? Most experience with peter (parker), tony, bucky, loki, namor.
My hero academia: 
Looking for: takami keigo
Can play: anyone. Most experience with: katsuki, hitoshi, denki
Jujutsu kaisen: 
Looking for: nanami kento
Can play: anyone (are you picking up a trend). Most experience with megumi, satoru, toji
The last of us: 
Looking for: Tommy, m!oc
Can play: joel, ellie, ocs, anything else just ask? 
some vibes: FIX IT JESUS, protecting family, human enemies, natural threats, antagonistic towns, lost in the wild, weird periods of domestic easiness followed by hurt/comfort hell​
The walking dead: 
Looking for: glenn rhee, daryl dixon.
Can play: daryl, rick, shane, negan, beta, and many more??
​some vibes: people who knew each other prior to the zombies meeting each other again after, dead rising vibes, traveling through the wilderness, overgrown and rundown towns and cities, towns that have gone mad, human enemies, natural threats, fluff, megamalls, amusement parks, adventure, horror, fluff, uneasiness in the calm, found family, hesitant allies
Red Dead Redemption: 
Looking for: charles
Can play: john, arthur
​some vibes: railroad turmoil, dutch has lots of plans (very little outcomes), high society meets the old west, running from the law, causing problems, adventures in the big city, trying to leave old lives behind, forbidden love, enemies to lovers
Fandoms (and fandom inspired): 
Cowboys:
Inspired by: red dead redemption, yellowstone (i guess? I’ve only seen tiktok thirst reels), man from snowy river, outerrange. 
Thoughts: i love cowboys in whatever era honestly. I think the dying days of the old west is super cool and i think the whole setting is fun even if it’s more contemporary. I would love to mix some cowboys with some southwest gothic vibes, even. I also loved that outerrange was cowboys + space. Idk, i think there’s a lot to be done there. I have a few ocs for this world depending on time range. 
Zombies: 
Inspired by: the last of us, deadrising, twd, resident evil, days gone, etc
Thoughts: i just like the end of the world. Don’t know what that says about me, but i do. I’ve got a couple ocs here also that are pretty flexible plot wise. I really liked the ridiculousness of dead rising, the scale of things like tlou, and how green and wild stuff is. 
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jabbage · 1 year ago
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What are the top 5 most middle class things that have ever happened to you?
Ooooooh good question... now I'm going to do the most British thing ever and preface it with a short essay providing half my life story, out of a sense of denial.
Both sides of my family are staunchly working class, as far back as I can find records. They were farm labourers and dock workers and hopped in and out of workhouses. My mum worked housekeeping and cleaning jobs, and my Dad managed to snag a white collar job in a factory out of school (because he's really clever).
But then two complications -
My Dad became a clergyman. This meant that we got to live in nice houses owned by the church he worked for, sometimes in quite affluent areas. We didn't have much money, but still.
2. I managed to get into Oxford University with a gazillion bursaries tied to my parent's low income. I then used the bursary money to fund doing a master's degree, and now I work in academia.
So, am I middle class? I'm begrudgingly realising that I might be? Except if I am I feel like middle class people shouldn't be constantly worrying that their now-retired parents can't afford to switch the heating on, or whether they'll ever live in their own home. And it's alienated me from my extended family, who have jumped to the conclusion that I think I'm better than them.
Anyway, the top 5 most middle class things that have ever happened to me.
One
Last year I got invited to an anniversary meal at my Oxford college, called a gaudy. I nearly didn't go because my time at uni was not very happy and I don't remember some of my contemporaries fondly, but then I figured that if I go, next time I read Dorthy L Sayers excellent book "Gaudy Night," I will have better brain-pictures. So, the setting, for your own brain-pictures:
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Latin grace was sung before the meal, which comprised of salmon confit, followed by venison, followed by black forest gateau, followed by fruit and chocolates and port.
I was sat next to a nice middle aged man with an OBE. When he asked me "So, what do you do?" I decided not to say the job which *actually* pays my bills, but to reply with my evening job: that I make comics. I felt like this was a fun thing to say in a room full of people who Work In The City etc etc.
Except it turned out that he runs one of the UK's biggest comic arts festivals. He offered me free tickets. He offered to put me in touch with publishers. He offered to introduce me to significant people.
And I was like.... oh. Is this how it happens? Like, you're in an Oxford college and you just RUN INTO a posh bloke who Knows People and that's how you finally get a book deal???
Anyway I went to the festival. They had a panel on a yacht. And talked to people, or rather had people talk over me. So many times they'd ask me a question, and then interrupt before I'd given my answer. And I dislike schmoozing SO MUCH.
So uh, yeah, no book deal ;D YET
Two
One time I was wearing my college scarf while I was walking around Durham, and I ended up meeting a very cute elderly couple who went to the same college forty-five years earlier (well, the husband did, the wife wouldn't have been allowed.) They invited my to a dinner party at their house, which turned out to be a very cute little town-house by the river with five stories.
At the time I was doing my Master's degree, and they became kind of surrogate parents who I could call in on for a free hot meal and good conversation. But it was entirely sparked by "going to the same college at Oxford" which is very ew.
Three
Idk there was just this one time I was coming home on the train from having seen the Royal Shakespeare Company's latest production of Much Ado About Nothing and I stopped off somewhere to get sushi and I spent the whole time staring at a wall thinking "What have I become?"
Getting tickets to the ballet from a colleague slots into this catagory, I think.
Four
One time I was asked to open a village fete because the local lady of the manor couldn't make it.
Why me? Apparently "local clergyman's daughter" and "went to Oxford" and "draws silly pictures sometimes" was enough to make me a local celebrity.
I got to give a little speech and judge some cakes and everything.
Five
One time I got invited to a dinner party at CS Lewis' house, the Kilns, and I met his lovely secretary Walter Hooper. I remember being shown around and having a deep impulse to check the backs of all the wardrobes.
When I first went in it was through a door that led straight into his bedroom, and I was told that I could take my coat off and just toss it on the bed. No sooner had I done so than my guide mused, "CS Lewis died in that bed."
So I guess I own a coat that has been on the bed where CS Lewis died, is that middle class?!! Idk
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danidoesathing · 1 year ago
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am i the only one who feels like alex(the world ender guy) was kind of a missed oportunity in vide noir? like, he was set up by johnnie to be a badass gang leader just for him to never even appear in the end, we just got a close up to his face scar
i feel like buck's encounter with the psychic would've been way more powerful if it was alex instead. its implied that johnnie and moonbeam had a relationship ig, but its barely even hinted at, and he never even mentions her. but with johnnie and alex, johnnie actually mentions him and speaks highly of his brother, and says alex will help buck if he sees the red cloth that belonged to johnnie
the fact that all that build up led to buck not even TALKING to alex kinda irks me. imagine how much better the payoff would be if alex had received the cloth instead of moonbeam? if we had seen his reaction to johnnie's death? if he would've helped buck like johnnie said he would? if we saw what johnnie implied alex would do to the guys who black brained his brother? idk man i think we were robbed
im new to the fanbase, so im gonna be very embarassed if this is a topic that already came up here LOLL but i still wanted to get it off my chest💀sry if this ask is messy, i suck at writing down my thoughts lmao
No I gotta agree on that. Like I LOVED seeing Moonbeam and getting know her as her and having all this new information about her (her being part of the World Enders is still wild to me and I love it) and it’s a good scene and all, but I’m still confused as to why they built up Alex so much, especially since this is the first time we’re hearing about him, and he never even got the chance to speak. If it were Dale I’d be a bit more understanding as we know him already (tho not by much cause I would have loved to see more of Dale). But it’s Alex, whose not only the leader of the World Enders but also Johnnie’s (and Dale’s) brother. I would’ve have loved to, you know, actually meet the guy. Especially with how much build up he got. And I GET IT Lord Huron’s lore is meant to be weird and vague and hard to pin down but like. Didn’t need to tease me like that come on
The only reason I could think of was maybe they needed to get Buck on his own again? Like having this the beginning of a war between the World Enders and Z’Oieasu shown or having Buck work with them consistently might have thrown off the tone. It is supposed to be Buck’s story and his own descent into madness. The whole album has this isolated vibe to me, like being alone in a city of people Hard to get that when there’s other people around, especially a group as lively as the world enders. Or maybe they just wanted to include Moonbeam back into the story again lol
GOD I would have loved to see Moonbeam’s scene with Buck done with Alex. I can only imagine how that scene would’ve played out and his reaction to Johnnie’s death. Contrasting Buck’s scene with Johnnie with Alex’s own personality, the possible dynamics, the anger and grief that could arise…..ough
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jamesunderwater · 11 months ago
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hi!! could i please hear about your country roads wip? thank you :)
Hi Fyre!! ohhh I'm so excited to share about this one because my thoughts on it have changed recently. prepare for a lot of ramblings...
so it started out as this 70s vibes, roadtrip-across-America, queer found family type fic that had a trans Lily Evans run away from home and cross paths with the Black brothers, who were also trans teen runaways. the three ramble around the country collecting other queer companions and wind up in a small town in midwest America where the closeted James Potter works on his parent's farm.
I did start writing this and I like what I have so far, but a few months ago, I think I was listening to an audiobook or something about queer history, and I started thinking about the lesser-known experiences of AIDS. specifically for trans people, people of color, sex workers, bisexual people, and anyone essentially not living in a big city (or honestly anywhere that wasn't san fran, nyc, philly, or maybe chicago).
so yeah - I decided I wanted to turn it into a fic that was really endeavoring to honor those experiences. not just for representation, but to also witness how HIV/AIDS was not and is not a gay white man's disease, how there are in fact so many other identities that can be at risk for contracting HIV too, and how back then, no one really even knew who was "safe" and who wasn't. i also wanted to show what chosen family really meant in the context of that time.
So my plan is to workshop each of the characters again, and then see what the story turns into. it will still have the same general concept -- queer road trip, found family, etc., and hopefully start with Lily running away and end with them all coming to the Potter farm -- but will be set in the 80s and by that very nature will be heavily about HIV/AIDS. once I am sure I actually have the time/energy to really give to it, I plan to reach out on different discords and blogs to see if someone who is a queer person of color wants to write it together or something? or at the very least find people to alpha and beta read it for me as I go, but I'd really prefer at least some of it actually be written by people with the identities I don't share.
idk, it's a big endeavor and maybe I am biting off more than I can chew and it'll never happen? who knows. but the idea of writing it feels like a love letter to some of my lost loved ones, so i'd like to at least try and do something with it.
thanks for asking! <3
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bropunzeling · 2 months ago
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writer asks! 6. What's a subtle quirk your protag has? How do you convey it in your writing? (leon) 7. What character do you enjoy writing most? Why? & for seattle au: 8. Are the locations in your fic based on the real world? How accurate are they? Have you added your own locations? (e.g. town, street, building, etc) (talk about your process for making it feel real, have you made any changes, etc.)
6. What's a subtle quirk your protag has? How do you convey it in your writing? (leon)
oh leon.... oh leon. for a genuine quirk quirk i think often of how much of a fidgeter he is, so i really like when i can add in a bit of physical comedy for him to, idk, shred a straw wrapper or scratch his beard or otherwise twitch his way through life. for a like, fundamental personality thing that's very important to me, it's really the way that he speaks before he thinks sometimes! he's a blunt and open person (positive and negative!) and that means you can get some great great scenes/emotional lows from him saying something really hurtful that comes out worse than how he meant it. idk i hate-love writing him in a fight because it can be sooooo ouch.
7. What character do you enjoy writing most?
i already mentioned brady loml but i really do enjoy leon.... it's been a bit of an adventure going back to having him as my pov character because it really is a totally different gear compared to writing from matthew's perspective!!! it's like, man who is going to overthink and over-rationalize everything to the point that he doesn't actually know what's going on (matthew) vs man who is Not Going To See Things until they're too big to ignore (leon)... but i really do love writing leon because his emotions are so big and so pure. also i think ive said this to someone but he really reminds me of my sister in how they have big feelings that can sometimes result in lashing out. idk. it's fun!
8. Are the locations in your fic based on the real world? How accurate are they? Have you added your own locations? (for seattle au)
well as U KNOW i am trying to be v location accurate............ im not naming anything like bars or breweries because like. idk feels weird BUT many of the places im featuring are places ive been! or have driven past fifty times! i know that view! i know that sensation of trying not to die because the lanes on the aurora bridge are way too fuckin narrow! there are a few places where im taking artistic liberties because like. i don't live in queen anne i don't know their coffee shops but i need scenes there for reasons. but hopefully much of it feels, if not 100% accurate, like im capturing the vibe of the city in a particular way.
(i AM planning to hopefully have one ferry scene, bc that is truly peak seattle. that green chain link fence and railing!)
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sunblossxm · 10 months ago
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Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've written anything on here. So yeah. This isn't meant to be a romantic pairing, but a friendship pairing given how these two are friends in game canon. Part of me wondered how Venti initially reacted to the news that Rex Lapis had "died" before he realized that it was faked. Also timing may be weird, but just roll with it
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To Learn of a Friends Passing
(Cross-posted to my Wattpad AgentKenobi, eventually to AO3)
CW: mentions of death, perhaps poor writing, maybe a bit OOC?? Idk. Short, like 700 words.
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"Did you hear? Liyue's archon fell from the sky during the Rite of Descension. They say he was murdered."
Venti stopped in his tracks as he overheard the conversation between the two people near Mondstat's fountain.
'Murdered? Morax was murdered???' The thought alarmed Mondstat's archon. How could one of his oldest friends suddenly turn up murdered, and at his own custom too. 'There's no way.'
Venti lingered nearby, pretending to tune his lyre while leaning on a railing, as he hoped to hear more about what happened in Liyue. After all, if what they claim is true, he must know more. Morax was one of his oldest friends, if he lost another friend…..
"Yes, I did! And the Qixing say that the Honorary Knight is responsible for it!"
'The traveller?!!'  Venti stiffened slightly, 'but that does not make sense.'
"Ah, the Qixing don't know who actually did it, I don't think the Honorary Knight would actually pull such a feat. They only blamed them because they ran away from the scene. Rumors say they're heading for the Adepti to tell them what happened."
The pair of civillians meandered off, leaving the bard to his own thoughts. Pushing off the railing he was leaning on, the anemo archon made his way towards the city gaits. He would go to Liyue and find out more about what happened to his dearest friend himself.
‘It would have probably been at minimum two days since these events had happened,’ Venti mused as he used the wind currents to travel towards Liyue, ‘word between Liyue and Mondstat takes time still. This would have given the Traveller time to meet with the Adepti.’
If the Adepti were like he remembers them to be, they would first consult with each other before deciding on a course of action. He suspected they’d choose to go to Liyue Harbor and demand answers……or retribution. The wrath of the Adepti would not be good for the people, especially when the matter they are upset about is their beloved god and friend.
The thought made him urge his current to move a little faster.
He landed by one of the Statue of the Seven sharpened after the Lord of Geo. From where Venti had landed, he could see activity on the docks of the Harbor. Mountain Shaper, Moon Carver, Cloud Retainer, and the Conqueror of Demons stood on the dock, discussing something with the Traveller and the Tianshen of the Qixing.
‘What have I missed? What had occurred down there?’ The bard wondered as the Adepti started to leave the docks, headinn towards their mountain and inn homes.
“Hello old friend,” a familiar deep voice spoke out behind him. The bard whipped around, eyes widening for a second in surprise as he registered the man before him.
“Is that you, Rex Lapis?” He asked, staring at the very god who had been said to have died. “The word that came to Mondstat was that you had died!”
“It is me, yes, I go by Zhongli now. I hear you go by Venti, am I correct” the amber eyed man paused to let the bard nod before continuing, “for all intents and purposes, Rex Lapis is dead to Liyue. I have decided to retire as the Geo Archon, to live amongst my people as one of them.”
‘Zhongli now huh?’ Venti noted before he opened his mouth, “Well, I’m glad to see you’re not dead, you old blockhead. You gave me quite the scare for a second.”
Zhongli only chuckled before motioning to walk down the path towards the mountains of the Adepti. “Come, let me tell you what has passed during the last few days.”
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blueamphibians · 1 year ago
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My moms brand of homophobia is the only kind i will ever accept. Its so weirdly wholesome.
Despite her being hardcore christian, she actually never bought up LGBTQ stuff to me and my sister--not in the "its taboo" way, but in the "i am more focused on instilling proper morals in my children and LGBTQ stuff isn't even on my radar."
So obv that meant i had a super positive exposure to it when i found out, because no-one had ever told me it was bad. I found out gay people existed and went "makes sense" and moved on yk?
But back to her homophobia: She lives by a very strong rule of "its not my place to judge them, it's gods," so while she does think being LGBTQ is against the bible, she also doesn't think its her place to comment.
She DOES however think that its her place to be gracious to everybody because God is going to judge HER too, at the end. So this brings me to my favorite story ab her, right.
So our country is VERY conservative to the point where being LGBTQ can get you quietly fired or in extreme cases deported. The place she works regularly flies in staff from abroad though, and they're usually highly LGBTQ-friendly.
So my mom comes home one day, more stressed than usual, and i ask her whats up. And she goes "I had to warn one of the abroad staff not to talk about gender studies with the locals here", and i got prissy and went "why? because its wrong?" and she looked at me and went "No, because they're being nice to his face but what if they go and say something behind his back?"
Like her first instinct was to protect this man who didn't realize just what the environment here was like. And then she drove him around the city trying to help him find a touristy gift for his husband and even suggested different places to try even though she didn't have too.
Like sure my mom is homophobic but her morals clash so STRONGLY with the ideas of hate that she ends up being an ally. I lowkey came out to her one day by going "what would you do if i liked girls"
and she said "well. Id be sad because its wrong and I want you to go to heaven."
and i said "but how would you treat my wife? would you be nice to her?"
and she went "well, yes, of course--" and i went "what if i don't think its wrong?" and she went "well i cant force you but id like if you read the bible more :("
its worth noting that she was so uncomfortable during this conversation, which was so surreal for her, that she started cry laughing in the coffee shop because i was being really intense.
My mother is homophobic but shes also tolerant and so fucking kind and yk those are the kinds of people i can coexist with. She's the kind of person to see a gay coworker get fired and get upset, not because he's gay, but because her workplace had the audacity to fire somebody so experienced.
All this to say: I love my mom.
Side note, my roommate is homophobic (i don't blame her, and its not like shes doing harm) and I'm actually really open to being friends with her because shes kind as fuck and tactful. So yeah, its nice to coexist i guess
EDIT: also. My mom is like, really bad at being homophobic. Like she "knows" its wrong, but she gets really confused when she tries to explain why. And she doesn't actually...do anything homophobic. She sees men in heavy makeup and goes "wow....his eyeshadow is so good..." and then Side Eyes Me
idk. Shes a really good person. The only people I've seen her go "they should be harmed" about is like, r*pists and shit. Doubling down: I love my mom.
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gothamcityhistory · 10 months ago
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Detective Comics #28
Cover:
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Great cover art!! I love it a lot. I love how the layout is almost meme-like. Also there's no Bat-man this time but that okay since it was still starting out.
Issue Credits:
Cover by: Fred Guardineer
Story by: Bill Finger
Art by: Bob Kane
Review:
Yeah I recommend this Bat-Man story!! it's fun and silly and only six pages!! It's about The Bat-Man stopping thieves by employing a weird technique.
Story Summary:
There are jewel thieves running amok so The Bat-Man, being the world's greatest detective, interrogates a police informer about who's behind them and whats their next move. The Bat-Man then uses this information to sneak up on them, beat them up and frame himself as part of the thieves. The newspapers pick this story up and frame The Bat-Man as part of the thieves. This causes the leader of the thieves to feel more bold as now the police will be looking for The Bat-Man and not them. The following night the thieves are at work and The Bat-Man captures them and leaves, taunting the police while doing so. The Bat-Man then makes his way into the thieves' leaders office and forces him into giving a written confession. The Bat-Man delivers him to the police and leaves a cheeky letter behind.
Live Read:
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I love this new "The Bat-Man" Title card although I still hate that Bill Finger doesn't get any credit still for his work. (I will try to stop mentioning this every time to stop sounding like a broken record)
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Love how they're like "The Bat-Man's identity is unknown (BTW he's Bruce Wayne)
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This is super cute! I love it! It's very interesting to me though that it's spelled "Wuxtry" and not "Extry". It's probably times changing. I dont know
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(BTW Just in case you forgot from 2 panels ago, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE *points at Bruce Wayne* IS THE BAT-MAN. K thx)
Also when I first read this I didn't know what "stay-well" meant but then I realised he's saying it sarcastically as a threat. I may be stupid but at least I learned something
(It had a dash- How was I supposed to know it wasn't a new word with a new meaning)
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Idk why having a criminal record gives you access the the haunts of the underworld. Imagine you got in for jaywalking and then you get a contact like "Hey, you're like one of us and are invited to come to the criminal underworld meetings"
BTW, Stool Pigeon means a police informer
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:0
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Straight up just killed him. 1930s Bat-Man didn't hold back XD
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I like to imagine that the [GOTHAM] city police just suck and he was there hunched and waiting for a solid like 15 minutes.
I also just realised that he's not wearing any gloves. He's going to get caught. Is he stupid
(Yes I had to make that r/BatmanArkham reference and I know fingerprint scanners weren't widespread in America yet)
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He didn't have to stunt on them like that.
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Now he's just showing off.
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SEE!! EVEN THEY ARE LIKE "woah wtf?"
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Not leaving the twist for the end now are we?
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Do you think the newspaper also describes in detail the spectacular leap?
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(Just in case you didn't get it btw)
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Show don't tell people- but also I like this panel :3
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😏😏😏
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He's such a gentleman ❤️❤️❤️
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Is that? The Bat-Man? In Bruce Wayne's red Sedan?
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I like to think he put on the thickest New York goon voice and then when went "OOGAH BOOGAH" as he opened the door
laughed at this mental imagery in my head for a bit-
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OMG HE OOGAH BOOGAH'D HIM BACK
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He didn't stand a chance. I like to imagine it was instant like he only got 1 second into the jump before he was punched down
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You mean Bruce Wayne's Car-
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I like how they have to specify it had been a few minutes before The Commissioner read the letter-
Also, I love my silly 🥺🥺🥺 He stamped his logo on the letter and everything
After Thoughts:
I loved this Story!! it's dumb and I recommend it. I love the everything of it. The writing is fun and the art is great! I am quite interested by the narration in it though. I don't see it as often or as this high of frequency. I wonder when they drop it 🤔
Art:
The Art is great and I'll pick out a few of my favourites
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Thank you all for reading!!
Come back whenever! I will post at rarely the same Bat-Time but always the same Bat-Blog!
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noobsomeexagerjunk · 11 months ago
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day 7 update/reactions of my first run, semi-blind, of disco elysium. end of run.
my god. what a game. something happened to me through it all and i haven't figured it out. i am happy and can't wait to see what others discovered when they played this. i hope the twitch streamers i watch decide to play this game, even if its better enjoyed blind
details on the previous days here, apologies for mispellings, i'll get the hang of it
under the cut:
- by this point in the story my Harry can't afford getting too distracted
- Kim's room is very organized
- for narrative purposes I up my Volition, Shivers, and Espirit de Corps simultaneously. Hearing Revachol itself is a wonder.
- BLOOD ON THE GROUND! good on you Cindy. I doubt I'll light it on fire though
- after much deducing we go to Fishing Village again, with our dear Lilienne lending us her boat. her kids are sweet as always!
- that skillset perking up apparently let me know that the officers watching Harry's ass for the past few days plan to meet him
- "point of no return" what the fuck do you mean, Inland Empire
- pull up the boombox, we're boating!!!
- abandoned island creeps, open doors, and the SNIPER'S NEST. oh fuck the Sniper lives here. can't sleep in that bed yet!!!
- OH SHIT OH SHIT the culprit: M. Dros, a communist deserter from the old revolution. With can opener tactics, we fish out information that makes a confession.
- I can't believe it. Kim and Harry arguing over who gets to bring the Deserter over. To me this is the most logical conclusion after saving each other during a standoff.
- BRO THE PHASMID???? IT'S REAL! is it meant to show up just as we get the confession?????? Dros is in a fetal position and can't see it
- Kim can see it! Yes! No pics yet bestie, I need to talk to it. I get to talk to it. Why are you in awe of me you strange creature? I'm flattered you think such divinity can rest in my brain
- Okay Kim take the picture now. It's such a pretty scene and wonderfully drawn by the game!!! Goodbye insulindian phasmid!
- The Deserter being reduced into a dummy state solves our travel issue. We walk back. Kim, I think I'll take that nap now.
- what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
- oh no. God-Wife. This is why we forget at all.
- "suggestion (92%): kiss her." i need to try but i hope this fails—"CHECK SUCCESS." fuck. and she didn't even kiss back!
- she's right Harry, your deification of your ex isn't a good idea
- must you call me poor? fuck wait, that's Harry's self-loathing. I've been playing as Sorry Copotype, this makes sense. Like, I get that we, the player, have been playing with the voices in Harry's head all game but I maxed Inland Empire so literally anything can talk at this point. The city fucking talks, why shouldn't this?
- it's tiring to make Harry like this. We need to let go, my blorbo, we've come this far.
- in retrospect, was that. was that foreshadowing. what the phasmid told me?
- Hi Kim. Let's head back to the Fishing Village. Oh shit the other cops are here too
- TRANT??? you've been helping my precinct and refused to say shit about knowing me???
- i know Jean, I'm a sorry sack of shit
- Kim 😭😭😭 you say such nice things
- "he's a [communist]" bro I was making Harry kiss everyone's ass regardless of politics! is this the game acknowledging that i didn't Forget the associated Thought or did it pick up on my dialogue choices ending up being predominantly communist? i mean, i was building up to sympathy towards that by the end but like. sympathy. idk all Harry and I care about is that Kim spoke well of me
- enjoy that picture you bastards
- Join me at 41, Lt. Kitsunagi!!! You bore with an awful man at his most awful time and you both came out better for it! WAAAAHHHHH
- We're still in, baby! The sun sets on a new chapter for everyone in Revachol, in Martinaise.
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lovecatsys · 1 year ago
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I have this weird fear in me of like. what I'm going to experience the more I pass as male and the more I date and the more it becomes like. a bigger Thing that I am gay than I am trans.
My biggest Thing for years was being trans. even bigger than my autism and my mental illness. But like some day I am going to pass. fully. I'm going to get surgery and I'm going to have many people in my life who DON'T know I'm trans or do but never knew me before I transitioned so they only know the male passing me.
Someday my gayness is going to be a big thing. My femininity not as a trans man but as a gay man is going to be a thing. I'm going to date men. I'm going to live my life as a gay man. And this is just. scary to me. And don't get me wrong I live in a very progressive very accepting city with accepting family and friends. But I'm still scared, I'm scared of the way people are going to treat me.
It's nowhere near as scary as being trans is but I have to live with that every day and have done that for 3+ years now. I haven't really done that for being gay yet because? Even though my mom knows and my friends know its still not a well known thing about me and I've never seriously dated.
Idk. this is just a thing I've been thinking about thats been kind of scary and confusing to talk about. I tried to bring it up with my therapist but the convo didn't really go anywhere because I had a hard time describing what I meant 😭 I'm not even entirely sure I know what I mean yet.
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