#idk just being sensitive

[salesmain]

personal update -- (cw hospitals + health stuff)

so I've been drawing a lot lately, mostly to distract myself from real life since it's been rough and drawing helps me not think about it.

I haven't posted or talked about what's going on at all because it was so upsetting. and focusing on DA and fandom instead helped a lot.

BUT my mom is finally out of the hospital and back home again. It was really scary for the last 10 days but we made it through and she's doing a lot better. and I feel so much relief!! (and because I know people will wonder since this is the first time I'm mentioning it: she was struggling to breath and apparently her heart is very weak and she also had pneumonia. it was a lot.)

anyway, I'm in a weird headspace. tumblr still sometimes overwhelms me so I haven't been scrolling much lately. also can't seem to write at all, but I'm hoping that comes back now that I'm not stressed out of my mind.

idk why I felt the need to post this. I guess sometimes it feels weird not saying anything, like I'm lying to the world and pretending everything is fine. but I'm a lot better now! and feeling more hopeful too.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[butterscotch-brigade]

just like.....the bizarre vitriolic hatred i see on here for autistic ppl who like "childish" things made for little kids is so frustrating and heartbreaking to me. allistics already hate us and infantilize us, so they see an autistic person who happen to like something "childish" and mock us for it.

but what really breaks my heart is seeing OTHER autistic ppl who think of themselves as being "better" than those who like "childish" things and make fun of them bc theyve been taught to hate by an ableist society. doesnt it get exhausting. doesnt it hurt inside to be full of the lies and hatred neurotypicals taught you. doesnt it hurt to take out that hatred on your fellow autistic ppl, to mock them for something that allistics already mock them for. why. why do you do this. who did this to you.

[enemywasp]

I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.

For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.

is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?

[vlasdygoth]

i've been thinking about a mgs star wars au so obviously this had to happen

[mulletmitsuya]

Tokyo revengers groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mommy issues, mentions of deceased mothers, brother issues (akashi's), mentions of physical abuse, mentions of suicide, depending on what kind of person you are, this might be kinda dark

Side note: i think i may be projecting too many of my headcanons on these people so i apologize for mischaracterizations😔🙏

Desc: it's Shinichiro's birthday!! (sneaking in the fact that it's also mine and i'm 19 today😋)

Izana: happy birthday Shinichiro

Izana: everyone's gonna say the same thing so i don't think there's a need for an influx of happy birthday messages

Izana: just dm, to prevent a pointless conversation

Shinichiro: aw thanks Izana😁❤

Mikey: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Mikey: ANOTHER YEAR OF BEING A VIRGIN🙏🔥

Baji: you're such a loser man

Baji: with all due respect and no offense of course

Baji: happy birthday tho

Mitsuya: aren't you a virgin, Mikey?

Mistuya: a bit hypocritical

Mitsuya: happy birthday Shinichiro-san

Mikey: i had sex once, and meh

Mikey: 5/10

Mikey: being confronted with someone's dick and balls was crazy

Mikey: and i have mommy issues so i don't think it's a good idea for me to sleep with a woman

Mikey: but i would like to lay on one's chest as they sing me to sleep

Baji: what does that have to do with anything

Draken: no one asked you for any of that information, just so you know

Mikey: your mom asked me

Mikey: oh, sorry😔

Mikey: they wasn't even part of the joke. i'm genuinely apologizing😔

Emma: Mikey!

Emma: you know that's a sensitive subject 😠

Draken: not really, to be honest

Senju: why's it a sensitive subject

Emma: his mother left him

Senju: ...

Senju: Emma why would you tell me that

Mitsuya: i think we should word this differently or not talk about it, maybe

Mikey: Mitsuya's right, as always (boring 🙄)

Mikey: but Emma☠️?

Senju: yours left too girl

Emma: well i know that, so i'd be sad if someone made a joke about it

Emma: and so did yours🤨?

Senju: death is different. your mom CHOSE to leave you

Senju: skill issue

Senju: was that too far? maybe

Draken: guys

Chifuyu: ok guys let's calm down

Emma: of course a person with a mother would say that 🙄

Chifuyu: ...sorry

Emma: just jokes Fuyu😚

Baji: don't apologize Chifuyu, not our fault we have mom's

Baji: suck it, losers

Mikey: i really didn't mean to start all this, my bad

Draken: it's not a big deal😐

Draken: and Shinichiro-san, happy birthday, but you're still a virgin?

Draken: i'm not judging or anything. i just find it impressive

Draken: all the other stuff is overrated

Emma: 🤨

Emma: we'll talk about that later

Emma: are you actively practising abstinence?

Emma: i couldn't

Emma: not with Ken-chan around, at least😋

Draken: dude

Draken: your entire family is here

Emma: don't call me dude☹️

Draken: okay

Draken: babe

Draken: your entire family is here

Emma: so?? they know we have sex

Emma: how else would we try to have a kid?

Draken: bro...

Mikey: KEN-CHIN KILL YOURSELF☹️👎

Izana: Emma was underage when you got together

Izana: something to think about, Draken

Draken: i was too???

Takeomi: who the hell are you

Draken: me?

Takeomi: obviously not you

Takeomi: "Izana"

Takeomi: who is that

Shinichiro: this is Izana, Omi

Takeomi: i fucking know that Shinichiro

Takeomi: why are you all so stupid

Baji: why are you brining your sour mood here

Baji: go die

Baji: no offense

Mitsuya: you can't keep saying bad things then saying no offense

Mitsuya: it literally doesn't mean anything

Shinichiro: i said i had another little brother remember?

Shinichiro: before Emma was a Sano, she was a Kurokawa. this is Izana Kurokawa

Takeomi: your dad was a man whore. respect

Shinichiro: dude, ew?

Izana: technically i'm no ones sibling because my mom lied to your guys' dad about being my father so i'm actually not related to any of you. not really supposed to be here

Mikey: dude give that up. we don't care 🙏

Izana: i was just clarifying

Emma: Izana-nii you know it makes Shin sad when you say that☹️

Izana: i was stating facts, but alright

Haruchiyo: happy birthday Shinichiro

Baji: you never speak on this group but oh, let the topic be about Mikey

Baji: all of the sudden it's a yappathon

Baji: "i wish Mikey would stick it in!"

Haruchiyo: I'VE NEVER SAID THAT

Haruchiyo: and i'm speaking now, aren't i😐

Mikey: Baji leave Haruchiyo alone

Mikey: you're the one always scaring him away😔👎

Mikey: hi Haru😋

Haruchiyo: hi Mikey 🙂

Kazutora: happy birthday Shinichiro-san

Kazutora: um, sorry about... the incident

Mikey: (i told you not to talk about that in front of people, Tora💀)

Draken: PUTTING A SENTENCE IN BRACKETS DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE WHISPERING

Draken: STOP DOING THIS

Senju: what incident

Kazutora: uh

Kazutora: almost killing him

Shinichiro: buddy, i know you didn't mean to do that. it's all good

Kazutora: no, i fully intended to kill a person

Kazutora: it just wasn't meant to be you

Kazutora: and for that i apologize

Shinichiro: oh...

Shinichiro: well at least you don't have those murderous thoughts anymore, right? let's dwell on the positive 😁

Kazutora: i do have those thoughts

Baji: you don't always have to tell the truth man

Mikey: dude☠️

Kazutora: but they're about my father, mostly

Kazutora: i look exactly like him, so looking in the mirror is hard sometimes

Kazutora: i'm not allowed to kill myself, but killing him would be close enough

Kazutora: but i can't. because of the law

Draken: dude, are you okay? do we need to talk again

Draken: this is concerning

Kazutora: words cannot help me, Draken

Kazutora: anyway, have a good birthday, Shinichiro-san

Kazutora: i'm glad you didn't die by my hands

Shinichiro: ...

Shinichiro: i'm not really sure what to say

Senju: i love his thought process

Senju: (what the hell is wrong with this guy)

Draken: we can see the text inside the brackets 😐

Senju: fine

Senju: what the hell is wrong with this guy😭

Senju: you were the one who put Shin in a coma??

Senju: the power or friendship really carries this group's dynamic because if it were me, Kazutora would never see the light of day😭🙏

Senju: it helps that you're handsome

Kazutora: thank you. i'm sorry

Senju: you're welcome. you are forgiven

Baji: maybe let's change the topic

Senju: what's wrong with him?

Senju: no offense

Emma: his father used to beat him

Senju: Emma!

Senju: you can't be telling people this 😭

Emma: STOP ASKING ME THEN

Emma: there's no malice!! i'm just telling you what happened!!

Inupi: happy birthday Shinichiro

Inupi: my sister has agreed to go on a date with you

Inupi: i see you as a really good guy so if you fuck this up, i'd have to kill you

Shinichiro: AKANE-SAN?

Shinichiro: she's too pretty for me

Shinichiro: ok um, please give me her number, Seishu

Shinichiro: thank you

Shinichiro: let's speak privately yeah?

Mikey: Inupi, this is the first time in your life you've ever been useful

Mikey: i'm impressed

Inupi: kill yourself

Mikey: Koko doesn't love you back👎🔥💔

Inupi: Takemitchy is married to a woman

Draken: break it up

Draken: and Koko does love him back, he's just fighting heteronormativity and internalized homophobia

Emma: ?

Draken: i'll tell you about it later

Emma: 🤗

Inupi: you will not

Koko: i am in this group, you know?

Koko: happy birthday Shinichiro

Koko: also Inupi, aren't we dating?

Inupi: huh

Koko: are we not dating?

Inupi: i mean, i wasn't aware of it

Inupi: but okay

Inupi: you didn't ask me

Koko: well, we act like we're dating so i thought we were

Inupi: okay

Draken: Koko you can do better than that

Draken: this is a terrible confession

Draken: i did not sit through hours of Inupi's yearning for this

Draken: do better

Koko: okay...

Koko: meet me at my place?

Inupi: ...

Inupi: okay

Draken: 👍

Izana: can't anyone solve their private matters, PRIVATELY?

Mikey: dammit

Draken: what?

Mikey: i don't like when he's happy

Mikey: i need to ruin this for him somehow

Izana: Inupi fucking sucks

Mikey: he's the worst

Mikey: i regret changing the timeline for his sake

Mikey: should've left him to burn

Baji: what?

Mikey: nothing

Baji: this was about everything, except Shinichiro's birthday ☠️

Shinichiro: to be honest? i couldn't ask for more

Shinichiro: my family being happy is the best present i could ask for

Shinichiro: i really love you guys

Izana: thanks

Mikey: BOOOOOOOOO

Mikey: too sappy, i'm out

Baji: that was so corny😂

Baji: (we love you too)

Emma: Shini-nii😭❤

Senju: Takeomi, take notes

Senju: i still don't get how you guys are friends considering the personality difference

Senju: Shin is so kind and lovable and amazing and sweet (and hot lwky)

Emma: ew😐

Senju: you um, you smoke, and you um

Senju: yeah i got nothing

Senju: still love you though!

Haruchiyo: he's ugly and abusive

Takeomi: says the dick sucker

Takeomi: i'm abusive because of the way you are by the way

Takeomi: besides, i've regrettably, never lay a hand on you

Baji: here we go again

Haruchiyo: in another life, i've killed you with my bare hands

Takeomi: do you seriously think you could beat me in a fight

Haruchiyo: i'll die trying

Shinichiro: okay guys um let's please not

Shinichiro: Omi stop being a dick 😅

Shinichiro: Haru, sorry for Omi being a dick

Senju: ☹️

Senju: we love you too, Shin

Draken: uhm i don't know if it's appropriate for me to say? but i love you too Shinichiro, i guess

Draken: this is a little awkward now

Kazutora: should i say it?

Baji: no, Tora

Kazutora: ok

[clowningcrows]

lol just saw a lesbian nsft blog that has “men dni” on every single post and yet their pinned post says, “this doesnt include trans men, since that isn’t clear for some reason” like hello????

[isdisorigionalenoughforyou]

yknow sometimes i think about how mr seawatt gaming parkourcivilization only got to where he was by leveraging his knowledge of obscure rules and mechanics and keeping all his cards close to his heart. how he clearly only got to where he originally was in the 1st movie by making himself useful with amethyst blocks and brewing stand jumps. and how it all crumbled because evbo 360-ed all over his carefully laid plans but really, his undoing was his own hubris.

and he's shit at parkour

[daily-hanamura]

[chipped-chimera]

Finally got a fancy(tm) pic of my aquarium - think I figured out the solution to awful photos is just I have to do them at night because the hugeass window in my room directly adjacent ruins everything. Going to try and take a pic like this weekly to track growth!

Anyway it's looking close? Closeish? to being cycled so the question is: WHAT COLOUR SHRIMP

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

Take my "How much of an eeeevil hardcore stan are you" uquiz

According to MEEEEEEEEE

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[heph]

House's tendency to rationalize feelings away and being frustrated at himself for still feeling them. It's hurting me 😢

At the end of 05x04 Birthmarks he did a paternity test... And even after it turned out that John wasnt his father, he was still drinking his whiskey, because it didn't mean anything that John wasn't his biological father, because things are still the same.

He's still sad, he's still depressed. The dipshit of a man passing still made him sad. And the thought that he can't even rationalize it away as hatred upsets him. And so he drinks.

And to that Wilson said no one can choose their parents... Because House rejects John as his paternal figure and yet deep inside, House still called him his dad.

[falmerbrook]

Not to be too corny but the new year has got me thinking and I really appreciate this blog because this is pretty much the only site/community/fandom where I don't stress out over posting every single thing I post, afraid I'll be shit on for... something (my brain is very good at coming up with hypotheticals). I know, I know I'm way too sensitive and i shouldn't care about what others think and the internet isn't real so it doesn't matter etc. etc. but unfortunately I just don't know how to get my brain to work like that. I mean, I'm still too afraid of being cringe to draw/write/yap about everything I'd hypothetically like to, but I've been way more social and open to posting my thoughts on here than I've ever been before, and it's made me more confident online overall. So thank you all for being so welcoming and chill!

[krispiecake]

tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.

[angelpuns]

Genuinely feel so sick to my mf tummy but idk if its cause of dinner which was an autistic nightmare ( spaghetti but it was just..fucking wrong. ) or the like...10 chocolate orange sticks I had. They're super small but i was not keeping track of how many i ate cause they were such a sensory pleasure to eat :/ Or maybe its my body rebelling against taking a break idk