#idk ive been in this town for a year and i have work friends and i have the people i live with but i want to try to make more friends

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ghosts-of-love]

yo anyone wanna come to a national trust place with me today? 🍁🍂

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[lily-alphonse]

I was talking about this earlier with an anon, and now that I've found you, I am intensely curious: How would you make Gus/Willy work?

OLD MEN!!! OLD MAN YAOI MY BELOVED!!!

Gus and Willy are cute. I like this, I can work with this.

They quietly find comfort in each other. The kind of couple that no one really knows is a couple, big “they were roommates” energy, except for the fact that Gus has always been a little loud and fruity (look at his clothing! The mustache?!). But to anyone outside of the loop it could just look like Willy is a very dear friend.

But how does it start?

I feel like I have to plot their romantic pasts to get my head around it.

Gus grew up in the city. Part of the down-low queer scene, he had a few boyfriends. A couple of them felt like they could have been true love until reality hit, and there was nothing true about it.

He found love in his passions instead, in cooking and found family in a place where life moved slower.

I like to think Willy was married once (idk if we ever get any lore to confirm or deny this, im just a silly little fic writer I’ll slap an AU tag on this baby and call it a day if I have to). It was a good, practical marriage but they were never able to have kids, and his wife passed from cancer a long time ago. He left his life behind when she died. The house had always felt more like her’s anyway. He took his boat and sailed away to start a new life in a small town.

He arrived there long before Gus did, but Gus made himself a fixture in the town so much more quickly. What had taken Willy years took Gus mere days. Everyone in town knew his name and smiled when they saw him. Everyone loved his food. A man might’ve been envious at that, but not Willy. He just found it interesting.

So when Gus made his way to the bait shop it was no surprise. What was a surprise was the fact he had brought Willy food.

“Cookies? Shouldn’t I be giftin’ you somethin’, seeing as youre the new neighbor?”

Gus laughed. He had a bright laugh from deep in his chest that made the air around him sparkle. “Sorry! It’s the ultimate way into people’s hearts, I can’t help it.”

Willy hummed in contemplation, looking down at the plate of cookies. “I’ll take these on one condition.”

Gus shifted uncomfortably, uncertain if he was being serious. “That is?”

“You come in and try some of Willy’s famous trout soup!”

Gus laughed again, feeling relieved, and nodded. “Sure. Nice to meet you, Willy.”

“Pleasure to meet you as well, come on in.”

Conversation flows easily between them. Willy is chattier than people think, but especially to Gus. He likes how Gus reacts to his stories, his eyes widening at the good parts. And Yoba, his laugh.

But eventually they see the darker sides of each other, too. Sometimes, Willy gets sullen thinking of the past. Sometimes, Gus gets moody and short-tempered, and needs to be left alone for days. They always come back together, though.

They’ll sit in front of Gus’ fireplace warming themselves. Willy likes that it feels more like a proper home here than his shack. He likes how Gus wears soft cardigans and keeps his house smelling like cinnamon.

They don’t know if this is true love. It might be. Maybe it’s just the closest they will get in this life. But at least it’s warm.

Ow my heart

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

[foulfeast]

Deeply embarrassed to ask this, but I looked away about a month back and clearly missed something important; who is Pluto?

OH GOSH DONT WORRY! :] i havent added any info on them yet in my pinned either, i really need to. I actually just explained this to a friend on discord so ill just copy it w some small corrections. Heres the babygirl themself:

Tjey are a sorcerer in a world where like... magic is more treated as a science, just one that has for years been near impossible to control, replicate etc- incredibly unpredictable and ENDLESSLY complex. IT IS a collection of different energies that we dont have in our world, comparable to things like gravity, electricity, magnetism... idk what yet but i am working on it 🫡 ive been putting a bunch of finnshit in there so i think smth will at least be based on singing spells, so maybe some kind of a force similiar to vibrational energy? Vibration is smth that exists but a form of it that can change the physical aspects of smth or call to the physical elements/nature of smth- singing the ground into a swamp etc

And there is like a lot of lore starting to form about differemt eras of how people approached it - in short Pluto "grew up" on a version where people made an attempt to control it. They slid into a more modern thinking of "moving with it, communicating with it"- however, that is a bit surface level, and they still in actions do seek to control it.

They live in an old church like building- basically an old hospital, now a "town witches" home. Old people still come by to get help with things - so do some younger people who have exhausted other routes

(To be clear- it doesnt always work. Because of the whole unpredictability thing.)

However like... the last 30 yesrs people have moved more towards "modern scientific diciplines" like electricity, whixh is far easier to control

Magic is more powerful but only when successful

Modern sciences and old ones are NOT COMPLETELY SEPERATE! Magic could be ccompared to just electricity, igs just an exra energy in this world (there are different forms of it)

Like medicine & chemistry is closer to old sciences than the use of electricity

Pluto is a smooth charming motherfucker. Huge control freak and saviour complex, but they hide it well. Genuinely well meaning!!! A good person but deeply needy and it makes them capable of causing damage.

This is a lot of... me looking at nostalgia and how things were never fairytales, but there was still a sense of fancy to things when i was a kid - and in recent years it has made somewhat of a return, but i sometimes worry that that kind of nostalgia and openness can also be a way to regress. And then looping back to - how its also important to understand and parse past in a way that helps us learn from it, and take the good parts while mutilating the bad parts into a better shape, no matter how it hurts.

It is about time but "My Moon", a character whose design i need to fuck around with also brings an element of toxic codependency, where Pluto gets to act their chivalrous games and know things and guide someone and My Moon gets to stop growing and developing on their own as they get to always be saved.

So i guess thats still about time... two people who the time will pass by

Not as like, h8ing on tradition, on god, im someone who loves history and seeking answers in it. But like as an exploration of some of my experiences w wanting to regress to this state of helplessness and certainty of what has already passed. Maybe makes no sense :] ill work on explaining it better.

Allthough I wil say,if i ever do some full project w pluto, it will be more wholesome, at least on surface! There is a lot of love in their life.

[skunkes]

I know this might not be a fun thing to think about but have you tried actually considering jobs you'd like to do someday and how you'd work towards them? You talk about art a lot but frankly I'd never recommend turning your single hobby into a career. I know it sounds silly but take some quizzes (not like BuzzFeed. Long quizzes on .orgs) on the subject and look over the results. Maybe you'll find a goal you can move towards outside of just leaving home, which only sometimes seems to make you happy. Personally I started going to college late (community college is wonderful and easy to afford if you're low income because of pell grants) with the goal of working towards a full time job that wouldn't make me want to die. Rn I work part-time, which you may also be able to get away with if you have roommates! It's a bullshit job but since I'm moving towards something it really helps me keep my head up!

Yes and no! Ive never wanted an art career even as a kid which is why its been so hard um for the entire rest of my life. I want an office job but thats very vague and i dont know anything more specific other than i dont want to be in charge of people or more important things LMAO

every job here pays $8/hr so if i had to go to work AND still live here id kms. Id still have 0 time for anything with my dad demanding my time not spent at work. Theres some opportunities kinda there out of town for me rn with some friends' help but idk if im equipped to survive, and its also scary bc i have no plan for an After (if i did get any of the jobs ykwim. Like if i got laid off or didnt like it id have to come back home i guess bc idk what else id want to do After. I have 0 clue on what im ever going to do...)

In summary: i have looked into it...! All i ever do is look up jobs and careers and experiences on reddit then i tear my hair out because nothing sounds tolerable or achievable and even with a specific degree the entry level job you need to spend years working in before you barely start making a livable wage might not ever hire you and thats usually when i make panic vent posts about how i have 0 future 😭 the potential stuff im looking into sounds tolerable but idk how much it pays yet...and then well all the stuff i mentioned about the loneliness and escalating of life difficulty for no real reason

[callie-shifts-apparently]

WAIT I GET A TAG I LOVE THIS !!!! u must tell me all about ur fantasy dr now omg

RAAAAH OKAY. Im working on a Notion thingy that I'll link when its "done", and i loath everyday that i havent figured out the magic system yet, but heres the super basic outline:

- Its a european medieval fantasy setting, magic and mythical creatures and such (the only humanoids are like. Elves and Humans though, so not quite high-fantasy)

- I live with my adopted dad + mentor, Cassius, on this collection of floating islands called the Peregrine Islands

- Dragons are a fairly big part of the world but are severely under researched, so we work in a government funded program to study dragons. but this usually means just dicking around with them lol

- Gods are real (though not all powerful). the two primary Gods are Celia of the Moon and her sister Seraphis. Seraphis is commonly known as the sun goddess but shes technically a god of twilight and dawn. Celia's followers are all very different with different styles of worship but generally Celia sends signs through dreams, where as Seraphis dormant because every few hundred years she makes these big "miracles" and exhausts all her power

- The 9 levels of hell are real and each level has a legendary weapon associated with it. In order to keep the 9 Hells closed, the weapons are sealed away in each of the 9 capitals of the world. Eventually one of them (I dont remember which weapon it was my b <\3) gets stolen by this shapeshifter mf and pawned off to pirates but idk where that plotline is going juuust yet 👀

- im Super Cool and also Arospec in this reality so in my dr i naturally have a love triangle goin on 🤘 plan is polyamory but we'll see how it goes lol. One is a boy-next-door type from an old-western-style town me + Cassius visit sometimes, other is from an arctic tribe with these cool seaglass beaches i found on pinterest and immediately adopted into the universe jdbsksbsj

- yeah generally Stuff Is Going On LMAO but 99% of my time in my DR is me going on research trips, special requests from the princess, and housekeeping for dragons lol. eventually im gonna have to write a wholeass BOOK on them and even defining what a dragon IS is going to be such a task oml. but i <3 my work

- other animals like jackalopes and unicorns and phoenixes and merfolk will exist for sure for sure for sure, but ive always been autistic about dragons and that WILL NOT change there

- My riding dragon is a pretty common one but hes my bestest friend ever ever everrrr. Hes an orange + white feathered wyvern called Solstice and I'd die for him a thousand times over. His species typically keep to family groups in these like, year-round autumn forests near the peregrine islands? but during certain times of year theres like. 30-50 of them hanging out in fields to even out the food sources yk. without the camouflage of the forests they just rely on strength in numbers :] i have to go every year but honestly its a vibe. theyre a very docile dragon lol

- Cassius' riding dragon is a very serious girlie called Juno !!! Cassius worships Celia of the Moon very dutifully so even his dragon is moon themed lol. Juno is like a SUPER DUPER rare kind of dragon where they have a really long life span because their eggs almost never hatch. they only hatch on eclipses, and theyre super fun too because if they hatch during a Lunar Eclipse you get the horned variant (Juno), and if they hatch during a Solar Eclipse you get the frilled variant :D!!!! I gotta sit down and properly design them one day but AAAA

- OH Familiars also exist here!! they basically work as like a reservoir of magic if that makes sense? The spell it takes to get one is super tedious and draining but Cassius helped me with like, support spells so i managed. Familiars basically either can double the strength of one spell, or allow you to cast an additional one. They can take on basically any shape so long as its mobile because magic isnt stationary. Mine is a blue tiger cub named Tybalt/Tibby (Hes based on my favourite stuffed animal lol). most familiars are semi-tangible and pretty small - Tibbys about the size of a small rabbit. Familiars natively make like. Wind chime/glass clinking noises :3

[cryleforhelp]

do you have any k2 fanfic recommendations??

HI ANO N Very honored u came to me for this lol i'm also going to be including fic recs my friends gave to me because i haven't been reading (ive been busy lately!) fic recs below the cut!

Mysterion Begins | K2/Kysterion | T | TW: None author: indirectkissesiniceland I'm still reading this! The chapters feel short but the pacing + story is so good. Kenny and Kyle's relationship in here is sooo ;;_;; it's so soft to me and I'm such a sucker for pining.

SUMMARY: Four years of college didn't get Kyle any closer to figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but his friend Jimmy pulls through for him with an opening in the newspaper office where he works. Newbies have never been known to get glamorous work, of course, and Kyle's first assignment proves it: a filler piece on a costumed vigilante calling himself "Mysterion." When a dangerous situation brings him face-to-face with the hero himself, however, Kyle—and the growing number of readers his articles on the friendly neighborhood superhero bring in—seeks the answer to a question that burns within him: Who is Mysterion? it's three am, i hope you're home | K2/Kysterion | T | TW: None author: JuniperTrees AGH.. SORRY I'M A SUCKER FOR KYSTERION. THIS ONE WAS VERY GOOD, I want to tell you my favorite part but I don't want to spoil it for you!! I think when you read it, you'll know which part it is (hint: it's near the end. LMFAO) SUMMARY: Kyle knows what he wants, but Mysterion keeps climbing in through his window. back to december | K2 | T | TW: None author: JuniperTrees AJGSKLKJHFG9AOJLGKHSHSJODGDKLHJSAGNBLDKFSHJSJGISLKBMSDHJSOIGKLSAGJNASKHSAJSGJSALDK TTHE Y FALL IN LOVE. AND THEY GROW OLD. AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. One of my favorite fics, I just really love seeing K2 grow up together and the way the author wrote it was phenomenal. SUMMARY: Kenny has always been involved with Kyle’s holiday celebrations in one way or another. Take Me High and I'll Sing | K2/Kysterion | E | TW: domestic violence, smut author: Courtanie sorry for being kysterion trash i didnt mean it. i actually really enjoyed this fic, i think the author did a great job on portraying kyle's character when it comes to him being concerned about kenny being mysterion (idk if that makes sense). it gave me a rollercoaster of feeLS and ugh... its... its soft. im so bad at giving opinions im sorry LMFAO SUMMARY: For far too many years Kyle has watched Kenny slipping in and out of his heroic persona, wondering each night if it would be their last together. But when it's his needs stacked against the safety of the rest of their town, finding common ground is far more difficult than either of them could have accounted for. Lionheart | K2, Creek | T | TW: None author: indirectkissesiniceland i haven't read this one, yet! though, my good friends recommended it twice AND it's by indi so i trust that this is v v v v good :) SUMMARY: For far too many years Kyle has watched Kenny slipping in and out of his heroic persona, wondering each night if it would be their last together. But when it's his needs stacked against the safety of the rest of their town, finding common ground is far more difficult than either of them could have accounted for.

Ok, Cupid It Isn't Funny Anymore | K2 | T | TW: None author: Courtanie this one is my favorite because i love the oblivious pining and k2 being the dumbest people on planet earth when it comes to each other. stan is so sick of their bullshit here KLJDSGLKSGJSDFLKJ SUMMARY: Years of sabotaging one another's dates and dancing around feelings have led Kenny and Kyle to fall into states of pitiable loneliness. Living under the same roof sure doesn't help the situation, but some vodka might. Playback | K2 | T | TW: None author: Corrupted_Quiet i love britney spears ok and kenny here loves her too. this is one of my favorite fics !! i hope you like it as much as i did too, i thought it was really cute and the way author uses music here is fun! SUMMARY: Kenny's always listened pop music, with its bumping beats, simple lyrics, and easiness at capturing the complexities of love. Sometimes he feels himself in those songs, especially when pining over Kyle Broflovski. No one else knows that part, though, secret kept between himself and his playlist of Britney songs. But one day, his music decides to stop playing quietly, and start blasting out of his head. Oh, baby, baby, how was he supposed to know?

Daywalkerpox | K2/Kysterion (Side Stendy & Creek) | E | TW: sexual content author: Zormikea THIS WAS THE FIC THAT MADE ME SHIP K2 EVEN FURTHER. I have to reread this fic because it's been a while but oh my god i could not stop reading it when i first saw it.. SUMMARY: It’s not love. It’s not affection. It must be a disease, then.

Kyle wonders if it’s curable. Kenny knows it isn’t. Peering Through Windows | K2, Cryle (Side Stendy) | E | TW: graphic depictions of violence, non-con, major character death, sexual content author: jwink85 PLEASE be super cautious going into this fic as it does include a lot of heavy topics and depictions of said warnings listed above. that being said, this was one of the first fics that i read coming back to the fandom (i found it through the animatic based off this fic LOL). personally i like it, i really enjoy the author's storytelling here and how she takes care of certain events happening in the fic. i get that this might not be everyone's cup of tea though! please note that craig here plays a heavy villain in this story and kyle is the victim of the villain in this story, so if they're one of your favorite characters and you don't want to see them this way i think it's best to avoid this one! SUMMARY: Kyle was so in love with the good doctor until he revealed himself to be a monster...by then, it was too late. Fell In Love with a Dead Boy | K2 | T | TW: None (character death but it's kenny's) author: spirograph I NEVER READ THIS ONE!! BUT MY FRIEND SAID THIS AS A RECOMMENDATION SO I'm going to put this down here for you! I hope you like it, anon! SUMMARY: In the 3rd grade Kenny dies for the first time. OKAY, I'll stop here. Let me know what you think when you read some of these, anon!!!!! if i had to suggest what to start off with first i'd suggest mysterion begins and/or daywalkerpox!!!!! two very very very good fics!!!!!!!! if i have anymore in mind, i'll reblog this with add ons!!!!!!!!!!! :DDD @herbietales and @allymumu helped me out with fic recs so if needed, you can ask them too!! <333

[silvercrane14]

Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War - two students are in love with eachother but refuse to "lose" and admit their feelings. Instead, they have increasingly convoluted plans to get the other to confess.

Okay I will admit. this Is a romance and also ive only seen the anime. So actually this would fall more under anime recs bcs the english dub voice acting is AMAZING. Anyway tho its a comedy that I really enjoy. Its about romance but like. Idk I dont read/watch romance often so I cant say "its not like the standard romance plot". But its less about them Falling In Love and more about them Overthinking Everything And Being Silly. ALSO !! tho it takes a bit, it does go into the characters a lot. Very centred on the characters relationships !! Not just romantically between the main two, but in general.

Why I think you would like it: similar in "vibe" to nozaki-kun. Funny!! But it has its moments of seriousness and it understands its characters well.

Mushishi - Eye Have Not Read This im sorry 🙏 i havent even seen the anime so I dont actually know much about it but ive been recced it so many times I figure I should pass it to you.

If u like Natsume's Book of Friends you'll enjoy this. Genuinely I think this is my strongest rec for you on this list even tho I've never seen it. I really do think u wld enjoy 👍

Insomniacs After School - IM REALLY SORRY I HAVENT READ THIS ONE EITHER. I HAVE IT KN GOOD AUTHORITY U WOULD LIKE IT I JUST CANT GUVE ANY DETAILS. BCS IDK REALLY.

"Two young teens who can't sleep find companionship with each other. They must learn to overcome any challenges and figure out what's important to them."

Why I think you would like it: Ive heard its similar to Skip to Loafer in a way!!

Girls Last Tour - Two young girls explore a post-apocolyptic wasteland. They go through abandoned buildings and old towns in their journey, battling solitude eith only eachother

This one is a little sad. More likeeee. Meloncholy, yk? I dont have much to say about it. Very good manga.

Why I think you would like it: The character relationship between the two girls seems like something you would enjoy.

Look Back - to be super honest its been over a year since I read this I dont fully remember what happens. Theres this girl wjo draws comics for her elementary school newsletter. Shes funny so every1 really likes her and her comics. at some point another comic appears, but its actually just four panels of background art. Its so beautifully drawn that the other students begin to fawn over it. Angry kver her loss of attention, the first girl goes to meet the girl making these new comics (The background girl doesnt go to school, she works at home). Thr end up becoming friends and the story shows how their friendship develops and changes, growing closer and growing further apart.

The manga is p short for. a manga but its actually just a Really Long oneshot. Its rlly good. not much else to say.

Why I think you would like it: Very similar to Blue Period. About art and how it reflects people. Also very strongly driven by the relationship between the two girls.

The Girl From The Other Side - ive been typing so much i really cant give a whole review on this. Similar to WHA. kinda. beautiful art. read it u will enjoy it

Kaguya-sama I watched the first two seasons of! Maybe I should read the manga too, I did think it was fun

Mushishi I watched maybe the first episode of, but I should definitely try again,,, I don't remember anything about it lol

I've read Insomniacs After School!!! I'm definitely not caught up though, and I've been planning on watching the anime,,,

Girls Last Tour I,,, might have seen? At least part of it a long time ago. I'll have to rewatch/read the manga

Look Back sounds really interesting,,, I'll check that one out!!!

I'm actually reading The Girl from the Other Side in Portuguese rn lol I have volumes 1-5 on my shelf

[emoboy07]

sorry to vent on main, but i dont wanna do it on discord bc i use that venting channel too much and i dont have any friends to vent to in dms so its going here. it got pretty long so i put it under the cut

so i had to quit my job recently bc of my sleep disorder (among a few other reasons but thats the main problem rn) and i do online school so the only time i ever really leave the house is for doctors appointments. i dont even really have any irl friends at this point bc the only one i had hasnt messaged me in like a month other than to respond to a tiktok i sent and i dont even know how to start a conversation if i tried to message them. we used to be so close several people literally thought we were dating. theyve been my only irl friend for like a year atp. i also havent really been on discord that much (outside of venting and occasionally going into chat to say hi) so i havent talked to my online friends a lot lately either. what im trying to say is i basically have no friends atm and no social interaction outside of family and the very few interactions ive had on tumblr. which for family is also less than usual bc of my fucked up sleep schedule, and im not out to them yet so they always misgender and deadname me. i literally just want a friend, preferably irl bc im not good at talking over text and i prefer actually hanging out with people over just talking over text. but i dont go anywhere and none of the people my age in my town would even be friends with me, as proven by the several years of public school that i went with at the most four friends, one of which i recently found out didnt even like me in the first place, she was just there for the other two people in that friend group. not to mention my literally non-existent love life, i havent dated anyone in my almost 18 years of life, it would be nice to have a bf. or honestly anyone atp im not even gonna be picky about it. but again, no one in my town has liked me enough to be my friend so looks like thats not happening anytime soon. and i probably wont be able to move out anytime soon bc of my health issues. i dont have a job rn and wont be able to at least until my sleep disorder is figured out bc i cant wake up to an alarm so i cant guarantee ill be awake to go to work at any given moment. i cant make appointments on my own unless i can do it online, i genuinely cannot do phone calls. and i cant drive bc of my sleep disorder, anxiety, and slow processing speed. i dont think ill ever be able to tbh. and there is very little public transport in or around my town so being able to drive is kind of a necessary thing if i were to live on my own. also i have at least one surgery coming up, probably more but idk if theyre going to want to do my other knee or not depending on whether they find anything wrong in this one and idk when ill be getting top surgery so i need someone who can take care of me for those. and i cant drive so if i wanted to do anything/had anything going on, it has to be scheduled at certain times so i can get a ride from either my mom or my brother. i dont even think my town has uber or anything, and even if it did i cant really afford that rn. and i live in a small town with absolutely nothing so if i want to do anything other than get overpriced groceries or go to a dollar store its at least a half hour drive

[figula]

another one in the "why my mum is endlessly worried im being abused" file -

she called me yesterday + talked to me for a long time about one of my old best friends and the situation sounds so grim i cant even fathom it and ive been thinking about it since

between 8-13 one of my closest friends was a girl called emma*

she was this tiny, sparky, zany little weirdo with a brain that was like - unrivalled, she was so smart, so gifted, so curious about everything

we kinda lost contact at some point bc we went to different high schools: she went to the local catholic school + i went to the local state school

her mother happens to be one of the most pre-eminent british harpists, and also my old piano teacher (small town sussex innit). for a quite funny ex of her status in the music sphere, ben was watching a youtube video about medieval instruments and i recognised the voice, looked up, and it was my old piano teacher?!?! anyway my mum's stayed friends w/ her all this time, going on 25y now i suppose

the story of emma goes as follows

at 18 she moved to london to work at a small online music publication. this was about 10y ago

she fairly quickly became involved with her boss - a man in his 30s, who had lived in london all his life

he seems to have money (my mum says emma's mum doesn't know where it comes from)

they stay together. i have no idea what happened in the interim really except that in the past few years they've bought a boat + have been travelling the world via boat. she has no job or income of any kind; he has all the money; they are both just like. on this boat at all times. if she wanted to leave i have no idea how she'd do it

all of this would be concerning but less horrifying if they did not have a FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER together. he is an extreme antivaxxer and anti-school etc so this girl has never been to school or had a single shot. she just lives with them on the boat. currently they're moored in zanzibar. there is no safety equipment on the boat so she just wanders around freely on top of the water. the closest thing to an education she gets is emma's mum talking to her on skype and trying to teach her basic letters + numbers

anyway basically: what the fuck!! i literally cant stop thinking about this - she was SO smart, so cool, so nice, so RATIONAL!! like what on EARTH happened in the interim?? idk which option is more disturbing out of the two options of her either being controlled entirely by this awful man or that she's bought into all the shit he's selling

[jellieclogs]

october media recap ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

i love music, movies, tv, podcasts, games, books, and more. here's a recap of things i watched in october 2023!!

music ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚

i've been really into more indie blues type music as autumn comes to a head, my playlist autumn girls this is for you has a bit more songs that i really associate with this season. anyway heres the list!

mitski - my love mine all mine

mitski - i'm your man

these two songs are phenomenal, as is mitski's album "the land is inhospitable and so are we" i actually wrote a brief analysis on my love mine all mine as a love song and breakup song. the feeling it invokes in me is second to none, what a beautiful song.

olivia rodrigo - lacy

sixpence none the richer - kiss me

jane remover - search party

searows - used to be friends

phoebe briders - moon song

iron & wine - flightless bird, american mouth

mazzy star - fade into you

sting - shape of my heart

yeule - software update

yeule - sulky baby

taylor swift - "slut!"

rachel chinouriri - maybe i'm lonely

emile mosseri - jacob and the stone

i actually listen to this song to fall asleep, but i can assure you that i also cry every time i watch those videos on the internet with this song playing in the background. it perfectly encapsulates a feeling of hope and loss. beautifully done. minari was a phenomenal as a (real) movie lover, i love when movies have tracks like this that so clearly stand out from the soundtrack and score.

movies 🎞️✮⋆˙

i haven't watched as many movies as i'd have liked in october, it has been an emotional month to say the least. but, now im on anti-depressants so our regularly scheduled slaying is back. movies will be rated a 1-5 star based on how much i enjoyed it! and NO NOT EVERY MOVIE IS FROM THIS YEAR OR EVEN THIS DECADE <3

talk to me (2022) ★★★★

pearl (2022) ★★★★

the invisible man (2020) ★★★★

child's play (1988) ★★★★

doctor sleep (2019) (fucking insanely good) ★★★★★

bodies bodies bodies (2022) (so camp??) ★★★

call me by your name (2017) ★★★★

silence of the lambs (1991) (this is a perfectly made film. argue with the wall!) ★★★★★

and thats about it, i genuinely have been too busy with school to watch as many films, still have not seen barbie or the fnaf movie because im so busy and too broke to go to the movies constantly LOL. however, i will say what my favorite youtube video topics are currently in my honorable mentions section!!

honorable mentions ˙˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡˚

my current fave youtubers or streamers :3

dead meat (james and chelsea constantly demonstrate a genuine love for horror and have recently been branching out to video games amidst the SAG strike! love them and their work so much, they have definitely made me into more of a horror movie buff)

wendigoon (i will listen to this man talk about anything, but he constantly raises the bar with how informed he is on topics. he just likes to talk abt weird shit and thats really neat idk)

supertf (ive been watching this guy for over 5 years he is still the funniest ow streamer out there sorry)

kyedae (she is rlly funny and even though valorant is boring to watch i watch her play mostly, however i LOVE when she does variety or horror its so funny how scared she gets)

jacksepticeye (watching him play spiderman 2 bc i don't own a ps5, BUT ALSO sean just has the best playthroughs of games like this. love his takes on the game!!)

mike's mic (olivia wilde nodding gif like if you get it you get it!)

games im playing right now :3

the sims 4 (do i need to explain this rlly... i have 2000 hours on sims... currently building a tiny town for the new expansion pack :3 pics here)

sun haven (started playing with my bf, feels like stardew valley with a bigger world and more things to do! i HATE the fishing mechanic. it is not for me babes)

valorant (playing occasionally as i am not very good, but i have alot of skins so yipee)

overwatch (i have 1600 hours in the game unfortunately. addiction is real guys)

fall guys (just recently started playing with my friends again, idk why anyone wouldnt want to play this its free and fun. theres a hatsune miku skin in the game like CMON)

genshin impact (im actually really invested in fontaine's story, if i had multiple hours a day to game i would do all the story quests and things but again, im so b u s y. still farming for arataki itto, pls come home)

bloons td6 (i've somehow racked up 60 hours on this game...its so fun...i love it...)

lastly, my october hyperfixation was...

horror movies and true crime!! i watched over 100 hours of movies, video essays, podcasts, and documentaries relating to horror and true crime. i'm officially burnt out of it though, so i will be back next month to once again happily share my interests!! byeee

- jane ⋆｡° ✮

[expensive-rainbows]

cw: SA, intrusive thoughts

ok so i know ive told yall some of this but idk how much ive told yall. so bassically three years ago there was this man who would hold the door for my bus since we always got there late so we would get locked out. keep in mind i know i shouldnt feel obligated to share what i was wearing but i cant help but feel that might be part of the reason why he targeted me. my favorite shirt was a sheer blue shirt that you could see my bra through if you looked close enough. this was during winter and i took my coat off on the bus since i didnt want to deal with it at school. he would ask me if i was a Eskimo (im mexican) and i would tell him no and keep walking. he had jolly ranchers and would give everyone some, but he gave me more than everyone else. he would give me double sometimes triple what everyone else got. i found it creepy so i never ate them, i just put them in my backpack and threw them out at the end of the year. everyday, when he held the door for me, and i watched how he treated everyone else and it was only me, he would take up more and more of the doorway everyday. like the first day he would take up a little, the next he would take up a little more, until he got to the point where he wasnt touching me (since im pretty sure its illegal) but that i knew he could if he wanted to. at the same time he would wait outside my fifth hour while we all waited in a line since my teacher went to the bathroom before class. he started by standing in the center of the hallway, and didnt leave until i made eye contact with him. everyday he got closer, until again he didnt touch me, but he was less than a foot away, and he had me cornered. i knew he could do whatever he wanted and no one would see. this lasted about two weeks and ended on december 16, 2023. I remember because it was a thursday and i was so happy the next day when he disappeared. idk if it was just this or something else that ive blocked out, but im terrified of men. like just in general. its been three years and i cant look my band teacher in the eye. ive had him for three years. i couldnt hug my dad for the first three months. my dad is one of the nicest people ive ever met. i know he would never knowingly take advantage of someone. i cant talk to my english teacher alone, i need my friend to go with me to ask to go to the bathroom. but dont worry this is a happy story. so sorry but im gonna give yall even more context. so my school take all the music kids of my grade to a like smaller amusement park, which isnt near us, its a good drive to get there. its kind of a big deal. plus we have one in our town, but its a lot smaller than the one we went to. so anyway the trip was today, and the band group took a picture together. i was in the back row, and idk if the guys in front of me knew i was there or how close i was to them but i was pretty close. like i could see the creases on the back of one of their necks. i could smell him. (he had some sort of cologne on, not axe body spray but close) but i didnt freak out or anything. like i noticed, but i didnt go home and have a panic attack or anything, i wasnt convinced that he was gonna r@pe me, nothing. i was fine. do you have any idea how long its been since i could say that. since i could say that i was fine and mean it. i didnt have a panic attack, didnt hurt myself (i did break my streak a little big ago, but thats because since were at the end of the school year im very sleep deprived and i have exams and i started working plus taekwondo so im busy and tired. and when im tired i take everything personally) its been three years since i could say i was fine and truly mean it. i still get a little weird around guys/men, but its getting better. now its only physical proximity, i can look them in the face! i know this probably sounds sad but im honestly happy. also quick question.

[rexaleph]

Ohhhhh my god. I have always been me!!! Throwback style vulnerabilityposting

This severe breakdown started (or became unmanagable) when i tried to quit my job earlier this year and it didnt work out. like last time 10 years ago!!! When i tried to transition and the psych i went to couldnt help me and then etc.

i had one idea for how to fix everything and save myself and when it didnt happen i fell apart!!

And like, im much more functional now. ive done everything i could, made good choices, kept up w work but basically deprioritized it, i took care of myself physically, i reached out, made local friends, tried dating, went to a therapist (they said im outside of their competence and need psychiatry/medication - but i have horrific health anxiety and am very scared of psych drugs), reconnected w my family, stopped drinking, made art, took a trip. Instead of hiding in my room for 4 months while everything slipped away and then attempting suicide like i did at 19. (Also made some insane decisions and spent 1/3 of my savings. But all in trying to help myself!) (I did occasionally think back on back rhen and wonder if what i have now is worse than then, but did not draw conclusions on the situation overall)

And the problem then and now ofc is the need for fixing everything and saving myself, finding life as is unbearable! and all the good mental health moves ive made were targeted towards creating a liveable life but i just kept getting worse. Im basically never not crying w terror these days. And what fixed it then was finding another way towards transition and working towards that (slowly and painfully and terrifiedly!) (years long climb out of the abyss!) (I am maybe not in the abyss rn!) I didnt know how to try again right away!!

Like this morning i was like hm, what if i applied for jobs again. (Bc basically seems like my defence got pushed back again, or actually my boss said sth dumb that suggests he sees me sticking around and doesnt realize im not at my limit, i am beyond it, if im meant to finish my thesis i need at least a month off, maybe a whole sabbatical,maybe psychiatric care) And then had this entire epiphany. And i gotta bring lunch to my grandparents across town and like support and take care of them, then go see my parents, whom ive missed and waited for desperately, and now ofc i am contemplating moves they will uh not approve of lmao. Ive been getting ready to have a breakdown in front of them and like ask for a hug bc we havent touched each other in years, and idk if i need that anymore.

Anyway yeah, what does that do to the terror? Idk.

[artisticmenace]

PROSHIPPERS DNI I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!

Other DNIs below.

im approachable and you should talk to me. cue hypnosis. on or off anon. you can literally never talk to me again if you wanted. this is the internet and idk who you are or where you live ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello, dear friends and accociates. Welcome to the normal info section.

hiii. I'm tabs. I'm suuuper gay(asexual panromantic). I'm also an artist. Any scorn or prejudice will be promptly ignored. Criticism will be looked over as long as its constructive.

profile picture forever and always by me. unless this message changes in which im not using my own art as a pfp anymore.

fun facts:

im not a stoner but a lot of people think i am

i <3 maximalism and i want to be cecil palmer

in an ideal world i would be a clown

Status:

dude i AM the stress ball

About me:

I have a bunch of OCs, and I'm writing so many (unfinished)books... Yeah, that's right. I like to suffer and die creatively TWICE!! I can not be helped. I'm just goofy like that sometimes. I hate most non canon ships for fandoms im in, but I'll probably just go "ew" and leave you alone(depends on the ship, really). I haven't been tested for autism or ADHD but enough things line up, so I'm like 80% sure. The 20% is self-doubt. I like to dress fancy, and my general look is deep woods cottagecore that has recently drank from the lake of maximalism. You won't see pictures of me, probably, because my room is NOT clean. Sometimes, I vent on here, but that's because I am the only demographic this blog needs. I love you, too, but your feelings are only being considered a little bit. I use tone tags every now and then if I feel I would be misunderstood. On that note, I am more likely to ignore or ask for clarification if you say something rancid or silly than get on your ass about it.

Those Days:

I'm gonna be making a comic called Those Days about a small town old gay couple, Scott and Rodney, telling their life's story. They've been friends since their sophomore year in high school, and they've seen a lot. Scott was a punk, to say the least.

For the actual comic, you'll need to thosedayscomic, the blog I made for the comic.

^^ I'm currently working on the first issue. I do have lots of art of them though.

Tags for my comic:

those days, those days comic. also any character names first and last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Current Fixations:

Camp Here and There (Waiting for S2)

Welcome to Night Vale (all caught up)

The Magnus Archives (help)

The Magnus Protocol (screaming)

Good Omens (wkealt. wbotpfalt.)

Gravity Falls (fan for a while and now ive read through the book of bill. cryifn)

What's Currently Crippling:

good omens is going to kill me. i will never be able to think of anything else what the hell

Also:

I love interaction! I will always discuss my interests, and l o r e when asked. In other words, PLEASE TALK TO ME !!!

If you want to use my art for your pfp go ahead, just credit me.

Don't repost my art. Please and thankies.

i use ibispaintx btw and i watch the ads for my brushes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Art Requests/Asks: Open!!

Art Trades: Open!!

DMs: Open(as long as you arent a creep or an asshole obviously)

(cant do commissions because the world hates me but dont be shy to trade me. not particular on what i get back as long as i made someone happy. cause it feels amazing to see something i did made someone happy)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DNI LIST because I'm a little hater:

proshippers (what the fuck. what the actual fuck. fictional or not.)

active members of the hazbin/helluva fandom(if i am reminded of that shitshow when you interact with my page UTAFSHBDBDBDJNSJAGAHAOSHHAGA)

racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, etc

pro-israel.

18+ blogs (a whole minor)

those problematic "sexualities" (ex. super straight, MAP, zoosexual)(also RCTA what the fuck)

people who fake disabilities/mental illness

people who actively misuse words that describe mental illnesses even though they are well informed about that sort of thing

those fucking people who ruin pretty houses and antique furniture and old clothing. fuck you.

people who write smut about canonically sex repulsed asexual characters(jonathan sims) and just people who decide they dgaf about anything like that. bi-erasure, aro-erasure. anything erasure. i hope youre having a terrible day.

sydelijah shippers get out.

(this one is unserious) people who dont deadname twitter

PRO HOA YOU DONT EVEN BELONG ON TUMBLR FUCK YOU I HOPE MY FUTURE SOMEWHAT UNATTAINABLE MAXIMALIST HOME PISSES ON YOUR BABY

people who are mean to me. i havent had any yet but just in case. if you disagree with my take, thats ok bc you arent the demographic for my blog. I AM!!!! /silly srs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's my sick tags:

artisticmenace - anything that is a post by me

menaceartisticity - art and art related things

themenaceuseswords- text posts. i say shit sometimes.

themenacerants - my new tag for when i lose my shit

menaceencouragement - words of solace and encouragement from me

menacepoetry - poetry/songs yeah. probably sad stuff cause im miserable sometimes

menacescrawling - writing. oh buddy boy.

menacemusicality - im a choir kid what do you want from me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you, I love you.

going to collect these things because why not

credits, top to bottom:

butterscotch-goat

cowboyinternist (2)

[forsakenmissives]

just need to work this all out

ok so im unemployed fresh college grad atm and ive got job apps sent in and even an interview lined up but that interview is in the town my dad is in so im staying with my dad but in the time ive spent waiting for that date ive been with an employment agency but the job that place sent me to was the absolute worst and my mental health has plummeted to the point that i’m getting physically sick both bc of the job and bc i feel like i have to keep looking over my shoulder with my dad right there.

i skipped work saturday and today which is insanely immature but i cant think im struggling to sleep and eat bc of this and today i emailed the agency saying i wish to end our agreement. they said they wished i gave a notice (tbf i thought i had when i was like “i’m moving away” on saturday.. but whatever. actually not whatever — that shouldntve been discounted and im not entirely at fault here) but that they wish me the best and i said thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

earlier last week when i told dad this job is really bad for me he told me to stay working there until i get another job secured. i did not do that and now im terrified of telling him that i quit bc i dont know what hes going to do plus i dont want to talk about it with him i just want to be left alone

also this interview ive got lined up is for a really great company however i dread working there bc that means i have to stay with dad. i want to go back to where i used to live. also i dont like that one of the high up workers there is friends with my dad. being a nepo baby is great unless the nepo comes from my dad. i dont trust him to not keep tabs on me and i dont want him knowing what ive been doing or where ive been. not that im doing anything illegal i just want him to fuck off, yknow?

all of this leads back to the problem ive always had in that hes a huge control freak who needs to know everything going on in my life and i cant escape. my mom got out through the divorce but im still stuck here and i cant leave either bc even if i cant breathe with him and his wife and their kids i love my paternal grandparents and aunt and uncle. im just so paranoid and anxious and i feel like i cant breathe

im so sick of disappointing people but also the stuff my dad is proud of me about is stuff im not that proud of. its like i just cant win with him.

oh and paranoia aside i dont want to owe him anything bc he used to ignore me for months despite me calling and messaging him constantly (to the point that my mom was like “do you even love me? do you even want to be here do you even care?”) when he took me out for dinner one of the times he decided to acknowledge me he said he’d pay for a field trip (past the time the fee was due so i had to get special permission from the teacher) then the next week he said i only talk to him when i need money so actually no hes not giving me anything. WHAT. and then a couple years later he was like “i never got to be your parent you never let me be your dad :(“ and when i was like “why” he was like “i had to always go have fun with you instead of discipline you bc i didnt want our time together to be all sad and me getting mad at you” like again. WHAT.

he said that bc i was like “i was rly hurt when you said i only come to u for money bc i reached out to u a lot and u never replied”. so. idk what to do with that but i still dont rly understand the argument from him here. but yeah i was like rly hurt and then he started crying talking about how he never got to be my dad even tho i was like 19 when this convo happened so he had 19 years to try and didnt and its rly unfair that im supposed to feel guilty for denying him this even tho i was the child and he had total control he could decide what to do with me and he chose wrong and now hes taking it out on me here in this restaurant. ok.

its so fucked cuz now im like so was i doing something wrong all those times we were tgt? like idk im just scared around him bc i dont ever know if im doing something wrong bc he wont tell me or maybe he will or maybe he . idk i just cant sit still yknow?

also his wife is racist and ive got to deal with microaggressions from her. and hes a pastor

anyway i just needed to get that all out there to feel a bit less crazy. thank you for coming to my ted talk ✌️😗

OH YEAH. and he makes me feel stupid all the fucking time like i dont need a job right now. i Should get one but i dont have a mortgage im not buying groceries i dont need to pay for insurance I DONT NEED A JOB. but he told me to stay in this shitass job bc i need it. dude it had me out in the sun all day (ALL DAY) paying $10/hr and had me coming home genuinely thinking about killing myself. not even bc of the physical labor but bc it was so under-stimulating like i was in my head all day no music no interesting surroundings no conversation nothing for me to solve. and he was all like “well sometimes we have to do work that we don’t like” YEAH I FUCKING KNOW DICKHEAD. my mom said he talked like that to her too and also apparently ok not to brag bc im fr not but im rly smart like im fucking brilliant and my dad always acted like it was bc of him but my mom’s other kids are also brill while my dad’s other kids are… theyre sweet kids and intelligence isnt everything im aware i know but its like “really dickhead?” i just hate how he belittles u and talks like ur dumb. im not dumb. dont piss me off