#idk im just not having a good day mood wise

[savethepinecones]

my latest mental health update is that i consistently dont have the energy to make food so i kinda just dont eat mostly. its not great

[iknowshocker]

https://www.tumblr.com/nikkiruncks/745434559698567168/send-me-a-character-and-ill-do-this

Kai <3

hii!! ahh you know i love to yap about my boy lets go:

Sexuality Headcanon:

i'm of the general opinion that he's only ever truly sexual/romantically interested in Bon-Bon so take from that what you will lol

Gender Headcanon:

cis he/him - but i can imagine he's not super pressed about things like painting his nails. like he'd be the girl dad (or fun uncle) that lets them put bows in his hair and play around with makeup. he was a teenager in the late 80s so while i do love the way they dress him most of the time I would have done more in the 90s flashbacks personally - (lemme know if you want to see the mood board for my kai inspired MMC i had so much fun building their wardrobes since its set in 2000 lol)

A ship I have with said character:

Bonkai all day every day there is not another option for me i fear. They truly mean so much to me and out of all the relationship fumbles in TVD they're the biggest to me. I personally didn't want kai to 'redeem' himself for her - i just wanted them moving forward together.

A BROTP I have with said character:

my true favorite here is jokai - i wish we'd had more time with their fun twin banter and seeing them grow back into their obvious bond

there's also a lot of lost potential with liv because of the veryyy obvious similarities she has with kai personality wise.

listen, i didn't hate kai and damon together in s8 (it's just annoying that he spends nearly all of his time with him negating the fact that he should be pissed damon killed him to begin with??) but i do think they've got fun friendship potential.

i just know ric and kai would have gotten along if we'd had more time to force them together - the twins have too much in common for ric to not soften to him, not to mention they're technically around the same age themselves lmao

most of the modern fics i've read put him in friend groups with jeremy and that makes a lot of sense to me

A NOTP I have with said character:

kai x katherine makes little to no sense to me and it drives me up the wall that they put it in s8, even as a throw away line. katherine canonically only ever falls for 'good guys' so putting her with kai felt so silly ?? like julie sweetie are you suddenly saying he IS good ??

A random headcanon:

considering how many i have this was the hardest question to do lol idk why ?? i just couldn't decide 😂 but im gonna go with: his favorite sabbat is probably Lughnasadh since it's one of our biggest harvest festivals, but i do think he's a fall boy so samhain/mabon are probably up there for him as well. lots of focus on cooking/baking/the ancestors around that time so catch him getting sad around the old family cookbooks lol

General Opinion over said character:

he's quite literally everything to me lol i binged s1-s6 for the first time in like 2016 and then it legit took me two years to go back and rewatch/finish because i was so deeply annoyed that they'd wiped out not only kai but the whole gemini coven that i just stopped caring. (I finally gave in because I wanted to know what happened to Bonnie and boyyy was I even more disappointed)

I just find him to be incredibly compelling and the entire parker family/gemini coven live in my head rent free. the complex dynamics between them, the rules of the coven itself, the idea that maybe there's a curse involved and the siphons represent something bigger with the spirits - it's just all so cool and i wish they'd gone deeper into the lore and finished it properly. which is why i wrote my book lol

[bluelizze]

Honkai Star Rail x Diabolik Lovers

Why not just combine one of my fav games to play and one of the earliest franchise i got into one whole AU

i think Azusa’s gameplay would be pretty similar like Blade. Yk when he loses HP but retains them over time? That’s Azusa

I was working on an OC who reminded me of a manga called Sachiiro no One Room and omg hands down, ABSOLUTE CINEMA. Lil warning that it covers a lot of heavy and dark topics but I RECOMMEND READING IT BC ITS SO GOOD TRUST ME. I binged it all in one night and I basically got emotional damage from it so I spent a few days trying to recover from it (it doesn’t helped that I binge it on a rainy day but whatever it sets the mood)

A lil bonus under cut of which element and path i think fits for the cast

Yui Komori - physical? + harmony

Honestly i have no idea what her element should be. I think Yui would be kinda like the trailblazer where she can switch elements and paths?

Idk why but i can see her gameplay as Firefly. And let’s be honest, i think she would look cute in firefly’s clothes

Sakamaki

Shu - imaginary + nihility

Idk why or how but I feel like it’s bc of music

Reiji - quantum + harmony

I can see reiji’s gameplay similar to Dr. Raito

Ayato - fire + hunt

Very basic but idk it’s fits

Kanato - ice + destruction

Literally an unpredictable storm of mood swings. also i think path wise, it goes well bc it’s like the opposite of Azusa and we all know they are canon rival to each other

Laito - Wind + Nihility

fun fact: Sampo who is also wind and nihility shared the same JP VA with Laito so in a way, sampo is sorta laito in another universe

Subaru - physical + descrution

gameplay inspo: i think moze fits

Mukami

Ruki - quantum + harmony

gameplay inspo:

Kou - lighting + erudition

gameplay inspo: mix of several and robin (but i mostly see serval)

Yuma - Fire + preservation

gameplay inspo: Gallagher

Originally had him as destruction but i honestly find preservation bit a little better?

im sorry im too lazy to do tsuinami brothers and kino so yall can think of whatever you think fits them best. (i just know that shin's path is the hunt and kino might be imgainary)

Lil extra: my other OCs

Koharu Sakuma - physical + erudition

Tanami Kato - wind + hunt

gameplay inspo: similar like bronya

Kai - imaginary + harmony

gameplay inspo: robin

[t00nyah]

t00nyah explaining project moon without actually explaining project moon

after posting lcb trigger warning i wanted to do this

or

me explaining project moon in the shortest way possible except its goofy af bc im eepy and lazy but im in a desperately talkative mood (i post mostly about limbus company since it came out cmon)

what the fuck is projmoon:

project moon is the coolest ever indie game development team we love them; they've made three games so far, also have an unfinished novel, a...idk, just another novel that was initially a comic but im a hater (im sorry(not)), and another comic

they've been doing it for like 7 years almost and still have no idea what optimization is but its okay we love them

there's a lot of killing and just amoral guys in general who can and will kill thousands. its THE 'your meow meow killed thousands of people' 'and they looked good doing it!' universe. everyone is fucked up there guys. but UMMM thats kinda the appeal

so the games! we all here are gamerzzz!

LC

it all started 6 years ago, when lobotomy corporation released in early access and my gf was like hey look what i found

lobotomy corp is a game where you're a manager in a big company, L corp, and you have to get your guys, employees(lucky ones who got the job) to work with abnormalities(fucked up creatures) so they would generate enkephalin, a big energy resource

except your guys will probably die when you're already so attached to them so you just restart the day each time this happens

theres like a maaassive plot, it is the beginning of literally everything, like some stuff still haunts us in limbus company (looking at a particular individual) and there are more characters that you'll fucking love(sephirahs) and then learn their fucked up story (and then learn your fucked up story and not be happy about it)

ah yes while im on it theres no actual self incert in project moon games im sorry but every character IS a character

gameplay-wise you just have to organize your guys, give them equipment, assign them to a job, make them suffer and struggle to suppress abnormalities if they try to make a mess(kill everyone) and do hard tasks your besties make you do

LoR

later, in like 2018 i think, they almost immediately after full release of LC announced a sequel, library of ruina

library of ruina is a game that continues the story(duh) and i can't tell you much about it without spoiling lob corp too, but in this one you have to USE BRAIN like A LOT because its a STRATEGY CARD GAME

in this one you dont even have a character you play as, you just follow the characters' on their journey. but dw! you'll get your own customizable guys to adore here too!

basically in this game the characters from LC and your guys are called librarians and you have to greet guests of the library, that were specifically invited there and /tp-ed, basically fighting them. every battle has its own story and eventually it branches off into four arcs and oh gott i love library of ruina a'right you meet characters for like one story and then have to fight them knowing their issues and how life fucked them over enough to get there</3

gameplay-wise you build cool decks from cards of those you've killed for your guys, pick guys for fight and then pick cards. simple. i think. not so simple in game but i simplified it

there's also a lot of amazing lore drops, bc in LC we were kinda isolated and focused on the corporation, but in LoR? we get to see all kinda of people of The City, we learn about The City, we learn about factions and all, we get all the lore we missed by being stuck in that manager chair

LCB

okay and now we're here. limbus my fucking company.

limbus company was, again, announced almost immediately after LoR's full release(PM are CRAZY), and released february 27 of this year, and already has more story in word count than lor does or so i've heard...

limbus company is pm's first mobile game(but dw there is a steam release if you're more of a pc person or your phone will explode if you try to install it(and it will)) and their first...(behold) gacha game. yep. but no dont get scared it actually has the best gacha system ever known to men

they've also tried to make it enjoyable without getting into previous games but to me it doesnt feel right i dunno i feel like it's just not that cool without knowing the context and going insane screaming at carmen or connecting the dots, also like the events of LCB are all connected to LC and LoR, so ummm if you try to get into limbus without at least learning what the other games contain be ready i'll personally explode you

in this game you basically play as dante(they/them for the sake of mysteriousness of 'who TF they are') and you have 12 deranged guys named the sinners who are ALL BASED OFF FUCKING CLASSIC LITERATURE did you fucking know pm are fucking literacy nerds and cant have a game without book references without exploding??? well they are.

so the characters (IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED) are:

1. gregor (metamorphosis, franz kafka)

2. rodion (crime and punishment, fyodor dostoyevsky)

3. (emil) sinclair (demian, hermann hesse)

4. yi sang (the wings, yi sang (kim hae-gyeong))

5. ishmael (moby dick, herman melville)

6. heathcliff (wuthering heights, emily bronte)

7. don quixote (don quixote, miguel de cervantes)

8. hong lu (dream of the red chamber, cao xueqin)

9. ryoshu (hell screen, ryunosuke akutagawa)

10. meursault (the stranger, albert camus)

11. outis (the odyssey, homer)

12. faust (faust, johann wolfgang von goethe)

also don't forget dante is based on the divine comedy by dante alighieri!

also dante DOESNT FUCKING KNOW SHIT. faust seems to know all shit and never tell dante.

i mentioned it being a gacha game. so like. you dont pull characters. instead you pull the initial deranged guys' alternative versions where they end up on another job like cult leader or a terrorist idk

the best part? you dont necessarily have to get them from gacha in most cases, you can get special currency, ego shards, to get whatever you want separately. also pm added ideality that you get from unfortunate pulls that you can spend on the special identity from the banner. but tbh i think its way easier to get the shards needed than pull that much, not really worth it

gameplay-wise? well. you have to basically just choose your guys' identities(those alt versions, they use them in fights to be stronger), choose their skills, a little similar to ruina (except TBH lcb lets you fuck around and put it on auto until it doesnt really work out (please dont autoplay with r corp ishmael or at least check what they're doing you silly goop they might do friendly fire if you're stupid enough)). the game consists of cantos, chapters that tell you a separate story of a sinner(in the order i gave earlier, not everyone knows that), that have story-episodes(cool ones), story-and-fight-then-episodes(epic ones), and sometimes just-fight-episodes(who the fuck thought those are a good idea?). and in the end of a canto there's always a dungeon. honestly, first two cantos are easy enough to just learn basics yourself, im rambling at this point

there's also hellish grind options and paid stuff like battle pass with the coolest perks ever

also LoR and LCB have mili songs, which is fucking cool, they're such bangers. no no projmoon games' ost in general. just fuckign bangers my guys and i mean it.

well that was fun and games. like i mentioned theres also:

Distortion Detective

im such a fucking fan of this unfinished novel, im so upset they abandoned it </3 pm did say they're probably going to rework it as a game or smth later but in my opinion it just loses its charm if its not a novel

distortion detective ... i cant explain it without spoilers to the games but its basically about moses, the distortion detective, who solves distortions which are like uhhmmm... people turning into some funky shit(that expresses their feelings). and she has a parthner named ezra. they're both poor traumatized women. and stuff happens. thats all i can say without spoiling everything. you learn a lot about the distortion phenomenon from moses' perspective.

WonderLab

wonderlab is a comic made by artist mimi, that follows taii, rose and catt. its about another lobotomy corp branch that actually introduces us to the concept of abnormality aberrations (slightly similar but different abnormalities like we have a little red riding hooded mercenary's(do you remember me mentioning pm being literacy nerds?) team fortress blue team version or whatever) that is used in limbus quite a lot so we old people from LC can be like 'heehehehe this is like like snow white's apple's aberration, so funny, reminds me of good ol' days...'

Leviathan

my main enemy. initially it was a comic, but i think they had to stop working with the artist for some reason and continue it as a novel instead.

issue?

i didnt read it. im so sorry i failed you. but i cant. first vergilius, main character, is ugly AS FUCK and he's STUPID i hate his guts. BUT OH DEAR LORD HE APPEARS IN LIMBUS COMPANY AND I HATE HIM EVEN MORE. AND NOT JUST APPEARS, HE'S THE GUIDE OF THE BUS, HE'S KINDA ALWAYS THERE. I HATE HIS GUTS. oh hey lap-- charon, no, you're good, you're amazing, vroom-vroom, yes, right, you're so right.

i'm pretty sure it has A LOT of important context for some stuff in LCB but i just CAN'T MAKE MYSELF TOUCH IT. please read leviathan for me.

i'm sorry it turned into a looong ramble but here's t00nyah's awful brief guide to project moon. in case you want to know about world-building or the story in particular...i'm always here to dm me. please do. i really love telling people about project moon. there's just a lot to unpack.

edit. okay apparently it was easy to misinterpret my leviathan commentary so im putting this here for the sake of clearing the confusions for future!! tl;dr: i know it wasn't continued as a comic for REASONS, it's OBVIOUS!! and yes, leviathan is important, i just can't make myself read it therefore don't have enough knowledge to write about it(cool idea: write your own post about leviathan if you're seeing this and are enthusiastic about it! i just won't.), i still don't like vergilius, it's just a me-thing. DO read leviathan if you're interested</3

edit2. after thinking for a while, decided to add this just in case: i was given a summary of leviathan! well. it IS something. (opinion on vergilius hasn't changed much sorry not sorry, still a me-thing.) but yeah 👍 all good 👍 still not liking it much, mayhaps because i couldn't read it myself, but. it can be found here in the comment section.

[yeahiwasintheshit]

watched 'a quiet place day one' last night and always have to give it up for lupita, she always delivers. shes so compelling, and those big eyes say everything and just take you thru an almost silent movie, but damn if this shit wasnt dumb and irritating... story wise. welll... no, the overall story was fine, but the dumb little moments just were so goddamn stupid, it kinda annoyed me. but i didnt hate the movie. lol i dont know if that makes sense, but it was kind of fun watch in parts, eventho some of the little things were really ridiculous. like the fuckin cat. ohmyfuckingaaaawwwddd. just... why.... why would you even... ugh... like it was sooo unreal, and made no sense to ANYONE who has ever had or been around a cat. like the moment some crazy shit is going down ALL CATS are gonna go and hide in some safe spot, not track you down in a sea of people... was it by scent??? was that what they were hinting at??? like what??? idk i audibly groaned. it was so schmaltzy and dumb it kinda killed the mood of the whole thing. it would have been more believable with a dog, like a dog would do that. a dog would also have accepted and even swam in a fuckin sewer. we are just supposed to believe this cat was like yea sure, im not only confined in this tote bag, but youre gonna push my head under water for minutes on end... sure. NO! BAD MOVIE! NO! lol ok ok i shit on the stuff i didnt like enough, but i thought the story wasnt bad, it was different and compelling enough. lupitas has cancer, and is on a day trip into nyc and this invasion happens, she doesnt have her meds and has basically resigned herself that she just wants to die in her hometown of harlem, which she has to walk to. at first i was like *eyeroll* cause all she said was she wanted to get pizza, or whatever, like right in the middle of this crazy alien shit happening, she wants pizza? but that part of the story i thought worked as it went on. you understood what she wanted to do, and it was grim but made sense. so her character and her motivations were well defined, and she was good in the role. which makes all the dumb little things, like the guy going after the cat in a nest of those aliens things, the reason for the yellow coat, the photo at the end, and just the schmaltzy realization crap that make your eyes roll like a slot machine.

[chemicalcarousel]

just finished watching that 2 hr colin ross lecture about DID and it was so good. i had no idea schizophrenia used to encompass DID when it was coined, but it makes so much sense with the name "split mind" and why people mix them up all the time and also why we were suspected to be psychotic at first. it's just scary that modern psychiatrists still can't tell the difference. we really recognised the struggle of "not fitting in any diagnostic box" (what multiple doctors have told us) because our symptoms seem kinda psychotic at first glance if you don't know much about traumatology

it's really wild hearing someone describe a patient with DID and relating so much to it, when you're used to being told by doctors in your life that you're such a weird case and maybe you have thing unique disorder that hasn't been described in literature yet. it's scary because DID is so common compared to what doctors suspect. i have very clear symptoms of being traumatised, i openly tell them i have complex childhood trauma, yet they think i can't have a trauma disorder or at most they might say bpd. i'm so obviously fragmented!! there's a reason i was all over the place symptom-wise when i was hospitalised for depression!!! some days i seemed not depressed and other days i almost killed myself because i'm dissociative!! like i didn't know back then either, but doctors should have noticed. they should have screened me for dissociative symptoms!!! they should do that with all patients, especially when they are fucking hospitalised!!!

i have switched to child alters in front of my psychologist before and she just wanted to see me "do that voice again" while i was so fucking scared because i didn't know what was going on. i know she probably said it to see if it was voluntary that i could change my voice, but it felt so humiliating and like i was a circus freak the way she asked. like she already knew it wasn't voluntary and it was a response to being triggered in therapy because we talked about my childhood trauma!!! she'd said she knew it was an automatic reaction i had to being triggered, still she said i didn't have "real flashbacks" so i didn't have ptsd and it was all just bipolar, which it turns out i don't even have!!!! lol she ended up giving up on me and passing me on to some other therapist, but man... she made me almost kms so many times lol i know she didn't mean to, but she was so fucking bad at her job imho

it was so fucking funny to have entered the clinic in 2018 with my own personal suspicious being that i have cptsd, then getting told no i don't until late 2023 where my 2nd therapist asks me if i know about cptsd and that i seem to have it BITCH I KNOW LMFAO I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS BUT YALL GASLIGHTED ME INTO THINKING I COULDN'T HAVE IT AND TOLD ME I WAS PSYCHOTIC AND NEEDED ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MOOD STABILIZERS AND DIDN'T LISTEN WHEN NONE OF IT WORKED!!!!!

man.... and now im waiting like 69 weeks for my next psychiatrist bc i gave up on that shit clinic, who didn't want to transfer me to their trauma department because i didn't have war or service related trauma..... even though i found out they also treat other cases than that............ this system is a fucking joke. also the 69 weeks is not for a specialist, this was just the quickest i can see a psychiatrist without trying to kms and being involuntarily hospitalised. i'm just gonna see some normal psychiatrist and idk if she even believes in DID bc i didn't get to talk with her, only her secretary. so maybe when that year and three months have passed i find out she only knows how to diagnose anxiety and depression <333 or maybe she's homophobic or transphobic, bc that's something i've also experienced! <3333333

man.... i was brutally abused by my family and neglected by the system since before i was born and now im just.... stuck here with an illness there's a cure for, but with no access to it!!!! and it's not like i haven't tried getting help - i've been in and out of psych treatment from age 14-27!!! i've read up on shit myself bc here doctors just say "idk take this pill and stfu, hysteric woman" like i've been misdiagnosed so many times now.... at least im almost off all of my psych meds now! like they are good for some, but i was literally just fed pills for shit i didn't have and when i wasn't feeling better, they just upped the dose and told me i'd be more unstable without it when this doctor had never seen me without it and i've been on it for like a decade, still super unstable <3

long rant/vent lol but idk man it's just nice getting some of this out of my system

[actualbird]

Why bother w/ grad school? Tbh I think ur doing pretty well as it is. Idk u irl but ur blog makes me happy and ur fics are 🔥🔥🔥

Maybe ur already a good boy. Pat pat.

me reading this ask:

thank you for the kind words, anon :((((( im glad this blog can bring some joy into ur day and that u like my fics, im in a weird fragile mood today so this is genuinely making me emotional like wAAHH?? THINGS I MAKE, GOOD? GOOD???? //figurative tail wagging

as to why i bother thinking about grad school, i actually....for a long time, that was my dream actually. i come from a family of academics. my mother has a phd and is a professor, my older brother got his master's degree this year and is working towards his doctorate already. i guess for the longest time, ive seen grad school as the Marker Of Having Your Shit Together, since my mom and my brother are the most Have Their Shit Together people i know. but i do love learning. i miss it. but i also know that learning doesnt just only happen in grad school. idk, im just at a weird portion in my life where im, career-wise, stable enough to start making goals for myself. and my goal before was always getting a master's degree (and then possibly teaching) but now im not so sure about it anymore. it's weird being in a part of your life where you realize you can want things now, but not knowing what you want or even how to want in the first place.

it's. weird. being an adult is weird. im over here on tumblr dot com talking about blorbo but also having mild existential crises over where my life is going.

im 24, man. i need to go somewhere with my life. somewhere good, ideally. somewhere where i can take solace in the fact that im doing good, and enjoying it.

//sniffles

ANYHOO, thank you for the ask, and for the headpats ;-; maybe i am a good boy. maybe. hopefully

[toxooz]

bro i feel so bad for you having to work so soon after getting your wisdom teeth out :( i hope you don't have to talk to many people at your job otherwise you'll probably be fuckin McDead by the end of your shift

may your recovery be swift and completely uncomplicated and may we all witness the total death of capitalism sometime this year <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

THANK YOU honestly feel like week old road kill lmfao but luckily i dont gotta worry abt work today bc we finished the job yesterday otherwise i would've had to work today too which would've SUCKED but its mainly heavy lifting and trying to yell over i n d u s t r i a l n o i s e s is the issue but thank god its over now cause i got the next 3 days off bc of holiday😭 had a headache that felt like baboons mercilessly beating my head in my sleep for 2 days from having to push myself while having little to eat bc my appetites' been shot (i think bc of the meds tbh??) ive been trying to be on granny mode and eat a little here n there and sleep 👍 hell even just abt everyone in my life is already expecting me to go to all these stupid plans like picnics and parties and SWIMMING??? idk how many fukkin times I've had to tell them i can even eat anything 'real', i caint smoke or drink soda or do anything physically straining bc bitch im tired and weak and quite frankly not in the fukkin mood!!! but they're still just like 'oh yeah i forgot :( anyway so you wanna do this this n this??? :)'' and im justtttt

like literally all i want is to be left tf alone for like 2 weeks that's all i need!! and ppl are already on my ass after not even 2 days of getting that damn surgery unbelievable its just frustrating the level of 'i dont Actually care abt u or your health' vibes that im getting maybe im just a cranky bitch cause im hungri and looped up from pills but DAMN ppl Gotta leave me alone and let me simmer in my cave in peace it ain't that hard but ANYWAY today I'm stayin home and doin what i want (probably for the next 3 days honestly im pointing a shotgun at anyone who dares drag me outa my apt lmfao) and relaxing so todays a pretty good day lmfao BUT thank u for your concern!!!! I'm doin alright recovery wise everything seems to be healing decently aside from my dumbass gnashing my teeth in my sleep lmfao the swelling is going down and the pain is just a dull ache tbh so aside from the bitchin im doin good! 😂

[omg-itscallumilott]

KATYA HI PLS HELP

Okay so since you are a college student, I'm going to rant to you about my college related worries because OH MY GOD this is such a confusing and hectic and cry-ey time

So basically in my country, admissions to the best colleges for engineering are done by considering the scores and national level ranks of students, and only those scores. I scored good but not good enough to be able to secure admission in the topmost tier of colleges, which drags my mood down a bit every couple of days

Still, there's a lot of colleges left that are not tier one but they are good-ish and I can secure admission in them

Akjdfnkdfkfh okay continuing

So right now I have to consider 4 colleges:

Colleges A, B, C and D A and B are the most likely to have a good academic flow, I have very limited information about academics in college C, and college D has a reputation for being a fun place to be, less academically pressuring

I am meeting the requirements for admission into my choice of course in colleges A, C and D. There's some ambiguity for college B as they haven't started their seat allotment process yet. Counseling process for C is starting soon, while I have a sure shot of getting my course in A and D.

Opportunities and exposure wise, college C in unparalleled because of factors like location, connections etc. It's also really fucking expensive and far from my home, which means added transportation costs and everything

Opportunities and exposure is quite fair in colleges A and B too, and D comes just after them.

Tuition fee and all other charges would be a fair amount in A, B and D, but as I said, College C is fucking expensive. (But again. Unparalleled industry exposure and opportunities)

Um. Infrastructure wise I think B and D would be at the top, with A and C following though idk in what order.

Various national level rankings show B at the top, followed by A and D (these two replacing each other at times), and then C.

I have even more entrance exams coming up for other private colleges that don't accept the other exams' scores and I am fricking unable to focus on my studies when there's so much absolute chaos in my life because of course I don't have only these 4 colleges to think of. I also get reminders on frequent basis on how I failed to score good enough to have a much better chance at studying and growing at a WOWZA college.

Ajlndsfkhbsfkhrbfvlhsfvbljshfbglhkdbg

Anyways. How are you?

holy shit man u good? i wish u the best of luck

im good! i passed out in the ocean

[1d1195]

hiiii !!! i finished ding and i just jasndjfhkadjadj I ADORE them🥹 they truly are just perfect for each other (girl omggg i NEEEEED a future blurb about the rematch and him winning he deserves it after all that anxiety😭 also you should do something where bc they do a rematch and none of them consider that first fight a real match IF HE WINS THE ONE STRIKE IN HIS LOSS COLUMN SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR LMFAEJFKK)

I WAS SOOOOOO HAPPY TO SEE A TRADITIONAL BLURB !!!!! idk what it is about them but they just have a special place in my heart, i think when you were first posting the series i was just in a really different place in my life, not bad but not really good it was sort of an adjusting period, and i would get on here and read them and they just made me feel sooooo good and it was just a safe place to get lost in and everything. your writing truly is such a blessing thank you so much sam <3

AND THENNNNN last night i couldnt sleep so i was scrolling on here and i saw an anon mention committed and i realized I HADNT READ IT YET so you know i went back and read everything including their blurbs and ohhhh myyyy goodnessss😩😩 THEYRE SOOOOO ADORABLE they way they were just soooooooo down bad for each other ???? i need that otherwise it would never work between me and someone else. THE JEALOUSY BLURB WAS PERFECTION AND THEIR FIRST TIME ?????? AHHHHHHHHH

things are kinda boring on my end, it's officially iced coffee season again and i LOVE THAT. i CANNOT drink it during winter i already tend to run cold so that just pushes me off the edge and i just cant warm up again but now its hot out and im not sick anymore!!🥳 so thats fun

music wise i havent really been listening to anything new but i was on the phone with my sister this morning and i turned on Magic by 1D and its suchhh a fun song😭 ive been feeling more upbeat songs lately and that one has been on repeat ALSO last first kiss :))

hope your doing absolutely amazing lmk whats new with you what've you been up to ??

~🎶

Ahhhhh! Hi! I've been thinking of you! Glad to hear you're not sick anymore! I don't have very many new songs either--I'll have to look! I'm def PMSing so I'm looking for depressing songs to fit my mood rn lol. I'm back on my Noah Kahan kick. MAGIC IS SUCH A BOP. I use it to help me clean my apartment.

I'm so glad you liked Ding and I'm thinking that's a great idea 😉 I'll try to work it in!

That's really sweet about Traditional. It's def the series most people seem to like overall. I'm sorry you were in a tough place but it makes me happy you felt safe here on my little blog. It means a lot to me 💕

I loved Committed! I think it was a random idea (not super suggested) or at least I hope it wasn't because I can't remember. I just liked that TikTok that went with it 😂😂 They were oblivious little cuties for sure. Loved them 💕 SO glad you got to read something knew from me even though I'm def gonna be slow this week! I remember you saying you liked to read finished series so that's probably for the best. They were being annoying part way through if I recall. Not quite a cliffhanger but very Ross-Rachel just shut up and be together sort of thing 😉

I'm SCREAMING about iced coffee season. I drink it year round. My friends send me the snowblower memes during storms that say like "need anything from dunkin?" it's so me. I'm happy for you though! It's like it's officially summer once you start right? That's good news!

Tbh May was really tough for me in about every direction. I'm still kind of overwhelmed with a lot of stuff, but summer is looking more relaxed while still doing a bunch of things. The highlight of the last few weeks was probably reading my trashy romance book and going to a couple book stores and getting more books that I shouldn't have 🤭 It's also POLLEN SEASON around here and it's quite miserable. But it's okay, I will be fine. Just got to get through a few more days of craziness 😅

SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU! LOVE YOU!

xoxo

[tamaharu]

okay i am going to explain my kasumi!lives au to you now if you click on this readmore imagine you are tied to a chair trapped in a room w me as i explain. get into the mood. okay.

so they both survive the accident and sumire is naturally horrified/apologetic and refuses to tell kasumi anything more abt her negative thoughts while kasumi is so rattled + has no mental health awareness that she sort of just lets it slide without much further examination. 

school starts and sumire takes advantage of the privileges given to them as honors students and just. utterly throws herself into practicing, desperate to distract herself from her own horrible thoughts and hopefully get better to negate these thoughts altogether. while kasumi is like okay….. shes practicing harder.. to get used to her growth spurt! yay :D im glad shes doing completely fine!! 

kasumi on the other hand in acting how ‘kasumi’ did in canon, i.e. not taking advantage of practice time so others wont think less of her. despite this, when put to the test she still manages to beat sumire from the combination of regular practice + natural skill. and you can imagine how much that stings for sumire.

meanwhile, kasumi becomes rens confidant! (sorry sumire i love you so but i dont think her being a confidant in this au would work very much) kasumi is his faith confidant and maruki still gets hired after kamoshida like in canon! (sumire goes in to talk to him about her woes.. hes the only one she feels comfortable confessing her dark thoughts to..) kasumi teaches ren gymnastics, and theres probably an element of not letting the other students negative opinions of her (or sumire) drag her down. 

we see kasumi around pretty frequently but sumire is really rare. the only times you are guaranteed to see her are a part of kasumi and marukis social links that have some implications of.. something going on but without the ability to deal with it too directly. she is very quiet/serious abt practice. Kasumi is confused and worried abt sumires behavior, but she seems relatively stable after coming to shujin/seeing maruki so.. its probably fine! (IT IS NOT FINE)

anyway the general plot progresses pretty much like normal. kasumi goes into the myyyysteryyy palace w ren and awakens to cendrillion like normal. you can probably get kasumis confidant to level like six or seven before third sem stuff but at that point it is locked from progressing until the story gets further into gear.

meanwhile the stuff with sumire progresses further and further and. blah blah blah AND. EVENTUALLY: sumire develops a palace. (at this point we are like. in third semester territory calendar wise more or less. idk how theyd discover the palace/how theyd realize there was still mementos BUT ITS FINE.)

the palace is a weird distorted theater or something that encompasses the school where kasumi is idolized and fawned over to um. A Creepy Degree!! Lots of headshots and photos of old performances and actors and stuff and its just endless kasumi w sumires likeness destroyed in various ways.

then you meet the palace ruler/shadow version of sumire thats like im the understudy for the next performance.. i HAVE to live of to kasumis legacy. no matter how hard i try, im never as good as her. and yet, she stays with me, encourages me, clings to me.. saves me, even if it puts herself at risk.. it terrifies me. im only dragging her down, and if i cant bring myself up to her level, then one of these days im going to ruin her life. if i cant be like kasumi-- itd be better if i just died!!

and its like. oh. well thats a lot to unpack. um. theres a gymnastic competition coming up soon. oh okay. i get it now. if she doesnt do better than kasumi in it she is going to like. straight up kill herself.

kasumi is SO CONFUSED like i thought she was getting better??? shes been so chill and relaxed recently??? meanwhile sumire has actually just achieve the eerie calmness of someone who has decided to commit suicide

kasumi: well shes been practicing really hard!! maybe she'll get it this time

ren: (lays a gentle hand on her shoulder) what have we said about mental illness

kasumi: (hangs her head) that it doesnt always work in logical ways

theres some plot reason why they cant do the palace until the last minute idk. so sumire gets the calling card and obviously immediately shows it to maruki and hes like. hm. thats crazy. unrelated i have to go. run some errands.

anyways during the boss fight they are so close to overpowering ruler!sumire and stealing the treasure when all of a sudden tentacles shoot from the ground and grab the treasure and steal it before the pts can. and sumire is screaming in pain and despair, but the tentacles just surround her, preventing the thieves from going and helping her. eventually they just have to leave her there without the treasure because the tentacles are pulling the palace down/the palace is crumbling around them and they dont know why.

then they wake up outside of the palace area. and sumire wakes up and slowly staggers to her feet. and then she straightens. she smiles, pleasant and polite, as she takes her glasses off and puts her hair up. and she greets them like theyre friends. and she looks through kasumi like shes nothing more than glass. and thus, sumire becomes kasumi.

WOOOAHHH SHOCKER MARUKI CHANGED HER COGNITION (plot twist) taking that desire to either become kasumi or die trying very literal. and w her cognition change reality finally and truly shifts.

so marukis palace is pretty different than in canon - more elaborate, more labyrinthine. rather than having to wake up from their fake reality to fight, they already know whats going on and the thieves have to traverse through rooms of paradise, tailor-made for each of them individually, as thats where all the puzzles and stuff are. what if god said that he forgave you, that you could return to the garden?

meanwhile sumire keeps swinging by both to check on their ‘therapy’ progress, but also to encourage them to stay and fighting them if they get real mouthy. the first time they find her they try to tell her whats going on and bring her back with them but instead she… calls on her persona, cendrillion. if shes kasumi, then she is going full kasumi.

anyhow in each of the paradise rooms are pieces of sumires treasure that was split apart and when they reform it the treasure turns out to be. get this. an apple. because they are ALWAYS drinking that damn apple juice !! and as it comes together its like the princes heart from princess tutu where she starts to understand what happened/her own emotions more as more pieces are put together.

the final choice basically is either for the thieves to eat the apple themselves, effectively permanently destroying sumires distorted heart + letting them live in paradise (resulting in more or less the typical maruki end). or, they can give it to sumire for her to eat. THE FRUIT OF KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!!!!! WHO IS THE SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!

when sumire eats the apple it formally gives her back ALL her context/memory and she is Upset. and it triggers the maruki fight more or less. and she joins in to help because shes pissed!!! except, the only problem is.. the longer the fight goes on, the less and less effective her persona becomes. because its cendrillion. because its not hers, not her true self.

but in the end her final thing is (reminiscent of the “shooting god in the face” thing/sort of what they do to him in canon) to take a giant sword from the fading cendrillion and bring it straight through the maruki/persona fusion’s heart. (you can even still have the section with ren and maruki punching each other in the face while the palace disintegrates after that!)

and after that, things come back to normal. sumire is…. not better. not by a longshot. but for the first time in a really long while, shes ready to trust her sister, and she ready to trust herself: sumire yoshizawa.

even in a version of the story where both kasumi and sumire survived the car accident i still believe sumire would have the capacity to be fucking insane ❤️ love and light

[jrueships]

What are your current wips?? If you don’t mind sharing

OKAY bestie imma be Honest with u... they be piling up higher than iverson on any given day.. so much that i can't even give u a long summary on up to like 3 of em cus they're all so stupid n weird n complex so like IMMA JUST GIVE LIKE ... short sentence (s?) Mini summary on SOME of em... without context LOL

Yall can ask for specifics on ones if you want (and haven't already .. im ngl i just be kinda talkin in the tags and not realizing i be revealing so much 😞 my fbi agent probably got a case file on me bigger than all the old famous rappers' underground bunkers combined)! cus i didn't want this sitting around unattended to longer than it already has (let me brush that cobweb off your clavicle my good skeleton 😸).. i had to answer it sometime! Just not with the length i WANT to bcus tumblr is afraid of my power apparently 😑. ANYWAYS LETS GET RIGHT TO IT

THE individual WIP SUMMARIES

Pg stabs kawhi kills him dead lol

Russell westbrook takes demar to cracker barrel

Ant gets cyberbullied by Embiid

Trae drowns

Keldon has a shotgun

Keldon wears a sexy cow outfit

Keldon cracks Luka in the face with a metal baseball bat

Joel teaches Maxey how to get free stuff from the vending machine and the vending machine falls on him (joel)

DeMar has depression. Kyle has abandonment issues. And he hates the Titanic

Scottie chews on Maxey's dreads because he's nervous. Maxey hits him with a rolled up magazine. Scottie cries

Russell takes giannis on a fashion spree. Giannis hits bledsoe with a shopping cart

Rolo takes Dunn out to Disney to help with his depression lmfao

Dennis smith jr calls boban ugly and Tobias throws a ball at him

Joel cries and John bullies him lol

Diggs killed Allen's cactus he gave him so he jumps the fence into Allen's property in the middle of Buffalo winter just to give it a proper burial before breaking down crying (then tries to tease allen with the idea of having s*x maybe. Allen doesn't get it because he's stupid and that makes diggs cry even more)

Desmond bench presses jaren

Jalen tries braiding Josh's leg hair and Josh kicks him in the nose

Kyle considers killing Zach

John REALLY hates steph. Mails him roaches

Draymond thinks dad bods are hot

OKAY that's.. some of them LOL at least the ones i can recall off the top of my head. I'm not hunting thru my millions of docs to remind myself of my self-made horrors for more 😭 even tho there Is more... a shamefully LOT more...

[shiftyambientmusic]

if i had told myself from two years ago that i was actually enjoying some grateful dead songs, i would have started a fistfight

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

[vynsvision]

Detective Darius Morgan Headcanons

Listen. I know there's hardly any content of him. I dont know how much this will be appreciated. But if the same for 4 people who saw my post asking if anyone wanted this see it, I win.

Be warned, its 2k words (just under, probably) because I have nothing to do at work. At all. *deepest of sighs*

Should be SFW!!! Some things are referenced but im not in the mood to talk about too much Naughtiness so its SFW.

If the flow is weird, my apologies. I tried to group stuff together and so I may have gone back to sections where the next section goes off something I said in part of the section above... you'll understand as you read.

I'm gonna start with casual, out of work attire. I genuinely don't think you would find him in loungewear EVER outside his home. So no sweatpants.... although maybe a sweatshirt on laundry day. I'm also thinking, even though he probably doesn't get a fat paycheque, he tries to dress well. He doesn't think about fashion but good lord, Marius wouldn't believe it. "I just buy what looks nice." in the once in three blue moons that he actually goes to get new clothes. He works every day, probably, so anything that's not work is casual and probably very worn.

I think, yanno those like school varsity football jackets? Um yeah he still wears his. Its not because he tries to show off, but those things are comfortable, warm, and if he happens to be with someone who forgets to bring a warm layer, he can give it to them and he secretly loves watching their expressions.

("Oh... my god this is so warm!" "Mhmm." "I'm keeping this forever. Sorry, its mine now." "Is your last name Morgan too, then? Huh, I didn't know." Motherfucker.)

P.s: he hates suits even if his work uniform is basically a suit without the suit jacket. If he has to wear a suit, its all black. That is all. Also yes he would wear the three-piece suit. Go all out or nothing. Maybe a dark blue vest for some flavor with a matching tie.... idk. Brainrot of Darius in an all black three-piece suit........... suspenders......... aaah... yep.

Ok speaking of. I really don't think he's super chatty. He's tired. I'm honestly thinking very Eddie Brock (Venom) vibes with him tbfh. But I think when he does talk, he's slick as FUCK. He probably likes to see you blush as your scramble for a response. Hes smooth tho. He doesnt let you scramble for long. Also would ruffle your hair (if you have some and didn't stop him). He chuckles a lot. I imagine his voice as deep, but since I play TOT with the sounds off, idk if they have a voice actor for him. But look at him. Hes got a great morning voice oh good lord now im thinking about his morning voice aaaaaah crap.

I also think, once a relationship is established, hes very doting and soft. Hes protective- he knows who he is, he knows that the police are not loved. (And he knows why. Honestly I'm not sure how to... write about that, though, and its also not my place to... so anyone who'd like to write about that may. Just yanno remember to be respectful to people and irl events.) So he knows that if he fucks up or a mistake comes to bite him in the ass, you might be in danger. He knows you can probably handle yourself, but he also thinks of all the worst scenarios. He doesn't want the most important person to him in any danger.

Honestly I think he would be very reluctant to a relationship. But, unlike three of the boys (Luke, Artem, and Marius), he and Vyn have something in common- hes definitely at least had some one-night-stands. Maybe after particularly rough days or weeks. Stress coping. Not gonna talk about if its wise or not.

Because, like, come on. Hes at leeeeast thirty, making him older than the boys. So he may be experienced in bed, but romance is tricky and he denies or hides his feeling like a teenager afraid of his crush. (Re: ohmygod they would be in danger tho if I confessed oh no I can never tell them!) Of course, he would confess while expressing that he is worried about you.

He also loves to see you in his blue uniform shirt. I dont know if either of you acknowledge it aloud, but since you grabbed it and put it on that one time... yeah. Yep.

But yeah hes a softy underneath all the brooding and tired exterior.

(Bonus: If u like... uh.... his cuffs..... yep thats all)

I dont believe he can cook much. Like, beyond the basics, he has like. 2 dishes that he can reliably cook. Hes a simple man, he knows how to vary them, but come on, its not like he has much time to cook stuff. You realize this quickly and while you dont have much time either, you meet him halfway... or more than halfway. Also, hey, carryout/delivery isn't so bad every once in a while. He'll work on it if you bring it up. He doesn't really notice until you do. Thats the first time you see him embarrassed. He's kinda cute as he apologizes, and it makes up for your slight annoyance at eating the meal for the third time. Hes used to his way of living, he might (definitely) forget people live differently than he does. Hes cute, I forgive him.

As a boyfriend, he does his darnedest. He literally doesn't care what he does with you, as long as its with you. When you ask him for date ideas, he thinks of some favors he can cash in to show you secret or expensive places. Those upper class jerks are good for one thing, if it makes you smile and if it impresses you. Because, of course, hes been here when it opened, so his attention is on you. (His eyes may not be, but hes much more attentive than you notice.)

I feel like hes the kind of person to snap candids of you an you dont even notice. I dont know how he would do it, but I really think he would want to remember and capture sweet moments with you. He doesnt tell you or show you these pictures, and they aren't, like, ones where you're exposed (....most of them, at least. He doesn't take pictures of you asleep for damn sure, you're not a pet.), but he just keeps them to himself. He forgets that you either know his passcode or you have your fingerprint saved in his phone, and you happen to see it because he had the album last open on his phone. Hes a sucker.

At the beginning of your relationship, I think he made a note in his notes app where he writes down your birthday, or favorite color, or things like that. Hes afraid of forgetting those things. He could never forget the day he met you, nor when the two of you admitted your feelings for each other, or when you went on your first date. He knows those dates. Hes quiet- hes thinking of those things. He doesn't mind being distracted by you.

He tries not to be super possessive because he admires your independence, but sometimes he snaps at someone like when Artem asks you to come in to work on a case on your day off. Scary Darius.

He likes holding your hand when you cross streets.

I dont think he would get jealous easily. He knows that, before he confesses, he hasn't told you, so he has no right to be upset if you flirt or spend time with someone else. And when you're together, he knows where you end up at the end of the day, so hes secure in that. If anything, if someone flirts with you and makes you uncomfortable, he checks with you first (in case you wanna defend yourself), then gives a death glare to the unlucky person. Even if you flirt back comfortably, again, he knows where the two of you end up. You in his arms, the other person unfortunately ~probably~ all alone, boohoo.

I have gotta say, I think sometimes he forgets to close doors all the way. He doesn't do it on purpose, hes just not used to people being in his home. He always puts the toilet seat down (if that applies), but cabinet doors or room doors can sometimes be left just slightly open.

His walls are kinda bare. What art he does have are monuments or architectural things. Stellis is very sleek and modern, but he knows about the older buildings. When someone else at work is reluctant to go into centuries-old buildings because they're creepy, he pretends to be annoyed but inwardly hes comfortable in them and goes without fear.

His home is usually clean, too. Its partially because he doesn't spend much time there, but also because he cleans things after use. So things aren't spick and span, but his apartment is presentable if you happen to drop by.

He shares something with Luke- i think the two of them are the only ones with any sort of pectorals. Yanno, them man boobs. Juicy muscle on the chest. (I simply refuse to believe the other boys have any beyond abs or, yanno, tone. Luke and Darius could have a nice arm wrestling match, no im not gonna say who wins.)

He tries to keep a cactus alive. He writes down when he waters it to be sure not to overwater it. Its name is Alfred and Alfred knows everything about you. He lives in the kitchen and Darius talks to him when hes cooking or nursing coffee or beer. Hes a beer guy.

I'm not sure if hes a cat person or a dog person. I think he would get along with either well. I dont know if he would have a pet, because he often has long days, and even cats need attention. Maybe if he ever gets to retire he'll get a pet. Beside himself, Alfred is the only thing living in the apartment.

He does have co-workers he spends time with outside of work. Methinks its usually at a bar or someplace like that.

I think he calls his parents every once in a while. More frequently after you start dating him. I also feel like he has a sibling but I dont know if they're older or younger. Methinks an older sister? What if she's a lawyer too!!!

(Plot twist- Celestine and Darius are related. Big just joking.... but his older sister is much like Celestine. He likes working with her.)

Idk where to put this but !! Hes a podcast guy. He listens to podcasts rather than music. He dislikes true crime with a passion (literally dont get him started because if you do, he, rightfully so, will talk for like a whole ten minutes and you won't be sure if you should be excited he talked for that long STRAIGHT or if he's ok) but he won't say anything if you listen to it. To each their own. I think he listens to podcasts talking about, like architecture or, like... news, or something. He knows what's going on in the world. Hes the first to deck any asshole. Not physically, tho. It takes a lot to get him to physical action. He has a killer glare, he knows how to insult someone (hes gotten his (un)fair share of insults or heard them thrown around). He knows how to intimidate. Usually, he can get someone to chill out or leave. If not, he would take anything outside. I think he would try not to flash his badge. If he's off the clock, he doesnt work for the city. Idk deTECtive Darius Morgan, only Darius. I dont think he likes attention.

Oh God this was much longer than I thought. I thought I would type a bit about his clothes, maybe a few habits. Good lord.

I hope someone enjoyed! If you have any of your own ideas, definitely let me know! If you agree or disagree. We literally have so little to go on that any of us could be right.

I... might post a NSFW batch at some point, but I also feel like it would be more telling of me than him, beside the things in this post. So yanno. Maybe we can just imagine.

[jjunis-moved]

im literally in a car and germany is in its rlly bad storm hours 😫😫😫 but i gotta talk abt the new chapter!!!!

btw i was abt to die bc of my math thing today (i wanna cry it just was HFOSHSKS no thank you.)

but the chapter was sooooo cute IMDBWISHEOSBSW LIAAAA PLS U ANGEL U CUTIE MY LOVE OMG

ok so first of all soobin is the LITERAL embodiment of “thats kinda sus tho🤨” (huening ur a walking meme just sayin) BUT I WANT HIM TO CALM HIS TITS BC HDISHS I THINK THIS (lia and y/n) IS GETTING SOMEWHERE

omg but lia baby ily but if you actually mention beomgyu in front of y/n imma slap you (softly and with love but i will slap you) its just a big nono! idk i love lia but that i would def NOT appreciate, but i dont think shed do that,,, RIGHT?!?!?!

anywayz yall lia is breaking the ice and y/n is finally hanging out with her, THEY EVEN REACHED OUT FIRST LIKE OMMMML

and its so cute how lia was like such a proud cutie she rlly went “yall🥺🥺❤️ im breaking her ice heart” SO CUTE

the lil talk with bg and lia was also cute afffff🥺🥺 she is such a sweetheart and im kinda sorry for beomgyu, cause y/n rlly has made up with everyone but him💀💀🙌🏻 oh well sorry bby im praying for you

can we talk abt how lia was saved as (bg lia) or smth? idk it makes me a lil sad :((( i hope it turns into a “lia💗/🤍” or smth that would be cute 💔💔💔 ig we gotta wait for their friendship to bloom 😁

I hope youre well dani! give us a lil tmi how u feelin how u been (can u tell im bored? BDISBSIWB)

pls stay safe and healthy bby, take care as alwayssss, be hydrated and eat well shawty😫

- idk why but happy shan!

ps: how many times have i said “cute”💀

oh please stay safe!!! storms are kinda scary sometimes tbh

skadsagkdja i used to love math but now i'm so bad at it 😭 in the wise words of choi soobin why would you need math when you have a calculator

lia is too precious for this world i love her sm 🤧

soobin definitely needs to chill but i think he will as soon as he notices yn means no harm to lia!! they could all be friends it's gonna be fine <3

after everything that happened recently yn thought a lot about everything and that's why she reached out to lia first. finally some growth!!! but dw lia won't ruin it at all, she's not dumb dsajhdkhsa

lia is the sweetest, she sensed that bg was kinda :/ about the whole situation and tried to cheer him up a lil but oh well...... just sit in the corner and wait for your chance to speak gyu it's fine you're still the male lead of this story you'll probably be ok.

lmao yn adding the (bg lia) as if that's necessary pls 😭 let's hope they become bffies soon

i'm a lil stressed out and worried about some irl stuff tbh but at the same time i'm feeling better than i was a few days ago bc i'm spending these days with my mom and my nieces and these kids always make me feel happier so <3 i'm thankful for the good moments ya know

take care you too, drink lots of water and eat well! thank you for the kind words and i'm glad to see you happy <3

and it's ok we're all in the cute mood around here today!