#idk if this makes sense or if I’m like totally insane or if I have the words to say it right

[talesofwhimsy]

First breath since winter :)

[pixelxgore]

hers a billfold wip as a treat i changed his face bc i have free will

The art is to encourage you to read my silly little insanity (you should totally do it btw)

I'm dyslexic so sorry if anything is spelled grotesquely wrong lol autocorrect sometimes has no idea what i’m trying to spell

Starting with my head cannon because every thing will make more sense with it (or it wont that's entirely up to you) Imma try my best to make this enjoyable

So I head cannon both bill and ford as aspec this is important for the rest trust (I'm Aroace myself so some of my words are based of of experience ) being aroace doesn't mean you can't have a toxic one-sided relationship with a triangle

(most of this is pretty vanilla but I still wanna talk about it)

I believe it started of as a one-sided relationship on fords part (wow shocker) but it wasn't really love because he's ace it was more of infatuation (this stems from the fact he is a science boy and like ooo demon triangle thing) mistaken for love (I'm pretty sure this is common among aroace people or I just had an original experience) and maybe bill had just a little bit of the same feeling but instead of infatuation it was just pure obsession and when they had there little “tragic break up” and bill finally came to realize his obsession and it consumed him (idk i think that how abusive obsession is) and he realized he can’t live with out ford (i man he can but unhealthy obsession) and thus bills one sided relationship with ford where he just tries to get his puppet back but can’t figure out why he needs him so bad so he comes to the (subconscious) cuncultion there in love (because of course that’s the reasonable decision) and then you all know what comes after

I think bill has major will wood music vibes so I have nominated three songs of his for bill ford (cuz I'm genuinely going insane over them)

This is for fun and based off my head cannons

All of my discussions are made purely of the vibes the song gives me and how cool than animation in my head looks so take everything you know about these will wood songs and throw it out the window cuz none of that is relevant :3

i saw someone say “Will Wood songs can really be interpreted in different ways, and most of them seem like wisps of similar thought rather than a concrete narrative, so you're always a little bit right and wrong when you take a guess.” and i think you should keep that in mined

(I'm gonna embarrass myself so hard (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) )

I'm not gonna elaborate much but just trust me ok I put it kind of in chronological order

fords one sided relationship with bill: ...well, better than the alternative

Ok so this one is the least perfect out of all of them cuz it only half what I want (obviously this song is a stretch but hear me out) It's mostly for the like the last half of the song (remember what I said about throwing out the meaning for get that i lied) this song about the struggle ls of growing up and is a heartfelt plea to be understood and accepted for who we are (which obviously ford was a wired kid) and this kinda ties into the one-sided infatuation because it also is about the romanticism of nostalgic love, and the pressure of society telling you to find someone and "settle down" as we get older (witch yk aroace can’t really do that) so he’s grasping at the fact that he is enamored with this demon he just summoned (because science) so he can come up with this narrative in his head of how he is in love and can finally fit at least one of the societal boxes (idk it sounds like something to me probly ooc but I'm having fun)

bills one sided relationship with ford: ¡Aikido!

obsession with someone and how people often use coping mechanisms such as drugs to help with their feelings of uncertainty and helplessness. (yes this is copied not fully of a site this is tumblr not an english assignment) it also explores the idea that love and obsession can often manifest in neurotic and even pathological behavior.(oooo oooo look i’m so smart like staring the apocalyps) i’m not this cool this whole thing started with the first like whit h is “I apologize for playing with your eyes But I’m obsessed with you” witch reminded me of how bill used for as a puppet and then yk fords whole world came crashing down (this one explained its self more i have to do less mental gymnastics) and he’s like im sooo sorry i can’t live with out you

there whole relationship from the deal to the end of bill: Misanthrapologist ("In case I make it,"

Outtake)

ok this one is the one that mostly made of vibes because the song is about an unhappy codependent relationship through metaphors of christianity, nihilism, outer space, and mozart (witch only really encompasses a portion of the relationship) the song stars with “I wanna meet your make Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapel Holler "Look what you've done Gave this planet a sun And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"” which makes me personally think of obviously the deal fore made with bill and how bill stroked his ego all the way through there partnership um you can see where i goes from here just go listen to the song

ok this one’s off topic and only for my imaginary animation but the line “So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance With the way you sweep me off these two left feet?” just like imagine this with me it’s bill (human probably cuz i don’t work with the triangle) and young ford in the minedskape thing and its bill dipping ford and when it goes down it switches to bill and fort in bills pyramid thing with ford chained up do you see the vision ok I’m done now (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

[azrielsbxtch]

I’ve had more time to sit with HOFAS so here are things I loved and things that bugged me.

THINGS I LOVED

AZRIEL AND NESTA - Where to even begin. Their relationship and friendship is EVERYTHING. I'm so glad SJM chose to highlight both of them for the ACOTAR part because their chemistry is everything. I can't wait for more in ACOTAR 5

AZRIEL - Every new thing we learned about Azriel had me screeching. It's so clear SJM is setting him up for the next book. Every scene he appeared in I was obsessed! Finding out about truthteller, him being protective of his mom, him interacting with music, him being all hot and threatening....this bat has me in a chokehold I swear.

THE LORE - All the new information we got about Prythian and Midgard is so interesting. I wish I was a theories person because there's so much to theorize about!

RUHNLIDIA - They served in this book omg. When Ruhn was like "this is my first mission with my girlfriend I want to impress her" I almost threw my phone I'm not even kidding. They are so cute🥹✨✨

HUNT - I still feel like I need more Hunt. He's such a sweetheart and was truly a highlight for me in this book. I love him so much and I was totally rooting for him to fry Celestina.

THINGS THAT BUGGED ME

Ruhn and Lidia’s mate announcement. I knew Ruhn and Lidia would be mates from HOSAB so I was only waiting for confirmation but the way it was written threw me off. Ruhn just said it out of nowhere and to…of all people…Pollux….like what? Why? Idk it could have been more emotional.

Ariadne- I don’t understand the point of introducing this new character only to do NOTHING with her. I shipped her and Flynn sooo much. The way she was introduced in the beginning of the book had me so hyped only for her to disappear. Like imagine a dragon marching with the armies of Hel when they fought the Asteri…

Sigrid - That entire plotline felt useless to me. She was set up to be this hope for the wolves and it all amounted to nothing. So why did we waste so much time on her. I enjoyed Ithan’s chapters because I really like him. But from an objective point of view…most of what SJM made him do didn’t make sense. If she wanted him to become Prime (which I loved btw) she didn’t need to waste all that time on Sigrid and her resurrection only for her to join Sabine the person she’s supposed to hate and then disappear.

Tharion and Sathia - No…just no…..

Bryce ignoring Hunt’s trauma - She did it in HOSAB but again and on a larger scale in HOFAS. Everytime Hunt brought up his fears (understandable because he has now faced the Asteri twice and suffered insane consequences) Bryce just got angry and put him in such a bad position. She made it look like he didn’t want to support her when he has very valid reasons to be afraid. After what he went through the first time in the Asteri dungeons for years and then again! I’m surprised he didn’t break down even more tbh. His feelings were so valid.

Bryce - SJM tried to do the “Aelin is always two steps ahead” thing with Bryce but honestly it didn’t work. A lot of the times I was side eyeing and was like “that’s convenient” Bryce was guessing a lot of times so that whole thing just didn’t work.

The plot was all over the place. The book really didn’t flow well.

[gimmethatagustd]

don't go insane | pjm + jjk

Jungkook's friends warned him not to go looking for Thirteen, Seoul's most prolific "pleasure dealer."

↳ pairing: incubus!jimin x human!jungkook

↳ rating/genre: BTS | 18+ | strangers to lovers | fantasy | angst | smut

↳ wc/date: 3.9k | November 2023

↳ warnings: idk if this is dead dove or just shitty but maybe don't read this if you're sensitive to problematic characters, alcohol, strip club, jimin is sort of a drug dealer, humans who have sex with incubi can become addicted, codependency, dry humping, shower masturbation, unprotected anal sex, anal sex without prep, painful sex (but consensual aside from the whole addiction thing???), blood, pain kink, degradation, humiliation, jungkook has issues i'm ngl, jimin also has issues sdhkfjs

↳ notes: this was written for @irishhorse-blog for the halloween drabbles (ik i'm late but halloween is a lifestyle, not a season) who was interested in jikook! this probs went in a totally different direction than you'd ever imagine 💀 idk what i was thinking while writing this, as usual. pls don't @ me jhsdkfjs bye🦇 unfortunately, i couldn't figure out who the original person was who made the jimin edit so shout out to them, whoever they are

↳ masterlist / taglist

↳ what was jai listening to? don't go insane - dpr ian

The bouncer looks over Jungkook’s ID for too long. He shines his mini flashlight at the plastic and watches how the shimmery symbols reflect in the light as if to say, I’m real, please believe me, and Jungkook watches with clammy palms splayed against the sides of his thighs. The denim of his jeans soaks up the moisture as he subtly rubs his hands along the seams like it matters if he’s sweaty. No one will be shaking hands with him tonight, and if everything goes according to plan, he’ll be sweaty for another reason. 

That is, if he actually makes it inside the club before it closes. 

His ID is real, but Jungkook has an “angel-baby face,” as Hoseok calls it. It doesn’t matter that he has hole-punched his face to slip silver rings wherever he can. According to his roommate, round cheeks and eyes pulled straight from a Disney movie are enough to slam Jungkook face-first into the land of perpetual childhood. 

“Alright,” the bouncer reluctantly shoves Jungkook’s ID back into his hands and motions toward the door with his flashlight. 

Jungkook hears one of the clubbers behind him groan, “Fucking finally,” but he’s too giddy to pay them any mind. He tries to keep calm as he slips through the doors, focusing on walking purposefully rather than skipping with anticipation. 

He’s getting way too ahead of himself. A plan is in place, and Jungkook is determined to follow it. Straying from the plan, well, he doesn’t want to think about what that might mean for him. 

For a strip club, Ego is far less seedy than Jungkook anticipated. The club is dark enough to give patrons a false sense of anonymity necessary for men to comfortably sit back in black satin chairs and let their tongues hang out of their mouths as male dancers gyrate in front of their faces. There are patrons of other genders, as well, but Jungkook thinks the men are the most afraid. They take their pleasure in the dark because it’s safe. Only the occasional strobe light of pink and gold casting a sugary glow across everyone’s faces breaks the facade, and even then, the effects are minute.  

Jungkook thinks he has gathered this much about the club and its patrons by the time he eases into a barstool and sips on his overly-priced cosmopolitan. It’s the only fancy alcoholic beverage he knows of that isn’t dark liquor. 

If this were a regular night out with Hoseok and his other friends, Jungkook would be throwing back tequila shots or sipping on a vodka cran. Rather than wear a nice black buttoned shirt and slacks, Jungkook would be sporting baggy cargo pants and an oversized t-shirt.  

The thought that this isn’t just one of his regular Saturday nights reminds Jungkook that he should be nervous. And, fuck, he is. The back of his neck is hot, and a sweaty imprint is left behind when he lifts his hand from the black marble bar counter. It fades eventually, but it’s there. 

He tells himself as he flags down the bartender that after one more drink, he’ll be ready. He can’t get too drunk; he needs his wits about him. 

In the end, Jungkook is lucky that he’s only on his second drink, or else he wouldn’t have noticed the very thing he came to the bar to find. 

Behind the bartender’s ear, half obscured by his mint green hair, is a small tattoo of an inverted pentagram with a dagger running through the middle. Jungkook’s heart kicks up in his chest, practically launching him over the counter. Three words are all he needs to speak. Three words. Three words. Three words. 

“Um,” Jungkook begins, hearing the insecurity bleeding through his tone.

Shit. 

“Would you like another drink, sir?” the bartender asks with a raised eyebrow and an airiness to his voice that catches Jungkook off guard. 

Three words, three words, three words, it’s only three words. 

Swallowing thickly, Jungkook straightens his posture and looks the incubus dead in the eyes as he says, “I summon Thirteen.” 

Jungkook doesn’t know why he does it. There are so many reasons why he shouldn’t. Hoseok laid them all out for him before Jungkook ran off to Ego with his phone on Do Not Disturb and his heart in his throat. 

For starters, it’s illegal. 

Jungkook gets nervous about simply returning his past-due library books. How would he survive jail? Or even if he doesn’t go to jail, he’ll at least get a hefty fine thrown at him and a mark on his record. That’s enough to make him want to start crying just thinking about it.

Then there are the dangers, which explains why this is so illegal. 

Jungkook doesn’t believe in it– he thinks it’s all discriminatory rumors and exaggerations. Incubus or not, they’re just a person. How could sex with a person be dangerous? Sure, there’s the supposed high, but Jungkook just can’t see how it’s possible to become addicted to a person. 

Take the vampire blood epidemic currently sweeping the nation. Jungkook understands that. Humans ingesting vampire blood for the hallucinatory high that comes with it, that type of addiction makes sense; it’s consumable, tangible. 

To be addicted to a person sounds fake. 

For a brief moment, as the mint-haired bartender leads Jungkook through a series of backdoors marked “EMPLOYEES ONLY,” Jungkook thinks perhaps Thirteen is fake, too. Maybe this mint-haired bartender is going to kill him for being fool enough to believe in Thirteen. 

All the horror stories Hoseok fed him earlier come bubbling up his throat like acid, images of people with sunken faces and cracked lips hovering around clubs, not unlike Ego, fingers shaking for a fix they can’t get anywhere else. 

It’s illegal for incubi to feed off of humans. Incubi can only feed from other immortals; humans’ souls are far too fragile. Jungkook is a human, but he’d never consider himself fragile. He has grit despite how his hands shake.  

“What’s your name, kid?” 

The bartender’s question jerks Jungkook out of his spiraling thoughts. It takes Jungkook a deep inhale before he finds the ability to speak, and by that point, the two men have stopped in front of a plain black door with the number 13 embossed in gold in Jungkook’s sightline. 

“J-Jungkook,” he answers, belatedly realizing he should have given a fake name.

With a curt nod, the bartender turns to the black door and knocks on it three times in quick succession. 

From the other side of the door comes a low voice speaking a language Jungkook doesn’t understand. The lock clicks and the sound makes Jungkook realize he can’t hear the loud music from the front of the club. Just how far back is he? 

“Come on,” the bartender orders gruffly. 

Stumbling forward, Jungkook tries to recover, but his confidence wavers once he peers through the cigar smoke weighing heavily in the air. 

It’s a private lounge, perhaps one of those VIP rooms where more than just a routine lapdance occurs behind closed doors. Jungkook wouldn’t know; he doesn’t have the money for that type of thing. 

Through the smoke, a man reclines on a red velvet couch with one arm draped over the back and his muscular thighs spread open. Dressed in a slate grey suit with a tastefully patterned tie snug at the base of a throat covered in thorny tattoos, he looks nothing like Jungkook had pictured. 

Pleasure dealers are said to be dirty and seductive villains who lurk in the shadows and lure you in with a promise of a good time. Thirteen is sophisticated and intimidating, with a sharp jawline and high cheekbones. His eyes, black and ringed an ethereal blue, pierce into Jungkook. Something about him is suffocating, with one look capable of stealing the air out of Jungkook’s lungs like a violent intrusion. 

The hand not gripping the back of the couch rests on his left thigh, palm facing upward. At the subtle flick of Thirteen’s middle finger, the bartender shoves Jungkook roughly into the room. The room, he hadn’t noticed, his entire body drawn toward Thirteen. 

“Sir,” the bartender bows at the waist. “Jungkook has summoned you.” 

Thirteen’s thick lips curl into a smirk that sends a rush of trepidation through Jungkook’s bones. Stony, yet with the slightest glint of amusement, Thirteen’s eyes shift from the bartender to Jungkook. 

“Is that so?”

Jungkook’s next swallow is slimy, like a slug inching down his throat. It reminds him of the time Hoseok hexed him with a case of vomiting slugs after seeing the spell in a movie. 

Unable to speak, Jungkook simply nods. 

Thirteen leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs with his hands loosely clasped between his spread knees. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Jungkook-ssi?” 

Thirteen hisses Jungkook’s name, and Jungkook feels as though he’s being squeezed, Thirteen somehow wrapping around his body like a serpent despite sitting across the room. Warmth spreads across Jungkook’s cheeks and down the back of his neck. The room is stifling, but Thirteen’s gaze makes his chest feel cold. 

“Pleasure,” Jungkook finds his voice enough to whisper the word right back. “I seek pleasure.” 

Thirteen has a piercing just below his plush bottom lip, a tiny silver ball that matches the location of the little chocolate mole beneath Jungkook’s bottom lip. Jungkook wonders what the silver ball would feel like if he licked it. He��s horrified by the thought. 

“Did you not come to beg me for pleasure, Jungkook?” Thirteen’s breath is hot against Jungkook’s neck. 

If Jungkook turns his head to the side, he can line his lips with Thirteen’s, make them overlap, and pry them open with the tip of his tongue. The thought assaults his mind.

Thirteen digs his fingers into Jungkook’s hair and yanks his head back to force their eyes to meet. 

“Stop fighting me and fucking beg for it,” Thirteen growls. 

“Please,” Jungkook whispers. He squeezes Thirteen’s shoulders, straight and thick with muscle Jungkook wouldn’t expect from such a polished appearance. Even the thickness of Thirteen’s thighs beneath Jungkook is surprising. 

Sitting in Thirteen’s lap, Jungkook feels small. 

“Are you sure you want this, human?” Thirteen spits the question, “Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

Thirteen is cruel. His lips curl into a smirk that’s just as attractive as it is mean. His grip on Jungkook’s waist is bruising and nearly painful, but Jungkook likes it. Usually, he doesn’t. Usually, Jungkook wants to be taken care of gently. He likes soft love, soft touches, soft fucking. Whatever this strange desire to be ruined is, it’s not normal. He yearns for it. His body aches as his mind reels. 

Own me, take me, ruin me. 

A sick mantra clouds Jungkook’s brain. He tries to blink it away, but the more he struggles against this strange pull, the foggier his head becomes. 

“I-I want it,” Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut as a sudden wave of pleasure strikes him in the gut. It’s hot and wet, like lava rolling under his skin, from his chest down between his legs, where his cock is painfully hard in his slacks. 

“Want what?” Thirteen mocks Jungkook’s inability to speak. 

Jungkook can’t stop himself. He ruts against Thirteen’s body, rocking into him to get as much friction as possible. It shouldn’t be so hot, shouldn’t be hurling Jungkook toward an orgasm so quickly, but he feels like his entire body is pulsing. 

“Y-Your cock.”

“No.”

Never in his life has Jungkook ever wailed, but he does now. He sobs with his entire body, back concaving and face buried into the crook of Thirteen’s neck when he cums. 

It shouldn’t have been so easy. Aside from pulling Jungkook’s hair and letting him sit in his lap, Thirteen never even touched Jungkook. Yet he came, the force of his orgasm making him tremble like an addict going through withdrawal. 

“Good things come to those who wait, little Jungkookie,” Thirteen murmurs in his ear. 

A sharp contrast to his earlier behavior, Thirteen runs his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, smoothing out the strands he’d disturbed when he tugged on them so harshly. The action is confusing, though Jungkook’s brain is mush inside his head. 

Jungkook tilts his head back to look Thirteen in the eyes. His eyes cross and waver, unable to focus on Thirteen’s face despite being right in front of him. Sleep, or something like it, tugs at Jungkook’s eyelids. His eyes flutter rapidly as the room spins. 

“You taste exquisite,” Thirteen sounds pleased when he speaks. Jungkook doesn’t understand. 

“I-” 

Jungkook is falling. His eyes are closed, and his fingers stretch into the empty air, searching, no longer holding onto Thirteen’s muscular body. The darkness that sucks him up is cold, like the feeling in his chest when Thirteen looked at him for the first time. It seeps into his bones until Jungkook’s entire body trembles. 

Jungkook is falling, and there is no one down below to catch him.

Jungkook wakes up in his bedroom to the sound of Hoseok singing. His heart beats painfully in his chest. The rhythm is irregular, skipping a few beats or pumping so slowly that Jungkook panics, wondering if it may stop altogether. By now, the sensation shouldn’t be alarming; he’s been having these nightmares for weeks.

Every morning, he wakes like the living dead, sitting up abruptly with his fingers clawing at his chest and his mouth hanging open as he gasps for air that somehow chokes him when it goes down. 

Falling, always falling. 

It takes many minutes before Jungkook is calm enough to get out of bed. His knees are weak as he slowly creeps around his bedroom, searching for clothes that aren’t soaked with sweat. Laundry piles up wherever it can; Jungkook can’t remember the last time he cleaned anything in his apartment. He sifts through the piles as he flips through the catalog of dreams in his head. 

Hoseok keeps telling him to go to the doctor. Insomnia isn’t anything to be ashamed of, his roommate insists. Plenty of people suffer from nightmares – or worse. 

Jungkook knows all this. 

The thing is, the cause of Jungkook’s insomnia isn’t the mystery Hoseok thinks it is. 

Dark eyes stare at Jungkook from the bathroom mirror. The skin beneath them is puffy and purpling, so swollen that the bags wrinkle the tops of his cheeks. He tries smiling at himself in the mirror, and the black in his eyes remains empty, still murky waters. 

Turning on the shower gets more difficult every day. Jungkook's hands shake so hard that he struggles to grip the knob tightly enough to twist it. He can’t ask Hoseok for help. Sleep deprivation can only explain away so much. 

Jungkook keeps the water cold. He shivers beneath the stream pelting his skin, and clenches his teeth to stop them from chattering. The temperature never chases away the need that eats at his insides. His body burns with it. The cold water and the heat of his need create a tornado inside Jungkook’s mind, uprooting every sane thought until all he can focus on is the arousal stirring in his stomach. 

For an hour, Jungkook jerks off under cold water and can’t reach an orgasm. He rubs his skin raw until tears and snot mix with shower water. It hurts his body, and the aching thing inside his chest that he thinks is his soul. 

Why can’t he get rid of this need? 

“Jeon.” 

A rough hand shakes Jungkook’s shoulder. His head slips from where it rests on his forearm and smacks the surface of his desk. 

“What! What?” Jungkook flings his head back, reeling from the sharp pain stabbing his forehead. “What’s happening?” 

Taehyung gives him a sad smile as he crosses his arms against his chest. “It’s after five.” 

Jungkook blinks and looks around at the empty desks surrounding them. “Oh.” 

“Come on, get up.” Taehyung cups his hand under Jungkook’s armpit and hoists him to his feet. “A couple of the guys are going to that new club, Id?” 

Jungkook’s heart is thunderous, like a feral animal locked in a cage. He clears his throat before correcting his coworker, “Ego.” 

Taehyung snaps his fingers. “That’s it. I was close enough. Weird Freudian shit.” 

Jungkook is mostly silent on the subway while Taehyung babbles about the newest office gossip Jungkook has managed to sleep through – again. Hoseok says it’s insomnia; Taehyung thinks it’s narcolepsy. 

Jungkook knows it’s Thirteen. 

The headache that has made a permanent home nestled in the folds of Jungkook’s brain spikes as the two men wait patiently for the bouncer to check their IDs. Well, Taehyung is patient. Jungkook is sweating through the armpits of his work shirt. 

“Hyunwoo said this place is a strip club at night but a pretty standard bar during happy hour,” Taehyung explains because he thinks Jungkook has never been here before. “The duality of it all, right?” 

The mint-haired bartender looks at Jungkook with a blank expression, void of any hint of recognition. Jungkook isn’t sure if he should be grateful or offended as he sits with the rest of his coworkers at the bar. They all sip dark liquor that burns the back of Jungkook’s throat, reminding him that this was never really his scene. 

He pretends to care about their idle conversation, laughs at all the right moments, and sucks on ice cubes to keep his mouth busy. The bartender doesn’t look him in the eyes when he gets Jungkook a second round, but all Jungkook looks at is the pentagram etched into his skin. 

Taehyung’s fingers tickle Jungkook’s elbow, forcing him to look away from the bar. 

“I’m gonna take a piss and then probably get outta here,” Taehyung announces. Two hours have passed, but Jungkook wouldn’t know. 

The moment Taehyung leaves, Jungkook turns to the mint-haired bartender. The bartender stands off to the side to wipe down glasses and organize the alcohol bottles. His eyebrows furrow when Jungkook clears his throat to get his attention. 

“I summon Thirteen,” Jungkook speaks confidently this time, even though he has to sit with his hands clasped between his thighs to keep them from shaking. 

“He’s busy.” 

Jungkook swallows thickly. “What?”

“Thirteen is busy. He cannot be summoned tonight.” 

Anger flares in Jungkook’s chest, heating his face and neck. “What the fuck do you mean he’s busy?” 

The mint-haired bartender rests his forearm on the counter and leans close enough for Jungkook to see the flecks of red in his irises. When he speaks, he shows the unnatural points of his canines. 

“You better watch your tone with me, kid. Wouldn’t want to get blacklisted, would you? ‘Cause I can make it where no dealer in Seoul will do so much as look in your direction. Got it?”

Shame makes Jungkook want to be stubborn and refuse, but his desperation wins. He ducks his head and nods, aware of the fear rolling off him and realizing he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want just any dealer; he wants Thirteen. But he just wants to experience it once to have him fully. That’s all. Only once. Then his curiosity will be satisfied, and he can stop having dreams about the moment Thirteen takes him, finally takes him all the way, touches him, kisses him, tastes–

“You coming?” 

Jungkook startles when Taehyung appears at his side once again. 

“Uh,” Jungkook eyes the mint-haired bartender, but he’s no longer looking at him, “Yeah, yeah, I’m ready to go.”

Jungkook returns the following day. 

No Thirteen. 

Jungkook returns the day after that. 

No Thirteen. 

Jungkook shivers and shakes through a week. 

No Thirteen. 

More weeks pass, more tremors and nightmares stack up against Jungkook’s withering sanity. 

No Thirteen.

“Please,” Jungkook begs with a sob muffled by the carpet. 

He presses his face into the floor, cheek squished in a way that will leave marks on his skin. Jungkook took up the position as a sign of submission that his body naturally fell into without any thought. It should be embarrassing how quickly he sank to his knees in front of Thirteen. 

For months, he’s been plagued by the creature in his dreams. For months, all he has thought about is being taken, owned, ruined. He wants to feel full, to be desired. He wants to know, for the curiosity to be satisfied, the way he knows Thirteen could satisfy him. 

Only Thirteen. 

“Please, what?” 

Claws dig into the back of Jungkook’s neck, piercing the muscle and hooking into it so deeply that Jungkook can’t move. He feels blood trickle down his shoulders and pool in his collarbones, but the pain never comes. 

All he feels is need. 

“Please fuck me,” Jungkook whimpers. “I’ve waited. I’ve been good; I came back. I waited for you.” 

Thirteen scoffs as he releases Jungkook’s neck, only to dig his claws into the mess of his hair and yank him backward. Jungkook is pulled onto his knees with his head tilted backward to stare at Thirteen, who hovers above him with a biting, upside-down grin. 

“Is that supposed to flatter me, Jungkook-ah? Am I supposed to care that you came sniveling at my door every day for months?” Thirteen twists Jungkook’s hair so tightly in his fist that Jungkook feels strands pull from his head. “Begging for me like a bitch in heat, weren’t you? Desperate for cock and to be praised?” 

Each harsh word feels like another claw stabbed into soft flesh. Thirteen’s jeering hurts more than the wounds he digs into Jungkook’s skin, but he can’t stop himself from groveling. His mind is no longer his own. He is desperate. So, so desperate. 

“I’m going to die,” Jungkook gasps when Thirteen roughly pushes him to the floor. Hot tears flow like lava down his plump cheeks. “I’ll die.” 

“No, you won’t.” 

“I will,” Jungkook sobs. “I will. I feel it, I will.” 

Thirteen’s claws rip into Jungkook’s jeans, shredding the denim until there’s nothing left but tattered scraps of fabric wrapped around his waist. The air is cold against his bare skin, and he realizes belatedly that his briefs are mutilated, too. 

“I decide whether you live or die, Jungkook-ah,” Thirteen whispers against the curve of Jungkook’s ear. Jungkook feels the tip of Thirteen’s cock press against his hole while Thirteen’s clawed hand grabs the meat of his cheek to spread him open. “Now shut up and have your reward for being so patient.” 

Pain speers Jungkook’s body, sinking so far deep that he swears it creates fissures in his soul. Something horrible rips through Jungkook’s eardrums; it’s animalistic and wild. It’s his own scream, he realizes with a raw throat, that fizzles into whimpers with every rock of Thirteen’s hips. 

It hurts getting fucked by an incubus, but Jungkook should have known that. It’s the pain that makes the pleasure so addicting, the feeling of having one’s soul devoured at the same time one's body is satisfied beyond their wildest fantasies. Thirteen fucks into Jungkook with his body, but he tears into his soul with his mind. 

Drained, Jungkook wonders if this is how he’ll die. 

“Is this what you wanted?” Thirteen hisses. His voice takes on a slurred, gravelly sound that makes Jungkook’s skin prickle. It’s demonic, otherworldly. 

“Y-Yes,” Jungkook hiccups, and it’s true. 

The skin of his cheek and knees is rubbed raw from being thrust against the carpet, and snot clogs his nostrils from how much he’s crying. When Thirteen twists his hair between his claws and tugs, Jungkook’s orgasm punches him in the chest, leaving him heaving as Thirteen fucks him into overstimulation to the point that he can’t breathe. 

This is exactly what he wanted.

all rights reserved © gimmethatagustd on tumblr & AO3

do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my work

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi :) i hear you give advice and i very much need some. I’m 15 and I live in a pretty (very) conservative christian area.

My older sibling is 19, and came out as trans to me like a year ago. Ngl I didn’t really know what that meant, cause we don’t learn about that stuff (except for your classic, anything that isn’t “normal” is wrong). But he just told me that he’s happier with he/him and with his new name. But he hasn’t told our parents yet, so I have to use the old stuff in front of them when he comes back for visits (he’s as uni) which feels gross cause I know he feels uncomfortable but it’s fine. 

I sort of thought the he/him thing would be weird, since that’s not how i’ve addressed him my whole life, but after a couple of months it was actually super easy. We call each other like twice a week, and I was worried we’d drifted apart after he told me but actually were closer than ever, I feel like I know him a lot better now. 

Oh but his old name, the one parents gave him, SUCKS. And now I can’t mock him for it cause he picked a new one, which seems unfair to me but I can come up with new material, i’m creative.

Anyway, he told me that he’s been saving up and he’s gonna get top surgery. He’s had a pretty good job since  school so I guess he’s been saving since then. I hear it’s expensive. 

But it made him decide to tell our parents. So when he came up and visited, just before he left, he told them.

That was last week. They reacted terribly, as we knew they would. And they’ve both been yelling about it a bunch. Saying stuff like “He (okay no they’re actually using she but I won’t be doing that even in writing cause it feels wrong cause it’s my brother) is totally insane” or “He needs therapy, we failed him.” or “How dare *old name* do this” or “he’s delusional” and a bunch of other awful shit like that.

So I have two options. I can try and encourage them to do little things like use he/him for my brother. Or call him their son instead of daughter. Or actually look at photos of him now (he very much doesn’t look like a girl anymore- idk how they didn’t realise tbh). Or how he always did little things like cutting his hair and hating dresses and other stuff like that.

I’ve often been able to help my parents be nicer about stuff. Like my friend who’s a lesbian, they hated her at first but now they’re nicer about it.

But maybe if I do that they’ll start yelling about corrupting me (as they’ve done in the past) and harass my brother worse and be even worse about it all. 

It’s hard to know which direction it’ll go.

And look I still don’t really get it. But also it makes sense, you know? It’s like the final puzzle piece being slotted in, all those things he used to do make sense now. 

My parents say I can’t interact with lgbtq+ stuff cause they’ll corrupt me. But like- not to be rude but, aren’t they corrupting me? My brother HAPPY. I don’t see how that’s wrong. And they’re the ones telling me I should be actively encouraging him to be- what, sad again? Uncomfortable in himself. 

I don’t know, i’m not totally sure I understand my parents or my brother. I got tumblr in the first place since it’s the only thing I could think of that’s online (so I could hide it) and probably has lgbtq+ people on it so I could- idk get used to it I guess. 

And now i’m here. 

When it comes down to it, I want my brother to be happy, and if he’s happier as my brother than my sister then I don’t see why I should care about him switching pronouns or whatever. 

So I want to try and help my parents see it like that too. And they often do see new sides to things when I point them out. So maybe id be helping.

But there’s also the chance they’d get more mad at my brother for corrupting me and that’d make him upset and that’s not what I want. 

So yeah, any advice? 

It’s kinda scary coming from my small town onto the giant internet of people i’ve been taught are weird. But you guys don’t seem that weird. I mean- you do but weird like i’m weird, not weird like ill. (Sorry if any of this seems rude btw, I might not get it but i’m trying really hard not to judge anyone, since it’s pretty clear to me that some of the things i’ve been taught aren’t correct). 

Also why do my parents think my brothers ill anyway? I know him, i’d know if he’s ill. Also i love history, and trans people are all over history. I mean they’re never said to be trans but watching my brother, it’s pretty obvious other people were like him. 

Anyway, thanks and have a good summer 💖

Hi hon!

I want to tell you, it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you're an amazing support to your brother. You should be so proud of yourself.

I think you need to think about what is best for you and your mental health. If speaking up to your parents about your brother could end in them getting mad at you, it might not be a good idea. You've been doing amazing at supporting him while staying quiet, and I know he knows you support him. It might be best for yout o quietly educate yourself online without making a fuss, until you aren't relying on your parents as much for money, food, and shelter- kind of like your brother did.

This also might be a good thing to talk to your brother about, too. Like you said, this could affect him, and he probably knows your parents well. He might have some good advice <3 But you don't HAVE to stand up to them if it's not good for you. It's okay to educate yourself, and be an ally in other ways <3

Naming you history anon <3

(also wish your brother luck on his top surgery for me!)

[whentherewerebicycles]

.

ok well I feel insane gotta process

I feel pretty blindsided by how casually my parents dropped this on me & also how it was presented to me, as a “we already made this decision together and agreed this is for the best” thing rather than a “I’m feeling pretty tired/wrung out and might need a break sooner than I thought. can we talk about what that might look like” conversation. I feel like if she had just said to me that she needed a break I could’ve offered this to her even if it scared me but instead it feels like something I was leaning hard on is being taken from me in a totally unexpected way.

I feel like it just kind of lobbed a grenade through all the really positive loved & taken care of feelings I was experiencing earlier. like obviously she has taken really good care of me and owen for the last three weeks and I’m so grateful for that but I also feel like idk like an experience that felt really precious to me just got ruined in a pretty hard to come back from way. like I’m a big girl and I’ll be able to process this and separate out the feelings of sudden abandonment from the feelings of gratitude and love but also wow. that’s a tough pill to swallow and I feel like I’m going to have to do some careful reflective work to not act like a resentful child about this or have it become a Wound, at a moment where I don’t have a lot of spare mental/emotional resources to do careful reflective work. I also just feel this wounded child sense of, don’t you love him? don’t you love me? which is not a grownup way to feel but I guess I am feeling it anyway. I also keep having this intense shame reaction feeling of like maybe I did something wrong and am being punished for it by her pulling away so abruptly but nobody will tell me what I did wrong so I just have to guess and idk shame is so good at filling in a million trillion reasons why you were not worth loving anymore. ok jes! ok girl. you can spiral about this first but you have to coax yourself back in the end so try not to get too far out or it’ll be harder.

I still feel so vulnerable like I can’t get him in and out of the car seat I can’t get him to sleep more than 30 min at night I can’t open jars. my mom was like we’ll make a list of things you need to learn how to do and you can take it to PT so they can work on those things first and then maybe if you can’t go to PT with the baby they can do virtual PT with you. I just. okay. I guess that’s a thing I can do.

I feel pretty badly hurt. wow. I feel pretty badly hurt by this. I know I can weather both the practical reality of her leaving early and the emotional aspects of it but I wish I didn’t have to.

[boomboom-tanjiro2019]

OUR BELOVED SUMMER AU

PORTGAS D ACE X F! READER

This is gonna be based off the KDRAMA "Our Beloved Summer" I haven't finished it so keep that in mind. Idk if this is gonna be continued but this is the concept. Use of They/Them for Ivankov. I'm a Mrs. Kook defender. Not much was changed here but I will be altering to fit with the characters personalities a bit. Some original "Our Beloved Summer" characters might be split into two depending on the scene. The formatting is super weird so might not make sense, I really reccomend the show! Basically the different font is when the two are being interviewed and the flashbacks in between are describing the events of their meeting. As it goes on it will make more sense. Obv this is not my original storyline though some parts are changed 100% reccomend the show.

PROLOGUE

May, 2011

Interview, Ace sits in chair shuffling awkwardly. Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17: Oh… start? Uh- My name is Portgas D. Ace.

-

A teacher talks at the front of the classroom as Ace knocks out in a fit of narcolepsy. Camera crew recording to the right of him near a window, miniature camera facing him on his desk, another camera facing the girl next to him.

His eyes flutter open and immediately direct to the camera crew next to him, comfortability snatched away from him.

“Don’t look at the camera” Dragon whispers over.

Ace slowly lifts his head, “It’s too big for me to miss…”

Dragon sighs, “Just… pretend there’s nothing over here”

“How am I supposed to do that? It’s right in front of me??”

“Ignore it-“

“Idiot. Face forward.” The girl in the chair next to Ace whisper shouts over the teacher. Ace furrows his eyebrows and looks at her as she stares down at him from his hunched over position, “…Why are you looking at me? Look at the board.”

‘Bitch.’ Ace thinks.

“Class is dismissed! Do whatever you want.” The teacher, Dracule Mihawk sighs and whispers under his breath, “Fuck these kids.”

He packs up his things as the camera crew stays fixated on him.

“You’re leaving?” she asks, sitting in the same spot.

“None of your business what I’m doing.” Ace messily shoves his things in his bag, papers everywhere crumpled together.

The girl takes a deep breath, “Sir, can we stop recording?” Her head slowly turns to glare at the back of Ace’s head, “It’s really hard to work with such an idiot.”

Ace turns on the heel of his sneakers “Huh? You call me an idi-“

“We have been filming for DAYS. The whole time you’ve been moving around like you’re insane. I can’t focus at ALL because you were so restless.”

“The camera is- RIGHT. THERE. What the hell do you want me to do?”

“Focus on class? Maybe?! You can’t even do that?”

“Then ignore me and focus on yourself.”

“Fine. You don’t care about getting good grades, totally get it. But I refuse for you to end up bringing me down to your level.”

Ace turns to the camera in a “The Office” style fourth wall break, “You heard that right?” He turns back, “I’m SOOO happy for you. Your social skills couldn’t get lower.”

The girl scoffs and murmurs “why did I even agree to this?”

“I KNOW right?” Ace smiles and puts his hands on his hips with a sarcastically confused expression, “Why DID you agree to this?” With that, he storms off.

-

Interview Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  My name is Y/N L/N. I think I first saw Ace around the tenth grade.

-

Flashback to when Y/N is describing, October 17, 2009 

Y/N approaches the library desk, peaking over at the top Bookworms list.

Portgas D Ace

Y/N L/N

“Excuse me, Mrs.?” Y/N asks as the librarian looks up. “Who is…um…” she reads the name one more time “ Ace?”

“Oh? Ace? He’s over there actually.” She points to a guy over in the corner of the library.

-

Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17: I met him in a weird spot.

-

“Hey.” She stands near the boy, “My name is Y/N. What’s your school rank?”

Ace looks at her, taken aback and kind of bashfully , “Erm… 267.”

She freezes, “But… we only have-“

“267 students.”

-

Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  At that moment, I thought he was a super weird kid. Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  UM- No. That was the 2nd time we met. The first time was during the entrance ceremony.

-

Flashback to their freshman year, first day of school.

A multitude of students stand in separate lines at a school gym as school officials sit in chairs on a decorated front stage.

“The student entering into their first year with the best grades from middle school is Y/N L/N!” A principle shouts over the chatter.

-

Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  I watched her walk because she looked like a soldier marching into war or something.

-

Y/N grabs her award with a small and serious smile and swiftly going back to her spot in line.

Ace’s deep chocolate eyes meet her piercing and intoxicating ones, he smiles softly at her.

-

Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  In my own defense here, I was just trying to be nice to her the first time our eyes met.

-

“Hey.” She tilts her head up in his direction. 

Ace gasps slightly, cursing himself for doing it right after. His eyes widen and he waits for another word intently

“Turn around.” She narrows her eyes at him.

He looks as if he was pretending not to die slowly, his eyes staying in the same position as only his head slowly rotates forward like a depressed owl.

-

Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  That’s when I realized she was pretty weird. Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  …ANYWAY- I never thought I would have gotten involved with a kid as weird as HIM.

-

Senior Year, February, 2011

Ace rolls around in a chair, restlessly holding a bag over his head with his nose scrunched and bopping his head to non-existent music like the Wii soundtrack was the only thing that was in his head. Which wouldn’t be an unreasonable assumption. The teachers’ room is packed with desks and computers.

“So- what do you think?” Ivankov smiles in an overexcited manner, “The director is a SUPER close confidant of mine and he PROMISED not to get in your way. Awesome right?” They wink, “You can always refuse of course.”

“…Am I the only one being filmed?” She asks.

“No, there will be another, they’ll record the best student and worst student for a month and see how you two will interact. Like a documentary. That’s where Ace-boy over there comes in.”

Y/N’s eyes pan over to Ace getting slapped with a rolled up piece of paperwork by a female teacher, wincing at the contact and putting on the expression of a hurt puppy… or a spoiled toddler. “Ouch- sorry-“ he whispers.

‘…right.” She thinks.

“Anyway- just keep the offer in mind, alright?” Ivankov smiles.

“Okay I will.” She smiles, “Thank you- wait… sorry- say I do agree to it, do I get paid for it?”

“Of course! You’ll be paid well.”

Ace’s bag stays over his head and his eyes stare directly at her as she’s leaving, catching her off guard. She freezes and looks him up and down before jogging off.

-

Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  To me, it seemed like he was my total opposite. I thought about saying no. Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  Yeah, well I had already said no when Iva asked me, but turned out I had no choice in the matter anyway.

-

“ACE!” Dadan calls out to her “not son” and drags him over to the bench the other two are still sitting at, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US ABOUT THE DOCUMENTARY?!”

“OW OW- why would I?! I’m not doing it.” Ace shouts while getting thrown over to sit on the bench.

Garp laughs and hits Ace way too hard on the back, “What are you TALKING ABOUT? Of course you are! Dragon came all this way to ask. Even though he owes me thousands in child support.”

Dadan mumbles, “You mean he owes ME.”

“YOU CAN'T MISS THIS CHANCE.”

“YOU’RE GONNA GET TO STUDY WITH THE TOP STUDENT OF THE YEAR- YOU HAVE TO.”

“I DON’T WANT TO!” Ace shouts, temper rising.

Garp’s grin fades, “Why the HELL not kid? How can you refuse?!”

“Strangers are gonna know my face!” He puts his arms up in defense.

Dadan scoffs, “as if you care about that.”

“I’m a senior! This will affect my academics.” Ace crosses his arms and closes his eyes as if that was a valid argument.

Silence.

Dadan and Garp burst out laughing.

Dadan can barely get the words out and shouts, “WELL THEY CAN’T GET ANY WORSE KID!”

Garp is still smiling but his laughter fades out, “I mean… they could be to Luffy’s level.”

“…Don’t even go there, he’s lucky he’s only a freshman so they can’t ask him to be in the documentary. He’s the only one Ace is beating right now.” Dadan completely stops smiling at the reminder of the horror that is Luffy’s academic life. No one is even sure he can read. “Besides, you’ll be studying with the TOP STUDENT! You should be GRATEFUL!!”

“But…. BUT! I…. THAT GIRL IS A WEIRDO!”

-

Going back to the interview room with the two at least two feet a part glancing at each other tiredly Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  Yeah. That’s it- that’s about how this whole thing started. And it became way more bothersome than I thought.

-

Ace sits down in the classroom he switched to, pulling out an array of unnecessary items.

Y/N sighs, “it’s always the worst students who cause the most ruckus.”

Ace looks confusedly over to her, “You talking to me?”

“Keep your stuff off of my desk.”

Ace sassily scoots his colors over to the complete other side of his desk and slowly scoots the overlapping pages of Y/N’s book to her side.”

-

Portgas D. Ace, 17:  She was way more annoying than I could have ever imagined.

-

The two documentary stars sit at a lunch table alone with cameras between them documenting their every move.

-

Portgas D. Ace, 17: At first I tried to be friends with her.

-

“Hey um….” Ace awkwardly smiles before trying to talk, not being able to think of a conversation starter. He slowly puts his head back down, fiddling with his spoon and food, but a piece goes flying and lands right on Y/N’s white shirt getting sauce stains on it. 

She looks down slowly and coldly, and in Ace’s personal opinion, seems like she is going to beat the living shit out of him. She looks back up and focuses her eyes away from Ace.

Ace’s eyes widen and he stiffens immediately, “Oh- um- sorry…” he cringes at himself.

She ignores his apology and takes a napkin to try to wipe off the stain, she finally looks back up at him and glares, grabbing a sauce packet and slowly opening it.

Oblivious to the action, Ace turns and points at her sheepishly while facing the camera, trying to explain. “I didn’t mean-“ A spray of sauce goes flying at Ace’s shirt as he gasps and faces her defensively. “I said I was sorry!”

“Good for you. I’m not.” 

-

Y/N L/N, 17:  What was I gonna do? We are just too different.

-

Y/N and Ace were forced to be recorded attending a gym class, normally Ace’s forte. However, Y/N was set on using him as a human shield instead of playing normally.

She moved him while trying to avoid the ball, causing Ace to get hit and very uncharacteristically fall to the ground. Y/N taking this opportunity to tilt his head the direction of the ball and get him hit in the face instead of the side of his head had he just stayed there.

She stands up again and Ace pulls away facing her in anger, “HEY WHAT THE F-“

Y/N quickly turns him around to the direction of the ball, still unnecessary given he would have still blocked it with the back of his head, Ace realizes and quickly ducks down.

The ball approaches quickly while Y/N is still in that same spot.

The ball smacks her right smack dab in the middle of the face, knocking her down not from momentum of the throw, but the shock and late reflexes making her fall back much easier than normal.

Ace flips his head around, realizing late, “PFFT- uh- you alright there?” He smiles and lends a hand while Y/N grabs his arm and digs her nails into his wrist in cold blood.

-

Y/N L/N, 17: He acts like a child.

-

Ace lies down on a bench looking up at trees that have light partially peeking through. Like a glimpse of heaven or an artwork showing how nature can work in harmony to form a single piece.

He talks to the camera crew facing a camera up at him from above, “One of the things I love doing the most is lying in the shade, with the sun peeking down on me through the trees.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Y/N interrupts Ace’s filming standing up over him, “Finish that book so you can return it.”

Ace smiles and examines the book, reaching out with it to give to her, as she reaches for it snatching it away with a shit eating grin to put it under his head as a pillow and sighs, “Wow… this is great.”

Y/N fumes and snatches both of the books from under Ace and lets his head hit the hard wood of the bench.

-

Y/N L/N, 17:  To top it off he’s lazy.

-

Students sit in an eerily quiet classroom, pencils marking away at workbooks, the only sound being Ace’s giggling at his phone out texting some of his friends from Whitebeard’s Resort where he works for the summer.

The students glare over at Ace, not one saying a word, settling for silent annoyance. Y/N grows tired and snatches the phone right out of his hand and shoves it in her backpack.

Ace stands up in shock and disbelief, the sound of the clanking chair alarming Mr. Mihawk.

“What was that?” He enters back into the classroom from the conversation he was having with Shanks, probably escaping it honestly, “ACE! You AGAIN?! I thought I told you all to be quiet.” He sighs and rubs his temples.

Ace glares over at Y/N who gives him a fake confused look and innocently smiles.

-

Portgas D. Ace, 17:  Things are already exhausting and she has a knack for making them even worse. Y/N L/N, 17:  To sum it up, Portgas D. Ace is pathetic.

-

"Sorry, what was that last question?" Ace asks Dragon in an isolated room, Y/N sitting two feet to his right.

"How about why can't you pay attention?" She crosses her arms and shoots him a pointed glare.

"Right..." Dragon sighs, "I'm gonna restart the recording now, if we can just get this segment done."

Portgas D Ace: Things I hate? *He smiles* Y/N L/N. She’s some weird girl I know.

Y/N L/N: *Facing him* I hate pathetic things. I despise people who are hopelessly pathetic the most. Portgas D. Ace: *Inconspicuously pointing at her* And being selfish! I hate selfish people who only-

Y/N L/N:  People who cause trouble for others! If you want to fail, fail on your own. Why do the rest of us have to go with you? Portgas D. Ace:  People who are super harsh, and speak without thinking. To me those people are super rude. Y/N L/N:  Look at who is talking. He needs to look in a mirror because he doesn’t think at all.

Portgas D. Ace:  He?! Me??? Y/N L/N:  You started it by bitching at me first! Portgas D. Ace: Ugh. Are you done talking? Y/N: Not yet because I’m obviously still talking. Ace: Why did you guys want me to film this again? Y/N: Because it’s a documentary filming the best student helping the worst. Correct? Ace: Ohhhhh… I see… you’re seeing how long normal people can endure anti-social ones. Experiments like this are just unethical. Y/N: Oh I’m sorry… from the title BEST and WORST student who would you think is more antisocial?

Ace: People like her exhaust everyone around them as soon as they enter society. Y/N: Someone like you wouldn’t even be able to enter society so how would you know that? Dragon: Alright… um… here’s a DIFFERENT question: what do you think you’ll both be doing after ten years?

*Silence* Ace: Let’s see… I’ll be 27 by then… Y/N: Whatever it is, I’m hopeful and pretty sure that I will be good at whatever it is I’m doing. Ace:  Ummmmm… I guess I wanna live an adventurous life without being too tied down. Y/N: I’ll lead groups of people in my company and have an active and fulfilling life, a successful one. Ace: I want a free and open life Ace and Y/N: With one thing for sure- Y/N:  I’ll have nothing to do with the pathetic person next to me. Ace: *Scoff*  That’s how I feel.

Dragon shuts off his camera and exits the room with Ivankov waiting outside, "Maybe I've gotten myself into more trouble than it's worth."

"Oh it'll be fine... They'll learn something and become better people by the end of it." They smile.

"I suppose you'r-" He's interrupted by the sound of clanking chairs and incoherent yelling.

"Or maybe they'll kill each other before filming is over and this will be for nothing" Ivankov pats Dragon on the back and take off.

[cathchicken]

Ok watched the new episodes, my quick thoughts: (spoiler)

I thought cake dropped the f bomb when she said “puck him up!” In the first few minutes. Sort of disappointed she didn’t tho, that’d be really funny

Episode one overall was really cute! Gave me big bee and puppy cat vibes

I like the relationship Fiona has with both Gary and Marshal. ALSO PEPPERMINT BUTLER WAS SUCH A JUMPSCARE IDK WHY

Also surprising: Hunter?? (Genderswapped human huntress wizard). It’s a different design than the one we see in the trailers! I’m not sure how to think of it yet but I could immediately sense the sort of pairing they are going for obviously with Fiona.

Lsp was lsp

Also the human lemongrabs haha

Intro theme was a banger??? Especially episode 2

Ok episode two: essentially a Simon torture porn episode like oh my god I am not kidding

He’s such a looser (sad)

Like give my man a break

I bet you could easily make a 20 minute compilation of every time Simon gets whacked in the head or punched or something, by the end of the series.

Also Simon and Marcy flashback. Gonna throw up now my heart won’t take it

He is going insane. Like his girl how cute 💕💕💕💕

Betty shrine

Choose goose but EVIL!! yes! This was hinted at in the “wizard city” episode of distant lands, and now he is back but filled with dark magic I guess.

Nothing happens with that little Fiona fangirl

FINN!!! He is very big but thr same the whole time, I am happy to see him back

Jake is dead :’(

Finn hangs out with TV now, interesting. TV even has a little tamagotchi

This episode REALLY earned the tv-14 rating. Lots of blood, but satisfying in a way. A beat up monster actually has visible injuries!!

Well also Simon his arm gets jacked up. Because it’s mandatory I guess

I have no idea what’s gonna happen to finns weird scratch, maybe nothing

Finn makes like at least two jokes about his balls and it’s so good. He’d totally be the person to think balls are funny

Huntress wizard is also mentioned in this episode too!! Not any appearances though. Finn does say he regularly meets with her though, and at the end of the episode even goes to “hang out” with her

Rebecca sugar song!!! I think!!!

OH YEAH WE GOT A BIT OF BUBBALINEEE. Nothing too important, just them having a goofy time and being happy :3

next: Simon summons god /j

Well, he does something to connect with golb, or at least his intentions. But choose goose messes up the chant by saying something about Fiona and cake.

Ok so THEORY: this summoning/portal ritual caused a portal to appear from Simon to Fiona’s world, like the chant eventually said. The portal itself (in Fiona’s universe) was specifically tied to ice, since that’s a point of simons identity. Well, the portal cake wen through was right near human ice queen, so I thought it was because ice queen was the Simon of Fiona’s universe. But cake doesn’t enter her, but just the ice in her ice cream cart. Hmmm,,,, not sure.

Ok I think that’s it for now!!

[blinkaftermidnight]

Leatin Falling Apart idk

Read on AO3.

Nothing happens on the island, but after the island, it kind of just makes sense that Leah and Fatin end up together. They’re all they have back home – well, as far as understanding, like, the insane amount of island-related trauma goes – so they text a lot and hang out a lot, and it doesn’t come as a total shock when Fatin kisses Leah out of nowhere (in the parking lot of the movie theater after they wasted two hours and over twenty bucks). But maybe it’s a bit of a shock when, after Fatin pulls back and quickly apologizes, Leah kisses her, too.

And they work. Everything goes smoothly, even when they return to school for their senior year, even when Fatin’s parents cut her off financially, even when Leah’s mental health steadily deteriorates as the trial inches closer and closer. They still work (as a couple, obviously, but also as, like, each other’s person or whatever) during the trial, which begins shortly after they graduate. They’re still going strong when Dot and Shelby arrive in Los Angeles. Everything is still fine when Dot teases Fatin over getting soft, and when Shelby quietly tells Leah that she’s so proud of all the progress she’s made.

And Leah doesn’t remember when she and Shelby became kind-of friends, but it was probably around the same time she and Rachel became kind-of friends. When Rachel arrives in Los Angeles – knowing that Leah and Fatin are together because of social media and because Leah texted it to her, like, almost right away – she immediately rolls her eyes at Leah – then hugs her – then says, “You could’ve had anyone and you chose Fatin?”

“I chose Leah, actually,” Fatin pipes up. “She just happened to choose me back.”

Leah rolls her eyes but can’t argue with that, and when she and Fatin grin at each other, Rachel shakes her head. (But when Fatin isn’t looking, Rachel smiles at Leah.)

Nora flies in separately, and though she stays in the same hotel in Los Angeles as everyone else, she books a room on a different floor. Dot accuses Rachel of telling Nora she couldn’t stay near them, but Rachel denies it, and Leah might be the only one who truly believes her.

Toni and Martha fly in a day later – the day before they’re set to start testifying – and they’re all there to witness Toni and Shelby’s awkward airport reunion. Like, Toni and Shelby hug, but even Leah and Rachel had a more intimate moment in the airport the day before, and there’s nothing but friendship between them, so it’s weird to see Toni and Shelby be so…distant. And after a few moments in the embrace, Toni clears her throat and steps back, jamming her hands into her pockets.

As Martha goes around to hug everyone, she admits to Fatin (but Leah overhears it), “I never would’ve guessed that you and Leah would get together, but I’m so happy for you.”

“Girl, if you’re worried that I’m not gonna help you find a man because I’m shacking up with a woman, then you’re –”

“No! I’m just – really surprised and really happy for you.”

Fatin waves her off, says, “We’re going out tonight before this shit show begins, and we’re gonna get you a man. You’re gonna be glowing more than usual in court tomorrow.”

Martha’s eyebrows raise, and Leah gives herself permission to keep eavesdropping, because Toni and Shelby are still being unbearably awkward, and Dot’s trying to, like, help things along, and it’s hard to watch.

“You’re going to take me…to find a man…but you’re with Leah?” Martha questions.

Fatin scoffs. “Leah knows I won’t stray.”

And Leah does know that. That doesn’t mean she’s thrilled about the idea of Fatin taking Martha clubbing – but at least Rachel and Dot make it known that they’re totally in, and Leah doesn’t feel compelled to go, even before Fatin whispers to her, while they’re heading back to the hotel with Toni and Martha in tow, “You don’t have to come with us, if you don’t want to. And if you really don’t want me to go, I’ll just tell Martha –”

“It’s fine,” Leah whispers back, because Martha’s sitting directly behind them, giggling with Shelby. “Go have fun. Just remember we have to leave bright and early tomorrow.”

And Fatin grins and presses her lips to Leah’s jaw and intertwines her fingers with Leah’s, and Rachel groans exaggeratedly and says, “Don’t do that gay shit when you’re sitting next to me!” and Leah feels herself relax as everyone busts out laughing. When the laughter dies down, Rachel assures them she’s just joking. (Even though they already know it’s just a joke, but the fact that Rachel felt the need to remind them that she’s messing around is something new.)

And everything is still fine – better than fine, still good – that day before the trial. Leah watches Fatin struggle to choose an appropriate outfit from her three (three) suitcases, and she humors Fatin and chooses her favorite out of literally ten different options. And Leah starts to think maybe she should just suck it up and go with them if Fatin’s going to put actual effort into her outfit and hair and makeup (and Leah knows that Fatin does it for herself and not for anyone else, but it still nags at her, just a little bit). But Fatin reminds Leah that she’ll be back before one, and Fatin doesn’t get changed immediately. She strips down and joins Leah on the bed and tells her she needs to be quiet if she doesn’t want Dot and Rachel to hear them through the wall.

So everything is okay. Fatin gets back to the room at 12:57 in the morning, ditches her dress and leaves it in the middle of the floor. She slips into bed behind Leah, whispers an apology for waking her, presses her lips to Leah’s neck.

“Did you find Martha a man?” Leah mumbles. And Fatin smells like alcohol and sweat and a strange mixture of cigarettes and weed, but Leah doesn’t tell her to go shower. Leah hums, finds herself leaning back into Fatin as Fatin’s arm settles around her waist.

Fatin chuckles, “Yeah. And we found Dot a man, too, which I wasn’t expecting at all. I’ll tell you everything later. Now go back to sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

Except the first day is only sort of a big day, because it isn’t the actual first day of the trial. No, the trial’s been going on, and none of the Unsinkable Eight have been allowed inside the courtroom yet (aren’t allowed until after they testify), and Martha’s up first. Maybe there’s no rhyme or reason to the order they testify in – or maybe there is – but Martha goes first. And they testify over the course of days, and the days blend together. Leah is selfishly glad that Fatin testifies before her, because that means Fatin’s allowed in the courtroom when Leah testifies. Leah can stare at Fatin the whole time instead of at Gretchen Klein. And the whole night after she testifies, she sobs in Fatin’s arms in their hotel room, and Fatin lies awake with her until the sun rises, and the two of them still just work.

But then the trial ends. (It’s a relief, but it’s fucking terrifying, because now what?) Everyone stays in Los Angeles at least until they hear the verdict, but the night before the verdict will be read, Leah hears Toni and Shelby fighting through the wall – the other wall, because Leah has never heard anything from Dot or Rachel. And maybe Toni and Shelby would hear Leah and Fatin arguing right about now, too, but it’s thirty minutes past the time Fatin said she’d be back to the room, and when she does get back (an hour and twelve minutes late), she’s drunk and she passes out on the other bed – the one Leah’s not in – almost immediately.

The guilty verdict feels hollow when Shelby and Toni use the rest of the girls as a buffer – same as Rachel and Nora have been doing. It feels hollow when Fatin’s hungover and doesn’t understand why Leah’s upset with her.

*

Later, while Fatin’s packing up all her shit and complaining about her headache, Leah registers for classes at UC Berkeley. She sits cross-legged on the hotel bed they’ve shared every night – except last night – for weeks, and she watches Fatin cram her belongings into her multiple suitcases. Leah watches Fatin grab her shit, toss it onto the bed next to Leah so she can pack it. As Fatin chugs a bottle of water, Leah sighs because – even if Fatin pees at the airport when they drop everyone else off – they’re going to have to stop somewhere during their drive back to the Bay. And for the first time ever – since the day they officially got together – Leah wonders if this is going to work.

And Leah shouldn’t be trying to psych herself out, but as she confirms that she’s fully registered for classes in the fall, she does the math. She’s eighteen. She survived a three month stint on an uninhabited island (and Linh’s death proves that, yeah, they really were in a life or death situation), so it’s not crazy to think that she could live for another, like, sixty to seventy years. And even taking into account their shared trauma and all the bonding that came with that – can Leah really see herself spending the next sixty-plus years with Fatin Jadmani?

Leah is eighteen. (And she might be in love with Fatin, but they haven’t talked about that, and after Jeff, Leah isn’t so sure she knows what love is, but this seems like it and it’s fucking terrifying, so that’s a question for later.) So the thing is: Leah doesn’t know much of anything. She knows she survived the island. She knows that she – at the very least – really likes Fatin (and maybe even loves her). And she knows she’s starting college soon. And Leah thinks that’s about all she should be expected to know. But it’s still going to bother her, not knowing if she can spend an entire lifetime with Fatin –

“Babe, you’re staring at a blank screen.”

Leah blinks, refocuses on her laptop, which has gone to sleep. So Leah’s staring at a black screen, and Fatin’s staring at her. And just like that, Fatin pushes Leah’s belongings she’d piled onto the bed out of the way, takes a seat next to Leah. Fatin has that look on her face. The look that she’d get on the island – that look she always gets when Leah withdraws too deep into her own mind.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Fatin asks. Her voice is as gentle as the hand that lands on Leah’s thigh, and Leah flinches.

“You came back late,” Leah mutters. (She tries to push the uncertainty about their future away. There’s no way she’ll be voicing that to Fatin. Definitely not right now, not after they’ve won in court.)

It takes Fatin a moment, but she explains, “Our first Uber never showed, so we wasted almost a half hour waiting on that, and the driver of the Uber that did show was slow as fuck.”

“You came back drunk,” Leah says.

“I came back drunk, and Dot came back drunk, and Rachel came back drunk. That’s why we had to wait on an Uber.”

“You should’ve texted.”

“I’m sorry.”

Leah nods. She closes her laptop, sets it aside, and brushes Fatin’s hand off her thigh. Fatin’s eyes won’t leave the side of her face. Leah exhales, rubs at her eyes, and when Fatin pulls her hand away from her eyebrow, Leah doesn’t resist.

“Something else is bothering you,” Fatin observes.

“Toni and Shelby fought all night.”

“Well, that’s shitty, but it’s not what’s bothering you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

And Leah doesn’t remember the last time she said that to Fatin. They’re coming up on their one year anniversary, so it was probably, like, two or three months into this thing? And Fatin had rolled her eyes and told Leah to just lay it on her and they’d figure it out. And Leah laid it on her and they figured it out. But now, Fatin doesn’t say anything. She just links her fingers through Leah’s and holds both of their hands against her chest.

“We have to get going soon,” Fatin says after they sit in silence for at least five minutes. Leah nods, pulls her hand back, and gets all her things together. Fatin uses the bathroom before they leave the hotel. She uses the bathroom at the airport – before they say goodbye to all the other girls and right before they leave. And Leah still has to pull off the highway so Fatin can pee at a McDonald’s. As they’re pulling back onto the highway, Fatin complains that her headache’s coming back.

*

When they hit their one year anniversary, a few weeks after they hear the verdict (and a few days before Gretchen’s set to be sentenced), Fatin admits, “You know, this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. And I haven’t even completely fucked it up yet. Isn’t that insane?”

Leah was almost asleep (in Fatin’s bed, since Fatin’s family is in Italy), but her eyes pop open. And the only thing she can think to say is, “So what’s your second longest relationship?”

Fatin laughs, covers her face with her hands, then says, “Like, three months? I think.”

“You know I’m in no position to judge you for that.”

They haven’t talked about Jeff since they were on the island. And Leah doesn’t intend to say anything more than that. She knows Fatin will know exactly what she means.

“I need to hear you say it, though,” Fatin says softly. “I need to hear you say that I haven’t fucked it up. Unless you can’t –”

“You haven’t fucked it up.”

(Fatin has fucked up. Many times. And so has Leah. But she hasn’t fucked their entire relationship.)

Fatin exhales in relief, like maybe she was actually afraid Leah was about to tell her she’s a giant fuckup and their relationship is over.

[thenumber-e]

Wifeyyyyy! Tell me about Craig's sports Hobbies? Or Hobbies in general:3

ok feeling shitty rn so this’ll (hopefully) get my mind off of stuff

anyways oh boy there are SO many of these that i have this is gonna get long i think

starting off with sports, i feel like he’d be an active guy. not like gym bro buff craig kinda stuff you see, he’s definitely a lanky beanpole. but i feel like he does a few sports so has a bit of muscle

first off, basketball. i’m a truther for this one, i don’t see it a lot tho. like, i hc him as being pretty tall, and i don’t have much like canon advice to back this up but that and the fact that there’s a basketball in his garage in tsot- but i think it jus fits him tbh. and also because it’s funny, he’s a total fucking loser nerd, but since yk i’ve gotta stick to canon sometimes, he’s technically popular and attractive, he definitely has like a jock alter-ego or smth stupid like that LMAO

he definitely seems like a hockey guy. like- the enforcer is so him. he’d totally wanna beat people up just cus he can. also i think he’d be a really good skater- i think he’s a pretty well balanced person physically. also, i see kyle as doing hockey, and they’re definitely close. i just see them being friends making sense, so now theyll have a sport together. also- because im insane, ike does hockey too and kyle and craig help him practice

i believe i’ve seen this once, but yk. i always see boxer tweek and don’t get me wrong i love that, but i feel like craig would continue doing martial arts afterwards too. like he’s canonically a violent and angry guy, but he’s kinda mellowed out, and i feel like that’s him just holding it back or smth cus he gets in trouble alllll the time. tweek also probably scolds him for it. but i feel like it would be a good way for him to get out any extra emotions, because he is NOT good at expressing those. also, back onto lanky criag, he’s got long limbs, and i feel like that’s good for someone to do martial arts (trust me im projecting) also, that’s also why he has good balance i feel.

alright, done with sports, just normal hobbies.

starting off, he’s 100% a music guy. i see stuff about him preferring podcasts over music, but i see him as a total music guy. in @panicatthecourtx more recent posts, she kinda went over that stuff, but because yk, im the craig ceo i’ll go over it too. i call it dad rock cus thats what my dad listens to, but he definitely listens to nirvana, ac/dc, weezer, that kinda stuff. he’s just a nerd. but i feel like he’d also have music as a way to vent in some sort of way? idk if it makes sense this is just how my brain works, but when he’s stressed, overstimulated, or just down in the dumps he zones out and just listens to music. he’s also just a nerd

space, duh. he could go on and on about that shit for hours. he can make every constellation, am every galaxy, all the nebulas, and basically anything. especially black holes. they fascinate him, he finds them so interesting and yk. is a nerd about em. ik it doesn’t really tie in with space stuff but i’ll put it here, he definitely loves conspiracy theories, especially ones about aliens and stuff. he thinks of his own all the time. especially about other space related things. also, back to conspiracy, death absolutely fascinates him. he just want to know what happens after that.

this is a basic one, but sleeping. he’s the heaviest sleeper ever, literally sleeps 24 fuckin 7

he’ll never admit it, but he kinda likes school. not because he likes sitting around all day or listening to teachers drone on and on, it’s because usually he can talk about things. in classes he enjoys, it’s his favorite thing ever. i also see him as that one kid who literally never studies or pays attention and yet has all A’s in every class.

he’s 100% a reader. he can zone out and not lay attention to anything. he gets lost in books all the time and it’s so nerdy but he loves it. it’s almost like an escape from reality which he likes. he’d never admit it, but he frets stressed pretty easily so he enjoys the way to just be alone in his own world. this also ties in with the music hc- he probably listens to music while reading. he also just zones out a lot in general

this also kinda feeds into music headcanons but he skateboards. he just gives me 90s grunge/kurt cobain vibes and youll never change my mind on this. he thinks he’s so fuckin cool but he’s just some random ass lame kid but he gets away with it cus he’s mildly popular or whatever. but he definitely has a little mini skateboard for stripe

why do these headcanons keep feeding off of each other? i dont know but yk its ok. craig fucking loves mini things. it’s definitely iconic, cus my craig is really tall and has big ass hands. but small things remind him of tweek (my tweek is like 5’8 so compared to him yeah kinda short) but he’s just gay and loves anything and everything that reminds him of tweek

i’ve also realized i don’t need a really detailed description for everything so yeah uhh (don’t mind this it’s my train of thought)

he collects shit he has the most random stuff in his room. random lego pieces he found that he thought were cool, a shit tom of rocks, different leaves, little trinkets, anything space related, stickers, just stupid stuff. those are just the basics, but he has soooo much stuff

he loves making detailed lists and ordering them and stuff

going on hikes he loves hiking he just loves the outdoors tho

stargazing is a must. he loves it and has specific times and places for them

from like a singular scene in like on episode, he plays the fuckin violin cus he’s cool like that yk. because friends, he and wendy practice together- a friend headcanons that she plays the flute, so yk it works.

hanging out with friends is a must. especially clyde they have the bromance ever they’re so lovey dovey best friends

it’s like 2am and i’m getting lazy so here ya go this isn’t even half but alas it’s ok so have fun with my stupid ass spews ty for ur time

[tending-the-hearth]

The outsiders obc album: a review that is totally not biased or skewed due to the face that i’ve been listening to it nonstop since it came out two weeks ago

“Tulsa ‘67”

Goes insane over the first line of the song because it’s the same as the opening of the book

Since this song/story is being written after everything happens, ponyboy recognizing how hard his brothers work in the opening verse makes SO much sense

“That right there is my best friend in the whole world, johnny cade” idk what it is about this line but it just makes me so happy

But ponyboy pointing out that part of what makes a soc a soc is graduation parties actually makes me so sad because so many members of the gang ended up dropping out of school in order to work so of course they’d view graduating as a privilege they don’t have, and that plays so well into darry and pony’s last fight at the end of the show

“CAUSE WE’RE GREASERS” the silliest gang ever <3

It’s just such a good opening number, the beat and music is so entertaining

“Grease got a Hold”

JOSHUA BOONE YOU ARE THE DALLY EVER

Him constantly calling pony “little brother” is everything

The spelling section of the song is SO fun

“E is for effortless swagger” and soda uses ponyboy and johnny to hold himself up they’re his little brothers!!!

“Show us how it’s done, then, einstein!” soda and two-bit are best friends!!!!

Also daryl tofa absolutely killing it on the run of “you better run for your life”

You only really get this from seeing the song live, but darry keeps ponyboy away from the rest of the gang during his section of the song until he makes sure that ponyboy knows what being a greaser truly means, he is such a big brother

“I love you superman” ace ily ily ily kissing your cheeks

Again, not part of the soundtrack but the performance, but the moment where ponyboy gets the upper hand in his little play-fight with two-bit, and dally gets so excited and starts jumping up and down with the rest of the gang like they are siblings!!!

“Runs in the Family”

Darry loml i know you’re having an identity crisis but this song is such a vibe

“So i dropped out of school cause i had to earn a dollar” the little dance i do every time i hear this line

vibes to the song so i don’t have to deal with the emotions i get as a parentified older sibling identifying with this song far too closely

“Now i’m stuck between the role of a brother and a father” someone get this man a hug and some therapy PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

I always love a little bit of an unreliable narrator, so the audience hearing this song and knowing how much darry is struggling, meanwhile ponyboy is SO sure and SO positive that darry truly doesn’t care about him is absolute perfection

“Great Expectations”

This song literally made me cry my eyes out the first time i listened to it, and then seeing the staging for it during the show??? 

But also ponyboy acknowledging that darry had a future, and how he had to sacrifice that after their parents died, and understanding his struggle

Honestly there aren’t words to describe my love for this song, it’s so beautiful and well-written, and brody’s voice is just so fantastic

“Friday at the Drive-In”

Again, the beat of this song is SO good!!!

emma pittman’s voice is everything to me

The instrumental for this song is “grease got a hold” i’m losing my mind!!!

This song is also just such a fun, easy-going song, that it works at feeling slightly out of place with how fun and lighthearted it is, especially knowing what’s going to happen soon

"I Could Talk to You All Night"

CUTIE PATOOTIE ALERT

I never have viewed cherry and ponyboy as having romantic interest in each other (maybe ponyboy with a little crush on her, but they become friends post-book events), and this song is just so perfect with showing why they connect with each other, because they understand each other

Have i mentioned how much i adore musical!cherry??? 

“And we talked so dang much i didn’t even catch the end” i love how perfect the accents are in this show, it’s really satisfying lmao 

Cherry being the first one who’s ever truly listened to ponyboy my heart hurts

“Runs in the Family (Reprise)”

AHHHH THIS SONG

There’s just so much tension, and soda trying to be the middle man like always while darry is singing??? Painful

But also this song does such a good job at showing that it’s not even been a full year since the curtis parents died, so the boys are still grieving and processing, so it makes sense that this is a fight that’s happening

But ugh the way that the song ends with the slap???? Curled up sobbing

“Far Away from Tulsa”

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

I also really love how johnny joins in a little hesitantly, like he’s not sure if ponyboy wants him contributing, but then as soon as he starts he talks about having a little garden and reading stories

Now i’m thinking about post-book, the remaining outsiders gang turns the empty lot into a type of community garden in johnny and dally’s honor oh i’m going to be ill

“We’d be each other’s family, Pony, start this life anew” SOBBING MY EYES OUT JOHNNY KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT PONYBOY WANTS AND PONYBOY KNOWING WHAT JOHNNY WANTS THEY’RE THE PLATONIC SOULMATES EVER

God and then the song going into “great expectations” literal chills

“Run Run Brother”

Brody does Ponyboy’s panic SO perfectly you can feel his fear when he just keeps repeating “he stuck him in the back!”

Like he’s not freaking out about bob dying, he’s freaking out about the fact that johnny could get arrested

Mother hen Dally my beloved

“I hate to make you go” and “even though it kills me to say” those lines are everything, i love Dally just wanting to keep his little brothers close but knowing he needs to get them somewhere safe immediately

And the line “you’re a greaser now” getting repeated at the end???? I’m going insane, it doesn’t sound fun or happy anymore, it just sounds like a warning and almost like johnny and ponyboy are being taunted

“Justice for Tulsa”

Dally immediately calling out the cops for always going after the greasers and calling them his boys???? Obsessed with protective dally

Again, musical!cherry is everything to me, she doesn’t try to make excuses for what Bob did, she calls him and Randy out for drinking and ganging up on Ponyboy and Johnny, and calls Randy out for jumping Johnny the week before

Like in the book and movie she makes excuses and puts all the blame on johnny, but in the musical, even though she’s sad that bob’s dead, she understands why johnny did what he did, and doesn’t blame him for what happened

“Death’s at my Door”

Emotional damage

Jesus CHRIST the absolute slap in the face this song was during the show

Ponyboy blaming himself for everything??? Thinking he’s cursed because everyone he loves keeps dying or getting hurt??? Ouch???

But then johnny immediately jumping into reassure him and making sure ponyboy knows that he’s not alone??? They are the best friends ever???

I haven’t talked about how beautiful Sky’s voice is, if he doesn’t win a tony award i will riot

“The reason i’m living is you” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND HEAVING AND HYPERVENTILATING

Johnny saying “i’ll never leave you alone” and it’s true even after he dies because he knows ponyboy will see him in the sunset that they always talked about and i’m going to go curl up in a corner for a little bit

“Throwing in the Towel”

Emotional damage part 2

Parentified older siblings how are we feeling about this song

Darry finally talking to his brother about how he’s feeling, and getting validation from Sodapop that what he’s been doing is being noticed and making a difference!!

But darry recognizing what Ponyboy can do and his potential and blaming himself for what happened and, like ponyboy, telling soda that he’d be better off without him

“I lost our brother and i lost my way” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND PART 2

Darry is TWENTY in the books and never got a chance to truly mourn his parents it makes sense how much he struggles

Ponyboy joining in the song from the back of the set like it actually makes me want to bite something

Brent Comer how does it feel to understand darry like no one else <3333333

“Brother that’s what love is all about” JASON SCHHMIDT THE FACT THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR A TONY IS A CRIME

(they should have just nominated the entire cast for supporting or featured actor at this point tbh)

“Soda’s Letter”

Jason making me sob!!!!! 

“Ponyboy this house ain’t a home without you” this song just starts out punching you in the gut

Idk why but soda including “say hi to johnny for us” makes me emotional, like the curtis brothers love johnny as much as they love pony he is also their little brother!!!

Brent comer i will fight you for the end of this song

“Hoods turned Heroes”

DARYL AND JASON KILL THIS SONG ACTUALLY THEY’RE THE UNDERRATED DUO OF THIS SHOW

New hc because of this song is that Soda and Two-Bit are as close to each other as Pony and Johnny are

i love love love the "owe it all to Pony and Johnny" line, because they recognize what the two have been through, and also acknowledge that yeah, it's because of them that they're getting a little bit better of a reputation!

Also again, not part of the album, but the song is so hyped and excited and happy and then immediately gets cut by Dally walking onto the stage with Johnny wrapped in bandages and my heart BROKE

“Hopeless War”

Favorite change is cherry going to visit johnny in the hospital and that being where she and pony have their conversation

What i love about this song is that it isn’t cherry going “this is silly, you shouldn’t do this” it’s cherry realizing that what happened to johnny was never deserved, why the rumble is important, and knowing that it’s going to happen, but her also acknowledging, like ponyboy does, that it’s not going to change anything. 

I’m just so obsessed with emma’s voice and how she portrays cherry in the show

“Trouble”

I absolutely LOVE how aggressive and intense this song is, especially compared to “Hopeless War” coming right before it

I love “tonight” from West Side, and this song gives me those vibes, i love a good pre-rumble song

DARRY STILL LOOKING OUT FOR PONYBOY AND WANTING TO FIGHT FOR HIM 

PONYBOY TAKING THE “LET’S DO IT FOR JOHNNY” LINE

“Little Brother” 

Emotional damage part 3

The way the song starts out so soft and slow, and it building up and up as Dally becomes more and more worked up and looses it

“If anything were fair you would still be here” AND THAT’S THE POINT OF THE SHOW AND OF THE BOOK IT ISN’T FAIR THAT JOHNNY DIES IT’S FAIR THAT BOB DIES BUT JOHNNY DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE AND IT’S THE REALIZATION THAT EVEN THOUGH JOHNNY COULD DO SO MUCH MORE HE STILL DIES AND LEAVES THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM BEHIND

“Do it for Ponyboy, do it for Johnny Cade” THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS YOUR HONOR

The way Joshua just screams the last “Johnny can you hear me now?” absolutely destroys me, the song itself is all over the place, and it makes sense because it’s Dally’s breakdown

“Stay Gold”

Emotional damage part 4

When i saw the show the instruments were really quiet while Sky was singing so all you could hear was him and then the sounds of people quietly sobbing and sniffling (it was me)

Going from “i have seen a pool of blood run crimson red” to “i have stared into a thankful father’s eyes” johnny going from taking a life to saving lives i’m losing my mind actually

Not to be annoying about them again but Brody and Sky’s voices literally melt together and their emotions are so beautifully portrayed as they sing, going from melancholy to joyful as Ponyboy starts to accept Johnny’s death

And “I have known a love that many never know, and our love lives on no matter where I go” IT’S ABOUT THE PLATONIC LOVE OF THIS GROUP AND THE LOVE PONY AND JOHNNY HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND HOW FRIENDSHIPS ARE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING ELSE AND I’M JUST GOING TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE THEY’RE PLATONIC SOULMATES

Ponyboy having the last “Stay Gold” line 

“Finale (Tulsa ‘67)”

Darry reading the starting lines like Ponyboy did at the beginning of the show 

Ponyboy going from idolizing fictional heroes to looking at his brothers as his heroes because they’re the reason he’s going to be able to make it out of Tulsa????

Just the way he sings about how Darry is the toughest guy he knows, and how Soda is the heart and soul of the family, how earnest and loving he is when singing it

“Trying to look tough so they're not beaten down again” in connection to Dally makes me sob, him using the grease and toughness as a cover so he doesn’t get hurt again

And this reprise of the song just feeling so much lighter and happier, compared to the opening, when ponyboy was talking about how everything was unbalanced and the differences between the Greasers and the Socs, how he and his brothers were struggling, to the finale being so hopeful and encouraging, because Ponyboy’s had his realizations, he’s reconnected with his brothers, he’s accepted Johnny and Dally’s deaths, but he’s making a choice to keep going

And also at the end, where “We’re greasers” was repeated in the opening song, it’s now been changed to “Stay Gold” being repeated 

And the entire show ENDING with “Stay gold”???????

yeah i'm so so normal about this show i promise

[mamimiou]

hi this is re: roier but too long for a reply !

ive been out of qsmp for awhile and don't pay attention anymore but i wanna just like . place this quietly into the conversation lmfao... when i was watching and seeing things fans posted, i noticed roier is routinely feminized (a combo of misogyny/homophobia + racism) he's placed as "the woman" in the spiderbit relationship constantly in fan art etc. roier as a person irl isn't particularly feminine, but bc he's expressive and openly queer and not white, he's placed as Less Than and under more scrutiny constantly . there's a lot of complex things happening but the usamerican portion of the qsmp world does a lot of heavy lifting in misconstruing roier's character (too flirty, bad parent, too cruel, too harsh, slutty, the wife, whatever else he's gotten that i haven't seen) . so. if he's the woman of the relationship, and Women Belong To Their Husbands, well. they couldn't possibly see roier with anyone else, and it's his fault if others make advances. it's very strange to witness

I feel like I have just received a new point of view right now, and it has blown my mind away to the point where I need this plastered over Twitter (which won’t happen since it is HELL out there).

I have never thought of it this way because I never saw him like that but you are so right now that I put more thought into it ;-;. They really do see him as the woman of the relationship, and I’m pretty sure that it’s something subconscious for all of them (but not all).

Thank you so much for this, really. To me, this makes the most sense for this possessive behavior. Idk if you have read the comments in my last post but someone tweeted out this when talking about why they can’t see roier with someone else “SAME HERE but I have a theory! You know how you ship the character you relate to with the caracter you're attracted to? We probably relate to Cellbit so we ship him with everyone we like, and we're jealous of "our" partner being with others.... just a theory!” And to me that was already something, but this, this is something that I can totally see behind the reason for it all.

The amount of times that I had to read people blaming him for people flirting with him, just even receiving compliments really, but had to witness those same people laugh and make jokes about slime ACTIVELY going after cellbit, is insane.

I totally agree with you btw. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. As someone who watches him constantly I can agree with you, his character is actively feminine. It just stinks having your favorite character being seen like this, it makes me so upset sometimes I just want him to be FREE lol. I don’t think that people stop drawing him in this small, feminine way, until like purgatory maybe? Because well, he’s a strong character.

Everyone knows how flirty he is, but it was expected to go away as soon as he got married. And he never means harm :/ it’s just the way he is. It is very strange to watch people get possessive over him, and I feel like this will ultimately lead to the ship ending. Heartbreaking. If people actually knew his character, they’d know he hates betrayal so it makes no sense for them to get tilted over ships.

Sometimes you just want to have honest conversations about the characters, and Twitter isn’t the place because then they accuse you of hating the CCs which isn’t the case ☹️.

But wow, this explanation could actually be the reason behind it. Thank you for this, it like opened my third eye or something. I need this plastered on a build board for all to see.

[n7punk]

Wait you have ADHD? It all makes so much sense now!! I have a theory that every person with ADHD has one creative outlet that they do consistently without fail when everything around them is falling apart. I make bead flowers/trees/plants. For the last 4 years I’ve been making 1 or two projects every week without fail. Everyone around me is like “how come you can’t keep up with basic executive function life tasks but you keep up with this?” And I’m like idk?? I NEED this? If I don’t do it I’ll go crazy? Like it’s not a task to me as much as it is something I really enjoy doing and really need to do.

I have a friend with ADHD who makes color coded Pinterest boards with every theme you can imagine. They have more than 200 boards with subsections and randomly specific themes like “pirate with pink hat” or “hardcover book with gold foiling”. They visit their boards every day and spend hours organizing them and adding things to them. When asked why they do that they say “idk? It’s fun?”

Anyway I’m guessing yours is writing?

Not only do I have adhd but the procture's eyebrows shot up her forehead when she was reading the results and she just went "yeah... wow... uh, yeah... you've got it... all. you did it all." like apparently that's the only test i've gotten 100% on lmao and that's not exactly the one you want to ace.

anyway idk about that theory as a whole but i would go insane without writing. very recently came to the realization ive had a maladaptive daydreaming problem my entire life because i just called it "writing in my head" but it is my huge outlet. recently ive picked up some other creative hobbies that i'm doing... decent at keeping up, but writing is always going to be my main shit and it is the only thing that kept me sane 2020-2023

i am also an organizer tho tbh. when they're finally done (i have not had time to work on them in weeks) i'll probably post some stuff about my she-ra folders because I started working on totally reworking them back in april and ohhhhhh it hits so good and i love "wasting" hours doing that it's so satisfying

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hi Sarah! Sorry for the rant but I am personally struggling with Tortured Poets because nowhere on the songs themselves do I get any suggestion at all that Taylor herself once believed this relationship was the so-called moment of insanity she describes in the prologue. She sounds as adamantly and wholeheartedly sincere in her feelings on these songs as she sounds on the songs when she talks about her obsession and love for Joe after first meeting him (Gorgeous, KOMH, Cruel Summer, Delicate, Cornelia Street etc). Even if The Smallest Man is the last thing she wrote about the situation (which I don't think it is, based on her grief playlists I would point to CoSoSoM as likely being amongst the last), she literally says she would have died for his sins. Basically saying, everything was fine and it was all going according to plan then the only thing that went wrong was him abruptly leaving her with no explanation that she could make sense of and so she spiraled trying to find an explanation for herself and all she could come up with was 'insanity',,,,BUT I don't hear that on the music itself. It's not Dear John where you can clearly hear a young girl admonishing an older man for taking advantage of her. Even prologue included, the entire album is her listing off all the strong, sincere feelings she felt for this person (he said something to Lucy, well she said it to Jack too!), the grand gestures she made (swirling him into her poems, making plans together) and how much it made her feel and then just raging over him leaving her afterwards,,,,which he is allowed to do if something happened or if his feelings changed or he felt unsettled. And it bothers me that the ONE flaw she seems to point to during the relationship itself is him 'sinking to stoned oblivion'. Like, yes, someone with an addict personality will do that. Idk, the...'teenage petulance' of it all makes it hard to digest for me.

Hi! You’re totally permitted for this album to be hard to digest for you. I also think that’s by design.

My only suggestion is to let the prologue explain the songs and not the other way around. Because the songs are sincere in that she really did believe all those things truly deeply when she was in them. And it’s only in hindsight is she able to see her choices no longer in the heady moment she was in but on the other side.

I could be reading your note incorrectly, so please let me know if not but I’m inferring from your phrasing that you don’t believe that she went off the rails and crazy trying to make sense of what happened and the retconning of 'insanity' is a stretchy explanation. I think for me having seen friends go through similar situations of loving and being left by toxic people that it’s an experience that makes you question literally everything about your life so I believe it.

And if that still doesn’t change anything for you, that’s okay! You’re not obligated to enjoy everything she makes and if this doesn’t do it for you, that is so okay.

[pynkhues]

I don’t know if you’ve seen the cut lines from the S4 script yet (where Stewy references some semi-ominous sounding games he remembers from when he and Kendall were growing up like Punch-Chess and Dinners for Winners) but this kind of made me think back on the games throughline (motif?) with Logan. We get to see how insane Boar on the Floor was in real time and we’ve gotten a pretty good sense throughout the series that Logan has a penchant for framing violence through the lens of games (not dishonestly might I add – I think there’s a reasonable read of Logan whereby he himself doesn’t view his games as a means for violence at all but just as tools or in some cases, truly just games).  

Recently I’ve seen some discussion that kind of lumps together games the kids played (Bitey, Dog Pound) with Logan’s games (Boar on the Floor, Dinners for Winners) and that struck me as kind of odd. Rightly or wrongly, I’ve been mentally distinguishing between the games the siblings play with each other as different from the games Logan concocts. It might just be me, but Bitey and Dog Pound read to me as within the realm of reasonable kids games (noting that a ton of kids play kind of insane games lol). I also just feel like the power structure is…different when it’s just the siblings? Does that make sense? Whereas when Logan invests games for his kids, there’s something more…uneven and off-kilter about it to me. Idk – do you think they’re all part of the same motif or that there’s some level of distinction?  Maybe I just to think about it more haha – I guess this is a super long round-about way of asking: how do you view the use of games (“games”?) within the context of the show?

Oh, yeah, I totally agree that the games the kids play with each other are very different from the games that Logan concocts, anon, but I’m not surprised to hear that people consider them in the same sort of discourse. After all, the games that the kids play with each other, now that they’re all adults, are viewed through the prism of the power dynamics in the current family unit.

In other words, even games that are on paper the sort that any kid plays (Dog Pound being a good example – my five and seven year old nephews actually play a pretty similar game at the moment called Puppy and Person, although I think their game involves more patting and cuddling than Roman and Kendall’s probably did, haha), because we’re encountering it with Kendall and Roman in their late-thirties and through the lens of undealt with sibling resentments and adult competition, they can be mistaken for the same sorts of games that Logan played / still plays with the kids.

In that sense, I think the clearest point of distinction is the fact that Logan is never really a player in the games, he’s the overseer of them – the judge, jury and executioner – and we’ve seen that twice. The first time with the baseball game in the pilot, and the second, of course, with Boar on the Floor. Interestingly, the only time we’ve actually seen him participate in a game as a player was in I Went Shopping in the Thanksgiving episode back in S1, and well, we all know how that ended.

Games are integral to the show, and it’s interesting because I don’t think they have any one particular meaning. I think the writers like them as a shorthand to convey certain themes and relationship dynamics, I think they’re an efficient and compelling way to move plot forwards, and I think the writers like to use them to trojan horse the history of abuse within the Roy family, which is exactly what that new excerpt from the script of 4.04 demonstrates.

Critically though, I also think they’re significant thematically in depicting both childhood and masculinity, and I think that’s really where the distinction comes in when it comes to the games the kids play together (yes, even Dog Pound, as much as that game [and Kendall] wants to pretend to be about masculinity, I personally don't think it is at all), and the ones Logan does.

So, let’s talk about childhood.

Games are integral to childhood, there’s no getting around that. Games are what teach children social skills and curiosity, strategy and the ability to both win and to lose, which is, of course, also the skill to enjoy success and sometimes embrace failure too. One of my current jobs is in a company that does play-based theatre for children, with a special focus on traumatised children, so I could talk a lot about this and the evidence behind it, and how crucial games are in empowering children and helping them develop agency away from the family unit, but that’s kind of where this story stops, because while games should help children to grow into playful, empathetic and inquisitive adults, the Roy children do not play games with outsiders.

The Roy children have lived in a completely insular world – a playground their father has built them, as Marcia so aptly put it – and so these games don’t evolve. Instead, these games like Bitey and Dog Pound and even Kendall’s LEGO become manifestations of current anxieties, insecurities and resentments, and an encapsulation of Shiv, Roman and Kendall’s arrested development.

(Maybe interestingly, I consider Connor slightly less arrested than his little siblings, and I do think a part of that is from his parentification, but also a proxy result of effectively having been raised in those formative childhood years as an only child, especially if he was, as Alan Ruck has said, about fifteen when Kendall was born).

Of course, Logan encourages this.

Logan’s inability to face his own mortality or seal off his own legacy requires him to keep his children, well, children. He needs them under his thumb, sure, but he also, I think, needs to keep them young so that he can feel young. Needs the promise of his own future reflected in the length of their own, and his frequent infantilisation of all four of them is a part of what keeps them regressed and reading meaning into games they played and places they lived when they were too young to know any better.

Let’s talk about masculinity.

Funnily enough, I actually talked a little about this in the context of Tom and Greg back when s3 was airing here, but a few years ago, I read Anna Krien’s Night Games which is one of my favourite non-fiction books of the last decade.

The book itself is about masculinity, sport and sexual assault, in particular patterns of gang rape by teams in Australian football and cricket, but she goes a lot broader in terms of games and male intimacy, and in particular how team sports give men a sense of community which, as a result of toxic masculinity, is generally reinforced by ‘othering’ outsiders of the team / environment, whether that be players on the opposite team, perceived interlopers, women, or even members of their own team who don’t participate in the right way with the group.

I don’t know if any of the writers would’ve read Night Games (it’s an Australian sports journalism book after all, haha), but I think they do understand deeply the way masculinity operates in these circles and the ways games of any sort can be utilised as a shorthand to exert power and solidify connection. Boar on the Floor is, of course, the clearest example of this, where Logan utilises the context of the game to dig out his betrayers, and while the first round has everyone as an unwilling participant, once a smaller group of 'others' are picked in Tom, Greg and Karl, the safety of being on the right team makes everyone becomes complicit in the second round.

This is something Logan’s a master of and what he does routinely with his children in general, but also in the rules of the games Stewy talks about in the 4.04 script. Those games are about the othering of a person and the increased intimacy of the rest of the team. If Dinners for Winners has the loser acting like the help, the winners are the rest of the family celebrating their renewed bond as, well, winners.

I don’t think the kids are immune from this in their own behaviour. In fact, I think the biggest examples we see of the kids engaging in this particular type of game play is in Roman’s treatment of the child during the baseball game in the pilot (and I actually am reading the scripts [albeit very slowly, haha] at the moment and read 2.01 last night and was pretty fascinated to discover that the boy’s father is one of the landscapers at The Summer Palace), and in the sequence throwing back to Kendall’s bachelor party with the tattooing of the homeless man’s head with Kendall’s initials.

These aren’t complete games, and interestingly they don’t create the same sense of shared compliance and group intimacy in the way Logan’s games do – no one’s fully on board with Roman’s behaviour, and Roman betrays the group bond in terms of Kendall’s bachelor party by telling Gerri and trying to use it against Kendall – but I view that as more a reflection of Roman and Kendall’s failures in masculinity and authority than in anything else.

It’s that failure there though which, in many ways, further separates the games Logan plays with them to the games they play together. Roman and Kendall continue to fail to imitate their father in his particular brand of games, because Logan knows how to divide and conquer, which they simply don't.

That also though is a direct contrast to the games the kids play together, because those games, whether they be Bitey or Monopoly or even Dog Pound, those games are about shared connection. After all, Kendall wasn't the one who sent Roman away, Kendall was just playing a game with his brother, no matter what they both have inferred in it over time.

[exitwound]

okay this is random sorry but. do u feel like ballet has influenced how you think about gender. bc i feel like dance has had a Profound impact on my gender in a way i cannot put words to. idk

Yes.I think. profoundly.In an insane way I also cannot put words to really. Except that something about my commitment to ballet was in the sense that I gave up my body to this & my body was this & my body was me…I could say all this way better if i thought about it but im often afraid to really think about it because i don’t want to eliminate any possible worlds you know…idk..sometimes i just want to leave how i feel as is. But femininity in ballet is very strange. StrNger than it seems. I think that one of the things is that it’s femininity (if you’re doing it as a woman) but it’s not the same as femininity outside of ballet…Like it feels like a totally different route to the same thing but with gender being something with no core to throw away, there is no “same thing” and its just a different route..There’s a lot of semiotics going on with it . That i have not worked out at all. I think that I was very comfortable with my gender in that i didn’t question it much because of dance; looking back, I thought of myself as femme like, exclusively in terms of ballet ideas of femme.. Even outside of dancing. But also i took things prety extremely. And i loved it so much I did ballet everywhere constantly at home and such.. It was everything to me it was who i was i wrote extensively about how i felt so lucky to have a purpose in life and that’s what it was for me. I somewhat regret this and feel like I missed out on being a person the way I experienc personhood now for most of my teen years but also it’s okay it’s who i was it makes me who i am whatever whatever. I appreciate my intensity. And i think i needed it to be that intense for me at the time. This is getting unrelated. But yeah. I think my personal ideas of beauty and gender sort of meshed in ballet for me. Im rambling like crazy i have no idea what i’m saying. But i think it’s not a coincidence I started thinking about gender differently when I stopped dancing.And yet I can return to ballet and slip into this incredible space of like ease in terms of gender….Unlike being femme in normal life which i often am but which often feels like a costume or like, drag, “ballet femme” — like, the epaulement, the lines of your leg muscles through your neck, grace, cruel & tender angelicism, how turnout transforms the body aesthetically.. it honestly feels so embodied & real it’s crazy..It’s so beautiful .When i’m not dancing im Jacob wrestling with the angel when i’m dancing im the angel