#idk if this makes sense or if I’m like totally insane or if I have the words to say it right

[talesofwhimsy]

First breath since winter :)

[shutupineedtothink]

More ep 7 thoughts, now that I’ve watched it twice and processed 🫠

Bookending the episode with Lilia’s fall but first it’s down and then it’s up - sick, twisted, beautiful, devastating, I’m crying

The soundtrack really goes hard in this ep

The wildest part about the “ex best friend” line is all of those things are equally insane - ex, ex best friend, or best friend. Like ma’am what hex were you living in

Babysitter is likely a reference to the comics, but interesting also in terms of WV because we saw Agatha babysit the twins only once I think. Does this mean she actually spent more time with them than we know?

Wow once again Kathryn Hahn is doing so much work in this first scene with Billy, she’s going from snarky to wary to calculating to hurt to i don’t even know. She’s doing a masterclass in face acting.

When they start to climb toward the castle, Agatha has her hands clasped behind her back and initially I was just like ma’am, why are you like this, but then I realized oh. Her hands are tied right now.

Waning moon for the Crone trial babyyyyyy called it

Fun and fast transition to get us into the trial, since we know the deal by now

She’s based on me you know — sooooo, tragic, misunderstood, secretly suffering her whole life, constantly judged by others, uh huh uh huh

Prove it - he really doesn’t believe a word she says! And she looks so hurt by it!

The way Agatha sits in the chair omg girl please chill

This is such like an Indiana Jones trap I love it

God I love Lilia’s visions, changing the perspective to hers, the blurring around the edges - sometimes you don’t need to do much, but it’s hella effective

Actually a lot of good camera tricks in this ep I’m not going to point them all out

It’s about limiting beliefs baybeee - once again the writers showing they know their psych

I’m sorry that tea leaves to the underground transition??? Spectacular

“Well tell me what more I should see when I look at you. No, I mean it” - hey nonviolent communication, how’s it going 🤌

God can you imagine how scary it would be to have these visions as a CHILD

Did you not see imminent impalement in your future?? Lol why did this get me

I get the fake nose on Agatha but idk maybe I could’ve done without it

Teenager his full name LOLOL underrated joke

Dory OMGGGGG

Jen being the ultimate Lilia champion this ep and I love it. Also seems to contradict her behavior even more in Agatha’s trial, but she’s still more snappy with Agatha here too

What are you wearing, I don’t wanna talk about it - bruh every line. EVERY LINE.

Did I mention the transitions are killer

Your task is not to control but to see. - I, I can’t keep writing down every line but

I love that as soon as Jen knows what’s going on, she’s totally on board, just asking Lilia for intel, like yep this is normal now

Ahhh the spell book. Interesting that Lilia finds it.

Ohp - I wish Lilia was here. Ask and you shall receive - see the Billy’s Road theory

She calls him baby again 😭

Is snappy dialogue one of my biggest joys on this earth? I think it is

Proper tarot takes time and care. And leads to large gaping wounds - …. You mean like internal wounds? Like trauma? Like you have to bring up the trauma to heal it? Uh huh uh huh cool cool cool cool you said it Agatha not me.

The Magician, the ability to turn all of your goals into reality - Agatha immediately side eyes him. Bruh.

I’m a forgotten woman. Then remember yourself. 🤌🤌🤌

I was falling. I will fall. - CAMERA. MOVEMENT.

What will you do with your remaining time 🤝 all we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us. Iykyk.

The subway baybeee get that House of R theory

God this tarot spread scene is so epic.

Ok Jen being the path ahead… I gotta come back to that

Agatha is the obstacle yep that makes sense (but the obstacle is the way)

Windfall - Billy, miraculous transformation uh yep ok

Destination - Death. Such a good reveal, even if I already knew it. Once again the power of good writing. In the end all roads lead to me. UGH WTF

NOT THE GREEN VINES SPELLING A BIG OL “R” WHEN THE DOORS OPEN

The original green witch…. Ok so she is in the coven… but also Billy’s in the coven? It’s a shared black heart? Or it means you can go one direction or the other… hm.

Ughghghghhh her just giving them each what they need before she sends them onward. She’s the GOAT.

Did I mention the music????

This whole scene is so EPIC. The tower upright fuck it up queen

Oh my God Lilia took her power back 😭

We didn’t see a body unlike Alice I’m holding onto that “see you at the end” lyric with all my might at this point

Time in a bottle was sick and twisted and beautiful I love it

I just… can’t believe this is something I got to witness. Like it’s so good I’m mad about it.

A few other quick thoughts:

Jen being the path ahead… if she was birth in the first trial (see my maiden mother crone trial theory), then maybe she’s also REbirth? It’s a circle sewn with fate… we’re going back to the beginning but emerging from the Road this time. Eh??

Patti…. PATTI!! Where’s her Emmy? Where’s the show’s Emmy???

Not only was this a better time travel plot than the rest of Marvel as I said in another post but it’s also better than time travel in Doctor Who for the last 10 years and that pisses me off low key.

Not to jump ahead but buckle up kids cuz if we’re following the loose structure of WandaVision then ep 8 is our flashback/reliving the trauma episode for Agatha and as much as I was destroyed by this ep I am so not ready for all of that.

Anyway. What a masterpiece. I’m DONE.

[diballydumbloo]

EVERYONE PLZ LOOK AT HER (people who made the fanart: shadow.cipher/instagram, @hannathenarc/twt, hattersarts/tumbler)

It’s like, her character design and personality we get to see in the whole 2 min of the video is more than enough for me to start making head cannons for her.

Plus all the things we see she can do/is/does in the music video?!!!

We first see she has a background as some sort of pirate esk character in a group and has beef with this entire vampire/monster league

We can tell she’s the muscle of the group because we see her demeanor handling one captured enemy, she is the first to jump out of the ship, she seems skilled at quick action and acrobatics, AND SHE DESTROYS A WHOLE BUILDING JUST BY LANDING ON IT, and the obvious fact that she’s bigger than the rest of the clown group.

And it’s like the rest of the group knows what she’s capable of, they know she doesn’t need a parachute to dive 100ft in the air, all of her actions just give us more clarification of why she was put in charge of handling the captured enemy in the start of the video and why it was probably planned for her to jump first out the ship

So much of her personality just shines through in the first min of this mv it’s insane, or maybe I’m just crazy :?

Her character design too?!??

The overalls makes her work feel more”heavy duty” if that makes sense, and the long hair just feels so fitting for her especially when it’s up. AND THE BIG SHARP TEETH W/ THE EYES. IAN YOU DIDNT HAVE TO GO SO CRAZY ON THIS CHARACTER AS YOU DID.<333 Being clown themed just brings her all the way to the top on the character design too.

I remember this one head cannon that I heard from someone, that in that clown universe all female born clowns tend to grow up to be bigger compared to male born clowns, this headconnon is awesome and now I say it’s true

But the eyes and teeth just make her more mysterious and stand out in the group, why do we see her with those features but no one else? Maybe she’s only half clown and those features come from a vampire or other creature?

AND THE VOICE

Maybe Ian’s singing in the mv wasn’t supposed to be the exact representation/voice of BigJ, but it’s too perfect not to be. I just imagine if Big J were to have the voice of anyone it would be Ian because of how well the raspy deep tone singing is done by him. Big J totally embodies his voice perfectly I think. In other things like Worthi’s 15 blows album you can hear more of that absolute monsterish singing that matches Big J perfectly

Anyway idk I just rlly like this character and hope to see more content/ head cannons for her, if ygs have any plz comment them or smth<33

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

I’m by no means any sort of expert on any animal’s behavior so please feel free to ignore this random observation/ opinion.

But something I find interesting about people defending Moo Deng’s treatment is the frequent assertion that her keepers love her, as if that excuses everything. I honestly don’t doubt that her keepers love her, but that doesn’t mean their actions are appropriate.

To me it’s reminiscent of someone cornering and petting a dog against it’s will because “I just LOVE dogs!!!”. Loving the animal doesn’t mean you can’t inadvertently harm them with your actions.

Idk, I just have a lot of feelings on this and this was my attempt to sum them up. Hope it makes some sort of sense 😅

Oh yeah tell me about it! I appreciate you sharing this because I feel like I'm going insane when I see people being given the same information as I have and drawing a totally different conclusion from it.

Like... it's not okay just because they harass her a little bit. That's... not how that works.

Also I find the "trust the keeper" argument super ironic coming from someone who worked with dolphins - the species in human care that EVERYONE has an opinion on. And you'll tell people "hey, trust me on this. I see these dolphins every day. They participate in their own health care and don't do something if they don't want to. They are objectively in good welfare based on all the current data we have of what that looks like. I do behaviour records every day to prove this. And if I didn't think they were doing well, I'd be fighting tooth and nail to improve their lives or I would leave my job." (which I have done, btw)

And I'll still be told I'm enslaving dolphins and I do it for the money (when it was free labour - yay for animal industry exploitation - or absolutely bugger all). Trust the keeper... unless I watch a biased documentary packed full of misinformation. Then I know *more* than the keeper will and the keeper is just a moron who doesn't need a science degree and years of unpaid internship experience for this job!

But if it's a cute animal that has no preconceptions established of their welfare in human care? It's free game to coo over. Sure the keeper just dropped that squirming, panicking baby hippo he was trying to force into a tub! But he has so much experience because someone on reddit said so! It's actually all just desentisation! (not how desensisation works ever)

Can you tell I'm frustrated? Yeah...

Anyway I am usually the first in line to defend a zoo and their keepers - I know it's not easy to work in a zoo that's underresourced or in an education vaccum. But I'm going to call out bad handling when I see it. Especially when it's reinforced by social media clout and is being encouraged to continue by people justifying it as "desenitisation" or "actions of an experienced keeper."

[pixelxgore]

hers a billfold wip as a treat i changed his face bc i have free will

The art is to encourage you to read my silly little insanity (you should totally do it btw)

I'm dyslexic so sorry if anything is spelled grotesquely wrong lol autocorrect sometimes has no idea what i’m trying to spell

Starting with my head cannon because every thing will make more sense with it (or it wont that's entirely up to you) Imma try my best to make this enjoyable

So I head cannon both bill and ford as aspec this is important for the rest trust (I'm Aroace myself so some of my words are based of of experience ) being aroace doesn't mean you can't have a toxic one-sided relationship with a triangle

(most of this is pretty vanilla but I still wanna talk about it)

I believe it started of as a one-sided relationship on fords part (wow shocker) but it wasn't really love because he's ace it was more of infatuation (this stems from the fact he is a science boy and like ooo demon triangle thing) mistaken for love (I'm pretty sure this is common among aroace people or I just had an original experience) and maybe bill had just a little bit of the same feeling but instead of infatuation it was just pure obsession and when they had there little “tragic break up” and bill finally came to realize his obsession and it consumed him (idk i think that how abusive obsession is) and he realized he can’t live with out ford (i man he can but unhealthy obsession) and thus bills one sided relationship with ford where he just tries to get his puppet back but can’t figure out why he needs him so bad so he comes to the (subconscious) cuncultion there in love (because of course that’s the reasonable decision) and then you all know what comes after

I think bill has major will wood music vibes so I have nominated three songs of his for bill ford (cuz I'm genuinely going insane over them)

This is for fun and based off my head cannons

All of my discussions are made purely of the vibes the song gives me and how cool than animation in my head looks so take everything you know about these will wood songs and throw it out the window cuz none of that is relevant :3

i saw someone say “Will Wood songs can really be interpreted in different ways, and most of them seem like wisps of similar thought rather than a concrete narrative, so you're always a little bit right and wrong when you take a guess.” and i think you should keep that in mined

(I'm gonna embarrass myself so hard (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) )

I'm not gonna elaborate much but just trust me ok I put it kind of in chronological order

fords one sided relationship with bill: ...well, better than the alternative

Ok so this one is the least perfect out of all of them cuz it only half what I want (obviously this song is a stretch but hear me out) It's mostly for the like the last half of the song (remember what I said about throwing out the meaning for get that i lied) this song about the struggle ls of growing up and is a heartfelt plea to be understood and accepted for who we are (which obviously ford was a wired kid) and this kinda ties into the one-sided infatuation because it also is about the romanticism of nostalgic love, and the pressure of society telling you to find someone and "settle down" as we get older (witch yk aroace can’t really do that) so he’s grasping at the fact that he is enamored with this demon he just summoned (because science) so he can come up with this narrative in his head of how he is in love and can finally fit at least one of the societal boxes (idk it sounds like something to me probly ooc but I'm having fun)

bills one sided relationship with ford: ¡Aikido!

obsession with someone and how people often use coping mechanisms such as drugs to help with their feelings of uncertainty and helplessness. (yes this is copied not fully of a site this is tumblr not an english assignment) it also explores the idea that love and obsession can often manifest in neurotic and even pathological behavior.(oooo oooo look i’m so smart like staring the apocalyps) i’m not this cool this whole thing started with the first like whit h is “I apologize for playing with your eyes But I’m obsessed with you” witch reminded me of how bill used for as a puppet and then yk fords whole world came crashing down (this one explained its self more i have to do less mental gymnastics) and he’s like im sooo sorry i can’t live with out you

there whole relationship from the deal to the end of bill: Misanthrapologist ("In case I make it,"

Outtake)

ok this one is the one that mostly made of vibes because the song is about an unhappy codependent relationship through metaphors of christianity, nihilism, outer space, and mozart (witch only really encompasses a portion of the relationship) the song stars with “I wanna meet your make Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapel Holler "Look what you've done Gave this planet a sun And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"” which makes me personally think of obviously the deal fore made with bill and how bill stroked his ego all the way through there partnership um you can see where i goes from here just go listen to the song

ok this one’s off topic and only for my imaginary animation but the line “So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance With the way you sweep me off these two left feet?” just like imagine this with me it’s bill (human probably cuz i don’t work with the triangle) and young ford in the minedskape thing and its bill dipping ford and when it goes down it switches to bill and fort in bills pyramid thing with ford chained up do you see the vision ok I’m done now (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

[drinkabletoxicdishsoap]

Man I love posting about crossovers AAHHHHHHHH it’s so silly to think about my favorite fandoms and characters meeting each other!! I have no individual thoughts it’s just all crossovers LMAO I wonder if anyone else has this problem or is it just me 😭😭 I’m probably alone on this but I hope you all love my crossover thoughts and they fulfill the crossover thoughts in your head!!

fairly odd parents a new wish x gravity falls (wow I totally have never thought about this before it’s not like I made two fanfics on aO3 with these two fandoms meeting wow it’s so crazy and insane :000000) but..!! The kids get fairies :3

If we’re going off the book of bill, Dipper probably got Comso and Wanda when he overheard his parents arguing.

I imagine little dude was SO excited to tell Mabel but as soon as he found out from Jorgen that he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone he was probably DEVASTATED 😭😭 but Mabel being Mabel, she probably found out somehow anyways. He probably PLEADED and PLEADED to Jorgen before he was like, “ugh fine chill dude just don’t let anyone else find about them!!” And Dipper was chill with that. Might have to adjust the timeline and make dipper hear his parents arguing when he was 9-10 so it makes more sense for him to get Cosmo and Wanda at that time. They’re just both really good parental figures to Dipper and Mabel and care for them a lot!! <3

Him, Mabel, Cosmo and Wanda probably just went on silly little adventures together until the timeline hit the summer of Gravity Falls when they’re 12. It probably all acts out the same but they have Cosmo and Wanda to help them through it! They’re probably disguised as pins for his hats or vest. But they start to show their human forms as they spend time in Gravity falls without grunkle stan, Wendy, and soos.

Pacifica most likely gets Peri. I feel he’d get along with her better than Dev 😭 he’s either disguised as a purse, headband, or hired as a babysitter in human form. She either gets him early at 9-10 or right after Northwest Mansion Mystery.

When Ford comes along, it all plays out the same but he starts dectecting weird magical activity 🤨 Mabel and Dipper somehow and someway, stop him finding out about fairies but it’s really hard for these poor kids.

Gideon probably somehow found about the fairies and did what Dev did in the finale, met an anti fairy (probably either anti cosmo and anti Wanda or irep) took over fairy world and announced fairies exist to Gravity Falls. Stanley and Ford were shocked about this and even more shocked when Dipper and Mabel told them the truth. They accepted it and teamed up with Soos and Wendy to stop Gideon and they win!! Yay!!! :3 (As punishment, if we’re going with Gideon meeting Irep, Irep’s punishment is to co-parent Pacifica with Peri 😭😭) Dipper’s million wish was for him and his family and friends to keep their memories of fairies.

Peri probably met Dipper and Mabel as soon as he found about them after fairy college. He sees them as his little siblings! He just wants to be a good big brother for Timmy! (I have no idea if they meet him yet but it would probably just be a wholesome moment :D)

Dipper and the gang would find about Pacifica and Peri in some random episode event 😭

I think I covered everything?? Again it probably just plays out the same as the show but with fairies and maybe some extra silly episodes to learn more about fairy world!

Anti Dipper and Anti Pacifica!! Woah boy!! It’s probably the same as the Hazel episode where they both sign forms at fairy con and turn into fairies. Dipper’s anti fairy is basically just Bipper but less extreme. Pacifica’s anti fairy is shy, very reserved, easily spooked.

Some small headcanons I have is that their magic doesn’t work against Bill for some reason? And that as soon as Dipper got Comso and Wanda, he probably binge read Da Rules 😭 Dipper’s favorites are the pixies idk I think he’d like them

And that the barf fairies are definitely fairies going through magical backup. Jorgen just sent them to Gravity Falls because he didn’t want to deal with that 😭😭

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY LONG YAP SESSION :333 I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY OR NIGHT <3

[azrielsbxtch]

I’ve had more time to sit with HOFAS so here are things I loved and things that bugged me.

THINGS I LOVED

AZRIEL AND NESTA - Where to even begin. Their relationship and friendship is EVERYTHING. I'm so glad SJM chose to highlight both of them for the ACOTAR part because their chemistry is everything. I can't wait for more in ACOTAR 5

AZRIEL - Every new thing we learned about Azriel had me screeching. It's so clear SJM is setting him up for the next book. Every scene he appeared in I was obsessed! Finding out about truthteller, him being protective of his mom, him interacting with music, him being all hot and threatening....this bat has me in a chokehold I swear.

THE LORE - All the new information we got about Prythian and Midgard is so interesting. I wish I was a theories person because there's so much to theorize about!

RUHNLIDIA - They served in this book omg. When Ruhn was like "this is my first mission with my girlfriend I want to impress her" I almost threw my phone I'm not even kidding. They are so cute��✨✨

HUNT - I still feel like I need more Hunt. He's such a sweetheart and was truly a highlight for me in this book. I love him so much and I was totally rooting for him to fry Celestina.

THINGS THAT BUGGED ME

Ruhn and Lidia’s mate announcement. I knew Ruhn and Lidia would be mates from HOSAB so I was only waiting for confirmation but the way it was written threw me off. Ruhn just said it out of nowhere and to…of all people…Pollux….like what? Why? Idk it could have been more emotional.

Ariadne- I don’t understand the point of introducing this new character only to do NOTHING with her. I shipped her and Flynn sooo much. The way she was introduced in the beginning of the book had me so hyped only for her to disappear. Like imagine a dragon marching with the armies of Hel when they fought the Asteri…

Sigrid - That entire plotline felt useless to me. She was set up to be this hope for the wolves and it all amounted to nothing. So why did we waste so much time on her. I enjoyed Ithan’s chapters because I really like him. But from an objective point of view…most of what SJM made him do didn’t make sense. If she wanted him to become Prime (which I loved btw) she didn’t need to waste all that time on Sigrid and her resurrection only for her to join Sabine the person she’s supposed to hate and then disappear.

Tharion and Sathia - No…just no…..

Bryce ignoring Hunt’s trauma - She did it in HOSAB but again and on a larger scale in HOFAS. Everytime Hunt brought up his fears (understandable because he has now faced the Asteri twice and suffered insane consequences) Bryce just got angry and put him in such a bad position. She made it look like he didn’t want to support her when he has very valid reasons to be afraid. After what he went through the first time in the Asteri dungeons for years and then again! I’m surprised he didn’t break down even more tbh. His feelings were so valid.

Bryce - SJM tried to do the “Aelin is always two steps ahead” thing with Bryce but honestly it didn’t work. A lot of the times I was side eyeing and was like “that’s convenient” Bryce was guessing a lot of times so that whole thing just didn’t work.

The plot was all over the place. The book really didn’t flow well.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi :) i hear you give advice and i very much need some. I’m 15 and I live in a pretty (very) conservative christian area.

My older sibling is 19, and came out as trans to me like a year ago. Ngl I didn’t really know what that meant, cause we don’t learn about that stuff (except for your classic, anything that isn’t “normal” is wrong). But he just told me that he’s happier with he/him and with his new name. But he hasn’t told our parents yet, so I have to use the old stuff in front of them when he comes back for visits (he’s as uni) which feels gross cause I know he feels uncomfortable but it’s fine. 

I sort of thought the he/him thing would be weird, since that’s not how i’ve addressed him my whole life, but after a couple of months it was actually super easy. We call each other like twice a week, and I was worried we’d drifted apart after he told me but actually were closer than ever, I feel like I know him a lot better now. 

Oh but his old name, the one parents gave him, SUCKS. And now I can’t mock him for it cause he picked a new one, which seems unfair to me but I can come up with new material, i’m creative.

Anyway, he told me that he’s been saving up and he’s gonna get top surgery. He’s had a pretty good job since  school so I guess he’s been saving since then. I hear it’s expensive. 

But it made him decide to tell our parents. So when he came up and visited, just before he left, he told them.

That was last week. They reacted terribly, as we knew they would. And they’ve both been yelling about it a bunch. Saying stuff like “He (okay no they’re actually using she but I won’t be doing that even in writing cause it feels wrong cause it’s my brother) is totally insane” or “He needs therapy, we failed him.” or “How dare *old name* do this” or “he’s delusional” and a bunch of other awful shit like that.

So I have two options. I can try and encourage them to do little things like use he/him for my brother. Or call him their son instead of daughter. Or actually look at photos of him now (he very much doesn’t look like a girl anymore- idk how they didn’t realise tbh). Or how he always did little things like cutting his hair and hating dresses and other stuff like that.

I’ve often been able to help my parents be nicer about stuff. Like my friend who’s a lesbian, they hated her at first but now they’re nicer about it.

But maybe if I do that they’ll start yelling about corrupting me (as they’ve done in the past) and harass my brother worse and be even worse about it all. 

It’s hard to know which direction it’ll go.

And look I still don’t really get it. But also it makes sense, you know? It’s like the final puzzle piece being slotted in, all those things he used to do make sense now. 

My parents say I can’t interact with lgbtq+ stuff cause they’ll corrupt me. But like- not to be rude but, aren’t they corrupting me? My brother HAPPY. I don’t see how that’s wrong. And they’re the ones telling me I should be actively encouraging him to be- what, sad again? Uncomfortable in himself. 

I don’t know, i’m not totally sure I understand my parents or my brother. I got tumblr in the first place since it’s the only thing I could think of that’s online (so I could hide it) and probably has lgbtq+ people on it so I could- idk get used to it I guess. 

And now i’m here. 

When it comes down to it, I want my brother to be happy, and if he’s happier as my brother than my sister then I don’t see why I should care about him switching pronouns or whatever. 

So I want to try and help my parents see it like that too. And they often do see new sides to things when I point them out. So maybe id be helping.

But there’s also the chance they’d get more mad at my brother for corrupting me and that’d make him upset and that’s not what I want. 

So yeah, any advice? 

It’s kinda scary coming from my small town onto the giant internet of people i’ve been taught are weird. But you guys don’t seem that weird. I mean- you do but weird like i’m weird, not weird like ill. (Sorry if any of this seems rude btw, I might not get it but i’m trying really hard not to judge anyone, since it’s pretty clear to me that some of the things i’ve been taught aren’t correct). 

Also why do my parents think my brothers ill anyway? I know him, i’d know if he’s ill. Also i love history, and trans people are all over history. I mean they’re never said to be trans but watching my brother, it’s pretty obvious other people were like him. 

Anyway, thanks and have a good summer 💖

Hi hon!

I want to tell you, it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you're an amazing support to your brother. You should be so proud of yourself.

I think you need to think about what is best for you and your mental health. If speaking up to your parents about your brother could end in them getting mad at you, it might not be a good idea. You've been doing amazing at supporting him while staying quiet, and I know he knows you support him. It might be best for yout o quietly educate yourself online without making a fuss, until you aren't relying on your parents as much for money, food, and shelter- kind of like your brother did.

This also might be a good thing to talk to your brother about, too. Like you said, this could affect him, and he probably knows your parents well. He might have some good advice <3 But you don't HAVE to stand up to them if it's not good for you. It's okay to educate yourself, and be an ally in other ways <3

Naming you history anon <3

(also wish your brother luck on his top surgery for me!)

[whentherewerebicycles]

.

ok well I feel insane gotta process

I feel pretty blindsided by how casually my parents dropped this on me & also how it was presented to me, as a “we already made this decision together and agreed this is for the best” thing rather than a “I’m feeling pretty tired/wrung out and might need a break sooner than I thought. can we talk about what that might look like” conversation. I feel like if she had just said to me that she needed a break I could’ve offered this to her even if it scared me but instead it feels like something I was leaning hard on is being taken from me in a totally unexpected way.

I feel like it just kind of lobbed a grenade through all the really positive loved & taken care of feelings I was experiencing earlier. like obviously she has taken really good care of me and owen for the last three weeks and I’m so grateful for that but I also feel like idk like an experience that felt really precious to me just got ruined in a pretty hard to come back from way. like I’m a big girl and I’ll be able to process this and separate out the feelings of sudden abandonment from the feelings of gratitude and love but also wow. that’s a tough pill to swallow and I feel like I’m going to have to do some careful reflective work to not act like a resentful child about this or have it become a Wound, at a moment where I don’t have a lot of spare mental/emotional resources to do careful reflective work. I also just feel this wounded child sense of, don’t you love him? don’t you love me? which is not a grownup way to feel but I guess I am feeling it anyway. I also keep having this intense shame reaction feeling of like maybe I did something wrong and am being punished for it by her pulling away so abruptly but nobody will tell me what I did wrong so I just have to guess and idk shame is so good at filling in a million trillion reasons why you were not worth loving anymore. ok jes! ok girl. you can spiral about this first but you have to coax yourself back in the end so try not to get too far out or it’ll be harder.

I still feel so vulnerable like I can’t get him in and out of the car seat I can’t get him to sleep more than 30 min at night I can’t open jars. my mom was like we’ll make a list of things you need to learn how to do and you can take it to PT so they can work on those things first and then maybe if you can’t go to PT with the baby they can do virtual PT with you. I just. okay. I guess that’s a thing I can do.

I feel pretty badly hurt. wow. I feel pretty badly hurt by this. I know I can weather both the practical reality of her leaving early and the emotional aspects of it but I wish I didn’t have to.

[boomboom-tanjiro2019]

OUR BELOVED SUMMER AU

PORTGAS D ACE X F! READER

This is gonna be based off the KDRAMA "Our Beloved Summer" I haven't finished it so keep that in mind. Idk if this is gonna be continued but this is the concept. Use of They/Them for Ivankov. I'm a Mrs. Kook defender. Not much was changed here but I will be altering to fit with the characters personalities a bit. Some original "Our Beloved Summer" characters might be split into two depending on the scene. The formatting is super weird so might not make sense, I really reccomend the show! Basically the different font is when the two are being interviewed and the flashbacks in between are describing the events of their meeting. As it goes on it will make more sense. Obv this is not my original storyline though some parts are changed 100% reccomend the show.

PROLOGUE

May, 2011

Interview, Ace sits in chair shuffling awkwardly. Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17: Oh… start? Uh- My name is Portgas D. Ace.

-

A teacher talks at the front of the classroom as Ace knocks out in a fit of narcolepsy. Camera crew recording to the right of him near a window, miniature camera facing him on his desk, another camera facing the girl next to him.

His eyes flutter open and immediately direct to the camera crew next to him, comfortability snatched away from him.

“Don’t look at the camera” Dragon whispers over.

Ace slowly lifts his head, “It’s too big for me to miss…”

Dragon sighs, “Just… pretend there’s nothing over here”

“How am I supposed to do that? It’s right in front of me??”

“Ignore it-“

“Idiot. Face forward.” The girl in the chair next to Ace whisper shouts over the teacher. Ace furrows his eyebrows and looks at her as she stares down at him from his hunched over position, “…Why are you looking at me? Look at the board.”

‘Bitch.’ Ace thinks.

“Class is dismissed! Do whatever you want.” The teacher, Dracule Mihawk sighs and whispers under his breath, “Fuck these kids.”

He packs up his things as the camera crew stays fixated on him.

“You’re leaving?” she asks, sitting in the same spot.

“None of your business what I’m doing.” Ace messily shoves his things in his bag, papers everywhere crumpled together.

The girl takes a deep breath, “Sir, can we stop recording?” Her head slowly turns to glare at the back of Ace’s head, “It’s really hard to work with such an idiot.”

Ace turns on the heel of his sneakers “Huh? You call me an idi-“

“We have been filming for DAYS. The whole time you’ve been moving around like you’re insane. I can’t focus at ALL because you were so restless.”

“The camera is- RIGHT. THERE. What the hell do you want me to do?”

“Focus on class? Maybe?! You can’t even do that?”

“Then ignore me and focus on yourself.”

“Fine. You don’t care about getting good grades, totally get it. But I refuse for you to end up bringing me down to your level.”

Ace turns to the camera in a “The Office” style fourth wall break, “You heard that right?” He turns back, “I’m SOOO happy for you. Your social skills couldn’t get lower.”

The girl scoffs and murmurs “why did I even agree to this?”

“I KNOW right?” Ace smiles and puts his hands on his hips with a sarcastically confused expression, “Why DID you agree to this?” With that, he storms off.

-

Interview Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  My name is Y/N L/N. I think I first saw Ace around the tenth grade.

-

Flashback to when Y/N is describing, October 17, 2009 

Y/N approaches the library desk, peaking over at the top Bookworms list.

Portgas D Ace

Y/N L/N

“Excuse me, Mrs.?” Y/N asks as the librarian looks up. “Who is…um…” she reads the name one more time “ Ace?”

“Oh? Ace? He’s over there actually.” She points to a guy over in the corner of the library.

-

Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17: I met him in a weird spot.

-

“Hey.” She stands near the boy, “My name is Y/N. What’s your school rank?”

Ace looks at her, taken aback and kind of bashfully , “Erm… 267.”

She freezes, “But… we only have-“

“267 students.”

-

Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  At that moment, I thought he was a super weird kid. Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  UM- No. That was the 2nd time we met. The first time was during the entrance ceremony.

-

Flashback to their freshman year, first day of school.

A multitude of students stand in separate lines at a school gym as school officials sit in chairs on a decorated front stage.

“The student entering into their first year with the best grades from middle school is Y/N L/N!” A principle shouts over the chatter.

-

Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  I watched her walk because she looked like a soldier marching into war or something.

-

Y/N grabs her award with a small and serious smile and swiftly going back to her spot in line.

Ace’s deep chocolate eyes meet her piercing and intoxicating ones, he smiles softly at her.

-

Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  In my own defense here, I was just trying to be nice to her the first time our eyes met.

-

“Hey.” She tilts her head up in his direction. 

Ace gasps slightly, cursing himself for doing it right after. His eyes widen and he waits for another word intently

“Turn around.” She narrows her eyes at him.

He looks as if he was pretending not to die slowly, his eyes staying in the same position as only his head slowly rotates forward like a depressed owl.

-

Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  That’s when I realized she was pretty weird. Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  …ANYWAY- I never thought I would have gotten involved with a kid as weird as HIM.

-

Senior Year, February, 2011

Ace rolls around in a chair, restlessly holding a bag over his head with his nose scrunched and bopping his head to non-existent music like the Wii soundtrack was the only thing that was in his head. Which wouldn’t be an unreasonable assumption. The teachers’ room is packed with desks and computers.

“So- what do you think?” Ivankov smiles in an overexcited manner, “The director is a SUPER close confidant of mine and he PROMISED not to get in your way. Awesome right?” They wink, “You can always refuse of course.”

“…Am I the only one being filmed?” She asks.

“No, there will be another, they’ll record the best student and worst student for a month and see how you two will interact. Like a documentary. That’s where Ace-boy over there comes in.”

Y/N’s eyes pan over to Ace getting slapped with a rolled up piece of paperwork by a female teacher, wincing at the contact and putting on the expression of a hurt puppy… or a spoiled toddler. “Ouch- sorry-“ he whispers.

‘…right.” She thinks.

“Anyway- just keep the offer in mind, alright?” Ivankov smiles.

“Okay I will.” She smiles, “Thank you- wait… sorry- say I do agree to it, do I get paid for it?”

“Of course! You’ll be paid well.”

Ace’s bag stays over his head and his eyes stare directly at her as she’s leaving, catching her off guard. She freezes and looks him up and down before jogging off.

-

Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  To me, it seemed like he was my total opposite. I thought about saying no. Portgas D. Ace, High School Senior, 17:  Yeah, well I had already said no when Iva asked me, but turned out I had no choice in the matter anyway.

-

“ACE!” Dadan calls out to her “not son” and drags him over to the bench the other two are still sitting at, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US ABOUT THE DOCUMENTARY?!”

“OW OW- why would I?! I’m not doing it.” Ace shouts while getting thrown over to sit on the bench.

Garp laughs and hits Ace way too hard on the back, “What are you TALKING ABOUT? Of course you are! Dragon came all this way to ask. Even though he owes me thousands in child support.”

Dadan mumbles, “You mean he owes ME.”

“YOU CAN'T MISS THIS CHANCE.”

“YOU’RE GONNA GET TO STUDY WITH THE TOP STUDENT OF THE YEAR- YOU HAVE TO.”

“I DON’T WANT TO!” Ace shouts, temper rising.

Garp’s grin fades, “Why the HELL not kid? How can you refuse?!”

“Strangers are gonna know my face!” He puts his arms up in defense.

Dadan scoffs, “as if you care about that.”

“I’m a senior! This will affect my academics.” Ace crosses his arms and closes his eyes as if that was a valid argument.

Silence.

Dadan and Garp burst out laughing.

Dadan can barely get the words out and shouts, “WELL THEY CAN’T GET ANY WORSE KID!”

Garp is still smiling but his laughter fades out, “I mean… they could be to Luffy’s level.”

“…Don’t even go there, he’s lucky he’s only a freshman so they can’t ask him to be in the documentary. He’s the only one Ace is beating right now.” Dadan completely stops smiling at the reminder of the horror that is Luffy’s academic life. No one is even sure he can read. “Besides, you’ll be studying with the TOP STUDENT! You should be GRATEFUL!!”

“But…. BUT! I…. THAT GIRL IS A WEIRDO!”

-

Going back to the interview room with the two at least two feet a part glancing at each other tiredly Y/N L/N, High School Senior, 17:  Yeah. That’s it- that’s about how this whole thing started. And it became way more bothersome than I thought.

-

Ace sits down in the classroom he switched to, pulling out an array of unnecessary items.

Y/N sighs, “it’s always the worst students who cause the most ruckus.”

Ace looks confusedly over to her, “You talking to me?”

“Keep your stuff off of my desk.”

Ace sassily scoots his colors over to the complete other side of his desk and slowly scoots the overlapping pages of Y/N’s book to her side.”

-

Portgas D. Ace, 17:  She was way more annoying than I could have ever imagined.

-

The two documentary stars sit at a lunch table alone with cameras between them documenting their every move.

-

Portgas D. Ace, 17: At first I tried to be friends with her.

-

“Hey um….” Ace awkwardly smiles before trying to talk, not being able to think of a conversation starter. He slowly puts his head back down, fiddling with his spoon and food, but a piece goes flying and lands right on Y/N’s white shirt getting sauce stains on it. 

She looks down slowly and coldly, and in Ace’s personal opinion, seems like she is going to beat the living shit out of him. She looks back up and focuses her eyes away from Ace.

Ace’s eyes widen and he stiffens immediately, “Oh- um- sorry…” he cringes at himself.

She ignores his apology and takes a napkin to try to wipe off the stain, she finally looks back up at him and glares, grabbing a sauce packet and slowly opening it.

Oblivious to the action, Ace turns and points at her sheepishly while facing the camera, trying to explain. “I didn’t mean-“ A spray of sauce goes flying at Ace’s shirt as he gasps and faces her defensively. “I said I was sorry!”

“Good for you. I’m not.” 

-

Y/N L/N, 17:  What was I gonna do? We are just too different.

-

Y/N and Ace were forced to be recorded attending a gym class, normally Ace’s forte. However, Y/N was set on using him as a human shield instead of playing normally.

She moved him while trying to avoid the ball, causing Ace to get hit and very uncharacteristically fall to the ground. Y/N taking this opportunity to tilt his head the direction of the ball and get him hit in the face instead of the side of his head had he just stayed there.

She stands up again and Ace pulls away facing her in anger, “HEY WHAT THE F-“

Y/N quickly turns him around to the direction of the ball, still unnecessary given he would have still blocked it with the back of his head, Ace realizes and quickly ducks down.

The ball approaches quickly while Y/N is still in that same spot.

The ball smacks her right smack dab in the middle of the face, knocking her down not from momentum of the throw, but the shock and late reflexes making her fall back much easier than normal.

Ace flips his head around, realizing late, “PFFT- uh- you alright there?” He smiles and lends a hand while Y/N grabs his arm and digs her nails into his wrist in cold blood.

-

Y/N L/N, 17: He acts like a child.

-

Ace lies down on a bench looking up at trees that have light partially peeking through. Like a glimpse of heaven or an artwork showing how nature can work in harmony to form a single piece.

He talks to the camera crew facing a camera up at him from above, “One of the things I love doing the most is lying in the shade, with the sun peeking down on me through the trees.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Y/N interrupts Ace’s filming standing up over him, “Finish that book so you can return it.”

Ace smiles and examines the book, reaching out with it to give to her, as she reaches for it snatching it away with a shit eating grin to put it under his head as a pillow and sighs, “Wow… this is great.”

Y/N fumes and snatches both of the books from under Ace and lets his head hit the hard wood of the bench.

-

Y/N L/N, 17:  To top it off he’s lazy.

-

Students sit in an eerily quiet classroom, pencils marking away at workbooks, the only sound being Ace’s giggling at his phone out texting some of his friends from Whitebeard’s Resort where he works for the summer.

The students glare over at Ace, not one saying a word, settling for silent annoyance. Y/N grows tired and snatches the phone right out of his hand and shoves it in her backpack.

Ace stands up in shock and disbelief, the sound of the clanking chair alarming Mr. Mihawk.

“What was that?” He enters back into the classroom from the conversation he was having with Shanks, probably escaping it honestly, “ACE! You AGAIN?! I thought I told you all to be quiet.” He sighs and rubs his temples.

Ace glares over at Y/N who gives him a fake confused look and innocently smiles.

-

Portgas D. Ace, 17:  Things are already exhausting and she has a knack for making them even worse. Y/N L/N, 17:  To sum it up, Portgas D. Ace is pathetic.

-

"Sorry, what was that last question?" Ace asks Dragon in an isolated room, Y/N sitting two feet to his right.

"How about why can't you pay attention?" She crosses her arms and shoots him a pointed glare.

"Right..." Dragon sighs, "I'm gonna restart the recording now, if we can just get this segment done."

Portgas D Ace: Things I hate? *He smiles* Y/N L/N. She’s some weird girl I know.

Y/N L/N: *Facing him* I hate pathetic things. I despise people who are hopelessly pathetic the most. Portgas D. Ace: *Inconspicuously pointing at her* And being selfish! I hate selfish people who only-

Y/N L/N:  People who cause trouble for others! If you want to fail, fail on your own. Why do the rest of us have to go with you? Portgas D. Ace:  People who are super harsh, and speak without thinking. To me those people are super rude. Y/N L/N:  Look at who is talking. He needs to look in a mirror because he doesn’t think at all.

Portgas D. Ace:  He?! Me??? Y/N L/N:  You started it by bitching at me first! Portgas D. Ace: Ugh. Are you done talking? Y/N: Not yet because I’m obviously still talking. Ace: Why did you guys want me to film this again? Y/N: Because it’s a documentary filming the best student helping the worst. Correct? Ace: Ohhhhh… I see… you’re seeing how long normal people can endure anti-social ones. Experiments like this are just unethical. Y/N: Oh I’m sorry… from the title BEST and WORST student who would you think is more antisocial?

Ace: People like her exhaust everyone around them as soon as they enter society. Y/N: Someone like you wouldn’t even be able to enter society so how would you know that? Dragon: Alright… um… here’s a DIFFERENT question: what do you think you’ll both be doing after ten years?

*Silence* Ace: Let’s see… I’ll be 27 by then… Y/N: Whatever it is, I’m hopeful and pretty sure that I will be good at whatever it is I’m doing. Ace:  Ummmmm… I guess I wanna live an adventurous life without being too tied down. Y/N: I’ll lead groups of people in my company and have an active and fulfilling life, a successful one. Ace: I want a free and open life Ace and Y/N: With one thing for sure- Y/N:  I’ll have nothing to do with the pathetic person next to me. Ace: *Scoff*  That’s how I feel.

Dragon shuts off his camera and exits the room with Ivankov waiting outside, "Maybe I've gotten myself into more trouble than it's worth."

"Oh it'll be fine... They'll learn something and become better people by the end of it." They smile.

"I suppose you'r-" He's interrupted by the sound of clanking chairs and incoherent yelling.

"Or maybe they'll kill each other before filming is over and this will be for nothing" Ivankov pats Dragon on the back and take off.

[prettyboykatsuki]

As someone who cannot be casual about anything and struggles to distinguish between platonic and romantic feelings towards people, I find myself hesitant to let people get too close to me too! I’ve been putting a lot of thought into whether or not I need to try to be more casual and have “normal” friendships, but at the same time like. Is it so bad that I’d prefer to just keep a small circle of people that I feel insane about? I can’t tell if trying to change my ways is something that would actually be beneficial for me or if I just feel pressured to do so because of societal norms, you know? I’m not sure I’m really interested in having friends that I can’t have intense emotional (sometimes physical) relationships with, and I think that might be okay…

this is very real ask

my brain is smooth like uni so i cannot add much than i totally understand this perspective and where you're coming from. my older sister is like max extrovert and she believes in having a lot of casual friends and my partner while not extroverted is also like that

but idk. i guess it'd be ideal if i could meet like. a few more people who i could get that intimate with and just have that i think that'd be enough for me. the problem is i know that is a limited perspective so keeping to myself makes the most sense yk.... but i get it lol

[cathchicken]

Ok watched the new episodes, my quick thoughts: (spoiler)

I thought cake dropped the f bomb when she said “puck him up!” In the first few minutes. Sort of disappointed she didn’t tho, that’d be really funny

Episode one overall was really cute! Gave me big bee and puppy cat vibes

I like the relationship Fiona has with both Gary and Marshal. ALSO PEPPERMINT BUTLER WAS SUCH A JUMPSCARE IDK WHY

Also surprising: Hunter?? (Genderswapped human huntress wizard). It’s a different design than the one we see in the trailers! I’m not sure how to think of it yet but I could immediately sense the sort of pairing they are going for obviously with Fiona.

Lsp was lsp

Also the human lemongrabs haha

Intro theme was a banger??? Especially episode 2

Ok episode two: essentially a Simon torture porn episode like oh my god I am not kidding

He’s such a looser (sad)

Like give my man a break

I bet you could easily make a 20 minute compilation of every time Simon gets whacked in the head or punched or something, by the end of the series.

Also Simon and Marcy flashback. Gonna throw up now my heart won’t take it

He is going insane. Like his girl how cute 💕💕💕💕

Betty shrine

Choose goose but EVIL!! yes! This was hinted at in the “wizard city” episode of distant lands, and now he is back but filled with dark magic I guess.

Nothing happens with that little Fiona fangirl

FINN!!! He is very big but thr same the whole time, I am happy to see him back

Jake is dead :’(

Finn hangs out with TV now, interesting. TV even has a little tamagotchi

This episode REALLY earned the tv-14 rating. Lots of blood, but satisfying in a way. A beat up monster actually has visible injuries!!

Well also Simon his arm gets jacked up. Because it’s mandatory I guess

I have no idea what’s gonna happen to finns weird scratch, maybe nothing

Finn makes like at least two jokes about his balls and it’s so good. He’d totally be the person to think balls are funny

Huntress wizard is also mentioned in this episode too!! Not any appearances though. Finn does say he regularly meets with her though, and at the end of the episode even goes to “hang out” with her

Rebecca sugar song!!! I think!!!

OH YEAH WE GOT A BIT OF BUBBALINEEE. Nothing too important, just them having a goofy time and being happy :3

next: Simon summons god /j

Well, he does something to connect with golb, or at least his intentions. But choose goose messes up the chant by saying something about Fiona and cake.

Ok so THEORY: this summoning/portal ritual caused a portal to appear from Simon to Fiona’s world, like the chant eventually said. The portal itself (in Fiona’s universe) was specifically tied to ice, since that’s a point of simons identity. Well, the portal cake wen through was right near human ice queen, so I thought it was because ice queen was the Simon of Fiona’s universe. But cake doesn’t enter her, but just the ice in her ice cream cart. Hmmm,,,, not sure.

Ok I think that’s it for now!!

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

hello this is out of the blue but do you have any soichello thoughts/takes/headcanons right now. just anything is cool, can be a totally random thought or anything

OH BOY DO I

I’m absolutely awful at putting my thoughts into words and tbh 90% of my thoughts about them in particular are hard to express (also it is ridiculously late at night for me rn) but I’ll try my best. I hope all of these make sense (both in the sense that everything written here is comprehensible and also vaguely makes sense for their characters)

Okay so um. Starting with general stuff

-I enjoy the kind of like,, duality?? of the pairing because on one hand it’s objectively ridiculous and it’s fun to lean into that. On the OTHER hand it’s also fun to take it seriously because you’re then presented with the challenge of making it seem plausible. My personal favourite part of shipping is not so much focusing on canon interactions (although I definitely enjoy that too) but thinking about the potential. What would make these two characters attracted to each other? How would they both feel about that? What would they do about their feelings? And with soichello I feel like it gives me a lot to think about

-(That being said, I DO enjoy their dynamic in canon. The mafia arc is pretty much my favourite part of the series and I love them both as individual characters and in general I just find their interactions interesting. But that’s not the point rn so whatever)

-I definitely think that Mello would have to initiate both the relationship itself and a lot within the relationship because like. Soichiro is MORTIFIED at the concept of being attracted to a man with basically no regard for the law and who is younger than both of his children, and he would certainly not make any attempt to act on it (which IS the sensible choice, but where’s the fun in that??). I also imagine he’d be quite baffled and concerned about it being reciprocated lmao. But in contrast, Mello’s the kind of person to do pretty much whatever to get what he wants, and if he wants to fuck that old man then by god he is fucking that old man no matter what

-Though I can also see Mello being too stubborn and embarrassed about it to do anything so they both just don’t act on it but unresolved tension drives me a little insane so that’s a sometimes thought. I guess it really just depends on how you want Mello to feel about it??

-It’s honestly pretty weird for both of them because they both have lived very different lives and have very different expectations and ideas of what a relationship looks like. Mello feels like he has to have, like, constant control of the relationship (as in he kind of attempts to present it as like. “you are the one who wants this and I am indulging you for my own pleasure/amusement” when that’s not actually really the case) (this is both because he’s not the best with vulnerability but also because he grew up in a particularly competitive environment and has this idea kind of engraved into him that if he is not “above” someone than he is beneath them and therefore inferior. Or something like that idk), which is just... not how relationships work. And I imagine their relationship is built largely on sexual attraction more than anything, and Soichiro just isn’t used to that.

-Despite Mello trying his hardest to seem somewhat nonchalant about the relationship (which kind of fails because he’s very obviously emotionally invested enough to put in the amount of effort he does), he is fond of Soichiro. He was rather thrilled upon discovering that his feelings were mutual, and on the occasion Soichiro initiates literally anything he’s pretty pleased about it.

-Moving onto slightly more specific headcanons, Mello loves biting. I mean he enjoys pretty much anything involving his own mouth but I think he likes biting the most, both for his partner’s reaction and also just because. Nom. Soichiro was initially VERY conflicted about this but decided it was fine as long as he didn’t leave any marks in any obvious places or bite down too hard.

-I feel obligated to include something relating to the cute grey hair line from htr because that’s the one singular crumb of the barely canonical basis this pairing has so,, Mello likes playing with Soichiro’s hair. He’s just sort of weirdly fascinated by it lol

God okay I just looked at the time and I NEED to go to sleep so I think I’ll leave it there for now. Thank you so much for letting me get a small portion of my thoughts down, and again, I hope this makes sense to you. If you ever want my thoughts on anything more specific (or if you ever want to share any of your own thoughts about them!!!) my asks are always open.

[blinkaftermidnight]

Leatin Falling Apart idk

Read on AO3.

Nothing happens on the island, but after the island, it kind of just makes sense that Leah and Fatin end up together. They’re all they have back home – well, as far as understanding, like, the insane amount of island-related trauma goes – so they text a lot and hang out a lot, and it doesn’t come as a total shock when Fatin kisses Leah out of nowhere (in the parking lot of the movie theater after they wasted two hours and over twenty bucks). But maybe it’s a bit of a shock when, after Fatin pulls back and quickly apologizes, Leah kisses her, too.

And they work. Everything goes smoothly, even when they return to school for their senior year, even when Fatin’s parents cut her off financially, even when Leah’s mental health steadily deteriorates as the trial inches closer and closer. They still work (as a couple, obviously, but also as, like, each other’s person or whatever) during the trial, which begins shortly after they graduate. They’re still going strong when Dot and Shelby arrive in Los Angeles. Everything is still fine when Dot teases Fatin over getting soft, and when Shelby quietly tells Leah that she’s so proud of all the progress she’s made.

And Leah doesn’t remember when she and Shelby became kind-of friends, but it was probably around the same time she and Rachel became kind-of friends. When Rachel arrives in Los Angeles – knowing that Leah and Fatin are together because of social media and because Leah texted it to her, like, almost right away – she immediately rolls her eyes at Leah – then hugs her – then says, “You could’ve had anyone and you chose Fatin?”

“I chose Leah, actually,” Fatin pipes up. “She just happened to choose me back.”

Leah rolls her eyes but can’t argue with that, and when she and Fatin grin at each other, Rachel shakes her head. (But when Fatin isn’t looking, Rachel smiles at Leah.)

Nora flies in separately, and though she stays in the same hotel in Los Angeles as everyone else, she books a room on a different floor. Dot accuses Rachel of telling Nora she couldn’t stay near them, but Rachel denies it, and Leah might be the only one who truly believes her.

Toni and Martha fly in a day later – the day before they’re set to start testifying – and they’re all there to witness Toni and Shelby’s awkward airport reunion. Like, Toni and Shelby hug, but even Leah and Rachel had a more intimate moment in the airport the day before, and there’s nothing but friendship between them, so it’s weird to see Toni and Shelby be so…distant. And after a few moments in the embrace, Toni clears her throat and steps back, jamming her hands into her pockets.

As Martha goes around to hug everyone, she admits to Fatin (but Leah overhears it), “I never would’ve guessed that you and Leah would get together, but I’m so happy for you.”

“Girl, if you’re worried that I’m not gonna help you find a man because I’m shacking up with a woman, then you’re –”

“No! I’m just – really surprised and really happy for you.”

Fatin waves her off, says, “We’re going out tonight before this shit show begins, and we’re gonna get you a man. You’re gonna be glowing more than usual in court tomorrow.”

Martha’s eyebrows raise, and Leah gives herself permission to keep eavesdropping, because Toni and Shelby are still being unbearably awkward, and Dot’s trying to, like, help things along, and it’s hard to watch.

“You’re going to take me…to find a man…but you’re with Leah?” Martha questions.

Fatin scoffs. “Leah knows I won’t stray.”

And Leah does know that. That doesn’t mean she’s thrilled about the idea of Fatin taking Martha clubbing – but at least Rachel and Dot make it known that they’re totally in, and Leah doesn’t feel compelled to go, even before Fatin whispers to her, while they’re heading back to the hotel with Toni and Martha in tow, “You don’t have to come with us, if you don’t want to. And if you really don’t want me to go, I’ll just tell Martha –”

“It’s fine,” Leah whispers back, because Martha’s sitting directly behind them, giggling with Shelby. “Go have fun. Just remember we have to leave bright and early tomorrow.”

And Fatin grins and presses her lips to Leah’s jaw and intertwines her fingers with Leah’s, and Rachel groans exaggeratedly and says, “Don’t do that gay shit when you’re sitting next to me!” and Leah feels herself relax as everyone busts out laughing. When the laughter dies down, Rachel assures them she’s just joking. (Even though they already know it’s just a joke, but the fact that Rachel felt the need to remind them that she’s messing around is something new.)

And everything is still fine – better than fine, still good – that day before the trial. Leah watches Fatin struggle to choose an appropriate outfit from her three (three) suitcases, and she humors Fatin and chooses her favorite out of literally ten different options. And Leah starts to think maybe she should just suck it up and go with them if Fatin’s going to put actual effort into her outfit and hair and makeup (and Leah knows that Fatin does it for herself and not for anyone else, but it still nags at her, just a little bit). But Fatin reminds Leah that she’ll be back before one, and Fatin doesn’t get changed immediately. She strips down and joins Leah on the bed and tells her she needs to be quiet if she doesn’t want Dot and Rachel to hear them through the wall.

So everything is okay. Fatin gets back to the room at 12:57 in the morning, ditches her dress and leaves it in the middle of the floor. She slips into bed behind Leah, whispers an apology for waking her, presses her lips to Leah’s neck.

“Did you find Martha a man?” Leah mumbles. And Fatin smells like alcohol and sweat and a strange mixture of cigarettes and weed, but Leah doesn’t tell her to go shower. Leah hums, finds herself leaning back into Fatin as Fatin’s arm settles around her waist.

Fatin chuckles, “Yeah. And we found Dot a man, too, which I wasn’t expecting at all. I’ll tell you everything later. Now go back to sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

Except the first day is only sort of a big day, because it isn’t the actual first day of the trial. No, the trial’s been going on, and none of the Unsinkable Eight have been allowed inside the courtroom yet (aren’t allowed until after they testify), and Martha’s up first. Maybe there’s no rhyme or reason to the order they testify in – or maybe there is – but Martha goes first. And they testify over the course of days, and the days blend together. Leah is selfishly glad that Fatin testifies before her, because that means Fatin’s allowed in the courtroom when Leah testifies. Leah can stare at Fatin the whole time instead of at Gretchen Klein. And the whole night after she testifies, she sobs in Fatin’s arms in their hotel room, and Fatin lies awake with her until the sun rises, and the two of them still just work.

But then the trial ends. (It’s a relief, but it’s fucking terrifying, because now what?) Everyone stays in Los Angeles at least until they hear the verdict, but the night before the verdict will be read, Leah hears Toni and Shelby fighting through the wall – the other wall, because Leah has never heard anything from Dot or Rachel. And maybe Toni and Shelby would hear Leah and Fatin arguing right about now, too, but it’s thirty minutes past the time Fatin said she’d be back to the room, and when she does get back (an hour and twelve minutes late), she’s drunk and she passes out on the other bed – the one Leah’s not in – almost immediately.

The guilty verdict feels hollow when Shelby and Toni use the rest of the girls as a buffer – same as Rachel and Nora have been doing. It feels hollow when Fatin’s hungover and doesn’t understand why Leah’s upset with her.

*

Later, while Fatin’s packing up all her shit and complaining about her headache, Leah registers for classes at UC Berkeley. She sits cross-legged on the hotel bed they’ve shared every night – except last night – for weeks, and she watches Fatin cram her belongings into her multiple suitcases. Leah watches Fatin grab her shit, toss it onto the bed next to Leah so she can pack it. As Fatin chugs a bottle of water, Leah sighs because – even if Fatin pees at the airport when they drop everyone else off – they’re going to have to stop somewhere during their drive back to the Bay. And for the first time ever – since the day they officially got together – Leah wonders if this is going to work.

And Leah shouldn’t be trying to psych herself out, but as she confirms that she’s fully registered for classes in the fall, she does the math. She’s eighteen. She survived a three month stint on an uninhabited island (and Linh’s death proves that, yeah, they really were in a life or death situation), so it’s not crazy to think that she could live for another, like, sixty to seventy years. And even taking into account their shared trauma and all the bonding that came with that – can Leah really see herself spending the next sixty-plus years with Fatin Jadmani?

Leah is eighteen. (And she might be in love with Fatin, but they haven’t talked about that, and after Jeff, Leah isn’t so sure she knows what love is, but this seems like it and it’s fucking terrifying, so that’s a question for later.) So the thing is: Leah doesn’t know much of anything. She knows she survived the island. She knows that she – at the very least – really likes Fatin (and maybe even loves her). And she knows she’s starting college soon. And Leah thinks that’s about all she should be expected to know. But it’s still going to bother her, not knowing if she can spend an entire lifetime with Fatin –

“Babe, you’re staring at a blank screen.”

Leah blinks, refocuses on her laptop, which has gone to sleep. So Leah’s staring at a black screen, and Fatin’s staring at her. And just like that, Fatin pushes Leah’s belongings she’d piled onto the bed out of the way, takes a seat next to Leah. Fatin has that look on her face. The look that she’d get on the island – that look she always gets when Leah withdraws too deep into her own mind.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Fatin asks. Her voice is as gentle as the hand that lands on Leah’s thigh, and Leah flinches.

“You came back late,” Leah mutters. (She tries to push the uncertainty about their future away. There’s no way she’ll be voicing that to Fatin. Definitely not right now, not after they’ve won in court.)

It takes Fatin a moment, but she explains, “Our first Uber never showed, so we wasted almost a half hour waiting on that, and the driver of the Uber that did show was slow as fuck.”

“You came back drunk,” Leah says.

“I came back drunk, and Dot came back drunk, and Rachel came back drunk. That’s why we had to wait on an Uber.”

“You should’ve texted.”

“I’m sorry.”

Leah nods. She closes her laptop, sets it aside, and brushes Fatin’s hand off her thigh. Fatin’s eyes won’t leave the side of her face. Leah exhales, rubs at her eyes, and when Fatin pulls her hand away from her eyebrow, Leah doesn’t resist.

“Something else is bothering you,” Fatin observes.

“Toni and Shelby fought all night.”

“Well, that’s shitty, but it’s not what’s bothering you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

And Leah doesn’t remember the last time she said that to Fatin. They’re coming up on their one year anniversary, so it was probably, like, two or three months into this thing? And Fatin had rolled her eyes and told Leah to just lay it on her and they’d figure it out. And Leah laid it on her and they figured it out. But now, Fatin doesn’t say anything. She just links her fingers through Leah’s and holds both of their hands against her chest.

“We have to get going soon,” Fatin says after they sit in silence for at least five minutes. Leah nods, pulls her hand back, and gets all her things together. Fatin uses the bathroom before they leave the hotel. She uses the bathroom at the airport – before they say goodbye to all the other girls and right before they leave. And Leah still has to pull off the highway so Fatin can pee at a McDonald’s. As they’re pulling back onto the highway, Fatin complains that her headache’s coming back.

*

When they hit their one year anniversary, a few weeks after they hear the verdict (and a few days before Gretchen’s set to be sentenced), Fatin admits, “You know, this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. And I haven’t even completely fucked it up yet. Isn’t that insane?”

Leah was almost asleep (in Fatin’s bed, since Fatin’s family is in Italy), but her eyes pop open. And the only thing she can think to say is, “So what’s your second longest relationship?”

Fatin laughs, covers her face with her hands, then says, “Like, three months? I think.”

“You know I’m in no position to judge you for that.”

They haven’t talked about Jeff since they were on the island. And Leah doesn’t intend to say anything more than that. She knows Fatin will know exactly what she means.

“I need to hear you say it, though,” Fatin says softly. “I need to hear you say that I haven’t fucked it up. Unless you can’t –”

“You haven’t fucked it up.”

(Fatin has fucked up. Many times. And so has Leah. But she hasn’t fucked their entire relationship.)

Fatin exhales in relief, like maybe she was actually afraid Leah was about to tell her she’s a giant fuckup and their relationship is over.

[thenumber-e]

Wifeyyyyy! Tell me about Craig's sports Hobbies? Or Hobbies in general:3

ok feeling shitty rn so this’ll (hopefully) get my mind off of stuff

anyways oh boy there are SO many of these that i have this is gonna get long i think

starting off with sports, i feel like he’d be an active guy. not like gym bro buff craig kinda stuff you see, he’s definitely a lanky beanpole. but i feel like he does a few sports so has a bit of muscle

first off, basketball. i’m a truther for this one, i don’t see it a lot tho. like, i hc him as being pretty tall, and i don’t have much like canon advice to back this up but that and the fact that there’s a basketball in his garage in tsot- but i think it jus fits him tbh. and also because it’s funny, he’s a total fucking loser nerd, but since yk i’ve gotta stick to canon sometimes, he’s technically popular and attractive, he definitely has like a jock alter-ego or smth stupid like that LMAO

he definitely seems like a hockey guy. like- the enforcer is so him. he’d totally wanna beat people up just cus he can. also i think he’d be a really good skater- i think he’s a pretty well balanced person physically. also, i see kyle as doing hockey, and they’re definitely close. i just see them being friends making sense, so now theyll have a sport together. also- because im insane, ike does hockey too and kyle and craig help him practice

i believe i’ve seen this once, but yk. i always see boxer tweek and don’t get me wrong i love that, but i feel like craig would continue doing martial arts afterwards too. like he’s canonically a violent and angry guy, but he’s kinda mellowed out, and i feel like that’s him just holding it back or smth cus he gets in trouble alllll the time. tweek also probably scolds him for it. but i feel like it would be a good way for him to get out any extra emotions, because he is NOT good at expressing those. also, back onto lanky criag, he’s got long limbs, and i feel like that’s good for someone to do martial arts (trust me im projecting) also, that’s also why he has good balance i feel.

alright, done with sports, just normal hobbies.

starting off, he’s 100% a music guy. i see stuff about him preferring podcasts over music, but i see him as a total music guy. in @panicatthecourtx more recent posts, she kinda went over that stuff, but because yk, im the craig ceo i’ll go over it too. i call it dad rock cus thats what my dad listens to, but he definitely listens to nirvana, ac/dc, weezer, that kinda stuff. he’s just a nerd. but i feel like he’d also have music as a way to vent in some sort of way? idk if it makes sense this is just how my brain works, but when he’s stressed, overstimulated, or just down in the dumps he zones out and just listens to music. he’s also just a nerd

space, duh. he could go on and on about that shit for hours. he can make every constellation, am every galaxy, all the nebulas, and basically anything. especially black holes. they fascinate him, he finds them so interesting and yk. is a nerd about em. ik it doesn’t really tie in with space stuff but i’ll put it here, he definitely loves conspiracy theories, especially ones about aliens and stuff. he thinks of his own all the time. especially about other space related things. also, back to conspiracy, death absolutely fascinates him. he just want to know what happens after that.

this is a basic one, but sleeping. he’s the heaviest sleeper ever, literally sleeps 24 fuckin 7

he’ll never admit it, but he kinda likes school. not because he likes sitting around all day or listening to teachers drone on and on, it’s because usually he can talk about things. in classes he enjoys, it’s his favorite thing ever. i also see him as that one kid who literally never studies or pays attention and yet has all A’s in every class.

he’s 100% a reader. he can zone out and not lay attention to anything. he gets lost in books all the time and it’s so nerdy but he loves it. it’s almost like an escape from reality which he likes. he’d never admit it, but he frets stressed pretty easily so he enjoys the way to just be alone in his own world. this also ties in with the music hc- he probably listens to music while reading. he also just zones out a lot in general

this also kinda feeds into music headcanons but he skateboards. he just gives me 90s grunge/kurt cobain vibes and youll never change my mind on this. he thinks he’s so fuckin cool but he’s just some random ass lame kid but he gets away with it cus he’s mildly popular or whatever. but he definitely has a little mini skateboard for stripe

why do these headcanons keep feeding off of each other? i dont know but yk its ok. craig fucking loves mini things. it’s definitely iconic, cus my craig is really tall and has big ass hands. but small things remind him of tweek (my tweek is like 5’8 so compared to him yeah kinda short) but he’s just gay and loves anything and everything that reminds him of tweek

i’ve also realized i don’t need a really detailed description for everything so yeah uhh (don’t mind this it’s my train of thought)

he collects shit he has the most random stuff in his room. random lego pieces he found that he thought were cool, a shit tom of rocks, different leaves, little trinkets, anything space related, stickers, just stupid stuff. those are just the basics, but he has soooo much stuff

he loves making detailed lists and ordering them and stuff

going on hikes he loves hiking he just loves the outdoors tho

stargazing is a must. he loves it and has specific times and places for them

from like a singular scene in like on episode, he plays the fuckin violin cus he’s cool like that yk. because friends, he and wendy practice together- a friend headcanons that she plays the flute, so yk it works.

hanging out with friends is a must. especially clyde they have the bromance ever they’re so lovey dovey best friends

it’s like 2am and i’m getting lazy so here ya go this isn’t even half but alas it’s ok so have fun with my stupid ass spews ty for ur time

[tending-the-hearth]

The outsiders obc album: a review that is totally not biased or skewed due to the face that i’ve been listening to it nonstop since it came out two weeks ago

“Tulsa ‘67”

Goes insane over the first line of the song because it’s the same as the opening of the book

Since this song/story is being written after everything happens, ponyboy recognizing how hard his brothers work in the opening verse makes SO much sense

“That right there is my best friend in the whole world, johnny cade” idk what it is about this line but it just makes me so happy

But ponyboy pointing out that part of what makes a soc a soc is graduation parties actually makes me so sad because so many members of the gang ended up dropping out of school in order to work so of course they’d view graduating as a privilege they don’t have, and that plays so well into darry and pony’s last fight at the end of the show

“CAUSE WE’RE GREASERS” the silliest gang ever <3

It’s just such a good opening number, the beat and music is so entertaining

“Grease got a Hold”

JOSHUA BOONE YOU ARE THE DALLY EVER

Him constantly calling pony “little brother” is everything

The spelling section of the song is SO fun

“E is for effortless swagger” and soda uses ponyboy and johnny to hold himself up they’re his little brothers!!!

“Show us how it’s done, then, einstein!” soda and two-bit are best friends!!!!

Also daryl tofa absolutely killing it on the run of “you better run for your life”

You only really get this from seeing the song live, but darry keeps ponyboy away from the rest of the gang during his section of the song until he makes sure that ponyboy knows what being a greaser truly means, he is such a big brother

“I love you superman” ace ily ily ily kissing your cheeks

Again, not part of the soundtrack but the performance, but the moment where ponyboy gets the upper hand in his little play-fight with two-bit, and dally gets so excited and starts jumping up and down with the rest of the gang like they are siblings!!!

“Runs in the Family”

Darry loml i know you’re having an identity crisis but this song is such a vibe

“So i dropped out of school cause i had to earn a dollar” the little dance i do every time i hear this line

vibes to the song so i don’t have to deal with the emotions i get as a parentified older sibling identifying with this song far too closely

“Now i’m stuck between the role of a brother and a father” someone get this man a hug and some therapy PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU

I always love a little bit of an unreliable narrator, so the audience hearing this song and knowing how much darry is struggling, meanwhile ponyboy is SO sure and SO positive that darry truly doesn’t care about him is absolute perfection

“Great Expectations”

This song literally made me cry my eyes out the first time i listened to it, and then seeing the staging for it during the show??? 

But also ponyboy acknowledging that darry had a future, and how he had to sacrifice that after their parents died, and understanding his struggle

Honestly there aren’t words to describe my love for this song, it’s so beautiful and well-written, and brody’s voice is just so fantastic

“Friday at the Drive-In”

Again, the beat of this song is SO good!!!

emma pittman’s voice is everything to me

The instrumental for this song is “grease got a hold” i’m losing my mind!!!

This song is also just such a fun, easy-going song, that it works at feeling slightly out of place with how fun and lighthearted it is, especially knowing what’s going to happen soon

"I Could Talk to You All Night"

CUTIE PATOOTIE ALERT

I never have viewed cherry and ponyboy as having romantic interest in each other (maybe ponyboy with a little crush on her, but they become friends post-book events), and this song is just so perfect with showing why they connect with each other, because they understand each other

Have i mentioned how much i adore musical!cherry??? 

“And we talked so dang much i didn’t even catch the end” i love how perfect the accents are in this show, it’s really satisfying lmao 

Cherry being the first one who’s ever truly listened to ponyboy my heart hurts

“Runs in the Family (Reprise)”

AHHHH THIS SONG

There’s just so much tension, and soda trying to be the middle man like always while darry is singing??? Painful

But also this song does such a good job at showing that it’s not even been a full year since the curtis parents died, so the boys are still grieving and processing, so it makes sense that this is a fight that’s happening

But ugh the way that the song ends with the slap???? Curled up sobbing

“Far Away from Tulsa”

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

I also really love how johnny joins in a little hesitantly, like he’s not sure if ponyboy wants him contributing, but then as soon as he starts he talks about having a little garden and reading stories

Now i’m thinking about post-book, the remaining outsiders gang turns the empty lot into a type of community garden in johnny and dally’s honor oh i’m going to be ill

“We’d be each other’s family, Pony, start this life anew” SOBBING MY EYES OUT JOHNNY KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT PONYBOY WANTS AND PONYBOY KNOWING WHAT JOHNNY WANTS THEY’RE THE PLATONIC SOULMATES EVER

God and then the song going into “great expectations” literal chills

“Run Run Brother”

Brody does Ponyboy’s panic SO perfectly you can feel his fear when he just keeps repeating “he stuck him in the back!”

Like he’s not freaking out about bob dying, he’s freaking out about the fact that johnny could get arrested

Mother hen Dally my beloved

“I hate to make you go” and “even though it kills me to say” those lines are everything, i love Dally just wanting to keep his little brothers close but knowing he needs to get them somewhere safe immediately

And the line “you’re a greaser now” getting repeated at the end???? I’m going insane, it doesn’t sound fun or happy anymore, it just sounds like a warning and almost like johnny and ponyboy are being taunted

“Justice for Tulsa”

Dally immediately calling out the cops for always going after the greasers and calling them his boys???? Obsessed with protective dally

Again, musical!cherry is everything to me, she doesn’t try to make excuses for what Bob did, she calls him and Randy out for drinking and ganging up on Ponyboy and Johnny, and calls Randy out for jumping Johnny the week before

Like in the book and movie she makes excuses and puts all the blame on johnny, but in the musical, even though she’s sad that bob’s dead, she understands why johnny did what he did, and doesn’t blame him for what happened

“Death’s at my Door”

Emotional damage

Jesus CHRIST the absolute slap in the face this song was during the show

Ponyboy blaming himself for everything??? Thinking he’s cursed because everyone he loves keeps dying or getting hurt??? Ouch???

But then johnny immediately jumping into reassure him and making sure ponyboy knows that he’s not alone??? They are the best friends ever???

I haven’t talked about how beautiful Sky’s voice is, if he doesn’t win a tony award i will riot

“The reason i’m living is you” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND HEAVING AND HYPERVENTILATING

Johnny saying “i’ll never leave you alone” and it’s true even after he dies because he knows ponyboy will see him in the sunset that they always talked about and i’m going to go curl up in a corner for a little bit

“Throwing in the Towel”

Emotional damage part 2

Parentified older siblings how are we feeling about this song

Darry finally talking to his brother about how he’s feeling, and getting validation from Sodapop that what he’s been doing is being noticed and making a difference!!

But darry recognizing what Ponyboy can do and his potential and blaming himself for what happened and, like ponyboy, telling soda that he’d be better off without him

“I lost our brother and i lost my way” SOBBING VIOLENTLY ON THE GROUND PART 2

Darry is TWENTY in the books and never got a chance to truly mourn his parents it makes sense how much he struggles

Ponyboy joining in the song from the back of the set like it actually makes me want to bite something

Brent Comer how does it feel to understand darry like no one else <3333333

“Brother that’s what love is all about” JASON SCHHMIDT THE FACT THAT YOU WEREN’T NOMINATED FOR A TONY IS A CRIME

(they should have just nominated the entire cast for supporting or featured actor at this point tbh)

“Soda’s Letter”

Jason making me sob!!!!! 

“Ponyboy this house ain’t a home without you” this song just starts out punching you in the gut

Idk why but soda including “say hi to johnny for us” makes me emotional, like the curtis brothers love johnny as much as they love pony he is also their little brother!!!

Brent comer i will fight you for the end of this song

“Hoods turned Heroes”

DARYL AND JASON KILL THIS SONG ACTUALLY THEY’RE THE UNDERRATED DUO OF THIS SHOW

New hc because of this song is that Soda and Two-Bit are as close to each other as Pony and Johnny are

i love love love the "owe it all to Pony and Johnny" line, because they recognize what the two have been through, and also acknowledge that yeah, it's because of them that they're getting a little bit better of a reputation!

Also again, not part of the album, but the song is so hyped and excited and happy and then immediately gets cut by Dally walking onto the stage with Johnny wrapped in bandages and my heart BROKE

“Hopeless War”

Favorite change is cherry going to visit johnny in the hospital and that being where she and pony have their conversation

What i love about this song is that it isn’t cherry going “this is silly, you shouldn’t do this” it’s cherry realizing that what happened to johnny was never deserved, why the rumble is important, and knowing that it’s going to happen, but her also acknowledging, like ponyboy does, that it’s not going to change anything. 

I’m just so obsessed with emma’s voice and how she portrays cherry in the show

“Trouble”

I absolutely LOVE how aggressive and intense this song is, especially compared to “Hopeless War” coming right before it

I love “tonight” from West Side, and this song gives me those vibes, i love a good pre-rumble song

DARRY STILL LOOKING OUT FOR PONYBOY AND WANTING TO FIGHT FOR HIM 

PONYBOY TAKING THE “LET’S DO IT FOR JOHNNY” LINE

“Little Brother” 

Emotional damage part 3

The way the song starts out so soft and slow, and it building up and up as Dally becomes more and more worked up and looses it

“If anything were fair you would still be here” AND THAT’S THE POINT OF THE SHOW AND OF THE BOOK IT ISN’T FAIR THAT JOHNNY DIES IT’S FAIR THAT BOB DIES BUT JOHNNY DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE AND IT’S THE REALIZATION THAT EVEN THOUGH JOHNNY COULD DO SO MUCH MORE HE STILL DIES AND LEAVES THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM BEHIND

“Do it for Ponyboy, do it for Johnny Cade” THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS YOUR HONOR

The way Joshua just screams the last “Johnny can you hear me now?” absolutely destroys me, the song itself is all over the place, and it makes sense because it’s Dally’s breakdown

“Stay Gold”

Emotional damage part 4

When i saw the show the instruments were really quiet while Sky was singing so all you could hear was him and then the sounds of people quietly sobbing and sniffling (it was me)

Going from “i have seen a pool of blood run crimson red” to “i have stared into a thankful father’s eyes” johnny going from taking a life to saving lives i’m losing my mind actually

Not to be annoying about them again but Brody and Sky’s voices literally melt together and their emotions are so beautifully portrayed as they sing, going from melancholy to joyful as Ponyboy starts to accept Johnny’s death

And “I have known a love that many never know, and our love lives on no matter where I go” IT’S ABOUT THE PLATONIC LOVE OF THIS GROUP AND THE LOVE PONY AND JOHNNY HAVE FOR EACH OTHER AND HOW FRIENDSHIPS ARE STRONGER THAN ANYTHING ELSE AND I’M JUST GOING TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE THEY’RE PLATONIC SOULMATES

Ponyboy having the last “Stay Gold” line 

“Finale (Tulsa ‘67)”

Darry reading the starting lines like Ponyboy did at the beginning of the show 

Ponyboy going from idolizing fictional heroes to looking at his brothers as his heroes because they’re the reason he’s going to be able to make it out of Tulsa????

Just the way he sings about how Darry is the toughest guy he knows, and how Soda is the heart and soul of the family, how earnest and loving he is when singing it

“Trying to look tough so they're not beaten down again” in connection to Dally makes me sob, him using the grease and toughness as a cover so he doesn’t get hurt again

And this reprise of the song just feeling so much lighter and happier, compared to the opening, when ponyboy was talking about how everything was unbalanced and the differences between the Greasers and the Socs, how he and his brothers were struggling, to the finale being so hopeful and encouraging, because Ponyboy’s had his realizations, he’s reconnected with his brothers, he’s accepted Johnny and Dally’s deaths, but he’s making a choice to keep going

And also at the end, where “We’re greasers” was repeated in the opening song, it’s now been changed to “Stay Gold” being repeated 

And the entire show ENDING with “Stay gold”???????

yeah i'm so so normal about this show i promise