#so maybe somewhere between ‘she instead of they’ and ‘deadnamed maliciously’
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First breath since winter :)
#I walked outside and saw my breath for the first time in forever and it actually felt like I was breathing#idk if this makes sense or if I’m like totally insane or if I have the words to say it right#but hear feels wrong#like actually wrong#like my body feels wrong#like hearing my deadname or being misgendered feels wrong#maybe not to that level I guess#maybe when someone says she instead of they for me#like it doesn’t feel bad but it feels wrong#actually it feels bad#so maybe somewhere between ‘she instead of they’ and ‘deadnamed maliciously’#is weather dysmorphia a thing? has anyone else ever said those words before?#is this seasonal affective disorder#asking for a friend lmao#because I was always under the impression that had more to do with light than temperature#but I might be wrong!#anyway no one’s gonna answer this#which is kind of how I like it? I think? maybe?#maybe someone will see it and not reference it explicitly but wind it into conversation subtly#so as to not arouse suspicion#like when someone confronted me about doing my little tasks until people are happy or whatever I said#or maybe I’m paranoid again#at least I’m not convinced people are trying to kill me again it could be worse lol#anyway happy to be breathing again :)#almost wrote something to take the wind out of my sails but DELETED IT. gonna try to be happy about it with no caveats! gonna try gonna try
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