#idk if that makes sense or if i worded it right but. yeah
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really don't like the take that chuuya rping as a vampire was also a part of dazai's plan not in a "it gives dazai too much credit" way but rather. i think the whole point of this arc (and part of his personal arc in general) was him putting his faith in people he trusts even when he has no way to know if it'll pay off. that's how he did it with ranpo. so in a way, seeing chuuya there at meursault can be about him trusting chuuya (or even mori, to some degree). he didn't need to know if chuuya is a vampire or not, he just had to trust that chuuya won't hurt him in an actual significant way, and he did (would also in a sense argue that's the point of skk's whole dynamic, if we go by dead apple too. trusting each other to do the right thing at the right time, even when affected by outside forces or mind altering ones). yknow?
#idk if that makes sense or if i worded it right but. yeah#ofc if you disagree that's perfectly valid and we all have our own interpretations and that's great! that's what fiction is for ✨️
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mira !!! :]
#isat#in stars and time#isat mirabelle#isat spoilers#<- due to act 3 optional content !#the img might be being chewed due to weird canvas size oops ah well#one of these miras is not like the other#one of these miras doesnt belong ASFASFSDAFA#a majority of these are based on things mentioned / that happen in the house cuz i thought itd be fun to draw :D#so like the wilting plant is from gardening room dialogue#the poster with ppl holding hands and sparkly eyes is (i think??) from some SAPSAPSAAP dialogue in one of the first rooms#i tried looking around ISAT to see if it's also in there too but couldnt find it so uh correct me if im wrong if thats NOT an exclusive LOL#side note the 2 in the poster are some old nuz ocs isatified ASDFASFA#funnily enough tho they are from 2 different games if they actually ever met they would hate each others guts i think. hmm...#however both are also the most qualified to help with promotional stuff so theres that ASDFAFA#mira looking at her bonding proposals is sorta on the tin but#the fact that she has like right next to her while she sleeps in her dresser makes me :(#cuz to me it potrays how much theyve been weighing over her cuz of how close shes been keeping them with her vs putting them on a bookshelf#or something idk if that makes sense i dont have proper words atm#but uhhh moving on chalkboard is from one of the optional events#which i think is! important!!! i dont think ive seen many ppl talk about it but!! yeah!#however i too do not have words on it atm but!!! yeah!!!! moving on for now!#the 'mira' that is really just the change god is ofc from the change god event :]#aaand ofc the iconic finish from mira towards the king#and then some misc miras with swords for funsies tbh ASFAFA#but yeah! i like mira a lot actually but as with many things i do not currently have many words to properly articulate *why*#all i know in my heart of hearts is that she is near and dear and special to me personally#one day. one day i will be able to gather my thoughts in a cohesive manner but that day. is not today!#anyway tag talk over :]
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whats ur fucking deal
#GGGRRRRRRGRRRR GGRGAGGHHH#despicable me#maxime le mal#felonious gru#gruxime#spread the word.#pre transition maxime if anyone gaffffffff#realising i can just draw shit and not have to explain myself or provide full context. awesome (provides anyway)#non descript minion. i like the idea that they go to school w gru in like shifts each week#maxime has a cokcroach ☝️ on his shoulder#they look so fucking stupid next to each other i cant get them to look normal. sorry gru ur built so weird#i need to do more kinda doodly stuff and not alwayssss full pieces#this uniform is pretty cute btw but strange that the trousers and skirt colours r different?#i mean actually. my school did that at one point but its still odd to me#btwwwwww design notes.#was torn abt giving gru his scarf but i thought it wld clash too much. for me i feel the tie serves the same purpose#looking at the One scene we see the uniform it seems the dress code is… not soooo tight? but this is also 30/40 yrs prior soooo idk#(also yeah debatably the uniform wld have been different. but fuckkkk that shit)#forrrrr maxime i like to think his glasses r like actually prescription but he uses tinted ones bc 1. he saw nefario once and was like#‘FUCKKK THATS KINDA CRAZY COOL’ and stole the idea#and also 2. he is light sensitiveeeeeee. :3#gloves r again mostly cus of sensory issues but also this kinda body dysmorphia thing he has going on#samew the socks.#was considering tights buttttt i didnt see any of the students wearing them and also booooo tights suck. so just knee length socks#so he can get around dress code andddd still cover up more#plusssss it lets him not have to shave his legs :T#shoes i didnt see any pattern i assume u can just wear whatever lollll#i give him a hairclip toooooo just cus theyre cute. and put some greeeeen in itttt#btw drew the minion w the gay flag then realised it wldnt make sense w maxime being pre transition but#i think its funnier to imply the minion just sees right thru him immediately
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my sinister take: a lot of the time when people call Silver "soft and precious boy uwu" theyre really referring to him having anxiety and it being visible. this is a double edged sword because some people will woobify him because he has anxiety, and others will say that hes being woobified when he isnt, just because hes being visibly anxious.
im specifically thinking about how hes written in idw, and how hes able to chillax because the world isnt actively ending, and that caused some of his more anxious traits to be seen and i saw a lot of people saying that idw made him "softer". which is irritating
#im not sure if i worded this right.. no idea if it makes any sense to anyone but me sorry :(#hes mean and nasty but actually hes the nicest person youve ever met. but also hes um. hes weird. idk#silver the hedgehog#oh yeah baby im main tagging again. my sinister take
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mindless rambling in tags don't mind me
#not art post#rambling in tags because i can and its MY BLOG#anyway its about tdp *waits* ok for the three of you that actually care#someone retweeted one of my threads from 2019 after s2 dropped (imo the BEST tdp season) and i reread it#and tbh i am still right about viren's characterization#obviously canon changed some things but TO BE REAL..... i dont care what the writers say bc i had beef since s3#how am i supposed to believe any viren and callum parallels and callbacks when they..... havent talked since when?#and uhhh viren's demise lol i expected it but wow i am not happy with the lead up to it#more cool and eloquent people put it in better words on twitter and probably tumblr too idk i just say things and hope they make sense#anyway viren is still the very real traumatized angry severely depressed old man from s2... his life was just revealed to be so much worse#like damn. he was poor he was orphan he got divorced and then a stupid mirror started ruining his life even more#yes the mirror was the start of it why do you think aaravos revealed himself after viren's firey break down#aaravos went i can make him worse and ran with it#should viren go to prison? yeah i never once denied that lmao but god he and his family were really the ones to suffer in the show#at least viren is gone so i can just *plucks him out of the dirt and morphs him into my own oc* (im for real)#i got maybe more to say but this is long and im lazy and im not too smart so i will just move on#i will watch s7................................... i GUESS and if you find salt i will probably be there lol
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i feel like perhaps my own sense of morality and personhood gets a lil lost in translation when i do analysis type shit so just some things to keep in mind when reading anything from me
i dont really have an internal sense of morality, simply consequences and principles
this means i dont really care for whats "good", simply for whats logical which can sometimes be confused for/muddled with whats good cause to me whats logical is whatever causes the least problems in the long run
this also means that things like hypocricy, selfishness, deceit, etc are value neutral to me and are only really problems when they actually Cause problems so when i say someone has a trait thats commonly seen as something negative i dont necessarily see it as such
related to the above, i believe most personality traits are value neutral including things commonly seen as "good" and that on their own they dont mean much of anything, their meanings come from how the actual person uses them
its also why i dont really take much note of "negative" values until they pass a certain threshold or if im specifically talking about those traits
i react a lot more than i actually feel cause if i align with what i actually feel then yall are literally getting nothing from me ever lol
im a Lot more paranoid and emotionally & interpersonally disconnected than i let on which definitely colors how i do analysis
this especially applies to psychology things cause things related to it can be a genuine danger for me (both socially and my own psyche) so im a lot more hyperreactive of warning signs regarding that (whether perceived or true)
uhh i dont think it actually Changes what i say but it might change how yall read my posts, unless ig youre someone who already assumed i dont actually care that much lol
#mine.tks#theres very few traits i consider objectionable no matter what and its shit like being fascist; rapist; etc#and the ones i consider bad even without context can be worked on such as racism; transphobia; etc#and things both i and other ppl find bad we may find bad for different reasons#most just kinda dont matter to me until they Actually start causing unnegotiable problems#idk expecting someone to only have ''good''' traits ever is just kinda... okay idk the right word for it but like eugenicist#so yeah when i call idk zam fickle or kab hypocritical or bacon annoying or ash egotistical#and when i call minute heroic or 4c generous or branzy wise or hannah just#i dont necessarily say them as good or bad things its just how they are; whether they make it good or bad or neutral is up to them#well thats in my own personal sense of morality anyway#ive talked about it before but there Are traits i consider good or bad in a lifesteal context#but its mainly based on what is most useful to the lsers themselves rather than any moral judgement on my part#and just like the traits outside of the ls context; the lsers can flip circumstance around and use those traits to the their dis/advantage
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long
#talkys#im gonna say some more stuff here which is i dont think its ever going to happen for me which is like#it should be fine right...i dont think im even meant to be in a relationship it sounds exhausting and like another#constant neverending performance...#but its like that one post...''im happy by myself but also where's the love of my life''#ykwim...i wish i could at least make an informed decision#but that would also be tragic as it'd require me to go thru more heartbreak so i could know for certain#is it better to do it or not do it at all...#anyway ive also been having a hard time putting this into words#but. i like my alone time! i can live with myself. + nothing will ever beat the peace and romance in my brain#but. it also feels so weird to think this way. in the sense of like. yeah. you're only thinking this way because you Have To.#because that's your reality. other ppl don't have to think this way because they are capable of finding love.#other people dont have to reaffirm themself of this in the wake of not ever being desired and valued....#does that make sense...? it feels really weird.#like of course u have to like being alone and spending time with yourself. you have no other choice lol. you lost.#and also... idk. idealized romances in my brain better than anything maybe i would like to be held just once by another living human being.#🌺
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me: yeah i didn't project too badly onto taob haha *sees a quote from taob randomly on a tiktok webweave about girlhood*
#HELLO?????? yeah zuko they girlhooded you. yeah no they transed your gender#idk if this makes sense but ur coping mechanisms are just sooo she/her#like do you have any idea how baffling this was like no tags no search no nothing it was just there by sheer luck#i saw it was a webweave about girlhood and i was like ohoughhee this will be good#got a few slides in. hello i recognise thAT FUCKING QUOTE WHAT IS HAPPENING#like it's such a niche quote and out of context like it was it could have been from ANYTHING#AND it wasn't credited which i'll get to in a second#but honestly i felt like a mother identifying her child through something incredibly niche like a single freckle or some shit#bc i was like 'this is such a nondescript quote and isnt a big enough moment for me to remember vividly and yet somehow i Just Know'#and low and behold i double checked with a cheeky ctrl+f on taob AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT#WHAT THE FUCK#im a tad fuming there was no credit like the person used like 12 images and only 3 of them are Non-Tumblr Writing Quotes#and NONE got credited#like i get it's hard enough to get art credited but i feel with artists there's still a general conensus that you're SUPPOSED to tag them#but with writing people honestly just treat it like it's free real estate and the thing is it kinda IS especially if it's fanfic#but also..... why would you not just say who wrote that? like you clearly like it enough to put in ur little slideshow#so why not give credit where credit is due. annoying. bc now im like if this happened by pure fucking chance#then how many times has this happened when ive literally been totally unaware of it?#how many times have MY WORDS just been flung about tiktok without any acknowledgement that i wrote them?#idkkkk just how writing especially amongst tiktokers is treated as a lesser or watered down artform#that doesn't require the decency given to 'actual' art. i might just be being cynical bc i dont like tiktok tho lol#like girl (taob) what the hell are you doing at the devil's sacrament#taob
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i hate those stupid arse posts that’re like ‘human beings deserve FOOD and WATER reblog if u agree 😍😂 IGNORE if u hate every single minority group and have been arrested 894 times due to hate crimes’ shut UPPPPP stop farming interactions off marginalised communities and peoples insecurities for the love of god
#to be clear#this is not in attack of a) posts of people clarifying they won’t tolerate certain behaviours/‘unfollow if ur x’#like that’s perfectly reasonable yeah making sure social media’s a safe place for u is so important#but when it’s so clearly done by people they’re like ‘hey guys if u don’t reblog this post then ur homophobic’#it’s just so stupid and annoying and like. i understand the idea may be so ur followers can see ur reblog and understand ur acc’s safe#and that’s amazing right but. that’s never how it’s worded nor how it usually works out idk#i’m rambling a lot and idk if this even makes sense but ykyk#pls for the love of god understand u r not a bad person for not reblogging ballslover22#AND by ‘stop using people’s insecurities’ i’m referring to ppl thatre like fuck i must be homophobic bc i accidentally scrolled past that 😥😥#i just forgor if there was a word for that#lea.txt
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I don’t know, me personally, I just think two adults playing pretend & pretending being gross together with full open communication & consent between them is harmless, but maybe that’s just me.
#this is very much a vague post if there ever was one & I’m absolutely vagueing#again; pay attention to the wording & reread if you need to#I think adults playing pretend on its own is harmless as long as everyone involved consents to it#idk how much more simply I can put this tbh but had to unfollow someone over saying certain kinks are harmful#like wow okay if they knew my other blog they’d be saying I’m an absolute freak probably tbh#always seems to be younger folks who have the unhealthy takes about kink but in this case i cant say nothing yknow?#idk this person & they're going through some stuff so i can't really say anything without it sounding tone policing plus parasocial#but just because bad people like a kink doesn't make a kink bad; trauma too doesn't make a kink bad; uncomfortable maybe but not harmful#just like in general yknow? its only as harmful as you make it between yourself & others. Everyone has to communicate or the whole thing#will fall apart. In this case there was absolutely some communication issues which lead to trauma but also just seeing someone agree that#a kink I like is harmful is like idk made me super uncomfortable even if the person is traumatized & going through it still just yeesh#idk seeing someone you follow for a while be like 'yeah this kink you like is bad' when by itself its actually harmless just leaves a#bad taste in your mouth if that makes sense. it just really rubbed me the wrong way so mmm 😕#I hope that person gets all the help & support they need; I'm just uncomfy with the rhetoric of 'certain kink bad' when its just like not#you're traumatized actually is what's going on & that person who hurt you was into said kinks so now in your brain those r bad#absolutely fair way to feel; but adults playing pretend with these specific ones is absolutely not inherently harmful#& pushing that kind of mindset is also coincidentally something right wingers especially want right now & commonly so yeah no#I just bleh it makes me feel gross when other people say stuff akin to that like oh that's like SWERF rhetoric even if unintentional jeez 😓#mine#op
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While I think fnaf spawned all of the like mascot horror type indie games rn I think like. Poppy playtime and banban are more bendy inspired than anything.
#watching scorpy play poppy thats the vibe im getting anyway#idk anything about bendy my little brother liked it when he was 10 and never spoke about it again from what i gather the later chapters#sucked probably#creators of poppy suck for making nfts but at least theres a bit more effort put jnto it than gartan#dear god what words am i sayijg right now none of yhis makes any sense#any way youre just exploring some big building doing puzzles with a weird mechanic in all pf them yeah#portal 2 with jumpscares
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hahaha i had a dream
#my art#fortnite drift#the dream was very long n complicated n im still trying to write it all out like hours later#in that dream tho i was revealed korean-american drift#suddenly everything makes sense#also lmao the words are lyrics from love me right by exo#yeah ive been listening to a lot of kpop lately idk why
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if yapping in the tags were a job id be jeff bezos
#does that make any sense?#i feel like the words im saying come out extremely convoluted to anyone who isnt me#cause in my brain#i like will re-say sentences without thinking about the previous sentence and how they mesh together#OH YEAH and then i dont provide context for how i got to that thought#so ill say one thing and then the next thing will like sound out of left field almost i think#anyway i really wanna draw gerard way but i cant decide on an image and its so !?!?#AUGH. do i draw nurse gerard or ….. i forgot the word? accountant??? gerard? whatever#or one of the ones where theyre covered in blood which is a lot of them#OOH AND. i really fucking wanna draw 2ourdust pete and soul punk patrick when he had the red suit and the devil horns#BUT I CANT !!!! number one i cant find just the right image of pete to draw and THERES MAYBE 5 DEVIL PATRICK IMAGES#so i was thinking i could just improvise like how i did with my idiots of oz art? and just draw a sp patrick image but colour his suit red#and draw some cartoonish 2D devil horns on instead#idk. anyway#im hoping to draw today . it might happen#ALSO ALSO ALSO!!!! i got vip for my idkhow concert next week :)#HAGSHSNANGSHFNKSLSJHSBCJDNSNSGSBFNJZBXNXKSLFKFBHSGSHFHGAGSHENSHSHSUGSHSBCHZHDKDLSHGDNAGSGSBFNKZHXNDJAGSHDJALSLJFHDNSJFKZBSHGAHSJFKFNDMXMCKF#IM SO FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT THAT#AUGH!!!!!! i also really wanted to draw dallon but if im being honest. im getting so sick of his face#i run a daily dallon blog i have like 8000 images of him ive drawn him 15 dozen times im TIRED!!!!!!!#so yeah. what was this post about again?#chase said something alright
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trying to stream on twitch when you are an autistic person who struggles to talk is so hard. you can't make it on there at all if you don't talk constantly, if you don't talk enough or say the right things, if you can't multitasking and converse well with your chat, cant hold conversation with your viewers, etc. normies hate "awkward silences" and will leave your stream if you are quiet for more than a few seconds.
i try to talk but mostly repeat the same scripted things like "oh no" "oops" "don't touch me" "ouch" while playing games. or I do a kind of disjointed narration of what i'm doing like "jump!" "swimming" "aim and shoot"
when people say hi in chat I say the typical scripted "hi how are you" and then struggle to respond to anything else after that, which makes people leave as quickly as they came. I can't improvise talk about things or tell stories like other streamers. I can't have a conversation with chatters.
if I did try to talk about a thing I prescripted (I'll write down things I want to say/talk about and then read them) I have to stop playing my game to talk. people also don't like that. and it takes me like 10 tries to tell the thing even if I read what I wrote down because I mess it up and have to repeat myself.
I prefer to do co-op games in discord calls so other people can talk for me and be entertaining and talk to my chat. but struggling to talk means no one will invite me to play games or accept my invites 😭
then a while back I saw this:
twitch is apparently going to be inconsiderate to disabled streamers. we can't be "consistent" because of bad health days or even months. some of us can't "engage" enough because words and talking hard. ever since I saw this, I haven't streamed. I don't know know if they actually implemented this or are going to but 😬
I might try to stream again when I have time/stop feeling sick. I was streaming genshin impact weekly and daily stuff which might not be most people's interest. I want to stream some art and 3d printed figure painting. I can't talk while doing art stuff so I can play some nice music. but it'll be boring streams 😭 I don't know how to be entertaining and make myself talk a lot 😭
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#speech problems#disabled streamer#twitch streamer#yeah i called allistics normies because i forgot the word allistic and ill keep it because its funny to me#i used to do gta roleplay and could script easier because i had an idea of what my character would do and say and could follow it#if it dodnt make sense then that was because hes not smart and everyone knew that and went along with it#everyone was more accommodating for my rp character than me. i miss doing rp streams. they were easier#acting and not being me is easier apparently#and my character is one that lived in my head since i was a kid. the way he comes out reminds me of how people with DID describe#their switches in their systems. its like he just switches consciousness with me. sometimes he still tries even though i dont rp now 😅#not saying its the same. its probably not right? idk what it is or how to explain it. it was like that with characters in my head as a kid.#he was one of them after all. the main one that came out was called lilly. now i have a friend named lilly. silly coincidence#what am.i rambling about. got off topic#lee rambles
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Do you have any specific hc that you imagine for the convict ?
Idk if it’s like a Headcannon but the convict, i see as like a scientist. I think all of the Eden members that participated in the attack were all mostly scientists. Because it was a colony! If you send people up to space to establish a new civilization, you want to not send some random Joe, you wanna send Jeff the bioengineer or bob the ME. and members of the COI aren’t a colony, they’re what’s left of humanity after the rapture. More scientists. I’m kinda rusty on lore but all these stations for the COI I think were gathering data and materials and more for earth so they probably had a ton of supplies both food and resource wise and in comparison to Eden, a colony that may have had more limited communication with earth due to distance and shit and, again I’m rusty, we don’t know how long that colony was established. Looking up the wiki I got there’s 480 people up there, so they’re probably either just getting established and they sent a shit ton of scientists to start priming mars for a larger population or they’re maybe a generation in. And if your home planet goes no contact and you try to reach out to the only space stations that might have a reason why-and like I watched the Martian what if there was some disaster that meant a food scarcity, or maybe they just needed more materials to keep expanding and providing for life there- AND THEY JUST GO DUDE IDK? EARTHS GONE? I’d get a little pissed and I’d say hey dude can you help us out then? We have like no way to like consistently gain building materials without earth and maybe the station was greedy! Like no! We’re our own governing system now and our first rule is FUCK YOU! I’d raid them if I was desperate! But hey we’re a fuck ton of scientists and yeah we’re got enough to withstand space travel and to adapt to the gravitational pull of mars and to keep expanding, but we’re not on our turf and shit I’m captured ahhhh.
Um. So all this to say, yeah I think both the convict and the player are scientists and uhhhh their punishment for their desperation is forced exploration of the unknown. :)
#fern rambles#taikeero lecoredier#so sorry I had an iron lung moment right after mark played it for the second time and idk if any of this makes sense you kinda just get#my word vomit instead#I don’t even know if that’s really a Headcannon or more of a theory it’s just something that’s kinda bouncing around in my head#I don’t really remember the lore anymore tho like the letters from the terminal sooooo uhhhhhh#iron lung#heart heart 🫶🫶#yeah so sorry pure unfiltered thought#this is how I used to explain algebra to my friend in highschool with slightly less cursing actually
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