#idk if ill need that one long term but like. what if i read the books bro what if They (genre fiction on a subject matter i care

[sadhorsegirl]

simply diabolical that one of the main thematic statements of iwtv is that the worst possible thing that can happen to you is being single

[tkbrokkoli]

:3

[drdemonprince]

this year I've finally started to really believe "the universe is indifferent to you, no one is in charge, there is no god watching you and no rules, do what you want" but I'm struggling to use it to live. My life fuel used to be self hate and a head-over-heels obsession with my phd advisor who I didn't want to let down. These things no longer fuel me and in theory "doing what I want" genuinely does include sticking out the last year of my phd, but I still can't seem to do anything I want. mostly I can't get out of bed. Maybe it just needs time, idk. Do you have any advice for the transition into actually living according to your own views and needs and wants? Thank you if so.

Clearly you still have grad school trauma brain, because you believe that your time in recovery from an exploitative labor environment should be spent productively pursuing personal goals. Just fuckin chill for a year or two dude. You don't gotta believe in things and work for a larger purpose all of the time. Sometimes you gotta just work on repairing damaged tissues and getting through the day.

After a long while of truly rotmaxing, work on finding small things to want for yourself, like a tasty treat or an album you want to buy or a friend you want to ask to shut up once in a while. Do that for a bit and then you can worry about longer term aspirations and existential questions about where you're meant to be in life.

The cosmic emptiness will always be there for you to contemplate. just like play a video game or something. read a book. work on your tan. i spent two years after grad school writing a really bad game of thrones rip off about my chronic illness and blasting e cigarettes and watching the carmilla web series and little else. just like calm the f down

[cryptidghostgirl]

heyhey! You said you had a request but couldn’t see it and in case it was mine here i am once again humbling asking you to feed my delusions. I am the same person who asked for the one with the fake dating trope and the one where reader spawns into the lobby :))

But i am here now going for a more angsty route! >:) Granted, this is more of an OC x Alastor but im describing it more generic for the populace BUT HERE GOES

right before “Cover me” reader kept silently glancing over at Alastor which was on the dance floor, subconsciously making him approach her. He goes of course they have a (Important for later) conversation like “I havent seen you around here. Are you new around town?” “Just moved in actually~” “Well, Id love to give you a tour someday, the names Alastor” and he kisses her hand “Ah a charmer, ill have to be careful around you” (OR A MORE ELEGANT CONVERSATION THEN THAT I SUCK AT DIALOGUE) then theres the knife and gun scene and the team up

And then they get together after about a year or two and I dont wanna say theyre legally married but eventually use wife and husband terms because its more fancy and gives them more respect in eyes of others but they have been together for around 5 years at this point.

but then the events of 1925 happen where readers twin brother dies because some bastards set fire to his house and Reader has an argument with Alastor before eventually going alone to avenge her brother (theyre like “theres too many, youll die” “so be it!”)

Reader kills them all (duh) but because it was January and extremely cold she eventually gets hypothermia and during the delusions it gives she stumbles and gets impaled on an abandoned rusty fence spike and dies :3

Alastor find her and gives her a proper burial and 8 years later in 1933 while visiting readers grave he gets shot canonically

But these 8 years gave reader enoigh time in hell to establish her own dominance and due to the life she lived and the death of hypothermia- she gets turned into a sort of blizzard demon. Around 180 cm with black limbs, white fluffy hair and fluffy ears and a white tail as a sinner form and for the demon form im thinking of the faceless Room Guardians by Anyaboz on Instagram (incredible artist btw) with ice powers like summoning weapons and ice spikes and ice touches and moving freely (like Kindred’s wolf in League) in her blizzard. Taking over half the pentagram like this-

Until 1933 when Alastor pops up in hell, does his demon business and eventually wants to check out these frozen parts and goes into a bar very similar to the one they met and sees reader at the table and then THEY HAVE THE EXACT SAME CONVERSATION THEY HAD WHEN THEY FIRST MET (maybe with the knife and gun scene too hehe) and theyre both like “i forgive you” or smth idk maybe they just have a silent agreement- either way.

After they met the blizzard stops and no one knows why or who did it :>, readers identity as the blizzard demon remaining a secret

BTW I LOVE YOU FOR MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE- if you want more i have a ton of ideas because brain rot- (also lil side note i kind of imagine reader as albino because it would fit my ocs lore a bit more- but keeping it basic would fit everyones ideas of their own reader so! do what you please you already made my day better by reading my ideas come to life :3))

yes!! i did see yours and it is currently in third place for requests i need to fill so ill probably get it done by this weekend, early next week at the latest. it’s just taking me a bit because i’m in midterms rn and also i want to make sure i get in all the details :) i think it might’ve been a request for alastor’s mom reader x lucifer?? i recall getting one about that but can’t seem to find it anywhere. long story short,, your request is in progress and i will post it as soon as i have the time to finish it up :)

UPDATE: This piece has officially been posted as of Friday February 23rd, 2024.

Frostbite (Alastor x Reader)

[toxictrashdump]

Warmest disconnect by keeping all eyes in the dark

more info below cut

slams desk like the Detroit become human meme: "23 HOURS!"

well more like 24 as I transferred it over to Photopia just to do some final editing touches.

Every year I like to make one piece that pushes my skills as to what I can do, last year was more a linework thing with this artwork of mine here. So this year I knew I had to go with a painted render as I haven't done one in so long.

I think this can be considered my magnum opus so far? in terms of time spent on a thing. I started this in late December and have been working on it on and off until now, their was multiple times where I thought Id NEVER get finished but I finally did! IM FREE, the freaky bastard IS DONE. As I look at it theirs some things ill always think need tweaking but it was becoming a thing where id just be picking away at it forever otherwise.

I might upload a process video of this with the Skinny Puppy song linked if Tumblr decides to behave with the video upload. Idk if the song really fits him per say? I think it does a little but at the same time its just what I had on repeat whilst drawing this and was like hmm ye hmm this has grabber vibes.

I couldn't make any art without music, its like the bread and butter to the process of like figuring out a set up and for staging an idea I want to draw. Sorry if this is all sounding a bit pretentious now, I just spent so long on this ahah!

Anyway I love this weird freak. Its funny because I despised this character at first, (I think that was mostly due to the sheer amount of stupid takes that where going on when the black phone first came out) but then quickly realized, oh hey these are the same talking points people used back for Freddy Kruger and pennywise THIS IS FUCKING STUPID then he grew on me like a parasite and now hes one of my favorite blorbos going <3

Anyway, If you read any of this rambling thanks and here's a cookie 🍪

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[fruitybashir]

Thank you for sharing the list of WIPs! I'm especially excited about the "bottom Kris" instalment. I love how you describe people's communication in sexual encounters, so, considering what we have read so far, it will be about starting doing things not done before, getting used to the new stuff, etc. Am I guessing it correctly? ☺️ And do not put any pressure on yourself, let the flow of creativity wave 🌊 like the ocean you're currently on ☺️

Also, I'm going to the JO gig this upcoming Saturday and cannot wait to scream along with the real Bojan "Spet me k tebi vleče", while having Holidate!Bojan in my mind as well 😊

Wishing you all the best ☺️!

yessss kinda! its not something super new, but its a lot about figuring things out, testing what works and feels best etc

ill put the link to an old ask here if i remember after posting but ive mentioned before that holidate kris has bottomed before, he just didnt like it. but its been years since then and the times where he tried it, he was at first an inexperienced teen, and another time with some random hook up, so he figures. well. maybe those were just really bad bc of the circumstances. but now hes in a stable, long term relationship (this is probably a few months after dopamin i think) with someone he loves and who he has amazing sex with, maybe it will be a different outcome.

theres a lot of trust and communication when they have sex and when they gradually explore more sides to it, not just new kinks but also like. idk how to word myself, im typing this out crouched on a concrete pillar watching the cruiseship park lol. basically like yes, theyre both still kinda vanilla but that doesnt mean that theres not still a whole lot you can discover about your partner all the time and figure out boundaries and what the other likes or doesnt like and maybe try out something new and they do that occasionally. sometimes its good, sometimes they decide they didnt like that, but it doesnt lessen their chemistry even then.

so kris feels very safe in approaching bojan about wanting to try bottoming again, even if it turns out he still doesnt like it. he obviously knows how much bojan enjoys it, so he knows theres a lot of pleasure to get on the receiving end and maybe they just need to find the correct way for him to get the same experience. so the whole thing is about that, him wanting to try it again and then figuring out if he likes it, what he likes or doesnt like about it, maybe what position he feels most comfortable in (bc he also has the whole being the one in control deal), if theres a way to make it so good for him that it can be a repeat thing, etc etc

a lot of talking, some frustration, some realisations, lots of trust and love and love and love

[akaakeis]

gnawing at my nails rn i miss my bf (i dont have one) how do u pick like,,, one person to selfship with bc⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

like there r so many options ushijima i dont even know who's my favourite character rn ushijima like guys☹️⁉️⁉️

BUT I cant wait for savyaku😼😼😼😼😼 SOCUTE

goshiki is my babey though he is sososososososososo cute and i would want him irl and i bet i could even pull him irl toooo

yk what this type of starting is called! a HOOK sentence cuz u got HOOKED and now ur reading this long ass ask. WAIT FUCJ mattsun guys hear me out here ANYWAYS. HRU SAV!!!!!!!!!!!! its 4am for yew rn right!!

anyways.. its 4pm havent had lunch yet am so fucking tired but soft rice.. soft white rice.... i want to sleep but rice....... call me basic but soft white rice is the best fucking thing in the entire world right after u. teacher gave my english composition an 80 i think ill end up on the news. i just stood up abruptly and the world went 🌀🌀🌀🌀 should i be worried..!!!!

THERE WAS AN OWL ON OUR ROOF THE OTHER DAY SO COOL i almost started writing akaashi hurt comfort (???) at school today but i didnt get time and now im Too Tired :(

im reading and the mountains echoed by khaled hosseini and erm. the plot is so questionable at times like wdym the guy was in love with his chauffeur wdym she tried to kill her sister and changed her mind last second so it was only paralysis but its ok bc she killed her fr next time. wdym this one girl dated her moms ex and then married her friend's ex like guys.. guys i have Questions..

IDK IF U READ JJK MANGA BUT U SHOULD READ JJK MANGA

i cant wait for ur birthday #weirdkidthings Im So Funny Guys Im So Funny

im going to sleep so hard tonight grrgrgrhrgrg i had ice cream on the way home from school YUM and then math kid era p2 i finished this one thinf before everyone else even started and the teacher asked if i did it qt home cuz wtf. ew now i remember her using her nail to create indentations in the paper and i feel nauseous my skin is crawling

WHATEVER eRmmrmrm im sitting on the stairs rn hashtag procrastination ahahahahah ive been writing this and zoninf out for the past 7 minutes yyyyyippeeee

im so tired guys let me sleeeep

my parenrs were supposed to find baby gender today but the little shit kept its legs shut and didnt let them see (just like me frl)

correction im lying on the stairs rn ..

honestly me x goshiki would be Bomb why is he so unpopular all his fics are mid or questionable so far,,,, anyways. konoha is so beautiful i would want him excpet i have like no grip on his character so #tweaks. i hate andrew tate so fkn much. i cant wait till i turn 16 idk i feel like life will be significantly cooler then. anyways bb i take my leave gotta go eat lunch

i hope youve eaten by the time ur reading this!!! stay hydrated and safe and dm me to be silly together whenever >:]]]]] i hope u have a WONDERFUL day sav!! ily <3

look at my man hes so gorgeous btw

alina... bf... :D alright then! umumumummm honestly there were many characters that i wanted to do a selfship with but i didnt want to be self shipping with the same character that someone im following consistently self ships with LMAO cause i feel like it gets weird for me at that point cause all the hcs in my head get mixed up? ANYWAY i just think of selfships with any character im hyperfixating on at that very moment... in fact my selfship very well may change!!!

anyway since im replying after you decided on yuulina... NOYA AGHHH U GUYS WILL BE SO CUTE TOGETHER!!! IM UR NO 1 SUPPORTER THIS IS YUULINA SUPPORT CENTRAL‼️‼️‼️

savyaku sounds so funny i need to thank of something that sounds better stop rn 💔 BUT I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH IM SUPER EXCITED TO DO SOME SELFSHIP STUFF :))

u would so pull goshiki irl 🙂‍↕️

HELP thanks for the english lesson lina 😭 those terms always make me shudder because they were drilled into my head in my college comp class it was horrifying. and NO not mattsun i do NOT approve of that at this point in time!!!! AND IM OKAY!! tired as hell and i have 3 projects to work on <3 (i stacked my classes this year, im not proud.) IT IS NOW 3 PM AS I ANSWER THIS ASK SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE 12 HOURS WOAH

honestly u were probably tired because you didn't eat but i digress... AND SOFT WHITE RICE HAS MY HEART IT MAY BE AN ASIAN THING?? and awh stawp😋 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE ENGLISH TEACHER THAT YOU CORRECTED IN CLASS? THE ONE THAT CANT SPEAK AS WELL AS YOU?? insanity 😨 i may end up on the news as well. AND YOURE PROBABLY HUNGRY AND DEHYDRATED GO EAT AND DRINK WATER IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY WHAT??? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!

WHAT AN OWL ON THE ROOF THATS SUPER COOL!! bro i love owls :( and ugh i get what u mean i feel like sometimes the time just slips away... but its okay! you'll have time at some later date <3 make sure you rest enough!!

guys what my jaw just dropped?? THOSE WERE THE MOST RANDOM PLOT POINTS YOU COULDVE LEFT ME WITH. NOW IM JUST CONFUSED? KINDA WANNA READ IT NOW (my readlist has 100+ books on it)...

AND IVE READ SOME OF IT BUT IM NOT UP TO DATE RN I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CATCH UP RECENTLY

im excited for your bday too!! im trying to math away the time differences in my head so like i would dm at 12 pm the day before your bday so i would catch u at midnight i THINK.

i hope u are having an AMAZING sleep rn alina!!! and u are so smart <3 barf ur teacher needs to stop doing that thats lowk unsanitary? in my book

HELP ME NOT THE JS LIKE ME FR 😭😭 hopefully u guys are able to figure out the gender soon!! im so excited for you guys <33

goshiki is under appreciated as a character honestly and i think its cause of his fuckass haircut 😭 NO OFFENSE TO YOU WHATSOEVER IM SORRY!! HES CUTE BUT THE HAIR IS NOT FOR ME. when i saw him shirabu AND tendou i was like "what the HELL is wrong with shiratorizawa they are all fucked" no they werent they had semi and ushijima BUT THAT WAS FIRST IMPRESSION ANYWAY also konoha UGRHSHSBNDMSJABD hes so!!! so!!! yeah!!! i love him sm... also how did we get on the topic of andrew tate hes such a weird guy i dont like him 💀 AND SO REAL im excited to be 16 <3

AND I HAVE!! make sure u eat something nutritious before school! and drink some water!! i hope your day is lovely <3 ily!!

[sleepy-vix]

What would your ideal book be like (as in, what theoretical book would be your absolute favourite) what genre, page count, setting, characters, etc would it have?

oohhhh this is such an interesting ask. hmm i'll have to lay this out in dot points

BE READY FOR LOTS OF TEXT!

also i am indecisive and messy so my opinions will probably change idk T-T

alr here we go

- genre: psychological novel? im not exactly sure what the genre is but i love when books follow a mentally ill character that's just trying their best to navigate through life, and the book is about the way they interact with their surrounds and respond to issues and cope with their past and come to decisions, iykwim?

BUT I WANT FANTASY in it too so it will be epic. i love fantasy world building and i love when it makes so so so much sense. it would be cool if they had elements and got sorted into elemental groups too- that is so satisfying and fun to read.

- page count: probably 500. personally i think a normal book is 300, and it seems daunting when it's got like 700 pagesz but considering that this is my ideal book, i think i'd be sad if it had less than 400 pages (cus the story would be over soon) so i'd say 500 pages is the perfect amount.

- setting: in terms of time, i never really cared for it. i realise that i should probably have a preference on which century i like to read, but i find that characters can be mentally ill and epic no matter if they are from the future or the past.

in terms of location, hmm i wouldn't want to read about a character being anywhere with tropical or summery vibes. i like my characters knee deep in snow and drenched from head to toe in rain. it keeps them depressed and relatable ^^ (/hj....?)

oh also it would be cool if the country and places were mad up, since that this is a fantasy.

WAIT OR asia. i am obsessed with books that focuses on/is based off asia :)

- characters: trios are the best and i will die on that hill. ok like i dont need the trios to be together 24/7 but i need there to be THREE main characters if you know what i mean. one of them can be an antihero idc. it just has to be THREE.

oh also i love to read in the perspective of characters who are ambitious and feisty and impulsive because they're the opposite of me. but also i'd like them (idc abt gender) to be cunning, witty and good at making plans.

another character that i need in the trio is the smart one. there HAS to be a smart side character or else i will NOT fall in love with the book. i need the character who makes all the entensive plans. i need the character who is a walking dictionary. i need the character who hates to fight and would rather be learning but is somehow good at it and therefore forced to fight alongside the makn character. (oopsies im just describing the poppy war. but that is not a crime ;])

if its a soldier poet king trio i will be obsessed with it forever and ever

ok so for the stuff that u didnt ask but im gonna include:

-writing style: advanced. work my mind to death but enrichen it at the same time. i dont mind a difficult and layered magic system- in fact i LOVE THOSE, as long as they make sense and they are creative. do not give me that "she let out a breath she didnt know she was holding" bs.

i want "the night circus" level description when it comes to settings. i need to see taste hear smell FEEL the fucking surroundings

-vibe: doomed from the start. i dont want my characters to be happy. make me fall in love and then break my heart and do not apologise for it :,) (shit am i masochistic? damn)

- others: it would be cool if it is somehow relevant to our present irl current political state/ real world problems. it would be even cooler if it somehow fits a ton of mitski songs. also gayness is very welcomed

yeahh thats all i got for now. oops i wrote alot. at the start of my reply i was thinking along the lines of solitaire and crime and punishment and no longer human, but then it was all scrapped and i based it all off of the poppy war trilogy because it did fantasy and character dynamics/personalities/backstories SO RIGHT.

tysmmm for this ask. i would love to ask it right back, but i dont know who you are :(( ahsvsj feel free to tell me anyways tho in my askbox as an anon !!

*this was not proofread

[robyn-goodfellowe]

Hi uhh idk how to say it but any tips on writing in general? I really wanna write my story I have stored in my doc but I don’t know where to start.

hello!! i am very honored that you came to ME to ask because i love to talk about writing, so thank you :) with that being said this might get a little long so ill put everything under a readmore, but all of my advice can be summarized like this

tl;dr: just start!!!

i KNOW. in my soul. that there's genuinely nothing more every aspiring writer hates to hear than "just start" lol but it really does come down to that. just start. whatever you put on the page doesnt have to be PERFECT, it just has to be there. my first drafts for anything are never solid. my initial drafts are NEVER the quality of the final

and its through careful, consistent rewriting that it becomes something more palatable and fun/easy to read. what ive noticed a lot of new writers do (and i used to be very prone to this as well) is that they go into their drafts expecting to drop their final product there, and aim for perfection. i cannot stress enough that perfection is THE ENEMY in literature. you can rewrite things thousands of times for it to turn out imperfect in the end, and thats OKAY. you'll end up with a draft you like eventually, but don't expect yourself to find it right away. it takes me a lot of consistent writing sessions to have a paragraph that im satisfied with. itll come to you naturally

but the best advice i can offer is really just ... START. open google docs and just write down your thought process, whatever that looks like for you. maybe its the summarisation of a few scenes you like, maybe its a chunk of an out of context paragraph. whatevers in your head, put it on paper and see where you can go from there. thats really the only way you can start

outside of that some of my big things are being consistent and READING. i write for at minimum half an hour every day (not always fic lol! i am a creative writing major, am working on my manuscript and also trying to get published in some small-scale literary magazines and sites. so im always working on something, basically) and its probably the only thing in my life i am super consistent about. maintaining a habit and making yourself write even when you dont "feel like it" or cant find motivation is the best way to keep writing long term. and reading, well, how i like to put it to my friends is that creativity is like a well. you cant keep drawing from it without filling it up eventually. you need good writing and good words to inspire you so you can keep drawing from your creative well. when im not writing im reading and you should be too. you really cant have one habit without the other

are really immersing myself in the world that i've created for my silly little guys. i am, at all times of the day, immersed into my stories one way or another. im almost constantly curating pinterest boards, or making playlists, or sharing it with my friends (the last one is highly important. the best way to stay encouraged is to have someone to share with) and so theres not really a day when im not thinking about what i want to write to some extent

but yeah basically thats all of the advice i can offer. write, write, write and don't be afraid for it to be not perfect. nobody is perfect, you are human. so just have fun with it

hope this can help ssomewhat! :)

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

sad trauma dump but idk where else to say it and its lowkey relevant

daddy all along was a solution to my having alcoholic parents trauma, but that last drabble was me slapping a bandaid over one of the worst events in my life (maybe)

so, basically, i had a long term bf, and he used to guilt me into sex essentially like he would be like 'why are you not attracted to me anymore?' and then i would be like 'no it's literally that i have recent and past trauma about things being put in vagina' (reignited by the obgyn unintentionally) and he would be like 'it's been months, you're over that by now, i wish i had a normal gf etc.'

so then i would be like (in my mind) 'alright well, he'll love me and not argue with me and ill get cuddled if i have sex w him so ill just take my sleepy time pills (klonopin) early so i'm a lil more relaxed and there's no pain' (i thought this was normal behavior for a really long time btw)

and then, sometimes (often) i would try so hard to 'do it' but it was too painful (... happens when you have trauma and don't know you are actually gay whoops) and then i would feel so bad and apologize

and one time, we were at a hotel and i tried so hard multiple times and i couldn't it was just too painful and so we had a room w multiple beds (i prefer to have sex in one bed and sleep in another it's an ocd thing) and he went and slept in the other bed - just turned out the light, rolled over and went to bed without a word - while i sat there (after putting my pajama pants back on) and cried myself to sleep

and basically, that's my roman empire.

funnily enough (not haha funny) the fight to end all fights was about SA. he was like 'not that many women experience it' and 'a lot of women lie' and i was like 'did you not believe me when i told you five years ago that it happened to me when i was 16?' and he was like 'no i believe you' and i was like 'i have more friends who've gone through it, than friends who haven't - do you not believe them?' and he was like 'i don't know, maybe they're lying bc girls have never told me about stuff happening to them' and i was like 'can you see why girls don't tell guys about that stuff? especially guys like you?' and i literally broke up with him (he had already cheated on me multiple times and we were "trying again to repair our relationship") i just straight up said 'i can't do this anymore' and hung up the phone.

and now, maybe if you've read through this, you can see where i'm going... he knew about me taking the klonopin before sex and that i needed it to relax and he still thought it was a good idea to just go ahead and do it (and then get mad at me when i was crying in pain)... that's a little dubcon to me

my other (semi-related) roman empire is that whenever i cried, my bf was nice to me, but he would also get hard whenever i cried (and i'm not typically a 'crying out of pleasure' type of girl' even if i'm having a decent time during sex) like he would get an erection when i was sad crying. and he would apologize, but like still laugh off the situation and i always felt weird about it (more annoyed at the time, but not like :0, but not i'm like :0)

i don't know where else to put all these thoughts bc my therapist kind of brushed this stuff off (when i used to go to one) honestly the only person who's been helpful is like one friend and a girl i dated for a lil while, so if anyone read this whole thing, im sorry, and idk what else to say

[lilyrizzy]

“sorry just some insane hc’s about how in my head they have sex constantly lol and they both like, get off so much on like, daniel just coming up behind max in the kitchen to pull his sweats down and fuck him, max barely needing any prep bc they fuck so much” KILL ME!!! Ok this is sort of a prompt but pls feel free to ignore—I think this is literally soooo hot but I’m also like 👀 at taking it to another level where they do this even when they’re not on the best terms? Like in the middle of a days-long fight where they’ve barely said a word to each other (like about something silly like maybe max did something rly dangerous during a race and Daniel is upset bc he doesn’t know what he would do if max got hurt) but even still they need each other so much they fuck like that anyway,..maybe they go to bed mad at each other but Daniel can’t fall asleep bc his mind is racing so he wakes max up and just starts fucking him then let’s him go back to sleep….ok I’ll stop lol sorry :/

wow anon, your amazing brain. thoughts below the cut!

cw: free use, & ‘starting sex while one person is sleeping’ (i can never spell the fancy kink name for it lol sorry). also please please don't read if you think you won't like what those cw’s might mean

okay, so i can see this working especially if they have a 'free use' situation of max in place. and because they're both so horny for each other constantly, i think max is always free use, it's a 24/7 thing. they have their safe word or something that means they want to pause or stop or whatever, but other than that, max is daniel's for the taking.

(max definitley saw the title 'free use' in a porn vid or something they watched together and asked daniel 'what's that?' daniel explained, palms sweating bc he knew the moment max found out, he'd ask if they could do that, and daniel would be too weak for max to say no < side note lol, i think the porn they'd each watch alone vs together is such an interesting discussion point >)

and as you correctly stated, even when they're mad at each other they still need each other. so much. daniel made a dumb joke once, him in perth, max in monaco, that he was sleeping badly without max because he needed to be 'emptied,' before before bed and max just took that so seriously while simultaneously thinking it was the hottest thing ever and that it proved how well matched they were, bc he always slept better with daniels come inside him too :)

so going back to being mad, oops, yes, lets say max drove like an idiot and daniel is mad because its easier to let himself feel that than like, crushing fear, and this makes max get defensive and say shit he doesn't mean like, 'it is none of your buisness how i drive daniel, we are not on the same team anymore.' cue a lot of slammed doors and stony silence.

they've still not spoken and bed time is approaching. daniel is winding himself up by watching race highlights, and ofc its all about max's [insert dangerous race manouvere here, idk, i watch this sport for the fanfiction], and he's replaying the video over and over, while looping max's words over too in his head, 'none of your buisness,' and he thinks, you little shit, ill show you 'none of my buisness.' and is on his feet then to find max

who is brushing his teeth, meeting daniel's eyes in the mirror, and noticing theyre dark. thinks oh okay, good, lets sort this out, but says something bitchy onces he's spat out his toothpaste like, 'i thought you were sleeping on the sofa.' (fyi neither one of them has ever slept on the sofa, no matter how mad lol). then daniel is crossing the room, one hand curling around max's hip, the other on the back of his neck, pushing him down until his cheek is pressing against the bathroom counter. says something mean but kinda sexy like, 'i think you need reminding why i wanna keep you around enough to worry,' then like, pushes max’s pyjama bottoms down, swipes his fingers across max's hole, feeling he's still wet from the 'youre an idiot but i love you' sex they had right after the race and pushes two fingers in, 'who else is going to need it so bad they keep themselves open and ready for me, hmm?'

so then daniel fucks him, max’s hot pink face pressed against the cool tile, the slapping sound of daniel’s thrusts loud in the bathroom. max comes untouched when daniel calls him his ‘sl*t’ and says like, ‘what would i do if i didn’t have this tight little place to put my load each night?’ and then comes in him as if to prove a point but also to prove to himself that like, its okay. max can still take him bc max is still here.

sometimes thats enough. sometimes its not. lets say this time, max is being stubborn, because he knows this time he was actually in the wrong a little by being kinda mean to daniel back so he like, doubles down in his rightous anger. so daniel offers him a smile after, in the mirrow again, but max is ignoring him, just pulling his pyjama bottoms back up and shoving past him to get into bed.

and when they try to go to sleep like that, still pissed at each other, it just feels so wrong. daniel can't sleep for real now, not because of no sex, they had sex, but because he hates this. hates not talking, just looking at the hard line of max's back, where its usually the sweet curve of his tits he gets to see, max facing him, face smashed into the pillow as he snores.

so he’s whispering, ‘max?’ and not getting an answer. he doesnt know its bc max is stubborn or bc hes really asleep, but- but they’ve done this before so he knows its okay to push his pyjama bottoms down again, to groan a little seeing how max is shiny, sticky there. didnt clean himself up, didn’t let daniel do it with his tongue and daniel wants to fix that starts lapping at max softly until max is letting out little puffs of air, barely-there whimpers. then daniel is rubbing his dick along the crack of max’s ass, asking, ‘can i have you again, baby?‘ and max is pushing back against him which is answer enough.

this time, daniel holds him gently, spooned up right behind him, just grinding over his prostate until max is trembling, shaking in his arms so over stimulated. and right before max comes, he whines out, ‘i love you, i am sorry,’ and then daniel is coming too, into the warm clutch of max’s body and it’s okay again because max is here and safe and neither of them are mad anymore :)

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/724520280283856896/im-gonna-be-honest-i-think-people-need-to-chill?source=share

To all those comments

Yes i do forget my cis friends pronouns. Especially when they are suddenky trying something new.

But the thing is i dont have visual indicators for alot of them, and it wouldnt matter if i did because someones looks dont determine their pronouns. All my friends are online or penpals. Sometimes i get voice but that doesnt mean shit when i cant remember who is talking half the time. Or that i remeber the persons whos talkings pronouns

Alot of my online friends have their like... Birth pronounss aswell as something else. Some of them prefer the other thing. Mate im in a discord server i cannot remember every single persons pronouns in there.

Some of my friends put their pronouns in their username. And that helps, sometimes ill remember it longer because of the repitition of seeing it. But even then i am still able to forget it. Its harder when im focusing on a game and not able to focus on remembering someones pronouns.

For my pen pals we spend so much time emailing or mailing eachother that we dont even talk about pronouns. Our own pronouns rarely ever even come up ive even had ny first one admit they forgot mine and was too afraid to ask at that point and avoided it at all costs because theyvdidntvwant to risk lossing me as a friend. It wasnt a big deal.

And you know what? They dont have so much of a problem with it as yall do. I forget things. All the time i forget things. Most of my friends also have disorders or disabilities of somekind so they understand. I just forget things.

Sometimes i have to look back at discord to see the name of whoever is talking to me. Like i said i forget peoples names.

Im sorry yall cant understand that i really do forget things.

And even then. Even if my memory werent so trash. People forget things all the time. Even people with a good memory. Sometimes you get so absorbed in something your talking too fast and focusing on something that you use the wrong pronouns for someone or who your talking to. This happens to one of my friends occasionally.

Its not a big deal. My pronouns get forgottem all the time too. Honestly i dont care personally about it becaise i prefer to be called by my name instead. Newer people get my pronouns wrong all the time. Its nit a big deal. Hell i dont even know if my sister even knows what my pronouns are.

I get that it can be frustrating. I do try. But i cannot help it if i cant remeber something.

"just ask" i do. But sometimes i dont think before i talk or think ive remebered them correctly and i get them wrong.

As someone with the worst memory on earth, you can tell whos doing it on purpose and who has actually just forgotten.

Also thanks for jumping to conclusions and getting mad because you cant comprehend the life of someone other than yourself. I have bigger problems than remembering my friends pronouns specifically. Its not like i dont try to remember them, but like with everything else i just forget them. I forget things about my long term friends because our lives and friendship dont revolve around remembering eachothers pronouns and then berating eachother for forgetting. Most of what we do is talk about games or books we read. What shops weve been going to or bad snacks we try. In between all the actaul stuff we do its normal to forget things that arent talked about.

And i prefer it like that rather than some big art discord i tried joining a while back and there was almost twice weekly drama over someone forgetting someones pronouns. That level of stress and worry over pronouns is not normal for anyone. And. Yeah some of those times it was people dping it on purpose bit most of them from what i saw was usually teenagers antagonizing others for not focusing their entire life on what pronouns they were using. Even when someone apologized it wasnt enough. It was disgusting to see and stressful.

Idk what to tell any of you.

--

Frankly, I think a lot of the disagreements are actually over what 'friends' implies.

[oldsargasso]

That is absolutely when Kim realized how gentle Kenta is! That he hates seeing people be hurt. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a similar “I told you to run” conversation like Kenta did with Jeff, to which Kim probably laughed. (I also still fervently believe it was Kenta who dropped Kim off with Jeff) (grumpy patient Kim would get at my heart so quickly good god)

Oh no nonononono you are putting thought into my head about clueless hottie Kenta. I am going to get back to you on that later.

VERY occasionally Winner is not the worst LOL. (Kenta knows how to endure, more than anything—I’M HURTING THANKS) And yes I agree, it’s not Winner’s thing, it’s just something he’s doing for his boyfriends (very occasionally not the worst)

Oh god Dean really is that desperate for acknowledgment isn’t he AHDJFJSJ. It may have been why he stayed in the background for so long—he probably was more than eager to do any odd little jobs to help out the team, thinking it would get him somewhere because he always got little pats on the head so he must be doing something right, no? If you do write more fic for them I’ll be on my KNEES

The first time Winner says something genuinely appreciative to Dean, Dean lights up so brightly that it kickstarts Winner’s entire character development arc.

ME TOO, YOU GET ME, I want all the details 😭 how much do they get as prize money, how is it split amongst the team, how much does gas cost etc etc. 

(took me forever to reply to this because I keep reading your other ask oh my godddd)

exactly!! like Kenta is violent when necessary, but he doesn't revel in causing pain (unlike SOME PEOPLE*). I can never be convinced otherwise it wasn't Kenta who handed Kim to Jeff (I actually wrote it in one of my wips:

There’s no order beyond release him, then but there wasn’t an order not to call Jeff, so Kenta does. Mr Tony didn’t tell him to come back quickly, either, so once Kenta’s undone the ropes around Kim’s wrists and ankles, he waits with him. “Do you need anything?” Kenta asks and doesn’t flinch when Kim turns an incredulous look on him. “No, thank you.” Even beaten up, bruised and ill-treated, Kim remains polite. It makes Kenta’s fingers twitch. What would it take for Kim to snap?

(*I keep thinking about like. guilt and penance re: Dean's actions v. Kenta's v. Winner's. I think Kenta is easiest absolved by Kim, and everyone else, because while he did choose to stay and perform Tony's orders, in Kenta's eyes there was never really a choice. whereas the other two consciously choose to do bad things. but the other layer is that Winner was actively brutal towards Kim, whereas Dean was against Babe. idk I just think there's a lot to explore there in terms of how they all move past it but it's probably a bit heavy for the fun polycule chat lol)

see!! Winner can be selfless sometimes you know. he's just going along with things for his boyfriends' sakes. he gets NOTHING out of watching the way Kenta easily (gratefully) sinks into subspace, or how Kim sounds confident and assured and his hands move the same way, or how Dean shivers and bites his lip every time Kim points out how well he's done at certain placements of rope. Winner just reclines next to them and watches and doesn't do anythinggg, he's practically a saint by these measures.

he IS he's soooo pathetic about it. god I cannot handle the idea of Alan and co. unconsciously/unintentionally fulfilling the absolute bare minimum of Dean's praise kink, and probably Dean didn't even realise because like? Alan's whole thing is family and that's what you do for family, you help each other out and you try to make things easier for the people you love, and if it felt like Dean was always the one doing all that...it's not like the others were unappreciative, it's just that they didn't reciprocate because to them it was just Dean doing what he wanted to do! he loves all those little jobs, look how happy he is when he finishes something. I honestly can't think too much about Dean and Alan's mismatch of the family ideal or I will. explode.

The first time Winner says something genuinely appreciative to Dean, Dean lights up so brightly that it kickstarts Winner’s entire character development arc. screaming!!! that is EXACTLY it. honestly we NEED to discuss how the polycule forms in the first place. (but I need to know everyone survives the final ep first 😭 the only one I'm 100% confident will survive is Dean because he won't be there 😭)

(re winnerdean fic... I have the opening scene mostly written and the final line! just gotta...write the rest...)

RIGHT like Babe's rich as hell just from racing. Way has a car dealership as a ...side hustle? does Winner have family money for all those jackets or is that what he spends all his winnings on. WAIT HE NEVER WINS. also I think there should be more exploration of the fact that everyone seems to go to the same gym.

[yentling]

I haven’t really like Discussed Anthony Bourdain with people like in a fan sense I’m very curious what popular opinion is. Bc for me obviously I love Parts Unknown and I think his general thesis of like there’s a world out there of all of these beautiful things and people and our belief that the US and Europe are these Civilized Safe Spots is at best misguided is a great project to embark on. And I think he was incredibly interesting and clearly very smart. But I don’t feel the need to be like oh man he was this Great Guy. Feels dehumanizing. And like. Idk looked into his final days and what I see is a mentally ill man who is facing getting older and experiencing the loneliness of not only being human but also of having a life where traditional relationships just aren’t really possible. Here I’ll put a read more to avoid triggering content

The whole Asia Argento thing…I mean I dislike her for various reasons some more obvious than others, but I don’t like the narrative that seems to blame his death on her. She did not kill him. As hard as it is, we have to accept something like suicide to be, at least in most cases, an act of autonomy.

But his fixation on her especially in that last year is interesting bc it’s like ok here’s this 60-year-old divorcee with two failed marriages and one kid he doesn’t see often. He is an addict who has mostly successfully quit the hard stuff but is very clearly still an alcoholic, which has been corroborated by coworkers but is also pretty evident in his shows tbh.

And then he has this 40-something glamorous woman who likes him, and she is well-travelled and has had a very interesting life. But they can’t see each other that often because they are both very busy people, so it’s an open relationship of sorts, but probably not one that is communicated well at all. Bourdain is reported to have hired sex workers, but did not have other partners during his time with Asia. Asia did, which was her right. And then came that Hugh Clement photo with Asia, which seemed to be the final tipping point for Tony, who was already unstable.

She accuses him of being possessive, which is probably justified. He accuses her of being “reckless with his heart,” which is probably justified in his mind bc he is ostensibly viewing the openness of the relationship as a matter of physical necessity rather than interest in having multiple long term partners. He apparently searched her name over 100 times before killing himself.

So it’s easy to pin the blame on her, or at least his fixation on her. But this is coming off of ruining his relationship with several important coworkers due in part to being burnt out and in part to catering to Argento. And it’s coming off of years of living a very atypical life in which traditional ideas about love and family are not possible. And as outsiders we’re like ok Tony, maybe take a break from work or read up on different types of polyamorous relationships and communication or something. But when I’m deeply depressed there’s that Buzzcocks refrain of “why is it always way” playing in my head that I can’t seem to counter.

Idk. Bourdain’s death is by far not the most interesting thing about him. In fact I’d say it’s shockingly mundane. But it’s the mundane aspects of Bourdain that make him feel familiar to me. There are plenty of rockstar chefs and plenty of rockstar journalists. But is it the rockstar element that Bourdain fans are interested in?

[autumnfangirler]

IM FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO THAT CAINE POST WITH HIS RELATIONSHIPS TO THE RANGERS LETS GO

long post so as per usual im throwing this under the cut

Caine & Ortega:

Ortega is caines best friend of years, even after the farm. In fact, caines had a crush on him since their sidestep days, but only realized it in retri lol. He finds his static soothing, its a reprieve from the constant chatter around them, even if it comes with the cost of not being able to read his mind. The problem is that caine is really good at following orders, and during his sidestep days, when they first got all their freedom, he kind of subconciously latched on to ortega as the nearest authority figure because they likened his static to the numbers used at the farm. Even post second escape, they still regard him as an authority(though hes starting to chafe against ortegas influence a little bit more). Part of the reason caine is a no-kill saving step is because, even if they dont realize it, theyre doing what ortega told them to do. if ortega had asked him to kill somebody, hed do it 100%. and if that somebody just so happened to be a near-mythical kingpin ruling over los diablos, well... let's just say theres more than one reason caine agreed to HGs deal unthreaded

Caine & Chen:

Oh, caine has a thing for the marshal and they are throwing a fit about it. This was NOT supposed to happen. Chen was supposed to be the vaguely-tolerable side effect to getting spoon. But then he found out that chens well-shielded mind is actually really nice for the same reasons ortegas mind is, and that he could relate to the feeling of being forced into a role he doesnt want to play. Back in the day, caine was always frustrated that chen didnt trust what he brought to the team, but now that theyre "retired", it doesnt matter and they can relax together as individuals. It was a surprisingly nice development. The two are more similar than they think– nowadays, the main conflict between the two is caine being lycan, because chen is absolutely aware of that fact and caine is just about clear-headed enough to note that thats probably a bad thing. Caine and chen are both very (for lack of better term) career focused, and even if caine doesnt like being villainous, theyre willing to do whatevers needed for the job(over 80% drive babyyy). So yeah, those two are going to butt heads when That conversation finally comes up

Caine & Herald:

Caine is WORKING that 66% strength of mind whenever herald is around. They find him intense, overly curious, and far too forgetful of boundaries, all of which they Do Not appreciate. But he still cant help liking the kid. Hes legitimately proud of how far heralds come along, and hes interested in his potential as a threat since hes shown how perceptive he can be. Currently, theyre trying to round out heralds skills as part of the team, as well as pushing him to analyze and use what he notices against an opponent. Plus, training herald has been more of a lifeline than theyd like to admit(i wrote something about it, but idk if ill post it rip). Its a schedule, hes a good coach, and he just likes fighting for fun lmfao. The whole thing would be great if herald could get some shields for the love of god

Caine & Argent:

Fun fact, caine used to have a small crush on argent between rebirth and retribution. It was a mix of admiration for her skills, the constant attention and the fact that argent is just pretty lol. It faded quick (quickly enough that he panicked in the bridge fight when he realized she was flirting with him lmfao), but they continued to hold a healthy amount of respect for her afterwards, even if they didnt approve of her teamwork. And then the casino happened! Caine had gone through the whole casino infiltration entirely untouched, but when they noticed the fight between argent and shroud, they couldnt help but give into curiosity and see what was happening. That was. a bad decision. He watched shroud attempt and fail to devour argent, and they ended up getting a panic attack and fleeing. He is now scared as shit of her :D! He avoids her like the plague, and whenever hes given an opportunity to escape a room with her in it, hes taking it. They dont know what she is, and they have a bad feeling about finding out