#idk if i have the brains to make a well organized post about it though

[blacklem0ns]

i always thought it was interesting (and fitting) that sleepacross chose to associate sayeon with the king piece as opposed to the queen piece.

although you have to kill or capture the king in order to win a game of chess, the king is arguably the weakest piece in the game, only being able to move one square in any direction. in contrast, the queen can move any number of squares in any direction: horizontally, vertically, or diagonally.

while the other trainees can create bombs, summon blades from their hands, and literally manipulate their own blood, sayeon is given the ability to turn back time for 20 seconds (and 60 seconds if she tries really hard). her gift is not powerful on it’s own, nor is it the most useful in a combat. some might even consider her to be one of, if not the weakest aberrant among the trainees of her year.

instead, sayeon’s power lies in neither her physical capabilities nor her gift (though she can hold her in a physical fight), but her intelligence, her ability to extract information, manipulate variables (whether it be objects or people) to her advantage, and adapt to her given situation.

so while she isn’t overtly dangerous or strong, she still manages to be quite a formidable opponent.

[thethingything]

I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again

[nightmaremonarch]

jojo’s bizarre fantasy au BECAUSE I LOVE PART 5 AUGHHHHHHHHH

i rewatched the entirety of part five in the span it took to make this. Details about the lore and characters below the cut ^_^

Ok. I will be separating this based on character… in an attempt to be more organized. Included will also be my friend’s description that she gave for each character upon seeing the drawing.

Giorno Giovanna — Race, half vampire. Stand name, Gaia. Unfortunately lost his silly victory rolls, which have been replaced with donut shaped curls. Has a dream of usurping the Crimson King and ending his oppressive reign.

Friend’s Description: “‘pink is still manly for this era guys trust’”

Trish Una — Race, human(?). Stand name, Spice. I like to think she tries to maintain an air of elegance and superiority, but she’s just a kid who doesn’t particularly want to be in the situation she’s in. The princess of an underground kingdom? No way. She just wants to be Trish.

Friend’s Description: “Noblelady”

Guido Mista — Race, human. Stand name, Coitus Cluster (good god the creative juices are NOT flowing). Best archer, like, ever. Probably enjoys animal furs but is too broke to get any. Stinky loser.

Friend’s Description: “Robin hood.”

Pannacotta Fugo — Race, elf. Stand name, Purple Death. Former nobleman and still dresses like it. Had to limit the holes in his clothes because he is, unfortunately, not immune to being sunburn.

Friend’s Description: “totally not a vampire”

Bruno Bucciarati — Race, human. Stand name, Strings of Fate. I love him. He’s the love of my life. I may or may not have put the most effort into his outfit. He’s so beautiful. No notes. Also, since zippers weren’t invented till like… mid 1800’s, rather than zippers, he uses strings!!! Tugs on ‘em the way you would a loose hem…

Friend’s Description: “Italian nobleman”

Leone Abbacchio — Race, drow. Stand name, Rewind. It takes the form of a snake!! Because Moody Blues had them.. neck thangs. I don’t know. Anyways. Abbacchio coulda been drippier, but at the time of drawing I was running low on brain power.

Friend’s Description: “TOTALLY NOT A VAMPIRE”

Narancia Ghirga — Race, human. Stand name, Pheonix. Due to the fact that airplanes did NOT exist prior to some point in the 1900’s, Narancia’s stand is a bird. Probably breathes fire and can detect carbon dioxide… cannot come back from the dead though. Sorry buddy. Also, his left eye is blind from his eye infection. Sorry again buddy.

Friend’s Description: “peasant working on a merchant ship”

AND FINALLY:

Diavolo — Race, Demon. The Crimson King. He took FOREVER to draw. Especially those tattoos. I tried to make his color scheme salvageable, but seeing as I was working with Diavolo’s actual color scheme… it is not the best. Diavolo used to have wings as well, but after an incident that prompted him to go underground, they’re gone. He hides in the body of a halfling named Vinegar Doppio… though they are two completely separate entities.

Friend’s Description: “Dante’s homosexual Inferno”

idk if ill elaborate more on this au. depends on the reception of this…!! this is all just for fun… goofs and gaffs… love u sorry for only posting wips for months before this

also in this au i think stands would be called spirits/be spirits ok that’s all fr now bye love u

[k0dster]

OK question, who is everyone personal favorite, well written, mentally ill character?

Bc to this day nobody has topped Lucas Baker for me. I was kind of thinking about this Re7 au I had with an old friend today and started thinking about him again. Capcom has always done such a wonderful job with writing their characters, but something about Lucas makes me think about him every once in awhile.

It's hard to explain in words but the way he was written is just so scary. Not because he's got a bunch of molded henchmen and that creepy barn, but because he's so unpredictable and yet so smart and tactical. The kids a genius and shows it all throughout the game and his DLC, but he's also probably got some form of severe schizophrenia that has clearly gone untreated for near his whole life. He's incredibly smart and resourceful though - as in most cases - is limited by his mental illness.

The whole thing was a clear episode and I almost wanna pressume it happened before the doctors visit. Though that isn't really the point, I think alot of his issues stem from Jack. Not because he's ill too, but because he doesn't take it seriously. I live in the south myself and the stigma around men and their mental health here is so awful I don't even wanna start to imagine what it would do to a kid with schizophrenia who's dad choses to ignore it. I personally think Lucas would have grown up to be alot better of a person, hell, he might not have been in the house he was so well off if Jack had taken the time to acknowledge him. From just the look of the house and the way he acts in the daughter's (?? Sorry i seriously haven't played this game in almost a year) DLC really gives me that 'man of the house' 'men don't have feelings' kinda feel. I can only assume, the only other people in their home being women, that Jack really tried to drill that mentality into Lucas and completely glanced over Marguerites worries about him.

I almost feel bad for him. He's smart, talented, "gifted" if you must, though clearly limited by who I'm guessing to be Jack. There's a whole little story in game that really stuck out to me, when you're in Lucas's old room looking through his old journal entries he writes about Marguerite taking him for what I assumed was probably an MRI or maybe a CT scan of his head showing she clearly thought something was wrong with him. In an entry pretty close to that one he talks about his friend, Oliver, who keeps messing with him so he locks him in the attic. He talks about how he could hear him banging and screaming for help for about a day before he stopped and was eventually presumed dead to Lucas after he started to be able to smell his corpse. (I actually feel as crazy as him rn I can't find it but ik somewhere there's a document talking about how bad the smell was to him. I almost wanna say he talked about something dripping from the attic too on the same page but idk maybe i made that up)

EDIT: after 18 million years I found it so I was in fact not just loosing my mind

"Untreated schizophrenia can cause severe problems that affect many areas of life. It can disrupt how the brain works, interfering with thoughts, memory, senses, and behaviors. This can lead to difficulties in daily life, such as trouble organizing thoughts and behaving in ways that increase the risk of injury or illness." Which would explain Lucas's entire character during the game- minus the mold.

Ik this isnt my usual posting and an absolute yap fest but I seriously needed to talk about him again. He's so well written it makes me wanna foam at the mouth.

[galactic-berries]

I really want to doodle my “Mafia!” TADC au so bad and ramble endlessly to the void that is known as Tumblr about it but i do not have the energy for that GRRR

(or, well, to doodle about it anyway. I will ramble rn)

I put quotation marks around “mafia” cause like. idk?? that’s how i describe it and it’s essentially what it is but also it feels odd using that term

i’ll add onto this with reposts but for now!

- - - - - - - -

Mafia! TADC AU

(Note: I mostly only have Jax’s part of this AU developed :v)

The “Circus Ring” is a large “organization” with factions all around the country, doing activities that are more than morally correct and ruling over cities and counties with an iron fist.

The “ringleader” of this so-called “Circus” is a man that goes by the name of “Caine,” rumored to be a terrifying and strict man…

Although everyone who works under him knows that’s only the side he shows in the most dire of situations. In reality, he’s a big goof who doesn’t seem to take anything seriously, and some of his faction leaders seem to dislike him for that same reason…though he does seem to have everything under control, so nobody outright complains to his face.

After a string of events, Pomni finds herself at a table in a meeting with the Ringleader and his faction leaders. Learning that her family was connected to this “circus,” and that Caine owes her late father a favor, he decided to take her under his wing!

Welcome to the family, “Jester”…

- - -

So this AU is *supposed* to be centered around Pomni as the main character, but since the Jax Virus™️ infected my brain, I mostly have stuff about him (and my oc Luna)

Jax — “Hat Rabbit” (idk maybe i’ll change the nickname i’m bad at names)

The youngest of the leaders means being the least mature of them all as well, though this rabbit is not the newest. Jax has been in the business for several years now and has forcefully worked his way up to the top, catching the watchful eye of Caine, who decided the young man was worthy enough to be put in charge of a faction. Leader of the “Violet Rabbits”, Jax wants to one day be the most feared and respected out of all the groups. Overthrow the Ringleader himself? Maybe one day. But, for now, this rabbit wants all eyes on him.

Jax owns several “fronts”, businesses that look normal on the outside, but hide secrets and shady businesses practices deep within. His favorites are “The Lavender Cottontail” bar and “The Rabbit Hole” casino. He does love games, after all…

Recently there’s been a newcomer to the circus. Jax isn’t very happy about this new event, though one wonders if it’s because Caine wants Pomni to look over the late “Kaufmo’s” faction…

- - -

Bonus Luna content:

Luna — “Patch Bunny”

Luna joined the “Circus Ring” some time before Kaufmo passed away and is the newest family member. Well, she was, until Pomni came around. After being under Caine’s mentorship for some time, he felt she was ready to join one of the factions. Deciding that Jax should start learning how to train new members and that Luna was capable enough, Caine appointed her to work under Jax for the Violet Rabbits.

So far, they haven’t killed each other.

Luna’s managed to make herself Jax’s right-hand-woman, her skills and intellect unable to be ignored or brushed aside by the rabbit. Some rumor that she’s planning to overthrow him and make herself leader of the Violet Rabbits instead…but those are just rumors.

[takeariskao3]

idk guys things are just weird

this is going to be a very chaotic and disorganized Personal Post (sorry in advance)

i know this is silly and i don't owe anyone anything, but i genuinely feel so sad that i don't have anything to contribute or post today on harry's birthday.

something is up with my writing and i can't quite put my finger on it.. harry and ginny are being...very soft and not in a way that is in-character or plot driven. things are just off. all my plans i have in my head are literally flying out the window everytime i sit down to write and i don't trust if it is the right decision for the story or just some weird mood i'm in that's manifesting in a really out of character tone on the page.

i suppose it could be a couple different things. i haven't met with my therapist in two weeks so my brain could just be overloaded with other crap that i need to process and or decompress before my writing thoughts feel organized again.

my husband has been massively stressed out because of many different things going on in his life separate from our family and so i've been going a little over the top trying to be there for him.

our daughter hasn't been sleeping all that well and she's been fighting a virus/cold for going on about two weeks that i think we are finally on the tail end of.

work for me is bleh. i don't enjoy what i'm doing right now. we are in one of those cycles that is all reporting and data entry and retention analysis and its so boring and just not at all what fulfills me from this position. however in the same vein, the semester is right around the corner so it's also the last push to make sure everything is ready to go for when students return to campus.

i killed a spider today which is like a very big deal for me. i am deathly afraid of spiders and my good friends can attest that when confronted with one i dissolve into a lot of screaming and sweating and general panic. so i def think i am experiencing the aftermath of an adrenaline rush even though that was like five hours ago.

all of this is to say, i think i need a break from wips. specifically already gone and the entire the path from you universe. i feel like this past month has just been me forcing something that doesn't need to be forced. i think if i take a step back from both stories, and quit putting so much pressure on myself, my head will clear and things will start falling into place.

this week is @corneliaavenue-ao3's ficfest! and i hope this will be a really good way to bring to life some of these soft moments that keep trying to knock down the door and also keep me in the habit of writing. i don't want to put a timeline on it and somehow set an expectation for myself or anyone else but i'm guessing you can expect a two/three week longer hiatus for those two stories, and you can probably expect a fair amount of random one shots and/or drabbles from me in the meantime.

i'm sorry if this is disappointing, i can promise it is just as disappointing for me. i miss having a clear head and the words flowing effortlessly. i hope someday i get that back, but for now, i'm going to hope a little time away from those plots helps settle the static that lives inside my head.

as always, thanks for reading and understanding <3

[rebornologist]

Xanxus, Squalo & Yamamoto ♡ Relationship + Kink headcanons ✧ REPOST

tumblr ate my post (it probably got flagged but idk how else to cope so I've dug it back out of my google drive to repost it) If you've seen this already, I'm sorry. If you haven't, I'm still sorry.

♡ Xanxus

Doesn’t let you off the hook just because he’s in a romantic relationship with you; In fact, he has very high standards for who he would deem a worthy partner, to be seen with him, to be his arm candy, to fight alongside him, etc.

You were definitely the one to woo him, mostly with your impressive work as a hitman and the occasional bending over in front of him to pick up the reports you dropped before handing them over to him. He knows that you’re far too careful to accidentally drop them, so he’s only amused by the games you’re playing and enjoying the eyeful. It takes quite a bit of brains and skill to stand out to him.

He keeps it very much on the down-low, he believes in your capability to protect yourself, but it’s only natural to keep your relationship under wraps because that’s vulnerability, babes! He knows you’re too smart to get caught and ransomed.. but there’s still a nonzero chance if there’s a target on your back and that doesn’t sit well with him.

You just happen to be seated next to him at every organized dinner event, adorned in the fattest diamond rings and gold necklaces, with luxury furs and a beautiful smile on your face as you laugh along with his men. Guess it pays well to be "just a Varia officer".

♡ Superbi Squalo

I’m biased as hell but I think he’s a fairly sweet and simple partner. He remembers most anniversaries, is surprisingly sentimental, and is overworked but tries to make time for you. Unfortunately, it means that he’s unlikely to be with someone high maintenance, he just has too much on his plate already, and his partner should be a solace for him, someone that both appreciates him for all that he does and doesn't add more expectations for him to meet.

Oh to get fresh sashimi omakase dinners for your anniversaries with the best sushi chefs (Tsuyoshi Yamamoto, ofc), you tease him and try to get him to play little drinking games with you and y’all reminisce your best and worst times that you’ve experienced together. The more liquor you get into this man, the softer he gets, and he will absolutely ramble on and on about you.

Squalo didn’t really know how to take people on dates for the longest time, because he committed himself to the art of the blade, or whatever... so his best shot at taking you out initially was just a fancy candle lit dinner and dessert. He didn’t know what to talk about, and his hair almost caught on fire with the open flames, but you laughed it off and found him super charming regardless, because you knew him outside of the whole dating scene as one of the most handsome, dedicated, and impressive men you’ve ever met. He didn’t have to do a lot of work to sweep you off your feet, even though he did try.

♡ Yamamoto Takeshi

He’s such college sweetheart material, have fun attending all of his games! You either get to tag along for away games (good luck keeping up with your coursework) or he calls you every night that he’s out of town to update you on how he’s doing.

You’re one of his biggest supporters, and he relies on you more than he wishes he did. I see Takeshi as a fairly monogamous man, and being raised in a traditional household, he withholds a lot of his emotional vulnerability, and alas, it’s kind of dumped on a significant other. On the bright side, you make him happier just by existing and being in his life. He feels so lucky to have you, and thanks his ancestors for blessing him with your presence every day.

He seems like a childhood-friends-to-lovers type of guy, which is super funny to me because he also seems like a notorious friendzoner! Yes, Takeshi, they definitely invited you over to hang out alone, as friends, in their room, with the lights dimmed, as friends, with a bottle of wine, looking at you like they want to kiss you breathless, as friends. (He knows, he's just avoided addressing it with everyone that he didn't reciprocate feelings for.)

You had to sit him down and tell him that you wanted him in more than just a platonic way, and you watched as he turned beet red, clumsily asked a few clarifying questions, and had to excuse himself for a moment to process the information.

He shares some of the most ridiculous bits of gossip with you! He’s a social butterfly that seems to be in every circle and people share everything with him since he’s such a good listener and tactful enough to not blab.. except for to his partner! You get annoyed with him for not asking the important questions to dig up more tea, to which he just giggles and shrugs like “I’m sorry, they just told me all of that unprompted! Do you want me to ask next time..?” (to which you’d scream “NO THAT’D BE TOO SUS”)

Voted number one most likely to hit a home run and sprint over to the stands to steal a kiss from you before running the bases. He almost got penalized for it, but they let it slide because everyone thought it was really cute teehee

Ngl idk what to write for kink HCs anymore I’ve written about their kinks enough

✧ Xanxus

I think.. Xanxus is a bastard, and when you sit him down in thebedroom to talk about kinks for the first time, he has the most blankly confused expression on his face because “what the fuck are those?” (HE’S ACTUALLY SO STUPID LORD HELP US)

You furrow your brows and rephrase the question; “so… what are you.. into? sexually,”

You do not get a good answer out of this man because he’s so repressed dear lord.. He grumbles about just being like.. into fucking, or whatever.. and you decide to just lay out what you like first, and let him respond with whether he agrees or disagrees. The discussion goes much smoother that way. He was much too invested in the whole ‘being the 10th generation boss of the Vongola’ thing to think too hard about his sexuality during his developing years.

He likes to get kinky with his partner because he likes his partner. He doesn’t particularly consider himself a kinky person, he’s just full of sexual energy and open to finding new outlets for it, especially anything that’s particularly intense. He does not like to be a gentle dom, and he gets impatient easily, so don’t count on him to play along with anything for too long before he just jumps your bones.

Generally speaking, he tends to be quite rough, or at least intense; he tends to like.. cum (yours and his).. dirty talk, and marking (giving/receiving), and y’all have recently come to terms with the shared affinity for predator/prey play in the bedroom.

He tends to agree with what kinds of kinky activity to engage in with his partners as his partner proposes them. Bring in some dark chocolate syrup next time and he would probably eat it all up ;)

Completely unarmed (though he could never truly be unarmed), he steps out of the shower to find you waiting for him, scantily clad and leaning against the wall, batting your eyelashes. It’s going to be that kind of night, huh... He snorts quietly under his breath, and a small smirk dances across his features.

With a few taps of your fingers, you turn and run, hiding in a corner until you hear him approaching. You dodge him and slip from his grasp a few times before he finally knocks you over and pins you to the ground, roughing shoving a knee between your legs and holding your wrists above your head.

You giggle, kicking up at his hardened muscles and squirming. He buries his nose in your neck and inhales your scent before biting down roughly on your shoulder. “Quiet, bunny.” He grumbles, and you whine in what could easily be satisfaction. You were in for a long play session.

✧ Superbi Squalo

He’s considered his kinkiness before. He doesn’t really know how to list them straightforwardly, because he also thinks of it as ‘I just like what I like’, similarly to Xanxus.

I’m not sure what this is called, but I think he’s definitely christened every shared space with you. The kitchen island is not safe from your lovemaking, the shower is not safe, the bathroom counter is not safe.. the couch, however, is. He thinks you look beautiful when you’re completely drenched, and nothing makes his day more than receiving a tasteful and slightly fogged up picture of you getting nice and clean in the bath. He often enjoys joining you in the shower to hoist you up against the wall just to kiss and caress down your entire body. It’s times like this where you tend to be less careful with digging your nails into his back, as you hold on for dear life in the slippery space. He wears the marks with pride.

He does get off on semi-public risky business on occasion, but it’s specifically when he has close to zero chance of getting caught. He doesn’t admit it, but he does enjoy you teasing him through his pants under the safety of the tablecloth at dinner, with onlookers believing that you’ve just got a hand innocently placed on his thigh. He side-eyes you with a raised eyebrow, as if to tell you to knock it off, but it does nothing but spur you on until he whispers for you to meet him on the balcony.

And that you do; you excuse yourself to “use the bathroom”, and he later follows with a mumble of “let me make sure they’re okay..”

That’s how you find yourself hidden out of plain sight behind a sharp corner, pinned up against a wall, in a spot where you’re unlikely to be spotted. The cool night air makes you shiver as it hits the wetness between your thighs as he roughly tugs your underwear aside, grumbling under his breath about how “damn impatient” you were, and how you’re “such a fucking brat”, but you know that he loves that you’re his fucking brat.

There’s something so raw and hot about you biting down on his gloved hand as he fucks you from behind, muffling his own sounds by kissing your shoulder while his other hand wraps around you to work you to your climax. He’s not often a fan of quickies, but there’s something so special about it being a quickie in this specific context.

✧ Yamamoto Takeshi

I actually deny what I said 3 years ago about him being only a dom, he’s a soft dom and a very good little subby puppy

He’s fairly vanilla, especially compared to what usually comes to mind with the rest of the KHR cast, but he enjoys anal play for both himself and his partner, and is sooo down to be pegged please bend him over nicely and sweetly

He doesn’t really enjoy sensory or impact play, because he’s not a fan of pain for either parties, but he has a lot of fun with dirty talk, role-playing, and anything more.. mental? The physical acts of intimacy are already so much for him, and you’ll still be in for a ride because he’s got stamina. He can just go and go and go and go..

He has never said this outright to you, but he kind of enjoys being edged, and the few times you did it accidentally, he came so hard that he saw stars. He proceeded to breathlessly ask if you could do that again, and when you asked, “what do you mean? Do what again?” he found himself stuttering in front of you like it was the day he first asked you out.

He can be a bit of size queen, and he loves watching his partner try to take his whole cock in their mouth, and the mean side of him doesn’t want to let up even when they gag or tear up; he thinks it’s so sexy, and one day he finally gets brave enough to let some praise slip when they gag, spurring them to take him even deeper.

If his partner is okay with it, there’s something so hot to him about cumming on them; be it their face, their chest, their stomach, ass, or back.. He cums quite a bit and it goes pretty far. He definitely failed to warn them beforehand (not on purpose) and felt so terrible when it got everywhere, but he also... instantly got hard again.

He has a habit of holding your hand in some way in most positions, but if you ask him nicely, he’ll release them to let you run your hands down his body :’) if you’re face-to-face with him, he likes intertwining your fingers, and if you’re facing away from him, he might… hold you by your wrists or lay his hands over yours. The constant contact is a regular thing with him.

[clonehub]

i was for a while thinking "how would clones with varying levels of brain damage get the PT and CT they need so that they don't regress and have an awful quality of life in a truly awful situation?"

i don't want to a Swiss Family Robinson thing where they basically fit and mold their circumstances to be as close to normal life as possible. like these guys are not going to be in trees or building anything that's uniquely complex. that takes time and energy and tools that they don't have. i dont like idealistic protrayals of survival.

but i also want them to actually be taken care of to the best of everyone's ability. they're disabled and they deserve care and attention.

the venator-class star destroyer is still accessible. it's split open down the middle, but they were able to construct bridges across. there's no plumbing, but there are some lights. some parts of the ship aren't completely level, so none of the physically disabled clones can access them. They still use a lot of the ship for sleeping and storage though. gradually, the company spends more and more time outside.

they've got tents outside. anything having to do with cooking is outside. there's some holes in ceilings and such and they make do with natural light because they're quickly running out of fuel (the first winter was colder than they expected and the ship has no heat of any kind).

but the brain damaged clones. the most i can think of is medic Milo knowing enough about PT and CT as part of his training to get some form of a rough help/guide/plan in place. lots of the high-needs clones need to be on a strict schedule for one reason or another. the clones themselves are organized and driven enough that able-bodied clones can and will follow this schedule and work to meet the needs of their brothers (both from a love for their brothers and orders from the captain, Sprint).

so nobody's really ever like, alone? if that makes sense? there's clones who need help feeding themselves and getting to the toilet and who have severe memory problems. there are clones who can't walk or don't have the physical coordination they used to. clones who can't communicate well. they need someone with them almost 24/7 because the environment isn't safe. they're trying to clear hazards and fall risks from the site and monitor who goes where at all times. they have a buddy system, but there's a point where the system fails and that becomes a whole thing.

they might have to constantly learn on the job, tbh. Milo knows about PT and CT but he's definitely not an expert and not specifically trained in those things. he learns p quickly that preventing decline requires constant interaction and a lot of repetition (per the video i just posted). he also learns about the contours of mental health because he has paraplegic clones who can't move and have to stay put, meaning they need their brothers to come to them and give them the social interactions they need so they don't get depressed.

they've been marooned for close to a year and they're approaching the next winter, so they're not completely new to all of this. idk what's needed to make solar power but i wouldn't be against them figuring it out. they can get maybe a handful of lifts to work, but there's a risk to that of course. whatever scrap metal they can pull from the ship, they're using to build more permanent structures outside (cooking area with a roof and ventilation, outhouses if not toilets with functioning plumbing).

the gunships are used for going back and forth to the sea (for water, which they can use for daily things and also salt, which they get from the sea water) and to the mountains to hunt or get more wood (they soon cleared most of the trees from their immediate area.)

[cabeswaterdrowned]

hello since I feel like u have some good takes on trc lore/can be a bit crazy w it

thoughts on my personal headcanon that Declan killed Niall?

I don’t think HE did it but organised it. Obviously Declan was a part of Nialls criminal world and probably knew more than Niall thought he did for a teenager, but my thought is that he knew Niall already had a hit out of him from the grey man and made it so that Niall didn’t think the grey man was going to kill him when he drove up to the Barns. Personally, I just feel like it’s unlikely that Niall would’ve let the grey man kill him that easily (I.e, tire iron and not a gun). Declan already knew about Niall potentially wanting to use Ronan for the greywaren etc and as we saw in TD3 he has been secretly very protective and loving over ronan plus very much hated his dad/niall def traumatised him and thus leading to him wanting to kill him to stop more harm coming to Ronan. I feel like if I read td3 more than once I could maybe back up some with Declan’s thoughts on his dad but overall I feel like his immense hatred and then regret signals that maybe he had something to do with his death, plus his need to take care of ronan and Matthew afterwards.

idk maybe this isn’t backed up very well with the trc/td3 lore but just thought it was an interesting thought

Oh I definitely think that’s an interesting idea and could see some canon basis. I feel like I would believe Declan on some level had suspicions about the plot to kill his dad and kind of .. did not take the steps he could have to make sure it didn’t happen, and then blocked that pre knowledge out, more than I would necessarily believe he organized the whole thing. Either way I do think the fact the Lynch brothers memories were canonically altered leaves room for playing around with what actually happened there, the unreliability of Niall’s story and their memories from a time when they were traumatized combined with literal magic at play. You could take that in a lot of directions creatively for sure and poke holes in how much we actually know about the backstory. I also read an interesting post meta-ing on the possibility of Declan being sexually abused by Niall, and while it’s not a headcanon / reading I like feel so strongly about I want to adopt as my canon, I could definitely see where that was coming from, and it would fit in with this picture as a motive. Regardless of that parentification to make up for the guilt definitely tracks.  

Also though disclaimer that I like Declan and find him interesting but he isn’t a character I have deep emotional attachment to or am creatively enamored by like some other chars in this verse / I’m not a diehard stan, so this might come from a more removed perspective than you were looking for as opposed to brain rot. But yeah I think there are absolutely interesting ideas to dig into there.

[cannedwyrms]

I think the game Scorn has one of the most interesting video game antagonists I've seen in a while, up there with Agent Black, Five Pebbles, Morgott, Picayune, and Le'garde. (All of which i will probably make posts on)

Now, I've yet to dive into the deep lore or whatever of the game, but I'd still like to share my thoughts on them because I think they're very unique when it comes to video game antagonists.

One of the most surface-level things that makes them so interesting is that we get to play as them at the start. Immediately, that's a really good way of making the player empathize with any character, especially when we don't know much about them. After they get buried in what is, apparently, energized, fermented cum (I'm not going to explain that, fuck you), we transition over to the actual protagonist.

The next time we see them, they are completely different, having horrifically mutated into some kind of lizard parasite. Then, they attach to your player character, digging their hands into your stomach and wrapping the skin flaps that cover their brain around your neck.

And this is what makes them so much more compelling to me. For most of the rest of the game, they actually help you. Their tail is the weapon you use, they hold your weird, gross little healing eggs and reload pod. They remain mostly passive, but their very presence in your body starts to hurt you, making you more and more immobile with root-like growths digging out of your flesh. They are attempting to fuse with you completely, 5 it's killing you.

Near the end of the game, you finally get them off of you, which takes a lot of effort and leaves your character with all their organs spilling out of their body, the parasite's last attempt to remain with you. It slinks off, wounded but not dead.

In the end, it attacks you mere feet away from your ultimate goal and fully fuses with you, turning you both into some kind of nightmare tree.

So why do I find this dynamic so interesting? Well, on a surface level it's not often you see an antagonist in a game so passive, and even helpful at times. Often, in video games, the antagonist is proactive, while the protagonists is reactive. This serves as an easy way to get the player to get invested in the game. In Portal, for example, Chell only does all the puzzles because GLaDOS is forcing her too. Link only embarks on his quests because Ganondorf is threatening Hyrule's peace, etc.

But in Scorn, you don't really need an antagonist like that, because having an antagonist who actually understands what's going on any more than you do wouldn't make sense in the context of the world. The world of Scorn is already so hostile, so alien and borderline nonsense, that the protagonist already reacts enough to it without the need for a character to push them forward. Plus, it seems like they already have a goal in mind, one that the player isn't necessarily privy to, which the parasite might already share with them.

Because of this, Scorn is free to make their antagonist more passive, more reactive to the protagonist (yet still proactive in their own way, they are the one to attach to you, after all).

On a deeper level, though, I have some thoughts. And none of them are normal. The parasite in Scorn attaches to the protagonist, which immediately strikes me as not some kind of power play or instict, but as a survival tactic, a way to gain back any sense of control, of belonging that they have lost. Their body had been warped beyond understanding, and they've been alone for who knows how long. Of course when they find another human (idk if they're actual humans, but you get my point) they'd want to stay close to them. Maybe they thought that, by fusing together, they'd be more able to survive. Or maybe they just wanted to be close to someone. That's why they reattach themselves after you remove them. That's why, even when it's clear being with you is so obviously not helpful to anyone involved, they try desperately to remain attached no matter what. It's such an interesting way to build an antagonistic character, because I fully believe that nothing they are doing is out of malice. Even when they ruin(?) your character's plan(?) I don't believe they did it to spite you, or with any anger or evil at all. Instead it's more likely that they did it out of desperation, out of a deep need to be accepted and loved, to be close to someone in a world so hostile and alien, so antithetical to human connection. They help you—or at least try to be helpful—and because of the nature of Scorn's world, it harms you both.

Thematically, Scorn is about life and death, the cycle of creation, intimacy as a method of control, and intimacy in general. And what's more intimate than literally becoming one being?

Ok, that's all go play Scorn it's a mad trip of a game with an aesthetic that I haven't seen in any other game. Its inspirations are obvious, but I just haven't seen many games use its style. I'm sure there's more to it, like I said I haven't really delved into the lore, but this was just my interpretation of the events.

tl;dr: Scorn is good, guys, go play it

[livseses]

Yay! We had our first session of @nyroka 's PF2e campaign!

We were so nervous leading up to it. We got tons of prep work done before hand, so the few hours before were that sort of "hurry up and wait" anxiety. We were ready to run, so there was nothing we could do to settle ourselves while the clock ticked closer to game.

It was great! Well, rocky and awkward as any roleplay heavy session 1 should be expected. Maybe less so. Technical difficulties from playing with some features for the first time popped up. A couple of blind spots in our prep shook our confidence. But in the end, we were more prepared than we weren't.

Speaking of prep, we had a bunch of maps! There were 5 separate scene locations (plus the starting city itself). Foundry VTT added a feature recently where you can set up regions that trigger automatic stuff in them (usually when a character's token walks into them). So we had all of these maps set up to have exits that teleport a character to the city map (and spots on the city map that teleports them to those individual scenes). It was all very slick! The PCs could move from their starting scene into someone else's smooth and organically.

We also made a few handouts. The built in journal is frustrating to work with, but we eventually figured out how to properly make a document that had the NPCs picture on one side, and information about them on the other, without the formatting going wonky. We also used a meme maker to make parchment scroll notice thing (an advertisement one of the characters posted to get the other PCs to join their adventure). We spent a few hours yesterday morning futzing around in GIMP trying to figure out how to remove the white background. Lol it felt silly spending hours trying to turn the background transparent, when a white background would be fine. But! Now we know, and that upgrade is going to be applicable to so many documents we make in the future!

We also had a cool quest tracker mod installed (Simple Quest), but sadly we were too busy to use it how we intended. We wrote up some quests for the individual PCs that were partially complete. It was a cool bit of story telling having stuff like having "Hire the eccentric wizard" marked as complete, followed by "Don't let the eccentric wizard distract you with info dumping about extradimensional spaces" marked as failed. We had planned to reveal more quest items, and check items off as the scenes progressed, but we were too busy with all of the NPCs to remember!

Which fried our brain! Most of the time, when we run games in Cellaphage (the setting for this game, that Ny, Ahri, Aros, and Kelspur also come from) we don't so much roleplay the NPCs as we channel them. It's not like our normal switches, but "possession" is a pretty close description. We hand the character our voice and they just do their own thing. So part of our exhaustion was from all that switching.

Speaking of voices, omg we got to do so many voices! We use accents as an auditory shorthand for the different regions/languages of Cellaphage (e.g. giving a French accent to the vampires). We surprised some of the players by springing on them that the country they start in uses an Australian accent. That was super fun doing 4 separate character voices, but applying the same accent to them. Idk how well others could hear it, but we could tell the difference! I think by the end of session we had voiced like 11 NPCs? Again, brain fried by all this switching 😆

We like the suspense of doing cliffhangers, but we don't like how cliffhangers means that the game is in stasis between sessions (we like when our players roleplay outside of session). We found a really cool best of both worlds though! At the end of the session, I narrated a scene taking place from the villains' perspective, that sets up the encounter the party is going to face. It did the dramatic set up of "Oh no how does this turn out" but leaves the players able to think, plan, and roleplay what their characters are doing between sessions. Also I got to make it nice and creepy to fit the "haunted woods full of vampires" they're going to.

We're excited for next week! And we're so so so happy to finally be running a game of Ny's design that let's us just relax, be crazy, and ride the waves of dissociative madness.

[salempie]

tell me about your daisy girlie i can tell you’re about to burst like a can of soup

i’m mostly curious on how psilirim would affect her, as well as non-psychics. or maybe she was originally a non psychic? i genuinely can’t tell from your post oopsies

but yesssss i love people working in psilirim beyond “makes brain hurt and cause delusions” or whatever rhombus of ruin did. idk i couldn’t play it without crashing because the vr headset i used was ass in a tin

if you’ve already answered something in the same vein ignore this oopsie…. i just immediately wanted to ask before scrolling ur blog

Sorry if this is all a mess, I’m not so good at organizing my thoughts!

I’ve actually tried to put some thought into psilirium, because it’s such a neat rock! But it’s basically just…Psitanium but worse? From what I could glean from the game. And other than ‘psilirium poisoning’ mentioned in the second game (bear with me I haven’t played either in like half a year) it was mostly ignored after Rhombus.

As for how it affects Daisy who yes, was born psychic! The first thing I focused on was its ‘magnetic’ effects when it comes to drawing people towards it. The commune she essentially takes over was formed far before Daisy had even considered running off. And it was formed due to the psilirium drawing people to the area! This quality gives Daisy somewhat of a charismatic edge with all that psilirium getup she’s got on. Call it a ‘magnetic attraction’ but people just seem to like the girl <3!

As for how it affects her psychics, I’m not sure how accurate the ‘fandom wiki’ is but it described psilirium as ‘distorting psychic energy.’ With the only other confirmed effects being “mania, hysteria, hallucinations, suppression of psychic abilities, and paranoia in psychics” (according to the wiki). I figure a handwaving of ‘distorting psychic energy’ is vague enough to let me add my own flair. Suppose it’s somewhat of a souped up version of psitanium the way I have been using it? But with the blatant psychological harm a bit more evident.

When Daisy first arrived psilirium had still been mostly undiscovered in the area, so she hadn’t had too much exposure to it. Some people (rarely) reported having strange hallucinations or unusual dreams, but it was mostly chalked up to the area just being a spiritual hotspot. Occasionally some weird glowing rocks would be found, but with no geologists or psychonauts to identify them, no one really knew what they were and kept them around mainly for their striking appearance. As more and more of the rocks were eventually discovered (or dug up), the effects began to compound.

With worsening mental health abound, as well as the decline of the hippie subculture as a whole into the 70s, many began to leave the commune. This left Daisy desperate, as I think I’ve mentioned before, and not in her right mind, she began to hypnotize the remaining members. Only a few at first but later the commune as a whole (though not on purpose). Those effected would begin subconsciously contributing their mental energy to Daisy, thus making her extremely resistant to the psiliriums negative effects.

That’s great! Because despite her resistance due to her now greatly increased mental energy, her mind was still heavily affected by those neat glowing rocks! She was left somewhat delirious, witnessing hallucinations as well as experiences delusions of grandeur at times. She began to order (like, it was more of a suggestion than an order, man, this is a commune not a dictatorship <3) the rocks be dug up more to aid them in their meditations and spiritual connections. Thus, the commune as a whole became a psilirium hotspot.

This meant Daisy, with her heavily fortified mental energy, was the only one to really be able to effectively use her psychics, with the psilirium’s repression of psychic abilities shown in RoR. Technology in the area bugs out too! So it really is a naturalist ‘utopia,’ at least in Daisy’s eyes.

So that’s! Yeah! Most of my thoughts I think? Idk! Heres also some somehow even less organized thoughts too that I can’t seem to place anywhere well:

There’s kinda just a general vague energy in the air around the commune due to the intense ‘radiation’ from all the unearthed stones

Daisy herself is like! Actually psycho-reactive at this point! Like! A walking hunk of psilirium…on a smaller scale of course. It kinda mixes with her actual psychic energy, making that ‘radiate’ as well. Basically with all that psilirium her hypnosis kinda has the effect of making a certain range of people around her more susceptible to suggestability by her! I wouldn’t call it full hypnosis though.

To add to that, she is constantly (and I do mean just like 100% of the time (except sleep I suppose?)) levitating! Part of the vague ‘radiation’ of her psychics. As well as her generally just being in a great mood thanks to weed and delirium!

The psilirium itself ‘warps’ and amplifies her psychics abilities a bit. It kinda ‘enhances’ them in the sense that there is sooo much psychic energy it’s just bursting to get out.

For example, she’s an Empath of sorts (an ability @spaloonbabooguuscooties came up with for her Franke in our ramblings) but, distorted in a way so that, while she can still somewhat feel what others are feeling, it’s more her forcing her own emotions onto them. Not fully but, they can certainly feel what she is feeling. In addition her ‘sensing’ of emotion isn’t just relegated to having to touch them either! Close enough, in tandem with her rudimentary telepathy, she can basically understand entirely what her ‘followers’ are thinking and feeling! Though it’s partially due to their obvious psychic connection.

Her hypnosis of course was effected, becoming a vague radiation of charisma and charm around her even when not using her own abilities.

Aside from just the constant, constant, use of it, her levitation wasn’t changed much.

Her herbophony hasn’t really changed much either, but some of the plants in the area have become psycho-radioactive as well, giving them a bit of a psychic edge. It allows her better communication with them as well as giving some plants psychic abilities for themselves.

Most of what psilirium has done to Daisy is make an unstable person more unstable and a psychic person more psychic. But in an obvious much worse, much faster, and much more overt way than psitanium. Or at least I hop im that’s how it comes across <3!

[beansterpie]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @marley-manson! <3

I would tag people but it's late and my brain is tired so literally, PLEASE just adopt this tag meme if you see it and read the whole thing. You have my full permission to say I tagged you, even if we've never spoken lol. Go for it, be audacious.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

43,487!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well the posted fic is a Berserk fic, but I have various other wips that I pick away at when I'm bored. Among them include Eyeshield 21, MDZS, RotE, Harry Potter (technically?). Those are the most recent ones anyway.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Chain of Dissent, she's my favorite fic <3 (she's my only fic)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yeah I try to! Though I'll admit uhhhh I haven't updated it in... fucking? two years? god, and so I've been bad about responding to the more recent comments because I feel guilty for not updating in so long :') Really gotta get back to it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None, because I haven't finished a fic yet lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far! I've gotten a couple of comments that come across as unintentionally mildly rude, but definitely nothing that constitutes as hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well not so far in CoD, but, ahem, I have written smut in one of my wips lol. Deeply self indulgent but I guess character driven? It's mildly nasty and desperate <3

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't actually written a crossover (yet. well, recently) but they are a bit of a passion of mine lmao. I love ridiculous crossovers, and I'm talking about "a magical portal opens up and throws characters from fandom A into the world (& characters) of fandom B" type shit. I don't need the ways in which the characters interact to make sense, I just want them to be thrown together and see where it goes from there. Fish out of water shenanigans! Characters questioning their own motivations and idea of life by seeing a world entirely different from theirs!! Just like, fun shit! I also absolutely don't need for the two fandoms to be similar lol. I have a somewhat detailed Berserk/Eyeshield 21 crossover living rent free in my head so clearly anything goes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Lol no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I'll probably have to say GriffGuts, because it's a ship that's gripped me by the neck for the past 7 years or something, where my interest in it hasn't really waned.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhhh, idk? I mean I am DETERMINED to finish CoD, so that's out. And the wips I write in my spare time are just like, things I do for fun where I don't put any pressure on myself over it. I'm not planning on posting them anywhere, and I'm not generally planning on 'finishing' them either. I mean if I do finish one, I might post it, but again, they're low key things that I'm not taking too seriously.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I honestly don't consider myself a very strong writer, at least in terms of things like prose and sentence structure, grammar, that sort of thing. I think I'm pretty decent at figuring out the direction that I want the story to go, and all the individual steps that need to happen to get to that point in a way that feels organic (at least, imo.) And I like to think I'm pretty good at characterization-- having the characters behaving and reacting in ways that feel like could concievably happen in canon is generally what I'm going for.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Yeah prose, lol. I mean, I don't actually dislike my more.... utilitarian writing style, mainly because I generally prefer reading more direct writing (unless the lyrical writing is really really good), but I do think I could inject some more illustrative details and metaphors into my writing overall. @marley-manson is SO good at coming up with perfect metaphors to describe a situation or feeling, all while perfectly recreating the character's voice, and I really admire that about her writing!

I also want to get better with having characters like, doing things while they're talking. I find a lot of the conversations I write happen between characters just kind of standing around, which obviously is fine but I'd like to construct scenes with a bit more specificity in the future.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Wait so like, say in a fic that is otherwise written in English, having a line of dialogue written in Spanish when a character is speaking it? I... don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other I guess lol. I mean ideally the line(s) written in the other language are correct lol, and not just badly google translated or something.

Though you know, now that I think about it, I feel like it would work best between languages that use the same alphabet (which does end up narrowing the possible languages down quite a lot) because that way the reader can still sound out the dialogue even if the don't understand the language, which could emulate what the pov character is experiencing. Whereas if it was a fic written in English, and then had a line written in, say, Japanese, the reader wouldn't even be able to sound it out so it's kind of a brick wall. (Unless there's footnotes, but that tends to be a little more clunky in fic than in a published book with pages).

If the readers are supposed to understand the dialogue written in another language, like two characters suddenly start speaking in said other language and we're meant to keep up with the conversation, then I feel like it's just easier to translate their words in whatever language the fic is written in otherwise.

But yeah idk, I think with intent and good execution, anything can work, but it could also be done in a way that's more annoying than anything.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think. It was neopets LMFAO. I remember writing a fic when I was like 10 about Hannah (the adventurer) and Jacques (from the maraqua plot comic) as a romantic couple because I was annoyed at the time that there were multiple fics about Hannah and Garin (or whatever his name was, also from the maraqua plot) getting together even though I thought Garin was BORING and they were just shipped together because they were both usuls (which are overrated imho), even though Jacque was obviously better.

... I may have had a crush on Jacques.

But the first fic that I think I posted anywhere was for Xiaolin Showdown lmfao, probably also when I was 10 or 11 or something. I wrote like four separate fics for that show.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Yeah it's CoD lol. It's the longest thing I've written so far, and I'm overall still very proud of it. I'd probably go back and change some things in the first chapter because it reads a little clunky and like, abrupt to me now, but I'm not doing that until I finish the fic. Allowing myself to go back and edit stuff before I've even finished the story seems like a road to ruin lol.

[weirdocvnt08]

ROTTMNT x SR:US Crossover Human AU: Basics Intro

Bruh I keep making drabbles and oneshots within my own rottmnt x samurai rabbit human AU but never post any actual info or “lore” but it’s cus idk how to start?? Soooo I guess this’ll be like the concept plan? Idk I’ll just try to make this look organized so I can introduce the world I’m always writing about ε-(´∀｀; )

AU Name: Crazy Little Thing Called Life

AU Summary: Take Rise TMNT and Samurai Rabbit into a crossover world where they’re just normal human people with no magic or mystics, just living and experiencing this crazy little thing called life (hehe) and just go through normal human things.

Characters (Older Adults): Splinter (Hamato Yoshi), Big Mama (Adeline Desir), Baron Draxum (Berry Powell), Usagi’s Auntie (Shimada Noriko), Hueso (Jacinto Gerrero-Vazquez), Foot Lieutenant (Fukunaga Kenji) Foot Recruit Brute (Tsuchida Kazou)

*sidenote that bc I’m making all the non-humans, well…human (:p) I’m giving them full names bc I’m extra like that so what’s in parentheses is what their names will be in my fanfics*

Characters (teens/young adults): April O’ Niel, Cassandra “Casey” Jones, Sunita (Sunita Modi), Gen (Murakami Gennosuke), Chizu (Ogawa Chizu) Kitsune (Shimada Kitsune), Yuichi Usagi, Frida/Venus (Frida Hamato), Raph, (Raphael Hamato), Leo (Leonardo Hamato), Donnie (Donatello Hamato), Mikey (Michelangelo Hamato), Mona Lisa (Mona Keke)

Race/Ethnicity

Bruh so this is kinda embarrassing but my brain got scrambled really bad every time I tried to organize it so I’ll just tell you guys in paragraph form (´ω`)

Starting off on the ROTTMNT side, the Hamato kids are blasian but only Raph, Mikey and Frida are half Haitian since I’m making Big Mama Haitian but Donnie and Leo aren’t since their bio mom was born in the U.S. Splinter is still Japanese lol and Draxum is Native American, specifically Cherokee. Hueso is Mexican and born in Yucatán (I will not elaborate any further or else I’ll never post this thing bc I’ll over complicate my answer), Casey is wasian with her mom being Japanese and her dad being a white American and Foot Lieutenant and Brute are her gay uncles and they’re Japanese too but Brute’s been in the US way longer than Lieutenant, April stays the same as a Black American and Sunita is blasian as her dad’s also a black American but her mom is Indian. Mona will also be in and I’m writing her as Polynesian Hawaiian.

Now with the Samurai rabbit side. This is pretty easy since they’re all Japanese BUT Chizu is half Filipino, Gen has Polynesian roots from his dad’s side and Kitsune is Ainu which is a small indigenous group in the north side of Japan. Usagi, his aunt, Hana and Kiyoko are mainlanders so they’re pretty “average” I suppose you can say even though it feels icky saying that given Japan got their issues when it comes to people they don’t deem as Japanese

Relationships

*adding deets on Splinter and his relationships bc it’s relevant for my new fanfic so I’m his is the one I’m only gonna reveal for now. But also I have another fanfic that’s set within this AU brewing in my head actually so what I wrote for Lieutenant and Brute is for future use*

Yoshi/Big Mama (past)

Legally married for nearly a decade but close to the end of their marriage they (more so Big Mama) opened their relationship so they could see/be with other people if they wanted to (Yoshi only saw 1 person and it led to Leo and Donnie to be conceived lmao)

Biological parents of Frida, Raph, and Mikey

Met the same way as they did in canon

Few years down the road Big Mama would later became Splinter’s boss for a bit since she got a huge promotion to be his manager (she’s just that girl ✨💵✨)

Were on bad terms for a while but for the sake of the kids learned to be civil with each other so they could healthily co-parent

Yoshi/Draxum (Current)

Started off as just a professional relationship as Yoshi hired Berry to be his personal chef since he was pretty much on his own taking care of the tots and cooking wasn’t really his specialty (spoiler, Berry wasn’t good at it either) and one thing lead to another and somehow Berry just stuck to the Hamatos since the tots saw him as their 2nd dad

They don’t want to label what they got going on but they do be cuddling each other most sometimes in bed

Homosexuals indeed

Yoshi/Dona (Past)

Had a rough introduction at the library after accidentally bumping into her and making her spill her coffee onto her shirt. She didn’t like that at all that it took nearly 2 months for her to forgive him

Started as just library buddies until she invited him out clubbing and then after series of events ended up in a friends with benefits type relationship

They were 30 and 29 when they had Leo and Donnie; Dona would’ve also been 30 if she hadn’t died a month before her birthday :( (yes I’m evil)

A lot of their hangouts consisted of them staying inside Dona’s studio, drink wine or smoke herb and vent about their childhood trauma with Depeche Mode or The Cranberries playing in the background

Yoshi didnt know Dona was pregnant until five months into her pregnancy when she finally confessed to him because she initially didn’t want to keep them but had no choice because she didn’t know she was even pregnant until she suddenly felt really sick and after a trip to the doctors found out she already close to her 2nd trimester already so she couldn’t get an abortion even if she wanted to.

There’s a lot more drama with them but I’ll just reveal that stuff in my future fics

In conclusion. Yoshi just has a thing for pretty and intelligent people who are mean to him and I think he’s so real for that 👍

Foot lieutenant/Foot brute

Met at a underground rock show in New York, (brute made the first move lol)

Moved into a studio together 3 years down the road and dated a year later

Initially took Casey in for a bit when she was 6 due to her and her parents rocky relationship but would officially gain guardianship over her 2 years later she threatened to run away if she went back with her parents

Younger couples included in this AU so far

April/Casey/Sunita

Raph/Mona

Donnie/Kendra

Donnie/Jonathan

Leo/Usagi

Kitsune/Chizu

And that’s pretty much it for now, geez I can’t believe I had this drafted for a whole 4 months :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

[a-big-mess-of-a-person]

Ive been in such a depressed fucking state lately. I'm bored of everything. Nothing I do makes me feel better. I'm bored. Everything I love doing feels like a waste of energy and time and I get bored quickly. The things I do normally when I'm bored aren't working right now. Not even scrolling through Tumblr dot com is helping right now.

I like listening to the rain though. It requires no effort or thought. Listening to the raging storm that's just outside my window. That's nice.

I just want something to hook my interest. Something to make me want more. Something to make me feel like I'm actually enjoying my day and not just wasting it away scrolling through endless streams of content, posted by people just out there doing their best.

Everything feels like too much energy. Everything is boring, uninteresting and meaningless. I just want to feel some semblance of joy right now. Why is life so miserable.

No. Its not Life. I know it's not Life's fault I feel this way. It hit me right after I typed the period on that sentence. I know I cant blame Life. Life didn't do anything wrong, it's not fair for me to blame it. Sorry Life, I didn't mean to take my annoyance out on you. I know you want what's best for me. I know you want what's best for me and I'm upset I can't find it within me to do those things.

Great now I've personified Life. I think I want to be friends with Life, if I'm being honest. Seems like a pretty chill thing. I've now decided that my new friend Life uses it/its/thing pronouns. Life doesn't really have a need for gender or sex really.

I mean. Nothing really needs sex or gender. Plenty of organisms out there can reproduce asexually. So do we really need sex and gender? Yeah it makes the process more convenient and interesting, but do we actually need it? Idk I'm not a biologist. Just a guy who's really fucking bored and depressed.

Oh hey, that's the first time I've referred to myself as a "guy". That's nice.

I think that's nice because I'm pretty sure I'm transgender (ftm) and I just haven't accepted myself yet. Like, I have the capacity to understand that I share many feelings and tendencies with trans guys, but I feel like there's some part of my brain that is still in denial and not accepting of myself. Idk, the little voice in my head who plans out all my sentences as I type them said "I'm just a guy" and it felt nice to hear that... in my own head....

How many voices do you have in your head? I have 3. I can't necessarily prove it, but please just trust me on this, I've spent a lot of time thinking about it.

Theres the voice that is my inner monologue, it just is saying things all the time. I don't control what it thinks. I think. That voice, I call it the upper voice, just thought of that sentence. Then it contradicted itself as I thought "well isn't that voice just me? That's the primary voice. That's just me, right?" And so now im confused. Ok. I do not consciously choose what that voice says. It's the voice that tells the other voice (the middle voice I call it) what to think.

The middle voice is what I tell myself to think. The upper voice thinks out a sentence for it to say and it does that. They can speak at the same time. They do speak at the same time most of the time. I consciously choose what that voice says. I can tell them a part because they feel different when they speak and I can consciously think one thing with the middle voice, and still hear the upper voice narration.

Then there's the front voice. It doesn't speak all the time, just occasionally. It is the voice that says all the things I notice. Like, it is what tells my eyes where to look if upper or middle don't. I'm not completely sure if it exists, but it has a very particular feeling when it does speak. And when it speaks I can't hear it like I can with the others, I just know it's speaking. Nothing can control what front voice says. I can't, upper can't, and middle certainly cannot. I seriously don't even know if it does exist. It's like a kid at school who you know is there, people talk about them, you hear people talking to them in the halls, but you have never had a conversation with them. You know the name, but you don't actually know who they are. It's weird. Front voice is like a presence that I know is there, but I just can't hear or control. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a different part of my brain hiding itself from my conscious mind. The brain can do that. Your brain can repress traumatic experiences so it doesn't affect you. It's like there's a wall between middle and upper voice, and front voice. It's weird.

Sorry. This entire thing is weird. I don't even know what I'm trying to get at. I think I'm just trying to distract myself. I'm so bored. I am so miserable.

Ok I'm really tired. I'm gonna add some stupid tags to this and go to bed.

Nighty night

[this-is-not-a-slow-burn]

"I neeed to creaaaate". But first I must gather.

One of the biggest hurdles to creating things with my hands is the process of gathering supplies. It saps me of the motivation to actually do the thing the supplies are for.

The reasons behind this are probably ADHD and dopamine related, but that's for another post.

But yesterday I had a revelation.

looong post with images under the cut!

TL;DR Make baskets or boxes that have all the supplies you will need for a single type of project, so they can just be picked up and used.

So we all know that being organized can make things easier. But when the ADHD strikes, no amount of organizing can solve the issue completely.

Case in point. All of my art supplies are organized by type. All of the alcohol markers, felt tip markers, fine liners, colored pencils, regular pencils, brush tip pens, pastels, etc are mostly on one shelf (frequently used are in a desktop carousel), all of the paper is organized by type: card stock, (further organized by plain, textured, or patterned, and all are color sorted, etc) blank printer paper, origami paper, velum. Below that are the notebook/pad style art papers, watercolor, sketch, bristol, plus canvases, and sheets of watercolor paper. All adhesives are in one drawer. There is a "idk where the fuck this belongs" drawer with those odds and ends that are important but solo in their class. There are magzine holders full of journals and sketchbooks, reference books

blahblahblah

(those totes in the left cube are not transparent. the table reflection makes them look that way though)

Great! Yay! Hooray! You can find what you need pretty quickly!

:|

Yes. But.

Art making and crafting isn't a mono medium. You see posts that say things like "all you need is a pencil and paper!" and sure yes, that's technically true. However my brain fills in with ....and an eraser, and you need a flat surface, and the paper has to be the right kind, the right size, what kind of sketch is this? what hardness of pencil do you need? Is there enough light in the room? Do you need references?

(yes I even torment myself with the "well akshully" stuff)

The art I make is rife with "parts", like painting (paints, palette, water, brushes, paper towels, surface to be painted on, apron) collage (base medium/substrate, image sources, adhesives for different types of paper, scissors, craft blade) sewing (fabric, shears, needles, thread, buttons, elastic, zippers, velcro, hook and eyes, snaps, ribbon, lace...) , etc.

(I do have most of the printmaking stuff in one container so that's a start...)

what's that saying about how a messy desk is the sign of a creative person?

The process of "shopping" my shelves for what is needed seems to derail any motivation. It feels like maybe my brain is happy with the idea of creating, and that's good enough. Like gathering the stuff is the goal, and having satisfied that, my brain dumps dopamine all over. Which is way less than ideal. (I am very guilty of the "I thought about doing it and am just as satisfied as if I had done it." thing. It's awful.)

SO. Then yesterday, while looking for something else, I came across a wire basket full of the supplies I had gathered to do a sewing project in bed, and I thought, that was so smart. how handy.

And I realized that I could do that with ALL of my supplies! Or at least, make up some project baskets with everything one would need to do that thing, all ready to go. So when an idea comes to mind I can just grab the basket and sit down for some art time, instead of chipping away at the urge one shelf at a time.

I sort of did this with a tackle box style of art tote, and a bunch of collage images, pens, and stickers, but it's not quite there.

(pictured: a halfassed unintentional attempt at this idea. plus a bunch of scraps that were pissing me off and got tossed in "rage")

It will be great for those times when the urge to make something comes up, but not a specific thing, just that "I neeed to creaaaate" blinking neon sign that can be so fleeting. Grab a basket and satisfy the need without distracting faffing about.

Obviously I'm not the first one to ever do this, and pre-school teachers are probably giggling at me for only just now thinking of this, but hey. We all learn at different speeds :p

(Oh, and I promise the fabric and desk will be at least a little bit less messy this weekend :3 )