#idk if a masters degree in this kind of thing would lead me down a viable career path at all but FUUUUCK it would be so cool

[yo9urt]

boys when they remember adult bilingualism and 2nd+ language acquisition

[baeshijima]

so... i finished the new natlan aqs...

spoilers utc w/ very long rambles haha... mainly abt capitano—

first off, wow. i actually did not know what to expect going into this version's aqs, but good lord they were so well-written?? i genuinely cried and sobbed at some parts, namely ororon's realisation where he wants to live for himself and fights to retain his soul and chuychu's death with chasca grieving over her... there were so many amazing aspects in acts 3 & 4, with the fights and cutscenes being so, so well done, the lore bombs (seelies being confirmed to be /past/ angels) and the music??? ohh the osts were so good... and the theme that came up in the capitano scenes.... ourhgghg...

speaking of capitano, may i just say: wow. what a man. i genuinely love his character so much and the writers did him so much justice?? like, he has his own goals and ideals but doesn't let that get in the way of being kind and caring and upholding his honour, and isn't beneath apologising and admitting his mistakes when proven wrong...

another thing i love is his relationship with his subordinates !! like, the concern he showed for them on several occasions and the concern & admiration they have for him is just... so nice to see? idk it just feels so refreshing to see a mutually appreciative dynamic with the fatui especially ;w;; and then his progressive relationship with our main natlan cast... him saving xilonen, not once, but twice (that should've been me—), how he went from being dismissive of ororon to caring for his well-being, his growing respect for mavuika and hers for him, and how he decided to ditch his plan in the end to help be part of mavuika's one.... i am so unwell...

and not to mention that last scene with him???? like sir wdym ronova sent u and u know that mavuika has to pay a debt with her death and that u have a bone to pick with that final for which means u are more than likely to also join us both into the night kingdom for the final fight with the abyss which may or may not lead to u sacrificing urself in mavuika's stead so she doesn't have to die and—

oh lord i am not ready for the future story with him...

ALSO HE IS FROM KHAENRI'AH DURING THE CATACLYSM AND WAS A COMMANDER????

sobbing the pain in his voice when he was relaying how he lost his comrades, family and nation, fleeing to natlan with his remaining platoon once realising khaenri'ah couldn't be saved despite his attempts in hopes of escaping the carnage and giving what was left of himself and his comrades some reprieve only to face the abyss invasion again in natlan...

but oh my god when he was saying how the chief of the masters of the night-wind, ayizu, and how he didn't treat capitano any differently despite being from khaenri'ah and most ppl believing khaenri'ah and its inhabitants to be the cause of the tragedy, thus making himself duty-bound to help natlan ;w;

AND TSARITSA MENTION??? HER ALLOWING THE HARBINGERS THE FREEDOM TO DISCOVER THEIR OWN MEANING AND FOR IT TO TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER HER ORDERS IF THE TIME CALLS FOR IT??? we stan a homie !!

ALSO DAIN MENTION RAAHHHHH

"he carries a degree of pain and hatred that far surpasses my own" oh. so we're going down that route, huh. i see how it is. but also the way he also calls him "dain" ;w;; ueueue also rotting corpse/flesh... i wonder if this is in the literal sense or an abyssal rot/erosion like dain's arm? hm...

okay but now i really want to see how dain reacts to us mentioning capitano, and if he would instantly know who we are referring to since dain knows a lot despite his deteriorating memory, and maybe we might get a capitano name reveal...? also is this us being one step closer to seeing dain in an actual main story aq?? ALSO THE ABYSS SIBLING BEING KHAENRI'AHN ROYALTY CONFIRMATION RAAHHH

anyway before moving on to the heavier parts of the quest have some capitano mavuika interactions bc i love them and their old married couple-esque bickering :((

(also ororon just standing in the middle of them during their squabble like a son and going "can i say something?" 😭)

++ kinich and ajaw being... well... kinich and ajaw.

okay. haha. the war. :)

genuinely was not expecting it to be depicted so... dark? like, i know it's war and that natlan is the nation of war, but with genshin's streak of not going in depth to explicitly show death and the like (though they have been bolder in recent updates, namely fontaine), i wasn't expecting to see literal corpses of the npcs and saurians strewn on the ground after the abyss got stronger, and that whichever area we picked over another would have consequences... the devastation i felt when realising the other area i could have helped was completely wiped out... gosh...

our choices actually having consequences and changing what happens during the war + depending on how long u take to defeat the enemies also heavily impacts the death count??? LIKE WHAT

and then paimon becoming progressively distressed the longer it went on and the more found dead genuinely broke my heart like 😭

and oh god... chuychu's death... chasca momentarily losing control of the abyssal contamination due to grief only to rein it in a moment later.... and then chasca becoming recognised by the ancient name due to it and becoming the final awakened hero... ourgh....

and when walking around the stadium to talk with those who made it back and there's this one baby saurian waiting for its person and saurian friends/family to come back...

LIKE STOP THIS HYV DO U WANT ME TO END IT ALL???? WHY WOULD U INCLUDE THIS BITBKSAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BUT OMG THE CUTSCENE WHERE ALL THE AWAKENED HEROES + MAVUIKA FORMED THE CIRCLE WITH THEIR POWERS GOING TO MAVUIKA AS SHE MAINTAINS THE SUN-LIKE POWER IN THE SKY??? ONLY TO THEN LATER DEAL THE FINAL BLOW TO THE ABYSS STRUCTURE AND PIERCE THROUGH IT AND REVEAL THE FAKE FUCKING SKY????

WHAT THE FUCK????? CONFIRMATION THE SKY IS FAKE AND THAT SCARA ALL THE WAY BACK IN 1.0/1 DURING THE STARS EVENT WAS RIGHT AND THAT POST ACT 4 U CAN STILL SEE MOON FRAGMENTS IN THE SKY????

man. got chills from the war depictions. got chills from the cutscenes. got chills from the fake sky confirmation.

also this was such a cute scene with everyone + mavuika in the distant background that i had to take a screenshot ;w;

but ourgh... the amount of sacrifices we witnessed and were too late to help prevent just really set it in stone just how devastating and powerless it can make u feel... it's only 5.1 and it's gotten this dark just how much darker are u going to take it with the abyss final showdown hyv 😭😭

also capitano feeling admiration for everyone who stood up and fought the abyss...

i am unwell i love him...

now. mavuika.

sobbing i love, love, love her so much !! she was mothering so hard as always like??? taking care of us, being the one to being the light that pulled ororon out of the darkness so he could find his way out (pls don't touch me i sobbed so hard during that entire scene where he realised he didn't want to self-sacrifice anymore but instead live for himself and for those who care for him, thus awakening as one of the heroes... holds him gently...), showing how much she cared for her people...

but it also really puts into perspective just how much she chose to sacrifice and put behind her (her loved ones and her then life) for a chance to be able to finally put an end to the war with the abyss and free natlan...

she was so radiant like the sun that she became one :')

but also...

they brought back the seeing past loved ones mindscape scene... sobs i don't wanna see what happens in the next update bc of mavuika's debt death and capitano's potential sacrifice intervention but at the same time i do 😭😭 (also she was so stunning here i had to take a screenshot aha)

BUT GENUINELY I GREW TO LOVE THE NATLAN CAST SO MUCH??? xilonen, citlali and ororon especially with them being new and i wasn't sure how much i would like them, but oh god i love how they were written and how real they felt with strengths and flaws ;w;;

but also with the drop that paimon will be staying behind while us and mavuika go to the night kingdom for the final battle, her separation anxiety is going to go through the fucking roof good lord... i also predict we will die and get resurrected at some point in our time down their bc... ain't no way are they giving us an ancient name for it to not be used for resurrection in the night kingdom...

anyway it's 4am and i spent like. 2 hours typing this up and i have so much more i could talk about but then this would be neverending so um. haha.

if u read to the end (here) then

1) thank you for reading my nonsensical rambles and cries <33

2) why would u put urself through this?

3) have four cookies for the time spent on this post 🍪🍪🍪🍪

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Just read your post and agree with everything, esp about bad ship theories. One thing you said, kinda stuck out. The voting argument where Jimin went without JK, so therefore they seem to live in different areas. Then does this mean you think Vmin live in different areas? I mean, if they have been together for years, why would they not be living together? IDK, I just always kinda felt Vmin low key live together this whole time, but now your answer has me doubting that. You don't think Vmin do?

Admin 2: Hello anon,

In my reply I will try to convey to you my personal point of view in regard to Vmin and their relationship and in this case, how I see the question of them of living together.

The fact that four BTS members voted at the polling stations of their district shows that not all of them are registered in Hannam in their shared dorm.

We know, and it is no secret, that Taehyung bought an apartment in autumn 2019 in which, as you can see, he also seems to be registered. We know that Hobi and Jungkook bought their apartments at the end of 2018 in the same building and supposedly even on the same floor. Taehyung has posted photos from what looks like his apartment more than once and it is no secret that he owns and stays in this apartment. During some program on TV, one of his Wooga squad friends talked to Taehyung on FaceTime, who seemed to be at home in his apartment and wondered what he should eat.

Of course, there is more information from illegal sources, but we will not touch any of that.

It is known about Jimin and his living situation that his apartments (building) are under renovation.

Ok that's official facts of things we know. However, we do not know what the actual living situation of the individual members looks like.

Actually, all options are theoretically possible, but based on some logical considerations, some arrangements can be deduced. The fact that Taehyung is not registered in the dorm does not mean that he does not live there, or at least that he does not stay for a long time.

Jimin likely being officially registered as living at the dorm does not deny that he could also spend some time at Taehyung’s apartment. Do you understand what I'm going for? However, I exclude that officially Vmin or any couple could officially be live together. We have heard more than once about the obsessiveness of fans, about the stalking of the saessangs, about them occupying whatever buildings BTS are staying at, about the way they even go after the members families to get their hands on any kind of information’s.

Therefore, the best solution for Vmin is that they have access to Taehyung’s apartment. I think that in the dorm, and anywhere else (except for their bedrooms within the dorm), it would be impossible to lead any kind of relationship in peace.

There are all sorts of people at the dorm, their staff (like their managers) have success to the dorm and could just walk in at any time. The mere fact that Vmin (we assume they are a romantic couple) is in a fragile relationship and therefore any kind of leak, so to speak, would lead to a catastrophe. Antis and alike are just waiting for such "interesting" details from the private lives of the BTS members.

I believe that it is not possible to have any romantic relationship in a classic way within the group, and it is completely impossible for two members suspected of a romance to live together. (The same applies to J/k/ok etc.)

However, I am personally convinced that Vmin spends a lot of time together, even if only because they study together for their now master’s degree. I suspect they stay a lot together because Jimin wears Taehyung's clothes (especially his oversized boots) because even after work he was supposed to go to Tae (or Tae to Jimin) during the Billboard H100 # 1 night. We have screenshots of conversations with fans during games where Tae said he had to stop because Jimin had just made ramen, some other time he’d mentioned he was planning on doing something with Jimin the next day etc. Jimin said during Vlive in April 2020 that him and Tae like to go driving at night and many other things.

"Someday, when these cheers die down, stay hey

Stay with me by my side"

And that is also my opinion: A normal relationship will only be possible for Vmin when they are no longer the most famous musicians in the world living in a very conservative Korea, especially since they (and other members as well) still have to go to their military service in the VERY conservative Korean Army. Actual suspicions of a queer relationship within the group could and likely would only endanger the members during their service, just like I previously mentioned in my reply to an ask about Jin’s reaction to Taehyung’s “Jiminah I like you the most”.

I would also like to add some observations and thoughts to members speaking about their situation in life.

I have a strong impression that it doesn't matter so much to the fans whether Namjoon or Yoongi or even Jin live at the dorm or anywhere else.

What obsessive fans care about is where and with whom the maknaes live.

Therefore, I often get the impression that some dialogues, some scenes in RUN or interviews or other shows are shown in such a way that there is some confusion about who with who and confusion about where the maknaes live and whether they live together or not. I may be delulu, but I often get such an impression, especially when it comes to Jimin, that he deliberately says certain things in a way that can be interpreted in multiples ways, or like they mean something, even though likely it doesn’t mean anything at all.

We know Jimin is very private and doesn’t readily share private information’s, so it just seems like he “feeds” obsessive shippers, of whom I’m sure he’s well aware they are listening and just waiting for it, something that really is empty just so they have something to do, like JK saying he wants to make pizza at the end of some RUN episode to which Jimin asked “at home?” which was asked (or at least translated by weverse/vlive) in such a manner that shippers spent the next two weeks discussing what home he meant and if that means they do live together. Because of that, really, Jungkook can keep his privacy, as can vmin, since shippers will hold on to those empty phrases (fanservice) while the members can do whatever they want away from the cameras. Does that make sense? So, in the end, even if it seems like Jimin shared some insight into their living arrangements, we really still know nothing at all about where the maknaes live and with whom. It’s very smart PR and fits with the media training Idols in general seem to receive.

Edit: I read your comments and I want to clarify what I meant with the above part about Jimin, since I really didn’t mean to shift the blame for bad shipper behavior on him in any kind of way: 

I’m sure we’ve all seen bad shippers make the argument that the members that are part of their ship supposedly purposefully say certain things to send them “secret/hidden messages” or “hints” that “only they will understand” which in turn are meant to prove their ships. That’s what I meant by “seems to “feed””, not that he’s purposefully “lying” in their favor or feeding into their weird fantasies, but rather that the vague things he sometimes says, or his occasionally cheeky/teasing comments made in good fun with the other members, are taken by shippers and interpreted in ways to fit their narratives, even if what Jimin says has nothing to do with ships at all, he’s obviously just joking/teasing, or it’s just a vague “empty”/deflective statement to keep private info private. 

In all those cases the blame is on shippers and their bad behavioral habits of twisting the members words instead of listening properly and realizing that Jimin is joking or that what he said isn’t a hint or anything at all.

After all, Jimin said so much, supposedly, and yet we know nothing, not even about him and Taehyung studying together, which was quite literally never mentioned by them. Not even once in passing.

Of course, everything I've written is just my personal opinion and point of view. I could of course be totally wrong.

From anon: I agree that "Feeding the Schipers" isn't the happiest phrase, but I get what is going on. I think what J/m says and how he says it is like fodder for ships. I don't think he's doing it on purpose, however. Definitely not. J/m has this style of teasing, joking and shippers buying it as "secret confessions or notices" but a cool comment in general.

Admin 1: I’d like to quote myself from my asks post yesterday as reply to this ask, since it fits here as well:

Besides, at the end of the day, their living arrangements are not something we are privy to and that we shouldn’t try to figure out either. The members say they still live at the dorm, and if that’s the version they want us to believe, that’s the one I’ll stick to, unless they tell me otherwise.

[crispyjenkins]

Chosen-One!Obi-Wan x Jango where Jaster finds Obi-Wan after he’s lost(somehow lmfao,, idk maybe connecting ships like a connecting flight?) on his was to bandomeer and adopted by a haat’mando’ade advisor of Jasters?

(this would have been out on monday except i rewrote it twice T◡T this is by far the best version i already have a few haat mando’ade Obis so i gave this one a twist (ゝω·) thank you for the prompt, anon! i started planning this one as soon as it came in, i’m so happy to finally be able to get to it (ノ*´◡`) i hope you like it!  i am now inordinately attached to the idea of a wookiee raising obi, and wanted to do so much more with chalmun but it did not work out by rewrite three. someday, friend (๑o﹏o๑)

  When Obi-Wan meets the Mand’alor on Bandomeer, wearing his failures like funeral garb, Jaster calls him Haar Gaanla. The Chosen.

  Obi-Wan never makes it to the Agricorp outpost, he doesn’t even make it out of the spaceport; the moment he steps off the transport from the Temple, the Force all but takes over his feet, humming in happiness as it leads Obi-Wan further and further into the port, until it pulls him to a stop in front of a Nova Courier starship.

  A Mandalorian without a helmet turns around from stocking his cargo hold, and knows from one look that there’s something not quite right about Obi-Wan, that the way the opalescent Force ripples around him is not the way it surrounds others. 

  “Haar Gaanla,” the man says, as the Force whispers Mand’alor, as Obi-Wan says,

  “I’m coming with you.”

  Jaster lets him sleep in his bunk the whole way to Concord Dawn.

-

  When Obi-Wan meets the Journeyman Protector Chalmun, the Wookiee stepping out of his terracotta dugout home on a farmstead that looks like it’s drowning in blooming behot, he calls Obi-Wan Haar Gaanla. The Chosen.

  Obi-Wan smiles around his missing tooth, and calls him buir.

-

  The prophecy of The Chosen One is not specific to the Jedi, Chalmun has heard it all over the galaxy from as many peoples as he has bowcasters — which is to say, a lot. Mandalore has had their own prophecy from as far back as the Taung, and Obi-Wan doesn’t know what that means for him, somehow raised a Jedi first, but Mando’ad now.

  His first night as Chalmun’s foundling, he tells Obi-Wan the story of the Wookiee warrior that carried her people into the trees and showed them the sky, before giving them her bones to build the first treehouse. Her name, Otwiyaddirm, came to mean freedom, choice, and has a variation in all Wookiee tongues. 

  Chalmun tells him more stories like that while he teaches him how to farm and how to grow, how to care for the behot leaves that are their main income, but also the root vegetables planted at the bushes’ base. Master Tyvokka spoke Shyriiwook when Obi-Wan was in the Temple, but Obi-Wan’s crèchemaster was one of his apprentices, and she taught their whole clan Xaczik instead, partly just to piss her old master off.

  Obi-Wan knows the Force likes to mess with him, lead him to believe one thing before spinning him 540º to another answer entirely, so he knows there is very little in his life that the Force does not have a hand in; that Chalmun speaks Xaczik rather than the far more common Shyriiwook? Well, it’s not as if Obi-Wan is surprised.

  Before Jaster, Obi-Wan had only interacted with one Force user that was not a Jedi, a Zebraki woman that had come to study the architecture of the Coruscant Temple. Obi-Wan had snuck out of bed and was on the run from Master Oraruu when the Zabrak had found him and crouched in front of him — she called him Uifri with a sort of fond awe, and walked him back to the crèche with an impossibly gentle hand in his. Knight Kolar told him later that the closest word in Basic is Chosen.

  Master Plo had called him ‘a lantern in the Force’ when he first brought Obi-Wan to the temple, and the description stuck far into his initiate days. Quinlan would tease him about it, saying he ran a few degrees hotter than other humans, because to Quinlan, he was warmth more than light.

  So Obi-Wan isn’t unused to epithets and comparisons and whispered names in languages he doesn't speak, but he doesn’t know what to do with himself when his new buir starts to affectionately call him Otwiyaddirm, just as often as he calls him cub.

  It certainly confuses Jaster’s foundling the first few times the Mand’alor checks in on Obi-Wan and brings Jango along, who despite being a few years older than Obi-Wan and Haat Mando’ad to boot, can’t pronounce Obi-Wan’s Xaczik name and instead just calls him Nau’ika. Little Light. 

  Even after Jango learns Obi-Wan has a name in Basic, the nickname stays, because though his midichlorian count is lower than even Jaster’s, Jango can still see his light in the Force. Mando’a doesn’t have a word for the sorts of open-flame lanterns Master Plo had referred to, but Jaster says he thinks Nau’ika suits them just fine. 

-

  “Can you feel it?”

  Jango looks up from the stone wash basin outside by the greenhouse, where Jaster had assigned the two of them to wash tubers for thirdmeal, but he finds Obi-Wan resolutely focussed on the blue tuber he’s scrubbing. He’s rolled the sleeves of his red linen shirt up past his elbows, arms toned from working the farmstead, and Jango has half a mind to be amused by Montross’ insistence that Journeyman Protectors and their clans simply can’t compete with Supercommandos — Montross has obviously never seen the size of the sacks of behot leaves Obi-Wan and Chalmun regularly sling from the barn to their speeder.

  “Feel what?” Jango asks, while Obi-Wan works at a particularly stubborn spot of dirt with his reed scrubber. 

  Obi-Wan doesn’t answer immediately, but his expression is relaxed and thoughtful, so Jango doesn’t press, just waits quietly at his side. He had grown in leaps and bounds under Chalmun’s careful rearing, strong and smart and kind, and he looks almost nothing like the tiny Jedi imp that Jango had met six years before. 

  His hair is redder now, baked under Concord Dawn’s blue sun until it’s almost copper in the summers. Farmer-tanned skin is spattered with freckles and blemishes where he had been pale as a wampa in a snowdrift when Chalmun had first taken him in; Arla had been like that, too, and something in Jango aches.

  “Me.”

  Jango blinks, quickly returning to his own scrubbing when he realises he had been staring. “You? Oh, you mean the light thing?” Obi-Wan nods once. “Of course I can, everyone above Force-null can.”

  His relaxed expression tightens, lips pressed thin as the water in the basin moves preternaturally. “Everyone keeps saying that,” he says softly, “even the other Sensies here think I’m special.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  Obi-Wan shrugs, pushing his hair out of his face with the back of his wrist; it still leaves water running down his forehead, and Jango’s brain short circuits, just a little. “I don’t know. The Jedi certainly didn’t think so.”

  “And we’re supposed to care what those shabuire think?” Jango scoffs. “They must be even better at sticking their heads in the ground than I thought, if even the children couldn’t feel you.”

  “Wouldn’t they have wanted me if they did?”

  Ah, well, perhaps Jango should have expected this.

  He can count the number of times Obi-Wan has talked about his time in the Temple on one hand, despite Jaster checking in on him every few months for the last six years. He’s said that his destiny was not with the Jedi in this iteration of the universe, that he knows the Force had not led him astray, and Jango knows he’s genuinely happy here with Chalmun and the Mando’ade, but he also understands that line of thought.

  “Would you go back to them if they asked?”

  Obi-Wan finally looks at him, wide-eyed. “What? Of course not.”

  “Then does it matter knowing what they thought back then, when you don’t care what they think now?” Jango takes the tuber from Obi-Wan’s hand and drops it in the drying basket with the rest, before pulling the stone stopper from the bottom of the basin to drain the water into a pipe that would take it to the reprocessing tank to be reused in watering the fields. “I’m Haat’ad, Nau’ika: I know droidshit about the Force and Force users, and even less about this prophecy nonsense our buire seem to think is important.” He hefts the basket onto his hip and waits for Obi-Wan to hang the scrubbers over the side of the basin to lead them back to the dugout house; he kicks open the door and holds it with his foot for Obi-Wan to duck past him. “I just know you don’t feel like anything else in the galaxy, that people will always want to take advantage of that power, and that you are far safer all the way out here than in the Core.”

  Their conversation falls off as they remove their shoes to join Jaster and Chalmun in the kitchen, and though Obi-Wan doesn’t bring it up again that night –or any time after– Jango knows he thinks about it still.

-

  When Jango’s starcruiser drops out of the sky over Concord Dawn, crashing into the behot fields and cutting a furrow of flying dirt and flowers right across the farmstead, Obi-Wan is already calling on the Force, oily-black and opalescent and warm, to drag Jango from the wreckage. Obi-Wan wraps it heavy around the both of them, as he kneels in bloody, screaming mud with Jango’s head on his shoulder, as he holds his hand heavy, warm, oil-slick against Jango’s throat until his dead pulse jumps underneath his palm. 

-

Mand’alor —  “Sole ruler”, contended ruler of Mandalore. Haar Gaanla — “The Chosen”, fan creation for a Mandalorian Chosen One myth behot — an herb with a citrus taste and mildly stimulating properties, most often infused into shig, a Mandalorian beverage used similarly to caf buir/e — “parent/s”, gender neutral  Haat Mando’ad/e — lit. “true children of Mandalore”, True Mandalorians (slang shortened to Haat'ad/e)  Nau’ika — “Little light”, nickname for this specific Obi, which becomes new Mando’a slang for open-flame lanterns shabuir/e — an extreme insult, mostly accepted in fandom to be an insult of an individual’s ability to parent (from buir), which is an intrinsic part of Mandalorian psyche and identity  Uifri — “Chosen”, Zabraki (found with this translator) Otwiyaddirm — name meaning “Choice”, “Freedom”, Xaczik (made by combining names with this generator; myth is my own)

*my understanding is that blue suns supporting planet life is impossible, but i raise you: rule of cool. and does concord dawn even have a blue sun in disney or legends canon? i dunno, but you can’t stop me*

[gambitimagines]

J’Tadore Vous Part 4

0_o Inspiration was hard to find, so sorry this took soooo fraking dang long!! Writer’s block and life just got in the way.

Augh. Edit: I am truly an old soul. I wanted Y/N to actually write things down on paper at first and then I was like, no, that’s not what a millennial or someone actually living in this time period would do (Unless they’re me or a Boomer I guess?? IDK). I am not obsessed with my phone like other people (it can’t call out, for one thing, and can’t play Pokemon Go either. Long story), so I still use pen and paper for a lot of things. 

Warnings: Mentions of the Holocaust, nothing graphic. You drink wine.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next day, you were preoccupied wondering how the date would pan out. You were excited, but also achingly curious to know all about Remy’s life. He’d given you enough information to clear up the mystery, but you wanted to know what he’d done with life over the centuries. You hadn’t gotten a degree in history because you hated it, that was certain! You’d always had a passion for it, and to have a living, breathing first hand account in front of you was absolutely mind-blowing. You were counting the seconds until the date.

That wasn’t to say you weren’t attracted to Remy as a person. You very much were. Surely, this was going to be a long term romantic relationship. You didn’t have any idea of how long or what it would all lead to. (Certainly no one thought about marriage on the first date!) Remy, for his part, had to see something more in you than being cute and sweet. He probably enjoyed your intelligence, you figured, and that you could hold a conversation. Some girls only thought about shopping and not much else. You’d never been the shallow type.

You busied yourself with house cleaning, writing down your questions for Remy in your phone that you thought of as you went along. What did he do during the Holocaust? What were his thoughts on the sinking of the Titanic when it happened? Did he ever meet Helen Keller? 

Your mind buzzed so hard, you were vacuuming for a solid five minutes before you realized it had shut off on it’s own.  You turned the machine over after unplugging it, fussing with the wheelie-brush on the underside, feeling around for a stuck piece of crumpled paper or something, but feeling nothing. You let out a groan, realizing you’d have to take it in to be repaired.  You put the vacuum next to the door so as not to forget about it when your phone rang. 

It was your friend Judy. “Girl, where have you been?! I haven’t heard from you in two weeks!” She was practically shrieking on the other end. Judy was excitable, small Korean-American young woman around your age. She’d graduated with a master’s degree in art and culinary art and ran a studio out of her apartment selling crafts and paintings, doing part time work in a bakery. She’d been your best friend since you moved to New York, meeting at the local farmer’s market that came to Brooklyn on the weekends.

“Sorry Judy. I’ve been pre-occupied,” you answered, “Work and stuff.”

“And stuff, huh? What kind of stuff? Man stuff? Meet anyone interesting?” She was always curious about your dating life. 

“Yes, um, very interesting,” you answered, “He’s...an art procurer.  We met at the museum. His name is Remy.”

“Oooh! What’s he look like?!” Judy squealed.

“Tall, well-kempt brown hair, great jawline and cheekbones you could cut a diamond on,” You didn’t want to downplay it, “He’s a mutant, so he’s got these kind of...you know...eyes.” You weren’t sure how to describe them.

“Yes, I hear most people have those,” Judy’s smarminess rang through loud and clear.

“Red irises, like rubies. Black where other people have white,” You explained, “Beautiful eyes.”

“You sound smitten,” Judy said, “How many dates have you been on already?”

“Well, none yet,” You said, launching into how you went to his house, leaving out the whole world’s-oldest-mutant stuff.

“Super cool. Listen, I gotta go. My painting finally is dry. I’ll call you in a few days or something. Bye.” Judy said.

“Bye,” You hung up the phone and got back to chores. Shortly, you picked up your phone again to write down another question. Would Remy mind meeting your best friend?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Time wore on and you waited anxiously for Remy to come by for you with a car and driver. This wasn’t going to be like the other kinds of dates you’d had before.

The driver promptly picked you up at 6 pm on the dot. You knew to make Remy wait ten minutes, finishing getting ready and making him want you a little more. You wore a glittering spaghetti strap black dress that stopped just above the knee and a silver shawl (also glittery). The dress was a little early 2000s, but it was one of the few nice things you owned that was designer label. Faux pearl earrings and a simple silver chain completed the look.

 The driver opened the door of a beautiful Rolls Royce, letting you inside.

“Good evening, Miss Y/N.” Remy drawled as you slid your way into the car, “You look better than all the Queens and Duchesses in history. Elegant and refined.”

You laughed so hard you almost snorted. “Don’t! I’m sure I look nice, but I’m not that amazing.”

“Humble and intelligent,” Remy mused, “You manage to make me more taken with you every moment.”

It was long drive to the restaurant. You stuck to “safe” topics, even though you were dying to ask him important questions. 

“Cherie, you’re beating around the bush. Ask me whatever it is you want to,” Remy smiled, seeing through your politeness.

“Uh, okay? What were you doing during the Titanic sinking? How did you handle the Holocaust?”

“I was doing what everyone else was doing, living life. I wasn’t even in England at the time, and wouldn’t have been interested in a ticket. As for the Holocaust, no one person was going to stop that, mutant or not. I did what I could to get people out and ruin a few concentration camps, but it’s not a memory I like to re-live.” Remy explained.

“Sorry,” You apologized.

“It’s long past, don’t worry. As long as I don’t dwell on it it’s not triggering. So, Cherie, what does a girl like you like to eat?” Remy smiled, his brilliant million dollar dazzler.

You told him your favorite foods and restaurants. 

“I see. I’ll have to cook for you some time. I make a great Jambalaya and dirty rice.”

You soon reached the restaurant after about fifteen more minutes. It was worth the wait.  It was a glass building on the West side of New York, surrounded by skyscrapers, with three levels. sign out front read La Sirene. There was enough space for a tiny parking lot, but that was all.  

 https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=AQgt0jkL&id=7791E3555B3A74E1ADA373E5568296CB6A49FC11&thid=OIP.AQgt0jkLgp4A_d-uMSlTbwHaFi&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fd37219swed47g7.cloudfront.net%2fmedia%2freviews%2fla-sirene%2fbanners%2fLa-Sirene-NYC-Restaurant_0.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR.01082dd2390b829e00fddfae3129536f%3frik%3dEfxJasuWglblcw%26pid%3dImgRaw%26r%3d0&exph=2291&expw=3060&q=la+sirene+restaurant&simid=608039744327669396&FORM=IRPRST&ck=D50E2BF60FECF3D821C98B4479543E0E&selectedIndex=1&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0

Inside was beautiful, but compact for the first floor. The floor was wooden and the place was dotted with white table cloths and black wooden chairs. At the back was a small wine rack and the door to the kitchen, along with a black host stand. The entrance was just more tables and chairs and a gorgeous staircase on the right side leading up to whatever was upstairs.

“That leads up to the bakery, if you’re so inclined,” Remy whispered in your ear, causing your spine to shiver. You hadn’t mentioned how much you loved baked goods and the like to him, so he was pretty intuitive. He lead you back to the host stand.

“Ah, Monsieur LeBeau! So nice having you again!” An average height man with a receding black hairline greeted him with a big smile, “Where would you and your guest like to be seated? Upstairs or downstairs?”

“Which do you want, Cherie?”

“Upstairs would be fine,” You smile, getting excited.

“Very good, Ma’amselle,” The host nodded, leading you there himself. You got a table in the middle of the floor. The upper floor was laid out similarly to the downstairs, except the door to the back was metal and you had a skyline view looking out the window.

“What can I get you started with to drink?”

“Chateau Latour, the red. Miss Y/N? Wine or water or...?” Remy said.

You looked at the wine menu and the drinks menu. The wine menu started at three-hundred and ended at five-thousand dollars. You certainly didn’t want to turn down generosity, so you picked a “modest” six-hundred dollar wine that looked good, described as fruity with a hint of smokiness.

“Maison Champy Corton-Charlemagne, please.”

“Excellent choice,” The host nodded, “Your waiter will be with you shortly.” He left you.

“You’ve got good taste,” Remy admitted, “Most would’ve gone with something more unique. You get what you like.”

“Thank you,” You played with your hair nervously.

“Have you had French food before?” Remy questioned gently.

“No,” You resisted making an obvious frogs legs joke.

“I’ll help you pick out something to your taste,” He scooted his chair closer and you went through the menu together, sitting intimately close. You talked about where your tastes ran, if you liked bitter, sweet or savory foods. Based off that, Remy listened and gave you a few suggestions. You decided on something you thought you’d enjoy and Remy completely reassured you that you could send anything back you didn’t like until finding something you did. The restaurant lived to serve and didn’t want to see any patron unhappy or unsatisfied.

“I usually get the Kassulet Toulousain de la Maison or the Linguini aux fruits de mer, depending on my mood and the season. The steak is also excellent,” Remy said, “Let’s keep the conversation going, shall we?”

You took a quick look at your notes with your phone under the table.  “Um,  Where did you live before America was founded? Did you get to meet Columbus? And have you met any of history’s great movie stars or figures? I know you saved the Queen of England once.”

Remy took a moment to think back. “Hmm, let’s see. After Egypt fell, I spent my time in Israel, Greece and the surrounding areas. Once England was established, I stayed there for a few decades. I spent most of my time in Europe and got curious about America around the late eighteen hundreds. After stopping the ripper inspired killings, I  bounced around the continents and by the seventies, I stayed in America for good. I lived in every state at least once until the eighties, then I picked New York to call home. I only got to meet Columbus briefly. If I’d known how important he was going to be to History, I would’ve spend more time with him. You might not believe me, but I had a very secret fling with Marilyn Munroe and I was Cher’s rebound boy for a while after Sunny. Dolly Parton loved me like a brother, we hung out, but I haven’t seen her since before she was famous. Clark Gable and Carey Grant didn’t like me much, but I was what we now call Jimmy Stewart’s wingman. I introduced him to his wife.”

“S-so you spent a lot of time in Hollywood?” You couldn’t hide your surprise.

“In the early days. I blended in, hiding in plain sight, but it got boring fast. It just seemed like the place to be, but it wasn’t for me at all. I haven't been back there since...about the early nineties.”

“Gotcha. The fall of the Berlin wall? The Moon landing?”

“Amazing to see in person. Mon ange, you know I wasn’t the only person alive back then,” Remy laughed.

“I knowww! But you’re one of the few people with a first hand account that won’t fall asleep on me or start ranting about how the internet ruined everything,” you huffed, “Remy, come on, humor me. I’m a history buff and you’re living history. You were there for the majority of it.” You didn’t mind him calling you his angel. (You knew bits of French from high school and had done some brushing up lately.)

“Je concède, Je concède,” he held up his masculine, beautiful hands, “I really have my hands full with you, Y/N. I don’t mind answering questions as long as I get to stare into those gorgeous orbs you call eyes for the rest of our evening.” He held your chin a moment, studying your face.

You weren’t sure what to think, but you didn’t reject the advance at all. Remy was a warm, romantic soul who was gentle with you.

Your food soon came and the two of you enjoyed a hot meal and good company. “Oh, I was wondering if you’d want to meet my friend Judy? She’s an artist and my best friend.” You said halfway through.

“That wouldn’t be Judy Nai, would it? I’ve seen her work. Her gallery is amazing. Her five times great grandfather was also a spectacular artist and sculptor,” Remy said.

“Yes. Wow, you get around, don’t you?”

“If there’s a gallery in New York, I’ve been to it, even the lesser known ones and the ones just starting out. Tell her I liked her Moon Phase and Francis in Autumn pieces the best,” Remy’s eyes lit up, “I would’ve bought them both, but the curator insisted they weren’t for sale. I’ll have to commission something from her, if she’s up for it.”

“She’d be thrilled,” You smile.

You finished up dinner, had a short bathroom break and came back.

“Are you interested in dessert or what?” Remy looked up from the dessert menu.

“I’d love dessert,” You touched Remy’s hand, ready to return his romantic interest and start sweeping him off his feet. Not that you considered yourself a big flirt, but you knew how to turn it on and off, “How does an immortal say ‘you’re fascinating and wholly attractive’ in French?”

Remy paused, smiling, dimples showing as his eyes darted to the floor. He scoffed a moment, enjoying being pursued, “...Vous êtes fascinant et tout à fait attrayant.”

You stared at each other until you looked away, smiling hard.

Dessert came and went. You’d suddenly become too interested in each other to really care about what was on your plate. The sparks had more than started to fly, they were now brilliant fireworks.

Remy took you downstairs and back to the car. The driver opened the door and you slipped in together.

Remy slid a hand over your forearm, holding it. He held your face, going in for what seemed more than a kiss. It was nearly life-changing, making your knees buckle and the butterflies storm up your insides. More than the best movie kiss or romantic book could offer. You felt Remy’s hand play up your side from your arm until he was holding your face with both hands. You couldn’t even feel the car in motion, but your head was spinning all the same. You swallowed, trying to catch air. All too soon, the kiss was broken.

“Sorry. I don’t usually kiss on the first date...and not like that,” Remy admitted, “I haven’t felt like this in a long time. A long, long time, ange.”

“Uhh, same. I...you’re an amazing kisser...but you would be after millennia of getting to practice,” You giggled.

“Of course. Y/N, you’re a beautiful amazing woman, but I won’t take this farther than you want to go. We can go as slow or fast as you like, but I won’t force you into anything. No matter how  captivating and perfect your legs are...and the rest of you,” Remy’s red eyes looked at you with a hunger usually reserved for dogs and the starving. He looked like he wanted to drool over and compliment your curves for hours. You’d never had such attention from any former boyfriend, but you appreciated he wanted to keep things a little chaste and normal. Save some of that enthusiasm for the possible honeymoon. (If you had your way and he was this intent on being with you, that was definitely in your future, you decided.)

“Thanks....thank you,” You adjusted your clothes, “We’ll see how it goes. I’m not in a rush, but I feel things for you too, believe me. When was your last, er, girlfriend anyway?”

“Somewhere around Ninety-five when I stopped being in the public so much,” Remy shrugged, “She broke it off. Said I was being too distant. She didn’t know the half of it. Beautiful Lawyer...Anna-Susan Murphy, I believe.”

“We’ve got the rest of my life to be together,” You squeezed his hand, “And I’m going to enjoy every second of it.”

“D’accord, Cherie.” Remy smiled.

----------

TO BE CONTINUED

(Yes, there’s gonna be MORE! I’ve got plans.)

I find the lack of friends in imagines disturbing, lol, so I gave you one.  Yes, La Sirene is a real restaurant in Soho, west side, with it looks like other locations. like I said, I don’t live in NYC and I’ve never been to that restaurant (it’d probably suck for me for lack of vegetarian options) but it sounded sophisticated enough for the plot and the inner décor is gorgeous. Took some liberties and made the outside my own, adding another floor that likely doesn’t exist in real life with a bakery, and bumped up the price for the wine, but that’s all. Also, just guessing that’s the host stand in the back of the picture? Most of us haven’t been to a restaurant in a year and half so like...IDK? Whatever! More on the menu here if you’re in the area and can afford it, but looks like they only do delivery right now. https://www.theinfatuation.com/new-york/reviews/la-sirene

https://lasirenenyc.com/

I am amused to insert Remy into history and would love to see him dating Cher for the lulz. And heck yeah he could’ve gotten Marilyn, no doubt. XD

Hope it wasn’t too dry or boring?? Also, got a bit steamy there (intentionally, because I know what everyone wants, but I keep it PG-13 at most), but I DID promise Remy getting more like his regular self, did I not? 

[dirtyrottenraskel]

my take on yueki's personalities

yue 

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af) 

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot 

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals 

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF 

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess 

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick 

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with 

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc) 

suki

notes / personality 

extroverted 

also very strategic 

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right 

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists 

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot 

always ends up in the oddest situations 

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc 

dedicated to her training and her regime 

not a great cook, but she can manage 

would drink monsters 

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead 

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking 

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless 

tough/assertive/woman of action 

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless 

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <>  man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!! 

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice 

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire 

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together 

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed 

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans 

green and yellow and dark red 

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements 

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity 

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders 

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability 

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans 

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot 

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks 

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her 

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO 

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute 

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do 

they travel EVERYWHERE 

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person 

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them 

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom 

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations 

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy 

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive 

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[cancerbiophd]

Hey! I’m sure this is a question you get asked a lot but how did you decide that a PhD was for you? I’m about to enter the last year of my undergrad and have really enjoyed the lab work I’ve done previously but it feels like a rather large commitment when I’m not 100% sure I’m going to end up in research at the end of it. I was just wondering how you knew it was what you wanted to do!

Hello!

I actually have never been asked that question before, which was surprising for me too. I get a lot of “how did you know lab research was right for you”, but never specifically about how I knew a PhD was right for me (or maybe I did and I just didn’t answer it well), so I’m really glad you asked!

As you said, it really does come down to answering yes to both these statements: 

The career path I want is best accomplished with a PhD

I am willing to commit to the challenging journey of 5-6 years of grad school (+1-3 years of being a post-doc, if applicable to your field)

So here are the reasons how I knew getting a PhD was the best past for me:

I loved research. And I loved research beyond just doing benchwork--I loved the brainstorming, the experimental design, the analyzing of results, the troubleshooting of the unexpected, the dissecting of both broad and fine details as you solve a puzzle, the moment when you realize you just discovered something no one else has ever seen before, and communicating those exciting results. I was infatuated. When I was working as a lab tech in a cancer research lab after undergrad there were nights where I couldn’t sleep because my brain just would not stop brainstorming new ideas and questions about my research. I told that to a current grad student in the lab at the time and he was like “You know what that means? You have the mind of a grad student.”

And I wanted to broaden my skillsets. I could do a few techniques really well, but I really wanted to learn more, and I also wanted to learn more about those techniques--why do this, and not an alternative? What would happen if we tried this? I wanted to explore more. 

Going off of that, I wanted to keep learning. And not just looking up wikipedia articles by myself; I wanted formal training (because I had no idea what I needed to learn). And I’ve always been good at learning in a classroom setting so I knew I would excel at that part in grad school. 

It would lead me to the career path I wanted, which was to work at a biotech company as a leader of a research team and then become a consultant. True, a PhD is not required for that in many cases, but a PhD would better prepare me for those roles

I enjoyed writing and orally communicating about my research. PhD’s do metric ton of writing (grants, papers, reports, etc) and oral presentations (conferences, meetings, collaborations, etc). And I really enjoyed (and was good at) all that. 

I wanted to be in a position where I could lead and mentor. As someone with the highest degree in the room, institutions look to the PhDs for direction. So PhDs will become leaders--whether it’s a lab of their own in academia, or a team in an industry setting, etc. Even grad students have undergrads, or have to TA. And I was ready for, and wanted, all that. 

I was good at wearing a lot of hats. PhDs don’t just do a singular task; during grad school we learn to be versatile (you have to be in an academic lab setting), and that versatility carries through later as we become excellent multitaskers and are good at adapting to new challenges. And as someone who has always successfully juggled school and work and multiple extracurriculars, and had experience being a rockin lab manager (in the lab I worked in after undergrad), I knew I was up to it. 

I loved working by myself but I also loved working as a team--and that’s a necessity for research in general, even for non-PhDs, but PhDs are more likely to have to excel at both. 

I was mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially ready for the challenges and commitment of 5-6 years of grad school (plus 1-3 years of being a post-doctoral fellow, if applicable). Grad school is tough as balls, and you have to be just as tough, or at least have the resources to help you. I took a gap year of 2.5 years after undergrad to a) figure out what the heck I wanted to do/get research experience and b) mature to the point where I could be ready for something like grad school. I feel that working as a full-time lab tech really allowed me to immerse myself into the closest setting of a grad student in my field as possible. Being there 40 hrs/week really is different than when you’re an undergrad researcher popping in for 2 hours/day. I also took a grad-level class to see if I could mentally balance class and research. I know that’s obviously not an option available to everyone (nor is it necessary), but that’s just how I knew that every part of me could handle the rigors of grad school. 

Going off of that, I had a lot of grit and discipline. Sometimes that’s all you have left to get you through the day in grad school when everything else feels depleted. Grad students do a lot of things they’re not motivated to do, but we gotta get it done anyway, and sometimes grit is all we have to make our limbs move. 

PhD holders and PhD students at the time were telling me I’d be great at pursuing one. They know better than anyone what it takes, and they knew I was ready. 

Also dang, I’d be lying if I said money didn’t play a role in it. I graduated college in 2011 during the grand ol recession, and the job market stunk. I saw that options for biology majors were slim to none (I was extremely lucky to have found my lab tech job), so I knew I had to either wait it out until the job market bounced back, or make myself a more attractive candidate for the workforce, or both! (Let’s not talk about the economy during Covid lol). Also, the thought of making over 100k with a PhD was attractive. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, but money does buy happiness, because money buys food and a roof over your head and warm clothes and healthcare and hobbies so uh, yeah, I did get the highest degree possible partially for the money. 

So why not a Masters? That’s a good question!! And the truth is: I didn’t know I could accomplish most of what I wanted with a Masters. And that was my fault for not doing my own research, but I think I was just.. surrounded by PhDs (both in my academic lab setting and in my family) and the thought of doing a Masters never really occurred to me. Also, idk, I knew in my heart and in my bones I wanted a PhD, so I’m not sure if I would be happy with a Masters. 

Lastly, because this list is personal to me, getting a PhD would get me off my mom’s shit-list and end her endless emotional abuse towards me being worthless, etc. Long story, but yeah, it did factor into it as kind of a bonus point. 

So thar’s my spiel.  

One last thing I want to add: though continuing research is the most common career path for PhD holders, it’s not the only one. Here’s what else is available for PhDs (from the book Career Opportunities in Biotechnology and Drug Development by Toby Freedman)

If the image is hard to see, there are 4-ish main branches, and then some sub-branches (and even more specialized sub-branches that aren’t labeled):

R&D: Discovery research, preclinical research, bio/pharmaceutical product development, project management, clinical development, regularly affairs, medical affairs

Services: Recruiting, law, venture capital & banking, management consulting

Operations: Bio IT, quality, operations

Commercial Operations: Business development, corporate communications, product support, sales, marketing

And that’s just in the industry sector--academia, government, and non-academia/non-govt research institutions are also obviously available as career choices, though those would focus more on R&D (and also teaching). 

You obviously don’t need to know the specifics of your career path before committing to grad school, but I think you should have a general idea that what you want to do would best be accomplished with a PhD. 

If you’re still on the fence, I would advise:

Talking to more grad students or degree holders--both PhD and Masters (our Gradblr Discord is great for that!)--to paint a bigger picture.

Informational interviews are also great, especially if you’re interested in learning more about those career paths above. 

You can also explore the field a bit more in-person by starting off with a Masters (less time commitment than a PhD, though more expensive), or an entry-level research job like I did. 

Best of luck! 

[jasontoddiefor]

Okay you're my go to person for weird thoughts. So you know how luke tried to revive the jedi order? Was he just allowed to collect force sensitive kids and teach them the five days of training he got or did someone force him to like. Get a teaching degree. Did ahsoka help in any way? Did she force him to go to teacher school to get a degree in teaching? Seriously is luke qualified to teach a bunch of kids a religion and a sword club.

Anon you’re my absolute fave person bc your “weird” thoughts give me an excuse to ramble about my thoughts without feeling like I’m just throwing them in the void so please keep those thoughts coming.

And this house knows parts of canon, but acknowledges even less so say goodbye to the sequels and legends because I Have Opinions.

First of, I think that Luke gets Ahsoka, Ezra & Cal on board with his Skywalker-Amidala charm and stubbornness. Canon, give me the forbidden Luke meeting other Jedi content. He’s not gonna revive the Order on his own, he needs people (and Leia is getting training too ofc bc she deserves a lightsaber but she’s also a little more busy with politics). So, yes, he has help.

Next - and I apologize in advance bc I’m going super off tangent here but it’s kinda necessary and also nobody can stop me - Luke got them all assembled and he kind of assumes they’re really organizing it all as equals while the others are quite happy to have him be the official representative/head of the Order. It takes a while for that particular realization to settle in - I picture something like a person calling him the leader and he wants to protest but everybody else just goes along with it. (He does protest in the aftermath of the talk because all of them have more real training than he, but Ezra doesn’t want to be in charge, Cal doesn’t think he’s up for the job and Ahsoka thinks that if they are starting anew, somebody from the old generation shouldn’t lead. And Luke already Has A Reputation.) So, Luke gets put in charge.

Now to get to the kids rebuilding the Jedi Order!

Okay, so. How do you even go about starting up your new Order? I imagine they start with the people that are already there and are Force-sensitive. So you have Rebels there, people their age or even older and teenagers, whoever has the ability and wants to learn. (I just really want Luke to take a look at a pilot he’s been flying with and go “okay your reflexes are way too good for you to not have the Force” and that’s how he gets his first student.)

They settle on Yavin IV bc it has canon ties and I freaking love that place it looks so cool. Also there is no evil Sith Spirit because I Have Spoken. And like, they might be rebuilding the Order, but they still need people to keep that place running and those that come to train, don’t come on their own. Luke was saved because of his ties to his father, he wouldn’t separate families. So you probably start out with a Rebel base that’s not an active combat base, but hmm maybe they put a hospital here? A refugee camp as well? Anyway, there are people and that means jobs and point is - this new Order isn’t isolating itself and there is a growing community.

So any kids that become Jedi, are likely being raised by their parents and the community as well! And it’s not like any of the Jedi here can teach basic biology. Therefore they might just drop “the Jedi subjects” in-between normal school lessons and work. You can’t rebuild from nothing, you need a community. And if you work in that community, you pick up on things. So The Squad might not get teaching degrees but you learn while interacting with children. I’m studying to become a teacher rn and I haven’t had many didactic classes so far, but I’m also doing afternoon classes for primary school kids and the more you interact with children, the more you figure out how to teach them.

And in the panic that is bound to hit at least Ezra and Luke, they might download teaching manuals from the holonet.

(”’Teaching with games’? Think we can have them throw balls at each other with the Force?”

“Idk, Yoda’s training was kind of more focused on how to not die when you meet Vader and I was more concerned with surviving. Hey, Ahsoka, Cal is that how you did it-”)

But that is also more about how you teach and less what you teach. I mean, nobody thought you could come back from the darkside but guess what! Luke and his compassion proved the opposite! And none of them ever got the full Jedi training. Imagine Cal coming home one day like “Hey so I found this holocron, did you know about *starts going off about obscure knowledge none of them have ever heard about*”. And Force ghosts! How that worked and that they existed also wasn’t common knowledge while Luke probably assumes that is just a thing Jedi know. So, really, they are figuring their new tenets out themselves as well. And there is no 1-on-1 teaching because there aren’t enough even semi-trained Jedi for that.

Would anybody ask them for their Credentials? Maybe. But also, like, this community starts with people they already know. Word gets around. Cal helps set up a garden by decimating the offending trees with his lightsaber. These don’t stay mysterious magical Jedi for long, they get humanized. And if the Mandalorian has taught us one thing, it’s that untrained strong Force-sensitive kids are dangerous. So people might just be happy there is someone who knows what to do when your kid starts levitating their toys.

TLDR Step 1 is setting up a base and trial-and-error based communal teaching without actually going out into the galaxy to find Force-sensitive people.

Now imagine you got that down. They go out to find Force-sensitive people/children or they might also, with their growing reputation, get children dropped on their doorstep. So they are now directly responsible for children that do not have any other guardians. Some might get adopted into the community but otherwise? Congrats, you’re a parent Jedi Master. And because screw the First Order - my OT people get a happy ending, Yavin is not only the home of the budding Jedi Order but also a place to recover, heck they might have a city starting to really take off, so imagine when the Alliance finds a bunch of kids to be indoctrinated into Stormtroopers, they might just... drop them there. And if one or two are Force-sensitive, that means they are exactly where they belong! (Yes, you caught me, I just want Jedi Finn.) Bonus points if the kids pick their own last names or like, just take the name of the moon or, even better, the last names of the Jedi already running around.

So this is a very long-winded way of saying that I think the first years of this new Order are less schooling in a typical institutional setting and a lot more communal and family-orientated raising children in general with the result that Luke has a mug that says Galaxy’s Greatest Dad Jedi Master, a birthday gift given to him by one of the kids that never fails to make Han laugh at him.

TLDR Neither Luke, nor Ezra or Cal or Ahsoka have teaching degrees but nobody asks for parenting degrees either. Are they qualified? Depends on whether you’re expecting them to be people who give you grades for essays, or people trying to support you first.

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 9)

CW: idk if “emotional abuse” is the right term here, but I can’t think of the more appropriate one.

TL:DR Recap: Etain is having a hard time dealing with her sudden promotion to officer, so Jinart chews her out. Darman, on the other hand, does his best to reassure Etain, and they start to develop a plan together. Eventually, they leave Birhan’s farm. Omega gets nervous when Hokan’s people start burning more fields, but eventually meet up with Jinart. Hokan plays games badly. 

This post is super long, even compared to the other recaps, because I have to deal with Jinart’s bullshit.

Beginning Kal Count: 13 Ending Kal Count: 18

We open with a quote from Ki Adi Mundi that reinforces Traviss’s position about the unfairness of the clones lot, but most of you already agree with that, so we’re not going to waste time with that now.

Darman has pinned Jinart to the wall with a blaster to her head. Etain is horrified and tells him to let up. (Etain’s feelings about Jinart seem to go back and forth. Mine do not.) But Dar doesn’t let Jinart go until Etain mistakenly tells him that Jinart is a Jedi. (Because Jinart has Force-like telepathy abilities but still has refused to give Etain another explanation, if you’ve forgotten.)

Jinart insists she’s not a Jedi again, then asks Dar if he would be willing to shoot an old woman. When he insists that soldiers can look like anybody, Jinart praises him and tells Etain to follow his lead, despite the fact that just last chapter she was chewing Etain out for being too suspicious.

I fully admit that a large part of my dislike of Jinart stems from her treatment of Etain, but she also comes across a lot as an authorial authority in support of ruthless pragmatism, and I find it unsettling. It’s not necessarily that’s she’s wrong in this case, so much as that this viewpoint seems unfairly weighted over time.

Jinart revels that Omega is alive and safe for the moment, which has Darman anxious to rejoin them. As she stares at Darman, we get this weird little aside from Jinart:

Again, there’s not any real reason to think that non-Mandalorians, much less non-Mandalorian shape shifters on a backwater world like Qiilura, ever had much reason to know what Jango Fett looked like before his clones descended on the galaxy. So I genuinely want to know when Jinart might have encountered Fett before. It isn’t a question that will ever be answered, of course.

Jinart finally decides to reveal that she’s a shapeshifter after refusing to tell Etain anything for the last several chapters. Etain is frightened and ready to fight, but Dar is delighted because he’s seen gurlanin before and think’s she’s Valaqil. Even after she explains she’s Valaqil’s “consort” he’s intrigued, and Jinart finally explains to Etain that she’s a telepath, but primarily among her own species. Any time she’s been “transmitting” to Etain or Dar, she’s been shapeshifted as an inconspicuous object nearby. She also starts giving them a tactical update, and explains that she and Valaqil can act as a rudimentary comlink between the Republic and Omega.

Again,  the only reason I can think of for Jinart to reveal any of this now that Darman’s here if she was unwilling to loop Etain in earlier is that Darman already knows about the gurlanin. But Etain is still out of her depth and not sure whether any of this information can be taken at face value now.

“His” in this scene is Hokan. Again, Etain implies that Fulier was kind to her, which is as close as she gets in this book to the kind of emotional reminiscing Omega has for Kal, but believes that she ultimately disappointed him- and that makes her worthless as a Jedi.

After all the status updates and Jinart’s warnings about the locals and Hokan, Darman turns to Etain, expecting the direction that he’s always been taught that the Jedi will effortlessly provide. Except Etain is still caught up in her sense of uselessness, and kind of... implodes instead.

Again, is it a useful or practical reaction? No. But is it one I can relate to? Yeah, by a lot. Especially when it’s called out as the extensive culmination of years worth of dismissal by the Jedi and months of hunger/danger/paranoia. Notice how Etain immediately regrets it though -- and adds it to her list of failures.

Darman is upset, which again, is perfectly reasonable in the situation. He doesn’t call Etain out on it, and he acquiesces to her “order”, but Etain can tell he feels disillusioned/”forlorn”. Jinart kicks him out  so that she can yell at Etain, and we get to the scene that makes me both hurt and rage.

Okay, it feels like Jinart is taking out both the galaxy’s predilection with Jedi and Omega’s social conditioning to obey Jedi out on Etain, but the line “that soldier may think a Jedi’s word is a divine pronouncement, but I don’t.” That would make sense for Jinart to say if Etain was trying to use her newfound authority in an injurious way or was puffed up with self importance, but literally everything objectionable Etain has done so far has been to reject her own worthiness of that authority?

Also:

I’ve seen people before who read RepComm but didn’t care for it scoff at how quickly Etain falls for Kal’s manipulation. But besides the fact that she’ll come to love Dar and Kal is important to Darman, this is why she’s ultimately so easy to manipulate. She desperately wants the purpose that the Jedi raised her with the promise of, but also she’s had literal years of being rejected/feeling worthless. Kal is good at manipulating people’s need for affection/belonging/purpose. He’s just somewhat kinder about it when he does it to Bardan and Besany, at least at a very surface level.

then... then we get to this.

Look, I get that Etain’s personal psychological troubles are not useful to Jinart right now, and that yes, they’re probably an impediment to the mission. I’m not saying that Etain doesn’t need a conversation to shift her focus.

But Jinart literally saying that Etain is so worthless that Jinart would murder her if it woudn’t go against Darman’s social conditioning, a conversation that literally leaves Etain falling to her knees in the middle of a break down... not only is it unfair (yes, whatever “life isn’t fair” saying people. shut up.) it’s also demonstrably counter productive.

Imagine if Jinart had just like... been up front with Etain. Or tried to talk to her rationally about the fact that yes, it’s unfair what she’s been through but they still have the job to do and x, y, and z are the specific ways Etain needs to contribute. Instead Jinart just does her best to verbally destroy Etain, which doesn’t achieve anything, and moves on.

Darman pops back in only seconds later, and I kind of wonder if he was listening to the conversation. If he was, I’m sure it’s unsettling given he was raised to believe the Jedi were infallible. But he also does a remarkable job of showing her the compassion that Jinart won’t in this, scene, and I wonder if anything he might have overheard plays into that.

He’s doing a balancing act, and in all fairness, this has to be awkward as hell, confusing, even painful for Dar. Etain really isn’t the officer he needs right now. But he still opens with “are you okay?”. And when she clearly isn’t ready to have that conversation, he tries to deflect the conversation to something useful. When he eventually gives up and goes silent, it’s Etain signal that she’s gone too far and she’s acting like an ass. So she tries. She apologizes, and she tries to move on, for his sake if not hers.

“He was the only person in many years who had shown any degree of confidence in her, and the first since Master Fulier who had shown her real kindness.”

Etain is desperate for not even real affection or love, though she’s badly starved for those things too, but just simply casual kindness. And the line about confidence gives me all sorts of questions- I am going to have to sit down at some point and figure out how much of that I think is really, truly Kast Fulier not believing in her as his Padawan, and how much is Etain’s own psychology and bias interpreting things in the least favorable manner to herself possible. But for the moment, all that matters is that it shows exactly why what Jinart just did was useless.

Because Etain doesn’t start to respond until Darman tries to treat her, at a bare minimum, with respect and a belief in her potential. And once he does that.... she decides to do the best she can in that moment to be the thing that he needs her to be. First by apologizing for her lack of control/ the way she’s hurt him unfairly, and then by acknowledging her faults and his superior knowledge while still tacitly agreeing to help him on the mission.

Which is the thing that Jinart wanted in the first place, right? 

Dar shows more compassion and understanding towards Etain from the get go than she gets from pretty much any other character in the entire series, if we’re being honest.

We break for a moment from that scene to Niner and Atin discussing dinner, but really there’s nothing super important to recap for most of that page. Omega starts talking about their Sergeants, and Niner is singing Kal’s praises. Kal count raises to 14.

It’s a lot of praise for someone not yet a character. And then --

I’m gonna count that as a separate mention, even though they’re close together, so the Kal Count is now at 15.

Anyway Niner wakes up slightly when Omega realizes the Separatists are burning the fields in an effort to drive out Darman. There’s not much to say about it honest, because it gets little page time as compared to Kal. We do get a nice peek at Atin slowly integrating into the squad -- “he didn’t want to show dissent any longer”-- but it’s fleeting, and then we’re back to Dar and Etain.

Darman and Etain are using her holomap to go over the intel on Separatist positions and using crusts of stale bread and drawing in the dirt to make a map. It’s exposition that’s not too important to characterization, so I won’t bother recapping it, but Darman does mention when Etain asks why they’re drawing in the dirt rather than on the holo that Kal taught him to do it that way because tactile is better or whatever. Which raises the Kal Count to 16.

Jinart inserts herself again to warn them about the fields/farms being burned to flush them out and warns them that they have to run. Darman says he can’t go with out his gear. Jinart throws disguises at them. Dar’s going to have a hard time blending in, but Etain fits in with the “undernourished” locals. Jinart overrides Dar’s objections: no, you can’t go straight to the RV zone, find a safe house off this USB drive I’m giving you instead.

Again, I actually do love that Etain is clearly observing him intensely, but while in another time in place everything she points out might be a sign of attraction, here it’s explicitly her being afraid that he looks too well fed to blend in.

Jinart makes her take out her Padawan braid, which Etain objects to but does, and again, it’s a small but good characterization thing:

She and Dar take off, but Etain is still putting herself down in front of him.

Listen, I’m sure someone somewhere is going to argue that it isn’t Dar’s job to emotionally reassure Etain here, but that’s the situation they’re in, for better or worse, and he does a pretty good job of it, even to the subtlety of calling her “commander” there. 

We very, very briefly jump to Hokan, and honestly the only thing worth noting is how terrible a manager he is:

Underling: *makes a good suggestion*  Hokan: I should punish him for back talking me, even though I admit that he’s right! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Finally, we get to Niner. Jinart has found Omega, and they almost shoot her until they recognize her as a gurlanin. She gets them caught up to speed, and we get this kind of sweet, kind of heartbreaking moment from Niner, whose biggest character strength AND flaw is honestly his loyalty:

Jinart explains they’re headed for the wrong target. Fi is sarcastic but cheerful.

Oh, fuck you, Jinart.

Jinart notes that the commandos have lost a lot of weight, and Fi confirms they’re burning more calories than planned. Jinart offers to hunt them merlies as long as the squad doesn’t shoot any, arranges to deliver new rendezvous coordinates with Darman, and then starts to help Omega with what in future chapters will develop into a plan to use local mining explosives to take out the local airfield. 

This chapter then FINALLY ends, which is good, because this post is huge and I’m still pissed at Jinart

Retroactive Edit: I realized I missed another incident of Skirata-mention from Niner talking about the “mark one earhole” or whatever the fuck, when Jinart shows up and then a second one about how not even Kal would have known how to deal with Gurlanins, so the Kal Count was updated to 18.

[romy350-romyakari]

Since I'm okey with people calling me out here I will unleash my humble opinion on a matter that makes me roll on my seat because is so funny as it also is so... uhmmm "weird" to have in count.

Take it as the writers huge mistake what I'm going to point out in a bit.

I guess I'm still salty even after 5 years. Is confusing at best and I'm adding this after writing all of this. Is a lot to read so please just know is a huge ramble.

aka me rambling over what I feel on rewatch been no longer that young

Is part of our experience judge that to some degree.

Characterization is important, it defines who we see on a story and is better if there are consistend or if their inconsistent have a good reason to be.

Well I was young once and could miss mistake like the 180° not so justified turn of events on a main character. I realize some years later and can laugh about it because it makes no sense.

I'm going to explain the case of Angel's Friends cartoon and that huge mistake from their characters.

Like I am fond of the series because it was my first fandom. But still I can't unsee this as you can guess.

Let's begin with the nature of something they like to state early on the cartoon show which was really cliché but angels were the goodie two-shoes and devils were the bad guys im general. Simple but not so simple for them to keep in rule it seems.

I like to imagine they respect some of the calm and more expected nature of the angels and the chaotic and up to no good ways of the devils like the Original comics did for both of them but we wouldn't be here on my post if that was the case.

It was quite a mess how the cartoon take the character since the side character could be so plain that you forgot that they were doing something till they were support help to their own side been angels or devils.

But again with the stuff that make me roll off till now and nobody on the show says a thing about.

They freaking mess up with their own statment of Sulfus on the cartoon show and they can't tell me no they didn't. Is hillarious and let me tell you why.

They may say on that thing how "loves make you change" but this one could be taken for a fool and is really lot coming from me.

They present him lot more chaotic and really problematic on just chapter 1, it did give an impression but everthing goes down hill a bit from her and on.

As the plot of first season is the villianess doing hidding matchmaking and poison of love plan that seem to turn into a real love story for this chaotic case of the female lead Raf an angel and the male lead who is Sulfus a devil so she could scape limbo to the terrible consecuenses that bring over a trully huge rule on the series wich is part of a magic code of not interfering with each other party and less uhmm a kiss, you really see lot of stuff go on here and mark my word is not like "oh no this is not safe for the kids" but is not quite recomended for them peraphs.

This doesn't make sence but i think the villianess plan was an excuse to showcase the romantic tension and ovearlod or romantic takes.

I can't watch the series withouh some wather to pass the taste of "i thinks this is too much"

But this mention has a meaning behind since i need to state this and the huge overload on the romance we get because i believe is a guge thing that affecter how they write the characters on the cartoon show .

They really did bad to Sulfus uh? Like most of the show. You wouldn't qish to have to deal with chapter 1 Sulfus as asigned rival, he seem to be a big deal on the devils group because how remacable chaotic he was but that didn't last long.

The villianess plan was a match making one since he and Raf break a rule that is used to her advantage she would lead them to comith a sacrilege which would really shake that magical code that they should not mess with. It causes huge dissasters and mess btw.

There is s small time gap before the love poison the villianess send on a spider that she encomended her only servant with leaning it to find the pair of eternals she was targeting. On that gap we still retained normal characterization for Sulfus but the episode went down hills on characterization pretty quickly.

It was so uncalled for the way they set the situation of the bit from the spider tho... idk if blame the spider at all because actually the romance would no have a foot at all if the writers didn't bend Sulfus as a character like the extend they did.

There is this huge point they state that their romace was not because of the spider bit that later i think is kind of acknowledge but is quite confusing if they wat to justify some fated love.

Anyways from then on we see how literally did soften Sulfus character to the point he been devil makes me wonder why nobody call him out about it like there is this expectation they stated us the normal was been that troublesome chaotic for devils but they seem to just let it pass from then on. I am still laughing because he actually change so much that rewatch episode one you can just laugh because at that point you know he will became a softie later that is actually bad for him as a charcter since there is little to non struggle on why he is behaving that way or if he wants to undertand this changes at all.

There is near to non thinking on him since idk, it should peraphs feel more comflicting with all stated but he just misses the cue and goes for it on ocaccions?? Is quite weird he is so open to forget the only rules the devils respect. The no involve themselven with angels matters pr the angels themselves unless is about work.

Was is the spider? Who knows they smke it confusing after the trial episode and then the movie came and idk if laugh to the villaness of some fortune teller since wow she was lucky on that scape uh?

They literally make him datable material for the female lead and is a sad thing but well, the cartoon show itself could acomplish as the one with most romace scenes/moments of all time for a cartoon show, not well written but it has them. And maybe the one with an exclusive kissing sequence [no it was not just a few seconds for the kissing scene, there was a freaking sequece of it if i recall well and i recall it as something thar they put budge on it for some reasons since they did a 360° turn around on the sequence even] is impressive comoared to other european cartoons that claimed to have romace on the tags and give you a but here and there while this was like a full bag of the bread but questonable if is one you will like lol

You know the writer forgot many stuff when then Sulfus was the one trying to remind Raf the rules but follow behind her because who care love is a fool or so writers say on those chapter after the half of season 1

If you cringe is undestandable, I cannot rewatch in a full go as I used to when I was younger, i could because i let so many stuff pass.

Sometimes I wonder why even follow this plot idea when the Original comics had a great plot a great characters.

The most consistent Sulfus I know so far is Original Comic Sulfus, that is entretating to read and he does not change much from who he is, he may be a may character and this yime kind of falling in love with the Raf there but well, is not quite the deal since is explained this weird odds of the posibility of anglels and devils with training on 99% not be complete perfect and could end up with a crush or so but all is just momentary and will vanish once they reach 100%. Is onsided crush thing since the live interest for Raf is a human on the Original Comics and that, again, is a prohibited thing, the magic code is not applied between angels and devils but between humans and eternals here.

Back to Original comics Sulfus is quite funny how he figure out he is having a crush, btw they all pre-teen kiddos apearance wise except for the master of the school program while the cartoon show present them as teenager lookalike, and really he does struggle and bit on that whole process of realization. It seems Original comics Sulfus give hint of it but it was subtle changes that yeah it was nice details, maybe is even sad how he just decides to be subtle about it and do nothing big since is not something he would bother much aside there is bigger issues for angels and devils, that characters I like of that characterization is that he will still be who they state him to be but subtle changes mark that realization.

And the rest of the cast is just as cool on ther characterization, you see somtimes little on some of the characters but they don't lose thar cool characterization they had from the start and is so welcome from me as a reader.

A shame they cancelled the good comic because of the cartoon show, really a shame. I will be sad about that till the end of my days because iwanted the resolution of all major a smaller struggles were cool to read.

I have no idea how they funded a movie and a second season of the cartoon show and idk how their live action somewhat based on some fact of the cartoon show went.

But to make thing short here the resume:

Cartoon show mess it up big time with characterization and we lost cool orginial comics thanks tho the cartoon show, that would be all.

You fan cring or be sad about it and I will get it.

Yeah I"m still bit salty about that.

[currentfandomkick]

Bio! Dad Strange Part 5

Some paris update again with more Rogue shenanigans. Heads up, this is more a ‘i decided everyone can be complex and get along somewhat so im altering character dynamics from cannon to my prefrence’

When Marinette and Max and Nino ended up in Chloe’s class the trio made a simple pack on sight—aviod her at all costs.

Why?

Max is fairly certain Marinette is some type of meta. Fairly. She’s still the only person on his level close to his age, so he isnt saying anything.

Nino doesnt share this suspicion, but she’s close with Sabrina, who’s dad keeps checking in on him and Marinette’s family way more than the other stidents at Dupont. Nino doesnt like this, and by proxy, Chloe is horrible.

Marinette thinks Chloe and Sabrina could out her and aviods them to prevent this.

Their teacher sees this and decides to ignore the mandate to keep Max and Marinette And Chloe and Sabrina as science partners in every situation by switching things up.

Max hates working with Chloe—she keeps foddling and talking about fashion when its chemistry class. Focus on the lesson you heathen

Marinette works well with Sabrina (both organized) but she is extremely uncomfortabke with this as Raincomprix starts asking her for help on cases out in the open. Woth science and she has to fake not knowing about them. He takes forever to catch on that her mom doesnt know, and would be pissed if she knew.

Raincomprix then uses his daughter as an inbetween for his and marinette’s joint ‘solve the coldcase’ game. Sabrina gets involved to practice english and science, and finds out she’s good at finding overlooked clues.

As you can guess, this leads to Sabrina and Chloe joining the group.

Marinette and chloe talk fashion sometimes, Chloe critics her color pallettes and stitches. Also her choice to use rogues as inspiration becuase “arent they bad guys?”

“Eh? I think theyre just bad at getting the help they need.”

“Didnt joker kill people?”

“That was mostly mr. J. Easy mistake.”

“...okay...”

This curbs a decent amount of Chloe’s bullyign early on. Chloe is not borderline meta in this, just fixated on fashion to an insane degree—she knows everything about all aspects of the industry but cant design from scratch. Her mom looks down on her for this.

Chloe is also how the group know of ‘adrikins’ who is her prince and will marry her someday or be her forever family, uncertain which.

Alix gets along well with chloe as she needs someone to be salty with when Kim is being an idiot and Marinette is too nice and it goes over Max’s head and Nino is... there is some doubt if he’s scared of Kim or just really respects him.

Sabrina and Max cannot be left alone under any circumstances though. They will try to outsmart each other. Sabrina via legal things, Max via facts and trivia. Marinette is used as their buffer, much to her frustration as she does have designing to do guys!

Kim is showing signs of a crush. Marinette has not noticed as has a secret identity to keep, rogue family to manage from another country, other people’s secret identites to keep (she blames Tim.) so many languages to learn and practice and to top it off, friends to keep from killing each other during school. She has a lot on her plate, ok?

So that summer was more rogue sheneigans and dodging heroes while being herself and forcing her Father to cook with her—mostly Great Uncle Wang’s recipes.

“I am being bossed around by a child. In my own kitchen.”

“You were the one that claimed me as yours. I demand compensation in bonding time.”

“Uh, Mr. Smith was it? My neice suggested a aimple soup seeing as you are a... novice.”

This lead to an oddity for the Science Rogues—Mr. Freeze, Scarecrow, Strange and Riddler—getting into cooking wars. Only the RKC knew how and Not one of them would spill, only looking at Marinette who was smiling as she said “my great uncle did that!”

This also left the four with less plotting to destroy gotham time. It worked out for the most part.

If she got bored (and she does) she visits Ivy and helps out in the greenhouse or her the wayne’s gardens. Rose now has her own plants sprawling about gotham (marinette dropped fast grow seeds) so she can escape the Greenhouse and move about Gotham without mama bear Ivy trying to take over the city while looking for her teen-appearing child.

Frost was busy with college and so was Ghoul, so she hung out more with Puzzles due to proximity. Puzzles got it in his head to prank Hero Stalker and Batman. Marinette tried to talk him out of it, she did.

It failed. And somehow it was a night with Batgirl and Nightwing/old Robin trying to help Batman with his grief over the last robin who died. The new robin had yet to be revealed, but she noticed hero stalker was more motivated lately. She knew she couldnt stop him—he’s a year older than her and probably rich. (And she’s not supposed to exist...)

So Puzzles pretends to be Riddler and lures them into an old tv set. They were not expecting it to be a hideout for a gang.

And if Marinette was in an old Harley Quinn outfit with a hammer her size to match, well... disguise?

Harley realized what was happening when she checked the groupchat and no one knew where they pair was until Rose was pestered for a bit to have her plants check.

They went into a drug den and the batfam was with them. Fuck.

Puzzles and her get out of there when the realize what’s up. Why? Guns and not being invulnerable.

Marinette is worried though and hides and may hit one of the armed men hard enough to fly across the room.

Puzzles stares at her. She flies to tackle him and grumbles about sunlight messing with her meds again.

Nightwing caught that, realizes who knock off harley is, and guns for the kids. Only there are more goons now and—shit. Where did the kids go?

Batfam took down the gang.

Harley is seen in her car a few blocks away with... are those kids? It trends on social media that Harley has a daughter who’s grounded for messing amwith gangs.

The Council meets to scold Marinette and try to get the story straight.

Dent snorts when he finds out they were just going to silly string the batfam and slime them on camera. The camera was busted in the fight though...

Hero stalker freaks out about the whole thing and tells the pair off. “You almost died!”

“He said my dad was dumb! It was a matter of honor!”

Hero stalker is Done with Puzzles and tries to talk sense into Marinette, who says its her job to keep him from dying, ok?

Hero Stalker/Tim is upset but kind of gets it from watching Batman. Sometimes your partner does dumb things and you have to keep them safe y going along with the dumb thing.

Riddler puts them in a puzzle maze for a week. Marinette figures it out and goes in and out of it to make it look like she’s still trapped.

Strange rolls his eyes as yes, this is his daughter. Yes, she is smarter than Riddler.

Ed Nygma the other hand is keeping Puzzles grounded for another week. He lets Marinette visit to check up on his and Riddler’s states since they share a body and all.

Harley is still lecturing Marinette and gets her to agree shell at least tell Rose when something is up from then on.

Rose puts a plant on marinette. I am not joking, she puts a vine on marinette’s arm to keep her safe and make her take her meds since “you cant fly otherwise nets. And put in your earplugs!”

At somepoint there may be a case of music master making an appearance, but idk if it should be marinette is immune due to earplugs or marinette gets dragged into being seen by the league AND rogues at once and they bith try to grab a very freaked out Marinette who flies back to france where Max is mid-panic since she needs someone to talk to and uh, she figures he knows most of it so, help. She needs logic and hers is shot at the moment.

Next time we get more of a quick fic on marinette’s training with Zsasz as a kid.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Mother dragon (11); Winchester brothers x reader

*Author’s note*

Okay first of all I would like to thank everyone who was patient with me for this next part of Mother Dragon. College has been such a bitch lately with essays, homework, and final projects that needed my attention cause in just a few weeks I’ll be graduating and I want every grade to count. So thos those who have waited patiently, I want to thank you soooooo much :)

And I would like to say I apologize for the shortness that this part maybe I wanted it to be longer but with what I had in mind, it needed to be it’s own chapter so I kinda left you guys on a cliffhanger *Salem’s evil laugh* But here we are finally shown our villian of the pic and boy do I have a special face cast in mind for him and for some (or most) of you you’ll end up screaming in your seats (it’s a goodie :))

Anyways idk when I’ll have pt.12 up it’ll possible be after I’m done with school and done with all my final papers/exam. But when I do, it’ll be nothing but pure updates of the series cause I’ve got the ending done and had it done for awhile, so I hope this satisfies your hunger for Mother Dragon until then :)

Taglist:

@onebigfangirlworld​

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@waddles03​

@deanscroissant​

@izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash​

@platawnic​

_________________________________________________________

*3rd Person POV*

In the beautiful and one of the top capitals in all of England, Liverpool.  There along a stretch of 20,000 acres of forests and woodland as well as a river path which lead to the sea stood a mansion as well as a warehouse jointed beside it.

Walking around the perimeter of the house were men and women carrying large guns that looked more like military weapons when suddenly they heard the sounds of three dragons roaring.  They cocked their guns but as soon as they saw through the streetlights guiding the dragons to land safely, they knew better and lay down their weapons.

From inside the mansion a short, stoutly man who appeared to be in his late 50’s, bald and wore a white lab coat raced through the corridors until he reached the double doors that led to what looked like a study room.

Although it looked more like a master bedroom due to the size of it.  Along with old antiques dating back all the way to the Medieval times, there were also dragon bones décor the entire place.  Hanging along the wall like prized game like a hunter would sport an animal head on a mount.

There at the center of the room was a large Victorian desk and leaned forward asleep on said desk that sported dozens of maps was a man with unruly brown curly hair that made him look like a shaggy lion.

He was a well-built man.  Not too buff, but definitely not lean, along his left upper bicep just below his shoulder was a tattoo of the symbol of Saint George slaying the dragon.

“Sir. Sir.” The doctor spoke in what sounded like a German or Swiss accent.  He then entered inside the study room and walked up to the desk toward the sleeping man and said, “Pardon my intrusion sir, but your dragons have returned with the recent capture….”  The man sleeping on the desk took a dagger and slammed it repeatedly on compass that was on the table, smashing it to pieces.

He tiredly raised his head up to reveal that he had a small mustache and beard, had piercing green eyes, and scars all over his face, including one that went down from the crown of his head, over his left eye and stopped to his cheek.  He sleepily glared at the doctor and whispered.

“I was dreaming Doctor Zemo…..of the Alpha.”

“Deacon?” question the doctor now known as Zemo.

“And in my dream; I was—a magnanimous hero.” The man sat up against his tall chair which was engraved gold and red velvet cushions. “To the people of world.” He took a sip of some clear drink probably either vodka or ale.

But the surprise fact was when he lifted his other arm, there was only a stump left down to his mid-forearm.

“I even thanked the head of the Alpha. For his kind taking away my arm.” Which made the doctor cringe because his arm was not only taken away, but also burned to 3rd degree. “And for allowing me to get this fine arm. For gutting, and ripping throats of his own kind. Where one takes a piece of me. I take millions from him.”

The man continued to brag as he now brought out a metal arm with dragon-like claws at the end and as soon as he put it back on, it activated and he wriggled his fingers around testing it.

“So the dragons made you a better trapper sire?” asked Doctor Zemo.

“Made me better?” question the metal armed man.

He walked towards the doctor forcing him to walk backwards as the man continued,

“My bloodline goes all the way back to the first dragon killer Saint George. I never needed such luck such as this arm to make me better. YOU THINK I’M BETTER BECAUSE OF THIS!?!?” He roared in the Doctor’s face, his index claw just barely a centimeter away from piercing Zemo’s eye.

“No, no Lord Percy, no.” Zemo stammered. Percy glared soullessly at the Doctor before pushing up his glasses back from his nose up to the bridge of it. “Thank you.”

“Thank Lucifer his Beta went deaf.” Percy got out of Zemo’s face and went back over to his desk to put his metal arm into a bowling pot of water.  Filled with flour, vinegar and salt to clean up the metal claws and buffer them up a bit as he continued, “If that cousin of yours hadn’t put him in the river, he’d have killed me by now. Why did you wake me doctor?”

“Lord Percy; your dragons have come back. And they brought back the one that killed Dragon 346782.” Percy shot his arm up, his claws now shining under the light of his office dripping with left over vinegar.

“Show me the beast!” he hissed.

Once the dragons fully landed and dragged the unconscious body of (y/n) towards the mansion, Percy as well as some other trappers and hunters gathered around.  The dragon that held (y/n) in it’s grip dropped her down like a piece of meat.

“That is no beast. It’s a girl.” Said Doctor Zemo.

“I can see that it’s a girl you imbecile! Now why did this stupid reptiles bring me a human!?” he yelled at the acid spitters which made them submit fearfully as they backed away.

“Hey boss, you seen the armor she’s wearing?” asked a strongly built hunter who had a crossbow strapped to his back.  Percy knelt down and touched the armor and was in awe.

“Dragon skin?”

“You think she’s a hunter too? Trapper even?”

“Whoever this girl is, she’s valuable. But we can’t have her rushing away so quickly. At least not before I get the chance to talk to her. Take her to the guest quarters and alert me when she wakes up.”

“Yes boss.” He then flung (y/n) over his shoulder and Percy couldn’t help but stare at the unconscious girl with intriguing eyes.

Meanwhile miles away as the sun began to rise, Warren flew back towards the den hoping to find the Winchester brothers and Castiel.

He flew as fast as he could back towards the den hoping to find them and give them the helmet that (y/n) had given them as a warning that something bad had happened to her.

Back at the den, Sam and Dean just woke up and walked out of the den to see Castiel standing out almost as if he were on patrol.

“What’s going on Cas?” asked Sam.

“It’s been a couple of days since (y/n) left the den and I’m beginning to worry about her.”

“Wait you—you mean to tell me (y/n) is gone again!?” Dean snapped.

“Can’t you find her? Use the Enochian tracker you placed on us?”

“I am but—it’s like I’m being blocked from seeing her.” Soon coming over the horizon, Cas saw Warren flying toward them. “But I think I might know someone who might know. Warren’s back, and he was the reason she left the den.”

“I swear if that British blonde-headed dick killed her or even laid a scratch on her, I don’t care what will be his fate, I’ll end it right here, right now.” Sneered Dean.

Soon enough Warren landed panting heavily as his wings tucked back into his back.

“And where the hell have you been?” snapped Dean. Warren looked up and said.

“What?”

“I said where the hell have you been?!”

“You’ll have to speak up Winchester I—I’m a little hard at hearing, especially after long flights.” Before Dean could pop his lid off, Cas held him back before walking towards the dragon.

“Where’s (y/n)? I know she went after you the other day after the rumble with Kisara.”

“She did come after me yes. And she kept trailing me, stubborn girl you have to deal with.”

“She can be that. But where is she Warren?”

“We got caught in one of Percy’s traps. Soon more of his dragons, the acid spitter that invaded the nest shortly after you all found out about her little dragon secret. She sent me back here to you three to give you this.” Taking out of his black leather jacket was (y/n)’s dragon helmet. “She used herself as a decoy allowing me to escape. But I’m afraid she might’ve been kidnapped and taken to Percy.”

“The same Percy that’s been hunting you all?” asked Cas. Warren nodded.  Cas looked down at the helmet and said to Warren. “Stay here, I’ll talk to the brothers.” He then turned away and walked back towards the Winchesters.

“So what’s going on Cas? Did he hurt her?”

“No. In fact it’s worse than her getting injured by a deaf dragon with anger management issues. She’s being taken by those acid spitters to Percy. The dragon hunter that’s been after this nest for years now.”

“Wait you mean the one Deacon and Stephen told us about in that story?” asked Dean.

“Yes. He comes from a long line of dragon hunters, going back to the very first known dragon slayer.”

“Saint George.” Answered Sam.

“Correct.”

“Wait but why would he want (y/n)?” asked Dean. “And just where does this guy live?”

“Do you think Warren might know?” Sam suggested.

“It’s a longshot but maybe.”

“How do we know we can trust him? I mean guys c’mon after all he’s tried to kill (y/n) on several occasions, he almost killed Kisara’s first litter of unborn babies, he’s not exactly on our side.”

“On our side or not, he still came back and told us where (y/n) is at and gave us this.” Cas said as he held up her dragon helmet. “And the more time we waste here, the more time Percy could be doing who knows what to her. If he’s as ruthless as I’ve heard, then there’s no doubt he’ll treat (y/n) like any other dragon he can get his hands on.”

Soon the three hunters were in agreement.

“Hey Warren!” Dean exclaimed. The blonde dragon looked up at them and Dean continued, “You got any idea where Percy’s hideout is?”

“I might know the way. But getting in there won’t be easy. Not only does he have his lackie trappers and hunters guarding the entire perimeter of his home, but he also allows his acid spitters to patrol. You three won’t last long.”

“Well we’ve survived worse. Plus she’s our sister. And we don’t leave family behind.” Said Sam.  Warren exhaled through his nose deeply and muttered.

“I may live to regret this.” He then phased into his dragon form and lowered his right wing for the brothers and the angel. All three of them climbed up onto Warren’s back and he took off flying.

However they were unaware of the snake-like dragon that was listening in from the shadows of the den.

As they flew higher in the sky, Castiel heard Warren’s voice say to him.

‘Give me that helmet. I’ll be able to track her easier if I have something that has her scent.’ Cas then handed the mask to Sam and said to him.

“Give that to Warren.” Sam nodded and as Warren curled his neck inward, Sam lowered the helmet so that Warren could take a deep inhale of (y/n)’s scent.  He extended his neck back outwards and sniffed a couple of times before his pupils sharpened into a snake’s and he let out a roar.

“He’s got her. Hang on!” Cas told the brothers and almost on a dime, Warren flew faster towards Percy’s mansion.

*My POV*

When I finally woke up, I found myself in some sort of prison.  Unlike the prison cell back in the dragon’s den, this felt like I was in an actual prison cell.  There was nothing but metal walls all around me, however instead of being chained up against the wall I was lying on a bed.

“What the hell?” I muttered.  I soon heard locks on the door being unlocked and as soon as it opened, there stood a woman with short black hair, stern cold brown eyes and a tattoo of a raven on the side of her neck.

“You’re awake. That’s good.” She said in an ‘I don’t care’ kind of tone.

“Yeah, and who are you?”

“My name is irrelevant to you. The boss would like to see you.”

“So soon? Whatever will I wear?” I sassed at her and it was at that moment I was slammed against the wall being pinned by her and she sneered.

“Don’t get cute kid!”

“Ah, ah, ah remember what I had said earlier Jane dear.” We both turned and there I saw a man with a messy mane of curly brown hair, I noticed that he only wore one black glove on his right hand.  The woman glared at the man before literally dropping me down to the floor and trudging out of the room in a huff.  “So sorry about her love, Jane can be quite—eccentric at times.”

“I’ve dealt with worse.” I said as I stood back up and rubbed my neck.

“You don’t seem like one whose dealt with worse.” He said.

“Believe me you don’t know the half of it.”

“Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is Percy.” He said as he held out his bare hand instead of the gloved one.  I was skeptical about him but I shook his hand.

“Diana Fischer.” I gave him one of my many FBI alias that I came up with along with Sam and Dean.  “Where—exactly am I?”

“In my mansion. 20,000 acres of forests and woodlands that have belonged to my family for generations.”

“Damn, my childhood neighborhood was only an acre.”

“Well when you come from a privileged bloodline it comes with the territory. I never really cared for much of it. It’s just for show if I’m honest.”

“So why am I here? Surely a rich man with a house such as this doesn’t just bring guests like me over? Much less with a dragon welcoming committee.”

“Ahh yes. See they’re really just for security purposes really. Something my team decided was a good idea.” Of course I knew he was lying because I knew the real reason why thanks to my son and his friends.

“Of course. And they just assumed I was a threat.”

“Afraid so, but don’t worry I will deal with them later. Oh silly me where are my manners you must be starving poor girl, please why don’t you join me for dinner? Maybe have a drink. You—are legal to drink right?”

“Yes I’m 23.”

“Marvelous.” He then guided me out of the room and I was now in an elegant dining hall that looked like it belonged in the 15th century with a large chandelier hanging over the table and a gourmet food selection as far as the table reached from each side of the room. “Please take a seat by me and have whatever your heart desires.”

He sat down at the head of the table and I sat to his right and looked at every piece of food imaginable.  I’ll tell you if Sam and Dean were here, they’d go completely gaga over this food, especially Dean when I saw that there was chicken, pork, steaks, turkey, and any other kinds of meat.

Sam would have a field day with the fruits and salads around the table, it was like a farmer’s market shrunk to miniature size and parked itself right onto the table.  There was also dessert trays like Turkish delight, chocolate turtles, Crème brûlée, cakes, ice cream, etc.

“So Diana, since I told you a little bit about me, why not tell me about yourself?”

“Oh I couldn’t possibly. My story is boring compared to yours.”

“No really I insist.” Percy said as he reached out for some of the ham slices and Turkey legs.  Knowing that he probably had an idea to spike or poison whatever food I would go for, I reached for the same foods he did, no matter what he picked. “For one thing I must compliment this suit you’ve got on. I mean it’s absolutely phenomenal. Who designed it?”

“I did.”

“Really? Well then you must be a clever girl. What exactly are it’s mechanisms?”

“Simple pully structures and leather texture.” I gave him a brief synopsis without telling him everything.

“Hmm. Now the scaling patterns you’ve designed into it. Looks almost like real dragon skin. Have a fancy for them?”

“My knowledge of them only exists through Game of Thrones and how to train your dragon. With a bit of Dragon heart mixed in.”

“They are magnificent beasts of mythology aren’t they?” he asked me.

“You could say that.” I said nonchalantly. “What’s your opinion on dragons?”

“Oh well my family has been in ties with dragons since the Medieval ages.” I looked around and saw a painting of Saint George himself hanging proudly just above his head. “You know something Diana. You strike me as the type of young woman who is a fighter.”

“And what makes you say that?”

“Well beyond the self-manufactured suit. You have this look in your eyes that just screams like you’ve seen hell and back.” Oh you have no idea.

Suddenly I felt a little queasy and my head started spinning like a top. What the hell? But he—I was grabbing the same foods he did, why was he not affected by it?

“Seems we’re feeling a bit under the weather, aren’t we Diana? Or should I say (y/n) (l/n).” How the hell did he know my real name? It was then two hulky strong men.  

They roughly picked me up and that’s when I saw Percy take out a needle filled with a purple serum.

“Let’s start over now shall we? Starting with how you were able to take down one of my dragons on your own?” He came right up to me and injected the needle into my neck and I just let out the most agonizing scream.

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam France episode 5

Wanted to say thank you to all translators of this show … it’s really generous to keep up with the clips, especially on top of how many social media updates there are. You are the best <3

Episode 5 reaction

Clip 1: coffee with Lucas

This scene felt so sterile to me? Largely because of how it is shot. The coloring is cool and blue, not bright and warm (watch the original clip and notice the stark difference), there are these big windows taking up part of the frame and this table with almost nothing on it that puts all this space between the camera and the characters. Part of this conversation is filmed at table-level, not at eye or face level, and it feels so removed. The space between them and their body language makes it look like an awkward first date and one of them is going to fake a sick grandmother in order to leave in 10 minutes. 

I don’t know what to make of Lucas’ performance here. It’s like he enters the cafe knowing something is up and he’s alert to any relationship dysfunction. Almost like he’s humoring Emma. And he’s holding back amusement at her troubled romance with Yann.

I mean, if they’re keeping Isak’s involvement in this season much the same as in the original, Lucas bothers me a lot more? Because honestly, Isak’s meddling seemed more opportunistic than anything. I don’t think he had a grand master plan to break up Jonas and Eva, I think was just stumbling onto chances to mess with them and (with telling people about Eva and Chris) acting impulsively/drunkenly. That doesn’t excuse him, but I also don’t think he was sitting down and making bullet points about how to break them up. Lucas … I’m not saying he has a grand master plan and he’s writing bullet points, but this seems like he’s putting more effort into playing her. Like his “good advice” feels more like an act. Maybe it was Tarjei’s acting but I think he did a good balance of Isak being a snake but also kind of not keeping it entirely under control. You can see him start to smirk a little when he questions Eva about why she’s with Jonas. With Lucas, the way he walks in kind of smirking about Yann and Emma’s problems and then puts on this wide-eyed, concerned tone once he’s feeding her bad advice is a little alarming. 

Might be worth asking whether people have a different read on that original scene with Isak and Eva. Because I always thought Isak met up with her not really anticipating that she was going to ask about Jonas, and only caught on due to the nature of her questions, and pounced on that. But maybe other people thought he was expecting this conversation when he walked into the cafe?

If I wasn’t aware of the storyline, I’m not sure what I’d think here. On social media, Lucas and Emma seem to be pretty close and always doing goofy stuff together with Yann, but this really doesn’t feel like a conversation between friends. 

Clip 2: Daphne’s O-tales

I did like the opening shot leading into the girls on the bench.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, CHARLES. Wrap up your dick. You grown-ass man.

Actually, adding a scene in which they establish Daphne buying condoms, only to tell us that Charles didn’t bother, makes him seem so so much worse.

Between Emma and Manon, the hat game was strong in this clip.

I wrote a post about this but Manon does seem like a more genial, easygoing kind of person than Noora. I like her and found her sweet here; her feminist comments are more gentle than Noora’s. But she’s also less forceful and confident, and that’s perhaps why some people are finding her more forgettable.

Wow Charles comes across like a MASSIVE dong here. Way more so than William. William kind of hurriedly walked by Vilde and kept his eyes averted and muttered hello. Charles seemed like he wanted to establish eye contact with Daphne for the specific purpose of ignoring her.

I did like that Emma approaching Alex seems like a more deliberate fuck-you to Yann. 

Daphne is so cute.

Clip 3 - Emma and Yann argue, then make up

The POV. …. ARGH

Whyyyyy did the camera follow Yann. Why.

Rewinding a bit, Yann and Emma are so much more forward then Jonas and Eva. Eva was a little hesitant to bring up the issue with Ingrid and Jonas was floundering a little when coming up with a story. You could see he wasn’t totally confident in his lie. Emma just gets straight to the point and Yann fires back at her. They’re very assertive in this argument. It’s way more confrontational, as are many things about their relationship.

Though it’s worth mentioning that when Eva did bring up Ingrid to Jonas, she was pretty assertive. She was reluctant at first but she held her ground.

Yann is so much more of a giant asshole in this conversation! He keeps telling her she’s annoying. Now Jonas told Eva to stop being insecure all the time and that also stings, but Yann is really out of line. He also seems a lot more aggressive when he asks if Emma wants a break. Jonas seemed fearful that Eva really wanted a break. Yann doesn’t say it like he’s scared of her saying yes. He just throws it in her face. 

I’m glad that Emma sticks up for herself and tells Yann not to speak to her that way because it was really inappropriate. (To a degree, though, I’m like … Eva’s character arc doesn’t exactly map onto Emma, it won’t feel as earned if they try to keep it exact.)

I do like this song. I’ve liked it before the show and when I saw it in the credits I was waiting for it to show up.

So this part in the original is very distinctive, when the camera keeps Eva and Jonas at a distance, and we watch them fight and make up without hearing them. It’s especially memorable because of how Skam tends to put us up close with the characters’ emotions, and in this instance they don’t let us in on the conversation. And I can see why Skam France didn’t want to just recreate that, because even though they’re redoing much of the original series, to redo that scene exactly as the original is … sort of pushing it. So I get it, they wanted to find a different outcome for the scene, but it really annoyed me that they went with this because of the choice of POV.

Emma walks away and they keep the camera on Yann. We see him make the decision to go after her while the music plays dramatically. But this is so strange, because it puts the emotional emphasis on Yann and his thought process when this is Emma’s season. We should see her thought process, we should have seen her walk away from the table heartbroken and upset and angry, done with Yann’s bullshit. It’s her decision not to put up with it anymore, it’s her development, her emotional state as a character. It’s just really odd that all of a sudden they gave this moment to Yann.

A comparison would be toward the end of season 2, when William is leaving for the airport and we see Noora walk away and call Eva on the phone. We see her emotional reaction to William leaving, all the way up to the car pulling up in the background and William going to her. We could have had that here, where we see Emma distraught and eventually see Yann run after her in the background. I just don’t like that they shut us out of this very important emotional moment for our lead character. We didn’t even see her face as she was walking away.

I know the original show didn’t stick to the POV of the protagonist 100%  of the time, but it did for the most part, and when it diverged during the season they were typically very brief moments. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a comparable scene where most of the camera work and the emotional emphasis went to the love interest rather than the protagonist. It would be as if William got in the car and we saw him thinking it over as Penetrator Chris drove away, and we saw him tell Chris to go back, and we followed him as he went back to Noora. Or if, for example in season 3 when Even leaves the hotel room, we follow him as he goes out in the streets naked and we leave Isak behind. IDK, it’s just bizarre and a blatant divergence from the show’s structure. 

Clip 4 - Daphne, Daphne, Daphne

The intro effect was kind of odd, as if the girls had been plunged into a nightmare from which there was no escape and it was all about Daphne nonstop telling us about Charles.

I don’t know if we’re supposed to take Charles’ texts as legitimately about his basketball game or him just giving Daphne some BS excuses, but the part with him saying “the coach is putting so much pressure on me” is a thing I hope is real. Give Charles some motivation outside of his love life.

Alex asking for the topless pic of Daphne - well hello. Can this be foreshadowing for gay/bi Alex?

I actually like how this scene was paced and how the girls were kind of humoring her until it got to be too much.

So I found some of Imane’s previous interaction with Daphne unnecessarily mean, because it felt like she was putting down Daphne even when Daphne hadn’t merited that reaction (rather than being a response to Daphne saying something ignorant) but I liked her more here even though this is the most blunt she’s been so far. Maybe because she had a real reason to be blunt.

Also I haven’t commented on the social media much but there are texts where Imane acknowledges how harsh she was and says she will apologize to Daphne, which is nice. 

I think some of why Imane can come across harsher than Sana is because Daphne doesn’t really push back as much as Vilde did. Vilde would seem pretty steamed about the way Sana talked to her (like shushing her) even if she didn’t argue to her face. She was still mad about it to the other girls. In this scene she openly asked why Sana is rude to her. Daphne doesn’t even stand up for herself here, she just leaves upset.

Imane’s words about guys also resonate with Yann’s dramatic speech (showering you with compliments, etc.)

Clip 5 - Horror Comics

Right off the bat, I LOVE the costumes. Love love love. I would have the time of my life going to a party like this.

Alex as Annabelle and Manon as Georgie from It <3

The opening is a fun way to set up the party vibe and establish Daphne looking wistfully at Charles. I don’t know if this was intentional, but Harley Quinn is absolutely the costume you would wear if you were trying to get a guy’s attention. I don’t mean that in a “fake geek girls” way or that Harley cosplayers do so to look good for men. There’s just a sexual connotation with the character that doesn’t exist in demonic dolls or little boys in rain slickers who get murdered by evil clowns.

Alex sitting on the couch and not moving, just smiling creepily, is so perfect and IC for her costume, I love it.

Not to sound like a creep but Ingrid looked kind of hot in her horror makeup. 

I waver between whether they’re trying to make Raptor Alex/Emma a legit ship or to make him more of a jerk. Because kissing her forehead might seem kind of sweet, but then it’s like … oh yeah, that is actually inappropriate to do to a girl you barely know who has a boyfriend. And he doesn’t seem happy that she pushed him away.

It’s kind of funny to me that Camille is giving her this very, very teenage advice. Honey, at least one of you is in her 20s.

Camille is a sweetheart and I liked that she offered her number to Emma.

But also … the look of her confusion on her face as Emma left … c’mon dudes. I don’t mind little things like this, but you know, you can establish that suspicion/confusion while Emma is in the room witnessing it, like when Camille first walks in on her and Alex. That’s enough. We’re good.

The shot of Daphne watching Charles (with some random girl, btw, not Sara) was very Dramatique~ but I thought it was well done. Daphne sold it with her heartbreaking reaction.

Oh, Charles dressed as the Joker! That is actually great. Did Daphne know that he was going to dress that way, and planned to go as Harley Quinn accordingly? Or was it a coincidence? I’m going to take it as planned; she found out and decided to have a matching outfit with him, as a sort of couples’ costume. Even though he probably didn’t know about it. Ouch, Daphne.

(Was that an Edward Cullen at the party when Emma leaves? Lmao.)

The reveal of Yann smoking weed is dumb when Emma straight up saw Not Elias smoking with Yann and Lucas at the cabin. Like did it not occur to her…

And Yann posts about smoking weed on IG, what the fuck, this shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.

It really doesn’t make sense when Yann says that he didn’t tell Emma about smoking weed because of exactly the reaction she was having that moment, when Emma is just like, okay you’re smoking weed, meh. Eva actually got upset that Jonas was smoking weed and treated it like it was a big deal, so that made sense for him to say he didn’t tell her due to her predicted freakout. Emma barely gives a shit about Yann smoking weed and openly says so. She was more upset that he hadn’t told her and had lied. Yann is then like, well I didn’t tell you because of the reaction you’re having now. What?? So you lied to her about smoking weed … because you were afraid of her reaction where she is upset that you lied to her about smoking weed. The fuck? 

Sometimes I get the sense that they go through the scripts and make superficial changes but don’t bother with follow-through. Like someone said, “I don’t think Emma would care about him smoking marijuana,” so they changed that part, but stopped there without considering whether the dialogue and character motivations still made sense. This isn’t the first moment like this but it’s probably the most important, since Yann’s behavior in the first half of the season hinges on it.

Props to them for having some silence in this conversation, and for having Yann kiss Emma on the forehead - repeating the gesture Alex did earlier, unintentionally twisting the knife. Although the dialogue went a little OTT, as did Yann’s following text message, in terms of dramatic irony. I TRUST YOU SO MUCH EMMA, I’M SO HAPPY WE PUT THE LIES BEHIND US, I WAS STUPID TO THINK WE COULDN’T TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING. We get it. You don’t have to bang us over the head.

General Comments:

Daphne is still my favorite part of the show. Between her stealing the show and Lucas being not all that great so far, give her S3. 

Maybe I should get used to the POV not being as tight, but then you have to ask … what is the point of sticking to the story from Emma’s POV, other than the original doing it? For example, I’m watching the new season of Jessica Jones. The show is about Jessica Jones. She is the main character and has an arc. But she’s not the only character with development. The supporting cast has scenes without her, with their own story arcs, where they acquire information and do things that Jessica Jones does not know about. There’s nothing wrong with this because it’s the setup of the show. In fact it’s the setup of most shows. 

On the other hand, Skam’s one-person POV is pretty rare in terms of television shows. Actually I am struggling to think of another series told exclusively from another person’s perspective for more than a special episode. If you think about it, it’s rather inconvenient for most overarching plots. So why would you consciously choose this rather limited format? What is the benefit of it? To immerse yourself in the main’s head, to walk through their struggles and triumphs. If you’re going to cut that character out of their own emotional reactions, then why not do the multi-POV? And if you’re sticking to the single POV, then yeah, it is sloppy and worth mentioning. 

I mean, if you’re writing a book, you’ll be advised to keep your POV consistent. A novel with third person limited POV will receive criticism for messy writing if it strays. Harry Potter books don’t randomly jump to Ron’s POV in the middle of scenes. I feel like the same mindset is applicable here.

Not to Start Shit but at this point I definitely think the whole song and dance about “contractual obligations” to be faithful to the original Skam were mostly said to appease fans who didn’t like that the remake was such a close copy. I was skeptical about it when it was first said, but I mean. We’re now past the halfway mark, past when we were supposedly going to have the season diverge, but uh, it’s not. They have clearly been able to change some small things and add a few scenes here and there, so what exactly were these nebulous conditions that the remake had to follow? Did Julie Andem hand them an outline and say, “Here, you gotta do all the stuff on this list but go wild with everything else?” 

I’ll happily admit to my mistakes if there are more official details on the remakes’ obligation to the original, and with four episodes left they could still throw a few curveballs. But do I think that’s likely to happen? Nah, not really. Possibly a slightly different outcome for Yann and Emma. I think maybe they’ll omit some scenes and some smaller story points for time reasons, but that’s it.

[dynamic-instability]

Hi, I just finished my freshman year in premed and my grades were horrible (like C average) and it was because I'm just not good at science in college like I was in hs... I'm so tired all the time and like I don't have chronic illness or anything and so I know it's not even like what you went through and maybe I'm stupid for complaining but I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I've wanted to be a doctor all my life, how do I give up on that dream??

(2/3) I just feel like I’m giving up and letting down everyone who expects things of me but when I think about things like having to get volunteer and shadowing hours I just feel like I’m panicing and it’s just this crushing weight and maybe I’m just not good enough but like how do I give up?? Doesn’t that make me weak?? My grades in other stuff like my history classes and even in calc were good but gen chem and gen bio fucking killed me I’ve always been a good student idk what to do now

(3/3) I’m sorry for sending this long thing that probably doesn’t even make sense and you dealt with so much shit with your sickness and stuff and you got really good grades obviously and I don’t even have anything like that, I’m just not good at school anymore?? I just know I need to make a change if I’m gonna do this premed thing and you’ve had to think about in the past what you’d do if you can’t be a doctor. I guess I just wanted your advice sorry this is so long lol I’m kinda freaking out

Oh my sweet bb anon. The first thing to do is to take a breath. The second thing to do is to stop comparing yourself to me or to anyone. Don’t start down that road of who has it harder and who is overcoming more, because that’s just not a productive line of thinking, okay? I’ve been there, I’ve done that to myself, it doesn’t lead anywhere good. Your struggles are your own struggles, and whatever you choose to do, it is valid. It does not make you weak.

There’s kind of a lot to unpack here so I’m just going to do my best.

I think the biggest question you have to ask here is whether you still genuinely want to be a doctor. So you’re struggling in your science classes, that’s okay, some C’s in freshman year don’t have to stop you. Just because your first year was hard, it doesn’t mean it won’t improve, and that’s true for a bunch of reasons. The material, for one thing: I didn’t like gen chem, but I loved orgo, and I know a lot of people for whom that’s been the case (it depends on how into quantitative thinking you are, I think). Also, intro-level bio classes can sometimes be the hardest because you have to learn a whole new vocabulary and way of thinking, but then once you have those skills it can get a lot easier. Also, regardless of your field of study, the first year of college is hard socially and academically, it’s a rough adjustment. I don’t know you, but maybe your mental health suffered from the stress and the transition, or maybe you just didn’t have the study skills yet because your high school coursework didn’t demand them. A couple bad grades does not mean you’re unable to do this.

What worries me more is that you said things like “I’m tired all the time” and “it feels like this crushing weight.” A look back through this blog will tell you I’ve had my share of feeling like this, and that not all of it can be attributed to chronic fatigue. But at least when it came to bio, I’ve always loved the material. Even when it was killing me, I love biology. I love biology and medicine so much that I do shit like writing a completely unnecessary 50-page lit review about cholera. I love a lot of other things, too, like music and history and linguistics, but nothing makes me happy like medicine makes me happy. If you love it and you’re struggling, you don’t need to give up, you just need to find better strategies for doing well. Find a tutor, work with classmates, find new study/organizational skills, retake some courses if you failed them. And there are going to be some courses in your prereqs that you just won’t like (see: me and physics) and that doesn’t have to stop you. The courses you take in undergrad are not necessarily reflective of everything to come. But if you hate science? Don’t put yourself through this. It isn’t worth it.

Here’s the thing. There is such a thing as a weed-out class, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being “weeded out”, so to speak, doesn’t have to mean you’re not good enough, it can just mean that you’re figuring out what is and is not a good fit for you. My friend @carminapiranha went through this her freshman year, suffered through a year of pre-med where she struggled and was miserable before admitting it was not what she wanted. She has a degree in art history, and is about to go get a master’s degree. There was a girl I knew freshman year who was sure she was going to be a surgeon, but she got a D in gen bio 1 because the class didn’t make sense to her and made her miserable. She got an MBA and is making like hella money now. 

You can change your mind, that is a valid decision. It doesn’t have to mean you’re giving up, it doesn’t have to mean you’re weak, it can just mean you’re looking for something that’s a better fit for you. You said you did well in history classes, but did you also like them? What was your favorite class you’ve taken? I know there are some degrees that feel more “useless” than others, and it would be naive of me to claim that that doesn’t matter when college is so freakin expensive, but honestly? Very few people get jobs directly in the field of their degrees. People end up doing totally random jobs all the time. Maybe there’s something else that’s a better fit for you. If there is, you should go and do that!

So I guess my question is this: why are you trying so hard to stay pre-med? Is it because this is what you want and you can’t see yourself being fulfilled the same way doing anything else? For me, that’s the wall I come up against every time I quit being pre-med (which has happened like… three times now?) If that’s the case then maybe look at alternate careers in the medical field (I myself have thought extensively about becoming a genetic counselor–similar academic requirements, but not as harsh in terms of training, and probably not quite as competitive as far as undergraduate GPA), or you can just keep pushing towards this goal and try to find better ways of studying. As for the extracurricular stuff, I would recommend that you try to stop viewing it as this crushing obligation. Find volunteer opportunities that are things you think are cool and that you want to do, not because they’re things that will look good on a resume. View shadowing as an opportunity to see whether various medical field things are right for you, not as ticking a box for some imaginary (or literal) application-strengthening checklist. If your campus has a pre-med/pre-health club, see about going to some of their events or talks. Talk to a pre-health advisor about options and opportunities. Talk to other pre-health people. It’s a lot, being pre-med. I feel the pressure too, all the time, and it can be exhausting, but if it’s really what you want to do, you don’t have to give up. You certainly don’t have to give up this early. You’re only a baby freshman (well, a baby sophomore, now, I guess) (I can call you a baby because I’m 24 and I have a whole degree now, so #dealwithit) (I promise I mean it with love and not condescension). One year of not-great grades is not going to preclude you from being a doctor.

But if the reason you’re so reluctant to change paths is out of obligation instead of an actual passion for the field, then it’s not worth it to keep making yourself miserable. 

Whoever it is that you feel like you’ll be letting down by not becoming a doctor–your parents or your grandparents or your high school science teacher or whoever–you don’t owe them. I don’t know if you’ve got parents putting pressure on you or what, but if you do, just remember that it’s your life and no one has the right to tell you what to do with it. 

Or maybe the person you feel like you’re betraying is your past self, the version of you that’s dressing up as a doctor for Halloween and telling everyone for the past 18 years how you’re gonna be a doctor and sitting in your bedroom watching Grey’s Anatomy and getting all fired up about how that’s gonna be you one day. This is a thought I’ve had a lot over the past six years or so. It’s hard if you’ve identified yourself by this desire your whole life to suddenly imagine being anything else. I don’t know if that’s the case for you, but I feel sometimes like I have this 12-year-old Kari in my head and I’m breaking her little idealistic medical nerd heart every time I take a step outside the path she’d have me on. But guess what? You don’t owe your past self shit. Your past self had ideas of what your life would be, just like baby Kari had ideas for what my life would be, but she didn’t have all the information that I have. I know better than she did. You cannot control the actions and the thoughts of your future self, you just have to trust that they are better informed than you are. 

You are allowed to change. Your identity is yours and yours alone to shape how you please. It doesn’t make you weak to change course, it makes you flexible. (And hey, if studying biology has taught me anything, it’s that adaptability is key to survival) (There’s a reason my blog is called “dynamic instability”)

[majiimeebts]

KIM SEOK-JIN IS A NARCISSIST?: A NOTE TO PROVE YOU WRONG

I've been an active ARMY for idk months (welcome me, fam I just got converted lool), and it really stressed me out when people are saying that Jin is a narcissist, Yoongi is freaking lazy, Jungkook is bossy, Taehyung is annoying alien, Namjoon and Hobi are ugly and Jimin is fat. Wtf?! Who gave you the permission to talk sht about them when you yourselves are nothing near perfection. Lmao

Anw, I'll write some assessment that I actually observed (live shows, bts episodes, fancams, interviews, variety shows, etc).

Let's all start with our very own WORLDWIDE HANDSOME, KIM SEOK-JIN!

Objectivism + Subjectivism will infulence this thread. Since, I'm a Pyschology graduate and will pursue my masteral degree, I believe that my assessment and evaluation would be reliable. This will be long because I have lots of observations and analysis that I’ll put in here. I HOPE YOU BEAR WITH ME.

People say that Kim Seok-jin (a.k.a. the car door guy, the third guy from the left, the worldwide handsome, the great guy, and now the --guy with the grey sweater) is a freaking narcissist, that his mouth is flaring by his big ego, that he's too full of himself. Let me all tell you everybody that KIM SEOK-JIN is not a freaking narcissist.

For you to understand, you have to know well what are the REAL qualities of a narcissist.

I'll input some psychological perspective on this one.

There are two things you have to know: 1. Narcissism is a personality style (w/c means that narcissism could be dominant to you but you can change your attitude based on the situation. In simple term: you can adjust it to fit with your fellows.) 2. Narcissism when it's too irrational and cannot be adjusted, could lead to personality disorder. This is definitely not good because it will be hard to treat someone like this. This could turn out to some more other disorders--distorting his perspectives.

NARCISSIST person: 1. Interpersonally exploitive, taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Argument: So let me ask you, when did Jin take other's advantage just to achieve his own success?

Let me remind you this shitty reality: KIM SEOK-JIN got 2 sec screen time in NOT TODAY MV; he has the shortest line in every damn songs, since he's not too good in dancing, he's always at the back and can't even got a center position, there are times that he didn't get any lines in a song, he is somewhat least appreciated in the group because he doesn't have lots of exposures! 

2. Has a lack of empathy and an inability to recognize and experience how others feel.

Argument: If you are really an ARMY at heart, you definitely know that Kim Seok-jin is like the "MOM" of the group. (I'm not telling that he's the mom-mom like a woman, but he acts like one and the other BTS members say it, too) He's the one who comforts the members especially when they are feel upset, disappointed and down.

REMEMBER THIS?

This is when Jimin got eliminated from high jump competition in ISAC. We all know how hardworking Jimin is, and he tends to be disappointed to himself every time he screws up. So here’s Jin, making the atmosphere light while comforting Jimin who was closed to tearing. He’s emphatic, people!

Another, this one was Hobi’s birthday. Hobi burst in tears when he watched all the video message for him (esp of his family). Here’s our Jin, wiping Hobi’s tears.

This is just another scene--which was happened naturally. Jin has an innate caring quality.

And this one is my fave:

I literally cried while hearing his letter to Yoongi. I suggest, you search for that video. You’ll see how caring, sweet and kind our Kim Seok-jin.

There are lots of situations, happenings that Jin manifested his empathy and care to his members and even with the people around him. To see how caring Jin is (even to other people), try to watch the Law of the Jungle episodes 247 - 253.

3. Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance. | Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes.

Argument: Let’s see this one, [POWER/SUCCESS] recently it was exposed that Jin is a son of a CEO. Did he ever mentioned it? Nope. Did he fantasied about it? No. Also, [INTELLIGENCE] remember when they asked him what are his favorite subjects? He never brags about it, he just said nothing. To tell you, this guy has lots of achievement. He graduated his gradeschool, high school/mid school, and he’s also a college graduate-- and now, an online student for his master’s degree. Did he brag about it? No. He also became an student exchange in Australia, so don’t be surprised that HE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK AND UNDERSTAND ENGLISH WELL. Though he’s not that fluent like Namjoon, but he can freaking speaks and understands English--but did he brag about it? NO. I remember during fansign event, the question addressed to him was in English, a fan asked him if he understands it and he nodded as response as he wrote down his answer to the post-it.

I’ve been thinking, why can’t he just speak in English when he obviously understands it, there’s two reason that I think he’s thinking (this is an opinion based on my observation): a) he don’t feel confident enough to do it. b) he doesn’t want to get too much attention about it--or maybe thinking about the other members’ feelings (who are not really that good in English).

[BEAUTY]

Remember this? He said that he is worldwide handsome but the he added “To tell the truth...it’s really embarrassing to say this stuff. But it makes me feel good about myself.” This might sound contradicting, but I’ll explain it in a simple way: all of us have threats that can stress our ego, and in Psychology, it may resulted for you to become so insecure or can cause you other irrational feelings. That’s the case of our Kim Seokjin. The threat to his ego is his lack of confidence. Next, to be able to lessen the threat, we all need to defend our ego--so that’s what we all know: DEFENSE MECHANISM. So yes people, it’s only Jin’s defense mechanism. HE’S VERY INSECURE PERSON but to be order to regain his confidence, he needs to boost it with the compliments given to him by us, AMRY’s--which is not a FANTASY because in fact, he is really handsome. There’s no distortion of truth (narcissist believes that they are handsome/beautiful even they are not). So it’s definitely okay to say what’s true.

4.  Requires constant attention and admiration.

Argument: If you will observe, during Bon Voyage or any overseas’ trip with the members, you can see all hi dorky and bright side. He’s hella funny and it’s ok to him to make ugly faces just to make his friends laugh.

People, a narcissist person will NEVER do that. It will always be: I don’t care to you, I need to look good. Fvck fun, I need to look good. 

I will just leave these photos to you and you decide.

CONCLUSION:

Kim Seok-jin is not really that confident person. We all know that he started from zero. He really didn’t know how to sing or dance during his pre-debut days and he really work hard for this kind of success. Even his roommate, Yoongi, acknowledged his hard works. I’ll quote this part: “It seems like yesterday when you were concerned and not confident on stage. But when I see you on stage these days, I realize again how well you sing. It's the result of our hard effort for a long period of time.” 

I also remember, during a radio show, Yoongi told a story about Jin. Yoongi just got home because he was working for their new song, and then he heard Jin singing I Like It, and he got surprised why Jin was singing..after that, Jin suddenly said “Oh, sorry sorry.” then Yoongi realized that Jin was singing on his dream and being yelled out for mistakes. And Yoongi said “I realized that Jin hyung really practiced so hard even in his dreams.” This really teared me up because even in dreams, his insecurities of being not good enough is showing.

With all of these, let me ask you again if that Kim Seok-jin guy is a narcissist? I hope this note will enlighten you. Kim Seok-jin needs our support and comfort. He once said that he gains confidence to us, ARMY’s. So please, I’m asking you to give this guy a chance to prove himself more! Give him all the love that he deserves. Thank you for actually reading this!