#idk if I want them banned
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I understand why people like them
I think they're beautiful
But also as someone with chronic migranes, tonight sucks
I had to call off work because my head hurts enough I'm struggling to stay upright
Oof
quintessential "Teh Liberals Ruining Everyone's Fun" take but WHY CANT WE JUST BAN FIREWORKS :(
#idk if I want them banned#byt gosh i wish i could get away from them#theyre everywhere this time of year#all week long
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merlin’s secret being a visual thing. when he is around arthur or gwen or leon or morgana or [insert whatever character here] merlin seems pale and thin, almost like a ghost or an apparition. when the sun lands on him he reflects it like a corpse, he eyes seem dark and dull. he has this ethereal beauty to him, this otherworldly visage that leads many to believe he is of fae blood. he just doesn’t seem to be 100% human. but when he is ONLY with lancelot or gaius (cough or gwaine bc gwaine DEFINITELY knew) merlin is heartachingly human. merlin shines in the sunlight, colors are brighter and more vibrant around him, and his smiles are wide and his laughs are boisterous. he takes on color and leaves everyone wanting to know him. but when other join in or interact with the two, merlin shifts before their eyes so quickly and suddenly that they aren’t sure whether or not what they saw was a trick of the light. the idea still leaves them wanting more and wanting to see the merlin who is just so full of life but that merlin only appears for a small select group of people. merlin who has a guard so high that it has an effect of other’s perception of him.
#arthur is absolutely steaming about this btw#he so desparately wants to be in the golden bubble around merlin in those moments#but his mere presence seems to pop it#hes fuming#its not until after the magic ban is repealed that everyone gets to see the glowing golden merlin#and they finally realize what the trick of the light was#merlin who is magic incarnate who (no matter how hard he tries) cannot fully repress what makes him him#arthur who finally gets to be in the golden bubble and its so much better than he ever couldve imagined#merlins magic is finally able to roam free the way it only could with a few people#merlins magic who absolutely adores arthur and is constantly reaching out for him even if him and merlin arent in the same vicinity#lmao arthur bringing up how merlins magic likes to card thru his hair and ease any sore muscles he may have#and lancelot and gwaine going ‘wtf? what about my muscles and hair?? merlin hates me?? merlin is playing favorites???? jail.’#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#subtle magic my beloved#visibly Strange merlin my dear#idk i was thinking about pre-magic reveal!arthur watching merlin and lancelot talking and then pouting and going#‘why doesnt he smile and look at me like that? :(‘#and then post-magic reveal!arthur having a moment of realization and going#like ‘oh hes hiding a huge part of what makes him him. i only know half of my best friend.’#and then setting out to know ALL of him bc arthur and merlin are soulmates and in love and two sides of the same coin and best friends and-#im going thru my drafts and finding so many banger posts#idk why i never posted them LMAOO
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listen I know it’s kind of corny and inaccurate to act like every single person in the dc universe knows each other and is besties but it IS endlessly funny to me to follow the web of connections and see how many degrees removed from each other everyone is.
like look at the arrowfam okay. ollie and dinah are together, ollie is homoerotic best friends with hal, dinah is homoerotic best friends with babs. roy is dating dick, has a kid with jade, and is basically an adoptive father to both grant emerson and rose wilson. connor is dating kyle and is constantly followed around by eddie fyers. mia is friends with a lot of the second gen teen titans kids, had an on-again-off-again thing going on with steph for a while, and is currently dating sienna. emiko is besties with courtney and some of the other recent teen titans. sin has a small army of protective aunts from the birds of prey. the real question is how far does it go before ollie puts a cap on the number of people who are invited to family brunch on sundays
#arrowfam#LIKE. PLSSSS#can you imagine them all in one room.#roy: hey ollie can garth come to brunch this week.. he’s in town and i never get to see him and he really wants to try your pancakes#ollie: idk roy we’re already at max capacity..#roy: please dad🥺🥺🥺🥺#ollie: …..fine. someone will have to be uninvited then#mia: why? what’s one more person?#ollie: bc I have Very Strict Rules!!! If I don’t follow the invite limit then the whole town’ll show up every week!#connor what about axing kyle#connor: …dad. I am not disinviting my boyfriend and Only Guest to brunch bc of your arbritrary rules.#ollie: fine that’s fair. um…#mia: what about grant#ollie: for the last time mia we are not banning your nephew from family brunch because he allegedly#ate some of your bacon one time. it was not a big deal and you need to get over it#mia: UMM‼️‼️ it was a big deal TO ME🗣️🗣️and I don’t appreciate you INVALIDATING my emotions like this‼️‼️#ollie: uhhh emiko what about courtney. she comes over like every week will she be fine sitting this one out#emiko: I can’t believe this. how dare you deny my ONLY FRIEND IN THE WORLD an invitation to brunch. it’s like you hate me#ollie: EMI I KNOW YOU PATENTLY HAVE MORE FRIENDS. who have BEEN TO BRUNCH BEFORE.#emiko: YOU CAN’T TAKE COURTNEY FROM MEEEEEE#ollie: FINE ok.#roy: why don’t you just tell hal not to come all the way down here for brunch I mean he’s here every week anyway#ollie: bc it’s hal okay. mind your own business.#roy: fine. but we’re running out of people#connor: I mean………. what about eddie#ollie: ………….. yeah ok I’m sold. that works. meeting adjourned good job team#mia: why are you so worked up about keeping attendance low anyway#ollie: MY KITCHEN TABLE CAN ONLY FIT SO MANY SUPERHEROES MIA
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I’m sooooooo convinced focus are cooking something up and it has something to do with the bugbombs exploit
#lifesteal spoilers#sketchy.txt#🌀#idk bruh#like they vagued about spoke that one time#and the whole softlock thing that needed admins#and then the weirdness around 4c ban#they’re covering something up#and also I’m choosing to believe that there is a small bit of truth#from what spoke was saying yesterday#*someone* is going to end the server and he knows who#and the focus spoke vaguing#it really does feel like they at least *talked* to spoke about world-end-y things#they’re so suspicious#I think mainly I’m suspicious of them because of the covering up#like squiddo is omitting details for a reason#idk#I want something big so bad lolz!
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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*Loudly banging my pots and pans*
BEWARE!! TIKTOKERS APPROACHING
#it's officially banned and idk how many of them are heading over here but I'm worried#get ready for what I can only imagine is going to be a wave of conservative/censorship pushers into our fandom spaces lmao#wish chats#this is a joke mostly because I want to continue to spread global community and be part of that#so like#welcome tiktokers#we say fuck here#TikTok
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this is probably a long shot but does anyone know any US stores (or online/international shops that will ship to the US) that carry peach rings with no artificial dyes? specifically no artificial red dyes (i.e. red 40)
#i dont want them to be sugar free or anything - just no artificial red dye#i’d like to get some for my sister for christmas but last time i looked i could not find anything even online 😞#idk i feel like there should be some niche website out there where you can buy all the popular gummy-type candies but with natural food dye#or if i could order them from someplace in europe where artificial dyes are banned.. ?#hello grace here
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5c99a635fcf9fdbbf570ec56e9ab0b33/cd337546b2a03b4c-4e/s540x810/3587b9f958b94498dcfbb40d96ddc883a9f53fd0.jpg)
#i needed some minutes to get my thoughts together but this is a more cohesive ... thing of what i feel? idk#i feel like theres just no balance. obvs they debuted at a difficult time and it wouldve been hard to push it back bc of the members etc#its either theyre ignored (quite literally) or they get fucked over. why is there no balance between keeping their essence and also promo#like its SM's fucking fault that they didnt reach their actual potential. and it's their fault on how they handled lu/as' scandal.#if you weren't going to add him back to the group. why did you waste almost two years of their time for no reason? i just dgi. it always#makes me feel sad to see that clip of ten spoiling phantom at a kick back stage. they had their next cb planned like... idek#i feel from omy onwards when they shifted under prism. theyve had a different sound and their focus feels just on the kn audience#which is WILD. they have 127 and dream as it is. and it was a wayv song that got cn banned from being sung on national tv so... ?#sm wants cn money but no effort with their cn group. and this comeback has just pissed me off ngl. i like the songs and the aes but what#is the aim? what audience are we trying to cater to? krn? global? cn? okay. you fucked up in the past but look at what the fans are saying#what they like. phantom was their cb and it broke records. personal and otherwise. why arent we sticking to this? why arent are there no cn#bsides. and ill never forgive them for blaming wayv and kun. i really never will.#and about the sc situation. i think he can do as he pleases and im happy with whatever he picks. but the purposeful sabotaging of wayv & him#shifting the dates so he cant participate. .. SM you'll implode by my hand i promise. and then his fans coming to shit on wayv like they#personally told him not to participate. ridiculousness from both sides.#i don't think its that hard to experiment but also stay with what was liked originally. if theyre a chinese group. give them some cn songs.#to add on. i personally believe they shifted the dates bc lu/as debut was a complete money waste and they desperately needed another avenue.#egg.co
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seriously though the amount of characters they make blatantly clear are disabled in media where fandom still finds a way to ignore it as much as possible is like. insane. sakamoto ryuji is disabled. cloud strife is disabled. midoriya izuki is disabled. noctis lucis caelum? is disabled. kaz brekker. disabled. iron man? you might not believe this. but he is also disabled. crazy, right! its almost hard to believe.
#.text#luke fon fabre is also DISABLED!!!#the only thing i ever see acknowledged is anxiety and adhd within characters and im sorry but it pisses me off.#i hope anime fans dont find this post LOL theyre so fucking stupid that ALSO pisses me off#izuku being disabled is written in plain text in the first 5 fucking pages of the manga#him being 'quirkless' is a disability. if youre too stupid to acknowledge that then you dont have a right to participate#in the conversation. which means anime fans are BANNED from this post#sorry to say this to them but sasuke is also disabled. hes ours now. explode 10 thousand times#sorry idk why im so angry about this today#i kind of want to put edward elric on this post but its less of a matter of ppl forgetting hes disabled and more like theyre gross abt it#honorary mention edward elric.
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Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?
#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind#fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once#god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit#oughhhhh#even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio#which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed#now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable#and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame#features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral#and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP#even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh#not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk#if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me#and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired#unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more#why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers#there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place#and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things.#maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either#I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time#but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy#it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care.#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife
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I can't stop thinking of Kyanako's Order of Attack au... there's something so moving to me about how things getting so much worse could be what finally causes Amane to get better -- seeing Fuuta dying may be the final straw of getting her to rethink her rejection of medicine. Been a while since I've attempted something whump-y, this was fun to work with.
Tw for mentions/contemplation of death. I don't go into detail about the cult but the doctrines are implied through it all.
Fuuta was not a big fan of dying.
When he imagined his own death, he always pictured it as something dramatic and fast. Action heroes going out in a show of explosions and gunfire. Fantasy characters meeting the shining end of a blade. Even when he accepted his place in Milgram, it filled his mind with images of gallows and electric chairs.
Whatever this slow, lengthy fever was, it was pissing him off.
He’d lost all sense of time. He could no longer tell which hour the prison bells were marking -- morning and night blended together. Dreaming and waking blended together. His head injury and broken leg and broken bones blended together. It was all just pain at the end of the day. He had nonstop visitors that kept him awake and asked him too many questions and prodded his injuries and made his head spin. Somehow, he was simultaneously alone every time he rolled over to talk to someone. Painfully, suffocatingly alone.
If Kotoko was going to kill him with those ridiculous emo boots of hers, she should have just done it. He was losing his mind here: devoid of all energy, suffering through broken bones and a cracked head, and boiling in an increasingly fiery fever. Maybe that was the reason he stopped commenting when he watched Amane pocket the medicine Shidou had left him. Maybe that was why he’d stopped following Shidou’s instructions himself. Even after losing an eye and taking a beating herself, Amane always looked at peace. He was tired of dealing with all of this. He wanted a bit of that peace.
Regardless of why, it was working. His fever had quickly gone from the biggest pain in his ass to the very thing that dulled his racing thoughts.
He awoke suddenly, or maybe he’d already been awake. He couldn’t feel anything in his limbs. There was only a breathless heat around him. He raised himself into a sitting position, looking for a drink. Moving his head felt like one of those glitching computer windows that leaves a trail of copies behind it. The room swam around him. His eyes moved absently around him.
Fuuta picked up the glass that someone had left him. His fingers were clumsy, and it immediately went crashing to the ground. He hardly heard the noise as it broke apart on the concrete below.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d just go get a drink himself. Shidou told him not to get up without help. But what did he know? Thinking of the man ordering him around only drove Fuuta to step out of bed even quicker. He cried out, pain shooting through his leg. That was right, it was broken…
Fuuta looked down, finding himself on the ground. It was so hot. Maybe this is what she felt, he thought numbly. Was it this slow for her too? Probably not. She had no regrets to fill the time like he did. The heroes got quick, beautiful deaths, and it was the villains who had to suffer the long ones.
He lifted his right palm from where it had caught his fall. The shattered glass on the floor had cut into it. Shattered glass? What had broken? He stared blankly at the blood dripping down.
He didn’t have the strength to raise himself up. He was burning. Why was he on the ground? Was he bleeding? He could barely breathe. What was he doing here, anyway? He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He was so weak... just to lie down... he wouldn't have the strength to get back up again. Was that such a bad thing...?
A voice caught his attention. His eyes struggled to focus on the figure who’d come running into the cell. He couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying, but he was happy when she pressed her cool little hands against his forehead.
He allowed her to prop him up next to the bed. She held onto his hand, squeezing it tight. Why was she holding it like that? That hand was bleeding. When did that happen?
Her arms wrapped tightly around him. He wanted to shove her away -- it was too hot -- but couldn’t. In his ear, he could make out her words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, Fuuta. Don’t leave me alone. I’m so sorry...”
As she pulled back, he recognized Amane. Her uninjured eye was filled with tears. Was she upset? He thought he’d been making her happy. He wanted to keep making her happy. He’d never made anyone happy before.
He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out. They all scrambled up in his mouth. He felt the cell swirling around him.
Amane raised her voice. She looked desperately upwards. “This can’t be --! This isn’t right!”
Fuuta looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing there.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
She continued talking. Fuuta was too busy studying the ceiling. She was shouting. Or maybe crying. Fuuta didn’t like that she was so upset. Huh, had there been someone there? He surveyed the empty cell. What was he doing on the ground?
He looked down at his hand. The sheet from his bed had been pulled down and wrapped hastily around it. Why? His eyes felt sticky as he blinked. Everything hurt. It was so hot. What was going on? He was so angry. He was so scared. He wanted to cry. Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just hurry up and die already?
The next time she entered, Fuuta recognized Amane instantly. Her one hand pointed to him, the other held onto someone else. The second figure hurried over to him.
Fuuta was not a big fan of dying. Shidou reassured him he wouldn’t.
—
“You’re wearing the eyepatch,” Fuuta observed.
He was playing a dangerous game, drawing attention to it like that. He was too exhausted, and his curiosity won out over his better judgment. If Amane was going to explode with one of her typical speeches, he’d just let her.
She didn’t.
Amane’s hand drifted up to her eye. It had been hastily covered before, but now it was cleaned and wrapped in professional-grade materials. She simply said, “Kajiyama Fuuta. How do you feel?”
“Like shit.”
“But--”
“-- But I’m better, yeah.”
Amane nodded, her shoulders releasing.
“Oi, I haven’t seen you in a while. Not since…” He wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence. Shidou had told him what happened, but it was difficult to believe. He couldn’t quite trust his own memory of the night. No matter how much clearer his mind felt since receiving proper treatment, those days of fever still muddled together. He heard that Amane had up and switched her beliefs overnight -- she was now complacent about all of Shidou's treatments -- but Fuuta knew people didn't just change like that. He wanted to hear it for himself.
She lowered her gaze in shame. “I… I thought you hated me.” Her voice was steady. “As you should. I almost killed you. I accept any ill will you may feel.”
“I -- what? You’re wrong. You… it wasn’t…” He grabbed his head, grunting in frustration.
After standing awkwardly in the entryway the whole time, Amane took a few steps inside. She made it to his bedside when he finally collected his thoughts.
“It was your fucked up family or whatever that caused everything. They did this. And I went along and made things worse.” He looked away. His next words felt stupid to say to a little kid. He felt like the most pathetic, weak, loser. But it was too important not to say.
“They almost killed me. You saved me.”
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#amane momose#i am emotional about them!!!#my other drabble between them hinted that fuuta would convince her away from her dangerous beliefs before things got too bad#but i wanted to see what would happen if things Did get bad ya know#we were talking about what could convince amane to think twice about the medicine ban (if anything)#and i think seeing her closest friend is literally on deaths door finally gets through to her#shes sees him weak and bloody and completely out of it and knows this is Wrong#i dont know how long it takes fuuta to realize that it really was all for him that she changed but he does accept it eventually#it helps both of them grow#he feels worth saving (and therefore worth turning his life around) and she is freer from her cult#not completely#but one step at a time#tried to make fuutas narration simpler and shorter to reflect his thoughts but idk if that worked#i thought they were going to do a lot of stuff with mahirus head injury and memory but they never did- i played around with that a bit here#i thought about writing out amanes monologue to her god about how shes not doing this anymore but 1. its more dramatic to leave that to#the imagination and 2. idk if its silly but some things are so personal for a character and i dont wanna intrude... like yeah its my#story but thats between her and god fr#drabbles#tw cults#tw child abuse
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fav sonic prime s3 screenshots
sillies
(left) sonic got grabbed by the quills??
(right) shadow's little kicky feet when he gets chucked by robotic rouge
happy throwing him thursday (it is saturday)
#sth#i'm so normal about them#i'm in shock#i miss shadow already#sonadow nation how're we feeling#i looove love love the choppy stylized animation#so yum#there were some super cool fight choreo also#nine.... little meow meow with 94 mental illnisses and banned from most public spaces#i wonder where his character is gonna go#how exciting#his mannerisms are becoming similar to eggman i think#he's so close to achieving his dream but he doesn't even look that happy about it imo#idk if this is just projecting but i wonder if this is like#when u really want something so u do everything u can to get it#but you kinda lose sight of why u want it in the first place#so it feels more like a punishment than a reward#he's a little delusional#he's just a ilttle guy#sonic prime spoilers
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i fear nothing will ever get me like the secret relationship trope gets me
#i love it so much#it's just so versatile and chaotic#it can be angsty and devastating#featuring internalized homophobia or fear or other discrimination#it can have someone convinced their partner is ashamed of them#but it can also be fluffy and silly#“let’s see how long it takes before everyone else figures it out#“all our friends are dense#“i don’t want to be banned from sleepovers#idk man#i just love secret relationships#fanfiction#fanfic tropes#fandom
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today has been pretty epic
#24 year old ex friend got banned#<- total fucking gross ass weirdo#dream hate on my tl as god intented#fuck that guy oh my god#drew butch steampunk again might upload these ones i like them#FUCK coilpunk btw (ok it’s cute but the 24 yr old creep liked it a lot so it leaves a bad taste in my mouth if you ship it that’s cutee it’#my little revenge mentally#god bless#i have a astronomy final on monday it’s finals week might die but it’s ok#idk i just wanted to ramble :))#hi mutuals
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idk I guess I'm tired of this attitude that if you're not constantly reading 9,000 page books or publicly critically analyzing the shows you're watching with huge essays, it means you don't actually engage deeply with material or you're somehow vapid and something something "consume product"
like man, stuff exists besides Media To Consume. Art is great and it's awesome. It's very cool to read books and like TV shows and movies. And not all of those need to be fuckin Citizen Kane. But it's awesome to like intense stuff too. But like yeah. You gotta have other stuff you do. I have lots of other stuff I do! Sometimes I don't even post on the internet about it!
So when I come online and post a bunch of Transformers or Gundam screencaps of some beautiful boy with the caption GOD I HATE HIS FUCKING FACE I'M GONNA CHEW HIS SKIN OFF GRRRR I AM SO IN LOVE it doesn't actually mean I don't have deeper thoughts than that. I'm just posting because I'm in my 30s and work 40 hours a week and just wanna watch a fun cartoon sometimes man.
geez
#every day i am happier that i do not Engage With Fandom anymore#if you're gonna make character judgments based on posts about cartoons online idk man#i think you need a hobby that doesn't involve looking at your phone!#i think i feel insane bc i saw a tweet yesterday that said#'vine shut down. tiktok banned. they don't want us to have entertainment. they want us miserable'#and i was like#you cannot be fucking serious that your only or even main entertainment in life is tiktoks#like you cannot actually be fucking real right now#listen i lay on my couch and watch instagram reels to wind down after a day of work#but if instagram reels went away i wouldn't be like#THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING TO MAKE US MISERABLE#you reeeeeeeeeeeally need a hobby that doesn't involve staring at a screen or reading fiction sometimes#none of these things are bad#but like oh my god. you really need to do somethiNG ELSE#peoples' entire personalities are becoming Analysis of Media and idk how you people aren't fucking exhausted#every time i wanna talk about a show now people wanna start a debate with me about the ethics of characters' actions#and like! maybe sometimes! but oh my god! i'm tired dude!#and everyone's just getting their opinions on things#by watching other people talk about them#watching tiktoks of people talking about books.....#watching videos of other people play games...... idk
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getting into fandom recently,,, by god is it scary!! lmao
(i don't mean this as hate to anyone/anything in particular i am just out n about exploring communities and By God it is terrifying someone come pick me up lmao)
#elize.txt#idk most of the fandoms I've been in for years have been like. mostly small/indie/dead#then like after cookie run kingdom blew up#did you know there's. a ban on the wiki abt discussing cookie genders#cookie. genders#n like#timekeeper cookie#i saw people talkin abt the selfcest ship with them and croissant cookie being toxic and stuff#which is. ok everyone is free to interpret stuff however they want! no one's exactly wrong here#devolved into mentions of problematic age gaps n other. things. real fast.#how did we get here?#cookie game??#then seeing h*yoverse stuff across the horizon as well#censoring not as an insult but mainly bc idk enough abt the games to tag it ToT#i do not think modern day fandom wouldve survived some of the old maplestory ships /lh#HoM x Freud#freud x evan#idk what the ship names were oops#eclipse x luminous#whatever's going on in the kbms tags also scare the hell out of me#like. ok amen have a good day goodnight.#drawing#art#oh god right 4851 being fetishized as some kind of yandere ship as well....#when will i be free... god forbid my ships don't come backed with Unspeakable Horrors
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