#idk if I should tag anything or anyone else?

[chairteeth]

"The Many Masks of Touka Satomi"

So I actually wanted to refine this certified word vomit of mine before I put it anywhere buuuut I figured this would be a good time to let it out of its containment zone. This is essentially me overthinking the crap out of everything ever and coming out of it with this interpretation of Touka in particular. Informal essay under the cut! It will have extra tangents! And I blend a bit of what we were shown in the anime into my interpretation, but this is game canon.

Whenever Touka is discussed, the words "child", "immature", "selfish", and "arrogant" are the ones most often thrown around. There is usually not much more discussion after that. Well, I'm not here to say it's wrong, it's correct for the most part, I'm just here to draw attention to the fact that there's so much more to her than meets the eye. So, hear me out, if you would.

Touka's levels of vulnerability in the Magius era. That's already interesting by virtue of it being the Magius era. That's a really interesting era. Ui was what brought Touka and Nemu together and Ui was the cornerstone of their relationship for a while, so losing that RETROACTIVELY kinda makes you wonder exactly what their memories of the hospital era became. How exactly the two of them met, became friends, came to share a room, etc. Because the quotes are from their Magius selves and so we know they very much remember being roommates for a long time and still consider each other reliable and trustworthy (also the entirety of Nemu's swimsuit costume story which spawns many questions when you stop to think about it but I will touch on that some other time). We know that in reality, the hospital trio began to share a room after Touka, in her infinite princess behavior, asked her dad to put all three of them in the same room because it was annoying to walk between the rooms so often (source: TouNemu Christmas alt quotes). Interesting choice on her part back then considering she seemingly wanted Nemu out of the way, but I will touch on that another time because the hospital era has its own analysis.

Okay then, let's talk about Touka's role as a Magius. A leader. One who shoulders the burdens of the many. She willingly exposed herself to the weight of a whole people's sorrow, pain, grief, anger. And then she chose to lead them. To avenge them. It may not have started that way but it sure as heck got there at some point (thank you anime for helping out with this point). Now, I want to stop here for a moment and remind everyone that during Arc 1, Touka was 11 to 12 years old (as per the JP script, she is 12 by the end of it). Not only that, but if you pay attention, you'll notice the stress of Nemu's declining health is killing her. Nemu is quite literally the only person Magius Touka shows genuine concern for. This one person she cares about more than anyone else, slowly dying for the plan. For the cause. And as the sort of "main leader", Touka can't back down. She just can't. It would be not only a betrayal to "her people", but also to the one closest to her, the one who has arguably sacrificed the most for their salvation. So then, with someone as full of herself as Touka, someone seemingly so arrogant... What about her own health and wellbeing? What about her own sense of self? Because I have a feeling she doesn't really have one.

The way she always emphasizes the genius aspect of herself and even uses it as an excuse and brings it up so often feels like that's all she sees herself as. Nemu gives, yes. Nemu has similar issues. But hers are much, much more obvious. Less concealed. Touka gives without measure, without the slightest care for herself. She's selfish and at the same time one of the most selfless characters. There's also the interpretation that, at their very core, Touka and Nemu both just wanted to live. But I feel like that was only at the beginning. If that was all there was to it, the plan would not have continued with Nemu's life at risk, Touka would not put herself in the line of fire. Essentially, Touka has taken on way, way too much responsibility, as well as crafting several masks. Don't forget, just like every other magical girl, she led a double life the entire time, and she financed a lot of the cult's operations. Though I don't have any doubt many of the richer members contributed to the budget with their ridiculous allowances that they do not use.

Touka had to hide from everyone. She couldn't show her true self to anyone. Not her father who loves her so deeply, not anyone else in her civilian life, not her subordinates, Alina is not the most warm and welcoming to be around... so her only option is Nemu. That's comfortable. That's familiar. But. Then there are the many, many feelings she has about Nemu. It's, complicated you see. Touka feels many ways about Nemu. For starters, if their memory of Ui is gone, it means all of the warmth and kindness Ui had must've taken another form, which explains the difference in their bond, how they seem so much... closer, as Magius. Either way, even back then, Nemu is the only one who would understand. Touka Satomi is an actress. Everywhere else is her stage, and Nemu is backstage. So, Touka can only ever be truly 100% vulnerable with Nemu. Yet she still didn't do it. I don't think Magius Touka ever really fully 100% relied on Nemu. She may have wanted to, and she does call her reliable in her quotes. But well, with Nemu's health getting worse and worse, she may have come to the conclusion that it would be for the best (health-wise) if Nemu didn't have to share her burden.

However, Nemu's declining health also brought something else. Touka took on another role: the protector. Nemu is practically helpless during the mid to late Magius era. Not completely helpless, she's still a strong magical girl, mind you, but could drop or have an attack at any time. We see this multiple times such as in Mifuyu's MGS, her own MGS, and she even has what is basically a stroke during Arc 1 Chapter 8, 4:02:36 - 4:03:43 in the video if you want to take a listen (I have a Magius Nemu essay in the works, don't you fret). Therefore, Touka has to be alert and ready to respond immediately. Which I think is why we see more of Alina outside than Touka. Touka lingers around where Nemu is and only hesitantly hands her over to Alina or Mifuyu when she absolutely must. Other than the sheer pain of watching Nemu bleed herself dry and being unable to do anything about it, not because she physically can't, but because she can't in a different sense... she also can't revert things back to the way they were, for all of her genius and medical knowledge she can't help Nemu, she can't help her best friend feel even a little better. This leads us to the undeniable fact that Touka is very, very unstable and volatile as a Magius. That's not the impression she first gives at all, of course.

Arc 1 Chapter 6 is where we first meet Magius Touka. She's calm, with a cold cheerfulness to her, calculated. Most importantly, I feel like the reason she was the one doing the lecture instead of literally just sending Mifuyu was because she recognized Team Mikazuki as a possible threat and specifically did not like Iroha, which was also why she lied. The one and only thing Touka lied about in her lecture: Iroha asked where Nemu was, Touka said they parted ways after being discharged. Blatant gigantic lie. And seriously, the only reason she'd have to lie about that and in that specific way would be to protect Nemu. At that point, Iroha and her team have wiped out a handful of uwasa, so she must have known. But yes, this is not at all how she really feels or what she really thinks. This is just another mask (I will talk about Touka's plastic smile and Nemu's poker face ANOTHER TIME). Because she needs to nip any aspirations Iroha may have in the bud, hopefully recruit more Feathers, and neutralize the threat that is Team Mikazuki.

What happens just as she's starting to go off the deep end? How convenient, it seems Yachiyo and Iroha have spent a good amount of their time destroying uwasa, thus wasting Nemu's repeated sacrifices, and forcing her to make more in order to meet their energy quota. Honestly, who wouldn't be losing it, at that point? So close to salvation, so close to freedom, so close to being done. And they're ruining not only the plan but also everything it means for her and the person she loves most. When you really think about it, Touka's mental health was, forgive the crude language, IN DEEP SHIT throughout Arc 1. Not that it was great before or that it improved too much after, but yeah, I do believe people do not give this enough thought.

Finally, with all of this in mind, as for the topic of this rant being Touka's levels of vulnerability as a Magius... There were none. She had no choice. At first it was fine. At first, before the gears turned too fast to stop, she could deal with it. She could confide in Nemu, even a little bit in Alina or Mifuyu (though not much), but it got worse and worse. Mifuyu was clearly blind to all of this the entire time (she, much like everyone other than Touka, didn't seem to care that Nemu had to give up her life force for each uwasa, and if you disagree I will point out the scene at the end of Mifuyu's MGS as one of my more than five pieces of evidence). Alina likely didn't care enough, and Nemu was probably too exhausted, although the concern must've been there. In summary, Magius Touka stands alone in her mind, and with her mind. Arc 1 was practically a descent into madness for her. When you start thinking about things from Touka's perspective, you start to see how abysmal her mental health was.

As part of my conclusion I'd like to say that honestly, it makes sense why she gave off the feeling of being lost for a decent chunk of... everything after Arc 1. What is she supposed to do without a purpose? What is she supposed to do without anything or anyone to tell her what she is and who she is? Not to mention the fucking ton of bricks to her face that must've been getting her memories back. I do not know how she didn't break. I legitimately do not know how she survived. During that little "lost" stage she had, I got the feeling she'd relapse back to her suicidal tendencies. It was... less "a feeling" and more "exactly what canon did", it's just slightly (badly) disguised.

ANYWAY. What I mean is that the children are complex and I ask everyone to have more respect and more compassion for them. I will be back with more about the performer and her backstage, hopefully in a more organized format.

[bamgeut]

NINGNING | HOT MESS (240703) ↳ for @sunugf

[horsegirlalexkralie]

what are some super specific kinks or fetishes you think the hornet boys would have?

jays into oviposition idk dont ask me god beamed that into my brain boy likes eggs. hes every flavor of monsterfucker (keen eyed followers already know he Is monster) ive been meaning to do a jay gets a creature harem fic for a while. vampire boyfriend werewolf boyfriend eldritch abomination boyfriend etc .. like one of those isekai plotlines where hes like the ideal human speciman or whatever o_O i got transported to another world where i have the most fertile womb ?!

tim. bear with me. tim has some kind of weird body/control thing going on my heart says piss but i know i have a bias. something with being controlled on that level like he has an intimate masochistic relationship with discipline. To Me. hes the epitome of that post thats like men love being tied up and gagged it makes them feel masculine. so uhm. i'd like to see him piss himself and be just so ashamed abt it.

brians a somnophiliac in my heart .... he likes feeling powerful and a little nasty with it .. scenes where hes taking advantage of someones weakness .. and theres something about the way someone so strong and capable can look so angelic and peaceful .. and limp and helpless ... i just think his hands should be going up his boyfriends' clothes while theyre sleeping more tbqh. theyre very nice.

alex is into [REDACTED]

[lesgay-loser]

Sorry for all the ventposting it's just that I'm fucking miserable and no one really loves me enough to stay

[hana-bobo-finch]

“omg I have stuff to do today I need to get up why am I so tired”

the leif i absentmindedly doodled past 11pm because I suddenly found the airbrush tool to be Very fun:

[izzy-b-hands]

Was doing okay holding back all of the fear re: the potential election outcome until literally this second what the fuck to my brain lmao

[bluastro-yellow]

get it Kim has a lot to unpack do you get it

it's imperfect I'll never polish it just take it as it is I should have put aerostatics not airplanes...

[paigemathews]

if you could give prue kids (in an au where she lives), who would it be with (can be anyone dead or alive) and could you tell us a little bit about them?

Okay, so this might be a bit of a boring answer, but canonically, I think that Prue really only ever would've ended up at a place where she was comfortable having kids with Andy, if he had survived. Obviously, if she hadn't died, I think that they'd have given her another love interest, but looking at her canon love interests for more than an episode: Andy (dead), Bane (jail), Jack (...c'mon), and Justin (literally got dumped for no personality.) And while I'd love to spin up a Prue/Bane kid (not a Jack kid bc quite frankly, @phoebehalliwell has got that on lock already), I think it's gotta be Prue and Andy, assuming that they both survived.

The rest of this kind of have to go under the cut because I finished it, checked how many words it was, and went 'oooh, fuck.' In case you're wondering, the answer is over two thousand, so. I'm gonna get blocked if I just drop that on people's dashes lmao.

So, in this 'verse, I think that Prue would've actually been the first to have a child, for several reasons. Firstly, we actually do see her express a desire to have kids at a few points in the show and she doesn't seem to have as many as the same hang-ups of her sisters. Her issue seems to just be the good dad part. Secondly, she'd be the one with the longest and most stable relationship, since she and Andy have known each other for so long and were pretty much on the verge of committing to each other anyways when Andy, y'know. Got dead.

That said, I don't particularly think that it would have been an intentional pregnancy. This is kind of dependent on where we're at in the show, but I think that it'd probably end up at a point where the danger is ramping up and the Source is becoming more of a threat. I don't think that Prue would be initially willing to a) step back from the front lines of the fight b) bring a child into the consistent danger of the household and c) risk orphaning her child like she was. I can see it as a plotline where demons are constantly attacking and frazzling the sisters and we see her miss her meticulous birth control pill or something and then a few episodes later assume that it's because of stress, only to find out that, surprise! You're pregnant, and probably a bunch of dangerous stuff is happening.

But anyways, I think that Prue and Andy would go with the P tradition, because Andy seems like the type of family guy who'd be all for it and I think that Prue, having seen this kind of different continual line of her family, would be into it. (Also, I don't really see any reason why she'd be against continuing it either, tbh.)

So our firstborn daughter is Perri Christina Halliwell, and I'm now realizing the obvious connotation of that lmao. I'm just trying to look at P names that have not been taken by any of the sisters themselves or my main next gen, and Christina is actually a reference to two different female writers that my brain initially thought was the same person: Christine de Pizan, a medieval feminist writer (responsible for The Book of the City of Ladies), and Christina Rossetti, a Victorian writer whose works were often viewed through a feminist lens (at least in my class). I like the name flip thing though, so now I'm keeping it. As for the first name, I think that Perri has this almost rebellious feel to it, which fits for her.

But anyways, Perri, our firstborn witch! I think that because of the circumstances around Perri's birth, especially with Prue having lost her own mother at such a young age, she's incredibly protective over her. (God forbid if Piper or Phoebe died in this 'verse, because it'd multiple by ten.) Perri is also the first member of the next generation, so she's kind of the test child on "Training Your Magical Child 101." And the thing is, I'd genuinely argue that the sisters not being raised with their powers both endangered them as they tried to figure everything out and kept them from reaching their full potential, and I think that Prue's biggest goal is keeping Perri safe, so she goes. kinda hard on the training witch thing. And Andy kind of sides with Prue on this because he doesn't have the magic to help or protect Perri, so. It's not just Prue, but Piper and Phoebe (and Paige? idk if Paige is in this AU or not yet tbh) are also training her, so it's a little less harsh than it could be.

Perri grows up to be a powerful witch with a pretty thorough background on all of the different aspects of magic (spells, potions, powers, demons, etc.) Like her mother, she's a telekinetic witch. I think that under her mother's tutelage, her powers also actually advance relatively quickly so that she develops advanced telekinesis. Lastly, she also had this combination of levitation/limited flight in that she can lift herself and other things off the floor but can't go Superman-ing around. (Is this half because I want to imagine a scene of Perri mid-air wrecking someone's shit? Yes. I fully admit to my utilization of the Rule of Cool here.)

Beyond powers, however, she's a bit more like Phoebe or Paige than Prue as a teenager. She rebels against her parents a lot, but a lot less of the punk teenage rebel thing and more like the artsy creative checking out the art exhibit at the local rec center or whatever. She loves her parents but chafes at the protectiveness. She's very independent, vivacious, bold, etc. She's actually a lot like Prue in that tbh, very popular in high school but with a less "Student Council president, head cheerleader, straight A-student" type of vibe. She's a lot fun. I've kind of bounced between a few different job ideas for her, but I think that she'd love to work in fashion, probably as a designer. Her vibe is very much just nicely saturated colors and colorful modern art.

After Perri's birth, shit probably hits the fan at some point and we get a dark point where all seems lost, maybe a death from someone close (not Prue or Andy obviously and I hesitate to kill anyone else, so some character that they got close to in this rewrite that wasn't in canon. What do you want from me, this is about the kids not the show.) Or maybe just struggles with the Elders and trying to buck that control, especially since we'd have the Piper/Leo and Phoebe/Cole relationships at some point here. But they persevere, and there's probably been another little Halliwell kid running around this point with Perri, but this ain't about them.

Next up, we have Presley Artemisia Halliwell! Now, if you haven't seen that Tumblr post about Artemisia Gentileschi, it's metal af and I have no clue where it is, but short story: girl got a shit deal for quite awhile, including being raped then tortured to give evidence during her rapist's trial, but she was also an amazing painter that focused on women from myths, allegories, and the Bible. Okay, actually, I really gotta find that Tumblr post to explain it, gimme a second. Here it is, high key recommend reading it but trigger warnings but discussion of the previously mentioned rape and torture. Okay, but the point for the middle name: a) I think that she's a fucking cool ass painter and b) seeing as I've mentioned that something awful has happened, the element of surviving that pain and refusing to bow down, especially to a male-dominated society, for someone like Prue. And Presley is because it has this almost academic vibe about it to me, a little cold in a way. (Idk how to explain this, it's one a.m. and I've been at this for two hours, y'all.)

Now onto our second Prue/Andy daughter: Presley! At this point, they've been raising a daughter in the house, maybe even another of the sisters' kids, so there isn't as much of a strictness on her at all points. Don't get me wrong, there's still a level of protectiveness, but Peri's continuing survival has proven to Prue and Andy that magic isn't an instant death sentence. But I'd say that it's Presley's powers that shape her so fundamentally here.

Presley ends up with molecular immobilization initially, but her powers don't advance to molecular combustion. Instead, her next power is an extension of slowing down molecules to freezing them entirely (molecular inhibition, the freezing power that warlock!Piper temporarily had when the sisters were turned evil in Prue's Dark Wedding to Zile). So she ends up being able to freeze things metaphorically and literally. Over time, the molecular inhibition grows to be a bit more versatile, specifically in regards to hand gestures. I'm trying to decide if there's another logical advancement here, but I think that makes her powerful enough for now at least.

With the ability to temporarily freeze everything around her, Presley utilized it to give her time to think. She's very analytic, observant, and intelligent. Unlike her sisters, she's more quiet and introverted but has no issue interacting with people. She's just more content to observe the people around her than be as social as her sisters but is perfectly fine with other people approaching her. Like her mother, she can be a bit prideful and bossy, and Presley can sometimes assume that she knows best because of her observations and intelligent. She actually works adjacent to her dad as a forensic specialist because I knew I wanted her adjacent but not actually a cop. I'm not sure what her specialty is yet though! Her vibe is a lighter neutral Sherlock Holmes and a park on a nice day. (I know that doesn't make it sense, I am simply trying to translate the vibe in my head.)

I think that the last daughter is probably after the craziness has finally died down for the sisters so maybe after any Ultimate Battles or something. They're finally able to just live their lives how they please, with not so many demon attacks, which is when Prue has her last daughter.

Our youngest witch is Pamela Dorothea Halliwell! Dorothea is a shout-out to Prue's love of photography, specifically to Dorothea Lange. Considered one of the most influential photojournalists of the 20th century, Dorothea Lange is known for her work during the Great Depression. Pamela is actually also a shout-out to Pamela Barnes, a psychic in Supernatural! It can also be considered a shout-out to Pamela Bousquet, a Warren ancestor in one of the spinoff novels, who had telepathy.

Pamela rounds out our trio as the resident psychic. While her primary power is premonitions, she's fascinated by divination as a whole, including her powers expanding to show her the past and future, reading palms and tarot cards, and whatever else you'd count that as. Beyond just seeing the future, she also has astral projection, telepathy, empathy, and dream leaping. Her family is pretty sure that at least some of this is magic that she learned instead of naturally possessed, but neither she nor they could tell you which is her own natural power and which she gained through studying the craft. Technically, Pamela could be a threat if she was interested in fighting demons, but she's much more interested in the study of magic and her specific branch of it to wield her powers offensively. She's a threat despite not because of the way she studies.

Continuing with the psychic vibes, Pamela is best described as somewhat dreamy. She's an absolute sweetheart but can get a bit lost in her own head sometimes, which can be dangerous with her powers. Despite what you may initially think, she is voracious when it comes to learning and wants to know everything about everything. She pursues her passion with relentless abandon, which can sometimes bite her on the ass. Honestly, a lot of her dreaminess and kookiness is because of her powers, which are going to cause her some problems soon if she doesn't figure out how to not get lost in them. So of course she works in a witch shop reading palms and tarot cards, basically a more legit "The Amazing Phoebe!"

In my head, I think that Perri is about 26, Presley is about 24, and Pamela is about 21 maybe. The girls are all still in California but maybe spread out a little. Perri is probably in some more fashion-y city that I'd have to ask my sister to pick (but not tonight bc she'd kill me for waking her up at 2 a.m.) while Presley may still be in San Francisco but Pamela definitely is.

Okay, so this definitely ended up taking and being a lot longer than I thought it would be, but this was so much fun! I'm always a sucker for the next gen, and I love thinking about how it may have turned out differently with different characters, relationships, or plots. It's especially fun because there's so many possibilities in the Charmed 'verse for the kids and I'd love to spin out some of the ones that unfortunately just didn't fit for my "canon" kids. (I used to do Charmed roleplay on Tumblr and actually have a new blog that I'm probably never going to actually use, and it has the entire set up of an alternate next generation stemming from Pandora, Paige's daughter, in the Warren Witches spinoff novel. Pretty much all of Phoebe's kids were designed to utilize some of the interesting power ideas I couldn't make my canon girls get.)

But if you have any other suggestions like this, definitely drop it in my askbox! This was so much fun! (Granted, it's two a.m. and I have to be at work at 8:30 tomorrow but whatever.)

[sovonight]

,

[caloboletus-rubripes]

hey how do you forgive yourself for doing something something you feel is irrevocably embarrassing even though you know you can do anything you want forever

like how do you unlearn that shame

[cigarette-room]

not to be all love is transactional and shit but if you're not putting the same kind of effort into maintaining a friendship/relationship as the other person does then you should leave them the fuck alone actually and stop being a leech who only takes and doesn't give

likewise, if you're the only one putting in all the effort then you need to let that entire thing go because you're still insisting a sinking ship can keep sailing just fine (you are in the water up to your ankles. you will drown. they will never find your remains)

[lingeringscars]

Also to piggyback off of that, the entire point of the dollhouse was to show that they are ALL capable of turning on each other. They were all able to flip a switch to decide who got shocked even if no one did. They were capable of torturing each other, and that was the point. So, definitively, the answer is Not none of them

[zeeposting]

ive had four dreams about school while sick so far, what

[fi3stazo]

Something I wrote based off of something that’s not canon in my Kirby interp’s timeline anymore

——————

It has been years— no, millennia since the last of his family and friends had succumbed to old age and faded away. His once strong wings are now patchy and bony. His horns were chipped and worn—practically crumbling away—and was missing its golden glow. The bright fuchsia hue of his body had faded into a sickly pink, his bones the weakest they’ve ever been. Galacta Knight had lived far longer than he should have. Impossibly longer. He knows. 

The butterfly reaper watches him approach as he limps towards it. Its ghostly white eyes offer nothing but an unreadable stare. For not the first time, Galacta pleads to it.

“Please let me die,” he rasps, “I am very tired. The ones I loved and befriended are long gone. With too much time, I’ve lost my sense of purpose. I’ve lost everything.”

A hint of betrayal flashed in his company’s eyes, but dissolved as quickly as it came.

“Then wend and maketh yourself new friends,” Morpho Knight stated, it’s tone of voice eerily calm. Anger bubbled at the back of Galacta’s throat.

“There’s nothing left!” he groans. Long ago had he lost his ability to yell.

He grabs Morpho’s gloved paw with urgency. It’s wings twitch, and mirror the drooped posture of Galacta’s.

“Por favor,” Galacta pleads. “Déjame morir.”

Morpho’s glow dims ever so slightly. Something flickers behind it’s eyes. Frustration? Exasperation? … Sadness?

“It is not thy timeth yet,” Morpho only says.

It recoils from Galacta’s hands as if it were burned. Ignoring the whimper from said knight, it morphs into a butterfly and flutters away. It’s glow disappears into the darkness.

[daz4i]

a bit insane to know there's people out there who think i'm hot shit tbh. you know i'm a pathetic cringefail loser who literally can't do anything, right?? please raise your standards 😔💔

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

poetry. putting under the cut bc potentially triggering mention of suicide/ideation/sh.

The days they pass like wine

The nights like drunken grief

I wash with stuff unclean

And wonder why I fail.

I go to God with hands outstretched

Receive an answer faint and dim

"Come to my arms and take from me

The water fresh and pure

Wash out the bad and all the dark

And live as you were born."

Hands, my hands are scarred and frail

They reach and trembling drop

An inch away he holds the stuff

And I collapse and cry.

I cannot reach so far as some

Can limp not stride or dance

God helps the weak, but what of me

I try and yet, I fail.

A thousand times I've made a plan

A hundred times I've cut

Look at my hands, and look, my side

My self-made saviour, self made weak.

The pain is never great enough

To clean the sins I've done;

To die in awful agony

Would fit the one I am.

The plans I burn, like I would burn

If my mind had its way

Delete them from my little world

As I too would be gone.

A thousand times I've made a plan

Some days I make a few

The easy, not the best, idea

A coward I'd be. Coward I am.

The pain is never great enough

To clean the sins I've done;

Yet God be thanked he sent his Son

And self made man must fade.

The knife, it tempts

And death, it beckons

The world is hard and living harder

And pain then seems the only way

But ever there is God, so close

Saying, "Come and trust me

Let go of all, and fall

And fall out of your own desires

Into safety, truth, and love."