#idk idk logically i know the only solution is having experience. i just want to start now and not a year and a half later 😔

[luvslightwings]

so it seems my sexuality depends upon however i am feeling about my dad at the moment. if i hate him and am angry at him it's lesbian but if i feel safe and happy with him it becomes straight

[justalia]

anxiety? read this

the reason why i decided to write this is because i’ve been getting the same question multiple times and i feel like there’s a need to dive deep into this issue.

anxiety in the state of the wish fulfilled

the questions i get are:

“idk why but i’m anxious when i get in the state, is it normal?”

“how do you deal with anxiety while in the state?”

“why am i anxious when i imagine my wish fulfilled?”

lucky for you i’m here to clear these doubts.

short answer:

if you’re anxious when imagining your wish fulfilled then you’re not in the state.

long answer:

now let me preface this by saying that emotions do not manifest but can arise based on which state you are in.

we all say that emotions don’t matter at all because it simply shouldn’t be your focus to feel “positive” emotions all the time, BUT with your state changing you can feel different emotions.

what is a state explained in simple words?

it is a concept of yourself, an experience, a reality you want to experience.

with this knowledge tell me why imagining yourself to be who you really want to be and believing that to be true would arise any anxiety within you.

quickly!

tell me why something you so deeply want being fulfilled, true, realized would arise anxiety within you.

it simply shouldn’t.

when you step into the state and imagine yourself to be who you want to be, believe it to be true and then anxiety starts immediately it means you haven’t actually accepted that concept of yourself to be true.

if you had you would probably feel something similar to relief, satisfaction, bliss accompanied by a confidence in knowing you now are who you want to be and have what you want to have.

anxiety and fear do not belong to the state of the wish fulfilled simply because they belong to the opposite of it: you’re anxious if you don’t know for sure if your desire is yours, you fear if you don’t know for sure your 3D is gonna reflect.

anxiety and fear are born when you don’t internalize the law and doubt it.

anxiety and fear go hand in hand with doubt.

your anxiety stems from the same place that peace comes from, you are the cause of it. you feel anxious because you think something outside is happening, something else outside of you can happen and take your desire away.

how do you deal with this “problem”?

the solution is very simple, almost so simple that your logical mind won’t allow you to accept such a thing.

the only reason why you experience anxiety is because you have not accepted your true identity.

you may think you are believing it is true but you are not accepting it as fact.

you are lying to yourself if you say you accepted it as fact but then you go and look for it, you doubt it, you feel anxious, you worry about what’s gonna happen and how you’re gonna react if the opposite shows up.

only acknowledging the opposite as a possibility is showing you which state you are in.

i feel like most of you focus on states because it looks like a method you can use to manifest but you never actually acknowledge your true identity. you don’t take your time to understand who you truly are and without acknowledging and accepting your true identity you will continue to flip flop between states.

states are not a method, you don’t choose to use states. states are all there is, states of consciousness is what the world is.

different states of consciousness are different experiences you can have within, and as within so without.

states are experiences you are consciously choosing to live in imagination. whether these experiences be good or bad you need to understand that imagination is all there is, you are always living in a world of imagination.

every single experience you have/want is just a state.

without being clear on who you really are you will continue to doubt and reason your way into manifestation and eventually you’ll be finding yourself in what seems to be a never ending cycle of trying and self-sabotaging, filled with doubt, fear, anxiety and worry.

you put your 3D world on such a high pedestal (i’m not blaming you) and you don’t believe to be who you really want to be because you are “only” imagining it.

i say that i don’t blame you because i know this new way of behaving and reacting and thinking is the exact opposite of what we have always been thought:

the physical world is reality, therefore something is real only if you physically see it

we don’t know why and how things happen to us

we need to work hard to achieve what we want

be “realistic” the world of the senses is factual

it seems so unnatural to think that WE are the CAUSE of everything, that things happen TO us and not THROUGH us.

it seems so unnatural to dismiss the physical world as basically fake and not take as fact what other people tell you.

i know it seems unbelievable but it isn’t.

it simply isn’t and you can prove it to yourself by looking back at your life experiences, you can see how everything came from imagination first, you can see how you’re always trusting your opinion over anything. you can see it so clearly and when you see it you will feel extremely dumb for not believing it.

your true identity

i ALWAYS talk about this, every answer i give you when you ask me something includes this basic information but i’m not sure you take it as seriously as i want you to take it.

there’s is no other world outside of imagination and there’s is no other self outside of imagination.

you fear because you think in terms of separation: you think theres some other cause outside of you making things happen and you think that the outer world is separate from imagination, you believe 3D and 4D to be separate.

i want this to be the only time you need something outside of you for validation, i want this to be the last post you read to check if you’re “doing it right”, i want this to be the last realization you need.

there is no inner man AND outer man, there’s only the inner man in imagination living inside of a flesh body.

you are not your flesh body (yes, this is why you can change your appearance), you are not your brain (this is why there’s no such thing as making neural pathways or convincing/reprogramming your subconscious), you are not your mind (this is why thoughts don’t manifest), you are not your state (this is why you can jump in and out of states and why you can’t be stuck in a state), you are not your emotions or feelings (this is why you NEED to let out your emotions and not be mad at yourself for whatever reaction you had).

you are pure consciousness, you are I Am.

you are all imagination and imagination is all there is, the world of the senses has no choice but to mimic imagination, it has to, there is NO OTHER CAUSE.

if you’re the inner man living in imagination always and imagination is the only creator/only reality there’s no way that what you declare to be yours isn’t fact.

whatever happens in imagination is a fact, the problem is that we have been thought to dismiss imagination as fiction and contaminate our states with the world of the senses forgetting that we created the physical experience.

the senses are mimicking imagination and unless you accept imagination as the only creator of physical experience you will not be able to let go of doubts and reasoning. you will continue to worry and wonder “is it enough?” “is it really true?” you won’t take it seriously.

unless you truly understand that you are a figment of god and all you have to do is decide that that’s yours now, that’s who you are now you will continue to go back and forth between the state of having and the state of not having.

imagination is your creator and you just need to truly internalize that you can have what you want because everything in this world is your creation whether you believe it or not.

don’t start to wonder if it’s right to just declare something as yours, if you’re worthy of it, because all that you are experiencing is your creation. everything is created by you.

by actually understanding that everything is your creation you will stop wondering about what you should or shouldn’t do based on other people’s judgment, you stop thinking things “oh maybe it’s not right to manifest my sp, why would i force anything on them? it’s not right.” because you created them not wanting to be with you in the first place.

you are not changing anyone or forcing anything on anybody. everything was created by you and if you don’t like it you have the power and the right to change it because this is your life, this is your reality, why would you choose to experience something you don’t want if you can experience something else?

there’s nobody outside of you and you don’t have to ask permission to have what you want, you give it to yourself.

you are always fulfilling yourself with something, you are always assuming things to be true so instead of perpetually being fulfilled with not having your desire why don’t you just accept it is yours now?

the concept of time doesn’t exist outside of you, future and past only exist in your mind and when you imagine you need to remove the concept of time and only worry about experiencing it now.

when you fear what’s gonna happen tomorrow it’s because you think there’s something outside of you causing things to happen.

see how just knowing your true identity solves all of your problems?

there is NOTHING other than imagination causing stuff to happen, NOTHING!!! get this inside your little head and accept that the 3D is dead and powerless. it can’t do anything to you, it’s not your enemy it’s only adjusting according to you!

you can’t be in the state and expect something opposite to happen, it means you haven’t accepted the new state as fact.

tomorrow is shaped by who you are being now!

so why worry about tomorrow if the cause of tomorrow is who you are now?

why worry about the future if the cause of it is who you are being now?

enjoy being the person who has their desire right now because that’s all you can do. enjoy being it now.

enjoy being financially stable now.

enjoy being in a relationship now.

enjoy being loved now.

enjoy being beautiful now.

enjoy being intelligent now.

because it is true, you really are it, you really have it.

don’t “pretend”, don’t think you have to trick yourself into believing it has expressed physically because that’s not your job, your job is to dismiss the 3D as not real because even your manifestation materialized won’t give you anything you didn’t give to yourself first.

you don’t have to trick yourself into believing it is physically here, you have to understand that invisible reality it’s what’s real and you don’t need to give a meaning to the 3d which is only mimicking imagination.

the 3D is only mimicking the feeling of having you are feeling.

learn to accept a new truth, new ideas of you to be true and don’t fight the old state when it tries to come back, learn to be indifferent by accepting a new truth in its place.

[defilerwyrm]

What's the stance on trans meds nowadays? I don't ID with them, but for me personally, being trans is a medical thing for me, because that's what helps me and my dysphroia the best to see it as such, but I don't apply that logic to everyone..some people don't see it that way and that's valid! But I'm curious if this is common? I know many don't have dysphoria and that's valid and common ans you don't need dysphoria to be trans. And having dysphoria is common too, but is it odd to view it for yourself personally as a medical thing, like being the hrt part of it? Idk if that makes me one but..Like I see myself as a biological male (I'm a trans man, and I don't agree with that bullshit of "I'm a bio woman living as a man, no, I AM a man and my "biology" is a "male! My hormones are that of a man, my body is male.) Idk just curious if others feel the same :)

Oh hell, Anon, I don’t even know, I’m so far past caring what anyone else thinks about that.

I find that there is a gulf between the lived experience of a dysphoric trans person like myself (or you!) and that of someone who’s happy with nothing more than social transition that could swallow Jupiter without getting moons in its teeth.

For me personally, I have felt like I’ve been in the wrong body since I was 4 years old at least. My parts were wrong, my voice was wrong, my height was wrong, my puberty was a traumatic clusterfuck of “oh gods no please no why,” and the expectations people had of me (very especially for sex) based on the shape of my body were all wrong. My dysphoria is/was a medical problem caused by a mismatch between my intrinsic identity and my physical form, and so it had a medical solution (HRT and multiple surgeries).

And for some others, that screaming, clawing wrongness just…isn’t there, I guess? Nor are they capable of comprehending what it’s like to have it, from all I’ve seen, any more than cis people can comprehend it.

Really I think you could subdivide the transgender umbrella into two main types: “my sex is wrong” and “my gender and sex are two discrete things and that’s fine.” Is one more or less trans than the other? Oh fuck, who gives a shit, the right wing wants all of us dead equally.

This split is only really a problem when it comes to a) matters of representation (a reeeaaal hot button topic for me) and b) the first camp’s ongoing battle to secure the right to medical transition on grounds of it being the appropriate treatment for our condition.

IDK man, the internet is full of buffoons and poltroons and I’m much too old to give credence to whatever the opinions of non-voting Chronically Online minors are, so your guess is as good as mine

[star-crossed-mid]

Little ramble on water boy 2 and red string cutter and their powers

The Goddess of Fate's power was the ability to change the future/fate of anyone. In some of the other gods stories it kind of seems like her power was just giving people a choice. I like to believe that MC has that power still but its more toned down as in she just talks to people about what choices they can make like idk telling leon to not kill everyone and wipe the universe teehee.

We see her power work in every story intentional or not. Maybe it was the king using the help of her powers to decimate the underworld or the simple acts of kindness performed through MC. Anyway, it can go into theories of dominos falling or butterflies flapping their wings that Clotho's power was very strong and had lasting impacts on a persons future.

Hue's power is clairvoyance, granted he can't use it without touching the person but he could still see into the future. He keeps to himself when he does this, only preparing for the inevitable.

I love that Huedhaut was the one to help Clotho figure out how to use her powers and incidentally was one of the first people who had his fate 'changed'. Whether his fate was actually changed by her or it was just him trying to create a logical answer to him catching feelings is wild.

One of my fav excerpts of them is I think in one of Hue's stories he gets surprised accidentally reading Clotho's future. He saw that they were dating before he even knew they were. Ended with both of them getting awkward about it and just acknowledging 'hey we're dating', and along the lines of him saying 'i've never had my own future spoiled'.

TLDR their relationship

One of the reasons Hue fell in love with MC/Clotho was because Clotho always forced Hue out of his comfort zone (at a reasonable level) and was his total opposite. Something refreshing, sun and moon.

Clotho definitely woke up Hue in the middle of the night to ask if he would still love her if she was a worm (and him in a begrudging state of total confusion would say yes, he loves them in any form, he loves their soul etc etc).

It's also to note that her power literally interrupts his. He can't see/predict the future if it's always changing. It was unpredictable for him. Which ties into the philosophy he learnt when we see him in S1 that he doesn't know how to process the illogical and irrational. He also gets a bit mad at MC when she brings up the concept 'fate' once again being a theoretical concept not set in stone. Huedhaut tries to grab onto any reason when it came to an emotional experience and it left him with centuries full of grief as to why Clotho did the things she did.

In a sense, Huedhauts season 1 reads like a ghost story. Clotho is the ghost that haunts MC, Hue, and some of the other gods. There's a famous quote by David Foster Wallace that says:

"Every love story is a ghost story"

Clotho haunts the narrative, and surely haunts Hue. Those versions of the goddess of fate with the god of Aquarius doesn't exist anymore, yet they still have a very persistent figure in the story. Clotho gave up (not sacrificed) herself/powers because she wanted humanity to feel the love that Huedhaut gave her, her last thoughts were literally of her and Huedhaut hugging the morning prior as she found comfort in the absolute. Huedhaut was near her/watched as she faded from existence. Everything she did, Huedhaut took it personal as Clotho's decisions were purely emotional.

Whether it was inconsistent writing or intentional, Hue's reasonings/graspings at Clotho changes throughout the story from (TLDR SUMMED UP)

"Oh gods I desecrated myself for love" "Did she love me or was she unhappy and decided to do that" blaming himself for not stopping her/finding a solution/not being smart enough at the time

it changes in his route a few times but I think its a realistic depiction for someone who didn't get closure and is heavily focused on reason. tldr im rambling love overcomes as a theme and love is good. Voltage I am begging please give Hue a good update also redo his promise of infinity.

hue and clotho/mc have that doomed yuri type beat also something about them just spreads tragedy i love them i have like 3 scm aus and one of them is dedicated to them entirely.

[tamelee]

Hello, I wondered what you think of the proshipping/anti shipping debate, and maybe where you position yourself?

From what I’ve seen, pro-shipping is usually people saying that you can ship everything you want since you have to "separate reality and fiction"… and most of the time it sounds like an excuse to create/consume incest fanfictions or child porn without guilt

On the other hand, in the anti-shipping side you have people who are treating some media as "irredeemable" for literally nothing… Like, "oh, this story is saying directly into your face that what thing one character has done is bad? So that means the story is not spreading awareness of this harmful behavior"

I think there are wrongs on both sides, but in general I disagree more with the proshipping community, because most proshippers I’ve interacted with are just people who don’t want to accept that there can be consequences to their actions, what they create, and what they consume. I’ve seen a lot of them saying that fiction has no impact on reality, which isn’t true at all. Most of the times proshippers handle sensitive and "problematic" subjects carelessly, sometimes even while spreading misplaced ideas, but don’t want people calling them out on the matter… (by calling out I don’t mean harassment of course, harassment isn’t and never will be a good solution to those problems)

The subject can be pretty complex, I’m curious to hear your thoughts about it! If you want of course, I would understand you not wanting to talk about it… And I’m sorry if expressed myself badly, since I don’t speak english very well

Take care, you’re doing amazing art pieces💙

Hi ^^ it is expressed very well, dw!  And thankyou so much 🧡!!

↓🍵;

Well, you specifically talk about shipping, which I think is completely fine. But the debate itself claims so often to be more than just that, using ‘shipping’ for something much too broad to define through these two terms which meaning is questionable. 

The debate is only interesting to me because of the whole fiction=/=reality aspect (at least I personally think that is an enjoyable debate, especially reading the arguments.) The most famous and skilled literary theorists and scholars can’t agree on this matter even today because there are too many variables and barriers like culture for example. A lot of opposites are both deemed true and false at the same time and it often lands on a slightly disappointing “it depends”. You say it yourself also. As well as you “leaning more toward one side” because it’s impossible to put a term on it unless someone would write down a bunch of guidelines to which they then commit to. But then you’re more defined by that than by your own thinking or even preferences. 

It isn’t so black and white that you can just.. idk, simply throw it all into two terms to define a preference that includes your entire life-experience and gain a Universal agreement by what it even means in the first place with everyone else on the internet, as if that’s how it works with this topic y’know? As if suddenly a shipping-filter will shame our literary masters out of any logic “because a fan/shipper wants ‘x’ to molest ‘y’ through non-con sex in fanwork’ and to say whether that’s okay or not in general depends on which of the two terms you used to define yourself in your bio and literally nothing else. And I don’t see how that logic connects when it is used like that and so often in this case. 

I know, this is an exaggeration, but I hope you know what I mean regarding the debate. This isn’t about your ask directly. The “it depends” is kinda frustrating for me too, because I’m always searching for an answer that makes sense for anything >< But what doesn’t here is as I said before, that people don’t even agree with each other either about the meaning of ‘pro/anti’-shipping’. Even the general definition is (or used to?) different and has literally nothing to do with reality/fiction just.. shipping. Whenever another popular post shows up people share that as ‘the next truth’ or even I receive it for clarification for an older post, but then another says something along the lines of “maybe that’s true for them, but to me it means....” 

So, where would I position myself? Well, “it depends” on who asks and what it means to them. Nah, I don’t think a single term about shipping can define how I think about the relationship between fiction and reality, what is right/wrong/acceptable/etc which you’re right- is very complex. At least, I refuse to do that if I can help it. I’ve seen enough misunderstandings and the harassment that you’re talking about to think that this isn’t going about it the most efficient way despite some parts being interesting and definitely topics worth talking about whether it is about shipping or something much broader.

“On the other hand, in the anti-shipping side you have people who are treating some media as "irredeemable" for literally nothing… Like, "oh, this story is saying directly into your face that what thing one character has done is bad? So that means the story is not spreading awareness of this harmful behavior"

And you’re completely right about people using ‘whatever/however/whomever’ as an excuse to justify anything, but that itself is kind of common human behavior and I genuinely don’t know what to say about it. Though you bring up something that (and similar extreme views) is why I would definitely lean more towards a separation of fiction and reality. Not to justify anything, but if anything else... I’ve always rooted for the freedom of expression/creativity whether I agree with it or not because censorship has always been tricky and sometimes outright dangerous. Who's going to decide what exactly? The fact that no one will agree with each other remains regardless. (And yes, I think there are definitely things I don’t want to see either of course, but discussing all that is a whole different topic.) 

However,

“I’ve seen a lot of them saying that fiction has no impact on reality, which isn’t true at all.”

You’re right again, but to quickly note; fiction=/=reality or fiction having impact on reality isn’t the same thing. Storytelling has always shaped beliefs and perspectives all over the world. In fiction especially, morals and ethics are often explored. Almost always a story is a problem in some form or another that needs to be solved because that’s satisfying, but how are you going to do that? And how will you write it in a way that people root for your character? And how else can you do that than involving the encouragement of a readers’ own reflection of their values and beliefs while simultaneously sharing and possibly influence them with your own? 

No one can deny this though? And if they do I wonder about the argument tbh. 

If a story can inspire it can also do the opposite. It’s not one or the other. 

Storytelling is such a powerful tool and imo it should be used wisely which means something else in every case because... aaahhh “it depends” >< 

[lettucedloophole]

hello, i'm so glad i found this blog! it's amazing to know that there are people in this space doing the work. if you don't mind me asking, how did you turn away from terf ideology? i find it frustrating that many radical feminists are terfs and i'm wondering if there is a way to bring more power to the side of trans-inclusive radical feminism, or arguments that cause terfs to realize transphobia is not feminist. not all people are the same or will have their minds changed by the same thing, of course, but if you have any insight on this, please share it!

hii :D i don't think of myself as doing work really, just kind of talking here, but i'm glad you like my blog!

this issue is a tough one. at it's core... people aren't going to change if they don't want to. i think it's especially hard to deradicalize as most of the time the spaces younger terfs are coming from are liberal queer spaces, and they're obviously very terf-exclusive places despite the fact that there's still rampant transmisogyny there. so essentially it's like, you can't acknowledge you're wrong, because if you're wrong then you're a bad person who's harmed a vulnerable group and no one will accept you anymore. but the solution to this isn't to be like "well just stop being angry that people are/were oppressive" because that also leads to more bigotry. i guess it's a catch 22 of sorts.

it's kind of haunting to think about but some of the people i knew in terf spaces even privately admitted to me that they felt bad about what they were saying but in the end, their ideological beliefs told them it was okay and they didn't want to lose that sense of belonging. as you know, being in proximity to terfs as someone who even so much as sympathizes with trans people makes them rain hell down upon you.

i think it's best to focus on preventative measures. mainstream trans (and left) spaces should have a better understanding of misogyny, transphobia, and transmisogyny. the reason i rejected transness is because i thought i understood what it was and the social conditions around it, and especially if you're tumblr socialized, you're aware of the ways in which you're disprivileged and if you're multiply marginalized (like myself and a handful of terfs) it's easy to think you can't be in the wrong, wielding power over people because you're the victim. hence the necessity of learning about transmisogyny.

for people who are terfs now, though... well, the way i got out was on the grace of trans inclusive radfems, largely trans women. being in proximity to terf spaces really took a toll on them mentally, though. i think it's best for tme people or, more particularly, cis women to step in and try to educate about transmisogyny while leaving trans people out of the line of fire. in mainstream spaces, however, it's best to support trans women and boost their voices. yada yada. all that ally stuff.

idk if you were looking for particular arguments to sway terfs. ideologically and materially, they're just wrong. trans people, esp transfems, are oppressed. even if they can bring up 1000 bad trans women in news articles by conservative media, that's still such a small fraction of the trans population and we can recognize fearmongering when we know better, like right wingers who post about how many latino immigrants killed and raped Real™ us citizens, logically in that scenario you can go... but that doesn't mean EVERY immigrant. but fearmongering preys on your ignorance. education is the only shield.

idk if you're trans but i would say if you're not, consider engaging with terfs or just kinda transphobic people seeking out other opinions genuinely. it takes time to grow out of a mindset but if they're willing to listen, it might help to point out logical inconsistencies, bring up statistics (i have learned. so much about transmisogyny in particular just from pulling up fucking stats to argue with terfs), share transfem experiences & perspectives you've heard (but. not their accounts in case they decide to be assholes to them. use your judgement here)

i have faith that you'd be good at that. i argued with terfs earlier on this blog but it's something i'm growing increasingly erm, allergic to as it just kind of dampens my spirit and harms me mentally. idk. maybe it's cos im transitioning now or my immense guilt at ex-tervery. Probably Both.

i appreciate that you're looking for a way to help the issue. i would say... don't worry about radical feminism too much in particular. it was important to me too to clear radical feminism's name before as well, but really, when you see the sheer amount of terfs in rf nowadays, they make up the majority or at least, the vocal majority, you have to understand why trans people are weary. the name of radical feminism isn't more important than the justified fear trans people have of transphobia, and it's not more important than the ideas in radical feminism themselves, many of which are expanded upon in transfeminism. would def recommend you look into transfeminist theory or, transfeminist accounts. i believe radical feminism will absolve itself in time, it won't be seen as perfect but as it is, flawed yet valuable.

so yeah! i don't know if that's the sort of answer you were expecting but i hope i could provide some decent guidance in some way. you're always free to ask more questions or shoot me a message. and, thank you for the ask. have a nice day :]

p.s. kinda realised i should put some actual arguments here so uh....

sex is not real! social constructionism beam wooshwoosh

statistics

yeah that's all i got but really that's all you need. lol 😭

[menneskeforbruger]

@brettyimages this ended up being really long because i thought what you said was really interesting so i put it under a cut lol

yeah it's hard to say with radio 2 because it is one of (if not the) most successful radio stations in europe, so it's not insane of the bbc to choose songs that would appeal to that audience. and the people who listen to radio 2 in the uk are also people who watch eurovision like. it's not just young people or hardcore eurovision fans here; we have one of the highest percentage viewerships in the whole EBU so again... not unreasonable logic from the bbc.

but at the same time yeah of course radio is just one way that people encounter music, and they do tend to be older. i would say that i don't think mae muller's song is something that you would necessarily expect to hear on radio 2? it feels like it would be more at home on commercial radio stations like capital?

having said that i will concede that you hear more songs like mae's on radio 2 now compared to a few years ago - which brings me to my next point. i think this is maybe related to a broader 'crisis' that radio 2 is undergoing with their botched attempts to appeal to 'mood mums' (this has been covered in various outlets since february 2021). iirc one article compared radio 2's current playlists to a 24-hour hen party which is harsh and patronising but gets the point across.

so yeah idk what the solution is and i don't know if a public x factor-style thing would produce good results - it hasn't in the past (though post sam ryder the public might be more willing to engage). but the demographic of people who watched shows like x factor in their heyday were also radio 2 listeners.

one thing that i am sure of is that there is no formula for winning eurovision. there may some things that play better than others of course, but i think that the only real enduring quality of most winners is authenticity to themselves - showing up to the competition unapologetically on their own terms and knowing that that will be enough for the people who get it (i am very uninterested in people who want to argue that sweden is an exception to this rule okay).

the approach that the bbc took with people like james newman (rip king) read like: "he has written/co-written a number of successful chart hits and therefore he will be able to reproduce that by writing a chart hit for himself and then winning the competition". this didn't take into account the musical specificity of eurovision (i.e. that what works for the uk charts doesn't necessarily work for eurovision), and it didn't take into account things like performance experience and style. i don't mean that artists have to have completed 50 sold-out stadium tours like i think even performing every weekend at a shitty bar for 20 years counts as invaluable performance experience.

but more than that it didn't take into account my original point: that you can't (and shouldn't!) approach eurovision like it's a code that can be cracked by a one-size-fits-all formula for victory. the public aren't thick! they can see through it even if it's subconsciously! and i'm not sure that the bbc realise this!

[astropookie]

how mercury signs comfort you

hii, first of all, I haven’t responded to your requests bc I haven’t had the chance 😭 I’m sorry, I’ll respond when I can. Ty🫶🏼

you don’t have to feel identified with these if you have the same mercury sign, my observations are based on my experiences so don’t take this seriously/personal‼️💋

Ean Uglow

aquarius mercury: they’re logical, they’re an air sign of course but how the fuck you comfort people when they’re trying to talk their shit and you keep telling them what to do instead of listening -that was personal-. they’re in your side and they point out what was wrong and they try to understand and contextualize what you’ve told them.

sag mercury: they don’t think twice. they try, I swear they try to say the best thing to make you feel better but they’re just honest. they be like “idk what to tell you” and I be like mf you don’t have to tell me something. they be saying the wrong shit in the wrong place, out of pocket but they try.

cancer mercury: they feel you, they really do but they be crying with you. they’re listening to you and as the time keep passing their feelings of sadness keep growing -emphatic powers-, they ask you “how are you feeling?” and try to give you the best advice. the thing is that what you can only see is their face making weird expressions bc they’re trying not to cry.

aries mercury: HAGANAHF they say something completely impulsive and that’ll hurt your feelings but then they say “im sorry” -if they realized and have matured?-. they can’t listen to you patiently without you realizing trough their expressions they want to say something but they’re trying so hard to not point it out. OR they say it and keep telling you whatever it’s on their mind and what they think it’s right and wrong.

virgo mercury: they keep a straight face the whole time you’re talking. they be analyzing probabilities and -I imagine- all the information that you’ve told them is being organized to finally put it into words when you’ll finish to telling them what bothers you. They be telling you the most realistic things and then asking “how are you?”, caring for you. They’re looking for what they can do to make you feel better.

scorpio mercury: they analyze the situation and depending on that they react. still, every fucking time they be telling you the honest truth, the one you need to hear, the slap you needed. they know when’s the moment to hug you or when’s the moment to tell you things logically. After that, they want to protect you from the bad, and prioritize you, how you’re feeling, your needs, etc.

pisces mercury: they don’t know what to do, they don’t know how to react. they’re a mess but they listen to you, they put their whole attention. even if then they don’t know what to tell you or the dyslexia appears, they have this true intention to stay there. They know it’s important, even if they can’t communicate it very well. the humanitarian side.

leo mercury: they’re devoted and they want to find a solution, a way out for you. they don’t want you to suffer, they hate it. they want it to go -the sadness- and quickly, they can’t stand it and less when it’s the case of someone that they care for. it’s not bc they’re selfish, it’s bc they hate it when you’re not happy, the way they’d love you to be, how they think it’s the best for you.

taurus mercury: they listen and they look worried but calm. they hug you or they look at you attentively. they want to protect you, they want to solve it but more important is how you felt and how they treated you. You’ll hear “I’ve told you” when you’re better, after they’re hugging you like a bear.

capricorn mercury: they tell you things like you’re wrong? like they’re obvious, that’s how they could be interpreted. in reality they tell you things how they’ll do it or how it “should” work/be -on their minds-. they listen to you and question things to finish the puzzle. they’re right but I don’t want to admit it bc I have to be treated like a princess 💅🙄 still they try to treat you how they would like to be treated, even though they’re so cold 😭 sometimes.

gemini mercury: they’re so smooth talking and their mind is the total opposite: caos. they ask you if something is wrong and try to look for what could benefit you. They’re pretty logical. you don’t feel they’re feeling you? they process what you’ve told them quickly but their reactions are nothing -not expressive- and that could make you feel not heard. I can’t tell more bc I was the one comforting them most of the time🧍

libra mercury: They be looking for both parts of the problem. They want to see all the perspective to understand, to contribute the more they can; they want to, they feel the need bc you’re sharing what bothers you. They’re always pointing out the pros and cons, to look the good and the wrong and they finish with something in between so they’ll stay out of trouble. I think I’ll end up screaming to them bc I’m not asking for that? like DECIDE Akdbskfbd

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[thesugarhole]

you know, ive read it twice now, but im still not sure where the leap in logic in "coffee drops, burns servers, annet freaks out and exterminates most of the human race... engie drops bombs finishing it off?"

it would have made heaps more sense to direct the bombs where the skeleton of the structure is to permanently wipe her and whoever survived her fear starts life over. but no he dropped them all over the city.

of course that, if you did so you wouldnt have a story. bombing one, maybe 2 buildings is not equivalent to bombing a city after all (that i think is also an entire planet im not sure whats going on in romac geography)

the paragraphs explaining how she turned to use people as servers and adapters and whatnot and she was technically everywhere to justify it... well, it doesn't really

just like in irl the actual internet is kept in place by the same 4 guys in Antarctica or whatever, and if they stop we all stop, there had to be a central nervous system to that beast (no matter how much the author/the story wants to deny it this is fundamentally how technology works). the gdir hqs if you will. bomb just that and be done with it. traces of her living on in the survivors collective memory would turn her into an old god or something but thats it. all wireless towers and microwaves would shut off without the main, sooner or later (could be 1 month could be 890 years as the surviving stupid object AIs have shown but it WOULD end, all things do.)

maybe he wanted her to stay alive bc he stil loved her or for the fuck around find out parable (wanted her to suffer) idk

also i was gonna be unnecessarily mean about something else here but then my critical reading comprehension skills kicked in so theres some resolution: ij the past i always read engie as a bit of an hipocrite and was going down that road again because of his self pitying "i doomed the world I'm gonna kill it off" and then not placing himself directly under one of those nukes to die along with it. with guilt that heavy i can imagine an "honorable" thought to have is "im gonna kill myself to make up for it", and was surprised not once it crossed his monologue

but the thing is, right. humans want to survive. even the most suicidal ones. disclaimer speaking from experience but something that actually kickstarted my recovery out of the suicide hell hole was reading something like "suicidal people dont hate being alive, they hate the situation theyve found themselves in and ending it all together looks like the only viable solution". no matter how horrid he feels i can see engie having just about enough ego to realize this and deciding quick suicide isnt an option, slow suicide by rotting inside a bunker all alone is. if any of this makes sense i guess

edit: "a city thats also an entire planet not sure whats going on in romac geography" watch my previous confusion being hand waved again as oh its not earth its a hollowed out earth like and her core is deep within and only the nuclear/electric bombs all over could eradicate most of the core and most of people-terminals

raaaaauuuugh i want to pull my fucking hair out

[purplegeorgina]

The Narcissist

There is no need to do the latter (kay na master ko nana. indi manami). Or maybe someday, Idk. The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride, and I'm still riding it. But I am working on not rationalizing my feelings and becoming needlessly stern with myself for having human emotions. I am suddenly compelled to use my intellect to explain and functionally bypass my experiences.

I let my brain automatically lean toward being rational and trying to assign a "logical" explanation and/or solution to everything. I avoid any emotion that will only make me weak because it signifies defeat. And when I feel defeated, I feel like I have lost everything I have worked for and fear that the person I am building that dream with/for will leave me because I cannot deliver. I do care if something is not up to my standards, but it will never be why I leave because I will try my best to communicate that need. The problem is that I don't listen carefully. I hear you, but I'm too guarded to give you half of what you need. Before giving you that much, I need to work out and readjust my goals to get the same result I want the first time. Controlling the future outcome is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt again. Saying this out loud is not something I am proud of.

I am posting this to help me look back and reassess myself; it also serves as a self-check. But this is just one of the steps I am working on. At some point in our lives, we are narcissists. It's scary as you won't know that you're slowly becoming one unless you read up on it. You may have 2 out of 1000 traits of a narcissist, or 1 and still be a narcissist. It does matter how you become one, but at the end of the day, you need to own up, and only you can get rid of that with the Heavenly Father's help.

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

[transsexualhamlet]

so about norman’s ethics

The thing that a lot of people don’t understand about Norman is that he doesn’t believe in the like, political sentiments that he acts on in the slightest. Yeah, this doesn’t make it ok that he did a bunch of shitty stuff, but it’s a misconception to say norman like, genuinely believes fucking eugenics are a good thing.

And yet, he decides to act on the idea to degenerate and genocide the demons and seems not to understand why Emma wouldn’t agree with him. People’s explanations of this seem to be pretty much one of two minds, either:

His morals are corrupt: Norman wants all the demons dead because what they did makes him think they’re all bad and don’t deserve the respect humans get, which is understandable but still wrong, or

His morals are intact but he ignores them: Norman feels bad that he’s doing a bad thing and does it anyway because he can’t find a better way out, which honestly makes what he did worse, though Tragic.

The second one is more accurate, but still doesn’t completely explain his ideas.The truth is that, in my opinion, he just barely understands the concept of morals in general, and what’s ‘messed up’ is simply his priorities. That sounds like I’m saying he’s a twisted cycle path but I swear I’m not, it’s just like him having low empathy. This is another, autism thing, and it’s another thing that I have, so I’ll try to explain it as best as I can?

Personally, I understand and try to follow sociatal expectations for moral things like, you know, do not kill people and what not. Because it’s bad or... whatever. And although I can cognitively understand the reasons why people think so, I don’t value it in the same way. Obviously I wouldn’t kill a person, there’s no need for me to in a world like this, and it would be inconvenient and probably make me feel bad despite not understanding why it is bad. But I’ve known from a very young age if I had the power and reason to kill someone, I absolutely would, no questions asked. Not even the necessity, just a logical reason. Most of the time this means nothing and isn’t applicable in the real world, because most of the people around me would be negatively affected by it. But it means nothing to me personally, and if prompted I could change at the slightest reason.

This is what I think we’re dealing with in Norman’s situation. 

Norman, in grace field, has no reason to violate any intagible laws of right and wrong, in most cases, until the escape arc happens. Yeah, I do believe Norman probably lied significantly more than the average child, because he didn’t see any reason not to, but I doubt it hurt anyone bad, they lived in, well, basically a neverland. He’s just a slightly off white little man. But when he is faced with a risky and dangerous situation, he might look Correct on the outside but the closer you look the more you realize his actions are directly impacted by the situation around him, completely independent of any internal moral compass. 

Ray wants to only escape with those three, because although he feels extreme guilt for being the way he is and completely understands it’s a selfish and terrible thing to do, he’s too cynical to accept any other options. Norman initially agrees with him, because Ray explains the risks. Emma then insinuates she wants to bring the other kids, giving ideas as to how. Norman then switches to Emma’s plan because he believes it can be achieved and he wants Emma to be happy, not because it would be wrong to do otherwise. At the same time, he later ships himself out, without much consideration to the others’ wishes against it, because now that it’s gotten impossible to have both, Emma’s and Ray’s safety is more important now than their happiness. Though he can understand that they’d not like that, it’s not that important to him in the long run. He will choose the path that offers them the greatest chance, if the one his friends want isn’t good enough.

When he was shipped out and taken to lambda, what happened is he was put in a situation where the stakes become much higher. There’s a different kind of situation, and the idea of simply running away from the demons is obviously not an option. When he escapes, and basically adopts the lambda kids- now he’s surrounded by people with the opposite morals and ideas as Emma. These kids want revenge, they would be happy to kill the demons, their ideal situation involves that and trying to reach any compromise would be unsatisfactory. The overwhelming majority of the kids agree with killing the demons, and that idea makes him seem stronger and gives him more certainty and control over the situation, even if it’s difficult and hurts him personally, making him a “Bad Person” to Emma. 

Norman harbors no personal hatred towards the demons, nor any specific desire to kill them. He just doesn’t see any viable reason not to, and killing them provides both him and the people he cares about with a more beneficial situation. Emma is now the minority, and even though she provides an idea that could work, Norman, after seeing so much pain and suffering, is no longer willing to take the risk for her, like he was in grace field. He is incapable of understanding why she values a sense of right and wrong more than the actual statistics of how well one or the other could work- yes, they had different experiences, but she lost other people because she decided to take risks, and she still believes in it? It simply doesn’t fucking compute.

An important aspect to consider is that it still does make him feel bad not to follow a more traditionally accepted route. He might have low empathy but he’s not an emotionless robot. Not understanding morals doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a concience, though it’s much more ambiguous and generally equates to any other thing, such as the actual convenience, details, or certainty of a plan. It’s not of any more importance, and he is in a situation now where it’s inconvenient to pay attention to, more so than in grace field. So not following a Nicer route does take a toll on his Feelings TM, same as it takes a toll on his literal body, but that’s a sacrifice he’s fine with, it’s a sacrifice that’s significantly smaller than the chance that someone he cares for could die.

Generally, most Lukewarm Takes on Norman can be disproven with this idea (pretty much anything that insinuates he would see the demons as less or like, he’s doing it because they did awful things to him, understandable but hey this isn’t tokyo ghoul and he’s not that kind of character), though everyone is obviously free to have their own takes and I doubt Shirai took his autistic coding into consideration, so it’s obviously my own idea.

Although Norman’s actions have correlation with Ray’s before, Norman isn’t disregarding his physical needs and trying to sacrifice himself out of any idea that it would make up for what he did, he’s doing it because it gives him more control over his own situation, he values his own well being less than his family’s, and he doesn’t understand why it would be Bad to do so. If we’re really digging deep, it’s likely he doesn’t want to have to experience any real consequences for his actions. He understands that they’re Bad, but this isn’t important to him, more than anything else. He doesn’t want to see Emma’s disappointment because it would complicate things.

After Emma and Ray, well, complicate things, ie face him and force him to see there are real consequences to his actions past Ambiguous Moral Obligations (ex. “you’re Taking Advantage the lambda kids” means nothing until he sees that it’s stopped them from being able to grow as people and forgive, “you’re neglecting yourself” means nothing until there’s an idea brought up that could fix him, “you’re trying to kill so many fucking people” means nothing until he sees that it’s hurting the human kids.) and that there’s a valid flaw in his personality past that- that it’s not a strong but a cowardly move, he can move forward and attempt to change things, possibly give himself a fucking break. 

In that situation, with other solutions that Emma and Ray have opened up actually seeming to work, he no longer finds it necessary to Be Terrible and hurt himself. This makes him feel better, because he doesn’t want to be Incorrect, it’s just a difficult thing for him to understand, when most other things come to him naturally. I think in the future he can be more cognizant of the fact that he’s more suceptible to doing generally, unacceptable things, and vows to lean more on Emma and Ray so he doesn’t end up going down the wrong path again, because to him they all look the same color.

Yes, this is my long ass way of telling Shirai why the fuck did you let Norman be a CEO. That’s a terrible fucking idea, he’ll become capitalism, guys?! Don’t let him do that. He needs to be in a job where like, he can use his skills without having to make Ethical Decisions like... an engineer or something. Computer scientist. IDK. Just not a fucking CEO, not in a management position for anything.

Honestly, it’s difficult for me to even use the alignment chart because I don’t understand morals enoughto put anyone in the Evil category because the idea of ‘evil’ doesn’t exist for me. So yeah, I’m projecting, but in conclusion I just have a bone to pick with anyone who wouldn’t call norman lawful neutral. 

[sigurdjarlson]

Considered posting my extensive smut ideas I have saved in my drafts but then figured it would be far funnier to take random sentences and chunks of sentences from the scribbled down late night quick summaries I made for myself and post them Completely Out of Context and as Out Of Order so they make as little sense as possible.

Yeah a lot of them are from completely different ideas have fun trying to make sense of them

Khadgar wants to impress his Master. Medivh is..not impressed

while taunting him about his obvious boner for Medivh.

It makes Khadgar’s life a strangely fun version of hell.

is the perfect solution and not at all weird.

like the creepy old man we know he secretly is

there’s only one bed

Medivh trying to be a good Mentor Tries to find an outlet for his extreme boner for Khadgar

Khadgar’s got a secret. Med is good at keeping secrets but

Khadgar is a horny teenager.

Finding increasingly horny ways

god damn he looks so pretty.

Khadgar’s solo sexual experiments

All kinks on the table let’s go-

Khadgar jerks it to some fucked up fantasies

Khadgar wants it but can’t ask for it like a normal person

Not really sexual but still weird.

They both enjoy it too much.

Something bad happens Medivh has to poke around in Khadgar’s insides and not in the sexy way

Khadgar’s weird ass gets a boner about it

No harm no foul right?

being A Responsible Adult

Drunk Khadgar who is very petty and very horny

well somewhere along the line some wires got crossed growing up

strangely erotic

Khadgar gets mouthy

Khadgar is oblivious

but it doesn’t end well

Medivh Feels Regret

Is it weird that it kind of turns him on?

Khadgar gets a goddamn boner in the process.

While he’s gone for a while doing idk Guardian Stuff.

Feels like a total creep afterwards

Medivh has a mental high score board

Everyone except Medivh is mortified.

has to fix the absolute disaster he created

extensive property damage.

No one else quite understands that but god, do Khadgar and Medivh look like they’re about to fuck

Master went fucking feral

He wants to pretend it’s just to help him but no he’s just weird

They both try to pretend this isn’t a weird and inappropriate situation.

Medivh tries to pretend he’s not loving it

Medivh watches 👀

Making them feel even worse.

Any logical thought has fled his brain.

which Medivh ultimately finds ridiculous.

Khadgar gets like..mage milked

Med is a perverted shit

what he’s doing underneath idk a table or something

[classpectcurse]

class pairs: seer - mage

key words: perceiving, knowing, understanding

(why bother with a preamble when i can just jump right in to the interesting stuff)

these things are monsters, watch out

seer: passive

they understand their class, can perceive it with greater clarity and thoroughness than others. this tends to be an intellectual, brainy sort of understanding. it errs on the side of theoretical rather than practical knowledge. seers are head thinkers: they are able to come up with plans, ideas, solutions, about their aspect that others might not. they understand and have a VISION of their aspect. they can be relied on to direct others, come up with the best strategy, to explain the topic clearly and make others understand the thing.

however, on the flip side, if unchecked, it makes them rather idealistic and naive, and often arrogant. they can be blinded by their own knowledge. because their knowledge has a limit.

as a passive class, they are best served in a passive role; they work best when guiding others, teaching, directing, or strategising, rather than putting themselves on the front lines. by being head thinkers, seers tend not to think emotionally, and thus end up lacking a sense of boundaries when it comes to executing their own plans. this can lead to them taking things too far, morally speaking, or failing to be cautious due to overconfidence in their own abilities.

in fiction, a seer that oversteps his role is often punished by the narrative. they go too far, and engineer their own downfall. their hubris brings their own demise. they must learn to step back, take on the guiding role for players better suited to direct action, and they will see the best results.

the seer class is obviously based on the mythological seer archetype. think, the oracle of delphi in greek myths. the seer’s role is often to passive guide, to direct the heroes towards what they need without directly interfering in events. seers are often used as a narrative device by authors to deliver exposition; occasionally this use might be so egregious as to change a character who is otherwise NOT a seer into a seer by function (looking @ u jkr :/).

(important note that in fiction/mythology, the seer role has an unpleasant gender aspect to it, in that seer is an easy role to shove a passive woman character into, to give her something to do/say in the plot without involving her in any action. this is still unfortunately true of a lot of fiction today, but this doesn’t work irl bc gender is fake. beware of assigning gendered fictional seer characteristics to descriptions of the seer class.)

a great example of a fictional seer arc is mdzs wei wuxian. (SPECIFICALLY the mdzs version, not the drama version. cql!wwx is a different story.) through his ingenuity and creativity, he becomes the founder of demonic cultivation. however, he is arrogant in assuming that he knows best, that he could control the yin tiger seal, that his path was the only path to follow. the result is, the narrative punishes him for his arrogance. he loses control. he watches his loved ones dies. he dies a horrible death.

but in his second life, after his resurrection, he properly steps into the seer role. he solves the mystery, he guides and teaches the juniors, he steps away from the demonic path. and through embracing his role as a seer, he is finally able to achieve his happiness.

emotionally speaking, seers aren’t very complicated? if the time is right and the circumstances align they’ll confess their feelings etc. they might lack a sense of shame about it, in fact that seems an alarmingly consistent pattern. they kind of just don’t place on the emotional constipation scale. though they might be bogged down by logic and stuff and won’t examine their own feelings properly until later.

identifying traits of a seer: - wordy. good at explaining things; smort - very much a head thinker as opposed to a heart thinker; likes to think of things intellectually - can seem a bit emotionally cold? not that they’re cold people but just that they tend to be a little less overtly emotional, simply due to the nature of their class

examples of seers: namjoon (RM) from bts, wei wuxian (MDZS only), jing beiyuan (qi ye), rose lalonde (Homestuck), terezi pyrope (Homestuck)

prospit/derse: fairly straightforward, both types of seers still tend to be up there in terms of energy and chattiness, but derse seers are just more pretentious about it ngl.

mage: active

on the flip side to seers’ cerebral understanding of their aspect, mages have an intuitive, experience-based understanding, and they function best by employing this understanding directly.

mages, in a team dynamic, essentially serve as the talented weirdo/grumpy uncle who is extremely competent at their job, as long as nobody asks them to explain what they’re doing. mages understand their aspect supremely well, but they CANNOT, for the life of them, explain what the fuck goes through their head. it just comes out a bunch of confused, jumbled rambling that doesn’t really help anyone else. everyone knows that, without a doubt, this guy is a genius, but it’s useless to ask them to teach you because they can’t. they can’t explain shit.

their understanding of their aspect is not, NOT intellectual. it’s just that it comes from a place of instinct, rather than of deliberate, calculated thought. mages work best when they don’t try too hard to rationalise their understanding, but instead allow themselves to operate according to how they feel is best.

mages don’t really have a specific character arc? it’s more just about consistently trusting their instincts, maintaining the relationships around them, and retaining the trust of the people in the team. mages really need to do their own thing, and so a team is best off when they point the mage in the right direction and let them do what they feel is best, because they’ll often do a better job going off instinct than any plan could.

mage characters often come with some kind of tragic or mysterious backstory. because mages learn from experience, this backstory often serves as an explanation for their level of expertise. but irl this isn’t strictly necessary for mages. nevertheless they retain an intuitive understanding of their aspect which can be traced to their personal experience of it.

the thing to know about mages to identify them is just, they give off weird gremlin vibes. like, weird cousin in the basement vibes. like, coffeeshop uncle yelling about the government vibes. like on the surface they might seem respectable and shit, but deep down?? they’re some weirdo gremlin and that cannot shake the weirdness even if they’re in a law firm or a full tailored suit.

i used to think mages were really emotionally constipated but honestly they’re not that bad? they like to put things off, emotionally speaking. like they want to just leave that stuff for later, maybe never, bye, but they do get to it eventually. there’s a lot less active agonising going on, they just don’t like to think about the Feelings thing. when they do confront it, it’s usually just a, OK I SAID HOW I FEEL, CAN WE SKIP TO THE PART WHERE THINGS AREN’T AWKWARD ANYMORE. it’s funny but it gets the job done i guess.

identifying traits of a mage: - grumpy, crabby, whatever you get the vibe - gremlin energy. they’re just kind of weird - know their shit but cannot explain it, like maybe they can explain it a bit but it’s really not their talent and they are more likely to confuse someone than teach them anything - don’t like talking about their feelings if they can help it, but they’re not like, awful at it ig

examples of mages: yoongi (suga) bts, edward elric, meulin leijon (homestuck), sollux captor (homestuck), zhou zishu (tian ya ke, word of honor)

prospit/derse: prospit is edward elric. derse is bts suga. idk what else to tell u. it’s angry weirdo vs vaguely apathetic weirdo. both are weird with gremlin vibes.

[mikiruma]

I'M CLOSING TWITTER FOR THE NIGHT JESUS CHRIST ANYWAY I'M JUST GONNA INFODUMP UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I'M GOING APE

HI I SPENT ALL DAY WANTING TO/STARTING TO WATCH TOTAL DRAMA SEASONS 4 AND 5 BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE MIKE&.... AND MOOMOO DECIDED TO WATCH WITH ME BECAUSE THEY BINGED TDI SOMEWHAT RECENTLY..... AND IT TURNED INTO ME PERIODICALLY PAUSING TO TALK ABOUT OUR OWN SYSTEM AND COMPARING MIKE&'S WITH OURS SO AN 8 HOUR EVENT TURNED INTO AN ALMOST (CHECKS TIME) 12 HOUR ONE..... they went to bed a while ago so i'm finishing s5 by myself.... and it was cool because i know now they're wanting to get to know the others and ask questions and be involved(!!!!) BUT ALSO i know mike& in general is a controversial character.... but as someone who sort of relates to the internal conflict in a weird way or has this being our first time witnessing someone with DID have their alters identities respected and not being treated like a complete weirdo for being plural... i mean there's the mistreatment a la chris and scott triggering a switch intentionally to help himself in a competition.... but other than that!!! and the ending to s5 which i have not reached but spoiled myself with because i wanted to know what i was getting into before i started!!!! i'm legit falling in love with these guys and want to see them go places and it makes me appreciate the one fanwork i've seen rewriting them a bit even MORE...... also i know mal is the most stereotypical/worst rep of anything, for having a persecutor and knowing their roles i SHOULD be saying it's a little singlet bait-y and knowing they added him in the story as the main villain because they knew that's what people would have wanted to see instead of a system achieving healthy functional plurality.... but he reminds me a lot of our persecutor and how they acted back in the day, we haven't entirely patched up and they still have stumbling blocks sometimes but after getting to know them and realizing they're acting in good faith (even if the good faith is spelled out with self-sabotage), i just have a feeling maybe i need to psychoanalyze mal. ESPECIALLY because of mike (and to an extent the show) treating his headmates like EXTRAS instead as other fully fleshed people (at least in s4, though they got their moments to talk to each other and cooperate) and taking control/acting like the others were getting in his way of *his life*.... and mal being the host before but being locked away and having to force his way out and rule with an iron fist before he was given any mind.... that guy needs a hug. and everyone else (MIKE ESPECIALLY) may need to learn how to communicate better. mal just needs to feel important and get attention when he's doing things that AREN'T being mean or acting out.... also i think i just want to give mal a hug in general. not saying mike is the real villain of s5 but i AM saying when he was working with everyone to overthrow mal, they were very clear that mike being in charge, while better, was still not the best because they get pushed aside and not taken seriously.... so i think if they just went to therapy or TALKED TO EACH OTHER (I KNOW THEY CAN!!!! THEY HAVE A HEADSPACE THEY HANG OUT IN!!!!! IF MIKE WAS ONLY ABLE TO ACCESS IT BY THE COMPETITION NOW'S A GOOD TIME TO GET YOUR WORDS IN!!!!!) then it would have been a MILES better solution than. PERMANENT INTEGRATION AND CHOOSING TO CURE THEIR OWN DISORDER ALL BY THEMSELVES WITH NO HELP BY PUSHING A BUTTON IN THEIR BRAIN JUST TO GET RID OF ONE GUY THEY DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god also i just want to mention i know svetlana was trying to be nice and encouraging saying they needed mike because he's better at some things than some of the other headmates but..... that coupling with the integration...... kind of hammers it in that everyone sees themselves as "extra" :( it makes me want to be more conscious of how i think/talk about OUR headmates because i want to try and make everyone feel welcome and valid.....

anyway sorry for the text wall i just love these guys so much but i HATE THE WRITING and i'm stalling finishing the s5 finale because i know they're going to do it and it's going to piss me off so much and i love ALL of them and want them to be ok..... it's hard for me to criticize much else because i can see us a lot in these guys and how things run.... and i'm disappointed they didn't show much else of mike& purely because i was watching the seasons just for them so everything else felt like filler.... IT WAS ENTERTAINING I JUST.... want to see more of them but WITH THE CORRECT DIAGNOSTIC NAME AND SEVERAL THERAPY TRIPS LATER LOL.....

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edit: finished!!! SO! mal admitting he was pushing people away so they didn't have the chance to hurt them first. the others saying integration wasnt getting RID of anyone, just making them a fuller singular person. GUYS I'M SOBBING.... i KNEW mal was doing the typical persecutor song and dance but with the way he even threw around his baggage like it was NOTHING. still upset at the integration since everyone was more willing to cease existing as they were altogether just so mal wouldn't be the host.... it breaks my heart.... ALSO I'M STILL OVER THE MOON ABOUT GIVING THEM A HEADSPACE AND THE LITTLE DETAILS IN THERE!!!! i legit don't know any other media featuring systems that INCLUDED that!!!!! god y'all the end of the system era was pretty disappointing but it just made me think of the guys i'm living with. i know i wasn't a perfect host and was definitely a control freak when i first discovered i was part of them, and every day i try to make that right.... so this just reminded me of those times in awareness infancy where i was like. ok but i'm the one who fronts the most so i must be the real one!!! obviously not true anymore because julian's the host now, i mean i'm still real but knowing that logic is pretty busted... hehehe.... even realizing i was only the host for a handful of years up to that point was a shock!!! but retroactively trying to work things through with everyone and getting us to a functional place despite not being able to see a therapist about it yet... this was weirdly heartwarming in a way? seeing the headmates in their natural habitat, just chilling. seeing them get into internal conflict. dissociation periods used as windows into their mind. mike starting as insisting he was the one in control and who SHOULD be in control, even willing to abandon everyone for zoey, but going to being the least willing to integrate because he would miss everyone and valued their existence.... i know they can only fit so much development in 20 min episodes of a show thats supposed to focus on multiple people (non-systems at least) so i think their story was cramped in that aspect, but if it were a more serious non-reality show focusing more on mike& in general it would have been WAY smoother. but like. i understand the shorthand and can see the allusions and whatnot. i know what they were trying to do. and i LOVE it. it's not perfect but this is the first time i watched something in a good while that felt like it encapsulated ANYTHING close to my personal experiences being in a system and being the disgruntled host, and seeing a little bit of my closest comrades in mike's headmates was just icing on the cake. :) i think the only thing i would have liked better was if instead of an integration they either agreed to work together and be more functional/rehabilitate mal, or if someone new split entirely to act as the mediator.. idk total drama is pretty stressful!! it's the right environment for it!!! and especially the inner system conflict!!! i don't know i think after all that, they needed someone to be the impartial third party to help settle conflicts and junk... just my onion though

[crownandwriter]

Your pinned post says matchups are still open, so I’m taking my shot! But if you’re too busy or tired of all the requests by the time you get to mine, no worries. Tbh, I have almost as much fun reading other people’s results, especially when they’re as thoughtful and detailed as yours!

May I please have a Genshin matchup? I’m bi and use she/her pronouns; I’m fine with any gender partner. MBTI-wise, I’ve mostly typed as INTP with the occasional ENTP thrown in. I think INTP fits better (really, really well actually), except that I’m not (usually) that insensitive or socially awkward. I’m not one to chat up a stranger at a party, but I WILL go to the party and enjoy it (if only for free food/drinks, dancing, and maybe some new music), and if someone approaches me they’ll probably find me funny and a good conversationalist. If one of my loved ones is down, my instinct is to help brainstorm a solution to their problem or suggest nice distractions, but if they just want me to listen and comfort them I can do that pretty well. I do have a lot of trouble expressing my own emotions beyond the easy, shallow stuff, and I tend to get very frustrated and impatient when I see someone’s emotions holding them back from acknowledging facts or doing what needs to be done. That’s especially true when I feel like my own emotions of uncertainty or inadequacy are holding me back from the things I want.

More broadly, some words that describe me are imaginative, adventurous, independent, and I guess ambitious. Some might call me laid back, and I am most of the time, but when it comes to my major goals and dreams I’m actually really determined and honestly a little selfish. Like, if I were up against my closest friend for my dream job, I would still do anything (within the bounds of fairness) to get it, and if I lost I would have hard feelings about it (which I would bury deeply until I die, lol). I love, love learning and trying new things, and my ideal partner is someone who can surprise me and teach me stuff without making me feel like their student or sidekick. I want us to have fun together and help each other grow. My main love language (both ways) is quality time, but I can work with pretty much anything else except receiving a lot of gifts which makes me feel, idk, embarrassed? Or pressured to respond with the right level of of happiness?

Socially, I have a small circle of very close friends (many of whom are also family, including my younger brother and some of my cousins), a slightly larger circle of pretty good friends, and a lot of friendly acquaintances - people I like to hang out with, but would never feel comfortable being emotional or vulnerable around. If I have a conflict with someone I try to talk it out, but if we can’t come to an agreement I’m going to quietly do whatever I want. My most toxic trait is ghosting people, because saying goodbye/breaking up is awkward and inefficient, lol. On the other hand, I think my most attractive qualities as a friend/gf are positivity, spontaneity, and attentiveness to the other person’s likes, interests and dreams.

For miscellaneous, I’m 5’1” with really long dark hair (which I’m a little vain about, ngl), gray eyes, freckles, and (I’ve been told) a sweet face that turns super cold when I’m angry. My style is kind of flashy but practical, if that makes sense? Lots of eye-catching colors and patterns, but everything has pockets and I don’t do high heels. I’m a medical student, and my dream is to be a national delegate to the World Health Organization someday. I have a cat - if my partner doesn’t get along with her then we’re over, but she’s basically the laziest, friendliest chonk on the planet so it’s not hard. My hobbies/interests are games (video games obviously, but mostly board games), beer, cooking, dancing (like, club dancing, I’m not disciplined enough for the formal stuff), and movies, especially documentaries.

Thank you so much, and I hope this was enough info without too much rambling, haha.

I’m jealous tbh Sucrose is, like, the perect girl imo Just need to snip off that rat tail

I ship you with Sucrose!

-Sucrose is more logical than emotional, but not so much that she’s an emotionally unavailable partner! She’s rational, driven, and focused on her work...but, and it’s literally in her game title, she’s an absolute sweetheart. She manages her own emotions and troubles very maturely, communicates rather well, and is attentive enough in her few close relationships to be reliable. She will have her slip-ups occasionally, as everyone does, but she’s understanding about when this happens and when she’s hurt people, and does her best to make it up.

-She herself definitely more on the introverted side, and has a similar stance to you on socializing. She doesn’t always enjoy it because she tends to bring her scientific mindset into conversation and it’s often too fast-paced for her to think about the best ways to interact with people. She does like people, however. So she’s generally more comfortable in an observational role. If you take the lead on conversations, she’ll happily stand at your side and listen quietly--may even pipe in, if she likes the topic enough.

-Your goals, hobbies, and ambitions all line-up really really well! Sucrose would love for you to take an interest in her experiments, and would likely take an interest in your studies without any prompting, too. After all, part of her work in Bio-alchemy is testing how her discoveries much impact or benefit humans. Learning about the human body with you only stands to aid her research further. She’s a student herself, despite working mostly on her own, so she considers you an equal and asks for your help and advice as much as she rambles to you about all the cool stuff she already knows.

-She’d go just about anywhere with you, but by far her favorite dates are documentary nights at home, with pizza and other delicious junk food she doesn’t indulge in otherwise. Bio-alchemy has also led to Sucrose to be very conscious of what she fuels her body with for the most part. She’d also suggest various board games on these nights once she discovers your love of them! She’s fond of them herself, but not always so good. Don’t worry though, she’s not a sore loser. Especially if the wager is a kiss for the winner.

-She very much likes your cat! ...Not just because she’s a cat-girl herself. Sucrose likes all manner of creatures and studying them. She probably conducts various safe experiments on your cat with your blessing, but it’s anyone guess as to what she’s doing exactly. Once she gave your cat some very good brushies and then ran off with all of the loose fur clumps.... Another time she recorded her purring while giving some very good pets!

-Your spontaneity is good for Sucrose! It’s a given that she won’t love all the outings you have together, but she’s open minded and at the very least values new experiences! She has a tendency to stick to her comfortable routines, realizes she might get stuck in a mental rut if she never changes anything up. You’re a blessing for that!

Runner Up: Lisa ....but pls don’t, you and Sucrose are my otp now