#idk i've seen other people use that for her
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Is there stigma about mental illness in Hell?
Personal bit: I've had chronic depression and anxiety for my entire adult life, and I used to guard it as this big secret, but now I have friends and coworkers who are understanding and have their own issues. And I work in a helping profession where I see that dealing with this stuff is just really fucking common. But recently I've had a bit of culture shock hanging out with my family, and realizing that... oh wait, we still treat our mental health issues like deep dark secrets and refuse to talk about them and/or seek help. And that's the only acceptable way to act. Okay. Thanks guys.
Personal ramble aside, yes, mental health stigma is still an issue in America, 2024 (obviously). And thanks to Sinsmas, I'm convinced that it's an issue in Vivzie's Hell too, in a way that's pretty reflective of how real contemporary society treats it.
Stolas chooses not to tell Blitz about his happy pills. We find out as the episode progresses that he never told Via either.
And plenty of arguments could be made about Stolas just not wanting to burden the people he cares most for. Not wanting Via to worry about him. Not wanting Blitz to be put out financially by tracking down the pills. But I think there's a level of embarrassment here too, and here's why.
Stolas has spent his life being told to bottle up his emotions, and we have evidence of this. We've also seen him struggling to hide his emotions from Blitz before, turning his back in The Full Moon, and straining when forcing himself to stop crying in Apology Tour.
Is the cultural aversion to displays of emotion just an upper class thing in Hell? I think the answer is "sort of." There are ways in which a Goetia is expected to behave, and lower-class demons have more freedom.
BUT
It's not really that simple. We saw toxic masculinity coming from Millie's parents and from Crimson, and that kind of attitude sort of goes hand in hand with mental health stigma. We also saw Verosika say this-
Which shows a certain attitude toward seeking treatment . . .
And Blitz ALSO has a preoccupation with acting like he's fine and can handle things without help that seems very grounded in sort of a working class, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" attitude. (Bye to all that by Ghostfuckers..)
This has all been a very long way of saying that yes, mental health stigma in Hell is significant and affects our characters.
So what role does discovering Stolas's pills play for Via?
She takes them as confirmation of her fear (one she already had a lot of evidence for, to be fair...) that Stolas stayed in a miserable marriage for 17 years just for her. And more- that she was "never enough" to make him happy.
And she's right but. She's oversimplifying it. She did make her dad happy. When someone's suffering, from abuse, from mental illness, from . . . literal society . . . one wonderful relationship is still not going to make their life a happy one.
Beyond Stolas's specific situation, people with great lives sometimes need happy pills. People's lives are multifaceted, and that's a lot for a young person to understand sometimes.
So if Octavia had grown up in a situation where people . . . idk, talked about mental health and didn't stigmatize emotions . . .?
Yeah, I think she'd react differently to the happy pills. But more importantly, the level of secrecy wouldn't be the same. Stolas would have been more open about his range of emotions and about needing pills, and in countless other ways this situation would have played out differently.
And now I'm tying myself in knots trying to imagine Goetia culture WITHOUT mental health stigma. I don't think it would exist in the same way at all. Quick, someone get an army of excellent mental health professionals and assign them to every single member of Hell's aristocracy.
#my helluva meta#sinsmas#helluva boss sinsmas#sinsmas spoilers#stolas goetia#stolas#octavia#octavia goetia#mental health in hell#I don't think this is my best work but here we are#helluva boss
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Something that is nagging at me about the situation with PT is that people are talking about it as like "trans men need to stop posting about her and sending her asks" and it's like... idk how I feel honestly. Like I don't think she deserves to have had her past dug up, that's not necessary at all, but at the same time, she shouldn't have been able to say the shit she did about trans men unchallenged. Like, we are still a fucking minority group! We still don't have any power in society! In the US (where she and I both live) less than 10% of trans congress members are trans men! Trans men have so little power societally yet we're the problem when we tell someone what they're saying about us is fucked up! I hate it!
Yeah lol. Harassment is bad and if she was getting harassed with old callout stuff that sucks for her and is bad but personally I've seen no one, including anyone who sent me asks about it, criticizing her without condemning the very idea of anyone using the situation to hurt her. She should consider not being a public figure if she thinks receiving backlash for causing harm to another badly marginalized group is inherently violence. If it were a transmasc musician who said similar things about trans women they'd be in the comments of his every song for the literal rest of eternity telling people to not support a transmisogynist and they know it, so like? Learn to deal with criticism and learn to discern between that and harassment, even when they're happening at the same time, because other people being dicks doesn't absolve you of anything. Those are separate issues and two things can be bad at once.
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speaking of the vees i cannot stop thinking about this shot
both because it's visually delightful, and because there's just something so adorable about Velvette stating 'I'm the backbone of the Vees' and rather than being something more overtly 'badass' her background is a collage of mostly 'check out how cute and cool my boyfriends think I am'
#also advertisements for what I presume are collabs#(....i mean her and val would both be SO obnoxiously amused by like. cake pops or popsicles or whatever they are of them)#(they worked together on that 'love potion' and are both Very interested in the mental image of lucifer/adam)#(they have a niche of being pervs together is what i'm saying and 'images of us that people put in their mouths'...)#also. i love the vees petnaming each other so much....#val's 'babydoll' and when vel is like 'kisses darling!' before hanging up with vox earlier that ep#can possibly count Vox's 'my dear' we'll have to see more of his speaking patterns#hazbin velvette#the vees#poly vees#that's the only tag i've seen on more than 1-2 posts... i did see someone use#polyamorvee#which idk if it'll catch on but i love it so#happy days in hell (hazbin tag)
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i ate a cupcake recently without first spending five minutes talking about how logistically stressful it is to eat a cupcake, so. i am capable of growth
#i just don't understand how you're supposed to do it without making a mess#why would someone design a food that seems like it is specifically impossible not to get smeared somewhere?#like just design it differently idk??? but everyone else seems to be fine with it so i guess it was a fine decision and i'm the problem#this time i didn't want to say anything about cupcakes being stressful to eat because i was being given a cupcake by the person#who had made the cupcakes and also it was her birthday. so. would have been kind of a dick move.#instead i just unwrapped the cupcake very slowly to give me time to observe how other people were eating theirs#and then i decided i didn't like their methods and did something else#this makes it sound like i've never seen someone eat a cupcake before or eaten one myself but i have many times#i just have never liked it. and i keep holding out hope that someday i'll see someone do it in a way that makes sense#i want someone to crack the code so i can just eat cupcakes. i don't think they're very interesting but it would behoove me socially#to be normal about cupcakes. since everyone else seems so into them for some reason#food#my posts#that said i do know the wrongest way to eat a cupcake and that's the way my younger sister does it (or used to do it)#which entails eating the entire wrapper as well as the cupcake#so in my quest for an acceptable way to eat a cupcake i have at least ruled out several including that one
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Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL
#idk if I'm wording it correctly but this goes hand in hand with some posts I#I've made abt Marcy's parents not being super great but also not being like...#like i didn't imagine them as outright abusive or deserving of losing custody over her#and people kept reblogging them and tagging them as abuse?? 😭😭#like if THAT is abuse. then what the fuck what up at my house#c'mon! her parents growing to kinda hate her because they couldn't stand her personality and failing to fulfill her emotional needs#while still always making sure she always had her material needs met#and doing their best not to blow up at her#resulting in them always acting mildly annoyed towards her#is not *really* abuse. right? like that's just how pretty much every parent feels tbh#like i've never seen a parent who genuinely likes their kids. every parent i know is either sick of them or morbidly depressed#like wondering why the hell they chose this life for themselves#some parents are just better at being optimistic and focusing on the nice parts than others#but not all have the mental fortitude to smile through the disgust and resentment they feel all the time#which tbh is an inhumane thing to ask from a person. parents are humans too and there's only so much a person can repress#i'm convinced parents like the boonchuys only exist in fiction#i just imagine Marcy's parents as being average parents who just don't always have the patience a kid like Marcy needs#like over here my parents are breaking my assistive devices and spying on me while i'm in the bathroom and I never considered that abuse#i just used to drive them insaneeeee back in the day lol#just like with friends and couples. sometimes parents and their kids aren't meant for each other y'know? and maybe that's just Marcy's case#i do know that's my case#but strangers online are here crying abuse for less#so now i'm like. hehehehe. say what now#personal
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Can someone please either validate me or send me to the Corner of Shame? This is very silly but I'm wondering.
So. I was talking to my sister the other day about movies and such, and she told me of one she recently watched with this one actor. And I casually mentioned how much I hated him. Not in a "he's a bad actor" or "he's a bad person" way. Nothing to do with whether I find him attractive or not. Just in a "he looks the most punchable guy on earth and I have this irrational rage against him" way, to the point that I just can't watch movies with him without being annoyed.
My sister looked at me like I was crazy because, "what do you mean you hate the guy". And I told her yeah? That's normal? Don't you have at least one person you can't stand for no reason?
Sister was like 😬😬😬 No??? Which is wild to me, because I could easily name 50 (which I did - not 50 but we were getting close to 20 before i got too annoyed lmao).
Now she thinks I'm slightly insane (/j) (I made myself angry and may have referred to a few individuals as "stupid" and "obnoxious"), and I kinda don't believe I am the only person alive who feels this way. But also she's an incredibly empathetic extrovert, while I'm a very low empath socially anxious creechur so. There's that?? I guess ?? Idk.
Can anyone relate to this? Or am I the weird one?
Also wait. Little disclaimer: I am not generally a violent person AT ALL. Do i get annoyed and angry easily? Yeah. Do I feel like bitch slapping someone right across their stupid face? Yeah, sometimes, sure. Do I do something about it? Not really.
I can be real bitchy and extra sarcastic and petty SURE, but that's the most I'll do if I am legitimately angry. Mostly I just go to my room and cry 🥺 (crying when angry yes it me). So yeah. Before yall think I have unsolved anger issues.
#if you're curious. the guy in question is Thimothée Chalamet#look. from what i've seen he's good at his job and he seems a genuinely nice guy#nothing against him at all like. you go timmy 🙂👍#i do however have an illogical boiling rage against him#i don't know what it is but i genuinely feel like punching his face everytime he pops up#maybe in another universe we were arch enemies. maybe i was his school bully. maybe HE was my school bully idk#obviously i would never do anything like that but if there's one person that looks like it could use a wedgie is him#and don't get me wrong. i DO feel about about it cus it's not like i'm choosing to be irrationally angry#and this goes for a bunch of other people#i just!!! 😡😡😡#seeing him (as in his vibe and general presence. nothing to do with physical appearance)#is the equivalent of trying to use cling film while it keeps sticking to itself#you know that one family guy scene with Peter and the cling wrap?? YEAH. THAT. genuinely so annoyed#i've always assumed this was a common thing. as in. there's always at least one person that gets on your nerves for absolutely no reason#but i guess maybe not???? *am* i a hater???#and btw this ONLY happens with either celebrities (in various degrees)#or people irl i've had some close proximity to <- and in this case it's always justified. i don't generally hate irl people out of nowhere#(okay there is ONE person in specific BUT i do feel slightly justified IMO. and in any case i always make sure to be as nice as possible)#(because poor girl didn't really do nothing wrong. i just have never vibed with her. i tried!! but yeah)#idk where i'm going with this lmao i might just ending up deleting it#whatever. don't worry guys you're all safe i love you very much and wouldn't slap any of you (unless asked you little freaks 👀)#darya talks to herself
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please tell me i'm not the only one who does not interpret valle verde's messaging as pro-religion. please.
#ei.txt#valle verde#idk i've just seen commentary that is like. not clicking for me.#like i understand that religious horror can still be pro-religion but where do you see catholicism being presented as a truly good thing her#like matias is apparently surviving bc of jesus or whatever but that just doesn't immediately strike me as 1)#actually being the case and 2)#necessarily meaning it's a GOOD thing#idk how to word what i mean but it just doesn't seem like the messaging is actually saying being catholic is good#and it seems more like they're using distorted catholic imagery for like. horror.#you know????????#i don't even think it would be terrible if it WAS pro catholic but i've seen people taking it as pro catholic at the expense of other#religions. which i'm having trouble seeing but i could also be missing details idk#is this anything
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"The handmaiden is male gazey" did you know lesbians like fucking other women sexy style? Did you know that a large theme in the handmaiden was the male gaze and misogyny and if you can't separate explorations of a harmful idea from endorsements of it you may be hopeless?
guys I knew it I knew that would be a comment inflammatory enough to attract my first hate anon cut the cameras we did it bois :D
#did you know *I'm* a lesbian that is into that shit also? no because reading comprehension website#they're shot like they're doing that for the cameras not for each other so kind of shoots the message on the foot depending on how you look#never said it's endorsement I said it made *me* uncomfortable and bored because I've seen a dozen movies like that and I'm tired#not to mention this is a critical darling of a film#I'm well aware it isn't the movies fault that a bunch of film bros talk about how hot the scenes are but it still irks me#and were the people in charge of the filmaking process women btw? NO much less queer women they were mostly cis men#she had absolutely no qualms about playing a homosexual character#which in Korea actors can be considerably reluctant to do.#<- those two are straight from an interview with the guy the gayness was novelty and shock value#not to mention bestie it was inspired by a book go sing the praises of that while you're at it#that's where the thread of criticism towards the institutions of misogyny were pulled from#In Fingersmith Waters uses her depiction of lesbian love between Maud and Sue to challenge a variety of hetero-patriarchal norms#my god that name's hilarious#you don't need to defend the honor of a queer story that was adapted with a straight audience in mind#and this convinced me to check the book out idk about you but I'd rather see the version actually told by a lesbian 😊#a tag for asks#also ut's queerness is very gender identity related and I think people generally don't appreciate that as much as they do sex stuff
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Okay yeah the IGN interview saying Minthara would be complete with "just a few more lines" (relating to Orin no less) is so. Grits my teeth. HUH.
(Rant below, feel free to ignore etc etc)
I love Minthara's backstory, I think it has depth, it's well connected to the rest of the story in terms of ramifications and implications. But let's be honest. Her backstory (specifically relating to Orin/the Absolute) has got to be the thing she has the most lines about. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing necessarily, but I'd say there's enough depth there, and if Larian suddenly wanted to add something to her character, I feel like new interjections would be better? More of her reacting to her environment, connecting her experiences on the surface to what the Underdark was like, etc?
She would not want to be reduced to what was done to her, but when so many of her lines revolve around the Absolute/Orin it's harder to see her as a full-fledged character/person.
Honestly I don't know if Larian just has like... Misconceptions about how much content Minthara has, how functional she is (same with Halsin honestly) that they think she'd be complete with so little. Do they rely on us being perpetually okay with and grateful for breadcrumbs? I want to replay her romance, but there's all that wait to Act 2 to even see her again, and I know it's most likely gonna be bugged, with little content, and no way to even know if the game recognizes your relationship, because her kisses still aren't implemented and her greeting literally never changes.
It's just mildly infuriating to see the lack of content for some companions, obviously I think Minthara is the worst case, with Halsin then Wyll in the running.
I understand they don't have infinite resources and maybe adding more to Minthara/Halsin would be catering to niches, but who's fault is that?
It's frustrating because to a certain point, they hardly feel like fully fleshed-out characters. And I know there's enough to them somewhere in there, left on the cutting room floor or something, or in scenes that don't trigger. But as it stands they feel just so woefully incomplete, especially in comparison to the other amazingly written, content-rich companions, that you get earlier and easier.
(Also I'm pretty sure it is just one person on the team who's saying this, + that they're happy with how BG3 is right now- and I'm not saying they shouldn't be happy with it, but it feels funny when so much was cut and not everything is truly fleshed out. Idk.)
#rambles#rant#bg3 rant#< i don't plan on using these tag(s) much but i can have Some Rage. I can be a little hateful#btw if you want to talk about this i am all ears whether you agree or disagree cause i'm soo#minthara#bg3#idk yeah i can be content with what she has when they actually implement the kisses finally#but it doesn't truly feel like enough#or like it's all that replayable compared to the other romances#or to the other companions at large#idk maybe it's 100% just that i'm bitter about the lack of content#i do love her and love what we have#but it's not enough and i'm always reminded that it's not enough#i AM curious if people who are partial to halsin have similar feelings#i know i've seen ppl upset about the lack of wyll content#shaking your hands. we are in this together
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Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi timeline
This is my attempt to piece together what I think the most likely chain of events is regarding the twins from the evidence we have as of season two episode nine.
X years prior to present day
Li Tianchen meets Liu Xiao at the fountain. Liu Xiao says that you have to really gun for what you want. He speaks of how the world is a "jungle" and only a few can evolve and become "hunters", else they must be prey. Li Tianchen internalises this.
Seven years prior to present day
Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi live with their parents. Their father (Li Fan) hears rumours of their mother (Liu Lan) cheating on him (rumours which their neighbour stoked - he's one of the rumour birds in ep 9) and uses it as an excuse to physically abuse her and threaten them all with a hammer when they try to help her. Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi flee to the other room. At this point, Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi are touching each other (but not Liu Lan) and Li Tianxi is clutching the photograph taken earlier that day. It appears as though Liu Lan (possessed) takes the hammer and approaches Li Fan but we don't get to see the full scene before CXS is thrown out of the dive and there is no knife involved at this stage. When we return, Liu Lan is dead by knife and Li Fan by hammer. Li Tianchen later claims to Qian Jin that he killed both of them. However, we haven't seen what actually happened and Tianxi's later retelling has a flashback of Liu Lan apologising to her which must happen sometime in the blanked out scene.
The twins meets Qian Jin at the site of the crime scene, who takes them both on board and modifies the police files relating to their case. The twins have their police files erased and vanish and Qian Jin quits the force.
Y months prior to the current day
We next see Tianchen and Qian Jin at a meeting with Liu Min. This appears to be several years later as Tianchen seems much older. Liu Min says Qian Jin has already helped "resolve matters with that woman" (I do think he literally means in a lawyerly way in retrospect rather than a murdery way, especially when QJ's first response to him asking to take care of the online attacks is to say "I'll send them letters".). As Liu Min has use of his legs at this point, this places this scene at prior to season one episode one and so months before season two.
Liu Min is asking QJ and Tianchen to target his "haters", that is, those who talk badly of him or spread rumours about him online, and his first target is Tianchen's former neighbour. It seems that the neighbour hasn't changed his rumour-spreading ways. Tianchen laughs.
Chronologically alongside and after season one episode one
Liu Min tries to threaten Emma after the games company news breaks and his embezzled money is at risk. It gets out of hand and he ends up with a crashed car and paralysed legs. Emma heads to the bridge, intending to commit suicide, but is stopped by Cheng Xiaoshi. Emma is then possessed via photo by one of the twins and leaps to her death, Cheng Xiaoshi as the only "witness". (The story currently wants us to place this as Li Tianchen doing the possessing and given red eyes speaks this does make most sense but I'm keeping my options open. Tianchen's powers at least include touch possession though and we saw him receive Chen Bin's photo not long before his potential possession.)
End of season one/start of season two
Possessed Liu Min abducts Xu Shanshan and is invited to CXS's "game" the next day. When they show at the photo shop they're trapped in the developing room where they mention that they were "only an agent" (because they were carrying out the killings on behalf of someone else?) and that they would never kill "innocents". Once CXS reveals this was all a trap to get a confession, red eyes then retreats from Liu Min. Liu Min is taken into police custody.
Later that day, when CXS jumps back to try and save Emma, Qiao Ling is possessed and stabs Lu Guang. When CXS returns, possessed QL claims that CXS "cheated" in their game and lets slip that CXS's powers "also" involve photos, with the "also" having heavy implications.
Liu Min is possessed again and made to commit suicide. It's unclear in which order Lu Guang's stabbing and Liu Min's "suicide" happen and whether they occur simultaneously or not.
Happening chronologically alongside season two episode two
Qian Jin retrieves a photo of Chen Bin and passes it on to Li Tianchen.
Chen Bin is (potentially) possessed, confiscates Liu Min's phone and passes it off to Xiao Ma (Qian Jin's lackey). He then falls from top of the hospital building. (Note: Tianxi's telling of her backstory shows a shot of Chen Bin apologising and crying. It could technically have taken place at any time, but it makes most sense it fits here)
One of the twins at the staircase asks Xiao Ma for Liu Min's phone. They don't speak and even though at a glance the fringe seems to resemble Li Tianchen's it seems to make more sense at this stage for this to be Li Tianxi. This occurs chronologically before the scene in the next paragraph as Xiao Ma is confronting CXS and QL when LG tries to leave his hospital room and is arrested immediately following the confrontation.
Lu Guang tries to leave the room and receives a photo from what appears to be Li Tianxi. This has a photo of Liu Lan and Li Tianxi on the front and the back says about not wanting to lose a good brother, with a childish doodle next to it. The Tianxi delivering the photo wears a blue jacket and a mask which appears to match with the twin on the staircase.
Season two episode four
A few days appear to have passed since episode two as Chen Bin's funeral has now taken place.
Qian Jin speaks to Xiao Ma and realises that one of the twins took Liu Min's phone. (He updates Liu Jing on this after the funeral though he may have known of it before). Given Tianchen and Qian Jin appear to still be in cahoots as of s2e9, this points to it being Li Tianxi who intercepted the phone.
"Li Tianxi" phones Qian Jin. QJ asks "have you found him?" (I'm using Funi subs here so can't confirm but about 90% sure it was translated like this because the Chinese subs used 'ta' (他) which does mean 'he' but sounds identical to 'ta' (她) which means 'she'. In other words, it could just as easily be "have you found her?" and the og subs used the male 'ta' for ambiguity) Qian Jin comments that this (plan) is "pretty risky" but so long as it's carried out before the police realise it should work. Most likely this is Li Tianchen disguised as Li Tianxi soon to walk straight into a police station. This Tianxi is wearing the pink hoodie as far as I can tell.
This all implies that Li Tianxi is "missing" already and when this is put together with the hospital scenes in episode two, she likely went awol back then or not long after. Li Tianxi fled wearing a school uniform rather than the hoodie of the hospital scenes and it is in this that she is later found.
Qian Jin and Li Tianchen discuss the specifics of Li Tianchen's escape from the police station beforehand. Qian Jin lays out all the instructions of the plan so Tianchen just has to follow them and retrieve CXS.
"Li Tianxi" shows up at the police station and asks for CXS.
Season two episodes six to eight
Tianchen-as-Tianxi uses CXS's sympathies to get him to touch him whereupon he possesses him. He then also possesses Wang Juan and together they leave the police station. Tianchen makes it to the docks but isn't able to take CXS. Instead, LG is taken himself.
Miscellaneous notes
Clothing-wise, in s2, we appear to have Li Tianxi wearing a blue hoodie and a mask at first during the hospital scenes and then later a school uniform when she decides to flee. This is copying Li Tianchen's outfit in the meeting with Liu Min (and his general colour scheme prior to that).
Li Tianchen wears a pink hoodie and when disguised as Li Tianxi he also adds a mask and wig.
In both cases I suspect the mask is used to obscure their identity. Tianxi retrieved the phone as Tianchen and Tianchen infiltrated the police station as Tianxi.
Whilst this layout of events places Liu Min's phone with Tianxi, at the time she is taken into police custody she no longer appears to have it. It may be hidden somewhere important to her or in the place she was found.
I can't place exactly when Li Tianchen meets Liu Xiao again, but am reasonably sure the chronology in the episode is accurate here and it's before LTC meets Liu Min for the first time. Liu Xiao said that LTC would have opportunities to "hunt" in the near future and there Liu Min was. Also, we know that Liu Xiao was studying abroad around the time of the present timeline so it has to have occurred before then (from the 'will we meet again' and 'it's almost time' I'm tempted to say this scene is just before LX leaves for abroad honestly).
Also, LX says the difference between a 'hunter' and a 'beast' is that a hunter hunts even when not hungry - this is where the scales get tipped from self-defence to actively killing - it's an important mental shift for LTC.
#some of this is repeated from my other posts but I just wanted to put it all in one place#I put Chen Bin's possession as 'potential' because he has a history of leaking info from the police if he thinks there's good cause#and because we still need to see the 'sorry' scene which probably fits in the gap before he dies#I've tried to stay on topic and not go on tangents about powers etc but tianchen we know for sure has touch powers#we don't see him use photos but we know emma has to have been possessed via photo and red eyes emma spoke (tianxi is still mute)#so either tianchen also has photo powers or if it's tianxi with those powers he's using his powers to use hers#tianxi had the photo when we cut to black after all. but also idk about her memory of liu lan apologising during that scene#link click#shiguang daili ren#link click spoilers#shiguang daili ren spoilers#long post#seen some people also point out that in tianxi's telling tianchen is always patting/touching her whilst she's asleep#which seems cute but if it's how he accesses her power it suddenly becomes vaguely horrifying instead
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some game design thinky thoughts.
#it speaks#da gameplay complaints so weird to me. which i say as someone whose favorite combat was origins.#i mean 1 like i just enjoy a lot of different types of games. including crpg style tactical and including action#and inclulding me style arpg#but fr like people just keep saying over and over 'only three abilities???????????' like bro did u know in dai#that one of the warrior abilities was COMBAT ROLL.#a lot of things like that were previously abiliities and can in real time combat become different kinds of mechanics#and lemme say as someone who never invests in combat roll i spend a lot of time in dai fighting dragons by fruitlessly jumping in the hope#that THIS time i might be able to dodge the incoming attack i can clearly see coming (i can't)#idk like the point is obv if you don't like action-oriented combat whatever but complaining about design changes which actually serve#to make GOOD action-oriented combat is wild to me.#love that it's still rtwp my beloved. love giving commands to followers. love that it's built around synergies and that the wheel actually#tells you things like detonation combos and enemy resistances because i love taking advantage of stuff like that but find often in games#that information is overly obscured or a hassle to discover#and if i in real time action combat had 20 different abilities to choose from while still needing to dodge out of the way and pop off#an attack- that would be at worst overwhelming and distracting and at best feel like more than i need.#and at the same time! the skill tree looks great. best i've seen from da (and iterated from other franchises well imo) and still looks#plenty deep and customizable. way more than me's five little blocks or whatever#and wrt to party control yeah i'll miss it i like it a lot!#but again for this style of combat i literally don't think you need it and that's okay!#the game feeling better for what it is is okay!#even in dai like i have a lot of moments in that game where it's actually more a nuisance than anything else to fully switch control#to use an ability. e.g. i usually spec solas out with spirit magic and i almost always will fully enter the tactical cam just to#tell him to cast a barrier. or a revive. or dispel some demons before they spawn in#like i'm literally already just telling him to use abilities and then i switch back to me. and in that game there are def times where i hav#thought yeah this would actually be smoother if i could just tell him to use it +position it!#i spend the most time party switching in origins esp on higher difficulties but obv the game is most fine tuned for that#and you can play through the entire series as if it were an arpg if you want. that's what i did when i was a kid lmfao#well anyways. that's my two cents! i think it'll be really engaging! from what i've seen the game director isn't talking out of her ass!#vir dirthera
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A closer look at my young Askr siblings designs! Sharena's kind of constantly fluctuates, but I've always had a really clear vision for an early teen Alfonse.
#fire emblem#feh#tags on prev post (above post? other post.) apply here LMFAOO#outfits are kind of vague/unimportant (though i did ref young marth for alfonse)#i think what i want to capture most is like. esppp where sharena and peony split off when they reach a certain age#like idk how many other designs i've posted i feel like maybe one. but other designs for her#include twintails (ofc) and sort of a gradual process. where it ultimately ends up the way it does in canon#again my ideas for alfonse are v straightforward. going from high restriction ->#to some control over his appearance (although he is met w disapproval for it) -> to finding something he likes (as we see him now)#(secret other step -- mental breakdown and worst haircut you've ever seen by his own hand approximately 3months before summoner shows up)#i just think. these sorts of things are what make us human.#which is why one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when younger designs for charas look IDENTICAL to their adult versions just smaller#LIKE. EVEN BEYOND BEING TRANSGENDER. SHOW ME A PERMANENT STATE OF BEING ASSHOLE‼️‼️‼️‼️#people cut their hair and grow it out and dye it and sometimes tastes in aesthetics change. ect.#i will be here ALL day if i allow myself to get into this I NEED TO LEAVE I WANT TO LEAVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#fe alfonse#sharena#my art
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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.
Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.
Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;
#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more#She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has#She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same#But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites#And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that#But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it#It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks#Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie#She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen#Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk#She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while#Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess#And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more#Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too#Runa diary logs#But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people#And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living#I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3#Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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god i fucking hate spa.rkle sm . most shit i'm seeing says she's being racist against roman.ians , but . . . considering roman.ians are . white europeans ? and i haven't heard of much oppression towards roman.ians . I kinda doubt it ?? but you know what people whose oppression i've heard plenty of in roman.ia and who sound similar enough they constantly get confused with each other ? roma . who were enslaved for fucking centuries and to this day still face horrendous oppression in roman.ia . is she . is she fucking racist towards the h.sr version of part of my heritage . hoyo can i kick her can i please kick and punch her please please please pleaaaase pl
#➳ the fool speaks#i mean even if she just hates eastern europeans For Some Reason (roman.ians) that's still her being a racist bitch abt my heritage#<- roman.ian AND rom.ani#i deserve to kick her into the sun i think#also would this mean aven.turine is . rom.ani ? he's pale and blond . which wouldn't be toooo accurate i think ?#but ykw even if he is meant to be rom.ani n nawt roman.ian . and I'm right with all this . I don't expect hoyo to actually make someone fro#somewhere that is supposed to be based off of a culture and people that originates in northwestern india#have an ounce of color in their skin#he might also just be roman.ian but ?? then the slavery comments that I've seen around don't rlly make much sense .#but um !! idk this is going off of screenshots I've seen and what people r saying about aven.turine and her n all that so#n i haven't played in a while so idfk what's going on in the plot . this is just me being pissy about the possibility of a culture that's#still getting fucking oppressed horrendously and forgotten about and Not Even Having Their Oppression Taught To Others getting used . and#now a fucking . anime girl that I've already seen people saying they'll empty their wallets for n calling her their ''waifu 🥺''#is being a racist piece of shit abt it . like . i find it a bit distasteful. no ? like racism can and should be shown in media#but . . . don't . don't try to sell the racist character ? don't make them look cool ? like ? am i overreacting idfk i just hate spa.rkle#SHE EVEN HAS A STUPID NAME#WTF ''ah yes this racist ableist piece of shit let's name her fucking SPARKLE'' ????????? fucking hell i dont like her i hate her#if she's playable or becomes playable I deserve to punch everyone who spends on whatever her banner is in the jaw . sorry#tw slavery ment#tw racism ment#ask to tag
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[Start ID. A green-toned drawing of two characters from an original universe, shown from the shoulders up. It's framed as though they're taking a selfie. On the left is Heathrow, a human with dark skin, long hair, a good number of facial scars, and two painted lines below each eye. He wears something akin to a green hoodie, with fluffy plant matter sewn into the back of the hood. On the right is Crassie, a half elf, which in this universe entails long pointed ears, a pair of short pale horns, a slightly rabbit-like nose and markings under her eyes. Her skin is olive-toned, sporting a couple distinct scars on her face and hand, and she's wearing what is essentially a bush and spiked glovelets. Both of them are smiling, Crassie a little bit wide-eyed and Heathrow with a fond expression. The background's a saturated green with the text "1 YEAR!". End ID]
A redraw-in-spirit of the post from last year's Feb 16 that introduced these two to my blog. It's their birthday :]
#peridots-art#heathrow chtn#crassie chtn#chtn#eye contact#peridots-ocs#i've only posted about them three times including this and every single time i manage to go 'hey did you know heath was originally meant as#a stand-in for the hunter from hk? i thought that was neat :)' so. obligatory mention of that i guess#because of their shifting nature i could never pin down the days they/their universe were created but i love an excuse to get emotional#about birthdays/anniversaries and such. so today it is then (it just turned midnight 17th in my timezone... it's the thought that counts)#this is also the first non-fullbody I've posted on Tumblr in a Really long time?? like there's the dragon from nov 5 and daud from oct 26.#looking past that i guess there were quite a few okay but three and a half months is a lot when you draw as much as i#anyway. these guys.#had a little more to say about them but i scrapped it. they're both very ace and aro and while i respect aroaces who don't want Any sort of#intimate relationship (platonic or otherwise!) they are about as far as you can get from it. a qpr sounds appropriate#the nature of their relationship defies description. friends and a little like siblings. life partners? a little like father and daughter.#they've only ever known each other. i may not think about them so often but man do i love them.#for the most part accidental but this was definitely inspired by miecz's art :] the linework was surprisingly fun to do#wasn't gonna address kit directly seeing as i don't know if it always reads these? but if you are your tags were very kind!!#i don't know anyone else who's as lengthy with it as i but i like talking in the tags! so. i'm glad they're appreciated :]#that isn't all i have to say on the subject (i'm never used to people being nice to me) but i'll save it for somewhere it will def. be seen#...idk how to describe their clothing. i designed his a year ago and hers more than that do you think they're supposed to make sense#there were a Lot of particularities with the id that made it. hard to write. this is better than nothing of course but don't know if it's#the most efficient. with that hour-to-thirty-minutes of my day over with (I AM TALKING ABOUT THE IMAGE DESCRIPTION MY ART TAKES 6 HOURS AT#ABSOLUTE BEST apologies for the screaming) i can officially say goodnight to you tag-wanderer and farewell#peridots-described
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