lovinjp

[lovinjp]

If I didn't write about you on my tumblr, you weren't that important

[lovinjp]

Bratislava, Slovakia

Free techno event

[lovinjp]

[lovinjp]

I want to have sex from love not lust

[lovinjp]

I was mad that he was giving me mixed signals but then I ended up giving mixed signals to someone else.

[lovinjp]

I keep getting close to people whom I don't find mentally attractive. And those whom I do find attractive, I am afraid of.

[lovinjp]

And here I am, alone again

Things didn't work out this time either

So, the problem seems to be me

I wasn't able to understand his way of life

I couldn't align with his way of thinking

But eventually it didn't matter because he wasn't looking for anything deep

He warned me but I didn't listen

I was blinded by my attraction to him

Making love with him was beautiful

I felt connected

And it made me attached to him

That wasn't so beautiful anymore

Well, at least not for him

He didn't find it lovely that I wanted to be with him all the time

Because he had other friends he wanted to hang out with

And that made me sad

The worst feeling was that I was supposed to be his friend too but I didn't feel like one

I started to feel like I was being used for sex

And maybe I really was

It was so short it'll soon feel like a dream

But we made some videos, so watching them might make it feel real

That actually made me really happy, cause I've wanted to do that for so long

Sometimes I was able to get so fucking excited around him it was weird

But I knew I could

I knew I was able to express myself however I wanted to

Yet I wasn't able to express my feelings, to ask him things

I don't know why

I liked him, although we didn't understand each other, I think

I could easily fall in love, but fortunately he didn't let me

Or unfortunately?

It hurts even more now after I wrote all this

I bet he's fine

He didn't like me that much anyway so

[lovinjp]

Turns out I'm ISFJ

nothing describes me more than this

[lovinjp]

nothing describes me more than this

[lovinjp]

Why am I still not over him????

Wtf

[lovinjp]

And we were lovers

Now we can't be friends

Fascination ends

[lovinjp]

Ešte, že to trvalo krátko.

Čoskoro to bude iba sen.

[lovinjp]

“They told me they loved me constantly, chronically, every day. They gave me a good home. They cared for me. They did all the basics, and above all that: they worked hard to put me in a great school district. But no matter how much they provide, your parents can’t give a shit for you. I made every bad choice a high schooler could make: tv, video games, pornography. All the stuff that you use to not think about stuff. It’s immediately gratifying, maybe the first 50 or 100 times. But after the 200th time, that stuff becomes who you are. I guess the whole time I was just hoping that someone would come along and tell me exactly what to do with my life, or else it would just come to me. Maybe that happens for some people. But for the other ninety percent of us, we have to make the conscious decision to just go. At first I told my dad I was joining The Marines. He’s an attorney. It certainly wasn’t what he would have chosen for me. But he said: ‘If this is what you want to do, you’re going to visit every branch. You’re going to make an educated decision.’ On the day I signed with the Coast Guard, I remember telling him: ‘I just want to be a good man.’ That’s as far as I’d gotten. That’s the only thing that I knew for sure. I didn’t know where the path was going to lead, but I was just tired of not trying. I figured it was better to just start walking and see what the hell happens. Because I know what happens if I don’t do anything.”

[lovinjp]

It's not meant to be and it's okay

[lovinjp]

Love's over

It was nice though

[lovinjp]

[lovinjp]

It seems it was never real.

Wonder if he misses me.