lovinjp

[lovinjp]

Change is rarely abrupt. It happens gradually, and you can hardly notice it. Keep that in mind—especially when it’s a negative change.

[lovinjp]

Little by little, I came to understand his lifestyle—I even became a part of it. I realized how fleetingly euphoric and hasty it is, lacking any real connection with oneself. It’s all about chasing dopamine and avoiding uncomfortable thoughts and situations. That feeling of high IS GREAT, I’m not denying. But exactly because of how great it is—and how miserable reality is—it makes it SO dangerous and addictive. It honestly scared the life out of me. I’m still sober, and I see things as they are. And it truly scares me. I don’t want to be part of this. Neither do I want him to be a part of this. The catch is, he already is.

[lovinjp]

It's really brave to face the difficult side of life.

[lovinjp]

It's really brave to live the way you want.

[lovinjp]

Last statement

I tried to love an addict. It was an emotional rollercoaster—full of ups and downs, lies and excuses, forgiveness and second chances, tears, and constant worry for his life. I chose this path willingly, believing that love could cure him. But in the end, he said he didn’t feel my love. My love is harsh. I show love by being strict; that’s how I was loved. I don’t say it out loud, and I don’t know any other way. I feel really sorry for not knowing how to love him the way he needed.

[lovinjp]

I can't sleep.

He doesn't love me anymore.

And maybe he never did.

It turns out his love was fake.

I believed it though.

Cause I craved love so much.

[lovinjp]

If I didn't write about you on my tumblr, you weren't that important

[lovinjp]

Bratislava, Slovakia

Free techno event

[lovinjp]

[lovinjp]

I want to have sex from love not lust

[lovinjp]

I was mad that he was giving me mixed signals but then I ended up giving mixed signals to someone else.

[lovinjp]

I keep getting close to people whom I don't find mentally attractive. And those whom I do find attractive, I am afraid of.

[lovinjp]

And here I am, alone again

Things didn't work out this time either

So, the problem seems to be me

I wasn't able to understand his way of life

I couldn't align with his way of thinking

But eventually it didn't matter because he wasn't looking for anything deep

He warned me but I didn't listen

I was blinded by my attraction to him

Making love with him was beautiful

I felt connected

And it made me attached to him

That wasn't so beautiful anymore

Well, at least not for him

He didn't find it lovely that I wanted to be with him all the time

Because he had other friends he wanted to hang out with

And that made me sad

The worst feeling was that I was supposed to be his friend too but I didn't feel like one

I started to feel like I was being used for sex

And maybe I really was

It was so short it'll soon feel like a dream

But we made some videos, so watching them might make it feel real

That actually made me really happy, cause I've wanted to do that for so long

Sometimes I was able to get so fucking excited around him it was weird

But I knew I could

I knew I was able to express myself however I wanted to

Yet I wasn't able to express my feelings, to ask him things

I don't know why

I liked him, although we didn't understand each other, I think

I could easily fall in love, but fortunately he didn't let me

Or unfortunately?

It hurts even more now after I wrote all this

I bet he's fine

He didn't like me that much anyway so

[lovinjp]

Turns out I'm ISFJ

nothing describes me more than this

[lovinjp]

nothing describes me more than this

[lovinjp]

Why am I still not over him????

Wtf

[lovinjp]

And we were lovers

Now we can't be friends

Fascination ends