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bartxnhood · 5 months ago

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escort at the oscars | a.b

austin butler x fem!actress!reader

summary: getting lost at the oscar’s wasn’t on your roster. neither was getting austin butlers attention.

warnings: definitely poor representation of the oscars but idc this is just for funsies !

w/c: 3.1k

a/n: omg hi everyone !!! long time no see i know, life has been insane. i know no one will read this but ive had some HUGE life changes. i graduated cosmetology school, officially a nail tech now, yay me !! also, unfortunately, ill be having a hand surgery soon. so, im hoping i can write more before i can’t 😭. thank you to everyone who still supports me even though im not ac active as i used to be. one day i promise ill update regularly !!

a/n2: also, austin in the new bikeriders movie had me in a chokehold. the austin butler renaissance is upon us, people !!! (he’s also my bday twin WOO) and i know austin didn’t win an oscar for elvis but for the sake of the fic he did in this !!

not proofread

requests open

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since the red carpets were only carpets, you could have sworn they were easy to manage. the theater was only accessible by walking through a line, but that wasn't the case. after only thirty minutes, you had to make a big mistake by trying to use the restroom and ending up opening a broom closet.

“hey,” you heard a voice, and you quickly turned around only to find yourself facing austin. “the ceremony isn’t in the closet, darling.”

“right..” you whisper under your breath and close the door. you smile awkwardly turning on your heels and holding your clutch tightly.

“i was just uh..looking for the restroom but i couldn’t find it” you laugh, looking down and shaking your head, and begin walking away from the boom closet.

austin couldn’t help but chuckle, following behind you while holding his hand behind his back as he walked slowly for you to match his stride.

he could tell that you were an up-and-coming actress, something about the way you carried yourself gave it away, and he could also tell that this was your first time on a red carpet by the way you were clutching your clutch bag so firmly like your life depended on it.

“you look nervous,” he said softly, “it’s your first time on a red carpet, isn’t it?”

you smile sheepishly. “that obvious, huh?” you trail behind austin assuming he is taking you to the restrooms.

“never knew how big these places are” you laugh, holding up the end of your dress so it doesn’t drag.

austin could see how nervous you were by the way you were holding your dress up while you were walking, and he thought that it was adorable, honestly.

he chuckled as you mentioned how big the venue is because you weren’t wrong, it is pretty damn big. “ive been to a few oscars now and i still think the venue is too big,” he said with a laugh, as he walked by your side with that perfect movie star strut.

“which movie are you nominated for?”

you had never been to something like this, and you didn’t even have a premiere for your movie. but somehow, critics loved the movie and now your movie was nominated.

it felt like it happened overnight.

“blue moon” you answer, not expecting him to know it.

the movie was set in the second world war and your character was the spouse of one of the soldiers. after he died, your character joined the war.

it was an underground film, your first lead and you didn’t expect anyone to pick up the movie. but someone did, ended up being shown at a film festival and the critics fell in love with your performance. and that’s how you landed a nomination for best lead actress.

austin’s eyes widened as you mentioned the movie you��re up for, blue moon; he enjoyed that movie, and as he thought about it more he really couldn’t deny that you were fantastic in it.

“no way,” he said in disbelief, “no wonder you’re nominated for best actress, you were incredible in that film.”

“thank you” you nod, noticing you have finally made it to the restrooms.

“and thank you for showing me the way” you chuckle, dropping the train of your dress then stuffing your clutch under your arm and sticking out your hand.

austin takes your hand with a gentle yet firm grip and smiles, nodding. “no problem, glad i could be of help.”

“i’m y/n l/n” you introduced. “it was nice to meet you, austin. thanks for this” you grin, retracting your hand.

“i guess ill catch you later..”

“it was a pleasure to meet you, y/n,” he replied with a smile before watching you walk into the restroom, and he couldn’t help but keep his eyes on the door as you disappeared behind it.

he thought you were pretty. very pretty, and he kind of regretted not asking you for your phone number before you disappeared.

so, austin stood there leaning against the wall deciding he would wait on you. just in case you got lost again.

no other reason.

after relieving yourself, you stand in front of the mirror taking in a couple of deep breaths to calm the pounding in her chest, making it hard to breathe.

you open your clutch, picking out a compact and a lipstick. you swipe the color on your lips to touch up the splotches, and quickly powder your face.

you put everything back in your clutch smoothed out your hair and admired your dress.

floor-length satin gown in your favorite color, a ribbed corset look.

“you can do this, y/n/n..” you whisper to yourself then pick up the train of your dress and exit the restroom, hoping you won’t miss the award ceremony.

austin was now pacing in front of the restroom, waiting for you to exit, his eyes fixated on the door, and he found himself running a hand through his styled hair, ruining the gelled look.

he wasn’t sure what had compelled him to wait for you, but here he was, still waiting outside the restroom, tapping his foot anxiously and checking his watch now and then.

austin leaned back against the wall as he waited, trying to look nonchalant as ever, and once the restroom door opened, a soft exhale left his lips.

you let the door shut behind you while smoothing out the front of your dress and began walking down the hallway until you stopped seeing a figure.

you look up from the floor and spot austin, assuming he is waiting for you.

“austin?” you ask softly, taking in a deep breath.

austin’s eyes softened at the sound of his name, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of you once he saw you walking towards him, smoothing out the front of your dress and making sure it was wrinkle-free and free of any stains.

“hey,” he replied with a smile and nod, “i was just, uh, making sure you didn’t get lost, again.” austin laughed, looking at you through his eyebrows.

you couldn’t help but chuckle, “no worries, restrooms are pretty simple,” you reply with a toothy grin.

“but, if you wouldn’t mind showing me the way to the theater?” you ask, knowing if you didn’t have the guidance you’d definitely get lost and miss the entire ceremony.

and you didn’t need that kind of embarrassment.

though, deep down you know you wouldn’t win tonight, but still, you wanted to experience being at the freaking oscars!

austin smiled at how eager you were to not get lost again. he chuckled softly as you asked him to guide you to the theater, and he pushed himself off the wall, taking one last look at his watch before walking closer to you.

“and here i was, thinking you’d never ask,” he joked, before holding out his arm for you to grab and wrap your own around.

“don’t wanna risk you ending up in the broom closet again,” he teased.

you drop your head, smiling, and then laugh at his comment about getting lost in the broom closet.

“listen..” you say softly, covering your face with the clutch. “i would say it was one mistake, but with my luck, it’s bound to happen again.”

you carefully take his arm and begin walking towards the theater. you can feel your cheeks warming up.

here you are, lost at the oscar’s and now having the austin butler escort you into the theater.

when you attempted to cover your face with your clutch, he rolled his eyes and gently grabbed it, pulling it away from your face. “no hiding.” he teased.

as you walked side by side, down the halls and towards the theater, austin couldn’t help himself but glance over at you now and then.

he smiled when you laughed at his joke and chuckled even more as you attempted to defend yourself. “just one? you’re sure about that?”

you smile, looking ahead. not being able to look him in the eyes. “no..” you laugh.

“on my first day of filming, i got lost and accidentally locked myself in the hair and makeup trailer” you giggle, recalling one of the most embarrassing moments that’s happened to you. though, this one trumps that.

“no way..” you hear austin laugh wholeheartedly, a sound so beautiful it could turn your legs into jelly.

“yes way” you laugh back, nodding. you weren’t paying attention and almost tripped over the end of your dress.

“here, let me help you with that” austin offers, picking up the train of your dress so you can walk more comfortably.

“see? clumsy.”

austin grins, holding the satin fabric in his hands as you continue towards the theater. “we all have our quirks” he adds. “you’ll warm up to this life, it’ll become easier and if it doesn’t, i’ll help you navigate this journey.” austin spoke without really thinking.

you finally see the two large golden doors which lead into the theater. “ready?” austin grins, raising his eyebrows before opening the door.

when the door opens you’re hit with a soft wind of cool air, the sound of people chattering, and the camera crew getting ready to go live.

“well, let’s hope i can find my seat with ease..” you say walking down the aisle with him towards the seconds for the nominees. “i’ll help,” austin says and begins scanning the row of seats for your name.

y/n l/n

“here you are.” he points to your name plastered on the back of the seat. “right next to mine” he leads you to the two end aisle seats on the front row. your crew sat behind you and austin’s was right next to him.

you were shocked, walking to your seat and letting go of his arm. austin drops the end of your dress gracefully, making sure it doesn’t get dirty.

“what a coincidence, huh?” you take your seat, crossing your legs and placing your clutch in your lap.

austin had what you’d call a shit-eating grin on his face as he sat next to you. “coincidence? or the universe giving us a sign?”

he could tell you were feeling out of place, but he silently tried to make you feel more comfortable by flashing you a reassuring smile.

you shrug, smiling as the staff prepares to go on air. you take in a deep breath, calming your racing heart as you watch the host enter the stage.

“good luck tonight.” austin leans in, whispering. you turn to face him, “you too”. austin winks and then focuses his attention on the stage as the lights dim.

you follow suit, the ceremony officially begins.

a short video montage of all the movies nominated begins to play, and for a second you see yourself.

wow.

after the video, the lights come back on, and out steps the host.

“hello, and welcome to the ninety-sixth oscars, everyone! look at these beautiful faces!”

the room explodes into applause and cheers from the guests.

there’s more to the introduction, bad jokes, awkward laughter, and overall a very, very, long introduction before getting into the awards.

tonight was going to be very long.

“and the nominees for the best lead actor” the host announces, letting a brief video play of all the nominees and their movies.

some actors you knew well, others you didn’t.

“and the oscar goes to..” the host drawls, opening the envelope and a smile appears on her face.

“austin butler!”

the crowd erupts into a roar of cheers and applause, people standing up all around, yourself included. austin stands up hugging his team around him and his friends. he turns to you, smiling as if he won the lottery. “congrats!” you pat his shoulder as he walks past you on stage to accept the award.

“wow..” his deep voice rang through the microphone, looking at the audience and fellow nominees. “i’d uh..wow..all my words are leaving me…i’m standing in front of my heroes. i’m so incredibly grateful to be standing here, i just wanted to say thank you to my team, all the producers, writers, directors, costume, and makeup. everyone. and the presley family for guiding me through this whole process. thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. and lastly, thank you to all the new people i’ve met” he looks towards you. “i’m so grateful to be standing here. thank you.” he blows a kiss to the crowd before disappearing backstage.

the rest of the male categories went on in between intermissions. many of your favorite actors won, and movies.

then, before you knew it, the female categories were beginning. you saw austin returning to his seat before the nominees were announced.

“now, let’s take a look at the nominees for best female lead role…” the host begins.

like the male category, there are videos of each nominee and then you’re face pops up in a small montage of your movie with your name announced.

austin looked over at you when your face appeared on the big screen, he saw that look in your eyes. he couldn’t describe it. awe? no, it was something more than that. something he had never seen from any of the people he worked with. he had been to many events like this, but you…something about you.

“and the oscar for best female lead role goes too..”

anticipation.

so many great and talented women in this category, that you feel honored to even be considered as good as them.

what if you didn’t win?

but what if you did win? you didn’t even think you prepare an acceptance speech because there is absolutely no way someone like you could-

“y/n l/n! congratulations!”

the world stopped, people around you standing up and applauding. you.

you sat there, mouth agape staring at the stage with your face on the screens like an idiot. your crew grabbing your shoulders to congratulate you as you stand up. hugging some of your crew, then looking at austin wide-eyed. he’s smiling at you, saying something like “i knew you’d win” but you couldn’t be sure, you were in shock.

you begin towards the stage, austin trailing behind you holding your dress so you won’t trip. if there’s one thing austin learned about you tonight, you were clumsy.

you look back, thanking austin with your eyes approach the host, and accept the award.

“oh man..” you begin, feeling tears prickling your eyes. a quiet laugh escapes your throat, looking down at the golden award and then back to the crowd. “i didn’t have a speech prepared, i didn’t expect to win at all. but i wanted to thank everyone who worked on the set of this movie. thank you to the director who saw my indie films and thought i had the talent to portray my character. thank you to my team who always supported me. thank you to my family who always believed in me..who pushed me to work harder..” you sniffle, lip quivering.

“thank you. thank you so much.” you cry. “and thank you to austin, who helped me when i got lost, otherwise i would’ve missed the best moment in my life”. you look towards austin, your teary eyes glittering underneath the lights. the crowd laughs at this, finding it humorous.

austin smiled as he listened to your heartfelt acceptance speech. he couldn’t help but feel proud of you, watching the way you held the award in your hands and thanked everyone who had helped you along the way.

his heart skipped a beat when you mentioned him in your speech. he chuckled softly as the crowd laughed when you joked about getting lost, and he felt a warmth spread through him as he heard you express your gratitude towards him.

“and to all my fellow nominees, i can’t believe im standing in front of you. i’m so honored to be here with you tonight. and i realize i am rambling so i will accept this and go” you laugh, waving to your crew and exiting the stage.

as you walked off the stage, austin stood up and applauded once again, clapping louder than ever before.

the rest of the night continued without fail, the whole thing continued for about three and a half hours. you knew it was going to be long, but you don’t think you’d ever get used to it.

the ceremony ended, leading you and the other winners backstage to get pictures and interviews.

you stand with your friends, who also are a part of your crew. you’re still absolutely shocked. crying on and off as they congratulate you on one of the biggest achievements of your career.

you weren’t aware of austin approaching you until you felt a hand on your lower back. you look over your shoulder and see his baby blues. “austin!” you grin, turning your body toward him. “hi, darling. congratulations.” he says, gesturing to the award in your hand.

“thank you” you bring the award up to your face, grinning like a proud parent. “and congrats to you”

austin nods, looking down at his award. “looks like we both got pretty lucky, huh?”

you nod, agreeing. “i guess so..” you say softly.

you see austin’s eyebrow raise, his eyes dancing over your figure against the wall. you couldn’t quite place what he was thinking. he could be thinking many things, but you wouldn’t know. he was too hard to read, for you at least.

“say, uh..” he smirks, biting his lip. “how would you feel if i asked for your number?” his extra arm came up to the wall beside your head, entrapping you.

oh boy.

you hold the award close to your chest, looking up at him. “well, i’d feel like i’d be dreaming but im not going to say no.” you answer.

“good because i don’t know what id do if you said no” he chuckles, his eyes not leaving yours.

“i’ll call you, we’ll go out sometime. i wanna know more of you. if it’s anything like i saw tonight, i think i might fall in love with you.”

you can feel your ears burning as he speaks, his raspy voice making your legs feel weak. his eyes looking down on you, god. he was driving you insane. his slightly gelled hair, his grey suit, his cologne.

he was so close.

“then i guess you should be ready for that,” you say, smirking.

you heard your name being called, your manager trying to get you for an interview.

you push yourself off the wall, but before you leave you pause. “call me.” you wink and then walk away, leaving austin’s world rocked. never had he met someone like you, never has he been this intrigued and captivated by someone.

thank god he found you when he did.

#bartxnhood asks #bartxnhood writes #austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fan fiction #austin butler x you #austin butler x y/n #elvis presley x reader

511 notes · View notes

sebscore · 1 year ago

Note

if you feel comfortable doing so, how do you think the grid would react if gzd was going through a rough patch and she’s being like really quiet and in her head?

i’m kinda slipping back into this era and i just need the grids comfort

THIS IS ALL I NEVER WANTED

pairing: lando norris x driver!reader / daniel ricciardo x driver!reader / sebastian vettel x driver!reader / lewis hamilton x sebastian vettel

warnings: reader feels defeated and is ready to give up. swearing. mention of sexism.

author’s note: the comfort fic is finally hear, lmao :) sorry that it took me this long, got caught up with gentle hit, but it’s here now !!

masterlist

• • • • • • •

''That's the car of Y/L that goes into the gravel- another DNF for the young driver.'' Crofty commented as he watched her retire from the fight for the third consecutive race.

Meanwhile in the car, Y/N's radio was bombarded by her engineer. ''We're so sorry, Y/N. A podium was possible, but we'll keep pushing harder for next time. We'll debrief.'' Marco apologised, frustration and guilt audible in his voice.

''Understood.'' The indifferent tone came as a surprise to the team and viewers, but it was understandable as the driver hadn't been able to finish a race in over a month.

The ride back to the paddock was humiliating to say the least. The pitiful looks from fans, the judging eyes of critics and the loud whispers didn't do much to brighten the dark cloud that was her mind.

Her post-race interviews also weren't a great help to her already declining confidence.

''It's the third consecutive DNF for you- how are you managing to stay positive and to not lose hope in the car?'' Nathalie asked her, sounding compassionate.

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. ''Nothing is positive at all,'' she sarcastically chuckled, ''I think I'm doing everything right and then it all goes wrong for some reason.''

''I'm working hard with the team, but it doesn't seem like it's paying off at the moment. I'm just very disappointed and I- yeah, well, I hate the car.''

The reporter in front of her wasn't used to the visible pessimism of the female driver. Y/N was known for her cheerful and up-beat character, always open for a chat and ready to take on any challenge. That figure seemed to be missing at the moment.

''I hope it gets better for you, Y/N. You're an amazing driver and I wish you good luck for the next race weekend, thank you so much for talking to us.'' Nathalie rounds up the interview before signalling to her cameraman to stop the filming.

Y/N was about to leave, but a gentle grab of her wrist stopped her. ''Hey, darling- don't let this get you down, alright? There are many people rooting for you here, me included, and we all want to see you do well. You have incredible talent and we know these lasts results aren't a reflection of that.''

The Sky Sports presenter had a soft spot for the young woman ever since her arrival to the paddock. Nathalie has always been amazed by Y/N's ability to shrug off all the sexist remarks and to prove the people that doubt her wrong.

''Thanks, I appreciate it.'' The soft smile on Y/N's face was a fake one, even a child could spot that. However, her words and gratefulness were genuine and that's all that mattered to Nathalie.

The driver moved quickly between the different journalists, not in the mood for the long and lovely chats that would have happened had she crossed the chequered flag. ''If one more person reminds me of all the DNF's, I'm going to knock myself out with one of these microphones.'' She mumbled to her team's press officer, making the woman laugh but also look at Y/N with a bit of concern.

Luckily for her, all the media responsible people must have listened to her prayers and went easy on her- maybe sensing her agitation and worsened mood. She and her press officer moved back to the team's hospitality, where a dreaded team briefing would take place.

''Obviously these aren't the results that we want. We want wins, podiums and points.'' Her team principal started off the meeting, standing at the head of the table. ''It is clear that changes need to be made, whether that be the car, the strategy or the driver even.'' The eyes of the team shifted from their leader to the young woman staring daggers at him.

''It's not my fault that the fucking engine blows up or that another drivers decides he wants to play bumper cars.'' Y/N defended herself, not seeing why she should be replaced.

He shook his head. ''I didn't say it was your fault, but we have to look at all the options and that includes you, Y/N.'' The man clarified, taking a deep breath.

The woman rolled her eyes, causing Marco to send her a stern look that said ''Please, don't make this harder on yourself.'' She got his sign and sat up straight in her chair, figuring her slumping didn't give off a great impression.

The briefing continued for another hour, going over all the alternatives they had and all the work they had to do while waiting for the next race weekend. ''Alright- thank you, everyone! Have a great break.'' The team principal dismissed the team.

Y/N was the first one to get up and leave, debating if she would slam the door, but she didn't want a Kevin x Guenther moment with her boss.

By the time she was on her way to her hotel, most fans had gone home themselves and the paddock was occupied by crew members cleaning the place up. Y/N had a slow pace while walking, not in any hurry to leave the circuit.

''You're going back to the hotel?'' A voice behind her spoke up, making the female driver yelp as she didn't expect someone to walk up on her.

Y/N turned around, Lando looking at her with a grin. ''Did I scare you?'' He laughed, finding amusement in making his friend flinch.

''You could have been a serial killer for all I know, you idiot.'' She slapped his arm, the tension leaving her body as it was only Lando and not some creep.

''Only on track.'' He winked.

The young woman frowned at his action. ''Please, never do that again.'' Her feigned disgust with his wink resulted in a light push from her friend.

''So… you're going to the hotel now?'' Lando asked her again, not having received an answer yet.

Y/N nodded. ''Yeah, I could use some sleep before the flight tomorrow.''

''You, uh, wanna take a car together to the hotel? You know- that way we're not wasting gas, I guess.'' He nervously asked, mumbling the question almost under his breath.

''Sure,'' Y/N chuckled, ''Seb will be proud of us.''

They decided to take his car as she wasn't in the mood to drive anymore and Lando didn't seem to mind. She was grateful for Lando's company, at least her bad day would end on a good note.

''Sorry about the race today, I know you could have done more.'' Despite being competitors, they were also great friends and it's not fun seeing your friends have bad results.

Y/N sighed. ''My team- they're, uh, thinking about replacing me.'' She wanted to get her worries off of her chest and Lando bringing up the race seemed like the perfect oppurtunity for it.

''What?'' He exclaimed, not anticipating that sentence to come out of her mouth.

''They say they just have to think about all the changes they could make to get better results, but they've been talking an awful lot about the junior drivers so I'm just preparing myself for it.'' She clarified for him, resting her head against the window.

Lando let her words sink in. ''They- they can't possibly do that, you're one of the best drivers on the grid.'' It came out louder than he intended, but the thought of one of his best friends not being with him on track anymore upsets him.

''They can do that,'' she sarcastically chuckled, ''I'm impressed I lasted this long- I just know the FIA will be throwing a party now that they don't have to be feminists anymore.''

''What do you mean 'lasted'? You're not going anywhere, we have enough races left where you can show your true skills.'' Lando took his eyes off the road to look her in the eye, perhaps wanting her to see how serious he was.

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to talk about it any further.

The car stopped in front of a red light. ''Hey,'' Lando put his hand on top of hers, ''I'm being serious. We've been racing against each other for over 10 years now- you're a good driver. You'll probably be a World Champion one day.''

''You really mean that?'' Her usual confident demeanour had been traded in for an insecure one, her voice coming out smaller than normal.

He chuckled, nodding his head. ''Of course, I wouldn't lie to you.'' The gentle way he was looking at her assured her that he was in fact being serious and meant everything he said.

''Thank you,'' Y/N turned her hand and squeezed Lando's, ''now, shut up and drive me to the hotel!'' She pushed his hand away. ''Enough of this emo shit.''

''This is the one time I am being nice to you and you just reject my love.''

''Stop being so emotional, Norris.''

''There she is!'' Daniel loudly announced as Y/N stepped onto the plane, his hands up in the air.

She tiredly waved at everyone, exhausted from the lack of sleep she had gotten. The young woman groggily sat down next to her Australian colleague, Michael sitting in front of them.

Daniel snickered at her disoriented state. ''Good morning to you, mate.'' He greeted her, his infamous bright smile on his face.

''It's fucking early, what are you so happy about?'' She mumbled, while trying to find a good sleeping position.

''I'm grateful that I get to live another beautiful day, Y/N! We don't appreciate our existence enough, we need to-''

''I'll be grateful for my life when you shut up and let me sleep.'' She interrupted him, closing her eyes and pulling her hat slightly over her face.

The McLaren driver opted for another teasing comment, but he could see the obvious exhaustion she had going on and let her be, a light pat on the shoulder working as his way to say ''have a good nap''.

About an hour later the turbulence of the plane woke her up from her much needed sleep. Y/N took her hat off and noticed Daniel still awake, scrolling on his phone while listening to music through his headphones.

A soft push against his arm brought his attention from his device to the woman next to him, immediately smiling upon seeing that she's awake. ''Sleepyhead.''

The beam on his face slowly changed into a nervous frown, worrying his friend. ''What is it? The reality of life finally settled in?'' Y/N awkwardly said, trying to cheer him up.

''No, uh, it's just that uhm interview you did with Nathalie yesterday- I watched it.'' He answered, sympathy written all over his face.

''Oh,'' she sat up straight in her seat, ''well, you know it was just after the race so obviously I was very frustrated. You know how it is.'' The driver tried to come off as nonchalant, failing horribly.

''Lando told me, Y/N.'' Daniel revealed, wanting her to drop the 'it's not a big deal'-act.

She sighed. ''Oh, that little snake.'' She muttered under her breath.

''No, I'm glad that he told me. He said he's never seen you so defeated and the way you were talking to Nathalie- you haven't given up, have you?'' Daniel had seen how her recent race results had affected her, but he wasn't aware how deep her frustrations and insecurities had settled in.

Her silence to his question was an answer in itself.

''You've been working your ass off since you were like what? 5-6? You're not gonna throw all of that away just because of 3 bad races, right? That's nothing like you.'' The Australian ranted, baffled over her ruined confidence.

Y/N glanced outside her window, seeing they were high above the clouds. ''I'm not throwing anything away, it's just… my teams seems to have already made up their mind and are just waiting on the right time to tell me that someone else is taking my place.'' The young woman clarified, her words not helping Daniel's growing worries.

''They would be fucking idiots to replace you, you know that.'' He sneered, rolling his eyes at the thought of another person driving in her seat.

She weakly chuckled at his response, not finding much humour in the insult to her bosses.

Daniel's shoulder gently pushed against hers. ''Hey, maybe you need to talk to Seb or Lewis, they're better at this pep-talk shit than I am.'' He suggested, figuring the two older men might have more of an influence on her.

Y/N let his words process for a few seconds, considering seeking a listening ear in either of the world champions. ''I- I don't know, Dan. They probably have better things to do.''

''Like what?''

''I don't fucking know- planting trees, feeding Roscoe, whatever.'' She blurted out, making both of them laugh at the random activities they could be doing.

''Just think about it, I think you'd feel a lot better after talking to one of them.'' Daniel didn't want to push her, knowing it would have the opposite effect on what he wanted for her.

A tired smile made its way onto her face. ''I will, thank you.''

''Good,'' his face mirrored hers, ''and if they do replace you, they're just like Netflix.''

''Like Netflix?''

''A bunch of cunts.''

''I've never seen her that quiet.'' Sebastian mumbled to the Brit next to him, observing the young woman who sat slumped over in her chair.

Lewis looked over at her, being as equally bewildered as his German colleague. ''I don't blame her, all the stuff they've been saying about her is awful.'' He whispered back.

''What do you mean?'' Sebastian frowned.

The Mercedes driver uncomfortably shifted in his head, leaning more towards his friend. ''People have been saying a lot of shit on social media and those fucking annoying journalists certainly don't help. Also, that interview their team principal did.''

Sebastian rolled his eyes at the mention. ''Hanna showed me, that was so out of line. He knows people have been wanting her out since the day she got in- shame on him for making all of that so public.''

Her team principal had given a quite lengthy interview over the break between the race weekends, publicising the team's problems and their possible solutions, which included a hint to a potential driver change-up.

''None of the DNF's were even her fault, it's absolutely ridiculous.'' The slander on her name greatly upset Lewis, aware of the talent she possessed and it made him angry that there was even a chance that she might not be on the grid with them the next year.

''I know and it has taken such a toll on her, Daniel said he talked to her, but I'm a little worried.'' The Aston Martin driver told Lewis, his puzzled look turning into one of sadness.

The Brit scratched his voice. ''Maybe you can give her some confidence? You've known her for a long time, I'm sure she'll appreciate it.''

Sebastian slowly nodded his head, figuring the World Champion might be right. ''Yeah, I'll talk to her later.'' He confirmed, still watching the obvious daydreaming woman from across the room.

The driver's briefing went on for about half an hour more, the director seeing the visible boredom on every person's face and calling it a day for everyone.

Y/N couldn't have been more relieved that the meeting was finally over, wanting nothing more than going back to her own hospitality and figuring out ways to make the car work, and actually finish this time around.

She was one of the last people to leave the briefing room, only George, Lewis and Sebastian walking behind her. The latter tapping her shoulder. ''Hey, haven't talked to you today.''

''Yeah, lots of briefings with the team, you know.'' The younger one responded, giving him a quick glance.

''How's that going?''

The woman remained silent for a few moments, considering how much she should tell her mentor about the current state of her place in the team. ''Uhm, well, it's going… decent, I guess.'' Y/N muttered, trailing off.

''Decent?'' Sebastian repeated, as if asking ''are you serious?''

''There are like a bunch of reporters around us, what do you want me to say?'' She replied, a defensive tone to her voice.

The German patted her back, sensing her agitation. ''It's okay, let's discuss somewhere private.'' He calmed her down, suggesting a different place to have a conversation.

''Okay.''

They opted for her personal driver's home, that being the closest space where they could talk with just the two of them. Some of her team's staff had given the Aston Martin driver some weird looks while they walked through the hospitality, but he brushed them off.

The pair sat down on her small couch once they arrived, not much space between them.

Y/N felt some nerves settling in her stomach as she waited for Seb to start speaking, not knowing what he was going to tell her.

''I'm just gonna be straightforward,'' he started off, ''you can't continue with this attitude, cause you're only setting yourself up. You are a great driver, Y/N. We all have our off weeks, we're not perfect.''

''I understand that this isn't a nice situation to be in. Trust me, this green vegetable that I'm driving isn't doing much better at the moment,'' he chuckled, making her crack a smile, ''but if there's one person that can completely turn their season around, it's you.''

Y/N avoided eye-contact with him, not sure how to respond to his kind and encouraging words. ''I appreciate that, Seb. I'm not giving up, it's just… very difficult and people are constantly bringing it up, and making articles and shit- that doesn't help me at all. I'm still gonna do my best, but… yeah- it's just difficult.''

''I know it's hard and I've heard the media has been hard on you. That's what they do and they see you as an easier target for clicks and whatnot,'' Sebastian rolled his eyes at his own mention of the media, ''But you're better than believing their words.''

''You are a talented driver, you have so much potential. Do you think I would have spent all these years with you if I thought you shouldn't be in F1?'' He asked her, a look on his face that told her he wanted an answer.

The young woman timidly shook her head. ''No, you wouldn't have done that.''

Sebastian smiled at her response. ''See?'' He put his arm around her, pulling her closer into him. ''Whether you believe it or not, you're leading this new generation. You're a decent car away from being a World Champion, you know that right?''

''Did you talk to Lando? He also said that.'' Y/N nervously grinned.

''Just accept the truth!'' The German squeezed her shoulders. ''You've proven that you can do anything. You don't want to let down all those young girls that started karting because of you, right? What message would it send to all of them that their role model quit, because she got bumped off the road or her car simply decided to turn itself off.''

''You're right,'' she sighed, admitting to herself she needed to drop the pessimistic attitude, ''I don't just owe it to myself, but also to them.''

Sebastian nodded along to her words, letting out a deep breath. ''I'm relieved you're seeing it, I don't like seeing you like this. It's weird not seeing you smile or making fun of the drivers.'' He smirked, patting her shoulder.

''I guess everyone deserved an off-day, tomorrow I'll start again.'' Y/N grinned, laughing at Sebastian's reminder of her fondness to poke fun at their colleagues.

The senior driver gave her one last squeeze and stood up from the couch, adjusting his pants. ''No more frowns, alright? You're gonna do great this weekend and you're gonna show everyone why you deserve your seat.''

Y/N nodded, more confident than when she first walked back into her driver's room. ''Yes, I'm gonna do my best, Seb.''

They bumped their fists as if to solidify it was going to be a great race weekend for them both.

''And go easy on me tomorrow with the teasing.''

''I'd rather be run off the track again then let that happen.''

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#f1 fic #f1 fics #f1 x reader #lando norris x reader #daniel ricciardo x reader #sebastian vettel x reader #f1 x you #f1 oc #lando norris x you #daniel ricciardo x you #sebastian vettel x you #formula 1 fic #female f1 driver

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timetravellingkitty · 2 years ago

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SAPPHIC ARTISTS TO LISTEN TO

(instead of writing your 69th essay about how Taylor Swift is a closet lesbian)

Starting off with my holy trinity:

Rina Sawayama (she/her, bi/pan): if you follow me you're probably aware of what a huge Rina fan I am. Lots of pop and rock, with a chunk of her earlier songs being R&B. Her debut album SAWAYAMA (my favourite album of all time!!) was her major breakthrough moment as it received critical acclaim and her sophomore album Hold the Girl made her the highest charting Japanese artist in the history of the UK. Known for her musical versatility, she made her acting debut in John Wick 4. I recommend: Cherry, Frankenstein and Bad Friend

Janelle Monáe (she/they, bi/pan): pop, funk, neo-soul and psychedelic. They have an entire series of concept albums about an android named Cindy Mayweather (her ALTER EGO?!) as she commits the crime of falling in love with a human. Lots of social commentary. Her album Dirty Computer comes along with a narrative film and a book taking place in its world. She's starred in movies like Antebellum, Glass Onion and Moonlight. I recommend: Electric Lady, Django Jane and Pynk

Raveena Aurora (she/her, bi): Experimental pop, R&B and soul. Her second album Asha's Awakening is a concept album following the journey of Asha, a Punjabi space princess, as it explores Aurora's South Asian identity and past relationships. Such a beautiful and soft voice to die for. I recommend: Headaches, If Only and Kathy Left 4 Kathmandu

Moving onto some other artists I like:

Boygenius: a band comprising of three sapphic women- Phoebe Bridgers (indie darling™), Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker (the first two are bi while the third is a lesbian). Indie, folk and alternative rock. Very melancholic. I urge you to check out their individual projects too (especially Phoebe's, I love her Punisher album). I recommend: Emily I'm Sorry, Satanist and True Blue

Kelela (she/her, queer): R&G, electronic and alternative R&B. Her debut EP Hallucinogen covers the beginning, middle and end of a relationship in reverse chronological order. Her second album Raven showcases Black futuristic art, which I fuck with. I recommend: Contact, The High and Bluff

Zolita (she/her, lesbian): dark-pop, R&B and electropop. She incorporates witchcraft into her music and mvs. She literally has an EP called Sappho what more could you want? I recommend: Holy, Ashley (the sapphic Speak Now) and Bedspell

Victoria Monét (she/her, bi): pop and R&B. She's written songs for artists like Ariana Grande (7 Rings) and Chloe x Halle (Do It). Go stream her Jaguar EP you will thank me later. I recommend: Touch Me (erotic sapphic song), Cupid and Love U Better

And finally some honourable mentions (can't make this post too long now can I): mxmtoon, Michelle Zauner, Arooj Aftab, Sir Babygirl, Dodie, Chloe Moriondo, Lauren Jauregui, Baby Queen, Sara and Teagan, The Butchies, Sofya Wang and Melissa Etheridge

#god works hard but i work harder #anyways. im going to sleep this took way too much time #sapphic #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #music #NO I AM NOT TAGGING EVERY ARTIST HERE DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DIE???#or actually #rina sawayama #janelle monáe #raveena #boygenius #kelela #zolita #victoria monét #okay but i'm not tagging the honorary mentions that's way too many #music recs #anti gaylor

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filmmakerdreamst · 11 months ago

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P.J.Hogan's 'Peter Pan' is still an underrated masterpiece 20 years later

Peter Pan is a live-action fantasy adventure film directed by P. J. Hogan that reimagines the classic story of Peter and Wendy. The screenplay was written by P. J. Hogan and Michael Goldenberg and was released in cinemas in December 2003. The screenplay is based on the 1904 play Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Upand the classic novel Peter Pan by J.M.Barrie, which was originally published under the title Peter and Wendy.

The film tells the story of a young Edwardian girl, Wendy Darling (Rachel Hurd-Wood) and her two younger brothers John and Michael. On the night she is told she must grow up, a wild, fairy-like boy called Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter) flies into her room with his high-maintenance fairy Tinkerbell. When he learns that she tells stories, he whisks Wendy and her two brothers away to a magical Island called Neverland — where you supposedly don’t “grow up” — so that she can mother his henchmen, the Lost Boys. There she fights pirates led by the evil Captain Hook (Jason Isaacs), meets mermaids, dances with fairies, falls in love and grows up.

I have strong family connections tied to Peter and Wendy and J.M.Barrie. My great, great uncle Nico was one of the sons of Sylvia Llewelyn Davies'. He and his other brothers "the Lost Boys" were adopted by J.M.Barrie; which ultimately inspired him to write Peter Pan. Nico’s daughter Laura — my cousin — who I met for the first time a few years ago, told me that she was flown to Australia for the filming of P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan because she was J.M.Barrie’s goddaughter. She told me that she was thrilled with the cast, especially Jason Isaacs, who played Captain Hook and Mr Darling. She also mentioned that Jeremy Sumpter, who played Peter Pan, was a lovely boy. However, she said she was very surprised and sad that the film wasn’t a big success as she really liked what they did with the story. I have loved the fairytale of Peter Pan from a young age, and learning that I am literally part of the family that inspired the story was very exciting and I’ve only begun to internalise it more as I’ve grown older.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I was diagnosed with a high level of Autism. One of my main symptoms was labelled “ageless”, which in simple terms means that one half of me is still a child that I can’t mentally leave behind. I can’t do many things that most adults can do, such as pay bills, drive a car, look after my own well being etc. I flap my hands when I get excited. I bounce. I sometimes speak in a baby voice. I overcommit to things I enjoy. I admit that it was hard to come to terms with the diagnosis when I first received it. But over time, I’ve come to believe that the two can coexist in a healthy way. I believe that I am an adult who is able to develop and grow while still carrying the child within me, and that this is not seen as a bad thing. I think Peter and Wendy can be seen as a reflection of that.

I was first introduced to P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan a few years after it was released (I was maybe nine or ten years old), and I absolutely loved it. It wasn’t only one of my favourite film adaptations, but one of my favourite movies of all time. What surprised me most about the film at that age was how dark and gruesome it was, and full of this underlying sexual tension that I hadn’t expected at all from Peter Pan. Even today, this film still has a special place in my heart. It is made with so much passion and love for the original text that I can automatically put myself back into the story. After watching the film again as an adult, I almost immediately opened my copy of Peter and Wendy and started reading. I would even go so far as to say that I prefer the film to the book. However, part of me wishes that the age rating had been set much higher, as the dark and gruesome moments were some of the strongest parts of the film adaptation. This is possibly why some critics and viewers had difficulty categorising the film at the time.

However, I often consider P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan to be the same equivalent as Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice. (which came out a few years later in 2005, starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen). The film moves at the same dreamlike pace. It is light, dark, colourful and deeply romantic.

I also often prefer P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan to the 1953 Disney Animation of the same name, even though it’s the version I grew up with and liked. I find it much less straightforward and innocent. Also, the 2003 film is much closer to the original source material, which I loved reading as a teenager, and to J.M.Barrie’s original vision. The film manages to reflect the same intellectual subtext and depth of the novel while retaining the whimsy and magic.

Magical Realism

Peter Pan was a perfect blend of fantasy and realism. A lot of media these days focus too much on “realism” and make their sets and CGI look bland and washed out. It’s a common myth these days that no one likes whimsy anymore; it’s somehow seen as too childish. As a result, much of the magic of fantasy is lost. But in this Peter Pan, a lot of colour was used in the set design and cinematography. Everything was so brightly and colourfully lit. Most fantasy films these days, including the new live-action adaptation of Peter Pan and Wendy on Disney+, are all so gloomy and dark. You almost have to light up the screen to make out the actors’ facial expressions or what’s happening in the scene. But this film understands that a viewer who watches fantasy wants to be swept away, but also wants a certain amount of believability. Although the film contained a good amount of darkness, it did not shy away from being cartoonish either (which I think was partly inspired by the Disney animation), i.e. characters blushing or bouncing on the clouds.

The design of Neverland was breathtaking. I think the CGI, although criticised by some, made the island and creatures look more dreamy and fairytale-like. It was a good combination of CGI for the landscapes and real backdrops for the jungle, so there was enough magic and believability to transport the viewer into the story. A bright colour palette was used for the landscapes, while down-to-earth colours such as browns and greens were used on the ground, such as in “The Lost Boys Hide” under the tree, to give a sense of realism. The costume department also reflected this, from the majestic reds and blacks of the pirates, to the earthly colours of blue and red for the Native Americans, to the natural greens and browns of the Lost boys. I noticed that the colours in Neverland were used as a contrast to the Edwardian London back home, which is realistic but dull compared to the island.

One aspect I liked was that the lighting on Neverland always changed depending on the mood of the scene- unlike the naturalistic lighting on Earth. It was almost as if the island was a living being. For example, when there was a fight on the ship, the lighting was red. When Peter took Wendy to the mermaids, who were scary and frightening, the lighting was dark and blue. This created a surrealistic atmosphere, almost like a fever dream or a kind of nightmare.

Sometimes the environment changed depending on Peter Pan’s mood in the respective scene. I particularly liked how Peter Pan influenced the weather on Neverland. Just his mere presence when he flew to the island changed the entire atmosphere in an instant. His feelings also determined whether it was summer or winter. In other words, its suggested in the film that the longer he has been there, the more the island has become a part of him, so that he can no longer leave it. It’s almost as if the island has transformed him into a magical being.

The exuberant musical score by James Newton Howard: I’ll never forget that. I think that was one of the first movies I saw where I actively noticed the music because it was so brilliant. Even today, the “Flying” soundtrack still gives me goosebumps. It perfectly encapsulates the whimsy, joy and imagination of Peter and Wendy. I loved that there were always different variations. One of my favourite pieces from the movie is ‘Fairy Dance’, which starts off cheerfully and moves up and down depending on the characters’ conflict/what they’re saying in the scene.

Cast

The cast of this film adaptation was magnificent. The look of all the actors not only matched the book description, but also the mood, especially with the Darling family. One of the standouts was Olivia Williams as Mrs Darling. She captured the gentleness of the character perfectly. I also loved the new addition of Aunt Millicent, played by Lynn Redgrave. She fitted into the story so well that I was surprised not to find her in the novel. She had the perfect amount of ridiculousness and hilarity that suited J.M.Barrie’s style.

One particular member of the cast we can probably all agree on that was perfect, was Jason Isaacs, who played both Wendy’s father Mr Darling and Captain Hook. He was certainly a star in this film for sure. I just can not think of anyone who could play him better, especially in a live-action film adaptation. He was particularly good in the role of Captain Hook. When I first saw the film as a child, I did not know that Captain Hook and Mr Darling were played by the same person until my dad pointed it out to me because he was so good. I loved how they portrayed Wendy’s dad as shy and reserved, as opposed to Captain Hook who was flamboyant and sinister. Mirror versions of each other in different realities — that’s a common theme throughout the film. As Captain Hook, Jason Isaacs perfectly captured the essence of viciousness, deviousness and brutality that was necessary for the character. But also the deep loneliness and frustration behind it all. I have seen a quote that was supposedly cut from the film (and never should have been) that provides so much context for his hatred of Peter Pan:

“Imagine a lion in a cage and into that cage flies a butterfly. If the lion was free, it would pay no heed to such creature. But the lion is not free…and so the butterfly drives him slowly insane.” — Captain Hook

They did a really good job of showing how Peter Pan and Captain Hook are mirror images of each other. Peter Pan is a child who secretly wants to be an adult, while Captain Hook is an adult who secretly wants to be a child. Both fight each other for different reasons, but the goal is the same. For example, there is a great scene towards the end where Captain Hook uses his wits to defeat Peter in a fight. Here it becomes clear that there is deep symbolism for the inevitability of adulthood and the loss of childhood. Jason Isaacs really showed off his acting talent here. I liked that he wasn’t portrayed as a “dumb villain”, which he easily could have been.

There were also some great performances among the adults. Most notable was Richard Briers as the ‘pirate’’ Smee. But the child actors, especially the lost boys, really held the movie together. Their solid performances made it so believable that the island was ruled by children. I loved Theodore Chester as Slightly. He was very charming and funny in that role.

Another member of the cast I thought was brilliant was Carsen Grey, an indigenous actress of Haida descent, who played Princess Tiger Lily. I liked that they let her speak her ancestral language, Mohican, in this film. Although this film came out in the early 2000s, it is the only version of Peter and Wendy in which Native Americans are neither erased nor white-washed even though the representation is far from great. Considering how they’re treated in the novel, it’s perhaps for the best overall that they limited some of their scenes. However, I liked how firey she was in this adaptation and not the damsel in distress she was portrayed as in the Disney animation. I think it was a wise decision to cut the infatuation she had with Peter Pan, as it was really just one line in the book that would have added unnecessary drama, and all in all, it would have fallen short if all the female characters were jealous of each other.

They also downplayed Tinkerbell’s jealousy in this regard, portraying it more as her trying to protect Peter Pan’s youth from romantic advances, as hinted at in the novel, and also being sad that Wendy is attracting all of Peter Pan’s attention. Ludivine Sagnier has, in my opinion, succeeded well in making Tinkerbell equally repulsive and endearing, as befits the character.

Wendy Darling

Rachel Hurd-Wood was the perfect cast for the role of Wendy Darling.I was actually surprised to learn that this was her first film role ever, because she was a natural. She effortlessly possessed the same caring nature and charm that makes Wendy so endearing. She is exactly how I imagine the character when I read the story. When people talk about Peter and Wendy, they always mention Tinkerbell, Pan or Hook, but personally I am always drawn to Wendy. She is the real heroine of the story. After all, she was the main reason for Peter to bring her and her brothers to Neverland.

What always amazes me about Wendy’s role in the story is the fact that Wendy literally doesn’t spend much time being a “child” in the time she spends in Neverland. When she’s not escaping death at the hands of mermaids or pirates, she acts as a mother to the ‘lost boys’ and her brothers. She asks herself what she really wants from life. In comparison, she was allowed to behave more like a child at home in Edwardian London. Neverland is not a place where you never grow up. It’s the place where she chooses to grow up. Many people have described Neverland as a manifestation of Wendy’s subconscious as a result of trauma, and I’ve never found that to be more true in this adaptation.

One of the reasons why I think P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan is the best adaptation of the novel is the fact that the film revolves around Wendy’s coming of age. I loved that they expanded on her love of storytelling and also gave her a tomboyish streak. Instead of just being on the sidelines, she’s able to get involved and fight pirates while retaining many of her feminine traits such as her maternal instincts and romantic feelings for Peter. She makes mistakes and sometimes gets dragged into things she knows she shouldn’t do. But in the end, she triumphs.

In many film adaptations of Peter and Wendy that I have seen, Wendy is either only present in passing or not at all. Characters like Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell always take centre stage, which I think is a strange decision as they are part of Wendy’s story and not the other way around. Peter Pan is meant to metaphorically represent the childhood she does not want to give up (which is why the character is always played by a woman in the original play, as he is a mirror image of Wendy). And Captain Hook (J.M.Barrie also wanted him to be played by the same actor as Mr Darling) represents the dark side of her father, or rather what she imagines adulthood to be. This is particularly emphasised in this film adaptation because he is an important factor in her being told to grow up. The father, the concept of adulthood, and Peter Pan, her childhood, are at constant war with each other.

“You’re not supposed to be like Peter, who kept every good and bad aspect of being a child and can’t tell right from wrong. You’re not supposed to be Hook, either. He let go of everything childish and loving about him and became bitter and evil..You’re supposed to fall in the middle, to hold onto the things about childhood that make it beautiful — the wonder, the imagination, the innocence — while still growing up and learning morality and responsibility. You’re not supposed to be Hook. You’re not supposed to be Peter Pan. You’re supposed to be Wendy Darling.” — @maybe-this-time

The 2023 film Peter Pan and Wendy took a different approach, by making Wendy a kind of powerhouse who always saved the day and outshone Peter Pan overall. In my opinion, the 2003 film adaptation emphasised very well that Wendy really is the yin and yang. She's allowed to be romantic, be rescued by others and at the same time determine her own destiny and stand up for herself. Because that’s what her journey in the adaptation is all about. She is pressured by all the adults in her life to grow up. She allows herself to be seduced with the prospect of an eternal childhood by Peter Pan. Then she realises that it is not self-fulfilling. She is tempted by Captain Hook with the concept of adulthood. And finally, she finds a balance between these two extremes on her own terms. By the end of the film, Wendy has made her peace with growing up while still remaining a child at heart. That requires a certain mental strength that we should all strive for.

Peter Pan and Wendy Darling

In most adaptations of Peter and Wendy, such as Hook and Syfy’s Neverland, the focus is on the title character Peter. In the more recent film adaptation Peter Pan and Wendy, the focus is on Wendy. This film adaptation of Peter and Wendy, on the other hand, sticks more closely to the original source material, as the story focuses on Peter and Wendy’s relationship. This is perhaps the reason why I always hesitate when I watch other adaptations, because these two characters are supposed to go together. It’s definitely a relationship that can be portrayed in all sorts of ways because they are symbolically the same person.

Although there is no romance between Peter and Wendy in either the original novel or the play, Wendy quickly develops romantic feelings for Peter which, as a prepubescent child, he does not consciously reciprocate as he has no concept of love other than that of a mother’s. Although Peter cares deeply for her, he ultimately only longs for her to be the maternal figure that is missing in his life. One could go into the symbolism that Peter and Wendy are one and the same, and that this is an expression of Wendy learning to love herself. But in a literal sense, J.M.Barrie had unintentionally created this very strong potential between the two characters. And I personally feel if your'e going to make an adaptation of Peter and Wendy that potential needs to be explored in some way, even if it’s not necessarily romantic.

Hogan recognised this potential and developed the romantic elements, e.g. ‘the “thimble” from the novel, into a very real and tangible plot. In other adaptations, Peter and Wendy’s relationship is rather one-sided. But in P.J. Hogan’s film adaptation, however, it is not at all. Over the course of the film, Peter and Wendy fall deeply in love with each other.

Rachel Hurd-Wood and Jeremy Sumpter had a remarkable on-screen chemistry for young actors, which helped give the adaptation its own identity. Whenever they interacted on screen as Peter and Wendy, it was — like the glittering pixie dust of Tinkerbell — simply magical. The off-screen chemistry between the two definitely helped make the romance so believable as well. When I was younger, I didn’t like romantic subplots in family films. I personally found that they clogged up the main plot because the “romance” tended to be very one-dimensional- but Peter and Wendy in the 2003 film version were simply enchanting.

In the original novel, J.M.Barrie alludes to the possibility of a romance between the two. In the film adaptation, they go all out. Their love story was written so beautifully and profoundly, while staying true to the original text and J.M.Barrie’s themes. This made the conflict hinted at in the novel of “staying in Neverland with Peter or growing up on Earth with Wendy” even more poignant and relevant, because in reality there was only ever one option. They couldn’t find a way to have both. That made the ending even more “heartbreaking” for me as a child, because even though they had the chance to be happy together, she couldn’t give up on growing up to stay. And he couldn’t give up being a child to leave, even though it was a natural progression for him.

Peter Pan

Jeremy Sumpter delivered a fantastic performance as Peter Pan. Not only did he perfectly match the illustrations, but he also managed to perfectly capture the essence of the charismatic, mischievous little boy from the novel. What’s more, of all the versions I have seen so far, he is by far the most accurate, right down to the clothes made of skeleton leaves, the dirty fingernails, the feral mannerisms, the traumatised soul behind the charm and the downright creepy insinuations. By today’s standards, you could almost take Peter Pan for a grown man who consciously decides not to behave like this.

However, when I watch the film again as an adult, I can now understand why he has reservations about growing up in Edwardian England and would rather remain a “child” in Neverland forever. As Peter says in the film, “Would they send me to school? And then to an office?” I feel like most of us today have so many choices as we get older, but back then it was much more limited. The choices were very restricted in that “heterosexist” environment. You could only be a certain thing, and it was much harder to hold on to the pleasures of life. I can now also understand the initial reactions of Michael and John to Peter: He must have seemed scandalous to people at the time. His bright colours, his inappropriate clothing and his behaviour are repulsive to the boys, but Wendy is immediately fascinated and attracted. I think it was a deliberate choice that he is the only character with an American accent to set him apart from the rest of the cast; to emphasise the wildness of the character and his non-conformity to the people of Edwardian London.

Another small aspect I liked was the suggestion that the Lost Boys, although they lived with Peter and obeyed his commands, lived in constant fear of him and did not worship him as in other adaptations. (A fear that is justified as Peter tries to kill them more than once in the film). What the 2003 film adaptation captured perfectly about Peter's character was: how terrible of a person he really is. Peter Pan is a hero when he goes on adventures and fights pirates. You could argue — via the quote “Leave Hook to me” (which Peter says to her in the film) — that Peter is Wendy’s split self who can fight her father (Captain Hook) for her, just like antibodies do with germs when we can’t handle them ourselves.

However, when it comes to understanding emotions, caring about others, even his henchmen, the Lost Boys, and doing anything that inconveniences him, Peter Pan is possibly as bad as Captain Hook. This makes Wendy’s decision to leave him all the more powerful. Although she was initially seduced by his adventurous life, she soon realises that his “life” of joy and adventure is not fulfilling at all. Because in reality, there is no real joy. There is no real adventure. In reality, his life is empty because it is not earned. In addition, she realises that she is gradually losing her memory of the outside world, including her parents - a sign that she is “slowly awakening from the dream”. This leads Wendy to realise that she wants more than what he can give her in Neverland (e.g. romantic love) and decides to leave. Being alive means feeling, accepting and growing. However, as long as Peter remains a boy, he can never truly be alive. Peter Pan conveyed this important message, whereas earlier film adaptations, including the Disney animation, did not.

One of the reasons why good adaptations of Peter and Wendy are so hard to come by, especially in this day and age, is not only because they adapt a performative story that exists in layers of subtext. They also work with a protagonist who doesn’t change. Who doesn’t develop in any way, neither negatively nor positively. Not even just physically, but also mentally. (Even Eli from Let the Right One In, the child vampire, changes in the course of the story). At the end of day, Peter Pan is ultimately there to serve someone else’s story. It works in a fairy tale format. But it doesn’t usually translate very well to the screen because it often leads to one-dimensional storytelling. Even if it seems so natural, it doesn’t come naturally.

However, this adaptation allows Peter Pan to grow. The writers expanded on the small aspect from the book, which is the moment when Wendy enters Peter’s life; he begins to feel emotions. Not just love. But anger. Fear. Sadness. Pain. Disgust. And above all: self-awareness. Almost like a version of puberty in condensed time, as if the change suddenly caught up with his body. When Wendy brings this up, Peter immediately rejects it out of fear. I think most of us can all relate to this when we were in the midst of growing into a young adult. We experience feelings that are scary and new, that we can’t yet fully understand or even want to. For Peter Pan, falling in love is exactly what he is afraid of: growing up and no longer being a child. This adds to an interesting conflict that arises between the two when she asks him to leave with her.

“The thing about Peter Pan is, he’s a coward. Had the chance of a lifetime and he bottled it. Just fucked off back to Neverland. All alone, forever he was, by his own hand. Poor old Wendy, she had to grow old without him.” — Skins, 6x07 “Alo”

In the original novel, the reason Wendy can’t take Peter Pan with her (apart from the fact that he refuses to grow up) is the same reason Lyra in His Dark Materials can’t take Pan — the animal manifestation of her soul — on the boat to the land of the dead. She has to split in order to grow up and leave a part of herself behind. She can’t keep both in order to move on. But that does not mean I always agree with the ending either. In which Peter remains a child and takes Wendy’s future descendants to Neverland and back to look after him. It leaves an icky aftertaste, but at least it fits in with the story J.M. Barrie wanted to tell.

Even though the adaptation conveys the same message, that Peter Pan is the manifestation of Wendy’s youth, even to the end. In this version of Peter Pan, that is no longer the case. By the end of the film, the way he holds himself is different. The way he looks wistfully through the open window and solemnly says, “To live would be an awfully big adventure,” : a sign of self-awareness, while Wendy happily reunites with her family. So much so that Tinkerbell has to pull him by the hair to stop him from joining them and reconsidering his decision. Peter is now old enough to know that he loves Wendy. Maybe he’s also mature enough to know what he’s missing, but he knows he can’t have her the way he wants, so he does the most selfless thing he’s ever done in the whole film by letting her go.

There is no such conflict at the end of the 1953 Disney animated film. Peter Pan is described by Wendy as “wonderful”. In reality, everyone else gets their happy ending, except him, because he deliberately chooses not to. Peter Pan very much turns himself into a tragic figure because he is afraid of the most natural thing in the world. He is afraid of life. And I feel like this version of the story knew that and expressed it strongly, which makes me conflicted now as an adult. I’ve seen endings like this before, where two people fall in love but do not end up together because they grow apart or they are both interested in different things, and it’s very important to reach those points in different ways. It very much reflects real life and is also reminiscent of first love. How that love never really fades. It reminds you of simple times, even when you’ve grown up and moved on. That a part of you is still at that age when you look back on it. These endings happen because people grow — which Peter Pan does not.

“Peter in the books lives in oblivious tragedy. He may suspect that he’s not fully happy, but he tends to forget about it… yet this Peter doesn’t… Wendy leaving him and growing up to be a wife of another man is his unhappy thought…It’s the loss of innocence since Peter could not forget this…It’s the process of growing up…all but confirms that Peter’s character arc in the film is one of accepting the fact he too must grow up to be happy.” — @rex-shadao

It was hard to say why I had a strange feeling at first, but I realised that a lot of my mixed feelings stemmed from having seen the film adaptation fresh after reading the novel. Since Peter Pan fully reciprocates Wendy’s love in this version, he ends up being a different character than in the book, which is why I now disagree with them keeping the original ending instead of having him grow up with Wendy. It would symbolise that childhood can co-exist with adulthood, that you don’t have to leave a part of yourself behind. That you can be your true and complete self if you find the balance between the two extremes.

The original ending still works however, in all its bittersweetness. I know what it means and understand what it stands for. Wendy basically says goodbye to her childhood and promises never to forget it. There’s a reason it made such an impression on me when I was younger. It could just be because I’m trying to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart from the floor. But personally, as an adult, I just find it weaker compared to the novel. Sometimes I like to imagine an ending to this version of the story where Peter Pan comes back, having quickly realised that he has outgrown Neverland, but doesn’t meet Wendy again until they are both much older, at a time when Wendy is coming to terms with womanhood and the idea of marriage. Or she even meets his real earth counterpart (if we were to delve into the psychology of Neverland being Wendy’s dream). And their relationship is subjected to the natural test of time and growth.

Peter Pan is an almost perfect adaptation. It matches the humour, the tone and the vision of J.M.Barrie. But I can certainly understand why the film didn’t do so well at the box office. In the month it was released, there was an unfair amount of competition, namely the film Lord of the Rings — The Return of the King. And as an adult, I can now understand why it’s not the film people think of or remember when it comes to Peter Pan adaptations. And it’s not just because it doesn’t fit the elfish, jolly trickster persona that Disney has created.

The film adaptation suffers more from what it doesn’t do — such as maintaining a stable tone and consistent editing — than from what it does. It’s one of those films that would have benefited from being much longer. That way, the inconsistent tone and some of the rushed parts of the adaptation would be much more balanced. It feels like it was missing an extra twenty minutes. For example, the film is narrated by an older version of Wendy, but without the deleted ending where it becomes properly clear that it’s her telling the story to tie everything together, the ending feels a little abrupt. Say what you will about Tim Burton’s adaptation of the Series of Unfortunate Events, but the audience could see where the film’s narration was coming from the whole time. I think if they knew the alternate ending wasn’t going to work (that scene is a classic example of something working well in the novel but not in the film), they should have removed the narrator altogether with the deleted ending and adjusted the film accordingly. They should have extended some scenes so that parts of the film weren’t rushed, such as the introduction, and the story would have been left more up to interpretation as there was no voiceover throughout.

Despite its weaknesses, P.J.Hogan’s Peter Pan is still an underrated masterpiece 20 years later. It is an irresistible film that captivates and warms the heart. The film adaptation has certainly stood the test of time, staying true to the original while adding its own flavour to the story. It is full of magic, wonder and heart. It was clearly made by people who loved the origins of the story and explored where they came from, while also digging deep into the text to reshape the character arcs in a fresh and meaningful way. They succeed in capturing J.M.Barrie’s original message, which is that growing up is a natural progression of life, but that doesn’t mean leaving childhood behind entirely. That it is important to maintain a healthy balance between the two: Taking responsibility while appreciating the joys of life. From the vibrant colour palette to the goosebump-inducing music to the solid performances and gorgeous chemistry between Jeremy Sumpter and Rachel Hurd-Wood, my love for this adaptation will never end, no matter how old I am.

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cloveroctobers · 1 year ago

Text

OCTOBER PROMPTS 🎃 — 1. Luca

PROMPTS from here + here and I’m using: “I really appreciate that you’re getting into the Halloween spirit, but it’s ten in the morning, please turn off the slasher films so I can eat my breakfast in peace.” + “Pumpkin spiced latte, please.”

A/N: so glad Luca was voted for the most on the poll lol because he’s the only one out of the options I started writing for in the drafts! let’s see if I can keep up with making these short this year 🤭! This is nothing but fluff and a smidge of annoyance — reader on Luca’s nerves just a bit really. Mentions of a classic horror film, that I actually need to go back and watch! I think I watched it once before since I won’t lie I usually watch the more updated versions when it comes to that franchise more so,, although I’m not the biggest fan of the series anyways like dear Luca…don’t drag us too much ⚔️!!!

WARNINGS: Reader being a bum for the day? Luca just wants to eat without background noise? + slight language, oh and pumpkin slander!

*GIF BELONGS TO: @wiha-jun !

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ ⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ ⛧°。

Luca prefers his mornings to be soothing, not filled with screams that can make anyone’s ear drums bleed or have the neighbors in the cul- de-sac sending the coppers right over. He had just gotten back from his morning run around the city, finding you sleeping down on the couch now compared to your shared bed. Which was humorous that you had the energy to climb out of the bed wrapped in mountains of blankets that you kept stored in a woven basket tucked away in the living space; during his absence just to continue your rest on the pale gray sofa.

You barely budged when he announced he was heading out into the damp morning and also repeated the same motion when he’s back, gently bending down to press a kiss to your edges before disappearing upstairs to shower. You’re awake with lidded eyes once he’s arrived downstairs, smelling of fresh mint soap and Olibanum as you’re messing around with the flatscreen on the entertainment center.

“Are you truly awake for the day darling or is it going to be another two to three business days?” Luca jokes on his way by, not expecting what you were going to set the television on.

You’re mocking him, voice still full of sleep, leaving the taller man to chuckle to himself as he heads into the kitchen, searching the fridge around the corner to ponder over what he can whip up. There’s plenty of possibilities as Luca’s eyes scan over what’s stocked in the fridge, finding that’s something he had to do now that you both shared a home together.

He could do cold smoked salmon…putting the protein to good use along with the radish and watercress…yet you were out of cream cheese. He could always ask his favorite critic, brace yourselves, it’s not Luca himself but rather you, what you were feeling like for breakfast but he knew regardless what he prepared you’d probably eat.

Thinking to himself, fingers tapping against the handle of the open fridge, he decides to go for something simple and more festive if you will. So he decides on homemade maple pancakes, without the walnuts since you were allergic and picks the pecans that your grandfather brought over from his pecan tree back in Georgia earlier this year. He’ll fry up some danish bacon with thyme searing the pan—hoping to bring flavor to the pork—or really to basically get rid of it, although it was a kind gesture from a neighbor who learned Luca was in the culinary field—the both of you were not the biggest fans of Denmark’s bacon.

No disrespect of course.

“Hey, want some of this Risalamande?” Luca calls out as you began to get engaged into the film, that’s probably been on for about twenty minutes since Luca takes more time debating on what to eat at home than when he’s out in the city.

Immediately your nose scrunches up as Luca is diving into the colorful rice pudding, leaning against the doorway that leads to the living room and front of the detached home, “Texture, Luca. Come on!”

Luca snorts with a slight roll of his eyes, “Ah, I see I’m getting picky you this morning, yeah?”

A wag of your finger as if it were a wand goes shooting into the air while you respond, “Sssh!”

“Rude.”

Luca spins back into the kitchen with a shake of his head, downing what most would consider a Christmas dessert but he doesn’t care one bit. He’s a man that enjoys eating and Christmas was more of his holiday anyway.

That holds him over long enough and he’s got the comfort of him whisking the dry ingredients together, focus steady on getting just the right mixture before moving onto the wet ingredients. It’s easy work really, which means Luca doesn’t mind making breakfast more than any other meal. It was similar to his own work, yet pastries were more his speed and he often challenged himself to try out new techniques majority of the time, so it wouldn’t always be easy but it was the pleasure in knowing that this is the starting point of your day, which beats a protein bar any way.

Luca uses his hands everyday and yeah it so happened to surprisingly be his weekend off, he didn’t mind keeping his hands busy when it came to breakfast and serving to the person he truly adores.

He’s at the stove, with minutes passing by at ease, his arched brows raising so often when the tempo of the movie begins to picks up. “What are you watching?”

He can’t help but to ask.

“…The Evil Dead, 1981.” He’s shocked he even gets a response from you since you tend to zone out when it comes to media.

Sometimes it was certainly a bad habit. You were an environmental documentary editor so it wasn’t unusual for you to get wrapped up in screens. Yet Luca couldn’t really blame you for that since he got lost in his craft as well; the both of you were working to get better with turning those habits off when together.

…if you don’t count right now that is! There was nothing wrong with being passionate about your interests but it was also always important to prioritize your partner, especially when work was a good chunk of your lives, yet it wasn’t the only thing that mattered. The both of you understood that.

He hums, finding possession films and gory themes weren’t really his thing. He actually has a weak system when it came to those type of horror films or rather blood (passing out from the mere sight fake or not or simply the stench of it is not something Luca was proud to admit) and let’s just say he was glad to not be in the room with you now. Horror really wasn’t your lane either, you were more into sci-fi films whereas Luca loved a good action film or documentary.

You were both each others test subjects, you with his food and him with your edits on your hybrid schedule.

“Come eat,” Luca says after while, the food steaming and filling the house with a sweet, salty and slightly earthy aroma.

He’s wiping his hands off with a rag, which he steps to the center of the kitchen, balling up the used rag to toss with a swift flick of the wrist into the laundry room up ahead. The rag plunks right on the washer and Luca smirks to himself before heading back to the dining table tucked in the corner by the oven. He always sits with his back to the oven because in a sense it’s brings him placidness. It didn’t make much sense to you since you originally thought Luca just wanted the view of the screened in conservatory all to himself but he flirted that you were enough of a view for him. Nonetheless he didn’t really need to explain it to you, if that’s the spot Luca wanted then so be it. You rarely argued about it simply because you could eat out there if you really wanted. He could keep the meaning of sitting with his back to the oven to himself. Perhaps it was his way of putting it behind him for awhile when engaged with you? Who truly knows but you did think about it a bit once you settled into the shared home.

Luca’s pulling himself up to the table, picking up a fork to start plating and clenched his eyes as more screams fill the home.

“I really appreciate that you’re getting into the Halloween spirit, but it’s ten in the morning, please turn off the slasher film so I can eat my breakfast in peace.” Luca calls out to you, after picking up that you were in a lazy mood and not ready to join him at the table.

The film actually gets lower as Luca shoves the pancake into his mouth, beginning to chew the meal as you say back, “pumpkin spiced latte, please.”

Luca questions with his mouth full, “what was that?”

“I’ll join you if there’s a pumpkin spiced latte waiting for me.”

Luca sits back in his chair and swallows, “you don’t even enjoy pumpkin so what are you on about?”

“But it’s fall, Luca.”

Luca pinches the space in between his skinny brows, “…for fucks sake, you’re quite spoiled you know that?”

“I love you.” You sing out while Luca scoffs.

He comments, “You better.”

So now he’s up on his feet again, messing with the olive espresso machine that you still won’t tell him how much you paid for last Christmas, he’ll use the last bit of maple syrup that he had leftover from the pancakes, there’s no pumpkin spice in the flat since he isn’t a big fan of pumpkin flavor either so he uses: 2 teaspoons cinnamon, 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg, 1/8 teaspoon ginger, and 1/8 teaspoon of ground cloves, yet he brought home some pumpkin purée that one of his fall-loving co-workers gave to him; homemade from her mini pumpkin patch in her backyard, he steams the oat milk, mixes the espresso, puree, syrup, spices, and vanilla all together before combining it with the milk. From there he frothed it just for a few seconds to get some foam and finally tops it off with whipped cream and more cinnamon.

Sitting back down, he slides the drink over to your side of the table and before he can call out to you to inform it’s ready, he’s hearing the shuffle of your feet in those ridiculous hot pink fluffy slippers. Luca glances at you and finds you rather cute still in your cozy pj’s and hair a complete mess.

“Your royalty,” Luca bows towards your drink, making you gasp playfully as you approach him, placing a hand on his shoulder to get his attention, “it’s still hot,” he warns as you reach over for the handle of the mug at the same time but you pick it up with ease.

You peek at the latte and then back at him saying, “Shoo,” you wave your hand making Luca frown up at you.

You and these damn hand movements, you should be a conductor like your older sibling instead.

He soon picks up on what else you want, making yourself comfortable right in his lap, making Luca shake his head at you, tangling around you now so he can finish the breakfast but with you in his lap.

You on the other hand werent much of a breakfast person, although you loved a good brunch moment with your mates! but you hardly turned down much of what Luca prepared. He knew you’d get around to the pancakes if you didn’t start picking at his own plate soon.

“How is it?”

You nod, running your tongue over the top of your lip to get rid of the whipped cream, “hmm, now I kinda see what those pumpkin bitches go crazy over.”

Luca chuckles, “do I get to sample?”

“It’s the least I can do,” you tease as you blow on the steam before tipping the mug towards Luca’s lips.

He ends up blowing on it more before sipping and it’s your turn to watch his own opinion before he says it. You can always tell what direction this may go based on the way his eyebrows and eyes move.

“Not half bad if I do say so myself but a smoked butterscotch latte from Café bønne is actually better. I frankly don’t see the hype with this latte.” Luca shrugged with a pinch of his lips in thought before turning his hand back to the bacon.

You groan, “we haven’t been there in ages! We should go there today.”

“Nope, storms coming in this afternoon actually with a chance of power outages which is why you should eat those pancakes sooner than later, love.” Luca explains before adding, “should have gone running with me this morning. I passed by that route today too.” Luca tells you while you take another sip of the latte.

You weren’t aware of any storm coming in but you had to admit that you fell asleep on the news last night after the show you stayed up to watch with Luca went off. It really amazes you how he can stay up late and get up to function the next day. You on the other hand? Had to follow a routine or else you’ll be no good at work, hybrid schedule or not.

“Fine, I guess the shitty pumpkin makes up for it.”

Luca peeks at you mid chew, “Are you insulting my beverage when you asked for it?”

“Never! This definitely gets a 8.5 across the board. So I’ll shut my spoiled self up, babes.”

“Now that’s the spirit.”

A shove to his shoulder makes Luca wink and grin over at you, poking his lips out for a peck, making you aware that he was only teasing you.

Sighing you lean forward to press your lips against his in a chaste kiss, “thanks for breakfast.”

With his free tatted hand, he runs the pad of his thumb against the childhood scar on your kneecap stating with a smile, “anytime, darling.” He says as he peers at you from underneath his eyelashes before tossing in, “Even when you’re being a picky pain in my arse.”

“Welp! Moment’s ruined.” You hopped off Luca’s lap while he tried to latch onto you with a laugh but you swung your hips out of his reach, however not without plunking up his last pancake to take with you.

See!

Luca huffs, sticking his tongue into the side of his cheek before taking your plate with him to follow you into the living room. You’re seated back on the couch and he sits on the opposite end of it, tangling his limbs with yours as you cover each other with the blankets.

“This pancake is delicious.”

“So are yours,” Luca is smug as he eats from your plate now before glancing at the horror film on screen with disgust, then softening his expression as he sets his eyes back on you.

Which leads to the both of you taking turns eating pancakes and sharing the pumpkin latte, making the feel of autumn in the atmosphere sink in with the warmth of each other.

Hours later…you’re laying cuddled up to Luca’s chest on the couch, the rhythm of his chest rising and falling along with his hands clasped together against the small of your back is enough to almost put you to sleep. The wind has picked up now, whistling through the cloudy skies of Copenhagen followed by a harsh patter of rain that can be heard from the ceiling of the living room.

Which is just enough remedy for the both of you while you rest until you suddenly ask, “what did you think of the evil dead?”

Luca almost grimaces before he states, “…I prefer midsommar.”

“I want to debunk that with you but I also want to go back to sleep.”

Luca laughs before nuzzling his cheek against your head, “Fine by me, we have time to get into it later.”

“Over pancakes?”

“Breakfast for dinner? As long as you promise to actually sit at the table with me?”

“There’s no place I’d rather be…and I also want to hear your thoughts on that film. A true Mukbang starring us two, can’t get any better than that, no?”

A smile curls onto Luca’s lips at your excitement, then he speaks, “who’s the audience then?”

“The entities that maybe lurking around this house.”

Luca pops a eye open, “I really don’t like how you just said that. Especially after you had me watching that horrid fucking film.”

“Hey! A lot of horror lovers will definitely drag you for that but don’t worry, I’ll fight anything and anyone that dares to step to my man and that’s on what?”

Luca shakes his head while pretending to think about it, “period? Or whatever it is you say. You’re still a brat for saying that though. I don’t know if you notice but Halloween isn’t until the end of the month.”

“I’m sorry,” you coo squeezing his shoulder, “but Halloween starts as soon as September hits and don’t you forget it you big baby.” You curl your hand from around Luca’s shoulder to squeeze his cheeks together.

“You’re the…baby.” Luca mimics, his cheeks now appearing like a gapping fish due to your actions, “Taking thirty naps a day and being a massive pain in my bum.”

“NAURR,” you exaggerate making Luca lift his brows in annoyance before you continue, “I’m your favorite headache.”

Luca let’s out a sigh, “you’re not wrong.”

“I never am,” you sass before the room goes quiet a bit more—besides the weather outside until you voice your thoughts out loud, “Midsommar though? Really? I wouldn’t put that and Evil Dead in the same category.”

Now it was Luca’s turn to shush you.

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ ⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ ⛧°

Continue along with my October anthology prompts here.

#the bear #the bear season 2 #the bear s2 #the bear hulu #the bear fx #luca the bear #will poulter #october prompts #Luca the bear x reader #will poulter x reader #queued #Spotify

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darcytaylor · 4 months ago

Note

As someone with ADHD, like Luke, and the rejection sensitivity and anxiety that comes with it, I don’t have public social media profiles. So on one hand, I have some empathy for him. I really understand the low self-esteem, high levels of self-criticism, people pleasing tendencies, overwhelm, executive dysfunction, and stress. But he chose to go into film/ TV acting rather than theatre, knowing that the recognition and scrutiny that comes with it would be worse. He chose to go into acting even though it’s known that rejection is a huge part of the job. He has chosen to keep social media. He could have totally deleted all of his profiles when he deleted Twitter. Many actors aren’t online, including his own cast mates. I find it hard to believe that he solely kept it to please the fans, since he doesn’t post snippets of his life like he once did. He also chose to share that his profile is just for work now. Yet, he has been caught liking his girlfriend’s photos within minutes, even though he has a private account to do that, while Nicola posts about Bridgerton and he can’t even be bothered to throw her a like or a comment- let alone posting something himself. It’s been months of this. If he’s already online, it doesn’t take a lot to screenshot a news headline and share it to his story with a “thank you, these numbers are incredible”. So, on the other hand, I understand where the frustration is coming from. Is this a work account or not? The timing of some of those online-but-not-for-Bridgerton incidences coupled with the timing of the InStyle and premiere stunts was not a good look. It makes him seem ungrateful and like he wants nothing to do with the show. It’s his bad luck that Nicola is the internet’s darling. He won’t ever have her social media savvy and I do feel for him there. She outshines him in interviews and online. But the bar is really on the floor for him and a lot of fans are handling him with kid gloves (not you by any means). A lot of the criticism he’s facing is fair. He’s in an overwhelming situation right now, but he has the financial means to tackle it through therapy and by handing over his social media account to the publicists he already pays. I was jealous when he mentioned he has coping strategies for his ADHD and dyslexia in Bowral- it’s still a struggle for me. Unfortunately for me and women everywhere, we weren’t adequately included in ADHD research until the 90s and there wasn’t even a long-term study until 2002. I’ve been in weekly therapy for 5 years now, following a major breakdown coupled with grief, and for 4 of those years, I was waiting for an appointment with a covered psychiatrist to get *any* diagnosis, since I didn’t have the thousands needed to pay for my own private testing. If I have been able to prioritize this within my meagre free time and budget (rather than trips, nights out, restaurants, unnecessary shopping, etc. and with some debt), he can easily do the same. That lifestyle isn’t quite how I imagined my young adulthood would pan out. One Soho Farmhouse weekend of his could pay for a few months. And he’s had months on end since season 3 wrapped filming when he could have done intensive daily therapy, especially after his break up, rather than pursuing 20 year olds online or jetting off to another holiday. Maybe he did- I don’t know his life- but maybe he needs more right now. When he turned on Nicola’s notifications and started liking random posts she was tagged in by brands, I already assumed he had handed over his account. If so, his team should extend that to story posts for Bridgerton news. All of that to say, my empathy has its limits. The barriers currently holding him back have solutions.

Thank you for your response and taking the time to write in an ask. I appreciate you!

I do understand the frustration/disappointment of how Luke is handling some things (especially his social media). It seems like this is an area of his life that could be an easy fix for him (hand it over to someone more capable) and he just can't seem to take that step.

Luke is overwhelmed (as he has stated multiple times) and while I can also say it is the life he chose, I think it could also be a case of not realizing exactly what his industry entails.

It's easy to say that he's the one that chose it, but if he's doing something he loves to do, it was probably worth the risk in the end. Maybe he truly believed he could handle things like this. Hindsight is 20/20.

I am sorry that you weren't able to afford the proper health care and it has taken you so long to get a diagnosis. I hate that things like that are unattainable without money. It should not be the case.

Luke is privileged in that aspect for sure and it sucks when it seems like people take that for granted. Although hopefully, like you have also stated, he has been able to seek the help that he may need. All things like this take time and is also very personal (I don't want to further speculate on that matter).

I always strive to look at situations empathetically (and sometimes even to a fault). I always like to look at and come up with multiple reasons why someone may be doing what they are doing. This has let me see some situations in a different light, allowing me to be empathetic or sympathetic to situations. I know that with most situations it is never the case of being black and white (life is nuanced, people are nuanced). So many things can be at play at one time, and most of the time I can see valid reasons why someone is doing what they are doing (even when they are making bad choices).

Obviously I don't know what is going on with Luke at the moment, or where his head is truly at. But I have faith that he will come around and straighten himself out. I don't think he has done anything that is completely unforgivable, so I'm giving him a little bit of grace.

#luke newton #bridgerton

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alwaysahiccupandastrid · 2 years ago

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Peter Pan & Wendy (2023) - Thoughts

A little bit of brief background here; I’m a huge Peter Pan fan. I grew up loving the Disney animated film but the 2003 live action has always been the superior Peter Pan adaptation to me; Peter Pan holds a special place in my heart as my late nan who I was close with used to take me to the panto every Christmas, and my favourite ones were always Peter Pan.

So without further ado: I watched the new Disney’s Peter Pan & Wendy that came out on Disney+ this weekend!

First, some live watching thoughts:

This movie is literally carried by Ever Anderson as Wendy, like no disrespect to the other cast but she literally carried this film in my opinion

By the way, anyone complaining about it being Wendy’s story is an idiot because the story has ALWAYS been Wendy’s story, ever since Barrie wrote the play and novels. Regardless of which version you watch, it always starts with her lamenting about not wanting to grow up and ends with her acceptance of the fact she must grow up - it’s HER journey, her development.

I have no idea why Disney/Lowery chose to cast two separate actors as Mr Darling and Captain Hook but I’m NOT a fan of that choice. Even in the animated film, they’re voiced by the same actor - it’s a part of Peter Pan tradition to have the actor play both roles, so it’s baffling that it’s not the case here.

I really wish this film had spent a little bit more time BEFORE Peter arrived to show us more of each of the children and also the relationship between the children and their parents. The film opens with a nice little scene of John and Michael sword-fighting whilst Wendy prepares to head off to boarding school, and then she joins them and their father scolds her for “this is how you choose to spend your last night in the nursery” and “you’re too old for this sort of fun”, which definitely works… but it’s very quick paced and it rushed by so quickly, like the film kind of just spends only a few minutes establishing “Wendy is being sent to boarding school the next morning; she doesn’t want to grow up; her parents want her to be a better role model to her brothers” and that’s it.

Also interesting to note that Wendy is not in a nightgown in this version but some kind of pyjama-ish undergarment outfit, plus a dressing gown

Wendy aggressively reading a book in her bed… same though

Nana appears but only in brief moments 😭 WE DESERVED MORE NANA! In this version she’s kind of more just a pet - they never mention that she’s the Darling family’s nursemaid and looks after the children, and there’s a brief flash where (I think) you see a young Wendy cuddling her as a puppy… like??? She’s not just a dog, she is not just a pet, she is the finest nursemaid on four paws because the Darlings can’t afford to hire one.

“I want things to stay the way they are.” “Perhaps I don’t want to grow up.” — same, Wendy, same

“Just imagine all of the things you would miss out on if you didn’t see where it took you… and all the things the world would miss if you weren’t there to do them.”

Mrs Darling’s lullaby was lovely by the way

Yara Shahidi as Tinkerbell is BEAUTIFUL. I love her facial expressions, and even though there’s less attitude and she’s not jealous in this version, I still love her

I know that the film was supposed to film in 2020 but Covid shut things down so they didn’t film until a whole year later, and obviously children grow very quickly… but Peter’s voice is so deep in this version, you can tell Alexander Molony hit puberty during lockdown. I feel bad for criticizing a kid about it because it’s not his fault, but it can’t be denied that he’s older than Peter is supposed to be. Ever Anderson was also 13-14 when filming actually happened, and while it’s slightly less glaringly obvious with her, she’s definitely a tiny bit older than most versions of Wendy. I think it’s more obvious with Alexander though because of the deep voice.

This version makes it seem like Mrs Darling is the storyteller and Wendy isn’t, which kind of bugs me to be honest but oh well

Let’s be honest, no adaptation will ever top the “Flying” scene from the 2003 version - that was a whole masterpiece in itself. This version does do a nice enough job though, all things considered, even if the CGI doesn’t always look quite right

I don’t want to slam how Neverland looks because I’m aware it was filmed in Newfoundland in Canada, which I don’t doubt is a beautiful place - what I will say is that I don’t know if there was some kind of ultra real gritty filter added on it if it’s something else, but to me it just wasn’t colourful enough. Neverland is supposed to be magical and vibrant and like a dream, not 100% rigidly realistic. They could have made Skull Rock shaped at least somewhat like a skull for God’s sake, just as an example

“Smee, make a note my cabin needs a new door.” “Yes… might I say, captain, that’ll be your third door this month-“ “and it won’t be the last.” — okay, I had a little giggle here, I won’t lie

Jude Law’s version of Hook has heterochromia which is definitely interesting - I wonder why it was included though, like what purpose does it serve the story

Wendy meeting the Lost Boys changed from Tink telling the boys to shoot her out of the sky and them nearly murdering her, to her washing up alone and running into them and Tiger Lily, which is definitely a choice

AHHHHH TIGER LILY SPEAKING CREE, SHE IS ALSO LITERALLY A PRINCESS IN EVERY SINGLE WAY LIKE HOW SHE SPEAKS AND CARRIES HERSELF

I am genuinely still on the fence about the Lost Boys including girls but at the end of the day… whatever. It’s not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. I still find the “but you’re not all boys” “SO?!?” exchange cringey though, not gonna lie

Wendy’s response to the above being “well I guess it doesn’t really matter”, so true

I think it’s a good thing that the Lost Boys include non white and disabled kids (Slightly has Down syndrome) but also I really hope those kids stay off social media for a while because the absolute nastiness being flung around about them (especially Slightly) is disgusting

The Lost Boys being like “she’s too old” “she’s too grown up” 💀 that and Mrs Darling’s “darling, you barely fit in your bed” comment feel oddly meta and about the actors growing while filming was delayed

Wendy Moira Angela Darling realising her brothers have been captured by pirates: “…oh dear” 💀 the timing of it was perfect though lmao

Tell me that Smee did not just use the phrase “compatriots of you-know-who” in front of a man who played Dumbledore 💀

John: We don’t care about your rules, we came with Peter Pan! // the entire pirate crew eavesdropping outside: *groaning/gasping*

PIRATE SEA SHANTIES FTW

Peter Pan really disappears from this movie at about 20 minutes in (after appearing for the first time only 10 minutes beforehand) and doesn’t reappear until a whole 15 minutes later?!?

“I’ve found you guilty of being a child - and we can’t have children in Neverland” — IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?!? (Hook was in fact deadly serious)

NOT TEDDY LOSING AN ARM 😭

Who the hell did Peter think he was tricking with that absolutely terrible disguise, it looks like stuck a mop on his chin for god’s sake?!?

Wendy being shocked that Peter is showing off as if that isn’t his whole personality summed up 😶

“Oh brother, Hook’s singing again” - I CACKLED IM SORRY

“Proud and insolent youth, have at me!” — I GASPED I TELL YOU, GASPED

PETER AND HOOK’S SHADOWS HAVING THEIR OWN SWORD FIGHT OH MY GOOOOODDDDDD

“Oh, Wendy… you’re still alive!” ASDFGHJKL

OH HOOK PLAYED DIRTY AND HE SAID HE LEARNED HIS BAD FORM FROM PETER DIXNDMALZPZOZL WHAT IS GOING ON

“For to die would be an awfully big adventure” - THAT’S THE MONEY LINE RIGHT THERE

“SHE’S A WENDY!!!”, and all that ran through my mind was the Barbie meme:

Wendy finishing Hook’s sentences and cutting him off each time ASDFGHJKL we love a know it all

AHHHH ITS TICK TOCK THE CROC, I was so scared they’d forget about the crocodile so I’m happy he’s here

THE SEQUENCE WITH THE MUSIC AS HOOK IS RUNNING AWAY FROM THE CROC ASDFGHJKL COMEDY GOLD

WENDY FUCKING SLAPPED PETER ACROSS THE FACE AND IT DID A MOVIE MAKER CIRCLE FADE OUT ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW WTAF-

“It was an adventure, wasn’t that what you wanted?” “Yes but I didn’t think it meant being shot out of the sky by pirates” — yeah, that’s a valid point I guess

Poor Tinkerbell just twinkling and getting absolutely ignored :/

“You have a magical fairy that makes you fly! And a gaggle of children that do your bidding with a princess that cleans up your messes while you’re off gallivanting with pirates” — OOF, also Tinkerbell and Tiger Lily both smiling and nodding their agreement of Wendy’s words asdfghkl love to see girls supporting girls

Wendy throughout this whole movie is pretty much just the “I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now” meme

You’re telling me the Lost Boys hideout is no longer hidden in a tree but a GIANT tower?!? Not exactly hidden now, is it?!?

Wendy and Tiger Lily together having one of the best scenes in this movie, you love to see it ❤️

So what I’m getting from this adaptation is that instead of the Lost Boys actually getting “lost” and not claimed, Peter waits for them to say “I don’t want to grow up” then whooshes in and brings them to Neverland…

Okay so Wendy is still kind of seen as the storyteller in this version…? The kids ask her for stories so…?

“Wendy can be our mother” “goodness no! I don’t even know if I want to be a mother!” — I have thoughts about this??? On the one hand, I’m a book purist and for me I’m like “she does agree to be their mother tho??? That’s why she was brought to Neverland???” (And also she canonically has a daughter called Jane) but on the other I’m like “fair enough” because a) she’s a child and b) you can’t force people to have children if they don’t want them. Idk

Im 90% sure Wendy’s hair changed from a side parting to a middle parting at some point but I don’t know where or when it happened

Wendy singing a lullaby, which is actually a nice callback to her singing “Your Mother and Mine” in the animated film

You’re telling me Hook and the pirates have never found their huge ass tower hideout and that Wendy’s gentle singing was loud enough to reach the pirates and alert them of their location?!?

JAMES?!? As in Hook?!?

“It’s a kiss - I made it for you” — ITS AN ACORN NECKLACE IM-

Peter and Hook used to be best friends?!? Hook was the first lost boy in this version?!? Lowery doing his own canon at this point, oh my god

This film really missed a trick, like it could have really heavily leaned into the dark side of Peter Pan with the whole “you must never leave” stuff he says 👀

This film really wanted to be the 2003 version so bad, like the moment where Peter walks away after their conversation about Neverland not being what she expected and Wendy calls “Peter!”… it wanted to be the Fairy Dance scene WAY too bad

Imagine walking down their stairs into a room, turning around and seeing your brothers/the whole gang of lost boys tied up and gagged 😳

Hook saying Wendy’s full name and later dragging his hook over the door was creepy ngl

HE JUST SLASHED PETER ACROSS THE CHEST

“Captain Hook… I don’t think I like this adventure” *falls down 20 feet* — EXCUSE ME???

You’re telling me Peter survived a) a slash to the chest and b) a 20 foot drop?!? I mean I know he’s magical and all but…?!?

Eyyy Tiger Lily to the rescue, the women truly run this film

“Then listen… *hums awkwardly*” - I genuinely can’t tell if this film is supposed to be this weirdly hilarious or not

Mr Smee was the one who found Hook and rescued him, I’m-

“This is what growing up looks like.” “No. This is what it looks like when you grow up wrong.” - OOF

HOOK SNAPPING WHEN SMEE CALLED HIM JAMES 😭

“Execute every last one of them” sounds so much worse than “become a pirate or walk the plank” like sir all they did was be kids who haven’t managed to hit puberty yet and you’ve got them all screaming like they’re about to be mass murdered (which they are) 💀

Wendy offering herself instead, “they’re only children, let them live!” - ma’am you are also a child?!?

“Let them live, they’ll be good pirates - especially those two” (meaning John and Michael)… I love Wendy stepping up and looking out for her brothers, especially given at the beginning of the film she full on blamed them for the whole mirror situation

Peter being super injured and unable to fly so Tiger Lily has to help him 🥹

Why does this pirate shanty as Wendy walks the plank actually slap hard though?!?

Tinkerbell lifting her little prison up and smashing Smee on the head so she can help Wendy, we love to see it

The fact that Wendy thinks happy thoughts stepping off the plank and it’s not just her childhood memories anymore (like in the flying to Neverland scene)??? She imagines growing up and the things she could do if allowing herself to grow up?!? 😭

The utter silence after she steps off the plank followed by Hook being like “… hang on, there was no splash?!?”

Tinkerbell damn near used every single bit of fairy dust in existence just to lift up the ship and play what is essentially a huge joke on the pirates is such legend behaviour lmao

“You have the boy’s magic.” “No, this magic belongs to no boy!” — HELL YEAH WENDY YOU ARE ALWAYS THE MAIN CHARACTER

I’ll be honest, for a film where Peter is billed first he has done VERY little besides a small duel, get stabbed and nearly die twice

The depressed pirate who goes “well wake me up before one of them kills the other… again” is such a mood lmfao same

It’s interesting that it’s Wendy with the flight skills as she fights and Peter without the flying I guess??

Wendy and Tiger Lily are literally saving every single other character’s asses at this point, like they’re the only reason anything has happened in this film

Rotating the entire ship was not something I thought I’d ever see and yet here we are

Peter falling off the upside down ship and Wendy catching him?!? And the fairy dust rubbing off onto him??? (Literally what even has Peter done in this film I feel bad for saying it but…)

I kind of like the idea that Peter and Hook intentionally don’t kill each other because both of them live for their battles and it’s almost like a game, a cycle, that Neverland lives off of? Idk if that makes sense lol

“Oh captain… Grow up.” - I CHOKED SHE GAGGED HIM

Peter grabbing Hook by the hook so he won’t fall and saying “I’ve got you James, just think happy thoughts”…???

“Peter… I haven’t got any…” AND THEN HE FALLS, DETATCHED FROM HIS HOOK?!? I KNEW HE DIDNT ASDFGHJKL BUT LIKE THIS?!?

I’ve literally only just realised that the Teddy has a fork as a prosthetic arm 💀

“It’s time to get these lost boys home” - what she REALLY means is “let’s take them back to my place and I’ll tell my parents I’ve adopted ten children on their behalf” 💀😂 that part always makes me laugh in any adaptation/version of the story, I won’t lie

So basically no time has passed in the real world while they’ve been in Neverland? No Mr and Mrs Darling keeping the window open for when their children return???

“Boy… why are you crying?” - IM SHAKING, CRYING, SCREAMING, THROWING UP I HAVE CHILLS

You’re telling me Peter lived in the exact same house as Wendy as her brothers???? That’s why he kept returning to that house, not because Wendy believed strongly in him or he liked her stories but because it was his old home?? 😶

“I’m just a story, told to any child who’ll listen” - oof true. Kids today don’t really know Peter Pan anymore, which is super sad - they know Tink but they’re not as familiar with Peter Pan these days

“You know, Peter… after all this… I think that to grow up… why, it might just be the biggest adventure of all. Just think of all of the things that could be right around the corner that you’re missing out on. Think of what the world is missing out on with you not being there to do them.” 👏👏👏

THE SHIP LITERALLY RIPPED THE CHIMNEY OFF GOOD LUCK PAYING FOR THAT GEORGE

Wendy crying as she says goodbye to Tink 😭 “and please don’t forget about me”

WENDY BEING ABLE TO HEAR TINKERBELL SPEAK ASDFGHJKL BEAUTIFUL… “thank you for hearing me” - I DONT CARE, THATS SO POETIC???

Wendy carving her name under Peter’s so now it says “Peter Pan + Wendy” 😭

Hook is still alive?!? I don’t know why I’m so shocked at this point lol

The way Hook and Pan smiled at each other when Peter returned, oh boy here we go again

The end credit animations are so pretty omg

So, overall… it’s not the worst Disney remake. It’s truly not that bad, at least not enough to warrant racist morons bombing it with one star reviews. It’s definitely not a patch on the 2003 version, at least not in my opinion - that one will always reign superior, at least to me.

Some things:

I definitely feel like this film was carried by Ever Anderson as Wendy, she literally did the most and seemed the most well suited for her part overall

Jude Law was actually better than I thought he would be as Hook, Jason Isaacs is still my favourite but Jude is alright

I think Alexander Molony had the right spirit, I just think that he wasn’t given all that much to do and also it was very noticeable that he was on the cusp of adulthood already. Had the film been filmed when intended and not delayed, I think his performance would have come across better

The other kids and the pirates were super fun too, but not really given a lot to do either, which is sad. Would have loved to see more of Jim Gaffigan as Smee though

Yara Shahidi as Tinkerbell and Alyssa Wapanatahk as Tiger Lily were also amazing and big standouts, shoutout to them both!

Mentioned this above but will mention it again: I don’t understand what the point of casting a separate actor to play Mr Darling was. Yes, as I mentioned, there’s the dual casting thing - but also Mr Darling was in this film so little that there was zero sense in hiring a whole other actor to do the part??? He’s literally got a total of like one and a half minutes screentime?!?

Putting the crocodile in just the one single time was a fucking crime, I tell you! Why was he only in one single scene?!? 🐊

The CGI wasn’t the worst I’ve seen but it definitely could have been a bit better

Here’s the thing: the original animation was 1h21 and this one is 1h46… and yet this one felt way more rushed for some reason? It’s like the film hits the basic plots, like ticking them off, but doesn’t actually embellish or explore them properly. It’s just so rushed and the film suffers for it

I truly think this film would have benefited from letting us get to know the Darling children even better at the beginning before Peter arrived, because the most developed of the three is Wendy and all we know about her is she’s going to boarding school and her parents want her to be a better role model/set a better example for her brothers. All we know about John and Michael is that they’re Wendy’s brothers and they like to play fight - they don’t really feel like proper characters, they’re literally just there

I’m still waiting for a Peter Pan adaptation to just bite the bullet and give us that flash forward of Peter visiting an older Wendy, meeting Jane and taking Jane to Neverland - the 2003 version did film it but it’s deleted and the special effects aren’t done on it (you can watch it online but still)

I want to know where in Barrie’s text it says Wendy wanted to become an airplane pilot or that she actually fulfilled that ambition… ?!?!

The soundtrack was good - not the masterpiece that James Newton Howard’s is but still pretty good

Overall, I’d give it a 6/10 maybe. It wasn’t the worst Pan movie or adaptation out there but it’s not the best either, at least in my opinion. It IS one of the better Disney remakes though, and if it had been a bit longer and had a better budget then I’d say it should have had a theatrical release because the cinematography is STUNNING. It’s just that it very much feels like they rushed the story and had a smaller budget than hoped for.

#peter pan #peter pan and wendy #disney #peter pan remake #wendy darling #captain hook #james hook #alexander molony #ever anderson #jude law

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btsgotjams27 · 2 years ago

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this is us ~ jjk | 16

six months later and you're still not over jungkook, and when you finally hit rock bottom, you realize you have to pick yourself up because no one else can do it for you.

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, bff's younger brother ✨ playlist | AO3 & Wattpad ✨ a/n: if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n 2: hello, hello! can you believe we're almost done with this series? it's been a crazy journey for these two, hasn't it? lol. well, i'll just say the angst is strong in this chapter but! this is the last angsty chapter, which i'm kind of happy for myself, my readers, and the characters lmaooooo. i hope y'all enjoy it and now it's only going up from this point out!

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ 17 ~ one year later

chapter 16 ~ so maybe you're not okay | wc: 5.4k warnings: time skip (6 months later), angst, reader is reflecting on her past actions, language, alcohol consumption, *some* tough love, self-deprecation, depressing thoughts, mentions of throwing up smut warnings: kissing, touching, groping, breast play

~ six months since the breakup ~

Six months have passed since you and Jungkook split up. Sometimes, your heart ached continually, and you wondered when it would stop or ever cease. You almost gave in and called to check how he was doing or what he was up to, but you didn't. It was foolish to believe he'd want to talk to you since he, too, was hurt. You had shattered his heart for the second time, and you shouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to hear from you again.

Your heart skipped a beat anytime his name was uttered, whether it was Jin or Yuna. A part of you wanted to know if he was doing well or if he was as unhappy as you, but you were hoping for the latter. He deserved happiness, and you wanted him to find it even if you weren’t a part of it.

As much as you wanted to run away from responsibilities, you couldn’t. Your show was the only thing that kept you going—for now, at least. Critics and audiences alike praised the first half of the season, but as the season proceeded, numbers began to fall, making you doubt your talent and career. Could your writing be suffering as a result of your breakup? It did take up a lot of your mental space these days.

You wanted to hide under a rock and never come out again, it was virtually impossible because your phone rang nonstop day and night, attempting to put out fires—executives, producers, and writers breathing down your neck, never letting you take a breath. You just wanted everything to halt, and you just wanted no one to need you. But you were reminded of that whenever you stepped into your apartment. You didn’t know which was worse anymore.

The show's last day couldn’t have come any faster, and Kenji wanted to go big and celebrate the filming wrapping. You arrived at the beautiful modern building, which hardly looked like a restaurant.

“Hello, darling.”

You turned to your ex-boyfriend, his arm snaking around your waist. He could never help himself, but you smacked his arm away. “Kenji,” you said with a scowl.

“I’m sorry, love—habit.” You rolled your eyes. “Come on, let’s celebrate,” he said, holding his arm for you to take, though you didn’t amuse him by doing so. You were tired of his antics.

Because it was a party and you were practically the face of the project, you had to put on your best smile and pretend everything was fine—better than okay, perfect because you had gotten what you wanted out of your career, you had worked your ass off to get where you are. Still, none of this mattered if you didn't have the most important person by your side, but you didn’t dare utter his name.

If there was one thing you hated about being in this industry, it was the mingling aspect. Of course, you cared for your crew but showed it differently than how Kenji wanted to. You preferred intimate gatherings, taking a few groups to talk and catch up.

Though, at this point, you didn’t want to be around anyone anymore and just wanted to eliminate the noise clouding up your mind and space.

“Hey, babe. Are you doing okay?” Hyunie asked, pulling you in for a hug.

You loved your friend, but you swear to God if she asked you one more time if you were okay, you’d explode. “I’m fine,” you snapped, closing your eyes.

Having Hyunie by your side throughout this project was a godsend, and you couldn’t have done it without her. As Yuna was busy with baby Indie, Hyunie became your right-hand gal, almost waiting on you hand and foot.

She cleared her throat. “I just wanted to make sure,” she muttered, ready to walk away.

“Wait, Hyunie—” You turned, grasping her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re stressed. I’ll leave you alone.”

God—were you always this bitchy and cranky? Or had you unlocked a new part of yourself that you’d only discovered after breaking up with Jungkook? Either way, you’d lose your friend if you didn’t stop.

You had stopped counting how many glasses of wine you had accepted from the server as he passed by with his tray, but it had to have been more than enough for you to want to kiss the next person you saw.

Aimlessly, you stared at your wine glass. Are you the only one like this? What the fuck are you doing with your life? Pretending to be okay when you weren’t. Shit—you were so fucking pathetic.

Every day, the same thing, over and over again. Mindlessly, alone. You were gradually losing yourself in your innermost thoughts.

Tomorrow may be better. Maybe it’ll be alright. But who were you kidding? They were nothing but lies. You were too far gone, too broken. And it didn’t look like it could ever be reversed.

“So, you’re the big boss, hmm?”

You looked up to see a handsome man donned in an all-black outfit, his honey-skin chest practically on display, the deep V of his silk shirt leading your eyes down to his lower half. “That’s me,” you muttered, swirling the last of what was left in your wine glass.

“Can I get you a refill?”

“Yes, please.”

The man flashed a beautiful smile before going behind the counter, reaching underneath to pull up a bottle of wine.

“Are you supposed to be back there?” you asked, raising a brow because he wasn’t a crew member from your show. Actually, you had never seen him before.

He chuckled. “I’m Jung Hoseok, co-owner of Onjium.” You held your glass out for him to refill.

“It’s a beautiful restaurant, and the food is immaculate.”

“Ah, why, thank you,” he remarked. “Should I return the favor and praise your show?”

You tried to suppress your smirk by sipping the red wine. “I’d rather you praise me instead."

Hoseok's tongue darts to wet his lips, biting the bottom. "I can do that."

It had been too long since you had kissed anyone, alone let anyone even touch you. But Hoseok’s kisses from the column of your neck trailing towards your collarbone made you realize how horny you were—and your vibrator wasn’t cutting it anymore. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t sought out a fuck buddy in the first place. It would’ve easily taken your mind off everything and relieved some stress.

His hardened length brushed against your clothed heat, his soft lips continuing to mark your body, his hand on the small of your back, eliminating the distance between you. “Fuck—you’re so sexy,” he kissed your lips. “Why isn’t every man dropping to their knees for you?”

You throw your head back, a chuckle leaving your lips. “Do you always flatter every woman who walks through your restaurant’s doors?” you ask, tugging at his belt, unfastening it with his pants.

He grins and shakes his head. “I never do things like this,” he lies through his teeth.

“Uh-huh, sure,” you quip back. “So you’ve never fucked anyone on this couch before?” You found it hard to believe—a good-looking man like him, not fucking every beautiful that walked into his restaurant?

“Nope, never,” he laughs, coming in for another kiss, his hard length pressing into your lower abdomen, making you ache and crave what’s hidden beneath those briefs. “Can I?” he asks, toying with the thin straps of your dress.

“Please do. I’m at your service to be praised and adored.” You were hardly ever this bold or confident. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through your veins, coinciding with how shitty you’ve been feeling these past several months.

Hoseok’s slender fingers drew imaginary circles into your skin. He studied your face—eyes closed, mouth agape, and head lolled back. Savoring every moment as you bite your bottom lip, just waiting for him to continue as he pleased. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Honestly, at this moment? Anything—anything to relieve the ache that was building inside your body.

He hums, waiting for your answer.

You opened your eyes and straightened your posture. He still hadn’t removed your straps, so you did it for him, agonizingly slow, of course—just as he teased you, you did the same to him. But your stupid bra stood in the way until you unfastened the hooks, freeing your breasts one at a time. His attention is now diverted from your eyes to your chest, taking in the perfect view.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you leaned in, whispering, “I want you to fuck me so hard that you have to take me home and then fuck me all over again.”

He shifted in his seat, adjusting himself, then gripped the soft flesh of your ass through your black slip dress. His hands roamed the sides of your body. His eyes fixated on your breasts before palming them in his hands. “Fuck–yes. You don’t have to tell me twice.”

His hand reached the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. You spread your legs wider, rolling your hips against his erection. Faint whimpers leave your lips when his fingers pinch your stiff peaks.

“Fuck–Kook. I need you inside me.”

“Name’s Hoseok,” he says between kisses.

“Don’t–don’t talk.”

“Anything you want, princess.”

You pulled away with a deadpan expression, breathing a loud sigh.

“You just ruined it.” Of course, he couldn’t have known that you hated that pet name, but that pet name also brought you back to reality.

You drew the strings of your dress back over your shoulders, proceeding to grab the rest of your things. “I’m sorry, Hoseok. I shouldn’t have done this,” you say, looking around for your bra.

“Was it something I said?”

Technically, yes, but also, you were stupid for trying to sleep with a man you had just met. This wasn’t you. You didn’t go around fucking random strangers–you much preferred being in a loving relationship, not one-night stands with men you’d never see again.

“No–it’s me. I’m sorry.”

Quickly, you left the crime scene, slipping into a taxi, still holding your bra because you couldn't put it back on without someone stopping to talk to you. With eyes closed and a loud sigh, your head lolled back on the car’s headrest. The angel on your shoulder was berating you for making bad decisions. The devil told you to return to the man who wanted to sleep with you and show you a good time. Right now, you didn’t want to listen to either of them.

You open your eyes and straighten your posture, catching a glimpse of yourself in the rearview. The person staring back was unrecognizable—having sunk to the lowest of the lows, unsure if you could pick yourself back up. At this point, you wondered how your friends could even put up with you. You didn’t even want to be around yourself—a pitiful mess you were.

Sundays were brunch days at Yuna and Namjoon’s. It was a tradition the group had organized since the new parents had their hands full.

But you lay in bed, thinking of the many excuses you could give to your best friend to get out of this brunch you had started to loathe. It reminded you of your mother’s family reunion dinners.

You 9:27 AM *cough*cough* I’m not feeling well. I think I drank too much.

Yuna 9:29 AM 😒 Get your ass over here. I don’t care if you’re on your deathbed.

Tae 9:30 AM Dang—mama don’t play. You tell her, Noona!

Hyunie 9:30 AM Seriously, taetae? Why??? Why are you like this? 😑

Joon 9:31 AM I’m making my infamous avocado toast.

Jin 9:32 AM Namjoon cooking? *cough*cough* I’m sick too.

Yuna 9:33 AM Oh! Don’t make me slap all of you through this phone. Everyone be here at 10:30! OR ELSE.

You 9:33 AM Fine…

Jin 9:34 AM Okay—MOM.

Tae 9:34 AM Or else, what? You’ll spank me?

Hyunie 9:35 AM Someone come strangle my husband before I do!!

Even if you were on your deathbed, huh? Apparently, you still had to attend this infamous Sunday brunch.

A notification bell came through your phone, illuminating your screen.

Jin 9:37 AM I can come pick you up.

You 9:38 AM Why? You don’t trust that I’ll go there?

Jin 9:38 AM Nope 🙃 See you soon friend.

The car ride to Yuna’s consisted of nothing but radio silence. Jin looked over, watching you mindlessly observe pedestrians, deep in thought about who knows what. He wanted to interrupt many times but didn’t want to appear insensitive.

“You look like shit,” Taehyung remarked, sitting at the table.

“Thanks, Taehyung. I really appreciate your honesty,” you faked a smile before letting it falter. “FYI—this is what I look like, hungover.”

“You seem to be drinking a lot these days,” Yuna couldn’t help but comment.

“There’s nothing wrong with drinking,” Namjoon responded as he was focused on smashing the avocados in the bowl. He looked up to see his wife glaring at him. “What?” He cleared his throat. “I mean, as long as it’s done in moderation. We don’t want anything bad to happen to our bodies.” He looked over at Yuna again, who was pleased with his answer.

“Maybe just slow down on the mimosas today, babe,” Hyunie interjected when you picked up the tall, slim glass and sipped. Whoever made it went a bit overboard on the champagne. It wouldn’t be your fault, it was whoever made this.

“I’m fine,” you noted. “I’m a big girl, and I can care for myself.”

With her tongue in cheek, Yuna tuts as she spreads the butter on the piece of bread, preparing the pan for the avocado toast.

You wanted to let that slide because she had been like this for the past few months, making snide, snarky comments or saying things under her breath. Maybe motherhood was taking a toll. Maybe she hadn’t had enough sleep. Maybe she, too, was pissed off at the world.

“Do you have something you want to say to me?” You set your glass down, folding your arms across your chest. Maybe you were feeling confident after the sip of orange juice and champagne.

Everyone quieted down, pretending not to let this conversation become awkward, trying to do other things to distract themselves.

Yuna placed the bread into the warm pan, letting it sizzle, but she didn’t answer you. She had wanted to talk to you privately for a while now, but everything was bubbling up to the surface, and she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Namjoon clenched his jaw and lightly elbowed her, giving her the staredown of the century, mouthing, “Not now.”

“Why not? Hmm?” she answers aloud to her husband. “She needs to hear what I have to say.”

He looks at everyone whose eyes are now on the couple in the kitchen. “There’s a time and place if you want to talk, but not in front of everyone,” he said in a hushed tone, quickly glancing at you, then back to his smashed avocados.

“Yuna, if you have something to say, just fucking say it.” You were tired of all these side eyes and unspoken words.

She sighs and then turns off the stovetop, removing the pan from the heat. “It’s been six months, Y/n. Six months since Jungkook left.”

“Yeah, you don’t think I fucking know that? I have to live with that knowledge every day. Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone and let me drink in peace?” Picking up the glass, you took another sip; the bubbly drink fizzled down your throat. “I’m fine,” you lied. “Sometimes I just want to wallow in all the shit I’m feeling, okay? And be fucking depressed, sad, and hurt. Am I not allowed to do that?”

Hyunie steps closer, grasping your arm. “Of course, you can, but we’re just worried about you and want you to talk to us.”

“What do you want me to say?” You look around the room, trying your best to hold it together. Your tongue darted to lick your lips, teeth nibbling your bottom lip, but the yearning in your heart welled to the surface, just waiting to erupt. “You want me to say that I fucked up? Instead of pushing Jungkook away, I should’ve tried to work through it. That I should've gone to LA to get him back? Well, it's too fucking late. I can't do shit now. He's probably moved on with his life and is doing ten times better than I am."

You let go of Hyunie and sat in the dining chair. "God–I'm so pathetic." You wiped the tears streaming down your face. "I feel so numb, so broken," you said with a shaky voice. "I just want to wake up from this stupid nightmare, but I can't because this is my fucking reality. I know I have no one to blame but myself for this mess."

Everyone looked at you with pity and remorse. Practically watching you fall apart. You didn't want this to happen but knew it eventually would.

Yuna sympathized with her best friend, and she did. But she also had her baby brother to worry about as well. She knew how he was doing–which was much better than you right now, and you were right. He had moved on and was in a better spot, mentally and emotionally.

She walked over to you, placing her hand on yours, gently rubbing the top of your hand. Yuna softly sighed, “I love you, I do. But sometimes I just wanna give you a good smack.”

“Jagi!” Namjoon quips, setting down his fork.

“In a loving way, of course,” she pauses, “I'm sorry things turned out the way they did with you and Jungkook. It hurts me to see you like this–living life so aimlessly. If you want him, go get him. If you don't, then move on.”

“It's not that simple,” you said, turning to her.

“I know—but you have to try. Take it one day at a time. Do something fun. Try something you’ve never done before. Get your mind off everything,” Yuna suggests.

She was right. Since your show had wrapped up and nothing else lined up, you could do as you, please. Maybe you could find a new hobby or travel—it’s been a minute since you had a proper vacation. Honestly, traveling to a secluded place seemed like a dream. But would it be a ruse to run away from your problems, or would it help you move on? Could it be a bit of both?

“I’m sorry, guys. I am.” You look up to your friends who have been supportive these past few months while you were at rock bottom.

Jin, Namjoon, and Taehyung grunted or hummed, acknowledging your apology before distracting themselves with something else.

Hyunie comes in for an embrace. “You’re gonna be okay. I know it.” She pulls away, the corners of her lips curving into a reassuring smile.

“I don’t deserve you guys.”

“You don’t,” Jin jokes, in which Namjoon glares at him. “What?” He stuffs a blueberry in his mouth. “Just saying.”

You were conscious of your choices and actions and aware of the consequences; nevertheless, accepting and coming to terms with them was another matter.

Regardless, if you wanted to get out of this deep, dark hole you’ve dug, no one could help you unless you helped yourself.

With nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see—your life felt like it had no meaning, no purpose.

Do something fun.

Yuna’s voice echoed from the day before. Fun? You didn’t even know what you considered fun anymore. What did you even like besides writing and working? No new films were interesting, at least not enough to make you want to pay to sit in front of the big screen. And you just knew you’d be scrolling through Netflix for hours trying to find something to watch before ultimately giving up. There was no point, you thought.

And since none of those things were riveting, you again found yourself at the bar. At least, it was the first time you’d gone this week. Well—to be honest, the week had just begun.

“Another Moscow mule, please,” you inquired, waving down the bartender. It was only your third one of the night, but given that your speech was becoming unintelligible—you’d be cut off soon.

The bartender nodded, acknowledged your request, and began working on your drink.

You held onto the black straw, mindlessly stirring the ice in the copper mug. Your eyes laser-focused on the bottle sitting behind the bar back—Highland Park, single malt whiskey. You preferred cocktails over straight liquor. You didn’t think you could handle all the alcohol content; hell, you could hardly hold the ones in cocktails.

Next to the shelf of liquor stood a mirror, but you couldn’t recognize the person in the reflection. Who was she? Six months had passed since the breakup, and the person in the mirror looked grim and unhappy. You couldn’t remember the last time you genuinely smiled or even laughed, and you had forgotten what true joy felt like.

This past year drained you emotionally and physically. You weren’t sure you had even gotten through all of it, and storing these traumatic, unpleasant memories in your amygdala only to resurface when you drank, forced you to deal with your emotions and feelings—things you didn’t want to touch. They were too painful and tortuous. It was easier to leave them be, brush them off, pretend that life could go on—but you had to face these memories and feelings sooner rather than later, or you’d never be able to pull yourself out of the hole you had dug.

The soft murmur of your name broke your focus on yourself in the mirror. You turned to see Min Yoongi beside you in a black button-down with a turtleneck underneath.

“Why do you look like you just sat down to be interviewed for a documentary?” You ask without regard to how he is doing or what he was doing at the bar.

Yoongi laughed at your abruptness. “I just came from a meeting with a colleague and came here for drinks, but he had to head out; then I saw you sitting here, so here I am.”

“Mmhm, here you are.” Your eyes lit up when the bartender handed you your drink.

“Can I get a single malt whiskey? Neat.”

You chuckled because you were looking at the bottle the bartender picked up.

“You okay?” Yoongi asked, sitting beside you, his knee slightly brushing against yours before swiveling away in his stool.

It would be easy to say, ‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ and go on the rest of the night indulging in small talk, but did you want to open a can of worms?

You gave your attention to the new Moscow mule sitting before you, stabbing the lime with the black straw and pushing it down to the bottom. You turn to him, “I feel like I’m gonna break down and cry at a moment’s notice.”

For some reason, it felt easier to bare your soul to someone who knew nothing about your life because all your friends quickly judged you and your decisions. But not with Yoongi. He knew the bare minimum about you.

“It’s okay to cry. Just don’t cry alone,” he simply said before thanking the bartender and sipping his whiskey.

Honestly, you hadn’t cried in the past few months. You felt more numb than anything, but the accumulation of your relationship with your mom, infertility, and Jungkook was enough to make you want to break down and give up on everything in life. The weight of it all was coming to a peak, ready to erupt.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” he teased, to which you rolled your eyes. He took another sip, waving for you to continue.

“Do you ever ask yourself what the fuck you’re doing with your life?”

“All the time,” he chuckled. “It’s normal to ask that question. Think about it—we’re living, breathing humans that live on a rock floating through time and space.”

“Yes! Oh my god! I think about that all the time. Why do all of my problems seem so big in my little world? But compared to how big the world is, it seems silly, minuscule, and unimportant. I mean, the person walking down the street probably has bigger problems than me.”

“Mm, that could be true, but don’t minimize your hurt and feelings. It’s important to recognize and learn from those things and let them shape a better you.”

“Why get a shrink when all you need is ‘Min Yoongi’ in your life?” You finally take a sip of your drink, the ice already melting in place, the condensation pooling a rim on the napkin.

He chuckled at your joke. “I’m hardly a therapist. I’ve just—I’ve been where you are, and I’m sorry it sucks, but give it time. You’ll be okay.”

“But, like, how do you know that?”

“Well, I don’t,” he took a swig of his whiskey. “I mean, there aren’t many things in our control, but for the things that are, it’s important to do what we can. We can only manage what’s right in front of us. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next week, or three months from now. Just worry about what’s happening right here, right now. That’s all you can do, you know?”

You recognized the truth behind Yoongi’s words and wanted to believe it. You did. But it was always easier said than done. Maybe you just needed more time, time to find yourself again. Maybe find joy in the little things, in yourself, and become comfortable in your skin without the dissonance of your friends. This time in your life would be as good as any since you had nothing lined up for you, work-wise. There was no one to keep you here in Seoul. You could go anywhere if you wanted to. Would now be the right time to uproot your life and go wherever your heart desired?

Yoongi could see you pondering his words, maybe letting the reality of it all soak in. He chugged the last of his whiskey, setting the glass down. “Come on, let me take you home.”

You lifted your finger, ready to key in your apartment's code, before returning to Yoongi. “Do you wanna come in?”

He hesitated before answering, “I shouldn’t.”

“You’re not going to tuck me in; make sure I don’t drown in my vomit?” Yoongi snickers. “Sorry, I’m not in my right mind right now. You don’t have to come in.”

“You’re not gonna make this easy, are you?”

“I just gave you an out. You can leave if you want, but if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, will you be ready to live with that guilt if something happened to me?” You could’ve easily eliminated the last line but couldn’t help yourself. Let’s blame it on the alcohol for the sudden confidence.

Yoongi’s tongue darted out, licking his lips, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile. He nodded toward your door. “Come on. Let’s get you tucked in.”

“I just want to lay on a nice, warm beach. Or I guess I’ll try to dream of it tonight.”

Yoongi followed you into the bedroom and lunged forward to keep you standing straight before you plopped onto the bed. “I have a vacation home in Phuket if you ever need to get away from here.”

“You do?” Your eyes widen in delight, almost wanting to take up his offer.

“Yeah, Tae and Hyunie went there recently, and I’m only ever there occasionally. Feel free to use it if you’d like.”

“Is this the part where you plan to murder me, and no one will ever find my body?” you joke, referring to when he said he’d take you home the first night you met, even though you hardly knew him then.

“I think you’ve been watching one too many Law and Order episodes, huh?”

You shrug. “You can never be too careful, you know!”

Yoongi laughs. “If I wanted to murder you, I’d have done it already.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re waiting for the perfect moment. Like when I’m all vulnerable in my bed.” He shows off his gummy smile, a feature you’ve come to appreciate. “You should smile more often. You have a really pretty smile.”

He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle as he turned away from you. Through the short time, he’s known you, you were never this honest with him.

You sigh. "Can I skip to the part where everything will be okay again?"

Yoongi kneeled by your bedside and flashed a closed-lipped smile before scanning over your features. Apparently, you were just full of questions tonight, but he didn’t mind. "Where you are now is not where you'll always be."

He seemed so positive and empathetic toward your situation, which you were grateful for. It's possible he was just being kind, but he had plenty more to say. He was almost like your personal fortune cookie, always ready with an answer.

"That's easy for you to say." You snuggled deeper into your fluffy pillow, pulling the duvet under your chin.

"Mm–yeah, it is," he chuckled. "Well, there's a high chance that the future you want never happens, and if you put too much meaning into it, it'll torment you."

“Gee, thanks,” you said dryly.

“You know what I mean.”

You stick out your tongue in protest, pulling the duvet over your head. “Just say I’m being pathetic. I can handle it,” you lie, muffled through the sheets. You were one step away from losing your shit.

Yoongi cleared his throat, lifting the duvet so he could say goodbye. He could see the sadness in your eyes when you looked back at him, and he only knew what you were going through because Kim Taehyung had a big mouth and shared whatever details he knew about you and your ex-boyfriend. But he never wanted to press you further unless you wanted to share.

“Well, I’m gonna head out. It looks like you’re tucked in safely and not dying, so...”

He proceeded to stand, but you sat up, grabbing his hand, your hand lingering longer than usual. Your eyes focused on his plush lips, then you moved in, closing your eyes for a kiss, but he pulled away.

“I’m sorry.” He stood, taking another step toward the door. “You’re cool, but I don’t kiss people when they’re not sober.”

Your cheeks become warm, your gaze avoiding his. “I’m sorry. As you can probably tell, I’m not in the right mind frame, and I’m very susceptible to handsome men when they’re sweet.”

Yoongi flashed a thin smile. “It’s okay. I’ll pretend nothing happened,” he remarked, waving his hand again before leaving you alone in your bedroom.

When you heard the front door closed, you grabbed your pillow and screamed into it. Why was kissing someone always your answer when feeling shitty about yourself? At this point, Yoongi probably found you as foolish as one could be. He probably wondered how and why Hyunie and Taehyung continued to be friends with someone like you.

You set the pillow aside, sliding under your covers, thinking about the question you asked Yoongi earlier at the bar.

What the fuck are you doing with your life?

So much of your adulthood was spent trying to survive your childhood and the trauma that came with it, and as you became an adult, you hoped the person you had become would be the person you needed when you were a child. But in reality, you felt like an imposter. The adult version of you was trying her best to be what that little girl needed, though ultimately, you failed her.

You knew deep down inside that you needed to stop whatever this path of destruction was, stop blaming others, not wait to be rescued, and most of all, stop refusing to participate fully in life. You had friends who became like family to you, who loved you no matter what you did. Was that not enough?

Inevitably, you were aware that no one could save you but yourself. You’d spent your life stuck in this endless cycle that no one had created but yourself.

You stopped before you started. You gave up before you even attempted. You talked yourself out of it before you got into it.

In retrospect, you knew you were also at fault regarding Jungkook. You sabotaged your relationship because you couldn’t bear the pain. But what if you had tried and given everything, and it worked out?

But as Yoongi said, it’s better not to dwell on a future that may not happen. Otherwise, you’d continue this endless cycle of torment.

✨ a/n 3: so, how are we doing? how are we feeling? do we have any theories on what'll happen next? what do we think about yoongi? let me know (:

also! i still plan on doing the podcast episode, so start thinking of questions, comments, rambles/rants (:

✨ next ~ 17 ~ one year later

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x yn #jungkook x you #jungkook x noona #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts x you #bts x reader

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pebble-of-gold · 2 years ago

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WOO 2023

Lets talk about my top 10 films that came out in 2022! I watched a lot of films last year!

1. Everything everywhere all at once

I could write essays on this movie but putting it simply I watched this film in theatres 5 times. There was nothing in this movie that dissapointed me. Its an incredible example of nihilism vs existentialism and I cried 3/5 times i saw it. I now own it on dvd.

2. Bullet train

Bullet train I saw ever so slightly less coming in at 4 cinema visits! Fantastic visuals and soundtrack. Wonderful casting and a fabulously written script! One of my favourite examples of a film that is just fun to watch. I'll be honest on the 3rd and 4th time I was a bit bored but theres not as much going on to rewatch as EEAAO.

3. Black panther: Wakanda forever

I started crying and I dont know if I stopped? An incredibly touching tribute to Chadwick Boseman and a heartbreaking reminder of who we've lost. I think this is the best marvel movie since endgame honestly.

4. The unbearable weight of massive talent

Nick Cage is unironically one of my favourite actors and him and pedro pascal have created an amazing piece of media here. It is so funny and thats all it needs to be! Its just 2 guys getting to know eachother. Fair enough theres some action and spy shit going on but with that removed it is just pure fun.

5. NOPE

A slightly controversial one I know, However, I will never get over the wacky inflatable arm tube men. Im not even joking. They are what made me want to see the film in the first place! No but an excellent example of terror vs fear and a perfect film to discuss questions like "how far should you go for the shot" and issues like exploitation of animals.

6. Three thousand years of longing.

First and foremost its Tilda Swinton and Idris Elba enough said. This movie is gorgeous. The cinematography is beautiful and the costumes the makeup the set design the props my word they did not dissapoint! The message of the film is largely isolation but also behind that theres a sense of love is eternal and how much would you do for love. I couldn't recommend this film more.

7. Matilda

Ok this one is the music and choreography for me. It's a fun film and i loce the set design for it. The costume for mrs wormwood is to die for and I want it all. Theres not a huge moral like the others on the list its a good example of what goes around comes around and good prevails. The camerawork is amazing too.

8. The Menu

Everyone in this film is an awful person EXCEPT Anya Taylor Joy's Character and I live for it. The pacing is wonderful, the camerawork again fantastic and the characterisation!!! There is so much tension and it keeps building until you reach the climax its a wonderful. I like to think the film is about anti capitalism and the death of creatives due to the preassure of critics.

9. The banshees of inisherin

My favourite type of media is where nothing happens but SO MUCH happens. (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead is a wonderful example of this) and Banshees is an amazing example of that. At its core its about loss and lobelyness. Plus It has a RELATIVELY ACCURATE autistic character and thats my favourite part.

10. Don't worry darling

DON'T BOO ME DON'T YOU DARE. OK I ENJOYED IT. SOMEONE HAD TO! HARRY'S ACTING WASN'T EVEN THAT BAD YES IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH SHIT GOING ON CAN YOU BLAME HIM! plus I was living for the drama of DWD and no it was not at all about feminism or the female orgasm but it was about control and it was a fantastic film to showcase that.

Honorable mentions go to:

Where the crawdads sing, Batman, The bad guys, Sing 2, violent night, JJK:0, Multiverse of madness.

Thor does not get an honorable mention and I will not see avatar 2 because I want it to flop.

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velvetjune · 8 months ago

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List of unrelated Control (2019) things I noticed on my second playthrough:

Langston (highly likely) being behind the Tennyson Report that Trench was investigating: The report loudly criticized Trench and Darling for being “anti-esoteric” by pushing the FBC in the direction of science instead of faith. Langston’s comments that Darling gets away with his strange behavior because he’s charming, disliking but giving Trench some credit for even going with the Panopticon, mentioning how altered items need to be treated better with rituals and kindness.

Langston taking a traffic light altered item to a movie

The archives having Pandora’s box (aka Hiss in a mod box) along with two astral spikes. Why. I fought so much for that extra Darling video and Threshold Kids episode (it was worth it).

Trench, Darling, and Marshall’s inner circle and close relationship that destructed with the investigation into the Ordinary AWE and Dylan. All three of them being figures of the old Bureau Jesse wishes to change (Trench being secretive about the Hiss; Darling with Heston/Polaris; Marshall with the Foundation; All about Dylan). Wish the game hinted at their connection and past more. Maybe they’ll still be in contact through the hotline.

Underhill and Darling being old friends, maybe exes (?) who still care for each other. Honestly, I love the mild one-sided animosity from Underhill for Darling’s research getting more attention (that we know is because he was committing ethical violations with Trench) while clearly having fun hating on him and working at the FBC again. Even funnier that HR was looking into their possible relationship status.

Underhill dropping her career and life in England for mold. Iconic

The sheer difference between Underhill’s shocked and sad reaction to hearing of Darling’s death versus Pope not giving a shit (and saying she’s sure he’s happy as long as he can take in his surroundings). Love Emily

The amount of drama between coworkers and departments. I’m convinced working in HR at the Oldest House would single-handedly be the most stressful job there.

There’s no way the Blessed organization/Chester Bless won’t be a part of a future Control game

Spoilers for Alan Wake 1/2: The night springs manuscript pages reflecting what happened to Trench and Darling. Incredible. But it only feeds into my belief that Alan is great at writing fun, cheesy genre stories. He was made for writing over the top sci-fi or noir mysteries (or even musicals). Let him write a Goosebumps book

Spoilers for Alan Wake: The Vivid Dreams dead letter by Bowker being a reference to the Bright Falls AWE. Being in a lake and seeing shadows that whisper phrases.

Spoilers for Alan Wake: Zane’s shoebox from Alan Wake maybe being o.o.p. that was found in Ordinary, Maine, protecting its contents from the effects of the AWE. The mention back to Samantha Wells from the House of Dreams ARG where Wells communicated with Zane in her dreams. The shoebox effects could be replicated, but it mysteriously went missing in the FBC.

Spoilers for Max Payne 2: The Flamingo altered item on the TV being the same as the logo for the Address Unknown show in Max Payne 2 (…which was a parody of Twin Peaks,, and would later become the plot of Alan Wake 1 and 2)

Spoilers for Alan Wake 2 Final Draft: The HRA video with Darling quoting Space Oddity—“Commencing countdown, Major Tom” (same song at the end of Alan Wake). 665 Neighbor of the Beast for black rock quarry in Darling’s presentation and room 665 for Zane. The Darling music video at the Oceanview Jesse finds in her dream state possibly being filmed at the Dark Place’s Oceanview Hotel. No idea of these were all fun Remedy references to itself for laughs (665 is in Max Payne too), but it truly is incredible that it led to the Zane and Darling collaboration.

#a lot of these are obvious but i was Not paying enough attention when i got into Control years ago 😭 astounding how much i missed #this is mostly for me to look back on both for theories and laughs #control 2019 #this list would’ve been longer if i remembered to take more notes in my playthrough #long post

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wyrmfedgrave · 9 months ago

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Pics: Inspiring HPL.

1. Irvin S. Cobb - American writer, editor, humorist & columnist hailing from Paducah, Kentucky¹.

He was the highest paid staff reporter on the NY World newspaper².

Irvin would write 60+ books & around 300 short stories.

Some of which were adapted into silent movies. And, 2 of his later tales were actually filmed, by the famed John Ford³, during the 1930s!

2. Cobb's "dark side" (horror works) of the otherwise lighthearted comedian & the story in question.

3 & 4. Comedic frontpieces(?) for books by Cobb. The 2nd even boasts an Abraham Lincoln quote!

5. Cover to Cobb's collection of other authors's short horror tales.

6. Inside art from Fishhead's ending...

1913 Addendum -

Intro: Irvin Cobb's infamous short story "Fishhead" is set in the back- wood bayous of the vast Reelfoot Lake⁴.

Plot: The tale concerns the murder of a local outcast freak by "poor whites."

With its surprise Jaws⁵-like ending, this gruesome work reminds readers of an issue of EC comics⁶!

Criticism: Lovecraft lauded Cobb for, "... Carrying on our (own) spectral tradition is the gifted... humorist, I.S. Cobb, whose works... contain some finely (made) weird (tales)."

Of the plot, Howard stated that, "Fish- head" (is) an early achievement, ... banefully effective in its portrayal of (an) unnatural... hybrid idiot & the strange fish of an isolated lake."

Lovecraft further opined, "It is (my firm) belief... that... few short stories of equal merit have been published anywhere (else)..."

Legacy: Cobb's "Fishhead" is seen as a major influence on Lovecraft's own "Shadow Over Innsmouth."

Robert M. Price⁷ noted that, "What (Howard) found revolting was the idea of interracial marriage (&) of different ethnicities mating, (thus) 'polluting' the (white? human?) gene pool."

Fishhead is supposedly "the son of a Negro father & a halfbreed Indian mother." It's never mentioned what her other half was from...

This is the same premise behind HPL's "The Shadow Over Innsmouth."

Except that Lovecraft calls them Deep Ones & has a whole city that's been 'turned'...

More when we get to this story...

Notes:

1. Paducah, as 1 out of 9 U.S. Creative Cities, is a haven for thinkers, artists & creators!

Architectural Digest recognizes this city's historic district as 1 of the most beautiful main streets in America.

There are 20 downtown blocks listed in the National Register of Historic Places!

Weird Shit: Paducah's nickname is "The Atomic City."

This was because it was once the U.S.'s only uranium plant, making atomic bombs for our Defense Department...

2. The NY World newspaper began (in 1860) as a leading voice for the US Democratic Party.

But, once under Joseph Pulitzer, it became a pioneer in "yellow journalism."

Catching readers's attention with sensational (sex, sport & scandal) news stories.

This raised their circulation past the 1 million mark!!

Best known for being among the 1st to publish daily comic strips.

They actually created "Hogan's Alley", "Everyday Movies", "Little Mary Mix- up" & "Joe Jinks!"

Merged with The NY Telegram in 1931.

Revived - online - in 2011 by Columbia U. But, hasn't had any new content since 2016...

3. John Ford was an American movie director who won Oscars for "The Informer", "The Grapes of Wrath", "How Green Was My Valley" & "The Quiet Man."

The best of his many Westerns are "The Searchers", "Stagecoach" & "My Darling Clementine."

4. Reelfoot Lake is a real lake best known for its shallowness - about 5½ feet on average.

It's located in western Tennessee &, strangely enough, no swimming is allowed there...

The lake is named after an 1800's Chickasaw warrior with a deformed leg...

Reelfoot Bayou, with its cypress trees, flows out of the lake to join the Obion River - which runs straight to the Mississippi.

5. "Jaws" is, of course, director Steven Spielberg's 1st international master- piece.

And it doesn't need any hype, from me, for you to see it again!

97% on Rotten Tomatoes!!

Enough said...

Make it so!

6. E.C. Comics was an American publisher specializing in horror, crime, dark fantasy & sci-fi comicbooks.

William Gaines printed mature tales of war, adventure, satire, etc...

Noted for its stories high quality, shock endings & progressive social awareness.

Among the themes that EC creators touched upon are: racial equality, anti- war sentiments, nuclear disarmament & even early environmentalism!

Sadly, official censorship forced EC to focus on its "Mad" magazine - which became it's greatest success!!

EC has just been revived, by Oni Press, on this past February of 2024!!

Good times guaranteed...

7. R.M. Price is an American biblical scholar, author & an authority on H.P. Lovecraft.

His works include: "Deconstructing Jesus", "The Reason Driven Life", "The New Lovecraftian Circle", "World War Cthulhu", "The Disciples of Cthulhu", "Arkham Detective Agency", "The Da Vinci Fraud", "The Apartheid State in Crisis" & more great stuff!!

Price was the editor of the greatly lamented Crypt of Cthulhu, Midnight Shambler & Eldritch Tales fanzines.

He even edited a whole series of Mythos anthologies for Chaosium.

Today, Price is editor of The Journal of Higher Criticism!

Busy little tentacle, ain't he...

#hpl bio #history #aside #inspiration #weird fiction

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fallenartistwitch · 2 years ago

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Hiya I have a fluff/angsty request! One night the readers accidentally stayed at Dew’s room but decides to finally go back to their room even tho Dew tells them that they could just stay the night with him n when they walk back to their room they get attacked by another ghoul, somehow either Dew or another ghoul helps n Dews terrified he’s going to lose the reader (but they don’t die)

hope you like it! constructive criticism is welcome also sorry for the bad english :,)

Terrified of Death

dewdrop x reader

summary: that ghoul, he was gone, and yet he was in front of you.

Warnings: fighting, blood, wounds, mention of death

---------------------

We finished to watch a film on dew's computer and without noticing it was already late so i decided to finally go back to my room.

"you can stay here with me tonight if you want to" said dew hugging me tightly placing his head on my chest. His back was resting on the backrest of his king size bed, and i was sat on his legs, wrapping my arms around him playing with his hair.

"don't worry it's ok" i answered standing up and leading to the door." you sure?" he stood up too getting near to me, i hugged him tightly and he hugged me back.

"i'm not a child you know? i can sleep by myself" i stated in a proudly and childish tone. "i have doubts about the fist sentence but anyway, we will meet tomorrow morning then?" he said hugging me tightly .

"Of course darling" i respondend placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

---------------------

I was walking trough the empty silent corridors of the ministry, everyone was already sleeping in their own room.

Those corridors were so scary at night but what made theme even scarier was the bad feeling i had that night.

I felt like something- or someone was following me.

I finally i gathered enough courage to turn around, i stopped and turning around ready to find someone there.

No one was behind me, i let a sigh of relief , i turned around ready to keep walking towards my room.

"AAAaa-" i put my hand on my month to try to suffocating a scream.

So my bad feeling was right, there was someone , but it wasn't behind me, it was in front of me. A ghoul. But not like the ghouls i know he was dressed in black with a hood that let only visible a black mask that reminded me the plague mask.

I only saw him in a photos a founded in Copia's office, i asked who he was and he explained that it was one of Secondo's ghoul « Omega thats how he called him» But Secondo's ghouls were gone now and yet one of them was there. In front of me. Staring right into my soul.

Instinctively i stepped back , a shiver run trough my body when the ghoul grabs my wrist preventing me from taking further steps backwards. I was paralyzed from fear. What i was suppose to do?. You looked around. Think smart, the corridor i was in, was one of the corridor you find yourself in after crossing the garden. The only thing i could was screaming as loud as i could hoping that dew, or the other ghouls could hear the scream but their den was across the garden, maybe a sister a sin would hear the scream? but they are all in their rooms on the other side of the ministry.

You were trying to think on how to escape and yet you did something stupid. You left yourself vulnerable.

a sharp pain brought you back to the reality, you moved your gaze from the empty corridors tho the font of the pain. Your wrist. You were so immersed in your thoughts that you didn't realized the ghoul had sunk his claws into your skin. You started to feel dizzy, tears filling your eyes, drops of blood starts to drop on the floor. You looked up, those blue yes were staring at you, but they weren't sweet dew's eyes.

Those eyes were empty and yours were fill with dread.

He raised his free arm, his sharp claws were ready to sunk into the skin of your face for then moving to your neck. you were trapped , you closed your eyes and moved your face to the side ready to accept you're fate. You gasped when you heard a shattering sound. The ghoul had hit the wall. Now that might be the only possiblity you had to run away. You have freed yourself from his grip, immediately you began to run towards the garden trying to ignore the pain.You could hear the ghoul chasing after you.

You were almost at the fountain in the middle of the garden. "AAAAAAA" You let out a scream in pain when you felt his claws slash at your leg. This time, you knew you were hit. You slowly walked forward for then let yourself falling on the floor leaning on the edge of the fountain.

You felt his claws lacerating the skin of your back. "AAAAAAAAaaaaaa" You let out another loud scream that slowly turned into sobbings of pain. Your vision begin blurry .

"Y/N!" someone screamed your name, you raised your glaze , four indistinct figures had left the den now running towards you. "dew.." you mumbled weakly the pain that you felt turned into a dull ache not sure if it was a good thing. Your vision went dark, your body fell on the cold ground.

Three of the ghouls crouched next to you as they reached your numb body, dew standed in front of you, his glaze on the artificer of your wounds. The omega ghoul walked away, dew was to terrified of losing you to say or do something, he crouched in the pool of blood next to your body.

"Y/N! WAKE UP PLEASE ... say something please..." tears filled his eyes, he useless shakes your cold body.No responds. "oh no oh no.. oh no ...oh no.." Still no responds, no sign. " we have to bring them inside dew" said swiss standing up, the other two ghouls did the same thing. Dew picks you up bridal style, and they start running back to the den. Dew was behind the others.

"Don't you die on me y/n. Don't you die"

-------------------------------

Is this how death was like? Why me? What did he wanted from me? Am i dead? Really dead? but i can hear my thoughts ..... Am i a ghost..? ..... i want cookies.

You open your eyes and find yourself in a room you've never seen before. It was a sickbay? You got out of the bed you were in . "Ouch" your whole body hurts so much, you slowly walked to the door and opened it. You founded swiss in front of you. “OH you’re still alive thanks to satan” swiss came near to you and hugged you paying attention to not touch your wound, you hugged him back. "where's dew?" you asked, swiss pulled back from the hug, his hands were placed on your shoulders. "he's um in his room" swiss looked worried "swiss, is dew alright?did something happened to him? is he hurt?" "dew is um ..." there was a pause "you've been ""sleeping"" for a little while and he um..." another pause " well let's just say he went trough almost all the stages of grief you know what i mean tight?"

i've been sleeping for a little while?

"i understand it's better if i go check him up" you said "alright but please don't force yourself your wounds are still healing" "don't worry swiss i will pay attention "

you passed by him heading to dew's room. You knocked on the door "i already said that i don't want to see anyone" "not even me?" in the fraction of a second the door opened. "y/n.." his voice was low, his blue eyes were wide open staring at you, at your body, your face, your bandages , like he wasn't sure if the person he had in front of him was really you or just a ghost. "thats meee" you opened your arms, he didn't lost a second and pulled you back in a big hug closing the door behind you. "i though ..." his voice breaks " i though i would lose you..." i could hear tears falling from his eyes "you've been in coma for five days and i-" i pulled away from the hug, my hands were on his shoulder and looked at him. " I 'VE BEEN IN A WHAT FOR HOW LONG?" you're reaction made dew giggled and that made you smile , you missed his laugh. "you haven't lost your attitude uh? " he giggled wiping the tears off his face " you had doubts? you were afraid of me losing my beautiful attitude?" "i was afraid of losing you." he became serious and pulled you in a kiss. Hell how much have you missed this. You pulled away to catch your breath. "but here i aamm, now, mind carrying me to the kitchen? mi leg hurts but i want to make cookies" "you just woke up from a come, your body is full of wounds and what you want to do its making cookies?" "yes." "alright let's make cookies then"

----------------------------------------

dew went trough all the fives stages of grief denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance

but let's add one more.... revenger.

--------------------------------------

Masterlist

#dewdrop ghoul x reader #dewdrop ghoul #ghost the band #the band ghost #aether ghoul #swiss ghoul #dewdrop au #rain ghoul #cardinal copia #sodomizer ghoul #sodo ghoul #sunshine ghoulette #sister of sin #dewdrop x reader

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destinyc1020 · 9 months ago

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I can’t take anons seriously when they talk about Tom’s range when he just SHOWED y’all his range in The Crowded Room, a CCA nominated performance. There is no question about his range - he has it, he has an impressive amount of it, and in terms of acting ability he’s absolutely among the top of his gen. Like there is no question about that at this point, so anons writing paragraphs trying to argue otherwise makes no sense. Now you can critique the scripts sure but his talent? Nah. That’s been shown many many times by now across all his films tbh.

Thank you Anon! 👏🏾Tom's talent is undeniable for sure! Whether you have an issue with the plot, writing, or storyline of his films is one thing, but Tom has ALWAYS been a standout in his films, and his talent is unquestionable. Critics usually have an issue with the writing in some of his newer films, but NEVER an issue with his acting. I've never seen a critic talk badly about Tom's acting. I know some critics want to keep him in a Spiderman box, but other than those, I don't usually see critics having issues with his acting in his projects.

I think Anon was actually coming at me about Timmy though. They assumed I was saying that Timmy doesn't have range, when I didn't mention "range" at all.

I was simply talking about DIVERSITY of films, which is much different from acting range if you ask me. You can do several drama films and have a variety of range in them, but NOT have a diverse filmography dramas because you've mainly done dramas.

That's basically all I meant. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Up until the last few years, Timmy has primarily been an indie darling. He's now starting to do blockbusters with Dune, kids movies with Wonka, and biopics with Bob Dylan, and more mainstream films. But let's be honest here, before Dune, Timmy was primarily more of an indie actor.

Whereas, Tom has done indie AND commercial films, children's films, voice over work, cartoons, action, etc.

Like, c'mon.... 🙄

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popculturebuffet · 3 months ago

Text

American Pop Review: All Those Dreams, All Those Sons (birthday review for Brotoman.exe)

In Loving Memory of Ron Thompson 1941-2024

Hello all you happy people and it's time to kick off your shoes i'm breaking the news as it's time for a LONG delayed look at American Pop. So as a bonus my patrons get, in addition to a 5 dollar review a month for 5 dollar or higher patreons, a review on their birthday. As a gift for their support. I forgot to ask about Brotomans and gave him his late... and even later as some delays kept hitting this poor thing and I kept feeling awful about it. Thankfully we're FINALLY here and talking about Ralph Bakshi's American Pop.

While most of you seeing this probably know who Ralph Bakshi is , a quick refresher for those who don't: Bakshi was an animator, and one of the rare ones who focused on animated films geared at adults. He'd branch out on occasion, doing the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings and in his mind and no one elses Wizards for a family audience, but he primarily stuck to tales breaking down society and being filled with sex and drugs. It's remarkable to me he could do this and saddening we don't have more people trying to make animated films for adults. And I love children's animation, I do, but ther'es some stories you simply can't tell and also have kids come see the movie. Sometimes i'ts because you want to have a cat do drugs, sometimes you want to have a man fuck a cartoon, sometimes you want to write a riveting generational saga about a families constant all too real tragedies.

If that last one sounds like a bit of a departure, it is. After making Lord of the Rings Bakshi wanted something more down and earth, a musical fable with more relaistic characters, pushing rotoscope as far as he could. The result was.. only a million more than it's budget, but still resulted in a critical darling and cult classic among animation fans. It probably didn't help it was promoted as a rock n roll epic.. when only half the film , if that, has rock in roll in it. The rest is a stark generational saga of failure, loss, and dreams and it slaps. So come see what I mean under the cut.

Production wise I don't got much that I haven't already said and the few bits I do are best so let's get cracking.

American Pop is, as mentioned, a generational saga following 4 diffrent men from boyhood to manhood. It's not an easy watch as only one of these stories has a happy ending the rest all being some form of tragedy as the shortsighted choices and passiveness of these men destroy them and damage their children. It's a hard saga yet anchored by moments of joy humor and music and a triumphant ending, and to tell it properly i'm going to break it up into 4 sections, one for each main protaganist. Now some of our protaganists spill into their kids sections, as you'd expect but it's pretty clear when their story ends and their child's begins. It's a neat sweet spot between anthology film and a narrative film: the film is still essentially one long narrative, but each protaganists story has a clear ending bleeding into the next generation.

Zalmie

Our story begins with Zalmie, a small child as he and his mother prepare to flee russia during one of it's many porgoms, targeted riots designed to wipe out the jewish people that resulted in many lost lives and immigrants. It's a genocide I didn't honestly know happened till this movie and should be talked about more, as it's all too chillingly familiar to the kinds of tactics we see used against minorties today. The porgoms are also the inciting incident for Don Bluth's american tail.

So our hero and his unnamed mother come to New York, where the bulk of our stories take place and the love of Bakshi's life. Most of his films are set in New York. The only one's that don't are his 4 fantasy films and Cool World, which chooses Vegas again. It's clear the city is in his bones and every frame we see of it is lovingly drawn.

That's one of the films strengths: It's backgrounds: only a few characters are rotoscoped to life, a process where ink is drawn on real photos of people to help get thier movements down. Bakshi seemed to use this a lot using it for his tolkien duology and this film. For the backgorunds he uses photos resembling cartoons from the time or historical photos, giving us nice impressionist faces in the crowds. He'll also frequently use live action stock footage to segue scenes which is less effective to me , but I get the budget wasn't that high so you have to make do.

The rotoscoping itself looks pretty good. It can look uncanny valley in places as this was long before they could easily edit it digtially, and even then as we've seen modern equilvents can still look really weird, see in a scanner darkly (Which I need to watch) or polar express (Which is still really good). But it mostly works here.. the teeth never look right and shots with a lot of teeth can look hilarously bizzare, but for the most part it allows some nice flexible expression on the faces they gently edited the best they could and for the big bombastic emotions to really pop.

Zalmie gets into the music scene and begins a generational love of the craft via a burlseque club he happens upon. He's quickly hired by Louie a man with big ears, and a bigger mouth and who takes the kid under his wing, with some minor reluctance but it's clear while he tries to put up a wall he takes to the kid and his talent at handing out chorus sheets for the crowd to sing along to. Sadly back then David Byrne wasn't born yet to summon perfect choruses with his telepathic powers, you had to make do.

Zalmie's mom isn't super happy with his new life, but accepts a gift of a banana he got from an organ grinder.

Sadly.. we don't see his mom for much longer as next scene.. she dies. And it's a historic incident too, thank you wikipedia as I otherwise woudln't of known as they link to it in the plot summary for the film, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire. So in the film you see women banging on locked doors.. and it's real. Employers locked the doors to stairwells to prevent unathorized breaks. I don't have a gif for that as it's so inhumane and horrifying to basically lock your workers inside a possible oven I can't joke about this. it's just.. my god. Thankfully this nightmare lead to better saftey standards.. but also cost 146 people their lives in truly horrifying ways... and in this reality Zalmie's Mother was one of them.

In a truly moving scene though without saying a word... Louie takes him in, putting an arm on the kids shoudler. While he tries to deny he's bascially Zalmie's new dad, it's very clear he is.

So cut to puberty which isn't good on our hero: While Louie had him as a singing act puberty's cutting into it homer simpson style. Unlike Abe instead of wrining his hands Louie is TRYING to keep his adopted boy afloat and assumes it'll change back.

Tragically.. it never gets the chance. Zalmie gets drafted into world war one. The good news is he gets uso duty. He ends up as a horses ass, figuratively, and wants to sing again, to get back out there, but it's still not bad... till the planes raid and a stray bullet hits im in the throat. For the rest of the film Zalmie has a deeper voice and it's clear the impact leaves a mark on more of his neck. Louie once again shows he's a stand up guy by showing up at his bedside. Awww.

So later Zalmie's become a deep voiced clown.

And I really like Zalmie's voice, that raw rasp to it. He's played by Jeffery LIppa whose wikipedia article is basically "he exists". That underlies his talent as Zalmie undergoes a bit of a transformation as the movie goes on. But we'll get to that for now Zalmie meets Doris, a stripper working at the club he's working at and is immeditly in love. With Louie's encouragment he goes after her and we get a really charming scene. He goes to her dressing room, she invites him inside and they just stare lovingly at each other as they strip down. While I try my best words really can't do this justice, it's just this look of pure love and attraction between two people. The proof that sex can be romantic in the right context even if we don't get this far because rotoscoping sex would be awkward as fuck.

So instead we cut to some time later as Zalmie's trying to encourage Doris to be a singer, having heard her voice and knowing she has talent.. but while I never have any doubts he actualy cares for doris... I have just as little doubt this is more for him. He could sing, he's badly wanted this, and now he can't so he's projecting onto his wife. He's already shown to be a pretty good manager in Louie's stead, an organizer, he could be happy with that. But he WANTS the big lights, the fame, and even if it's just through his wife it's something.

So they try it.. but let's say 8 months later they've hit a brick wall: Doris has talent but is heavily pregnant and Zalmie is forced to have her perform anyway as he can't afford to marry her. Enter Palumbo, the local mob boss who Louie introduces Zalmie too.. and he'll help both with Doris' career and the wedding.. if Zalmie delivers a few packages for him.

So Zalmie does reluctant at first.. but over a few scenes he settles into the life: his wife is performing in the top clubs, his son is by his side , a young boy at this point, and he has everything he could want. He's gone from hating what he has to do simply to get by.. to welcoming it while Delores is clearly more uneasy when their now having regular poker games at her home.

Sadly Delores.. dosen't get much fleshing out. SHe's mostly there to love Zalmie, be a tad reluctant.. then die horribly, stuffed in the fridge.. or in this case given the wrong package meant for Zalmie that winds up with her exploded off screen. She just dies to create angst for Zalmie and his son Benny, and in general the women in this film are more plot devices than genuine characters. The film does a good job giving the major romances belivieable chemistry, so it dosen't harm the film, but it's noticable as fuck that not a single one really gets to speak and are mostly shuffled aside.

So with Delores sad death.. we move on. Zalmie's story gets to continue the longest, spreading out across three chapters, but he's no longer the focus after that. No the POV shifts to

Benny

It's the late 20's early 30's at this point and when we see Benny next we've time skipped: It's something very common in this film, with big time jumps happening fast. It feels like a biopic in that regard, if for people who never existed: it has to cover a VAST swath of time but unlike a biopic isn't bound by real life so it can pick and choose what we see easier without feeling like it's cutting important stuff out. It still does here and there but most of the time skipped is stuff there wasn't a story for or we get the gist of anyway after we jump ahead.

So Benny is a young man now, working in a dive club with a do-wop act and denying his father's attempts to get him a better job, a conversation that feels well lived in, like this is far from the first time. It's also made clear, if not said WHY Benny refuses: he knows what his dad's up to, having been playing the piano, his talent and calling, when his mother died. He dosen't want any part of the Palumbo family.. which is unfortunate as Salmie needs him to marry Palumbo's daughter. He's resistant till he reads between the lins and gladly agrees knowing his dad probably can't say no and live long.

So we have a suprisingly charming wedding, with Palumbo and Salmie declaring each other brothers and everyone goofing around and Louie is there.. and Louie has not aged. I can't honestly tell if this is a pact with the devil thing or a John Stamos thing.

And.. the two hit it off.. we ge ta deeply romantic scene in their new mansion where again despite teh female characters mostly being props.. bakshi and his actors pull of honest to god chemistry. He makes something that should be schmaltzy, two people crammed together by their parents genuinely falling in love, and make it feel earnest and cute.

So some time later we're back where we started.. while Benny's performing in a much more upscale place, Zalmie is berating him... but this time.. it's because he thought about the army and Zalmie said son you fucking high. His reasons are also clear: if he makes it out of the war, he can support his family... and get away from THE family. As the next stretch will make clear his wife also isn't too keen on mob life and Benny likely dosen't want to fall for the trap his dad in: Getting in deeper due to debt and having to do worse and worse things that could get his family killed in the crossfire. Zalmie seems dead to it, accepting of what he lost.. but Benny remembers.

Tragically it's this heroic impulse, wanting a better mob free life for his family.. that leads to Benny's end. What happens to the poor guy in WWII is easily the best scene of the movie: Benny is inflirtrating a town when he spots a piano, playing it. Maybe he misses his art, maybe he just knows he dosen't have long to live. But this one moment of simply wantin ga break.. costs him as a German soldier sneaks up behind him... and even knowing he's going to die and leave his family behind... Benny plays. He plays soulfully from the heart, his last performance and his best... and he dies for it. the Soldier letting out a thankful danke.. before savagely murdering him. A reminder war knows no peace, no freinds.. and no hope. He leaves behind a wife greving her father forces to get remarried and a son...

Tony:

Tony grows up comfortably in the suburbs like his dad and thus catchs the end of his grandfather's story: Zalmie is brought before the senate to testify and while Palumbo is confident he won't talk.. he does. Zalmie's story ends here as he lays out why: his son died leaving him a wreck, he got thrown in prison, and Palumbo's assurances h'ed get out slowly stopped coming. Zalmie's story.. is a heartbreaking one: a kid with all the talent and potetial who slowly lost his parents, his wife, and his morals, and despite everything still lost his son. All he has left is the truth: he knows he probably won't live long.. and dosen't care. And given Palumbo dosen't come up after this it's safe to say he probably did go down. Did Zalmie go with him? We'll never know. Tony didn't find out, so neither do we.

Instead Tony becomes a beatnik, adoring poetry slams and really getting into it. Thus he's a bit pretentious and jokey, but a good kid and my faviorite of the four, with Ron Thompson giving a standout performance. Thompson originally auditioned for a bit part, but his delivery of "GREETINGS PIZZA MAN" got Bakshi's attention, he asked who he was then cast him as Pete, our Finaly Belenski and eventually Tony. As a result he got top billing thanks to Tony having a sizeable role and Pete getting used in all the promotion as the modern star.

But we'll get to him later.. for now the focus is on Tony who hammy as he is feels isolated at home, his sisters and brothers ignoring him and his mom and step-dad both not really paying attentoin. So he steals his step dads car and books it for California. It's also a large part of why I think Palumbo went down: while Tony's Parents never came looking his grandpa would've gotten pissy over what he saw as an insult. So without him around Tony gets a clean slate. We neve rfind out what happened to his family or his poor mother who already lost her husband nad, no matter how lax she might've been it's left unclear, lost a son.

So Tony heads to the wild cornfields of Kansas, doing dishes for a night and meeting a waitress named

While they have the standard Belenski starring at each other adorably we've come to expect, with him giving a fun monlogue about she's the prize in the box of cracker jacks we call life. Which yeah, is pretenious as it sounds, but also cornily sweet and fits given Tony's likely still 17 at this point. What Teenager isn't a tad corny? It's what makes the character works: he goes into operatic rants and what not, but he comes off like any overdamatic teen and tends to be funny in the process.

So Tony can't convince the waitress girl to go with a strange man she just met to california. It was the 50's, they didn't know how bad that sounded. So they have a one night stand as represented by a train going through a tunnel

And we cut to tony i'm guessing a year or two later, washing dishes in a dingy club. He clearly WANTS to be on stage but his boss points out he can't sing and he can't play guitar.. even though there's a wide wooly world of insturments. He quits after a rambling monologue about dish washing, that again is funny because we're clearly not entirely laughing WITH tony, and frankly given the boss is a douche and thinks there's only one insturment in the world, I support this.

Tony then gets lucky... metaphorically this time, as he plays the harmonica, Benny's harmonica likely recovered from his body, and his sweet groove attracts Frankie Hart, the lead center of a six piece band and her guitarist also notices and invites him up in the 60's sense of piece brotherhood and passing the joint around, which he gladly takes. To the films credit it dosen't portray weed as the reason some of these guys get into hard drugs later or evil, just something done casually which for 1981 is progressive as hell. We weren't to just say no YET, but it was coming.

Bennie can't sing, though guitar man poitns out the obvious EVERYONE can play guitar, and his harmonica skills aren't exactly prime. He can WRITE though and eagerly takes them up on their offer to read some running home to get it and making some on the way home. For this segment a lot of real 60's songs are used and if I haven't covered the soundtrack it's not becaause it's bad, more because I don't recognize a lot of the songs and they play breifly. Music is at the heart of this movie.. but it's only mildly a musical. It still counts as there are music numbres and several factor into the plot, as well as a load of montages, it's got music in it.. but it's all brief and mostly lisecned. IT's still good and Tony's chops get him a regular gig with them.

Tony still wants to perform.. but is happy to soak in his music being sung. He's honestly fine being simply a part of things.. at first. But a later performing session shows two problems: The first is a drug problem: Frankie has one and Tony's been knocked down to her suplier, the second issue being she dosen't seem to value his music or at least acts like it. She still invites him on stage for a performance.. but after he'd done some acid kool aid leading to a truly trippy rendition of don't you want somebody to love you that really works. The songs been used a fuckton for promotoin and stuff by my time, but it works well thematically her.e

Tony fall down and go boom and it's here his story really gets tragic: his grandpa fell to his ambition, his dad fell to simply wanting some peace... Tony's fall.. is drugs. He gets addicted to painkillers and starts to spiral, seprating with the band for two months , feeling they don't need him in his stupor and thinking they fired them. We think that too.. till he returns to the studio and instead has simply been misisng, mildly butthurt Frankie married the drummer for all of two weeks. His spirit returns when she shows up and slaps the shit out of him... and says she needs him.

The relationship.. is about as healthy as it sounds. The two are happy together.. but also feed into each others addiction and by our next time skip while Frankie and co's album is a huge hit and they've got jimmi hendrix opening fo rthem, with an awesomely animated stand in of him. And while usually I feel Purple Haze is overplayed as it gets used in pop culture all the damn time as the stock "I'M DOING A DRUGS" song, it works here.. for basically the same purpose but also to contrast Hendrix at the height of his powers.. and to have them ironically opened by someone who'd also die far too soon from too much drugs. Tony and Frankie are burnt out at this point, and clearly out of their mind.. and have a guest. A young blonde haired blue eyed boy. Their in kansas. And like you Tony quickly connects the dots and freaks out a bit over it.. and the heroin in his system.

He dosen't have much time to react as after she sings for the kid.. we cut to Frankie dead. And while over the top.. tony's reaction is utterly heartbreaking, his face broken as he clings to her. Their relatinoship wasn't healthy.. but he still loved her.

Tony decides to get out of music and take his son Pete with him. Tony is... no less stable, spending most of their time dealing drugs and selling drugs and yells at his son for buying cornflakes and taking care of the groceries and you know.. being the parent in the relationship. I'ts heartbreaking: Tony was a mild ass.. sure.. but he was just a wide eyed kid who could've gone far , as could've frankie had he not got hooked on drugs and she not died from it. INstead h'es just a washed out wreck of his old self, heavy bags under his eyes, not even THAT much older. It's a truly heartrending end and a sign of what heavy drugs does t oa person and it's not pertty.

Eventually things hit their breaking point on a park bench: Tony wants to sell Pete's guitar, pete obviously does not and reveals during the argument he knows Tony's his father.. and it's why he's been protecting him. Tony's eyes go wide.. and he realizes both that his kid has been trying his damndest to save him.. and that he's beyond it. He dosen't want to get clean and won't.. and being around his kid is forcing the poor kid to take care of him when ther'es more to him. Granted his solution of pawning the guitar and telling a random passer by to tell him goodbye is... something, he coudl've gone to his family, but the fact Tony got as far as "shit I need to leave before this poor kid ends up like me" is still something. And as tony fades into the abyss, to never return... we move on to our final scenes

Pete: Pete gets the least screentime. Techncially I consider the start of pete's story to come at tony's end but they overlap heavier than Zalmie with his son. At any rate Pete really only gets about 20 minutes of screentime, 10 of which are purely focused on him and not entertwined with Tony's tragic end.

Pete has done okay for himself but not great. On one hand he's got bitching shades, a love of music like his papa, and a slick purple jacket I really want. He also has a cool tendnecy to drop his shades when he sees something musical and intresting. Despite having a short runtime we do get a sense of who pete was: someone whose cool, has swagger.. and deals drugs to get by, but learned from his old man's horrifying example to not do them himself as far as we can tell. He also has a girlfriend. She sure exists.

He's tired of dealing though having the good sense to get out of crime his grandpa had his great grandpa learned too late and his father never learned so when dealing to a band he knows asks to play. They shoot him down and the exec says they can find anothe rdealer if he refuses... but when he almost walks out the need for drugs is too strong and the lead singer makes a compromise: they'll play ONE song. not recording it. Pete agrees and dosen't throw away his shot.

It's here he sings, or rather a recording of Bob Seger sings, night moves, a song I truly love and is awesome, a simple song about a first time.. fitting how his parents met and what his mom told him. Thing is.. that's not what bakshi wanted. Bakshi wanted Freebird, which fits the father son angle more, even if it's sung to a lover instead of a child. Me I prefer Night Moves as a song and feel it still fits.. but agree Freebird fits better tonally.

No matter the song the band and label is impressed and we end with Pete singing a medly of songs as he rises to rock stardom... and the film rises to batshit insanity, using green colored footage of the actors singing and performing, splices in bits of Pete's family history he likely dosne't know about, and in general being what I assume acid feels like. Ralph Bakshi would know. But i'ts a solid finale and I like the lack of finality: We know Pete made it but we don't know if that holds, if he stays sober unlike his old man, if he ever finds said old man or any of his family. Learns more about them. We just know for one breif moment, after over 70 years of strife, a belinskiy reached his dream.. and that just has to be enough.

American Pop is excellent and if this hasn't convinced you to watch it I don't know what will. At the time this article was pubished it's free to view with ads on youtube and I strongly recommend doing so: It's a tragic yet joyous tour through parts of music I hadn't really carred to look into before but might now. A love leter to music, new york, america and those who didn't quite make it. It's a wonderful film and well worth your time

thanks for reading

#ralph bakshi #american pop #bob seger #night moves #animation #the 80s #film #music #jimmi hendrix

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filmmakerdreamst · 11 months ago

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Peter Pan (2003) officially turns 20!

Peter Pan is a live-action fantasy adventure film directed by P.J.Hogan that reimagines the classic story of Peter and Wendy. The screenplay was written by P. J. Hogan and Michael Goldenberg and was released in cinemas in December 2003. The screenplay is based on the 1904 play Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up and the classic novel Peter Pan by J.M.Barrie, which was originally published under the title Peter and Wendy.

I have strong family connections tied to Peter and Wendy and J.M.Barrie. My great, great uncle Nico was one of Sylvia Llewelyn Davies’ sons — who was adopted by the writer J.M.Barrie (on whom Peter Pan is based). Nico’s daughter Laura — my cousin — who I first met a few years ago, told me that she was flown to Australia for the filming of P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan because she was J.M.Barrie’s goddaughter. She told me that she was thrilled with the cast, especially Jason Isaacs, who played Captain Hook and Mr Darling. She also mentioned that Jeremy Sumpter, who played Peter Pan, was a lovely boy. However, she said she was very surprised and sad that the film wasn’t a big success as she really liked what they did with the story. I have loved the fairytale of Peter Pan from a young age, and learning that I am literally part of the family that inspired the story was very exciting and I’ve only begun to internalise it more as I’ve grown older.

Magical Realism

The exuberant score by James Newton Howard: I’ll never forget that. I think that was one of the first movies I saw where I actively noticed the music because it was so brilliant. Even today, the “Flying” soundtrack still gives me goosebumps. It perfectly encapsulates the whimsy, joy and imagination of Peter and Wendy. I loved that there were always different variations. One of my favourite pieces from the movie is ‘Fairy Dance’, which starts off cheerfully and moves up and down depending on the characters’ conflict/what they’re saying in the scene.

Cast

Wendy Darling

Rachel Hurd-Wood was the perfect cast for the role of Wendy Darling. I was actually surprised to learn that this was her first film role ever, because she was a natural. She effortlessly possessed the same caring nature and charm that makes Wendy so endearing. She is exactly how I imagine the character when I read the story. When people talk about Peter and Wendy, they always mention Tinkerbell, Pan or Hook, but personally I am always drawn to Wendy. She is the real heroine of the story. After all, she was the main reason for Peter to bring her and her brothers to Neverland.

One of the reasons why I think P.J. Hogan’s Peter Pan is the best film adaptation of the novel is the fact that the film revolves around Wendy’s coming of age. I loved that they expanded on her love of storytelling and also gave her a tomboyish streak. Instead of just being on the sidelines, she’s able to get involved and fight pirates while retaining many of her feminine traits such as her maternal instincts and romantic feelings for Peter. She makes mistakes and sometimes gets dragged into things she knows she shouldn’t do. But in the end, she triumphs.

The 2023 live-action film Peter Pan and Wendy took a different approach, making Wendy a kind of powerhouse who always saved the day and outshone Peter Pan overall. In my opinion, the 2003 film adaptation emphasised very well that Wendy really is the yin and yang. She’s allowed to be romantic, be rescued by others and at the same time determine her own destiny and stand up for herself. Because that’s what her journey in the adaptation is all about. She is pressured by all the adults in her life to grow up. She allows herself to be seduced with the prospect of an eternal childhood by Peter Pan. Then she realises that it is not self-fulfilling. She is tempted by Captain Hook with the concept of adulthood. And finally, she finds a balance between these two extremes on her own terms. By the end of the film, Wendy has made her peace with growing up while still remaining a child at heart. That requires a certain mental strength that we should all strive for.

Peter Pan and Wendy Darling

Although there is no romance between Peter and Wendy in either the original novel or the play, Wendy quickly develops romantic feelings for Peter which, as a prepubescent child, he does not consciously reciprocate as he has no concept of love other than that of a mother’s. Although Peter cares deeply for her, he ultimately only longs for her to be the maternal figure that is missing in his life. One could go into the symbolism that Peter and Wendy are one and the same, and that this is an expression of Wendy learning to love herself. But in a literal sense, J.M.Barrie had unintentionally created this very strong potential between the two characters. And I personally feel if you’re going to make an adaptation of Peter and Wendy that potential needs to be explored in some way, even if it’s not necessarily romantic.

In the original novel, J.M.Barrie alludes to the possibility of a romance between the two. In the film adaptation, they go all out. Their love story was written so beautifully and profoundly, while staying true to the original text and J.M.Barrie’s themes. This made the conflict hinted at in the novel of ��staying in Neverland with Peter or growing up on Earth with Wendy” even more poignant and relevant, because in reality there was only ever one option. They couldn’t find a way to have both. That made the ending even more “heartbreaking” for me as a child, because even though they had the chance to be happy together, she couldn’t give up on growing up to stay. And he couldn’t give up being a child to leave, even though it was a natural progression for him.

Peter Pan

By today’s standards, you could almost take Peter Pan for a grown man who consciously decides not to behave like this. However, when I watch the film again as an adult, I can now understand why he has reservations about growing up in Edwardian England and would rather remain a “child” in Neverland forever. As Peter says in the film, “Would they send me to school? And then to an office?” I feel like most of us today have so many choices as we get older, but back then it was much more limited. The choices were very restricted in that “heterosexist” environment. You could only be a certain thing, and it was much harder to hold on to the pleasures of life. I can now also understand the initial reactions of Michael and John to Peter: He must have seemed scandalous to people at the time. His bright colours, his inappropriate clothing and his behaviour are repulsive to the boys, but Wendy is immediately fascinated and attracted. I think it was a deliberate choice that he is the only character with an American accent to set him apart from the rest of the cast; to emphasise the wildness of the character and his non-conformity to the people of Edwardian London.

Another small aspect I liked was the suggestion that the Lost Boys, although they lived with Peter and obeyed his commands, lived in constant fear of him and did not worship him as in other adaptations. (A fear that is justified as Peter tries to kill them more than once in the film). What the 2003 film adaptation perfectly captured about Peter’s character was: how terrible of a person he really is. Peter Pan is a hero when he goes on adventures and fights pirates. You could argue — via the quote “Leave Hook to me” (which Peter says to her in the film) — that Peter is Wendy’s split self who can fight her father (Captain Hook) for her, just like antibodies do with germs when we can’t handle them ourselves.

However, when it comes to understanding emotions, caring about others, even his henchmen, the Lost Boys, and doing anything that inconveniences him, Peter Pan is possibly as bad as Captain Hook. This makes Wendy’s decision to leave him all the more powerful. Although she was initially seduced by his adventurous life, she soon realises that his “life” of joy and adventure is not fulfilling at all. Because in reality, there is no real joy. There is no real adventure. In reality, his life is empty because it is not earned. In addition, she realises that she is gradually losing her memory of the outside world, including her parents (a sign that she is “slowly awakening from the dream”)”. This leads Wendy to realise that she wants more than what he can give her in Neverland (e.g. romantic love) and decides to leave. Being alive means feeling, accepting and growing. However, as long as Peter remains a boy, he can never truly be alive. Peter Pan conveyed this important message, whereas earlier film adaptations, including the Disney animation, did not.

One of the reasons why good adaptations of Peter and Wendy are so hard to find, especially in this day and age, is not only because they adapt a performative story that exists in layers of subtext. They also work with a protagonist who doesn’t change. Who doesn’t develop in any way, neither negatively nor positively. Not even just physically, but also mentally. (Even Eli from Let the Right One In, the child vampire, changes in the course of the story). Peter Pan is ultimately there to serve someone else’s story. It works in a fairy tale format. But it doesn’t usually translate very well to the screen because it often leads to one-dimensional storytelling. Even if it seems so natural, it doesn’t come naturally.

In the original novel, the reason Wendy can’t take Peter Pan with her (apart from the fact that he refuses to grow up) is the same reason Lyra in His Dark Materials can’t take Pan — the animal manifestation of her soul — on the boat to the land of the dead. She has to split in order to grow up and leave a part of herself behind. She can’t keep both in order to move on. But that does not mean I always agree with the ending either. In which Peter remains a child and takes Wendy’s descendants to Neverland and back to look after him. It leaves an icky aftertaste, but at least it fits in with the story J.M.Barrie wanted to tell.

And I think that’s the real reason why his character is both the strongest and the weakest part of the adaptation. The writers didn’t make it clear enough that Peter Pan forgets in their version of the character. In the novel, Peter Pan forgets everything automatically, which is why he can exist in this limbo of childhood and not go mad. However, as mentioned earlier, this version of Peter Pan is old enough to remember and, more importantly, to feel. Even though he is the closest to J.M. Barrie’s original vision, unlike his counterpart in the book, he is capable of evolving. That’s why the ending sometimes feels strange to me as an adult. It was hard to say why I had a strange feeling at first, but I realised that a lot of my mixed feelings stemmed from having seen the film adaptation fresh after reading the novel. Since Peter Pan fully reciprocates Wendy’s love in this version, he ends up being a different character than in the book, which is why I now disagree with them keeping the original ending instead of having him grow up with Wendy. It would symbolise that childhood can co-exist with adulthood, that you don’t have to leave a part of yourself behind. That you can be your true and complete self if you find the balance between the two extremes.

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