#idk i’m just trying to reach
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androgynous urge to sink my fangs into something (or someone)
#vampkin#otherkin#alterhuman#alterhumanity#vampirekin#would this also be considered like. caninekin#dogkin#wolfkin#idk i’m just trying to reach
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I’ve gotta admit as much as I know Darabella is a flawed ship (and some of the ppl who are anti for it have legit criticisms I love y’all for pointing it out cause it frustrates the hell out of me too trust) they’ll always just kind of be it for me.
Because as much as it was an “I can fix him” trope, as much as Rosabella could be selfish and Daring’s flaws got cranked up to 1000, she was also the first person to look at him after his destiny, the thing he dedicated his life to, failed, when people were questioning him as a prince and putting pressure on his and Apple’s relationship and tell him that, like, maybe it would be alright? Maybe this wasn’t his destiny, and maybe that was okay.
And the part that really gets me? She’s the first person after this happens to tell him that it doesn’t matter what’s on the outside, which as much as you can like other Daring ships or him whatever he desperately needed to hear. Not even cause he was selfish, that’s not what I’m saying, but bc he placed his whole identity on this image that people concocted for him based on him appearing the perfect prince. He was handsome, he was talented, and he was handsome! So who cares about him as a person?
Idk man. You spend four seasons (I watch the specials on Netflix so that’s why four idk if it’s three to some ppl or whatever tho) watching him be praised for his looks, watching girls fawn over him, and of course he enjoys it so nobody really questions how much he enjoys it. And then you get this girl, this girl who owes him nothing, this girl who (contrary to popular belief apparently) has a life of her own and people she cares about outside of him, and she’s nice to him. And she’s the first person after everything happens to just be nice to him, for the sake of being nice. Something about that will always hit different for me
#it’s her seeing him as more than the perfect prince that he’s been told he has to be his whole life#and maybe she doesn’t approach that perfectly sure but also maybe she’s human and a teenager and she’ll fuck up and make mistakes#but the foundation of their entire relationship is that moment of reaching out and connection#and just saying i’m here with you. i don’t know you that well and i don’t care about you that much and i have a million reasons not to be#but i’m here for you anyway. because you matter and i don’t know if anyone’s told you that yet. and maybe#idk. maybe you need to hear it#anyway sorry i’m not trying to start shit i’ve just seen so many ppl shitting on them in this fandom#and some of the critiques i agree w! i’m not saying they were written perfectly there’s a ton i would change abt their writing if i could#(which i do. through fanfic)#but i just wanted to offer a reason i personally attached to them among all the ppl ranting against#if anyone wants to present their own opinions (RESPECTFULLY) tho#i’d be happy to have a conversation abt it! i love talking abt stuff like this feel free to leave rants in my notes guys#ever after high#eah#rosabella beauty#daring charming#darabella
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Yipee hooray i ate one full meal today at 9pm after giving like a quart of blood to check my hormones and almost passing out on my walk home. Surely a few hours later i won’t already be-*
…Why am i hungers? 🤨
#my stuff#i hate struggling so much with food. i’m trying to do better. the awareness of the cost of food tho makes it hard to be kind to myself#and it’s reached the point where even if i’m hungry i can maybe eat two bites before most things are unappetizing#unless it’s something very simple like crackers or fresh meat or fruit or Milk My Savior Milk#i made a kind of birria soup yesterday that i usually adore and i can’t stomach it and i hate that it’ll be wasted bc of me#and of course it’s only at 3am when The Gnaw sets in that i suddenly know what i want but can’t have at that hour#bc it’s usually things i only have for like 2 days once every couple months before i eat it all#god i wish the average mf in the midwest could get sashimi grade salmon or tuna for cheap#insane and privileged desire i know but im deeply constantly hungry and i live in the US state most closely cosplaying Finland#i am deprived of sunlight and warmth and have always been a barely better than a skeleton#so raw fish calls to me. my budget does not allow tho.#but god if i could just chomp into a whole nigiri filet for breakfast that might fucking fix me#or if nectarines were in season#idk i’m rambling now#though we never eat we still know how to feed#<- unofficial erika ed tag now ig sorry
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I think what frustrates me about the whole “they didn’t teach us this in school” “yes they did” “no they didn’t” argument is that like. Maybe the lesson was happening in your classroom. Or maybe the lesson was happening in the room across the hall, because at age 15 you were told to decide whether or not you were going to attend a four year university or pursue a trade, and then based on that decision (which is largely based on your family’s economic status) you no longer get to learn certain subjects.
My second grade class was over 30 students, many of whom didn’t speak English (and in this particular case these were all Spanish speaking children), but there were no more spaces in the ESL class. So my teacher paired the seven year olds who spoke both English and Spanish with the ones who only spoke Spanish, in the hopes that their translational skills would be enough to get everyone to third grade, where there still wouldn’t be more spaces in the ESL class.
In my current certification program, we are meant to do a research project. Just a simple essay. My classmates that I’m personally friends with are 18, 25, 29, and 43 years old. All of them finished high school with either a diploma or GED. None of them knew how to create a basic 5 paragraph essay structure. This weekend, I am going to demonstrate an outline from my own project topic, and we will learn to construct an essay together, and how to format citations.
At a certain point in teenage and adulthood, it is absolutely true that you are responsible for seeking out your own information. “We didn’t learn this in school” is not a good excuse for a 20 year old American who doesn’t know where Palestine is. And yes, a major component of K-12 is the English and language arts portion, in which you’re taught media interpretation and literacy skills. These things are impressed upon all children who attend American public school, which is the scope of my experience and what I am able to speak on.
But those classes are of little use to people who don’t speak the language they’re being taught in. Or if they’re in a desperately overcrowded classroom. An underfunded district without enough text books to go around. Or, after a certain point in high school, you’re pulled out of English because your transcript requirements changed, since you’re not expected to attend a traditional university. The examples go on.
My point isn’t that we actually should never expect people to take responsibility for their own ignorance, just that we should not underestimate the impact of never being taught something, or the likelihood that many people genuinely were never taught.
#like. my classmates aren’t stupid#and they work very hard#but if you’re constantly playing catch up on the shit you were already meant to know#you never have time to actually learn in the spirit that learning is intended#they’re not going to benefit from the actual subject of the research project#bc they’re too busy trying to figure out how to. research.#kieran reaches out into the void#i’m just frustrated idk
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call me crazy but i thought of a parallel i didn’t notice before
in the s4 episode treasure hunt, when they’re all teaming up to secretly look for the treasure, Eddie asks Buck to team up with him but he’s already teamed up with Taylor.
in s7 Eddie asks Buck to go to the bachelor party as Crockett and Tubbs, Buck doesn’t think for a second before saying absolutely, despite the fact that he’s currently dating someone he could wear a couples costume with instead.
#i’m reaching again i know#but he said this season would parallel s4 and i’m not seeing it#i’m trying so hard to see it#i’m overthinking everything now#buddie#911#911 on abc#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 buddie#i can’t stop imagining a parallel to the last episode of s4#when taylor runs out but he doesn’t follow because ana calls about eddie#idk what would lead up to it but parallel scene when he had to walk away from tommy to check on eddie/christopher?#that would give me life actually#like maybe tommy comes over to tell him “hey man i think you have feelings for your bestie and he’s like what man no way#but then runs out the second he gets a call from eddie#he doesn’t get time to think about it so then we get feelings realization a little while later#it would be great#and i know it won’t happen probs#but if i just keep making wild predictions maybe one of them will be right eventually
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I keep trying to post shit I been drawing lately BUT I CANT. I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO. THE WORMS INSIDE MY HEAD DO NOT APPROVE OF THEM. I CANNOT FUCKING DRAW. PUT ME DOWN. I DONT FEEL THE SILLY IN ME.
#If I had the fucking time to draw at home my life would be sparkles and glitter#I feel like my skills are falling away from my grasp#Bc wdym I was fr cooking before I came back to school and now this junk happens#I’m probably just out of energy from everything that’s been going on in my school#And I think I said som in the tags of one of my latest posts about a new girl in class that’s funny n shi. Well she isn’t.#I’m starting to hate her bc she’s cringe and quirky as hell but not in an actually funny way it’s just annoying#And she’s always cutting me and other people off in irl convos and acting like the goofy main character#While also being so unbelievably stupid like we have to repeat things to her over and over again and it’s just. So much.#I feel bad for being an absolute hater but she’s genuinely becoming more and more insufferable and it’s just her second week here#Idk how my friends put up w her but I look at their faces and I can tell they’re done w her sometimes#It’s not that she’s a bad person she’s just. So cringe. In a bad way. Not in a “let people be cringe” cringe way. Just cringe.#Like I swear she’s an absolute ditz#Or whatever the word is in english#Why am I just hating on this random girl nobody on here knows irl mb but I had to get it out 😭#Ugghhhhhhggg I’m sorry for not posting anything too interesting chat#I know I technically do post quite often but I don’t feel as artistically satisfied with myself as I felt before#oh and I’m also going to try reaching out to some teachers I kinda trust ab how I feel mentally and shi#Maybe they’ll talk to me#i hope they do#I just don’t feel like myself anymore it’s like I’m two entirely different people online and irl#im so much more open online and irl I’m like an actual nobody. Not degradingly I’m seriously just not sociable 😭#But ummm yeah whatevz I guess#vent#vent post#personal rant
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i wonder if ppl on tumblr would still interact w my acc if i posted stuff other than dpxdc/dp
pls answer it will help me also i will still post dpxdc stuff im just wondering if ppl would be interested in other stuff (if you wanna see other stuff go check out my insta i.suc.at.art)
#danny phantom#dpxdc#i’m just trying to reach more of my followers tbh..#i wanna see what yall think#I REALLY REALLY ENJOYED STAND BY ME THE 1986 MOVIE ITS SO CUTE#marvel??#ig i could tag that but idk#idk if it’s ok for me to tag stuff that is really only relevant bc im asking abt what yall wanna see#i’ll still make dpxdc stuff#new chapter of dead tired heist will be out tomorrow#/today bc it’s 1:47#…#xmen#marvel#oc/sona#personal art
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oh beloved, i’m here, papa’s here, *softly cups your cheek with my hand* starlight hey, we’re alright, we’re going to get through this, i know it feels icky right now, but it won’t feel this way forever~ buba also knows how silly that sounds as you’re sitting in that sadness, i promise i do~ you’re doing the best you can i know you are love. *taking your hand and holding it* expressing your feelings is something to be proud of blossom, your feelings don’t make you weak~ and they certainly don’t change the way i love you. i will always be here to dry your tears or quell your fears my love, ‘tala isn’t going anywhere angel, i’ll be right here when you need me sweetheart.
#a fun fact about me is that i am actually quite sensitive and can cry at the smallest of things#crying is healthy#safe space#does this count as abandonment comfort#those late night thoughts consume but your charming prinx is here to comfort you#late night thoughts#trying not to be discouraged by my dwindling reach on this app#sometimes i wonder if the universe rly just doesn’t want me to spread my wings….#if you liked this please do let me know#it’s too late to be in the tags waffling#agere caregiver#comfort#sleep comfort#comforting#agere comfort#age regression caregiver#caregiver comforts#sfw caregiver#age regression#agere cg#sfw agere#idk how to tag this#a wee bit tired methinks#sleepy#goodnight angel#perhaps the tags will continue to remain an unsolvable mystery (i’m trying my best)
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Hi i just wanted to say I love your works and profile sm, I love how you represent fireafy and coinpin and each of their respective characters, and I especially love how you represent Coiny. I feel like from what I've seen people don't see how Coiny really is, they usually just reduce him to a jerk or a firey slapper. But he's so much more and so different from that lke in canon he's so driven and serious but then fun and chill when needed, and how he can be fun and silly but then empathetic and sweet when given. and I feel like the way you represent him is so accurate and takes evey aspect of him in canon as well as headcanons that just FIT HIM SO WELL and idk it just makes me so happy. I also LOVE your headcanon of him being able to pull both masculinity and femininity, I love it so much it emulates the essence of him so well so be so comfortable in himself and not have a shred of toxic masculinity or anything like that. And I love how you make him adore pin like YES HE ADORE AND LOVES and does whatever pin wants it just makes me so happy esp with how gorgeous she is and as someone who is also plus sized and having issues with self image seeing coiny adore pin like that makes me believe in myself more idk how to explain it but YEA hahah just really like how you depict his charcater as a whole
I also love all your designs for every character
But ye I just want to say that hahah
i saw this when it was sent yesterday and i was in school and i was SOOO HAPPY i was telling all my friends with tears in my eyes and squealing over how sweet of a message i received LIKE I HAD TO FORCE MYSELF NOT TO CRY AND I KEPT GETTING UP AND PACING AAHH😭😭😭 i have waited for when i have free time where i’m not super tired to respond better than i would tired But! THANK YOU SOSOSOSO MUCH!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME!!! YOU REALLY DONT!!! thank you thank you so much!!! i’ve been struggling with forming my thoughts and feelings into words recently so forgive me if this is a messy reply but AHH!!!
coiny is one of my favorite characters he’s sooOOO FUNNY AND CHARMING! i love expressing his silly side and how dumb he is sometimes so i do it in most of my work (because it’s lighthearted almost every time) and it makes me so happy to see him being so.. coiny! he is genuinely such an amazing character and the perfect balance of cool, kind, and idiotic(affectionately) he’s so nice and so compassionate and i appreciate that about him so much and I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU CAN ENJOY MY PORTRAYAL OF HIM BECAUSE HE IS SO AWESOME! I LOVE EVERY PART OF HIM!!! and you like my headcanons!!! i forget what kind of coiny headcanons i have represented on this account but YESSS!!! COINY PULLING OFF FEMININE CLOTHES IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT! he is SO proud of it. he will put on a pink frilly dress and walk with confidence and feel as pretty as can be! i’ve been meaning to draw him in a dress for months actually (i have so much i want to draw all the time but i’m either really busy or i have zero motivation But this message gave me the motivation to actually try soon KEEP AN EYE OUT! maybe ill draw pin and coiny with their outfits swapped 🤫) he is one of the most positive and caring contestants on bfdi and he makes me so happy!!! he can wear both girly clothes and masculine clothes HE CAN WEAR WHATEVER HE WANTS and he will look TOTALLY AWESOME IN IT! and OMFGGG DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW MUCH HE LOVES PINNN SHE IS HIS WHOLE WORLD AND COINY IS HERS AS WELL! coiny will do anything for her he loves her so bad… AND!!! AHHHH!!!! I AM SO SO SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY MY PIN HUMANIZATION MAKES YOU FEEL THAT WAY!!! BRINGING PEOPLE SELF-CONFIDENCE AND EMPOWERMENT THROUGH MY DESIGNS AND REPRESENTATION IS MY ABSOLUTE GOAL WITH WHAT I DO!!! it seriously means everything to me that i’ve Actually been able to achieve that and help people with how they feel about themselves indirectly. my eyes are watering while typing this ARGHH i really just want everyone to know how beautiful they are no matter what their size or weight or height or color or LITERALLY ANYTHING is. and as someone who also struggles with their self-image/esteem it means even More to me because i know how it feels!!! seeing yourself in a design of your favorite character or a character you enjoy in general feels SO GOOD so i strive to do that as much as i can. body diversity and diversity in all aspects is incredibly important to me and i want to sprinkle it everywhere in whatever i do!!! everyone is so beautiful and different and i think that is a blessing!!! whoever is reading this is beautiful and whoever in the WORLD is too just how they are now!!! EVERYONE IS GORGEOUS!!! it may take a while to feel it and that’s okay but just know that you are!!!
in short i am happy i was able to touch your heart and make you smile and give you at least a little bit more confidence in yourself. you are amazing and so kind for sharing this all with me!!! i think you can tell now how much this did for me by how much i wrote (SORRY ITS HUGE BLOCKS OF TEXT) and i can’t thank you enough for liking my work from characterization to design. every time i get a message like this i will not stop thinking about it and i hold it close to me every time i draw Like those other messages about my pin gijinka from months back I STILL GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER. i’m really glad i can make you feel that way and i hope i have made many others feel the same way too. THANK YOU!!!💖💖💖🫶🫶🫶
#ps i’m trying to make a Not lighthearted comic about coiny and pin having a talk about bfdia and stuff#LIKE when pin said Let’s talk later… in tpot 2 ITS IF THEY ACTUALLY DID TALK LATER ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF#idk when it’s gonna be done but it’s going to have much more emotion and intensity than my usual fun and silly art#it’ll express their POVs and whatnot#I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN ILL FINISH IT BUT I HOPE YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO IT!#SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IM JUST SOOSOSOSO HAPPY AND TOUCHED#I REACHED THE WORD LIMIT#joyjibberjabber
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2 hour rough drawing of Ehuang, my precious Green Opal child who I don’t draw nearly enough <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#original character#ehuang beifong#<— finally. a new OC with a proper tag#tbh it is much easier to tag characters who have last names#and we’ve never discussed it but I do think Ehuang carries the Beifong last name. whether or not she uses it is a different matter#I feel like she’s a Beifong officially she never puts much emphasis on it. she prefers the other side of her family anyway#okay moving on from that#next gens for next gens. quite a deep niche in reaching here#but I don’t care. I love Ehuang as a representation of everything good and pure in the world too much to object to her existence#baby girl. sweet girl#and yeah I’ve drawn her with Midori Opal and Suiren before so I thought I’d try something else#and while Kuvira isn’t actually shown here. just know that she’s absolutely tearing up off screen#you can pull the idea of Kuvira absolutely adoring her little niece out of my cold dead hands#wait omg I never posted my earlier art of Ehuang on here have I#okay once I’m done with my current projects I’ll refine and post those#the world deserves to see more of Ehuang#I feel like this particular scenario also hits some spot in Kuvira bc she knows who Ehuang’s bio dad is#and Ehuang looks just enough like him. despite being very similar to Midori. that imagining her with a beauty mark under her eye…#it brings Certain Ideas to mind. very fleeting and eliciting a ‘imagine that. I love this girl to bits but I’m sure glad I’m not her mom’#kind of response. but overall no one really lingers on that fact. I feel. her parents are Midori and Opal#Bataar’s just the donor. no one calls him her bio dad. he doesn’t see her as his daughter. probs Suyin is the only one who puts up a fuss#like not letting up about Ehuang being his kid even though he’s told her countless times that his involvement is irrelevant#he doesn’t wish to be ehuang’s dad. that wasn’t why he helped create her.#he did so because he loves his sister and SIL. because he knew they wanted a baby. not because he wanted a child himself#he’s quite content being her uncle thank you very much. and idk why I just went on this ramble lmao#maybe I should try to write something Ehuang related. explore all these relationships and whatever. we’ll see
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another day of wanting to be a mcyt. this is hell.
#i just. it’s hard.#i don’t have many friends who do content creation anymore#and the ones i have don’t do minecraft#sarah is like. impossible to reach for recordings#she’s always so busy#i need to just.#idk RAHHH#tubbo i have the perfect member for the realm smp#nah but truly#as easy as solo content is#i’d love to make content with more people#i’m just so shy and awkward#me trying to befriend eryn was awful#I JUST WANT FRIENDS#AND CONTENT SECOND#THATS MY ISSUE!!!#I DONT FOCUS ON CONTENT ENOUGH#RAHHHH
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🙃
#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same#haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#I’m in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#I’m working on it but still#waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought#idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about#but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me#I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed#they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie
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I’m replaying Rising Tides and, like, I get that the main goal of this book was to be educational since it was part of a green mobile gaming event. So I understand why the writers played it safe by centering the book around activism, the power of journalism, and the ways that big companies are more responsible for climate change than the average individual. But at the same time, i can’t stop imagining a reality where this book is a fast-paced eco-thriller and not the snoozefest it actually is (mostly because i watched How to Blow Up a Pipeline the other day) 😭 The story suggests journalism is the true driving force of social change when neither Charlie nor MC are journalists, just the subjects of journalism. This puts them in super passive positions, making it a pretty boring game to play bc you don’t actually get to do much, just read about what other characters are doing. Buuuut if it were about guerrilla activism, Charlie and MC could’ve been in far more active positions within the story, which could have been actually entertaining and supported by the leftist ideas that are at the heart of the story the writers were trying, and kind of failing, to tell
#rising tides#playchoices#I am once again posting about a book no one has thought about in four years#again: I understand why the writers had to take the boring route#but. man. the bones are there for this to be an eco thriller and I’m so devastated that it never reached that point 😔👊#and yes MC and Charlie *do* have some super active moments (Charlie especially)#but robin’s articles make more waves than a lot of the things Charlie and MC try to do…#a lot of the plot is driven by robin’s writing and not anything the two main characters do#idk. just reading about back and forth newspaper battles isn’t that entertaining and that’s the biggest sin for a game to commit!!!
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my dream in this huge mainstream moment for dnd is for magazines to start asking actual play troupes to do confusingly sexy group photo shoots a la the friends cast in the ‘90s or those wild x-files shoots
#don’t try to tell me critical role has already done it#they haven’t reached the vibes I’m talking about ok#my vision is like#intrepid heroes but everyone is inexplicably blue-steeling in leather#Beardsley is holding a whip for some reason (fans will theorize it’s a nod to the ribbon dancing)#like just weird photoshoots with a vague theme and poses and outfits that have fuckall to do with dnd#except maybe they do fantasy inspired fashion idk
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qiao ling would never allow me to be treated like this
#i really try very hard to be kind to people and help out where i can#but everyone’s ways ends up taking advantage of that kindness..and i don’t understand why#like i make the effort so then it’s expected of me#but no one ever wants to reciprocate#i mean i don’t help people and stuff because im expecting to get something out of it. i just do it because idk it’s nice ?#but when you’re always working yourself to the bone helping others…and then when you reach out no one even acknowledges it#it hurts a lot..#it makes me want to just close myself off and stop being kind again#it feels like every time i let my guard down around someone they end up making me regret it#it really feels like no one’s safe sometimes and like i really truly am just alone in this world#i just wish i had someone i could depend on who would help me when i need it#i don’t mind helping others or doing favors but#i wish someone just once would do the same for me u know..#i’m so sad :( why is the world so cruel ..#snow.txt
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Honestly I could use a pep talk. This week the positive/negative whiplash has been horrible
Grace my love you have been such a comforting presence in my and a lot of other people’s lives. I’m so, so sorry that things haven’t been going spectacular for you but as I’ve said to you, having someone who is going through a lot of the same things that I am makes me feel so much less alone. I really, really hope that we can find some consistency in it all. Today when I was driving home I was thinking of that cliche “if you could have any superpower what would it be” and I thought “I wish I could control my emotions”. And I thought… that’s not a superpower. That’s something “normal” people can do. But I feel like I can’t. But maybe more things are in my control than I realize. Sometimes I do think that I make excuses for myself. And that’s not to say that we as human beings can control everything in our lives. In fact, it’s what we CAN’T control that brings us stress. Like other people changing their minds about plans and shit 😅 but that’s what makes us dynamic. That’s what makes us human. So I guess, you know, I would be bored or whatever if everything was easy and my life is perfect. I mean, we all need a little drama, right? Like the harmless kind. Like when you go through the drive-through and they give you the wrong order. It’s humbling. It gives us something to complain about. Like, I didn’t fuck up badly to warrant an entire Netflix show about it. At least it’s not THAT bad yet. And I mean. We have all, everyone here, made it through the worse times of our lives already. And sure, there’s every chance the worst thing that’s ever going to happen to us hasn’t happened yet (especially those of us who haven’t reached 25 yet) but honestly as I look back I feel like everything that really sticks out as bad to me isn’t more or less worse than the thing before or after it. It’s just the most present, so it’s the one that hurts them most. I’m GLAD I’m not 16, 18, 20 anymore, even if I had things then I wish I had now and have pain now I didn’t have then. Sometimes the things I have to look forward to don’t feel like enough but what is the alternative? I just have to keep going. I can’t give up. We can’t give up. We have to keep fighting. I refuse to be the one that knocks me down.
#I don’t know how much of a pep talk this is more just like#I feel you I see you this is what I have been telling myself so maybe some of that help you?#the other night I did this really weird exercise (?)#where I started mentally writing suicide notes to my loved ones#and I just started crying#and I reached a point where I was like holy shit I can’t do this anymore I would hurt too many people#and like as shitty and emotional as that was it was good? it was healthy?#I was like oh my god if I have to write a letter to my best friend’s brother’s baby telling her I’m sorry I never got to meet her when-#-she was older because I offed myself how could I do that to her fr like#I think the last ones I wrote in my head were to my 15 y/o cousins#and I was like how would my family explain to my cousins that I killed myself and wrote them a letter about it#would they read it at 15? 15 y/os shouldn’t have to read a suicide note#so honestly if things get bad that might be what I start trying as like an exercise idk#punk gets mail#personal
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