#I was like oh my god if I have to write a letter to my best friend’s brother’s baby telling her I’m sorry I never got to meet her when- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

duachai · 2 days ago

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HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - BANG CHAN | STRAY KIDS

Loneliness is such a sad affair, and I can hardly wait to be with you again

♱ PAIRING : BANG CHAN X MALE READER

♱ SYNOPSIS : M/n, a university junior, secretly dates Bang Chan. When the group performs at his campus, their hidden relationship is exposed.

♱ CONTENT WARNING : This writing contains explicit sexual content and mature themes.

♱ AUTHOR'S NOTE : Merry Christmas my lovelies! I can't wait to show you what I have in store next year! I will see you in 2025.

LINKS : Wattpad | Kofi

The sun cast a warm glow over the university lawn, where M/n and his two best friends, Jiho and Minseo, sat cross-legged on the grass. Their lunchboxes laid open, and the air was filled with laughter and the scent of freshly baked bread from a nearby food cart. It was a Thursday afternoon, and the group of friends had just met up for the first time this week for lunch.

“Did you finish Professor Kim’s reading?” Minseo asked, biting into a rice ball.

“Nope, fuck that seriously,” M/n replied, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “He assigns way too much for one week.”

Minseo hummed. “True dat.”

Jiho, scrolling on his phone, suddenly let out a loud gasp, aggressively slapping M/n’s shoulder in excitement. “Oh my God! No way!”

Both M/n and Minseo turned toward him, startled.

“What, you psycho bitch?” Minseo asked, her curiosity piqued yet annoyed at how loud Jiho was shrieking like he had no home training.

Jiho shoved his phone in their faces, the screen displaying a social media post with bold letters: Surprise! Stray Kids will be performing at Hanseong University today at 3 PM.

M/n froze, his heart leaping into his throat. He quickly schooled his expression, pretending to be indifferent. “That’s cool, I guess,” he said with a shrug, taking a sip of his drink.

“Cool?” Jiho exclaimed, nearly spilling his coffee to slap the back of M/n’s head. “Bitch, are you sick? This is Stray Kids! Do you not understand the seriousness of this ordeal?”

Minseo chuckled. “Ain’t never used ‘ordeal’ in your life, scholar.” Jiho sucked his teeth at Minseo.

M/n forced a smile, his thoughts racing. Why didn’t he tell me? Chan, his boyfriend and the leader of Stray Kids, had conveniently left out this major detail during their last phone call.

“We have to go early!” Jiho said, already packing up his lunch. “I want to get a good spot.”

“I guess I’ll go too,” Minseo added. “M/n, you’re coming, right?”

M/n hesitated. “Uh, yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom first.”

Jiho and Minseo groaned in unison. “Go piss, girl,” Minseo teased.

“We’ll try and save you a seat, but I can’t promise if Seungmin wants it first. Or maybe he can sit in my lap…” Jiho pondered, biting his lip in a weird, horny kinda way.

M/n laughed nervously, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack. “I’ll catch up.”

Quickly, M/n rushed off. His mind was spinning. He wasn’t mad that Chan hadn’t told him, and he understood the need for secrecy, but being blindsided like this made his heart race with anxiety. What if his friends put two and two together? What if someone saw them?

Reaching the side door of the main building, M/n glanced over his shoulder. The campus was alive with energy as students gathered in clusters, buzzing with excitement for the upcoming performance.

Inside, the hallways were quieter, the faint hum of conversation drifting from nearby rooms. M/n spotted a staff member carrying a clipboard and quickly ducked behind a pillar, holding his breath until the coast was clear.

He made his way toward the room labeled Stray Kids in bold black letters on a laminated sign. His hand hesitated on the doorknob before he knocked softly.

“Come in,” came a familiar voice.

M/n stepped inside, shutting the door quickly behind him. The room was small and bustling with energy, racks of clothes lined one wall, and makeup cases were strewn across a long table. But in the middle of it all stood Chan, wearing a casual yet stylish outfit, his hair perfectly styled, and a look of surprise spreading across his face.

“M/n?” Chan crossed the room in two quick strides, his tone a mix of confusion and joy. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” M/n replied, his voice low but tinged with a little nervousness as he looked around at the people passing by. “You didn’t think to warn me you’d be performing at my fuckin’ university? What if we get caught here?”

Chan quickly whisked M/n away, placing his hands on his shoulders and guiding him to a smaller room in the back. This space was more private, with only a counter and a few chairs.

M/n leaned against the dressing room counter with his arms crossed in a pout.

Chan put his hands on both sides of M/n’s hips, his thumbs circling gently on the little bit of exposed skin between his shirt and jeans. “It was supposed to be a surprise. Management didn’t finalize it until yesterday, and I figured you’d find out anyway.”

“Well, surprise,” M/n said, his voice clearly more scared about getting caught than about blaming Chan for not saying anything. “Now I’m here freaking out, trying to make sure none of my friends figure out I’m dating you.”

Chan softened, his hand reaching out to gently touch M/n’s cheek. “Baby, don’t be like that. I didn’t mean to stress you out. I just… wanted to see you.”

M/n sighed, his irritation melting under Chan’s warm gaze. “You’re lucky I like you.”

Chan grinned. “I know.”

Chan’s grin softened as he leaned in closer, his forehead gently pressing against M/n’s. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” M/n felt his heart flutter in his chest, the warmth of Chan’s breath fanning against his lips. Despite his nerves, he couldn’t stop the small smile that crept onto his face.

“You just saw me last week, drama queen.”

Chan chuckled, his voice dropping to a low murmur. “A week feels like forever when it comes to you.”

Before M/n could respond, Chan closed the distance, capturing his lips in a kiss that sent a rush of heat coursing through his body. It started gentle, as if Chan was savoring the moment, but the longing between them quickly took over.

Chan’s hands slid from M/n’s hips to wrap securely around his waist, pulling him closer until their bodies were flush against each other. M/n’s hands found their way to Chan’s chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as he kissed back with equal fervor.

The world outside the small dressing room seemed to melt away. The muffled voices and distant chatter from the hallway faded, leaving only the sound of their breaths and the soft hum of their hearts racing in tandem.

Chan tilted his head, deepening the kiss, his hands roaming up and down M/n’s back in soothing yet possessive strokes. M/n’s resolve crumbled, and he let out a quiet, involuntary whimper against Chan’s lips.

That sound seemed to ignite something in Chan. He pressed M/n back gently against the counter, his lips moving with a desperation that spoke of every moment they’d spent apart. His fingers tangled in M/n’s hair, tilting his head to gain better access, and M/n melted into him completely.

When they finally broke apart for air, their foreheads rested together, both of them breathing heavily. Chan’s gaze was intense, his eyes dark with affection and want.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse but steady. “I don’t care where we are or who’s around. I’ll always want to kiss you like that.”

M/n felt his cheeks flush, his hands still clutching Chan’s shirt. “You’re so corny,” he mumbled, but the soft smile on his face betrayed the truth, he loved every second of it.

Chan grinned, his thumb brushing against M/n’s bottom lip. “And you love it.”

M/n didn’t deny it. Instead, he pulled Chan down for another kiss, this one slow and tender, a promise of all the stolen moments they’d share, no matter how complicated their situation might be.

M/n felt the heat rising between them as Chan leaned back into him, his lips finding their way to the corner of M/n’s mouth, then down along his jawline. Each touch sent a spark through M/n, his breath hitching as Chan’s lips traveled to his neck, leaving a trail of featherlight kisses that grew bolder with each press.

“Channie,” M/n whispered that nickname that always made Chan weak, his voice trembling with both urgency and affection.

Chan hummed against his skin, the vibration sending shivers down M/n’s spine. “Hmm?” he murmured, his lips brushing against the sensitive spot just below M/n’s ear.

“You’re going to leave a mark,” M/n warned, though his voice lacked any real conviction.

Chan chuckled softly, the sound low and sultry. “Would that be such a bad thing?” he teased, his hands tightening on M/n’s waist.

M/n pushed at his chest lightly, his cheeks flushed. “Yes, it would! My friends would definitely notice.”

Chan pulled back just enough to look at him, his eyes sparkling with mischief and affection. “Fine, no marks… not right now at least,” he conceded with a cheeky grin, leaning in for another kiss that was slower, deeper, and impossibly more intoxicating.

M/n sighed into the kiss, his hands sliding up to Chan’s shoulders, gripping them tightly as if to anchor himself. Chan tilted his head, his lips moving against M/n’s with a rhythm that felt natural, effortless, like they’d been made for this exact moment.

The kiss grew hungrier, more desperate, as if the limited time they had together only fueled the need to make every second count. Chan’s hands slid down M/n’s back, resting just above his hips as he pressed them even closer together, their bodies fitting like pieces of a puzzle.

M/n felt the counter digging into his back, but he didn’t care. All he could focus on was the way Chan’s lips moved against his, the way his hands explored his body with a careful yet insistent touch, the way his entire being seemed to drown in Chan’s presence.

Their kiss broke only when the need for air became too great, but even then, Chan stayed close, their noses brushing as their breaths mingled.

“I wish we didn’t have to hide,” Chan said softly, his voice tinged with a rare vulnerability.

M/n’s heart clenched at the admission. He reached up to cup Chan’s cheek, his thumb brushing gently against his skin. “Me too,” he admitted. “But as long as I have you, I can deal with the rest.”

Chan smiled, leaning into M/n’s touch. “You’re too good to me.”

“And don’t you forget it,” M/n replied with a teasing grin, though his tone was filled with affection.

Chan chuckled, stealing one last lingering kiss before finally pulling back, though his arms stayed wrapped securely around M/n’s waist. “I guess I should let you go before your friends send out a search party.”

M/n groaned, reluctant to step away. “Yeah, I guess… but this isn’t over.”

Chan smirked, his gaze full of promise. “Not even close.”

M/n reluctantly pulled away, smoothing his shirt and adjusting his glasses as he tried to compose himself. His heart was still racing, and his lips tingled from Chan’s kisses, but he needed to act normal—at least normal enough to fool Jiho and Minseo.

“You’ll be watching, right?” Chan asked, his voice softer now.

M/n hesitated, biting his lip. “I’ll try. Jiho and Minseo are expecting me to sit with them, so I can’t make it obvious.”

Chan nodded, understanding written all over his face. “Just… stay close if you can,” he said, reaching out to squeeze M/n’s hand briefly. “It’ll be nice knowing you’re there.”

M/n smiled despite his nerves. “I’ll be there. Just don’t get too distracted by my handsome face.”

Chan laughed quietly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “No promises.”

With one last lingering glance, M/n slipped out of the makeshift dressing room, carefully closing the door behind him. The hallway was still relatively empty, though the muffled sound of voices and footsteps indicated that students were already gathering for the performance.

M/n took a deep breath, his hand lingering on the doorknob for a moment before he stepped away. He couldn’t afford to look suspicious.

As he walked back toward the outdoor venue, the hum of excitement grew louder. Groups of students were chatting animatedly, and some were already seated near the stage, phones in hand, ready to record every moment.

Spotting Jiho and Minseo wasn’t hard as they were near the middle of the crowd, Jiho waving his arms wildly to flag M/n down.

“There you are!” Jiho exclaimed as M/n approached. “Took you long enough. What, did you fall in?”

“Something like that,” M/n replied with a shrug, slipping into the spot they’d saved for him.

Minseo handed him a bottle of water, her eyes narrowing slightly. “You okay? You look kind of flustered.”

“I’m fine,” M/n said quickly, taking a sip of water to cover his nerves. “It’s just hot out here.”

Jiho fanned himself dramatically with his hand. “Girl, same. But who cares? We’re about to see Stray Kids! Can you believe it? Like, right here! This is history in the making. Maybe our school isn’t so shit after all.”

M/n forced a laugh, his stomach flipping at the thought of seeing Chan on stage while sitting among his friends, who had no idea about their relationship.

As the minutes ticked by, the crowd grew larger, and the excitement became palpable. When the emcee finally took the stage to introduce Stray Kids, the cheers were deafening. M/n felt his pulse quicken as he prepared for what was about to happen.

The lights dimmed slightly, and the opening beats of a familiar song filled the air. Then, there they were… Stray Kids, stepping onto the stage with the kind of confidence and charisma that could command any crowd.

M/n’s eyes immediately found Chan, who stood at the center, his presence magnetic. Chan’s gaze briefly scanned the crowd, and though M/n knew it was impossible for him to pick him out among so many people, he still felt a jolt when their eyes seemed to meet for a split second.

Jiho was screaming next to him, clutching Minseo’s arm in excitement. “Oh my God, look at Bang Chan! He’s so fucking hot!”

M/n bit his lip to suppress a smile, his cheeks heating up. If only Jiho knew.

As the performance continued, M/n couldn’t help but admire Chan. He was in his element, his movements fluid and precise, his voice commanding and powerful. It was a side of him M/n didn’t often get to see up close, and it made him fall for him all over again.

But amidst the thrill of the performance, M/n couldn’t shake the anxiety bubbling under the surface. What if someone noticed the way Chan looked at him? What if someone figured out their connection?

He forced himself to focus on the music, clapping and cheering along with his friends. For now, he just had to get through the show without raising any suspicion.

The campus was still buzzing with excitement from Stray Kids’ performance. Students milled about in groups, their chatter echoing across the quad. M/n kept his head down, weaving through the crowd as casually as he could. His heart pounded in his chest, not from excitement but from nerves.

When he reached the side gate leading to the quiet garden behind the art building, he glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. The garden was one of the most secluded spots on campus, a hidden oasis with benches tucked under canopies of leafy trees.

Chan was already there, leaning against the trunk of a tree, his hoodie pulled low over his face. Even in the dim light, M/n could see the tension in his posture.

“Chan,” M/n called softly, stepping closer.

Chan’s head snapped up, and a relieved smile broke across his face. “M/n.”

Before M/n could say anything, Chan closed the distance between them, pulling him into a tight hug. The world seemed to fade away as Chan’s familiar warmth surrounded him, grounding him in the moment.

“That was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life,” Chan murmured against M/n’s hair. “I don’t like pretending I don’t know you.”

M/n pulled back just enough to look up at him, his brows furrowed. “It was just for a moment, we’re all good now”

Chan cupped M/n’s face in his hands, his thumbs brushing gently over his cheeks. “I know. I didn’t think it through, and I’m sorry. I just… wanted to see you. It’s been weeks, and when this opportunity came up, I couldn’t pass it up.”

M/n sighed, his irritation softening under Chan’s earnest gaze. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Chan chuckled softly. “I’ve been told.”

For a moment, they stood there in the quiet garden, the distant hum of campus life fading into the background. Chan’s hands slid down to M/n’s shoulders, his touch light but grounding.

“I missed you,” Chan admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

M/n’s heart softened. He reached up, his hand resting over Chan’s on his shoulder. “I missed you too.”

Chan leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to M/n’s forehead, lingering there for a moment. “You’ve been on my mind every day,” he murmured. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but I’m grateful. For you, for us.”

M/n felt a lump rise in his throat. He tilted his head to meet Chan’s gaze, his lips twitching into a small smile. “Just… don’t surprise me like this again, okay?”

Chan grinned, his dimples showing even in the low light. “Promise. No more surprises.”

They shared a soft laugh, the tension melting away as the moment stretched between them. M/n felt a sense of calm wash over him, the chaos of the day fading into the background.

“Stay for a bit?” Chan asked, his voice hopeful.

M/n glanced toward the path leading back to the main campus, then back at Chan. “A little longer,” he said, his voice quiet but sure.

And for the first time that day, M/n allowed himself to relax, leaning into Chan’s embrace as the world outside the garden faded away. The peaceful silence of the garden was abruptly shattered by the sound of approaching voices. M/n froze, his heart skipping a beat as he recognized the unmistakable laughter of Minseo and Jiho.

“Didn’t you say you saw him come this way?” Jiho’s voice rang out, closer than M/n would have liked.

“I swear he’s hiding something,” Minseo replied. “He bolted like his ass was on fire.”

Chan tensed, his hands still on M/n’s shoulders. “Who is that?” he whispered.

“My friends,” M/n hissed, panic lacing his voice. He grabbed Chan’s arm, pulling him toward a thicker cluster of trees. “Hide!”

But before they could move far, Minseo’s sharp eyes caught them. “M/n? Is that you?”

M/n’s stomach dropped as both Minseo and Jiho rounded the corner of the garden path, their expressions shifting from confusion to wide-eyed shock.

“M/n,” Jiho started, his gaze flicking between M/n and the man standing too close to him. “Why does that guy look exactly like—”

“Bang Chan?!” Minseo practically shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger.

M/n’s brain short-circuited as he stood frozen, caught red-handed. Chan, to his credit, didn’t flinch. Instead, he straightened up and offered a sheepish smile.

“Uh, hi,” Chan said, scratching the back of his neck.

Jiho gawked at him, his jaw practically on the ground. “What the fuck is happening right now?!”

Minseo’s eyes narrowed, zeroing in on M/n. “You’ve been sneaking around with Bang Chan? THE Bang Chan?!”

“I—uh—” M/n stammered, his face burning.

“Wait, are you two like… dating?” Jiho asked, his voice a mix of disbelief and giddy excitement.

M/n opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He felt like a deer caught in headlights.

Chan stepped in, his voice calm and steady. “Yes. We are.”

Minseo’s jaw dropped. Jiho let out an audible gasp, covering his mouth like he’d just heard the juiciest gossip of the year.

“You mean to tell me,” Minseo started, her hands on her hips, “that you’ve been dating Bang Chan this whole time, and you didn’t say a damn word?”

“It’s complicated,” M/n mumbled, avoiding their gazes.

Jiho burst into laughter, startling everyone. “Complicated? That’s the understatement of the century! Dude, you’re dating a literal K-pop idol!”

Minseo, on the other hand, was still processing. “I’m just mad you didn’t tell us. We’re your best friends, M/n.”

“I couldn’t,” M/n said, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not just my secret to tell.”

Minseo softened slightly, her expression shifting from anger to understanding. “I get it. But you should’ve trusted us.”

Chan stepped closer to M/n, his hand brushing against his arm in silent reassurance. “I asked him to keep it private,” he explained. “We’re trying to protect what we have. It’s not easy with my career.”

Jiho looked at them both, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “You know what? I ship it. Power couple vibes. But you owe us details, M/n.”

Minseo rolled her eyes but smiled. “Fine. But don’t think you’re off the hook. We’re having a long talk about this later.”

M/n exhaled in relief, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Thanks, guys.”

Minseo nodded. “Just… be careful. And Chan? You better treat him right.”

Chan grinned, his dimples on full display. “Always.”

The tension eased as the group exchanged a few more words, and M/n realized that while his secret was out, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing after all.

As Minseo and Jiho walked off, their voices fading into the distance, M/n let out a long, exasperated sigh, leaning against the tree. He covered his face with his hands, his ears still burning from embarrassment.

“That was awkward,” M/n muttered.

Chan chuckled softly, stepping closer and nudging M/n’s shoulder. “Awkward, sure, but your friends are pretty great.”

M/n peeked at him through his fingers. “Great? Jiho almost fainted, and Minseo was ready to kill me.”

Chan grinned, his dimples making a playful appearance. “Yeah, but they care about you. That much is obvious. And I like that about them.”

M/n lowered his hands, a reluctant smile creeping onto his face. “You’re just saying that because they didn’t hate your guts.”

“Maybe.” Chan’s voice softened, his eyes locking onto M/n’s. His expression shifted, the playful glint replaced with something deeper, more tender. “But seriously, they’re good people. And they love you.”

M/n felt his heart flutter under Chan’s gaze, the intensity of it making his stomach flip. He looked away, biting his lip to suppress a shy grin.

Chan tilted his head, stepping even closer until their faces were mere inches apart. His hand reached out, brushing a strand of hair from M/n’s forehead. “Well, since we don’t have to hide anymore…”

M/n barely had time to process the words before Chan leaned in, capturing his lips in a slow, deliberate kiss. Unlike before, this wasn’t rushed or frantic. It was deep and consuming, filled with all the emotions they’d had to suppress for so long.

Chan’s hands found M/n’s waist, pulling him closer, while M/n’s fingers instinctively gripped the front of Chan’s hoodie. The world around them melted away—the garden, the university, the lingering nerves—all replaced by the warmth of each other.

M/n sighed into the kiss, his body relaxing as he leaned into Chan. He felt the gentle pressure of Chan’s hands sliding up his back, holding him securely as if he never wanted to let go.

When they finally broke apart, both were slightly breathless, their foreheads resting together. Chan smiled, his thumb gently stroking M/n’s side. “I’ve been wanting to do that without worrying who’s watching.”

M/n laughed softly, his voice shaky but filled with warmth. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

Chan’s grin widened. “We’ll figure it out. Together.”

M/n nodded, his cheeks flushed but his heart full. “Together.”

They stood there for a moment longer, lost in their own little world, before the sound of distant chatter reminded them of where they were.

Chan smirked, taking M/n’s hand in his. “Come on. Let’s get out of here before your friends come back for round two.”

M/n rolled his eyes but didn’t let go of Chan’s hand, following him out of the garden with a newfound sense of freedom.

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serendipitous-girl · 1 day ago

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𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆

❀ summary: Hyunjin never expected falling in love to be so…peaceful. Like a feather blown in the breeze, slowly and gently settling to the ground. He expected it to be harsh, dramatic, and loud. He expected one day for a brick to plummet in his heart with a You're in love! written in big bold letters.

❀ warnings: long ass story, physical descriptors being used but no name, they could be ooc i am not a skz expert, mentions of other kpop bands & people i have no clue about, almost 5k words 💀

❀ notes: i took multiple months to write this and i might have to separate it into multiple parts bc it is annoyingly long. I dunno if its super good but I wrote it for my bestie who loves hyunjin 😁

Hyunjin never expected falling in love to be so…peaceful. Like a feather blown in the breeze, slowly and gently settling to the ground. He expected it to be harsh, dramatic, and loud. He expected one day for a brick to plummet in his heart with a You're in love! written in big bold letters.

But watching her, with her fluffy purple hair and glittering dark eyes, he couldn't help but picture falling in love like cozying up against a fireplace after a long day playing in the snow. Falling in love with her felt easy. It felt like something he'd known all his life without fully realizing.

It was unfortunate that they seemed to be in entirely different realms. She was an American streamer with funny jokes and a big smile. He was a Korean idol who could barely utter a word lest the public eye shun him. Sure, it had gotten better since JYP had passed his entertainment industry to his much more progressive daughter, but still.

His fingers idly curl around his pencil, light strokes against the thick pad of his sketchbook as he watches her most current stream. She was with her friends, having a simple talk with her fans. It reminded him of the lives he did for his own fans, although he was sure her videos were not as filtered.

“Oh my favorite music? I have really liked K-pop since I was in middle school.” she says, her lips curving into that grin that never failed to send butterflies to his stomach. Of course, this led comments to flood all of them asking about her favorites.

“My favorite when I was in high school was Stray Kids,” She explained, making Hyunjin’s heart lurch in his chest. He set his drawing supplies down, fully turning to look at her as if studying the pixels of the screen might help him understand the real her better.

He caught a glance at the comments, asking who her bias was (something he has shamefully been tempted to do) and sat silently hoping she'd answer the question.

The heavens must have been looking out for him because she said, her voice like a melody made by Apollo, “My bias is Hyunjin though I love them all.”

Was he dreaming? Should he get Felix to pinch him? He shook off his thoughts, trying to clear his mind to make sure he heard you right. You kept talking about how you liked Stray Kids as a teenager, how they helped you through difficult times. Hyunjin struggled to understand the way his heart beat in his chest, the swell of pride in his stomach.

He took a glance at his unfinished sketch, yet another futile attempt at capturing the beauty of you. He could never feel like he got it quite right. He needed it to be perfect. One crafted by the gods must be worshiped, not tolerated.

Hyunjin continued to watch your stream until it ended, although his mind was still focused on that moment. It repeated in his head like a broken record, one that he was grateful had broken. If he was to be stuck in one moment eternally, he would choose that one easily.

As though he had been summoned, Felix bounced into Hyunjin's room. He wore a big smile, ready to poke and prod Hyunjin as if they were blood related brothers. However, the older boy was on a mission, and it could not be interrupted.

“Have you heard of this streamer..?” Hyunjin asked, her name slipping past his lips easily. Felix, as chronically online as he is, nodded that he had. Settling the nerves in his stomach, Hyunjin knew he ought to explain.

And so he did. Multiple times, actually, because Felix decided to involve the entirety of the band. Hyunjin couldn't even be that upset. They were a close-knit family. And he knew they would help him.

….

He was fairly certain that everybody around him was fully and clinically insane but he couldn't bring himself to care in the slightest bit. Somehow, he had managed to get an entire event hosted by JYP, which invited all sorts of streamers….namely her.

Although Hyunjin couldn't guarantee she would show up, he was certainly hoping against all odds. So was the rest of the Stray Kids.

“Hyunjin’s got a crush~” Bangchan teased, wrapping his arm around Hyunjin's neck and bringing him closer so he could ruffle his hair. Hyunjin laughed while he tried to wriggle out of the older boy's hold.

Finally, he got out of his hold, just as Hwa-Young entered. She was dressed as formally as ever, a crisp suit and perfectly styled hair.

“Please treat all our guests with respect and understand that the reason they are here is to advertise JYP Entertainment and the music festival at the end of the weekend.” She explained, letting her eyes travel across the people here. All bands under her company had been gathered to discuss this, making for quite the large display.

Hyunjin listened carefully, knowing that part of the reason was so she would come to South Korea. All expenses paid trip in exchange for her to advertise and spread publicity for JYP. He hoped she would spend time with Stray Kids the most.

After she had finished discussing basic ground rules for having a bunch of American social media influencers all around for two entire weeks, she gave a smile and said they would be arriving later that afternoon. It would be a lot, but it would be good for getting international fans for some of the lesser known bands.

All Hyunjin could do was pour all his emotions into the dance rehearsal while he waited to meet her for the first time. Each step helped make him stop overthinking, terribly anxious thoughts plaguing his head.

He just kept moving, making his blood flow through his body. He focused on each step of the dance until it was etched into his bones. Eventually, he had to succumb to the natural progression of exhaustion all humans must deal with. It was conveniently timed because the influencers were starting to arrive.

He wiped off some of his sweat with his shirt and took a swig of his water. Then he walked with the rest of the band with the hopes he didn't look gross.

…..

His eyes immediately darted to her as the crowd emerged, her arm wrapped around her friends’. She was even more breathtaking in person, the red of her shirt complimenting her skin. She wore black cargo pants with a metal chain wrapped around her belt loops, with red combat boots, and a red off the shoulder, slightly oversized top. Hyunjin tried to suppress his smile, happy that she was even fashionable just like him.

Bangchan hurried over to them before he had a chance, after he was the leader and the most sociable of the group. Without thinking much of it, Hyunjin followed closely behind with the rest of the Stray Kids.

“Hi!” Bangchan said, greeting both women with a hug. They accepted it with warmth, both being enveloped by Chan. Hyunjin watched from his spot, trying to stop him from running away screaming. She was rather intimidating!

I really need to go say hi. I don't want to seem unfriendly. He frowned a bit, trying to get his feet to move. With a small burst of relief, he felt himself move closer.

He was standing in front of her, in all her gorgeous glory. She was shorter than him, her head tilting up so she could see his face. Hyunjin wanted to paint her and capture her beauty forever. He wanted to study every feature and examine every inch of her. He wanted to worship her.

Hyunjin’s face flushed when she waved at him, suddenly making him realize where his train of thoughts had been going. He couldn't possibly expect to memorize her body if she didn't even know what he's like beyond a stage presence. (He wondered if they had ever met before, if she had gone to a concert long ago.)

“Hi.” He finally said, pushing the words off of his tongue and into the world. It sounded awkward and shy, like he sometimes felt when placed in front of a camera. Hyunjin wished he could be the painter instead of the muse sometimes.

She smiled brightly, her cheeks curving to allow such a beautiful expression. He was sure he had died and gone to heaven. Why else would an angel look at him so beautifully? He tried to ignore the blood rushing in his ears and hoped that it wasn't obvious he was warming up feverishly. (Would she mind if he kissed her? Just a small one, just to get a taste.)

“It's nice to meet you, Hyunjin.” She said, still looking up at him, “I've been a big fan for years.”

Maybe this was all a very big dream. Maybe the Sandman had decided to give Hyunjin something to enjoy, and he gave him…her. If this was a dream, Hyunjin didn't want to wake up. If the only way he could be in the presence of this woman was through his fantasies, so be it.

Oh, I still have to reply.

Bangchan glanced at Hyunjin expectantly, probably wondering why he was forgetting to speak. His brain was so full of thoughts that he couldn't help the way he got sidetracked.

“Well I am a big fan of you too.” He said with a smile, “I like your streams.” Was that too honest? Would she feel uncomfortable by his confession? He'll repent if she needs him to wash his hands with holy water and pray his awkwardness goes away.

She looked a bit shocked, her warm brown eyes widening ever so slightly. But then she warmed up again, like chocolate melting on his tongue. She was comforting without even realizing it.

“Who would've thought we'd be fans of each other?” she said with a shrug and a laugh before eventually moving on to greet the rest of the people. He wished he could make her stay, say something so stunning she can't help but feel transfixed by him.

Instead, he watched her walk away, trying to ignore the way his heart deflated. It made sense that she needed to walk away and do what she needed to do. It was understandable.

…..

The first day of advertisement was pretty boring. Hyunjin doesn't like to complain much, but he barely got the chance to hang out with her, and he was stuck going over plans. There were a lot of conference meetings, with stale cookies and uncomfortable seating. (He wondered if that was what it's like to work an office job - he's suddenly glad to be an idol.)

“Can we go home soon?” Han whined, already flopping on top of a displeased I.N. Hyunjin couldn't help but understand Han's frustration. They had been holed up for hours doing nothing.

Hwa-Young nodded in sympathy and said, “One more thing to discuss, then you can return to your dorms.”

Hyunjin perked up a bit at this, happy that today was almost over. He had been hoping to spend more time with his love, but she had been placed with the also influencers on the other side of the conference room. His eyes flickered to her as if he were a moth drawn to a flame.

She was listening intently to Hwa-Young, her arms crossed across her chest. She looked more relaxed, maybe even a bit sleepy, based on the way her eyes started to flutter shut. She was so pretty, and Hyunjin would be happy to die if it meant he could look at her forever.

“We have hotels for everybody. Listen carefully to your name so you can retrieve your housing information.” Hwa-Young explained before she started to talk about everybody. Soon, all the streamers left, all of them except for her and her friend.

Hwa-Young blinked in surprise, reading over her list once more before she flushed. Hyunjin watched with a bit of confusion, wondering what happened.

“I am terribly sorry, miss.” Hwa-Young said, hurrying over to whisper in the woman's ear. They talked quietly before Hwa-Young turned to face the bands.

“Will anybody volunteer to house these lovely ladies?” Hwa-Young announced, making Hyunjin’s heart fail. Maybe he was going into cardiac arrest because what the fuck?

Before Hyunjin could even begin to process Changbin stood up, with Bangchan giving an encouraging smile. Oh no, oh no no no.

“Hyunjin can take them in, as long as they are comfortable with it.” Changbin said, giving a charming smile to the foreigners. He was annoyingly friendly, like a gym bro teddy bear or something.

It didn't take long to convince her and her friend, Changbin was very good at charming people. She smiled and said, “Oh if he offers I would enjoy that very much. But I don't want to intrude.”

Hyunjin forced himself to speak, opening his mouth and saying, “It's not intruding. You can stay with me and Changbin.”

He didn't want to do this. He needed to escape her even for a moment. What if his heart gives out from racing so much? Hyunjin did not want her to stay with him, to leave him without any way to stay calm. But he would be kind (mostly because Changbin forced his hand.)

“Thank you, that's very nice.” Her friend also added, still standing beside her. Hyunjin noticed his love’s friend seemed to be rather awkward, looking anywhere but at the group of people before them. He supposed he could understand, but he hoped Changbin might get along with her. Hyunjin would be housing his favorite person in the whole wide world.

Maybe that's a bit aggressive to say though, she may bias Hyunjin but that doesn't mean she likes him all that much. So Hyunjin kept his thoughts locked up tight, not wanting a single one to slip through the cracks.

“Well, now that it's all settled we can head home.” Hwa-Young said with a smile and a clap of her hands. She stood up along with the other idols, all heading to their various dorms.

“Well, I guess we'll be off.” Bangchan said with a sly grin, having the other members follow behind him like ducklings following their mother. It was just Hyunjin and her, well and her friend and Changbin. But they were basically alone!

“Do you want to head to the dorm now?” Hyunjin finally asked, hoping his expression was calm and collected. Basically, it's the opposite of how he was feeling.

She nodded and allowed Changbin to lead the way with her friend following close behind. She walked side by side with Hyunjin, her hand brushing against his.

Surely he would explode, his heart would inhale until it was bursting with excitement. Hyunjin was totally going to die over this weekend. But maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

…..

He did not get a single wink of sleep that night. All he could think about was the fact she was sleeping outside his room, on the couch. She was so close to him, how could he possibly be expected to sleep?

Hyunjin got dressed the next morning, not being sure what to expect. What sort of videos might they film today? Who would he be filming them with?

With a yawn, he exited his room and noticed that she was not there. She must have gone already.

Changbin was waking up around the same time, stretching his muscular arms. His black hair was a bit messy and curled, since it was without the products he puts his hair in.

“Are we heading to the studio today?” Hyunjin asked the older man, tilting his head slightly. Maybe they would be showing the influencers new dances or something. Or maybe they would be writing songs and collaborating. There were many things they might do.

“Yeah, and we're late so c'mon.” Changbin said, walking towards the door and wrapping his arm around Hyunjin's neck. He dragged the younger boy with him, despite Hyunjin's attempts at getting free.

Hyunjin groaned, but allowed Changbin to ruffle his hair and do all the things he usually does. He is like a strange older brother, with the way he likes to tease and is awfully goofy. But Hyunjin likes it.

They walked quickly to the studio, remembering that the boys often left clothes there. So they would be able to change once they were there.

Once they arrived, Hyunjin felt incredibly underdressed compared to her. She was wearing a lavender chunky sweater with a black mini skirt and black tights. She was so elegant and pretty, he couldn't help but feel awkward still dressed in his lounge wear.

She smiled upon seeing Hyunjin, making his heart swell with a strange sort of fuzzy feeling he was unused to. Sure, he always felt warm and safe with the other members of Stray Kids. But this was a sort of feeling that made him want to wrap it around himself like a blanket. It was so lovely.

“What are we doing today?” He asked, momentarily forgetting he should probably apologize for being late or maybe he should get ready instead of staring at her with a look of amazement. He was certain his eyes had glazed over and he had his lips parted, staring as if she had just descended from heaven.

“Oh we are going to be doing some Tik Tok dances together then later we are going to do a kitchen stream,” She explained, her voice confident and self assured. Hyunjin wasn't completely inept when it comes to social media but this still wasn't his speciality. She was in her realm and bringing him in, despite his confusion.

“Oh,” He nodded, only half understanding what she meant. But he didn't want to look dumb in front of her- he wanted her to be impressed. A stream about kitchens? How strange, but if it worked for her Hyunjin would do it without complaint.

“While you get changed, I'll set up the camera.” She said with her lips curved up with a delightful grin. How was he expected to function when she looked at him like that? Like she saw him as more than an idol. Perhaps he was as deluded as his fans, but he wondered if there was a chance she liked him as he liked her.

Hyunjin nodded and moved away, wanting to get dressed as quickly as possible so he could spend time with her. She was calmer in real life, or maybe that's because she needs to be professional. (He wants to uncover each facet of her personality, to peel away the layers until he is greeted with her, the whole and true of her soul.)

…..

“I regret doing dances with professional dancers,” She grumbled, taking a swig of water. Hyunjin watched her from behind, trying his best to not let his eyes stay on her for too long.

“You're doing great,” he said, with an attempt at an encouraging smile. She definitely wasn't a dancer like he was, but she was trying her best. And he was sure fans would find her attempts at doing the Beabadoobee dance to be amusing.

“Well, it's okay since we are going to do the cooking video now.” She explained, turning to look at Hyunjin. Her brown eyes were shimmering delightfully, reminding him of dark glittering jewels. He could stare at her for hours and never get bored, memorizing every line of her face would be the best of tasks.

“What are we going to make?” Hyunjin asked, following her to the kitchen. The other members of Stray Kids were working with other streamers and influencers, doing a variety of activities from singing to doing the hear me out trend.

“Empanadas.” She hummed in reply, pulling Hyunjin’s thoughts back to her. He was like a moth to a flame, helplessly attracted to her. He was weak against her attacks, her ability to reel him in constantly impressive.

She pulled out ingredients while Hyunjin turned on the camera, flickering it onto a stream. A steady flow of viewers came in, making the count get higher and higher. He wished his English was better so he could better read the constant stream of comments in the corner of the screen.

“Hi everybody! Welcome or welcome back depending on if you're new here.” she said, glancing at Hyunjin, “Today's stream is extra special because I have a guest with me! Hwang Hyunjin from the band Stray Kids!”

The chat spammed with excitement, using a lot of smiling emojis and capital letters. He smiled at the camera, trying not to get suddenly shy. He was used to being in the public eye- just not used to it with his crush right next to him.

They got started, with her giving Hyunjin instructions and working carefully on the empanadas. He did as he was told, trying to focus on making food while also appearing entertaining. (How did she do this on a daily basis? At least Hyunjin has his other members to lean on whenever he gets tired. She works alone and works constantly.)

“Guys, stop.” She scolded suddenly, causing him to turn around so he can read what's happening in the chat. He read a few of the comments, a flush rising in his cheeks. Were.they teasing her for having a crush on him? He was so bewildered he didn't realize he had been staring blankly at the screen until she made a noise.

She said to Hyunjin, “Okay, I will admit I had a crush on you back when I was in highschool. Hopefully that will appease chat enough for them to stop bothering us.”

She sent a playfully stern look at the camera, unaware of the way Hyunjin felt like he was going to explode. She had a crush on him when she was in highschool. Which meant she used to have feelings for him. Holy shit.

The rest of the day went by extraordinarily quickly, but perhaps that's just how it felt since he was still distracted by the revelation. Did she still have feelings for him? How deep of a crush did she have back then? Had she talked about it before and how had he not noticed if she had? He watched her videos almost religiously, he couldn't possibly have missed a video of her talking about him. He would have remembered surely!

He couldn't get to sleep for the second night in a row. He was busy thinking about what he learned, how she used to have a crush on him. Maybe he was just overthinking, maybe it didn't matter that she had a crush on him in highschool.

But he couldn't let it go no matter how hard he tried. There was a strange feeling in the smallest part of his heart that told him she still felt the same.

…..

“Hyunjin,” Han said suddenly, snapping his fingers to get his friend's attention. Hyunjin turned around, flustered that he was very likely caught staring at her. It didn't help that she was working with TWICE so close by. He could probably feel the warmth of her skin, smell her perfume. Hyunjin was trying his very best to not get distracted.

“What do you need?” Hyunjin asked, stretching his arms. They were doing some sort of challenge where they needed to run and sing at the same time. It sounded complicated but it could be helpful for when they would go on for a concert.

“You should tell her how you feel.” Han replied, looking up with a rather serious look. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, tapping his foot against the wooden floors. Hyunjin’s eyes widened, his lips parting a bit with shock.

Was Han serious? Did he actually expect me to bare my soul to the girl of my dreams so casually?

“Why? She probably doesn't like me back.” Hyunjin dismissed with a wave of his hand, looking away as though he couldn't fathom admitting this while making eye contact. Feelings are so troublesome it seems.

Han laughed and put his hand on his friend's shoulder, still staring so intently at him. “You can't be serious, Jinnie. She has fallen for you, almost as hard as you have for her.”

He turned away to look at her. She was busy with Momo, helping the girl do some sort of silly TikTok. However, what Hyunjin noticed when he also turned was the fact she was looking at them.

Her mouth broke into a smile and she paused enough to wave at Hyunjin, acting so casual despite the fact she was setting his heart on fire. Did she really feel the same way? Could she possibly want Hyunjin the way he wants her?

Hyunjin looked back at Han, and grumbled in a low tone, “How would I confess to her anyway?”

Han grinned at that, clapping his hands together. The shorter boy said, “Do what feels right to you, Hyunjin. What's a good way to confess?”

Then he walked away, returning to the influencer they were working with currently. Hyunjin stood in place, feeling almost as if there was cement in his bones keeping him still.

How would he confess? Should he write a letter to her? Maybe he should march over there and demand they go on a date! Okay..maybe that's a bad idea. But still, how should he confess?

She will only be around for the concert tomorrow and then she'll be returning to America. Suddenly he faltered, his heart racing with excitement.

What if…? Hyunjin could barely contain his sudden happiness, wanting to already put his plan into action.

…..

“This was a bad idea.” Hyunjin said, attempting to wrangle himself out of Changbin's strong grip so he could avoid getting on stage. It was a futile attempt, with the older man wrapping his arms around Hyunjin's shoulders.

“Nope, you're doing this.” Changbin said, shoving Hyunjin even closer to the stage. There was no getting out of this- he was going to confess to her.

“Fine, fine.” Hyunjin relented, pushing Changbin away with a half hearted glare. Then he shook his hands, trying to be rid of the nerves rattling around his chest.

He walks onto stage, ignoring the way his heart was pounding against his ribs. Looking up, he immediately found her. She was as beautiful as always, staring up at him with awe. He needed to do this - he needed to confess properly.

He said her name like one might a god, worshipping the shape of the vowels on his tongue. “I love you, so very much. I wish to be with you forever, and so I sing this for you.”

Then Hyunjin did what he does best: sing. He chose to sing Ice Cream, knowing it was one of her favorite songs after he had done his research. He put his soul into the lyrics, every ounce of his love into the silky tones of his voice.

…..

After the concert, he was greeted by her. She was a vision, something he wished to see in his mind's eye every time he goes to sleep. He might dream of her forever, use her as solace from the grim realities of the world. If he had her, he might be able to survive anything.

“You love me?” She asked, reaching out to grab his hands. Sparks shot through his fingertips, warm rushing through him wherever she touched.

Hyunjin nodded and said, “Yes, I do. I have loved you for a long time.”

She took a moment to process his words, squeezing his hands. She kept touching him, even the slightest brush of skin sending shockwaves directly to his heart. She was so lovely and she was holding his hands, was she trying to give him a heart attack?

“I love you too, Hyunjin.” She whispered, looking up at him. Her brown eyes glistened with an intense emotion, and something he is finally realizing is love. She stared up at him with a sense of adoration he had only dreamed of previously.

He leaned down, feeling her breath warning his cheek. He wanted to stay like this forever, holding her hands and keeping his face close to hers. With a small dose of courage, potentially regrettable or not, he leaned in close enough to kiss her.

He brushed his lips over hers, savoring the taste of her chapstick. He removed his hands from hers to hold her hips, pulling her flush against him.

She kissed him back, her hands pressing into his chest. She was so perfect, and she was his now, his to love and his to care for.

He pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers, letting his eyes flutter shut. This was everything he had ever wanted and more. If this wasn't heaven, he wasn't sure what was.

“Will you give me the honor of being your boyfriend?” He asked softly, still holding her close. If he could put her inside his heart, he could.

“As long as you'll let me be your girlfriend.” She replied, curling her fingers into his hair. Hyunjin could barely think, barely do anything except get her closer and closer. He wanted her, and now he had her. He was the luckiest man in the world.

Hyunjin didn't expect to ever fall in love the way he did. It was a gentle and slow descent, like ice cream melting on a summer's day. He was melting for her, his cold heart thawing to recieve her love. Having her in his arms was like coming home. He might nog have expected to fall in love like this, but he was incapable of regretting it. It was lovely, just like her.

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