#idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again

[gregmarriage]

really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo

[woah-thats-haikyuute]

tagged by @floralegia 💕💕 I haven't made a personal post on tumblr in maybe 10 yrs. and I don't think I even remember how lmao

Last song: my spotify daylist this morning is playing a whole bunch of panic! at the disco so I don't know if I want to answer this one lmaoo but uh the last song played as I worked on this was "Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks". I've been listening to fob exclusively for a year but have been slowly breaking the curse with mcr and adjacent side projects. I have been LOVING AND LIVING for Frank Iero's solo work. thank you spotify daylist when you cooperate 💖

Favorite colors: pink and purple! 💗💜

Currently watching: I just finished the new season Bridgerton so not watching anything really at the moment. Though before bed last night I put on Seinfeld as background noise. Lately tv has not been all that interesting to me. I have watched a bit of the Stanley Cup playoffs but I end up not finishing the games because I go to bed before it ends 😔

Spicy/savory/sweet: spicy!! but not too spicy that it hurts my tummy. I love thai food!!

Relationship status: single 💔 but I'm okay with it. I'm very independent and enjoy my freedom. That said, I'm not lonely. I have so many lovely friends (online and irl) that keep me busy 🥰

Current obsession: I've entered a new fob phase since June 2023. Tour/2ourdust has dominated my every day since last year. I've told friends the story of me getting back into fob. It's kinda long but basically I got back into the concert circuit after seeing blink 182 last year at MSG and was talking to a friend about the next shows we could go to, over brunch. she mentioned fob, and me, normal at the time, said oh I know them, they make bops, that could be a fun show. I didn't even know that there was a new album. I proceeded to listen to stardust and said I *have* to see fob live. Fast forward to today, I've seen them 9.5 times (the half time is the VMA taping from Sept loool). And now I'm reading rpf, which is definitely new for me. As a wee teen I was never into bandom/rpf but I love it now. And I'm forever grateful for the friends I've met along the way!!!

also I'm entering a 3rd mcr phase, and this time mega obsession.

Tags: uhhhhh idk if she'll do it but @thetigerinspace

[scuttle-buttle]

Thoughts on my writing process & other headcanons about the Niki × Catherine universe

Headcanons:

Hunt wasn't actually mad that his sister is with Niki, it's more so he was hurt by the fact that is was behind his back and that she lied to him about not seeing Niki. In reality he thinks Niki is a really good guy, if not too serious sometimes. Once they get past the initial hurt he's all for it. In fact, he hopes you'll corrupt Niki just a little. You do.

Niki started listening to your favorite radio station when he was working (at a reasonable volume, of course)

Niki would want to give Cat the world and considered buying her a really fancy engagement ring but in reality he knew that part of the reason she loved him so much was because he was so normal and practical, hence the simple gold band. He wanted it to remind you of him everytime you looked at it.

Niki loves that she is super independent because it means he doesn't have to 'worry' about her. They both do their own thing and coexist.

She definitely helps him to open up in general and be more friendly and socialize with others. Even with Hunt they are low key besties but still bust each other's balls every chance they get.

Speaking of Hunt he did plan the stag party. Niki went because you made him but the whole night it was just second hand embarrassment because hunt was being his usual self and yes there was a stripper involved (we are sex work positive in this house) and alcohol. Niki didn't want to talk about it afterwards even tho nothing bad happened. His only response when you asked - "a lot of ass," and no I don't mean the dancer's.

Niki is those tight little bell bottom corduroy pants. Send tweet.

Niki knows Cat goes feral when he talks dirty in German during their sexy times. At first it was just the appeal of him whispering in a foreign language. But since learning German she's able to pick up on what he's saying and good lord 🥵

He lets her drive the Ferrari sometimes on open roads in the countryside. She goes as fast as she wants. He lets her.

He always makes her join him on/next to the podium when he wins if she is present for the race

Despite being pretty private people, Niki will flaunt you off in front of the press. It’s subtle but he definitely wants people to know that you’ve got him wrapped around your finger

Elena and James 100% had a tiny set of red coveralls made when you announced your pregnancy. Thankfully James left off the “Sex: breakfast of champions” patch

Writing process:

Someone told me Elena gives Katheryn Hahn vibes and honestly that's such a compliment to me I want to be her myself. But also im kinda the Elena of my friend group irl

Sex on a ping pong table? I really really did that and I regret nothing

A wanted to find the balance between modern and 1970s women's roles in society. Second Wave Feminism was definitely making an impact around the western world, but there was still a lot of gendered issues going on. Hence the things like Elena being a secretary, Cat going to school for art history (which was common for women, and art history is so fun), and James being all defensive about his sister. That being said, women who sought personal freedom with things like birth control pills and careers were seen as very "modern women", both in the positive and negative sense.

I would find a song and play that shit on loop for 3 hours to get the tone right for a chapter

I wanted to make Catherine as vague as possible in terms of appearance because idk what readers are like, you know? So I did my best to not reference things like hair, eye color, skin color in hopes that as many people could enjoy this.

I regularly slip into accents that I don't actually possess when writing and reading my stuff outloud. Examples are: British, Australian, german/austrian/absolutely horrid rendition of niki

I am technically a medievalist through my first degree which is why I always try to find some way to sneak out into my fics since I don't get to practice it anymore with my current job.

I tried to balance the film with some real life details about Niki and James. For example they really did live together for a time.

[thisdreamplace]

I think yes, i deserve to be free of this. It really is me bearing these burdens. After i wrote to u, i had a realisation,, i imagined what do i want from them nd it was like i want them to see how much pain i m in coz of THEIR conscious actions... I realized i want THEM to pity me, as pathetic as it sounds. yes i deserve to allow me to be happy no matter whos sayjng what to me. ik im fixating on them, they're my world, my twisted, pain filled world. when the strange thing is my world is what i think of me? is that right?

i dont want to feel this way anymore. how do i put the focus off off what they're doing or not doing? off the memories nd off my body nd mind's reactions to them?

thank you for the comforting words. i want to apologize for the message. Idk if its a good or bad habit, but i dont show ppl how much they hurt me irl, sometimes im irritable but i never show my weak vulnerable side to them and it got too much for me then, so i had to clutch at a straw. But this means I tklerate too much ig. They say u can't heal from the place of sickness but im scared,, what if i don't change inside and then even if im independent i may have these same patterns in people? like at school. i have a deep fear of just existing. ive always thought others have a right to exist to do whatever they want no need to justify, but somehow i cant ever find the courage to do that for myself?

first i don't want tk give the duo so much standing that im havjng misery on my own based on their actions to me. so how could i do that, how could i start? im not looking for a quick fix, but for this change, does it mean me expressing thjngs they want to hear or changing my values? So they don't do that to me? In fact, do u think, is it possible I'm not getting this 'treatment' coz of something I am but coz of what I secretly expect from them?! 😦

second: is everything i have seen in ppl reflecting me inside? that is neville's concept that u reap what u sow. Is it possible for someone to have someone who's evil to them, become nice? Without saying anything to them? i also am realizing rn that i m still subconsiously searching for someone to blame! Ur right! There's no wrong or right. only me nd a deep loneliness ig. I don't mean it in a victim way. This time :) It's terrifying to think we realy are alone to reap what we sow

😶

yeah, your world is what you think of you... in relation to the world and everyone in it. so you see yourself as this person who gets treated this way, you see your family as people who act this way, it all comes together to become your experience.

if i was you, i would just take a step back... internally. because perhaps you cannot escape them physically, maybe you live with them. that isn't a barrier between you and freedom unless you make it so. you have to let yourself feel bad, think the thoughts, wallow in victimhood, but each time you do that fall back into your power. in other words, surrender. "i dont want to feel this way anymore, it's time to feel better (so i won't give in to these feelings willingly anymore)." "love is behind all of this behind, love is waiting for me." "i am supported by the godself within, i am okay." idk, these type of thoughts can help you through it. they help me. so it's just a suggestion. you've clearly held onto this for a while, you've experienced it for years, and it sounds like you're have this painful story in a chokehold. like you arent exactly ready to let it go, but you're also interested enough to begin finding inner freedom. and that interest will guide you. find the light of it even during the darkest moments. it's time to allow yourself to heal, for you. let the facts remain and let your faith to your inner world be your guide through this.

its okay to send this type of message. sometimes we have to vent it out and we open our own eyes through it. the habit you mentioned, it's a neutral habit. you're the one who essentially decides if it's bad or good. it's really unimportant though. we can sit here and think about our habits and how they have got us to Y which lead us to X and perhaps it explains Z. or we can just accept, "okay this was my habit. this was my story i held onto tightly. i dont want to anymore. it's time to change."

if you don't change inside, it will have been a choice rather than something you just couldn't do. so it's not really anything to worry about. don't settle for less, make the decision to change because you have no choice but to anymore. it's time.

in my opinion, wondering about why and how is a detour, when there's an easier way to get to the end destination. how do you want to feel? and practice staying there. don't ask for permission, don't expect anyone to help you get there. (i am guilty of this, wanting someone to change so i can finally feel better... no. i have to change, then i can finally feel better. this goes for all of us.) if you have a human moment where you feel like speaking your mind, okay. we are human. the human experience won't stop the inner world, because we are always experiencing the contents of our inner world. simply get into the habit of experiencing a more beautiful inner world, more frequently.

yeah, everything you have seen in people is reflecting you inside. that's actually the only explanation for it. there is no other reason. now, don't get confused. this doesn't always mean, "so i am a terrible, mean-hearted person just like them?" no, people also can only reflect who you think THEY ARE. so when you see someone as toxic, of course, they will play the role of the toxic person. and you just see yourself as the person who is as the receiving end of that kind of behavior. so yeah, that stands to reason a person can become loving, beautiful, and wonderful to you without you saying a word to them. you didnt have to ask them to become terrible, you don't have to ask them to become loving either.

yes, it can feel scary to reap what you sow on your own. because we are all imagination, we have to imagine better. no one can help us to do so. it's heavy sometimes, but the thing is you don't have to do this overnight. it's okay to breathe, it's okay to start with you. you don't have to worry about changing anyone else. worry about changing you, let yourself feel those things you've been refusing to let yourself feel because of others. it's time to free yourself.

plus, i find it helps you don't have to carry the burden of "i am god" that sometimes comes when you are starting in a lower place. sometimes "i am god" feels more suffocating than liberating, when you already feel so out of control. it's okay to think, "i am god's child" "i am supported by unconditional love within" or things like that. as one of my wonderful friends once said, "sometimes you have to fall, and let your godself catch you." (@astraldoll) it may feel heavy, but let limitless love be your guide.

i will link this article, i have linked many times, because it's so relevant. this person didn't ask for permission from her family to feel better, she decided to. she didn't even bother to try and change them. she just changed herself and because of her refusal to accept less from her family, they changed too. because people can only reflect you.

No One to Change But Self

i can't wait to hear about how you successfully transformed your life 💖

[lovestillaround]

Thoughts about Phil’s last video (Draw My Life: Part 2)

So, it’s been two days and I still have trouble processing all the information from Phil’s newest video - that’s why I’m writing my thoughts down, hoping that it will give me more inner peace. Disclaimer: following text includes critique of the video, so if you’re sensitive to that kind of stuff/ not in the mood for hearing my negative opinions, please proceed with caution or stop reading. Love ya <3

So, Phil starts the video saying that he’s aware that we know what’s been mostly going on in his life during the last six years and that he’s gonna share with us all the behind the scenes facts. And that on itself is fine, but oh boy, nothing would prepare me for the amount of negativity that I was going to endure (and no, I’m not talking about the subjects of death and illness). I said it to my friend and I still stand by that opinion - the video was for me more like “20 minutes of complaining about/listing every bad thing that happened in my life” than actual “draw my life”. And well, obviously Phil has the right to reflect on his life in whatever way he wants, but as I was watching the video, I couldn’t help getting more and more frustrated with his lack of awareness, especially regarding the massive privilege that he has and has always had. (Also, I’m not trying to call him out for being rich and being able to afford things that I can’t afford - that’s not at all what this is about, it’s about the attitude and the way he chose to speak about those things).

While I do think that the video was full of lovely and cute moments, I’m going to focus mainly on what I found annoying or upsetting, just to keep it (relatively) short. So, I was talking about how in my opinion the video was filled with negativity. You might ask - where is it, Daria? Or more importantly - why is it bad? The response to the video is (at least from what I saw) overwhelmingly positive. Well, I’ll try to explain how I see it.

The video literally starts with Phil saying that London was (is?) 5x more expensive than Manchester, and that if their career in London didn’t work out, they would have had to move back to their parents. I have enough compassion to understand that it must have been hard for them to feel insecure about their finances (I know this feeling damn too well) - but I also think that people should, idk, be generally aware that their actions have consequences? They took a risk, and it was hard to live in uncertainty - I get that - but people having to live with their parents is a reality for so many people! So many young people don’t even get a chance to start an independent life, for various reasons. And I’m not saying that he doesn’t have the right to talk about his struggles - just for me, in the light of the rest of the video that is played on a similar note, it becomes clear that Phil isn’t aware of how much luck he’s had in life and how he has already started his life from a much better position than - can I say that? - probably the majority of people. So for me, what lacks in the video is, idk, maybe just one instance where he acknowledges his privilege? Or just generally him using a different language while talking about his experience, choosing his words more carefully, but I’ll get to that later.

The negativity continues when Phil talks about how he could not work out how to operate the radio control panel, how it was a bad decision to say yes to everything (although I admit, this one is just Phil acknowledging sth that he has learned over the years, which isn’t really negative but let’s still keep it on the list of bad things), anxiety, lack of sleep, stress, juggling responsibilities, people that they used to work with getting more from dnp than dnp did from them, dnp doing things out of obligation, not being able to fully create things how they wanted to, people being cynical about youtubers doing projects/not understanding youtube and media’s negative reactions, loads of office work, risking all their life savings to go on tour, heteronormativity of the interviewers, lots of work related to creating gaming channel videos, overworking themselves during gamingmas, frustration with people not realising how much work happens behind the scenes, people cancelling projects, losing money because of Manila. 

On the other hand, the positives that Phil talked about were getting job at the radio, getting 1 million subs, interviewing people being a cool thing, everything about his relationship with family was very positive, getting a new team of people to work with and dropping some responsibilities like the radio show, success of the books and tours and games they created, creative freedom, positive relationship with his audience, improvement of the press over the years and people in traditional businesses becoming aware of what youtube is, creating and expanding irl merch, having fun on tour. 

Then comes the moment when I got genuinely quite confused, aka the moment when Phil talks about not having a life. Like.... really? He has every right to feel what he feels but honestly, not that many people would count themselves lucky enough to be in a long term relationship, having a loving family, four friends that want to hang out with them, going out to dinner dates and cinemas on the regular, regularly going on vacations, being able to take private yoga or boxing lessons etc. 

When I heard him saying “and I didn’t do any normal stuff people do, like getting a house or a dog”, that’s the point when I’ve lost all my hope. Like, I’m sorry Phil, but are you really gonna complain about not having time to get a house because of the life choices that you’ve made? Just… think about it. I’m not an expert on the standard of life in the UK but I personally can think of exactly zero people that I know who bought a house in their 20s. And I have to say, it’s upsetting that he seems to be so detached from what is the reality for many many people. 

Sharing personal stuff on the internet requires courage and I don’t want to be the one who takes all this knowledge and uses it against him. But I’m genuinely upset with the way he handled things this time. As I was watching the video for the first time, at the end of it all I could think was - wow, you’re really that entitled, aren’t you?

And it makes me sad, because I see two possible reasons for him being like that:

a) He is not in the best place mentally, so that he can only really focus rn on the negative aspects of his life, regretting his past choices, being disappointed in how his personal life looks like. This could be supported the fact that for basically any major thing that happened in his life he decided to share with us and elaborate mostly the negative details attached to it, rarely the positive ones (see the list of positive and negative things that I included above). 

b) He is completely unaware of what’s the average threshold for a “good quality life”, and he’s not aware of his own privilege. 

To elaborate a bit more on the point b): one could see Phil’s video as maybe a reminder that everything comes with a prize and that even though a youtuber’s life might seem super easy, there’s still a lot of stress and work involved that we just don’t see. But… I’ve been aware of that. Nobody’s life is one-dimensional, and everyone has struggles. And of course they have to edit their videos and do the business stuff. But when Phil says how he sometimes wishes people were aware of his personal struggles, I can only think that this is the reality for many many people, not only celebrities on the internet. Idk, maybe I just wasn’t the target of this whole segment in the first place, but for me it sounds borderline patronising, and again, entitled, because as I mentioned, everyone has their own struggles.

But for me, Phil doesn’t seem to be aware that he was only able to make some of the life choices that he’s made because he already had a good start in life in the first place. He’s always had a safety net in form of his parents, so he could make a choice of risking everything and moving to London for example. And yes, coming back home and asking his parents for money could have been embarrassing for him and emotionally hard, but so many people could not take such risk, or any risk, in general! Because they have families that they need to take care of. Because they have not enough money to move to an expensive city, no matter the circumstances. Because they have no one left who would help them financially if something went wrong. And so many other reasons!

On one hand, I can empathise with his frustration. I know how it is to work my ass off just to be able to go to uni, while many people that I know get money from their parents, go to a couple of lectures and then party/do nothing really. And then having other people thinking that everything is easy for me because idk I’ve always had good grades so according to them I don’t need to work as hard. Is it frustrating? Yeah. It’s hard to be misunderstood, or having your work belittled. But I would never blame other people for not being aware of how much work comes with the lifestyle that I’ve chosen. And I’m aware that dnp were working their asses off to create good things for us, but also, obviously, they were hoping to make financial profit out of it. It might sound awful but they did not have to do most of those things. In many instances, they totally did not have to overwork themselves, because it was not like they were making money to survive, they were making money just to make more money, basically. Nothing evil in wanting to make money but honestly Phil, most people work super hard, and they don’t get millions for it. While I do acknowledge that they’ve been working hard, and that a part of their audience might have not been aware of that, I think that complaining about that seems quite… inconsiderate? Complaining about the lack of private life seems inconsiderate too, especially because most people aren’t privileged enough to just decide to put their work aside and focus on their private life whenever they want. Many people I know are overworking themselves too, simply because they don’t have another choice. 

So, I’m quite upset. I don’t know what my point is. It seems to me like in that video Phil comes from a place of deep frustration, and well, I’m frustrated too. Fair game, I guess?

I want them to have a good life. I want them to do whatever the hell they need to do in order to be happy, I want them to get a goddamn dog and a house. But I also hope they’ll continue to grow, and that maybe next time Phil will be more considerate, and more careful with words.

[sometimesrosy]

The person that send the ask about JRoth refering to Echo and Madi in the past had/got made me take a sec and think because i understand refering to E in the past because i think that BE are going to break-up but why would he refer to Madi in past tense? and then i remembered aa spec that you sai regarding Madi staying in the planet and Clarke leaving with the others, i think? do you really think that would happen and can you talk more about it? 1/2

2/2 i mean i just don’t see Clarke leaving her daughter alone in another planet, altough there is always the whole flame thing, idk how that is gonna affect their relationship but i mean, would Jason really take away her daughter? that’s a new low, even for him lol

He might just have spoken about them in the past because he was speaking about what happened to Clarke and Bellamy over the time jump. That was all in the past. What happened OFF screen affected who Clarke and Bellamy were in the current timeline. 

As he’s writing, or storyboarding, that means that he’s developing THEIR story based on the past. It might have been a mistake just based on his focus as he writes. None of what they say in cons is edited, you know? You can’t expect them to be perfect or precise.

My speculation about them leaving Two Suns Planet is PURE speculation and just something they COULD do based on certain themes and foreshadowing and tropes and archetypes. It doesn’t at all have to be story they go for. Just ONE story path. 

But you say that taking a characters daughter away and leaving her on a planet alone with others is a new low for JR?

I think that is the EXACT SET UP OF THE 100. Abby Griffin lost her daughter, who was sent down alone onto a poisonous planet with 100 delinquents. 

New low? Or, hey, what this show is about?

Oh. Is it different because Madi is so young? 

Charlotte. Tris. Baby Lovejoy. Aden. Ethan. 

Kids don’t escape violence, loss or death on this show. This is BUILT IN to the narrative. 

Don’t confuse a plot line that you don’t like with something that doesn’t fit. Because it DOES fit. It’s pretty standard that kids on this show grow up a LOT faster than kids irl. And Madi HERSELF was left alone at the age of FIVE. So the concept that JR wouldn’t POSSIBLY leave a child alone is ABSOLUTELY FALSE. BTDT. Pay attention.

In many ways, this show is about the new generation, THE KIDS, learning to find their own power and stand up and change the world for the better. All our delinquents except for Bellamy were kids when they landed on earth. That is the NATURE of this show.

You identified with the kids, so you didn’t notice, except for occasionally, that our kids were actual kids, because you were inside their heads and instead you saw the freedom and the power and the challenges and the heroism. When we looked at the PARENTS, we saw them as characters who did stuff TO the kids, who abandoned them or abused them or sent them to earth or betrayed them or whatever it is. Maybe you didn’t notice because all the actors were playing younger than their real age, because the show WANTED you to think of them as active adult principals. But Jasper and Monty? What were they? 15? That’s only a few years older than Madi. And they had NEVER been left alone to survive by themselves. They weren’t as capable. Maybe the subtle shift of adults playing kids to kids playing kids means that the writers want you to think about what it means to grow up, to be responsible, to be an adult or a parent. Remember, their initial thought was to make the commander a child. They’ve actually gone BACK to their original concept. 

NOW you’ve got YOUR kid as the parent, as the person who is the hero with the motivation and desires and goals. So you see Clarke as the active principle and Madi as the passive one. But it’s the SAME story. 

Clarke raised Madi to be independent, she was driving and going off alone at 11. Hunting and gathering and facing a post apocalyptic earth alone. That’s how she raised her. Now that people are back, Clarke is clinging to Madi and trying to keep her safe when before she’d raised her to keep HERSELF safe. 

We’ve already seen Clarke struggle with the same thing Abby struggled with. Learning to LET HER DAUGHTER GO TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS. The audience is sometimes outraged that anyone would allow Madi to make these life or death decisions intended to save Clarke, but Clarke was making life or death decisions from ep 1, and we were outraged that Abby would try to stop her and keep her a child.

So what I’m saying here? This is a THEME we’ve seen in The 100. Madi is a bit younger, but she is also just as capable as Clarke. We have SEEN her be capable. 

Would JR have Clarke lose Madi? 

He had Abby lose Clarke, didn’t he? So yeah. He would. It isn’t some worse horror inflicted upon her. It is a cyclical story. The parent must release her child to her own future as her parent released her. The youth shall inherit the earth.

Actual literal line of dialogue. They PASSED THE BATON. 

So, we need to pay attention to these things if we want to understand something more about the story. 

so my theory about return to earth? ok

so the idea is that they will have to leave planet two suns, that they will have to DESTROY the comfortable, peaceful human society on the planet because it is, like MW, evil. I think we’ll have a parallel to MW. We already know that the eligius 4 mission was a colonization mission, intent on USING the planet for resources because the earth was used up. This is the bad kind of colony. 

We’re also contrasting “doing what is good for you people” with “doing what is right,” and I’m afraid that joining Russell in a peaceful world where their people can finally live life, which would be GOOD for their people, will actually be harming the planet and either another segment of humans OR the native aliens on the planet. 

So in order to do the right thing and be the good guys, they’ll have to destroy this “peace” and sacrifice and easy life for their people.

This would help Clarke and Bellamy resolve their trauma in MW, where they had to DESTROY an entire people, and never made peace with the fact that they HAD to because those people were not JUST another society, but a TOXIC one who was using other human beings as cattle and torturing them, and intending to take over the surface. 

So while this made her think maybe there were no good guys, the truth is, that even though they committed genocide, it was because that society was EVIL. They WERE the good guys. Sometimes you HAVE to do harm. 

So I think we’ll see this again and this time they will recognize that the choice is to let evil flourish through passive inaction and possibly benefit, or GIVE up the soft life and save a planet and a people from subjugation and STOP the cycle of violence that humanity spreads.

See, we’re working on making sure that Humanity DESERVES to survive. So being faced with a pretty, peaceful society that does not DESERVE to survive, means they have to make active choices against it.

The thought here is that they are subjugating or enslaving the aliens or alien/human hybrids or lower class humans of this planet. ECHO, being a child soldier and slave for the throne, while not feeling like she belongs to spacekru, will feel a kinship with the slaves on the planet and she will stay with them.

The other possibility is that Becca has given an ALIE AI to the new planet, so the flame is not irrelevant. Because the flame was created to STOP ALIE. So if there’s another ALIE helping to subjugate these new people, then the FLAME, aka Madi, is there to stop that. COULD someone else take the flame? Yes, because they’re all going to have to be nightbloods. But it’s possible that Madi herself feels too much responsibility and wants to stay to help the new people. but the story here would mean that Madi wouldn’t be alone, but Echo would be staying with her, as her protector. IDK. 

I don’t know it’s an idea. I got it when I realized that Raven said, “Just once I wish I could take off of a planet without it being on fire,” and she did that TWICE, which means the magic number three might have that coming true. So then I imagined raven taking off of this new planet, NOT on fire, but still needing to leave because they destroyed the “peaceful” society. Like breaking the cycle means they leave it a better place, rather than the earth, which humanity has killed. 

Also with the way the time is going, it took 75 years to fly to the new planet. If they go back to the earth, that’s 200 years total, which is the ORIGINAL speculation for how long The Ark would have to stay in space before Earth would be livable. That’s just too neat a coincidence for me. Makes me think that in, maybe s7, they might be back on the earth again. 

All just ideas. I know it’s wacky. But I’ve had a lot of wacky ideas, like using Cryo sleep to escape praimfaya. Or the exodus after they lose Eden. Heck, I told y’all after hakeldama that this show requires Clarke and Bellamy to be TOGETHER in order to work. So I have wacky ideas that I put together when I think about various narrative elements. So here. Have some more.

Also. Because we’re all responsible for our monsters when we let them out, right? Well humanity destroyed Earth. Do they really get to just ditch it and find .a new planet to ruin? I feel like they need to go home and face the mess they made of their planet. To EARN their survival, they have to fix what they did. They have to make amends. Stopping it from happening on another planet might do that, but also, taking care of the planet they hurt. 

[rkxblue]

happy #rkfifth !

i told myself i wasn’t going 2 do this b/c ... i’m lazy bean, but here we are anyway! let’s get it!

but anyways starting off rookies was kind of like a vacation to me, rp wise. before rk i had my own rp that lasted a while but during 2013, there was just some drama between members that i constantly had 2 deal with and honestly it was like ... dragging me down, making admining seem like a chore and i loathed logging on to the main b/c i knew there would be some shit w/ these certain people that i had to deal with. so seeing rk in the tags being a different kind of idol roleplay ( and shout out rk for being a trendsetter ) /and/ the fact that reserves were filling up so quickly for a new rp, i quickly sent in a muse.

and it was a little ... idk at first. i did feel out of place considering most came from a different rp in the beginning and i wasn’t, and on top of me being v awkward w/ talking 2 people on instant messengers, there was a bit of time where i felt like i didn’t fit in and almost dropped like 2 weeks after i joined, LOL. luckily at the time a lot of things were going on which helped w/ plotting and meeting new muses, and everyone was super friendly and nice and that’s what kept me here!!!

so then rk turned from a vacation you didn’t want to leave from -- i ended up slagging off p majorly on my responsibilities as an admin at my own rp for a while because i was having such a good time at rk -- it rly brought back my love for rp and muse and tbh if you look back at rksunyoung’s archive back in 2013 - early 2014, i don’t think i’ve ever written as much on tumblr as i did back then, LOL. rk has definitely had it’s ups and downs and i’ve dropped both of my muses before -- but it wasn’t too long before i was bringing them back because there really isn’t a place like rk within krp. that, along with the dedication between both members and admins, is why it’s lasted so long and is still thriving with a super active dash after five fucking years. that’s crazy!! i think i remember mei saying something similar on twitter -- but when i see old rp friends and they ask “omg ur /still/ at rk???”

so it’s obvious to see why this rp went from feeling like a vacation to a home, right?? it’ll always have a special place in my heart  ♡

anyways moving on to my characters too -- when i first brought rksunyoung, now miss rkxblue, i never thought that she would last more than a couple of months, much less be involved with so many things within rk’s history!! it’s ... p wild to think about, especially since i’m someone that has a hard time committing to hobbies and such. it’s been a fun ride watching her go from someone who was wild and reckless and had a problem with love and a little bit of anger issues to someone whos a lot more well rounded, a soft idiot LOL. she even finally got herself the sweetest boyfriend after four years of being shipless on the rp, which i still can’t wrap my head around because denying herself love and believing that it doesn’t exist was one of her /things/ for the longest time. the list of stuff she’s done is so long and now that it’s lead to her finally debuting it’s ... scary yet exciting for her, to be honest, she thought she’d be a trainee forever!! i’ve had a lot of ups and downs with her muse as well, to the point where there was like years ( i think ) of inactivity on my end and she should have 4238972389 more points than she does atm because of that. i do feel sorry for her b/c that was just me being lazy ofc, but in the end i’ve gotten my shit together on her and have been pumping out replies p consistently this year and plotting w/ trainees which has done wonders for her muse. and although hyomin was literally /the/ perfect fc for her considering her personality, the fc change 2 yura has also helped majorly with my muse and it’s been so much easier to plot and reply and even with her characterization too.

as for miss rknvna!! she hasn’t had as much development as sun, aside from her tumultuous rls with a former song minho and being a royal trainee during her first run, and that’s mainly been due to my laziness again jfkafl;a. the good thing tho is that i’ve finally been able to experience life as a rookie with her, considering the times my girls have become trainees were v quick ( sun’s first time was like a week or two after the rp opened, then 3 months after i rejoined w/ her, and nana became a trainee only a month after she joined the first time ) so it was nice to experience the freedom that came with being a rookie!! since 2018 has been sun’s year, i’m going to focus on nana for 2019 so that she can branch out more!!

i guess before i move on i should give shoutouts to all my other rkmuses throughout the years whose lives were so short that i can’t even remember their urls LOL -- my song jieun, park kyungri, goo hara, and choi jinri muses!! i’m sure there’s at least one more that i’m forgetting, but they all lasted around 2 weeks so...

but i also want 2 thank rk for allowing me to be more social as well!! i’ve said this in the last anniversary post i wrote 25238957 years ago but i used 2 have a phobia of sorts when it came 2 instant messengers, so i didn’t rly have one when msn was popping and therefore, didn’t talk 2 many people ooc wise in rps. i made an aim when i came to rk and just ... diving in and talking to people helped out a lot with that, even if i do still get anxious from time to time w/ just simply messaging people. :(

i’m a shy individual ( and for some reason its only exacerbated online??? idk fam ) and unconsciously rather private as well, so that definitely hinders me from making friends as much as i would like to, but it’s a day by day process!! it’s something i’ve come 2 terms w/ as of late and will seriously work on within the next year! but even w/ me being the way that i am, i’ve been able 2 meet a couple of people that have made my experience in rk just a little bit brighter so a ( very brief ) shout out 2 them ~

to maria ( @rkjinkis ) : my sweet angel!!! i’m so glad that rk brought us together because you’ve honestly become one of my closest friends from this rp and in general tbh!! ur so super sweet and caring and a blessing 2 my life, just as much as jinki is to ahyoung’s!! i’m sorry that sun is too independent for her own good but she’s working on it okay!! baby steps!! i love how genuine u are and how we can rely on each other through thick and then, and honestly i want the world for u and more. i love love love LOVE u so much, and i’ll make sure u never forget it!! thank u for being my friend and my source of happiness!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡ 

to hamin ( @rksoohyun ) : despite the fact that we knew each other from snu it was rk that actually got us 2 start talking and i’m so grateful for that!! u literally are the cutest girl in the entire world and ur just as outgoing irl as u are online; seeing morning musume ( a group i thought i would never see live ) w/ u was truly a highlight in my life!!! and ofc soohyun will forever be nana’s fuckin child and she’ll always be rooting for her happiness!! i love u u sweet buttercup and i can’t wait until ur back so i can talk 2 u again!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡ 

to mei ( @rkariel ) : man i admired u for the longest b/c i’ve always loved the way u write and ur characterization of tiffany / ariel, so when years ago nick told me that u were actually paying attention to the minana plot and threads i was so shook i nearly tripped over myself LMFAO. i’m happy that we actually started talking b/c of that tho!!! it’s so easy 2 write w/ u and i honestly have so much fun regardless if we’re just talking about our characters, getting carried away on dash or twitter, or hurting each other w/ headcanons!! ariel has become nana’s rock p much and w/o her i’m not sure how she would of fared her time w/ mino w/o her and their discussions!!! i hope that we can become closer in the future!!

to razel ( @rkcheri ) : hiya boo!!! ik we don’t rly talk anymore but i still wanted 2 mention u b/c u were one of my first friends in rk when i felt kinda lonely, and that was definitely one of the reasons i was able to stick around!! i loved writing w/ u b/c ur writing style was always so unique that i could actually point u out whenever we were in past rps together and it’s an honor 2 even write w/ u fjkalf;a. i’m sorry that sun is such a shitty friend and i’m looking forward 2 the day jihyun kicks her ass about not telling her about jinki b/c she deserves it LOL. but just, thank u!!!!

to amy ( @yienrk ) : are u surprised ur on here?? HAHA we don’t talk too much either but i do appreciate u checking up on me whenever i’m down and just generally being supportive and nice!!! also i’m in awe about how knowledgeable u are about idols in general ( i remember one of our first convos being about how sixteen came 2 be and the collapse of all of jype’s trainees and such ) and i love yien and nana’s supportive relationship too!! i can’t wait 2 see how they develop, and i hope 2 get closer 2 u in the future!! ; u ;

to eclipse girls ( @rkariel , @rkaudrey , @rkhaseul , @rkjennie , @rkyeri ) sun couldn’t of asked 2 debut w/ a better group of girls and i’m so glad that they harmonize w/ each other so well!! i’m excited 2 see what debuting brings for them!!  ♡ ♡ ♡

and a shoutout 2 snu crew too ( piper / hoonji, nanu, @rksang, @rktomu, @rksoohyun , @rkjinhwan94, @rkpcy ) : even tho ik majority of u probably won’t see this i’m still tagging and talking about y’all anyway!!! i have so much fun reminiscing w/ u guys whenever we can, and i’m happy that i’ve grown closer too u all as well!! i’m sorry i was such a shit admin back in the day, and what brought y’all together was bad circumstances, but i’m glad it’s something that we can all look back on and laugh at now. i miss being together w/ all of u at once but i hope y’all are doing okay!!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡

and naturally, the admods too!!! thank u guys for putting up w/ all my shit whenever i was in a slump or i sent in points late or fucked up the points ( honestly kyle u are such an angel for real LOL ), and for just keeping the rp in tip top shape!!! ur the back bone of rk and we couldn’t of made it this far w/ each and every one of u and ur contributions and dedication 2 the rp!!! i’m super proud of u guys and am proud 2 call u my admins!!!!  ♡

and ofc shoutout 2 everyone that i’ve ever plotted and threaded w/ in the past and present -- i’m super shit at replying 2 those in general so thank u for being patient w/ me even though i don’t deserve it. i don’t know how else 2 end this b/c i’m also super shit at ending things so uh.... happy fifth year anniversary rk!!! here’s to many more!!!

[yourbri]

Rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Thanks to @nitanna for tagging me <3 Go follow her tumblr cause she’s the best! (and all my other friends & mutuals!)

THE LAST

1. drink: water 2. phone call: my mum, i asked her to pick me up from the station 3. text message: i sent a photo to my friend 4. song you listened to: bling bling - ikon 5. time you cried: on saturday and im not stating why cos its embarrassing 6. dated someone twice: wasnt even going to plan to get married 7. kissed someone and regretted it: hell no 8. been cheated on: single pringle 9. lost someone special: yes, my grandma 10. been depressed: not rlly, ive been pretty happy recently 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: drunk on bts yes

3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. pastel 13. white/black 14. blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: kinda? 16. fallen out of love: dude i fell out of love like a month ago (it was a crush tho) 17. laughed until you cried: everyday 18. found out someone was talking about you: id rather not know tbh 19. met someone who changed you: who said i interacted with ppl? 20. found out who your friends are: i dont have friends XD 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: dont have fb GENERAL 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I dont have social media 23. do you have any pets: i used to have pet snails…two died, and we let one go…that’s why i cant stand people eating snails, even if its sea snails, even if its a delicacy 24. do you want to change your name: no, but i do want to change the spelling of Brianna to Bryanna (to be hipster ya know) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: buffet for lunch and then my sister got sick, i got my period, and i thought i would die (i dont want to celebrate my bday again, really) 26. what time did you wake up: 7:03 am, i dragged myself out literally 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: hiding underneath my covers with my phone on wattpad 28. name something you can’t wait for: independence. i know i’m still a child and although im scared of growing up, i want to have more freedom and independence, more control of my own life. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like a few minutes ago? 31. what are you listening to right now: the sound of my own breathing 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes, back in primary schoo. he was a ginger. and i had a crush on his best friend 33. something that is getting on your nerves: people 34. most visited website: youtube, gmail and tumblr 35. hair colour: dark brown (looks lighter in the sun) 36. long or short hair: long hair, i havent cut it for like how many months….lmao 37. do you have a crush on someone: irl, a boy at tennis comp (tho im not sure if i still do) and BTS BTS BTS 38. what do you like about yourself: my twisted sense of humour? 40. blood type: wtf idk am i supposed to know? 41. nickname: Bri, Brian, Bry-anna (like fry) 42. relationship status: single now and forever 43. zodiac: capricorn 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: shark tank (educational and interesting) (i wanna be an investor now so i can be rich)  46. tattoos: zero, but i might get one when im older…one that i wont regret 47. right or left handed: right handed 48. surgery: never 50. sport: tennis, tho im not really good, but im working on it! 51. vacation: Japan, South Korea and explore more of Australia (im a local who hasnt even been to the Gold Coast) 52. pair of trainers: hand-me-down black adidas

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: my life revolves around food 54. drinking: im thirsty 55. I’m about to: revise for a math test but will probs end up doing some other crap 56. waiting for: myself to get my shit together in life 57. want: intelligence and wisdom           58. get married: okay, maybe i will get married…..(for company) but im not having kids 59. career: a school student who is waiting to get out of hell

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: hugs definitely 61. lips or eyes: eyes, they tell everything 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms…for good protection and cuddling purposes 65. hook up or relationship: a truthful relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant? idek bro, i thought im staying single

HAVE YOU EVER: 67. kissed a stranger: yum, no 68. drank hard liquor: nope 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: well ive never lost my glasses or my contacts, but my contacts did fall out once and one of my lenses from my glasses did pop out once as well… 70. turned someone down: who would even like me? 71. sex on the first date: ew no 72. broken someone’s heart: more like my own heart 73. had your heart broken: asdfghjkl never had a heart to begin with (i sound so emo wth) 74. been arrested: nah 75. cried when someone died: yes, yes yesu 76. fallen for a friend: somewhat yes?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: barely 78. miracles: depends 79. love at first sight: not exactly 80. santa claus: too old for that shit 81. kiss on the first date: um….questionable? 82. angels: shrug

OTHER: 84. eye colour: dark brown 85. favourite movie: my lifeu

I tag: anyone who wants to participate @mutuals @random ppl

[inqilabi]

Hi Annie. Im a closeted lesbian getting rishtas. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Do I tell these rishtas? what if it comes back to my parents? Sometimes I think about just going thru with it. But i imagine a wedding I get so anxious. I don't want to hurt my parents, I don't want to deceive anyone either. id be ok if they accepted I dont want marriage but so much pushback just for that, idk what they'll do if they knew I was gay

Hey sorry for sitting on this ask. I wasn’t sure how to answer it. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I understand the anxiety around marriage, and the pushback against wanting to remain unmarried. And I imagine you must be exhausted. But beyond that, what you are facing is entirely different and best addressed by someone who is a brown lesbian. I’ve only known two brown lesbians irl, and both had to eventually cut ties with their family. And they both came out much later, after rejecting a lot of proposals. They both had gay men that they were friends with who they would have married as a cover. They now live separately and after some years, finally began to have some interaction with their families again.

I don’t know what your situation with your parents is like. Are they abusive. Also don’t know how old you are and how long you have been getting rishtas for? Are you financially capable? I am assuming it’s more that you don’t want to burden them and cut ties with them?

My advice always in these circumstances is at the very least buy time. Work toward financial independence. Work towards things that give you even a little bit of sense of freedom, independence. And I know how incredibly difficult it is in these circumstances drowning and suffocating your will and motivation. If you can move out, or move away for studies do that.

Also don’t worry about having concern or feeling for men in the rishtas. Like don’t let that be another thing that burdens you. I can tell you 100% they are all shit. They look for rishtas with a specific purpose, a specific type of wife. They know what they’re doing.

Edit: also anon. If you are comfy, feel free to contact me off anon. I can at least put you in touch with the women I know. They're in their early 30s but they'll have experience with what you are facing now.

(if anyone else has advice please add).

[shirogane-atlas]

92 truths tag meme

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people

Thank you to @baked-mashed-potato​ for tagging me

LAST… [1] drink: capri sun fruit punch [2] phone call: uncle [3] text message: my boss [4] song you listened to: I don’t wanna live forever (zayn and tswift IT’S SO GOOD) [5] time you cried: a couple hours ago 

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: a best friend walked out of my life a few years back [10] been depressed: on and off since I was about 8 years old [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: i don’t drink 

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] Yellow [13] Blue [14] Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: YES irl and online :D [16] fallen out of love: i guess? i thought i was in love in HS then when we went to different colleges my feelings ended so? was it even love?? who knows [17] laughed until you cried: all the time [18] found out someone was talking about you: a few times in middle school [19] met someone who changed you: a few of my HS teachers  [20] found out who your true friends are: oh yeah.  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all except 2 [23] do you have any pets: no but i need one D: [24] do you want to change your name: a resounding no [25] what did you do for your last birthday: had cake with my fam and felt super awkward about it [26] what time did you wake up: UM like 4:30pm. I had a day off and stayed up last night writing fic ok don’t judge me [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: prepping for job training i have next week [28] name something you cannot wait for: freedom. but also klance moments in voltron s3 [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: less than a minute ago when she walked into the room :) [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: freedom. [31] what are you listening to right now: the air filter in the room is pretty loud [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: my HS chem teacher’s name was Tom  [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not having freedom. (sorry that’s becoming a theme in this lmao. i’d prefer if you didn’t ask tho) [34] most visited website: Tumblr and my work website [35] elementary: [redacted] [36] high school: [redacted] [37] college: [redacted] LOL sorry internet don’t need to know my biography [38] hair color: black [39] long or short hair: rapunzel (actually more like katara :D ) [40] do you have a crush on someone: im not sure? i might have one at someone from work but i need to see the person a couple more times before i know for sure, and she’s proven elusive [41] what do you like about yourself: UM....i’ll get back to you on this [42] piercings: ears only, but i want to get more [43]blood type: O+ (i think? unless it was O- .......omg idr?!) [44] nickname: none irl :( Sleapy for the internet [45] relationship status: single with no plans to mingle ;) (im on the ace/aro spectrum) [46] zodiac sign: libra but idek what a libra’s characteristics are supposed to be?? [47] pronouns: she/her but i don’t care too much [48] fav tv show: Voltron, and Person of Interest, which I’m currently watching [49] tattoos: none but maybe one day [50] right or left hand: Right

FIRST… [51] surgery: none  [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: a friend from elementary school whom ive recently reconnected with :) but we don’t talk that much now [54] sport: dodgeball LOL gym class in elementary school was fun [55] vacation: Baltimore, MD [56] pair of trainers: how you expect me to remember this?

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: Nothing but i had catfish about an hour ago [58] drinking: Nothing [59] i’m about to: post the fic i wrote last night [60] listening to: i answered this above LMAO that loud AF air filter [61] waiting for: tangled: the series and voltron s3 [62] want: freedom [63] get married: what’s that? (no plans for marriage in my life tbh) [64] career: teacher, but i want to be a writer/creative writing professor

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: both? both. [66] lips or eyes: lips [67] shorter or taller: taller  [68] older or younger: older i guess? coz more wisdom and independence  [70] nice arms or nice stomach: i think i already have nice arms, so now i want a nice stomach lmao [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: im hesitant so im gonna go with  troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? No [75] drank hard liquor? no [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? ive had mine broken... does that count? [77] turned someone down: no [78] sex on first date? no [79] broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so, unless im super oblivious [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? no, but i’ve been fined for using a student metrocard on a holiday -_- [82] cried when someone died? no (luckily no one close to me has died) [83] fallen for a friend? happened once when i was a teenager

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? depends on what we’re talking about [85] miracles? hell yes [86] love at first sight? no [87] Santa Claus? no [88] kiss on the first date? sure if you’ve known the person a while [89] angels? yes

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: i have like 4 best friends idk if they’d appreciate being outed to the internet XD [91] eye color: Brown [92] favorite movie: Memento

I TAG: @wolfwisp @themayflynans @the-blue-artemis and anyone else who wants to do it