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pwarkluv · 4 years ago

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❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes.

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went.

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside.

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least.

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit.

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life.

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways.

he just wanted to be loved.

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood.

jisung wanted that, craved that.

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt.

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs.

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home.

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in.

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind.

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself.

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option.

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty.

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard.

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do.

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him.

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there. what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up.

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on.

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind.

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing.

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window.

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room.

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention.

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along.

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windsweptlassie · 4 years ago

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On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

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mego42 · 4 years ago

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Shamelessly stealing @foxmagpie’s monthly rec thing without the ability to get my life together to do these on a monthly basis so, seasonal recs! So excited to see if I manage to do this again with anything remotely resembling consistency but i’ve been keeping the notes for approximately 43 years (or since ~september, whatever that means) so by god i’m gonna use them.

found my thrill - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe

Turner POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys turner is SO OBSESSED with Beth and Rio

both canonically and in this fic

it’s gr9

also features a weirdly soothing and relatable cord untangling moment as a metaphor

truly disturbingly relatable turner pov tbh

relentless boomer disdain, always a plus

led to the creation of this monstrosity, not sure what kind of a monster would do that

War In My Mind - mintletters16

Backread!!!!

post-213, gorgeous character study

guaranteed to make you feEl stUfF

I really love the like, cyclical, fractured pattern of Beth’s internal monologue, it gives the whole thing a really affecting at times dreamy, at times haunted vibe

the end twist is *chef’s kiss*

mourning bells - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet

Backread!!!!

Later s2 era, Rio’s at a funeral, gets drunk and calls Beth

V short, kind of…..mmm, not sweet, but almost? Idk

It’s got a wistful sort of almost/i can be quiet with you vibe that i go extremely bonkers for

delinquents - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Lol are any of you actually not reading this yet?

g o d ch 8 where do i start

First off how ABSOLUTELY VERY DARE for the tragic angst that is delinquents!beth boland. This poor baby, this precious bean. MUST PROTEC

SHE’S TRYING HER BEST AND I LOVE HER

zero percent deserves dean’s clammy hands, no i have not forgotten, tattooed on my brain, will never forgive

I also love love love love LOVE the ruby/stan subplot happening

(and ruby’s mom!!!!!) (seriously though you write the best moms)

oh god and baby beth starting to have confusing feelings about rio?????? *chef’s kiss*

p sure i was just like, straight screaming the entire end of the chapter

the dugout is like, pure serotonin

I can’t even talk about the closet

tHe teNsiOn

thank you i will take eleventy billion

don't give it a hand, offer it a soul - medievalraven / @medievalraven

am a desperate heaux for any fic that features rio and mick friendship

you are all incredibly shocked i know

still would not be mad if this swerved into rio x mick fake dating but beth x rio is cool too i guess

Speaking of things i am a desperate heaux for: DIANE!!!!!!!!

and DATING ANNIE???????????? Blessed

honestly this fic is worth it purely for the assertion that mick watches queer eye

Why don't we go to Venus? - watermelonriddles / @bensonstablers

another grief study!

apparently i was working through some stuff in september, idk, that was like 4 years ago

considering it’s the premise of the fic, i don’t think it’s a spoiler to say this fic is canon divergent and working with the premise that rio killed beth in 302

he is uh, not coping well

extremely haunted you might say

lots of marcus and rhea which is a delight!

rhea is to good for him tbh

i said what i said

truly top notch dream (nightmare?) sequences

the conversation at the end is extremely uncalled for

drop the game - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet

Backread!!!!

Am going to die mad Beth and Rio didn’t hook up in 211 but luckily this fic scratched the itch

(temporarily, it’s a fairly permanent itch)

Bonus rec: missing scene series i wanna do bad things to you featuring 2x02 and 2x04

Viva Voce - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx

Whoops we woke up married Vegas shenanigans!!

So cute!!!!! So sexy!!!!!

What more do you want?

am desperately obsessed with how beth can’t help stalking rio

feels right, feels organic

this makes me feel a lot of stuff about how they could be without their canon garbage between them

🎶 we could’ve had it aaaaaaaaaaall 🎶

you showed me colors (i can't see them with anyone else) - gild_fire / @gild-and-fire

really into the use of color to illustrate beth’s emotional state, i feel like there’s a word for that but idk what it is

UNIMPORTANT

really nice job capturing beth’s inner vulnerability balanced by her outer stubbornness

am DESPERATELY into Mick playing matchmaker

more please???????

Both Sides of the Law - JoeyLee / @joeyjoeylee

LAW SCHOOL AU! I suuuuuuper love Beth and Rio here (alt pov!! a gift!!!!) I love how initially prickly they are, I love how it’s evolving into a grudging respect, I love how INCREDIBLY AND HILARIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER THEY ARE and neither one of them seems to see it

listen I know we’re all already foaming at the mouth over this one but as it’s gonna go down as one of my all time favorites it bears repeating/rereccing

cannot stress enough how masterful the use of POV is here, both voices feel completely true and distinct and I love how the alternating chapters revisit, reveal and emphasize pieces of each other

i can’t talk about this fic without hyperventilating

I LOVE IT SO MUCH YOU GUYS

the slow burn is going to ACTUALLY KILL ME

rip, no regrats

Earned It - wakeupflawless / @wakeupflawless

spanking

that’s it that’s the pitch

H O T

living for beth’s exit in the first chapter, rio and i are both incredibly into it

second chapter also features violently possessive Rio who cannot deal with anyone messing with his girl so if that’s your thing boy howdy get on it

shake, baby, shake - openhearts

backread!!!!!

according to my bookmarks this was a reread but ???????

must’ve read it in the fugue state that followed reading for a moment we were strangers which is gr9 and I believe I have recced it before. If not, horrible oversight, reccing it now

beth and Rio POV lead up to the bathroom break, beautifully done, low-key feel bad reccing it bc the end point of both chapters makes me want to throw things but it’s super worth it for the tEnsiOn. ENJOY

What the Sea Wants, the Sea Will Have - flashindie / @pynkhues

I’m assuming all of y’all are already reading this

If not OH MY GOD FIX YOUR LIVES

P I R A T E A U

I’m sorry maybe you didn’t hear me piRaTE aU

meticulously researched, brain-meltingly vibrant, already painfully sexy slow-burning PIRATE AU

god where to start okay so first off, the world-building here straight up breaks my brain, sophie’s put in the work and it SHOWS

second, the atmosphere. i’m generally a pretty like, vague mental picture sort of reader but the sensory detail here grabs you by the throat and like, forcibly hauls you in whether your brain’s wired that way or no

and hey speaking of throats if you, like me, go a little funny about the knees at the idea of beth holding a knife to rio’s throat (he’s fine, calm down), there’s a v excellent beth-in-a-barrel moment for you

oh christ and the sexy tension

it’s gonna be a race to see which slow burn takes me out first, this or law school

Stunner - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Another high school AU, this time with baby Rio absolutely head over heels for his older sister’s bff

stunner!Rio has an emotional earnestness about him that I feel like delinquents!Rio has already outgrown and it’s so SWEET I can’t get enough

Desperately cute!!!!!!

alL he waNts iS foR beTh tO bE hiS girL

also unreasonably angsty???????

ANN ARBOR IS NOT THAT FAR MEGAN

A Heart's A Heavy Burden - tooshyforthis / @bathroombreaks

Howl’s Moving Castle AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Howl’s!!!!!!!!!!!

perfect opp to roast Rio for being a Dramatique Heaux

and it’s gonna be 9 chapters?????? H Y P E

author’s note boldly presumes I did not know I needed this AU when the reality is I did in fact know I needed this AU, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to deliver

so blessed

author also claims to not be team nose stud and yet it features prominently in all its magnificent glory

what is the truth dot gif

A Bit of a Stretch - septiembre / @septiembur

SO????? CUTE?????????

would be on this list for Rio calling Beth E alone tbh

really really really really really love this Rio POV of being settled into a relationship with Beth

It manages to be sweetly domestic af while still holding the edge that makes brio brio which is a neat trick

@septiembur may be a witch

beth’s approach to getting rio to do yoga with her is hilarious and exactly right, canon-typical amounts of subtlety

1000000/10

Post Break-Up Sex - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs

stg this was called Hit Shuffle

no matter

h O T

with a side of damn i’ve made some questionable choices in my life haven’t i introspection

(no regrats tho)

(esp not with this fic)

not the point of the fic by a long shot but i’m also extremely obsessed with Weed Eddie, so real

She drains my soul... she drains it not - niham87 / @niham87

ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT

am a complete sucker for paranormal world building that satirizes bureaucracy

Is that a trope? If so that’s my favorite

I did it. I’m picking a single favorite. You know what that is growth dot gif

ANYWAY i love the concept, i love the humor, i love beth instantly clicking with annie

I love her and mick’s sort of grudging professional courtesy

Love beth as a champion of environmental responsibility and all of the underworld being like …...okay??

cannot wait to see where this goes

Nine-Tenths - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

sometimes i think about rio putting beth’s hair in a ponytail and have to go lie down

science please explain why this rUinS mE

wait hold on i skipped ahead

HEY KIDS DO YOU LIKE UNBEARABLY CUTE DOMESTIC TENDERNESS

opens with rio sleepily holding beth’s hand to his heart so that’s the kind of thing you’ll be dealing with

uGH theY’RE sO CUTe

idk why precisely but rio adding hair ties to his bracelet collection is my undoing every time

Missed Call - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Rio doesn’t come home from a job when he’s supposed to. Beth (and I!!!!!!!) slowly loses her mind

Truly a masterpiece of rising tension

Will literally never forgive her for calling this light angst

I was SO STRESSED OUT

The first person to point out there was an author’s note at the beginning I obvs didn’t read is getting blocked

crush - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie

Listen even though this is centered around two OCs, they are OCs FROM a (n iconic) brio fic AND Beth, Ruby and Rio all make cameos (I mean, Rio’s pretty present since he lives in Mar’s mind rent free bc they are THE SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE BEST OF FRIENDS so idk if i’d call it a cameo but whatever)

and even if it didn’t feature any official GG characters I’d still rec is bc that’s mY SON AND this fic is TOO CUTE

I have so many feelings over mar and rio growing up and not knowing how to cope with girls becoming a Thing in their life and how it affects their friendship and mar feeling left behind but (SPOILERS) at the end of the story rio starts feeling that too and it’s so poignant knowing how that’s going to continue in delinquents

while mar may be my son, i also claim elena’s #1 stan status

before you’re like meg you’re only reccing it bc it’s a bday present ask yourselves do i really strike you as the kind of person that wouldn’t be equally obnoxious about this either way?

truly cannot fathom how hard i have fallen for these OCs i don’t normally do that

@foxmagpie is definitely a witch

The Ottoman - Niham87 / @niham87

look i will be the first to admit that i don’t go near as bonkers over the ottoman line in 308 as y’all do

(don’t get me wrong, i love it!!! I love that he laughs and i love that she’s pleased it just doesn’t hit my lose my whole mind button like idk, the dubby or the 306 convo, idk why)

BUT i v v v much love the context this delightful Rio POV pwp gives it

am also absolutely feral for 209 missing scene fic

and anything that captures the complexity of Rio’s s3 feelings for Beth and how twisted they’ve become

so this scratches a bunch of itches, is what i’m trying to say

Bet On It - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

That’s what my brain does when I think about Beth and Rio meeting in ch 1

am DESPERATELY OBSESSED WITH the tension between the two of them in this fic

I love how it plays with the ways they have to rely on but don’t trust each other

plus FAKE DATING and BED SHARING (fair warning hasn’t happened yet but the set up is there)

originally supposed to be 2 chapters, already up to 4, prayer circle it goes on forever

do you like drugs (tonight) - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe

v important focus on hydration, other fic should take note

extremely about the use of cut to and then flashback to enhance the ‘we were on drugs’ vibe

speaking of, beth and rio absolutely would take ecstasy to prove they are fun bc they are the exact kind of idiots that would peer pressure themselves

so glad beth kept her purse, got a bit stressed there for a second, clutches in that kind of circumstance are A Risk

not that i would know

FLAWLESS USE OF VOICEMAIL TBH

really love the ongoing denial that they are remotely into each other while proceeding to demonstrate how they are in fact, extremely into each other, great vibe

rio dances

I know my brain broke too

mmmm bacon

Navigate A Broken Path - flashindie / @pynkhues

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

I have a long standing tradition of getting unreasonably obsessed with side characters so i’m not like, entirely surprised by how obsessed i am with both Mick and Mary Pat but i never in a million years considered them as a ship

AND Y E T

they fit????? so perfectly?????? It’s amazing how she developes them individually enough that i look at them together and think ah yes this makes perfect sense for both characters

and they’re such an amazing foil to Beth and Rio?

can ships have foils? do i know what a foil is?

unimportant

GUYS you dON’T uNDERStAN d

hell i don’t understand

how absolutely very dare you make me care about YET ANOTHER set of gg ‘verse children

do not read this fic if you have no interest in feelings you zero percent asked for

wHA t hAPPeNED iN aLASkA?????????

A Moment’s Silence - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs

*makes sign of the cross*

y’all are gonna make me rediscover religion

extremely appreciate the author’s note approach to backstory top notch prioritization

listen it’s basically 3k of beth deep throating rio idk what more you need me to say about it

it is…..good stuff

bless the kinkmeme or fest whatever we’re calling it

praise - civillove / @blainesebastian

I mean you had me at “three times rio calls beth a good girl and one time he really means it”

ephemeral rio

I left that note for myself in here in the middle of the night and haven’t the foggiest what i was thinking but i stand by it none the less

okay okay i think i know what i meant, this fic (as do all of my fav civillove brio fics) has this sort of like, liminal, in the quiet moments feel to them that makes the moments and feelings somehow feel like i’m catching a glimpse of something secret and precious???

idk i just really like it okay

Heart and Soul - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo

oh look more unbearably sweet domestic tenderness, this time to music

thank you ma’am for my life

rio remembers beth used to play piano and gets her one and revoltingly cute shenanigans result

also hilarity

and sexiness

this fic has it all, truly

shout out to mick who sees no reason to keep rio’s feelings to himself

good girls tumblr fic - prettylittlementirosa / @hypermania

cheating and reccing a whole series

It’s my list and i can do what i wanna

stop crying about it, it’s four fics and they’re all AMAZING absolutely impossible to pick a fav

truly flawless characterization, next level ability to capture evocative mood, cannot get enough

three’s a crowd: who knew ballroom dancing while dean watches and grinds his teeth could be so sexy

(trick question everything about that premise sounds A++++ and boy howdy does it live up)

feel it on the way home: rio tries to break up with beth, it goes about as well as you’d expect

(thE angSty tenSioN)

i want to play the game: [from the floor] i’m still not ready to talk about it

(rio/turner, missing scene, 10000000% a taste of what went down in that hotel room)

june after dark: pitch perfect annie pov, really really love the take that Annie is the baby whisperer, can’t fully explain why but it feels incredibly right

(ANNIE X NANCY COULD WORK SO WELL YOU GUYS)

#fingers crossed these links are right i did not double check #i like to live on the edge #truly mind boggling amount of fluff on this list i surprised myself on that one #no i will not at any point get my shit together enough to write out thoughtful commentary this is a shit posting blog first last and always #fic recs #gg fic #nbc good girls #i'll come up with a tag for these if i ever do them again #check back 37 years from now #or ~~~~~~march #whatever that means

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reversecreek · 3 years ago

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pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace.

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen.

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus.

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood.

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

#irvingintro #drugs tw #dissociation tw #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #alcoholism tw #army mention tw #abortion mention tw #i won't lie to u all i like cleaned up this intro bt it's mostly old writing so forgive n overlook any rusty parts.......#it was a bit sickening hving to reread it bt. it does the job.

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winterromanov · 5 years ago

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know it’s for the better - bucky x reader

pairing: college!bucky x reader

part of the will we talk? universe

prompt: what about college!bucky during quarantine? their school gets shut down... do they stay together? how does it go?

a/n: a repost bc the ‘read more’ fucked up on the ask and idk??? what happened??? but here u go. about 2k words

know it’s for the better

The semester is not supposed to end like this. No, there are supposed to be parties and laughter and getting wine drunk on the roof, bare legs dangling into New York City. There are supposed to be finals, and library study sessions, and football games in hot, summer rain. There are supposed to be more nights tucked in the twin bed in your dorm room with Bucky’s arm looped round your waist, fingers splayed across your bare skin.

Instead it’s the beginning of March and everything is over. You could feel it coming like storm clouds, black and ominous, hovering on the horizon. The virus has been hovering on your periphery for an embarrassingly long time. As your twitter timeline became more and more scary and the news could talk of little else, it has become frighteningly and anxiously real. Life—everywhere, but particularly in New York—is never going to be the same.

You have no choice but to pack up your little dorm room and return home. Your mom had frantically booked you a flight out, worrying that in less than a week they could be suspended altogether. The virus has been spreading furiously in the city. A place you now call home could be one of the most dangerous places in the world.

And yet…the thought of leaving behind everything so abruptly is killing you. It’s not even school, despite loving it so much. It’s not the college lifestyle or your friends or just having the freedom to waltz wherever you want without fear.

It’s Bucky.

You leave New York, you have to leave him. And God knows how long that might be for.

“Y/N.” His voice is soft, barely a whisper. Bucky has been quietly watching you fill suitcases with clothes, cardboard boxes with belongings. Every so often it looks like he is going to help, but he thinks twice about it, like he can’t bear this is happening. “Y/N…could we, like, stop for a second?”

“My flight leaves first thing in the morning,” you say, refusing to turn and look at him. Your eyes well up as your tear Polaroids and ticket stubs and a sketch Steve did for you from your corkboard, unable to look at those either. They’re just reminders of everything you’re leaving and will never be the same again. “I don’t have time. I just need to get this done, okay?”

“I can’t just keep watching you do this and not talk about what’s going to happen next!”

“Well, maybe you could fucking help, then.”

You never swear, not really, and you can feel Bucky’s expression burning into the back of your skull. Hurt, surprise, desperation. “Let me help. Let me understand what is going through your head.”

“I—I didn’t mean that kind of help, I just need to pack these damn bags…”

Bucky’s hands touch your shoulders. It should feel familiar, his limbs and yours colliding. But he feels like fire. It feels like you’re going to have his handprints burnt into your skin, red and raw, a tattoo of the one real relationship you’ve ever had.

Because he knows just as well as you do that…it’s not going to work, is it? School is over. There is a fucking pandemic going on outside, and you live all the way on the other side of the country whilst he is and always will be a Brooklyn boy. You were supposed to have a whole semester and the summer to sort out what came next, to establish the foundations of your future together, if there was definitely going to be one. And that’s been ripped underneath you like a traumatic tablecloth.

You love him. You love him so fucking much. But is it fair to try and keep going when everything is like this?

“You know my mom and dad would love you to move in,” he says, “You can quarantine with us, see how things go. I just—I just don’t want you to leave. Please don’t leave.”

“Bucky. Please. That’s not fair.” You say, eyes fluttering closed. “We haven’t lived together before and…how do you know we’d work like that? This is serious, and terrifying, and I need to be somewhere I feel safe.”

“You don’t feel safe with me?”

At that you turn to face him, seeing the desperate pain in his eyes. You run your hands across his jawline, cupping at his neck. One tear runs across and down your wrist and he looks away, embarrassed. “Sweetheart. You know that’s not what I meant.”

“God. Yeah. I know, darl’. I know.” He kisses your hand softly. “With everything going on, (Y/N), my future feels a lot more certain knowing you’ll still be in it.”

You fall into his chest, inhaling him in. That woody, fresh scent of his cologne, coffee and mint and dark chocolate. You want to wrap yourself up in him and drown. Escape to a place where time is irrelevant, and nothing ever ends.

“I need to be with my family, Bucky. My mom is worried about me. I can’t put her through me staying here, even if I wanted to. And your mom would be the same.”

“I get that. I do. But you’re—you’re making it sound like that we have to break up.” You lean out of his embrace, his tear-filled eyes scrutinising you. “Are…we breaking up?”

Your mouth opens, swinging like a door on a loose hinge as you try and say something. Eloquence usually comes to you easy, when talking about the books you read for class. It’s one of the things Bucky first noticed about you, your fervent love for language. But there are no words for this. Just empty, agonising silence.

“Why do we have to break up?” He asks, voice cracked in two like a broken porcelain vase. “Why is that what you immediately resort to? There are thousands of ways we could make this work. Starting with the fact that I love you. Is that not enough to even try?”

You pause. Your room, once your safe haven, now feels torturous and unbearable. Suffocating. You bite your lip, tears burning behind your eyelids. “I would love to say yes, Bucky, but I don’t know. I just—I don’t want to be a few weeks down the line, you here and me in Colorado, finding out that it hasn’t worked and it isn’t enough and we have to break up over fucking Skype or…I don’t know, slowly ghost each other into nothingness? I would a million times over rather end it here where I love you than then where I don’t.”

“That is the worst logic I’ve ever heard. Literally the worst. You are assuming the absolute worst of both of us, and…” he runs a frantic hand through his hair. “You know what, if that’s what you think, maybe you’re right. If you have that little faith in me—us—now, maybe we should call it quits.”

“Bucky—”

“I’m going to leave. Have a good trip home.” He looks around your room for one last second but does not meet your gaze. “Have a really fucking good trip home.”

Bucky hovers for a moment by the door, like he’s waiting for one last glimmer of hope. That you might ask him to stay because even…even after all that, he still would drop everything for you to say stay.

But you don’t. The door reverberates loudly in the frame on his way out.

You don’t break down, which surprises you. For a little while after he leaves, when you try to immerse yourself in packing and singing along to Taylor Swift from your speaker, you think that it’s for the best. It is, it is, because it can’t work and it won’t work and this will save pain further down the line.

But the hours pass and silence creeps in to your now empty, echoing dorm room, absent of the vibrant life that once occupied it and—your heart feels wrong. This is not freeing, or a relief. This is not the ending you wanted.

You go to get a shower and Bucky’s sports towel is hung over one of the empty cubicles. You turn the tap as hot as it can get it, drowning the whole room in steam and something switches within you. The tears start and they refuse to stop, wracking your body like convulsions.

You fucked it. You well and truly fucked one of the only things that could have got you through all of this, even if you’re over a thousand miles away. It’s like Bucky said. The future is uncertain and scary and untenable, but it feels a hell of a lot more definite with him in it.

You wrap yourself in your towel and walk back into the corridor. Wiping your eyes, there’s a shape in a red jersey hovering next to your door.

“Bucky?”

He turns, his jaw tight and eyes rimmed with red. “Y/N.”

He doesn’t have to say anything else. You run over to him, grabbing fistfuls of him desperately, like he’s going to flare and fade from you forever. His arms wrap around you with equal vigour, warm and panicky and home.

“I didn’t mean it.” You say, your words swallowed up by his ribcage. “Dear God, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it.”

You can feel him sob, body trembling in your arms. “Thank God.”

“I don’t know what will happen next. I haven’t got a fucking clue. But I know I want you there, okay? However it turns out.” You bring his lips down for a kiss tinged with hot water and steam, relief and pure, young, beautiful love. Your foreheads gently rest together. Another quick kiss. “I love you. I love you.”

He kisses you again, like he’s trying to fit in as many as he can. Like he’s packing them all into a suitcase for you to relive, one by one by one, when you’re at home and everything feels like its crumbling.

It will never crumble completely. You know this, because James Buchanan Barnes is your foundations, and he made it pretty fucking clear on day one when he grinned at you in sophomore year Russian lit. You both love novels because you love stories. You love beginnings and ends and everything in between, the climaxes and the romances, murders and death and life—you love breaking apart character, brutally analysing fictional lives and motives. But most of all, you love the feeling of watching characters you adore falling completely and utterly in love. You have spent years trying to define your favourite love story amongst the hundreds you’ve read, but you never thought—

All that time, all you had to do was wait.

send me a request

#will we talk?#college!bucky #college!bucky x reader #marvel #mcu #marvel fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fic #fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky au #bucky barnes au #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n

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set-phasers-to-whump · 4 years ago

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“i wish i had never given you a chance”

prompt: “i wish i had never given you a chance”

whumpee: malcolm bright

fandom: prodigal son

hi hi hi! i hope you like this fic! it is set before jessica finds out about ainsley killing endicott, so earlier this season. it’s a bit different to the stuff i have written before and idk how i feel about it but tbh i had a fucking fantastic time writing it, it’s literally the first time i have ever written martin and he was super fun to do but maybe ooc bc i havent written him before. idk. hope you enjoy!

“I…got rid of Nicholas Endicott.”

“You what?”

“I mean, not got rid of him got rid of him, he was...all I did was chop up his dead body and get it shipped away.”

“But someone else killed him?” He nods, swallows roughly.

“Ainsley?”

Another nod. He looks at Gil carefully, waiting anxiously to see some kind of reaction on his face.

Gil just stares at him. “You hid a body for your sister. You covered up a murder.”

“Y-yeah. I didn’t...Gil, I didn’t know what else to do!”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe call the police? Say, hey, my sister’s a murderer? But no. That thought never even crossed your mind, did it? I bet the only thing that crossed your mind was that you were jealous Ainsley got to kill him, and not you. Is that right? You wish you’d killed him, don’t you? You wanted to do it. To feel his blood on your hands while it was still warm. To -”

“No!” Malcolm interrupts, feeling his hands start to shake. “No, I didn’t want to be the one that killed him! I’m not a murderer, Gil, and I have never wanted to be! You know that.”

“I do, do I? And you’ve never wanted to kill anyone?”

“No. Gil, I swear I’ve never -”

“I don’t believe you,” Gil interrupts, and he walks in a slow circle around Malcolm, like he’s evaluating him. He comes to a stop in front of Malcolm’s face after making a few circuits.

“I think you did want to kill him. I think you enjoyed butchering his dead body. Do you know what I really think, Malcolm?”

Malcolm shakes his head, helpless against the onslaught.

“I think that you’re just like your father. I think he should’ve killed you when he had the opportunity. I think I never should have taken you under my wing. I wish I had never given you a chance. Look where it’s gotten you.”

Malcolm’s crying now, hands trembling at his sides. It’s not true, none of it’s true, I did it to protect my sister, I did it for Ainsley…why can’t you understand?

Gil reaches out and pushes him away, and Malcolm feels himself falling, falling, falling, hears his voice echo above his head with a scream that seems to last forever and -

And then he’s jerking awake in bed, his wrists pulling at the restraints as he flies up into a sitting position. He spits out his mouthguard and fumbles with shaking hands to undo his restraints.

When he’s free, he doesn’t move, just sits curled up, chin to knees, in the middle of the bed. He tries to take deep breaths, tries to get his mind into some semblance of order, but he’s terrified, and the worst part is, it’s a completely logical, possible fear. Gil is going to find out, going to find out that Malcolm is an accomplice to murder, that he’s hidden it from everyone for all this time, that he really is no better than his father.

He doesn’t know who to turn to. Obviously Gil is off the table, as is anyone else connected to the police. His mother doesn’t know, Ainsley thinks he did it, his father...he doesn’t really want to talk to him about this. But he can’t stop shaking, can’t stop the tears pouring down his face, can’t control his ragged breathing, can’t do much of anything on his own.

He calls his father.

“My boy? It’s nearly three in the morning. Not that I’m not always glad to hear from you, but - Malcolm, are you all right?” He takes a shuddering breath, sniffs, speaks quietly, in a shaking voice. “I can’t...I don’t have anyone else to call.”

“What about your mother? Or one of those people at the police station? Ooh, wait...is this about the...the thing?”

“Yes.” This was not a good idea. What in the world is Martin Whitly going to be able to do for him? It’s not like he’s an expert in feeling guilty about murder.

“Did someone find out? Oh, was it Gil? Please don’t say it was him.”

“No, no one found out. Yet.”

“Ah, so it’s the yet that’s worrying you.”

“I can’t - I don’t think I can keep doing this. I mean, Ainsley’s starting to question it. What happens when she finds out? What happens if someone else finds out first? What if Gil finds out -”

His voice breaks on the last question, and he stops talking, considers hanging up completely.

“Nobody has found out yet. That’s not saying they won’t, but between you and me, I am something of an expert at this. But, look, Malcolm, we’ll figure it out, okay? No matter what happens. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Of course there is, Malcolm thinks desperately. It’s killing him, being alone with his father in this terrible secret. But there’s quite literally no one else to turn to, and it’s horrible, this neverending fear that the next thing someone says is going to be about Endicott’s murder, and him, and then Gil is going to say those words from his nightmare, and he is going to lose every single person he loves because he was trying to protect one of those same people…

“Malcolm, you’re sounding a little...hyperventilate-y there. Try and take some deep breaths, nice and slow…”

Despite himself, Malcolm obeys, trying to breathe in the pattern his father demonstrates over the phone. It helps more than he’d like to admit, and soon his breaths are evening out, and his heartbeat is slowing to a more normal speed, and the trembling in his hands is abating, and the tears are drying in cool tracks down his face.

“I have no one to talk to about this,” he says, after a few minutes of breathing, his voice scratchy and low. “And if I do tell anyone, they’ll arrest me and never want to see me again.”

“You have me,” his father says, sounding a bit offended. “I’ll always want to see you.”

“But everyone else - how do you deal with that? With keeping something from everyone, knowing it would change everything if they found out.”

His father sighs. “I don’t know, Malcolm. We are...different people in that respect. For me, it was very easy to compartmentalize the different aspects of my life. Family, work…murder,” he says, lowering his voice on the last word. “I could keep thoughts of one separate from thoughts of the other. I know it’s going to be difficult for you to do that, but you need to try. You need to keep this from being discovered, but you cannot constantly think about the outcome if it does. You just need to keep the secret, is all. Push it to the back of your mind.”

I’m trying, Malcolm thinks. My mind keeps pushing it back at me. But he doesn’t say that, knows his father won’t be able to offer much more help than what he’s already given.

“Thanks,” he says, instead, really wishing he was capable of following his father’s simple advice for more than just disposing of a body.

“Of course, my boy. Now, how is your new case going? I hear there was a body -”

Malcolm hangs up, sets his phone down on the nightstand with a loud thunk, and flops backwards onto the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and tries to compartmentalize, tries to shove thoughts of murder and everyone he knows hating him into a box in the back corner of his mind. He then forces his thoughts on to happier topics, like the case his father had tried to bring up, and opens his eyes, shuffling out of bed to start his day at - he checks the time - three-thirty in the morning.

His hand starts to shake again as he brews some coffee, and he curls it into a fist until it stops, forcing thoughts of Gil hating him back into the box from which they are already beginning to escape. He can’t think like that - much as it pains him to admit it, his father had had a point. There isn’t anyone Malcolm can go to, save him, and he’s just going to have to learn to live with that fact. If not for his own protection and safety, then for Ainsley’s. He has to keep her safe, even if it means putting himself through hell.

He has no choice but to live with this secret.

thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed this fic :)

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday27 #prodigal son #malcolm bright #i wish i had never given you a chance #emotional whump #nightmare #crying #comfort #not the happy ending i usually go for lmao #but idk how they are going to deal with this in the show yknow? like i have no idea. so there's not much i can think of for how to approach #it like. idk whats gonna happen. i think they may just have to keep this secret #because if they dont at the least ainsley's getting arrested and malcolm's life is falling apart and jessica suffers through another loved #one turned murderer and on and on and on #so yeah idk #that got long lmao #my writing #i say things

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glittercracker · 4 years ago

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Kingkiller Crap

So, I’ve never really posted much here that involves my own thoughts. There are a number of reasons why, but whatever. I feel the need NOW to post some thoughts, and having no working independent blog (yet!) I suppose this is the place to dump them. PSA: none of this is about anime. None of this is frivolous or fun. TW for sexual abuse. You have been warned! So. I’ve been rereading the Kingkiller Chronicles. aka “Name of the Wind” and “The Wise Man’s Fear” and “That Other One That Shall Not Be Named.” This reread was, at the beginning, almost an afterthought. A way to keep my 13 yo happy on a 7 hour car ride. Except, he could not have cared less, and I got sucked back into the story (and okay, if that is how all our audiobook car rides go, meh? At least it keeps me sharp!) I raced through book one, and bought book 2 on audible with an eye to my upcoming surgery and recooperation. Book one was problematic in the places I remembered, but also as generally engaging as I remembered. And then book 2 happened, and surgery happened, and I have had weeks to lie in bed listening to this bloody interminable sequel, and I find myself lost in a morass of, “WTF was I ever THINKING?” Namely, how did I ever love this book enough to pine for the next? It’s been hard to put a finger on exactly what is making this time through book 2 both a slog and also vaguely, creepily uncomfortable, but if you’re interested, my rather stream-of-consciousness ramble of thoughts ensues. First, the male gaze that rears its head at times in book 1 predominates here. But while I don’t love the way Kvothe describes women, I also have 2 degrees in literature, and I’m beyond that being a reason not to read an otherwise engaging book. Second, Kvothe is a Gary Stu, for all of Rothfuss’s protestations to the contrary. Again, so far, so much traditional high fantasy. But while, say, Aragorn is content to just quietly be Awesome At Everything, Kvothe is a braggy little shit of a Gary Stu: the person you hated for announcing their perfect scores in that hs class you could never quite master. I could fill several pages with examples, but for some reason what really made me want to kick him in the head was not Felurian’s disbelief of his virginity (though really, jfc, REALLY?) Nope, it was the end of his time w the Ademrae (sp may be off, remember, I’m listening not reading!) when he crows about having learned the history of his sword 2 days earlier than expected. Why does this stick out? Oh, idk. Maybe bc he sucks so hard he can’t even get past the first obstacle in his practical final exam? Yet he still has to tell us how fucking awesome he is for remembering 6000 names of previous owners.

I know, I’m supposed to forgive his teenage idiocy. The internet sympathists (no pun intended!) keep telling me this. And I suppose that I would, IF this were a simple first-person narrative - but it isn’t. Let’s repeat that, and really think about it. This story is being narrated by an older and presumably wiser Kvothe who has lost everything - whose abilities have been expunged to the extent that he can’t open his own chest of Cool Stuff. He shows humility in his actions, mostly. And yet when discussing his 16 yo self, the humility evaporates, and he speaks with no kind of perspective or lens of accrued wisdom. He still compares women to instruments waiting for the “right” player (i.e. him) and defends this choice of words by saying, essentially, “You aren’t a musician, you don’t know!”

Interesting assumption for an innkeeper in a medieval-esque world. Interesting assumption if this is in fact authorial interjection, too, because I suspect the majority of this book’s audience *are* musicians to at least an extent, and I also suspect that the majority of us (yes, us - I own several beloved instruments, including a harp custom made for me as a wedding present from my husband) would not equate a human lover to even the most beloved of instruments.

But all of this is well-trodden critical ground. As far as I can tell, though, my third issue isn’t: although it’s perhaps the most glaringly tone-deaf example of all of Rothfuss’s excruciatingly tone-deaf portrayal of his world’s women. Namely, the two girls kidnapped and gang-raped by the fake Ruh.

Almost all of the criticism I’ve read on this section of TWMF concentrates on Kvothe’s treatment of the girls’ abusers. What’s interesting is that no one ever seems to write about Kvothe’s treatment of the girls themselves. Yes, he treats them kindly. He tends their wounds, he feeds them, he tries (and succeeds, of course) to draw Ellie out of her shocked stupor.

Yet what he never once does, from the moment he takes control of the situation, is ask their opinions on any of this, including what their next step should be. He just decides to bring them back to their families - families who, in this type of society, might well disown them for being “ruined”. And the girls themselves, namely the intelligent and savvy Krin, seem to go blindly along with what he says. Why? Would Krin at least not question this, or object to his making decisions for her, when a group of men had so recently and brutally taken away all of her agency? Would she not question whether being brought back to her family is the best thing for the catatonic Ellie?

Okay, apparently not. So they return to their apparently very forgiving town. Kvothe stands up for the girls against the village shithead: thank you, Kvothe, bc I’m sure Krin could not have said those words herself. He assures the reader that they are with people who will love and care for them despite what has happened to them: thank you, Kvothe, though it’s stretching my credulity a bit that you would assume that no one will take issue with their deflowering. But then he “gifts” the girls the spoils of his slaughter: the horses, the valuables, the wagons. And I was about to give him a (grudging) pass for being decent about this, EXCEPT: he goes on to say that these goods are meant for the girls’ dowries. Specifically, to make them worth enough financially for potential husbands to overlook their loss of virginity. He even tells Krin not to settle for a less-than-lucrative marriage.

And suddenly, I was outraged. Why? Because a man who had witnessed the full extend of these women’s abuse brought them back to a backwater town believing that he was being magnanimous both in doing so, and in giving up whatever share he might have taken of the spoils of the debacle to make them financially lucrative marriage prospects. Because he never asked these traumatized girls if they might rather cut and run with the money than use it to make some man overlook their abuse in order to make them his property. He never even questions the idea that they will be grateful to submit to marriage contracts that will no doubt require them to have sex with their husbands, even though these women have been abused to the extent that they cannot sit a horse for *two days* after being rescued. And the worst part is that 20-something frame-story Kvothe doesn’t question this either; he just goes on to gloat about people singing songs about his daring rescue. Maybe I was just ready for a straw to break my benefit of the doubt. Or maybe this really is as outrageous as it feels. Either way, I can’t help being angry at Rothfuss. As a writer, I am very well aware that character and author are not the same thing; that authorial intent is not the same as authorial beliefs. But there are moments in some books when I have to wonder if that line is blurring, and this is one of them. Kvothe has literally JUST left a female-dominated country full of independent women happily doing their own thing. He has given these girls the means to find themselves a situation that will never require them to be beholden to a man again - even houses ffs, in the shape of those 2 wagons, should they want them. There are so many options beyond marriage: I can’t, for instance, think of a medieval society that didn’t have its version of a convent. Or, for Krin at least, why not the University? For that matter, why not marry her himself, and then set her free to do as she likes under the awning of a respectable marriage?

Instead he returns them to their fathers, and likewise gives their fathers the means to marry them off with no argument. Who, after all, holds the reins of the horses at the end? Why does Kvothe assume that these families will actually use the wealth even in the dubious way that he recommends?

And in this, I think, I am justified in giving Rothfuss the stink-eye. This is one more instance for Kvothe to play the hero with no real attention given to the consequences. Kvothe himself, I think, would be appalled. He has suffered so much deprivation in his life, so often been marginalized, scapegoated, powerless, how on earth could he so easily consign others to that fate? How could he think, loving Denna as he does, having heard her words to the beaten girl in Severin, that buying these girls husbands who will “overlook” their abuse for the sake of wealth is anything but a wretched life sentence for them?

Sigh. There was a time when I desperate awaited book three. Now, given the other women’s lives at stake in this series, I’m not so sure I want to know.

#kingkiller chronicle #kvothe #patrick rothfuss #wise man's fear #Kingkiller chronicles sexism #kvothe gary stu #kkc sexism

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 5 years ago

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Emotional anguish list round 4: Percy Jackson. And Annabeth Chase, because we need some girls in here

thanks!!!

Percy

1. okay we’re gonna start off with him not losing the Achilles’ Curse, which I am having 2 thoughts on: either he knows he has it BUT DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HIS SPOT IS, or he does know the spot but being in camp jupiter results in two things. 1) everyone hates his, as they see it, weird annoying disrespectful ass EVEN MORE because he’s fucking invulnerable, and 2) Percy spends every moment there itching with anticipation and hypervigilance that somehow someone will get in a lucky shot and KILL HIM.

2. I honestly think coming home to find out that Sally is either pregnant or has had a fucking baby would send him spiraling. like. imagine you literally go to hell, you’ve been fighting non-stop for months, the world is narrowly saved from ending and your camp family almost dies. all you want is to go home and have things be normal for a while. but you get there and there’s a fucking baby. Percy “only child for 14 years” Jackson would suddenly……..not get all the attention he used to. and yeah I think he’d be able to be more mature about it than he might have at 14, but he’s traumatized and hurting and he wants his mom but she’s busy breastfeeding! he has to wait until she’s done! I don’t think he’d resent Estelle at all, just that he didn’t get to be there when they found out/all thru the Big Important Moments (instead he was in hell.) and now that he’s not getting what he needs and probably doesn’t feel like he can ask for it

3. Zeus was such a dick in TLT that I wouldn’t put it past him at all to strike down the airplane while Percy was in it, kill everyone on board, and grab his bolt of lightning and fuck off somewhere. I’m including this one bc I’m imagining Percy’s last moments, holding Annabeth’s and Grover’s hands, absolutely terrified and furious and so, so, so worried about his mom :)

4. IMAGINE IF ANNABETH DIED IN TLO. IMAGINE!!!!!!! she’s the tether between him and his mortality. I honestly think he would go crazy and probably kill Luke/Kronos himself. I hate chaos fics with my whole entire being so I feel like he’d probably end up being rude/disrespectful to the gods after the battle ends, and either get turned into a god (whether it happens against his will or not idk) or he’d go home and just. fall into such a depression. he did all that shit for the gods, for the world, he’s fundamentally changed himself FOREVER and yet, he lost one of his best friends, a girl he loved. a girl he loves. how unfair and cruel can life be

5. Percy, miraculously 31 years old, being dragged into ANOTHER war by the gods:

Annabeth

1. she and her dad and step mom having some kind of miscommunication that ends with her running back to camp (or Percy, whatever) thinking that she’ll never talk to them ever again. I’m picturing her being about 15 maybe? I can’t remember all the issues she and her family had in canon but dskjfhdjshafjk if it’s bad enough, what if they don’t talk for years? what if Frederick and Step Mom never find out that she survived the end of the world? what if, when Frederick goes looking for Magnus, he goes looking for her too? he shows up at the Jackson’s door, and whether she’s there or not, hearing that her dad wants her…….that would be A Lot and she’d have to go back and reevaluate the argument that lead to her running away again and just have lots of emotions about it

2. I saw a fic recently where somehow (I didn’t read it :/) Annabeth didn’t end up falling into Tartarus, just Percy did. and I think this would ABSOLUTELY DESTROY HER. that’s her best friend, her boyfriend, her soulmate and he’s down there ALONE, for HER, because of her. who knows how he’s doing, and if he’ll make it out, and also leading a quest without him is super hard and it’s so difficult to sleep knowing he’s literally in hell, and she’s just falling apart with worry and fear

3. tbh after falling into hell, I think any kind of falling would be traumatic. so what if she falls off the lava wall? or like, Jason picks her up and flies? the first has happened a hundred times before & the second has def happened at least once, she shouldn’t be panicking so hard, but she is and she can’t stop it. the feeling of the air all around her just throws her right back into that moment, that gut wrenching agony and anticipation, waiting for the fall, waiting to land and either die or open her eyes in the worst place she will ever possibly be

4. Percy really dies when he blows up the volcano. first of all, the grief of him and what they could’ve had would be terrible and I imagine she would probably feel awful about going to Sally with her emotions, bc Sally lost her son and that has to be way worse. plus it’ll just remind her he’s dead. but even more so, suddenly the only person (that they know of) left to take on the curse is Nico...who won’t be 16 for several years, which they DON’T HAVE TIME FOR. Kronos is definitely rising sooner than that. Annabeth is a natural leader and tho it would probably take a little while for her to get back on her feet, she would take over what she had to/could, and. there are two options here: either Kronos rises and dies in basically the same way (Annabeth gets the Achilles’ Curse but her lifeline, Percy, is dead?????) and neither Annabeth or Nico is the prophecy kid, Jason is. but they don’t know that??? so Annabeth is haunted by this prophecy, wondering what the hell it means, and waiting anxiously until Nico turns 16 and NOTHING HAPPENS??? or, Kronos rises and Annabeth, furious w the gods who are barely helping or almost never saying anything, and also alone and vulnerable to Luke, switches sides :)

5. tbh... moving to New Rome. I don’t think she’d be able to live there without some issues, namely that it would feel wrong????? she’s a Greek? it’s not home? the architecture is off (she could do better, but if she says that, everyone will hate her EVEN MORE.) and there’s either no shrine to her mom, or it’s small and shitty like Neptune’s? plus she’d miss all of her friends and Chiron desperately? she’d be away from Sally and Paul, who are her and Percy’s main support system, and closer to her dad, who she’s not very trustful of? also how is she gonna be there without thinking about Leo accidentally firing on the place, which reminds her of the rest of the quest, which reminds her of falling into Tartarus. ?????????????? going there would do nothing but lead her to a small mental breakdown imo

send me a character and I’ll put them in 5 situations that’ll cause them maximum emotional anguish

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percabeth #pjo #asks #ask games #:)))))#calihart

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blukwolf · 5 years ago

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AFO!Izuku

Alright so I was watching a... comic? (Yes, watching, as in watching it in yt) idk about Izuku having AFO and accidentally stealing Bakugou's quirk which led to the Midoriya's leaving Japan and going overseas with Hisashi, who happened to be All For One, so this idea came to me as a different take on Vigilante borderline Villain Deku.

(sorry for every mistake you may see here, english is not my native language)

AU in which AFO is Izuku's dad and Izuku inherited AFO, thus leading to him taking quirks from his peers when he was a child because he didn't know how to 'turn it off', which then led to him not having a lot of friends because the rest of the kids were afraid he might try to steal their quirks indefinitely. He went overseas with his family to try and 'forget' about what happened and maybe get a better hand at controlling Liability, his quirk.

Once he's back in Japan, after AFO v AM fight (the first one) news broke out about The Greatest Villain™ having a heir somewhere around the world (which the people would be confused about, but not the villains, THEY KNOW about the Lord of the Underground, they've heard the rumours, so) so word spreads about Izuku without no one knowing is about him exactly, but Bakugou Remembers, he never forgot about 'the Deku who steals quirks' which would be really difficult to evade, given the fact that Katsuki is the powerhouse he is in canon and pretty much everyone hates him, fears him or fawns over.

With this in mind, Izuku knows there's no way for him to become a Hero, not if he wants to be recognized as All For One's son, so his best route to achieve his dream is by doing it out of the law, being a Vigilante.

By this point either way his view of the Hero Society is more wide open, HE KNOWS the difficults of having a quirk that doesn't fit society's standards, HE KNOWS how hard it is to be viewed as the "bad one" for something you didn't have control over, HE KNOWS people would judge you based on literal bullshit if they can, so he doesn't risk it, he can't risk it for his mom, for the safety and the love Inko needs after "losing" his husband.

(they both are very aware of who Hisashi was and Inko is heartbroken, so Izuku doesn't want to make it harder for her by going out on full display on UA by wanting something that doesn't belongs to him)

This leads to him wanting desperately a change, to go out an Do Something for those like him, for those who are ignored by the ones who only wish more recognition, for those who, like him, were casted aside as "liabilities" for the Society.

He wants to be an All Might of sorts, but a little more... Discreet. Without the big announcement, the smile, the 'bunny ears'. He takes more after Eraserhead.

So, he becomes 'Reprise', a vigilante (criminal for those Good Ones™) who goes 'berserk' at night, beating up all types of Real Criminals, going from drug dealers to genuine Villains, freeing neighborhood after neighborhood and doing what some pros are supposed to do.

He takes the quirks of those who he despises, those who he thinks are the worst of the worst. With them, he doesn't hold back, he ambushes them, takes them off guard and takes their quirks as soon as he can.

It's a little bit like Stain, without the murder and the intensity, but he does share a bit of his ideals, mostly when it cames down to the 'True Heroes' and all that jazz.

News start to spread about the new 'villain' going around beating others just for fun, which leads to other villains wanting to prove themselves by conquering the 'Mad V', thus leading to those same villains ending up without a quirk and a wake up call.

(He's not directly involved with UA and the stuff happening to Class 1A, just briefly jumping in to stop Stain and saving Iida's life (IIDA'S LIFE, unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that Iida's entire life/career changed after that, the Hero Killer achieving his goal of damaging him forever))

With word on the street about a new vigilante doing 'God's Work' and defeating Villain after villain, the rumours make their way into UA halls and the police force, alerting Tsukauchi and Nedzu, which eventually leads to Bakugou knowing about it and having his suspicions.

(Neither Bakugou nor Izuku have encountered each other since the day Izuku left for America, so that)

Now about his appearance, he doesn't have the typical Gucci Eyebags for having insomnia, no. He does have the Gucci Eyebags for going around beating villains so late at night.

He IS a bit different regarding his looks, he DOES has his messy hair, but with an undercut (bc only God knows how much I love Undercut!Izuku), and tends to wear normal clothes. In short, he's not far from Canon Izuku but he's definitely different.

He's not the sad depressed snarky Izuku we love to see in fanfics, no. He's more compossed, polite, kind, but he is a loner, tends to stay in the corner of the room to try and get a hang of his surroundings. He's that kind of anime guy who is serious, has a few friends/classmates that he's friendly with, and mostly evades spotlight. He's not depressed, he's angry at the world for being unfair and angry at himself for allowing the world to hurt him.

That changes when he is Reprise. He becomes this violent vigilante who wants to make a change, who goes out at night to pick fights and steal quirks and do what the Pros don't. He's snarky, sarcastic, rude, he talks back and throws insults around the street as if nothing. He's not afraid of getting injured, he welcomes the pain as a reminder, a reminder that he's doing something and that Something is making other people feel safe and protected.

The Night is Still Young tends to be his catchphrase.

He actually goes with a therapist.

He continues writing his notebooks about quirks and pros, and even villains. He has a whole pack of them with all the quirks he has taken, how they function and how to improve them.

He goes to a well-known high school for Geniuses and Prodigies with interests in sports, maths, sciencies and the like, even those who want to make a living in the support drpartment goes there.

He thinks his fort is his Mind.

((I don't think I have to point it out, but his meeting with All Might & the Sludge Villain doesn't happen in this au.))

(Shigaraki is well aware of his existence, he doesn't know it's Izuku until Reprise tries to ambush him. Shigaraki's thrilled with the rumours about a heir of AFO running around ruining business, so he would obviously want to meet him at some point and maybe try and recruit him, convince him to join his Father's side.)

His first real, face-to-face encounter with Katsuki and the rest of Class 1A (some of them at least) happens during Kamino.

Todoroki, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima, Uraraka and Tsuyu are the ones who rescue him SOMEHOW, i'm not going into details because I can't think of them right now, but THEY saved Bakugou.

It's when the news about a creature created by the LOV broke out that he found out about his dad's survival. So he tries to gain information by breaking in the police's archives (thanks to a friend of his who happened to be a hacker) which led to him finding out about the upcoming raid at the LOV base, but he's Izuku, he KNOWS his dad, he KNOWS the type of man Hisashi is.

So, while the League of Villains location is there, he doesn't goes there. He makes an investigation of his own, finding clues, proof, following people. Using common sense, he finds the Warehouse where his dad is supposed to be.

Only, he doesn't makes it that far. He's scouting the area of Kamino, walking around aimlessly, praying that the raid goes well so the Pros can leave it there and continue pursuing fame so he can go to that same Warehouse and confront his dad and maybe throw a few punches and cry a few tears when all Hell breaks loose.

There's a thunderous tremor around him and the screens lights up and there's All Might, in all his glory (he's not a hardcore fan anymore btw) standing in front of a terrifying villain, and suddenly Izuku is very, very scared.

And so, he watches. His heart is in his throat, ready to be thrown up as his Dad fights against the man he used to look up to. He watches as All Might buries All For One into the ground like an unused toy, and he's a mess, he's crying alongside the other people, but he cries for his dad, for the man that he loved so much, and there's this feeling of bitterness in the pit of his stomach that he wants to ignore so desperately.

So he turns around and starts walking again. He remembers his dad, working with him and helping him to control his quirk, giving him the best hugs of the world, cheering him up when he was feeling like a waste of space. He remembers the loving husband and father that Hisashi used to be and he's feeling really miserable when he stops abruptly and looks up to find Bakugou just a couple of meters ahead of him.

The rest of the rescue squad is there, too. They're looking from Bakugou to Izuku really puzzled because the firecracker they know is eerily silent and this boy is just there, face blank with just a little bit of puffiness in his eyes.

So Bakugou, a witness to all the madness from that night in Kamino, with pent up frustration and anger, goes completely blank with emotions and calls him Deku, demands for answers to questions such as 'the hell are u doin here?' 'are you with them?' 'are you playing hero again, uh, fucking Deku?'

And Deku's just there, overwhelmed by grief, because he lost his dad in what he suspects is national television, and he knows his mom is probably at home, probably saw everything. He knows Inko is just as heartbroken as he is, and that hurts like hell because it's his Mom, his everything, the one person that holds importance in his heart that he has left.

And seeing Bakugou at that exact moment, it's too much, he's emotionally incapable to deal with him of all people at that very moment. So he just. Can't.

He looks at Bakugou, he looks at him, and says "you haven't changed anything, Kacchan" and Izuku completely ignores him, keeps walking as if nothing happened, as if it isn't a blonde pomeranian screaming after him to 'stop looking down at him, you fucking freak'.

(when he makes it home he tells his mom he was in Kamino when everything happened, and Inko starts crying real hard, and Izuku too, and everything is a mess)

After his Dad's defeat, he starts attacking Pros, mercilessly and ruthlessly, but only those who deserves it, those who he thinks have failed at doing their jobs of protecting people.

Tsukauchi is desperate to capture him, wanting to bring an end to the 'Heir of the Underground' as people, mainly villains, are calling him after AFO is brought down and the similarities between AFO and Reprise are pointed out. He knows that if he leaves him on the loose for too long, there's no turning back, Tsukauchi knows what's on the line for him and is afraid FOR Izuku, knows he can become a target later on, or he can take over his Dad's Empire and be worst.

He doesn't know is Izuku, and even if Bakugou is having a crisis over Reprise and everything going on around him (because of course is Deku, it's always been Deku) he can't go and tell them, he doesn't has proof, only memories from when he was a kid and a very obvious dislike of Midoriya Izuku.

So Bakugou buries Izuku and Reprise to the back of his mind and concentrates in his own shit, the internships and the provisional license and that jazz.

(I always saw a lot of hc about how everything changed for class 1A without Deku there. So I'm taking this too and a few others things. Can't remember where I saw them tbh but all credits to their rightful owners)

Not all of them, Class 1A that is, got their license, just a few lucky ones, but a great deal of them failed. They aren't that motivated nor are That strong. USJ changed them, showed them a truth they weren't expecting this early, and losing Iida just reminded them that.

Overhaul Arc it's the same, except that, in the middle of the battle against him, when Mirio was fighting Chisaki and protecting Eri, Reprise showed up and took Overhaul's quirk right after he shoot Mirio.

(Mirio, who had Permeability. Mirio, who had One For All. He loses both of his quirks.)

At this point, and with overhaul newly added to his collection with a few others, Izuku is mostly invincible. The chaotic vigilante he used to be becomes fierce, a force to be reckoned with, so when Tsukauchi hears about Reprise getting overhaul, he warns ALL of the Pros to be careful at encountering him.

The Hero Comission WARNS EVERY AGENCY that, in case of coming face to face with Reprise, they have to flee inmediately or suffer the consequences, which are losing their quirks and having to step down from being pros.

It becomes a really bad situation, with fear striking every Pro present, much more so after losing the Symbol of Peace, which leads to a vulnerability in those afraid of losing everything and leaving unprotected a few places, or outright giving up the title of Pro.

Everything comes down to the fateful meeting of Shigaraki and Izuku.

Shigaraki knows there's malice in Reprise, he knows he felt that pain too when All For One was captured, that's why he's going against Pros now, and he plans to use every ounce of that pain to bring him by his side.

Liability (Reprise) of Lorde was a huge inspiration tbh

#bnha #bnha deku #bnha au #mha vigilantes #bnha vigilantes #vigilante deku #villain deku #all for one #deku has a quirk #deku has all for one quirk #midoriya izuku #all might #reprise au #bnha headcanons #a what if deku had all for one quirk au #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #bnha uraraka

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silverlightqueen · 5 years ago

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final part - love of my life

(can be read as a standalone fic)

daisies

←previous

a/n: and daisies is finished🎉 (I might do an epilogue part but idk) I had to post this today bc it’s my baby’s birthday tomorrow🥳 I am honestly so proud of daisies, like it’s literally my baby🥺 but I really hope you guys have enjoyed this amazing journey (bc I really have), thank you all for your support and I love y’all so much💕 and now, it’s time for y/n’s happy ending...

warnings: smut (nothing too hardcore but still), tooth-rottingly sweet fluff, Jimin being a romantic and cute ass mf, y/n finally getting her happy ending (I shed a few tears ngl)

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‘Mrs Park!’ I hear Jimin call from the door of our room, and I smile to myself. ‘I’m in the bathroom!’ I call back, and mere seconds later, I watch in the mirror as he pops his head around the corner, huge smile across his face.

He looks so breathtakingly handsome today, dirty blond hair swept back all princelike, his eyes sparkling, plump lips stretched into a wide smile, skin smooth and glowy (and his suit has done absolute wonders for his beautiful body).

‘Hey, Mr Park,’ I say with a grin, and he steps in, leaving the door open only slightly. The playlist Jimin made for me last night plays in the bedroom, full of love songs, including the ones we wrote for each other. ‘Hey, wife,’ he says and I laugh as he puts his arms around me from behind, looking at me in the mirror.

‘I can’t believe we’re married,’ he whispers, and I smile. ‘It sounds weird, right? Like, what? I’m married? To Park Jimin?’ I say, and he chuckles, turning me around in his arms. ‘More like I’m married to you. We all know who really runs this relationship,’ he jokes, and I laugh. ‘Did you enjoy our big day?’ he asks, and I nod, looking up at him.

It was amazing. We had all our close friends and family there and everyone was just so happy. The day went without a single hitch, even with my ten trillion outfit changes, and I enjoyed it so much that my face hurts from smiling.

It was also nice seeing everyone else so loved up; Lisa and JK, and Chae and Tae mainly. Jen and Joon, and Jisoo and Jin haven’t made it official yet, but that’s okay. It’s not like there’s any rush. Sana and her family were there, and we had her daughters, Mina and y/n, as our flower girls.

All of Bighit’s managers were there too, and it was nice to see them all relaxed for once instead of running around and telling us what to do. We non-stop danced all night, people gradually leaving from 10pm onwards, until it was just us lot and we decided to call it a night at 1am.

‘It was beautiful, Chim, just perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. What about you?’ I ask, and he grins. ‘If you’re happy, I’m happy,’ he says, and I roll my eyes. ‘Cheesy, much?’ I ask, and he laughs. ‘I’m married now, which means I gotta start with the cheesiness, and the dad jokes,’ he says, and my eyes widen.

‘What? I’m not even pregnant yet!’ I exclaim, and he laughs, before smirking. ‘Wanna change that?’ he says, and I laugh as he begins pulling the pins out of my hair. ‘Don’t tell me you’re being serious,’ I say as my hair falls around my shoulders, and he shrugs. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. Obviously, I don’t want you to rush into anything you don’t feel like you’re ready for, but if you told me tomorrow that you were pregnant, I’d be over the moon,’ he says, and my mouth drops open.

‘Wait, really?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘I’m definitely ready to have kids. But it’s your decision, daisy. I don’t wanna rush you,’ he says, and I shake my head. ‘No, you’re not, don’t worry about that. I just… I don’t know. I guess… I guess I’ve been ready for a while. I just didn’t think you were,’ I say, and he gasps.

‘Wow, thanks. Am I that immature?’ he jokes, and I laugh. ‘Not like that. As in… you’re still a young man. I thought, you know, that you’d still want to live your life. I didn’t think you wanted to start a family just yet,’ I say to him, and he shakes his head.

‘y/n, listen. I can still live my life with a kid. It’s not like we’ll just become recluses. Our kid will only make our lives better, not worse. And I know that with our… careers, it’ll be hard to juggle a kid and work, but I also know that we can do it. I understand that a child is a big responsibility, but we’d be fantastic parents. I mean, look how we were with Mina. And we’ve got ten others who will be desperate to look after our kid too,’ he says.

‘Not that I’d let some of them,’ I say, and he laughs. ‘Don’t say some of them when you just mean Jen and Kook,’ he says, and I burst out laughing. ‘But seriously, y/n. I’m ready for kids whenever you want them. I know we can do this, daisy. We can do anything together,’ he says, and I feel a little ball of excitement start to grow in my chest.

‘Are we really about to do this?’ I ask, smiling widely. ‘What? Have sex without a condom?’ he says, and I groan, resting my chest on his head. ‘Chim,’ I whine, and he laughs. ‘Sorry,’ he says, the word vibrating in his chest. ‘You just had to wreck it,’ I say, voice muffled against his chest.

‘Did I lie, though?’ he asks, and I move back and look up at him. ‘No, but that’s not the point. I didn’t mean have unprotected sex. I meant, start trying for a kid,’ I say, and he grins. ‘Well, you should’ve just said that,’ he says, and I roll my eyes. ‘Yes, y/n. We really are about to do this,’ he says, and I smile.

He pulls me into his arms smoothly, and my eyes slide shut as my head tilts back in anticipation, the feeling of his lips landing on mine never getting old. His hands press into the curve of my back, pulling me closer to him, and I snake my arms around his neck, feeling the short soft hairs at the nape of his neck against my skin.

He pulls away from me after a few moments, lifting me up without warning. I let out a gentle shriek as he chuckles, carrying me (bridal style – because, you know… I’m his bride) into the bedroom. He carefully puts me down onto the bed, crawling over me only moments later, and reattaching his lips to mine.

Our arms wrapped around each other, mouths moving in sync, we’re wrapped up in our own bubble, feeling like nothing could get better than this. Until I start feeling a bit hot and sweaty in my wedding dress, Jimin lying on top of me becoming slightly stifling.

‘Babe,’ I say, trying to pull away from him, but he presses his lips to mine again, humming against my mouth in response. ‘I need… I need to take my dress off,’ I say, and the second I’ve finished speaking, he rolls off me with a sleazy smirk.

‘Urgh, you douche,’ I say, getting off the bed, and he laughs, watching as I walk around to his side of the bed. ‘Unzip me,’ I whisper, moving my hair off my shoulder. He puts one hand on my shoulder blade, the other appearing at the zip beneath the nape of my neck.

He slowly pulls it down the length of my back until it ends, just between the dimples at the bottom of my back. His hands slide beneath the material of the dress and continue to slide over my shoulders, pushing the dress of with them, leaving my top half completely bare.

I hear his breath hitch in his throat and smile to myself, still satisfied at my ability to get his heart racing. I push the dress down to my ankles and stand in just my white lace pants, my back to him. His hands snake around my waist and pull me down onto him, and I squeal as I fall.

He laughs into my ear, hands covering my bare breasts, before his mouth meets mine. ‘Nuh-uh, you need to strip off now,’ I say, and he chuckles. ‘Very romantic,’ he says as I roll off him, pulling the covers onto myself. He climbs out of the bed, pulling his socks off first, coaxing giggles from me when he throws them across the room as though they’re underwear.

‘Come help me then,’ he says, and I pout. ‘I’m cold,’ I say, and he sighs, shrugging off his blazer and tossing it to me. I grin, pulling it on so it covers my breasts, and crawl to the other side of the bed, getting up onto my knees so I’m on eye-level with him.

I begin to unbutton his white shirt, the music gently playing in the background, and then push it off his shoulders, leaving him topless. I let my hands run over the ridges of his abs and biceps, still astounded at how well he keeps in shape, all of him (except for his cheeks and ass) being hard muscle.

He stands proud, letting me admire him with a smirk on his face, the smirk dropping when my nails gently scrape his lower stomach, dangerously close to the hem of his trousers. His hand wraps around my wrist and his other hand pushes my head up to look at him.

‘Don’t tease, daisy,’ he says warningly, and I bite my lip with a grin, proud at how dark and dilated his eyes have become, full of lust, desire and love. I unbutton his trousers hastily, not wanting to get in trouble again, and push them down his strong thighs, watching unwaveringly as he steps out of them, leaving him in just his boxers.

There’s something about him today; I don’t know what it is but I’ve literally wanted him all day. Yes, he’s always gorgeous and sexy and amazing, but seeing him today, I’ve been feeling it building up throughout the day. Maybe it’s seeing him so happy to be marrying me, or seeing the love in his eyes every time he looks at me, but something has made me ready to do this since I first saw him this morning.

Don’t read past here if you aren’t comfortable with smut!

‘Okay, as you can probably see, I’m really hard right now because I can’t stop thinking about how you’re my wife and how we’re about to try to make a baby, so I don’t need foreplay at all. Do you?’ he asks, and I sneak a look at the bulge in his boxers, which is now less of a bulge and more of a… line, his dick obviously rock hard.

Yes, the thought of his fingers, or mouth, between my legs is enticing, but the thought of something else between my legs makes my knees weak. ‘No, no, I’m ready,’ I say, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my lips to his. ‘Nope,’ he says, pulling away from me, ‘get this off.’ He tugs his blazer off me, eyes instantly trawling across my bare body, before groaning.

‘How? How did I get this lucky?’ he whispers, pushing me down onto the bed and crawling on top of me. ‘Those idols were nasty to me at MMA and you thought I ignored you,’ I whisper back, and he bursts out laughing. ‘Stop making me laugh, we’re about to have sex,’ he says, and I grin, pressing my lips to his.

He kisses me for a few moments before pulling away. ‘Okay, I need you. Like, right now,’ he says, reaching out to turn the big light off, leaving us in the mellow glow of the bedside lamp. He pushes himself up onto his knees and hooks his fingers onto the waistband of my pants, pulling them down my legs slowly, maintaining eye contact with me to make sure I’m okay.

He throws the pants over his shoulder, leaving me completely naked, but doesn’t even spare a glance between my legs, just reattaching his lips to mine. I roll us over and push myself up onto my knees, pulling down his black boxers and throwing them to join my pants. Before they even land on the floor, he’s pulled me back down onto him and rolled us over, so he hovers over me.

‘Are you ready?’ he asks, voice raspy with desire. ‘Yes, Jimin,’ I breathe out, hazy with lust. ‘Are you sure you want this?’ he asks, eyes locked with mine, and I nod. ‘Words, daisy, I need words,’ he says. ‘Yes, Jimin, I want this. I want your baby,’ I say, and he groans. ‘Fuck, I could cum just from hearing that,’ he says, and I laugh, wrapping my legs around his waist.

Slowly, without looking away from my eyes, he guides himself into me. The feeling is different without a condom between us, and I can feel every part of him, every vein and ridge and curve. He keeps his eyes on mine, watching for any sign of pain or discomfort like he always does, slowly pushing until he’s all the way in. He gives me a few moments to adjust to the new, foreign feeling, just kissing me in the meantime.

‘Fuck, daisy, stop clenching, please, I’m dying here,’ he says, and I laugh against his mouth. ‘Sorry, it just feels so different,’ I say. ‘It feels different for you? It feels like my dick’s fucking trapped in a warm, skin-tight glove,’ he says, and I burst out laughing. ‘Stop laughing because it’s making you clench,’ he complains, sounding out-of-breath. ‘Sorry, sorry,’ I say, trying to relax myself.

‘Okay, you can move,’ I say, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Are you sure?’ he asks, and I nod, ‘I’m sure.’ He pulls out of me halfway before pushing back in, coaxing a gentle whimper from between my lips. He continues at a painfully slow pace, the pleasure building with each thrust, until I’m moving to meet his thrusts.

‘Babe, stop moving. You’re supposed to let me do the work,’ he breathes out, and I stop. ‘Faster, then,’ I whisper, and he grins, his pace increasing gradually until his hips rapidly snap up to meet mine and my heels are digging into his back. Promise Pt. II plays gently in the background, each beautifully sung line punctuated with gentle whimpers, groans, moans and grunts from the both of us.

Instead of fucking me like he normally does, he’s making love to me, thrusts long and lingering and deep, our love for each other evident in every single movement, and it makes my head spin with pleasure.

‘God, babe, you feel so good, I don’t think I can last,’ he says, hand travelling down between our bodies to rub against my bundle of nerves to get me close too, a wave of bliss hitting me. ‘Ah, Jimin,’ I breathe out, head pressed back against the pillows as he continues to go at a mind-numbing pace, his thumb moving furiously fast too.

‘Fuck, daisy, I’m gonna…’ he trails off, pace beginning to falter and thrusts becoming longer and harder. ‘Please, Jimin, I want it, I want your baby,’ I moan, my mind still working enough to know what to say to get him there, and it works.

He buries his head into my neck the way he always does, deeply inhaling my scent as I dig my heels harder into his back, keeping him in place. He lets out a moan of my name as I clench, feeling him release inside me, continuing to thrust until he’s finished. ‘Fuck,’ he breathes out, panting as he slows to a stop, still inside me, though I feel him softening now.

‘I can’t believe I came before you,’ he says, and I smirk up at him, still out of breath, the knot that was tightening in my stomach disappearing, my rapidly approaching high now rapidly diminishing. ‘Get that smirk off your face, that’s the first time it’s happened, and only because we didn’t do any foreplay,’ he says, and I smile. ‘I know, babe, it’s okay,’ I say softly, and he smiles, pressing his lips gently to mine.

He moves to pull out but I stop him, digging my ankles in again. He raises an eyebrow, giving me a puzzled look, and I shake my head. ‘Not yet, just wait a bit,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘I was gonna like… I don’t know, get you there. Don’t you want my fingers, or mouth?’ he grins, knowing I would never normally say no, and I roll my eyes.

‘Yes, but it’s okay,’ I say, and he shakes his head, frowning. ‘It’s not. I can’t just cum and not get you off as well. How is that fair? I swear it’s like feminism or something?’ he says, and I look at him deadpan.

‘Okay, first of all, it has nothing to do with feminism. Second, I don’t need to get off. I just wanted you to feel good and to have your baby,’ I say, and his eyes flutter shut at the mention of having his baby. ‘Stop saying that or I’ll get hard again,’ he says, and I laugh.

‘No, but seriously, daisy. I want you to feel good too,’ he says. ‘I did feel good. I do feel good. I don’t need to cum, babe, it’s fine. Only 25% of women orgasm during sex anyway,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘Liar, it’s 25% from intercourse. I swear it’s only like 10% that don’t orgasm at all. But anyway, that’s not the point. No wife of mine is not gonna orgasm from having sex with me. Please, daisy, let me make you feel good,’ he says, and I shake my head, my heart melting at the pout that appears on his face.

‘Okay, how about this? You stay in me for a while, just to make sure I definitely get pregnant, and then afterwards, you can do whatever you want. Make me feel good to your heart’s desire,’ I say, and he grins. ‘Okay, there’s absolutely no science behind you getting pregnant because I stayed in you for longer, but whatever makes you happy,’ he says, and I smile.

He presses his lips to mine again, and we spend the rest of the night wrapped in a warm, hazy bubble of love and happiness. He holds me in his arms for hours (both before and after making me feel good lol) and we talk all night, both of us saying, ‘I can’t believe we’re married,’ more times than I can keep track of, the fact that I’m married to him hitting me several times throughout the night. Married to him, and about to be pregnant with his child. Married to the love of my life, Park Jimin. Who’d have thought?

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stevenkodalys · 5 years ago

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A list of (I think) all the changes that Moulin Rouge has undergone since Boston to previews to opening. If I missed anything or got anything wrong then please add on and/or correct me bc my memory is terrible.

Also let me preface this by saying the Boston show I saw was during the first week of previews so there are things that probably changed after I saw it there. I also saw the first two Broadway previews and then two shows after it opened.

Act 1

- Boston and first previews: Zidler says “I adore each and every poverty-stricken one of you.” Now: Zidler says “I want to make desperate love to each and every one of you.”

- There’s a longer pause between Lady Marmalade and Because We Can.

- Zidler did not introduce the Duke by name until after previews in Boston. He originally said “come to me, plutocrats!” before it transitioned into the Duke’s money medley. Now the Duke is introduced as the Duke de Monroth.

- Bohemian medley in Boston started with Rhythm of the Night. First/second previews had them singing “Some things sure can sweep me off my feet. Burning down the house.” Now they sing “Watch you you might get what you’re after. *Rouge, baby! strange but not a stranger. I’m an ordinary guy. Burning down the house.” According to the Playbill, Rhythm of the Night is still in the show. Idk where though. There’s a bigger dance break, plus Baby Doll gets their own sequence.

*EDIT: I couldn’t tell what they said from my audios so I had googled the lyrics to Burning Down the House and assumed it was “Booms, baby!” but they actually say “Rouge, baby!” Thanks to @rhythmstarfruitcitrus and @promisesyoumadetome for confirming that for me lol.

- When Christian first starts telling his story about going to Paris he said Satine died in his arms in the Boston version. This was taken out for Broadway.

- Karen’s dress for her entrance has changed. It was red in Boston, it is now black and silver and a tad shorter.

- “Brick House” has been added to the Diamonds medley. It’s sung by the male ensemble.

- When Satine loses her breath, Nini now helps her up. The choreography during this scene has also changed since Boston.

- In Shut Up and Dance, Satine saying “I’ve heard that about your kind…’never carrying any money me’” has been removed.

- “Your Song” is sung differently from Boston. Emphasis on some notes has changed.

- Right before The Pitch when Satine tries to escort Christian to the balcony, only Ricky comes in through the window now. Sahr goes off stage and walks on stage from the side.

- Elephant Love Medley has gone through a lot of changes. After the Duke says he’s basically buying the Moulin Rouge, it transitions to Karen singing a reprise of “Diamonds are Forever.” One of my favorite additions is the pause between Christian singing “One Night. Just me just one night.” and Satine saying “There’s no way ‘cause you can’t pay” and Christian’s just standing there stunned lol. Boston version had Christian and Satine standing together with their backs facing the stage while Duke makes an offer to Zidler. This has been taken out and instead Aaron and Karen sing “We can be lovers.” “We can’t do that.” “We can be lovers and that’s a fact.” Come What May has been taken out and is now substituted with Karen singing “how wonderful life is” and Aaron singing “we can be heroes” simultaneously. Boston version had Max coming in off stage and tossing the pink umbrella to Aaron, now Reed slides (literally) from offstage and just hands it to him. Scene ends with Aaron and Karen in the sparkly blue coat and dress with Kyle and Bahiyah doing acrobatics.

Act 2

- Bad Romance has been taken up about 800 notches.

- Dialogue introducing Come What May has changed a bit.

- Boulevardiers just graced the stage in Boston. They now sing reprises of “So Fresh, So Clean” and “Ride Wit Me.”

- “Shake it Out” has been removed. Instead it’s just dialogue between Zidler, Satine, and the Lady Ms.

- Aaron’s dialogue in Boston before Chandelier about “going mad” has been removed. Instead, Zidler tells Satine he’ll deal with Christian which then transitions to Toulouse’s loft. Sahr sang the first part of Chandelier in Boston but now Danny sings it. Karen still makes her entrance as the green fairy but instead of being on stage for a split second like in Boston, she’s actually on stage more. Christian tries to chase her around but keeps getting held back. The dancing from Boston was removed and now just has the ensemble on stage drinking absinthe. Aaron singing “gotta get out now here comes the shame. here comes the shame” was taken out. Instead the ensemble sings out the last note in Chandelier and it transitions into Roxanne, which also has a much cleaner intro.

- First/second preview added some verses from Chandelier into Roxanne towards the end. A chunk of that was removed and he now sings “put on the red light” a few times but they did keep him saying “help me out, i’m holding on for dear life.”

- The scene when Satine has to break Christian’s heart is somehow even more upsetting than Boston. He tries to convince her to leave with him by singing “Come What May” and she interrupts him and tells him he means nothing to her.

- Crazy / Rolling in the Deep has a different ending. Boston/Broadway previews had Aaron on the way left and Karen on the way right. Now they’re both in the middle right next to each other, Karen on the left and Aaron on the right. Ends with Karen holding up her bloody rag and Aaron holding up the gun.

- Satine basically tells off the Duke and he just leaves. I thought they would fix this but apparently not lol.

- I probably don’t even need to add this bc it was so short-lived but In Boston (at least during the first week of previews), right before the start of the Finale, Christian came in from the back of the house, slamming the doors open yelling “SATINE!” as he went up to the stage. I think this was taken out a week later and when I asked Kevyn about it he said that part would never be coming back lol.

- Finale scenery has changed. Broadway version has a more vibrant background that’s a drawing of Satine’s view from her dressing room. Boston version was red/green and kinda dull. Satine’s dress has changed from the all black one to black with hints of blue and red. When Christian turns the gun on himself, Satine now sings “Come What May” to him before singing “Your Song.” The ensemble sings “Your Song” from the stage and audience while Christian and Satine sing “Heroes” and “Your Song” which I’m just now realizing is basically a reprise of the end of the Elephant Love Medley and now I’m FUCKING SAD.

- Boston didn’t mention the Duke having left Paris and never returning, but they added it for Broadway previews, but took it out again.

#moulin rouge #fancynewaddress #promisesyoumadetome #idk who to tag bc a lot of people were interested in this lol

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bthump · 5 years ago

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What is your favorite, most dark/twisted griffguts scenario/hc/au or whatever?

dark and twisted eh? lol this is a question and a half. advance warning for a mention of consent issues.

This is a fic idea I’ve considered writing but gave up on pretty quickly bc I didn’t think I could do it justice lol. And also I never finish anything and this is a novel’s worth of material.

AU where the behelit is an ordinary apostle behelit, and also Guts’ instead of Griffith’s. It opens at pretty much the exact same time, after the rescue, when Guts sees Griffith attempt suicide and it hits him that it’s all his fault. He destroyed Griffith and there’s no way to fix this, no one to kill to make it better, he threw away the only thing he’s ever wanted.

So the Raiders followed him down to the lake, Casca and the rest of the Hawks stayed behind, and the behelit opens. Guts ends up sacrificing the Raiders for ~the power to fix his mistake~ and becomes a monster with magic healing abilities. Because I figure that if you’re not sacrificing the person you actually love most, then you need to compensate with quantity lol, and after all the Raiders were the example, alongside Griffith, of “the place [Guts] belonged,” which should count for something.

So the result of this is you got Beast of Darkness Guts who is basically fixated on Griffith. You got a Griffith who spent a year of torture thinking about Guts and realizing he’s desperately in love with him and is thus fixated on Guts. He’s also fully healed and has a super powerful monster under his command so he’s obligated to go back to pursuing his dream in some form or another.

The situation is Griffith as an unstoppable warlord leading an army that grows and grows as dissatisfied peasants join him and others see the way the wind is blowing and join him to back the right horse, and strikes fear into the hearts of nobility until he eventually takes Midland by force (which is doable bc it’s weakened by a century long war and also an insane king). He’s embracing his “cruelty” and doing whatever it takes to attain his dream which means stuff like executing nobles and whatever to send a message and strike first with fear and intimidation. He’s more distanced from the Hawks than he was pre-torture. His image is scary and ruthless and powerful.

On the flipside he’s super traumatized and emotionally vulnerable, like lbr he’s got complex ptsd and he’s devastatingly emotionally reliant on an apostle boyfriend which in no way helps, not to mention the issues he already had pre-torture like guit and self-loathing. And the whole point is that contrast. Like Griffith ordering fortresses to be burnt and razed to the ground vs Griffith being unable to sit too close to a campfire because sometimes the radiating heat gives him panic attacks. Griffith fighting effectively at the head of an army vs Griffith losing his grasp on the present in the dark and forgetting he’s not in a torture chamber. Part of why Griffith is more removed from the Hawks now is to keep these vulnerabilities hidden.

And wrt Guts and ~dark and twisted~ griffguts content, Griffith commanding a literal monster in battle vs Griffith, eg, never once saying “no” to him in bed bc he’s low key afraid Guts wouldn’t stop, both due to his own trauma and Guts being monstery, and he’d rather just never let that situation come up. Like, loving and needing Guts but being afraid of him after the apostle transformation, and denying that fear to himself. And it could vary. Sometimes being with Guts would be perfect, everything he wants, emotional and physical fulfillment, and sometimes it would pretty much be a form of self-harm. Sometimes he would crave sex and sometimes it would trigger him. Sometimes everything at once. That kind of thing.

And like lbr we’ve seen his inner darkness, Guts as an apostle would be a nightmare. He wouldn’t care about anyone except Griffith, possibly to the point of low key being a threat to the rest of the Hawks, and he’d be extremely possessive and needy. I don’t think he’d be like, completely out of control like the armour makes him, but I feel like his judgement would be shot, his impulse control would be shot, he’d have way more casual asshole tendencies a la Black Swordsman Guts (or even his imo insufferable cockiness post-vacation). He’d still have that eagerness to please wrt Griffith tho, so he wouldn’t be completely beyond Griffith’s control. He’d obey orders, at least to the same extent he did as an ordinary human lol, and he wouldn’t do anything to threaten Griffith’s image, his control and leadership over the rest of the Hawks, like insubordination or w/e. He likes the idea of Griffith being feared, and of being the only one (give or take Casca, probably) to see the vulnerable side of him. And he likes the idea of Griffith needing him to achieve his dream as well as needing him emotionally.

Like, in chapter 71 Guts basically realized that his desire to become Griffith’s equal by finding a dream of his own was stupid and doomed from the start, so I don’t think Griffith pursuing his dream again while he has no goals himself would bother him because now he knows how important he is to Griffith. And also I imagine post-torture Griffith would be willing and able to tell him that he values him over the dream. Even shares that it feels like an obligation to him. Like after that torture chamber monologue it’s easy to see him being more emotionally forthcoming with Guts, more revealing, more self-aware, at least in some ways.

They would both relish the sheer intensity of the others’ feelings for him, but Griffith would be afraid of his own feelings, how vulnerable they make him, and he’d be afraid of Guts’ literal monstrosity, both rationally because he’s a big undefeatable obsessive monster, and irrationally because apostles instill instinctive fear in humans. (That instinctive fear as symbolic of Griffith’s intense life-ruining feelings esp post-torture might be interesting tbh.) Guts would be afraid of Griffith hating him or growing indifferent, but as an apostle that would manifest in clinginess and possessiveness and a constant craving for proof of Griffith’s feelings. And for Griffith’s part he could take advantage of that in manipulative ways. Like I love the idea of an intense toxic relationship where the life-ruining feelings between them are occasionally weaponized by both.

Oh and you also got Griffith’s self loathing and guilt, and the knowledge that Guts became a monster entirely because of him, to help him, plus he rescued and healed him, and so he’d also be torn between feeling like he doesn’t deserve Guts, and feeling like he deserves Guts but in a penitent way, esp if he feels responsible for his monsterism, which he would whether that’s rational or not. Plus also feeling like Guts, as a monster who sacrificed a bunch of his friends to become one and now wreaks havoc in battle, is the only person who can understand him. “Do you think I’m cruel?” “What kind of question is that for the guy who killed a hundred men?” writ large. All the emotional dysfunctionality implied in that exchange taken to 100.

Griffith getting more ruthless and fucked up and taking comfort in a fucked up relationship with a literal monster as he pursues his dream. “You’re rough enough to share this with to the end.” Griffith in part relishing Guts’ monstrosity because it means they’re in this together. They’ll be together because who else would want them? Like a dark contrast to a happy Golden Age AU where Guts tells Griffith how he really sees him and it’s a step towards emotional healing and self love and whatever, this would be Griffith hating himself and being comforted by the thought that Guts is down in the dark with him. Dragging each other down instead of lifting each other up, yk.

(Guts tells Griffith he doesn’t regret it. This applies to both becoming a monster for Griffith’s sake, and leaving in the first place and all the destruction that caused, since it eventually led to both of them getting everything they’ve ever wanted. A kingdom, the Hawks, each other, everything worked out perfectly. Right?)

Also you have Casca and the rest of the Hawks for that excellent outsider/disturbed onlooker pov. Casca’s got her close relationship with both as well as her protectiveness of Griffith. Judeau’s got his detached perceptive observation. Corkus has his outrage and resentment. All good potential perspectives on this imo. Like eg imagine Corkus sowing discord by pointing out that they have no reason to trust Guts esp now that he’s a literal monster since he’s not even a Hawk after abandoning them, and they can’t even trust Griffith to keep him in line because lbr Griffith already fucked them all over once because of Guts.

Idk how it would end though. Something fucked up. Like say Griffith achieves the dream, settles into ruling, the realization that he only hates himself more than ever eventually creeps up on him, and he ends up goading Guts into killing him, like an impulsive and somewhat subconscious act of suicide. Guts becomes Zodd 2.0, wandering battlefields, looking for someone strong enough to take him out. Or maybe just living miserably ever after as Griff sets his sights on an empire (bc he can’t stop, bc as soon as he stops that’s akin to declaring that this end is worth all the deaths and pain and etc on the road to it, and nothing’s actually worth that, so he’s trapped and it sucks) would be a nice anticlimactic ending. Yk, something depressing.

Like overall it would be a giant trainwreck with extreme contrasts wrt power dynamics and emotions, which is basically my favourite kind of thing. Like there are definitely way more straightfoward ways to get dark and edgy griffguts lmao, like about a million post-Eclipse scenarios, but still it’s probably my favourite of the darker ideas I’ve had.

I just love the idea of post-torture Griffith + apostle Guts lol they’d be like the epitome of dysfunctional yet inseparable, and it’s a great starting point for compounding all of Griffith’s canon issues and exploring them.

#Anonymous #ask #headcanons #b #ty for asking i enjoy these opportunities to ramble about dumb au ideas and stuff #canon divergence

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common-blackbird · 5 years ago

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I’m not good with gaming and i never really imagined myself finishing any game, so this was a whole new experience for me... I really sucked. At one point i remember even crying when i just couldn’t fight smth. I hate asking for help (i’m infinitely grateful for it), or even looking “how to do this” bc i feel like i cheat, while when i just can’t beat smth in the game it makes me feel dumb. But i learned that usually happens bc i’ve been playing for too long.

So where to start.... The thing i liked most is the lore. Not just the content of it (which is very entertaining) but also the way it’s portrayed: through conversations, through various notes you find around, and it’s not just “well this is how it is” but rather sometimes contradictory claims that reflect different cultures. I love how you only ever see one country, but hear a lot about the others (well mostly Orlais, but there are tidbits from other countries as well), but also various cultures. I also love how the complex situation is in the game. The question of mages, the repression of elves, the dwarves and their culture, the question of religion.

The game is really good at setting the moral ambiguity and make you have hard choices. Once you realise there’s a pattern it does get easier, but some just make you wonder a lot what is the better choice.

While we’re at it let me talk some quests and decicions.

Free the elves?

So the easiest choice (though i don’t really think there was much of choosing) is the elves-slavery in denerim. Free elves, free citizens, i don’t even understand how did they get to be second-class citizens (or maybe i just forgot, i’ look it up), but they literally did nothing wrong, aren’t dangerous and frankly, there’s so much wilds in ferelden, i don’t see what’s the problem. However, though i don’t know if that was implied, if you go strictly against slavery, but this was a deal made between ferelden and tevinter, you risk a decline in diplomatic relationship as well as economy i assume, so it could be a setback. But again, if you have free citizens elves that are not just piled in one place, you can freshen up your own economy with capable workers. Like, even if you regret breaking a relationship with tevinter (that doesn’t even happen but i was thinking about it at the time), and the elves riot and go against you once you do give them freedom bc lot of bad history between ferelden and elves i guess, it’s still a morally & practically easy choice.

Free the mages?

This was... hmm... mage rights... I LOVE how they went about this problem. So the mages are problematic bc doing magic also means you can get posessed by a demon which results in a catstrophe (like that kid that demolished redcliffe). So they’re locked into a circle tower where they are trained and have a rigorous discipline and are under the watch of templars who might kill them if they try to escape? Mages who actually do escape the tower get hunted down and are forced back, or they get killed, especially if they attempt the bloodmagic (immoral dangerous magic practice?).

It’s kind of obvious that the game leans more to the mage rights (i mean, i wish there was a more memorable templar who isn’t like “mages are bad” by default, but they are kinda trained that way. tbh i just wish we had more templars...). At first, the only mage (other than that one in ostagar) you acutally meet is morrigan, who... who is not a very good example of “why people think mages are bad”. She’s cool, she handles magic really good, yeah she seems to be against the world, but what can you exepect when templars would kill her on sight? Even when alistair is constantly suspecting her, he’s basing that on her being a mage, and not on her saying really creepy immoral stuff. So initially i was all for mage rights. Then things didn’t really help much in the circle tower bc all templars were for just killing all the mages bc things got out of hands. Retrospectively i get where they’re coming from, but still, they seemed really incapable at the time. But then i met wynne, and she told me her backstory. And what really stuck with me is that

1) they find out she’s a mage bc she set someone on fire = mages are dangerous

2) while one templar ignored her completely, the other templar that brought her to the tower was nice to her and carried her on his shoulder (which is very cute) = templars don’t have to be so antagonistic towards mages and

3) the circle tower does not only protect the people from mages, but also the mages from people, bc people are bigoted and scared and will kill a mage = a social/cultural problem.

In any case, i feel like simply freeing mages just like that would turn out to be a terrible mistake bc they are kinda walking time-bombs and they’d be ostracized from society which would make them turn desperate bc no protection, then you get easily corruptible, and so it brings lot of trouble. That being said, obviously, it’s bad to keep people locked up in a tower for life. So i guess i’m more for reforming the circle with mages being treated as humans and not walking time-bombs, templars not being taught to be antagonistic towards mages, but rather their partners(?) bodyguards(?), mages having right to employment once they prove they’re capable of handling magic well, and if needed take one templar with them so people can feel safe. The Circle is already institution made for the rights for the mages, it just needs a lot of work on it. Idk. there wasn’t much of the ~what’s it like to live in the circle~ since you walk into a disaster, so i don’t want to be all in for the mages or all against the mages. I’m a dwarf. Magic is domain i don’t bother to understand.

Orzammar social problems

Tradition vs. reform, at the cost of a monarch or a dictator. That was actually a really easy choice if you’re playing a dwarf. If i played a noble dwarf, i’d defintely choose Harrowmont bc he’s 1) nicer, 2) looks more capable, 3) doesn’t seem that powerhungry. But this also means that current system based on castes. Equality is not even a myth there, it’s an apocalyptic outlook. Which takes another form of a bad side when you have the ostracized casteless dwarves, stripped of all rights and treated like dirt (and that was my warden). So, harrowmont is the safe choice for a current state. Nobody really cares who’s on the throne bc nobody expects the system to change. But if you choose Behlen for a king (who’s accused of murdering his father), you get a reformist who is open to including the casteless in some form into the system. As canon fodder. Despite the grim outlook of being used as a canon fodder, it does open a possibility of upping your status based on the merits. The paragon system is already such a leeway to better your status (bc if you do something outstanding that the drawves, you are revered as a god), but it’s virtually impossible to do something of that scale as a casteless (unless you.. finish the game). On the other hand if you choose Behlen, it’s pretty obvious he’s powerhungry dictator. But i chose behlen bc my sister was his concubine and prospect of including casteless in any form would be a good offer for a casteless dwarf.

Kill/let the mother kill the child or do this bloodmagic-not-so-bloodmagic(?) ritual to save him?

Ah, my disaster. So, of course, i wanted to help the kid, and when the bloodmage said there’s a ritual that can be performed, i just needed to get other mages there, i chose that, i went to the circle tower, i did the whole damn mission there, got back to the kid and, like the fool i am, went straight to the boy instead of talking first to mages, which resulted in me alone dealing with him, which resulted in me making his mother kill him, get yelled on by alistair and there’s no option “it was on accident” to say to him (which frankly would be a terrible thing to say), and then he starts putting himself down bc now my warden is trying to justify herself, which is another level of misery bc i’m fighting a really nice guy who hates children being killed and feels bad that he’s angry about that. anyways, that was a mess from start to finish.

speaking of other messes,

Haven village mission

well, there’s no hard choice in this mission, it’s “side with fanatics who worship a dragon or be reasonable and find the urn”. (i do wonder what do you get from siding with fanatics now). but this mission was such a rollercoaster for me. I did everything backwards. You come into this creepy little isolated village where nobody likes you and they are some kind of fanatics of older gods. So it turns out that first you’re supposed to walk into one house and find a corpse there, which i totally overlooked so instead i killed the merchant in the village, went to the church, killed everyone there, then went out and killed everyone in the village, i found genitivi (a researcher who got captured there), but i still couldn’t finish the mission until i got into that villagers house and saw the corpse that was supposed to be my first inkling of supicion for the village. So the whole storyline didn’t make any sense. And later, when i was supposed to walk humbly to the urn, i was supposed to first leave all my belongings on an oltair, so i did, but didn’t realise i was actually supposed to do that so i took them back and then i couldn’t put them back again on the altair, so i had to fight that guard there and died lol. I hated every part of that mission. it was creepy, hard and i’m lucky i didn’t smash the urn in the end.

The werewolf problem

That one was easy, like, the whole problem of werewolves is bc the head elf lives for too long and there’s nothing so fitting as holding grudges for eternity which endangers the whole clan. I have only one complaint and that is my god the forest is confusing. Each time i go into the forest i get lost.

The golem quest was fun bc that end with Shale randomly killing a chicken always gets me. I love it. Return to ostagar was on the other hand very uneventful for me, but i did see a video with what banter you have if you have wynne and loghain in your party and it’s really intense how wynne keeps attacking him.

Random thought, but today i watched this video about dragon age origins and the guy said that mages are best for combats bc they can do most damage in range, which is probably true, but tbh most of the time for me it was usually the mage who dies in the battle. Morrigan is super useful for attacks, and Wynne for defense, but they’re both as frail as daisies and i’m left with low-stamina melee fighters. And that happens when you’re fighting an archdemon. You’re crying as you drink your last health poultice. You wish you brought wynne. But wynne had been dying just as often, which renders her power of revival pretty useless.

And now, the characters. Lets start humbly with my own.

This game made me realise i’m bad at roleplaying. I scroll through tumblr and see how people just love the character they’ve created and they are so cool and seem so interesting. Me? let me show how i create my character: i don’t like using magic bc magic is often complicated so mage is out of the question. warriors are usually strong so i can’t relate, so i’ll be a rouge and talk people into doing the dirty work for me. i loved elves so fiercly as a kid i got fed up with them and can’t stand them so i’ll not be an elf, but humans seem boring so i’ll be a dwarf. After all i’m short, i can relate. Bonus points, they are imune to magic. Since i’m casteless, i decided to look ugly (i’ve been told my warden looks like the crying cat meme). In the end, compared to the rest of my warden’s family, she looked like an adopted child. At the beginning i had the idea that i would make this character grow from “in it for herself” to “a hero” bc it’s a typical hero story anyway, but in the end it was just a self insert with really dumb mistakes who doesn’t get what she’s signed up to. I guess it’s easier to actually make interesting characters once you already know the stories and the choices so it’s easier to choose according to the characterisation you make and not “what if i screw up?”.

Alistair

So after you get chosen by Duncan (a cool honorable guywho gives you chance to make something of your casteless self and then makes you drink poison), the first guy you meet is alistair - a fellow grey warden who used to train to be a templar (which is as far as we go in meeting templars) and happens to be a king’s bastard son. He is dorky, funny, a genuinely nice person and on level of insecurity that even surpasses mine. He’s impossible to dislike. What i really like about the characters is that they’re super simple, which makes them both their charm and their annoying trait. for example, he often puts himself down, which i relate and am symphatetic and am all “nah you’re really nice”, but the next time he does that i’m “mate, you gotta stop doing that”. But it’s still kinda cute.

What did irk me throughout the game is him being my senior, but making me the leader. I literally pass the test 1 day before everybody gets killed and he is the only grey warden who knows what grey wardens do. Not only that, he’s like the only guy with me at the beginning who knows where’s what and knows the culture. I’m a friggin dwarf who is afraid that i’ll fall into the sky, have no interest to get myself killed, but now i’m a leader. But that’s not even the issue, bc i am already the main character. The problem is when every character in the game acts as if i’m the only surviving grey warden when alistair is right there. “Only you can do that, oh you’re a grey warden”. Alistair knows more about grey wardens than i ever will. I wish they just mention “can either of you two”. It’s like he doesn’t exist lol. I didn’t take him often to missions and pretended he’s doing some grey warden business i know nothing about. The only character who makes sense to completely ignore alistair as a grey warden is anora. But whatever, he doesn’t want any spotlight, so i guess he’s happy being considered “that sidekick grey warden”. Even as frustrating as it was, i really liked his avoiding of responsibility whatsoever and his low confidence, it really makes room for character growth.

Dog

the best character in da:o.

Morrigan

She’s obviously a polar opposite to alistair - overconfident, kind of mean, kind of selfish, her jokes are mean. I mean, when i imagine alistair i imagine a dog, when i imagine morrigan, that’s a cat. And while as a person i don’t really like her that much, but her dynamics with other characters are really fun. What really made me love her is that mystery “is she evil or not”, ( which I guess she’s not considering she’s still a buddy in later games(?)), but combined with her relationship with flemeth who also might or might not be evil. she keeps opposing her mother while being compliant to her. She does what flemeth asks bc she knows that flemeth is more powerful. It makes you wonder how terrible her upbringing was if you’re certain your mom has some fishy plans in which you might get killed in the process. But instead of just running away and doing exactly the opposite of what flemeth commands, even after hearing she’s dead, she still goes on with flemeth’s idea, so i’m guessing she just wants the demon baby for herself(?). In any case, her (justified?) paranoia with flemeth makes her really compelling.

SPEAKING OF DEMON BABY, turns out the reason flemeth saved the warden and alistair was so that the warden could convince alistair to have sex with morrigan. which means that if the warden is a guy, and let us assume a straight guy, she’s counting on at least 50% chance of the male straight guy hating morrigan so much he would sooner convince the other guy who definitely hates morrigan to have sex with her than doing it himself. Yikes.

Sten

Sten is a character you respect. Some things he said really resonated with me and it made me think a lot. His regret over killing that family totally flew over me at that time (bc zevran was talking his head off how he killed this guy and that guy so who cares about sten killing some family, i’m already going to hell for tolerating assassins and making a mother kill her child), but later it was quite peculiar that he’s so ready to kill me and he’s pretty ruthless at everything he does, so you’d think this big guy has no problem getting over this. His regret made me more interested in his culture and his rigorous honour-code. I’d really love to see Par Vollen. At the end i even told him i was going to be joining him on his way back to Par Vollen (i wanted a new character for awakening), but that didn’t work out sadly :(

Leliana

I think most endearing part of Leliana is that she truly seems to believe all the right things, even though you’re made suspicious considering she was (or is?) a spy. That woman talks so much. And she’s always in the right. Always. Making a spy become a hardcore believer in god is cool, bc i always doubt her. She knows her way with words, she always says what you want/need to hear. Of course she would be playing a religious girl if that meant she could convince me that she’s harmless. But it’s also fun that she truly believes it and has a hard time convincing you that considering you keep doubting everything she says. I really like her.

Zevran

I was really surprised when i saw that Zevran is a fan-favourite. I guess it’s that he has a tragic-slave-turned-assassin backstory. I... am completely indifferent towards him. I’m sorry. He was just that one bisexual hedonist assassin who happens to have been a slave long time ago. I guess, by the time i got his backstory, i was already immune to angst... But thinking back, i really like that he’s the bad guy in his backstory, he’s the one doing betraying, while leliana for example got betrayed. And i’m a little bit sad that all he learned from that episode was that assassins are expandable, while, when you look at it, he fails to realise everybody in antiva is expendable. That’s a really crazy country right there. I mean, he’s killing people right and left, and never really thinks back about them. Even if he doesn’t like to do it (which he never really said he does, but it’s not like he had a choice so let’s give a benefit of the doubt), he never really thinks about his victims. The only thing that made him realise that he was expandable was his killing of his partner/lover. (or if he figured that out, i didn’t notice it). But yeah, bragging about sex and death doesn’t do it for me i guess. I did love his banters with Wynne. You can see how she’s trying to get him to open up, to see that there’s more to him than a hedonist, and she just giving up every time when he makes it about sex.

Wynne

Wynne is my top 3 faves. She’s also the reason i’m not against the Circle. Before i met her, i was all “yeah mages should be free and don’t need any control” bc there’s just morrigan and a bad case of not-taking-care-of-your-child-mage posession thing. But then Wynne starts talking about her life in the circle and you see that it’s not just “we hate mages so we keep them imprisoned”. You see that learning magic is hard (morrigan makes it look easy, ok?) and disaster can happen in a blink of an eye. And you find out how flawed she was, and it feels like she really learned from her experiences. And she’s so openminded and genuinely nice, typical granma-mentor-character. Best human in the camp.

Shale

Another one of my top 3 faves. Shale won me over the moment they murdered that poor chicken. I love having shale in my missions, they’re useful, they’re snappy, they’re perfect. And finding out that shale used to be shayle, a dwarf noble who willingly became a golem was one of my fave missions. I was so focused on the myth & legend of branka, that shale took me by surprise. And imagining a dwarf lady with shale’s personality makes me want to go back in time and meet shayle ;__;

Oghren

He’s pretty much like zevran: i like him, but too many alcoholic-jokes. Out of all characters, he looks like the biggest comic-relief. I like how insanely loyal he is. And I liked being his wingman x)

Loghain

I really like him. I shouldn’t like him as much as i do. i wish he could have been in a party earlier or without alistair-walking-out consequences. You start seeing that he’s not just a bad guy when you see that he’s always sad there when anora is scolding him. And I really loved that anecdote with him ruining every rose he touches so he found a rose and brought it home himself. Awww. If he didn’t order me executed at sight, i’d be his best friend. His paranoia (or justified fear?) of orlesian invasion made him do lot of political mistakes, but you can see he has good intentions. He’s not a bad guy. And he’s really clever. But also i will never understand how he didn’t get rid of Rendon Howe.

I’m so conflicted over him abandoning Cailan. I hated cailan, but to him, cailan was almost flesh and blood(?) I mean, he’s everything that’s left of two people he loved so abandoning him must have been terrible. I’m still trying to wrap my head around why he would go to that length to betray cailan rather than forcefully take him back by the means of drugging him and carrying him back to denerim. Maybe cailan was so problematic with his ideals before and this was just one decision too much. But then again, loghain was dealing with idealistic maric since forever. I don’t know. He’s just such a compelling character to me. I wouldn’t recruit him storywise bc i feel like his time was over. He had to die there. you know how in stories, the hero can’t live too long, bc there is no being the hero the second time. They’re always tragic. And since he attempted to be the hero again, he had to pay the price and become a villain. And he needs to tragically die. Which makes him more memorable than saint marric.

Also i watched a video with what happens if you go back to ostagar with loghain and wynne and it’s whoa... wynne is merciless with her attacks on loghain.

Anora

MY QUEEN. I was debating a lot whether alistair should be a king or not and then anora showed up and everything became clear. She’s such an amazing person. You can see her as righteous, as powerhungry, as manipulator, as terrible or wonderful and all of that would be true. She’s ready to do everything to keep that throne. You can see she loves her father, but she is going against him and is relying on your mercy for his life, and accepts his death so quickly. She implies that, while she did love cailan, her marriage was arranged and her husband an idealistic fool and she’s not surprised how he ended up. And sure, she’s telling you all you want to hear: that she loved him, that she was warning him about what his idealism will get him to, but can you really trust her? Especially with cailan’s correspondence between arl eamon, where eamon is trying to get rid of anora, and empress celene, who’s suspicious to say the least. I could easily imagine she did not warn, but support cailan in his idealistic views bc he hinders her rule with his blind idealism. I could just as easily accept that she truly did love him, and she did warn him, but alas, her husband is a fool. Everyone is against her in the game, and if i didn’t get her to win that throne after everything she’s done to get it, it would just be sad to watch. which brings me to the mission:

Choosing a ruler

Anora proved more than anyone that she’s the best candidate. Setting alistair on that throne would feel so ungrateful, he had no agency whatsoever in becoming a king and if i married him to anora, then i’d just get another pawn in her - or eamon’s - hands bc it’s obvious who’s playing the game here. I’d feel bad for alistair. He should get his own development based by his own merits rather than ~king’s blood~. Also with setting him on the throne you change nothing bc he can’t have kids anyway (unless you count the demon baby which would get this to another level of really messed up succession stories), and anora (according to eamon) seems to not be able to have kids(?) so they’re basically the same. Also, anora has unlimited time to rule, while alistair will die in what like, 10 years? and what then? Morrigan becomes queen regent bc she’s the baby-demon’s mother? That’s a disaster. And anora is right when she says that setting up a grey warden after they’ve been proclaimed enemies of the state only makes it look bad. I have learned that grey wardens, it turns out, are very political, but i just didn’t want to be. Also, alistair devotion was literally never towards marric and only for duncan. He even kills Loghain for duncan, and not for cailan. I really like anora being a queen. I know i can’t count on her bc she is ruthless like loghain, but also loyal only to the kingdom. It feels like, that’s the only thing she got to choose in her life and she’s willing to sacrifice everything for it. And that makes her a good ruler.

the ritual

oh man. that was... awkward. I knew it was gonna happen but... you know what i think? Sure, flemeth told morrigan what she’s gotta do, but, i doubt morrigan really knew what she’s getting into. I know the kid is a normal kid in the end, but i like to think that at the time, morrigan had no idea whatsoever what is this ritual going to turn up with. First, this this ritual feels like a fanservice. Second, on the matter of dub-con, i’ve seen a lot of people saying that alistair was non-con and morrigan is... a bitch? i thought about it and all i saw was this: your mom, whom you hate and are convinced she’s going to kill you one day, tells you you’re going to have a sex with a guy you don’t know, who hates you, and have his child, and you probably don’t want children, who will definitely be possessed with a god-spirit-thing. So, you got two choices, while you’re traveling with your merry band: you won’t do it or you do it for yourself. So i guess morrigan saw an opportunity and decided to go along with it, but use it against flemeth. Which is a really sad thing bc the moment she decides to have the baby for the power for whatever reason, she is basically becoming flemeth herself (or at least her idea of flemeth: someone who uses children for her own gains instead of loving them). So knowing that, i can’t see morrigan being a bitch either way for deciding to take the ritual. She definitely doesn’t like alistair after all, and she’s becoming the person she hates the most + she acts like she doesn’t care about anything, but she also wants to save the warden. So yeah, i definitely went overboard with this, but i don’t see morrigan enjoying the ritual.

I do wonder what she’s planning to do with the demon baby tho. or how terrible is she at raising a baby. I mean, her tolerance and patience levels are really low. I also wonder whether she’s right to be wary of flemeth or is she only paranoid. Flemeth seems like much wiser and sees morrigan as a kid with her paranoia. She pretty much dominates. I would love both morrigan being totally off the track with her suspicious about flemeth and her being right to be wary of flemeth.

So yeah, that was a huge ramble. If you made it this far then i bow to you. Idk where i was going with this... i just wanted to get out my thoughts and have it in one place. I probably said bunch of things wrong and misinterpreted the characters, made typos, forgot to say bunch of other things so, sorry for that. i’m a newb. But i loved it! It made me go into fantasy mood.

#i'm just rambling about dragon age #and it's really long and i don't say anything interesting

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harryhighkey · 6 years ago

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hello hi hi hi, it’s been one long ass minute but i’m back w another one shot!!! i’m v aware it’s not how you want him part 3 and that is what 90% of my messages are about, but, well this is not that at all, it’s something completely different

idk if u heard but thank u next dropped and i fucking love it!!!!!!! NASA is my favourite favourite favourite and this one shot is honestly a little inspired by it!! also, i’m kind of a little bit self-projecting bc of my own experiences lately lmao

but idk, like my last one shot i needed to write this for me right now and idk i love the idea of it and all that

it’s v angst i think, might do a part 2?????? might not???? sorry if there’s mistakes, i literally wrote it all down in one sitting bc i was just !!!!!! issa mood u know

ANYWAY LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK!!! PLS ENJOY

___________________________

One hundred and fourteen days is a really long time to spend away from the person you love. A really fucking long time. It’s almost a third of the year, a whole season you could spend apart. And in your case, the season was autumn.

Harry had left during the last weeks of summer and you’d spent the entirety of autumn without him. Even communicating was a little difficult with him constantly changing timezones and countries. The first few weeks were hard. Really, really hard. You and Harry were seemingly still in that honeymoon phase when he was boarding his plane, even after seven months of officially being a couple you two were inseparable and couldn’t get enough of each other. And then all of a sudden he was just gone.

It was a weird thing to feel, it was something kind of a like a break up, except not that all at the same time. Your heart was left feeling empty when he left, but it wasn’t broken in a way that you knew he was gone forever. But you did know it was going to be a long time.

On day twenty-two, you felt a little change. You were perking up again, replying to messages from friends, adding to your Instagram story again. The longing was still there but that morning you awoke early and embarked on doing a massive clean out of your apartment on your days off from work and after everything was re-organised, you felt refreshed.

Day twenty-nine was when Harry noticed that change. He often felt bad when he would call you on a high from singing in front of thousands of his fans and you were cooped up in your one bedroom place. It was never your intention for him to feel bad, you loved that he got to do what he loved. It made you happy to see him happy you just wished you could be with him to experience the same happiness. That was until you realised you’d found happiness in other places. Suddenly you realised, your life had existed before Harry, and honestly, you kind of loved your life. Your apartment only seemed small because you’d been staying in lavish penthouses on weekends away. And your apartment had kind of begun become a pit where you would disregard clothes in a hurry to pack a new suitcase for the next little trip he would take you on. Without Harry there, you began to love the things about your apartment you did before and do the things you used to do before your boyfriend was someone who could be instantly recognised by millions of people.

Harry had Facetimed you and you didn’t answer as quickly as you normally did. You weren’t just sitting and waiting for him to call. Once you answered you could barely hear him. You were out with your friends, your smile was bright but honestly, you barely paid him any attention.

It was a quick call, one that had Harry left a bit perplexed. He was happy you were happy, but he couldn’t ignore the insulted way he felt that he didn’t have the full attention off of you that he had become so accustomed to receiving.

Day forty-four. He cried. Really cried because of how much he missed you. He’d had a really hard day with the media blasting headlines everywhere about him and a model he wasn’t even sure if he had met before. You felt for him, and listened as he vented and promised you none of it was true. You told him he didn’t have to reassure you, you knew the truth. Of course you believed him, you trusted his loyalty to you. However, you’d been so distracted by the good things happening for you, you hadn’t thought to check the TMZ YouTube or even search Harry Styles on twitter to see what was going on. You didn’t even have a clue any of this was being said. It wasn’t really an issue for you at all, until Harry had brought it up, the only reason it had an affect on you was because it had an affect on him.

Day seventy-six you were both so happy. So, so, so happy. Harry had just played to his biggest crowd yet and you’d been offered a promotion at work. Both of your lives were riding high in their own rights. They just weren’t two lives together at this point.

Day one hundred and thirteen at 11:02pm, he showed up at your front door. He’d managed to find a private jet and fly home early. He surprised you. And fuck, your heart flew high. You were so in love with that boy and as he kissed you for the first time in a long time, you melted right into him again. The two of you made love all night. You called in sick to work the next day and the two of you spent the entire day together just laughing, kissing and touching each other. You couldn’t get enough of him, he couldn’t get enough of you.

Day one hundred and thirty-two, it was well and truly winter now, the days were cold and the nights were freezing but you had Harry at night to keep you warm, now. Then again, your blankets did just as good of a job, too.

What?

You weren’t that surprised, though, that wasn’t the first time you had a thought like that.

He had been home for nineteen days now, almost three full weeks. And fuck, did you love him, but fuck, did you want just a little room to breathe.

Three days ago, on day sixteen of him being home was when you really felt yourself getting annoyed. One of your favourite shows came back with a new season while Harry was away and you’d made a ritual every week of putting on a face mask and watching it in peace.

Harry thought he would watch it with you, and you didn’t mind. You were excited, at least at first you were. Then he started asking questions. From there it was a fast drop and everything he did started to annoy you. Eventually you told him to shut up and leave you alone. He went to bed, shocked.

The next day you didn’t talk about it, you woke up earlier than usual because you had an early start at work. You didn’t tell Harry.

Back to day one hundred and thirty-two, nineteen days into Harry being back and you came home from work to see him asleep on your little pink couch. Another time you would have found him so cute and endearing, but right now you felt like you couldn’t escape him. You went to your bedroom and his suitcase was opened, his clothes messily lingering around it. You went to your bathroom, he’d left the toothpaste opened. Again. Fuck you hated that.

Harry was staying with you, and when you said he could, you thought it would be fine. You thought it would be better than fine, you’d thought you would love it. He had sold his place before he left, the market was a good and his real estate agent told him he’d make a huge profit. He did, but now he was living in your little apartment with you and the place you once loved, then loathed and then loved again you were starting to loathe once more.

Or were you not loving Harry being there?

“Fuck this.” You murmured to yourself before you quickly got changed out of the clothes you wore to work and into something more comfortable before you grabbed your keys and left again.

It was 1:52am - or one hour and fifty-two minutes of day one hundred and thirty-three, twenty days of Harry being back - when you answered his call drunk.

“’lo boyfriend.”

“Oh my god, why haven’t you answered your phone?” He was relieved when you answered, after several attempts to contact you failed, he was starting to get desperate.

“I did right now?”

“You couldn’t answer any earlier?”

“Nah.” It was nice to have him on the phone, it reminded you of when he was away and when you missed him, you only thought about how much he loved you.

“Nah? What do you mean nah?” The word sounded so strange in his accent, you giggled. “What’re you laughing for?”

“You’re so pretty on the phone.”

“You’re really quite drunk. Did you drive?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit, you got a ride home?”

“You still at my place?”

“Yeah, want me to get you?”

“Nah, want you gone when I get home.”

“What?” All that wine had given you liquid courage and while right now you weren’t feeling remorseful over what you had said, Harry felt that blow, he felt it hard. “Y/N?”

“You heard me. I just..give me some room to breathe.”

“Where is this coming from?”

“Don’t know.” You did know, he was crowding in on the life you had found once again while he was away.

“Do, do you want to break up?” He went quiet when he asked that, as if he was afraid to ask the question. You were being brutally honest in this moment and he wasn’t sure what other kind of swings he was going to take from you right now.

“No, fuck no.” Your reply was instant, he was relieved again. “Love you so much, Harry, really. Never wan’ end it.”

“I don’t understand, then, what’s the issue?”

“I just, like, my place is a little too small for the both of us, you know?”

“I can get us a bigger place-”

“I don’t want a bigger place, I like my place.”

“What do you want, then? I'd give you the whole world if I could.” He was on the verge of tears, his eyes were welling up and you couldn’t see him but you could imagine it pretty well.

“Baby, s’okay. I don’t want the world, just want... a little space. Space. I want space, not the world.”

“You don’t want me here?”

“Not at the moment, I want a little me time, again.”

“We were apart for so long.”

“Yeah.. and remember how good we were those first couple’a weeks. Go away again. Give me a chance to miss you.” You really thought you couldn’t have been more clear, but when Harry didn’t respond, you felt guilt creeping in. “It’s not a bad thing, Harry. I love you and I want you forever and all that, but shit, usually I love it when you stay, I do. I just- I’m on another kind of page right now. There’s nothing wrong with some me time.”

“Okay.” His reply was so simple, so quick you couldn’t at all get a hint at what he would be doing on the other end. “Are you coming back here tonight?”

“Nah, going to stay with a friend. Be there tomorrow sometime.”

“Text me when you’re there? Wanna know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night...I love you.” You were so sure of yourself when you’d been telling Harry exactly how you’d been feeling but now you were terrified of not hearing those words returned.

“I love you, too.” He hung up then.

Your emotions were all over the place as you stared at the picture that was your lockscreen background. Taken on day one hundred and seventeen, four days of him being home, he was laying on the couch with his arms lifted and bent and covering part of his face, but you could see his smile. His beautiful smile that made you smile, you were behind the camera and had been straddling his hips. You thought back to that moment of post lazy morning sex and he looked so gorgeous you couldn’t help but to take a photo, which he tried to avoid, but his smile was perfect. You swore that right now, you could hear the exact laugh he did on that perfect day. You wanted to feel like that again.

Fuck.

Did you make a mistake?

No, you were sure to get back to that moment, you needed the space. Right?

Right now, you couldn’t think about it, you weren’t going to let yourself have that internal battle. Instead, you went back inside the bar with your friends to have one last glass of wine and a hungover version of you on day one hundred and thirty-three could face the consequences.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles concept #harry styles concepts #harry styles drabble #my writing #my writings #writings #space

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deathbyhysteria · 6 years ago

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57 facts tag !!

i was tagged by @serensims - thank you for tagging me even though i took so long because it gave me a migraine lol

i tag @gemgeminox @maplestreetsims @justkeeponsimming @all-harlows-eve @daisydezem and anyone else who wants to have a go.

facts are under the cut!

1. i just turned 21 years old

2. i am studying law in london

3. when i finish i may go and do a postgrad somewhere abroad! we’ll see

4. i have literally no hobbies now

5. when i was younger i used to do ballet, viola, piano, guitar, yoga, drama, dance, singing and ballroom dancing - not all at the same time (i.e. i was much more well rounded than i am now)

6. i have one younger sister

7. i always wanted to have an older sibling, especially an older brother

8. i used to be a big reader but i stopped. but over the summer i’ve been reading more again, especially crime books by Harlan Coben

9. some shows i’ve been watching a lot of over the summer: bojack horseman, 3%, the flash

10. s5 of bojack horseman actually came out on my birthday and i tried to rewatch all 4 seasons before then but i failed. however i just started the new season today!

11. i was admitted to hospital twice over the summer, once while i was abroad i’m holiday which SUCKED

12. i love travelling and some of the places i’ve been to are: italy, cyprus, various places in the usa, jamaica, mexico, nigeria, greece, spain, switzerland.

13. my dream destination is japan... i would love to visit so badly

14. speaking of japan, my favourite cuisine is actually japanese food, and i also really enjoy chinese and what little i have tried of vietnamese food too

15. i have only one (two?) piercings and that’s my ear lobes. but i would love to get a second set of piercing on my lobes and i’m hoping to do it in the near future

16. i’d love to get a tattoo one day but i’m not sure what i’d get and also i don’t like pain

17. i’m in and out of hospital kinda frequently because of a medical condition i have (without going into specifics, you could say i’m a little like a spoonie)

18. the only surgery i’ve had was when i was about 6 years old and i had my tonsils removed

19. i really like makeup and i can get quite creative with it, but i don’t tend to wear anything outside of mascara, my go to lipstick (which is touch by mac) and possibly eyeliner on a daily basis

20. i’m 5ft 7in (and a half)

21. i know basic french and a little more than basic spanish, and i’m a native english speaker

22. this year i’m learning yoruba, and i’m also hoping to pick up some basic german too

23. i rarely cry at movies but the only ones which did manage to make me cry were: titanic (i’m sure i was too young to be watching it at the time), princess and the pea, boy in the striped pyjamas... oh and avengers: infinity war which made me bawl like my puppy had died

24. i’m a really big fan of the mcu and i always go to watch the new releases in the cinema with my sister and my dad

25. i’ve never see the incredible hulk so idk maybe that makes me a fake fan

26. i had to wear braces for 6-7 years? but afterwards i stopped wearing my retainers so some of the gaps opened up in my teeth again 🤷‍♀️ what can you do

27. i love music and i always try to give every genre a go... the only one i can’t deal with is country music

28. my favourite thing is getting to see live music and i’ve gotten to see: one direction (my first concert!), 5 seconds of summer, little mix, twenty one pilots, hey violet and most recently taylor swift

29. i’m still taking driving lessons over a year after i first started but my driving test is booked for next friday so idk maybe i’ll have an official license soon if i don’t flop

30. i had 4 really close friends in high school but after that we kinda grew apart and i got pretty lonely and pretty bad (read: ridiculously awful) at making friends

31. i did struggle with depression and mild anxiety in the past

32. if you have mental health issues - please try and talk to someone about it. keep trying until you find someone you can trust. it took me a long time to admit i needed help and even longer to find someone i felt comfortable confiding in, but it was the best thing i ever did.

33. i did really really well in my gcse’s but since then i’ve just gotten dumber i guess because all my grades have been nothing short of average, sometimes even significantly below average

34. tumblr is basically the only social media i use now. i stopped using facebook, twitter and instagram, and i only keep the snapchat app around so i can take cute selfies, but i don’t ever post

35. it’s 2am as i type this and i’m running out of things to say

36. i used to get really painful periods, to the point where i was basically bedridden and the pain was enough to make me physically throw up. luckily they aren’t as bad anymore

37. i love the summer and i really need that vitamin d in my life

38. i really love winter clothes and big loose comfy sweaters are literally my favourite thing

39. i drink a lot of tea, especially green tea with lots of honey

40. i’m mildly lactose intolerant and yesterday i drank a chocolate milk which had some adverse effects... it wasn’t worth it tbh it tasted kinda nasty

41. i used to really love bratz and i watched all the movies and even bought some of their albums

42. i can’t really walk in heels but i’m trying... platform heels are not so bad but then i get people telling me i’m tall already so i don’t need to wear heels (as if i don’t just wear them because i like them)

43. i love lush bath bombs and i always have a few hanging around my bathroom

44. my dress size is like a 10 but sometimes i have to go up a size because of my big bust, which i hate

45. i actually really enjoy playing the papa’s pizzeria franchise online and they’re like my go to games when i’m really bored

46. speaking of games i also really love phoenix wright, i’m playing the trilogy on the app now as i had only played ace attorney before

47. i love getting manicures and idk why but i always tend to paint my nails dark blue... there’s this shade this one shade and no matter which nail bar you send me to, if they have it i’ll always pick it out without even realising it

48. i play sims on my macbook air which probably isn’t a great pc for gaming bc it always makes the fan go absolutely crazy, although my game never lags even back when i used alpha cc

49. i played the og sims but i never played sims 2 or 3 and i also never bought any expansion packs even though i was desperate to

50. i wear a lot of black, not intentionally but probably because it’s just a safe colour that you can’t go wrong with

51. i actually really enjoy getting socks as a gift but no one buys me them because i think it’s a universally accepted fact that socks are a rubbish gift

52. i don’t own any trousers that aren’t jeans and i think that’s probably a little odd but i’m not sure

53. i don’t have a great track record of keeping my mobile safe and i’ve ruined a lot of good phones by cracking the screen, dropping them in the toilet, dropping them into my cereal, or just plain losing them

54. speaking of which i currently have an iphone 6s in rose gold and i love it and don’t care all that much to upgrade it. but it only has 16gb of space and i’m desperate for more

55. i also really enjoy getting new pyjamas. and my favourite pyjamas are the ones that aren’t pyjamas at all i.e. just give me a t-shirt in size xxxl and i’m good to go

56. i wear glasses because i have a lazy eye and i’m also long sighted (which is an absolute recipe for disaster when you’re trying to apply eyeliner, let me tell you)

57. i’m genuinely surprised that i managed to list 57 facts about me!

#tags #57 facts tag #non sims

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