deathbyhysteria

[deathbyhysteria]

omg hey, so i haven’t posted on here in like 3 months, because a) i’ve been just kinda all over the place personally, and b) i nuked my whole game!!! all my old games are gone, literally had to get rid of everything because my game stopped working :/ i only have one save game rn and i’m thinking of maybe coming back here and posting that but yeah it’s pretty crazy!

[deathbyhysteria]

starting this challenge this evening!

Introducing the Perfect Sim Challenge!

Heavily Inspired by GalaxySimmerYT’s Challenge Link: Here

Background: When you were a child, your parents died in a catastrophic event (you get to choose) and you were only left with an empty lot. Your parents had told you that you are destined for great things. So, in their memory, you want to become the perfect sim. For them.

Starting Out:  Start new game. Make a teenage sim. They can be human or alien, male or female. Set lifespan to long. You can start on any lot, but it has to be EMPTY. Make aspiration Chief of Mischief Traits can be whatever you want. Set money to 2000.*press ctrl+shift+C then type in testing cheats on, then type money 2000* BEGIN!!

Stage One: Chief of Mischief You are angry at the world for taking you away from your parents. The only way to express that anger is to be nasty to everyone. Goals + Rules:  Only Mean and Mischief Interactions Allowed Max out Mischief Skill Complete Aspiration NO JOBS Stage Two: Friend of the World Being rude to everyone was fun, but now you’re more alone than before. Maybe some friends could help. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Friend Of the World Max out Charisma Skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Three: Leader of the Pack (Not required if you don’t have Get Together)

You’ve got all these friends now and you’re still young. Let’s Party!

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Leader of the Pack Max out Photography Skill Max out Dancing Skill Max out DJ Skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Four: Painter Extraordinaire You are so caught up in talking to people that you forgot to realize that you’re broke. You think painting would be a good way to earn some money. Goals + Rules:  Make aspiration Painter Extraordinaire Max out Painting Skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Five: City Native (Not required if you don’t have City Living) Now that you have some money, let’s go and explore a little.

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration City Native Max out Singing Skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Six: Freelance Botanist The city life is fun, but let’s go back to nature some.

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Freelance Botanist Max out gardening Skill Max out the Flower Arranging Skill (Not required if you don’t have seasons) Complete aspiration Freelance Botanist

Stage Seven: Serial Romantic Even though life is going all right, you still feel a little lonely, maybe its time to test the waters… Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Serial Romantic Complete Aspiration

Stage Eight: Friend of the Animals (Not required if you don’t have Cats and Dogs) Okay, maybe a different kind of love could work. The love of an animal maybe?

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Friend of the Animals Max out Pet Training Skill Max out Veterinarian Skill You can purchase an Animal Hospital if you wish Complete Aspiration

Stage Nine: Nerd Brain You’ve been so busy with everything going on at one. Maybe its time to straighten some things out. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Nerd Brain Max out handiness skill Max out logic skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Ten: Grilled Cheese Wait… did someone say grilled cheese? 

Goals + Rules: Unlock the Grilled Cheese Aspiration. Your sim needs too eat three plates of grilled cheese in a row to unlock it. Complete Aspiration

Stage Eleven: Bodybuilder Okay that was A LOT of grilled cheese. Let’s burn off that extra fat you’ve gained. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Body Builder. Max out fitness skill Max out Wellness Skill (Not required if you don’t have Spa Day) Complete Aspiration.

Stage Twelve: Soulmate Now that you’re looking fine maybe it’s time to settle down, with the love of your life. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Soulmate You can choose your partner however you want them. Same sex couple, aliens, whatever you want. Cannot woohoo with soulmate until you’re married. When married your spouse can have a job if you choose. Complete the aspiration. 

Stage Thirteen: Master Chef So you’re now married, but you don’t know how to cook for them. Guess it’s time to learn. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Master Chef Max out cooking skill Max out baking skill (Not required if you don’t have Get to Work) Max out gourmet cooking skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Fourteen: Super Parent (Not required if you don’t have Parenthood) Well, you’re married now, and you know how too cook. Why not have kids. 

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Super Parent Max out Parenting Skill Suggested to have a total of 4 children (Highly with Big Happy Family and Successful Lineage next) Suggested to have the kids pretty spread out. If couple has problems reproducing, you can modify their creating baby abilities or just adopt. Complete aspiration

Stage Fifteen: Big Happy Family You’ve got this parenting thing under control. 

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Big Happy Family Max out the Bowling Skill Suggested to keep 1 of your children in the house. Complete Aspiration

Stage Sixteen: Successful Lineage You’ve got a big family, but at what cost? Time to make sure they succeed in life.

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Successful Lineage Suggested to keep at least 1 of your children in the house. Complete aspiration

Stage Seventeen: Strangerville Mystery (Not required if you don’t have Strangerville) There has been some rumors of something strange going down in Strangerville. Let’s go check it out!   Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Strangerville Mystery Complete aspiration Stage Eighteen: Public Enemy Your spouse has recently been fired from their job. You need money and you’re willing to make however you want. 

Goals + Rules: Make Aspiration Public enemy Join Criminal Career Complete Aspiration Make Spouse Quit job

Stage Nineteen: Computer Whiz You’re getting tired of being wanted by the entire town. Maybe hole up and get some work done on the computer. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Computer Whiz Join Tech Guru career Max out Video Gaming Skill Max out Programming Skill Complete Aspiration Stage Twenty: Joke Star Now that you’ve gotten some good cash to support the family, why not let go a little.

Goals + Rules: Make Aspiration Joke Star Join entertainer career and join the comedian branch Max out Comedy Skill Complete Aspiration. Stage Twenty-one: Musical Genius Being around all the inspiring people has really made you want to take up the musical skills. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Musical Genius Quit Comedy Job Max out Guitar Skill Max out Violin Skill Max out Piano Skill Complete Aspiration.

Stage Twenty-two: Master Actress (Not required if you don’t have Get Famous) You already have so many skills. Why not show it off on the big screen?

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Master Actress Join the Acting Career Max out Acting skill Complete Aspiration  Stage Twenty-three: World-Famous Celebrity (Not required if you don’t have Gat Famous) You’ve got all of these fans from you acting career. Let’s go and meet them.   Goals + Rules: Make aspiration World-Famous Celebrity Max out the Video Production Skill Complete Aspiration

Stage Twenty-four: Rich Person You have done all these wonderful things in your life so far, but you don’t have that much money. Time to get some. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Fabulously Wealthy. Complete Aspiration Stage Twenty-five: Mansion Baron You got all this money now, it’s time to improve your house. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Mansion Baron Complete Aspiration Stage Twenty-six: Party Animal You have a huge house, now it’s time to throw some amazing parties. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Party Animal Complete Aspiration Stage Twenty-seven: Master Mixologist You like drinking. Let’s make some instead of buying all of them.  Goals + Rules: Make Aspiration Master Mixologist Join culinary career Join mixologist branch Complete Aspiration Stage Twenty-eight: The Curator You’ve gotten all this great stuff, but you’ve never had the chance to really get something that is your own. Maybe you could start a collection Goals + Rules: Make aspiration The Curator Complete a Collection Complete Aspiration

Stage Twenty-nine: Renaissance Sim You have mastered many things throughout your life, why not master some more? Goals + Rules: Make Aspiration Renaissance Sim Max Rocket Science Skill Complete Aspiration Stage Thirty: Outdoor Enthusiast (Not required if you don’t have Outdoor Retreat) You’ve done a lot already. Why not go and explore some good ole mother nature? 

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Outdoor Enthusiast. Max out the Herbalism Skill Complete Aspiration.   Stage Thirty-one: Archaeology Scholar (Not required if you don’t have Jungle Adventures) You’ve read online about all these adventures. Let’s go on one and find some things.   Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Archaeology Scholar Max out Archaeology Skill Complete Aspiration Stage Thirty-two: Jungle Explorer (Not required if you don’t have Jungle Adventure) Well, you’ve dug up a lot of stuff, but that temple looks pretty fun to explore.   Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Jungle Explorer Max out Selvadoradian Skill Stage Thirty-three: Angling Ace You’ve seen a lot of people fishing on your trips. Let’s catch some on your own. Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Angling Ace Complete Aspiration Stage Thirty-four: Master Vampire (Not required if you don’t have Vampires) You’ve heard along the grape vine that vampires do exist. Let’s learn all we can about them.   Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Master Vampire Max out Vampire Lore Skill Complete Aspiration   Stage Thirty-five: Good Vampire (Not required if you don’t have Vampires) You’re a master vampire now, but you wish you were a bit nicer.   Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Good Vampire Max out the Pipe Organ Skill Complete Aspiration   Stage Thirty-six: Vampire Family (Not required if you don’t have Vampires) You have learned all of these things as a vampire and it’s pretty cool being one. Let’s make more! Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Vampire Family Complete Aspiration Stage Thirty-seven: Bestselling Author Wow, you’ve done a lot of things in your life. Maybe you should write some of this down.

Goals + Rules: Make aspiration Bestselling Author Max out Writing Skill Complete Aspiration WRITE THE BOOK OF LIFE!! After aspiration is completed YOU ARE DONE WITH THE PERFECT SIM CHALLENGE!! WOW!! GREAT JOB! This was a hard challenge!

Other Notes: Potion of Youth is allowed only TWICE. You cannot drink essence of youth from a cowplant. Reward potions are allowed. Your sim can live where ever you wish, even apartments. Your sim can hire whoever they please. Can have any job they please unless told differently through your aspiration. When you are a teen, you can have a job, scouting counts with that. 

If you you the challenge and share it please share it on #perfectsimchallenge and feel free to tag me as well!  I also will be running a series on my Youtube channel! Link Playlist to my let’s play! Here

Edit 7/4/2018: Updated with the Seasons Expansion Pack  Edit 11/26/18: Updated with the Get Famous Expansion Pack Edit 3/10/19: Updated with the Strangerville Game Pack

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

if one thing was going to come out of this conversation, it would be honesty... something which admittedly i hadn’t been in a long time.  so i told him absolutely everything.

aside from the emotions that fleeted across his face, he said nothing until i’d finished speaking.

“mauve... i can’t believe you went through all that on your own.  you shouldn’t have had to.  i- i should’ve been there.”

the point wasn’t to make him feel guilty, and i told him as much.  but he needed to know.  and i should have told him.  even though i wasn’t sure, there was a possibility that the child i lost was his, and he hadn’t known about it.

over the past few months, i’d caused tobin a lot of pain that he should never have gone through, and for that i was truly sorry.  but somehow, even despite all of that...

“i found myself missing you so much, mauve.  i wished i didn’t.  but i fell in love with you all those years ago and i haven’t ever fallen out of love with you.”

we agreed that i would come back home and we would take things step by step, which is more than my heart had even hoped for before i came by.  just as i was about to get going to catch up with navy, tobin stopped me.

“by the way... phoenix has refused to decorate the winterfest tree without you there.  you should stay this evening and help.”

and so for the first time in ages, it actually felt like it might not be the end of us after all.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

“muuuuum!”

phoenix almost knocked me over with the way he ran at me.  i missed him so much, it was all i could do not to burst into tears in front of him.  i didn’t want to let go of him for even a second.

“it’s... good to see you, mauve.  hey son, why don’t you give your mum and i a few minutes to talk?  why don’t you go check on penny, she’s been itching for someone to play with her.”

that damn cat.  still, was that... a smile i saw from tobin?  i don’t want to get my hopes up, but maybe this could be promising.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

“how are you feeling?”

“how do you think?  i’m terrified.”

i couldn’t believe i was feeling intimidated by standing outside of my own home.  i hadn’t even been gone long, and yet it felt like so much had changed in so little time.  would tobin want me there after all?  would phoenix?

“don’t worry, my love.  if tobin didn’t want to see you, he wouldn’t have invited you.  now go get your man, and if you need me i’ll only be one call away.”

honestly, what would i do without him?

so all that was left for me was to knock...

...and wait.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

i almost can’t believe it, but tobin agreed to meet up with me to discuss some things.  i honestly wasn’t sure he would give me the chance.  i know he always said that he wanted me to remain living at home, but somehow my mind hasn’t been able to avoid thinking the worst - he hates me and he’s already moved on.

i... haven’t been in the best place since i’ve been living with navy.  not that it needed saying.  but i don’t want to see tobin again just for him to think i’m a complete mess.

so i’ve been working on improving myself a little.  playing the violin and songwriting has actually been a really great coping method.  i forgot how much i used to love playing the strings for a bit of stress relief when i was in uni.

off the back of that, i also got myself a job!  this one will be permanent, i think.  at least, i’m working to be more responsible in that way.  i’m an entertainer, so i’m looking forward to playing a few gigs around town.

and i hit the gym for the first time in who knows how long.  not that i really need it, but it just feels like one of those things you do, you know?

truth be told, i’m really nervous.  i’m just hoping that when he sees me again, he’ll miss me the same way i’ve been missing him.  right now, all i can do is hope.

[deathbyhysteria]

yellow, snow leopard, lactose intolerant (lol)

@caacti @limeful @mantisblvde

A person’s favorite color, favorite animal, and favorite flavor of ice cream can say a lot about them when considering the answers as a whole. Some prime examples I’ve heard are:

~ Silver, Artic Wolf, and Mint Chocolate Chip.

~ Pink/Yellow, Putu Bird, and Cotton Candy.

~ Light Brown, Tree Kangaroo, and Rum Raisin.

~ Green, Pig, and Cookie Dough.

Mine are:

~ Burgundy, Fox, and Moose Tracks.

Tag some friends and get a sense of who they are! :)

@notable-bumblr @persistentchaos @enterfandomreference @valerietompson @paper-crowns-and-tiaras @ironxprince @acecuddle @angst-dealer @hey-you-i-just

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

it takes a bit of getting used to, sleeping in a bed alone.  not having someone’s presence next to you, not having someone who you can whisper ‘good morning’ to as they open their eyes.  but i’ll get used to it at some point.  i think.

it’s been a while since i moved in with navy.  or at least, i think it has.  i don’t really know anymore.  all i do these days is wake up, play my violin, wonder where it all went wrong, and go back to sleep again.

navy thinks i’m slipping into some... unhealthy patterns, so he forced me to go outside with him for some coffee.

he’s worried about me, i can tell.  he doesn’t look at me the same way he used to.  also, he told me himself.

“mauve, i’m worried about you.  you know that i’ll let you stay with me until the end of time if that’s what you need, but i really don’t think this is what you need.  you’re not you anymore.”

it hurts because i know it’s true.  i don’t feel the same.  every day i feel like i’m losing myself more and more.  is it because i miss tobin?  is it because i miss the baby that i never really had?  the only thing i know for sure is that my heart aches with how much i miss phoenix.

“you know what you need to do, right?”

“please don’t say it.”

“winterfest is coming up, and you should be with your family - not me, but your proper family.  you need to go and have a proper conversation with tobin.  you can’t put this off forever.  and there are things he needs to know.”

i know he’s right, i know, but i’ve never been so scared before.  and yet, i knew this had to come.  it’s looks like i don’t have much of a choice anymore - i have to talk with tobin.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁navy꧂

mauve showed up at my door tonight.  she looked... well, the truth is she looked better than ever.  or at least, she would have any other day.  but she was broken.  i could see the pain written on her face as i welcomed her into my arms, the poor thing.

what we both needed was a stiff drink.  something to remember heather by, first and foremost.  it still doesn’t feel real to think that she’s gone.  somehow it felt like she was going to be around forever.

that evening we toasted to her memory, and then, before i could say anything further, everything came spilling out of mauve.  and i do mean everything.  from her illicit night of romance, to her divorce... even how she lost her baby.

when she told me she needed a place to stay a while ago, i had no idea it was because she was going through all this.  i couldn’t even begin to imagine.  and tobin had no idea about her miscarriage - i didn’t even know if he knew about heather.  she hadn’t told anyone but me.  she’d been going through it alone all this time.

i couldn’t help but notice she was still wearing her wedding ring.

“i... don’t know why.  i can’t really bring myself to take it off.  which is crazy, right?  i mean, marriage is everything i didn’t want, and yet...”

of course, mauve made the expected fuss about not wanting to put me out, but i wouldn’t have any of it.  she was going to feel right at home with me, and she would stay as long as she needed.  besides, we could both stand to not be alone at a time like this.

listen, i understood.  i’ve been through a divorce myself, i know that sometimes The One isn’t really The One.  and i’m happy to be alone, i really am.  but i can see this much is true, mauve needs tobin.  and she needed to tell him the whole truth.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁phoenix꧂

something bad’s going on at home.  something real bad.

ever since mum’s birthday... i don’t know, there’s just a weird vibe in the house.  mum’s hardly around, and when she is she doesn’t really talk to dad.

and then this morning, she told me she was "going away” for a while.

“but why?  you... you are going to come back, right?”

“baby, of course i am.  i’m just going to stay with navy for a little while.  they’re going to look after me, and then i’ll be right back here with you to cook you breakfast every morning, i promise.”

but navy lives all the way in brindleton bay.  why can’t she just stay here with us in windenburg?

i hate it here.  dad cooks the worst food and i don’t want to be the weirdo in class whose parents hate each other.

the only good thing that’s happened lately is penny.  since my mum didn’t really want her, she’s basically my cat now.

if she was a dog then maybe i could’ve taught her to bite everyone i hate or to destroy my homework so i don’t have to do it.  penny’s pretty useless at all that stuff.  but she’s good for hugs, i guess.

“so i think... i think my parents are gonna split up and i don’t even know what to do.  what do i do, tova?”

“honestly, i don’t know why you’re worried about it.  you know adults are dumb.  they probably just had some argument.  and anyway, maybe they’ll be so distracted that you’ll be able to get away without doing the history assignment that’s due.”

i don’t know.  maybe tova’s right, but i don’t trust what’s going on at all.

i hope my mum comes back home soon.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

“i think we should get a divorce.”

my leg jumped up and down.  was i making the right decision?  yes.  at least, it felt like it.  it felt like what i needed.

“okay.”

wait, what?  it shouldn’t have been that easy.

“i only have one request.  we keep living together.  for... for phoenix’s sake.  i won’t have him suffering just for this.”

it wasn’t unreasonable, i guess.  and i wasn’t about to walk away from my son.  that’s not the type of woman i am.

we agreed that i could have some space for some time until i was ready to come back to the house, but that was it.

i don’t know, i didn’t expect tobin to just agree.  not so quickly.  i guess not so deep down i was hoping that he’d put up a fight for me.  not that i deserved it.

i would spend one last night there, and in the morning i’d be leaving.  over and done.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

i was in desperate need of someone to talk to.  i didn’t want to reach out to my brother - he had enough on his plate with mum passing away without me piling onto him with my own... mess.  so i went to the next closest member of family that i knew would listen, if nothing else.

of course, being bombarded by dayton - forest’s gorgeous son - as soon as i walked onto the threshold would have been a delight any other day.  but today, it was all i could do to keep from breaking down.

“i am so, so sorry about your mum.  if i’m feeling it the way i am, i can’t imagine what you’re going through.  she was the kindest woman.  made me feel home, gave me so much love growing up... ah, all of us are feeling it.  it’s rough.”

i understood.  it wasn’t just forest and crimson who my mum took in - every one of my cousins, except for navy, had lived under her roof at some point.  the whole family was feeling her loss.

and with that one small show of empathy came an outpouring of my grief.  i told forest everything.  everything, except about my baby.  i wasn’t ready to share that yet.

he suggested that i get some space away from the house - from everything - for a while, to get my head straight.  and i knew he was right.  there wasn’t enough space for me to stay with him, but i’d find somewhere.  and i knew what i had to do next.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

that evening, i had gone to sleep in the same bed as tobin.  despite everything that had happened, i just couldn’t bear to sleep alone that night.  i kept seeing my mum’s face as i slept.

the next morning, i woke up with cramps and bleeding.  it felt unusual, not like my normal period.

so on that chilly winter morning, i took a precautionary trip to the hospital.  alone.

it turned out, i was pregnant.  whether it was tobin’s or the guy who i’d slept with that one night, i didn’t know.  and i would never know.

i’d been pregnant without knowing it, and that morning i lost a piece of me i didn’t know i had.  i lost my baby.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

“is it any wonder that you what, mauve?”

“you sure you want me to say it?  cause once i do, there’s no going back.”

“yeah, well you’ve never been shy to tell me exactly what’s on your mind before.  i don’t see any reason for you to stop now.”

“fine.  with you treating me the way you do, is it any wonder...”

“...”

“...is it any wonder that i cheated on you?”

“you... you cheated on me?”

“yeah, i...”

“you cheated on me.”

“listen, i’m sorry.  i shouldn’t have said that. i- it was just a stupid, one-time thing with some guy i don’t even know. i- wait, where are you going?”

“i’m not listening to this.”

“tobin, listen-”

“no, you listen.  whatever it is you did, however many times, with whoever... i don’t care.  but you ran at the first sign of trouble and i will not live with a woman who does that, who treats me like that.”

“so what are you saying?”

“i’m saying you can go to hell, mauve.”

“tyrian, are you there?  can you hear me?”

“y- yeah, i can hear you.”

“i... i don’t know what to do.  it’s all too much for me.”

“i know.  people are already talking about arranging her funeral and it’s like, how the hell am i meant to think about that right now?”

“arranging - wait, arranging whose funeral?”

“o-oh, i... you don’t know?  i heard you crying so i just assumed-”

“tyrian, whose funeral?”

“...it’s mum.”

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁mauve꧂

“a kitten?”

“yeah.  isn’t she just adorable? i-”

“tobin, i wanted to have another baby, and you thought you could replace that with a kitten?”

“alright, maybe i shouldn’t have put it like that.  i’m sorry.  just - we’ve been having this back and forth for so long now, i thought it would... i don’t know, help things.”

“what would help is knowing that we both want the same things in this joke of a marriage.”

“oh, so this marriage is a joke now?  why do you even want another kid?  you have a hard enough time with dealing with just the one!”

“because... because i’m ready!  because i want to!  shouldn’t that be enough?”

“mauve, you’re not a kid anymore.  you can’t just do things because you want to - or stop doing things because you don’t want to, for that matter.  and yeah, i heard you quit your job.  real good idea, thanks for the heads up.”

“oh i’m so sorry that i’m such a disappointment to you, dad.  jeez, this is exactly the reason why i’ve never wanted to get married!  and when you talk to me like this, is it any wonder that i-”

“that you what, mauve?”

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁tobin꧂

after mauve’s birthday party didn’t really turn out as planned, i was hanging by a thread.  i needed to turn this day around - but i had the answer.

i timed it perfectly.  as mauve blew out her candles, i walked in the room with her gift in hand...

...and the gentle sound of meowing.

“mauve, meet your new best friend, penny!  she’s an adopted kitten and almost everything you could ever want from a newborn!”

the room was silent for a moment before it was broken by phoenix.

“you couldn’t have gotten us a dog?

“phoenix, go get ready for me please, darling.

“but mum, i-”

“phoenix, i’m not going to argue with you about this, okay?  go to your room, now.”

and at that point, i knew it had all gone horribly wrong.

[deathbyhysteria]

꧁tobin꧂

mauve’s birthday was coming up and, well, i felt guilty.  i knew she’d been struggling for a while now which, though i didn’t understand, i could empathise with.

so, with that in mind, i wanted to make her birthday extra special this year.  i was going to plan her a surprise birthday party and invite every one of her family and friends (and trust me, there are a lot of them).

i’m absolutely not a cook, but i thought i’d put in maximum effort and attempt making her birthday cake myself.  it turned out... well, it was no gordon ramsey creation, but it would do.

i researched all the best birthday gift ideas, and i found something that i knew would be perfect for her.  heck, maybe it would even be able to solve all our marriage troubles.

but after that, it pretty much all went downhill.

so when i planned for mauve to have one huge picnic in the park with her friends and family, i kinda forgot that it was the middle of winter and wilow creek is rather prone to overnight boughts of snow.  i felt somewhat concerned for some of the female guests...

also, stupid me, i forgot to bring the birthday cake which really was the bare minimum that i needed to do.  plus i had to do all the cooking since the caterer was aparently “too good” for an outdoor grill and refused to cook without a proper stove.

“mauve, honey, just think of it as a special burger.”

“a what?”

“you know... a special birthday veggie burger.  happy birthday...?”

phoenix, as ever, was not helping the situation.

“yeah, can i get two pretzels?  this lame excuse for a birthday party can’t even scrounge up a cake.”

i thought that maybe mauve would manage to have a good time, surrounded by everyone most important to her.  but the whole time, she just looked... disappointed?  troubled?  i couldn’t quite place it, but the only thing that was really left to do was to get her home and away from this disaster scene.

i had failed... unless my surprise birthday present managed to pull it out of the bag.