#idk i just want to know more abt her work on these it's all very cool to me
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embarrassingly long post incoming but i have a quastion. can anyone who knows stuff about tailoring/clothing design speak on gerard’s suit jackets from the last leg of the mcr tour because i know in an interview marina toybina said she was really particular about those outfits and i feel like there is some cool & kind of unusual work there but i am So uneducated.
like they obvs have lots of waist suppression for thee lovely hourglass silhouette but another thing i noticed is that i feel like both men’s & women’s suit jackets are meant to lay as flat as possible across the chest as a sign of a Good Fit and these tend to not do that. they have the top half of what i saw one random website call “the dreaded X” creases that form around the button when the fit is too tight, but they don’t actually seem to be too tight because the lapels don’t pull way to the sides with arm movement like you’d see for even a good fit (i think…?)
it looks like the button has a kind of medium to low position with the waist taken in far enough that it has to ride up higher than usual to close (or at least rides up super easily, idk, this is my Guess), creating an excess of fabric around the lapels that either folds over or sticks out forwards
and it does this without deforming the shoulders/collar & also while keeping the lower front panels nice and flat—there’s extra fabric in the one area, but everywhere else the structure of the jacket is maintained. which is alllll to say this seems to me like a kind of subtle, “natural” way to add volume to a flat chest without using methods that would be read as drag or otherwise costume-y within the context of a stage performance, like padded undergarments or smth like that.
soo i am wondering if any of you think this is at all a plausible explanation for how the jackets are designed to fit and the illusion they’re meant to create or if it’s probably unintentional slash just a side effect of the jackets being manipulated by arm movements etc.. or if it is in fact possible but being achieved a different way, like with the darts. or if i’m just pointing out the obvious ?! maybe this is just how women’s suit jackets fit & move?
either way… wow what lovely work thank you marina toybina for Everything
(first two pics are by justinmaphoto and then gavin lloyd(?), last pic is by david watson, the others i’m not sure abt im so so sorry they’re from the dregs of my camera roll)
#type of stuff i b thinking about at lunchtime#idk i just want to know more abt her work on these it's all very cool to me
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this genuine friendship thing is crazy guys you should try it
#like my hs friends weren’t Bad but we were friends out of convenience and obligation#and i love them to pieces but there’s smth to be said for meeting someone who Hasn’t known you through all the eras of ur life#and just genuinely likes exactly the person you are currentl6#versus ppl who yes care abt the current you but more out of courtesy to past versions than anything else#idk idk ! she facetimed me for three hours yesterday bc she wanted my opinion on smth and when i asked why me and not her roommate or smth#she was like well i missed you#(<- we had been at work together less than five hours prior)#and like . i told her i was worried abt myself bc i accidentally slept in Late the other day and she was like 🤨 that’s not like u#and i had to stop for a second and be like wait how do u know#and she’s like well when u snap me in the mornings it’s usually at a reasonable hour and ur already dressed and made up#and like i’m not going to cry bc my friend noticed smth so basic abt me but like.#its very nice guys.#parker posts
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#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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my spiderkon au has spiraled out of control i might not even start matching characters anymore what is this shit i do not know enough marvel to deal with all this..... i do not know enough dc to deal with this......... i'm just going with the vibes atp
#wdym if i want to write about a whole other character i have to find out more stuff about who i chose they'd be in the marvel au????#spiderman is literally the one i know most about and i do NOT know him that well im literally the least qualified person to write my own au#gods help us all but im persisting on this idea#do you think bernard or steph suits gwenpool better....#the other one would be gwen. or spider-gwen. yes im aware the gwens r not related to e/o. trust the process#the plan is to have endgame timberkon. eventually.#the plan WAS for bernard to be like mj or gwen but then i thought abt him being gwenpool bc comic book reader & conspiracy theorist & yeah.#my mind made some connection ok dont ask me to explain theyre just. the same vibes. i like the idea but like#we already get so little aroace rep... idk if i want to write the gwenpool equivalent into the main ship......#(for the record im ace & arospec so shes very precious to me [knows almost nothing abt her bc im not actually a comics guy])#aughhh choices choices.... tormented by choices no one is forcing me to make but i need to make if i wanna keep writing this au. which i do#also i will not be actually mentioning any of my other choices. but they certainly were choices. like#the 1st one was a no-brainer. i think the 2nd only makes sense bc i want them to date. and the 3rd came along bc i found a new character#the 3rd is not dating the first 2 btw they just like. work together in a marvel comic & it fit the character so i just went yknow what sure#my 1st idea for the 2nd one was Out There & the 2nd idea was Solely bc i wanted him to date the 1st one so... this might be a step up?
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"Lines Written Hastily on Someone Else's Desk" - a poem written 3/27/2024
I have to sneak into your desk— I've calculated every risk— I have to test out all your pens and blot out with them my chagrins. I have an urge for every ink— for every mark I make I rank the color and the thickness.—In my rainbow correspondent brain this is the peak of knowledge—yes, the summit of my study's bliss. I snoop and steal to these fair ends— my paper keeps exotic winds.
#been awhile since i posted any of my#handwriting#2024#iambic meter#iambic tetrameter#quatrains#rhyme scheme#poem#poetry#poets on tumblr#i've probably written idk how many poems about how i love snooping through other ppl's desks at work#listen. i just wanna see what kind of writing utensils u got#and use them on myyyyy paper teehee~ more colors#awhile back at my sister-in-law's bachelorette party. all the other women were talking about#how they like to look in ppl's medicine cabinets. and i was like what? why?#bc my sister-in-law and her blood sisters were talking abt how u do it early in a relationship#and i just couldn't relate. and it wasn't like a deeply voyeuristic things. it was more like#they just wanna see what u keep and how. in ur bathroom setup.#i mean i kinda get it. it is looking at how somebody lives.#in some very basic ways that arent super personal but theyre not necessarily apparent when u meet them#but anyway now i think abt that every time i go looking through ppl's desks. im like Oh This Is What I'm Doing.#the creepiest thing i've ever done is sniff somebody's chapstick. i wanted to know how minty it smelled#i should stop this confessional right now
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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the goddamn toast water post just made me utter "history is fucking real" in the most solemn and serious tone of voice, out loud, to myself, in the goddamn bathtub
#life is ridiculous and I'm its biggest clown#in my defense it's not even 9 am and I woke up at 6 for some reason (the reason prob being that I start work at 6 atm)#so I chose (violence) reading Stray Gods fic in bed for a few hours followed by the need to just vibe in the bathtub#I've only just had my coffee and a slice of cold pizza leftover from yesterday and it's such a uni-days thing to do#I've kinda missed it. tho I wasn't drinking coffee back then (how the fuck did I survive mornings without it??)#anyway. feeling very soft and tender abt my past self today. I miss her even if she was just as much of a mess. in different ways#the kind of mess who would openly flirt with some strange dude she didn't really know over the phone#the kind of mess who moved across the country just for a chance at trying with sb she liked who really never wanted to date her#the kind of mess who's always fallen for her best friends and who'll likely never stop#the kind of mess who feel so damn hard for a woman 15 yrs older than her just bc she was kind and sweet and a mess herself#the kind of mess who moved in with a friend she was solidly in love with for a bit who had her boyfriend over most nights#just.. it's not all about those feelings but they're decidedly a big part of why I've ever done anything#and I will prob always miss the friend who'd lie on the train platform with me just giggling into the night as ppl walked past#her head on my stomach and me just feeling so high it felt like I'd never stop floating (just for a while though)#I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that Mi miss just letting my feelings take me places even at the risk of losing it all#I'm so much more hesitant and guarded now. and sure part of it is being medicated for my bipolar. it's good that I don't call strangers#and almost invited them over. or that I no longer walk barefoot through the city at night by myself (usually)#but I do miss just idk. intimacy I guess. and how easily it used to come to me to just try and be open abt wanting it I guess#oh well. best be getting out of the bathtub. it's not a good place to be with these thoughts. and it's too early for this anyway#a day in the life of..
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ok time to try to blame someone else instead of me
#being dramatic but idk im also trying to think abt why i am this way#in part to the fact that i inherently view myself as a burden and always have since a child since i could like. comprehend the things my mom#was going through for my life & moving the america etc etc#but like yeah i was basically as independent as couldve been in the PH bc i had multiple ppl who could take me places and take care of me#but in the US it was just my parents and our family and our X amnt of cars#idk i just keep thinking about how much i miss doing anything in my life and how i used to be a dancer a martial artist a potter like#there was so much to me and now because i refuse to learn to drive and get a car i just. am locked out of everything#bc my aspirations cant work out on 1 vehicle in sparse & spread ohio#like idk maybe its the fact that i always was just like im not allowed to have friends im not allowed to go out in the summer#im not allowed to visit friends or extra places or events#never really been independent until i basically ran away and even now im just#only partially independent bc sure i have money and i have my own space but. im dependent on a driver and other ppls schedules and it just#idk i cant not see myself as a burden all i can think of is that im not a good enough woman let alone wife and thats something no one wants#like i barely know how to cook i barely eat i dont clean i barely wash i barely provide like. yeah idk also ever since i had a breakdown#i feel fundamentally just. changed especially about food. and idk i have been asking for others to cook for me more but i still am waiting 4#the next time someone says you can make it yourself and i starve for the next 24 hours#idk dude i literally cannot see myself as not a work of labor. its all mama ever ranted at me about. very verbally very constantly up until#i stopped being difficult with her being the head of the family of like 12#whatever. whatever#im done blaming someone else im gonna eat my words with regret and shame :/
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i need to learn more spanish -_-
#coworkers are all very sweet and encouraging#got told i was getting an a in spanish class fhshfjs by like one of the very few ppl who is fully fluent in both spanish and english here#but i just know a bunch of words and basic like verb conjugation and such from hs#and a lot of the words are specific to the kitchen which is the most useful for me rn#but like. idk i want to gossip :/#i want to tell our dishwasher that shes doing a good job and i appreciate her work and wish the kitchen was more thoughtful abt her work#i want to chat!!!
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Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life.
What do you think of a phantom hourglass remake? Tbh I don’t know how they could remake it without basically remaking it from the ground-up. It would probably play more like windwaker, which I see as a both a good and bad thing. On the one hand, if it was more like windwaker a lot more people would probably play and it would be more popular since I know the touch controls were a turn off for most people for both Spirit Tracks and Phantom hourglass. But on the other hand, remaking it to be more like windwaker would make the game lose some of it’s previous identity. Like, Phantom hourglass was so unique because of the touch controls and the puzzles you can make and solve by having two screens and touch controls. And it was so nifty and handy to be able to write notes on your map. Idk, I still would like it to be remade in general even if it ends up a basically different game, but I wouldn’t change the story or the characters, especially Linebeck. The only other change I would make is the music. Phantom hourglass had rather weak themes, mainly because they re-used the same theme for the islands and the dungeons. The only songs that were really good were the few orginal tracks made for the game, so Linebeck’s theme, Oshus’s theme, both Bellum boss battle themes and the and that music that plays when you first follow the Ghost Ship. But what would you want out of a phantom hourglass remake?
Hey, I’m doing good, and I hope you are too!
I’ve thought a bit about a possible Phantom Hourglass remake, but not too much recently. I don’t really know if I’d want one, since you’d lose a lot of what really makes it special, and you can still play it through other means. I’m personally fond of the graphics and the music- yes, even the dungeon theme has grown on me- so I don’t really want a remake too badly, especially since I fear any additions/changes they might make with story or characters in a remake. The touch controls make it, and playing it on pc recreates that feeling decently well, but I don't think it'll be just the same if you had to control it with joysticks or anything.
Not to mention, there's so much emphasis on having the two screens, too, not just for map stuff, but almost every single boss had a mechanic related to the top screen! I have no fucking clue how you'd replicate that very well on something like the switch without just fucking with the mechanics altogether.
I would kill to hear some of Phantom Hourglasses tracks be orchestrated or otherwise rearranged in a higher quality. I wouldn't want any of the more notable themes altered in any way, no adding or removing of melodies and only very very small changes to the instrumentation, but I think it'd be neat to see what could be done with dungeon themes. I think a while back I had a fleeting desire to write some short tracks for each dungeon, with some ideas like mostly using instruments heard in Bellum's themes for the dungeons while each individual one gets a leading instrument unique to and reflective of the dungeon, while the Ghost Ship maybe gets a song that's a bit of a expanded version of the fog theme, while the Temple of the Ocean King could have slightly different themes the further in you got, starting with instruments more common to Oshus's theme or the great sea theme, while the further in you got the more instruments from Bellum's theme would be heard, plus some harpsichord thrown in for the hell of it.
Leave the original dungeon theme for stuff like the minor pyramids and some larger cave areas, idk. It's grown on me.
I think the only story rearranging I'd want is mayyyyybe unfridging Tetra? You could very easily shuffle some things around with her and just not damsel her for the whole game and honestly it'd still go off perfectly without a hitch. But you'd still have to deal with the World of the Ocean King being a whole other world, so either bring her and her crew in and have them as wandering ship npcs (the better idea) or just leave them out (not a good idea) but either way it's better than what they actually did. I just don't think I'd want it to switch to Tetra being a major reoccurring character tbh, the main character dynamics in PH are good as they are.
I think I like Phantom Hourglass too much as it is to really want a remake at all. I'd rather we get something like an anime adaptation. That's what I think about more. Give me animated Phantom Hourglass with some fun takes on the dungeons and fights and some fun slice of life stuff with the group between the islands what I want is a Phantom Hourglass anime
#asks#zeldanamikaze#salty talks#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#kinda just boils down to like. i kinda want it to remain untouched with nothing added or removed if that makes sense#different themes for the dungeons would be rlly cool. harpsichord for deeper ocean king temple floors bc its where you meet linebeck#also vague foreshadowing? as an aside how many other loz songs have harpsichord in it im very curious to know#also. i say i dont mind the dungeon theme while also not really minding my tinnitus so also take that in mind maybe. brain go brrrrrr#i think adding tetra in to the main crew of ph would kinda be a bit much and also maybe not add very much. fyi i have not played ww#but i feel like it'd almost be adding another ciela cuz shed support link and be more barbed and bold with a side of less morally upstandin#so i dont really think she'd being much new to the ph crew table and i wouldnt want her there in a remake cuz they might pull the#goddess blood card and i really really like how ph has fuck all to do with hyrule or any of that nonsense#sorry this took so long btw. i dont think much abt a ph remake so i dont have a lot of notes#additions? idk add more rooms to linebecks ship. let us poke around in a few areas. maybe potion storage. give link a room#let us poke around in linebeck's room when possible. put smth fun in there. pull a wilds era and give him a journal for us to check out#what they did with tetra kills me (but not too much since i dont rlly have thoughts on tetra) bc you could just remove her entirely#and the story would still work really well anyways. holy character fridging batman#idfk. give us a silly loz dating game. make linebeck an option. thats what i wanna see
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Being critical of art is all fun and games until you are the art that is being critiqued :(
#God I was feeling so good today but duuuude I’m so scared abt the opera from purely a technical standpoint#like I’m not even stressed about fucking anything up anymore it just hit me that like. I invited people to see this and it might be bad :(#due to variables outside of my control!!!! I hate not being able to fix things#I would be less stressed if my mother wasn’t seeing it but tragically I’m proud of what /i/ am achieving so I really want her to be there!!#but I know it’s going to be SUCH a fucking let down after the other shows she’s seen at my school like#the productions she saw were SO GOOD on a technical standpoint and both of the productions this year were so bad :((((#like even conveptually I don’t even know if I’m fully convinced and I’m in the show!!!#And idk. It’s hard when you don’t have an extended family (or like much of a family at all)#so the only people coming to your show are like. Broadway technicians#the closest thing I have to an uncle is a lighting designer and a stage manager my mother knows#very fun sometimes. Other times I want to throw myself onto a pyre#Why do the stakes have to be so high why can’t they just be happy to support me :)) I shall never be the center of her world. Ah well#But also we would not be as close as we are without our shared love of theater production so. Catch-22#And at the end of the day I’m more sad that I can’t be proud of the show#it’s not anyone’s fault it just is and I need to be okay with it#I worked really hard and it matters that I’m doing this#GOD SORRY!!!#vent#portal of rambling
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i think the villa diodati speech probably had a big effect on how yaz approached the doctor in flux and after
#not necessarily that it /changed/ how she approached her but like. 13 revealed a Lot abt how she thought abt the dynamic#like the fam were already like......lower down the ranking right? they already let her take the lead they already followed her orders#they werent TRYING to be like on her level like clara they understood very well how the dynamic worked#it was just the doctor that was holding onto the pretense#and i think they knew that but they probably didnt know Why exactly#but villa diodati revealed like a lot of sort of ingrained beliefs#suddenly it makes a lot of sense why shes keeping this hierarchy even if they dont know the details theyre all intuitive enough to get it#and that recontextualises the pretense too. it recontextualises the pretense in that like#okay so what she Says and what she Does keep not matching up. and what she Does is now-evidently trauma informed#so what she Says must be - well not Must be but with the rest of the context they have - what she would Like to be true#it's not they all know it's not but she really wants that to be true#i think that really informed how yaz approached the doctor afterward and maybe paradoxically helped them become way more of a team in flux#the doctor is still in charge but if yaz approaches her with the understanding that she needs to be in charge#then that creates the safety needed for the doctor to let yaz in a little bit#and i think thats also why yaz didnt push in sea devils - i mean lots of reasons obvs but#'i want to but i cant' is like. yaz has Seen that. yaz has seen what that looks like she understands what that means. very lived in#she has lived in the doctor's 'i want to but i cant'#idk am i making sense#i think that speech was a revelation and actually kinda helpful. after she got over the shock and hurt of it
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infamous mcs i am frothing at the mouth over all of u btw
#ive already replayed twice....... sitting at work thinking abt orion quinn like 😐#oc: sara#idk maybe im not sold on the name but i feel like it reflects her well#shes not a showman at all shes just VERY passionate and obsessive about music. she wanted to go on to studio at a prestiguous arts uni#and then ended up dropping out of highschool instead :/#so now shes figuring out what she actually Wants bc in some ways she'd almost prefer a behind the scenes role like producing or whatnot#shes shy and it comes across as rudeness bc she has resting bitch face and shes lowkey miserable anyways.#but she also has terminal imposter syndrome and literally cannot believe anybody listens to her music. even tho she works her ass off#to make her music GOOD. yknow. shes a lot#shes secretly crushing on orion but also messed up by seven who's her ex in her pt.#i need to know more abt seven before deciding who's endgame but probs orion#shes drawn to him bc shes been around the block w sad indie rockstars ykno !! he represents stability and makes her feel like shes#got her shit together. which she desperately wants to feel#anyways. she needs soooooo much fleshing out but anyways im dropping this and running
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I’ve been teaching my sister how to play Genshin for some of the past hours today and I hope she quits bc now I feel really guilty about it I don’t want her to waste all her time on it and Im thinking abt why she even wanted to start the game and now I feel even more horrible bc of some reasons that I kinda feel guilty explaining
#dora daily#idk how to tell her maybe she should focus on other things and games#I don’t know I’m overthinking bc everything rn is such a mess and my heart hurt so bad earlier and I felt like throwing up and stuff idk#what to do#everything is somehow going worse and worse it feels like it’s snowballing out of control but it’s because why is everyone so mean to me#like all I have ever wanted is just to be seen but I’m always invisible to everyone and people OFTEN tell me they forget abt me so many#times that it’s more often they forget me than remember#why am I so forgettable and why do I get replaced like idk what’s wrong with me#what’s so horrible abt my personality I don’t understand like is it the way I think ? I think it’s the way I think#but I can’t change how my brain is wired or how it functions I just don’t know how to fix it#I swear I’ve tried everything for years and years I’ve spent since my very early years trying to find out what’s wrong with me and why#it’s so hard for ppl to like me I’ve tried to change everything it doesn’t work and only six months ago I found out why people don’t like me#just by trial and error#it’s my brain and the way I think it’s just all wrong idk how I’m meant to think but it’s not meant to be like this#my personality is all wrong my likes are all wrong my thinking and everything is all wrong and I’m stuck like this unless I somehow do#some surgery on my brain to fix how I think I’ll be like this forever#I wish I could just fold myself up into a little version of myself and just put it away to take up the least amount of space in this world#I’ll never belong in this world and I don’t want to be here anymore#shoot I can barely even see the text on my keyboard bc I just can’t stop crying#I always said my parents should’ve never gotten married they were never a match my mum should’ve gotten an abortion when she found out like#she never even liked my dad anyways#fuck how do I stop crying my mum is gonna be here soon and she’s gonna start laughing at me like she usually does when I tear up I’m#straight up bawling LOL imagine she sees that I’ll be made a mockery more than I already am this is so humiliating and pathetic. why do I#care sm now I’ve never wanted to be alive but now I’m so sad because I really don’t want to be here anymore but I don’t know what to do#my head hurts now maybe I should go to sleep maybe it’ll help me forget about this at least for a while longer#I’m just so sad I have to manually ask ppl to care about me I’m so tired I have to do this with everyone#I’m not even angry anymore I’m just so sad I’m sad that others get that care like it’s second nature but with me I have to ask and beg forit#oh ik if my mum sees I’ll just tell her I’ve been itching my eyes if she asks why they’re red LOL#It’s okay if nobodyll ever like me like I like them right ? I don’t have to get liked back as long as I give love to others right ? then I#won’t be useless like my mum says I am at least I can have a tiny bit of use even though my love means absolutely nothing I bet it’s okay iv
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#i heard a lady and her som speaking vietnamese when i went to court today (for a speeding ticket lol nevr again)#and he was helping her translate things in english. he was prolly no older than 8#i almost guessed right that they were speaking vietnamese. my first guess was thau but i noticed the distinct tones esp the broken tone#it sounded so beautiful and was cool to see the bilingualism between the generations#anyway i got back from work not long ago (very long day lol) and i wanted to hear the language again#for some reason it feels like i can catch more consonants than i coukd before??#when all the vowels sounded rlly slurred together. but i could hear distinct consonants#i think my linguistic studies w Na'vi Mandarim and soanish have helped me better catch foreign consonants#also knowing that language is just abt physics of the mouth and throat helps to imagine how things are said#knowing what phonetics are and havingpractice w tones from mandarin helps too#idk i wamna learn it one day. i used to work in a vietnamese restaurant and still frequent there#linguistics#vietnamese#tien viet#vietnam#lang link#Youtube
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what if rafe and reader are more than friends but they didn’t really put a label on it and even top and kelce noticed but rafe still has the occasional hookup and one night when reader was js thinking abt stuff and then she realizes that shes inlove with rafe but when she came over to tannyhill to confess and rafe answered with his hair all messed up and him shirtless and he basically smelled like sex and when rafe asks why shes there she randomly just runs away and cries in her car while driving home so basically just angst (does that make sense idk)
you feel like your going crazy, standing at tannyhill’s front stoop twiddling your thumbs.
your relationship with rafe cameron is complicated; you’d almost call it a situationship, but you couldn’t put a label on it. you’d been going to all of his parties to serve as arm candy, posed with him at the golf course, and hooked up with him more than once. it’s beyond casual, but he has yet to pop the girlfriend question. even with his little commitment, you’d been finding it hard to keep your mind off of him — or rather, what the two of you had done together. you have to mean more to him than he’s letting on.
so, you knock on tannyhill’s giant glass front door again, biting your lip nervously as you look over the texts you’d already sent him to let him know you were coming.
“hey! just thinking ab u.. are u free tn? <3” you asked right after work, hopping in the shower in hopes you could head straight to his place after.
“busy. work shit. u free on friday?”
“oh idk. sucks we cant do tn, i miss u.” you followed your message with a picture of you sitting on your pink bedsheets, posing in the mirror to show off your silky pajamas. you thought he just needed a little convincing, but he didn’t respond.
“can u call me before bed? sorry, i know u said ur busy.”
by then it had been an hour or two, still no response from rafe. you were pacing around your room. all you wanted was to spend time with him, even if that meant lounging around while he works. anything would do, you just couldn’t stay away.
you came to the conclusion had to show him how much you care somehow, and what better way than to go to tannyhill and confess your love for him — it would be like a romance movie, he’d probably be exhausted from work and happy to see you by then!
“i’m sorry if this is sudden, i just feel like i really need to see you. i’ll just drop by for a second xoxo see u soon”
suddenly, the front door swings open, revealing a very disheveled rafe cameron. his bangs are a mess, sweaty and strewn across his forehead. his whole face is red, his lips swollen, and all he’s wearing are blue flannel pajama pants. you’d seen him like this before, pussy drunk and stumbling around a dark room. your heart deflates as he pushes open the front door, familiar blue eyes squinting at you through the night. “the fuck are you doing? you’re gonna wake up my fuckin’ dad.”
“work shit, huh? really, rafe?” you snap, looking him over completely disgusted. “what���re you d—”
“nah, nah. i told you i was busy — did i not?” he cuts you off, holding a finger in your face and grabbing your upper arm with the other hand, making you jump. “could’a kept yourself from all this if you just listened to me, right? right?” he jostles you, like he could shake a response out of you, but you’re frozen. he lets you go at the sight of your face, squeezing the bridge of his nose. “fuckin’ figures.”
“are you.. high?” you pull your knit cardigan tighter around your shoulders, tears already beginning to brim your waterline at the utter betrayal.
rafe recoils, acting overly offended to take the heat off his obvious cheating. “you’re gonna talk to me like that at my own goddamn house? do me a favor — go home, and i’ll think about callin’ you.”
“don’t bother. asshole.” you cry, turning away. the last glimmer of hope you have is snuffed out when you hear the glass door slam behind him, leaving you alone once again.
defeated, you retreat back to your car, wiping your tear stained cheeks pitifully. you should have known, rafe cameron is a player.
➺ do you…
⟡ hear out rafe’s apology
OR
⟡ tell jj what rafe did
#thanks for the message! ♡‧₊˚.#anon#OOOO this ask is beautiful#toxic rafe is.. well yes!#obx#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x reader#minors dni#tw cheating
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