#idk i just never really felt the excitement and joy to learn how to drive

[krampus-chai]

Do you guys ever almost drop a soldering iron on your legs

[utterlyinevitable]

After seeing ur explanation for that anon i really want to see a fic or a hc of ethan as a dad and becca as mom can u please do it??

omg okay ahhh my babys having babies. this is gonna be long and idk if it’ll make sense bc imma jot down everything i know about domestic e&b.  

[just finished and... this is long and broken down into 6 categories........... enjoy!]

Ethan & Becca as Parents

The Pregnancy 

They didn’t plan on having children, it just kind of happened. Becca and Ethan took a day for the news to settle before they jumped into excited, expecting parents mode.

The most exciting part was renovating the condo to make the most perfect nursery and shopping for decorations and mentally planning all the traditions and things they’d love to give to their little family. 

All of the happiness couldn’t mask the struggles of pregnancy. 

Becca hated being pregnant. She was sick and nauseous constantly, and her back and feet always ached. 

Throughout the whole thing Ethan doted on her; holding her hair back and learning how to tie it up in the way she likes, rubbing her back, running out to get whatever she was craving. 

He even made copious amounts of notes about her eating patterns. Enough to keep two of everything in the condo. 

If she was having a restless night, he would too; even if she was restless for non-human-growing reasons. 

They were in this together.

And even when she was huddled over a garbage pail, dribble running down her chin, she never looked more beautiful to him. 

There was just something about all this that made him feel all weird and fuzzy inside. 

When her symptoms barely settled throughout the second trimester she overhauled her entire birthing plan. There was no way she was making it to 42 weeks. She was absolutely miserable. So she made a c-section appointment for 40 weeks. 

She had an entire argument with Ethan one evening (she really was only yelling while he nodded his head). Her main points were:  “It’s my body and the baby will be fine. I was born 6 weeks early and I turned out fantastic!” and  “Once the baby’s out of me I’m still going to have to pee. Omg what if she rips me open!? How am I supposed to use the bathroom without worrying about my stitches?”  

All he kept reiterating was:  “I love you. I trust you and your instincts.” 

Becca felt better as he held her face in his large hands, his calming azure eyes boring into hers and letting her know everything will be alight. 

But deep down she spent the next few weeks since making the appointment wondering if she should have given vaginal birth a try. She didn’t want Ethan to resent her for chickening out of her body’s natural function. 

The Birth 

Becca made it to her c-section appointment. Happily rubbing her large belly and glowing:  “I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore! Never do this to me again.” 

All Ethan did was chuckle. 

He was happy she was getting color back and that her symptoms finally settled enough for her to spend the last few weeks enjoying their daughters kicks. But oh my god was Ethan Ramsey terrified of being a father. 

He wouldn’t tell Becca though. She was emotional and worried enough as is. Any and all his concerns were saved for the short conversations he had with his father.  “Don’t overthink it, son. The moment you lay eyes on your daughter you’ll know what to do. It’s instinct. Biology. That was your best subject in school, wasn’t it?” Alan would joke.  

The surgery went off without a hitch. 

All of Becca’s hatred for the phenomenon of pregnancy vanished the second the nurse placed their daughter on her chest. 

Rebecca was in awe. She made that! This little person came out of her! This little pink person that looks like a plucked chicken with a tiny tuft of brown hair was here and she was beautiful. The perfect combination of her and Ethan. 

The embodiment of their love.   

Dakota Dolores Ramsey was completely unplanned. Unplanned but not unwanted.  

The first time Ethan Ramsey held his daughter time froze. The universe needed a minute to process the broad grin and full heart thumping rapidly from this stoic and reserved man. 

The earth was about to spin the wrong way but then Dakota opened her eyes.

Everything was the way divinity had planned it.  

At Home

Although Ethan and Becca lived a 10 minutes drive from Edenbrook, nearly a straight run, Becca forced him to drive as slow as possible. 

Dakota was asleep and she needed to keep it that way. 

Due to her stitches, Becca was forced to take things easy. No matter how many times she argued with Ethan that she was capable of menial tasks around the house. 

Ethan would not let her lift a finger. 

If Dakota needed a change he’d happily do it. if Becca was hungry he’d make her favorite. 

“You had her to yourself for nine months. Let me take the next few days.” Becca went to retort, all she wanted was to hold her baby for the rest of eternity. She’d never tire of looking at her scrunched up potato face and watching as her features changed every moment of every day. “I promise to share.” “You better,” she kissed him as he tucked her into bed for a much needed nap.

The only thing he was forced to share with his partner was feeding duty - Becca was adamant on breast feeding. A bottle would not touch their daughters lips for months to come. 

That in itself brought its own challenges. 

Most nights Ethan laid in bed with Becca curled up at his side in one arm and Dakota resting on his bare chest. 

Parenting was weird, but an exhilarating change. 

Ethan couldn’t diagnose what he could have possibly have done right in his life to be this wholly happy. 

The Second

Once Ethan and Becca had one child they were both itching for a second.

“You know what say: ‘if you have one you have to have two’.” “Is that so?”  “You don’t want Dakota to have a sibling?”  “I was an only child and look how I turned out.”  “Emotionally stunted and certified loner?” she teased. 

Truth be told, Ethan wanted another. He’s been thinking of giving his pride and joy a few siblings for weeks now. He just didn’t know how to tell Becca. 

Becca complained frequently about how happy she was to not be pregnant, and often about how her scar healed funnily. 

All of the signs pointed to her not wanting another. And Ethan was okay with that. He never expected to have one child. He’d cherish every moment of what’s been placed right in his fingertips. 

He’ll let his soon-to-be wife choose their path. She’s dictated everything else thus far. Ethan was elated she chose him to be along for the ride. 

After Dakota’s first birthday, when they made the decision to have another, they tried desperately to conceive.

“I really don’t want to have to deal with diapers for five years,” was Becca’s main reason for keeping the kids close in age.  “We can try surrogacy.” Ethan offered, knowing how much she hated pregnancy. He didn’t want to push her into anything.    “No. I have to do it. I’ll do it for our kids. But you owe me big time.”  

And 14 months later Caroline Marie Ramsey made her grand appearance. 

And Becca got her first push present. 

The Last 

It’s fitting that four years later Ethan and Becca were blessed with another surprise. 

Her pregnancy with James Jonah was the smoothest of them all. 

Of course that meant something had to go wrong. 

At 34 weeks Becca went into premature vaginal labor. 

Within six hours their baby boy arrived. 5lbs 2oz and looking like an alien. 

Ethan almost lost them both after the fact. 

Becca lost too much blood with the placenta and JJ was so tiny.  

But the Lao’s were fighters and they pulled through. Ethan cried at her bedside once the harrowing 24 hours were up. 

Becca stayed at the hospital for a week, Ethan and Alan bringing the girls to visit every single day. 

JJ had to stay a few days longer and Becca refused to leave until she could bring her son home. 

She went through her first experience with postpartum depression. Becca didn’t think anything could be worse than the mental toll her abortion had on her years earlier. But she was wrong.

She was so wrong. 

All their friends chipped in to help take care of the kids while Ethan devoted his time to helping his wife. The couple went to therapy, sometimes together, other times Ethan sat in the waiting room as Becca worked through her emotions. 

Months later, the parents were sitting at home. Ethan held their son and their daughters were curled on their laps: He muttered into his wife’s hair, “I’d like to have one more.”  “Not with me you’re not,” she scoffed. “We’re outnumbered as is.” 

JJ began to cry and the girls stirred. Dakota mumbling, “Tell the baby to shut up, I’m sleeping here.” 

They couldn’t help but laugh and pull apart to put their whole world to bed.  

Old and graying and spending more time at home with his kids, Ethan wanted just one more baby. Four was a strong, even number. He could have a whole daycare full of them - each one the best variations of him and Becca. 

Becca had spent a large portion of her 30s childrearing and she’s done. Done with diapers and formula, especially. She loves her children more than anything but they’re exhausting. She can’t wait for them to be in school full time and she can have some more alone time with her husband. It’s been so long since it’s been just them too.  

“Don’t hate me...”  “I could never hate you,” Ethan said as he brushed a few strands of hair from his wife’s face.  She swallowed and confidently said, “I want you to get a vasectomy.” 

He agreed without further consideration. She made a very compelling argument.  

Parenting 

Ethan is the doting helicopter dad and Becca is doctor drill sergeant. The kids get away with nothing under their mother’s watch. 

Ethan is very soft and adores his children. The grumpy attending could have a whole gaggle of them. He spoils his daughters rotten, picking up the newest doll and toy they’re obsessed with, and making them promise not to tell mommy. 

The women in Ethan’s life get away with everything and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

When the girls were born, Ethan stepped back at work letting the better Dr. Ramsey have her career defining moments.

He took half days to pick the girls up from preschool and would bring them to the park or museums. He’d even try to teach them to cook their favorite recipes on cold, rainy days. He’d tire them out so that he and mom could tuck them in after dinner.

Ethan’s afraid of his son. He’s afraid the tot is going to turn out exactly like him - he’s the spitting image, except that his hair curls like his mother’s. 

Instead of putting JJ in fulltime daycare, Ethan chose part time preschool. The girls were in primary school now and he’s taken a bigger step back from the hospital after the baby was born. 

He devotes all his free time to teaching his son about all he knows and learning all he doesn’t.  

Becca complains about the state of her vagina and stomach all the time. Never in front of the children but often enough Ethan knows the look on her face right before she says the same two lines.  

Her favorite activity is building forts and taking the kids to the beach. 

The holidays have never felt more alive with the full house. Ethan even became a Christmas and Valentines Day lover. 

Becca loved watching him change over the years. Every new first they celebrated with each child, every one of their kids passions, Ethan would adopt them all and make it his mission to be a connoisseur of every facet.

Dakota sat her parents down one day with a serious topic of conversation: “Mommy, Daddy. I’m going to be a fashion designer.” “Will you?”  “Yes. And I need to dress myself.” “As long as it’s weather appropriate, consider it done.”  “And we need to get supplies.” 

The conversation went on for 15 minutes with Ethan and Becca asking questions and Dakota making demands. Once they’ve settled on an agreement on how to make their daughter’s dream happen, Ethan retired to his office. He taught himself the basics of sewing.     

Even with all the struggles of raising three children in a suburb of Boston while balancing very demanding medical careers, Ethan and Becca wouldn’t have it any other way. The life they carved out of all their complications was worth it.  

All of this was inevitable. 

And they wouldn’t take a moment for granted.    

________________________________________

Um... this became bigger than intended... If you made it this far, thank you ♥

Masterlist

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie @lucy-268 @binny1985 @thegreentwin @queencarb @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble e @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @adrex04 @maurine07 @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @kaavyaethanramsey @mvalentine @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine @lifeaskim @otherworldlypresents @therookie @aylaramseycarrera @angela8754 @fireycookie @stateofgracious

Ethan:

@udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers @hutchereverlark23 @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @blossomanarchy @claredal424 @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @openheartthot @senseofduties @lilyvalentine @tsrookie @kalogh @aworldoffandoms @takemyopenheart t @casey-v @ramseyandrys @peaceinmidstofchaos

[xcziel]

get to know me

tagged by @vishcount (thank you!!) and i'll follow her format bc making two posts seems a little much - i'm not that interesting!!

(hilariously, this post shows up as blocked for me bc of the tag 'joker' which? tumblr?????)

Part I

name: i'm an internet old, so i never use my real name online, mainly because it's spelled in a very unique way (thanks mom & dad) - i mean like, if you googled it you could find my home address in a few seconds kind of unique - but also, though i do enjoy the spelling, i actually don't like it very much when it's said out loud? (is it weird that my name written down is 'me', but my name aloud has never felt like 'me'?) always wanted a nickname but never acquired one :/

at any rate, i've had the username xcziel forever and i go by that 😊 (pronounced ex-SEE-zee-el, similar to etc. or ex-SET-er-ah! thanks @xia-xueyi for pointing out that it can be confusing to guess!)

rest behind a cut because it got long!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i don't ... really *do* astrology? but technically saggitarius

height: 5'4" (162.5cm for the intl folks)

time: 5:43pm but these thing take me forever to type out so ... ???

birthday: playing the 'internet old' card again .. but it floats around american Thanksgiving depending on the year

nationality: american

fave bands/groups/solo artists: lumping these together because i just .. don't really do music much anymore. if you had asked me this back in my 20s i'm sure i would have had all kinds of opinions and things to share, but these days i actually mostly prefer to listen music from when i was a kid. part of it is also that as an old, i prefer to buy my music, even digitally, and i don't really use spotify - which does so much to enable diverse music exploration i admit! but i mostly have earplugs in all the time and music does not work for me as background noise, so...

so i guess my answer would be 70s disco and classic rock and 80s new wave artists? i've never liked any artist's entire discography and prefer greatest hits-type compilations, but i guess duran duran and def leppard and depeche mode would be considered formative? i love new order but specifically late 80s new order, NOT joy division. the only concert t-shirt i've ever worn was the cult? i loved sonic temple but i can't listen to most of it anymore though i still adore love removal machine. i think maybe if you get old enough, for some of us there's TOO MUCH good music and we can't pare it down anymore

song stuck in your head: jamiroquai's canned heat

last movie you watched: re: the above, i re-watched center stage, the 2000 one with zoe saldana and the mandy moore soundtrack, bc it's a happy comfort movie and i just got a digital version

last show you binged: i can't really "binge" very often bc after a couple of hours i need a break, so i guess i'd say the tgcf donghua on netflix since it was short enough to get through all in one go

when you created your blog: in 2012 i stopped lurking so i could post about the avengers movie

the last thing you googled: 5'4" in cm? lol before that it was chinese wrapped street food

other blogs: everything is here! i discovered i compartmentalize about as well as i tag reliably (😓) but i do have several automated ao3feed-tag style sideblogs. and i did, very briefly, have a *winces* hockey sideblog too

why i chose my url: ooh i know i've done this before, sorry if it's repetitive, basically it was the username i picked back when my family first got aol: short, unique combo of letters - 14-year-old me really thought about it! and then it wouldn't let me use anything other than my name. thirty-some-odd years later, trying to come up with a livejournal username that wasn't already taken and getting fed up, i plugged it in and went: good enough!

how many people are you following: like 760-something last i checked? although many, many, many of them are deactivated

how many followers do you have: idk i don't like looking at that stuff, but way fewer than i am following

average hours of sleep: it varies too much day by day, my sleep schedule is too wonky, i have no idea what the average would be

lucky numbers: 7? cliché i know, and again not really buying into it, but somewhere in my hindbrain i like it that my first, middle, and last names all have seven letters

instruments: none. i like singing

what i'm currently wearing: giant black t-shirt and baggy black drawstring shorts, standard sitting around the house gear

dream job: don't have one. if i did it would give me something to be working towards *sigh* this is how you end up in retail for decades, kids! but also, to quote a random post i saw in true tumblr fashion "i simply do not dream of labor"

dream trip: covered this one before but: back to the uk and some railway daytrips, or a really fancy northern cruise, atlantic/pacific either one

fave food: uhhh, don't really have a favorite but i'm almost always in the mood for pizza

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: none really, if i had to still be me..maybe some kind of actually utopian future? but the pandemic has confirmed for me that i do NOT like living in interesting times, so most fictional story universes are RIGHT out. my favorites to read about like discworld or diana wynne jones' worlds would be way to chaotic for my comfort. possibly diane duane's young wizards universe would be safe enough to be okay?

Part II

last song: watching center stage made me think of my dance playlist so sunrise by simply red

last movielast stream: i don't watch streams or youtube often, so it was the same as you, vish! liu chang's birthday stream was SO enjoyable i screenrecorded the entire thing just so i could play it back (and maybe gif sometime if i ever get the drive to actually do it)

currently reading: well i just finished the translated quan qiu gao kao or global university entrance exam novel, which was sparked purely from catching a single rec post here on tumblr and basically just *falling* into this 166 chapter epic that is *amazing* and not coming up for air until i got to the end, which is typical novel-reading behavior for me (yes i was the kid who read through lunch period and got hassled by people who kept pestering me with "what're you reading" questions and yes i realize probably a lot of you on tumblr were too) plus, the new murderbot novel is out tomorrow!!!!! so that'll be where i end up next!

currently watching: the entire dmbj verse (that i can get my hands on) but ... sporadically and stopping at random different parts because the thing is ... this type of show is not really the kind i enjoy so much? so since it's more for "research" and learning character arcs (and let's be honest: shots of liu sang), etc. it's easy to get distracted by other stuff. i'm also watching the sleuth of the ming dynasty, mr queen, bromance, the expanse, re-watching farscape and stargate sg-1, just finished the falcon and the winter soldier, and then anytime something new and short gets introduced it jumps the queue. there are just. so. many. things. to. watch! (now i have to look into anti-fraud league too!? you all are cruel ...)

what is antipoetry to you: i ... don't really think much about poetry? i know what i prefer is usually the more basic rhymed kind like lewis carroll, emily dickinson, poe, coleridge, etc. so i suppose i don't have much use for classifying non-rhyming verse? i can appreciate stuff like rupi kaur which i guess would qualify? or that william carlos williams plums poem? but it doesn't really stick with me the way lyric-like verse does

currently craving: i never know what exactly this is meant to be in reference to ... hmmm, i would love a new high-concept, high production-quality movie like say, pacific rim, to be released, just for that massive, excited energy that comes with something new that hasn't already got tons of disappointing or conflicting history behind it - that would be so fun!!

other than that, right now, i mostly kinda want some fried fish? but that will have to wait until i go to get my second vaccine shot on wednesday since it's on the way there. i'd also like my internal body parts to settle down and fly right but it's been more than a month and they don't seem inclined :(((( maybe once i'm fully vaxxed i'll think about consulting somebody about it

tagging @foxofninetales @xia-xueyi @momosandlemonsoda @memorydragon @thewindsofsong @elvencantation @mylastbraincql @hesayshesgotboyfriend @aurawolfgirl2000 @smaragdine-galaxy and anyone who wants to! but never feel obligated and if you don't get around to it for like half a year that's totally fine, i am still interested!!!

[laceymorganwrites]

He´s a good guy

Word Count: 2,895

Pairing: Tendou x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, hurtful words, SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA, Semi is an asshole (Semi stand don´t come at me)

A/N: this is a mess, idk how this happened, i seriously have no Explanation 

Summary: You, a former Manager for Karasuno´s VBC graduate with your classmates and run into Tendou at college

Graduating was weird, you had to admit. It felt like a part of your life was over just like that and yet you weren´t sad about it at all.

Instead you were looking forward to college, finally being able to chase your dreams and do the things you´ve always wanted to.

You were sad to leave all your friends and especially the volleyball club you and Shimizu managed, you were lucky to have found Yachi before you graduated, she did a great job too.

But still, it was hard for you. You got very attached to them, being very empathetic.

Especially the first years were your most treasured students, not that you´d ever tell them that. They just brought so much energy and that seemed to really help the team, everyone was suddenly so much more motivated, everything was coming together.

And then it was over just like that.

You tried to stay in contact as much as possible, but that wasn´t always easy since studying and exams were harder and more time consuming than in high school.

Besides, the club was busy as well.

Before starting college, Daichi, Suga and you decided to be roommates since you would attend the same college. Asahi wanted to study abroad.

Luckily that worked out, all three of you took part time jobs to make sure to be able to pay the rent. You worked throughout the whole summer, saving up enough for a nice place near campus.

The last week of the break before starting college was spent in moving in, you underestimated how much time it took to get all of your stuff and to figure out everything else that was important.

You were all so proud when you managed it and everything was done.

While Daichi was studying to be a police officer and Suga to be a teacher, you were majoring in music. In the past you were pretty insecure about your abilities to sing and play instruments, but your friends and even your teachers motivated you to chase your dream, they convinced you to just go for it.

And you were glad they did since it was what brought you the most joy in life.

Still, you had to take more classes than just music to pass and get the major, which wasn´t the nicest thing in the world. Especially not the exams.

Daichi, Suga and you were all together in the same psychology class and in one of the first lessons you were assigned partners for a project.

That´s when you met Tendou. Sure, you noticed him before, how could you not? He caught your curiosity since he was so quiet and read JUMP. But you never had the guts to talk to him, being too shy to just intrude him like that, asking what his favorite characters were, now, that´d just be awkward.

So you didn´t. You were glad to be partnered up with him since you hoped you could get to know him that way.

Daichi and Suga noticed him too ever since the first lesson, but they couldn´t put a finger on it. They of course knew who he was, but it was strange to see how different he was from the boy they played against back in high school. They wondered what the cause of that change was.

“Hey, um...Tendou-san, was it?” you approached him after the lesson to discuss the project, Daichi and Suga closing in on you.

He nodded, feeling anxious, he knew he shouldn´t have attended college. It was just like when he was a kid, people were staring at him again, but why did it bother him again? Maybe it was because he didn´t have any friends anymore, he hated new places like this. He was better off on his own, couldn´t bear the looks people gave him, for fuck´s sake, it was as if he could hear their thoughts about how weird and creepy and ugly and hideous and utterly disgusting he was and goddamn, he knew. He fucking knew already. All of the confidence he worked up so hard in high school was suddenly gone again and it dragged him down more than he´d like to admit.

“Hey guys, you wanna go to the library together? We could maybe do a study group together” Suga smiled.

“Oh yeah! That´d be great, let´s go” you answered, smiling back and slightly touching Tendou´s shoulder to which he reacted jumpy.

You quickly apologized, the four of you walking to the library together.

“Man, the world sure is small! I never thought we´d see you again and now we´re in the same class” Daichi laughed, addressing Tendou. “Wait...you know each other?” you were pretty confused.

“Oh yeah, he used to go to Shiratorizawa, we played against their team when you were sick” Suga explained and you nodded knowingly.

“Aw man! I wanted to see that game so badly, I can´t believe how unlucky we were sometimes” you whined, getting sympathetic looks from your friends.

“You guys really gave us hell, we barely won” Daichi chuckled, reminiscing about how hard it was to beat them, with players like Ushijima and Tendou on their team.

“Yeah, it was so unfair too, with Ushijima as your ace and all your tall players and you… argh… you really made it difficult for us” Suga added.

“What position did you play?” you asked Tendou who hadn´t said anything to this point.

“Middle blocker” he said quietly.

“Like Hinata and Tsukki” you giggled.

“They are nothing in comparison to him!” Suga groaned to which Tendou blushed a bit in embarrassment, he wasn´t used to getting compliments.

“I wouldn´t say that… Wakatoshi was the true star of the team, he´s the one who deserves the praise, not me” Tendou mumbled.

“Don´t sell yourself short, we had a lot of trouble because of you. You were amazing at blocking, it was like you always knew where we were gonna be before we knew it ourselves and you were so fast...it was incredible” Daichi smiled at him widely.

“Aw, damn, I wish I could´ve seen that! Do you still play?” you asked to which he shook his head.

After that you started working on the project, setting up a group chat for your new study group.

You met up every time when there was homework or a new project, well, when everyone of you had time.

The last part proved to be quite difficult for you personally because you were busy with your band project in your music class.

Still, you somehow managed to do both.

You were in a band with Semi, at first you didn´t like him, his silent nature irked you, it seemed like he was always judging you, but over time you learned to appreciate him. He was very hard working and you two worked well together.

Actually you talked about doing the band after college too, you liked the idea.

In the course of the next months you got closer with Tendou too, getting him to talk more and exchanging opinions on the recent JUMP volumes and other things that interested you two.

It was fun hanging around him and it was true, like Suga and Daichi said, he really was quite quirky and open when he felt comfortable around people, it was nice seeing him be himself around you, it made you feel special.

You had worries at first that you texted him too much, replied too much, annoyed him or were boring to him. Luckily he was always quick to respond to you as well, texting you just as much which made you happy and when you told him that you felt you weren´t worth his time, he couldn´t disagree more.

Tendou told you how amazing you were, how you were the first person in a long time he didn´t scare off, how he could talk about everything with you, no matter how stupid it was, how you would laugh at his jokes and it made him so happy because nobody laughs at his jokes, Semi always tells him to shut up, Semi´s his roommate by the way. Oh you know him? That´s amazing, maybe you should hang out sometime!

And that´s how you ended up in this situation. It was very awkward to say the least.

You knew what Semi thought of Tendou, only that you didn´t know it was Tendou at the time. You thought it was obnoxious how Semi always talked about his annoying roommate, he got quite rude talking about him, stating what a child he was and that it was no wonder that all girls ran away screaming from him, that nobody ever would want to be with him and that he only lived with him because he had no other choice, because he was scared what would happen if he told him how much he disliked him.

You shrugged it off at first, but knowing now that he was talking about Tendou the whole time made you fume with rage. How dare he talk about him like that? Tendou was such a sweetheart, he was so kind and funny and fun to be around. You loved his antics and quirks, the little tunes he sung throughout the day about random things stuck in your head all the time.

Hell, you even had a chant together about your favorite ice cream.

How could anyone not like him?

“SemiSemi, that´s (Y/N)! I told you about her, remember?” Tendou was so excited that you were coming over, he even cleaned his room for you.

Semi sighed, hoping he´d just shut up for one fucking second. He should´ve never agreed to this. Honestly, he felt so bad for you to be in the same class as this creep, he should´ve said he had band practice or something and dragged you along.

“Yeah, you never fucking shut up about her, of course I remember. And she´s my bandmate, so I know her already. But I told you that too” he groaned, you didn´t like his tone at all and shot him a glare.

The tension between them made you really uncomfortable and you wished you and Tendou could go somewhere else.

Somehow the fact that he seemed to talk about you made you blush, you had to admit, you had a giant soft spot for him, or a crush as Suga put it.

“Why are you always so mean to me?” he whined, you could see the sadness in his eyes, this wasn´t fair.

“Because you´re annoying as fuck. Like, seriously, you never stop talking and it´s driving me crazy. I don´t care about your stupid magazines and whatever other weird shit you´re into. Honestly, I wish we never met!” Semi yelled at him, he was enraged, so furious and you never heard him raise his voice like that.

His words hurt Tendou, you stood up and wanted to confront Semi, but he just kept on going.

“I don´t even get why they let you into high school! Just look at you, you´re disgusting! I always hated you, like everyone else. How can we not? You´re still the same fucking weirdo from your childhood, you haven´t changed, no matter what people tell you. You wanna know why people tolerate you? Why they smile at you? Why they even bother to be nice? Because you fucking scare them. I bet even your own mother can´t look at you, hell, she probably still is ashamed of ever giving birth to such a hideous monster” he spat, Tendou was crying at this point, his words struck something deep inside of him, returned his childhood trauma to the surface and left him shaking.

You rushed to his side, grabbed him by the arm and left to go to your own place.

You didn´t utter a word to Semi after that ever again.

Tendou was still crying when you arrived at home, Daichi and Suga left a note saying they were at the gym and would bring take out later.

You gently sat Tendou down the couch and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close to you in a soothing manner.

His heart calmed down at that, but his sobs continued as he allowed himself to hug you back, desperately clinging onto you and crying into your shoulder.

You cradled his back until he stopped, you sat there for a while and he was still shaking when there were no tears left.

Tendou couldn´t speak, he was too shaken up by Semi´s words, he was asking himself what he did wrong, what he did to deserve this. A little voice in his head told him that Semi was right about everything he said.

“Satori?” you softly called out his name, making him look at you. The broken expression in his eyes broke your heart.

“I´m so sorry, you didn´t deserve this. Please don´t listen to what he said, don´t believe one single word of it. You´re wonderful and that´s all that counts. You´re such a great person, he would never understand that, so please believe me and not him. He had no right to bring up those things, he did it all to hurt you and yet he called you the monster. I can´t believe I was in a band with that asshole...I´m definitely reporting him tomorrow!” you got worked up but you couldn´t help it, nobody came for Tendou like that. Not on your watch.

He looked away when he started crying again, his shoulders slouching. You noticed how small he looked, how frail and hugged him again.

“There will always be people like him, but there will also be people like me, people who like you a lot. And people who think you´re amazing, people who know that chocolate ice cream isn´t always the same and people who know that manga aren´t just magazines and anime aren´t cartoons and cup noodles somehow taste real good even though they shouldn´t. There will always be people who look forward to text you, who smile like an idiot whenever you reply to their texts, who look forward to seeing you every day in psychology class, who want to binge watch Naruto with you, who want to try out that weird complicated looking cake recipe you found, who want to make you happy no matter what...” you talked so much you didn´t even realize what you were saying, somewhere along the lines you thought he wasn´t listening and got bolder with your statements but he was listening closely.

You weren´t quite finished but you noticed his weight pulling away from you and stopped talking to see him smile at you dreamily.

It made your heart flutter.

“My mom was right” he giggled, continuing after seeing your puzzled expression.

“I told her about you and she said you were someone really special and when I talked more about you, she agreed that you were super cute and when I told her that I like you, she said that you liked me back because you and I are made for each other” he didn´t care about how cheesy it sounded, his mother was always right. She was right about him getting friends, about him being able to be happy.

You smiled at him, this certainly wasn´t what you thought your confession would look like, but this wasn´t some chick flick.

“Your mother´s a smart woman, then” you smiled at him, making his eyes light up. He nodded at that, smiling widely at you.

He was staring at you lovingly, unsure of what to do, he´s never done this before, he never liked someone the way he liked you…

“Satori? I really wanna kiss you right now, is that okay with you?” you softly caressed his cheek, he was melting into your touch and nodded, hooded eyes looking up at you in anticipation.

You slowly leaned in, grabbing a hold of his head, massaging his scalp as you pressed a soft kiss on his lips, making him moan surprised.

This felt good, he could do this all day, even though he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

With shaking hands he pulled you into a hug, he liked hugging you.

You deepened the kiss, swiping your tongue along his lips, earning a gasp and slipping your tongue in to play with his. He smiled into the kiss, relishing in the new feeling he liked very much.

“(Y/N), we´re back, we got food” Daichi announced and Suga snickered when he saw you and Tendou.

“Well, hello you two lovebirds, about time!” he smiled. Ever since he saw how you two looked at each other he wanted to see where this would go.

“Sorry, we didn´t mean to interrupt” Daichi chimed in, he too was glad to see that you ended up together. Tendou was a good guy despite what the others thought.

“It´s alright, what kind of food did you get?” you pulled away from him, still having an arm around him.

He blushed, being embarrassed by being caught like this.

You went ahead and explained what happened earlier and asked if it was okay that Tendou could stay with you, of course Daichi and Suga agreed.

You watched a movie and had dinner together, cuddling with Tendou the whole time and the next day you reported Semi and he was banished from college.

[lachryphage]

idk

I know I’m getting aggressively upset by the amount of criticism I see and it’s not healthy for me to engage with it, even in these little rants I’m posting, but the reason I’m so frustrated is because I entered this fandom with a lot of love and joy in my heart

really long post below the cut about my history as a fan of the gorillaz and why song machine is perhaps my favorite “phase.” I just want to talk about the things that are important to me and make me happy...

my introduction to the gorillaz was the feel good inc video. I was over at a friend’s house and she wanted to show me something really cool on the internet (I was so impressed she was allowed on the computer AND without any supervision). I was 8 or 9 years old and I didn’t know what a music video was, that’s right, feel good inc. was the first music video I had EVER seen.

needless to say, it absolutely blew my mind. it’s a fucking iconic song AND iconic video. I didn’t really comprehend what I was looking at, I didn’t know these were characters with backgrounds, and I don’t even think I realized that the song was like. a song from a band. I just thought it was some kind of short film, a self-contained story. my idea of that video was completely divorced from what the gorillaz actually are, and to this day it still kind of is. I love that. it’s special to me for that reason, it feels like. like it’s mine.

I didn’t really listen to music that wasn’t what my friends or parents like, and the first time I had music I could sort of call my own was when my sister moved out and left all of her CDs with me. it was all stuff she HAD liked but wasn’t really interested in anymore, and a lot of it was stuff that I got to hear on my own, by myself, an experience I didn’t have to share.

some of the music still closest to my heart came from that CD case, it’s where I discovered the killers and death cab for cutie, which I have always considered my favorites. for whatever reason, until recently, I hadn’t really considered the gorillaz were included in that, but that’s how I was first PROPERLY introduced to the music: demon days. 

I remember listening to that album, alone on my bedroom floor, completely entranced by sounds like I had never heard before. once again, it was divorced from the context of the gorillaz as a virtual, socially-critical band. all I knew was the music. all I knew was the sound. and I of course recognized feel good inc, but I didn’t really remember the video or where I knew the song from, I had suppressed most of the memories from that time in my life. and so that song existed as an impression of a memory, haunting my mind and connecting me to something I couldn’t quite put a finger on.

I had my own private version of demon days in my head. a loose series of images and colors and a sense of some kind of narrative based on what little I could understand of the lyrics. it had nothing to do with the characters, in fact I didn’t even know they existed. once again, that album still somehow feels separate from the way I’m experiencing the gorillaz now. and i like that. I need that to never change. it feel like it’s mine.

I’ve never cared about who makes the music I listen to (and I understand now that sometimes that’s a problem). I don’t know why but I never bothered looking up music videos for songs I liked, sometimes a friend would show me something or I’d be listening to music on youtube and happen across a video, but even then I preferred lyrics videos. I never looked up artist names, lead singers, band members, history of the bands... in fact I usually didn’t even look beyond the albums I already liked. this is how I managed to remain ignorant of the gorillaz and didn’t listen to any of their stuff beyond demon days until highschool.

that’s when I met my who is now my best friend. she was a REAL gorillaz fan. she listened to ALL of their music and watched ALL of their videos and knew the “lore”... when we first started talking about the gorillaz I suddenly found myself way out of my depth. when we watched the feel good inc video (which I’m pretty sure I hadn’t seen it since that first time) she had to explain to me that no, those characters, THAT’S the band.  and I was like, um what the fuck? as embarrassing as it is to admit, I thought that de la soul were the band because those were the REAL people in the video ^^”’

I still didn’t have a lot of context for what I was seeing in the plastic beach videos, but of course I liked the music and the videos were super fun! because of my friend, I would hear gorillaz songs fairly regularly, though I never really sought them out myself, which is why I never listened to plastic beach, humanz, or the now now as actual ALBUMS. all I knew from them were the handful of videos that my friend would show me.

to illustrate just how clueless I was despite all of this: we got the power played frequently on the radio during my last year of college. I found it inspiring and loved singing to it, always meaning to look up who it was by, but by the time i’d be done driving I’d always forget to. I literally had no idea it was a gorillaz song. in fact, the same thing happened with momentary bliss earlier this year.

so how did I end up here? how did I suddenly have a huge interest in the band in its entirety, listening to the albums AND falling in love with the characters?

well, song machine happened. désolé happened.

the song, the video, it felt like perfection. the vocals made a home in my heart, and fatoumata diawara is such a gorgeous, delightful person... and so my friend kind of just shared stuff more frequently with me.

désolé made me fall in love with the new music, but my attempts to love my changing body are what led me to an interest in the characters.

long story short, I started T wand was worried about becoming one of those guys that is skinny but out of shape, small butt and a bit of tummy. I was so self conscious but when watching the strobelite video I thought 2D had a body type that was a stylization of what I was going to end up with. it made me feel so much better about myself and so I thought it’d be great to cosplay him and since I was going to cosplay him, I thought it was about time to learn the backstories of these characters... I was wholly unprepared for just how much interesting content there was.

I had no idea the amount of depth there was! I really was discovering the whole other half of the gorillaz, I went from no character content to more than I could have ever dreamed of.

and so I guess that’s why I have a completely different perspective than the other fans I’ve encountered. I understand why people who are used to having something great are so upset about the character side of things now... but in a lot of ways I’ve experienced the reverse. I went from nothing to a whole world of stuff to explore. it’s fantastic! it’s exciting!

and it’s why I’m so easily pleased with the stuff coming out now.

I entered this fandom with the joy of discovery, with the desire to explore, with the love of the current phase because it’s coincided with my introduction to the characters and thus is special to me just like my introduction to the music was special.

and damn is it not heartbreaking to go into something happy and find that much of the discussion around this thing that you love is about how much other people hate it.

[hazzabeeforlou]

Well, it’s four years to the day. Anyone interested in an anniversary ramble, it’s below <3 

When I’d woken up from the first surgery two days earlier, it was kinda like existing in another plane; I couldn’t open my eyes or breathe because it felt like knives were slicing into my lungs. The nurse asked me “should I try giving you morphine?” and I said no, because she’d informed me they already had given me three IVs of Percocet, and I, even in my blind teeth-chattering state, was worried about an overdose. So that’s how my week four years ago started, and it culminated in a second emergency surgery that removed a twins-sized cyst and left me with a huge scar and chronic pain. All that badness to say, there was a point in that first year (many points, honestly) where I wished I had died on that operating table, where I honestly thought life could offer no fulfillment or fun or happiness anymore. My career was shattered, my body useless, my mind suffering from trauma (I learned later this is why I stuttered afterwards, and forgot words, and couldn’t remember names or read music easily for over six months). It was in this fragile state that I found Harry, and his music. You’ve all heard that story. 

Near-death experiences really mess with your mind and your perception of the world. More perhaps when they’re ‘fated’ things. I’m a bit of a witch, I guess, and I’d had this feeling since I was little that I would die young. I couldn’t explain it, I just knew. So I never made plans for a wedding or dreamed of a house or... idk, just anything future like that. When the cyst happened it felt inevitable. This thing was a flaw in my genetic makeup that, save for modern medicine, would have killed me, was killing me, slowly crushing my vital organs and my lungs. It was another year or so later, after I’d joined the fandom proper, that I realized the coincidence, but I was still so fragile then that it felt like fate all over again, and I felt so fucking guilty, so wretched to have survived, when I found out that the same day doctors gave me another chance at life, they told Jay hers would end. In fandoms like this people often cling to little things that tie them to their idols and make them feel closer, and I was no exception, but this proved too much. I remember absolutely sobbing about being alive and doing nothing useful with my life when Louis’ mum was gone, when all those babies have to grow up without her. Guilt led to this weirdly obsessive drive to do do do, to make, to create, to not waste another chance at living. All my creativity these past four years, from fic to music to art, is some kind of attempt at making myself worth it. Constantly there’s this pressure to not idly spend time; a ticking clock might as well live in my scull. 

When my musician friends ask why I’m so chill about auditions, why I don’t deflate like a flower at rejection anymore, I want to scream because it’s not going to kill me, because I know how lucky I am to even be here now, because this no longer is the worst that can happen to me. A few days ago I had another ultrasound to see if the one remaining ovary is acting up, and I’ll know soon. It has started to before... it’s going to be one of those life-long things. A year ago I had two CTs because the scar tissue caused problems with my intestines, and in future could crimp them up. These are things at the back of my mind every day, the foundation of my house of cards. 

BUT. And here’s why I wrote this. I have lived so much life in four years. Life that, despite the pain, was worth it. Not only have I found joy in this fandom and in the boys’ music, and in writing fic and doing fan art and reading SO many beautiful love stories from you all, but I’ve found my sister and niece and nephews, I’ve loved the cutest bunny, I’ve kissed a girl (okay, more than kissed) I’ve realized and embraced that I am QUEER? I’ve written a nearly 100k novel? I’ve played so many BEAUTIFUL exciting concerts? I’ve planted beautiful flowers and taken incredible hikes and seen mountains and rivers in the glow of sunset and I’ve sat around musky fires that warmed the chill air and I’ve cheered for movies and laughed at hilarious group chats and read soul-stirring books and eaten delicious meals... and I’ve come out as a liberal to all my family and friends (which is the only coming out I’ll do for a while but still a BIG thing) and gotten a tattoo (thank you Phoenix) and immersed myself in crystals and energy healing and witchy things and MOST importantly, I’ve made so so many wonderful friends, in person and here. And it’s interesting to reflect on the different roles both Harry and Louis have played in my dealing with guilt and grief and hopelessness; and to once again realize just how important they've been in my life and in the lives of so many others who have found universal comfort and belonging under their wings. 

So what I’m saying is, no matter the pain you find yourself in, no matter the little voices that say it’s not worth it, I’m here to tell you that it IS. And not just for other people, don’t just stay because they would miss you, stay because there is beauty and goodness out there. Happiness is the mountain peak we’re all told to climb towards, as if you can achieve this state of contentment that lasts forever. That’s unrealistic. There will be days that suck and weeks that seem endless. But amidst all that there will be joy, and that’s what makes life worth living. Love you all, Toni

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hello! I was going through your supportive Regis to Iggy stuff and I’M MELTING!! I love it so much! Do you have anymore Regis-Ignis stuff or even other characters who support gladnis? I really wanna know!

*SMACKS WITH LOVE*

HELLO MUFFIN U THOUGHT I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU? HAH. U ABSOLUTE FOOL. I AM HERE TO SERRRRRRRRRVE 

I’m very excited to answer this because even though I still have 60+ asks (WAY over a year old now, god damn it), it made me so happy to get a new one with such old vibe? Idk how to explain it, it just felt like the first times I’d get asks anD IT MADE ME SO HAPPY OMG THANK YOU ;w;

But not gonna make the intro too long, you here for the nice stuff, so here we go!

The supportive Regis to Iggy stuff is old, some of my first, AND I FREAKING LOVE IT. Here you have supportive Regis being a good papa, and supportive Regis multiple headcanons if you missed it/don’t remember! :3

NOW LET’S SEE WHAT WE CAN GET FROM THIS

AU where Regis is Ignis’ supportive dad figure:

Quick summary following the previous posts’ canon: Iggy’s parents love him but aren’t very good parents. He’s just Noct’s adviser and a kingdom’s servant for them, and don’t care about Iggy’s relationships, not even his romantic one, so they never make any space to talk about it or interact or even care. Not kingdom issues? Then I don’t have time, sweetie, focus on your job and don’t make me waste my time.

So Regis has taken up on the role of Papa Regis for Ignis because a parent isn’t just feeding your child, WHERE IS THE GODDAMN SUPPORT, HE JUST WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THE TIME HE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED HALF HIS ICE-CREAM ON SATURDAY’S DATE NIGHT, CAN YOU JUST. FUCKING LOVE HIM GODDAMMIT HOW HARD IS IT 

Regis always gets some time to listen to Iggy about Gladio. Even if it’s a few shared whispers while crossing the door to Council meeting, he’ll always ask. Ignis has gotten a grip of that, and they’ve managed to get away with it, be it a long conversation, or two sentences, all so long Iggy gets to express a bit of what he feels :’)

You know what Regis does most? He disguises lots of forms of support in formalities so that Ignis can get away with his things.

Like the one post shared above where Regis made up the lame excuse of “oh, uh, you: drive the Regalia to the Amicitia house and then you’re free lmao” (it’s sO CUTE OMG HOW DARE PAST-ME WRITE SOMETHING SO CUTE). 

Ignis’ parents and council in general are always overwhelming and overloading Ignis of so much work, it’s sometimes a real struggle to find the time to dedicate to his relationship. Gladio understands, but it’s still not fair for Iggy.

So Regis is going to do the Thing: POWER ABUSE. FOR THE BABY.

Not rly power abuse lmao but he’s the king, he has the ultimate word and orders, right? So if he wants Ignis to have some time to himself, HE’S GOING TO FUCKING HAVE IT. But, so that his parents don’t notice or don’t have an excuse to complain, Regis will disguise some Ignis Free Time as orders.

Ignis wants to write a love letter for Gladio, but is stashed to the very last pore of politics paperwork.

“Excuse me, lord, ladies, can you be so kind as to get this paperwork done? I require of this young lad’s presence to be my personal scribe for a very, very important speech. *Closes door* Yes, right, where do we start? The…importance of…the crown, symbol of the city, emblem of…you write your thing, Ignis, I’ll just babble things, ok? the light and…stuff and things and I’ll just start reciting the whole of Kupo Wars intro speech and no one will notice if I speak regal and kingly like this are you good? you need anything you tell me, alright? LONG AGO IN A FAR AWAY GALAXY-”

It’s a special date and Ignis wants to bake something for Gladio because GladiO LOVES EATING SO MUCH, YOUR MAJESTY, HE’S SO HAPPY WHEN HE EATS AND I WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY

“Yes, hello, it seems like Ignis won’t be able to attend this interview because I want to impress the Tenebrae diplomats and I need the best chef of Eos aiding me, come here on royal duty, Ignis.”

((after Ignis finished baking the cake and people expected Regis to try it he just went “AAAH, GOODNESS, I FORGOT I’M ALLERGIC TO CAKE, WHAT A DUMBASS I AM, WELP, WE DON’T WANT IT TO GO TO WASTE SO WHY DON’T YOU TAKE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE YOU KNOW WILL LOVE IT, IGNIS? ( ´ ▽ ` )))

((regis how is anyone allergic to cake as a whole lmao))

Ignis is just sad because he wants to spend a bit of time with Gladio.

“HELLO IGNIS, GUESS WHICH ABSOLUTELY IDIOTIC KING RIPPED HIS CLOTHES, WHAT A MYSTERY, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, I THINK YOU’LL HAVE TO GO BUY ME A NEW SUIT BUT DON’T YOU DARE GO ALONE, YOU’RE A FAMOUS FACE OF THE ROYAL WORLD, YOU OBVIOUSLY NEED A GUARD, AM I RITE, WHO IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW-”

“well, Cor is-”

“GLADIOLUS, DEAR, WHAT A COINCIDENCE, I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU RIGHT NOW, BOY.”

Soft and gentle and loving as he is, Regis can also be shady af with people that deserve it.

Scientia father is talking about some stupid thing and he mentions his son.

Regis is giving him the most deeply confused frown of the world, and ultra genuinely asks “You have a son???????”

He does this. EVERY. TIME. Scientia parents talk about Ignis LMAO, EVERY FUCKING TIME

(just wants to make it clear he doesn’t see them as parents to Ignis but that’s just his opinion, right, what does it matter, fuck him)

Regis isn’t only a supportive dad for Iggy when it comes to Gladnis. He’s also a supportive papa in general.

Kiddo Ignis can’t. STOP STARING. At the aerial rope acts and acrobatics on TV. THEY ARE JUST. SO FUCKING ARTISTIC. SO ELEGANT. SO BEAUTIFUL. KIDDO IGNIS LOVES THE ACROBATS HELOVESTHEMSOMU- ok Iggy TV time is over, you have to go make your ridiculously advanced homework that sucks the childhood out of you ok baby boy?

40 year old Regis Papa Sense tingles. 

40 y.o. Regis is taking Ignis from his parents at a hallway while they were leading him to his first Crownsguard training lesson “Yes, I take it from here, I want to give him a little encouraging speech, you know how this can be a little disheartening from how hard it is? Haha yeah, children these days am I rite”

Ignis walks into the training hall expecting Cor or Clarus or some Crownsguard with a pole ready to fucking SMACK HIM.

Ignis walks into the training hall being received by Insomnia’s fifth best circus arts coreographer. 

“Hello, you must be Ignis. The king said you’re very excited about aerial ropes and acrobatics? That’s so cool. Are you excited to be learning it yourself, now?”

Little twelve years old Ignis is GASP .A. *looks up at Regis like ¿¿¿¡¡¡¡???!!!*

“It’s OBVIOUSLY just to have an expert acrobat fighter, the only one of your kind, flexible, agile fighter that can jump, am I rite, enemies won’t expect that. So this is NOT arts class, it’s…OBVIOUSLY your Crownsguard training as we told your parents. OBVIOUSLY. Right, boy? Now, we don’t want to spoil the surprise. No telling mom and dad, ok? You tell them it’s Cor teaching you to punch things. Have fun. I mean. TRAIN HARD, HUFFFFFFFF”

IGNIS WAS HYSTERICALLY HAPPY YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE SO MUCH JOY FITS IN THAT CHILD

Nineteen year old Ignis figured out his first real strategy at war table and it was an utter success.

Papa be like, not even looking away of his papers, “It’s your responsibility.”

REAL PAPA Regis rushed to hug him, grinning, and goes “Wow, Ignis, that’s fantastic!! Congratulations!! You worked very hard on it, and you helped save so many lives. Imagine all the families that will reunite thanks to you. You, fantastic boy, you’re so young and so skilled already, I’m so proud of you.”

Ignis had a literal nervous breadown out of stress overload.

Mama be like “take these pills, rest five minutes, now go back to your office, you can’t stay behind, you have all these paperworks DUE TOMORROW, YOU CAN’T JUST CALL IN SICK??? LIKE IT’S AN EXCUSE¿¿¿”

Ignis arrived to his office to find two sofas placed there together like a bed, comfy, cozy, with a blankie and cushions, and a therapist waiting at the desk.

“Hello. You must be Ignis. The king scheduled an appointment for you today. He also said you don’t need to worry about the paperwork, and said, I quote *reads paper* “…fuck paperwork”. Oh my. Anyway, come here, please lie down and let’s see what we can do for you, ok, sweetie?”

Seventeen year old Ignis is NERVOUS about his first date with Gladio. Like. HIS CRUSH. ASKED HIM OUT?? HIS CRUSH. NOT ANYONE, HIS ACTUAL CRUSH SINCE HE WAS TEN??????? THE GUY HE HAD BEEN PINING OVER FOR YEARS. THE GUY THAT HE FELT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. HE. ASKED. HIM. OUT. WTF, HOW CAN IGNIS NOT BE NERVOUS, HE’S BEEN CRUSHING ON HIM SINCE EVEN BEFORE HE KNEW WHAT A CRUSH WAS

Papa be like “But?? I thought you were staying in today for training????? What about the prince’s interviews you have to cover for the day after tomorrow?? The paperwork for monday?? Your HOMEWORK¿¿ Ignis, you’re way better than this, leave the teenage drama alone. Free time? That you’re a teen and just want to go out and I just think about work??? Yes, no, I understand that, of COURSE I do, I just…nervous? IT’S JUST A DATE IGNIS OHMYGOD, don’t be so immature, just wear anything, go to your date, and be back as soon as possible, I won’t tolerate you being out after eight.”

Papa Regis is stopping a deep breathing absent-looking Ignis in the middle of the hallway to ask if he’s fine. It took like fifteen minutes of an embarrassed Ignis melting and becoming a puddle of shyness making excuses before he spilled the truth, blushing in embarrassment, whispering, feeling absolutely fucking stupid and like a dork.

“…I just…don’t know…what to wear…”

Regis be (・_・ )

An hour later locked away in Ignis’ office after having had an ACTUAL KINGSGLAIVE FUCKING SNEAK INTO IGNIS’ HOUSE AND BRING ALL HIS CLOTHES IN A HURRY (under royal command lmao), Regis is adjusting Ignis’ hair and glasses over and over, stepping back, staring with a >:| look, then going back in, re-arrange, step back, stare like >:|, step in to re-arrange, and so over and over, all while both discuss over it like it’s a death or life issue.

Regis becomes expert fashion critique

“HOW. Are you going to put those shoes on with THAT shirt.”

“YOU’RE RIGHT, I JUST. I’M SO NERVOUS.”

But being serious, Regis made sure to spend so very long in there with Ignis not because he didn’t know what to have him wear; that was the excuse to spend a while with Ignis to help him calm down. Boy was absolutely GONE, he needed to put his feet back on earth before his date or he was going to combust lmao

AND IT WORKED

Ignis’ shift is over and he goes “I wasted my last hour doing NOTHING ;A;”

“HOW DARE YOU SAY IT’S NOTHING WHEN WE USED IT SO WELL TO GET YOU READY”

Ignis is more honored by having had the king help him pick his clothes than working so it doesn’t feel as bad. Plus, Regis knows his way through the mess of his head to make him not feel guilty

Before going out of the office, Regis is taking his time to smile a lot and stare at Ignis, before he drops the whole king attitude or fashion expert and goes with this tender, warm, and genuinely happy voice “So he finally asked you out.”

Ignis absolutely changes then. He just…glOWS HAPPY AND LOVING. And of course he starts sharing the whole thing with Regis, from asking out to how long he had been liking him to how he feels about it and stuff. Regis listens patiently, and then he gets up from his place and goes to grab Ignis’ face and helps a bit with his hair, and he can’t help but stare and stare with these…these IMMENSELY WARM EYES AND THIS HUGE SWEET, TENDER SMILE

“I’m so happy for you two. You two have always looked good together, and I think you’re meant to be. You’ll be fine, son.”

Ignis may have teared up a little and looked down. He feels…sO ENCOURAGED, SO SUPPORTED, HE FEELS LIKE SOMEONE CARES, IT’S SO NICE AKLSDJFDG

of fucking COURSE it was the best first date EVER

Ignis sometimes wants to get Gladio presents, but he doesn’t know where to put them (as in, if he gets Gladio a gift, it may be a few days earlier, so where does he store it during those few days?). No way to put them in his room because his parents check his room (never looking for anything in particular but it’s to ‘’keep him in check’’ or some bullshit), and they have key to his office too. 

Regis motherfucking Lucis Caelum is going to store that unicorn plushie in armiger and you better not question him.

You know how Regis and Noctis have royal portraits taken each certain years?

Yes, there is an official royal photograph or Regis with a twenty year old Ignis because what the fuck do you mean it’s just for the Lucis Caelum last name he’s my son regardless of last names fuck you give me that stupid camera

Of course it didn’t count to the ‘official’ archives of the heir and monarch portraits but goddammit is Regis going to make sure it’s hung somewhere in the fucking Citadel.

You thought Regis was just taking the role at times? HELL NO, HE’S GOING FULL PAPA BEAR MODE, HE LOVES IGGY AS MUCH AS HE LOVES NOCT, OF COURSE HE’S GOING THIS FAR

He keeps making that little adorable slip of thinking of Noct and Iggy as literal brothers because he’s just so into supporting Ignis he keeps forgetting he’s not his son neither legally or genetically.

“You can’t just get rid of your brother-in-law, that’s ridiculous.”

“…who?”

“Gladi- ooh, yes, lmao, I forgot. I meant Gladio”

“DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT TO YOUR BROTHER.”

“But I don’t have a brother.”

“right”

“You should follow Ignis’ example, that’s what big brothers are for.”

“Dad you’re doing it again.”

“Hello, Ignis? I wanted to talk to your brother. Ah, fuck, I meant, Noctis.”

Regis gets really moody every time Scientia parents are around. He knows they’re not necessarily evil, but that doesn’t mean they’re not abusive. He’s been reflecting long about it and he sees them as abusive even if incidentally so of course he gets moody. HOW DARE THEY MISTREAT MY CHILD LIKE THAT.

Regis had Clarus review a literal petition to change Insomnia’s adult age from 21 to 19 so Ignis could move the fuck out of his house sooner.

council said no those pieces of shIT

Regis insisted

“Your Majesty, we can’t just change that law so easily and fast, and think of-”

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CHILDREN WANT TO GET OUT OF THEIR GODDAMN HOUSE TO ESCAPE AN ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENT BUT FUCKING CAN’T BECAUSE THEY’RE “TOO YOUNG”

Regis mopped about it for a month

When Noct moved to his flat near school, Regis did it so he could grow a bit of independency…and to give Ignis the spare key.

“My son may need some watch every now and then. Leave the house duties to him, that’s fine, son, just…uh…keep an eye on him some nights. Any night you want. I happened to find only a flat with two separate rooms haha what a coINCIDENCE AIN’T IT so it’s fine if you want to spend the night with Noct :)”

He was basically gifting Ignis his own shared apartment WHAT THE HECK YOUR MAJESTY YOU’RE GIVING ME A WHOLE ASS APARTMENT?????? OMG NO STOP

((Ignis used that apartment very frequently the poor bby ;A;))

When Noct graduates and goes back to living at the Citadel, Ignis at first is sort of upset of having to go back to his house every day. He normally can’t get to spend the nights at Gladio’s or anyone else’s because his parents thing it’s inappropriate. But Ignis just looks…so upset. He doesn’t say anything, and he keeps talking about being happy of Noct’s growth and independency and graduation and his grades and him getting to be back with his dad and stuff, but when he’s alone he looks so upset. He looks like he’s sleeping less, and worse than before; he looks like…like carrying a heavier weight, that kept growing and growing. He looked less healthy, less happy, less bright.

And as soon as he notices, there we have him, king motherfucking Regis signing the official return of the prince’s gentlemen job, and signing Ignis in the goddamn title without even asking him first. 

Regis’ excuse is that Ignis is his first assistant, personal adviser, closest companion, so it only makes sense to have Ignis attend him personally at any time the prince so needs it, SO YOU BETTER NOT HAVE ANY EXCUSES YOU PIECES OF SHIT TO LET YOUR SON LIVE IN THE ROOM NEXT TO NOCT’S, OKAY, FUCK YOU.

It was a smart move because Scientia parents were delighted with the promotion and progress, yes yes, we told you working this hard would get you really far, son, of course it was due to the pressure we put on you that you get to be the prince’s personal assistant to a new level.

Regis really just wanted Ignis to get out of that goddamn place for most nights.

And not like Noctis asks for anything. Wakes up WAY later than Ignis, cleans his own room as best as he can (he’s trying, ok? LEAVE HIM ALONE), and it’s not like it’s the 1st century to be asking Ignis to dress him or anything, ew, get away of my room, you dork, this is my stuff!!

IGNIS HAS NEVER SLEPT SO GODDAMN WEL IN HIS GODDAMN LIFE, and it’s not like his parents don’t let him sleep or anything, it’s just…the air. It’s different. The environment is WAY comfier and more cozy, HE LOVES SLEEPING THERE.

Regis is also there when Iggy is having bad times.

As much as he’s eventually learned that his parents just Don’t Care, it’s not like it’s an easy thing to digest, you know? Because they’re this horrible mix between genuinely loving and still abusive and toxic. They want the best for him, but they’ve broken him to the point of literal physical breakdowns. They love him, but don’t know his favorite meal or color. They want him to go far but forget he’s a human, and just see his grades and work, and don’t know how he has fun and have never once listened to him about his YEARS LONG RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN HE GENUINELY LOVES AND WHO HE HAS LIVED WITH THE MOST ADVENTURES. Ignis is often very troubled about his parents, because as much distance as he’s put in between and as much as he doesn’t acknowledge them as his parents because of all the bad they’ve done to him and how absent they’ve been, he just can’t help but…still be hurt about it, you know? 

So even though he has Regis’ full awesome support, and Clarus’, and other parental figures, it’s just not the people he grew up with all his life calling “parents”. They may be abusive and absent but goddammit, the child in him used to think they were his parents, and good ones. It’s not like he can just not care.

So it’s not rare that Ignis gets emotional over it, or has cried a few times, especially when he has something significative going on in his life and his parents just aren’t there, even when he reaches out to them and they’re just “too busy”.

SO ONE DAY

Nothing particular had happened. It was the constant storing of that kinda events, thoughts and feelings that kept building up until they were too many and made Ignis sort of break. 

His parents just wouldn’t speak about his relationship with Gladio. The most they have gotten to was telling him to not be explicit about it to save scandals about someone as important as an Amicitia, to always be perfectly sharp and as best looking as he could because an Amicitia just couldn’t be seen with someone less than Perfect, and would often tell him to not get hopes too high because Gladiolus looked like a man to constantly switch partners so you better be careful. But they never cared about knowing him, having him for dinner, talking about their dates, not even how or WHEN it started, they didn’t even know how long it had been going on, or the places they’ve been or the things they’d done together, NOTHING.

Ignis is so very often at the Amicitias’; has dinner, sleeps over when he can, has gone out with Iris alone SO MANY times, has been with Clarus alone SO MANY TIMES, has LITERALLY GONE ON VACATIONS WITH THEM, and his parents can’t even shake Gladio’s hand even when they all work in the same goddamn place? Were they for real?

Ignis once tried talking with them about the possibility of marriage. He had been with Gladio for a good couple years, and he was sure about it, and had even spoken a bit with Gladio about it, and it seemed like a bright plan. 

It took Ignis MONTHS. Literal months of mental preparation. He wrote the little speech and corrected it over and over and over and over for weeks to know what to tell his parents and how. He practiced in his head, with the mirror, with Noctis, he rehearsed aloud to an empty room. He had his routine of breathing before it to get ready, during it to not lose it, he had been gathering courage for all those MONTHS

“I’m sorry, Ignis, I know it’s important but I have to hand these papers in three days from now. Could you tell me some other day?”

He didn’t even get to the first word of his speech because he wasn’t even given the chance.

He dropped the bomb in the first sentence he said, on purpose, so his parents would know how big of a thing it was and wouldn’t discard it; “I’ve spoken with Gladiolus about marriage.” And he got this. I’m busy. Paperwork. Good that you’re marrying but can you please not interrupt me?

Ignis didn’t even get angry. He just stood there, in front of his parents, staring a little with a blank face. He still waited a bit, and his mom did look up from her papers as if asking if he needed anything. Willing to listen, and Ignis knew and saw it. 

But decided it wasn’t worth it, and he just turned around and left. 

He didn’t feel bad that night, or the next, and he worked just fine during the week…but he kept…to say it some way, withering.

 Like back when he had to go back to sleeping at his parents’ every night, Ignis started slowly looking restless and upset with each day. With the heavy air and shoulders, the tired look, and that exhausted aura that felt like he struggled at getting out of bed every day. 

And of course, Regis noticed. 

One day, he visited Ignis to see what was going on. He had Ignis sit on a chair and he sat across him, and had him talk about it. By that point Ignis has grown so much personal trust with Regis that he doesn’t struggle anymore at opening up with him. 

Ignis spoke long, much longer than he knew he had to speak, about all the things his parents don’t do and do, and went on and on, and it was past the shift end hour, it got dark and late and they didn’t even bother turning the lights on and just kept going. 

And then Ignis got to the point where one sentence alone had him break.

“I don’t understand, I’m their son, and they love me, so why don’t they care?”

Ignis stopped there because, as he said that last bit, he started crying. Fast, out of nowhere, not even noticing, he just…broke down right there. At first he stayed still while crying, as if only after saying it aloud had he noticed the weight it held. 

Little by little he started putting the head down, until he seemed to finally understand what he said, and so he started properly crying. Ignis tried cleaning his eyes, took his glasses off, and sobbed and cried.

It wasn’t long before Regis had stood from his chair and had reached for him. Got close, and took Ignis in a hug.

Ignis didn’t even care if this was the king or someone else’s dad. He didn’t. He just buried his face in his hands, and his hands and face in Regis’ chest, and started sobbing. 

Regis hugged him and kept him to his chest for as long as he needed. He pet his hair, rubbed his back, squeezed his arms, and didn’t let go while letting Iggy cry all that he wanted to sob out.

After a bit, Ignis tried cleaning his nose and eyes, and let go of his face to hug Regis back. It was a bit timid, and a little weak, but he held to Regis’ jacket like a scared, upset kid, and shyly sniffled while calming down. 

“Why don’t they care?” he whispered again mid-tears, genuinely lost…but not alone.

Later, when Ignis let go and Regis sat next to him, Ignis apologized because he “should” be grateful for what he has, and he has Regis and that’s way better than any parent he could have asked for and way better than the bad his real parents have done to him, and, surprisingly, Regis didn’t agree this time.

“It’s not something that can be replaced. A joy in your life doesn’t nulify the bad. When it hurts, it hurts. I can be your dad all that we want, but it won’t take away the hurt you feel for the real one. And that’s ok. You are grateful for what you have, but it’s also ok to be hurting on this. I would be hurting, too.”

someone give this man a prize already please

A week later Clarus walked into a very upset Regis giving a paper his Tantrum Frown.

“Regis?”

“Clarus how do I adopt an adult that has legal living parents?”

Regis, no.

REGIS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING YES.

Now Regis doesn’t ask the Scientia “you have a son?” whenever they mention Ignis, he just goes “Ah, you know his name?”

savage

One day, a 24 year old Iggy went to Regis’ chambers during a sunday hence day off. Regis was ? :3

Ignis asked Regis if he would please help him choose the engagement ring he was going to get for Gladio.

Regis was out of the room screaming and swinging the Regalia’s keys before Ignis had finished the sentence.

SHOPPING TIME

There we have him a PROUD PAPA going with his BEAUTIFUL SON to get an engagement ring because BOY IS GONNA ASK HIS BF FOR MARRIAGE AND JESUS CHRIST IS THIS EXCITING

Honestly I’m saving how excited Regis was because it’s just too much excitement to be described lmao 

Just imagine him screeching the whole way to the mall

and the dy after

and all over the week

Regis was so excited he slightly fainted at least twice across the week lmao thank the gods a chuckling Clarus was there to help but anyway back to RING SHOPPING

Just like that time Regis was his FASHION EXPERT on the first date Iggy had with Gladio, Regis is now becoming RING EXPERT for him

“HOW. Are you going to wear that ring with those SHOES”

“why are the shoes always the problem”

They didn’t spend as long in the store as they did with the clothes that once, but they did spend a good while looking at the prettiest rings and comparing and thinking about what Gladio would personally like, and etc etc. 

Basically Regis helping Iggy pick the engagement ring plEASE I BEG FOR THIS SCENARIO AKSLJDFDG *cries*

When Ignis got decided for one, he was just pulling out his credit card when RegIS. FUCKING. SLAMMED HIS DEBIT CARD ON THE COUNTER.

I PAY FOR THIS ONE.

omg but king Regis I’ve been saving up for a whole yea-

IT GOES ON MY BEHALF GOD FUCKING DAMMIT THIS IS MORE A GIFT TO ME THAN IT IS TO EITHER OF YOU SHUT UP

Regis = Gladnis shipper #1

Fun side story, an hour after Ignis and Regis left, CLARUS AND GLADIO ARRIVED. TO THE SAME STORE. LOOKING FOR THE EXACT SAME RING THAT IGNIS JUST BOUGHT. BECAUSE GLADIO HAD HAD IT IN HIS WATCH FOR OVER A MONTH NOW, BUT HE FREAKING…DIDN’T RESERVE IT, HE’S AN IDIOT, SOME STUPID ASSHOLE BOUGHT IT BEFORE HIM, IT WAS THE PERFECT RING, P E R F E C T, THERE WAS NO RING BETTER ON THIS PLANET OR THIS UNIVERSE THAT COULD COMPARE, AND WHAT WERE THE ODDS HE COULD FIND THE BUYER TO BUY IT BACK!?? WHAT WERE THE GODDAMN ODDS FUCKTHISSHIT GLADIO WAS SO A N G R Y.

fun side story #2 can we have Gladnis proposing to each other the same day because that’s disgustingly freaking adorable and I die with cuteness overload at the thought thank you. Like u know, those cute videos, I think there are two where partner 1 proposes to partner 2, and partner 2 just LAUGHS and partner 1 is ;A; ??? and partner 2 suddenly pulls out a little box too and it makes sense and the two just freaking lose it. Yes, Gladnis vibes, thank you

Let’s make it an Eos tradition that the father or parent or parental figure of the groom (or bride or person in suit) gets them the tie and only show them on the wedding day and they put it on their kid. (that’s actually a nice tradition, nice thinking Brain, I’ll steal this from myself later)

On the wedding day, in a room, Clarus is tying Gladio’s tie.

In the other, Ignis is tying his own. 

He did tell dad, but didn’t tell him about the tradition and dad assumed it wasn’t happening. It was fine, Ignis kept it a secret because he didn’t want his dad to do it, and he was fine getting his own tie. 

(Scientia parents are present, just Ignis asked them to be sat and away, he was fine on his own, and because Scientia parents don’t care they were just like okie)

And of course, there was then a knock at the door.

“Ignis?”

“…ki…KING REGIS!?”

Regis is smiling and going in and closing the door. Ignis stands up and he seemed to have been about to run towards him, but he freezes in his spot, and suddenly stands there like a lost shy kid, and his eyes immediately water. They say nothing for a while and just stare at each other, until Ignis, at the edge of crying, just whispers in a broken voice “You came.”

“Of course I did. What sort of horrible thing would I be if I missed your wedding? I’m sorry I’m late, I just didn’t know in which room you were. You should’ve told me!”

It takes a while as Ignis controls his tears and feelings and gets over the shyness before he says it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d come and I didn’t want to pressure you by asking for this…extra thing, just consumes time, and I could do it alone, it was fine, really…”

“An extra thing?” 

Regis starts limping his way towards him. Then, when he gets to Ignis, he pulls out a little large box. Ignis finally starts crying when Regis opens it and there’s a tie inside.

While Iggy cries a bit, Regis undoes his tie, throws it away, and gently and very softly starts tying the new one. He does his best and prettiest tie, and pats it.

“It’s no extra thing. It’s my responsibility.”

Ignis immediately went in for a tight hug, crying into Regis’ shoulder.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you for this, I’m so sorry…I…know you’re genuinely busy, and that’s ok, you run the biggest country of the world and a whole magic core alone, I know it’s genuine and I’ve never been upset for that, I just…know you’re genuinely busy…”

Regis returned the hug as lovingly and tight as only a father does, and kissed his head.

“Yes, a king is always busy. But never for my son.”

And that’s how Ignis was walked down the aisle by REGIS FUCKING LUCIS CAELUM CXIII OF HIS NAME THE MAN HIMSELF.

*cries*

HOW DARE YOU ASK ME FOR SUPPORTIVE REGIS, ANON, NOW I’M A MESS OF FEELINGS AND A CHAOS OF EMOTIONS ASKDJFKG GODS BLESS THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m an absolute disaster for supportive papa Regis. U see supportive Regis u show me, ok? OK? THANK YOU ;____;

But anyways, dear anon, HERE YOU GO WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL ASK THAT WAS SUCH A DELIGHT TO RECEIVE, AND SUCH A WONDER TO ANSWER. ( ˙꒳​˙ )

I hope you enjoyed these at least half as I did!

Thank you, and have a WONDAHFUL day! 

[creepyscritches]

So, I think I’m ready to lay my cards on the table. Bad news that I’m turning good with as much strength that I can muster. This got a lot longer than I planned, so I’ve tucked it beneath a readmore.

Last month my new job ran out of enough sustainable work to justify continuing my recent hire and gave me the axe on the last day of my first 90 days. It really shook me up and hit me hard in my professional self esteem to say the least. On top of the panic of losing a steady income at a new job I loved, I also lost my healthcare that same day, which to someone with a progressive autoimmune disease...that’s scary. They didn’t plan this to happen and it was unfortunate all around and left me with glowing references to aid me in my job search. I still see them as a loving group of people, but things happen and life happens.

Aside the shock, I’ve been dealing with a lot of embarrassment and shame that logically I know is unfounded, but that’s just how you react to this kind of stuff sometimes. This is why I’ve been pushing my Ko-fi and the wonderfully kind help all of you have given me has really kept me in a good place emotionally and that’s honestly more valuable than any money sent to me. I have pretty constant self harm and suicidal thoughts that surface multiple times a day for the past 10 years and to actually feel a genuine flood of warmth is just...idk it’s something that always feels unattainable, so when someone gifts me with kindness it’s an out of body sense of gratitude and vitality. Honestly, thank you.

The day I got home after losing my job, I asked for a bunch of requests and being able to connect with all of you and have fun drawing really was a miracle in how calm and reassured I felt. I know a lot of you follow me because you enjoy my funny art and I want to attest that I love making things that you love. Seeing excited comments or tags on my art really warms my heart and I feel a drive to make people smile even when things are dark for me--making happiness for people is my deepest form of self care. I’m glad y’all are here and I’m glad I can make you smile or laugh with my silly sense of humor.

My response to emergencies is usually to become numb and efficient; to be cold, calculating, and logical in an endeavor to resolve issues and tie up loose ends. Usually in situations like this, I only have to maintain this for short bursts like an emergency call or acting as a shield while I extract someone from a toxic environment, but this is more long term and it’s possible to weather me down if I keep focused on just the giant problem of finding a job.

Because of this, I’ve forcibly stepped back and observed the entirety of my circumstances and found that this period of unemployment has given me a real opportunity to address things I’ve shoved to the side out of fear of dealing with them. 

I got my mantra of “Be kind to yourself” tattooed over my left arm’s self harm scars in braille as a physical reminder to myself to treat myself like I am compelled to treat others. I’ve found myself running my fingers over the braille more and more recently and had some deep talks of encouragement with myself to take the first steps and observe what makes me better and to finally open up little by little and ask for help personally--to allow myself to be vulnerable. It’s not scary to be a shoulder for those who need it and to share my experiences with those who come to me for help with self harm, trauma, suicide, and abuse. It’s instinctual to be the warm safety these people need, but it’s personally terrifying for me to put myself in the role of the one asking for help.

I don’t think I’m a rare breed of person at all when it comes to being kind and offering guidance and dispelling fears of judgement, but this idea that when I finally come to someone that I’ll be judged, seen as lesser, and horrifyingly put in the same light I see myself in in someone I love’s eyes halts me in my tracks. It’s crippling mental illness, I know, but an illness is characterized by the fact that it can grip you against your will. Whether your kidneys fail or your legs slowly stop or your mind tells you you’re worthless, it’s out of your willpower’s control and that knowledge is exquisitely maddening and devastating. My fears are results of a diseased vital organ and that’s an immense weight to push past. I can only hope to crawl before I walk and aspire to eventually run, even with musings of how to kill myself later that day fogging up my vision.

I know art makes me happy. I know people smiling from my efforts makes me happy. I know crying with relief despite the walls blocking me from crying makes me happy. I know when people tell me they love me and miss me when I’m gone makes me happy. I want to know what else makes me happy; not just entertained or distracted, but truly warmly saturated with goodness.

Cooking for friends makes me glad I’m here and when my mom excitedly calls me just to hear my voice makes my emotions positively radiant. Having vacuumed carpets, freshly scrubbed bathrooms, and a spotless kitchen brings me joy, but I’ve learned a cluttered mayhem of art supplies and sketches at my work space makes me inspired and encouraged, so I accept some messiness is good for me while I need to remember that I feel great when I muscle through cleaning other aspects of my home. Hiding my shortcomings or misfortunes from people makes my gut feel full of sandpaper, but I’m teaching myself person by person that confiding in loved ones and being vulnerable truly only makes me feel weightless and that things are going to be okay.

I opened up to my mother about how frighteningly severe my mental illness is last week. She knows I’ve struggled with self harm for over a decade and that I have problems with taking leaps, but I’ve kept my scarier symptoms closely guarded from her my entire life. I finally told her that I can’t remember a day I haven’t thought about killing myself, even if I had been having a fun time. I told her that I can’t stop a constant barrage of thoughts that tell me I don’t need to be here, that I’m a waste, a failure, or that I’m just disgusting inside and out. I finally told her how helpless and scared I feel constantly and how I’ve been convinced I’m going to be my own cause of death since I was 10 or 11 years old. I’d never laid myself bare like that and I finally confessed that’s why my countless therapists haven’t been able to help since I couldn’t bring myself to admit the ugliest parts of myself and instinctively protected myself behind a shield of compensating and presenting as a successful determined prized student or career woman instead.

She treated me like I treat others who come to me with the same fears. It felt like a wall shattered and I could see the outside world for the first time. It felt like...I don’t know how to put it...like the world actually did include me in its count and it was faulty logic to think I’d always be the one left out of situations good or bad. She helped me look for some potential therapists and even offered to pay for my appointments, and she acted as a second opinion on possibly exploring the disability route for all this. But most importantly, she didn’t cry or panic like I’d always been afraid of making her do. She was the stability I need and held my hand through decisions and tasks and affirmed that my state is something unbelievably difficult. Idk, she just really made me feel strong when I feel so weak, you know?

I keep looking for things that make me feel happiness even in small amounts where it never was before. This week I discovered that hanging all my wall art makes me feel at home and glad to be awake to see it all. I spent about 30 minutes marveling over my mother’s incredible cross-stitch art that I’ve had in every home I’ve lived in since I was born. My favorite is an enormous jaguar against a black background, slinking from behind foliage, and looking piercingly to the distance behind the edges of the frame. I’ve loved it since I was little and I can’t believe I forgot how much warmth it gives me.

Looking around my home I always think about how much I love cacti, succulents especially, but have never bought any since I can’t keep plants alive to save my life. Sometimes the simplest answers are the last you think of: artificial plants. Even though I don’t have the money to do so now, I’ve been building wishlists of potted cacti, succulents, ivy, and flowers and mentally placing them around my home and I feel happy just imagining that I can have that environment eventually.

While mentally mapping out the plants, I realized I don’t ever hang my own art I love creating. In high school I used to make giant wall pieces but stopped when I moved out on my own, but now I think I’d like to feel the satisfaction of making a big piece and actually displaying it, even if it’s just for me to enjoy. There’s an exhilarating adrenaline rush to realize I can buy some canvases and create the big pieces of lounging felines and animals again and there’s nothing stopping me from spending a small amount of money on some canvas.

This whole time I’ve been looking for work, I’ve been mainly trying to be truly happy. I’m making little steps, but I feel amazing and full of life like those permanently thriving artificial cacti I’ve been fawning over. I’m going to be better, even if I stumble backwards, I’m going to always remember to put my foot back down and take another stride.

Times are rough, but I truthfully feel better than when they were good.

[keyflight790]

(1/9) Hi, Idk if your askbox is the right place for this,but I absolutely have to talk to someone and maybe ask for an advice. You strike me as that sensible and steady person, that is able to talk some sense into me. It's gonna be really long, sorry, but here it is. So I gave my fic to a beta,and she was super cool, quick and neat in her advice on grammar and writing style.

The rest of the q and answer below the fold: 

She encouraged me a lot along the way,pointing out her favorite parts or a line she particularly liked. Working with her was so fucking good! Yes there were mistakes and some weird phrasing, and she pointed them all out,but it felt good, I gladly accepted her suggestions, ‘cause they felt like an improvement to my fic. I was super grateful and felt so happy and uplifted about my fic. I was about to publish it, when another girl, with whom we’re kinda friendly on tumblr, volunteered to make a quick read through my fic as a second pair of eyes. I happily agreed, 'cause I love my story,and after it had been betaed by the first girl, I felt super confident about it. So I’d sent it to this second girl… And that’s where the HELL had begun. It’s been a week, and we are going through it super slowly, and she is dissatisfied with every fucking sentence. Although she’s not mean,and she keeps telling me that she likes my writing… Mainly she points out what is wrong, and according to her it’s fucking A LOT. Every time after our chat I feel so down and discouraged, I’m afraid I’m beginning to feel disappointed in this fic and overall in my writing. We’ve only done about a third part of the whole fic so far, but I’m so vexed and exhausted with those sessions. All this is nerve-wrecking and gives me anxiety, and I don’t even know if I want to publish the fic at all at this point. And the worst part about it is that I’d begun to work on a new fic, but this editing process with that girl makes me so disappointed and anxious of my writing skills, that I feel like I’m losing the writing drive for the new story, and overall I’m unsure if there’s any point for me to write at all.  And it affects my writing: I get stuck, I get dissatisfied, I’m losing all the fun and joy of the writing process. I’ve been considering to post the fic the way the first beta left it. But then I begin to think about how many stylistic mistakes the second beta had pointed out. Doesn’t look like she’s 100% mistaken. I don’t know what to do. I know it’s “just a fic” for fun, and I’m kinda free to do whatever I want with it, but I also take my writing seriuosly, and I want to improve and grow. At the same time, I’m afraid to lose that drive and passion that have always been my reason and joy to write. Maybe you or anyone who reads this will give me a bit of advice, or share their own experience? Sorry for my endless rumblings, but I really needed to let it out. Thank you.

TL:DR: Had a great beta experience, and then had a shitty beta experience, what do I do

Nonny, thank you so much for sharing this story with me. I apologize for condensing your story into a TL:DR, because it makes it sound so callous. But honestly, it’s what it is. 

You had an amazing beta experience, with someone you trust, and you were proud of the work you created in the end!

And then you went to a second beta, and had a super horrible experience. Sometimes a beta and a writer just don’t click. And that’s okay. 

I’ve had betas make changes and suggestions that I knew were wrong. I’ve had them want to change key lines that made me excited, lines I didn’t want to cut. 

I once had a beta write a note on my fic that made me so upset I had to close the document, and I didn’t return to it for an entire week.

I’ve also betaed work and have had more than half my suggestions rejected. And had an author tell me that her story didn’t feel like hers anymore. That last one broke my heart and made me stop betaing for a month. It’s why I don’t have the beta tag anymore, why I really only beta when directly asked. 

The point is, not every beta and writer click, and I had a lot to learn about being a beta. It’s tempting to want to change a word, a sentence, an entire plot point for what you personally would want to read, but it’s not the betas journey, it’s the writers. And a good beta knows how to walk that line.

My suggestion is to pull out, to say, I think I’m going to step away for a while, and I’ll let you know if I want to pick it back up. And then move forward. Without this beta.

This isn’t to say that my betas always love what I’m writing, and never have negative feedback. But even the closest of friends might not be the best betas to each other, and that’s okay. 

I hope this helps, nonny, and if you want to chat more about it in dms, let me know!

[sailingsoo]

August Overview

Monthly Drama Review: August 2018 Jan - Feb - Mar - Apr - May - Jun - Jul -

warning spoilers!

Completed:

Goodbye to Goodbye: I liked the show a lot in the beginning, but it kind of watered down by the end. I liked the very last episode though, it brought the whole family together. Because of Jung Hyo, I think every character was able to learn a little something. The only thing I wished happened was the writers showing how much Min Soo loved Jung Hyo from the beginning. I mean this man was so ready to break up with her. He was even in the process of dating another woman when Jung Hyo revealed that she was pregnant to him, so it still feels like to me that he only chose to stay with Jung Hyo because of the baby. 

Are You Human Too?: I usually can’t stand dramas that have a robot x human romance so the fact that I actually finished this and thoroughly enjoyed it was quite a surprise. I have always liked Seo Kang Joon, but he really outdid himself with this role. It really felt as if Nam Shin and Nam Shin III were played by different actors. The cinematography was also super amazing, one of the best I have seen! As for the plot itself, like I said I could care less about robot x human romance, but I can’t say I wasn’t hooked on all the politics and craziness happening around Nam Shin’s family. I kind of wish that human Nam Shin had a better redemption arc, you know before his mother passed away, because he really did live a hard life as said in last month’s review. Overall, the drama outdid my expectations and I’m glad I watched it. 

Your House Helper: One of the best dramas I have ever watched. They really just took all the stereotypes and broke them all. I still can’t believe they had an openly gay character too, thank you Korea. I heard people say that the main lead has no chemistry, but I liked it. It was simple and cute, fitting for both of them. Dayoung’s friends and their s/o though! Amazing, give me more characters and relationships like them. All in all, an extremely cute friendship and romantic drama that really allows you to understand societal roles and such. 

Kimi ga Kokoro ni Sumishita: The english subtitles weren’t up, so I finished watching it raw. It was a good short psychological drama. All I wanted was Kyoko to get some help in order to escape Ren’s pull. Ren obviously is suffering from a mental health issue as well, but still seeing Kyoko getting used by him was definitely something. 

Ongoing:

Time: I’ve said it before, but I’m gonna say it again. Seohyun’s acting has improved so much. The whole cast is amazing. I was one of the people who was kind of thrown off by the press conference video, but Kim Jung Hyun’s acting is so great. You can tell he was totally immersed into his character. However, that probably took a toll into his mental health. I’m not that sad about him leaving because its for his health. Also I’m excited to see how Seohyun’s character drives the show alone. 

Your Honor: My favorite airing show right now!  I’m so spoiled, I wasn’t used to having only one episode a week TT  I wish I could just binge watch the whole thing instead of waiting weekly. The chemistry between the two leads are amazing. I can’t wait for the truth to be revealed, but then I also like the pacing of the drama. 

Familiar Wife: Idk man, I’m just waiting till Woo Jin regains her memory and beats Joo Hyuk up for erasing their kids because he wanted to play his video game in peace LOL. But I don’t necessarily think him going back in time and changing the future is an entirely bad thing though. He’s  learning new things about his wife and understanding her more which would never happen if they stayed in the original timeline. It just sucks that it’s just Joo Hyuk is the only one in the relationship experiencing this. It takes two to tango.

Lovely Horribly: This drama is so funny! Song Ji Hyo is a gem. I feel so bad for her character though. Can you imagine living a life like that and everything just goes wrong for you. I can’t wait for the relationship to develop between the main leads. Get Gi Kwang a main role next drama pls. 

Dropped:

Hide & Seek: It didn’t look interesting to me and I feel like I have enough dramas I’m watching. 

Upcoming:

Miss Ma: The synopsis is short but to the point, I think I might like this depending on who is casted for the female lead. 

Room No. 9: The plot and characters of this story seem to be interesting. I am definitely watching this one. 

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes: Definitely checking this one out. I love both Seo In Guk and Jung So Min’s acting skills and the teasers look amazing!

The Third Charm: Okay so I love Seo Kang Joon, but the synopsis itself isn’t captivating enough. 

Devilish Joy: This seems way to angsty for me to handle, but who knows. 

My Only One: I’m kind of tired of financial struggle being the theme of every drama, so probably will not watch. 

The Player: The synopsis isn’t really interesting, but I rarely see the f(x) members doing much anymore with like the exception of probably Amber (give us a comeback SM) so I gotta watch this for Krystal.

The Guest: I probably won’t watch. 

The Beauty Inside: ^^

[rosesandruin]

1-100 for the ask thing

1. What’s your philosophy in life?-If it doesn’t make you happy, it’s not worth it.2. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?-Only one?3. Are you religious or spiritual?-No4. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?-Introvert5. Which parent are you closer to and why?-My mom, ig. I spend the most time with her.6. What was the best phase in your life?-My bookworm/writer phase7. What was the worst phase in your life?-My “I want to kill myself” phase8. Is what you’re doing now what you always wanted to do growing up?-No9. What makes you feel accomplished?-When I finish a day of work, get a paycheck, or finish all of my homework10. What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much?-My favorite book is “To Kill a Mockingbird.” I don’t really know why11. What is a relationship deal breaker for you?-Ig not being compassionate?12. Are you more into looks or brains?-Idk13. Would you ever take back someone who cheated?-No14. How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner?-I’m okay with that15. When do you think a person is ready for marriage?-??? What kind of question is this?16. What kind of parent do you think you will be?-Better than mine were, I hope17. What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner?-Eh, that wouldn’t happen. I have good taste.18. Who is that one person you can talk to about just anything?-Um…19. Do you usually stay friends with your exes?-Idk, I don’t have any20. Have you ever lost someone close to you?-Yes21. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?-Left alone if I’m angry/irritated. Cheered up if I’m sad/depressed/anxious.22. What’s an ideal weekend for you?-Camping23. What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex?-They’re okay?24. Do you judge a book by its cover?-Yeah25. Are you confrontational?-No26. When was the last time you broke someone’s heart?-Never, I hope27. Would you relocate for love?-Yeah, sure28. Did you ever write a journal?-Yeah29. What are you most thankful for?-Umm… my cat30. Do you believe in second chances?-Yeah, depending31. What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?-Probably my mental illnesses32. What is your idea of a perfect vacation?-Going somewhere new33. What did your past relationship teach you?-N/A34. What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder?-Good for them?35. What’s on your bucket list this year?-Get a tattoo36. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?-Um, probably one of the times I was at Cedar Point37. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again?-I was in a smol (safe-ish) backyard demolition derby with my uncles and 10/10 would do again38. If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?-I just want a job39. What’s your biggest regret in life?-Not doing more solos in choir in high school, dropping out of band40. What do you think about when you’re by yourself?-Anything and everything41. Does your job make you happy?-What job42. What did you want to be when you were younger?-A vet, a detective, a teacher43. Why did your last relationship end?-N/A45. What’s been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it?-I don’t know46. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?-Ottawa, I guess. Ottawa’s cool. Or Disney World. It’s magical.47. What are your top five favorite movies?-Lilo and Stitch, Dead Poet’s Society, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink48. What are some of your favorite songs?-Riptide – Vance Joy; She Had the World – Panic!; Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty; Hurt – Johnny Cash49. What qualities do you admire about your parents?-My mom never gave up, and she works every day to improve herself.50. How would you describe your best friend?-My what51. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone?-Sing, ig52. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing?-Um. Sleep53. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?-I spontaneously went to visit my dad, but that was for a funeral. So.54. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?-I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like that.55. What’s your biggest pet peeve?-When people won’t leave me alone when I want to be.56. Why do you think you’re still single?-I’m… not…57. What accomplishment are you most proud of?-Struggling through geometry class all year but getting 100% on the exam (only one of two to do so.) And also getting in to all of the colleges I applied to.58. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?-Moving out.59. What is your greatest fear?-Never being able to transition the way I want.60. What are three things you value most about a person?-Compassion, humor, determination61. Who are five people you are closest with?@stay-strange-kids , @dgrayfee , @floridkore , @hedphoneson , and my stepsister62. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?-High school.63. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?-Spain?64. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?-Got a girlfriend65. What’s your favorite beer?-Ew, I don’t drink beer bc I have taste buds66. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?-Hate67. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad?-Didn’t we go through this? My mom68. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?-We went through this, too?69. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?-Less greed, more compassion70. Who was your favorite teacher and why?-It was my 6th grade English teacher for a while, bc she always encouraged my reading and writing. But in high school, it was one of the special ed teachers. She was amazing and did so much for me.71. What sport did you fall in love with?-None72. What is the weirdest thing about you?-My personality.73. What was your longest relationship?-n/a74. What would your best friend say is your best quality?-My what?75. Who is your favorite historical figure?-Obama76. What made you choose the college you went to?-The location and atmosphere77. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?-It gets better. Do your homework.78. What food could you not live without?-Tacos79. Dogs or Cats?-Don’t pit my babies against each other like this.80. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested?-Um. Never?81. What was your best birthday?-…I can’t think of one.82. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?-Play guitar and piano83. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?-Spain84. What was the last book you read? And When?-I can’t remember85. Where do you usually get your news?-Idk86. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years?-Start hrt, get top surgery, buy a car, move out, graduate87. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?-wE WEnT oVeR tHIS88. If you could get away with anything that you do?-Rob a bank89. Who is your greatest hero?-I don’t have one90. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?-Speeding while driving even tho I don’t have my license91. Why are we here?-WHY ARE WHO WHERE, WHAT, DON’T DO THIS92. If heaven is real and you died tomorrow, would you get in?-I hope not.93. Do you believe in fate?-Yeah94. How do you think people see you?-With their eyes, I assume?95. If you had the ability to erase something that you did in the past, whatwould it be?-There was this one time I hit my sister… It was bad…96. What song makes you unconditionally happy?-Um… idk97. If you could have anybody else’s life, who’s would you take?-No one’s. My life is my own.98. What fictional character do you most relate to?-None99. If I asked you at age 5 what you wanted to be when you grew up, what would you say?-A veterinarian100. What is your biggest irrational fear?-Being stuck here my whole life. But I don’t think that’s completely irrational?

[sanrosa]

10:43pm

A month ago, exactly a month ago, I would not have imagined being in the position I am right now. Because a month ago, I still had uni assignments that were still due, I was still living with my one sister and mom, I had just applied for a learnership which I had hoped and prayed so much for - feeling optimistic because of the responses I gave for the interview, I still had a learner's licence that was about to expire and I was blatantly waiting for it to expire because there was no hope whatsoever anymore that I would get a test before it expires (my punctuality cost me a great amount), I still did not know how I'd really execute my vision of getting into the scenes and finally officially put myself out there as a rapper/artist, I still did not know either how I'd take advantage of the platforms I had initiated but did not carry on with (my blogs, youtube channels, twitter accounts, instagram, etc.) and I still had no full set idea of what I was going to do this year, like exactly what I'm working towards by the end of this unexpected gap year. This was all me, a month ago.

A month later... so much has changed, I'm quite amazed. So... I never quite really finished the assignments on time, and well, in summary: I failed. The hour I spent after reading that email, that hour- in pure shock, is one I will never quite forget. How I had emotions too many, yet none. A state of confusion, shock, heartbreak, deep sadness, then numbness, then acceptance, then happiness, then relief and joy. All in a matter of minutes. At the same time, I was trying not to feel either. I convinced myself that it is not that deep, I am strong and I will get through this. Because in a way, I had also expected it, the way things were going. I could not have expected that I pass with flying colours when the effort I was putting was minimal to none. Literally doing things last minute. So, while I was surprised at failing for the first time in my life academically, I honestly did not have anything or anyone else to blame but myself. The responsibility was completely my own and it is in my doing and way of handling my time that I succumbed to this position (of failure). So, yes, I do know that I am at fault. But fr, it just could not erase the fact that I was in shock hey. But I did move on from that rather quickly. And what I took from that moment were two things... A big lesson, and a big advice. The biggest lesson was (and will continue to be, until I truly learn and master it) - How to take control of my time and manage it efficiently! There will not a lesson as big as this one right here for me. Because it has become my biggest weakness and starting to become my most wounding one, unless I start acting right and learn it. I've been losing too much and too many precious things (opportunities, assets, beautiful moments) to my lack of time management skills. And it hurts! So I have no choice anymore other than to fully commit myself to respecting, cherishing and managing my time the way I'm supposed to, to get to exactly where I want to be. And well, I guess I'd say the advice is actually also in this lesson; Practice, practice, practice! Master the art of doing something when I need to and am able to. There's no better time than now. Anyways, next. Well, just a month ago I thought I'd be living with my sister for the year. But, my aunt and cousin came to visit for a weekend, and my cousin did not have a place to stay yet for his school year (res) so we found out he'll be staying with us. For a month. Jiki-jiki, a month later.. Both my sister and my cousin have left. Gone to their residences and off living their lives. As if I expected that?? I should've, right? No. Because my sister never actually said anything about leaving, and I genuinely thought my cousin was actually going to stay like a bit longer because who starts staying in a place in like the middle of the month, you know? So here I am now, lonely and sad they're both gone and I'm just left with my mother, who besides being a really cool and sweet human, likes to naaagg! about almost anything around the house. from the table not being wiped properly, to the windows, to the curtains, to the food and the way it was cooked, to the. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I understand as she is a black parent. I dislike it (extremely), but I do understand. I mean in any case, she probably has a lot of stress already so this is like her way of taking it out I guess (and lmao that is actually exactly what goes through my mind when she nags. I bounce her energy off, and not let it interfere with my energy, by keeping in mind that she's just trying to air out her 'boiling' thoughts, so i should not let it get to my emotions so that I have a bad vibe because the vibe that's been created. and it works like a charm). At the same time though, I'm not trying to paint a picture of her as an extremely 'complaintive' person lol, it's just i think that i'm not used to this energy anymore. I left the nest last year. Now that I've come back, I'm not sure how the hell I was able to handle such energy... cause it is lame as hell. But anyways, my point actually was how sad I am that my sis and cousin left. So abruptly even. Man. At least my cousin (who actually just left this morning) did leave me with something valuable. A truly valuable gift. He taught me how to make a beat. Just a day ago I didn't know practically anything about making beats. Not even the names of the types of instruments (snares, kicks, hi-hats, melodies). But now, I feel like I've unlocked a whole new world of understanding music. Cause now it feels like I even know exactly what went into the beats that these famous artists (Drake, Kanye, Nicki, PND, Cardi) use for the songs. Of course not exactly what they used, but more or less how they made it. And it looks easier now. My journey on being a rapper now looks more lit up cause bitch I'll even be producing my own hits now. Ah! Lol but okay, honestly, that was fire. And I'm truly and eternally grateful he helped with that. I hope he has a blessed year. Alright... next. (sigh) The learnership. Actually this one kinda still hurts deeply so I won't get too in detail about it, but... I did not get the learnership. Though I genuinely felt like I fit the criteria perfectly when I applied, as well as living very near to the workplace. Heaven only knows why I would be given such an opportunity and have the strength to actually take it, yet the outcome is a complete flop. Like I am honestly trying to understand why I even saw the ad in the first place... At such perfect timing (cause I was not going to be taking a gap year this year anyways)... All to just give me unnecessary hope? Why?? Why break my heart like that??? But ok yeah ... Life and shit. Anyways, the learner's licence. Haha, this one is quite interesting actually. Because to be truly honest, I had almost forgotten that I had a learner's licence. And I think it's because in my mind I had obtained the learner's, took driving lessons and had already planned to take the driver's test in PE, however I was in Gtown for most of last year, so it seemed like something that could not happen until I fully got back to PE, which was December. December came and went with all the fun I had and it completely slipped my mind that I could take lessons and a driver's test during the time. Came beginning of January, I'm preparing for school. Still no 'go book a test' in mind, until the middle/end of January (when it became final that I was not going to school this year) and I thought 'oh damn, this would be the perfect time to actually take lessons and book a test then'. Only to find out I am too darn late; the DLTC is all booked out. Oh, how I regretted wasting my time on idk what. 🙂💔 Fortunately, I was not too bummed out, considering I have another whole year to redo this then. Unfortunately, I stumbled upon a post by one of my favourite artists right now, Saweetie, and found out that she is doing a giveaway (brave of me to enter that world again, I know. I don't know what's my problem really) and well, I decided to enter it. Thing is though, it's a giveaway for a whole Tesla. Yes bitch, a whole entire mthrfking TESLA. And my ass is smart enough to think I would win it lol. Okay, God bless my heart. Anyways, so the catch is.... You need a driver's licence. OBVI! But I don't have one. YET! So, uhm, *cough cough* let me f**king book for learner's as soon as the day it expires!... Okay, done! Now let's go take the test 6 days later!... Okay, done! We passed... Done! Wooh. Now let's book for a driver's test as soon as you get home from writing the test cause we excited asf!... LMAO done! Now let's make sure it's a good date and good time astrologically too (cause that lowkey was the case with you writing the learner's test and boom you passed, even tho you didn't even check).... Done! Okay, we almost there, now go book for lessons at One Way (I'm sure they'll have spots for you cause it's a whole month and 3 days before you take your test lmao).... Done! Yay! I have a whole month to practice. Let's get it! Okay well, that's where I stand so far. Tuesday I'm then going to pay the booking fee and stuff. Then, take lessons from both the driving school and with my mother. Then take the test on Weed Day lmao. So after the test I smoke one up and celebrate victory. 😄 All in due time for the giveaway closing after two days. Wows. Whether I win the giveaway or not though, I'll just be glad that it seriously inspired me this much to finally get a driver's licence. Like, it genuinely pushed me hey. So boom I was able to get a licence this year 😁 Urrrniways... Next. My vision. Oh my dear vision. To be a well known female rapper. Beeeen hiding behind the scenes, you'd never know what I'm up to, whether I'm working, I'm playing, I'm being boring, I'm having a blast... or even having a child, chile (lmao). But one thing's for sure, I am still alive. Okay. And I'm just about to be more alive, and you'll even feel more alive... when my ass starts dropping things. Yasss honeyy, dropping my name, dropping that ass, dropping these beats, dropping this sass. Oh shit, here's the real her. Yes, hi. I been working, and I been playing, now let's get to showinnngg.😁 Lol, okay but on the real. A month ago, I really did not know how to execute my vision. In some parts I still don't really, like the cover for my debut EP (photography-wise), who to really contact for first edition EP-listening, and how much it would completely cost to distribute this whole idea/vision (which I'm actually going to have to start becoming my own professional accountant). But in some parts I now do, including important parts like GETTING THE MIC (😪😁 finally! and guess when it came? March 16th. always a special day for me this one), knowing how to produce my own beats here and there (finally 😁), and how exactly to market to a large number of people (😆more views and stuff), then perhaps less important stuff like the outfit I will wear for my very first performance lmao, and posting my stuff on instagram and tiktok (unexpectedly actually), and actually understanding and lowkey connecting with underrated rappers/singers. It's a pretty dope world to see tbh. Overrall... Babbyy, I see you the see the vision now. It's an exciting time to be in. (Side-note: Lmao I highkey lowkey think the moon being in Gemini just impacted me now. cause suddenly I'm on some other mood within writing this post. lmao shit changed quite drastically than when I began writing). Anyways, next. Last but not least... Taking advantage of these platforms, in conjunction with what exactly I will be doing this year. So, a month ago, I had almost forgotten about my astrology blog. Well, let me actually put it this way... I started to kinda cringe at the thought of my blog because it had been a while since I'd posted, so I wasn't too keen on going on to tumblr again. All the notifs, inboxes and deep cringe from noticing how it's been almost 5 months since I last posted something. Likkke... girl, is you serious or not? Lol, but then... an idea got blessed in my head on the 4th of March (a beautiful idea that will start commencing very soon)... How about I start a small business? :? Selling..... Merch. Based on astrology.😁 It is one heck of a win-win situation for me and the people getting interested in astrology now. But of course... I need an audience to sell to. So, (to the Heavens I thank for the day I randomly posted some astrology thing here on tumblr and it actually blew up and I did not even expect that), now I have some people to at least engage and connect with for this business. And I thank the Heavens even more that my idea somehow got transferred into my mom's head and she popped up a question of "Don't you wanna start selling stuff?" or something like that. And hell to yes, I grabbed that opportunity like no other! (but fr, I was shocked first. like what? you read my mind or sumn?) Lol, and so... Mi lady and I talked business and how she'd invested a K for me to check if I'd really be able to handle it. (Oh and perhaps I might add, my dad also did 'invest' a K for me in terms of my music... cause I was able to buy a mic with the money he gave me. Yes, yes, a whole K went into a mic). So I can only genuinely thank God for the people in my life, and how this path is going for me right now. Like, wow. But yeah. Technically, I haven't received the K from Mi lady yet, but that is good because I'd like to get in touch (and get bigger) with my tumblr astro fam again. Then in a couple of weeks, we officially commence. Just in time for me having a driver's licence. So, things can be easier for me pushing my business. :') Lord God, You are great. The greatest. Otherwise... yeah, then other stuff ke like really building my niche on instagram (posting pics and stuff), starting a music/astrology channel on YouTube (which I released my first video today 😁), and already officiated handles on twitter and insta. I'm not too sure if I care about facebook tbh. but yeah, then all that's left is the website itself and a professional email address. then, digitally, we up!

So yeah man... wooh, what a month passing by. never would've thought of all of these things happening. but I can only thank Lord God because it's none other than His doing that's helping me with all of this. Like I actually cannot explain how grateful I am for how kind and amazing He has been to me. and the fact that I'm able to see and understand why these things are happening. some making me really sad, but it's all just to introducing the next that will make me really happy. I am truly blessed man. wow.

God, I thank you. With all my heart and being. All my existence and soul. I thank you.

[nintendobiitch]

ALL THE 80’S MOVIE ASKS DO EM ALL

OMG BABE TSYM

And @adora-milaje thank you for asking toooo my bud I’ll just put all the answers here :)

Bill and ted’s excellent adventure: Are you more of an optimist or pessimist?

More of an optimist I think! Like, I’m not wholly irrational, I don’t completely inflate my expectations, but I also can’t help looking forward to stuff or just hoping that it goes well. I find the idea of constantly expecting the worst just super depressing. Like yeah you’re technically “never disappointed” but you also don’t get the excitement of anticipation? I dunno.

Back to the future: Which decade in the last century would you most have liked to live in?

I mean tbh as far as basic civil rights go the 20th Century was largely a catastrophe but purely for fashion/film/music purposes I would rock the 1980s.

The breakfast club: Which high school stereotype do you fit into best?

UMMM I have no idea tbh. Like, nerd but a nerd who’s bad at maths? Idk.

Ferris bueller’s day off: What’s your guilty pleasure?

There’s this one coffee shop that I practically live in, like well enough that I know the owner now, and it’s not exactly a “guilty” pleasure but I’ve definitely spent far more money there than I should have haha

Footloose: Who did you last dance with?

When I went clubbing with a bunch of friends to celebrate the end of exams! So my future housemate Becky and a bunch of my other close friends :)

The goonies: What was the last thing to make you laugh?

Just 20 minutes ago I was laughing at my friend James while we played Portal 2 co-op. He died. He died so much.

The outsiders: Why is your best friend your best friend?

OH MAN this is so hard cause like, there are multiple people I’d consider my best friends. My friend Lizzie I’ve known since I was two, she’s so easy to talk to, she cheers me up no matter what, I just feel completely comfortable in her company. My friend Nat I met this year at uni and we have so many similar interests, she’s one of the coolest, funniest people I’ve ever met and we just clicked super quickly. My friend Lucia has been with me through so much difficult shit, she cares so much for me and it’s so lovely. My friend Cosi I can go without seeing for a year and then feel like no time has passed when we next speak.

The lost boys: Would you rather be immortal or objectively beautiful to everyone?

Objectively beautiful??? I’m vain as hell and I think immortality is more of a curse than a blessing tbh

Labyrinth: What’s the relationship with your siblings like?

Great! I love my little brother so much. He’s a dumbass but he’s my dumbass, and really surprisingly respectful for a 14 year old boy. He’s my person to yell about nintendo stuff to, it’s awesome.

The karate kid: When did you last have to work really hard to achieve something you’re proud of?

One of the things I’m most proud of recently is getting my Camp America placement! I had to do three interviews and fill out a huge application, and it’s for a job that is literally a dream come true for me, so I’m super happy I got it! Only two weeks until I head out to New Hampshire now!!

Stand by me: Why did you last go on a road trip?

I really haven’t been on that many road trips tbh. You can drive the length of England in like less than a day. I guess technically the last thing was when I drove back up to uni after the Easter holidays haha

Pretty in pink: What’s your signature ‘look’?

I Do Not Have One hahaha. I swap between styles pretty much constantly. I have an insane number of button up shirts so I’m either high-key flannel lesbian or quite feminine skirt/dress type clothes, totally depends on my mood. I guess the most “signature” thing I own is my dungarees? I wear them a looooot.

Drugstore cowboy: Which historical figure most spikes your interest?

Bruh I’m a history student this is a dangerous question hahaha. Big fan of ALL the Russian tsars, especially Catherine the Great, and Nicholas I. Also love a bit of Otto von Bismarck. Charles II was a mad lad and I love him for it. James I was gay as shit and I respect that. And who doesn’t love Louis XIV? The Viking leader Guthrum was pretty snazzy too y’know I respect him. I really could keep going hahaha.

Ghostbusters: Where were you when you watched your favourite movie for the first time?

Bold of you to assume I have just one favourite movie lol. The one that comes to mind though is when I first watched Inception at my friend Lizzie’s house! Fuckin love that movie so much.

Sixteen candles: At which age do you consider a person to be mature?

Totally depends on the person, and also what you mean by mature. Like anywhere from sort of 15-18 you can start talking to someone like an adult, people start forming more personal/informed opinions about the world, making decisions about their future, but they’re also still children in so many ways. I was dumb as shit at 15 but I also really wasn’t a baby anymore either. It’s a weird age period.

Dirty dancing: Where were you when you first heard your favourite song?

OOOH again, favourite song SINGULAR? One of the songs I treasure the most (Disloyal Order/FOB) I was in the kitchen doing my art coursework, this huge intricate batik thing, and it was the first time I listened to folie a deux and I totally lost focus on my art, I just sat there drinking in this song, every word felt so perfect, ugh I love it

Better off dead: Why did you last laugh so hard it reduced you to tears?

SO I was drunk off my ass, a group of us had gone for cocktails, and my friend Nat showed me that meme of pitbull stretched really big that’s just captured “mr wide” and I lost my SHIT, literally laughed for ten straight minutes, tears streaming down my face, it was the purest joy I’ve ever felt haha

Heathers: Did you apologise the last time you were unreasonably mean?

Yes? I think so. Hard to pinpoint the last time I was mean to someone for no reason, but I tend to feel guilty very quickly and I already say sorry every third word so...

Parenthood: Is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider ‘family’?

I’ve name dropped her a lot already but my friend Lizzie is basically my sister haha. My friend Freya has been calling herself my sister for six years and she pretty much is by now too.

Permanent record: Where were you the last time you told someone you loved them?

I was in right here in bed, texting my girlfriend Maya haha. I guess the last time I said it to someone’s face was last Saturday before she left to go back home, and that was outside her block.

St. Elmo’s fire: What’s one piece advice you would give to someone two years younger than yourself?

A) You are not a grown-up yet, please go easy on yourself you still have so so much growing to do! B) You don’t have to know your passion yet, you don’t have to figure out your whole life at sixteen. There are a lot of things you don’t have control over right now and that’s frustrating and shitty but believe me it gets so much better. Hang in there.

Dangerous liaisons: Which language would you most like to learn?

French or Greek! French because I studied for-fucking-ever but I never got close to fluent (admittedly because I’m impatient as hell haha) and Greek because it’s the language my dad speaks and I wish he’d taught me when I was younger!

Rumble fish: Who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

My mum! I’ve always been able to go to her for help and advice which has been really great, although certainly more recently there’ve been times I’ve rather asked my close friends for comfort too.

E.T.: What’s one ‘weird’ feature that you love about yourself?

Nothing particularly quirky or different about me. My eyes are different colours which I’ve always thought was pretty cool!

Young guns: What’s one style that you love on others, but would never try yourself?

Literally EVERYTHING my girlfriend wears oh my god she is a fashion queen and I’m so shook every time I see her. She fucking rocks fishnet tights and idk if I’m feeling that look for myself but she looks AMAZING.

Oxford blues: Why did you last pretend to be something you’re not?

I guess the last time I was really pretending to be someone was before I came out to my parents. It never felt like a big deal until I came to uni and actually had the chance to express myself and feel comfortable doing it, then it felt like I was constantly lying to them.

Dead poet’s society: The last time you made a decision that everyone around you told you not to make, how did it work out?

Surprisingly, I’ve not done anything stupid enough recently for people to all tell me it’s a bad idea? Huh.

[dontfeelbadimusuallyabouttodie]

Promise You That

AN~ Wow I’ve learnt that I can’t ever write something under a 1000 words... this is so long! I’ve also learned that I would die for JJ Maybank so jot that down. I feel like I could potentially turn this into a series, but idk at the moment. 

Word Count: 2802

Warnings: None, minor swearing 

“You wanna get ready at my house?” Kie asks as she finishes wiping the counters at The Wreck. 

I look up from the napkin that I’d been doodling on for the past hour waiting for her shift to be over.

Kie and I have been friends for a long time, our moms were best friends in college. Some say we were destined to be friends. My parents and I lived a few towns over but have a summer home that we always visit. 

Tonight there’s a charity ball being thrown at the country club and both sets of parents demand our presence. Neither of us were too excited to be going but I needed to get back in my parents good graces and this was as good of time to start.

I’ve always been a good girl. I never snuck out, drank, always got good grades, I was my parents pride and joy. But recently I’ve started to wonder what it would be like to do things that I wanted to do, and not worry about what my parents thought.

I knew that Kie had friends on the other side of the island. She’s always told me stories of their adventures when we were younger, but until this summer, I wasn’t brave enough to go with her.

And man, was I missing out. The Pogues were so different from what I was used to. They were wild, they were fiercely protective of one another, and they knew how to let go and have a good time. Basically everything I had yet to experience. 

Soon I started sneaking out to party with them, I was dancing with Pope on the boat, I drank way too much cheap alcohol at John B.’s house, I even took a few hits off of JJ’s joint. My parents are beyond pissed with me, saying that they don’t know who I’m becoming and if I don’t start shaping up they’ll send me to a reform school.

“Yeah that sounds good. I’ll grab my dress and stuff from my house and head over around 3?” Kie nods and gets back to work and I continue my drawing. We both hear the bell chime as the front door opens. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kie straighten as she greets whoever walked in.

“Oh here comes trouble.” Kie teases. I look up to see who she’s talking to. Three familiar boys walk towards us. 

“I’m deeply offended, where is your manager?” John B. retorts back. 

Kie gives him a sweet smile, “Not here.”

They continue to joke around and I tune it out because something way more interesting has caught my attention. JJ breaks away from the group and unsuspiciously comes over to my stool. My heart kicks up a few paces and I try not to show it. The man is beautiful, anyone who says they aren’t affected by JJ Maybank is a goddamned liar. Especially when he’s fitted in only worn cargo shorts.

“Hey,” Blue eyes trail over my skin and I swear I felt the heat of them.

“Hi, why are you all dressed up?” I try and fail to keep my eyes from roaming over the large expanse of bronzed skin.

JJ smiles and daringly drags a finger down my neck and over the thin strap of my tank. “Just got back from mowing your parents lawn.”

Not trusting myself to speak I hum my response. Another thing that I’ve been keeping from my parents- a thing that would most definitely get me sent to a reform school, is that I’m secretly seeing JJ. 

No one knows, not even Kie. She would kill me, she’s nice enough to introduce me to her group of friends and I go and mack on one of them? Plus we’ve only been seeing each other for a few months, we want to keep it to ourselves before letting people in on it. 

“Kie, I’m starving, can you steal us something from the back?” Whines John B. Kie sighs and folds her arms over her chest.

“You’re lucky no one else is here. Follow me.” She motions for the boys to follow her and they whoop and cheer as they make their way to the kitchen. 

Once JJ and I are alone I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in.

“You look mighty pretty in that dress. Did you wear it for me?’ JJ carefully fingers the fringe of my dress. I recently found out that his favorite color is red so I had been finding ways to incorporate it into every outfit. 

“Maybe.” He braces a hand on my knee, the contact makes me shiver. “So will I be seeing you tonight at the party?” I say offhandedly, playfully tugging on the loops of his shorts.

He drags a hand through his hair, “Maybe, Pope and I were supposed to work it but I might blow it off.” 

I frown, disappointed that he might not see me in the dress. “You have to come! Who else am I supposed to flirt with there? And I want you to see me all pretty.” I pout. 

JJ laughs, then turns serious again. “You look pretty every day. It’s not that I don’t want to see you in your dress. What I don’t want to see is all the Kooks touching and dancing with you.” JJ tries to act like it doesn’t bother him, but I know better. 

“Who said I’d let them dance with me?” I murmur, looking him in the eyes. 

“Ditch with me tonight. You can wear the dress and everything.” I laugh.

“If I wasn’t doing this to suck up to my parents, I would. But I’m trying to get back in their good graces. I’m still technically grounded because of the hickeys you gave me last week.” Giving him a withering look.

I get a slow smile in return. He’s so not sorry for giving me them. “I really didn’t think your mom would notice.”

“We’re in the middle of summer, JJ! What am I supposed to be wearing in North Carolina? A scarf?” 

“How about this?” I start. I glance behind me to make sure that the guys are still in the kitchen. I slide my hands slowly up his sides, dragging my nails along his skin on the way down.

“You come tonight, I won’t dance or let any Kooks touch me, then after a couple of hours we ditch. Everyone wins.”

“What will we do afterwards?” 

I pretend to think for a moment. “I’ll let you help me get out of the dress.” 

If i didn’t have his full attention before I certainly had it now. His posture straightens and his face lights up like a child at Christmas.

“Oh?” He asks excitedly. 

“It really is a two person job.”

“Tell me more about this dress.” JJ licks his lips as he listens to every word I say.

“Well it’s all of your favorite things wrapped into one. First of all, me.” I say cheekily. 

“Off to a great start.”

I whisper softly,“Then it’s a deep red color, it’s tight, and I think this will be your favorite part, it’s got a very high slit.”

JJ’s eyes seemed to have glazed over, I don’t want to try and guess the fantasy he’s conjuring up. 

He’s silent for a long time and I wait for him to say something. “God damn, woman.” He blows a long breath out through his nose. 

“Does that mean you’ll come?” Feeling hopeful, I wiggle in my seat.

Not really looking happy about it but he nods. I give a soft cheer, I forget where we are and reach up to grab his face and kiss him.

Luckily I don’t get too far, the sounds of the gang reentering the dining room, forcing the two of us to put some distance between us. 

“What are you guys doing out here?” John B asks as he and Pope sit down with their food. 

“Nothing, did you get me anything?” JJ says as he steals off of Pope’s plate which starts a lighthearted argument.

I look around and Kie is giving me a weird look. “Well I gotta go, Kie I’ll be at your house later.” I wave everyone goodbye before driving home to pack. 

A little later I head to Kie’s. I respectfully drop into the living room to say hello to her dad before climbing the stairs to Kie’s bedroom. 

Getting ready with Kie was always a fun time. I’m slipping the thin straps of my dress over my shoulders. Kie curled my hair, so thankfully I didn’t have to. I’m smoothing the fabric down while looking at my reflection in the mirror. I had to admit, I looked good and I couldn’t wait for JJ to see me in it. 

“Damn, girl. Where you been hiding all that?” Kie teases as she makes the finishing touches on her makeup. She chose a gorgeous white, strapless dress and styled her curly locks into a half up half down style.

I giggle, blushing at the compliment. “ Stop, oh my god.”

“Are you staying the night?” 

I chew on my bottom lip, I need to ask her to cover for me so I can spend the night with JJ.

“Actually, I was hoping you’d do me a favor.” 

Kie curiously raises an eyebrow and I continue, “If my parents ask, can you tell them I’m staying over here tonight?”

“Where will you really be?” It’s a fair question, but I don’t want to give her the answer.

Kie groans at my silence, “We’re keeping secrets from each other now?”

“No!” I quickly dismiss.

“Does this have anything to do with the hickeys you had last week?”

My eyes bulge, “You saw that?”

She quickly rolls her eyes, “Honey, the whole island saw. So who is it? Do I know them? Will they be here tonight?” 

“Look I can’t really get into it, and I know I’m asking a lot from you but can you please just cover for me?” I beg.

After a moment that felt like hours, Kie nods. I sag with relief and haul her into a fierce hug, “Thank you, thank you!”

“She begrudgingly accepts the hug, “Yeah, yeah. But you're gonna eventually tell me everything!”

“Oh my god, I promise!” 

We quickly finish up our last minute touches and hurry downstairs. The drive to the club was short, Kie’s dad offered to drive us. After handing the keys to the valet, he quickly disappeared. 

Nerves worked through me like an angry swarm of bees. There was only one person I want to impress tonight. Questions and self doubt slowly crept into my mind when I see all the beautiful, expensive dresses that the Kooks were wearing. I stick to Kie the entire time, laugh when she laughs and try to make small conversation while I scan the room. The amount of times that I’ve been grabbed and almost dragged to the dance floor was absurd, no matter how nice of compliments they threw at me or how much wealth they tried to bribe me with, it wouldn’t work. 

Just when I think that JJ ditched, I spot my familiar mop of blonde hair, slightly slicked back.  We briefly catch each other's gazes and he gives me a subtle wink. The thrill that went through my body is almost embarrassing, since when did I get this excited over a guy? 

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice that JJ and Pope have walked up to Kie and I, until I hear Pope complain about his tie. 

Once again I meet JJ’s intense blue eyes, “Champagne, ma’am?” I feel the lightest touch of his fingers on the small of my back.

 I take a flute off of his tray, “Why thank you.” 

“So, how’s your guys' night going? Hopefully better than ours?” Kie asks. 

“Well, you know I love spending my Saturday night serving pretentious Kooks, god when is this thing over?” Pope whines. 

To be honest, I couldn’t agree more. We chat for a few minutes longer before the boys have to move on. I’m sad to see them go, they’ve been the most stimulating conversation I’ve had all night. So many guys think flaunting how much money their dads’ make is somehow a turn on. These are the same types of guys who are shocked that when they do this, all the women they date and eventually marry, are money hungry. 

I resist the urge to take my phone out of my clutch to check the time for the eighth time tonight. Just a few more hours, I chant in my head. 

I quickly down the glass of champagne that JJ gave me and set it on a nearby table. 

“Hello there gorgeous,” Topper walks up to me in a smart looking navy suit. I didn’t know much about him besides the fact that he was Sarah’s boyfriend and a Kook. Probably the worst Kook of all. 

“Hello, Topper, where’s Sarah?” I ask, quickly bringing up his girlfriend in hopes that he’ll go off and search for her and leave me alone. 

“She’s here somewhere, you know how women are, love to gossip.” Yep, he’s definitely the worst of them. 

“Ah,” Is all I say, searching the crowd to find where Kie ran off too. 

“So I was thinking that you should keep me company until she gets back? Maybe have a dance or two?” He suggests, flashing his white teeth. He wraps his hand around my arm, trying to get me out on the dance floor.

I would rather eat shit and die, I think to myself. I try and think of an excuse to get me out of this situation.

“Hey Top!” Someone calls out and he turns around to find the voice. Suddenly I’m yanked away from him and find myself hiding behind a large potted plant.

“JJ!” I quietly exclaim to my savior. 

I’m so relieved to be saved that I hug him, not caring if anyone can see. 

“Hey pretty girl, looked like you needed some help.” I nod.

“How can one person be so repulsive?” I genuinely ask. 

“If I see one more person stare at your ass or put their hands on you, I’m gonna lose it.” And I could tell that he was dead serious. 

Being this close to him and not kissing him would be a damn shame. It’s been days since I’ve last kissed him and everything in me is telling me that it’s the most important thing to do now.

With the heels I’m almost the perfect height to reach his lips. I place my hands on either side of his face, and after he realizes what my goal is, he places his hands around my hips. His lips feel exactly like I remember, soft, warm, and firm. If JJ was good at anything, it was kissing. 

I wanted to stay in this moment all night, forget the party, forget the Kooks, everything. All that mattered was the man standing in front of me.

“You look damn good tonight.” He compliments once we find the strength to pull away. 

I hum in response, soaking in his praise. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, almost dropped my tray when I saw the slit.” I bursted out laughing, quickly covering my mouth to muffle the sound. 

JJ’s eyes sparkle with amusement, he lovingly swipes a piece of my hair that falls out of place. All JJ has ever done in the two months that we’ve been seeing each other, is treat me like a princess. He’s never pushed me to do anything that I wasn’t ready for, he listened to my problems, and he worked so hard to buy me things- much to my discretion. I know he doesn’t look at himself the way I do, he see a fucked up kid that can’t do anything right. Someone destined to repeat his dad’s awful cycle. 

He’s loyal, funny, and a damn good human being. Sometimes I wish I could shake him and force him to see all the good that’s in him, but we’ll get there. I’ve made it my personal mission to make him see exactly what I do in him. 

“Let’s go home.” I say, not wanting to go out there and pretend like I care about anything here.

“You sure?” He asks, even though I know he’s itching to get out of here too. 

I nod, “Yeah, something tells me we can have way more fun on our own.” JJ smirks and wraps his arm around my waist, leading to the back entrance. 

“Oh I can promise you that. I’ve still got to get you out of that dress.”

[ffuturefoundation]

@ravenmechanic​ did those post with question about their life during 2017 just before the year ended, and i wanted to answer the question too. i am just a little late with it (like i am with everything lately...)  anyway also tagging @laurel-jane-juspeczyk​ if that is okay, just bc it is me talking about my life and how things have been and yeah it’d be cool if both of you read it but also fine if not.

it’s under a read more, bc it is kinda long.

what did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? I drove a car! Which went much better than expected and while everything surrounding it isn't so great, i feel v good about the actual driving aspect. I also moved in with someone, just in a roommate capacity but that's still a big deal. I made cookies for the first time (that I can remember)!! I left therapy and felt somewhat ready about it for the first time (I'm used to being told to leave because they can't help me or things like that so this was a v nice change) And I got glasses, which I guess isn't really a thing I did but still was a v new thing. i can’t believe it has been less than a year?? it feels like i’ve always had them tbh.

did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Ha nope. Okay tbf I didn't really make any resolutions at all, it's more that I had goals for the year, namely getting a job and getting my driver's license, and I have failed at both and spent way way too much money on driving classes already. did anyone close to you give birth? Nope did anyone close to you die? Charlie died in the middle of January which was really difficult for me, because she just meant the world to me and it wasn't just a joke when I referred to her as the light of my life. I'm feeling okay about it now and I have different pets now, but she was really an amazing little creature and I wish she was still a part of my life what countries did you visit? The only country I have visited is France. I mean I've driven through two other countries and I've obviously been in the country my family is from and the one I live in, but that's it. so even counting all of that, it is only five countries, which does not feel like much at all (okay i have been in germany to grocery shop and buy clothes, as well so it isn’t like i’ve only driven through that. but i haven’t been anywhere in belgium besides just travelling through!! i don’t think i’ve even gotten out of the car there. i need to go there this year.) what would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A job (i am joking, sort of). But mostly having someone to hug. Having some sort of physical contact with people, because I'm so tactile, and I just need physical affection and I can't get it. (This is honestly my biggest challenge in life which sounds so stupid, but yeah one of the biggest issues in my life has always been not having people to hug)

what dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? When Charlie died. Going on holiday with two of my friends. telling my friend about the csa stuff and then discovering a mouse in their apartment, that was really something (the tension was so thick and heavy, and then /hey you guys have a mouse/). Going to the zoo with my sister and niece, any day I was with them tbh.

what was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting more emotionally stable and healthy. I know I'm still a mess quite often, but I've never been as stable as I've been this year (at least not without being super dissociated and barely existing) Also it's the first year that I didn't actually consider killing myself, which is a huge deal. 

what was your biggest failure? Not getting a job

did you suffer illness or injury? Overall I've been pretty healthy

what was the best thing you bought? I impulse bought 12 puzzles in the middle of the night once, and honestly it's the best thing I did. I've gotten so much joy and calm and just a general feeling of achievement from those puzzles. 

whose behavior merited celebration? Uhm tbh my own, for continuing to try to achieve my goals whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I want to say my parents but they haven't been too terrible this year, I just find the fact that they exist horrible already.

where did most of your money go? Driving classes…. (We're definitely over 20000 DKK already and I still don't have a license)

what did you get really, really, really excited about? Oh boy, I got so into Spider-Man it is almost ridiculous. I also got excited about other things but my current interest in Peter Parker is some heavy special interest stuff, and it just makes me really happy tbh. i fell super hard for mcu peter parker cause he is such a sweet child, and then i read the ultimate spiderman comics, and i can confidently say that 1610 peter parker is my fave, he is such an anxious disaster that never knows what to do, i love him. (i mean 616 is also cool, though lbr he is an asshole (he is a nice one and never cruel but yk)) what song will always remind you of 2017? I guess it would probably be top of the world by Greek fire, because I listened to that so so many times for the Peter Parker fanvideo that I made (and also in general had it in my music playlist so yeah probably that one)

what do you wish you’d done more of? Written more, and practiced other things more as well. Just that I'd work harder on learning more skills, though I did still do that quite a bit, but it could have been more

what do you wish you’d done less of? Probably laying in bed (says me a person who is currently laying on the couch xD but the couch is a lot better than my bed tbh) how did you spend christmas? I spend Christmas Eve with my grandparents for the first time that I can remember and it was great! I'm so glad I got the opportunity to spend it with them. First Christmas Day I did nothing. And second Christmas day my sister came over so I spend a lot of time with her and my niece which was great.

what was your favorite tv program? The librarians, which is just so much fun and such a quality show. I can't recommend it enough. Also the expanse, which has great characters and is very interesting. And of course leverage like always, because it is the best show ever.

do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No what was the best book you read? I can't even remember what books I've read what was your greatest musical discovery? I don't know. I did start listening to more music though, which I think is a good thing, because I'm just getting more comfortable with it really (and just myself in general) what did you want and get? I feel more secure and free from my family

what did you want and not get? Someone to hug what was your favorite film of this year? Spider-Man homecoming. I saw it so many times it was ridiculous, and I just got completely obsessed with it which then started my interest in Peter Parker. The movie just brought me so much happiness. Though I'm now definitely at a point where I have quite some criticism about the movie. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23, and i didn't do anything special. Honestly I just read comics really xD fun fact though my entire family was together celebrating the birthday of other people and only my uncle bothered to call me and wish me happy birthday (3 people did text me though but still) and it wasn't even the actual birthday of those people whose birthday they celebrated...

what one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being more financially secure how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Long sleeved shirts with t-shirts over them. Also of course hoodies.

what kept you sane? Honestly my medication which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I was into Tom Holland for like two weeks, which was the strangest thing because I'm usually v much not into famous people because Idol worship is v much not my thing because everyone is fake anyway and they're mostly trained liars that I do not know. who did you miss? My sister. Also Charlie because she died and was the best animal ❤ who was the best new person you met? Idk I didn't meet anyone that I'm really close to tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Plans, goals and reputation don't matter. Just live your life in a way that makes you happy and content.