#idk i just don’t feel ready. i wish i had a better idea of what exactly it’s going to be like bc then I’d feel less anxious about it

[capyclub]

wahoo!!!

[lady-ashfade]

A Son For A Son

´*: ･ﾟ⋆˒ Deamons Bastard!Reader x Yan!Team black. Pt.2

╰･ﾟ✧☽ first fic here.

╰･ﾟ✧☽ summary: the queen has given a order, and craving revenge you expect.

╰･ﾟ✧☽ words: 1k

╰･ﾟ✧☽ warnings: blood & gore, murder and death, reader killing, reader being her father, uncanon events, poison, I just needed to make this.

╰･ﾟ✧☽ DONT READ IF YOU WANNA BE SPOILED: reader does in fact kill aemond in this and idk if you are happy about it, I want his head to take to my queen.

“I want Aemond Targaryen.” she stood before the council covered in dirt and who knows what.

It had been two weeks since the letter about the death of Lucaerys had arrived and you all had been the worst for it. and ever since she searched and searched for a sign of truth, desperate to be wrong. that her sweet boy was alive. you knew he was dead and you wanted everyone to pay for taking luke. you wanted aemond targaryen to pay. you took anger out on the ones you could, or roamed the sky’s to get your mind off of things. you would not act without her orders.

The resemblance you shared to daemon was close and terrifying for your foes. just as you had the idea to fulfill her wishes, your father did too.

“I don’t know what you’re planning,” the sound of your voice made his shoulders fall and a smirk appear on his face, one you couldn’t see. a dark cloak draped over his shoulders and matched the same one across your frame. “but I have a better one.”

“No.” you glare at the back of his head. again denied something worth your talents.

“You can’t tell me what do to this time father.” standing your ground as his eyes turn around, a look he uses when he’s serious. and for him it was like looking into a mirror, you carved blood just like he did and loved getting to spill it. even for no reason at all.

“I have waited around for a task, and she has said she wants Aemond. I mourn the loss of my brother too, and you can not keep me from whatever it is that you think you’re protecting me from.”

Hundreds of men died at the end of your blade at night as you slip throughout the shadows. you were a slayer, a assassin who followed your own roles but loved coin and the game. a story to tell children to make them weep and fear the dark. so how could he still think you are not ready.

“I have let you do what you needed, patrol the blockade against my wishes. or fly alone when our enemies wait to make us weaker” he lectures, “and I will not let them take you.” for a moment you saw a regular father begging for his daughter to stay safe. you aren’t just a daughter now but a soldier in war.

“I would never let them take me,” you step closer and give him a smug look, “I am your daughter after all.”

Instead of going himself, daemon sends you, for the head of the copycat prince.

the castle gates are easy to slip passed with the help of a guard who shares your hatred for the hightowers. and many times, you slip into the keep without getting caught.

“Something told me you’d be here,” his eye glanced at you amused from the cough as his fingertips spin a coin. “It’s as if the gods made me stay here.” aemond unfolded his legs and leaned forward on his knees. many years you hated the way he spoke to you like a interest of his to be claimed like his bitch dragon.

“Then the gods agree you’ll die tonight.”

aemond waited for this moment to finally fight you. he wanted to win and keep you forever as a trophy, a wife who was like him and everyone feared without a doubt. he wasn’t a fool, you are a skilled killer and he needed to bring his all. and some skills stayed in the dark.

a slice in his chest, in his leg and cheek aren’t as bad as he thought when he had you pinned down onto the table. the cold feeling of metal as his hands wrapped around your throat was refreshing. you didn’t try and fight back as he took your breath because the fight was won as soon as it started.

And he should have known you couldn’t be this sloppy.

curling lips up into a devil’s smirk, looking into his eye he feels himself weakened and his grip loosen. the power of letting a man win and wiping all power from beneath their feet was riveting and a hobby. Aemond leaned back and placed his weight onto the couch while trying to keep composure. “You honestly think i wouldn’t have a plan? Make my own rules?” you raise a brow and rub the sore skin of your neck, inching closer while standing up yourself.

“Silent reaper is the name they whisper about me, come in quickly without notice. I always kill my enemies without them awake, but you,” you point and lean down as his eyes become bloodshot, ���I want to feel the most pain. And I will enjoy it.” within a few minutes his body starts to leak its own blood. he was quickly taken to death of course, you couldn’t hear his pleads but you’ll satisfy with his death.

guards fall silent when they watch you walk through the halls they don’t even announce your name. white locks lace your fingers and the weight of his head was little and you look like your father with the proud eyes of what you did. the sounds of your footsteps cause the council to glance over but stay with shock. non of them expected to see that and much less out of no where. though, your father seemed pleased and chuckled at the sight.

“The head of Prince Aemond Targaryen, your Grace.” Walking past Jace you set the bloody head on the table as people gawk and flinch. “the poison was my idea, hope you don’t mind.” a second later you yawn of exhaustion and boredom. you look at rhaenrya as her eyes glossed with the revenge you took for her.

“If you’ll excuse me, the ride back was tiring and I wish to get back to my book.” bowing down you flash a “polite” smile and walk away to your chambers with pride and a hand rested on your blade. with everyone wondering what else you would do for the queen,

Your mother.

[lotties-ashwagandha]

WORTH IT

kinktober day 3 - vampire!lottie x gn afab reader (i think?? i wrote this while high as hell so idk)

this didnt meet the expectations i set for it in my head. but i got tired of writing it and this is the best i could do for now

You awoke to the gentle shifting of the bed. The covers stirred, and after a moment you became cold, and when you reached for her Lottie wasn’t there. 

You forced your eyes open, searching for her in the darkness through your sleepy haze. She was braiding her hair, a pile of folded clothes ready for her to change into waiting for her on the dresser. 

You groaned, rolling over, trying to find warmth in the loss of her body next to yours — due to her state she hardly produced heat, but she retained it, and you used it to your advantage. 

“Where are you going?” You asked quietly, and heard her movements still. “It’s like three in the morning, Lottie.” 

“I have to go get something to eat,” she said, so casually, as if she didn’t mean going out to rip someone to pieces. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“It’s okay… just come back to bed, please.” 

After a moment she relented, stalking back to bed and laying next to you. “I have to get something in an hour or two, though. I can’t be hunting during the day, it’s too much of a risk of getting caught.” 

You nodded, resting your head on her chest. You could feel how restless she was getting, and part of you felt bad for keeping her, but all you wanted was her by your side. Mornings and nights when she hunted were always long, you always missed her and worried for her, you could hardly bear it. It wasn’t the violence or the way she had to feed that bothered you, but the constant possibility that she could get caught. 

An idea sprang into your mind suddenly. You didn’t know if she would agree, but it was better than nothing, and you’d thought of it for so long without being brave enough to act on it. 

You sat up, moving to straddle her hips, and she watched you curiously. Her hands found your waist, and as she looked up at you you could see the reverence in her eyes, the hunger. 

“What are you doing?” She asked, and you didn’t respond, just offered her a small smile as one of your hands trailed down her neck to her collarbones. You imagined where she would have bitten someone, how it must feel, the desire for her stirring. 

“Have you ever wanted to use me?” You asked quietly, meeting her eyes. “Feed off of me, in a way only you can?” 

She paused, head tilting, silently asking if you wanted what she thought you did. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said tentatively, though underneath it you could see her desire, her hunger. 

“I want you to,” you said. “I trust you to.” 

Without warning she flipped your positions, your back on the bed and her looming over you. She pulled you into a kiss, rough, filled with lust and the otherworldly craving for you that occupied her every thought. You knew she wanted this just as much as you did, she was hungry, and you were the only one who could fill the void. 

“If we’re doing this,” she said, pulling away to meet your eyes, “we’re doing it my way.” 

You nodded, pulling her impossibly closer, her bare skin on yours sending shivers down your spine. Lottie kissed you again, this time a bit gentler but still with the same possessiveness, one of her hands trailing to your bare chest. 

She began to kiss your neck, and the anticipation of what was to come had you reeling, and you were trying your best not to squirm but your need for her touch was becoming unbearable. 

Her fangs trailed down your neck and a whine escaped you. You could feel her smiling against your skin, and after a moment she moved from your neck to your chest, torturing you with the anticipation of her bite. 

She kissed at your breasts, sucking and nipping and trailing her fangs over the delicate skin. She had every power to take what she wanted, to kill you if she wanted, to do whatever she could and whatever she wished. But she was almost gentle, teasing, bowing to your weakness because ultimately you were hers. 

You pulled the hair tie from her braid and it unraveled, and you ran your hands through her hair. She was ethereal in the moonlight, and you understood all at once how eternal she was, how beautiful. 

“Lottie, please,” you breathed, clutching at her shoulders and back to try to ground yourself. “I need you to bite me, I’ve wanted it for so long…” 

“Not yet,” she said, taunting you. “Be patient for me, darling, can you do that? I’ll make it worth it, love, I promise.” 

You nodded, impatience overcoming you, but you would wait for her forever. 

She crawled down your body, settling between your legs. She held your gaze as she kissed your thighs, getting closer and closer to where you wanted her but still just torturously too far away. You could feel how wet you were, and as her eyes bore into yours you could see her satisfaction with herself as she undoubtedly noticed it too. 

As soon as you thought she was going to touch you she crawled back up to straddle your waist. You groaned, needing nothing more than for her to fuck you, to bury her fangs in your neck or thighs and drink from you like the fountains of heaven. 

“Aww,” she cooed, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw. “So desperate for me, aren’t you, sweetheart? What a fucking mess you are to be enjoying this. To want me to feed from you.” 

Before you could respond she slipped a hand between your legs, rubbing your clit in tight circles. You moaned, finally getting what you needed. You raked your nails down her bare back, your back arching off the bed as she slipped two fingers into you. 

She pumped her fingers into you gently, whispering in your ear how good you were doing for her, how perfect. She took her time with you, slowly coaxing you to the edge of release, when her pace slowed and her fangs trailed over your neck, stopping at your pulse point. 

“When I bite, you’re going to cum,” she ordered. It was a command, one you knew you would be able to follow, hardly able to think coherently under her touch. 

“Are you ready, gorgeous?” She asked softly, and you breathed a quiet yes, enveloped by the feel of her inside you and on top of you. 

She eased her fangs into you. You felt as your skin ripped, making way for her, heavenly. The pain ignited you, reminded you that you were alive, grounded you and threw you into your orgasm. When she started to suck you moaned, the sensation of her consuming you leading you into euphoria.

Blood was pouring down your neck and pooling at your collarbones, staining the white bed sheets but you didn’t care. All you could focus on was her lips on your skin, fangs buried deep in your neck. You clutched at her free hand, allowing her to silently guide you through the intensity of your release. 

She pulled away when you got lightheaded. She whimpered, licking up the blood that was rolling down your neck. 

“Fuck,” she breathed, fingers pulling out of you. “You taste so good, my love.” 

“I’ve been thinking about this for so long,” you admitted, still trying to regulate your breathing. Both of you were covered in your blood, and while the wound on your neck stung it was worth it, so completely worth it.  

The hint of a smile crossed over her lips. She pulled you in for another kiss, gentler this time, filled with love instead of lust. You could taste the copper of your own blood on her tongue and it sent shivers down your spine.  

“Was that enough?’ you asked once she pulled away. “Do you still need to hunt?” 

She shook her head, giving you a soft smile. “No,” she said, and you were content. “But I want more.” 

And her fangs slipped back into your neck, sliding you into euphoria forevermore. 

[cozage]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONKEY D. LUFFY

A/N: This was thrown together last minute so just a few fun things to say: 1. This is like..my first full-on smut writing?? I have no idea if I’m good at it or not so just keep that in mind when youre reading it. (also im too lazy and tired to edit this so I apologize for the typos) 2. This was basically my favorite request to do for Luffy’s birthday but thanks to everyone who submitted ideas :) I liked them all! And 3. Funnily enough this is my 100th post so just a big celebration post all around okay enjoy the sex now

Characters: gn reader (AFAB) x Luffy 

Cw: sex - MINORS DNI, bondage, praise kink, orgasms, all that stuff (idk what to tag for smut i’ve never written it before)

Total word count: 1.5k

Summary: For Luffy’s birthday, you decide to let him try out a few new things in the bedroom

Birthday Wishes

MINORS - DNI

Luffy pulled on the ropes securing your wrists to the bed frame. 

“You sure you’re okay with this?”

You laughed, peering up at him through your lashes. “I think you’re more nervous than me, Lu.”

A small grin appeared across his face, and he glanced down at your bare chest. His fingers circled your nipples, rolling them between his index finger and his thumb. He gave them a quick pinch, causing a heavy exhale to escape your lips. 

“Just don’t wanna hurt you,” he mumbled, transfixed on your chest now. His mouth dipped down, sucking hard on your breast. He nipped at your hardened bud and quickly swirled his tongue to soothe the pain before you had time to register it. 

Your wrists pull against the ropes, desperate to run your fingers through his soft hair. But your arms stay locked in place, and you lay below your captain, helpless. 

Luffy pulls away from you for a moment, shifting over to your other mound. “You okay?” he asks, but he doesn’t wait for an answer, bending down to kiss and suck on your tender flesh. You whine in response, arching your back to try and grind into his body. 

He mixes soft kisses and quick love bites across your chest, slowly moving upward to your neck, and then your cheeks. He hovers his lips above yours, his eyes lazily looking down at your face. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he moans out, his breath tickling your skin. 

His lips crash into yours, his tongue instantly invading your mouth. He pushed his tongue around your mouth, and you can taste the strawberry shake you shared earlier on his tongue. 

He grinds into you, and you can feel his hardened cock still trapped in his shorts. Your hips involuntarily buck upwards, rubbing against his groin. You moan from the sudden stimulation against your clit, and Luffy pulls away from you. 

“Stay still,” he whines. He pushes your core back down against the mattress. 

“Lu-ffy,” you pout, wiggling under his grip. You know he’s being gentle with you in this new setting, but he’s close to turning into the feral animal that you love to have in bed. 

He gives you a goofy grin, and his fingers slip underneath your silk panties and into the slick folds of your dripping wet pussy. 

His eyes widen at your wetness, and he slips two fingers inside your hole. Your hips roll, trying to push him further, wanting more of him in you. His breath is ragged and shallow as he watches your eyes roll back into your head. You’ve almost got him ready to go full force, you just need to edge him a little bit further. 

“Luffy,” you whimper, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes. “Make me cum.”

You can see his wide eyes shimmer with excitement, and you know he’s going to make you regret those words. His smile turns devious, and you gasp as his fingers leave your cunt. Your hips grind upwards, searching for more stimulation, but his hand presses you back down again. 

“I said stay still.” His voice is more forceful now, and you can feel a cord in your stomach tighten at his words. He sits up to get a better view of you, his hands still pressed against your lower abdomen to keep you from moving.

You bite your lip as you watch his eyes rake over your body, devouring every last inch of you. You want nothing more than to yank his shorts down and free his cock, but you’re strapped to the bed, unable to move.

His fingers ghost across your skin to your each side of your waist, and then he hooks his index fingers around your panties and pulls. You lift your ass up, allowing your cunt to be free from the silky fabric, and Luffy quickly pulls your underwear off of you and tosses them to the side. 

His eyes widened at your wetness, and his fingers rub up and down your folds, covering his fingers in your coating. He pushed a finger inside you slowly, and then quickly added a second one. He begins to move his fingers inside you, scissoring and curling them to hit your spongy area. 

You close your eyes, letting your senses be overtaken by his movements. A whine escapes your lips to let him know he’s hitting the right spot, and you resist the urge to move your hips into him again. Your hands wrap around the ropes that are holding you in place, desperately for something to squeeze onto as the cord inside you pulls tighter and tighter. 

He grins at the show you’re putting on for him, watching your face contort in pleasure. Finally deciding he’s put you through buildup, he leans down into your core, kissing the outer folds of your pussy. 

“Luffy,” you beg, breathless from his movements. You know it’s his birthday, but you can’t help your neediness. “Please-”

His tongue dances along your slit as his fingers pump in and out of you, causing your breath to hitch. 

He devours your slick, sucking extra hard on your clit. “God, you taste so sweet,” he slurs, drunk off your taste. 

You clench against his fingers at his praise, and you can feel him smirk into your cunt. He looks up at you, his face covered in your cream. “Do you want me to fuck you now?”

You tighten around him again, and he grins at your enthusiasm. Your hands pull at your bindings, trying to help him. 

“Just lay there,” Luffy coos. He pulled his fingers out of you and yanks at his pants, finally freeing his cock. It springs free, standing erect. You can see precum coating his tip, and you twitch in anticipation as you watch him give his cock a few quick strokes. 

His eyes roam your body, watching you squirm beneath him. You pull at your bindings again, knowing it’s hopeless to get free. 

Luffy moves back up to come face to face with you. He brushes the hair out of your eyes and plants a few kisses across your face, and you relax into his touch. 

“Still okay?” He asked, looking intensely into your eyes.

You nod back to him and smile. “Just feeling a little useless, that’s all.”

“You’re not useless.” He pushed his cock into you in one quick motion, causing you to let out a loud gasp. He moaned in unison, pushing further until he completely bottomed out. “You’re perfect.”

He began moving inside of you, pumping slowly and then picking up speed. Lewd noises and squelches mixed in with both of your soft whines and moans, filling the room with a symphony of noises.

“Can I try something?” he asked, breathing heavily. He had a devious look in his eye that made you weary, but you nodded in agreement. 

He leaned down and kissed your nose. “Tell me if it’s too much, mmkay?” 

He pushed your knees against your chest to put you into a mating press, and pushed himself all the way inside of you. He paused for a moment and closed his eyes, and you watched him curiously. 

At first you thought it was just the position he wanted to try out, and then you felt his cock press against your walls even tighter than it was a moment before. You cried out in shock, feeling more full than you ever have in your life. Luffy always found a way to take advantage of those damn devil fruit powers.

He watched you, seeing the tears that pricked at your eyes. He waited for you to say something, but you were still breathless from his size change. Luffy waited for you to catch your breath, and then he slowly started moving again, dragging his engorged cock along your sensitive pussy. His thumb lazily circled your clit, causing your insides to clench against him. 

“You’re so tight like this,” he groaned, picking up his pace again. You weren’t sure how he was even able to move inside of you, but his thrusts began to become erratic and deep. 

You could feel your own pressure building in your gut, and you knew your climax was coming soon. 

“Luffy-” you whined.

“Cum with me,” he demanded, and you obeyed. 

Your gummy walls spasmed around him, feeling him paint your insides white with his cum. He continues to pump into you throughout your high, leaving you both breathless and shaking from exhaustion when you were finished. 

Afterwards, he untied you and showers you with kisses, collapsing next to you. 

“Did you have fun?” He asks. 

“It’s your birthday, Luffy. Did you have fun?”

He pulls you into a spooning position, snuggling his head against your back. 

“The most fun I’ve had in a while,” he mumbled. 

“Me too,” you say, pressing back into him. 

“Wanna go again?”

You smirk. “Who am I to deny the birthday boy?”

[judysxnd]

Hi .

I have an idea for pedro × reader

They came back from a party and as they qre still in their fancy party clothes, they start dancing slow in the living room . In my head it has romantic blue light. Idk . Just describing...

Love your writings BTW

Thank you! I absolutely LOVE your request! But I don’t know why I can’t write it how I want. It doesn’t end as I wish it would. I had to write it twice as I didn’t really like the first story I wrote. I hope you still like it! I really struggled even though I really liked the idea. Idk why 🤷🏻‍♀️

I swear this gif, it makes me feel feral, it does things to me. He is so hot.😮‍💨

——————————————————————————————

Today was a big day for Pedro. It was the Oscars. Not only he was going, but he was also presenting an award. And what makes it even bigger is that you were going with him. You were always nervous when you accompanied him, all the attention, the questions, the flashes, it was a lot, and it never stopped for the entire event.

The Oscars are a bigger event, the biggest you attended to. You spent the entire afternoon getting ready. Even if you were nervous, you couldn’t wait to finally wear your dress. It was beautiful. It was a long wine red ball gown, with pearls all over it, so magnificent. You got to feel so confident wearing fancy clothes for those events.

You were standing in front of the mirror in the hotel room you were staying in with Pedro for the night. As he was getting ready in the bathroom, you were in the bedroom. Make up done, getting dressed done, hair done, you were ready. You turned around to see the entire outfit done, as Pedro walked in.

“Woah, princesa, eres hermosa, magnifica, it leaves me out of words” he said, leaning against the wall next to the mirror, eyeing you up and down. You smiled, blushing through his comments. You stared at him for a second.

“You look not so bad too” you laughed

“Not so bad?” He walked a little closer. “Are you kidding me?” He went in front of you to look at himself in the mirror, hiding you. “I look amazing!” you laughed

“I was just kidding, you look perfect” you wrapped your arms around his waist, looking at him through the mirror. Next thing you knew, you were walking out of the hotel, and getting in the car to the Oscars. The Oscars. It seemed unreal just to think about it.

You finally made your big entrance. Pedro went first, but you were close by, and after all the individual pictures were taken, he never left your side. One you were sat, you were feeling better, the big moment was done, you just had to sit through the show. Of course at some point Pedro had to leave to present the award. He really looked perfect. He made it look so easy. After giving you a few glances during his presentation, he left the stage and went back to you.

One moment you couldn’t wait for was the after party. Everyone was there. You could see the other side, how everyone is during a party, stuff you usually do not see on tv. And you had your fun. You talked to a lot people, trying not to fangirl too much around certain celebrities, drinking with them. You also danced a lot with Pedro. The music was good, loud enough, everyone was dancing, and hell, if something would happened, you would not be the one remembered, with all those famous faces around you.

After drinking maybe 4 or 5 cocktails, Pedro and you were ready to go home. It was around 3am and most people were leaving already, so you went back to your hotel room.

“It was a fucking great party” you said, taking your shoes off as you turned the lights on.

“Yeah, I think I’ve never danced that much” he laughed

“Me too! We will certainly feel it tomorrow”

“Don’t talk to me about it” Pedro closed the door, and changed the color of the lights to a dark blue, to both calm you down after the party.

“Hey, are you tired?” You asked

“Hmm, not really, why?”

“I was thinking we could have one last dance” you said, putting your bag on the bed. You took your speaker that was on the nightstand and connected it to your phone, putting “Us” by Movement.

“Oh a slow dance” Pedro said getting closer to you smiling. He took your hand, pulling you even closer to him, his right hand going on your back, while your left hand was on his. You put your head against his chest, listening to his heart beating.

“You were amazing tonight” you said, breaking the silence. Pedro kissed your head.

“Thank you mama, you were too” you were both smiling. Then you stopped talking, just enjoying each other’s embrace. You closed your eyes for a few seconds, smelling his cologne. You felt Pedro rest his head on your, which made you smile. How he loved the smell of your shampoo mixed with your perfume. It sends him over the edge.

Is this what heaven is like? Random romantic moments like that, where you were close together, giving you butterflies in your stomach. It felt surreal, feeling each other’s bodies in the most romantic way.

“We should do this more often” Pedro whispered.

“Agreed” you smiled. You put both your arms around Pedro’s waist as he put both of his around your back, his left hand caressing your head, playing with your hair. It made you shiver. “I love you so much Pedro” you said against his chest

“I love you more mi corazón”

The song was about to end, but you didn’t want to move. Pedro stepped back, holding your arms. He looked at you, before making you spin around. You both smiled.

After that, Pedro cupped your face, and kissed you passionately. The next song started, which was completely different and louder than the one before. It both scared you, making you laugh as you ran to pause it.

“I hope we didn’t wake up the people next to us” you said

“As if we cared” he laughed, coming behind you, kissing softly your neck. “Come on, let’s get change. Even if you look amazing in this dress, I want to see you without it” he smirked. You slapped his arm, laughing as you both walked to the bathroom.

After you changed, you actually ordered something to eat, and you spent the rest of the night (or we could say morning) watching a movie, both ending falling asleep after 30minutes.

[calsvoid]

for the character ask 002 Bobby Nash

(I love how you're fighting with polls, I also hate that you can't delete them)

character ask game

reply threads are so great tumblr can you make a fucking x button for polls

anyway

version two — give me a character and i will tell you:

how I feel about this character:

i need to fuck that old man

and then also hold him tight and keep him safe because he needs stability and love in his life and let him know that he never needed to be perfect or even great and the pain he suffered wasn’t a punishment it was just life and it’s not his time yet

all the people I ship romantically with this character:

it’s athena it’s just athena who else no one could beat THE athena grant they’re soulmates i love them they’re so perfect each other THE married couple of all time even if i wanted to ship anyone else i couldn’t because she’s literally right there and nobody else matters

my non-romantic OTP for this character:

will never not hate rockmond for taking away bobby and michael bestieism from me they were perfect together husbands in law besties god brought them together because god can be kind sometimes and by god i mean tim there was always support between the two of them and they were so good at communicating their issues and urghhh just every scene between the two of them is amazing

also him and the kids like the firehouse field trip and all his moments with may and always caring about them ugh i love this family if they don’t give me more moments next season ill fight someone

my unpopular opinion about this character:

i think the only one i have remotely is that i don’t want him to retire yet, i think they absolutely could do well with it (especially if that one food truck idea gets followed through ppeawepleaseoleasepleawepleaseeapsleapslewapslw) but ill just miss him as captain even though i know his attitude towards his job isn’t like athena’s so it might happen but ill be sad because change is hard

one thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

um his fucking house didn’t burn down

no bc i get it but oh my fucking god BRING THE GRANT NASH HOUSE BACK TO ME TIM YOU ARE EVIL AND YOU BETTER BE READY WHEN I FIND YOU

also my previous answer before season seven probably would’ve been more details on his childhood but guess what tim hates me and he wants to make both me and my husband suffer through the horrors

my OTP:

me and bobby

lol no it’s bathena of course it is, they are such a beautiful couple and i’m on my rewatch and “thanks for coming to get me” “always” never fails to make me a believer in true love like it is insane how much love you can pack into one word they’ve always got each other’s backs and they are just soooo in love they’re everything to me

my crossover ship:

once again no one because i’m not big into crossovers unless real life counts then it’s me and bathena

a headcanon fact:

i like to think after he retires he’ll be a lot more involved in charity work and whatnot, like he’d probably still help a lot with the 118 fundraisers and then do more with his local church. he and buck would probably make homemade meals and donate them to a shelter idk i just think it’s cute. and the firefam kids help too because kindness and volunteer hours

[simplesoup]

Friends don’t know the way you taste

Eijirou kirishima/blood riot x GN y/n

kidnapping it’s sad I think idk? Wrote if to read on my podcast enjoy simps lol

Red Riot a name that brings back sweet memories butterflies the fill your stomach and threaten to leave if you blink to fast

the red spiked hair and sharp toothed grin those red velvet eyes that look nothing but innocent

he’s sweet gentle just with a rough exterior and a good personality

who could ask for a better friend?….

wake up….

WAKE UP!

you sit up looking around in a panic tears almost filling your eyes…. Why… why had the world been so cruel you could only dream about your best friend god you missed him the two of you did everything together well until…

that day…

A day that made you wish you had been stronger more ‘manly’ you should have been there for him! Caught that damn building sure you would have been crushed just like him but at least you wouldn’t be here crying and masking your pain

everyday was like a reminder of what you had lost seeing the people hugging holding hands and laughing genuinely made your blood boil

Ejijrou’s death had broken you and the hero commission had done nothing to heal your wounds

they probably wouldn’t have even given you the time off if you hadn’t made such a huge fuss about it

how could you not? You watched your best friend die! Get crushed by that building you spent hours kicking rocks throwing rubble trying desperately to find his body

you held out hope… hope he was still alive…hope not even the others had…

A sob broke you from your trance reaching to your face you wiped tears from your eyes and sighed getting changed into you hero costume

you wanted to get away from this life… flee from this sick society we’re your only famous if your dead or number one…. What a joke…

who were you? A nobody… a hero who lost a friend and can’t get over them self

you brushed out your H/L hair and looked in the mirror wiping the newly formed tears away and getting yourself ready trying to appear as if you hadn’t been crying as if you hadn’t cried yourself to sleep every night since the incident….

How long had it been? How long has it been since you’ve had a good nights rest without tears? You couldn’t remember… everything felt like a blur. It felt like just yesterday that whole incident had happened.

You wish it would stop playing on loop the world would just go silent and you could finally rest easy.

you walked out of your apartment and into the night of the city heading towards the place you called heavens corner of hell… aka the alleys

Ever since that day you stopped doing day shifts, you didn’t want to be in the public eye no more avoiding people seemed like a great idea.

you walked down the dimly lit alleys it was boring but when wasn’t it boring? It’s not like you actually did anything…. You didn’t care.. you weren’t gonna step in stop a villain… no why should you? The heroes didn’t do their job and safe kiri so why should you do yours?

The dirt and cement was the only sound you heard every time you took a step it was a rythum one that you had grown more then accustomed too.

the chilly night air caused you to shiver as you turned into a new alley not quite prepared for what you had stumbled into

the newest and most dangerous villain on the list Blood Riot

you stopped in your tracks looking at him but before you could back away tucking yourself back into the safety of the dark alleys he noticed you showing off a sharp toothy grin you knew all to well

“E-Ejijrou?…” the world felt like it was spinning were you finally going crazy? Is this what death feels like?…. It all suddenly went black

‘If this is really the end…. Then show me to the door take me and let me fly…. I don’t wanna be here anymore…’

when had the world stopped making sense?….

I woke up gasping for air looking around in a panic this wasn’t my bed… that’s when my eyes landed on him “Kiri…” I started crying immediately

He walked closer to me! He was real! He’s alive!

“Y/N…. Your a mess baby… but it’s gonna be alright your safe..”

safe?.. what’s he talking about what’s happening am I dreaming… no if this is another dream it’s truly sick and twisted

“B-Baby..? Ejijrou your alive!- I god I’m so glad you’re ok!- I’ve bee-..” he cut me off

“No no there’s no need to speak darling daddy’s here and I promise no one will ever EVER even breathe on you~”

what the hell is happening!? This isn’t kiri!? Why is he talking like that saying that!? We… we were just friends right…. Best friends nothing more

“W-what are you saying…” you muttered you voice just barely above a whisper

“I love you and your mine Y/n never gonna let you go again…”

“What?… no Red!- we’re just friends!-…”

without missing a beat he walked closer chucking like a maniac “Oh pebble~ friends don’t know the way you taste~” with that he roughly brought you into a kiss one that soon turned sloppy

“You taste so sweet baby~”

[hyungseos-cafe]

Pairing: Ex-best friend!Sunwoo x GN!Reader

Genre: Angst

Warning(s): Umm?? Get ready to fight Sunwoo 👊👊 He's a wee bit manipulative here.

Word count: 1.1k+

Summary: Sunwoo + Jealousy? Impossible! Sunwoo watches his friendship with you crumbles before him as he refuses to believe his jealousy got the better of him. Is he able to hold it all together or does he let you fall through the cracks of his ego? 

A/n: I don't really remember why, but this idea suddenly popped into my mind like?? Idk a few months ago and honestly I'm kinda shocked I actually finished this idea in less than two months lol

┊⋆ ˚✯✩. Songs to listen to while reading: Wish You Well - Jeff Bernet, Heather - Conan Gray, Good Grief - Sky .✩✯⋆ ˚ ┊

Taglist: @deoboyznet @zzoguri @from-izzy @quaissants (aka the biggest sunwoo enthusiasts🤌 i hope it’s okay if i tagged you 🥺)

You, the literal definition of perfect sitting in front of me, blinding me from the world. You were my world… Until our argument… Which I kind of started, but that’s besides the point. We never fight, so when we do, things don’t always end pretty. This is one of the cases where it all went sour and unfortunately I don’t know if we can recover. 

“Sunwoo, what’s your problem? Can I not live my own life too?”

“I– I didn’t say you couldn’t”

“You said I shouldn’t have friends because they wouldn’t be able to take care of me like you. Are you saying you’re perfect? I don’t want perfect friends, I want friends that are human, Sunwoo”

“I didn’t say I was perfect! I just don’t want you hanging around them”

That was when all hell broke loose; shoes, pens, vases and even clothes were thrown around Sunwoo’s room. Truthfully there was nothing wrong with those friends you had, I just felt like you were slowly replacing me with them and I got insecure, but of course I would never tell you that, because why would I?

“Oh so there’s a ‘them’ now? I can’t believe you Sunwoo! You have friends of your own too and I don’t say anything about them! Why is it suddenly different when I have my own friends? Are you j–”

“For the last time, I am not fucking jealous or whatever the fuck you want to call it! I just don’t like your friends, okay?” 

“See, you are jealous. Simple”

You gathered your things and started heading towards the door, sadness painted all over your face. I couldn’t bear to look at you, I even missed your silent “Bye Sunwoo” as you slowly shut the door to never come back. 

We’re just friends I kept reminding myself, but if we’re just friends, why does it hurt so much to let you go then? It felt like a void was suddenly created in my heart. Everywhere I look reminds me of you. You always liked the plump blueberries, the smaller ones were too sour and you always ate your cereal before it got soggy. Your lattes always had an extra pump of sweetener and your sweaters all had little holes in them from your cat. 

Three months, that’s how long it’s been since our argument. I haven’t been on social media these three months because your face was everywhere. We still had mutual friends you hangout with and every once in a while I would receive a message from them asking what happened between us. I didn’t have the heart to tell them I got jealous. Honestly, I had nothing to be jealous of since they were good people. They were always looking after you and would call me if anything went wrong. 

You would think three months isn’t a short amount of time, but in these three months I learned one of two things. One, you got a promotion and would be sent to the next city to work the lead role of your company. Two, you moved out of your apartment into the city last month and decided not to tell me. 

I know I shouldn’t be surprised considering how poorly we left things, but I think it may be for the best. I just can’t help, but feel bad with how I treated them. I shouldn’t’ve been jealous, but I was and that’s unfortunately where I’m at now. I’m alone in my own thoughts, the thoughts that pushed them away, the thoughts that cost me my friendship. 

It’s now 6 months now that you left when I received a postcard from you in the mail. It’s a photo of you and… Someone else, you look happy. My heart sank with guilt and remorse as I flipped over the card. 

“Hey Sunwoo! Sorry I left so abruptly, but I got promoted to a new position and was transferred to a new branch in the company. I also met someone, they’re really sweet; kind of reminds me of you! I hope you’ve been well! I’m actually flying back to see some old friends and if you’re free, i’d love to see you”

I was conflicted, why would you of all people want to see me? I left things on such a sour note and yet you want to see me? It’s now a few hours before I am meeting up with you. We arranged to meet at our favorite cafe, the one where we shared all our deepest secrets, yet the biggest one I hid from you is my love for you. 

“Sunwoo, you look good”

“Thanks, you too”

I forced my response because just moments before I saw you, you were holding hands with someone else. Someone that should’ve been me, but alas, I was too late and my ego blinded me from what was in front of me this whole time. 

“Thank you for meeting me here today, I was worried you wouldn’t show up. I mean considering everything”

“What do you mean by everything?” You sat there confused, did I say the wrong thing?

“Sunwoo, you were jealous. Were you not?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” 

“So you were jealous… Cool, I don’t need to know anything else since you clearly don’t care about me and what we went through” 

You rolled your eyes and began to get up from your seat, but I couldn’t let you go, not this time. I suddenly got the courage to reach over and gently pull your wrist back.

“Wait!” I got up and continued to hold onto your wrist as we exited the cafe. 

“I’m giving you two minutes Sunwoo so you better spill or I’m leaving” You crossed your arms as you turned your head, leaning on the exterior of the cafe.

“Just hear me out, okay? I wasn’t jealous I– I just…” My thoughts suddenly left me which put a disdained expression on your face. 

“See! You’re just proving my point Sunwoo. You were jealous. End of story, I’m leaving now” You began to turn around, heading to the end of the street before turning and walking up the hill to where you were staying.

“No! Please! Just hear me out!” I was out of breath having run up the hill, but you didn’t stop. 

There was no point. I fucked up, I couldn’t find the words to tell you how much life you added back into me. You were the light of my life and yet, I put yours out. Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. You were my person, the person I went to for advice, the person I went to for comfort, but now I have to comfort myself. 

All those years of friendship are now over since I tossed everything to the side because I couldn’t suck up my jealousy. I never imagined myself to be the jealous type, but with you, you were different. I thought– No. I think– I don’t know. I have to find my own happiness, to find my own drive and maybe when you’re ready, we could be friends again. 

Until then, I’ll walk on my own.

[fallout4-reacts]

Ok so this is less of a request and more of a thought to consider. It bothers me that Danse doesn’t really comment on vertibirds going down/crashing/finding dead brotherhood in the commonwealth. It also bothers me that Hancock doesn’t really say much during the synth quest in Diamond City. Idk I feel like there’s a lot of potential dialogue that’s missing. Like Preston commenting on a settlement that’s been “improved” (hit all requirements for water, food and defense) should also be a thing.

do you have any ideas for potential dialogue that’s missing from the game? Again, not a request so don’t feel like you need to write anything, but just a good for thought.

Titan quest!

I'm inspired by your non-request

What would improve Fallout at the level of dialogues? Yeah, I realize I can't put all I wanted because it would be monumental, and even if I wanted to make (somewhere) a monumental post, it would require a lot of effort to determine what could have been done for the companions and etc…

Knowing that Fallout 4, which contains some of the most fascinating and colorful companions in the franchise, has a major scenario gap, I wondered how to fill it, what struck me, and what was missing—and it's practically unlimited. Many authors have written fanfiction on dialogue-worthy situations.

Then, I drew a line of sorts

Thus, I suggest a conversation that would have suited each companions. Like the FEV request, this Titan Request requires partitioning to conquer. Like with the FEV, I'll try the unexpected too. You've already cited Hancock's silence on his brother, Danse when he witnesses Brotherhood forces being blasted out of the sky, and Preston's remark when he visits settlements, so I'll try to be creative elsewhere

Far Harbor remains delayed. In my Survival game, which I use to write fanfiction, I'm still waiting. Long Fellow isn't familiar enough to add

Here the part 1 (because tumblr didn't let me do more)

Dogmeat - Elder Maxson - Gage

Dogmeat : He's a dog; he doesn't speak, and he doesn't judge. Without mentioning dialogue per se and despite the fact that he is more of an anthologies than a companion, I've always believed he should have had his own quest. But I will not go there (sorry, lol, but time does not stretch to infinity, and if we do not wish to extend this topic to infinity, I must make a decision). Here, I will merely present a theory that has already appeared in one of my fanfictions.

"He was known as the Lone Wanderer. He, like Nora, came from a Vault, although he grew up in the shelter. He was motivated by the same desire to save everyone, which began with his father. And, like Nora, he had a dog."

MacCready's gaze shifts abruptly to the clinic. Dogmeat has been watching over the place since I returned his mistress. I'm not sure what Mac was staring at. He appears to have difficulties swallowing. The dog looks at him as if he understands something—whatever that is.

"Da... holy... aye!"

"What?"

"Are you kidding me? Dogmeat was the name of the Lone Wanderer's dog."

I paid closer attention to the dog. He yawns in our direction before lying down in the dry grass. I couldn't stop chuckling.

"How long ago was that?"

"Around the year 2277."

"So, it's possible."

The coincidences are striking, but occasionally happens inexplicable. We look away from the dog, who appears to be uninterested in us.

"After all," I say, "the Sole Survivor and the Lone Wanderer both knew the Kid."

He gives me a puzzled look, then appears to comprehend.

"Is that me, the Kid?"

"That's what everyone refers to you as. Isn't it better than a mercenary or a gunner?"

"Not sure," he contends softly.

Elder Maxson : We all know what didn’t stand here. How could he accept we have settlements with ghouls and even synth. And just the fact he never says a word about the fact that Sole is the General of the Minutemen! And a Super-Mutant as companion! As I already do the Strong thing with Danse (not ready yet), I will just make something in the range of the dialogue of Preston when we want to join the Minutemen after Nuka-world.

"Paladin, you can retire. I desire a private conversation with the newest member."

After a final glimpse in Sole's direction, Danse walks away from them as they shrug their shoulders to indicate that they don't understand the situation anymore as he does. Maxson makes a sharp turn and gazes out the bay window of the deck while facing the horizon.

"Before entering potentially perilous territory, I conducted investigation on the happenings in the area and what information was crucial. It is unacceptable from a military perspective to be oblivious to the terrain in front of you; therefore, I am aware of who you are and whom you are protecting.

"Who exactly am I?"

The elder confronts the knight by facing them directly and gazing them in the eyes.

"Minutemen's General. Having under their protection communities overwhelmed by ghouls."

"Sir, we are not discussing ferals; we are discussing citoyens of the Comm—"

"Mutated abominations that will one day become monstrosities in their entirety."

Sole clenched their fists. They are able to accept a great deal from the Brotherhoods, and they are even able to share a portion of their vision, but in this case, it exceeds all reasonable expectations.

"You aren't allowed to bring your lethal arsenal onto our territory and tell us how to live our lives."

"I am capable of doing so, and I have to! You must recognize that those creatures pose a threat to the human race in order to safeguard yourselves."

"You must acknowledge that you don't possess the absolute truth, and that you cannot judge every person who walks the earth."

Maxson exhales a sigh and approaches them while maintaining an almost regretful expression.

"I comprehend what you are thinking; you believe I am moving into hazardous terrain and overstepping the line. I comprehend what you are telling to yourself. Alternatively, this is the point I am attempting to convey. Humans have been toiling and giving it their all for the past two centuries in an effort to survive in an environment that has become increasingly hostile to their kind. Many individuals believe that the golden age of humanity has passed and that the time has come to recognize that other species have the right to share the world with us. There are even pro-Super-Mutant advocates. In the short time that I've been in command of my organization, I've encountered a wide variety of situations, the extent of which would surprise you. But if there is one fact that stands out above all others, it is the human race's constant decline. You use the term tolerance, whereas I prefer the term assimilation. Slowly but systematically, mutated creatures transform humans, many of whom are already so irradiated that they cannot prevent mutation. If we continue to disregard certain issues in the name of tolerance and redefining the human race, we will no longer have a human race to discuss. To put it simply, this is why we, the Brotherhoods, fight every day for the survival of the human race at any cost. We don't only make friends on our quest, but you have to understand that permitting ghouls to exist, no matter how friendly they can be, is a choice that puts the entire species at risk."

"You must realize that if you bring this kind of mentality with you, you will in fact start a full-scale war with the Commonwealth!"

"Am I to understand that you are unwilling to open your mind and comprehend what this is all about?"

"From what I gather, you are the one with a narrow perspective, and if you continue to be so insistent, I will be forced to resign from my current position with your organization."

Maxson maintains his composure for a moment while frowning, and he appears to be deeply troubled by what the person in front of him has just said. He makes a nagging sound and then dismissively elevates his hand.

"At this point, I don't believe I would get through without someone like you, as you seem to be such a vital asset. I have high expectations that you will be able to understand what I am attempting to convey to you during your service. Surely co-owning more healthy human beings will help you better understand our vision. If you do not, you will be forced to make a more definitive choice sooner or later. Dismiss!"

Gage (romanced) : Gage lacks a scene with Sole when Sole betrays the Nuka-World raiders. Gage says nothing about their love affair when the Open Season adventure begins. It’s awful—empty.

"Why? What's the point of biting the hand that feeds you? Why would you turn against those who have given you everything?"

"You knew from the start that my position was unenviable; you didn't want it yourself. I would have ended up on the table one day or another like you had fed me with Colter as my first meal."

Gage sighs and takes a few steps towards Sole.

"I was honest. I had complete faith in you and your ability. When I said we'd go far and conquer the Commonwealth together, I meant it. I wanted to give you everything in the world. I gave you my heart!"

Sole pauses and lowers their weapon.

"I didn't want that at all. There is yet hope. Porter, you're a wise man. We could leave together, and instead of plundering the Commonwealth, we can serve it. We may build up an enviable niche there and retire quietly when the time comes."

Gage slowly shakes his head, a small grin on his lips.

"Do you hear what you're saying? Put me to work for the Commonwealth? The Commonwealth should come to my aid! There is no such thing as retiring for those like us, Sole. The only time I'll see for you is when I take down your damned carcass and watch it rot in the Nuka-World sun."

[witla]

2023 Year Review

Hello!

So first of all I wanted to make this on audio like I did on 2020, but honestly I don’t think I have time and room to record my voice lol.

Second holy shit the last time I did this was in 2020 itself, why I didn’t make this on 2021 or 2022? Idk maybe I didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m going to have a brief mention of things about them here.

So 2023…

It was a very zig zag year for me to be sure

First, I’m quite disappointed on myself because I didn’t make much art like I did before, if you see my archive on tumblr, you can see the gaps between months and the amount of drawings I did (not a lot), I wish I could have made more art, but when you get on a job, your brain gets fried and artblock its inevitable.

Speaking of my job…oh boy, at first I was excited to finally got settled in a job to make my own money and such (I entered last year on August), but the more time I’ve been, the more unwelcomed I felt, let’s just say that I haven’t click much with my coworkers like I did before, my bosses are not there at all, and I just feel like a ghost, not appreciated, but I don’t want to quit yet because I don’t think I can find a job that quickly after quitting one, I want to have more experience and such. I just hope we can have a better environment again like before.

In terms of health, God, it’s been my more painful year yet, sickness after sickness after sickness, at least I went to the hospital once for brief hours, its better because the period of 2020-2022, I’ve been on the hospital like five times a year for days. And let’s not talk about how my moods swings went and so on, my mental health was on the verge of breaking, so much that I was ready to say goodbye to the world like the fifteen time…

But I didn’t

Why?

Because despite all this toxicity and this negativity in my personal life, some things are worth to live for.

It’s worth to hear your dad say “I love you” and cook you the food you love, to say that he will help you no matter what, and appreciate you and say how smart and beautiful you are.

It’s worth to hear your brother say he worries about you, and wants you to be okay, to send you memes, images and videos to laugh with the most surreal humor we gen z have.

It’s worth to hear your sister tell you about her hyper fixations, to hear her silly but funny ideas and contribute alongside her, to see her draw with acuarelas, and show you the weird but funny videos she laughs about.

It’s worth to have your grandma let gift you things you don’t really need, but it’s still appreciated and hugs you and kisses you, when she loves you despite your low self-stem.

It’s worth to hear your uncles and aunts to say how are you beautiful you are, how they love the way you laugh, the way you smile, they say keep that cute smile of yours always.

It’s worth to see your cousins, talk to them, hug them, and play alongside them UNO cards and videogames, especially when they also have the same interest as yourself and understands you when no one else does.

Its worth to see your dogs, pet them, see how they wave their tail at you, how they get happy when they see you coming back home after work,

Even if we bicker and a lot for the most minimum things, we love each other, typical Mexican family lol, but yeah my family has been a big support in this year.

Also I’m proud of myself, I had the guts to join a dance group, specifically an Ori Tahiti group, I learned to dance something that I wasn’t familiar with, not only that, I learned more about Polynesian culture and language, and it that group I made some friends, my teacher is a very open minded and lovely person, after my exam, she wrote on a paper of how if I have more confidence in myself I might be also present as a solo dancer (WOW).

Learning to dance definitely improved my physical and mental health (a little bit yeah because I have my downs) like I lost a significant amount of weight thanks to it, and seeing the others dance and talk with them and dance alongside them, it’s also worth to live for, they definitely boost my confidence.

And even if it’s a bit cheesy, some media I watched and played, it was worth it, it helped me in the bad times, it helped me to have fun, to feel fun again, to enjoy my life, thank you!!!.

So yeah, even if my year had ups and downs, I’m ready for next year

I hope things get better with me, but no only me, to everyone, I hope it becomes a better year around the world, please be a better year for those who need it!

If you read this, well thank you for having the time to read it!

To my followers, thanks for sticking with me, even if I have a small following, I appreciate you a lot and I love you!!!!!!!!

Good news is that I finally made more pieces of art, although it’s my usual personal weird, surreal, abstract pieces of art based on my struggles, good things, just surreal shit and songs I listen too, also made new OCS so… I’m hoping to upload them soon on January!

Happy New Year!

See you soon on 2024!!!

An Witlacosh

[hunniedmilk]

Thank you so much for your tags ;; it's been fucking forever a minute since I posted anything. so if you wish, this is absolutely a request for some word vomit. and if you don't want to get into it, it's a heartfelt 'ehehe the tags are very nice, thank you' to keep your ask box warm

walks in with a book with like fifteen different annotation stickies I’m so ready pls bear with me if I sound incoherent .. have no clue if this'll be a lot but i'm going 2 put read more just in case ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

i could probably comment on literally every sentence like no exaggeration but i'm like containing the silliness as much as i can as to sound coherent so i just wanna point out small parts i really really like ^^

“Yet there’s a smile that glitters in the corner of his eyes, and as he steps down onto the pebbles he offers you a gloved hand.”

GHJHKL It just makes me explode ,,, I enjoy descriptions of understanding without a character having to verbally express it . It kills me every time regardless because it feels like you can understand the amount of trust between the two characters in the scene . Like in general , it could be an action that can appear like such a small , insignificant detail but you can tell that it means so much more than that and I just adore it so so much ???

“The butler simply… couldn’t let you go just yet. There’s a shimmer of gold in his eyes, a little greed shining through when he thinks of parting from your company.”

Bangs my head against the wall I ALWAYYYS REALLY LOVE IT WHEN PPL MAKE A SLIGHT REMARK ABOUT BARBATOS AND GREED IT’S JUST SOOOOO<333333 IT GETS ME SO EXCITED BECAUSE I START REMEMBERING LIKE THE SMALL REMARKS IN GAME ABOUT HIM RESTRAINING HIS GREED ETC AND HIS CHARACTER SONG . It’s just like so fun seeing different sides of characters expressed it’s just like AHHHH but I digress

The entire scene feels like it’s a moment that’s quiet and reserved away from other people but between the two characters it’s such a loud expression of emotions ,, especially because of Barbatos and how he is as a character too ?? ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○ 

I’m a bit new to the fandom so please bear with me a bit with explanations but I’ve read him as like a character that’s detached from personhood as a result of his profession and when there are moments when he clearly wants to pursue something he holds himself back from indulging into his greed but when it comes to MC he allows himself to finally take . To allow himself to enjoy their presence when they’re finally alone and able to …

SIDENOTE BUT ESPECIALLY SO BC OF HOOOW HARD THE OTHER CAST OF CHARACTERS GET SIDELINED HARD IN GENERAL SOMETIMES ,,, LIKE IN BARBS LATEST BIRTHDAY UR HOW DO U LITERALLY GET DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE IN UR OWN DREAM.. BUT THAAAT’S LIKE AN ENTIRE RAMBLE I’VE HAD FOR A MINUTE AND THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT )))

“Of everyone, he knows keenly how precious your time is.”

Im literally vibrating off the walls rn I cant describe it any better than that and especially the next sentences that follow it ohhhg idk if it literally wasn’t late as hell rn I’d def just print this out n’ scribble a bunch of hearts on this like omg 

____

THE ENDING … I am literally pacing I don’t usually enjoy angst all that much and try to avoid it altogether but the way you wrote it I’m like a little crazy actually. like a little bit insane. A humans existence is such a fleeting moment to a demon and it’s like AAAA YOU JUST LIKE FEEL THE TENSION FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENES THEN THE WARMTH FROM THE ENDING IT’S JUST LIKE A BITTERSWEET ?? FEELING THAT MAKES IT SO ENJOYABLE AND IT’S SUCH AN INSTILLING FEELING THAT’S LIKE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL ?? HIM HOLDING THE AIR ??? I sound so insane I just really really get excited when I read that it’s such an infectious feeling but that’s what your writing feels like. I’m not the best at English so I’m hoping this comes off well enough but I feel like the idea of living on in another persons memory despite all the years to come, especially with a demons lifespan IT JUST FEELS SOOO /pos

This is going to sound absolutely cornball cheesy but ur writing style , and I haven’t checked out ur other works yet but , from this alone it reminds me of a nice sweet . Personally I’m thinking of a Mexican dessert as I’m Mexican myself and I enjoy food analogies as compliments but the way you describe your scenes feels like taking a bite out of a concha (insane person rambling but please stick with me) . it’s such a sweet feeling that like , you don’t really forget the first time you experience it ?? I know I’m def going to be giggling abt ur writing for like a fat week honestly . i could probably reread it more than I already have while typing this and still find things to comment on even if it's just a keysmash

idk idk just the way you present scenarios stick so nicely ? It’s just something so handcrafted with love that I can tell that you enjoy what u write ?? I don’t know :,)

IF LIKE ANY OF THIS DOESN’T RLLY SOUND RIGHT LIKE , CHARACTER DESCS ESP OF BARB ive been in this fandom for like not super long so im still info-diving rlly slowly and its so difficult </3 I get so nervous posting stuff but like I wanna get this out of my system SOO bad

Plus I don’t think I could type out any of the info I do know about him in an orderly way lol I’ve tried for months but it ends in so many side tangents in rambles bc I just like his character so much 

I just think he’s such an interesting character y’know ??? There’s so many ways people can interpret a character and when you see other peoples ideas and some of them just HIT like getting all giddy thinking wow this is so cool ,,, I have to eat what I’m reading because there are no words in my lexicon to verbally express how much I love this 

[rogerswifesblog-updates]

Vera I'm so sorry you are still shadowbanned! I wish tumblr would get their stuff together.

For the fanfic writer's asks: 1,5,12,25,55,69,71

Hope you have fun answering them <3

Hi, yeah the shadowban is….ugh, annoying. Definitely annoying.

Thank you for the questions!

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

Oh wow…I think I daydream more than I write. I daydream all the time and I’m pretty sure half the stuff that’s in my head I’ve never even started writing. But if I finally start writing then I’m not stopping till it’s done lol

I’ll sit the next few days on a one shot or chapter or whatever and I need to finish it. 😂😂

5. How many wips do you have?  What fandoms/pairings are they for?

Fuck I- I don’t know

Let’s see

The au’s with @jamneuromain “broken bones and broken hearts” ( Steve Rogers x reader) & “together or not at all” (Steve Rogers x reader, Nick Gant x reader, Johnny storm x reader, Jake Jensen x reader) in the second one is a lot ready and there’s also a loooot of smut lol just so y’all know

Then there’s “drownin siren” Steve Rogers x mermaid reader

I’ve planned a sub!mafia!Bucky Barnes x reader one shot

A meet-cute for Stucky!! Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

I have a Lloyd Hansen x reader smut Drabble ( ready to post actually)

Oh Noise pt 3, Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Reader smut, which is nearly finished [ pt 1 is here pt 2 here ]

I’m planning a grumpy!roommate!Curtis x reader au :) but haven’t started one this one yet

Oh god there’s also pretty boy pt 2, sub!Steve Rogers x reader smut [ pt 1 is here ]

Omg i still have more; mean!dom!steve Rogers x villain!(sub)reader

Is it weird that I’m already planning my kinktober list? But yeah I’m doing that too

I have also a pt two to the Lance tucker shot “stretch you (out)” that I think I haven’t posted yet?

I’m working on so many things rn fuck I hadn’t noticed until now

12. Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?

Sometimes yes, I definitely some background stories and I like planning how every character met or if they had any relationships before with them etc

Definitely also about their family history or school

But I don’t think more than that

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

I love making moodboards hahhahaha

I like writing because of all the possibilities i have!

And also interacting with people. I know many people don’t leave feedback and that’s okay BUT when i finally see Someone comment or reblog something even with just a emoji or gif I’m in heaven. It makes me so so happy to talk about my work or answer questions. Idk, I just love interacting with others. I’d say im really shy in rl and it’s just so much better on tumblr. Here I feel like I found my people and I can be myself:)

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

“He felt blood rush to his cheeks, making him blush”

I use this often or always the -ing verb form

I feel like there’s also always some kind of misunderstanding? There are definitely a few oneshots and fics with this trope

There was something else I wanted to addd but I forgot what

69. What are your favorite fic at the moment?

Ohhhh I love “in the snow” By @postmodernmulticoloredcloak

71. Do you spend more time reading or writing?

Id say it depends on the day. Sometimes I’m writing all day long and the next day I’m reading all the time:)

Thank you for all these questions!!!!! Love you!!!!!!

[monsterbananatv]

Things from Lockwood and co because I can part 3:

Episode 5:

“Nothing we can’t handle together”

George spacing out looking at the swirly coffee

How quickly Lucy figured how the relic men would get in

The blood on the ground and the creepiness of the body appearing in the water

I need more from Lockwood’s backstory, honestly

Lucy being ✨jealous✨

“Evening, Locky”

Flo Bones (love Flo)

Joplin always gave me eerie vibes idk, maybe it was just me, but there was just something about her

The toast and the smile

“That is a suicide note!” (You’ve met Lockwood right?)

“I’d thought you’d be dead by now” (then the way he looks at Lucy as if to say she’s part of the he’s alive)

There’s something I just don’t like about the scene of George and Joplin having dinner together, especially when they start talking about the mirror is when the feeling of eeriness comes

“but it’s such a nice evening for a stroll” “said no one ever”

I need to know more about how Flo and Lockwood know each other

Lockwood going for the mirror even tho it’s a horrible idea

The poor child

The way Mrs Winkman just appears and zaps Lockwood

George losing his mind

Lockwood about to be tortured and is strapped to AN ELECTRIC CHAIR WTF

Winkman knowing immediately that Lockwood is in love with Lucy

Lockwood begging for Lucy’s life

“No one will be surprised if I turn up dead. They’ve all been waiting for it. So put me out of my misery, by all means, but just let her go. She’s got everything to live for”

Lockwood and his god damn death wish (I mean I know it’s to save Lucy but he’s ready to give up his life so easily, even just breaking in was such a suicidal thing to do)

George breaking the window

The Lucy and Lockwood scene on the street (there’s so much to unpack there but someone probably has a better analogy of it)

“You were practically begging him to kill you” “I prefer to call it a noble sacrifice”

“If I hadn’t come to you’d be dead” “That’s- that’s not true. I had a plan”

“What is going on with you?” (The reason he doesn’t say anything after could mean many things but I think it’s simply because he doesn’t know. He’s a suicidal maniac with a death wish and a huge ego who is so in love with Lucy that he would do anything to protect her and so he just stands there, saying nothing because he doesn’t know how)

“You know you can talk to me, Lockwood”“Yeah… yeah. Yeah I know”

Episode 6

I quite like Barnes. He’s just trying to protect them

“Don’t let this be the last time I see the three of you alive”

It hurts my heart that Lockwood can see the death glow, cause that means he can probably see whatever glow is left from his family too (whatever happened to them, idk yet, but he looks at the door right after so…)

The skull calling Lockwood and George expendable and Lucy just going nope

The skull pointing out that George is under the influence of the bone glass, and Lucy not realizing what that means

Both of them being worried about Lucy and going after her

The place under Bickerstaff’s where Lucy finds the book is so eerie

Lockwood and George rescuing Lucy

Lockwood switching what hand he’s holding the flashlight in to take Lucy’s hand in his and the way he tell her that it’s okay, she’s safe now (I love the fact that there’s no focus on their hands tho, you only see it if you’re looking)

Flo being protective of Lockwood

“Save your kisses for whatsherface” “Who?” (My guy really asked who) “You’re acting different around her” “She’s just an associate”

I love the fact that literally everybody knows how in love Lockwood and Lucy are (Specifically how in love Lockwood is) in a matter of moments (Flo, George, Kipps, Barnes, Penelope, even Winkman, literally like everyone) everyone but Lucy and Lockwood that is

Flo and George

✨Locky✨ (His face after George says it)

Kipps offering Lucy a job

Lockwood being ✨jealous✨

The way Lucy’s looking at Lockwood as he comes into her room

Lockwood giving Lucy the necklace

How Lockwood keeps asking if Lucy’s okay

“So it’s just us.” “Is that alright?” (Lucy’s smile after that)

The way they’re looking at each other and interacting at the party. They’re so cute

I like Penelope but idk I don’t trust her

“You feel safe with him. Mr Lockwood”

“I can’t compete with this.” “I never asked you to” (He’s so scared of her leaving)

Lockwood being ✨jealous✨ Part 2

Lockwood’s relief at the fact that Lucy turned Kipps down

“Portland Row is my home. You and George. I’m not going anywhere”

What’s so important about the harp??? (I need answers but I only seems to have questions)

The salt sprinklers scene

“This parties dead. Wanna ditch it with me?” “Absolutely”

[haechanhues]

WIP LIST

since i am now twenty three and I plan to write more this year I’ve decided to write out my WIP list of twenty three stories I plan to write and are fleshing out... 

It’s also an interest thing too I suppose. It’s also to direct me and motivate me I guess. 

WARNING : most of these I haven’t even started so it’s not be all end all. There’s a bit of smut talk too. 

Completed : (3/23) 

Started : -

3. TITLE (Yeonjun x Reader; ??!au; one-shot) 

Smut. 

Part of PROJECT ONE. 

5. TITLE (Lee Know x Reader; ??! au; one-shot) 

Smut. Hard dom! Lee Know. There’s ribbons, there’s handcuffs. He’s trying to be nice and tries to be subby but doesn’t quite work out the way you planned it. Bondage. 

Part of PROJECT ONE. 

PROJECT ONE : 

Basically thought of it the day before my birthday but if you don’t know I call these 5 my muses (formerly the pentagram before I added 3 actors) and I was like I want to write smut because I just think this shit and have no outlet for it. 

I had a lot of ideas for another story of mine that I’m probably going to take down and recycle to fit into other fics that I’ve decided have a bit more flesh to them. 

I’m contemplating between Sunwoo, Yeonjun and Hyunjin - but I had a dream that left me feeling fucked out for over twenty four hours. I’m leaning more towards Hyunjin so the idea will be there for awhile. 

Very self indulgent. Very. 

6. TITLE (Sunghoon x Reader; crime!au; smau or written series idk) 

Warning : dark and mature themes. crime (murder, burglary) 

A couple takes a road trip and enjoying their honeymoon filled with debauchery. Whilst services are on the hunt for a mysterious Bonnie and Clyde couple. 

7. TITLE (San x Reader; exes-fwb-lovers!au; written series) 

Inspired by Magnolia Parks (Magnolia x Christian relationship) San as Christian. With a bit of tweaking. 

San is more into reader than she him. Rainy day/phone box/umbrella kiss. Angsty. Smutty. If you know the book you’ll know this story better - there’s just going to be more tweaking. 

Basically it’s what I wished happen. (There’s also no Daisy character in here unfortunately) 

8. TITLE (Haechan x Reader; first love!au; written series) 

Seriously I’ve been planning this story for over a year and I think I’m ready to start storyboarding. Better descriptions will be out on the series masterlist. 

Haechan is our golden popular boy who has liked you and only you since you first moved here and he’s finally asked you out. He proceeds to show you what love is and what it’s all about. But there’s something not quite right with the picture he shows you. 

Part of PROJECT TWO. 

9. TITLE (??? x Reader; band!au; written series) 

Will be a secret until further notice. 

Includes : a lot of heartbreak, grieving, loss and gain, mistakes, betrayal, learning how to trust, fun, smut, band!au things, some of the best friendships. 

He’s in a band. To anyone that asks the ‘why?’ question, it’s because he has a passion for the music he writes and he gets to play with his friends. But secretly it’s because he likes being chased. He likes the groupies. The entourage of girls. The sex. But after talking with you once, he realises just how much he loves the chasing game. 

Part of PROJECT TWO. 

10. TiTLE (??? x Reader; university!au; written series) 

Will also be a secret until further notice. 

Includes : relearning, pretending to be someone you’re not, becoming more comfortable in your own skin, grieving, heartbreak, closure, recovery, self acceptance. 

You’re quiet, slightly monotone and stay within any expectation people have of you. It’s become something you’re renowned for and for that reason people have tried to befriend you (for whatever reason - altruistic, selfish etc) It doesn’t matter. It’s him you’re worried about anyway. He’s a bit like you, only he’s not the one wearing a facade. He knows too. You know he does. He sees straight through you. 

Part of PROJECT TWO 

PROJECT TWO : 

Is the longest running (?) little project I’ve had for over a year now and it’s inspired by one of my favourite movies that I don’t quite want to spoil. Though if you know me enough you may be able to figure it out. 

Anyway I don’t necessarily want to finish it, I just want to start it. There’s still a lot I need to sort out and I need to do my storyboarding carefully I think. It’s all just one big mess. 

Slowly incoming. BUT SURELY. 

11. PERFECT TWO (Mingi x Reader; soulmate!au; social media au) 

I have no idea what it will entail I just know it’s going to be cute and fluffy. Not suggestive (or a little suggestive) 

I have no idea what to do for it, it’ll just be cute and fluffy and pretty short. We’ll see. Pink themed probably. 

12. KING’S COURT (??? x Reader; bring down the entourage!au; written) 

You’re always the new girl (Ginny and Georgia for you guys) and you just want friends. When they find out your connection to your legendary sister it seems to have become your legacy.  

I don’t know what else to add. But it involves a group of guys that are always just together and you bring them down because of their reputation (one in particular) but yeah. You’re bringing down the player. 

13. TITLE (DK x Reader; actorxstaff!au; one-shot? longer than a drabble?) 

You are a staff member on a movie set and have a well known crush on the main actor, DK. 

So I owe this fic idea to Dean Charles Chapman (who I have a crush on by the way) because when I was watching 1917 I imagined being a staff member and working with him and it was a lot of fun. OH and DK’s the lead because his King Arthur Era was probably the most ethereal thing I’ve ever seen and I’m not getting over it. 

14. TITLE (Jaemin x Reader; outcast+popular!au; written series/smau?) 

The weirdo and the pretty boy from high school meet again in college to talk about feelings. And you’re just really happy to have made a good friend....ish. 

The thing that is driving this idea is the ferris wheel scene that I’m imagining right now. 

14. TITLE (Felix x Reader; gang!au+runaway!au; written series) 

You never wanted to see him again. Not because you felt ill of him or because he crossed you. He was your best friend. It was because you got him out of this life. You got him out. You sacrificed a lot to get him out. So why was he in front of you making a name for himself when you specifically told him to keep his head down? 

I’m actually excited for this...ahhh 

15. DOUBLE TROUBLE (New x Reader; one-sided-enemies(?)-to-lovers; one-shot/written series) 

Other people describe you as one or more of the following; beautiful, clever, energetic. Chanhee, however, would describe you as annoying. You’re a hazard to the people around you, namely him. Trouble always find you and you have find Chanhee. He just wants a nice, quiet life and luckily for him, his university gives him that opportunity. 

Until it doesn’t and he spots you, running straight towards him with an angry newly bald faculty member running after you. 

Fuck. 

(A story in which it’s never his fault but he always gets blamed for it). 

16. INSATIABLE (Haechan x Reader; badboy!au; written series) 

Everyone knows the story. He used to be the golden boy until something just...changed. Now he’s rude, insufferable, wearing leather jackets and always has some type of lollipop in his mouth. It’s been years since the old Haechan disappeared, but you’re not too sure about that. 

In fact, you think, underneath all the textbook bad boy image, that kind, sweet boy you met all those years ago is still there. 

(brother! Jeno) 

17. TITLE (Jay x Reader; athlete(kind of)!au + fake dating!au; bulleted/written) 

He needed a reason to leave the team and you’re it. 

(A story in which Jay no longer wants to be that jock. Being an athlete was never supposed to last this long, but he was good at it so he went along with it. He got girls. He had a lot of friends. But now, he wants out. 

And to do that he has to convince everyone that he’s dating his cousin’s best friend - You. 

18. THE SERIAL LOVER (NCT x Reader; TATBILB(kind of)!au; smau+written)

In which you farewell every boy you’ve ever loved or had some kind of romantic feeling for to prove your feelings to one particular boy is real. 

He’s the one, you’re sure of it. 

(Already storyboarded however there is a need for a few tweaks, Eunseok, Seunghan and Shohei (SM Rookies) will make an appearance and ***** will be deleted. If you find a problem with that, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry but I’m not.) 

19. YOU WILL NEVER BE A GOD (SKZxReader; forgotten god!au; written) 

Hyunjin focused. 

People think immortality is simply the ability to live forever. But they’re wrong. Immortality is more than just never dying. More than just healing from fatal wounds. More than just existing. True immortality is remembrance. It is your name proceeding through the ages and no matter how much time has passed, your name remains. That is what immortality is! 

And yet, you’re a forgotten god. Time has wiped your name from the lips of mortals, your shrines and temples have long been destroyed and you’ve become a mere background character in other god’s stories. It’s the only reason you continue to walk the Earth the way you do. 

....

(’..Experience the love of a writer, poet, and/or painter. If you’re lucky enough to be an artist’s muse, they will immortalise you’ - Soledad Francis.) 

20. TITLE (NCT DREAM x Reader; low fantasy!au; written) 

Idk how this is going to go - I know the ending but don’t have the middle or the beginning which is arguably the most important part. 

But Y/N has a crush on Renjun but she’s supposed to be on a mission and locating someone but you’re so infatuated by him. 

PROJECT THREE :

Is a multifandom fic (that are all connected somehow) and fantasy driven. 

There’s 12 ‘factions’/ ‘groups’ each with their own history and their own powers/skills and gods etc 

I know a bit about it and will start planning for it more seriously, but it’s the last thing on this list for sure. 

21. TITLE (ATEEZ x Reader; pirate!au; written series) 

Runaway princess. Meets these lot. 

Water. 

22. TITLE (TXT x Reader; villain!au; written series) 

Shadow. Royal politics. forced enemies 2 lovers. 

23. TITLE (Stray Kids x Reader; fantasy!au; written series) 

??? Forbidden love? 

Idk who. 

[risingshards]

Happy STS! As the end of the year is quickly approaching, it's time to think back to the beginning. What were your writing goals this year? What stories did you hope to work on? Finish? Is there anything you didn't get to that you wish you did?

Ahhhh good question. I went back to my writing year in review and here is what I wrote last year for 2023 goals:

What do I want for next year?

I’m leaving specific narrative goals out cuz no spoilers. The gist of my goals for 2023 is:

-more readers

-me write good

-other projects

-falling shards collab

To go a little further, I’d love to continue growing my audience and maybe try to promote more to get it out there, to build the audience so that print run could be more possible. ANother thing is I really want to make 2023 like the best year of Rising Shards yet so I’m pushing myself to ensure top quality. I’m still trusting my characters and letting their voice be the important thing, but I’m trying to do a full year broad outline squared away now before I dive in more. Evy & Stella I have a lot of random scenes ready for but I still have to turn them into a narrative for 2023. 

OK actually some vague narrative goals: I want to learn to write iyashikei more. That may be tough because I had an idea for a shonen inspired arc for 2023 so I want to balance that with like a full on AdaShima Laid Back Camp all my chill healing series inspired stuff. So fluff and action and fluff. 

I’m not immediately putting too much pressure to get a lot done on my side projects for next year. I put a lot of pressure to get a lot done on ZERO this year and I didn’t get much more than zero done on it ha ha..eh… I had a seed of an idea for a new project today but I’m taking it slooooow and not diving in And none of the side projects have a higher priority than Rising Shards (which again includes Evy & Stella even if that’s technically a side series) because that’s my heart and soul project.

Something I’ve been tinkering with and kicking around in my head is doing a collab series with someone. With who I have no idea cuz I haven’t reached out to anyone about this. But I wanted to expand the RS universe and have stories that don’t fit with the light and floofy tone of RS. One idea was like a murder mystery side series about Cani on the west coast of the main series’ country that I may do on my own. And then there’s Falling Shards, the boys’ school opposite Rising Shards. As of late I’ve come to the realization that I kind of (IMO at least) suck at writing male characters now. So I think for Falling Shards I’d want someone who could do that better, write something in universe but totally different. Like instead of a floofy silly fantasy adventure with some angst and lots of lesbians in Rising Shards, like someting very different from that going on at the boy’s school. My dumb worry is that if I did find someone to do it that Falling Shards. Or that I’d have to get so much lore and world building to another writer that they wouldn’t want to. Or just not finding a collab partner for it and the little sparks of ideas I have for it just sit there. BUT that’s stuff for next year.

For these:

-more readers: I did okay here. I wish I could have done better but building reader bases is hard for web novels. (I suppose it's tough for any medium but web novels have their own specific challenges).

-me write good: I think I wrote good!

-other projects: I started a whole new series, Reborn in a Fighting Game with my Rival! It was such hard work but a lot of fun and a very rewarding challenge so far. Getting some of those Project Zero ideas that didn't go anywhere before and turning it into something fun was nice, and Amvery and Louise are new favs for me to write.

-2023 the best year of Rising Shards: IDK if I met this. I did take some bold swings and big risks and experiments, but I never feel like I got to that super deluxe "THIS IS IT THE BEST ARC YET IS ONGOING!!!" feeling right after finishing. I wanna try again next year and get better and better!

-Getting better at iyashikei inspired writing: I'm getting there. I keep getting the urge to do big action fantasy arcs in RS which are probably harder to write, but I really want a big chunk of story to feel like reading an Adachi and Shimamura novel.

-Collab!! COLLAB IS GOING. A bit slow atm because of Reborn but! I am working on something with my bestie that's super fun and I'm very hype about and love the cast of it so much.

[fairy25]

Therapist anon

Thank you so much for the advice and listening! I appreciate it. Decided to have one more session I already have a therapist who has done trauma work herself that I connect with better. (I was going to collaborate with both but that was honestly me being codependent.)

She never overtly said I needed to be a wife and mother to her happy, but it was just so odd when I said “I wouldn’t be a very good mom” and I didn’t even say it in a negative way, just that I don’t want kids and it’s a good thing I’m childfree. The expression on her face was weird like I just told her something super depressing or some shit. Then when I said “I’m sad I didn’t experience romantic love” I would’ve thought “I’m sorry for your loss” would’ve been sufficient and if she was going to comment on relationships maybe she could’ve just reminded me they are needed to be happy idk I called her out and got pissed and told her she projected what she found fulfilling. She didn’t deny it. I’ve also brought up that she basically minimized it as a loss, that she devalued me and minimized my trauma, etc… no talking about it makes me feel better I literally can’t trust someone who responds to me expressing a feeling with the ideology that I can “still find the right one”. I’m at higher risk for being assaulted I asked if that was worth it and idk if she didn’t hear that but she didn’t answer.

I am having one more session and just won’t sceduale anymore. I told her via email that I just want a break.

I liked her momentarily due to being porn critical and doesn’t believe men can be women and I could talk about that but she clearly has no identity out of being a wife and mother.

I think you have to severely undermine male violence to not see that as a loss….

I am sad I didn’t experience romantic love because then I feel there would be less grief around accepting seperatism for my safty and not feeling offended by others folks opinions; I feel like I have to prove I was somehow desirable or wanted like I feel like a loser for having never been with anyone and rage because my Father dominated me and that’s literally the only reason. I hate being het cause it makes me feel gross. I wish I experienced romantic love so k wouldn’t feel dirty, basically, and wanted to heal from this idea rhe I can now never stop feeling dirty.

I was raged mormon so there is heavy sex shaming… being intimate with someone was like my awareness because it made me conscious I was being dominated and abused. I wasn’t a “prude” by any means I heavily repressed myself… I was afraid this guy I was trying to see in secret would think I was a slut, we were taught about not having impure thoughts and being chaste and all that shit, but I become aware there was nothing innapropiare I felt sacred… I didn’t feel shame or guilt engaging in my sexuality for a brief moment in my life and I was only 15 and I’m traumatized by it, and I literally told my therapist all of this before I said I’m sad I didn’t experience romantic love.

I just wish I had never been traumatized, and yea, I’m sure the rare het relationship that is loving is nice, I want to let go of the limerence and fantasy for the sake of being healthy, happy, and safe, because I fear being raped or stresses me so much it’s healthiest to stay away for me. It’s just not work the risk… idk how to heal, I don’t think therapists who believe happiness is motherhood and marriage and grandkids is a good therapist…

It frustrates me how many therapists have actually judged me for being single, it makes me feel worthless.

Sorry for vomiting, I really appreciate it!

I think you may be at a point right now where therapy isn’t helping you but rather exacerbating things and making you feel worse. It might be a good idea to take some time off and let your body relax and re-regulate itself. When you’re ready, I would suggest tackling the idea that great romantic love is the end all be all of life, because many people, traumatized or not, will never experience great romantic love. Does that make them less happy people? Does that make their lives less important? You can still experience great love, it just may not be from a man (or it may be, I don’t know). My dog loves me unconditionally, so do my friends. My coworkers smile when they see me and tell me about their families and show me pictures, I basically get to watch their kids grow up. Why is this love less valuable? And I mean you’d have to look far and wide to find a woman who isn’t traumatized so if you weren’t, you’d be one of few. Like I know it sucks to feel how you do and it’s not your fault, I want to reiterate that, you’re doing the absolute best you can. But it’s going to be hard. You’re going to have to ask yourself what you really want out of life, what’s important to you. Challenge why you think something is important. Question everything. I used to think I needed to be chosen by a man to be worthy. Which was then made more complicated because I am not attracted to men. But I kept trying, over and over again, thinking maybe this time, it’ll be good, it’d be different. It wasn’t. I would start sobbing the moment they left and at one point even bathed myself in bleach and scratched my skin off in chunks because of how dirty I felt. I wish there was something I could say to take away the pain. In my case, the only thing that helped was time and giving myself some grace. Focusing on the parts of life that made me happy and excited, getting me out of my head and back into my body. Dancing, yoga, just going for a walk with my dog. Anything to remind myself that I’m here now, I’m safe, I’m alive, no one is touching me. I think it’s hard to move through the world as a traumatized woman when you haven’t found your anger yet. Anger is what leads me to talk back, stick up for myself, not take shit from anyone. Your anger is the part of you that loves you. I think that’s next for you. All that fear and anxiety and self loathing you feel is eventually going to turn into a different beast entirely: rage. You’re already getting frustrated, you just need to stop turning that frustration inward. None of this is your fault. Remember that.