#idk i have more thoughts but this is already long enough
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—I’ll be watching you
A/N. this is my first ever time writing for arcane so I’m sorry if anyone is OOC, also you call Jinx “Calamity Jane” towards the end and as a sort of explanation I read that she (Martha Jane Burke, who was nicknamed that) would bring calamity (great harm) to anyone who made her angry or something like that so I thought it pretty much fit?? idk am I crazy?
Summary. A failed mission leaves Jinx emotionally shattered, and as her partner and the one closest to her, you offer your comfort.
warning. mentions of gagging, swearing, not proof read
"Y/N?" Sevika’s voice cuts through your makeshift bedroom, her tone steady and low, though you catch a hint of an almost unnoticeable smile she only ever reveals to people she trusts most— at least the genuine ones. “Yeah?" You respond, raising an eyebrow as you sit up, suspicion creeping into your thoughts at her sudden appearance.
“Silco is calling,” she announces, her tone turning serious as she gestures toward the door. “Says it’s urgent, so you better get your ass moving before he loses his patience.” As you stand, she claps a firm hand on your back, sending you on your way.
Your expression betrays your lack of enthusiasm as you leave. Nearly eight months into working for Silco, the experience has been nothing short of a rollercoaster .
You remember how it all began—how they found you. You’d been left for dead on the streets, your body beaten, hunger eating at you (as ironic as that sounded) until even your consciousness started to slip from you. Then, amidst the blur of pain and hopelessness, a voice broke through. “Hey, Sevika? Found a girl and she ain’t moving,” the voice had said, casual yet laced with curiosity, dragging out the ‘o’ in moving. It belonged to a blue-haired girl who crouched near your crumpled form. Before long, footsteps rushed closer and everything after that was a haze. What mattered now was that you were alive, under a roof, and surrounded by people who, if not outright kind, were at least kind enough in keeping you around.
Jinx had become the closest to you. Only a year younger, she often found reasons to drag you into her antics whenever she wasn’t trapped in one of her moods. She had opened up to you on more than one occasion, revealing fragments of her past that very few had the privilege— or misfortune to hear. On other days, she’d meet your concern with sarcasm or tell you to “fuck off” or whatever insult she decided to call you that day. Charming as ever, Jinx had a knack for keeping things...interesting.
As you approach Silco’s office you knock on the carved wooden door, finding yourself momentarily distracted, tracing the details of the design before the faint, muffled words, “Come in,” snap you back to reality.
Pushing the door open, you straighten your posture and try your best to keep your face as neutral as possible. “You called for me?” you ask, stepping forward to stand before the desk where Silco sat, a cigarette between his slim fingers.
The smoke quickly mixes into the air, making it harder to breathe but you endure it without complaint. In the background soft jazz plays, the sound leaving you in a trance, another world where things seemed better. Visions of elegant soirées, women in flowing gowns, men in expensive tuxedos, their laughter and movement going along with the tunes of a trumpet.
“Y/N,” Silco’s sharp voice snaps you out of your train of thougt and you blink, realizing you’ve lost focus, the tips of your ears burning with embarrassment. “Are you even listening to me right now?”
“Yes, sir,” you answer, though only half-truthfully. You’ve caught fragments of his words, something about Jinx and another one of her shenanigans, the details of which were already causing a headache to ripple through his operations.
“Good,” he says, exhaling a big puff of smoke before dismissing you with a wave of his hand. “Go.”
Without hesitation, you leave the office, heading directly to Jinx’s hideout.
‘What have you done this time?’ You think to yourself, a groan escaping your lips as your steps echo against the metal platforms leading to the heart of her chaotic sanctuary.
You soon spot her, nestled within her makeshift fort illuminated by warm, glowing lights. It looks oddly serene—a stark contrast to the whirlwind of chaos she so often brings. It’s the kind of space that might calm her restless energy when the world, or her mind, seem to turn against her.
You carefully step towards her figure which was huddled in a sort of ball, her eyes wide and brows furrowed with anger. She kept mumbling incoherent sentences and threats which you only caught certain words from. You croach next the girls small figure and observe her before speaking up.
“So.. Wanna talk about it.” You whisper, offering her yourself as a sort of vent book or punching bag for her to just pour everything out, which from your experience worked best for the both of you.
She only rolled her eyes in annoyance, whispering a harsh ‘Go away’ before turning your back to you.
The information you got from Silco was vague, however you pieced together that like always, she was only trying to help but sadly her cards weren’t in her favour.
“Listen, I know your upset and that’s completely valid on your end however don’t hold these feelings in. Okay, sweets?” A gentle hand lands on Jinxs’ back and everything came crashing down on her. She leaped into your arms, full on ugly crying and shaking from the built up tension. She yelled profanities and sentances left and right and all you could really do was listen and let her get it out.
You didn’t say anything for a moment, giving her the space to compose herself. Jinx sat back, her knees drawn to her chest, her fingers idly fidgeting with a loose thread on her pants. The raw vulnerability in her expression was something rare—something she reserved for no one but you and Silco.
"You done?" you ask softly, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips to help lift her mood.
“Yeah… yeah, I’m done,” she muttered, her voice raspy from all the shouting and crying. Her usual amount of energy dim, replaced by a kind of exhaustion that made her seem smaller than she really was.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” you asked, keeping your tone gentle but firm. You didn’t want to push her too hard, but you also knew that bottling things up would only make it worse for her.
Jinx hesitated, her fingers tightening around the thread she was pulling at. “It’s stupid,” she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I could help out because their plan was pretty fucking stupid, but instead, I just.. made it worse.”
She continued with a hint of guilt in her tone, eyes looking towards her fingers which her nails were scratching at. “The mission went to shit, and everyone was yelling, and I thought one of the new gadgets I made.. you know the one I showed you a few days ago? Yeah that one just went ‘boom’ and it destroyed a lot of the Shimmer. Sevika said I was insane, that I wasn’t thinking straight, but I was! She said I jinxed the whole mission but what can I say that’s what I’m best at! Haha Jinx jinxing a mission! Ironic ain’t it—”
You placed your hand over hers, stilling the nervous rambling. “Hey,” you said softly, meeting her red violet eyes. “You tried. That’s more than most people would’ve done. You’re not perfect, Jinx. None of us are. I mean were the ‘shitty lower class’ and not some pilties getting life handed on a golden plate.. But you care, and that counts for something.”
She didn’t respond right away, her lips pressing into a thin line. “Was Silco pissed?,” she asked, her voice sounding sore.
“At you? Probably a tiny bit.. buuut if I, your lovely guardian angel, goes with you and explain the whole situation I bet Sevika will be taking the blame by the end of the night,” you quipped, earning a small, shaky laugh from her. “He knows you better than anyone.. Silco, I mean. He knows your heart’s in the right place, even if things don’t always go according to plan.”
The two of you sat there for a while, the silence between you comforting rather than awkward. For now, she seemed calmer, her messsed up mind quieting. It wasn’t a permanent fix—it never was but it was enough for today.
“Thanks, Y/N,” she said after a while, her voice soft but sincere.
“Anytime, Jinx,” you replied, leaning back with a sigh. “Now, how about we get out of here? Maybe grab something to eat before Silco summons us both for round two?”
She chuckled lightly, wiping the last of her tears away. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.”
With that, you stood and helped her to her feet, her hand lingering in yours for a moment longer than usual before she let go. You gently kiss her forehead, her eyebrows furrowing and making a fake gag sound before she kissed your cheek; “Go on, we’ve got some explaining to do Calamity Jane.” A smile crept onto your face as she skipped ahead, already sort of going back to her usual self. Others would think she was being ungrateful and bratty, however you know deep down somewhere in that storm of a heart and mind of hears she’s happy to have someone like you.
Someone that listens.
┊͙
© URFAVLARRY
DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE OR COPY ANY OF MY WRITING TO OTHER PLATFORMS
I DON’T CONSENT FOR MY WRITING TO BE USED TO TRAIN AI 🚫
#ᯓ★ urfavlarry#arcane#arcane season one#arcane fanfic#arcane fanfiction#arcane x reader#arcane x you#arcane x y/n#arcane jinx#jinx x reader#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx lol#jinx league of legends#jinx x you#jinx x y/n
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Something has really stuck with me that some Anti Regulus Black person said and I want to share my thoughts on it.
Basically, they said that we, or people that like Regulus have been giving Regulus Lilys characteristics and traits and relationships instead of giving them to Lily and are using this to replace Lily.
From my pov, I can understand how that comes across. Moonwater, in canonical type universes, usually come together over their love for literature, something, that as far as I understand was how Lily and Remus used to become friends in fics.
When I think of this situation, I don’t see it as Lily being replaced, I see it as Remus having more friends then just the Marauders and Lily. I see it as Remus making friends.
In all the fics I’ve read, majority of them, Lily and Remus are always already friends! 9 times out of 10, if Remus has a POV and he is interacted with Lily or thinking about Lily, he refers to her has his best friend.
Idk who needs to hear this but Remus can have more friends than just Lily and the Marauders! In fact, EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. Can have more friends then just the friend groups that they have been assigned to from the fandom.
I personally love the idea that Regulus and Remus get close because of their shared interest in books and knowledge. In fact, I love it so much when this happens. I also love when Remus is the one to introduce (formally) Lily and Regulus. Because they have shared interests! They all have shared interests and that’s what they bond over.
If we just forget about ships for a moment - Jily/Jegulus - Regulus and Lily would and could actually be really close friends. At their cores they are very similar and have similar morals and codes.
Like my girl Lily defeated Voldemort the first time. You cannot tell me that she did not have some deep interest and understanding of Dark Magic that is really not talked about enough. I mean, she was friends with Snape for a LONG time! Even against all her Gryffindor friends and dorm mates advice and opinions. She was friends with Snape for a long time and they definitely studied dark magic together. The only reason they stopped being friends was because Snape called her a slur and began siding with people that would have gladly seen Lily and people like Lily 6 feet under.
And then Regulus! He may not have made the best choices but when it mattered the most, he chose to do the right thing and go against Voldemort. He is the first to have done so! My guy was smart. He definitely knew so much magic that he has likely forgotten more than anyone would ever even know.
Regulus and Lily are both so smart and they would have bonded over their shared intelligence, their love for knowledge and books. Remus was probably terrified the day he realised he was the reason these two evil geniuses even started talking.
Maybe instead of saying that Regulus is being given Lily’s characteristics and traits, maybe think about how this would affect the two characters when put in the same room.
I personally think that they would argue for a long time and then Lily would probably say something that gives Regulus pause and then Lily would gently press on that and then Regulus would go have a long hard think and then come back and hesitantly ask Lily questions that Lily would happily answer and then they would be tentative friends!
Regulily have so much in common but they also have a lot of differences and I don’t think enough people see that because they are too focused on ships rather than the characters themselves and their motives and actions.
I’m not shy in admitting that I fuck with romantic regulily. They are my guilty pleasure ship and I am not shy about saying that.
Regulily, platonically, romantically, it doesn’t matter. They have the biggest grounds for friendship and growth.
Regulus and Lily can teach each other so much and I honestly think it’s the biggest missed opportunity when they are pinned against each other rather than working together.
I fear I’ve gone WAY off topic.
In the context of relationships, the jily vs jegulus idea. I feel like I need to hold people hands when I say this because the two ships are very different.
WARNING! OPINIONS!
To me, Jily is a rivals to lovers relationship. I don’t think they are grumpy/sunshine purely because I don’t see Lily as the grumpy trope. I very much think that Jily are academic rivals. Where James just naturally understands everything and gets good marks whether he studied or not and Lily has to study heavily before she understands a topic enough to pass, like Lily to me has to study throughly before everything sticks and she understands the topic so much more than is really required for her coarse work.
I also don’t think Jily was James falls in love at first sight and Lily hates him for years until she gives in and goes on a date with him. Sure it’s a bit cute but i definitely prefer James developing a crush and not telling anyone other than his friends. I very much fuck with James being uncharacteristically shy about his crushes on people. I fuck with James losing his ability to talk or function around the person he fancies and it comes off as arrogance and a bit of a joke when he is actually being genuine.
I love the idea that Lily falls for him slowly, like initially, she thinks she hates him, she loathes the fact that he doesn’t need to study and he can just goof off and do whatever and still get perfect grades, I think Lily gets jealous of James and thinks she despises him because she thinks he is trying to make fun of her when all he is trying to do is talk to her and get her attention.
I love the idea that Remus is constantly trying to talk James up to Lily, “he’s really not that bad once you get to know him.” And “He’s harmless, Lils.” And things like that but Lily has NONE of it!
I think Lily starts to fall for James when they are paired together for a project that is a big mark on their finals. I think Lily goes into this thinking that she is going to hate it when actuality, James is kind and thoughtful and helps her when she struggles. He doesn’t make fun of her, he sits down quietly and gives her tips and tricks that he discovered when he studies privately, (this would be when she finds out that maybe it doesn’t all come as naturally to James as she thought) and then they end up getting the best grade in their year on the assignment but they don’t stop hanging out, they don’t stop studying together. Lily slowly falls for James because of his mind and they form a friendship and then James would ask her out one day and Lily would find herself stunned because if he had asked her a few months ago, she would have harshly declined but in the moment, she finds herself blushing and agreeing without a hint of hesitation.
And that’s how I imagine Jily.
Now, Jegulus.
Jegulus is enemies to lovers, they are grumpy/sunshine. I very much think that they did hate eachother. They did not like eachother for many reasons and they would argue and fight in the halls.
I’m very much into jegulus but I don’t think I’ve seen a fic that has written them as actually enemies to lovers in a canonical setting.
Jegulus to me is very push and pull. One step forward, two steps backwards.
I honestly think that sure, when they met at 11 and 12 when Sirius had his little brother trailing after him and introduced them to each other, they both had the moment of instant connection that they both immediately denied and dismissed and buried under hatred.
James and Regulus see each other as competition. Regulus sees James as the one that stole his brother. James sees Regulus as the brother that doesn’t deserve Sirius.
Because Sirius told James all about his little brother all through first year and James was exited to meet him for a long time until they met and instantly realised that Regulus is a two faced snake and doesn’t deserve Sirius.
Because Sirius told Regulus all about his best friend in every letter, in every stolen moment during the holidays. Regulus was exited to meet James for a long time until they met and instantly realised that James isn’t the golden ray of sunshine that Sirius claims him to be but a brother stealing asshole.
I honestly think that Jegulus is THE enemies to lovers.
I don’t think Jegulus even had a civil conversation until after Sirius ran away. And even this conversation started as an argument. I think that they only reason the argument stopped and they started genuinely talking to eachother is because Regulus’ mask broke and James saw the hidden emotions underneath that Regulus was trying to hide.
I think that James held onto prejudice for a long time. He saw all Slytherins as evil and then didn’t think about that for years until he sees Regulus crack and then James has to rethink everything he has ever thought.
That’s how I think Jegulus starts and I don’t think they ever really talk about what they are or what they are doing for a very long time, to the point (if we are talking in a canonical sense) that they break and fall apart. To the point where they end up on different sides of a war.
ANYWAY! (this is really long and if you've read this far, just know that you are my favourite person in the entire world and I adore you to the ends of the universe).
Regulus and Lily, though they share many characteristics and traits and fundamentally different people. Even in the context of the people they are shipped with, even in the context of their friendships.
I love them both so much and I think saying that Lily is being replaced by Regulus is incredibly wrong and also perhaps a little misogynistic.
They are both incredible characters, who should not be defined by their relationships.
Like I said before. In the context of war, both Lily and Regulus were the first. Regulus may have failed to complete his mission and Lily may have succeeded in killing Voldemort… but at the end of the day both of them did not do anything in the long run. Voldemort was still able to return, the horcruxes still need to be destroyed and Harry still had to finish what the people before him started, Harry still had to fight a war he had no part in starting.
#I might get hate for that last paragraph but I feel like it needed to be said.#regulus black#lily evans#regulily#jegulus#jily#james potter#marauders#remus lupin#sirius black#black brothers#starchaser#sunseeker#I’m sorry for rambling but I hope you enjoy reading the inner workings of my brain lol
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Hii!! I am the same annon who requested the yan!Jinx with a darling on hunger strike. I saw that I am allowed to make more requests.
First of all I'd like to say that I LOVED the hc u made!
Second of all, if its not too much trouble, could I pretty please with cherry on top request a yan! Jinx with a fem or afab darling who got her/their period(whatever pronouns you are more comfortable with)(bacically due to stress of the abduction she didnt get her period for a while and now it finally came).
Also, do Arcane ladies even her periods? Like- idk how to explain it but I dont get the vibe they would??? Does it make sense???(as somebody who is on her period, I would be so jealous if they didnt. If they did, then I feel pity bc...where do they get pads in the under ground to begin with??)
Anyways, I am really sorry if this is too long ot counts as spam and if you dont feel comfy about writting about this topic, please ignore it!!
Have a wonderfull day and make sure to drink enough water!
a/n: hello! i am so glad you liked it! ♡ thank you for requesting as well! don't worry, this isn't spam. i am just glad you enjoy my writing. this is also written from my own experience with periods since i am afab. i chose to do afab reader since not only women have periods and i want all to feel represented !! although i can not write for someone else's personal expression for obvious reasons. thank you for all the support!
cw: period, yandere behavior, past abduction/kidnapping, stockholm syndrome(?)
❝yandere!jinx x afab!reader getting their period❞
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 The thought that you hadn't gotten your period in several months hadn't even occurred to you. The stress and entire adjustment period had kept your mind pretty much occupied. Dealing with Jinx's schizophrenic ass and ideas of escape had filled most of your thoughts. Your last wouldn't have even been your goddamn period!
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 But here you were, dealing with cramps and feeling groggy as hell. Your depression had already been bad enough after you were kidnapped but now it feels like hell. All you want is to hide in your bed and forget the world. The world? Sure, but you can't forget Jinx.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 You knew eventually you had to tell Jinx, she would understand but the idea of discussing your period with your captor.. just feels wrong. Perhaps it was because you didn't want to come to terms that you've been here for nearly a year. The idea of sharing this vulnerable side of yourself felt too awful to bear.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 But it was futile.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 Soon enough Jinx comes skipping, yapping about something crazy that happened while she was out in the city. Almost bragging that she could freely roam outside but you couldn't.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 She almost didn't notice your silent lackluster attitude. To be fair, ever since you've been taken you hardly wanted to talk much and Jinx didn't seem to mind that.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 "What's up with you, firecracker? Got your period?" She laughs at her own joke, throwing her head back until she looks back at you, your deadpan face telling her it was indeed your period.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 "Oh." Her tone and face immediately softens with sympathy and she sits down beside you, throwing her weapon out of the way.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 "Do you, erm, need anything?" It almost feels better seeing that Jinx is as uncomfortable with this situation as you are. Maybe more. She wasn't the most caretaking nurturing type, but when you needed something she was happy to supply.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 "Well, my cramps are really awful and I feel exhausted."
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 She nods, suddenly running circles around her hideout as she gathers supplies for you. She comes back carrying a bunch of blankets and a hot water bottle for your stomach. She dumps it all on the bed.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 "Need anything else?" She asks, it amused you to some extent to see her running around, collecting and doing anything for you.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 "Some food would be nice," her eyes widen and she darts in the other direction, after awhile coming back with a bowl of soup in her hands. You don't think you've seen her be this gentle before.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 After some pampering and warm soup filling your belly you feel a lot better than you were before. Somehow through it all, Jinx manages to curl up beside you, her lithe form strewn over you like a human blanket. It was funny as she snored and her blue hairs hung in front of her face.
🚀 ୧ ‧₊˚ 🦈 Perhaps this wasn't as bad as you thought it'd be.
artist credits: @/iwantmoretime17 on instagram
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere headcanons#arcane#yandere arcane#yandere drabble#yandere hcs#yandere jinx#jinx arcane#soft yandere
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https://www.tumblr.com/chimggukchim/770049627903901696/but-it-will-not-and-cannot-be-what-it-was-before?source=share
First thing first i saw another anon say this anon is a tkkr who's sneaking in jkk space when i can very well tell anon is just a jkkr who has seen difference in jikook over the chapt2 era. Just because one jkkr doesn't agree with another doesn't mean they HAVE to be from another ship. And Tkkrs don't talk about jkk the way anon talked because it's hard for Tkkrs to even address the things jkk did together Especially GCFT so anon is definitely not a tkkr.
Second idk in which spaces YOU were because the whole jikook tag was clogged with very much negativity during AYS Especially after 1st,2nd ep because everyone was Feeling the difference in the way jk talked to anon because we have never seen them bicker this much after their debut self. over these past few yrs we have seen them very much be sweet towards e/o and not really bicker atleast not to the level of AYS and it was maybe because we never had full hrs of just jkk only so we're seeing their raw self so maybe jkk have been this way towards e/o for long time but we just never got to witness it before and hence why it was kinda shocking for many jkkrs and yes there was very much negativity. talking about how jk said "Jimin is dead" and laughed when jm was sick because some jkkrs didn't like that because they haven't seen jk talk like that etc etc. If you need @ of the blogs who's seen this negativity ask me and I'll definitely provide it in next ask (I'm not doing in this one because I don't wanna disclose their @ to other anons who might attack them).
Yes the 1st ep looked awkward maybe because they haven't hangout together for some time and when they're doing they're in front of cam so they don't know how to act, It happens when you're meeting s/o after some time and haven't exactly planned things you're doing or you haven't thought it thoroughly. They Started loosening up at the end of 2nd ep. And if anyone talks about their physical closeness as why would they be close like that when they are awkward then ITS taekook is good example of that why or how.
anon didn't lie when they said that jk didn't bother showing up for jm anywhere because that's true. he was at hybe for CK most probably saw jm is practicing stopped there and went home exactly like how he showed up at one of hobi's filming during JITB because the set was in hybe. That time jm specifically asked jk to come to show support to him more and jungkook didn't come again. we saw jm's practice BB and jk wasn't there again and when jk asked when was jm's next music show jm also told him that jk has already seen his dance during practice so it's normal to assume the practice was last one. yes he might have came for another practice but given we haven't seen I'll chose not to make up that "he came to the practice again" because if everyone just start assuming things with nothing to back up there's no difference them and Tkkrs.You remembered what jm said what during serendipity recording then how did you forgot what jm said During festa 2022 when jk was whinning about jm not showing him his songs along with other members?? let me tell you jm said "Well i told you, asked you all to come and see me work" so didn't jm give open invitation here to ALL members including jk? so did he go or not? i guess not if we go by the whinning he was doing over jm not showing him his song, we have also seen jk watching jm doing filter practice so I'm sure coming again for jm's other practices or MV sets to "show support" shouldn't be so hard given jk went to dream movie premiere, and a musical of tae's frnds to show support or wtv it was. plus given how jk traveled to Hawaii when tae said he missed jk so the hybe building (hobi saw jm there working as well so the pdogg house wasn't the only place jm worked) and before you wonder how new i am it's my 5th year in the Fandom. not as old as you but old enough to have known all of their contents.
Jimin talked about him talking with jk about music for hrs and said that he'd tell jk what he learned so i think he was talking about the time AFTER they shot in NYC for AYS. jm talked about going to vocal lessons when he was working on muse(in his live) so I'm assuming he talked with jk about music after NYC trip where he also heard "Who" for the very first time. my personal assumption which I'm pretty sure of is that jk wasn't aware of what's going on with jm when he was working on FACE and the live jk did after face dropped was him just catching up with what's jm doing. I mean he didn't even know when jm was doing his music shows etc etc. my personal assumption tho.
There's no need for jkk to lie to us and say "you didn't call me when i was free and i didn't call you when u were free" because they simply could have not said anything rather than lying. I'm definitely not a tkkr who spin their words to fit my narative so I'll take things as it is said to us when I don't see any reason for them to lie to us.
Yes having e/o in military is a comfort for them but I'll ask u if u get an option of enlisting alone OR u can Enlist with ur friend whom you know for a decade now what option would u chose? won't u wanna go with ur frnd if U actually have an option? given the status they have it's obvious more comfort for them that they have their frnd with them so I believe any normal human would chose to go with their frnd than alone with given option. and jkk do have visible tattoes so they obviously have limited options that don't mean they have to go with e/o BUT why not go with ur frnd than go alone? it's very natural doens't have to be "they can't live w/o e/o".
And just like Taekook changed jikook changed as well. many have hard time beliveing it but that's what how atleast some of us see it. have some points to add for this topic as why but it's already too long so I'll stop.
Thank you, anon, for the oh so detailed read.
And for also proving my point that some people on here actually believe that the only times jikook have ever interacted in their entire lives is when they film content for us.
Bravo!
I was going to just leave it at that but I've got some time so why not write more?
Anon not being a tkkr? Yeah, okay. It is true that not all jikookers have the same opinion. Some support, some simply ship and can become very insecure because they don't actually see jikook as two actual people in an actual relationship. But I actually have working braincells and can very easily spot tkkr rhetoric as opposed to insecure jikooker rhetoric. Anon was a tkkr clearly trying to gaslight. I can actually point out very specific phrases used if you'd like.
Jikook have never bickered before AYS? Really?! REALLY?! You stated you're five years into this fandom so my assumption is your consumption of content begins at 2019. Because there is NO WAY that anyone could have seen jikook interactions since 2013, and claimed they have only ever been 'lovey-dovey'.
If there was any awkwardness at the very beginning of filming (which I still have yet to see), do you know why? It's because Jimin and Jungkook DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT THEY WERE FILMING! They didn't even have a frigging name for the show! To the point that they, along with the staff said on multiple occasions that they didn't even know if this even would be released. Not because they were awkward with each other but because they were just going with the flow for the first time. And as entertainers, they needed to feel out the situation to provide content for us. Guess what? That takes a bit of time.
And your whole essay on JK not being there for Jimin? I'm not even going to go into detail because clearly the only time Jimin and Jungkook interact is when a camera is rolling.
Finally the military thing. You know what would have been more comforting than each other? Being assigned to an area that wasn't the most dangerous and active. And visible tattoos have nothing to do with anything as a lot of persons have posted about. It may have barred them from a select few, but certainly not all other avenues. And Jungkook could have just as easily chosen Taehyung to enlist with. But he didn't. And I hardly think he tossed a coin or that Jimin was the second option. The apparently indigestible fact remains that jikook actively chose each other.
You claim that jikook changed, just like Taekook, and that's just how some of 'you' see it. Fine. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. And I would actually genuinely be interested in those 'whys' you mentioned.
But please, when you do, make sure you can clearly reference from the beginning.
Because I can also do that to show how jikook's relationship has changed over the years. Only, it's not going to be the change you see.
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Audio Drama Sunday - 22nd December ✨
I have been SO ill this week oh my god, I can’t even express how much hands this virus has 🤧 Thank you to all the shows who have kept me company this week!
🌲 @hellofromthehallowoods (178) Olivier!!!! Oh, it is breaking my HEART that his parents essentially pulled him out and dropped him in bloody France with no more power and no way of finding out what happened to the rest of the expedition. He doesn’t even know about Riot 😭 Also, I wish the gang had just been told the truth about that chapel because, my god, if it’s not Marco that goes wandering in there, it’s definitely going to be Hope!! Eek, Cole, man!!! You are not showing that you understand any of the principles that made Clem a good detective!! She had a process and a Shelby and years of practice!! You, sir, are going to fuck this up! We obviously now know for sure that Heather was one of the quartet and I feel like Ignatius is probably one because of the fire. Who knows! The game is still definitely afoot!
🦋 @remnantspod (20) I was warned that this episode would break my heart but did I heed that warning as I listened on my walk through the city centre? No. Did I pay the socially embarrassing price for that hubris? Maybe!! Pushing down the trauma of that remnant leads to some qs from me (please share if you have thoughts!!). We know that Stephen Grenville was just one of many names that the keystone character was using - do we know if the man in this remnant was the ‘original’ one or a ‘fake’ SG? I’m thinking about what he said about Celine’s paintings and her being unable to stop her own style peeking through, I didn’t catch a flash of the Perry/Stephen/Apprentice in this man. I feel like it would add such an interesting layer if the murderer we know about was stealing identities from nasty people. But maybe that's wishful thinking! Does it make the murdering better if there's a good reason?? Idk! No? I might need to dedicate myself to a relisten sometime soon!
🎃 Waiting For October by @monkeymanproductions (2.5) Ah, Poe. I love that there are still people fond enough of him to listen to his story no matter how irritating he is generally! I am definitely not well read enough to catch all of the references to other authors and stories but I found his cawing belligerence amusing all the same!! I’m looking forward to what’s next for Karo and Yvonne!
🎙️WTNV (260 - December Monologues) Such a great time of year. I love hearing from characters we don’t catch up with as much like the Faceless Old Woman. I don’t know what’s about to happen with Steve, but I am buckled in and ready to find out!!
🍾 @ameliapodcast (39) Amelia and Alvina are just on a prison tour at this point! Sometimes there are quotes that you just need to immediately add to the mental bank and “I piss on your mother's grave and wipe my ass with your birth certificate!” is 100% one of them 😂
🧳 Travelling Light @monstrousproductions (Q+A part 2) my three take away points from this second part of the Q+A were 1) complete gratitude that Hero and I are on the same page about Scarry (who will most certainly return in late S2 right?). 2) I am soooo intrigued about your vague references to Olí and the Traveller’s relationship in S2 AND 3) Matt, that impression was genuinely horrifying. Thank you.
🌵 @desertskiespodcast (1-4) I have been putting off listening to Desert Skies for too long because I knew it would make me emotional. Until Leon @tellnotalespod very correctly told me that a few tears are so worth it for the rest of the experience of listening to the show. I’m only a few eps in but I absolutely adore the balance of humour and heartache. I’ve literally had these characters for 2 hours and I would already kill for them!!
Have a lovely week, everyone! The days are getting longer and the nights are getting shorter!! 🫶
#audio drama sunday#hfth spoilers#travelling light#wtnv#remnants pod#waiting for october#the amelia project#desert skies
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Season 5 rewatch thoughts:
(idk if anyone actually reads these but idc I like writing them lmao)
overall thoughts: this was a shorter season (only 20 episodes) but it didn’t feel like it for some reason and I can’t decide if that’s good or bad lol. the distance between “Redux” and “The End” feels enormous though, and I think it’s bc you can really divide this season into three distinct sections: the cancer arc climax of Redux/Redux II, post-cancer arc (Detour, The Post-Modern Prometheus), and post Christmas Carol/Emily arc, that all have a very different tone from each other. obviously the main overarching theme this season is mulder and scully’s role reversals of believer vs. skeptic, but this season also deals a lot with trust in a way that I found similar to earlier episodes (particularly “wetwired” in regards to “the pine bluff variant”) but where the themes manifest in a different way bc the M/S relationship has changed so much even just from the beginning of the season
msr: redux/redux II is earth-shattering for so many reasons but imo this is the point where i think it’s solidified for both of them that they are IT for each other like there is no possible way they can imagine a future without the other in it. (now I don’t think they think the other feels the same way as they do lol but it’s a confirmation of their own feelings at least) but, coming to this realization is deeply painful especially considering the emily arc, scully’s chip, mulder’s disbelief, and just the weight of their work and the x files in general- made all the worse bc it is impossible for them to separate their work from their love for each other. the ouroboros of it all!! “folie a deux” is the culmination of the horror show of their current relationship, and diana in the following episode further takes an axe to it, particularly for scully. I also don’t think it’s completely fair to say that mulder alone stopped anything from happening in “detour” bc scully also did the same thing in “emily” when she refused mulder’s comfort (understandably, she was probably still pissed at him, but as she told the social worker, she was also keeping him at arms length for her own protection). who knows if things would have been different if that hadn’t had happened, but I think her rejection of him makes their distance from each other in the rest of the season bc of their changing beliefs feel even more isolating. I thought s4 was bad for angst, but whew! also, no hugs this season, and almost no physical affection after the cancer arc except for small moments in “the red and the black”, “all souls”, “folie a deux”, and “the end”.
writing: vince gilligan is a god!!! though he (and tim minear) had a tiny flop with “kitsunegari”. I also love his attention to continuity by having mulder wear a bandage on his finger in “folie a deux”, it makes it even darker when you consider mulder was ~this close~ to dying probably not even a week apart...no wonder he’s so grumpy lmao. I also was very impressed with john shiban in “the pine bluff variant” considering I normally can’t stand his solo writing episodes (like “teso dos bichos” is thee worst episode of the series i’m sorry)
directing: I miss rob bowman :(( but “kill switch” and “the pine bluff variant” were absolute VIBES and I can’t wait for FTF. the non manners/bowman direction was mostly fine, but the only other directors that stuck out to me were chris carter for “the post modern prometheus” and “the red and the black” (where he was imitating bowman i think) and r.w. goodwin for “the end”. also lots of close up shots of mulder’s eyes this season! big fan!
hair: great hair from both of them, and the most consistent (probably bc of FTF) early s4 scully hair and s1/s3 mulder hair is still my favorite tho lol
favorite episodes: Redux II, Detour, Christmas Carol/Emily, Kill Switch, Bad Blood, The Pine Bluff Variant, Folie a Deux, The End
70% worth rewatching imo (surprising bc there were a lot of episodes I LOVED but there was a lot of filler too, probably bc of FTF filming)
individual episode reactions under the cut:
Redux- good, but very exposition heavy
Redux II- literally being shot in the chest would be less painful. Amazing.
Unusual Suspects- Lone Gunman origin story. No Scully :(
Detour- thee quintessential x files episode. iconique.
The Post Modern Prometheus- great gowns, beautiful gowns. Bad story.
Christmas Carol- ahhhh :(((( Scully looks hot tho, and love Melissa reappearance
Emily- Scully :((((((
Kitsunegari- kind of dumb and unnecessary, pusher is perfect without it :/
Schizogeny- okay Lorax killer trees episode…boring
Chinga- fun lil stephen king vibes™️ episode, bored weekend mulder is hilarious
Kill Switch- Scully is bisexual confirmed, vibes>>>>
Bad Blood- one of the funniest episode of the series methinks. obsessed.
Patient X- yikes…mulder is kind of an asshole? role reversal
The Red and the Black- unintentionally hilarious? but also deeply sad
Travelers-boring, almost no M/S, but Mulder was randomly married???
Mind’s Eye- mehhhhh
All Souls- decent, scully catholicism episode
The Pine Bluff Variant- yooooo!! really good and suspenseful!
Folie a Deux- Vince Gilligan has done it again!!!!
The End- screammm so good
#idk i have more thoughts but this is already long enough#re: diana and mulder and her being married i don't think they were#the wedding ring in travelers is just DD being silly and i guess maybe bb mulder wore it so suspects would take him more seriously#txf#txf rewatch#my capitalization and quotations is all over the place sorry
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There are SIX SONGS in the season finale?? Let's goooo
#sanders sides#thomas sanders#i had figured that it must have gotten overwhelming with a series that has such a massive and vocal audience#I've been there too honestly#and i thought few recent episodes being a bit stale was fair criticism but the 'we have to wait too long for more content' stuff...#idk always hit me the wrong way I cannot stand by those#also like when i say i support creators taking time with their projects and prioritising their mental health I MEAN it#i mean it even if it's someone more famous. I don't think I'm owed explanations and details to decide if I'll 'allow' it#i would have been happy enough to wait on the finale already tbh. and now I'm so stoked!! also idc the latest asides was great#someone come talk with me about sanders sides!!
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wait so chuuya has angel imagery about him in stormbringer. and dazai is referred to as a demon on more than one occasion. and. hold on. wait. I'm going insane. hold on.
#don't try to figure out the grammar of this post I'm too lazy and having too many thoughts for that rn.#ANYWAY are they literally an angel/demon ship. in a way. bc if so. the dan rights are insane#I've been thinking abt this for awhile idk why it took me so long to post abt it#I'm ngl demon dazai as a concept is already enough to give me rights personally he truly is just like me fr#and . you know how insane i am abt angels. tbh chuuya would make a really good angel he's loyal and has humanity issues doesn't he.#also he is a Fucked Up Creature :) love that about him. but yeah that's another part of it#i wish there was like. more of that. more than just that one time symbolism. i need more. so i can write an essay abt angel chuuya#(if there is and i just missed it PLEASE send it my way. i am asking nicely 🔫)#(ig you could argue he's like an angel saving the ada in this arc but... eh that's not direct enough for me)
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Aftermare Week 2024
Day2(6): Destroy(ed)/(Re)Building
Geno was hanging upside-down from the Tree of Feelings, just above where Nightmare was. Nightmare was reading a book he got from the library. Nightmare's thoughts wandered, he couldn't help but think on how the last year went. The villagers, particularly the ones who were very hostile to him, were starting to actually give him a chance. He can't help but to believe that Geno arriving here was the cause of it, though it took a while for this to happen. They still bullied and hurt him after Geno showed up, but Geno had started protecting him. Something that Dream never-... No, it wasn't Dream's fault. Dream didn't know it was happening, or at least didn't know the extent of it. He wished he said something before, now, as things were getting better with both Geno and Dream advocating for the villagers to stop abusing him(he wasn't sure if that's what he'd call it, but Geno insisted that's what they were doing to him). He's incredibly grateful for Geno, even if he went and told Dream after the last time the bad villagers attacked him when he didn't want him to. He couldn't deny that it felt better to have his brother know about it now, though, not after the results that came afterwards.
The villagers no longer unofficially banned him from entering the village with or without his brother(they never said he wasn't allowed but the way they treated him pretty much implied it), some of them were still wary of him, but they were starting to warm up to him it seems. Some of them even apologized for not helping him sooner, they were some of the ones who weren't mean to him, though they never helped much before, if they knew at all. He certainly didn't want to dwell on how many people might not have known what was happening to him, or who knew what was happening and didn't care.
Overall, it's only been good ever since Geno arrived, they even started dating a month ago. Geno still misses his brother, but he's been happy here.
Noticing the position of the sun as being roughly noon, Nightmare was about to ask if Geno wanted to grab a bite to eat for lunch. But before he did, there seemed to be a sudden flash of light. And as soon as the light faded and he could see again, there was what he could only describe as a tear in the air beside Geno. He immediately dropped the book as he jumped up, and Geno, still partially blinded, falls off the branch trying to right himself. Just as Nightmare was about to catch him, the tear started to drag Geno in. He grabs Geno's scarf in one hand and tries to reach for his hand or something to try to keep him from going through the tear. Neither of them know what's on the other side, and they don't want to find out.
Unfortunately, it was not enough. Geno was pulled through, but not before his scarf was pulled from his neck, leaving Nightmare with only his scarf. Nightmare and Geno had one last look at each other, tears in their eyes as they realized this was the last time they'd see each other and horror at what was happening, then the tear in space closed.
Nightmare clutched the scarf as he broke down, and soon after rain clouds have gathered. Dream returned after it started pouring and as soon as he saw how distraught his brother was he ran to him. He nearly slipped on the grass, but caught himself. He noticed Geno was nowhere in sight but his priority is his brother right now.
"Brother, what's wrong? Are you ok? Are you hurt? Where's Geno, I don't see him? Wait, is that his-"
"He- he's gone, he's gone and I-I couldn't- I couldn't *hic* save him. He- I-..."
"Brother, Night, please, slow down. You have to breath, okay? What happened? Geno's gone?"
He took a few deep breaths, and tried to explain what happened, having to pause between sobs. Dream started crying along with him as what happened sank in. Geno, his brother's partner, his friend, the one who ultimately helped both of them in different ways, was gone. He protected his brother when he was unable to, even when he wanted to so bad, but didn't want to pressure his brother when he didn't want to talk to him about what was happening with the villagers. He helped him set firmer boundaries with the villagers, not letting them overwork him like they were, and in the end he and Nightmare were feeling closer than before now that they weren't keeping things from each other. All they could do in this moment was mourn Geno, as they hugged each other in the pouring rain.
~meanwhile~
Geno landed on the other side of the tear very disoriented. Upon trying to stand he noticed that everything was dark, an almost unfamiliar type of dark. He also noticed the familiar glitching over his right eye socket. Then a small presence ran up to him on his blind side and almost knocked him over.
"Agh! What the- Frisk!?"
"You were gone for so long, where were you!?"
"I-"
"Wait, you're crying, are you okay? What happened?"
"Woa-"
"You're not hurt, are you? Where's your scarf?"
"Stop!! What do you care, anyway!?"
"... I'm sorry. I was just... I'll go."
Frisk left to the only patch of grass in the Save Screen, though they were still worried about him. He was gone for so long, and they had no idea what happened to him. They wanted so bad to comfort him right now, as much as they knew that they probably weren't who he wanted near him. They did a lot to him, so they knew he wouldn't trust them. But he's clearly going through something right now.
Some time later, Geno had gotten up, but still felt defeated. So he was back in the Save Screen, huh? Was this what he deserves? Is this the karma he deserves for not protecting Papyrus that first Genocide route? Doomed to be stuck here with the kid who started it all? To do nothing but watch as Chara continues to Reset and do whatever they want? Is he really not allowed to be happy? Even once?
He shakes these thoughts out of his head for now, he can have another mental/emotional breakdown later. He looks over to Frisk, and regrets what he said earlier. As much as he wants to stay mad at them, his year with Nightmare and his brother Dream has given him a lot of time to process and think over what he's been through, and also think about Frisk and their ability to Reset. He can't help but think how the power could have made it too easy to want to do things again and again. He doesn't think he can forgive them yet, but he can certainly be a bit kinder to them.
He walks over to them and moves to sit beside them.
"Hey, I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. You didn't deserve that."
Frisk, surprised, just stared at him for a moment. "What?"
"You didn't deserve to be yelled at for worrying about me. I shouldn't have said that. I was, am still dealing with another loss I just had. To answer your earlier questions, I had been transported to some other world very different than ours. One that seemed to have humans and monsters getting along, well, for the most part. And there were two brothers I met there, they were called Dream and Nightmare. They helped to take care of me, even when I was... stubborn. The reason for me crying was because I had been forcibly taken from there when I had been there for a year and had grown pretty close with the two, especially one of the brothers, Nightmare. I helped them as well, Nightmare was being abused by the villagers there because of a stupid assumption or rumor that they thought was fact. Put a stop to that nonsense, and also got the two brothers to start telling each other these things."
Frisk let him talk about all that happened, and couldn't help but feel both happy and sad for Geno. It seemed like he was able to be happy where he ended up, but the fact he had been dragged back here..., it was so unfair.
Eventually, they both started talking about how they could maybe fix their situation without actually destroying the timeline like Geno was initially planning to do. His time with Dream and Nightmare had given him time to think about what he would've even accomplished by doing so, and how unfair it was to everyone else that he decided their fate for them. So he had decided that he would figure something else out if he was able to come back on his own. Except that was when he was kinda wanting to go back to Papyrus more than hanging out with the brothers.
"Okay, so what can we do about Chara? I think we both can agree they can't be allowed to keep killing everyone."
"Yeah, what about still bringing them here? But I don't know what we could do after that."
"That's a start, at least. Let's see what Sans is up to."
As he says this, he opens up a window to where Sans is, after a moment to remember how he did it in the first place. The window shows Sans in the Judgement Hall, and observing for a while longer reveals that Chara is back to killing the entire Underground. 'Seriously? How many times has this gone on since he was gone? Don't they get bored of doing this over and over?'
There's nothing left to do but wait, Geno remembers that it's easiest to get Sans here while he's unconscious or a Reset happens. And soon enough, Sans gets hit, dies, and then the Reset happens. Geno snaps his fingers, and Sans is in the Save Screen.
Sans was confused, where was he? As he turns around, he remembers where this is. It's been a long time since he was here, and he was starting to worry about Geno with how long it's been without him summoning him into the Save Screen. And, wait, where is his scarf? And last he remembers, he wasn't fond of Frisk, yet he seems to be rather chill with them.
"Heya, been a long time, huh?"
"Yeah, it has been a while, sorry for disapperin' on ya, there was apparently an unplanned vacation I was sent on."
"What? I thought you couldn't leave this place?"
"I thought so too, but whatever it was that transported me there also made it so I was fine. I don't really know how that worked. But then after I had been comfortable there, I was transported back here, and for all I know, I'm still not able to leave here without dying. But, enough about that for now. I wanted to talk to you about how we can stop Chara."
Sans let out a disappointed sigh, "if this is about destroying our timeline, it's still a no."
"Oh, no, no it's not that, actually. Though I guess it can still be a backup if we really can't solve this a different way-"
Frisk decided to speak up, "We're not destroying our timeline, Geno."
"So then, what was this new plan?"
"There isn't much of a fully thought out plan, but first step is to bring Chara here. But we don't know what step two would be because I don't know how we can stop them completely."
"Ah, so we're just brainstorming things, then?"
"Pretty much."
"Hm, well, what if..."
~Timeskip to after the events of Aftertale happen and Geno is on the Surface with everyone(I'm lazy and have to progress to the rest of the story without this basically retelling all of the climax of Aftertale. Just pretend that the end of Aftertale had this kind of background with Geno not attacking Sans after getting Chara and Papyrus into the Save Screen. Also I'm just leaving this in here cause why not XD)~
Geno looked out at the sunset atop Papyrus' shoulders. He can't say that he regrets anything he's done, aside from making things harder on Sans. It's all worth it to see Papyrus again, and knowing that there won't be anymore Resets is very reassuring to him. And this view, as much as he's seen it before, is probably one of the most beautiful sights he's seen of the Surface. It's no view from that hill of the large flower field in the moonlight in the other world he spent a year in, though.
... He misses Nightmare and Dream. He can't help but wonder what they'd think of this. Surely they miss him, too.
"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT, NEW BROTHER? YOU LOOK A LITTLE SAD."
"Oh, it's nothing. I just miss a couple of people is all. You remember the story I told you about the two brothers in the other world I was in?"
"OH, YES. I MAY NOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE, BUT I KNOW THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU. I'M SURE YOU'LL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN SOMEDAY, I JUST KNOW IT!"
"Heh, I'm not sure about that, but I sure hope so."
"NYEHEH!"
As time went by, Geno grew accustomed to life on the Surface alongside his two brothers, Sans and Papyrus. But even as he was happy to finally be by Papyrus' side, he couldn't deny that he missed Nightmare terribly, sometimes to the point he refused to leave his room. He was starting to wonder how he could visit that world. To go back there. The urge to see Nightmare and Dream again only grew as time went on.
So, after a year and a half on the Surface, he starts testing out the limits of his Determination. After all, Determination had kept him from dying and also got him into the Save Screen, so why wouldn't it be able to transport him to a different world? He had to try it or he would never know. So he's in the basement experimenting with Determination, and he mixes an unstable sample of Determination with a stable sample. It has the unfortunate reaction of destabilizing completely and explodes in a blast of piercing white light.
When he next gains consciousness, the only thing he sees is white, blindingly white nothing. He immediately squeezes his eyes shut, trying to adjust his eyelights to his new and unfamiliar surroundings. "Where am I? How...?" Squinting his eyes open a bit, he slowly realizes he isn't having aftereffects from the blast earlier, but that this is indeed a white void. Completely different than the Save Screen, and yet somehow just as lonely.
"Hello? Is anyone out there!?" He listened as his voice echoed in the space, how big was it? The echoes kept bouncing between invisible walls and only faded about a minute later, was it a minute? It must have been, surely. He tests the "floor," and finds that he's definitely on something solid. And starts wandering in what he thinks is a straight line, hoping to find some kind of, well, anything really.
~Timeskip, Geno is now Error, and doesn't remember anything prior to becoming Error~
It's been four years since Geno had disappeared, and while he still misses him, things are alright. Nightmare and his brother, Dream, now had a proper house near their Tree. Some of the villagers even helped build it with them. It has three bedrooms, one for Dream, one for Nightmare, and a guest bedroom. Though both of them knew the real reason they insisted it had three bedrooms, it was for Geno should he by some miracle come back to them. They knew that, by now, it was less and less likely to happen. Dream had been trying to be positive about the possibility, but even he had doubts, and Nightmare knew that. Nightmare was inconsolable for nearly a month after Geno's disappearance. He also started avoiding the villagers again for a while, too, anxious that they would start going back to how they treated him before Geno was there.
Thankfully, the villagers understood that he was going through a very hard time, and gave him space. Some had also gifted him little treats and notes to try to help comfort him, most were given through Dream though, but there were a few occasions that someone was able to give their gift to him in person. It took a while for Nightmare to get used to the idea that the villagers wouldn't hurt him and put his anxieties to rest on that. He's always seen wearing Geno's scarf, too, it brings him some comfort.
Today was a nice day, the sun was out and it was warm, but not unbearably so. Dream was out entertaining the village children while he was taking a walk and hearing out a villager's issues and trying to help them to solve/deal with them. It was going well before a portal opened up a few feet behind them. Nightmare turned to it and froze. It was like the tear that took Geno away.
Turning back to the villager, he said, "I think we're going to have to talk later, I have to deal with this." The villager nodded and ran off.
The portal was blocky and didn't hold a solid shape, shifting and also had a strange sound coming from it. As he was studying this portal's strangeness, someone came through it! It closed behind them, and the strange sound faded, but didn'tstop. It seemed to also come from the stranger. Looking at the new stranger, they looked so odd, even for a monster. Their bones were black, oh- wait, their fingers were yellow and red, and so was what he could see of their spine. And the legs are also red it seems- Wait, stop staring, it's rude. And they were wearing a red sweater with a midnight blue jacket and black shorts and... black slippers? Actually, no, that's not the weirdest thing someone can wear, and even then, it's not really a problem. The weirdest thing was that their entire figure looked like they were... not fully together?? Their figure had square chunks of them jumping in and out of their body, and the word 'Error' was randomly placed along their body.
He was going to ask them their name and what they wanted when he noticed that they were looking frantically around them, visibly distressed and on the verge of a panic attack. He saw the signs, and having had panic attacks before, knows how to deal with it. He was just going to have to hope that what helped him out of those panic attacks would help this person.
"Hey, it's okay, here, breathe in, two, three, four, hold it in for five seconds, and breathe out for six. Ready?"
He helped the stranger through the panic attack, and thankfully they're now calm. Both of them are now sitting in the grass, Nightmare had guided the other down so that if they were to pass out they wouldn't fall from standing up. They were currently looking at the grass like they had never seen grass before, so that concerned him a bit. The sound seems quieter.
He cleared his throat before speaking, "Uh, hey, how are you doing? Feeling any better?"
They looked up at him, "Y-Yeah, I'm feelin-ng better now, tha-thank you-u. You look v-very ni-ice. Very colorfu-ful."
Nightmare, caught off guard, felt his face heat up. "U-uh, thanks? You're pretty colorful yourself."
"You look kinda-a familiar for some re-reason, but you're the f-first person I've me-met. So I don't kn-ow why I would recogn-nize you."
"I do? That does sound odd, huh? Ah! I had forgotten about introductions. I'm Nightmare, what's your name?"
"Oh, I'm, uhh-uh..." He squinted his eyes in thought as he tried to remember his name. "... Error, that'ssss it. Yeah, my na-name is Err-ror."
"It's nice to meet you, Error. Where did you come from? You were pretty freaked out when you got here."
"I'm n-not too sure? I don't know w-what the place is-s-s, but there's ju-ust, nothing in there? Hold-d-d on I think I can open a port-tal back there? I'm pretty new t-to this though..."
Error concentrates before waving a hand through the air in front of them, and the strange noise that's been there gets stronger again. The portal opens, and Nightmare can only see white. He can't see anything else in there, and looking for a while is starting to hurt his eyelights.
"Is that really what it looks like? It's just white. How long have you been in there?"
"Yeah, it's pre-retty barren, b-but it's kinda al-l I know? I thi-ink? I don't rememb-er anything else bef-fore I woke up there. And I-I don't know how long-ng I've been there, it just felt li-i-ike a very long time? Or was it a short tim-me? I'm not sure..." He closed the portal again.
"Would you like to stay here? We have a spare guest room you can stay in. My brother wouldn't mind you staying as you get used to this place if you do stick around. It's better than white nothing, right?"
"Hmm-mm, I guess I cou-ld. There's s-s-so many colors her-ere, it's... nice, I thin-nk."
Nightmare thought that last statement was a bit odd, but then again, the guy was in an empty white void, for lack of better terms, for however long he was in there. Colors would be a bit of an adjustment to someone who was devoid of most colors.
"Alright, let me guide you there, then. I'm going to have to tell Dream about this. I think you'll like him."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he's good at making friends. I'm getting the hang of it, but still like to not be around too many people at once. It's this way."
Nightmare waved him over, leading him back to his and Dream's home. On the way back Nightmare couldn't help but think about how Geno first appeared. It's rather odd how two different people managed to arrive in this place from somewhere completely foreign to him. It couldn't be related, right? No, it's just a coincidence.
Soon enough, they arrived. 'Oh, looks like Dream returned from the village early. Better for us, I can tell him everything now than wait until he gets home later.' Nightmare waved at Dream, who waved back.
Dream had fun with the villagers' children, but had decided to head back for the day. Once getting back, he realized his brother hadn't returned yet, so he went to get some food ready. He was still learning to cook from Saphire, the village's tavern cook, so it was going to be sandwiches for today. She was nice, and had offered to teach both of the brothers as a way to help them have their own means of providing food for themselves. It was so that neither Dream nor Nightmare had to rely on the villagers' generosity to avoid any possible future issues that came from any of the villagers taking advantage of them.
After making a couple sandwiches, he went outside to wait for Nightmare. He decided to busy himself with tending the flowers in their front garden. A few minutes later, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, and knew instantly it was Nightmare. Looking over to the forest, he saw Nightmare with a new person. He waved back at Nightmare after he waved, but was intrigued by the new person following him.
As they approached, Dream noticed more details about the new guy, including his strange appearance. He seemed rather relaxed before he saw him, but now seemed nervous. He also kept looking around at everything, almost like seeing the world for the first time.
"Hi, brother! Who might this be? Make a new friend?"
"Hi, Dream, this is Error. Error, this is my brother, Dream. He just appeared out of a portal a little while ago. He came from some kind of white void? And I offered for him to stay here instead of wherever that place was. I don't know much about the place, but I can't help but feel like that isn't a good place to live long-term. It's okay if he stays, right?"
Dream blinked in surprise, that was not what he expected, but quickly agreed. "Of course he can stay! Oh, I made some sandwiches, I should make a few more, I hope you like them!" And he ran into the house to make a few more sandwiches, leaving Nightmare and Error outside.
"Is he a-always that energeti-tic?"
"Most times, yeah. Is it too much for you? I can let him know to calm down a bit. He's just excited to meet someone new, is all."
"N-No, I think it's alri-right. Reminds me of-f...." Error pauses, trying to think of what Dream reminded him of.
"... You alright?" Nightmare asked, concerned.
"Hm? Oh, yea-ah, just thought that y-your brother reminded m-e-e of someone, but I don't r-remem-mber who. It's fine, though. Wh-What are these 'sandw-wiches' that he was talking abou-out?"
"Oh, it's a kind of food that consists of different ingredients that is put between two slices of bread, or sandwiched."
"Oh, that's kin-n-nd of cool. I'll try-y them, then."
Nightmare and Error entered the house, and while Dream was making more sandwiches, Nightmare showed their new guest the spare bedroom and pointed out his and Dream's rooms and let him know that if he needs anything at night, he's welcome to let either of them know. Nightmare just hoped that if Geno does show up again somehow, by whatever miracle, he wouldn't mind him giving Error the room he hoped would be Geno's.
He fidgeted with Geno's scarf later, after they had all eaten their fill of sandwiches. Though he will admit Error's method of eating was... unexpected(why did he have five tongues??). But it was a nice early dinner. It had surprised him just how late it was when he brought Error back, though, it didn't seem like it took that long. And there's still the question of what that strange sound that seems to be ever-present around Error. Something he'll have to ask another time.
So this is it! It is done! Ok, there are a couple of ideas I played around with in this. First, Dream and Nightmare have a very slight effect on the weather, if Nightmare and/or Dream are very distraught, it will be cloudy and possibly start raining. If either or both of them are very happy, it will be more sunny, but not hot. The other idea is that the Multiverse is not on a universal timer. A lot of AUs go at different speeds, and it's kinda rare to find any two AUs that are both the same speed and are at the same time of day as each other. And the Anti-Void is already known to be outside of any of that and fluctuates in time.
@bluepallilworld @shinechermont
The only thing I couldn't decide at first was if Error was already able to leave the Anti-Void before coming to Dreamtale, or if it's the first time he's left the Anti-Void. Ultimately, I decided to go the route of him first leaving the Anti-Void into Dreamtale. He will go back every now and then and explore the Multiverse from here, but he will always come back here. He won't realize that the reason is that he subconsciously knows this place was a home to him before he became Error, but that will happen in time.
Also this would have been posted on day 2 if I finished everything on time, but it's now in a kinda limbo where it's both on time but also late XD
#my writing#aftermare#Aftermare Week 2024#geno!sans#nightmare!sans#passive!nightmare#uncorrupted!nightmare#dream!sans#aftertale!frisk#< they actually make an appearance in here! they were not forgotten this time!#papyrus#cause he's also here#hope that the all-caps doesn't bother anyone#but that's also just how he talks#this one i felt needed to go under a cut it's so long#also yeah i could have made it so that the villagers never changed but i was already thinking that they could change#cause it feels a bit unrealistic that every single villager was cruel to nightmare or tried to take advantage of dream's kind nature#there had to be a few that thought how the others were treating the brothers were unreasonable#but maybe were too scared cause some of the others might have been in positions of authority?#but maybe tried to show kindness in their own way#maybe tried to give Dream more food for Nightmare or tried to give Dream a break#and i could see others asking for help from dream with things that were not intentionally taking advantage but still had that effect#idk i honestly think this also gives a slight positive note on the outcome with the villagers that has in the last few days been sad#not bashing the bad outcome with the villagers and the idea that even with Geno there it wasn't enough. it's very cool#but I'm bringing a more hopeful approach to it#doesn't change the fact that Glitched Apples doesn't have a happy ending for tge villagers tho#you all will eventually get that from me#whenever i continue that#for now you get this#enjoy! :)
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arlecchino's official title is "father" when house of hearth members refer to her ......... please just one chance please please
#GOD. me when slightly more masc women#idk i really hope they keep that just bc it would be so nice to have some more canonical gender fuckery as little as it is#i hope they write her well because MAN she's been so interesting so far#. kind to kids; who also end up becoming essentially child soldiers; 'has her own agenda' according to childe..#thinking back to my own post abt her and house of hearth: seems like she really does care abt the kids in her org (or acts like it well eno#enough . but ahskdjksfjl she could ofc be another person who knows how bargaining and equivalent exchange works. like. save your life for#a debt. win loyalty via small favors that are actually nice things and things she doesn't mind doing etc#think how bai.zhu operates but a lot more ethically questionable#please please let her be a well rounded evil. her design is already so cool (minus the long rat tail ponytail thing :\)#chewing on her and her motivations and backstory for enrichment#genshin spoilers#4.0 spoilers#fontaine spoilers#arlecchino#i hope! they make her self aware enough to know she's doing evil. or not evil but not morally great things . and i sure hope they don't#write it off as 'this for that. food/shelter for doing 'jobs' for me' when the job is literally . murder and spying and all sorts of other#stuff. or ig she can justify it like that but IDK all im asking is that she doesn't get the shogun treatment#teyvat thoughts#ramblings!
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No but that's kind of what I was talking about a couple days ago because like… I really do feel "jealousy" is such a small part even of how Mine feels about Kiryu, let alone of his motivations. So I Guess Instead Of The Tattoo Essay You Get This 💀💀💀
But like his chief concern is not that Daigo feels strongly about him, but that he feels SO strongly about him that his interference with the resort deal can and has endangered lives, including Daigo's own. Like, it's not only that purposefully putting his men in danger for a controversial figure like Kiryu would be bad for Daigo's reputation if it got out, but at least one person has died. Daigo was only ever going to send more men to their deaths, because Kiryu's worth it to him, and he got almost-kidnapped and shot over it.
And it's all for the sake of Kiryu Not Just Taking The L And Moving Somewhere Else With The Kids. That's what I think Mine is getting at with his comments on Kiryu's "hypocrisy": in cutting all ties to the yakuza abruptly to try and do something good with his life, he's also abandoned his responsibilities and is living in almost willful ignorance of the shitstorm his mistakes and his stubbornness lead to, right up until it lands on his doorstep.
In the Okinawa character story, Mine has a moment of genuinely understanding what Kiryu and Daigo are trying to do, and that Kiryu values Daigo's efforts even if he's not aware of the lengths he goes to. That's part of what changes his mind on Kiryu when he came to Okinawa with the intention of killing him.
But when Daigo's shot, he can't bring himself to think Daigo brought it upon himself by interfering, or to look at it neutrally, so even that understanding becomes twisted as he has no one to blame but Kiryu. Kiryu is, after all, the reason Daigo interfered in the first place.
And because he's the CEO of projection and he himself was so easily won over by Kiryu in Okinawa, he thinks that if Kiryu topples the remaining officers, his charisma could carry him to the Seventh Chairman's seat unopposed, permanently. Of course, he's not considering that Kiryu wouldn't even want to do that; kind of like Aoki thinking Arakawa is gunning for the chairman's seat, I guess.
So in his mind, the stakes are incredibly high. Because Kiryu's return would mean neither Daigo nor Mine (believing himself to be the only person capable of carrying out Daigo's will) could be chairman. To Mine, the Tojo Clan is and should remain "The Sixth Chairman's Tojo Clan," so for the chairmanship to go to the man who (in his view) landed Daigo in this coma would be unacceptable.
If he's going into his first proper meeting with Kiryu with that mindset, it's really no wonder that it takes very little for him to actively see Kiryu as his enemy and go to the lengths he does in the finale to provoke him into a decisive battle. Dude was spiraling.
And I think that's the heart of it, because if you really interrogate Mine's perspective, you could honestly make a pretty convincing argument that what we're looking at isn't even jealousy. It reads AS jealousy to the audience and to Kiryu because he sounds like he's mad about Daigo liking him period. But as I've said, it's not actually because Daigo likes Kiryu and not Mine/more than Mine, it's because he likes him despite how often and how badly it comes back to bite him. We just don't get that context until RGGO, and Kiryu never gets that context period.
Which is not quite to say he doesn't, at least subconsciously, want to be liked by Daigo as much as Daigo likes Kiryu. I think it's incredibly incredibly notable that Mine has this fascination towards the people Daigo holds in high regard, and he's initially just curious about what kind of man Kiryu must be for Daigo to like him so much.
You see this play out directly with Mine overhearing Daigo's old friend call him Daigo-san and then, when Daigo tells him not to call him chairman in public (kind of like Shinada on the plane lol), opting to call him Daigo-san too. He could've just gone with Dojima like most people would and Daigo'd be cool with it, but he chose to emulate Daigo's friend, because that's how he wants Daigo to see him.
Huge part of that character story is the way Mine agonizes about not being as close as the term "oath brother" would suggest (especially after being abandoned by Kanda whereas Daigo took a bullet for him). So I can see his curiosity being like, this is another guy Daigo likes, is there perhaps anything about him I could emulate for Daigo to like me more…? Answer's No, but still.
Understanding people is kind of a big deal to Mine, I think. That is, of course, why he joined the Tojo Clan: to understand what makes Daigo tick, and to understand what would make his men want to die for him. So when his attempts to understand Kiryu are frustrated, that seems to get under his skin like almost nothing else. Because I notice that's when he really loses it in the finale, when Kiryu starts talking to him like he understands him while he still doesn't understand Kiryu.
Kiryu is the biggest threat to Daigo in Mine's eyes and it vexes him that he'll never understand why that's even the case. It's completely irrational to him, and because he's never really had family, he'll never really get why this sort of thing is almost second nature between family members who are that close.
About that, On The Lowest Of Keys and to be 100% thorough, I guess it's also a possibility Mine may have misinterpreted their relationship as romantic. Because Daigo goes on and on about how the Tojo is family to him and how Mine's family to him, so for Kiryu to be more than family in a way he can't explain sounds insane.
If you don't specifically know that Daigo means Kiryu has been more of a parent to him than anyone that could be considered his "real" family (i.e. Sohei and Yayoi). And. You know. Daigo doesn't Explain That Part. Not that he has to, but when you're dealing with the CEO of projection...
At the very least, Mine uses horeru for what he thinks Daigo feels for Kiryu in 3, so I just have a feeling he didn't get the memo on, Well, Anything. Perhaps fair enough on his part because 3 came out before a lot of that was explicitly fleshed out but GIRLLL STOPPP
And despite the nuclear levels of secondhand embarrassment that comes with this scenario, it's also… kind of funny. I'll say it. It would be kind of funny. It's like in 0 where Majima thinks one of the girls is going on a date and gets super protective but it actually turns out to just be her dad (massive grain of salt on this I hardly remember 0 so it might not have happened), or even in 3 where Kiryu thinks Haruka's got a boyfriend. Like why is Mine actually kind of dumb it's so endearing
But yeah no that's like… the only real avenue I can see Mine appearing to be jealous, but even then it's tenuous. I can't really make any definitive statements about it, as we've seen. I think at most it's just like, when you think your crush's ex (In Your Mind) is no good for them but they keep defending them; maybe some of that resentment is rooted in your own feelings, but it's also not unfounded. You know. I think Mine's always been a character whose methods and conclusions are much more questionable than his motivations.
YMMV on nearly everything I've said, but I just feel like… leaning into the jealousy aspect is the easy way out. It's easy to understand. You can say that and be done with it without writing over a thousand words (SORRY </3) to back up your point. But I (obviously) think there's so much more complexity to it, and jealousy is almost a fraction of a fraction of it, to me. It may be more time-consuming to examine the rest, but it's worth it.
But also admittedly biased because 95% of what I've seen the fandom do with the premise of Mine being jealous just isn't that appealing to me. I'm sure some would say I'm woobifying him or something here lmao
im getting the most intense feeling of deja vu and i do not know why but anyways.
in the short and sweet of it, i do think the bulk of mines feelings towards kiryu can be explained via their first meeting. his grievances can be quickly summed up through him calling kiryu a 'hypocrite' in that he thinks he can take care of one family while abandoning another and acting as though he can go back and forth however much he wants (and this can be highlighted with how many times mine refers to other people- i.e. hamazaki and the orphans- as kiryu's 'victims')
like a part of it could be jealousy but as you said it's not the main feeling- it's a fraction of a bigger thing and mine's own personal issues
#long post#snap chats#i dont have much else to say youve already said everything i could ever say. as per usual ( ̄▽ ̄;;;)#i have thought extensively about the whole 'hypocrite' bit before tho#i dont remember if ive made a post bout it on her or ive just talked bout it on twitter but yeah..#mines issues lie in the 'opportunity' kiryu sullied i guess#or at least his irresponsibility is what i think i mean#idk i still have a lil bit of a headache from yesterday so im even more incomprehensible forgive me#i dont need to try to speak for you or expand for you tho youve done that well enough#i always try to comment when there isnt a reason to ( ´◡` ;;;;)
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I wish there was a way you could put like. every song in the world on shuffle
#spotify playlists made for you are not enough#bc they're based on music i already like and i don't Wanna Hear Music I Already Like#god i need a hyperfixation that is Stable and also New (not a revival of one I've had since I was 16)#bc they introduce me to music i wouldn't have even thought of ever going near#not to compare everything to the highs of my tflu obsession but like?#that introduced me to So Much Music (some related. some not)#i probably listened to more genres in 2022 than i have ever listened to in my life#but idk. i could just listen to some random genre i have no interest in but what would be the point?#there needs to be a sort of 'hilda would've liked this in the 40s' 'this reminds me of swagtre' 'this is literally the plot of nddp' etc#sort of connection#but all i have right now is the endless cycling continuation of the south park obsession i had in 2016. which makes it very easy to just#listened to the music i listened to back then#also it's like. I've seen everything in that fandom there's nothing new i can really get out of it?#it's more just a mix of nostalgia and it's like. easy to get into bc idk. a lot of characters and storylines so you don't get bored in one#place for so long. almost the perfect obsession if it wasn't literally South Park#but surely i can just type in a character's name on spotify and find new music that way?#hahaha No#bc every single sp playlist I've looked through only seems to use like the same 10 songs. and i don't really like any of them#also 'he would not fucking say that' except it's 'he would not fucking listen to that'#most of the time. idk#i need new Vibes that's the problem#there's always a new vibe going on at all times but it seems to have stopped around the start of this year#maybe i just need a job. once i have a job there'll be a location i go to regularly. and I'll have to travel there in some way. and that#will be a new experience. and there'll be new vibes#I'll probably stumble across a new hyperfixation in the process. and then find new music from it#but for now everything is so stagnant and all i really listen to is 80s/90s indie pop and then just music i've listened to since I was 14#i can't even ask for recommendations bc even if i like a song it has nothing to stick to in my brain#i'll be like ''this is a cool song i like it'' and listen to it on repeat and then go off it like a day later#oh fuck tag limit#ramble
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upon reflection several months later i have to admit. bg3 doesn't have the greatest story ever. but is it still really good and really enjoyable and really top tier? hell yeah brother
#i think if you had to ask me at gunpoint i'd rank it below the shadowbringers expansion from hit catboy dressup simulator final fantasy 14#but that's a REALLY really really really high bar to clear#and bg3 by itself is already clearing a lot of other excellent games in their own rights#yin-thoughts#baldur's gate 3#it's a very well written and surprisingly airtight plot and most of the problems i have with its story come down to like#presentation and obviously dropped plotlines and some characters being clearly loved by the devs more than others#(coughs. a certain vampire twink compared to my man wyll)#i cant stress enough that these critiques of it are not saying i hate it it's literally my favorite rpg ever i adore it with all my heart#it's like. objectively i would not put it at the tier of best video game story of all time. sorta like lonetrail vs lingering echoes#but subjectively i adore both and love one more closely to my heart than the other#yknow?#idk if im making sense. im rambling too much. these tags are too long. ignore me
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#i've thought here and there (sometimes a lot more than here and there) about changing my name for like 8 years#and idk maybe it is time! maybe it's something to actually consider if i've been actively avoiding considering it for so long#my name now isn't like. particularly meaningful. it was basically just There when i came out as trans#and my feeling towards it was honestly just relief at feeling like i didn't have to make a decision myself#but there are 2 that have both been on my mind this entire time#i've had my current name for 10 years. legally for 9. and it was only like a year after that that i was like hmmm#but even if it wasn't already changed legally i was SO averse to anything that could have possibly been seen as wavering or uncertainty#i came out 10 years ago at 17 and i had to really dig my feet in to get my family on board enough to start transitioning soon as i hit 18#and i felt like being Certain and not showing Any hesitation would make other ppl see me as more legitimate#so no going through multiple names#and then also the Hassle it's just such a pain doing all that legally#idk maybe i just wouldn't bother. just tell everyone in my life that this is the deal now but i'm not bothering w legal documents#idrc about people calling me a different name in medical / official settings as long as it's not incongruous w my gender#or maybe i would do it eventually legally. i've wanted to change my last name the whole time too
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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.
the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.
and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.
when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.
i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.
i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!
because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?
in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.
like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.
i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.
and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.
i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.
i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.
i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.
but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.
that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.
#tales from diana#long post#sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness#and idk. im tired. im so tired#do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not#thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation#not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again#that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para#i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth#i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to#'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on#the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god#i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him#like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do#earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said#that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild#my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak#like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior#i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task#and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did#i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly#like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW#that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer#a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively#that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him
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#plagued by thoughts and emotions.#man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m#not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up#retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow#so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk#idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp#it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too#I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do#I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head#I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what?#I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore.#and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed#anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now#and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first
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