#idk i have kinda shitty day and need a validation

[syxoki]

my mouthwashing characters headcanons :3

Daisuke ><

Japanese from his mom and filipino + mexican from his dad

Grew up in japan until he was three, before moving to hawaii. Speaks japanese, english and a tiny tiny bit of spanish.

If im not wrong, hes rather rich, so he never really had money problems before.

Only child, even if he sometimes wished he wanst.

HE HAS A TONGUE PIERCING.

He often have tension with his mom, since shes rather strict, and often wants him to follow the path she trace for him.

Is a mitski fan and have gone to two of her concerts

Still secretly have plushies from when he was little

Was kinda a smart kid at school

Has a biggg collection of yaoi and yuri (that he hide from his mom)

HES SO GYARUO CODED

Tried playing re2 remake, stopped when mr x started going at him bc it was stressing him out

Definitely watched alien stage and cried his eyes out

Smells like soft citrus and a tiny bit of weed

says random brainrot quotes during the day (hes just like me fr)

Pansexual, fight me

Anya <3

Slavic/russian (she also give off french vibes but idk) but lived in london before going to work on the ship.

Lesbian, but before moving out of her parents house she had to hide it from them bc they were really conservative and religious, even if she discovered she was gay at like 12

Loves those old movies from the 70s or with a same vibe like girl, interrupted or movies with shelley duvall.

She lovesss dazey and the scouts

Did ballet when she was little

Knows how to play piano and violin

Have a black cat name midi 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Likes horror in general but get scared

Has insomnia

She have *hematophobia (just like me fr🗣️🗣️)

(*fear of blood,wounds or very gore things)

Smells like rubbing alcohol and lavender.

Curly (big tits)

British and german

He gives off very very heterocurious vibes.

Gymbro i fear.

Smells like vanilla.

Freaking huge, like, everywhere.

Knows jimmy since their last year of highschool. Gone to the same college as him and all.

Is such an enabler of rape and all that shit OH MY FREAKING GOD. I think that even if he respect women, he still have those Misogynistic stereotypes in his brain. People need to get that hes not the good guy in mouthwashing. (i still love him tho)

like jazz

Have a phobia of snakes..

Has a dad bod ngghhh..

Has kind of a big family (2 sisters and 3 brothers.)

Is such a people pleaser omfg.

Jimbalaya...

American, and a lil bit of turkish origins (from his dad)

(Tw for this one : sa, incest,pedophilia, child abuse) I hc that younger his dad sa'ed him. His life was a terrible hell before having the legal age (and even after) to get out of his family. He got abused in so many ways bruh. (doesnt make any of his actions anymore valid ofc)

Also got several girls pregnant before anya, he guess most of them aborted, but he never bothered or cared to check if he got a kid or not..

Had a BIG nirvana phase in his teenage years. Also hate those people who wears those preppy nirvana shirts.

Smells like cigarettes and cheap cologne

doesnt really gaf about his hygiene most of the time

Attempted several times, curly was the one stopping him most of the time.

Type of guy to say "OF detected, opinion rejected" on a random girl page then get an Subscription to the said girl OF 10min later..

Was half joking about the cartoon horses thing..☹️

fucking hate kids

Has a little sister tho, which is, surprisingly, surely one of the only thing he genuinely care about, always was worried for her when he left the family home and has to leave her alone with their parents.

Is kinda homophobic asf but fetishize lesbians (my nightmare).

Has SEVERE religious traumas and mommy issues.

Swansea (Hold on Swansea, im 𝓒𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼)

American and australian

Have 3 kids, two daughters and one son, also love his wife so freaking much

Play candy crush ans those shitty random mobile games

Smells like a hint of metal and axe deodorant

Dog person

Is such an old man, daisuke always have to explain to him what to do when it comes to things like smartphones,internet,pcs 😭

Was in the football team of his highschool younger

Is so loud in the bathroom at like 6am for no freaking reasons omfg, average dad experiences

Use "👍🏻" for Everything

thats all i have for him im sorry 😔

[charmac]

than copy-paste my ask w/out the stuff about his acting bc the rest of the stuff i said is still completly valid. i don't get why stans refuse to even admit that their fav is some times a bad person and call them out on their bullshit. you can still like him without ignoring or excusing his shitty behavoir

"not trying to start anything i really want to hear your and other ppls opinions. after seeing that redit video today abt the onset fight combined with other stuff glenn has said and done like the antivax stuff. im starting to really dislike glenn. he acts like a self obsessed tool all the time but so many stans baby him so much that they refuse to see or say anything about it [deleted] but maybe you or others have reasons to stan him pls share bc im clearly missing somthing. i dont want to not like him but hes making it very hard"

(the Reddit video being Rob talking about how Glenn freaked out during the filming of The Gang Saves the Day because he didn't feel comfortable getting "shot" in the scene with Dee killing all of them and threw a tantrum on set)

First of all, I don't think anyone refuses to admit Glenn is anything but perfect, and I also don't think anyone excuses his "shitty behaviour," but while you only may have just become aware of this moment, it was first brought to light in 2017, right before Glenn left the show "for good" and has kinda been hashed to death. If you're genuinely asking 'why is no one talking about Glenn's temper tantrums from 8+ years ago,' idk how to answer that question other than: why would we be? It's just not relevant

We know, from set stories and Glenn himself, that Glenn has gone through many ups and downs on the set of Sunny. He's spoken quite a bit about how his attitude has ruined the vibe and created a lot of tension in the writers room and on set before, and it's something he needed Rob to bring to his attention in Season 11 because he couldn't recognise it harmed other people (and that's what led him to realise he needed to walk away). I think it's not, like, a hidden or dismissed aspect of his personality that he's a diva, even today after righting his attitude and returning, he still tends to "method act" to a degree when he's playing Dennis and comes off a certain way

So yes, he's been "exposed" as a brat on set and a little entitled in general, and he's got some questionable views on health, for sure and I think that can make you dislike him and if that's so...that's fine. I don't think anyone in this fandom cares if you do or don't, honestly, but that works both ways.

People who post about Glenn in fond ways aren't going to disclose that they know he's entitled and centrist every time they post anything about him, but whenever something does happen/come out, people do criticise it in the moment. The Podcast brought a lot to light and it seemed like weekly we were scrutinizing something RCG said but, like, there's genuinely nothing Glenn has done in the past year that the fandom has chosen to ignore for the sake of excusing his shitty behaviour...? Are we supposed to rehash dead and buried RCG drama just because it was reposted to a different platform?

I get if you're just learning about him as a person now it can be weird to see most people who are actively talking about him seem to just be stanning him blindly, but that's really not true. The TASP days are just behind us, and Glenn's PR is very strong with his gay whiskey tour front and center (and you're asking me lol).

As to providing you with reasons for stanning him... just search "Glenn Howerton Interview" on Youtube.. or watch this one .. and if you don't get it, you probably just don't like him and that's fine, lol he'll probably get you eventually if you're around long enough

[wandixx]

Serious chaos one-shot snippet

“Hey, Dami?”

Boy hadn’t looked up from kittens he was bottle feeding but let out hum indicating he listened.

“I think about trying out more girlish style. Do you think it would suit me?”

Well, Damian had no idea but if Dani wished to give it a chance, then, well, the only appropriate course of action was to offer his aid.

Also features: Dani and Damian working at an animal shelter, Steph being fashionable, and Batman's rouge gallery and no, it's not a spelling mistake :)

[blueberrylovv]

AM BACK!!!!

anyways hi hello I'm so sorry for being inactive for the past idk how long it all has been just oh so shitty and I was fighting for my life :') I am kinda still fighting for my life but ig I had some nice interactions recently, I started dressing up nicely every day, I am waking up around 6am every day even if my first class is at 9 or 11 and I have time to get ready in the morning (which is so unlike me I've always been last minute kinda gal waking up 10 minutes before I have to get out and stuff), I took 4 exams recently 2 for my Latin class and 2 for my German class and I got 100% in all of them so that provided some academic validation and motivation I needed.

ana has been kicking my ass, hate her so much rn... she came back, kicked down the door and said 'you're gonna be miserable now' and yeah I've been miserable alright. usually i don't mind when she comes back randomly bc usually I use her as motivation but this time she came back as 'you're not making any progress, you will never be able to achieve your goals do you even deserve fo achieve them blah blah blah' v nasty stuff hate it here but oh well I am pushing through ig...

but yeah I'm gonna get my ass back into posting here I think I would benefit from some creative output even if its just a board here and there

so sorry for people I've been ignoring I feel really about about it :c I'm gonna go through my notifications to check who @ me in the past couple weeks so I can respond to you even if it's v late :') also thank you to all the people who are still here and haven't unpfollowed me you're the best ill get back into interacting with you now <3

WATER REMINDER!

[golbrocklovely]

sometimes i have to sit back and wonder... what are we doing here, as a fandom? like is all of this really worth it?

the absolute vitriol i've seen thrown around for snc since they started dating k and m is incredibly depressing. especially towards colby. it is DISGUSTING what some of yall (hi twitter ppl that stalk my account 👋) say about him and about m. and same thing goes for sam and k.

you claim up and down "oh i have a right to say what i want, it's just an opinion." no, you actually don't have a right to say whatever you want, and especially without ppl calling you out. but then you have the fucking nerve to ask why snc don't talk to us, why they don't post as often, why they aren't around as much as they once were. idk, maybe it's bc you guys are appalling pieces of shit that say the most idiotic and degrading things and then somehow expect those same ppl you make fun of day in and day out to want to talk to you.

i don't really understand your thought process and i pray i never do. bc if i'm that down bad, i would be the most miserable person on the planet, just like you are.

bc i'm telling you right fucking now, there is not a SINGLE thing snc or those girls have done to warrant this behavior. none of what yall are doing is right or justified. you are deplorable, inexcusable cunts who should have been called out well before now. the nicest thing i can do for you is block you, instead of making a long list of every terrible, miserable, shitty person in this fandom and calling each of you out personally.

let me tell you one thing: there are a lot worst things in life than being a girl with fake tits, lip filler, and an onlyfans account. there's a lot worst things in life than a guy that broke up with his long time gf. there is a lot worst things in life than being someone who has consensual sex with willing partners multiple times in his life. and there is a lot worst things than being kinda childish, into spongebob, and having quasi-clout chasing friends.

and i genuinely have to ask - even tho i know i won't get an answer and i know whatever answers i do get aren't reasonable enough - what about seeing snc happy makes you angry? what about seeing them in relationships makes you think "i need to complain about that" or "i don't like that"? why does seeing snc happy upset you? what does that say about you? bc you claim you love them and want what's best... but clearly you don't. bc why isn't happiness the best for them? why do you think you know better?

seriously. consider taking a second to step back and think "why does seeing snc happy make me upset?" how deeply insecure do you have to be to truly feel that? it's sad, really. bc this should be a fun time in this fandom. but i have never felt more embarrassed to be a part of it than i do right now.

some of you are full grown adults too! well beyond the years of "i just didn't know any better". what a sad, little life you must have lived all this time to think that this type of behavior is valid and acceptable. it's a shame.

[not-poignant]

Out of curiosity, when did the, 'fanfic doesn't need to adhere to canon, everything is valid and good, don't give concrit unless specifically asked for' attitude become the norm? Genuine question.

I was active in fandom back in the LJ days, when sporkings and comms viciously mocking Mary Sues were the norm, but then I sort fell out of fandom spaces for the past (checks notes) fifteen years holy shit. The current attitude seems diametrically opposed to what I remember fandom being like (kinda shitty, it was 'cool' to be an asshole back then), and I'm just curious as to when and how the shift happened. I mean, I assume it was a gradual thing, but is there anything in particular that stick out to you?

(Also, because tone doesn't convey very well through ask, and I don't want to leave you with a poor impression-- this is by no means a defence of the 2000s attitudes, nor an aspersion on the current ones. I'm genuinely only curious about the evolution from one to the other; I hope that comes across.)

Hi anon!

TL;DR because my response got LONG -> Anon this existed before Livejournal as an attitude, in fact modern fandom was literally born out of being not canon compliant (*waves aggressively to Spirk shippers*) and this existed on Livejorunal too and there have always been big pockets of fandom that really frowned on sporking even there, like that was not cool when I was on LJ, unless you were a certain age, or in certain spaces in fandom.

But also AO3 was its kind of final death knell re: making it cool to bully 13-16 yo writers (who were largely the victims of sporking) and killing dreams, which was born out of meta happening on LJ and in other places about like... not trying to make people miserable for writing a free fic out of the love in their heart that someone else didn't like or think was good enough.

Anyway, the longer version of this under the read more!

(For everyone else, welcome to some of the uglier aspects of 00s fandom!)

So there was actually criticism around all the stuff you mention 15-20 years ago as well. I was also on Livejournal during that time and there was a pretty big proportion of people in certain fandoms who recognised even then that like... setting up communities to mock say, Mary Sue writers, was actually a pretty weirdly cruel thing to do to people who were providing free labour and the literal only 'payment' they could get in a kind of energy exchange was people just not being complete dickheads to them.

So things were already changing, especially in many LJ communities and awards communities. There were a lot of big debates over whether concrit should be asked for, and a growing movement of authors who said they welcomed constructive criticism for example, instead of assuming it should automatically apply. There was also a lot of meta around the function of fanfiction and whether it should even be 'good' by published standards if the author was just doing it for themselves, and for fun (esp if they were just going to get punished for it by folks who were elitist, judgemental, grammar purists etc.)

Things really changed around the time of AO3 (2009-2010 - literally around 14~ years ago, you may have just missed the big change anon!), Strikethrough and the Dreamwidth exodus. There was a massive swing away from leaving concrit unless the author specifically asked for it, and fandom became a lot more generally able to recognise that a lot of labour goes into fanart and fanfiction and that paying with public criticism is shitty actually. Also people were just more able to recognise that like most fanfiction writers aren't trying to become professional writers and many don't want to be.

(I would actually say things changed around the time of fanfiction.net too - rude comments there were definitely noticed and could create some pretty forward 'hey why are you doing this on something you literally don't have to read' responses from fellow readers - idk what fic sites you were on. The small indie fic sites where you could often only comment via email for example, definitely drew a lot more critical attention than sites that tended to have public comments).

The 'fanfic doesn't need to adhere to canon' literally exists since the very first Spirk slash fic in modern fanfiction in the last few decades. Literally, as soon as you write Kirk/Spock, you're not adhering to canon. Our fanfiction 'ancestors' literally paved the way for a legacy which is about not adhering to canon in order to see the world/s and thing/s you want to see, be entertained by, by turned on by, or enjoy, from the very beginning. You may not have been in slash circles anon, but the foundation of queer same sex fanfic is in many ways the foundation of fandom. But yeah, this is literally where fanfiction started! As soon as you're shipping characters that aren't canon for fun (or for whatever reason), you're making it pretty clear that you want stories different to canon, and you have to change things to often keep those characters in-character.

So yeah! That's been there for decades. Idk what circles you were in on that front! While it was fairly common for a while to criticise characters for being OOC (Out of Character), imho, a lot of folks started to recognise that they literally weren't paying for what they were criticising, and they could just walk away and potentially not like...blast the fanfic. Some folks started to recognise more that people were writing with ESL, or were teenagers (some 40 yos in fandom realised they were mocking literal 15 year olds in their proto-podcasts and websites and realised actually that's just...mean? Really mean? Not the way to nurture new generations of fanfiction writers. Definitely in no way encouraging), or were writing for themselves, or writing for like one other person, or writing for fun, or writing for free, or writing for personal reasons etc.

'Don't Like Don't Read' wasn't just about political stuff, it was also about just walking away if you feel the urge to slam a fanfic in the comments.

I've been in fandom for around 2.5 decades anon, and there were so many spaces that were not actually as shitty or mean-spirited as the ones you were in? Or ones that at least had a lot of different thoughts etc. Like, sporking (mocking/bullying badfics and sometimes the folks who wrote them) was disapproved of by a lot of people in fandom even while sporking was at the height of its popularity (the Fanlore page goes into more detail about this). It might have just been the fandoms you were in, or the people you were hanging out with (and that might have been dependent on your age or just if you were around people who wanted to be 'cool' back then - in the same way that being an 'anti' is cool among certain crowds today. It's possible to spend years in certain crowds and never get an image of broader fandom for example - we can all end up in spaces like that! I know I have.)

When I started writing fanfiction (which no one will EVER find lmao), generally giving positive comments was normal. Constructive criticism was actually pretty rare and there were already fanfiction aggregate sites that generally disapproved of it in their Rules of Conduct. People were encouraging and polite. And this was around 20 years ago on Livejournal and private indie fanfiction websites.

I would actually say there was never exactly an evolution from 'one to the other' because like thousands of people in fandom already believed this and argued in defense of supporting fanfiction and transformative works via accepting that people are labouring for free and that not everyone wants to become a 'better writer' etc. - the meta was there on Livejournal in the 00s. There were communities where sporking was seen as hip/fun, and communities where it was literally banned or at the very least, super frowned upon.

There were meta fandom communities where sporking was the subject of discussion and you know eventually in a lot of those meta communities, that's where a lot of folks decided actually that calling out the fanfiction of 16 yos as 'cringe' or 'badly done' maybe said more about us as human beings and what we wanted fandom to be, than it did about the actual fanfic itself. By the time AO3 came around, people built it with this in mind.

To this day on AO3 it's mostly considered appropriate to say you want concrit in your author's notes, and to otherwise assume as a reader it's never welcome if it's unsolicited. That started during the LJ era. And it was talked about at great length. There's obviously going to be people who disagree! But for the most part I'm a big believer in compassion and 'not everyone is here for the same reason' and 'they literally gave this to us for free and it's meant to be fun' (like yourself! What we do/think/argue 10 years ago on LJ is sometimes different to what we do 10 years later lol, I used to be against trigger warnings pre-AO3! Times change a lot :D )

So yeah, this was definitely something that was around before you and I came to fandom, and it was something that continued to grow as an attitude during, until finally it kind of won out on AO3. But yeah fandom as we know it was born in people literally not being canon compliant to make some gay dreams come true (Spirk shippers bless them all), at a time when there was no representation.

Even in the earliest days of fandom where comments could only happen via email, one of the earliest phrases authors used were things like 'flames will be used to roast marshmallows.' For those reading who don't know, flames are hate comments, critical 'this fic is bad because' comments etc. Except you emailed them directly to the author, because there was no place for comments on a fic.

And this started because authors in part got death threats for writing gay stuff.

So you know, from the very beginning, authors in fanfic have by and large had a very low tolerance for criticism / hate over something they're doing for free and making no profit out of, when they're changing/altering the canon as they please to create representation (or hotness lmao), that is literally a labour of love in a world of very little representation. From there, things have just grown. The whole 'flames will not be tolerated' existed even before Livejournal did.

Honestly there are still people who love sporking and you could probably find groups and Discords dedicated to that even now (actually you literally can, there's a Dreamwidth group for it), it's kind of wild but it started to get cool again. Just like 90s clothing :D (Which is also wild because I can just take that crap out of my closet and wear it again).

But yeah it also sounds like you may have been in some pretty crappy pockets of fandom! When I was on LJ in the 00s I avoided those places and still got to experience fandom across multiple fandoms (mostly NCIS, Captive Prince, HP, Profiler, The X-Files and some others) and communities.

I was super active in some fandom communities and saw a lot of meta happening, and my view during the early and late 00s was that sporking was largely pretty frowned upon after a very brief (like 3-6 month) era where it was cool for only some folks, and then everyone (including some - but not all - of those folks) was like 'heyyyyyyy hang on a minute.' It was something that the bullies did, and enjoyed, and otherwise folks kind of stayed away from it, especially once they learned people were becoming too scared to write fics, which is the inevitable outcome of mocking/bullying folks and fics that have been made purely out of love for something.

Like, publicly making a spectacle out of what a 13 yo (they were often teens - and it's kind of sad how many 40 yo women were doing the sporking :/ ) wrote out of love, just for fun/clout was not considered cool by everyone even back then, because like, a lot of us saw that as killing new generations of fandom (some folks who sporked considered it a win if a fic or account got deleted, this is not based behaviour), not actually creating good writing, internalised misogyny (Mary Sue hatred and self insert hatred), etc. It's hard to explain because I do really think we were in different corners of fandom at the time, but I don't know anyone personally from my time on Livejournal who actually liked sporking as an idea or enjoyed it or enjoyed listening to it or reading articles mocking fic.

I knew about it from very lively 'is this okay' 'actually no it's not even if it's just for fun this is trying to hurt people and saying 'it's just the fic' is not going to be the bandaid a teenager needs to understand why older folks (generally) in fandom are mocking them for being new at a skill' discussions on LJ in meta fandom communities. So this is how much I could be in fandom and not be a part of it and also have like a wildly different experience to your LJ experience!

I think if I'd been a teenager during that era it would have seemed a lot more appealing (in the same way that many teens are antis now before they grow out of it), and fuck it if I was a more bitter person who was just around people who liked to make fun of what other people created, perhaps I would have enjoyed it too, I can see a lot of reasons why a person would fall into that in LJ -> but I was an adult on LJ trying not to be mean to people or what they were creating, so yeah I was maybe just in very different spaces! (Don't get me wrong, I have my giant fucking character flaws, but I was very scared of people hating me so like I didn't want to do things that would make that happen, lol, and also I was scared to put up fic myself during the era of active sporking. I know for myself that sporkers didn't just scare away writers of 'badfic' - they...intimidated a LOT of people).

Before AO3 I was on FF.net, posting fics on LJ, posting on Schnoogle, gossamer, and a couple of other archives. So I don't think my experience was that 'narrow,' I just think I wasn't around like... anime at that time or other places where it might have been happening. I also avoided like...Draco/Malfoy where CC drama was happening and I know sporking was popular in that specific arena / pairing for a while as well (er, as well as anything to do with Mary Sues).

So yeah! That's about where that is. Generally gatekeeping fandom is just seen as not a great thing to do to people, and that creates other kind of beliefs that are generally upheld as being more inviting/nurturing. After all, if someone truly wants to get better at writing, they can ask, or do courses, but as we all know, everyone has to write some bad stuff to get good at it, but not everyone wants to be good. Folks are in fandom for different reasons. I'm rambling now so I'm going to finish my lunch! :D

[the-s1lly-corner]

gender dysphoria comfort for afab reader x spot?? :p

Spot comforting an AFAB/trans reader

Rubs my autistic little hands (in a cool nonbinary way)

Not gonna specify if reader is a trans man/nonbinary or somewhere in between/else where so!!!

Heavy projection on my end because my dysphoria is kinda. Raging

But also idk how to comfort myself so this is gonna translate into spot bouncing around

It shows so bad that I!! Am bad at outright comfort <\3

Happy pride by the by! Not sure if I said that over here yet

YEEEAAAAAH 4am posting REAL

Right off the bat I wanna make it clear that this man would snag some stuff for you

Of course he does this in general, but hes more than willing to get you things that may help you express yourself

Clothes, are a big one! Need a new wardrobe? Hes already on it! Same applies to other things you may need

On the fence on if he would snag some hormones for you; since he doesnt wanna risk taking them from someone else

Actually ykw

Bros a scientist

Be can probably make his own solutions

Anyways onto the actual

Ask

Admittedly Spot is not the best at comforting others, so his go to is self projection; if that makes sense

Applies what he knows cheers him up to you?? Like venting and physical affection can help him get through rough patches, so he'll try to urge you to vent during a cuddle session

Reinforces that you look handsome; though hes down with calling you anything if that isnt your cup of tea

Hes a scientist, he does research! Listens to every word you say and sucks up any information regarding the topic he can find

Offers some tips on passing, if that's what you need

OOOOOH BRAIN BLAST

You guys have self care days together as is, but you guys tend to have them on days things get rough

Basic.. self care things. Low stress activities, you both go shopping (stealing) (hes wearing s shitty disguise), things like that

He toooootally doesnt target anyone who purposefully gets your pronouns or name wrong! What? What do you mean that rude person lost everything out of no where, y/n? He doesn't know what you're talking about, he doesn't know anything about anyone

Easily your biggest fan and supporter, your personal hypeman

Generally he let's you know that he loves you, and that regardless of how you present youre amazing and valid. He may not know the best way to comfort you all the time, but he's trying his best to hear you out and advocate for you! While he may not be the most... ferocious.. man out there, but he's quite vocal to anyone who dares try to tell you otherwise! Whether you present more feminine, masculine, or androgynous; he'll be right at your side

Also now that I think about it, if he got his hands on the material he'd definitely try to make a way to literally. Just change your sex right there to align with how you feel

If the dude can make a mini collider on his own he can probably make the transgenderinator

[riki-riks-chick]

Could you make a series about this about younger shorter reader(ps reader is 5’2) x older taller Niki (She has lots of school work and her after school work and also she lives with her parents, she plays handball and is really god but don’t have time to traine a lot because of her home life. She also has a older sister and her dad is a really shitty person like he is her father but not a dad like he’s never home and has another family and he treats their mom like trash, while her mom tries her best to provide but the mother issue is she favorites reader sister (readers sister is 4 years older than reader) no matter what reader does her mom always chooses her sister but she does it in a way that make it seem like she is not favoriting her sister. Reader and her sister both work to help support their mom but everything comes crashing down on reader and she is scared at first to open up to Niki but he is there for her and comforts her, could you also make the reader a victim of bullying in school and she also isn’t dumb but not smart either and she got a text from Niki telling her to come over but when she arrives he isn’t there. She bottling up her feelings and one of the members make a joke that wasn’t bad but reader is just sensitive. When Niki arrived they have cute moments together but not any pda because reader is too shy…. Like reader is really struggling mentally but Niki always makes her day and she is sometimes sad without him but her mom and sister also makes her smile just sometimes she only needs her boyfriend. One last thing reader is a bit clingy and sometimes spams Niki and when he doesn’t respond or respond kinda short bc of woke she starts overthinking and gets sad and distance herself from him witouht knowing, she always seek validation from Niki, happy ending…. Sorry for this long as request but I was just writing a bit of my life and your my favorite writer and idk just randomly had the nerve to read something like this and you always deliver🙃

just for u I'll consider making a five part series (gotta learn abt handball). I don't intend on doing series on tumblr, but I'll do this one.

I hope you're okay since you said this is based on your life a bit. And I'm honored to be your favorite writer.

When I write this I'll try my best to do it well. Please look forward to it ♥

[gardenerian]

Idk if you’ve said something about this already but what do you think about the Gallavich fight in S10E08? How do you feel about Ian’s broken leg?

oh wheeew, you know, i don't know if i have talked about this much? but boy howdy, do i have plenty of thoughts.

so like. okay. i get it? i get it. it's so fucking painful for both of them. ian has been trying to protect mickey from day one - the job for his parole in s2, trying to stop frank from getting popped, keeping him on the straight and narrow (mostly) in s11. so getting married to keep him out of jail? easy.

meanwhile, mickey is having the same conversation. so while the concept is not new to him, he's surprised ian would actually suggest it. to him, he it's a crappy reason to get married. it's not romantic, it's not grand and beautiful like they deserve. but in trying to keep each other safe, it's one of the more romantic things i've ever heard. still, he wants ian to propose to him, not to this problem. and that is so valid!!! after everything they have been through, this isn't how he saw their married life starting - if he ever really let himself go there at all.

i do think ian believes it to his core when he says that this is not the only reason they'd be getting married - just like i think he believes it when he gets in the car to go to mexico. he loves mickey, he wants to be with mickey. but in this case, the drive to do it now and like this is absolutely to protect him. and the decision really isn't that hard, like he says.

but when that factor of keeping mickey out of prison is taken out of the equation, i think ian gets a little whiplash? like oh holy shit we almost just did that??? over the course of a day??? so while mickey is up and ready to go, having gone all in - as he often does - ian is suddenly faced with the reality that the only thing mickey is getting out of this is HIM. and it freaks him the fuck out.

ian picks up the pen and i think every unresolved insecurity hits him all at once. and honestly? even if he handled it poorly, and i do believe he did, taking a moment to cool down and check in was probably a good idea. now that they don't have to rush it, is this how they want to do it? is this really what mickey wants? can ian even give it to him? they deserve the time to answer these questions, ya know? and whereas mickey might be willing to figure it out as they go, we know ian doesn't quite trust that he can do that. this changes a bit, but in the moment i think he just couldn't see past it.

so what drives me insane about this fight is that he does try to talk, even if he says a million wrong things in a row. but even if ian wants to talk, mickey is well within his rights not to hear him. he's well within his rights to get out of this immediate situation that is hurting him. ian IS hurting him, and it's important to acknowledge that.

BUT. i do not like the way people respond to ian saying "i just wanna know how you feel" because. agh. YES mickey has shown his love time and again, and ian has felt it time and again.... but when it comes to things like this, sometimes you just need to hear it. and then hear it again. with minds like ours, it can be hard to just trust our own experience or understanding, ESPECIALLY in emotionally charged moments when things already feel warped and scary. he needed time to sort through it all. once he was in, HE WAS IN. we know this!

so for ian to stand there like that, asking for what he needs... and wanting to talk about it..... only to be hit in the fucking face? gross. i hate it. it's fucking terrible. and again, mickey is WELL within his rights to leave ian standing there. he's well within his rights to say FUCK YOU and rage and stomp and let ian know exactly how he feels. i honestly think ian kinda deserved that. mickey doesn't owe him emotional clarity or work in that moment. mickey feels like he's only worth marrying because he can't keep himself out of trouble, and that's gotta be a shitty fucking feeling after everything. he feels like ian led him on, and he's valid to feel that way, even if i think even ian couldn't see the path he was taking. but really. ian did let him down.

but like. he didn't have to hit him. i don't know how you look at the face of someone you were just willing to MARRY and then do that? i know they needed to write cam's broken leg into the storyline, but honestly fuck that. it would have been just as easy for ian to break his leg falling while trying to run after mickey. and then? mickey easily could have been like "well here's your phone call 911 SEE YA" or even "hey i called 911 okay SEE YA" or perhaps "okay i brought you to the ER in this cab now SEE YA"

so.... like i said, i get it. the conflict is true to character. it's HORRIBLE to see, but it does make sense. i would personally restructure the entire 10th season to give this storyline more breathing space. but yeah. this where i lean heavily on fix-it fics lol 😇

[sniigura-archive]

Birthgasm anon here to tell you to write what you want! Idk why people are getting freaked out about the foot stuff (it's one thing if they're joking, but if they're being serious...???), I don't have a foot fetish myself, but I firmly believe all fetishes are valid and what matters most is that no real people are getting hurt (and Adam and Reader aren't real people so yeah). Tbh I find it annoying watching people treating their favorite creatives like they betrayed them or something because said creatives made something that didn't 100% line up with their personal tastes. Puritanism kills creativity, people need to chill and practice "Don't Like, Don't Read" more. Sorry for the rant lol. Have a good day and keep being self-indulgent. <3

ily birthgasm anon you’re the only one who gets me during these tiring times (having one foot scene in my fanfic) /j except the ily that’s serious as hell

i agree with you big time. as long as everything is properly tagged it shouldn’t be a problem

idk i kinda freaked out myself because actually im going to overshare real quick. my best friend got cancelled on twitter for sexualising woman (drawing half naked ladies with big tits (she’s also a woman for more context)?????) and for writing a fanfic which was like for her first and for most. basically it had a character she hc as trans masc and a gangbang and people were losing it, calling her a fetisher and stuff 😭😭 which is just insane to me like just don’t read it??????? i’m trans masc and the only thing going through my mind while reading that was „man i wish i was in a gangbang rn“ bskabsjdjd LIKE THOSE PEOPLE EXTRA LOOKED FOR ALL HER ACCOUNT ANF EVERYTHING. anyways long story short i was scared someone was also now going to create a shitty doc of me

purity culture really does mess everything up like BROOOO. if you see nudity and immediately think it’s sexual YOURE the weirdo. sex is good and natural. nakedness isn’t inherently sexual. everyone should be able to practice their fetishes and kinks as long as it’s between consenting adults who caresssssssss

[th3-bl00d-on-yr-hands-rom3o]

please expand on your green eggs opinions I love hearing your takes :0

oookay heres my green eggs and ham take, which i may add to the original post idk but i would probs get flamed by OP.

I think it's important to consider that for the case of green eggs and hams specifically, tumblr is not only the piss on the poor website it is also the autism website. A fairly common experience amoung autistic children is constantly being forced to eat foods you can't stand, because many autistic people have aversions to certain foods. Green eggs and ham, where a guy repeatedly tries to force another guy to eat something despite him constantly saying no, reads like this to someone who has experienced that, which is a little shitty if you ask me. Not saying the message of the book - that trying new things is good - is bad, but it's important to acknowledge that people will view texts through the lense of their own life experience, circumstances and culture, and different people will get different things from texts and make different associations. Peoples personal responses to texts are valid.

Also the thing about boundaries. Like the guy repeatedly says I do not want green eggs and ham go away and leave me alone. Sam I am keeps randomly turning up places and inconvenicecing this guy, trying to force him to eat green eggs and ham. That's kind of really not cool, and even if Sam was right that green eggs and ham taste good and the guy enjoyed them at the end, the ends do not justify the means. He said he didn't want green eggs and ham. Sam made him eat them anyway by constantly harassing him about it. That's not ok. No means no. Sam should'vd left him the fuck alone after one or maybe two times of him telling him he didn't want them.

Sam is getting literally nothing out of this. It's not like the guy needs to eat green eggs and ham or he'll die, its literally just a food and it's not at all important but Sam will not let it go until the other guy gives up, which is kinda shitty of him.

I think most of this only matters if you're trying to use literature for moral instruction. If you're just reading it because its a funny story or the language is poetic, that's totally cool, but if people are trying to get a moral or some kind of teaching out of kids books - like using green eggs and ham to show that trying new things is good - then it is important to consider the message of the whole book and the kind of behaviour it encourages and the connotations certain things have. You can't pick and choose what morals you take out of a text, you've gotta accept it as a whole, because thats how people see it when they read it without analysing it like they're in an english lesson. Yes green eggs and ham says that it's good to try new things. It also shows that this guy is a killjoy and a looser for saying he doesn't want to try something, and it's perfectly justified for someone else to drive him up the wall and not give him any peace until he gives in, because it's for his own good.

I've been trying really really hard not to use a metaphor about sex and consent this whole time because i know ill get laughed out of here for saying green eggs and ham is like sex, because that's fucking stupid, but also I think there's something to be said about how agreeing to something under duress isn't consent, and it's important to respect peoples boundaries about things in every day life. Like I said. If we're using these books to teach people lessons about how to behave (and that's a pretty big if), you've gotta consider what behavious they're actually modeling.

For the record, having said all this, I don't think there's anything wrong with reading green eggs and ham. It's just a book. It's not that serious. But if you're gonna get pissy about reading comprehension and use green eggs and ham as an example, you better be prepared for people to actually have some literary takes and analysis on green eggs and ham.

Idk i never really had strong feelings towards the book as a child but we rately read it because my mum didn't like it because she thought Sam was bullying the guy.

[luetta]

kinda wanna block every single person who i follow or follows me and start anew. i hate what my tumblr feed is now. its all fucking horny transposting and shitty online memes. it makes me feel so fucking stupid and vapid that is what i've curated my tumblr into being ... it just feels lame. if i was another person and i looked at luetta's blog, i wouldn't follow it. there's no analysis on media i like, any media that does appear is through a transgender lens. no aesthetics, just lewdness. and of course thinking about all of this, instead of just not giving a fuck about how my own personal blog is perceived, makes me feel like an idiot also. who gives a fuck? someone who still craves validation from others like a friendless little child, that's who. this website gives me dysphoria. and that's fucking cringe. i'm so lame. i'm a cookie cutter trans girl. blahaj and :3 and xdf htskligyterwuik girwa htuirog8yreabiraejk WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT SUBCULTURE YOU FIT INREGYT0IUTREHY 9E8TYU OJHTERYSU8YTERWMS8N 76E50W9TRW0 97Bwhat am i fucking even saying. i'm literally substanceless. i have no depth whatsoever. i've read no books. i've watched no movies. i've travelled to no places. i've experienced so little. i've literally done 1 single fucking thing in my life and that's figure out 6 years too late that i'm trans. woopdie doo. i did the bare minimum of introspection that comes with being a human. this is real life, i have to do more than that. i can't just sit in my room doing fucking NOTHING forever. i just need to suck it up and get a proper job and interact with people instead of just being content with doing nothing and fading away and then one day turning 40 and realising i've done nothing at all with my prime years. why is my brain so 9uhfeargu8io sdefrgu hypigfsd8dgsfht sgdftj puist ghreiouoy erthgt43qghrlyuv4qetwyulo4v53q2khglyiv354oiuy why do i just fucking keep on thinking about things it never fucking stops. there's never a single moment of respite from thinking about shit. i fucking hate my country, i just want weed to be legalised so i can do edibles every night and not have to fucking think constantly. but nooo i have to live in a fucking .... okay just going to stop typing because it's fucking cringe like every other opinion i have. you know what im going to type about instead? my ex-friend tom. you're a fucking piece of shit. why did you do this shit man? i don't fucking get it. literally what did i do for you to decide "i don't want to ever utter a SINGLE FUCKING WORD to you ever again". like what? we literally were connecting at such a deep friendship level. you pretty much came out to me when i came out to you. we hugged so tightly when we watched the succession finale together. and then you just fucking went AWOL. and yeah i get that you got addicted to benzos and went to rehab. but like ....... why does that mean you don't want to be my friend anymore? idk. i probs did something wrong because i'm a fuckup with fluctuating feelings and did something when i was in a 'fuck this guy' mood. urgh. idk. all my friends right now are cool but i still haven't found someone who shared so many similar interests as me. you're just a cunt to do this shit and make me have to get over you without any closure. i fucking hate myself. i just want to be someone else. throw all my belongings into a big fire and burn it up. go on a manic spree and fuck up my life. life just sorta sucks doesnt it? the fact that you have to work a fuckton and give away your body and time just so you can do things you want to do. i have dreams that ill never achieve probably. because i can't fucking do work. also my fucking boss is fucking dodging me about taking on more shifts than 1 every 3 weeks so i guess theyve fucking fired me. time to not be able to be on government support anymore !! because i need to work in order to keep it apparently !! good system. the purpose of a system is what it does. it wants you to suffer and die for not being a normal tall white man who works 10 hours a day in the auto shop. i hate everything i see. i'm unhappy.

[liesmyth]

okay here's MY tlt hot take. im saying this on anon cuz i need to be put in witness protection for this.

i think harrow's overrated.

or, better put: i think harrow's fans are annoying and make me like the character less.

like the POINT of harrow is that she occupies this privileged role and does horrible things with her power BUT is sympathetic in that she undergoes her own hardships. that's fair - textually, harrow is very interesting!

but harrow fans act like the whole solar system revolves around her. like ntn makes it pretty clear that muir is doing something with the butch martyr trope (i think kiriona's life and resentment is commentary), but fans are like 'no literally all gideon was good for is dying for harrow. harrow is the saddest most special girl in the world. she's literally the single most important character who has ever existed she has done nothing wrong she is flawless and immune to criticism' and when the fandom takes the OTHER Māori characters (namely john and wake) and flattens them to 'true evil' it's annoying to see harrow get woobified! like idk harrow stans are just a specific breed of 'the world revolves around the most special girl ever'

I THINK I KNOW WHO SENT THIS. I am honoured though that you chose MY askbox to be a receptacle of such salt, I'm not worthy etc.

Ok I actually HAVE seen this opinion before. I kinda see where woobie Harrow is coming from — Harrow is sad! So many characters in-universe think she's cool and special and love her! She has a shitload of Issues that make her relatable! — but it's also just the nature of fandom things that fandom loves to pick one scrappy character to be the most specialest meow meow etc. and it sucks when you're a fan of a character who's just as much of a special woobie and gets flattened and overlooked. "Fans of X made me hate X" is a tale as old as time and 100% valid... who hasn't been there.

That said, I think it's gotten better post-Nona? Maybe? IDK, I think NtN does a good job showing us glimpses of the wider 'verse and cast of characters (many of whom are also sad in fandom-appealing way) and then there's Kiriona who's THE saddest girl in the universe, so I feel like the narrative is sort of lampshading that hey! this other girl is also sad. Though it might also be that I'm not seeing any bad takes bc my dash is great and I barely venture into the main tags

Anyway MY hot take on this is that I need Gideon to be happy a tad more than I need Harrow to be happy and I think Gideon is the biggest woobie meow meow. I love Harrow to bits but also the other day I was reading a fic set before the beginning of GtN and I was like, wait maybe Harrow lobotomising herself for Gideon is the least she could do. Maybe she was right to feel so guilty that she cut into her own brain :3

They're both fucked up! They're sad! They were dealt a shitty hand in life! But Gideon hits my sad buttons more. And I think Harrow would agree with me tbh.

[my-lunaberg]

Ohhhhh this is reminding me of this great c!Sam analysis i read on here hopefully I can find it again sometime, which basically said that Sam does a lot of immoral things while also wanting to be just and in the right more than anything else. I was reminded of it bc when I read that I immediately thought it had something to do with a need for validation (and maybe to a certain extend a need for affection?) and it really jumped out during this january 31st 2022 vod because Sam keeps trying to reassure himself that hes not an idiot and once Dream arrives he starts looking to him to reassure him of that. I should say that I dont think that has anything to do with Dream specifically, I think its just because hes the only person who could visit him and hes otherwise completely isolated

Also, like with Tommy during their most recent confrontation, Dream seems to be trying a lot less to actually manipulate Sam into liking him and treating him like a friend that you cant disobey at all costs because otherwise he'll threaten you with eternal torture and is focusing more on just tormenting him. To compare this to Tommys exile, on the very first day Dream was just insulting Tommy but then he immediately went over to being all nice and trying to befriend him (while also yknow, blowing up his stuff), but here he insults Sam on day one and keeps doing it on day two, although he has thrown him a crumb or two on both days. Its too eaely to really tell right now, but this is either him realizing his mistake and trying to change his strategy a bit or him being sloppier because he stopped caring. In case you couldnt tell, Im very much tending toward that last option. I think those few crumbs of "positivity" are either him wanting to deliberately torment Sam more by giving him these little crumbs of goodness which contrast against the torment and make it all the more pronounced, or him just kinda being in the habit of manipulating people and doing stuff like this almost reflexively. One of the many reasons why I like c!Dream so much and why I can get quite defensive and upset about other people disliking and/or misintrepreting him is that I relate to him a lot especially his manipulative tendencies bc I can also be quite shitty and manipulative at times, so like, Ive been there lol. Once you have this habit of attempting to manipulate people into doing what you want, its kinda hard to stop even when manipulating someone isnt even your goal. This is pretty complex and hard to explain but for me its that I often have to concentrate to not do it when Im around adults in particular, because my manipulative tendencies mostly 'come out' when Im in situations that upset me and that I want to leave and most of those involve adults. I would imagine Dream has a similar thing, except instead of his "trigger" being Having To Talk To Adults its like, Being Presented With Someone Vulnerable. Dont really know if that makes a whole lot of sense, I'll probably do a really long c!Dream character analysis once I finish the series where I might try to elaborate on these points/explain them more succinctly

Also Idk, Im not that far into it yet but Im noticing a fixation on trying to get Sam to admit that he was wrong and/or a hypocrite. i dont really have anything to say about that right now but I did think it was interesting. To kinda tie it back into my point about Sam wanting validation and to be seen as just, i guess Sam admitting it was wrong of him to imprison Dream or that hes a hypocrite for imprisoning him could signal him getting malleable/harmless and, since Sam would have to admit it to himself before admitting it to Dream it might damage his mental health a fair bit

[milfbrainrot]

.

this is hypocritical bc i also do nothing but complain about other people in fandom, but i do feel like fandom is... so much more complaining about other people these days than actually engaging or making things. or at least that's kinda where i've landed myself in a bad little cycle due to other people complaining first lol.

i have always had a sense of emotional paralysis with fanon creation that was able to be remedied by me having more time for it in the past to truly take as much care as possible. and now i really don't have that, be it to make sure i'm doing things in-character or not representing something badly. so i just don't make anything. and idk, i feel like it would be less difficult if there were less pressure from knowing all of these attitudes about what the fandom doesn't like more so than what it does like, since when a fandom DOES like something reblogs and comments are dismal.

a lot of times it's hard to think of things to say that aren't negative, which is why i think those posts happen so much. clearly i do this a lot. sometimes fandoms have more popular opinions on things and it feels inevitable to voice contrary opinions to make sure ur not insane, or idk to feel better at media analysis than the other people. and yeah lol sometimes popular fandom opinions are missing the point or you do not get the popular ship etc. it's good to have those discussions i think when done respectfully to try understanding why people think one thing, or pushing that hey something else also makes sense let's look there, etc, moreso collaboratively.

at the risk of romanticizing earlier fandom days, i guess there is something more general in the backlash now though? i imagine that on sites like livejournal, or i remember on deviantart, criticism was... kind of contained. your art might get one shitty comment or there might be deviantart stamps voicing Hot Takes you could then view the popularity of based on the comments/faves and how many people embedded it on their profiles. but there weren't mass reblogged posts with 120k notes about how boring an AU type is, or how stupid people are for shipping rather than worldbuilding, or how things that are genuinely skill issues more than malice are in fact malice so people aren't even allowed to explore and learn in their inherently amateur creations. it is easier to be hateful when a validated approved post is put on your dash affirming it or influencing that toward people and making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be to justify itself and all you need to do is hit a button to further the train.

like i just think there is such a higher expectation for perfect content tm catering to a mass appeal it would've been harder to measure and conform to before. every time i go on twitter the algorithm just gives me post after post of people going "i can't believe people think this character would do this" or "this headcanon pisses me off so much because___" or "ew how could people ship this?" ...all of which was absolutely present in fandoms before! like, i'm sure anonymous posting in particular saw a lot of these things get traction! but not in such a way where an opinion dragging something you do has 248 retweets putting it on ur feed and insinuating that ur mutuals will judge you next time you post a fic update with that thing. (and then ofc, as i do all the time, seeing people complaining = cue complaining about other people complaining.)

obviously we can just block people we don't like or whatever and it's up to us to not let contrary opinions get to us! i just guess this level of complaining has never before been so widespread and easy because you don't even have to say the thing yourself. you just have to hit reblog or retweet to voice something you otherwise would've kept to yourself with less care. and the numbers feel insane because of how much more popular online fandom is today than even 10 years ago, which... i think has brought on such a loss of etiquette in certain ways when fandom is less interactive and personal for like, tiktokers seeing a 30 second fancam and hitting like if op is lucky and scrolling by. algorithms making more personalized experiences make it so much easier to expect everything to cater to us so it's the end of the world when it doesn't. i could go off on a tangent about anti behavior but i won't. etc.

again i am hypocritical because i complain about other people in fandom endlessly (mostly... because of other people complaining about people like me first) and i am doing that here and i probs have reblogged lots of those things myself lol. obviously there are good convos to be had around how fandoms handle certain things! people are free to do that AND other people are free to post whatever kinds of creations they want AND people can block/mute/whatever any of the above! it's just... although fandom has always had its toxicity i do miss when it felt more fun and carefree and appreciative of imperfect contributions instead of... the balance we currently seem to have in a lot of cases.

it felt like we hit such a shift in ~2015 (anti stuff on the rise, representation convos around lexa dying, etc) that injected the expectations for mass media creators into literally anyone making anything at all for free and for fun. and as much as the ability to reblog/retweet/share around so easily can be beneficial for spreading good and building up fanon creators, i wonder if those critical convos wouldn't have gotten so intense and high-risk for anyone who didn't conform to some frankly impossible standards if it weren't for the intimidation of mutuals contributing to the 13k validating notes on a Hot Take. (and, in terms of anti issues, the ensuing callouts FOR making a mistake could get so much more traction than... telling people to Spread The Targeted Harassment Campaign Word by putting the effort into going and talking about it in their own journal.)

anyway, twitter bad and tumblr tags bad. and i really hope i can get to a point where i am less impeded by this sense of pressure keeping me from making things because it is honestly so hard now to take the limited time i have and pump out something that is either risky or out of character or inevitably imperfect and dare to post it. i am trying to do more with original works because of that, but i still love fandom! so it would be nice to engage with other fans through creating and sharing those joys more these days rather than only having the energy to engage with fandoms by seeing what other people are doing and then seeing these popularized takes and getting even further frozen about contributing lol. people are entitled to their opinions ofc and i need to just stay off twitter keep continually building up my ability to go "yeah that opinion is stupid / even if it's understandably contrary to my preferences i can still do what i want even though it feels more dangerous to know the amount of people who could conceivably ostracize me for it" as the sharing scale of Fandom Takes on too-influencing-friendly platforms continues to rise.

[blokecorelouis]

honestly

just had the most annoying experience. i’ve been looking forward to clubbing for like a year now and my friend just came to visit to go clubbing and have fun and she literally just bailed on those plans an hour before we were set to leave. AND i had included another friend in these plans who I THEN HAD TO BAIL ON LIKE AN HOUR FROM GOING OUT. and another friend who is kind of a new friend who i also had to bail on. and she bailed because she has a fucking cough. i understand that health anxiety and health ocd suck but also like fucking why AN HOUR BEFORE WE WERE GONNA LEAVE ??? like take a fucking xanax or something. ik im being a cunt right now but im kind of pissed. also my partner has been like struggling with sex stuff and the idea of polyamory keeps coming up and i dont even know if i want that but like it feels like im already reassuring them all the time so despite what they say it feels like it isnt an option. idk i just wish everyone was on my wavelength and ik thats not how life works but sometimes that fucking sucks. like why am i 23 and i barely have sex once a week, make like $500 a week which is barely enough to survive, and i also havent been to a club in over a year. also i wish my partner liked clubbing but they dont. i just wish i didnt feel like im missing out on so much. ik i still have time but fuck it feels like even when i try to go out and be young and dumb and full of cum im being blocked from that experience. now its 2 am and instead of like stumbling out of a club and calling an uber im sitting in bed typing up this mess of a post on tumblr while my partner sleeps next to me and my friend probably scrolls through tiktok. and thats the other thing is instead of trying to salvage the evening and enjoy hanging out inside and drinking margs and having homemade dinner it was fucking depressing because she was mad at herself for not going out and it was just lame. like there was no reason for this night to feel boring and i feel like a precious saturday night was wasted. i know im just feeling like an asshole right now but tbh i wish i couldve just gone out with the other friends i had to cancel on and let her be mad at herself alone. but frankly i think that wouldve made me a kind of shitty friend and partner since my partner would have had to stay with her and have an awkward night. just overall feeling annoyed and wishing i had my partner to talk to about this but by the time my partner and i can actually talk its gonna be like three days from now after i come home from work. i hate my fucking job !!!! i wanna get out of food and bev so bad but i need the money right now. i have to remind myself it will end or i feel suicidal. also ik its not a big deal about clubbing tonight but this friend just lets her anxiety rule her life sometimes and i feel for her but also its shitty when that effects other people. and i kinda dont know what to do about my partner situation im feeling kind of trapped which sucks cause im so in love with them but idk i think i wanna consider couples therapy but they said they want to go to individual therapy first which is valid but they havent gone. and i get that it can be scary and triggering for people but i need something to change or i guess i need to settle for just wishing we had more sex. am i entitled for wanting more? i feel like every other part of our relationship is so great and the sex used to be so frequent and it just doesnt feel the same. i need to go back to therapy so fucking bad. idk im just having a shitty night and i wish it had gone differently. thanks for listening tumblr void.