#idk i have a lot of thoughts and i can't articulate them but i know what i want to say

[lapwinghosty]

it's not exactly misgendering either in intention, but if you don't like it you don't like it and that's very understandable, especially if you are trans.

I get what you're referring to overall wrt playful and casual de-gendering especially in queer and gender minority spaces, just want to point out that ime it can be quite difficult or not actually practically possible to parse whether it's even intended as playful or a threat. since it's just the norm to not give a shit about trans womens feelings about this, (or even really think of us as having an internal life/thoughts and feelings at all) when you're inundated constantly by dude/bro/man/buddy/brah/etc. as the default and usually can't escape it with any degree of explanation or signification, and you know from experience that even gently correcting someone (yes including a lot of tme people who will tell you to your face while you are clearly very upset "it's no big deal bro") as politely, acceptably and inoffensively as you can, you literally risk losing jobs, getting ghosted, entire friendships, being cast out of a room or social scene (yes including queer spaces), risk a romantic partner burning your whole life down, being once again cast as The Hysterical Tranny, etc. it takes on a radically different quality. it's not just preference. it doesn't feel like a preference to me. it feels like one of the bare minimum costs-you-literally-nothing things that people can do to make spaces that trans women feel a little more comfortable in and not just temporarily tolerated or unsafe. It's so simple, just ask first, and respect the answer, there's no need to assume and nothing is lost in asking first.

also worth noting that while tme people do use this as playful de-gendering with each other, a lot of times that is not actually applied the same way with tma people in practice. with each other they will use it sometimes, like a little playful accentuation but typically not all the time, and if another tme person ask them to not use masc terms for them usually that's respected without any issue, let alone throwing a whole tantrum. with dolls it's often noticeably wayyy more frequently and when heaven forbid one of us dares mentions it, all the sudden it's a whole Thing. not infrequently they will exclusively use masc or gender neutral terms for tma people, especially if the person is both trans fem and nonbinary, no matter what we say or do <- more specifically the gender power hierarchy determines a priori who is granted self determination to alter and articulate how they are referred to, and whether they are gendered/de-gendered and the subtleties of that, and ultimately who is or is not even allowed to speak about it at all [then to protect itself, as profoundly effective power does, dips into the void of obscurity and inarticulation, upon any attempt to illuminate, illustrate, or grasp it; see agamben's analysis of Law in homo saccer for more detail]

idk all of this is just speaking from my own experience and convos here and there, this got pretty rambly ig

saw a useful post about this that's unrebloggable for me but yeah, cis women do use dude/bro/man/guys and other masculine-leaning terms for one another regularly and some conversations that have happened online about this have missed the mark.

My mom and I have called one another "dawg" since I was in middle school. the people I am most likely to use dude/bro for are cis women that I have known since my teen years and we all called one another those things all our lives as "girls." When I am called dude or bro by a woman (either cis or trans) it has a distinctly different impact than when a guy does it --the former reflects a relaxed closeness that allows for the standard gender performativity among us to drop, whereas the latter reflects those boundaries being continually maintained.

I do not think it is fair to call this a gender neutral usage, I think it is more similar to the gay use of "girl" and she/her pronouns. It is a recognition of the gendered complexity inside of a person that you also share things in common with, as a show of casual intimacy. it is a release from the bonds of performing femininity when women do it to one another. and it can be used in a similarly familiar way with some gay men and other gender minorities.

all that said, i know that i still personally felt some time of way about being referred to with she/her pronouns by my fellow gay men when i was early into transition. intellectually i understood that what it signified was familiarity, but in practice i did not at the time want the words applied to me. now i am rooted firmly enough in my queer manhood and live as a queer man so completely that it's second nature for me to refer to other men as "girl" or use she/her for them and i like it when the same is done to me. but you know, far be it for me to tell a woman that she has to be okay with being called dude. it isn't gender neutral. it's not exactly misgendering either in intention, but if you don't like it you don't like it and that's very understandable, especially if you are trans.

[lazylittledragon]

detransition is something that should Absolutely be talked about but the idea of going into this tag terrifies me beyond belief

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Okay so apologies if this is outside of your wheelhouse, totally fair. And, on one hand, I know ultimately it's up to me not like someone on the internet with limited context, but I also got into sort of an argument with a friend and I'm very confused and I'd like some input on like. I guess just more opinions on this?

Basically I'm a virgin, and not currently interested in any sort of long term relationship, or even anything serious short term. I mentioned to a friend that I'd decided to give up on the whole dating thing (which I was mostly trying out of...obligation I guess? Feeling like I can't just want hookups idk) and just try going to a bar or social or something and being like hi I think you're hot this is what I know I'm into, interested? Because that's what I actually want. It took me a while to realize it, but yeah, I don't care about whether someone cares about me deeply as a person, I'm just horny. And I'm an adult (20) so....

Anyway. Friend in question responded like that was a terrible idea and said I shouldn't do it because I don't know what I'm doing.

Now I'm just confused because like sure, I don't, I've literally only kissed people before but also, lmao. How else am I supposed to figure it out. I'm not worried, I know what I like I've experimented a lot on my own, and I'm comfortable asserting boundaries and communicating. Like sure maybe it'll be awkward, whatever, but they were acting like there's some rule about how I'm doing it wrong and now I'm just confused.

I guess my question is sort of. Would it be somehow... inappropriate... for me to just find a stranger willing to have sex with me and do that. Especially because I have zero expectations really and would both be comfortable just leaving if the vibes are bad? I don't think I'm articulating this very well but honestly I'm a bit confused on what I'm confused about. They seemed like it had to something to do with my lack of prior experience but that sounds a bit ridiculous to me given that I have no interest in idk finding someone to get into an actual relationship with, now or probably ever. So why would I do that first like it's some sort of magic rule. Idk. Help?

hi anon,

respectfully, I think this is probably a friend whose opinions don't need to factor in to your (potential) sex life very much. while I'd certainly recommend everyone engage in sex with people who respect them and care about their safety and enjoyment, whatever that looks like for them, there's no reason that has to preclude sex with strangers - hell, one of the most fun, thoughtful, and relaxed sexual experiences I've ever had was with a bunch of people I had just met at a conference, most of whom I didn't know the names of. someone you just met can be more communicative and mindful of your wants than someone you've known for years; it's all varies tremendously!

giving a charitable read to your friend, I can see why someone might assume that it's better off not to have a first sexual experience with a stranger, but again, that comes from a place of assuming that a stranger is an inherently inferior sexual partner. you seem to have an extremely clear sense of what you want and expect from a sexual encounter, and so long as all of that's clearly understood between you and whoever else is participating I don't see any issue with that. how and with whom you have sex is, after all, up to you.

[justabeewithapen]

i bet Chiquitita grew up not being able to do any general roughhousing because of his condition </3 but now the kids are helping him get caught up with important childhood milestones such as: climbing and falling out of trees, hitting each other with sticks, running with sharp objects, mudball fights, and other common child deathgames! poor Mr Shrimp is having a rough time adjusting

(And some close ups)

I have so many thoughts on this ask, I am so sorry XD

Firstly, Mr. Shrimp is 1000% having a rough time adjusting, and for very good reason. While we don't know what Chiquitita has (and I tried to do some research to get a rough idea of this sort of thing in humans) we for sure know he has to be anemic to some degree--or whatever their species's version of that would be. Before they had a consistent source of blood transfusions I am sure that Chiquitita was practically bed ridden at times, frequent blood loss makes it hard to do anything without getting woozy and sick. Now that they have that source he can do a lot more, but he still has limits that are way under where a kid his age actually should be. If it wasn't for his work ethic and Chiquitita's insistence he was okay, Mr. Shrimp would be walking Chiki to school almost every day. The idea that his son can just, do things now, hasn't really clicked. Chiki (who is roughly 6-7-ish seeing as he is a first grader) is actually fairly aware of his own limits, but, with the encouragement of both other kids (<- link to a bonus chapter) and his babysitters, he has been trying to push them. We know from one of extras staring Chiquitita (<- read this bonus chapter first) that he probably doesn't have much interest in play fighting, but I feel like he would be very into athletics. Still, no matter how well he thinks he knows his limits he has 100% had to be picked up from school or brought home after getting faint. Those are the moments where Mr. Shrimp probably gets a bit too smothery, he is the biggest cry baby but I can't even blame him. This is where I dive headfirst into total headcanon territory, but I know this man has some intense insecurities about his ability to raise his son and finding the balance there is so hard. He has the space and time to think about this sorts of things instead of trying to survive day-by-day and I know it is eating him alive. He very openly blames himself for the death of his wife when he explains his backstory. He calls himself an alien word that very clearly is meant to be something like "Weakling" or "pathetic" and you can just feel the hate oozing off the page. He has issues. How long was he fighting every day just to see the next and make sure his family could too, like, this is the stuff I am talking about when I say he has PTSD. He was 100% willing to beat a teenager unconscious for the sake of a paycheck. (I know his singing is def just because he is kind of a silly guy, but imagine if he was doing it to distract himself from his horrible job. Singing about his son to remind him why he was there, do you see the vision????) I am constantly thinking about how his and Acrosilkie's stories are so similar, only, he came out of it with a good ending. Even when his life was safe and his son was safe he felt so indebted to the gang that he was willing to die in the Space Globalist Arc for a battle that wasn't even any of his business!! His life is the only thing he feels he can offer that is of any value man.... Anyway!! Do we think that Mr. Shrimp and Chiki bleed red when they are in their human disguises, or white still? I am leaning towards white but idk how I want to handle their shapeshifting fully. Also, hopefully I articulated my thoughts here okay T-T My brain is too full of them. (ASKS STILL VERY MUCH OPEN!!)

[utilitycaster]

Idk how to articulate this but in regards to a lot of defense of certain elements of C3 being that they “make sense” in universe, (Ashton becoming indecisive, the party not knowing each other well because of the little passage of time, the party not having stakes in much of things,) it’s always very misguided because something can make sense in universe and still be a really bad writing decision. Especially if you’re trying to respond to an out of universe criticism with in universe logic.

Correct. I think there are two big problems with these arguments. The first, is as you said, the fact that these Doylist critiques (story poorly structure, party lacks investment) are being met with Watsonian defenses (makes sense for the party). We're saying "the party should have been given a reason for investment in the beginning."

The second is, and I've been reluctant to point this out because the bulk of hate I've gotten has been (largely false and frankly idiotic) claims of hypocrisy. But man is a lot of this hypocritical, the defense of Ashton specifically. Like, yes, Ashton is someone who's had a difficult life and frequently had very little power, so the fact that they do have power now isn't something they are used to. However, and this really is the even larger problem, just because a sentient being has a reason for feeling a certain way does not in fact mean that acting on it is excused from criticism. Ashton also learned he contained the shard of a titan only a few weeks ago; why aren't we granting the same "well, it's new, let them process" it to the party's fixation on avenging the titans? Why are we getting this from people who frequently treated Orym as "irrational" and bent on nothing but vengeance for deaths he'd carried for six years and had thought about extensively? Hey, Ludinus is acting from trauma! So is Liliana, according to a lot of these people. If acting from trauma is always valid, then criticism of any of these people is cut off. So clearly, what you do with that trauma matters!

You can feel any way about anything, but how you act matters, and time and time again, a huge number of Bells Hells and Campaign 3 fans have argued that actually it doesn't, and if you've ever had your choices curtailed your lack of agency means you are entitled to do whatever the fuck you want. It extends to themselves as well - doesn't matter if (for example) there's absolutely no indication that Gelvaan's issue with Imogen was homophobia or misogyny and in 118 episodes there hasn't been - if you feel like Imogen's experience is relatable to your real-world one where those were factors then obviously your feelings are right so who cares about like, the facts of the situation! You're new to the campaign! You can't be EXPECTED to LOOK THINGS UP and THINK.

You know what I realized, upon answering this question: I don't know if Ludinus realized that the impact of reaching out to Predathos would be the ruin of Molaesmyr; I don't think he was terribly worried about consequences but I do think it's fair to say "he might have not realized how badly this could go, and was surprised as any by the result". Just someone following a path because they were hurt and traumatized and not thinking things through. We keep talking about how Bells Hells might be remembered as Vespin Chloras, and they might be remembered as such, but Vespin was an arrogant but genuinely competent and even, arguably, well-intentioned person with a clear plan that was ultimately a gross underestimate. I think they're more likely to be just fuck-ups in the dark who could cause mass destruction because they cared far, far more about the hurt they'd received than the world around them.

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field XIV

summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.2k

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there. oh, and manipulation (both of them lowkey)

masterlists // nav // requests

a/n: omg so the next part has over 5k words and its not even close to being done?? should i post it all at once or break it up?? lmk your thoughts! also!! i think there's only two parts left omg... BUT do not fear bc i'm also writing another little thing for this and i feel like i'll keep doing that :)

series masterlist

You run back out to the stage, just as the Covey band's song is about to end. It was the last one, you thought, if their at home rehearsals were any indicator. You climb back up the side with an exaggerated stumble in your step, drawing the attention of Lucy Gray. She gave you a confused look, having expected that you and Coriolanus would be quite busy, especially after your song. She didn't expect you back on stage at all that night.

You smile and take the mic before she can say goodnight to the audience. "How about one more? I've had a second wind!" You say, looking to the band for their approval. Everyone besides Lucy Gray just giggles at you and nods.

"Alrighty, well, we'd really love to but our Sage here has clearly had a bit to drink and needs to get home." Lucy Gray tries to save it with a joke.

"Oh, come on, Lucy Gray. Live a little!" You laugh, playfully nudging her shoulder. "Who wants one more!" You call out which is returned with whistles and claps of encouragement.

"Alright, alright. Just one more, though." She agrees, smile returning to her face as he shakes her head.

The song ends and the band is packing up, and you can only hope that Coryo is long gone. The floor empties out, and you watch as Maude Ivory hops off the stage.

"Hey, Maude Ivory!" You call after her, hiding the sense of urgency in your voice. "Hey, can you help me clean up the floor before you grab a drink? I'll grab you your water." You offer, hurrying behind her to keep her from going to the back room. You didn't want her to see the bodies you assumed were still back there.

"Yes ma'am." She nods, giving you a quick salute.

"It's not a lot today, just a few bottles we can reuse." You smile at her as she skips out to start at the opposite edge of the room. "Lucy Gray, c'mere." You call to her as she closes up her old guitar case.

"You okay?" She asks, confused by your sudden sobriety.

"Come with me." You whisper, leading her into the back hallway in front of the door.

She follows, worry creased into her brow. Suddenly, she notes the red spots across the front of your dress which were almost invisible under the stage lights and among the red accents of the fabric.

"Something happened, okay? You can't let them come back here." You insist, referring to her family. "And you can't tell anyone."

"What?" She asks in a hushed tone, glancing past you toward the door. "Is it Coriolanus?"

Before you can explain, she's pushing past you and shoving the door open. You follow her quickly, reaching your arms around her to cover her mouth to keep any kind of reaction from being heard. You effectively muffle a cry of shock, and she's shoving you away and turning to face you. "That's- that's Billy Taupe, and, and Mayfair-"

"Shh-" You hush her quickly. "It was self-defense, okay? She was going to get us all killed. You included."

"I- no, I don't-" She tries to articulate her thoughts as her eyes fill with tears.

"I know, okay? It's less than ideal. Coryo is handling it. We just have to stay quiet." You promise. "Let's just grab everything and bring it all out, pretend you saw nothing. Maude Ivory and CC can't see this, do you understand?"

She nods, sniffling and looking between the bodies. "Hey, don't look at them." You remind her, gently turning her chin toward you. "They hurt you. Now you can move on, okay?"

"Okay." She whispers shakily, nodding again as you gather all the Covey's backstage supplies to bring out.

The next morning, you're awoken to a pounding on the front door of the small home, the four of you who shared a room all shooting up at once.

You scramble to get a peek out the window, spotting the grey shade of peacekeeper uniforms and cursing.

"Who- who is it?" Maude Ivory asks, scared as she looks between you and Lucy Gray.

"Peacekeepers. Lucy Gray, we have to go." You say quickly, closing the shade and grabbing your dress and Lucy Gray's arm.

"What? What's happening?" Barb Azure asks, rubbing her eyes.

"They're going to bust in if you don't open the door. Just tell them Lucy Gray isn't home. Don't mention me and if they ask, you don't know who I am. Do you understand?" You ask frantically and the girl nods fearfully.

As quickly as possible, you and Lucy Gray are flying out the back door and making a sprint for the trees behind the house.

"Any sign of the guns, or the girl? Mayor Lipp is sure she did it, or at least knows who did." A gruff voice of one of the peacekeepers has you and Lucy Gray both looking at each other, hands clutched over your mouths to keep quiet.

"None." His comrade replies, standing almost directly beneath you after they searched the yard. Clearly not very thoroughly, if they didn't see you and Lucy Gray sitting only about ten feet above their heads.

You cringe as he walks right over your garden, crushing the blooming raspberry bushes. "They arrested Plinth. Just got word, apparently, he was involved with rebels." The first man speaks again, and your eyes widen.

"Plinth? He's two beds down from me. Didn't expect that from him. He's a nice guy."

"No, I know. Anyway, he'll be executed this afternoon." You have to bite your lip to keep it from shaking under your hand, as if somehow that could give you away.

"Whatever, we'll come back later to get her." One of them says, making their way back through the house.

You hide in the branches and leaves until you're sure they're gone before carefully unsticking yourself from the ridged bark you were sitting on for far too long. You carefully climb down after Lucy Gray, making a quick effort to pull any stray sticks of leaves from your hair.

"What are we gonna do? They think I did it, I didn't do it, they'll kill me!" Lucy Gray panics, and you think about it while you quickly change into your dress.

"I think you have we have to run. Like you planned to do. We just have to follow through." You tell her, nodding to yourself.

Lucy Gray sighs, tipping her head back to look up at the sky. "I didn't even really want to go, I just wanted to get Billy Taupe off my ass."

"Well, he won't be there now." You say, looking her over. "How were they going to break that girl out?"

"Lil?" Lucy Gray asks, confused as she looks back at you. "I... I don't know, but it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"Did they have a plan? Did they write it down anywhere?" You ask again.

"Well, yes, but they didn't write it down. It was too risky."

"Tell it to me. Every detail you can remember." You urge her, trying to settle the panic rising behind your ribs.

Coriolanus had been out all morning with his team, looking for the weapon that killed the mayor's daughter and praying every moment that they wouldn't find it. After breaking down the doors of countless homes, he thought he would start to feel better. There was no way they would be caught, but he was regretting not taking the initiative to hide them himself. That way, he would at least know.

With his issued weapon in his hand, they were pacing down a desolate street. By now the whole district knew to lock themselves away, except for whoever he just saw in his peripheral vision through a narrow sidestreet. He turns his head fully, just catching the ends of their hair and the red in their short dress before they disappeared. He stops, quickly taking the turn into the side street and looking back to make sure no one had seen him depart from the group.

With the bag of tools thrown over your shoulder, you tried your very best to be quiet while walking through the city. Walking down a sidestreet, you found it was a challenge to be both fast and silent. At the sound of footsteps behind you, you hold the bag in your arms to prevent the tools from knocking together and step into a narrow doorway, back pressed to the wall.

You're breathing heavily, but keep it steady as the footsteps on the gravel of the road come to a stop. You hear them turn, presumably looking in both directions. You're in the middle of cursing yourself for being spotted when you hear a whistle. A calling one, baiting you to peek out from your hiding spot, but you don't budge. Another whistle. "Hey, Y/N? Is that you?" The whistle is followed by Coryo's voice whispering your name, and you're infinitely relieved.

You stepped out quietly, and you couldn't help but smile when you saw his familiar face. He meets you halfway, and you're quickly wrapping your arms around him. "Coryo..." You sigh, not ready to let go of him just yet.

"Hey, Y/N/N..." He whispers back, kissing your head. "Are you okay? What are you doing out? You need to get home."

"I can't." You shake your head, finally dropping your arms from around him. "Did you hear Sejanus got arrested this morning? He's going to be executed."

Coryo is in shock, jaw going slack as he tries to decide what to say. It must have been his recording, because there was nothing linking him to the murders.

"I'm going to break him out. Like they planned to do for that other girl."

Instantly at your statement, he shakes his head. "Absolutely not. You'll be caught and you'll be next. There's a poster of you in the head peacekeeper's office. I've seen it. They're looking for you here, it's too risky."

"I'm not going to let Sejanus die over something he didn't even do." You whisper, voice picking up in anger as you glare up at him.

"You can't, Y/N. I get why you'd want to, but it's not worth it." He insists.

"They won't catch us. I'm getting him out and we're running, just like they planned to do anyway."

Coryo scans your face for any sign at all that you may be kidding, but he finds none. "Don't. Don't go. I wanted to tell you this last night, but they're relocating me to Two. You can come with me. I'll get us both out of here."

"Closer to home?" You ask, a hint of hopefulness flitting in your eyes before it's quickly replaced with sadness. "Wait, no. No, they'll ship me back home, and then what? I'll be killed anyway, or worse." You sigh, shaking your head as you look down. This is probably about to turn into a goodbye you never wanted to say.

The idea of leaving him behind was breaking your heart, but would you really be leaving him? You knew what would happen to him. He'd go to Two, rise quickly in the ranks, and be elected president by the time he turned twenty-five. He would be okay, but would you be without him? You couldn't stomach the idea of taking such a bright future from him just because you had nothing left. "I have to go with them, Coryo. It's my only choice."

He can already see that there is no shot you'll be happy out there. You probably wouldn't last the week, either. He nods a little bit, taking your hand. "I'll come with you." He nods again, deciding it for himself. Coriolanus Snow is not about to say goodbye to the love of his life for the last time as someone she was pretending to be but never truly was, nothing more than a rebel from District Twelve.

"No, your relocation, it's your ticket home. You have to take it." You reply.

"It doesn't matter. If they find the gun, I'll be killed either way. Here, in Two, or back home. I can't escape it, same as you." He promises. "There's nothing for me there anyway. Not without you." Coryo says, rubbing his thumb gently over the side of your neck, warming the chilled skin there.

How could you say no? "Okay." You whisper, nodding slightly as your cheeks flush pink. "Can you leave tonight?"

"Uh, I, no." He shakes his head. "Earliest I can get away is sunrise."

"Shit... okay." You hum, looking around as if that will help you think. Undistracted from his all-consuming blue eyes looking into yours. "We can try and wait, then meet us at the hanging tree at dawn. If we're not there, hike to the cabin. We'll wait there if we can't hide here overnight."

He nods in confirmation, looking quickly over his shoulder as you both hear cheers and whoops of excitement making their way down the street toward you. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." He agrees.

"See you tomorrow." You give him a small smile, turning to continue on your way when he grabs your wrist. He's quick to pull you back to him, colliding his lips with yours. He always kisses like he's starving. God, you wouldn't be able to live without that.

"Be careful, Y/N/N." He warns as he pulls away. "Stay safe."

"Yes sir, mister president." You grin, kissing him again quickly before walking away. You turn as you walk backward to face him, giving him a salute.

Coryo smiles to himself smugly, nodding at you before rushing to rejoin the other peacekeepers in his squad as they drag Spruce back toward the compound.

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[dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad]

one thing about cultural christianity that i don't see talked about enough is that i think it's something a lot of jews can also fall victim to. especially if you live in an area where there aren't a lot of other jews and so you don't have easy access to resources like hebrew school and synagogue and jewish centers. but also even if you do. i'm jewish, i grew up jewish, both my parents are jewish and so are their parents and so were their parents, plus i grew up and still live in a highly jewish area, where schools took off for the high holidays. most of my peers went to hebrew school, and seventh grade was universally considered bar mitzvah season. and i took those things for granted. as a kid i chose not to go to hebrew school, not to get bat mitzvahed, and so much of what i know now about judaism—about jewish culture, jewish traditions, jewish holidays, jewish values, jewish beliefs—i only learned from being on tumblr.

when i was younger, like five or six, i asked my mom what happens after you die, and she said that your soul goes to heaven. and so for years i thought heaven and hell were universal beliefs. i didn't learn that jews don't believe in heaven or hell until my late teens. and in hindsight i can see why my mom told me that—you don't really want to scare a little kid by telling them that when you die you're just dead. but still.

and i grew up celebrating christmas. not in the sense that my family would go to chinese restaurants and see a movie in theaters, but in the sense that we put up a tree and raced downstairs first thing in the morning to open presents under the tree and gather with our extended family and eat christmas ham. still, there are a lot of christmas traditions we don't partake in, like stockings and caroling and elf on the shelf. the other day i had a friend come over and i showed her how many jewish ornaments were on my christmas tree—we have a star of david, a rabbi bear, and our tree topper is a dreidel—and she said something about it being a nice intersection of cultures. and it felt weird to hear her say that. i don't blame her for it, i know she meant well, but it would make more sense for someone to say that about someone with one jewish parent and one christian parent. and like i said, both my parents are jews. christianity doesn't intersect with my jewish culture, it invades it. maybe it was sort of a wake up call for me: you can decorate a christmas tree as jewishly as you like, but at the end of the day it's still a christmas tree. and so whenever i explain to people that i didn't have a bat mitzvah or that i celebrate christmas, it makes me feel like a bad jew.

i don't mean to imply that celebrating christmas makes you less jewish, or that you should be ashamed of yourself if you do. i just feel that way about myself. it's sort of that mentality of "everyone's valid except me," how there are things you say about yourself that you would never ever say about a friend. personally i would love to stop celebrating christmas, but i don't think i'll ever be able to, because even if/when i move out, my family will keep inviting me home for the holidays. and they have every right to. my family loves christmas, they love celebrating it, and i can't force them to stop. that's their choice. this holiday sparks joy for them, but for me it just sparks frustration and fatigue. and i don't want to ruin it for them, but i do want them to understand why i'm tired of celebrating an extremely hegemonic holiday.

idk if i'm articulating this well. i'm not really involved in the "discourse" around cultural christianity to begin with, but whenever i see it talked about it's usually in reference to atheists who used to be christian. but it's a lot more pervasive than that and i don't see that acknowledged very often.

[daandyli0n]

more of my random Petscop thoughts.

dunno how to fully articulate this 'cause i don't have any art yet, but. to me, Rainer, Marvin, and Paul are like. same guy/general traits, but Different Fonts.

so let me explain it this way:

traits they all share (and how they differ):

same general hair/eye color: brown hair and chocolate brown eyes (Rainer's hair is the lightest, and so is his eye color. Marvin's hair color is almost the same as Paul's, just slightly darker, and his eye color is slightly darker than Rainer's. Paul used to be Care, so take that as you will for what his hair looks like, and his eyes are Extremely dark and almost look black, unless the light hits them)

generally the same face shape (with the exception of Paul, whose face is somewhat Rounder. it's the best way i can describe it)

freckles and/or "beauty marks" (Rainer has a couple of BM on his face, one on the left side of his upper lip and another underneath his right eye. Marvin has freckles and a BM on the left side of his nose. Paul has a Lot of freckles and a BM on the right side of his nose, as well as a BM on his left cheek)

glasses (Rainer has square/rectangular glasses, Marvin has those glasses that like stereotypical librarians are given in cartoons. you know what i'm talking about?? he has those fancy glasses. Paul's glasses are some sort of rounder-framed kinda glasses. not sure if they're Circular or just Rounded)

generally have Longer Hairstyles (Marvin's hair is shoulder length. Rainer and Paul have hair that goes halfway down their backs, but Paul keeps his tied in a ponytail)

WHEN CLEAN, their hair is like. fluffy and soft (Rainer was kinda. Going Through It towards the end of his life, so take this as you will. Marvin generally kept himself pretty clean. and with Paul it's a coin toss)

things that are specific to each of them:

Rainer had real fucked up legs from getting hit by a car in his early teen years (unfortunately, this was not the Last time he would be hit by a car). i think i saw a design once that gave him a fucked up leg like Toneth. mine's kinda similar to that sort of idea: his left leg is never fully straightened out. he kinda Can't straighten it anymore. he can get Close to fully straightening it out, but it doesn't. do that. he uses crutches to get around most of the time.

Marvin and Rainer have similar body shapes (Tall 'n Lanky) and are Around the same height (Marvin is 6'4" and Rainer is 6'0" exactly), but Rainer gives off more "Sad Wet Cat" vibes (and has bad posture), while Marvin is more "Average Older Guy Who Gives Off...Off Vibes." Paul, on the other hand, i based on myself appearance wise: Short(er) and Round, if that gives you an idea. (i made him my height: 5'6"). his vibes are more "Awkward Trans Gamer Who Needs Therapy" (which is just his entire character in Petscop, i'm well aware)

Paul, while he does share some features with his dad, mostly has features that look similar to Lina's (eyes, nose, etc.)

Rainer had more average(??? idk how to explain) eyebrows, Marvin had thicker eyebrows, and Paul has very faint, thin eyebrows.

^ to go along with this, Lina technically also grows very thin eyebrows like Paul does, she just has a habit of picking at them and pulling them out (Marvin's The Reason Paul Didn't Grow Eyebrows As A Kid. Paul Didn't Pick At 'Em Like Lina Does. Paul does, however, pick at his acne).

and now, misc. fun facts!!

both Rainer and Paul hate the fact that, to some degree, they look like Marvin (especially Rainer, who is definitely closer in appearance to him due to height and body shape). they have different reasons for why they hate it, though (Rainer just hates that fucker in general, while Paul has his whole thing of feeling Fear and Dread when he looks in the mirror on his Worse Days, but for the longest time being unable to explain Why).

on the other hand, on Paul's Better Days, he looks in the mirror and thinks "huh...i guess i Do look like Lina's son :]" and feels happy and warm instead of All-Consuming Dread.

Marvin one time, in-game, called Paul ugly, and it caused Paul to have the WORST fucking flashback. his avatar in game (the Guardian guy) just stood there frozen while he kinda had a breakdown and Belle (who was Also there just kinda also stood still because she was on the phone with Paul IRL) just gave Marvin a response that summed up to "WTF You Can't Just Say That." the Really fucked up bit? Marvin Definitely knew who Paul was at that point. he knew the weight THAT sort of statement held.

so yeah!! just a lil ramble about Paul, Rainer, and Marvin and some Appearance Headcanons and whatnot. enjoy!!

[cj-the-random-artist]

Stupid names I thought of for the QPR AU:

(please take these with a grain of salt I'm trying my best on a subject I don't know personally, also most of these are silly)

Cult of the Squish

Cult of the Zucchini

Squishy Zucchinis

Alterous of the Lamb

Culterous

Two Blorbos Not Kissing

Aroman Empire / S.Q.P.R

Cuddles of the Lamb

Virtues of the Soul (Like Sins of the Flesh in reverse... get it?)

Platonic Cult of the Platonic Lamb

Partner's Path

Joffy!! Hello!! Good sir, I need you to know that "Two Blorbos Not Kissing" made me laugh harder than I've laughed in months, okay, like, I was wheezing. It's unreasonably funny sir. Like these names are so so fantastic, I love the vibes of all of them. Culterous and Cuddles of the Lamb are also so so good, and Virtues of the Soul is so so funny (I do get it and I love it). Also Partner's Path?? Mmmmm so so good. I can't articulate exactly how fantastic is it but I love it.

That said, this did also make me think about actual names for my AU, cuz I probably can't just keep calling it "the Yet Untitled QPR Narilamb AU", because even though that title does have like, Untitled Goose Game style title energy, I do think it should have like... an actual name. But this prompted me to think about other name ideas than that, and I have come up with a few as well now that you've prompted me to think about it:

Narilamb Not Kissing AU (which is obviously heavily inspired by Two Blorbos Not Kissing because... ya know... it was so incredibly funny to me)

Fold Out Couch AU (I haven't talked about this I don't think, but I have a lot of lore behind the couch in Lambert's office?? It's a fold out bed that Narinder forced Lambert to get because he wanted them to start sleeping regularly instead of like, sleeping at their desk (or not at all), except in the end he sleeps on it almost every night and Lambert mostly either doesn't sleep or falls asleep at their desk... so it didn't really work in the end but whatever that's the lore)

Garden Party AU (cuz I keep drawing them hanging out in the garden drinking tea, and I have a lot of un-written down thoughts about Lambert in my AU having a huge elaborate garden with lots of statues and stuff)

Tea in the Garden AU (same reasons)

But anyways. Joffy these names are fucking fantastic and I love them and thank you for prompting me to actually think about this. Unfortunately for me I'm horribly indecisive so maybe sometime I'll narrow down a list and make a poll or something and let y'all decide. Idk. But I did just wanna let you know that these are great and it has actually prompted me to actually think about this stuff again. And also it's lovely to hear from you Joffy, I appreciate ya :D

[casscainmainly]

CASS JASON THOUGHT EXPLOSIONS JUST HIT god I'm too shy to come off anon cause shit at eng,,, but also!!! Thinking abt how Jason would recognize his own inveterate empathy + compassion in her, something he views as a flaw in himself. While Cass, though able to understand his grief, pain and hurt, can't help but resent the way he embraces and embodies behaviors she's fought so hard to leave behind.

They both see parts of themselves in the other :0

It's probably not as bad for Cass post Batgirl 2000 (plus they won't really... seek eachother out... ever?) but Jason... oh boy... he's already unstable...

Also smth smth about both of them and abandoning their civilian identity as a form of self sacrifice,, for Cass it's obvious,, in Jason's case it's because 'someone has to do it' and making himself like a symbol for all victims, the whole process being akin to an immolation of civilian Jason Todd. Someone smarter than me could probably discuss the nature of how they both self-mythologise too in such a similar but varied direction??

IDK !!! :O

Also COOL BLOG,, I LOVE U CASS AND VVV COOL META AND DISCUSSONS!! I SEND U FLOWERS 🌸🌺🌸

They absolutely see bits of themselves in each other!! Especially because their two moralities are defined by a Big Event in a way none of the others are (besides Bruce, of course). I personally agree that they wouldn't seek each other out, but there is insane potential in a story where they're forced to work together (although current Jason is not necessarily the best version for the conflict I'd like to see.).

And BIG yes to your civilian identity point!!! Both of their identities were forcibly taken away from them, Jason by his death and Cass by her father. Of course Cass has never had a true civilian experience, but it's important that both their identities are completely subsumed by their goal: once again, it's the self-reduction to 'murder victim' and 'murderer'. There's no space for normality, for anything other than that defining moment. I guess that might be what you mean by 'self-mythologising', a denying of their fundamental humanity (which they both have, and have always had).

(I know there's lots of headcanons/fics on Jason legally coming back to life, but I'd love to see more of them deal with how he feels about it beyond the logistics/jokes; how does he feel stepping back into an identity chained to both his murder and his relationship to Bruce Wayne?)

Anyway, your thoughts were awesome and you definitely articulated them well! Thank you so much for the flowers <3333.

[azure-arsonist]

Ok so here's the thing about dabi dying bc I have thoughts I've had thoughts for a while

1 it's just a poor narrative choice, and better blogs have discussed that at length so I won't get into that.

2 dabi doesn't want to die. I mean, he does, but it's more complicated than that.

He has a lot of big, overwhelming, literally all consuming feelings, and he'd like to not feel them, and dying is... a way to do that, sure, but wanting to die is like a secondary want. It's a (BAD VERY BAD I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH) solution to problems that otherwise don't seem to have one. Dabis's problems, his real problems, is that he felt unimportant, unloved, and unwanted and he felt like he had no purpose because he was a "failure," and even his horrific death didn't matter.

He's doing this because he thinks murder suicide achieves what he actually wants which is attention and validation and to be important to his family for once. Hes an emotionally neglected kid who wants to finally matter to people and he thinks the only way he can do that is by being a problem. He's also very hurt, and wanting to hurt somebody that hurt you is a very normal human reaction. It's not the BEST reaction, but it makes total sense for dabi.

3 Dabi isn't the most reliable narrator when it comes to his wants and needs because he's not emotionally mature or intelligent enough to really know what he wants/feels, much less articulate it. It's kind of like being passive-aggressive in that you can't just take what's said at face value. You kind of need to read into the subtext of his words/actions and take what he says with a grain of salt.

4 idk man I don't think having the suicidal character get their happy ending via suicide is like....good like it sort of misses the point. It doesn't seem like horikoshi will do that, but if he does that, he'd kind of undermine himself, lmao.

[erithel]

Piggybacking off of your response to the previous ask, man can I just say what an utter clusterfuck the whole "gone" situation was follower-wise... i'm gonna make this about me so sorry about that, however i'm the kind of person that can't really articulate their thoughts, can't see through the layers as clearly as others and when people post a thoughtful analysis that reflects my feelings about the fic while the best thing I can come up with is something like "wow, fic good❤️" (which yeah I know is still fine but anyway) it makes me feel so much better because what is trapped in my head is articulated as I wanted to express it... that being said, seeing you explore ptsd and lance's grief like this stirred smth in me, I cried at times, so I was very excited to see people in your asks sharing their thoughts and all... And then they didn't seem to care so much about it (not all of them obvs) and at first it was like "hahah yeah.. we all want them to kiss xd lol" but then seeing you post about how people would essentially flood your asks for klance to KISS ALREADY™ plus with other general stuff... Idk if it was frustrating for me I can't even begin to imagine how it was for you, because this is like.. still a story, just in comic form, so yes it has an arc it need to complete. We could see the episode count from the beginning too if I remember correctly, so being so insistent about it was weird? Either way, it was a story and it was getting somewhere and spamming about when your ship will be canon is kind of annoying. So sorry this happened to you and so happy you pushed through! I binge it on the regular!

I feel like I could do a Ted Talk on the etiquette of commenting at this point, through my own experience, and also reading comments my friends have received on their work.

But essentially what it boils down to is two things:

Creators put a lot of work into their stories, and

They choose to write stories their way

The way that I write fan content (both fics and comics) is because these stories and these subjects are important to me. Some of them are very personal, too. And I know I am not the only creator who chooses to write this way.

Obviously the way I reacted to the "just kiss already" comments may have seemed like an overreaction from the outside (I thank you for being understanding in your ask btw).

But the message those constant comments were sending was a very clear one of:

All the thought/time/work you put into this story does not matter

Everyone who ever told you to "just get over it" was right

Grief can be a very physical and powerful thing.

Losing someone you love leaves you with this excess of love and affection that now has no where to go. You used to have a place to direct it, and when that place is suddenly gone, it takes a while to learn how to function again; to redistribute that love.

It's something that never goes away, it just gets manageable. And it's definitely not something you can "just get over."

I'm not saying I'm the greatest storyteller of all time, but I was tired of reading books and watching movies and shows where the characters never felt the aftermath of a loss. They all just moved onto the next episode or the next chapter like nothing ever happened.

And I do think it's important to tell stories like this in fanfiction. Because many readers are younger. Many readers rely on reading fanfiction because it's free. Many readers need hope and catharsis. And getting to read about their favorite characters go through terrible things but realistically come out on the other side is, to me, very important. Because the stories we read - no matter if they are free or published works - can stick with us for the rest of our lives.

This is why it was such a big deal for me. Because I was trying to tell a story that said "Please take your time to get over things. Please know that it's okay if you don't immediately snap back to the way things were. Please know that it's okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling." And getting comment after comment that said the exact opposite was honestly just crushing.

I would take a "wow, fic good" comment any day. Because it acknowledges what has been done, instead of demands things to speed up to suit someone else's needs.

And, on a slightly more petty note... it was a klance fan comic. It's not like they weren't going to kiss. They just weren't going to do it in the middle of an argument where it wouldn't have stuck!

(I do also think it's funny that there's a perfect comic example of a kiss happening too early, before communication which happened right around the same time as Gone. And for the record, she's gotten way more and way worse comments than I did, so that's something worth mentioning, too.)

The point is that some stories are very personal to the author and very important to certain members of the audience. Of course no single story will be for everyone, but just because it is not going a certain way does not mean it's okay to demand it be changed.

[blamemma]

Em, you articulated my thoughts perfectly in your latest Jack ask. I find those “f1 is a cutthroat sport, cry harder” people to be soooo exhausting.

Yes, we all KNOW f1 is cutthroat but a decision like this has absolutely nothing to do with that sentiment. There’s literally nothing to suggest that Franco will do better than Jack in Alpine, and to me it speaks to why I don’t particularly like the thought of a tonne of rookies on the grid at once: these teams don’t know how to utilize them properly or develop them.

I don’t think people realize how much Max’s success changes the entire trajectory of f1. No one really puts the time and effort into actually building for the future anymore, they’re all just on the lookout for the next big thing/child prodigy/crossover star. And while, yes there’s something to be said for what a Colapinto (with his large fanbase and sponsorship opportunities) can do for a team, to put him over Jack - who is Alpine academy through and through says so much about how much they value their own developmental program (not a lot) and the faith they have in their own juniors.

Last thing I’ll say, is if the only way to keep people interested in your sport is through the driver market….there is something seriously wrong. People can say over and over that this is just the way the sport works, but it doesn’t mean it’s right or sustainable. Drivers should be able to trust their contacts and all these mid-season/last minute swaps do is take power away from the drivers who are literally risking their Ives every weekend. I’ll never allow myself to be desensitized to that just because “the sport has always been like this”. It has NOT always been this way, and it should not be this way

yeah 6 rookies (is that how many we have? idk? i dont care about them to count them) puts the fear of god in me, but it should also put the fear of god in all of them. you are expected to perform from day zero. there is no longer room for errors or chances or taking risks and learning from them (which is what has made great drivers) in this cost cap era. where will they get there ruthlessness from if they can't test out risky moves. how do you learn if you constantly just have to tow the line. it's interesting to me, because i almost feel like we're going to have a generation of incredibly meek drivers. and its why, in all honesty, i'd love to have franco back, because he's such a wildcard it intrigues me.

and yeah again, max was able to learn and grow by going up against the best and sometimes making stupid reckless moves, but sometimes making astounding moves, and learning from both of these. if he put the car in the wall....it's frustrating and damaging for the team. but they weren't working within a set monetary window. they can rebuild those parts and be fine. max is the driver he is for many reasons, but having the capacity to 'experiment' once he got to f1 is a big part of that. he faced media scrutiny for it, but he knew he was secure in red bull because they had faith in him, and that's what mattered. do any of these rookies reaaalllyy have job security? if you don't perform, the next hot thing is waiting in f2 and desperate to do anything to take ur seat. you better not mess up !! and that's what jack now faces. an experienced driver looming behind him, with a lot of cash behind him, an established fan base, and a lot of media support. its a losing battle it feels....

[bookwyrminspiration]

I think I’ve asked you this before, but I have another question about elf babies. Since elf babies can talk, do you think they develop fully formed ears like weirdly early in the womb? Oh and do you think they come out with teeth?

At the very least elves have to be born with the motor skills to control the muscles used to talk, right?

Many thoughts, so little answers.

Shannon's "elves speak from birth" thing to fix Sophie's language barrier when she moved truly is the gift that keeps on giving. And it's so funny because she's literally also a polyglot. She didn't even have to do it; yeah, Sophie hadn't manifested yet, but hear me out!

I personally think it'd be simpler to have her manifest her polyglotism upon hearing Fitz speak enlightened to her for the first time, then she'd have no language barrier when moving, we'd avoid all the unintended side-effects of an instinctual elven language, and! Then it'd add a bit of mystery and suspicion as to why she's both a polglot and a telepath. Because yeah, polyglots are primed for two abilities, but with everything else weird about her...idk man...! sets us up foreshadowing her other abilities

Anyway. I don't know about baby ear formation, but, I'd imagine they develop the same? They don't need them any earlier. it's not like they're having a chat in-utero.

As for the teeth, which we can never escape from, canonically they do. Because there was no mention of Sophie being born with teeth, and we can assume it'd be brought up as one of the weird elven things Forkle had to explain away otherwise.

This does imply that the elven language does not use sounds involving the teeth (labiodentals like f, interdentals like th), which isn't unrealistic. However, lots of (most if not all) other sounds use the teeth indirectly on account of you make sounds in your mouth/vocal tract and your teeth are also always in your mouth. So this complicates things

unless there's different like. i can't think of the right word. forms? of the language. as in children speak a version of enlightened, then when they grow up and get the teeth, they speak a different version.

and yes they'd need to be able to skillfully manipulate the articulators (i.e. tongue, lips, velum, vocal folds) in order to control the sounds they're making and produce speech.

many thoughts, a few musings and answers :)

[idyllic-affections]

venti and xiao would be the best big brothers!!

venti would sing you to sleep whenever you seem to have trouble doing it yourself, and xiao would just loom over you /j

xiao would be so protective though i think

when their sibling can't sleep.

summary. how do venti and xiao comfort a sleepless little sibling?

trigger & content warnings. insomnia.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. comfort. venti & younger sibling!reader, xiao & younger sibling!reader. 0.5k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. youre so right alyssa (are we on first name basis? idk, please tell me if not haha) they would be the best big brothers!!! i imagine that anemo boys in general are just good brothers..... i should write for kazuha. i love him and i dont talk about it enough HSKSGAJFJF

what do venti and xiao do when their sibling can't sleep?

venti gives the best comfort tbh. oh, [name] can't sleep? he's there in an instant. no hesitation. they'll be tossing and turning and suddenly, the windborne bard is tapping at their window with a grin and a wave. archons know where he gets that information from (the thousand winds told him, but no-one needs to know that the chatty little wind wisps are his source! it's a trade secret!), so it seems like he just has some kind of sixth sense for when they can't sleep because he's always there when it happens. he'll gently lay their head in his lap, gingerly fidgeting with their hair if he's not playing his lyre that night in particular. sometimes he'll rub little patterns on the skin of their shoulder and upper arm; his calloused fingertips are oddly soothing. his voice is undoubtedly akin to that of a siren's. he is a bard, after all. his voice is his career.

of course, in this case, his voice is his tool to get his baby sibling to fall asleep.

i like to think venti would sing them a lullaby from old mondstadt, maybe one he learned from one of his friends. he might opt for a softer version of a folk song, or maybe a lullaby he picked up from a different nation entirely. who knows? whatever he settles on, he expects nothing in return.

he usually doesn't stay the whole night through, but when he does, it's because he himself is struggling mentally and needs the company just as much as they do.

ultimately, venti is free as the wind, a fleeting yet soothing touch of comfort to ease the one he loves into getting a good night's rest.

xiao definitely just... looms ominously in the corner. /lh

he's not like venti in that he just knows when they can't sleep—more often than not, they have to call out for him. he'll always, always appear without fail when it comes to them. he always encourages them to call his name if something is wrong. sometimes, however, he might check up on them randomly and find out that way. he's very protective, indeed, and often checks on them in the middle of the night at random times.

nevertheless, he finds out somehow.

xiao cannot offer many words. he just isn't very articulate when it comes to offering comfort. he can, however, offer to cuddle with them if they so desire (he is hesitant, though; xiao is very terrified of harming them. he never wants to hurt them in any way. he'd never forgive himself if he did).

if his presence alone is comforting enough, then he'll stalk around their room, likely settling at the foot of their bed or somewhere where he can see them and silently and effectively get rid of any potential threats that might appear.

it's very unlikely that someone would break in or that a monster would appear, but xiao is on edge nonetheless. he's protective. he would never let anything or anyone even get close to bringing them harm.

xiao is, unlike venti, the lingering presence that scares off anything that might be preventing the one he loves from getting a good night's rest.

they're both very good brothers, they just show it in different ways. <3

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[gffa]

The thing I really miss about Star Wars novels is exemplified by being two-thirds of the way through Inquisitor: Rise of the Red Blade and how I think I'm legitimately enjoying it, but in a very specific way, and I think there's actually a ton you could dig into the structure and bias of the narrator that I think is done on purpose and that I can find sympathy for a character actively falling to the dark side and what she's going through without validating the people she's demonizing in her head because I've been there, I have had my brain lying to me all my life, telling me things I know aren't true, making me believe them despite all evidence otherwise, and do you guys KNOW how much I love hot messes of a disaster lady? I fucking love a woman who is just an awful mess and doesn't have to actually be perfect or nice and maybe just once or twice says a kind of catty thing, NO, SHE IS A WHOLE ASS MESS and I LOVE HER!! But also I'm kind of in the position of how I'm tired of getting stories of characters falling to the dark side being the vast majority of what stories explore with the Jedi, I enjoy them, but not when that's all there is, and I have spent YEARS AND YEARS going back and forth with the discussions about the Jedi and I am so tired of it, I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I just want to write my commentary and thoughts down in the vein that I have them and have that be it. I want to say, "This is a really glorious unreliable narrator here, because everything she says is contradicted by what the Jedi actually say/do, and she is explicitly a character designed with neurodivergent/mental health issues aspects in mind and you can't divorce that from her character." and like I don't even want to discuss with other Jedi fans about what the author may or may not have said (I read one interview from her at the beginning, enjoyed it fine, and AM NOT INTERESTED in knowing or hearing anything further) or how annoying it is to have a book like this, I JUST WANT TO DIG INTO A STORY and not have to worry about bracing myself for combat. (And also the thorny issue of how this isn't precisely a recommendation because I'm not sure others would enjoy it, like even if you agreed with me, I'm not sure it'd be something in your wheelhouse, but I don't want to even get into that, it feels exhausting, like, just I want to talk about how I'm enjoying it, but not have to articulate why I think others possibly wouldn't, just leave it at "nah, I don't think you'd enjoy it".) I know this is some IRL stuff spilling over onto my reading of this book and I'm aware of the state of a lot of creators in SW right now hold opinions that have made me stop reading their works because I am no longer interested in anything they have to contribute, but also like. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a book on my own terms and not have to feel like I'm arguing a case, but instead reveling in the glorious hot mess of a central female character that maybe I relate to and have sympathy for even while recognizing that she is painting a very unreliable portrait within the book, because I Have Been There. Idk, I'm not saying this very well, and a lot of it is outside factors, but I have this giant tangled ball of "I just want to enjoy something for once, not examine why it might actually be doing my Blorbos all wrong", like aren't we supposed to be in fandom for the enjoyment of things, not to constantly argue with people? /tired and hasn't been sleeping well and has been thinking about this instead of wrenching irl stuff