#idk i have a lot of thoughts and i can't articulate them but i know what i want to say

[lazylittledragon]

detransition is something that should Absolutely be talked about but the idea of going into this tag terrifies me beyond belief

[selvepnea]

Been thinking about my body a lot

[parallelunivrses]

i haven’t really listened much to taylor swift’s music post her red album, but the release of red tv and now speak now tv, i’ve just been hit with so many strange emotions. i have such vivid memories of listening to speak now as a preteen and young teenager. i listen to enchanted and i smell the bath and body works perfume that i wore in 7th grade. never grow up plays and i am laying in bed past when i should be asleep and crying. i listen to mean and i am reading the hunger games for the first time. haunted and i am laying on my god-awful neon green rug i threw out 8 years ago, staring at my ceiling fan

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

i keep reducing myself down to solely a functional object without thoughts or opinions n i think it might be bc i'm terrified of the prospect of having to defend my self rather than the facts

things to unpack in therapy one day: the way i've started to shy away from certain books and intellectual challenges because they're "too good" for me even though I spent literally my entire life up through college intellectually ravenous

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field XIV

summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.2k

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there. oh, and manipulation (both of them lowkey)

masterlists // nav // requests

a/n: omg so the next part has over 5k words and its not even close to being done?? should i post it all at once or break it up?? lmk your thoughts! also!! i think there's only two parts left omg... BUT do not fear bc i'm also writing another little thing for this and i feel like i'll keep doing that :)

series masterlist

You run back out to the stage, just as the Covey band's song is about to end. It was the last one, you thought, if their at home rehearsals were any indicator. You climb back up the side with an exaggerated stumble in your step, drawing the attention of Lucy Gray. She gave you a confused look, having expected that you and Coriolanus would be quite busy, especially after your song. She didn't expect you back on stage at all that night.

You smile and take the mic before she can say goodnight to the audience. "How about one more? I've had a second wind!" You say, looking to the band for their approval. Everyone besides Lucy Gray just giggles at you and nods.

"Alrighty, well, we'd really love to but our Sage here has clearly had a bit to drink and needs to get home." Lucy Gray tries to save it with a joke.

"Oh, come on, Lucy Gray. Live a little!" You laugh, playfully nudging her shoulder. "Who wants one more!" You call out which is returned with whistles and claps of encouragement.

"Alright, alright. Just one more, though." She agrees, smile returning to her face as he shakes her head.

The song ends and the band is packing up, and you can only hope that Coryo is long gone. The floor empties out, and you watch as Maude Ivory hops off the stage.

"Hey, Maude Ivory!" You call after her, hiding the sense of urgency in your voice. "Hey, can you help me clean up the floor before you grab a drink? I'll grab you your water." You offer, hurrying behind her to keep her from going to the back room. You didn't want her to see the bodies you assumed were still back there.

"Yes ma'am." She nods, giving you a quick salute.

"It's not a lot today, just a few bottles we can reuse." You smile at her as she skips out to start at the opposite edge of the room. "Lucy Gray, c'mere." You call to her as she closes up her old guitar case.

"You okay?" She asks, confused by your sudden sobriety.

"Come with me." You whisper, leading her into the back hallway in front of the door.

She follows, worry creased into her brow. Suddenly, she notes the red spots across the front of your dress which were almost invisible under the stage lights and among the red accents of the fabric.

"Something happened, okay? You can't let them come back here." You insist, referring to her family. "And you can't tell anyone."

"What?" She asks in a hushed tone, glancing past you toward the door. "Is it Coriolanus?"

Before you can explain, she's pushing past you and shoving the door open. You follow her quickly, reaching your arms around her to cover her mouth to keep any kind of reaction from being heard. You effectively muffle a cry of shock, and she's shoving you away and turning to face you. "That's- that's Billy Taupe, and, and Mayfair-"

"Shh-" You hush her quickly. "It was self-defense, okay? She was going to get us all killed. You included."

"I- no, I don't-" She tries to articulate her thoughts as her eyes fill with tears.

"I know, okay? It's less than ideal. Coryo is handling it. We just have to stay quiet." You promise. "Let's just grab everything and bring it all out, pretend you saw nothing. Maude Ivory and CC can't see this, do you understand?"

She nods, sniffling and looking between the bodies. "Hey, don't look at them." You remind her, gently turning her chin toward you. "They hurt you. Now you can move on, okay?"

"Okay." She whispers shakily, nodding again as you gather all the Covey's backstage supplies to bring out.

The next morning, you're awoken to a pounding on the front door of the small home, the four of you who shared a room all shooting up at once.

You scramble to get a peek out the window, spotting the grey shade of peacekeeper uniforms and cursing.

"Who- who is it?" Maude Ivory asks, scared as she looks between you and Lucy Gray.

"Peacekeepers. Lucy Gray, we have to go." You say quickly, closing the shade and grabbing your dress and Lucy Gray's arm.

"What? What's happening?" Barb Azure asks, rubbing her eyes.

"They're going to bust in if you don't open the door. Just tell them Lucy Gray isn't home. Don't mention me and if they ask, you don't know who I am. Do you understand?" You ask frantically and the girl nods fearfully.

As quickly as possible, you and Lucy Gray are flying out the back door and making a sprint for the trees behind the house.

"Any sign of the guns, or the girl? Mayor Lipp is sure she did it, or at least knows who did." A gruff voice of one of the peacekeepers has you and Lucy Gray both looking at each other, hands clutched over your mouths to keep quiet.

"None." His comrade replies, standing almost directly beneath you after they searched the yard. Clearly not very thoroughly, if they didn't see you and Lucy Gray sitting only about ten feet above their heads.

You cringe as he walks right over your garden, crushing the blooming raspberry bushes. "They arrested Plinth. Just got word, apparently, he was involved with rebels." The first man speaks again, and your eyes widen.

"Plinth? He's two beds down from me. Didn't expect that from him. He's a nice guy."

"No, I know. Anyway, he'll be executed this afternoon." You have to bite your lip to keep it from shaking under your hand, as if somehow that could give you away.

"Whatever, we'll come back later to get her." One of them says, making their way back through the house.

You hide in the branches and leaves until you're sure they're gone before carefully unsticking yourself from the ridged bark you were sitting on for far too long. You carefully climb down after Lucy Gray, making a quick effort to pull any stray sticks of leaves from your hair.

"What are we gonna do? They think I did it, I didn't do it, they'll kill me!" Lucy Gray panics, and you think about it while you quickly change into your dress.

"I think you have we have to run. Like you planned to do. We just have to follow through." You tell her, nodding to yourself.

Lucy Gray sighs, tipping her head back to look up at the sky. "I didn't even really want to go, I just wanted to get Billy Taupe off my ass."

"Well, he won't be there now." You say, looking her over. "How were they going to break that girl out?"

"Lil?" Lucy Gray asks, confused as she looks back at you. "I... I don't know, but it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"Did they have a plan? Did they write it down anywhere?" You ask again.

"Well, yes, but they didn't write it down. It was too risky."

"Tell it to me. Every detail you can remember." You urge her, trying to settle the panic rising behind your ribs.

Coriolanus had been out all morning with his team, looking for the weapon that killed the mayor's daughter and praying every moment that they wouldn't find it. After breaking down the doors of countless homes, he thought he would start to feel better. There was no way they would be caught, but he was regretting not taking the initiative to hide them himself. That way, he would at least know.

With his issued weapon in his hand, they were pacing down a desolate street. By now the whole district knew to lock themselves away, except for whoever he just saw in his peripheral vision through a narrow sidestreet. He turns his head fully, just catching the ends of their hair and the red in their short dress before they disappeared. He stops, quickly taking the turn into the side street and looking back to make sure no one had seen him depart from the group.

With the bag of tools thrown over your shoulder, you tried your very best to be quiet while walking through the city. Walking down a sidestreet, you found it was a challenge to be both fast and silent. At the sound of footsteps behind you, you hold the bag in your arms to prevent the tools from knocking together and step into a narrow doorway, back pressed to the wall.

You're breathing heavily, but keep it steady as the footsteps on the gravel of the road come to a stop. You hear them turn, presumably looking in both directions. You're in the middle of cursing yourself for being spotted when you hear a whistle. A calling one, baiting you to peek out from your hiding spot, but you don't budge. Another whistle. "Hey, Y/N? Is that you?" The whistle is followed by Coryo's voice whispering your name, and you're infinitely relieved.

You stepped out quietly, and you couldn't help but smile when you saw his familiar face. He meets you halfway, and you're quickly wrapping your arms around him. "Coryo..." You sigh, not ready to let go of him just yet.

"Hey, Y/N/N..." He whispers back, kissing your head. "Are you okay? What are you doing out? You need to get home."

"I can't." You shake your head, finally dropping your arms from around him. "Did you hear Sejanus got arrested this morning? He's going to be executed."

Coryo is in shock, jaw going slack as he tries to decide what to say. It must have been his recording, because there was nothing linking him to the murders.

"I'm going to break him out. Like they planned to do for that other girl."

Instantly at your statement, he shakes his head. "Absolutely not. You'll be caught and you'll be next. There's a poster of you in the head peacekeeper's office. I've seen it. They're looking for you here, it's too risky."

"I'm not going to let Sejanus die over something he didn't even do." You whisper, voice picking up in anger as you glare up at him.

"You can't, Y/N. I get why you'd want to, but it's not worth it." He insists.

"They won't catch us. I'm getting him out and we're running, just like they planned to do anyway."

Coryo scans your face for any sign at all that you may be kidding, but he finds none. "Don't. Don't go. I wanted to tell you this last night, but they're relocating me to Two. You can come with me. I'll get us both out of here."

"Closer to home?" You ask, a hint of hopefulness flitting in your eyes before it's quickly replaced with sadness. "Wait, no. No, they'll ship me back home, and then what? I'll be killed anyway, or worse." You sigh, shaking your head as you look down. This is probably about to turn into a goodbye you never wanted to say.

The idea of leaving him behind was breaking your heart, but would you really be leaving him? You knew what would happen to him. He'd go to Two, rise quickly in the ranks, and be elected president by the time he turned twenty-five. He would be okay, but would you be without him? You couldn't stomach the idea of taking such a bright future from him just because you had nothing left. "I have to go with them, Coryo. It's my only choice."

He can already see that there is no shot you'll be happy out there. You probably wouldn't last the week, either. He nods a little bit, taking your hand. "I'll come with you." He nods again, deciding it for himself. Coriolanus Snow is not about to say goodbye to the love of his life for the last time as someone she was pretending to be but never truly was, nothing more than a rebel from District Twelve.

"No, your relocation, it's your ticket home. You have to take it." You reply.

"It doesn't matter. If they find the gun, I'll be killed either way. Here, in Two, or back home. I can't escape it, same as you." He promises. "There's nothing for me there anyway. Not without you." Coryo says, rubbing his thumb gently over the side of your neck, warming the chilled skin there.

How could you say no? "Okay." You whisper, nodding slightly as your cheeks flush pink. "Can you leave tonight?"

"Uh, I, no." He shakes his head. "Earliest I can get away is sunrise."

"Shit... okay." You hum, looking around as if that will help you think. Undistracted from his all-consuming blue eyes looking into yours. "We can try and wait, then meet us at the hanging tree at dawn. If we're not there, hike to the cabin. We'll wait there if we can't hide here overnight."

He nods in confirmation, looking quickly over his shoulder as you both hear cheers and whoops of excitement making their way down the street toward you. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." He agrees.

"See you tomorrow." You give him a small smile, turning to continue on your way when he grabs your wrist. He's quick to pull you back to him, colliding his lips with yours. He always kisses like he's starving. God, you wouldn't be able to live without that.

"Be careful, Y/N/N." He warns as he pulls away. "Stay safe."

"Yes sir, mister president." You grin, kissing him again quickly before walking away. You turn as you walk backward to face him, giving him a salute.

Coryo smiles to himself smugly, nodding at you before rushing to rejoin the other peacekeepers in his squad as they drag Spruce back toward the compound.

taglist: @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @klplynn , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @gloryekaterina , @andrewgarfieldsbitch , @queenofspades6 , @pepperonipastas , @ladybug0095 , @lunamothwrites , @sbrewer21 , @mus-tbe-a-weasley , @splxtscreen , @unclecrunkle , @karmaswitch , @coconut-dreamz , @nekee-lilac02 , @ooooglymoooogly , @riddlerloveb0t , @lovedbalances , @notyourwildestdream , @snowlandson-top , @too-lit-for-fanfic , @utopiakys , @deafeningballoonnacho , @roosterschanelslut , @chmpgneprblem , @cosmoetik , , @urvampgfsworld , @carolanns-world@nan-nie , @shakespearseclipse , @iovemoonyy , @notyoursweetheart-honey ,  @xyzstar , @eatpizzasass, @slytherinholland , @queenofshinigamis , @elodiebeau , @soulessjourney

[casscainmainly]

CASS JASON THOUGHT EXPLOSIONS JUST HIT god I'm too shy to come off anon cause shit at eng,,, but also!!! Thinking abt how Jason would recognize his own inveterate empathy + compassion in her, something he views as a flaw in himself. While Cass, though able to understand his grief, pain and hurt, can't help but resent the way he embraces and embodies behaviors she's fought so hard to leave behind.

They both see parts of themselves in the other :0

It's probably not as bad for Cass post Batgirl 2000 (plus they won't really... seek eachother out... ever?) but Jason... oh boy... he's already unstable...

Also smth smth about both of them and abandoning their civilian identity as a form of self sacrifice,, for Cass it's obvious,, in Jason's case it's because 'someone has to do it' and making himself like a symbol for all victims, the whole process being akin to an immolation of civilian Jason Todd. Someone smarter than me could probably discuss the nature of how they both self-mythologise too in such a similar but varied direction??

IDK !!! :O

Also COOL BLOG,, I LOVE U CASS AND VVV COOL META AND DISCUSSONS!! I SEND U FLOWERS 🌸🌺🌸

They absolutely see bits of themselves in each other!! Especially because their two moralities are defined by a Big Event in a way none of the others are (besides Bruce, of course). I personally agree that they wouldn't seek each other out, but there is insane potential in a story where they're forced to work together (although current Jason is not necessarily the best version for the conflict I'd like to see.).

And BIG yes to your civilian identity point!!! Both of their identities were forcibly taken away from them, Jason by his death and Cass by her father. Of course Cass has never had a true civilian experience, but it's important that both their identities are completely subsumed by their goal: once again, it's the self-reduction to 'murder victim' and 'murderer'. There's no space for normality, for anything other than that defining moment. I guess that might be what you mean by 'self-mythologising', a denying of their fundamental humanity (which they both have, and have always had).

(I know there's lots of headcanons/fics on Jason legally coming back to life, but I'd love to see more of them deal with how he feels about it beyond the logistics/jokes; how does he feel stepping back into an identity chained to both his murder and his relationship to Bruce Wayne?)

Anyway, your thoughts were awesome and you definitely articulated them well! Thank you so much for the flowers <3333.

[azure-arsonist]

Ok so here's the thing about dabi dying bc I have thoughts I've had thoughts for a while

1 it's just a poor narrative choice, and better blogs have discussed that at length so I won't get into that.

2 dabi doesn't want to die. I mean, he does, but it's more complicated than that.

He has a lot of big, overwhelming, literally all consuming feelings, and he'd like to not feel them, and dying is... a way to do that, sure, but wanting to die is like a secondary want. It's a (BAD VERY BAD I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH) solution to problems that otherwise don't seem to have one. Dabis's problems, his real problems, is that he felt unimportant, unloved, and unwanted and he felt like he had no purpose because he was a "failure," and even his horrific death didn't matter.

He's doing this because he thinks murder suicide achieves what he actually wants which is attention and validation and to be important to his family for once. Hes an emotionally neglected kid who wants to finally matter to people and he thinks the only way he can do that is by being a problem. He's also very hurt, and wanting to hurt somebody that hurt you is a very normal human reaction. It's not the BEST reaction, but it makes total sense for dabi.

3 Dabi isn't the most reliable narrator when it comes to his wants and needs because he's not emotionally mature or intelligent enough to really know what he wants/feels, much less articulate it. It's kind of like being passive-aggressive in that you can't just take what's said at face value. You kind of need to read into the subtext of his words/actions and take what he says with a grain of salt.

4 idk man I don't think having the suicidal character get their happy ending via suicide is like....good like it sort of misses the point. It doesn't seem like horikoshi will do that, but if he does that, he'd kind of undermine himself, lmao.

[erithel]

Piggybacking off of your response to the previous ask, man can I just say what an utter clusterfuck the whole "gone" situation was follower-wise... i'm gonna make this about me so sorry about that, however i'm the kind of person that can't really articulate their thoughts, can't see through the layers as clearly as others and when people post a thoughtful analysis that reflects my feelings about the fic while the best thing I can come up with is something like "wow, fic good❤️" (which yeah I know is still fine but anyway) it makes me feel so much better because what is trapped in my head is articulated as I wanted to express it... that being said, seeing you explore ptsd and lance's grief like this stirred smth in me, I cried at times, so I was very excited to see people in your asks sharing their thoughts and all... And then they didn't seem to care so much about it (not all of them obvs) and at first it was like "hahah yeah.. we all want them to kiss xd lol" but then seeing you post about how people would essentially flood your asks for klance to KISS ALREADY™ plus with other general stuff... Idk if it was frustrating for me I can't even begin to imagine how it was for you, because this is like.. still a story, just in comic form, so yes it has an arc it need to complete. We could see the episode count from the beginning too if I remember correctly, so being so insistent about it was weird? Either way, it was a story and it was getting somewhere and spamming about when your ship will be canon is kind of annoying. So sorry this happened to you and so happy you pushed through! I binge it on the regular!

I feel like I could do a Ted Talk on the etiquette of commenting at this point, through my own experience, and also reading comments my friends have received on their work.

But essentially what it boils down to is two things:

Creators put a lot of work into their stories, and

They choose to write stories their way

The way that I write fan content (both fics and comics) is because these stories and these subjects are important to me. Some of them are very personal, too. And I know I am not the only creator who chooses to write this way.

Obviously the way I reacted to the "just kiss already" comments may have seemed like an overreaction from the outside (I thank you for being understanding in your ask btw).

But the message those constant comments were sending was a very clear one of:

All the thought/time/work you put into this story does not matter

Everyone who ever told you to "just get over it" was right

Grief can be a very physical and powerful thing.

Losing someone you love leaves you with this excess of love and affection that now has no where to go. You used to have a place to direct it, and when that place is suddenly gone, it takes a while to learn how to function again; to redistribute that love.

It's something that never goes away, it just gets manageable. And it's definitely not something you can "just get over."

I'm not saying I'm the greatest storyteller of all time, but I was tired of reading books and watching movies and shows where the characters never felt the aftermath of a loss. They all just moved onto the next episode or the next chapter like nothing ever happened.

And I do think it's important to tell stories like this in fanfiction. Because many readers are younger. Many readers rely on reading fanfiction because it's free. Many readers need hope and catharsis. And getting to read about their favorite characters go through terrible things but realistically come out on the other side is, to me, very important. Because the stories we read - no matter if they are free or published works - can stick with us for the rest of our lives.

This is why it was such a big deal for me. Because I was trying to tell a story that said "Please take your time to get over things. Please know that it's okay if you don't immediately snap back to the way things were. Please know that it's okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling." And getting comment after comment that said the exact opposite was honestly just crushing.

I would take a "wow, fic good" comment any day. Because it acknowledges what has been done, instead of demands things to speed up to suit someone else's needs.

And, on a slightly more petty note... it was a klance fan comic. It's not like they weren't going to kiss. They just weren't going to do it in the middle of an argument where it wouldn't have stuck!

(I do also think it's funny that there's a perfect comic example of a kiss happening too early, before communication which happened right around the same time as Gone. And for the record, she's gotten way more and way worse comments than I did, so that's something worth mentioning, too.)

The point is that some stories are very personal to the author and very important to certain members of the audience. Of course no single story will be for everyone, but just because it is not going a certain way does not mean it's okay to demand it be changed.

[idyllic-affections]

venti and xiao would be the best big brothers!!

venti would sing you to sleep whenever you seem to have trouble doing it yourself, and xiao would just loom over you /j

xiao would be so protective though i think

when their sibling can't sleep.

summary. how do venti and xiao comfort a sleepless little sibling?

trigger & content warnings. insomnia.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. comfort. venti & younger sibling!reader, xiao & younger sibling!reader. 0.5k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. youre so right alyssa (are we on first name basis? idk, please tell me if not haha) they would be the best big brothers!!! i imagine that anemo boys in general are just good brothers..... i should write for kazuha. i love him and i dont talk about it enough HSKSGAJFJF

what do venti and xiao do when their sibling can't sleep?

venti gives the best comfort tbh. oh, [name] can't sleep? he's there in an instant. no hesitation. they'll be tossing and turning and suddenly, the windborne bard is tapping at their window with a grin and a wave. archons know where he gets that information from (the thousand winds told him, but no-one needs to know that the chatty little wind wisps are his source! it's a trade secret!), so it seems like he just has some kind of sixth sense for when they can't sleep because he's always there when it happens. he'll gently lay their head in his lap, gingerly fidgeting with their hair if he's not playing his lyre that night in particular. sometimes he'll rub little patterns on the skin of their shoulder and upper arm; his calloused fingertips are oddly soothing. his voice is undoubtedly akin to that of a siren's. he is a bard, after all. his voice is his career.

of course, in this case, his voice is his tool to get his baby sibling to fall asleep.

i like to think venti would sing them a lullaby from old mondstadt, maybe one he learned from one of his friends. he might opt for a softer version of a folk song, or maybe a lullaby he picked up from a different nation entirely. who knows? whatever he settles on, he expects nothing in return.

he usually doesn't stay the whole night through, but when he does, it's because he himself is struggling mentally and needs the company just as much as they do.

ultimately, venti is free as the wind, a fleeting yet soothing touch of comfort to ease the one he loves into getting a good night's rest.

xiao definitely just... looms ominously in the corner. /lh

he's not like venti in that he just knows when they can't sleep—more often than not, they have to call out for him. he'll always, always appear without fail when it comes to them. he always encourages them to call his name if something is wrong. sometimes, however, he might check up on them randomly and find out that way. he's very protective, indeed, and often checks on them in the middle of the night at random times.

nevertheless, he finds out somehow.

xiao cannot offer many words. he just isn't very articulate when it comes to offering comfort. he can, however, offer to cuddle with them if they so desire (he is hesitant, though; xiao is very terrified of harming them. he never wants to hurt them in any way. he'd never forgive himself if he did).

if his presence alone is comforting enough, then he'll stalk around their room, likely settling at the foot of their bed or somewhere where he can see them and silently and effectively get rid of any potential threats that might appear.

it's very unlikely that someone would break in or that a monster would appear, but xiao is on edge nonetheless. he's protective. he would never let anything or anyone even get close to bringing them harm.

xiao is, unlike venti, the lingering presence that scares off anything that might be preventing the one he loves from getting a good night's rest.

they're both very good brothers, they just show it in different ways. <3

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[thswrtchdthng]

your first mistake was giving me the green light on rambling about ultrakill

THE LORE OF ULTRAKILL HEAVILY SUMMARIZED:

mankind is dead. blood is fuel. hell is full.

THE LORE OF ULTRAKILL ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS SUMMARIZED (still very summarized and i might get some things wrong):

during ww1, various countries involved began developing machines that ran on blood. each new machine created was meant to be stronger than the last one. in the end, this led to the creation of the earthmover by japan, which was an absolutely giant machine. so large that people started living on top of them. before the war ended, only one machine was created, though it never got a chance to fulfill its purpose of defeating the earthmover: this machine was called v1, and its unique ability was to heal upon contact with blood from any source. when the war was over, a different version of v1, named v2, was created for the purpose of keeping peace. these are v1 and v2.

now, eventually, humanity discovered an entrence to hell. don't question it. also hell is a living organism.

then, somehow, humanity died. all of it. everyone was dead. and all that remained were the machines they'd created.

in ultrakill, a first-person shooter video game, you play as v1, and your goal is simple: blood. you just want more blood. and you are in hell. so you start ultrakilling everybody. it's also based on dante's inferno, so that's fun.

in the post i made, i said alice is like v2 to me. this is mostly because v2 is an important character, but not a very powerful boss fight, and alice is a very lore-relevant character, but not very high up on the corporate ladder. but also because v2's purpose was to maintain peace and order, but she didn't get to fulfill that purpose. everyone died. v2 is, even though she never admits or acknowledges it, very possibly the only machine with the capacity to truly miss humanity. idk why, but that reminds me a lot of alice dyer. make of that what you will.

now. the other character i mentioned is THE FERRYMAN. THIS GIRL->

basically ferrymen are sinners from the layer of wrath deemed worthy of redemption by heaven. they're tasked with carrying passengers through the afterlife. another fun bit of ferryman lore is that they all tear their skin off from shame, but heaven grants them a holy cloth to cover their faces. pretty simple, yeah? but this one looks a bit bored. probably because she was promised she could go to heaven if she carried enough passengers, but...no more passengers are coming through. because humanity is dead.

the ferryman is considered a slightly more difficult boss fight, or maybe just one slightly later in the game than both v2 fights (you fight v2 twice), but you can actually literally just. pay her to leave. toss some coins at her and you can literally just skip the fight.

i can't articulate why she reminds me of lena but. she does.

so anyways all of this and i haven't even gotten to gabriel. there is so much lore. there's an excellent video explaining all of it that i can send a link to if i've caught ur interest with this.

oh also a lot of people ship v2 and the ferryman.

oh also neither of them canonically go by she/her pronouns but it's a very very common headcanon, and i'm pretty sure hakita (the developer) gave a shout out to the she/her v2 headcanon specifically at some point.

I LOVE ULTRAKILL I THINK ULTRAKILL IS REALLY COOL!!!!!

okokok. several thoughts.

this seems so fucking cool????????? to the point that I might play it when I can get it

thoughts on shipping v1 and v2? cause from what you've said they sound quite shippable to me

if hell is a living organism, is it like,,,,consenting?? to be entered????? does it have a personality?????? that might just be my conceptum tendencies but,,,,,is hell like a character in itself (sort of)?? (the question here is can I romance hell or not, and does hell enjoy being entered)

if it's based on Dante's Inferno I already know I'm going to like it

v2 sounds extremely huggable. can I hug her?

and you're right that 'being the only one with the ability to miss humanity' gives Alice vibes for some reason

ferrymen sound so sad to me. can I hug them? and give them a little skincare?

the ferryman concretely is hot. is that alright to say? she sounds very interesting to talk to (do ferrymen talk? does anyone here talk?)

well everyone you've mentioned so far is hot to me tbh

who's gabriel? please please please send me that link I wanna know about them now. I've always had a complicated relationship with every archangel gabriel based thing/character (I have very passionate feelings towards biblical gabriel for some reason) so I'll probably love them

but yeah ultrakill sounds pretty cool! I'll probably look more into it in the future

[gffa]

The thing I really miss about Star Wars novels is exemplified by being two-thirds of the way through Inquisitor: Rise of the Red Blade and how I think I'm legitimately enjoying it, but in a very specific way, and I think there's actually a ton you could dig into the structure and bias of the narrator that I think is done on purpose and that I can find sympathy for a character actively falling to the dark side and what she's going through without validating the people she's demonizing in her head because I've been there, I have had my brain lying to me all my life, telling me things I know aren't true, making me believe them despite all evidence otherwise, and do you guys KNOW how much I love hot messes of a disaster lady? I fucking love a woman who is just an awful mess and doesn't have to actually be perfect or nice and maybe just once or twice says a kind of catty thing, NO, SHE IS A WHOLE ASS MESS and I LOVE HER!! But also I'm kind of in the position of how I'm tired of getting stories of characters falling to the dark side being the vast majority of what stories explore with the Jedi, I enjoy them, but not when that's all there is, and I have spent YEARS AND YEARS going back and forth with the discussions about the Jedi and I am so tired of it, I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I just want to write my commentary and thoughts down in the vein that I have them and have that be it. I want to say, "This is a really glorious unreliable narrator here, because everything she says is contradicted by what the Jedi actually say/do, and she is explicitly a character designed with neurodivergent/mental health issues aspects in mind and you can't divorce that from her character." and like I don't even want to discuss with other Jedi fans about what the author may or may not have said (I read one interview from her at the beginning, enjoyed it fine, and AM NOT INTERESTED in knowing or hearing anything further) or how annoying it is to have a book like this, I JUST WANT TO DIG INTO A STORY and not have to worry about bracing myself for combat. (And also the thorny issue of how this isn't precisely a recommendation because I'm not sure others would enjoy it, like even if you agreed with me, I'm not sure it'd be something in your wheelhouse, but I don't want to even get into that, it feels exhausting, like, just I want to talk about how I'm enjoying it, but not have to articulate why I think others possibly wouldn't, just leave it at "nah, I don't think you'd enjoy it".) I know this is some IRL stuff spilling over onto my reading of this book and I'm aware of the state of a lot of creators in SW right now hold opinions that have made me stop reading their works because I am no longer interested in anything they have to contribute, but also like. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a book on my own terms and not have to feel like I'm arguing a case, but instead reveling in the glorious hot mess of a central female character that maybe I relate to and have sympathy for even while recognizing that she is painting a very unreliable portrait within the book, because I Have Been There. Idk, I'm not saying this very well, and a lot of it is outside factors, but I have this giant tangled ball of "I just want to enjoy something for once, not examine why it might actually be doing my Blorbos all wrong", like aren't we supposed to be in fandom for the enjoyment of things, not to constantly argue with people? /tired and hasn't been sleeping well and has been thinking about this instead of wrenching irl stuff

[nebulousfishgills]

As much as I love playing embrace Dark Urge runs (discussion in therapy pending), there's something so narratively satisfying about how a Resist Durge playthrough can go once you get to the Bhaal Temple. Your character steps into the ring with Orin, it's intended to be a duel, but odds are you're getting eviscerated pretty quickly. You then switch to one of your other characters in your party and throw an attack, effectively breaking the duel and setting the whole temple upon you.

(Adding a cut because this ended up being longer than I thought)

But, I think it's a very satisfying way to play. Your party members have grown fond of your Durge, seeing them as a friend, a family member, even a lover. They've watched you and your pain over your Urge and what it makes you do or want to do. Maybe you've slipped up once or twice, but you've been trying so hard to be the hero they know you can be, that Faerûn needs. So, when it comes time to finally face your demons and you're getting so horribly hurt in the process, they can't help but rush to your defense. It'll put all of them in danger, but it doesn't matter because they want and need to help you, their ally and companion.

Bonus points if you select your character's romanced companion as the savior/duel interruptor to make it extra delicious. They've fallen in love with you, stayed with you when your Urge craved their blood the most, maybe by this point in the game you've helped put their demons down as well. They see you in pain, a final valiant effort to overcome your Urge against the power of Orin, a whole cult, a god of murder himself. They want to protect you, save you as you saved them.

I'm also fond of the extra beauty of Astarion being your Resist Durge romance since it puts the two of you in very similar situations. Fighting against the will of your masters, finally defeating your demons with your newfound companions' help and being offered the greatest power you could ever fathom... only to deny it, ignore power in favor of your party and your love.

This isn't even mentioning just how goddamn good the Withers resurrecting you cutscene is. This skeleton in your camp with unknown and unfathomable power (also apparently supposed to be Jergal himself if I've done my research properly?) is able to bring you back to life, free of your Urge. The line along the lines of "Bhaal could only destroy what of you that he knew, but because you've grown past your Urge and become your own person, he couldn't destroy that new growth" is just so weirdly powerful narratively. Tav may be a default character for you to create upon making a new save file, but Durge is the canon protagonist and I think that entire scene shows it the best. It's a beautiful secondary climax of the narrative (primary being battling the Netherbrain of course).

And, perhaps it's just an oversight on Larian's part or something that'd be a bit difficult to work into the cutscenes mechanically, but I think that it could only get more impactful if your companions could comfort each other during these moments. Everyone and their mother wishes you could hug Astarion after he kills Cazador, but also imagine your romanced companion cradling your body after Bhaal kills you. It seems just a little odd that they all (meaning your party) kinda just stand around staring at your corpse, especially with how close y'all have gotten.

Idk, I have a lot of thoughts about this section of the game in this particular type of playthrough and some of them are hard to articulate into words. It's just such a damn good narrative peak and can really make you feel things.

I've completed I think two resist Durge runs and just hit this point on my third and it really stuck out to me this time (then again my new antidepressants are kinda fucking with me so that might be playing a role). I left it as my last mission before dealing with the Netherbrain and I think it helped build the anticipation of that moment. Everyone else has been helped by you, and now it's your turn to come into your own. I really felt so connected to my character walking into the temple, feeling like everything has been building to this, that regardless of what happens our suffering will finally end. And you have your party there to help you in your time of greatest need as you've done for them.

There's a reason this game was Game of the Year, the narrative is just so powerful and the replay-ability is just insane. I've beaten this game ten times, heading for my eleventh and it truly just never gets old and never fails to make me feel so many things so strongly.

[tomwambsmilk]

i’m in no shape to properly articulate anything rn or ever really but it feels like shiv kinda wants to bring tom closer to her life than ever before. like with the kicking dirt in his shoes and the bitey thing it all feels reminiscent of stuff she did as a kid?? probably with her brothers idk but it feels like she wants him in on these things that are part of her story. that and tom talking about the money feel like more honesty than we ever got from them

right??? There's a degree of vulnerability in that kind of immaturity I think. Shiv would never have kicked dirt over his shoes in front of everyone else because it would have made her look like a child. Obviously it's coated in her being nasty, but there is a bizarre sort of openness there.

I need to rotate the money convo in my head because it's important but I have to centrifuge those thoughts a bit more. There is something very honest in that, and in a way, that honesty knocks down one of the major obstacles in their marriage. They're actually communicating now, which lays the ground for next episode's tomshiv fight. It's especially significant for Tom because it signals him letting go of the fantasy marriage he was clinging to desperately for three seasons. He knows what he gets with Shiv and he's decided he still wants it anyways.

But what we're left with is sort of sad and tragic and hollow. In a sense I think that's a large part of this season. The end of season 3 was the explosion of honesty, and that's done a lot for the relationships these characters have with each other. But now that we're being honest, now that we're actually acknowledging what is and isn't real... what do we have? A bunch of relationships so deeply corrupted by abuse and moral degradation and capitalism that they simply cannot be repaired in their existing context, and yet they also can't exist outside that context. Connor and Willa's marriage will always be about money and security, but if Connor didn't have money they'd never have gotten together. Maybe Tom and Shiv would have been happier in a trailer park - except removing the business and the plan and the ambition and the strategy would remove the very things that drew them together in the first place. Maybe the siblings would have better relationships if they weren't forced to fight tooth and nail for control of a multi-billion dollar company and instead had a working-class upbringing - but maybe (probably) Logan would still have been abusive without wealth, and all they would have now is a dead father and nothing to show for it. These relationships cannot be healthy within this world and they cannot exist outside of it. You can have wealth and security and the illusion of love or you can leave and have nothing at all

[atoriv-art]

asks

putting these above the readmore because otherwise i will be speaking into the void

fave. grouping these together to say: i do read fanfic on occasion but it's usually filtered through a friend of mine who reads far more than i do! ie, she reads stuff and sends me what she likes

however she did say that i could tell people to link me things so she can read through them. so feel free to link me whatever in the replies/asks/idk. no promises i will be the one reading it LMAO but we have very similar tastes in characters/pairings and also the types of fics we like 👍

i actually gravitate towards gen fics which are a dying breed lol but you can link whatever you want <3

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anyway. under the cut: misc asks, sasuneji 💕, also a tiny hyuga ramble

this is so late LMAO sorry, its all in my old blog @atoriv-moved ! haven't deleted any of it so if anything happened it's tumblr's fault. i miss kingdom hearts i need luxu to be in things again so i can go crazy :/

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thank you so much!!! 😭😭 it always makes me happy to hear the emotional weight of my work comes through! it's what i'm always trying to improve to make the little scenes in my head real :)

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thank you!!!! i never know what to say to these but they always make me smile 8)

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thank you so much!! honestly noses still give me trouble sometimes but as someone who is particular about trying to properly translate 3D shapes, especially of the face, in my rendering it's probably one of the most important landmarks :P and i think you can enhance a design sooo much with them, despite my struggles they're one of my favorite things to draw now!

i totally encourage you to start drawing again if you want to! but i'm biased of course hehe

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cute i never know how to answer these... maybe a little boring but i'm of the opinion sasuke is the clingier one in the rs :)

he's a very loving person but because of both his personality and collection of issues he struggles to fully articulate his thoughts in a manner that doesn't come off as rude or detached, but imo sasuke esp once he's out of his spiral would hate to have his love go unexpressed. so i think him having trouble with words and making up for it with flopping onto the people he loves like a large dog is sooooo cute, and i always think about how clingy he was as a baby.. he is made for latching onto people and wiggling them with a 😐 face

neji on the other hand is Weird About Intimacy since he's trained himself to be self-sufficient, and is hyperaware of how other people might perceive him due to him having to calibrate himself around his family. neji is very principled and especially when he's older won't let his anxieties keep him from doing something he believes in, but it gets a little more complicated when it comes to his personal relationships because for 90% of his life he had no hope of fostering those. so he ends up in a weird middle ground where he Does allow himself to express some of those feelings, but not fully, and often in a very self-conscious manner. his default answer to vulnerability is fluffing up like a cat because that's what's he's trained himself to do lol

so with these two in particular i think it'd combo into a lot of "flopping onto you like a weighed blanket because you're upset and i don't know what to say but i want to be here for you" situations, especially with sasuke doing it to neji because neji struggles with verbally articulating when he needs comfort like that. i think it works wonders for them because sometimes words get really messy when you have their combination of issues... it doesn't mean they can't talk through their problems of course, it just means that if something can be solved by the cat loaf maneuver it will be :)

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not reading too much into it at all, i love it! i like how much people talk about my kabuto hahaha i really want to draw him more often, i think he's a way more interesting character than he's given credit for (and this is coming from someone who really didn't like him at first :P), and his hairstyle change is one of the most obvious ways to explore that visually imo!

tysm for this, i really enjoyed reading it!

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i do! i wish more was done with her because i'm really fascinated by the implications of how she's presented, and how she could've shown that being the favorite child of someone like hiashi isn't necessarily a good thing! i always thought she seems like she's a little dissociated from life outside of the clan, which is really fun to work with (and definitely sucks for her because the clan is Not good lol)

i haven't gotten through the arduous task of watching all naruto filler (lmao) but one of my favorites is the one about hanabi and her relationship with hinata, especially the first half, episode 389 i think? i'm really obsessed with the way that episode shows what day-to-day life was like for the kids and the way the hyuga structure themselves, and how it creates distance between them. i'm pretty sure it implies hanabi (pre-plot) didn't know who neji is, for example? which i get isn't canon but i looove that thought. and on a less deep note hanabi is one of the few characters who gets a design i actually like in boruto! i think she looks soooooo cute

since i spend a lot of time thinking about them i actually am fond of all of the hyuga to some capacity, hiashi definitely in a "wow this guy sucks so much it's impressive" way but still lol i think his relationship with his brother and how it informs how he regards neji is very fascinating, or at least the directions it could have taken (if kishi cared at all.) are!

see my problem is that i wish naruto was about weird families and their issues (i am also obsessed with the suna family <3), but it is a shonen anime made for normal audiences

[arttsuka]

Read your post earlier about being harassed by some scum and just want to say I'm sorry to hear about it my dude (idk your pronouns I'm sorry, but I call everyone dude regardless of gender.) It can be quite hard sometimes, just simply existing and being nonsensically bothered for it. I can understand this quite well as a visible butch, whenever I'm out alone, I'm always slightly afraid of being confronted (if I'm not mistaken for being a boy first.) But no matter where you look, there will be assholes. Yet on the other hand, there are perhaps more lovely, kind human beings out there. Whenever your art comes on my dashboard, it makes me chuckle to see the mountain of wonderful jedtavious pieces that you've created. It might seem hard in those moments when you're being harassed and the overwhelming wave of fear of confrontation hits you, but know that the wave will eventually pass, even if it seems like your drowning. Get well soon my dude and to quote Jedidiahs bestie Arthur Morgan, you're ok boah

This made me tear up, thank you.

I know there are kind people out there behavior (this ask is proof of that, someone who doesn't know me being kind for no reason other than that they can), it's just that society promotes bad behavior. It's 'normal' for some people to pick on others for a quick laugh, it's what they were taught growing up. I have hope that the new generation of kids will be better on that regard, have more compassion for the people around them. Patriarchy hurts everyone but that's common knowledge at this point.

And I know my existence does not warrant harassment, it's just hard to acknowledge that all the time. The negative confrontations stick to my brain and it's like a pile, building up until it becomes too hard to ignore.

I have that mentality that you should treat people how you want to be treated (just like newton's 3rd law, or is it the 2nd?) and it really sucks that this isn't the reality we're living in. No matter how kind you try to be there are always some bad apples out there.

I'm glad my drawings bring some joy to people, it really means a lot to me (I'm always very critical of my 'art' so relieving compliments is very awkward? in the sense that i never know how to respond without sounding robotic).

Thank you for taking time out of your day to send me this long paragraph, I really appreciate it.

Btw I too think dude, bro, gurlll etc are gender neutral.

I'm really bad at words, I can't articulate my thoughts very well so I hope I'm not coming off as I'm uninterested or ungrateful.

[fabdante]

Been replaying Mass Effect series recently and FINALLY got to replaying ME2, and. Idk how to articulate this exactly, but The Illusive Man > DMC reboot Mundus.

I think it's more that a) we learn more of the Illusive Man's goals and personal motivations across two games, but also because b) he just seems more... put together, than reboot Mundus? Like, composed, logical, but also good at reading people and emotionally maneuvering them to get them to do what he wants. Hell, one of the main reasons people that join Cerberus stay loyal TO Cerberus (at least, unless there's mind control involved) is because Cerberus takes people that have goals that can't be accomplished by going through official channels and then gives them a chance and the resources to achieve said goals. Ethical, or not. Like Miranda says, "Cerberus never tells me something is impossible; they give me the resources and say, 'Do it'".

Reboot Mundus... doesn't do that. At least, as far as I vaguely remember. I don't really feel like rewatching any of his cutscenes, tbh.

The Illusive Man feels like the type of villain reboot Vergil could work well with. (Assuming they didn't just kill one another, I mean.) Or maybe become, given enough time.

Thoughts?

i've never played mass effect! all i know about it is like, you're in space. that's where my knowledge of mass effect ends. so i can't really compare or contrast antagonists. and I would never argue that reboot Mundus is the most intricately crafted bad guy.

but I feel like Mundus in the reboot as a character has different goals. like i would say he's not meant to be composed or logical. he's a bull in a china shop.

i'm going to go on a kind of long ramble below on mundus asdfghjk before i do i would like to reiterate that like i'm not under any illusion he's a particularly well written villian? i think he's very functional within the simple story of the game and everything i mean he works, i don't expect more from him, particularly as the fake out villain who's mostly there to give us something to do as the game continues to set up vergil as our real main antagonist and all that. and story has never been the focus for the series has a whole, reboot included

anywho, long ramble about mundus below!

he's a very simple antagonist. he wants power and he largely wants revenge. a lot of his motivations in the reboot are keeping and maintaining his power so doing stuff like going after Dante has a practical goal, yeah. but he's largely motivated by his own selfish goals. he's cocky and full of hubris. i've never really seen him as someone playing a keen game of chess with everyone around him but rather the sort who gets what he wants by brute force because he thinks he's the biggest, strongest thing on the board. everything to him is about brute force and keeping the power to be able to take that approach. he's sure of himself because he's been doing this for possibly thousands of years and has no reason to assume that he's going to be stopped. like a very pervasive weed.

when describing him most characters in the reboot focus on this idea of strength, by pointing out how brutal he was, etc. and what we see of his actions as well we know he's very impulsive. he doesn't think things through. he reacts often without thinking much. this, i think, is a result of his cockiness. he thinks of himself as a god (referring to himself as one quite literally) so he thinks there's no consequences to anything he does that can backfire on him. why play chess when you can just flip over the board?

much of his actions in the reboot, I think, are painted by this impulsive, revenge driven nature. he's angry at sparda still, he's angry his brother betrayed him, he's angry his brother wanted to destroy him, so he made it a point to destroy the things sparda cared about. and yeah, the twins pose a direct threat to his throne but they are also spardas sons. killing them is an extension of that revenge against sparda.

he also fails to keep his cool at any point that he could have. between things like destroying half the city not because of liliths death but because he lost his heir or allowing dante to goad him into leaving his hellgate. further showing his volatile nature.

the game does say he runs a lot of things due to blackmail, yeah, and we do see him doing some covert things to run humanity i guess. but a lot of that is only covert in that humans are unable to see it due to the veil between limbo and them. looking at them for what they are, they're fairly overt tactics. using news to create propaganda, using substances to keep people more docile (like captured animals), maintaining a prison where he throws anyone who disagrees with him (thus further incentivizing people not to speak against him), all very overt and brute force tactics.

all in all, reboot Mundus has always kind of struck me as a matched set who is missing the other part. he came into power with Sparda and they depended on Mundus' brute strength but one has to wonder if Sparda was the more...tactical one.

long story short: to me reboot mundus is akin to a bull in a china shop. it's not about an elegant solution or outsmarting anyone. he wants to get out of the china shop so he's just going to barrel through the china shop and bust down the door or maybe break out of a window.

reboot vergil, however, is much more a chess player. he's playing a game and is looking at how to arrange everything around him to win his game. so i mean, other people like that, he'd either get along with great or hate on instinct. it can be difficult to say asdfghjkl