#idk i have a fear of having contractions while their and no one caring and being made to feel stupid

[iesuroo]

The idea of going to family thanksgiving in a few days sounds so exhausting! I spent most of the day sitting on the couch looking at the wall zoning out hardcore. And like with his family when I've shown any discomfort with being pregnant they sit there silent and awkward and don't interact with me and make me feel stupid and I've been in so much pain 24/7 so it feels like I'll have to mask like crazy if I don't want to cry from that experience. Let's be honest though I'll probably cry.

[ikeuverse]

dual life | sjy

pairing: mafiaboss!jake x fem!reader  genres: smut, angst, slight fluff wc: 10.8k+

꒰ 𝅄 warnings ꒱ : swearing, mention of drugs and illicit things, mafia stuff, jake implicitly jealous, oral sex (f. receiving), nipple sucking, unprotected sex (do it safely, please). lmk if i missed anything else.

꒰ 𝅄 synopsis ꒱ : being a serious and respected businessman was the only side of him that jaeyun wanted you to know, afraid that he would let you into his life and, over time, you would get to know not only sim jaeyun, but also sim jake, the mafia boss.

꒰ 𝅄 notes ꒱ : idk how, but i thought about it for a day and just wrote it down. i let my mind run wild and wanted something completely different for jake, so here it is. i hope you like it!

꒰ 𝅄 part 2 | masterlist ꒱

The corporate environment could be challenging and misogynistic when a woman holds a position of great power. At first, the fear hit you hard when your name was molded onto a plaque and, below it, the title of the boss was stamped. But alongside all this, you found yourself supported by your colleague and partner Sim Jaeyun. The first man who saw you with respect, who treated you like a boss and a partner, who handed you demands with the same intensity as he handed demands to other men in the company.

He was incredible when he signed the contract to share that company with you. And it was a good deal because once your name was linked to Jaeyun's, everything inside that building seemed to be moving perfectly toward success. Numbers and shares grew faster and faster, and meetings were shared late into the night where you and Jaeyun reviewed what you had done so far, whether you needed to change any strategies in your approaches, and how you two could take the next step.

You were surprised every time because even though he was there for everything, his word was always final. Jaeyun seemed to want your approval even if his vision was the opposite of yours. It was as if your permission was worth more than his, even though you saw him think for a while before making any decisions. Carefully and cautiously when he asked you about shares and employees, about investments, and what he should do, he was careful and very intelligent, but in his view, you were so much more. So having your approval before his was more important.

This meant that the two of you shared more time than necessary, apart from being in the office. Jaeyun constantly calls you to have dinner and go over some papers when, in reality, the two of you did everything but go over papers. Or when he called you for coffee in the middle of the day to de-stress from an annoying client in question, you gladly accepted because the combination of his company and a hot coffee was all you needed after a moment like that.

What started as routine things became a little different when Jaeyun became warmer towards you at work. It was hard to tell at first since he was always very professional and the looks you got from him were either approving ones or small smiles after a good idea in the corporate environment. You never noticed anything more than that. Until that moment. Where he made a point of touching your hand when he sat next to you, reaching for your pen while he was resting on the other side. Or when Jaeyun would gently rest his hand on your lower back so that you would enter the rooms before him as if he would lose sight of you at any moment even though the room was quite large and there was no way he could lose sight of you.

Dinners no longer had the excuse of work stuff, Jaeyun just wanted to go out and talk to you about everything other than shares, money, and boring investors. He wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hear you tell stories and he wanted to share his too. However, in this respect, you could feel him wavering a little as if he was afraid to talk about something he shouldn't have.

In your mind, Jaeyun had something difficult he was dealing with, so he tended to be more reserved about it, but you learned enough about him as the dinners became weekly. Every detail about his life – which he managed to share with you – and every quirk you picked up on as the two of you spent more time together. Jaeyun was a little box of surprises that you were trying to unravel little by little.

But as things naturally grew closer between you and him, something about the boy's behavior caught your attention. From time to time Jaeyun seemed more scattered at meetings, as if his mind was anywhere but on the words of an old, gray-haired man talking about work. Or how dinners between the two of you became the company cafeteria, him refusing – politely – to go out with you with the excuse that he was too tired. But at the same time, he didn't want to break his silent promise that you and he would share a meal at least once a week.

That didn't bother you, after all, you still had his company even if the dishes varied from pasta with fancy sauce to ramen that he asked an employee to pick up at the corner convenience store. That wasn't so important, at least Jaeyun was sitting in front of you with a faint smile and talking about how hard his day had been and how he wanted to go home and be with his dog.

Everything changed that night. You did everything in your routine, working tirelessly in your office while receiving a few emails from Jaeyun to line up a thing here and there. Answering a few calls and dealing with the staff as best you could. After you finished work, you just wanted to be in the cafeteria and try another flavor of ramen that Jaeyun had bought, claiming that you would love it. Your mouth was already starting to salivate because you knew he could find the most unusual flavors, always impressing you with the smallest things.

But your heart sank when the door to your living room opened, revealing Jaeyun and a grocery bag. Everything happened slowly before your eyes, even though the scene itself was so fast.

“I can't stay today” Jaeyun's voice snapped you out of your reverie, the bag placed on your desk while his hands were now hidden inside the tailored pants he was wearing.

“Why? Did something happen?” you asked, trying not to sound disappointed enough for him to see that he had messed with you.

But what you didn't know was that Jaeyun knew you as well as you knew yourself. Your every expression, tone of voice, everything. He knew exactly how you felt, perhaps because he was the same way, but also because he watched you too much.

“Some personal problems” he sighed softly, looking away from the bag to you “I brought you the ramen, so you can try it and tell me what you think.”

Jaeyun tried to smile to lighten the mood, taking his hands out of his pockets to fiddle with the bag and take out the bowl, showing you the new flavor he'd found. You bit your lower lip to keep from letting out a sigh or saying something you shouldn't have. Your heart was strangely bothered by it.

“It's no fun without you, Jaeyun” was the most you could say without sounding desperate or showing too much.

He felt the weight of everything fall on him as his eyes fell to the pot of ramen, seeing a spark of sadness shine in your eyes as your hands touched his and took the pot from his hand. Putting it back in the bag, you closed it and pushed it towards him.

“I—” Jaeyun turned away from your table, not wanting the ramen packets back “I'm sorry, Y/n. I really have to go.”

“Jaeyun—”

He was afraid that if he heard you say anything, he'd stay for dinner with you. That's what he wanted most. But he couldn't. Jaeyun had to leave as soon as possible before everything went to shit. So, just as quickly as he entered your office, he left and closed the door before he heard anything else come out of your mouth.

You stood there at your desk, staring at the bag that had been left there. It was the first night since you two started eating together that he didn't stay. The first night that Jaeyun barely looked at you before saying goodbye. He didn't even touch your hand as he did when he picked you up for dinner or coffee. He was so distant that it seemed like you didn't recognize him.

Meanwhile, Jaeyun was racing against time to try to balance the double life he was leading. Getting involved with you wasn't in his plans, not least because corporate life was just a façade for him, so the moment he found himself nurturing any feelings for you, he knew he was screwed. Jaeyun couldn't fall in love, but he also couldn't help feeling it when everything seemed natural when he was with you. Your presence made him forget all the bad things he experienced outside that office. That is there he was Sim Jaeyun, your partner and someone who was slowly taking over your heart.

But unfortunately, that couldn't be forever and he knew it. Leaving the elevator and walking hurriedly to his car, he took off his jacket and threw it on the passenger seat, the place where you had sat countless times in your work clothes as beautiful as any woman he had ever seen in his life. That symbolic place belonged to you, even if he didn't want to admit it. Jaeyun let his head fall back against the steering wheel of the car, uttering swear words that he remembered and that made his body explode with rage.

He wanted to be Sim Jaeyun forever. Your partner, the man who was slowly making you fall in love.

But leaving there he was Jake, one of the mob bosses who was now rushing to help his friends with new charges and problems coming up.

The sound of his fingers drumming on the marble of the table was a little louder than usual. Jaeyun tried hard not to show how annoyed – and angry – he was to be there that night. He knew it would be impossible to hide from his friends how much he disliked being there, but at the same time, he couldn't forget what an authority figure he was there too.

“Are you in a bad mood?” he heard Sunghoon's voice cut through the air, entering the room with all the grace he had compared to the other boys. Jaeyun sighed, stopping his drumming to slide his hand to the glass in front of him and drink all the liquid it contained. He wasn't sure what it was, but he would thank Heeseung later for putting in the highest alcohol content he could find.

“Don't tease me, Park” he replied after feeling the burning go down his throat.

Sunghoon laughed a little and sat down next to Heeseung, facing Jaeyun.

“I asked you a question, bro” he said, “Why are you in such a bad mood? Jay and San have already managed to corner those idiots and take what they tried to steal from us.”

Looking at it that way, Jaeyun could be relieved. Smuggling drugs wasn't something he was proud of doing, but he knew how respected he was for carrying on his father's work as well as he would have liked. At the time, Sim wished he hadn't been so good and just stuck to executive work, without getting involved with the family mafia. But he knew how much confidence his late father had and how much he wanted Jaeyun to take over.

“I know, it's just—”

“He's mad because we ruined his date with his girlfriend” Heeseung winked at Sunghoon, who quickly understood everything.

“Shit, tonight was the night of your romantic dinner.”

“It's not a romantic dinner” Jaeyun tried to make amends.

“I told us not to call him, damn it, Heeseung” Sunghoon pretended to be angry, knowing that there was no way not to call Jaeyun. This was of a gigantic magnitude and even though the two of them were his right-hand man, they couldn't make decisions without consulting him first. A form of respect for their best friend, who had taken them in even after taking on a dangerous and important position.

“What did you want me to do?” Heeseung tried to defend himself, sliding down the back of the chair and running one hand through his hair “They tried to rob us” he continued “My only thought was to run to the shed and stop it, but I couldn't do that without Jake's approval.”

Jaeyun listened intently as the conversation unfolded in front of him. Heeseung and Sunghoon knew that they had complete freedom when it came to any decision, especially if Jaeyun was playing the role of partner in a big company. Wearing a suit and tie, expensive tailoring, and with you by his side. It was a persona he wanted to maintain, even though reality hit him every time he received a call from his best friends informing him of something concerning his second job.

He ran a hand through his hair, the sting of the drink gradually fading from his throat as he looked at the two boys still talking.

An absurd urge to disappear and leave the business to the two of them, to run to the office because Jaeyun knew you'd still be there working, eating the ramen he'd left for you. A strange tightness in his chest made him sigh. He had left you alone for the first time after everything had happened. It wasn't because he wanted to, but Jaeyun was afraid of involving you in the second life he was leading. He didn't want to put you in danger, make you go out to dinner with glances lingering between the two of you.

That life brought Jaeyun and his friends a lot of good things, but just as many bad things. He walked around with plainclothes security guards all the time, but it wasn't as if he could do that for you without your permission. It would be handed to him on a plate to tell you about his life in the mafia because on what pretext would Jaeyun say he wanted to offer you private security? It wasn't as if it was necessary for the life of a company boss. No one would want to hurt you for that. So with his lack of creativity in coming up with an excuse, he found himself doing the one thing he didn't want to do: hide you.

Dinner in the company cafeteria was safer than parading around with you by his side, even though it was the only thing he wanted at that moment more than anything. Holding your hand again with the excuse that the restaurant was full and he didn't want to let you out of his sight. That may have been true, but a large part of it was because he was worried that someone in disguise might harm you.

Jaeyun had declared enemies and he knew what some were capable of. Anything could be done against him, but no one should lay a finger on you.

“Jake!” Heeseung's shout brought him out of his thoughts quickly, blinking hard to regain awareness that he'd been immersed in his thoughts for too long “Dude, do you have her on your mind again?”

“At least disguise it” Sunghoon muttered.

“I think I'm going to shoot your ass, you idiot” Jaeyun pointed at his friend, getting up from his chair.

“Calm down man, I'm kidding” he said “Messing with her really puts you in a bad mood.”

Jaeyun ignored it because he had no way of refuting it. He realized that everything that involved him made his nerves frayed and his feelings more acute. It wasn't as if he could control what he felt. If he could, Jaeyun would have chosen not to involve any feelings because he wanted to protect you. But the next thing he knew, any little detail about you made him lose his mind. He wanted to keep you close, he wanted to feel you, he wanted to have you even if it meant risking everything.

A remnant of conscience made him keep his touches a little simpler, although he felt the absurd urge to grab your waist and feel your lips pressed to his.

“I'm going to check what Jay's got so far” Heeseung got up too, passing the seats and going around the table to leave the room “Any news I'll let you two know, so keep an eye on the phones” and left.

Now with Sunghoon being the only presence in the room besides him, Jaeyun felt the weight of everything almost crush him. His friend's gaze almost pierced his insides because he knew how Sim felt. Sunghoon had a better view of Jaeyun's feelings than the other two.

“Sit down” he said when he saw his best friend lost in thought, barely able to utter a word apart from opening and closing his mouth a few times. Obeying, Jaeyun sat back in his chair “What's going on?”

What about? He wanted to ask but knew it was a waste of time. There was nothing Park Sunghoon couldn't figure out. So the other just sighed, leaning back even further in his chair and closing his eyes.

“I shouldn't have liked her in the first place” it was almost natural to let it out, as if he wanted Sunghoon to hear those words “Things should be professional, I should just focus on the actions and nothing else. Then go back home, deal with the mafia problems my father left behind, and later think about marrying the daughter of some other mafia boss.”

“Better than marrying Y/n?” Sunghoon asked.

It was strange that his best friends spoke your name. This was proof that the two worlds Jaeyun lived in were colliding. Then he opened his eyes, wanting to scream out everything that had been squeezing his chest for the last few hours.

“That's what happened to my father, I just—”

“It doesn't have to happen to you” Sunghoon interrupted him with a certain kindness, although there was none in his tone. He still looked at his best friend as he said each word with deep sincerity “You fell in love with her and you have to go with that. Make Y/n part of your life like Sim Jaeyun and—”

“Don't even finish it” it was his turn to interrupt him “I would never bring her to meet Jake Sim.”

“But if you two got engaged, sooner or later she'd find out about the double life you lead, man” Jaeyun hated how certain Sunghoon seemed about anything. He was the most rational when it came to work and personal life and always had the best advice. He was responsible for not letting any of his three best friends commit any kind of madness.

“This can't happen” his hands ran frantically through his hair, messing up every strand that Jaeyun managed to get his fingers through. He wanted to pull them out of his head in a moment of small sanity but came back to reality when he heard Sunghoon's voice next.

“Maybe you don't need to tell her at first, but it might make Jaeyun's life a little more enjoyable” he said calmly, “You really are falling for her, we can see that.”

We. Jaeyun had always been good at hiding his feelings, from the prettiest to the worst, from his friends. Or so he thought since he had to swallow so much just to make his father proud and be where he was at that moment. Bringing Sunghoon, Jongseong, and Heeseung with him was a baggage of confidence and a remnant of the normal life he had before getting involved in the family business. The only three people in his circle who knew everything, who never judged him, and were always there for Jaeyun. The best childhood friends who stuck together, and that in itself made them get to know more about each other every day.

That's why the three of you could see Jaeyun slowly falling in love with you. Although the words never left his mouth, the way he talked about you could already be deduced from afar. The sparkle in his eyes when he opened a message from you on the meeting table in the room as Jake Sim. The spark of a feeling emerged as he replied sweetly. When the boys attended a company dinner as fake investors, talking to you about the profit they could generate for your and Jaeyun's company. The reality was that they were there at Sim's request to check if anyone was a possible suspected smuggler or rival since his name had been talked about so much in the city at the famous dinner. He was afraid of someone showing up and ruining the double life he had fought so hard to hide.

It was the first and only time the three of them had met and talked to you, but it was enough to see the way Jaeyun looked at you. How he behaved next to you and the tired sighs he released throughout the night as each man approached you. Before, your name was a legend to them, Sim Jaeyun's lousy partner in the company, but when they saw you in person, it all seemed to make sense.

Now we know why Jake fell in love so easily, Heeseung almost lost his teeth when he made that comment inside the shed, after counting out three hundred and eight suitcases of cash. Payment for the container of drugs they had distributed. Jongseong was in charge of separating his best friend so that he wouldn't beat Heeseung to a pulp, while Sunghoon calmly intervened.

Everything went so slowly until he realized that he had fallen too hard for you. In the feelings he was having for you.

“What can I do about it now?” Jaeyun finally looked at Sunghoon, really looked at him. Looking for an answer and no longer wanting to run away from what mattered at that moment.

“How about making amends and asking her to dinner?” he asked.

“I don't want to go out with her and be seen— You know, I don't know who might be following me…”

“Come on Jake, how many men do you have doing security for your dead father's mafia?” he glared at his friend, always teased by the way Jaeyun didn't like to say that it was all his now. It would be easier to say that it still belonged to his late father, that all those men followed the command of Mr. Sim, to whom Jaeyun gave his voice. He didn't like to be called boss, although it happened at the teasing of his friends.

“Many” Jaeyun answered him.

“Then put them in charge of her security once a week” Sunghoon swiveled in his chair, his eyes never leaving Jaeyun's for a second “We have enough men to put in one a week without her noticing, and you'll still be able to go out with her in peace.”

He seemed to ponder this for a moment. He didn't want to be awkward about mentioning to you that men were escorting you for your safety, after all, he was afraid that something would happen to you even if the two of you had no involvement whatsoever.

“That's a very good idea, Hoon, but—”

“There's no such thing, you know it's the only way if you want to have something with her.”

For a while longer he seemed to think about the possibility. It wasn't as if Jaeyun was hiding something terrible from you, not least because he would be looking out for your safety. He'd also be freer to go out with you again for the dinners you two shared during the weeks.

“Not to mention that if you and she start dating, the security will be doubled, don't you think?” Sunghoon stood up from his chair “Everyone will know about her if something gets serious.”

That was Jaeyun's fear, that everyone would know about you besides him and his best friends. In that world where he was Jake Sim, there was no way anything could be hidden. It wasn't like the world where Jaeyun could get away with it under an expensive suit and a lot of stock. He sighed heavily, throwing his head back without the strength to continue the conversation. Knowing how right his best friend was.

“Right, thanks for the advice, anyway” Jaeyun asked.

“At your service” Sunghoon smiled “Are you going to stay there now? I'll check on Heeseung if Jay needs any help too…”

“I'll stay a while longer, I'll be going soon” he said, still sitting down because his body seemed to be weighed down by the barrage of information and advice thrown at him in such a short space of time.

Sunghoon walked to the door of the room, opened it, and turned to Jaeyun with a playful, silly smile on his face.

“Yes sir, boss” giving a mock salute, he ran off before Jaeyun could gather up a load of papers to throw in his direction, but Sunghoon was quick to close the door. Not before hearing the other swear at him for his provocations.

Jaeyun got to know you little by little, his first impression being of you as a strong and fearless woman. Someone he could easily work with among the men who underestimated you and who made him feel angry. Little by little, he noticed how easy it was to live with you and how you could read between the lines when things were happening. He was surprised when he started to notice the moment you felt uncomfortable in a meeting or in the presence of a man who tried to put you down, or how he could understand how bothered and angry you were with some stupid comment or action that had gone wrong.

Over time, he realized that he knew a lot about you just by interacting with you professionally. But when he decided to take a step and invite you to dinner, under the pretext of reviewing something from work, Jaeyun knew he was ruined. He knew that the first sincere smile you gave him had ruined and torn down any barrier he had built over the years in an attempt to not bring anyone into the dark and double world of his life. Jaeyun didn't want you to be a part of that.

So trying to push you away and keep you safe was the first and only thought he had, swallowing the physical and carnal desire that consumed him for wanting to have you in his arms. He couldn't afford to make the mistake of going around glimpsing you and your beauty, enjoying life as a couple that he knew was dangerous.

Sim Jaeyun was a good man, but Sim Jake was the opposite of that. And between the two personas he found himself divided on what to do because he knew that in both his lives, he was in love with you. It was the only thing he couldn't separate.

He knew it was too late to try to make Sunghoon's advice count for anything. Arriving at the office the next day, Jaeyun knew he had screwed up when he saw the bag of ramen on his desk, the two untouched pots very well placed next to the papers he needed to fill out during the day. What surprised him was the way you treated him throughout the week.

Professionalism took over again and you were the Y/n he had met when he joined that company and took on the role of being his partner. He saw the old woman with whom he had shared the management of that building and whom he had always admired – later he had fallen in love – and now he was back to the beginning. At least you, because he felt that he was falling more and more into your charms and letting his feelings take over.

It wasn't easy that you were monosyllabic in meetings, your gaze never meeting his, and every time you both needed to talk about any decision, you said you were busy and asked Jaeyun to talk to your secretary. You were running away, he knew that. So it could only mean that, besides being upset about him leaving you that night, something told you that you also had feelings for him.

Because no one would be upset about canceling a dinner. Even with the shitty excuse he gave you, if neither of you had feelings for each other, Jaeyun wouldn't have been frustrated to get Heeseung's call that night and you wouldn't have been upset to see him leave without even eating with you and then leaving.

It was a silent competition of who was handling it the worst way possible.

But he didn't know that jealousy was being added to the mix when he saw a new investor smile at you. How bold he was to approach you after the meeting, in the coffee room, and ask if you wanted to go out for something to eat.

I've seen this happen before, idiot. Don't even try. That's what he hoped the look would convey, but Jaeyun forgot that you hadn't looked in his direction for a few days, trying to ignore him as best you could. That's why you accepted the invitation. A little hesitantly because it had never happened before, other than Jaeyun, it was the first time that any man inside that building had invited you for something other than your partner. At that moment, after so many days, you looked in his direction, afraid of what you might feel when your eyes met. But seeing the discomfort on Sim's face seemed to give you some satisfaction.

“I still have a few more things to take care of, so—” the man extended a hand to you, gently holding yours. His touch was gentle and you tried to smile a little wider, looking away from Jaeyun to the boy in front of you “Do you mind meeting at the restaurant on the corner in half an hour?”

“No. It’s okay” you replied, feeling him squeeze your hand and lean in to kiss your torso, pulling away and letting go of your hand. He smiled at you once more, returning to the circle of men that was in the other corner of the room to say goodbye and do what he had to do.

You thought you should chat with your employees after a meeting, have some coffee like you always did, and then go to your office. But Jaeyun’s gaze was starting to make you feel strange. He didn’t miss a single movement of yours, from the moment you moved to get a cup of coffee to when you approached your secretary to whisper to him.

“I’m going to my office” you said quietly, not wanting to make a fuss with anyone. “I’ll be leaving for dinner soon, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am” he smiled at you, looking away to Jaeyun and swallowing hard. Your secretary had always been a bit wary of the man who was staring at you, but since there had never been any disagreements, that was passed on as he showed himself to be completely professional.

Jaeyun had never felt jealous until this moment, watching you gracefully leave the room and close the door.

It was all his fault and the idiotic way he tried to push you away even though he wanted to keep you close. Now, not knowing how to act, Jaeyun had to witness that scoundrel of someone asking you out and, worst of all, you accept it.

Something settled inside him and, without measuring any effort, he walked out the door quickly to your office. His mind had never worked well under pressure, whether from anger or jealousy like it was now. Jaeyun had never been jealous, after all, he had never met anyone who aroused that kind of feeling in him. It was like an urban legend or only hearing about the romantic stories that Jongseong and Sunghoon had here and there. But he had never felt that in his life.

When he stopped in front of your office door, his heartbeat almost rose to his ears as adrenaline and anxiety ran through him. Jaeyun didn't know how he would act after finding you in your office and confronting you. He knew something would happen, you could feel the tension in the air every time the two of you were in the same room, he just didn't know how intense it was. He had a slight impression, but he couldn't decipher you from that yet.

He decided not to knock, gripping the door handle and turning around without beating around the bush, entering right away before you could say anything else.

“What—” you quickly turned around from the table, where you had been facing away until then, packing your things and ready to leave. Your heart almost jumped out of your mouth at the sight of Jaeyun standing in the middle of your living room. The thud of the door as it closed went unnoticed by your ears and the only sound was your own racing heart. “Jaeyun?”

He approached slowly, one step at a time as he thought about what to say or how to act. You could tell how fast his chest was rising and falling due to the rapid breathing from the fright he had gotten seconds ago.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, trying to stay calm as he continued to approach. The steps stopped just a few inches away when he cornered you between his body and your table, making your body almost bend over if it weren’t for your hands being quick enough to hold on to the edge of the table.

“You’re not going to this dinner” the authority in his tone of voice made your legs tremble, but you were grateful to hold yourself firmly against the table and your hands tightened their grip on the edge. Jaeyun still had the ability and knowledge to read you so perfectly that when he saw your mouth open – probably with the intention of asking why – he was faster and leaned in to press his lips to yours.

He expected anything: a slap, a sudden pull away, a loud curse that could echo throughout the building. But the surprise came when you let go of the edge of the table to spread your hands against his chest, slowly moving up until you grabbed the collar of the shirt he was wearing, pulling him closer to you.

You were an amazing woman and he knew it, every single thing you did drove him crazy. And feeling you pulling him between your legs, giving way by opening your lips and welcoming his tongue and tangling it with yours.

Everything seemed magical to Jaeyun and you. Each touch took its time, something that had been repressed until now. He brought his hands to your hips, keeping you in place as he made a small effort to lift you up and sit you on the table.

Your pride in trying to ignore him was going down the drain more and more, as Jaeyun intensified that kiss and moaned against your lips. You should have pushed him away and gotten out of there when it was time, but now it was too late. He was tangled between your legs and his hands were doing a great job squeezing you and sliding down to your lower back to slide down to your ass. It was your turn to moan against his lips, your nails going inside the collar of his shirt and scratching his shoulder to mark something against the skin you wanted so much to know.

“Jaeyun” you whispered breathlessly and he swore that was the best sound he had ever heard in his life. Pulling his lips away from yours to get some air for his lungs, he let you ramble on as he lowered his mouth down your jaw. Feeling the taste of your skin and the texture of it between his lips, marking a path of saliva until it reached your neck.

“Yes, babe?” Jaeyun had no idea how much he moved you, because if he did, he would never call you by that nickname in the form of a whisper, while still kissing your skin and sucking a good amount of it between his lips. The pop noise he left after a long suck, certainly leaving the spot marked a few minutes later.

“I need—” you wanted to say that you needed to go, that this would be a provocation on his part. But your mind wasn’t working right and it didn’t help that he started pressing his hips against yours. “Holy shit” you moaned softly, the hardness of Jaeyun’s cock slowly making the right pressure against your still-clothed clit. You couldn’t say how he had the exact notion of where to press and how to press.

“I already told you that you won’t, Y/n” Jaeyun gasped against your neck, moving his kisses up and trailing the tip of his tongue across your skin until his face was level with yours again.

That sight was hell on earth for you. Jaeyun with his lips red and shiny from the kiss they had just shared, adding to the kisses and hickeys on your skin. His eyes drooping and dark with desire staring at you with a possessiveness you never thought you would know. You wanted to be able to say something, but it was impossible while you had his hands on your shoulders now.

“Tell me if this is too much, okay?” What did he mean by that? What was Jaeyun thinking when he asked you that kind of thing? It was already too much to have felt his kiss in a situation like that, but you were sure that it was too much to have his fingers unbuttoning the buttons of your shirt.

Every particle of your skin is exposed for his eyes to admire even more. You were never one to wear low-cut tops at work and his sanity was grateful for that, so he didn't know what to do as each button was undone until he reached below your breasts.

“Shit” he cursed softly, praying that you wouldn't hear the hint of vulnerability in his voice as he noticed the light lace adorning your breasts. They were beautiful and he didn't want to think about anything else but touching them. But Jaeyun didn't want to rush, he needed to feel you because he had been depriving himself of it for so long and almost lost.

When the last button was undone, he bit his lower lip to keep from moaning at the sight of you naked in front of him, sitting on the table with his body between your legs. Jaeyun would be lying if he said he had never thought about being in that position with you, or any other, where only his cock inside you and your voice moaning his name would be enough for any scenario to be propitious. He felt like a pervert for it, but there was no denying the desire that radiated inside him every time you showed up.

Leaning down, Jaeyun left a kiss in the space between your neck and your collarbone, enjoying the sounds you made and smiling against your skin when he didn't hear any objections from you. This meant he could continue with the kisses until he reached the curve of your breast, tracing the outline with the tip of his tongue. He looked up, seeking eye contact with you and when he did, he knew he was where he belonged. The way you looked at him, the tense and longing expression you maintained as you held his gaze was all he needed.

“Can I continue?” he asked.

“Please, yes” you answered, nibbling on your lower lip at the same moment that Jaeyun's teeth slid over the lace of your bra, lowering the fabric enough to expose your chest. He was on the verge of madness to taste every part of you, but desire consumed him with every reaction you had to his touch.

The tip of Jaeyun's tongue circled your exposed nipple, making a moan run through the room as it slipped out of your throat. He felt his cock tighten even more in his pants with each sound you made. His hands – which had previously remained calm when touching you – now impatiently ran over your shoulders to remove your shirt with a quick tug, going to the middle of your back to unbutton your bra and rip it off your body as well. Turning his attention back to your breasts, he sucked your nipple with such desire while his large hand covered the other and squeezed to feel its softness.

You were on cloud nine, his every touch coated with possessiveness and desire, making your head spin as you felt Jaeyun's warm tongue against your nipple. The silent sucking compared to the sound of your moans, while your hands quickly went to his hair to pull the strands as a sign that he would never stop what he was doing.

But he also didn't intend to take his mouth off your body. If Jaeyun could talk at that moment, he would tell you how good it was feeling every part of your skin, hearing every one of your moans, and he still hadn't done half of the things he wanted to do with you.

Missing your mouth, he went up to your lips again to share another kiss, this time a little more sloppy and slobbery. Your tongues ran against each other for dominance while your mouths fit perfectly, the synchrony of the movements making you both gasp into each other's mouths.

Jaeyun's hands went to your hips again, but this time his speed and strength came to the advantage as he took off your skirt along with your panties. At another time you could notice how skilled he was and wonder – or not – why he was in such a hurry or knew how to do it so quickly. But now you just wanted to focus on the cold air of the room hitting your pussy and how Jaeyun released your lips with a lewd and wet noise.

It never crossed your mind that Sim Jaeyun, your partner, the man you had seen many times seriously across the room – regardless of the number of times you had dinner together – and for whom you were harboring feelings, would now be kneeling in front of you. He was perdition personified in that submissive and vulnerable position. His eyes were bright, like a puppy begging for a reward. And you knew that what he wanted, besides making up for lost time, was to be between your legs like that.

A mutual and wordless agreement between you and Jaeyun was drawn at that moment, with him slowly approaching your pussy and you opening your legs enough to accommodate him even more. As a test, he stretched out his tongue and licked a long strip from your entrance to your clitoris, collecting your essence and feeling your taste linger on the tip of the wet muscle that he passed through your entire intimacy.

“Fuck, Jaeyun” you tilted your head back, the deliciously warm sensation of his tongue licking your pussy was too much to handle. His hands wrapped around your thighs and held them wide open as he licked a little more, seeming to be hungry as he collected a little more of your essence.

You rested your hands in his hair, your legs feeling like jelly as Jaeyun moved a little further. He focused on sucking on your clit, circling his tongue over the sensitive bud as he looked up to try to catch some reaction from you. Your head was thrown back, but he wanted you to look at him, just once. Just once to see him eat you like a good meal.

“Look at me, Y/n” Jaeyun asked hoarsely, pulling his lips away from your pussy to get your attention. You wanted to pull his hair and bury his face in your pussy again, the lack of contact with your clit made you whimper softly, it was a great torture. But you had to obey if you wanted to feel him again, so your head lifted, your eyes searching his to find the sinful sight.

There was no way Jaeyun could be that desirous more than anything else, it was impossible that that man could look so good in any position or situation. You almost cursed him if it weren't for how quickly he maintained eye contact as he approached your pussy again. This time he sucked you more slowly, drawing circles on your clit and maintaining eye contact, not losing a single second of his eyes on yours. He moved one of his hands away from your leg to slide between your folds, introducing his index finger into your hole.

“I— Fuck, don't do this” you pressed yourself against his finger, the introduction being too much for you. He wanted to fuck you so badly now, with your moaning and your eyes nearly closing, it was torturous to keep them open as he inserted the second finger and continued to suck on your clit.

The movements were now combined quickly, making him alternate between scissoring movements and rotating his fingers inside you, at the same second he sucked your clitoris and ran the tip of his tongue over your pussy, opening your lips so he could spread his saliva along with your essence. The wet sound of his fingers going back and forth inside you, Jaeyun's prominent knuckles almost making you come undone right there. Your walls sucked him so deliciously that he wanted to feel his cock being buried inside you and how hot it would be to be inside there.

The thought alone made Jaeyun feel his underwear get wet, he knew that his pre-cum was almost overcoming the tailoring of the pants he was wearing. It was already too much to have to endure all of that without being able to feel the slightest relief in his cock. But when he decided to introduce the third finger inside your pussy, it was as if he had seen the vision of heaven. Your head fell back again, you couldn't keep your eyes on him.

“Y/n, look—”

“Come up here, please,” you begged. He gave your clit one last kiss as if to taste you one last time before moving up his body to be close to you again. His fingers continued to work your pussy harder and harder as it clenched around his sliding, wet digits.

When Jaeyun brought his face closer to yours, you didn’t wait for any response other than to place your lips on his, sharing the taste of you that lingered on his lips. It was all so intense as your body shuddered and the knot in your stomach broke. You hugged Jaeyun’s body between your arms and held him by the hips between your legs, your pussy convulsing on his fingers as his mouth muffled the most obscene and loud moans you could make calling his name. Cumming on his fingers so hard that all of your liquid easily ran down the palm of his hand.

He wanted you to take the time you needed to catch your breath, the intensity of your orgasm taking over every cell in your body as he was careful enough to pull his fingers out of your pussy. You moaned and whimpered, the lack of contact making you feel empty and weak, but something sparked in you when Jaeyun pulled away enough to bring his fingers to his lips, licking the length of his cock until he reached the palm of his hand.

“I knew you tasted amazing” he whispered, completely cleaning up what had been your orgasm liquid until there was nothing left.

You pulled him back to you, running your thumb over his chin that held more of your liquid. Jaeyun smiled slowly as he felt your soft touch, your fingers sliding down it until they reached the waistband of his pants.

“Y/n, don’t—”

“Shhh, it’s okay” you kissed his jaw, your lips slowly sliding down Jaeyun’s neck to part of his exposed collarbone “It must hurt, huh?”

“No” he lied, moaning the second your hands undid his belt and opened his zipper so his cock would be less tight. He wasn’t good at that kind of lie per se, but he wasn’t stupid enough to want to demand too much from you either, considering the intensity of your orgasm, Jaeyun was already happy to see you satisfied like that.

“We can make this less painful for you” your voice whispered so sensually that he almost came undone right there, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down before he felt your mouth kiss him, right in the middle of his throat. “Put that down for me” your request was an order that had no objection, so Jaeyun quickly pushed his pants along with his underwear, his cock jumping out and hitting against his pelvis and stomach. Your eyes quickly scanned down, seeing the size of it and sighing at the thought of it being inside you in a few seconds.

“Y/n” Jaeyun moaned, an absurd need to have any kind of touch from you against him. Then your fingers quickly went to the head of his cock, red and shiny with pre-cum, spreading all the liquid with the sole purpose of stimulating him and teasing him a little. “What the fuck, shit” he cursed.

It was too much to suffer, considering that Jaeyun had been untouched for a long time, even more so after hearing your moans and seeing what your body was capable of with just a few touches from him. Impatience took over and he pulled his shirt by the collar, not bothering to undo any buttons, he just wanted to get rid of any piece that held him and feel the heat of your body against his.

“I want—” he moaned again, pushing his hips against the palm of your hand when you held the base and went down the entire length, masturbating his veiny and thick cock between your fingers. Jaeyun wanted nothing more than to feel your touch and what you were making him feel.

“What do you want?” you asked, your lips still against the skin of his throat, slowly sliding down to one of his ears to whisper the words. He spread his hands on your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh and pulling your body over the table so that he was at the edge of it. Your hips and your pussy are a little more exposed to him.

“I want to be inside you, Y/n. I— fuck” Jaeyun knew he was being a mess just moaning and fucking your fist as your hand tightened more and more on his cock. Spreading the pre-cum all over the length until it reached the base.

He went crazy when you leaned in enough for a ball of saliva to escape between your lips and slide down to the head of his cock, spreading some of it along the length with your – almost–perfect aim. That helped spread it even more across Jaeyun’s cock and he couldn’t take it anymore, it was too much for him and the boy was afraid he would explode in his hand and cum right there. It would be shameful to do this without him being inside you, even for a few seconds.

“Y/n, please…” it was his turn to beg now. The feared Sim Jake would never do this, would never be in this role, much less Sim Jaeyun. Both respected and feared, but now he just wanted to be yours and beg for whatever you had to offer.

Without further provocation, you knew how painful it was for him. And your pussy got wet again just from the sounds he made and the unfolding of the scene in front of you. Positioning his cock at your entrance, it was a silent invitation for him to insert himself into your hole. Your hands left there to hold him, one on each side of his neck, letting Jaeyun lead the movements.

Slowly he thrust his cock into you, the warmth of your pussy and the wetness of your juices being enough to shelter him so well and facilitate the entrance of his cock that you swore it would not be possible to fit. Soon he was all the way inside you, his breathing uneven as he finally had his cock shoved into your pussy.

“How do you feel?” Jaeyun uttered with some difficulty, his chest rising and falling quickly as he leaned his body towards you.

“Amazing” you tried not to moan, pulling his face close to yours so that his forehead rested on yours. “You can move now” your request, again, became an order when Jaeyun finally moved his hips to remove his cock and leave only the head inside you, returning with a slow but strong movement. His pelvis touching your clit with the movement.

He could no longer hold back his good manners and the desire to go slowly, wanting to make you feel every time his cock entered and left your pussy. Jaeyun pressed his fingers into your thighs, leaving marks that could be seen later as his nails dug into your skin, gaining momentum to start the movements. The sounds of skin slapping and the wetness of both your arousals are the perfect symphony accompanied by the moans that you and he left in your living room. It was visible the way you tried to keep your body each time Jaeyun thrust his cock even deeper into you, the burning slightly appearing in your groin with each more force that he thrust inside you. Your walls fluttered around his cock and sheltered him each time he entered with even more force.

“Shit, you feel so good.” Jaeyun gave a small smile when you tried to say something, only managing to moan and nod in agreement. Knowing how hard it would be for you to say anything at that moment he went faster and faster, pressing his fingers harder and harder against your body, now moving up to your hips. He felt you move your body against his, rubbing your clit against the length of his cock each time he pulled out completely before burying him deep inside you again. Jaeyun’s pelvis stimulated your sensitive bud each time he went so deep that there was no space left between your bodies, his balls slapping against your thighs and adding even more to the obscene noises in the sex between the two of you.

Jaeyun’s cock twitched as your pussy tightened, indicating that your orgasm was just around the corner. He was also about to cum, practically holding it in for so long that he feared how much would come next.

“I need—” Jaeyun whispered.

“Inside” you cut him off, knowing he could cum just by the way his hips bucked between thrusts. Your hands slid down his neck and up to his cheeks, cupping his face and pulling him in for a kiss. Your tongues tangled, your lips quick and desperate for some pressure as he picked up the pace to drive his cock even deeper into you.

A combination of his hip thrusts and the pulls he gave your hips to meet him, he felt your pussy clench around him so hard that it was enough for Jaeyun to spill. He came, painting your walls milky white as he moaned your name relentlessly. You weren’t far away and it only took a few more thrusts for you to cum on his cock. The white ring formed around his length as he continued to thrust in and out of you, not indicate that he was stopping just because cum was still gushing from the head of his sensitive cock.

With one last movement, your pussy milking every last drop, Jaeyun stopped moving. The strength draining from his body and giving way to calm, the high serotonin running through you and him after you both came together.

Jaeyun left a slow kiss on your lips, waiting a long minute until he finally pulled out of you. The sensitivity hits you both and makes you moan into each other's mouths.

“Sorry” he said as he knew you might be hypersensitive, even though he wanted to stay inside your pussy all night if he could.

“Okay” you replied, smiling tiredly before looking to the side and searching for your clothes. He went faster before lifting his underwear and pants, leaving a hint of sadness in your body for depriving you of the sight of him practically naked in front of you. But what caught your attention was that Jaeyun picked up his shirt from the floor, stretching it towards you.

“I don’t know where there are tissues, but—” he smiled a little, using the sleeve of his shirt to clean you between your legs.

“Jaeyun” you tried to stop him, but it was too late. Jaeyun cleaned you so carefully that it was practically impossible to believe, especially after what the two of you had done and the marks he had left on your body.

He helped you change, putting each piece of clothing in its proper place and still waiting for you to fix your hair, turning to him after a long time. The stain on the sleeve of his shirt, after it was put on, made your cheeks burn more than looking into his eyes and thinking about what the two of you had done.

“So…” you began, looking at him with a shy smile. Jaeyun smiled too, biting the inside of his cheek to keep it from growing even bigger as he got closer and wrapped one of his arms around your waist.

“Then I’ll take you home, and we’ll have dinner properly again from now on” as a couple, he wanted to add. But that was too much for just one night, Jaeyun wanted to tell you that as the two of you went out more often.

Explaining the fear he felt about his feelings for you was the most that could come out of Jaeyun's mouth. That made him feel good enough to not think he was lying – completely – to you. He was really afraid of what he felt, but at the same time, he was afraid of bringing you into his double world. The last part was still a secret, but at least hearing that you forgave him and that you accepted having a relationship with him was all that needed to be said.

Two months in which Jaeyun stopped being afraid to tell you what he felt for you. That the two of you, besides being business partners, had become a couple. You started to frequent his apartment and met his friends too, those who had to lie about their professions and never let it slip that they worked for Sim Jake, who you didn't even know.

Two months in which you had private security, unknown to you because Sunghoon's idea was better. At least one man every week took care of you from afar and kept Jaeyun informed in case anyone suspicious approached. No consequences were made as the relationship progressed. He was a little more relieved. Keeping it just in Jaeyun's life was what he wanted for a while, if things really progressed and became even more serious, he had to tell you about his other life. But there was no need yet.

“Love” your voice made him abandon the thoughts that constantly intrigued him, afraid that you would leave him at any moment for the lie he so wanted to get rid of, but couldn't. Looking in your direction, the smile came automatically when you approached him, going around the office desk to sit on his lap “Is everything okay?”

“Why do you ask?” in the last few months Jaeyun let the thought pass that you could also read him the same way he did with you. That you knew him as well as he knew you.

“Because I’ve been feeling quiet for a few days now” you wrapped one of your arms around his shoulders, at the same second he wrapped his arm around your waist “And because you’re twenty minutes late for dinner.”

Shit, the dinner. He had completely forgotten, staying inside the office to finish answering Jongseong and Sunghoon’s messages, trying to keep things out of danger with the new robbery that had been successfully carried out. He wanted to know if everything had gone according to the orders he had given that same morning, completely forgetting that he was supposed to meet you twenty minutes ago in the company parking lot.

“Shit, love, I’m sorry” Jaeyun leaned in, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. His heavy breathing hit your skin and made you shiver. “I just—”

“How about we go home, then?” you asked, one of your hands going up to his hair and trying to stroke it slowly. “Your day must have been kind of rough, those men are annoying when they want to go back on their proposals.”

Every time you deduced that Jaeyun's tiredness and fear had something to do with the office, his heart sank a little more. His breathing hitched and he wanted to scream. But he held himself back and just nodded slowly, kissing your skin and lifting his head to look at you.

“Wait for me in the car? I'll fix everything here,” he asked.

“Sure,” you smiled once more, that being enough to calm all the nerves that persisted in his body. You leaned in to leave a quick and simple kiss on Jaeyun's full lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, Y/n,” he whispered back, kissing you once more before letting you get off his lap to leave the room.

Saying that he loved you out loud was like freeing himself from the bonds that suffocated him, held him back, and hurt him. He had never said that out loud to anyone other than his parents and his best friends. At first, it was as scary as wanting a relationship, but as you said and showed your love, Jaeyun knew it was the right thing to do. He felt that all that love was overwhelming, that as intensely as it scared him, it was the only thing that gave him the courage to continue.

Turning off all the appliances in the room and turning off the lights, he headed to the hallways of the building, greeting the security guards and some employees who were still there. Going to meet you in the parking lot. He just wanted to go home, enjoy your company, and take a hot shower. Many notes Jaeyun could think about having sex with you and using it as a form of calming, but that night he just wanted to feel your embrace, and your smell alone being the only thing capable of making his mind unfocused from everything that worried him.

A natural calming that was always right in front of him, the person who was the perfect balance between chaos and what he needed to stay alive.

“Jaeyun!” That was your voice, he could hear it from far away, but it wasn't like your call was as soft and calm as it always was. You were screaming. In desperation.

He looked around the open parking lot, trying to find you and why you seemed so desperate, but suddenly his world fell apart. Jaeyun's stomach was churning seeing your figure through the window of that van, screaming desperately and being pulled by someone hooded who wanted you to be quiet.

The car accelerated, making a complete turn in the parking lot before stopping next to Jaeyun and the passenger rolled down the window.

“We have something that belongs to you, Jake” the man smiled with rotten teeth, Jaeyun ran a few steps to grab him, but the driver took off “We want our drugs back!” he shouted before disappearing.

Your screams were the last thing he heard before the dead of night and the noise of the tires tearing through that parking lot. Jaeyun fell to his knees on the ground, the strength draining from his body. His scream echoed throughout the parking lot as he felt despair flood his body, along with the burning in his eyes and tears streaming down his cheeks.

What he feared most had happened. And he would stop at nothing to get you back.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[ponderingmoonlight]

HEYYYY so i dont really know if u write this stuff but i was wondering if u could do like toji/jjk men and their reaction when the reader goes into labour?? ❤️❤️

JJK men when you go into labor

Pairings: Toji x fem!reader; Geto x fem!reader; Gojo x fem!reader; Sukuna x fem!reader

Word Count: 3,3k

Warnings: yk...birth, this is basically the same scenario for 3k words straight lol, never gave birth myself so idk if this is accurate 🥹

Toji Fushiguro

The day started like any other. Well, as normal as it can be when you’re nine months pregnant.

You are in the kitchen, trying to decide between a cup of tea or a snack, when a sharp, unmistakable pain shoots through your abdomen. You gasp, clutching the edge of the counter for support as the realization hits you with full force:

This is it. The baby is coming.

“Toji!” you call out, your voice trembling as another wave of pain rolls through you.

You hear the rustle of a newspaper being set down and the heavy footsteps of your husband approaching from the living room.

“Toji…” you try to keep calm, but the panic in your voice is unmistakable.

The man is a fortress, rarely showing any emotion beyond his usual stoic demeanor, but when he sees your expression, something shifts in his eyes. The usually cool, collected Toji Fushiguro is now all business.

Without a word, he’s right by your side, one strong arm wrapping around your waist to support you. His other hand comes up to gently tilt your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze.

“How long have you been feeling this?” he questions, his voice steady, though you can hear the underlying tension.

“Just started,” you manage to reply through gritted teeth.

Another contraction hits, and you instinctively grip his arm, digging your nails into his skin for support.

Toji doesn’t even flinch. Instead, he simply nods, assessing the situation with the same precision he would use in a fight.

“Alright. We’re going to the hospital now. I’ll get the bag.”

He guides you to the couch, making sure you are seated comfortably before he disappears down the hall. You can hear the faint sound of drawers being opened and closed, and within moments, he’s back with the hospital bag slung over his shoulder.

Toji lifts you into his arms effortlessly, cradling you against his chest as he carries you to the car. His movements are quick but careful. And even though he’d never admit it, you can feel the tension in his body, a rare vulnerability in a man who’s usually so unshakable.

As he settles you into the passenger seat, he leans down, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face.

“You’re strong. You can handle this, babe” he mutters, his voice firm but with an edge of softness that he rarely shows.

The drive to the hospital is swift as usual, Toji weaving through traffic with the same precision he uses in combat. But his now soft hand never leaves yours, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your skin as if trying to soothe both your pain and his own worry.

“You’re doing great,” he murmurs, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye.

His jaw is set, the muscles on his neck visible tense. And yet his voice is calm, grounding you during your fear and pain.

When you finally arrive at the hospital, Toji is all efficiency. He barks orders at the staff, making sure everything is ready for your arrival with all their attention on you. Despite the situation, his grip on your hand is firm, his presence unwavering while he stays by your side through every step.

In the delivery room, as the pain intensifies, you squeeze his hand to death, your nails biting into his now injured skin. Toji doesn’t do so much as flinch, his focus entirely on you.

“Breathe,” he reminds you whenever you need to hear it, his voice steady and commanding.

You manage to look up at him between contractions. And for a brief moment, you see something in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before.

Fear.

It’s fleeting, quickly replaced by his usual determination, but it was there, a reminder that beneath his tough exterior and his sometimes sharp tone towards you, Toji cares more than he’ll ever admit.

As the contractions grow stronger, Toji’s calm exterior begins to crack. He isn’t panicking, but you can see the worry etched into his features, the way his grip tightened just slightly every time you cry out in pain.

“You’re almost there,” he murmurs, his voice gruff but soothing.

“Just a little longer.”

When the final push comes and the cries of your newborn fill the room, you see Toji’s shoulders relax ever so slightly through wet lashes. When he looks down at you, a small and rare smile tugs on the corner of his usual so neutral lips. Those lips you’ll never get tired of kissing. Those lips who can be used as a weapon, those lips that do in fact hurt you from time to time. You know this relationship can be toxic, that Toji Fushiguro isn’t the definition of a dream husband.

But at this very moment, with glistening eyes set on you and that smile forming on his face, you can think of nothing else.

“You did it,” he whispers, his voice low and filled with something that almost sounds like awe.

When the nurse places the baby in your arms, Toji’s hand comes to rest on your shoulder, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin.

“You’re amazing,” he whispers, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Get some rest, babe.”

In that moment, surrounded by the warmth of your new family and with your eyelids slowly but surely growing heavy, you see a side of Toji that he rarely let anyone see: a man who is strong but also deeply, fiercely protective of the people he loves.

Especially you.

Suguru Geto

The afternoon sunlight filters through the curtains when you sit on the couch, folding the last of the baby clothes that Suguru insisted on organizing earlier that morning. You smile to yourself, thinking about how fussy he was, making sure everything was in its place for the baby’s arrival.

You feel a twinge in your lower abdomen, brushing it off as one of the many discomforts that accompanied the last few weeks of pregnancy. But the pain returns just a few seconds later, sharper this time. Your face turns pale when realization hits you with full force.

This isn’t just another cramp. Those are contractions.

“Suguru…” you call out, trying to keep your voice steady as another wave of pain washes over you.

Panic starts to creep in, even though you try to push it down. You need to stay calm, need to make your way to the hospital to finally deliver that baby.

Suguru appears in the doorway almost instantly, his usually serene expression replaced with pure concern as he crosses the room to your side.

“What is it? Are you alright?” he asks with gentle and yet tensioned voice.

“I think it’s time,” you whisper, clutching your belly when another contraction hit, more intense than the last.

“I think… I’m in labor.”

Labor.

For a moment, Suguru’s eyes widen, a rare flash of panic crossing his features. But as quickly as it came, it vanishes into his usual calm composure.

He kneels beside you, taking your hand in his, his thumb brushing soothing circles against your skin.

“Alright,” he replies softly, his voice like a balm to your frayed nerves.

“We’ll get through this. Let me get everything ready.”

Suguru stands and moves with a quiet efficiency, grabbing the hospital bag and making sure you have everything you need. You watch him, your heart swelling with love and gratitude for this man who, despite the panic of the situation, is doing everything he can to keep you calm.

Until another contraction hits you like a truck.

He’s back at your side in no time, helping you to your feet with a gentle touch.

“Lean on me,” he instructs softly, wrapping an arm around your waist to support you while you make your way to the car.

The drive to the hospital is surreal. Suguru’s hand never leaves yours, his presence a constant source of comfort. He speaks softly to you the entire time, his voice a steady rhythm that you can focus on, grounding you through coming and going contractions.

“You’re doing amazing,” he repeats over and over, his tone filled with quiet admiration.

You try to focus on his words, his calm demeanor helping to ease some of your anxiety. Suguru is always the calm in your storm, the one who can bring you back to center no matter how chaotic things are. And now, when the reality of labor starts to set in, you are more grateful than ever for his steady presence.

When you arrived at the hospital, Suguru springs into action immediately, helping you out of the car and into a wheelchair with the same gentle care he always shows. He stays close as the nurses wheel you into the delivery room, his hand never leaving yours.

As the contractions grow stronger, you find yourself gripping his hand tighter, your breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. Suguru is right there with you, his voice a constant source of comfort.

“Breathe, love,” he whispers, his tone soothing.

“You’re doing so well.”

Despite the pain you find yourself focusing on his voice, letting it guide you through each contraction. Suguru’s presence is like a lifeline, grounding you in the midst of the pain and chaos. He always remains close, his forehead resting gently against yours as he whispers words of encouragement in your ear.

“You’re almost there,” he murmurs softly.

“Just a little more, and we’ll meet our baby.”

As the final push comes, you could feel Suguru’s grip on your hand tighten, his breath catching in his throat while watching you bring your child into the world. Within the next second, the sound of your baby’s first cry fills the room, and the first thing you see are tears glistening in Suguru’s eyes.

“You did it,” he breathes out, his voice thick with emotion as he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“You’re incredible.”

The nurse places your baby in your arms and Suguru’s hand comes to rest gently on the tiny head, his expression softening as he looks down at your child.

“Welcome to the world,” he whispers, his voice filled with so much love for that little creature that makes your heart swell.

Satoru Gojo

You are lounging on the couch, trying to find a comfortable position, which honestly seems impossible at this stage of pregnancy. Satoru is in the kitchen, probably making another one of his infamous midnight snacks. The two of you spent the day preparing for the baby’s arrival, but you didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

Out of nowhere, a sharp pain shoots through your abdomen, stealing your breath. You hold onto your belly, realization dawning on you as the pain increases more and more.

“Satoru!” you call out, your voice laced with urgency.

Almost instantly, Satoru appears in the doorway, a sandwich in one hand and a look of confusion on his face.

“What’s up?” he asks casually.

But when he sees the expression on your face, his carefree demeanor falters in an instant.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I think… I think it’s time,” you manage to press out, your voice trembling as another contraction hits.

You see the color drain from his face for a split second before his usual grin appears bac on his face.

“Oh, it’s go time!” he exclaims, dropping the sandwich onto the counter and rushing over to you.

“Alright, don’t worry, babe. I’ve got this. I’ll just finish that sandwich later,”

You can’t help but laugh despite the pain.

“You…You really think about that sandwich now?”

 He helps you to your feet, his hands warm and steady as he guides you toward the door.

“Sure babe. Just breathe, okay? I’ll have you at the hospital in no time.”

He scoops you up with ease, carrying you to the car like you weigh nothing. As he settles you into the passenger seat, he is all smiles, though you could see the flicker of nervousness in his eyes.

“You ready for this?” he questions, his voice filled with excitement.

The drive to the hospital is a blur of lights and Satoru’s voice, a constant stream of chatter meant to distract you from the pain and Backstreet Boys crying out of the radio. He weaves through traffic with an ease that only he can manage, glancing over at you every few seconds while humming.

“You’re doing amazing, babe. Just keep breathing.”

You squeeze his hand tightly, trying to focus on his voice as another contraction hits. Satoru’s grip tightens in response, and you can see the concern creeping into his usually carefree expression.

But he still keeps talking, trying to keep you calm with jokes, stories and boy bands, anything to make you smile.

When you finally arrive at the hospital, Satoru is out of the car in a flash, helping you out and into a wheelchair with a surprising amount of gentleness. He holds your hand tightly as the nurses wheel you inside.

In the delivery room, Satoru stays by your side, his usual humor tempered by a seriousness you rarely saw.

“You’ve got this,” he whispers, brushing a strand of hair from your face while you brace for another contraction.

“You’re the strongest person I know.”

Despite the pain, you manage a small smile. You, the strongest?

“No, you’re the strongest”, you press out.

He simply beams down at you while shrugging in a playful way. Satoru might joke around a lot, but in moments like this, you know you can count on him to be there for you.

As the labor progresses, you find yourself leaning on him more and more, his voice the only thing grounding you through the pain. Satoru’s grip on your hand never wavers, even when you squeeze it hard enough to leave marks.

“Just a little more, babe,” he purrs, his forehead pressed against yours as he helps you through the final push.

“You’re almost there.”

When your baby’s cries finally fill the room, you see the tension leave Satoru’s body all at once. He looks down at you, a wide grin spreading across his face, his eyes shining with tears he will never admit to.

“We did it,” he whispers, his voice choked with emotion.

As the nurse placed your baby in your arms, Satoru’s hand comes to rest gently on the tiny head, his expression one of pure awe.

“Hey there, little one,” he hushes softly.

You looked up at him, tears in your own eyes when you see the way he looks at your child:

With all the love and devotion he usually tries to hide behind jokes and smiles.

In that moment, you know that Satoru will be the best father, just as he’s the best partner.

“Now…are you in the mood for a sandwich?”

“Babies aren’t allowed to eat sandwiches, idiot.”

Ryomen Sukuna

You are lying in bed like you did those pasts days, trying to ignore the discomfort nagged at you all day. Ryomen Sukuna sits across the room, his crimson eyes watching you with a mixture of boredom and curiosity.

He was never one to show much concern, but you noticed the way his gaze had lingered on you more often as your due date approached.

Then, without warning, a sharp, intense pain shoots through your abdomen, making you gasp. You clutch at your belly, the realization hitting you hard.

“Sukuna…” you manage to whisper, your voice strained.

He’s by your side in an instant, faster than you ever saw him move.

“What is it?” he questions, his voice low and dangerous, as if he’s ready to eliminate whatever was causing you pain.

“I think… I think it’s happening,” you press out, trying to keep your voice steady as another contraction hits.

“The baby is coming.”

For a moment, Sukuna’s eyes narrow, his usual arrogance replaced by something you can’t quite place.

“So, it begins,” he mutters more to himself than to you.

Without another word, he lifts you into his arms, his grip firm but surprisingly gentle.

“You’re not going to die from this, are you?” he comments, a hint of irritation in his voice, though you know him well enough to recognize the concern beneath it.

You manage a weak smile.

“No, I’m not going to die.”

“Good,” he mutters, his tone gruff as he carries you out of the room.

“I won’t tolerate weakness from the woman birthing my child.”

Despite his harsh words, you can feel the tension in his body radiating from his firm muscles, the way his grip tightens ever so slightly when you wince in pain. Sukuna was always a creature of power and control, and the fact that he can’t do anything to stop your pain seems to frustrate him.

How ironic.

He carries you outside, where a car waits - something he arranged without you even realizing it. Sukuna isn’t usually one to rely on human conveniences, but for you, he obviously made an exception.

“A car?”

“Shut up, brat. Teleporting us into the hospital might be too dangerous. I…I don’t know much about a pregnancy…”

“I can tell that.”

The drive to the hospital is silent, save for the sound of your labored breathing and the occasional growl from Sukuna when you tense in pain. He sits beside you, his eyes never leaving your face, watching you with an intensity that borders on obsessive.

When you finally arrived at the hospital, Sukuna carries you inside, ignoring the shocked looks from the staff as he barks orders at them. His presence is intimidating, and no one dares question him as he demands the best care for you.

In the delivery room, Sukuna stays close, his usual arrogance tempered by something you rarely saw in him - worry.

“You’re stronger than this,” he tells you, his voice low and commanding as you fight through another contraction.

“You will not be defeated by something as trivial as childbirth.”

His words are harsh, but you can hear the underlying concern, the way his eyes soften ever so slightly when you cry out in pain. Sukuna was never one to show weakness, but in this moment, you can see that he’s in fact afraid. Afraid of losing you, afraid of something happening that he can’t control. Him, the king of curses, not in charge for this situation?

As the labor progresses, you find yourself relying on his strength, his presence a strange comfort in the midst of the pain. Sukuna’s hand find yours, his grip firm and unyielding, as if he tries to share his power with you, to keep you grounded in the storm of pain that washes over you.

“You will get through this,” he growls, his voice filled with an authority that doesn’t allow another argument.

“You are mine, and I will not let anything happen to you.”

When the final push comes, you can feel Sukuna’s grip tighten, his breath hitching as your baby’s cries echo through the room. He looks down at you, his eyes wide with something that might be shock. Or perhaps awe? You are too exhausted and filled with emotions to care.

“You did it,” he murmurs, his voice uncharacteristically soft as he looks at the tiny, wriggling form in your arms.

“You really did it.”

For a moment, Sukuna is silent, staring down at the baby with an expression you’ve never seen before - an almost hesitant curiosity.

Slowly and hesitating, he reached out, his large hand resting gently on the baby’s dark head.

“This… is ours,” he mutters, his voice filled with a strange mix of pride and possessiveness.

You nod, tears filling your eyes as you looked up at him.

“Yes, ours.”

He might be the king of curses, a being of immense power and cruelty, but in this moment, he is also a father, and you know that he’ll protect you and your child with everything he has.

Tags:

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@okay-it-is-ivy @paridoliaaa

[mothiepixie]

New Ties

Uhhhh, idk I kinda indulged in how Motti met Pirate Nightmare

------

From the time Motti was of age to marry, she had many suitors. One right after the other, her parents would arrange an engagement and Motti personally made it her mission to sabotage every last one.

In the beginning it was merely setting up the suitors to look poorly amongst the peers. That worked for a while until Motti's father was starting to get suspicious, and so Motti had to get more creative.

Tars and feathers in their luggage.

Pretending to have smallpox.

Croaking like a toad when asked to sing.

All of which was only done in front of the suitor or behind closed doors.

Motti refused to be married off as if she was property. Which in hindsight, she might as well have been. In her father's eyes she was a well bred dog. Prim and groomed to the highest pedigree.

At least that is what he hoped.

Motti was as wild as her wavy red hair. Being an only child, her Father did not want Motti to fall short of any subject. However, his wishes fell on death's doors when he poured all his resources and Motti only chose to excel in the Arts, Archery and shooting sports.

Motti showed great talent being a sharpshooter and was often taken on hunts with her Father. At least, until he deemed Motti needing to be more ladylike the older she got.

But now, Motti found herself going on fewer hunts. Fewer days where she felt her Father cared for her anymore as his child and not a coin to be bargained for.

Agitated and feeling dehumanized that her value of a person was whittling down each year because of failed engagements.

And so when Motti heard the gossip of another suitor coming to the manor to seek her hand, she was ready to set course of her usual plans to ruin it. However, the name of the man had a reputation for being cruel and vile all the while mysteriously losing three spouses to influenza.

Motti wasn't a fool. She could be rash, excitable and sometimes naive, sure. But deep inside her soul when she heard his name, Motti knew that if she married him, she would become the fourth spouse who died of mysterious circumstances.

On the day of his arrival, Motti waited patiently for the maids to leave her quarters just long enough for her to strip out of her fine gown and into something easier to move about in.

She strapped her pistol to her thigh and hid it under her skirt. Her hair usually kept up, she braided her hair to run along her back. She tried her best to look as much as a commoner as possible and giving a once over in the mirror, she resolved herself to continue out.

She snuck out from the second floor window and clambered down the vines and made her way out of the estate. With only a sack of shillings and the clothes on her back, Motti was determined to never return to the manor.

There was a sort of exhilaration that swarmed the inside of Motti's chest the further she got from the manor and into the dirty town just before the ports.

Dusk was already beginning to settle by the time she hit the center of the dingy and muck filled streets. Motti continued forth, just far enough to head to the cheapest Inn to reside in for the night. This Inn being where she knew that her Father wouldn't even think to step inside in fear of contracting a disease just by breathing in commoners' air.

She ignored the many cat calls from drunken sailors, regular men and monsters. She kept her wits about her from pickpockets. It wasn't the first time she had snuck away, in all her years, she knew this town like the back of her hand.

And yet as she rounded a corner, she came across a quarrel. Four men surrounding a large monster. The monster looked like a skeleton made from tar, underneath his bones and joints glowed a brilliant aquamarine just like his singular eyelight. His clothing definitely indicated he was a pirate, a handsome one at that, Motti mused to herself.

There was a part of her wanted to walk away, he could handle himself, right? She tried to wander onwards, but she could barely take two steps. What kind of person would she be if she clearly left? She didn't find it fair that there were four against one. She could be backup… if needed, right? Perhaps foolish, she told herself, she couldn't lose her life over someone she didn't know.

Just as she was about to walk away the skeleton monster chuckled a chuckle so deep that it reverberated within Motti's chest. It felt like her soul was set aflame and her head felt incredibly light.

However, his baritone chuckle only seemed to enrage the others, unlike her.

"A fine night, gentlemen." His grin stretched across his face, peering down at the much smaller beings. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

The four men bristled but held their ground. "Ya know what we fuckin' came for, ya fuckin' jipped us. Stole ta whole pool with fake die, ya cesspool!" One of the men barked, his fat mead belly jiggling as he yelled.

"Ah." The skeleton monster hummed almost joyously as the men's rage grew. Leaning back, the monster held his large belt, "How do ye know it was fake?"

Another man with one eye threw the die down to the cobbled floor. It landed perfectly on 6s. He kicked it and it once again landed perfectly on 6s.

The pirate's grin grew as if holding back from the worst joke he only found funny. "Oops."

The men shook with rage and each drew out knives or swords and held it to his neck. The pirate's looked more thrilled by the second and as one of the men went to take a stab just when gunshot went off.

The mead belly man stumbled, looking down at his heart. Blood began to pool under his shirt and he slowly, and clumsily, turned around to spot Motti holding her pistol.

The grungy man fell to the ground and it took another moment for the other men to shake out of their stun state, which Motti took advantage of. Faster than they could comprehend, she shot the three men between the eyes.

They ceremoniously fell one right after the other and surrounded the skeleton monster like a bleeding threshold.

There was a loud silence that befell the remaining two in this alley. At least just before the skeleton monster let out a howling laughter. Motti was once again overcome with the deep tones of his laugh.

The pirate stepped on the dead men as he made his way to Motti. She took note of their height differences and it made her stomach do jumps.

She put away her pistol as he finally approached. He noticed. "Not an ounce of fear in ye, huh? Quite intriguing. A pretty little pistol for a pretty little lass. Where didja get such expensive weaponry?" He went to run one of his fingers along her chin and Motti stepped back.

"It's not polite to touch a lady." Motti jested, smirking, "Especially to one that just saved yer hide." She held out her hand in a teasing gesture, "A proper introduction for yer savior? Then maybe this little lass will tell."

He barked out another deep laugh, but grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles. A shiver ran along her arm up into her shoulder before it jittered across her body. She noticed he paused too, a slight quirk in his boney brow. Perhaps he felt that too?

Not once letting go of her hand, his deep voice spoke, "Shan't disgrace me savior, indeed. Do me the pleasure of calling me Nightmare."

"Nightmare?" Motti spoke incredulously, "What kind of name is that?"

Nightmare smirked, his fingers curling around her smaller hand as he leaned closer to her face,"Perhaps if me savior gives their name, I'll tell her how I got it."

It was Motti's turn to laugh, "Fair point." She huffed between laughs, "Name's Motti."

"What kind of name is that?" He jest, standing up to peer down at her from his nose.

She rolled her eyes, "Supposed I walked into that one."

"Ye really did."

Motti burst another laugh before shaking her head. "It has been quite nice to meet ya, Nightmare. It was good timing when I arrived."

He cocked his head to the side, "Yer not at all concerned ya just did away with four men?"

"Can't have much pity for those who already wanted to kill." She knitted her brows, "Ain't a fair fight, four against one."

He gave Motti a long look before he leaned down nose to nose. "I think I've taken a likin' to ya, little lass."

"Is that so?" Motti's breath nearly hitched at the close proximity. "Perhaps, we shall see each other again?"

Nightmare smirked, "Aye. Sooner than ye think. As for now," His hands reached for her face and brushed the back of his joints against her cheeks before sliding down her neck and behind her.

With a quick swipe of his sharp phalanges, he lopped off her braid. Motti gasped as he stood back up and she grabbed at the back of her head. He brought the braid up to his maxilla and lightly brushed it against like a kiss. Motti didn't know whether to feel flustered or angry.

He chuckled again, his eyes lowering and drinking in her flustered state, "A momento from me savior and a reminder that I owe ye me life." His tone was playful, and heavy with implications.

Motti wasn't sure if she really was owed such a thing since it was all out of instinct and her own morals, but her inside was swarmed with butterflies that she couldn't really think much into it.

Nightmare braided the chopped off end of her braid and tightened it with rope. He then tied it to his belt and patted it like a job well done. He stepped around her and she followed.

"Ah-" Motti began, but felt her tongue fail her. She stilled her resolve, "T-than I should have something of fair trade."

Nightmare paused mid step and looked over his shoulder, "Throw upon light on me, lass."

Motti held out her hand with a stern look, "A momento from the one I saved." Her cheeks flushed, feeling foolish, but when would she ever see him again? "Something that ties ye to me. S-so we will meet again."

"Ties, ya say?" He parroted, turning on his heel and once again making Motti take him in at how much larger this monster was compared to her. He stood just centimeters from her and gave her a once over before he ran a hand down her left arm and picked her hand up to his teeth.

Taking her fourth finger and biting it just enough it breached skin, Motti gasped and seethed, instinctively trying to pull her hand away. Nightmare had a firm grip and clasped his hand to envelop hers. He squeezed and Motti could feel a burning sensation that instantly cooled.

During the whole ordeal, he never broke eye contact. Motti took her hand back, a little flabbergasted. This pirate not only cut her hair but now bit her like a wild animal.

She would have been upset if some part of her wasn't enthralled by it. Looking down at her hand, her fourth finger now adorned what looked like a black ring that wrapped around her finger to look like a crescent moon.

She couldn't help but notice that some of the intricate details looked like a part of her skin, but he didn't give her much time to think as he lifted her chin to look at him.

"Satisfied, Savior?" He smirked. His thumb flicked across her bottom lip. "Like I said, lass. I taken' a likin' to ye." He stood tall, gave one last smirk at her flustered state and turned on his heel, he waved over his shoulder, "Get yer belongings and meet me back here in the morn."

"W-what?" Motti blinked, fingers running over her new ring absent-mindedly.

Without turning back to face her, his deep voice reverberated in her chest, "Got to make preparations for me savior." And with that he was out of view.

Motti's heart drummed against her ribcage, feelings swirling about. Exhilaration, confusion, and a bit of fear but excitement. Although the interaction left her with less hair and new jewelry, part of her basked in the thrill.

[neonpigeons]

really depressive shit idk.

struggling with the fact that because I've been so badly depressed for so long, I fear I'm always going to be passively suicidal no matter what I do. I thought I had shaken it but this past year has been awful and I feel like I'm forever stuck in the mindset of "I can't imagine a good future, I have no hope, I didn't think I'd get this far, I have no worth as a person, I just don't want to exist anymore, I feel incompatible with life" etc etc. I'm almost 30 but I'm still. Like This. it's fucking stupid and I hate myself so much.

accidentally let slip at my primary care doctor while doing a mental health assessment that I do sometimes think about it/harming myself. and they made me sign a contract that said. I wouldn't kill myself. I almost laughed, like it was so surreal. I still can't believe it. they wanted me to seek therapy but I had a bad experience with it before and I struggle to imagine any sort of success with it as so many treatments have failed this far.

to be clear I'm not going to off myself. I'm a coward and I couldn't make my loved ones go through that. I'm just tired. and so burnt out from life. constantly. I'll continue to take my meds and maybe when they increase the dosage it'll help. who knows. who fucking knows. I'll keep going but I won't be happy about it. maybe something will work one day.

[fatuismooches]

whats up pookie bear

I KNOW KNOWWWW I JUST SENT IN LIKE. SO MUCH FUCKING ASKS and im guilty im sorry feel free to ignore for a while them if you're getting annoyed 👍. but anways it's time for me to be annoying for the last time because i will hide away in shame 😭😭😭😭

i dont think people talk enough how dottore being in love, or his thoughs when he's in love or whatever.

LIKE YEAH, they've talked about it. but i wanna really just. IDK... more like, how i view it LMAOOO 💀💀

i just like to think that, there's just instances where he's so fucking in love with you, and that oh, he really needs you in his life and if you leave him it'd be like a shot through the heart. like he'd never be whole again, you know?

HEAR ME OUT,,😭😭

deep in his heart, he hopes you're not afraid of him, you know? that you're not like the rest of them—whispering behind his back, giving him fearful looks when he hasn't done anything. he's do grateful that you see him as a friend, not some fucking freak like everyone makes him to be. but monsters get treated like one, so when his village started grabbing pitchforks n torches, telling him to leave and go away,,, his eyes immediately looked for you amongst the crowd,,,, to see if you were one of them,, afraid of something they didn't understand,, something they didn't care to understand,,, n it was probably the first time he has ever truly felt fear, his heart pounding as he tries to dodge the fire being thrown at him, heat licking his skin,,, but then he sees you, looking around frantically with a bag on your shoulder,, and when you see him, you grabbed his hand and ran away together,, running and running as far as you could,,,

n honestly, all zandik could think about is how your hand fits so perfectly in his... intertwined,, feeling the texture of your hand as you ran together into the unknown...

thinking about how domestic you two were back at the akademiya n how living alone with you was so much better. he felt soo light on his feet when you're around, like youre constantly bringing him up to the clouds... he's so used to people giving him dirty looks, but you?? oh gods you just look at him so kindly, like he hasn't done things that the akademiya deems immoral and forbidden. as if he hasn't shown you his ideas that would be vile and inhumane to others,, u smile, n you laugh, and suddenly he finds himself thinking about how much you brighten your shared dorm room when you smile,, and how much he has grown to adore it,, he wanna hold your face to feel how your muscles flex and contracts whenever you smile and talk to him. he wants to count your teeth and feel them on his fingertips,, and it may be odd to others, but oh this.. this just means he's super into you. like he wants to study the entirety of your being,,. n its all because he's so curious and interested,, he wanna know more about you,,,he'd have xrays of you, memorizing your bone structure and how they all look individually n thinks its romantic when he digs his fingers onto your skin n tell you what bone he's feeling.

he compares it to when you cook for him 😭💗 like how you know all his favorites, and how he wants his food to be cooked, what temperature, texture and flavor,, like baby no, its not. but hey, its zandik and he's really trying hard to be romantic in his own way.

he thinks you're so pretty when you speak up for yourself, unlike him, who'd rather stay silent because he needed to keep a low profile after his offenses to the akademiya. you're not scared of getting your hands dirty, especially for zandik. you didn't fight a senior without a good reason (they were calling zandik a freak). and he loves how the dark crimson of the senior's blood smeared all over your reddening, and bruising knuckles looked. n as much as he loves seeing you smile, he loves the way your brows furrow in anger, eyes sharp as you punch your senior in his face,, and he feels goosebumps forming on his forearms when you grab on his collar and yell profanities at hi,,, n then when you look at zandik to check if he's okay, he's zoned out, but he's staring at you with flushed cheeks and heart in his eyes,, n he thinks ur sooo cute when you get flustered because of it, laughing sheepishly and rubbing the back of your neck. u get suspended for a few days n zandik was absent until you were able to go back to classes.

or when you go for expeditions w/o him cuz youre in diff darshans,, it feels so empty w/o you, and he can't imagine a life w/o you at that point. he gets so unmotivated and he's suddenly he's counting the ways, hours, minutes, and seconds until you're back>.. n when you extend for a week longer??? oh he's wallowing in pain and misery cuz ur not there to yell at him for not having a proper sleep schedule, or to remind him to eat at least twice or once a day, or to tell him that he's your pretty bf and that you love him, or there to hold him, or listen to him rant about his research...,, w/o you his life feels like a constant itch he can't scratch for some reason and he HATTTESS how being in love with you makes him feel so stupid like. w/o you, no distractions,!! he can do his research without you nagging but,, he misses it sooo soo much!!,, (he never tells you he misses you, but it's so obvious by the way he clings onto you so tightly when you finally cuddle after weeks of separation or how he refuses for you to leave his side for more than a minute, or if you have another expedition to do ,,, he'd literally fight the people telling you to join or his professors lMAOOO

it feels nice to just, look onwards and know that you'll be right behind him,, because you'd always have his back,, and after years and years of being with him and teaching him how to love,, he's proud to say that he'd do the same with you!

literally has piles and piles of research papers thats either all about you (your vitals, his notes of his observations (which is literally just talking about you like a love sick girl would in her diary about her crush), and probably other notes to keep an eye on your health), or himself (why he feels this way, what is the effects, etc etc). and he can never get a clear answer really,, all he does is observe, and think,, because fuck, no matter how hard he tries, loving you has to be one of the things he will never figure out,, you he doesn't have to, you know? you always tell him that, but he's a scholar, he has to! so the files pile up higher and higher... he's so endearing like that idk about you 😭😭😭

so happy you're with him in the fatui. i dont think he could handle his descent to madness w/o you in his life 😭💗

okay so i just ended up rambling 😡nvm LMAOO 😭😭💔 anyways uhh my head started hurtnng so thats alll HAVE A GOOD DAY SMOOCHES,, finally fluff for you

Kai thought he could drop this absolute masterpiece and we wouldn't notice 💀 LITERALLY SHUSHH OH YM GOSH THIS IS SOOOO GOOD I WAS SMILING SO HARD LIKE AN IDIOT HRAHHHH DDBJWDND COME BACK RN YOU'RE NOT ANNOYING. Because omfg,,, you're literally being so real right now, we need to talk about how much Dottore is in love with you, sure he can frequently be a rude ass sometimes but don't let that fool you into thinking he's not down bad for you... i just know that he's literally completely and utterly obsessed with every part of you. IBDWUIDWUD FUCK YOU WORDED WHAT I THINK SO PERFECTLY. There's a reason why he's so possessive over you. Why even when you two get into arguments, even if they take long af to resolve because he's also hella stubborn, they're going to get fixed eventually. Among other things. It's because he really does need you there by his side and if he didn't have you he doesn't know what the hell he would do. (Or his segments. No work would be done.) HEARING YOU OUT LOUD AND CLEAR POOKIE.

Oh gosh yes, it hurts my heart to think child Zandik would have to think such depressing thoughts but mhm. He definitely does. He's only a child. He can't help but worry. Sure you're his friend, sure he repeats all the times you were nice and kind to him in his head, but sometimes it does little to reassure him of your intentions. Maybe you're just as scared of him like everyone else and this is just some elaborate game you're playing with him. Though Zandik knows it's not true, he knows you're sincere, but every now and then the idea pops up in the back of his mind and it takes ages to get it out again. But on that day when everything changed, when nothing would be the same ever again all those thoughts immediately bubbled back up to the surface and Zandik wondered if this would be the end of the two of you. If this would be the time when you finally showed your true colors. And despite the world being against him he found that you were still with him, without an ounce of hesitation present in you. Despite everything, he felt relief.

Oh my gosh i love writing and reading the crazy unethical completely undomestic doctor man as being domestic with you. As time goes on and further away from that event, he would feel significantly more relaxed. You two would fall into a sort of routine, attending classes and doing group projects, whining about professors and ending the day off with you falling asleep to Zandik's tinkering in the background, and of course the research expeditions you two do together. I also believe the word "home" doesn't have any meaning to him nor does he care for it for obvious reasons, he doesn't consider anywhere his "home" nor does he have an emotional connection to it, but... with you, he feels the most comfortable, which is something. But that's what home is anyway, isn't it? And though he'll never say or perhaps even realize it, you'll always be the first to accept that Zandik is your home, the two outcasts who were thrown out together who have nothing but each other.

REALLLL i love how we all just agree that a part of his love language is just like, inspecting and examining you. Zandik wants to know every inch of your body better than you know it yourself. Yea it's a bit strange when he brings up a beauty mark on your body that you didn't even know you had yourself or when he shows you pictures of your bones to show how healthy and strong you are or analyzes a strand of hair he probably plucked from you while you were sleeping but how else is he supposed to show his love!! He doesn't understand why you look so 😧 in the beginning! He adores you so much that he's going out of his way to give you the utmost most in-depth examination and memorize all of it easily! He doesn't even know this much about his own body. HELP Dottore making horrible analogies is so him... but it's okay because soon enough when you see how serious he's being about it you start to find it pretty cute and endearing... we love a bf who tries his best.

I can't im literally exploding from all of these points... they're canon fr he would so love when you don't take shit from anyone, I mean why would you anyway? You're so obviously better than them so you shouldn't take poor treatment from anyone (he wouldn't allow it either, even though he does keep a low profile he will find a way to get back at anyone who dares to hurt or talk badly about you.) And omg yes,, there is no doubt in my mind he would find it so hot when you injure others. He loves the way the look in your eye changes to as if you're looking at nothing else besides a piece of trash. Your figure looks so hypnotizing when you're standing over your victim,,, when you casually leave and apologize for wasting time like it's a normal regular day,, that sweet smile back on your face,, and I guess you actually helped him out a bit because people talk less about him now solely because of the chance they might get beat by you.

UGH YES Zandik would definitely think he'd be fine without you, he doesn't need you that much, he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself! In fact, he could probably get some more work done without you bothering him every five seconds. Well, he's dead wrong. Everything just seems to annoy Zandik without you. You cooked some food to keep him fed for a few days but once it's done it really sets in that now he has to make his own food which tastes like shit compared to yours. He's put into a group project but you're not his partner because you're out on the expedition. He's already accidentally broken a few mechanical parts because the room is far too quiet without your voice. He's getting less sleep because you're not there to force him under the cover. He's less productive and he has no one to rant or go off on tangents to so now he's bottling too much things inside. Everything is just so bad and suddenly he's calculating the various amounts of time until you come back which is making Zandik tear his hair out. How dare you do this to him. This is disgusting behavior. In no way should he be so needy for you! He's honestly pissed at both himself and you. He wonders if you feel the same way he does right now or if he's really just a complete idiot. Oh but of course, he refuses to let go for once when you get back, he is not doing that shit ever again nor are you.

And as much as he hates it, the scientist part of him just finds it interesting how much smoothly things run when you're around again. You and your influences need to be studied further. And oh does he study. The filled-to-the-brim notebooks and papers say it all. You think he's reciting the universe's history with how much he writes. You tell him that he doesn't need to understand, some things in life are things you just know, but no. Zandik simply can't accept such an ideology. He must know exactly every single detail. If he can find the answer to godhood he can find the answer for love. You don't think that day will ever come, but you have fun watching your lover pore so many hours into this task.

Overall, he is really your sweet bf (and soon husband tbh) ily for this Kai. <333

[zooophagous]

Hi! I'm here from a popular post of yours about humanity's love for sheep and saw you were a sheep caretaker. This is a job i really want to do. That said i am extremely frail (i have no disability that i know of, but it still sucks) and fear that the job might be too physical for me. I cant find any resource detailing the average day of a sheep caretaker in my native language except for websites trying to hire. So i guess my question is... what does your day look like (or can you get accomodations of sorts, like focusing on milking the sheep idk)! I am really motivated and ready to accept a part time job but if i knew i could manage with a full time contract i would love to get that extra money lmfao

Hi friend. I'm glad the post inspired you to love sheep as much as I do.

I will preface this with a very important distinction: my sheep were petting zoo sheep. It was a very small managed herd in a relatively small area that was kept immaculately clean.

These sheep had lots of 1 on 1 time with humans and saw caretakers as a source of food and safety. A commercial sheep operation has the potential to be VERY different.

Range sheep are often barely handled except to be given vetting on a tight schedule, and otherwise live in large flocks outside where they don't directly interact with people on a daily basis. These range sheep can be semi feral and not at ALL cooperative like a small herd of sheep managed by a hands on shepherd like what you might see on, say, a smaller farm or just for fun operation.

So suffice to say, if you're working with a very large herd of range sheep, your experience will differ from my experience with my Jacob's sheep pals who saw me every day and got hands on messing with several times a day.

I know exactly how you feel with being frail. I've never been a strong person and I have a low heat tolerance. Farm work, even on a petting zoo setting, is always going to be very hard work.

My day consisted of raking out the sheep pens daily, including sweeping out any old hay or straw and replacing as needed. The entire pen, even the outdoor areas, was cleaned. I would then feed the sheep (a hay bag with approximately 5 pounds of hay per sheep) and water the sheep (five gallon bucket which had to be dumped and refilled and carried back to the pen by hand)

I also gave the sheep enrichment items such as branches or small pieces of fruit. Old enrichment items had to be removed and reusable items like balls or toys had to be cleaned. Reusable items would be taken back to the dish station far away from the pens, scrubbed, and returned.

In addition, I would also take the sheep waste in a large trash bin to the compost heap with the help of a small tractor. The waste bin containing the droppings and old hay could weigh anywhere between 15 to 40 pounds depending on how much water waste got into the hay that day. This bucket had to be loaded by hand into the back of the compost tractor.

These tasks would continue every day no matter what weather. Our weather here is highly variable and can range from 100F in summer to -50F in winter.

It is a very physically demanding job to care for a petting zoo, and while I was often physically exhausted, I did also gain quite a bit of muscle from the experience and by the end of my time there I had more strength and endurance than when I had started.

Keep in mind, if you were to get a position similar to mine, you would be dealing with more than just sheep. I was also personally responsible for horses, cattle, goats, chickens, rabbits, alpacas and a giant sulcata tortoise. So you will be doing all of the same stuff you did for those sheep for the other animals in your care, and if you get big ones like cows, the weight limit goes up. I often had fifty pounds or more of cow waste alone. And that too was loaded by hand.

My animals were friendly and a joy to take care of, but the level of cleanliness demanded by the facility meant that the work done was very messy and had lots of lifting.

If you work with range sheep, you probably won't be scooping poop with a rake while a friendly lamb bothers you for attention. You may be physically pinning an angry ewe nearly as big as you are in a pen to force feed her an antibiotic while she tries to smash you. You may be herding sheep on a four wheeler. You may be assisting with births and expected to perform procedures such as banding, docking or mulesing.

If that level of activity is off putting, you may be able to find some fulfillment in volunteering for a livestock rescue or even working part time at a livestock auction house. If you're strong enough to manhandle a sheep you could even learn to shear. But regrettably there isn't any physically easy way to care for sheep that I am aware of.

I hope this helps you get a feel for the level of activity you'd expect in a similar role. Livestock animals are very fun and rewarding despite the effort they take. I hope to own my own small herd of Jacob's sheep as pets and pasture ornaments some day.

[fivekrystalpetals]

I haven't really written anything about Noise but Retrace 97 compelled me to write something about her because, by god, of all characters, Noise died the loneliest death ;-;

Break died surrounded by his friends and family. Oscar died after seeing off his kids. Even Fang got a chance to apologize to his family as he was dying. (Elliot's is another matter--but at the least, he got a conclusive death. He wanted to be the one to crack the mystery of his family's serial killing which he did and he died next to his best friend and his big brother. His death continued to be grieved by people who cared about him up until the end.)

But Noise? Yes, Oz was there while her body was breaking apart but..... he was not there for Noise--he was there for Echo. And, Ada came all the way into the Past Sablier to be there for Vincent.

But... Noise.....??

to be honest, isn't that how it's always been? Right from the beginning, nobody was ever there for Noise... this poor girl who became an anomaly because she couldn't control her chain properly, who became a Baskerville but could neither fully become one nor return to being a human either, who couldn't even sleep because her chain might take control of her body and go on a rampage, who was locked up in an underground cellar, this girl who forgot her own name because her mind was so Noisy...

In spite of all her suffering, she still used to have a kind heart before she lost all sense of self. She still looked out for Vincent in whatever way she could:

You can actually feel the loneliness radiating off her in this panel; she doesn't feel included anywhere--she is still in the dark while Vincent has been pulled out into the light by his new friends.

Yes, it is toxic of her wanting to keep Vincent to herself and trying to kill him as soon as he finds new friends in a if-I-can't-have-you-then-no-one-can way.... but both her heart as well as her mind were already completely broken at this point. All she remembers is that slight feeling of protectiveness that got twisted to being possessive over him; she wanted to continue taking care of him in her own way even if she forgot what their original relationship was like.

I actually wanted to talk about this panel too (Retrace 91):

(Let me just set aside the context that Noise is actively trying to kill Ada and Ada is trying to buy time by talking because I want to talk about their words.)

Noise says Ada shouldn't pretend like she knows everything about Vincent and Noise, which is true in a way.... Because, you see, and as much as I love Ada, I still have to admit Ada is selective in what she is trying to figure out. She wants to know more about Vincent, not Noise. She doesn't know (and probably never will) that Noise was once a good onee-san to Vincent and his only true friend when he was surrounded by manipulative adults. So, I don't think Ada is the best person to give an opinion about Noise and Vincent's history when she hardly knows anything about them?

Again, I agree with what she says. Not knowing everything is not a crime, you can always learn things later on; yes, it's true but this line:

You're being criminal by being judgemental without even trying to understand!!

--honestly, applies to Ada too? Because Ada is also being judgemental about Noise without understanding her at all. Ada (and Oz and others too, for that matter) believe that Echo is the 'kind' personality while Noise is the mindless killer personality that takes over Echo.

When, in fact, it's the other way round. It's because of the power of the Abyss (and so, indirectly her chain) that Noise started losing her mind in the first place. Her mind was filled with so much noise that she feared and had dreams of turning into a monster (idk if her mental deterioration was already present before her contract) but I do know Doldum/Duldee (Echos) was only making the matter worse. Yes, all the Echos tried to protect her heart by preserving some of her memories bit by bit but.... wasn't it also because of the chain from the Abyss that she has been suffering all along?

See, again, Ada doesn't grasp the full essence of Noise's words. Of course, she has no way of knowing unless Noise tells her but...

Noise doesn't mean here that Vincent and Noise are different because they are Baskervilles. No, she means they are different because they are the only ones who are not 'proper' Baskervilles, who are cast out from being both human and Baskerville, who are not included anywhere.

Noise was an anomaly because of her weakness to the Abyss and her inability to control her own chain. Vincent was an anomaly because he was a child of ill-omen (something that doesn't exist in Ada's timeline). And those are his words Noise repeats that since both of them were aberrations, it won't be wrong if they stayed together because then, for each other, they can be 'normal'.

Ada is really missing a huge chunk of context here. I agree wholeheartedly that Ada will accept him even if he is a Baskerville and a Child of Misfortune because she is a kind soul, she is gonna accept and forgive Vincent no matter what.

But I am not talking about Ada and Vincent here, but about Noise. The point here is that Ada doesn't understand where Noise is coming from. For Noise, Vincent was the only way she could feel 'normal', among humans or Baskervilles. She heavily related to him, she latched onto him as the only one who could understand her, she did everything, became everything Vincent asked of her; at her heart, Noise, like every character in this story, just does not want to be lonely anymore.

This panel actually made me feel so bad for Noise. Time and again, Ada stands up for Vincent, Oz stands up for Echo, but who stands up for Noise?

(btw, please don't take this in a wrong way. I love Oz and Ada, and I am genuinely amazed and touched at that they can still distinguish Echo from Noise, sympathize with Echo for being an unwilling accomplice and bear no grudge against her in spite of Noise having a major hand in Uncle Oscar's death.

I am just trying to look at the story from Noise's perspective and doing that makes me realize that most of the major characters have no idea what Noise really was like. heck, even Noise didn't know at the time of Retrace 91; she remembers the truth only at the time of her death (Retrace 97).

Because Noise, too, once was a sweet, caring soul just like the present and last Echo (Eko-chan, I will refer to her as that to differentiate her from other Echos). Bit-by-bit, Noise lost all she knew about herself the longer she used her chain and created more Echos. As I said, both Oz and Ada are judging her from what they see before their eyes, not knowing how shattered and sick her mind is at the moment. I can't blame them ofc because that's what I too might have to do when the person before me is actively trying to kill me,, but knowing the context and her backstory, her presence in the story exudes so much loneliness.)

See, you can feel the despair and tiredness already seeping into her. She starts to lash out and reject people around her, even those who care about her to some extent; she doesn't even know what she wants anymore.

She wants to meet Vincent to, she believes, kill him because he is not hers anymore. But what I think is she subconsciously still possesses the protectiveness of a big sister and knows Vincent is in trouble, that's why she wants to go after him to make sure he is okay.

She says the same here (Retrace 97):

...I've had enough. I'm already so tired...

You know, what's even sadder? Eko is not a different person. Taking away the context of a chain and the fantasy surrounding it, she is simply a personality created by the weak-minded Noise to take on her unbearable suffering (like Split Personality (DID) patients do). So when Eko says:

--and asks her to remember herself, Noise is, in fact, in a way, talking to herself. It's the last sane part of her mind that's realized that her body can't hold out longer, and talks to the shattered, tired and lonely part of her, tries to recoup some of her memories so she doesn't end up doing something she'd regret, like killing her only friend and so that she gets a proper closure in death.

To say, Noise has no one but her imaginary self to console and hold her during her final moments. She died as lonely as she lived. I am happy Echo dies in Oz's arms, but....Noise? ;_;

Annnnd, even in the Happy Ending that the author gave us--the Everyone lives/No one dies one from Retrace 104-- where is the original personality of Noise? 😭

(how I wanted to see a normal interaction between Zwei, Gil and Oz; her teasing Oz, "Echo is shy to come out and meet you, so you just have to deal with me today 😈")

Further, about Vincent and Noise--

Something Noise says about Ada (Retrace 91):

Vincent got close to you only to take advantage of you.... You were so carefree…so stupid!

Actually, her words apply to herself as well. Vincent was only using Noise as a tool to his cause because he thought she was a stupid girl who would listen to his every word.

But my question is: does he even remember Noise as that onee-san who used to look out for him? Did he know it and choose to forget? Or, did he really forget? He was even the one who gave her the nickname after she forgot her own. Is it possible he forgot who Noise was to him whereas he remembers even the traumatic events of Sablier (something Gil misplaced his memories of)? Or, did he purposely suppress his good memories so he can recall his days as a Baskerville as being full of pain so that it makes his planned death easier for him?

I don't know but there is an equal chance of him genuinely forgetting who Noise was to him and him knowing everything yet acting like he didn't. If the latter, it's totally messed up on his part. Because Noise forgetting herself doesn't mean Vincent can distort their original relationship? How could he cross the boundary and do what he pleases to a broken, amnesiac girl who used to be his big-sister-like figure once?

This is the reason I am kind of skeptical about Ada saying she would forgive Vincent for everything. Offering him forgiveness for his past mistakes that he committed as a misguided, manipulated child is perfectly alright; but his deeds as an adult? Sorry but Ada doesn't even know half the picture of what Vincent really is like.

Either way, her last thoughts for Ada and Vincent were so sweet and makes me wish she was around, at least, in the Alternate Ending as the cool big sister for the kids.

Another heart-breaking line:

I never wanted to hurt him. Not even if there was no place for me at his side

Why does everything have to be a love triangle? Why can't everyone be a huge fun found family so that nobody feels left out and lonely? I wonder what Noise would be like when she is not in captivity or despair-fuelled-killing-spree. I feel like she would be feisty and sharp-witted, a complete opposite of the shy Echo, and would be going around trolling and teasing the kids lol

Ending this with the panel here, because in spite of their rocky relationship, chatting with Vincent were the few times Noise genuinely smiled ;-;

[bha3ls]

new redeemed verse and a lil waffle of why i changed things below

i've been kinda. stuck? for a minute on rinns redeemed verse and what to do with it. bc it enables certain interactions she doesn't have in her main verse. but in it's current state of just following the redeemed durge path it...doesn't make sense for who she is as a person. rinn, unfortunately, will do anything it takes to survive. the only time she'll embrace death is if everyone else has been slaughtered.

one of the foundations of who she is, is how effectively she was broken before going to the temple. those years trying to reject the urge and failing, completely alone, broke her ability to resist. having the party and their support allows her to reject her father - but never to his face. until the temple, her father is just a ominous figure sceleritas tells her of, she has deniability of who he is, and therefore it's easy to reject his wishes. being in his temple / facing his avatar is...a fair bit different, and frankly she isn't strong enough to reject him to his face. she isn't strong enough to die.

tldr; rinn will never be strong enough to reject bhaal to his face, and so she will always accept becoming his chosen again. this time it's just out of fear rather than devotion. she's gonna suffer for it.

the redeemed durge path is the same up until the temple in act 3, so she doesn't kill isobel and discourages killing aylin / she supports shadowheart rejecting shar / resists the urge where possible / discourages astarion from ascending...still encourages wyll to break his contract though. idk she cares about her companions gaining freedom rather than gaining power in this verse.

still murdery though

when bhaal offers her to become his chosen again, she's unable to say no. afterwards she will express remorse and honestly tell the party that he would have killed her if she rejected him, and promises she's still in it to destroy the brain.

and she keeps that promise!! she doesn't hesitate to end the brain regardless of bhaals punishment.

this is where the major divergence happens. when they're in the clear, she gets a vision of her punishment. it won't be going mad.

she's more than bhaals child, she's a literal extension of him, and he's always been slightly more lenient with her. and this time it's no different, he lays down a path for her to earn his forgiveness while making her suffer.

he strips her of her place as his chosen, for one, and many of the gifts that came with it. exiling her from the temple until she proves herself again.

her true punishment comes in the form of taking her memories. that part doesn't happen immediately, the curse takes hold overnight, giving her long enough to tell the party some of whats to come.

she won't remember anything. not of the tadpoles, the absolute, or the things they've done together. unable to even recall snippets. and she won't remember what she is.

the nasty part of the curse is that even if she's told she's bhaalspawn, she'll forget immediately. she cannot retain that information. everything else, she can remember even if she feels nothing for the bonds they formed.

bhaals gone back to foundations. when he made her, he left her on the streets of city to make a home and then ruin it. he simply repeats; the urge is silent again, a ticking timebomb, and in months or years he'll set it off again. so whatever home she's able to make will die just like the first time.

rinn will get some years of freedom, but she's lost everything. literally. and that freedom will come to a violent end when he decides it, and without memories she'll never be able to prepare for it. then he'll wait for her to break under the weight of the urge and only when she's proven herself she'll get those memories back.

[suck-mein-pokeballs]

So a lot of big tings are happening soon

I'll be moving out and becoming fully independent within the next two weeks, which is wild because at this point last year my therapist was telling me that I had to phase the possibility that I might need a caretaker and that I might need it for the rest of my life

I'm not the most functional person but it's wild that my recovery has gotten to a point where not only does my therapist not think I need a caretaker but she's giving my independence a green light

It's still a long way until I get discharged but I guess we are making progress after all

I'm nervous about being fully independent though, cause I'm barely scraping by as is and being fully independent will add a lot more bills for me to take care of

I've been thinking about hoarding my meds these last two weeks that I don't need to worry about utilities and such

I know it's a bad idea to play with my brain chemistry specially rn that I'm kind of in a high stress situation with the move and everything

But my meds are my highest expense and I worry about being able to afford them long term

Especially since I know that I'm gonna have a lot of big expenses right after I move cause I have to get all the utilities set up and the contracts have additional fees

It's been on my mind a lot and idk I know it's stupid but maybe it's better to cut my does and stretch them out to make sure I can keep taking them through this process

We'll see what happens

One of my biggest fears with how bad my mental health had gotten was that I would never be able to be independent so I feel like I should feel a lot more excited than I am

But tbh in really nervous and bracing myself for bad times cause I know that I've been able to enjoy a lot of privileges that are out of my reach while I've had support from others

And idk, kinda not excited to face poverty again haha but it is what it is

I've made it through worse with much less tools than I have

And I know it's not ideal that I don't have a support network but I guess I'll make it somehow

[loominggaia]

The FGG members are often mentioned to have a lot of scars. Do any of them have cool stories that you haven't told about?

There actually are a few "off-screen" adventures that characters have mentioned throughout the series:

-Lukas talks about the time he and Evan were hired to arrest a drug dealer. The dealer had a pet alligator that attacked Lukas and almost ripped his leg off, but Evan pried the animal's jaws off him and killed it with his bare hands. Lukas still has a gnarly scar on his leg.

-Isaac mentions that Alaine once got swallowed by a Greywood Gulper and the crew had to cut her out of its stomach.

-Evan contracted floraspell in "The Puppet Masters", but in another story, Isaac mentions that Glenvar contracted floraspell before that. God only knows what he did to piss off a spriggan that bad...

-Isaac says the entire crew contracted cholera from a dirty river and nearly died in the wilderness. Luckily Evan's lycanthropy protected him and his symptoms weren't as bad, so he was able to drag them back to town, one by one, carrying them on his back for miles while they probably shat and puked all over him the whole time...Say what you want about Evan, but he's a ride or die motherfucker.

-Isaac also says Lukas got super drunk once and tried to attack Evan with a hatchet. (Isaac's just spilling the tea everywhere, isn't he?)

-Glenvar says Evan and Lukas used to fight a lot when they were dating, and these fights sometimes got so crazy that he feared they would actually kill eachother. He even kept a bag packed just in case he had to flee the murder scene.

-Javaan and Balthazaar apparently took a trip to the zoo together. Not the most exciting adventure, but I thought it was too wholesome not to mention.

-Isaac tripped and fell down the long, stone steps to the palace in Matuzu Capital City. Despite all his mercenary adventures, those steps did more damage to him than any bandit or monster ever had. He broke several bones and concussed himself so bad that he couldn't work for months. Pretty embarrassing...

-Evan and Zeffer once got trapped in a cave during a flood. Zeffer could have escaped at any time since he's a vampire and doesn't need oxygen, but he chose to stay with Evan as the water rose higher. They were sure Evan would drown by morning. Evan lamented that he'd die without knowing the love of another man, so Zeffer took one for the team and fucked him too. The flood waters began receding right after that, the two survived, and then had a very awkward situation ahead of them.

-Here's one from a pending story idea that I haven't been able to finish: Evan and Lukas stumbled upon an ogrish toddler in the wilderness. He was trying to wake his dead mother, who was clearly murdered. The two took care of the toddler for a few days as they escorted him to the nearest town and dropped him off at the orphanage. Many years later, they encountered the ogre again, but he has grown from a helpless toddler into a hulking adult mercenary. They didn't recognize him at first, but he recognizes them immediately and is overjoyed to see them, thanking them for saving his life and inspiring him to do this line of work. He probably saves them or something, idk. This one has been knocking around in the concept pile for years and I always get stuck on it.

-While he was still leading the Oceanic Resistance, Mr. Ocean spent a lot of time in Zareen Empire. He heard of an intense local drug called zyrup and decided to try it, hoping it would erase all memory of Solveig and ease his grief. Have you ever seen a 1000-year-old sorcerer hopped up on turbo-meth? The city of Viersen has...Anyway, Roach had to bail him out of jail and Mr. Ocean is still banned from Cheap-O-Mart to this day.

That's all I can think of at the moment!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

[luxurychristmaspudding]

Sedated | Dave York x f!Reader

gif from @iamasaddie

summary: you and dave are no strangers to this business, to death. so there can be no harm in relying on each other in times of need.

pairing: dave york x f!contract killer!reader

ratings/warnings: 18+, MDNI. divorced!dave. knife play, breath play, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v, creampie. descriptions/mention of blood and injury. vibes are kinda weird idk

wc: 2.5k

an: this fic is a part of @wannab-urs hozier drabble challenge (although, alas, it is not a drabble). head to gin’s page for more!

Just a little rush, babe, to feel dizzy To derail the mind of me Just a little hush, babe, my veins are busy But my heart's in atrophy ~ sedated, hozier

The only sounds in the bathroom are the dripping of the tap into the tepid water of the sink and the scrape of the razor across Dave’s stubble.

He sits, back straight, on the closed toilet - shirtless, in only his sweatpants, large hands hooked beneath your thighs as you straddle him, your body rocked back to find the perfect angle to shave him at.

He watches you with hooded eyes as you draw the razor over his skin, stretching it taught where you need to be careful, gliding it over the plain of his throat. He feels like he’s barely breathed the whole time, not a word being said between the two of you. But this is routine now. 

The quiet moments after a contract, nights where one follows the other, no matter where you had come from, no matter where you were staying. This half-tender care, so different from anything he’s experienced before - the bravado and camaraderie, or the mute mission of patching himself up, clotting his own wounds.

It must have been a serious kind of injury to draw you into each other, but when he tries to, Dave can’t remember. Something that needed to be patched up by someone else, too much blood making your own fingers slip, too deep for yourself to plug. Sometimes, it’s difficult to remember a time before you were here - before you found each other. The nebulous, shrouded years that seem to expand well beyond their perimeters. They should stop before reaching too far back into Carol and the girls, but they linger over even those happier times, back and back until it feels as though every year of his existence has been shrouded in darkness.

Those months after the divorce, after Mac, all spent feeling outside of his life until you had shown up, until you had proved a constant in the fucked up world he found himself in. And despite the nature of the person he has become now, there’s still a desperate, warm little part of him that wants you out - wants to drag you away from it. Wants you far away from this, from him, wants you unharmed and safe in the world that Carol and his daughters inhabit.

Wishful thinking - and it’s an awful thought to consider where being without you would leave him.

Lost, even more so than he already is. You do not make the darkness brighter, do not make it easier to see. But you hold your hand out to him, tell him in not as many words - I feel it, too.

This does not scare you the way it should.

He knows you now, in the way only someone like he can. Has seen what little fear you have. Has watched you push bullets through flesh, through brains, so the body matter spreads and splatters where it must. Has witnessed the plunge of a jagged blade into a stomach, watched you rip upwards, slash and maim with precision. It gives him a thrill, a dark satisfaction to witness a job so well done.

You continue your gliding movements, breathing steady, gaze focused, while Dave studies your face. The depth and glitter of your eyes in the half light, the crook and curve of your nose, the bow and twitch of your lips. You know he’s doing it; always do. You tilt his head with a palm on the side of his neck, using your other to hold the blade of his razor tight to the thrumming artery on the opposite side for a second too long. His dark eyes find yours, pouty lips posing an unvoiced question. You ask another.

‘Do you ever think about how easy it would be?’

Dave says nothing, unable to move his mouth as you use your thumb to press the razor into the soft underside of his jaw. You use enough pressure for his heart rate to spike before you scrape away the hairs there like you’re carving wood, cutting an apple. When the blade meets his chin, he speaks.

‘No.’ 

You meet his eyes briefly.

‘Don’t lie.’

You scrape away the remainder of his whiskers before twisting your body to wash the blade off in the sink. You keep it cuddled in you fist as you use two fingers to tip his chin into the light, gripping his jaw softly to turn his head this way and that, inspecting your work. He’s warm beneath you, firm and achingly hard. A pleased smile slicks across your lips, and keeping one hand cradled to his throat, you press the tip of the blade to his sternum and wait for any kind of reaction. Any twitch of a muscle, any change in the pace of his breathing, any flickering of his eyes. Instead, he keeps them trained on your mouth, heavy lidded, nostrils flaring, wanting.

He trusts you. And he knows you enjoy the power. Too much.

He can feel the heat, the wetness, leaking though your underwear already.

A soft growl slips from his throat as you trail the knife down, down. Down between his pecks, over the swell of his soft belly, through the hair that guides the way to his stiff cock. When you make it to the elastic of his waistband, you trace your initials against his soft skin - hard enough to leave red marks, but not so as to draw blood. When you lift your eyes, he is watching you; aching, panting. 

You bring the tip of the blade back up - circle his nipples, trace his clavicles, slide it along the base of his skull at the back of his neck. Killing him softly. When you press it to his temple, he knows the game is up. He knows you’re ready, the last lingering pulls of violence flaking from your hands as you lay the knife at the edge of the sink and wind your hands around his neck. You push your tits flush against him and press a dirty, open-mouthed kiss to his neck. Every one of his senses is attuned to every one of your movements, and he feels with keen urgency the movement of your tongue against his skin, the shapes you trace, your hot, damp breath, the minute scrape of your teeth -

You roll your hips, whining, soaked cunt dragging over the heft of his cock, and Dave grunts, standing so quickly that it makes you dizzy.

His palms are firm beneath your ass as he moves, taking leave of the bathroom to throw you down onto the deep mattress of the bed. The room is dark, the curtains not drawn - only a thin, orange light drains through the gauze covering the window, illuminating the curves and angles of your body.

Dave hauls himself over you, spreading your thighs, nipping any skin he can take between his teeth, your hands feverish over his bare shoulders, his back, his chest. He takes care to suck deep, hard marks into your neck, stripping you of your vest to bite into the soft swell of your breasts. You rock your hips against the thigh he's got nestled against your cunt, mewling softly, and the sound draws his lips to your mouth, licking in, molding, devouring. He presses a kiss to your jaw as he rolls his hips against you, and you moan, the noise throbbing through his body. With blindly moving fingers, he finds the bandage he had wrapped around your thigh tonight, the knife wound carved into you earlier in the evening by some son of a bitch he dispatched not seconds later.

Dave traces the shape of the bandages, the rough softness of the material, the bow he’d tied in mock of a garter. You were lucky he didn’t slice deeper - not that it seems to bother you now as Dave traces the indent of the cut, you nibbling his earlobe in response.

He presses his fingers deeper in to the wound only to feel you clench your thighs around him, numb to the pain, feeling only pleasure. He ruts into you once more before trailing back down your body, laving kisses wherever he can, only stopping to peel your underwear off, only pausing to cup your thighs and push them into your chest so he can spread you wide and take you apart with his mouth.

He eats you like he’s ravenous, like a man starved for days. His tongue is strong against you, working you easily, so easily you could be convinced he knows your body better than you do. He licks and bites, sucking bruises into the soft flesh of your thighs when you reel too close to the edge, and only when you beg, threaten, does he pull far enough away to spit down onto when you’re already dripping, spreading his saliva over your swollen pussy with his thick fingers. He reattaches his mouth to your clit, sucking and flicking, his slick fingers gliding inside you easily, pumping and curling until he can feel your walls begin to tighten and flutter. Your fists twist in his short hair and he moans lewdly against you, moving faster, harsher, wrenching something painful and hot inside you. You buck beneath him, back arching as he digs his fingers into your hips hard enough to bruise to hold you still, gushing and clenching around his fingers. He loves watching you lose yourself like this, head thrown back in ecstasy, body glistening, twitching, sensitive. Loves watching the control slip from you, watching you slip into submission, give in. Give in to him.

He takes more, presses for more. He always does. His mouth continues to slurp greedily at your cunt as you sob, trying to push him away. But he’s immovable, insatiable, dragging a second orgasm from your body even as it continues to crash through the first. He wants to keep going until there is nothing left, until you are just as much a part of him as the need to harm and protect.

To love is to consume, to love is to destroy. Both are something you do, and do well - but the feeling itself is a dirty word in this dark hotel room. It is not a word he thinks of as he presses one last kiss to your sopping folds, not one that crosses his mind as he rids himself of his sweat pants, his cock hard as stone, slapping against his belly. He grips his base, dragging his fist over it once, twice, before he kneels between your slack legs. He leans forward to grip your chin as he notches himself at your entrance, pulling your face down so that you’re forced to watch him take you.

The first press into your cunt is always the tightest. Tight in anticipation, in need, and Dave is careful to let his mind fall blank so he doesn’t come too soon. You arch beneath him again, your hands reaching for his where they rest atop your thighs. He knows not to mistake it for something tender, but for the need to dispel your energy, your urges. The language is understood - when he rocks back, cock soaked with your arousal, and pushes in again, he follows the sound of your ragged gasp, leaning forward to take your mouth with his, biting your bottom lip, nipping at your shoulder. You take advantage of the position to sink your own teeth into his flesh, piercing and moaning. The sensation pushes him to pick up his force, his pace. 

Look at me. The only command he needs to give, the rest so ingrained now. When to come, when not to come, when and how to move. The only thing he ever needs to remind you of is where your eyes belong when he’s fucking into you like this, when it feels so good like this.

Tonight feels like more of a race than it usually does. You’re tightening dangerously around him, moaning, crying louder and louder as he drills into you, so warm, so wet, the noises your cunt is making so obscene that heat begins to coil threateningly at the base of his spine. He pierces you with his cock, tip knocking against your cervix with every thrust until tears gloss your eyes, your hands in a vice grip around the tops of his arms as you gasp out, unable to form a full word - oh, fu-, go-, Da-ave, ple-. He sneers down at you, a hand coming to cradle below your jaw again, throat held between his thumb and fingers, digits squeezing, constricting, restricting the bloodflow until your eyes are far away, blissed, body limp. Enough for a rush, enough for your mind to be derailed from its linear thinking - next kill, next kill, next kill. This is what you need, and he is proud that he can give it to you, gritting out a yeah, s’that good, little girl? Like that? before your eyes are rolling into the back of your head, your back bowed, your cunt spasming and gushing around him, your cry caught between your teeth as you try to roll away from him. He grips your wrists in one hand, bringing them high above your head as you twist and keen and throb, fat, hot tears streaming down your cheeks as he continues to fuck you, hard enough to make sure it bruises tomorrow. Your sobs come quieter as he moans into your neck, as he tells you how good you are, how tight you are, how you belong to him, how you’ll never get away, as he tells you to take it, take it, and you beg, plead with him - please, Dave, please - before he thrusts himself cruelly all the way inside you, gritting his teeth and growling as he comes, as you keen up at him. 

He wants to keep you full of him for as long as possible, all the time, but there are so many reasons why that’s not feasible. When he slips his softening cock from your pussy, you whimper at the loss. He ignores the sound and instead sits back to watch his cum leak from your used cunt, down to your asshole, before collecting it with his thumb and pushing it back in. He looks back up at you, eyes glazed, breath heavy, body sated, and finds a similar expression laid across your features. When he catches his breath, he stretches himself out beside you on the mattress, covering you both with the sheets. Both pairs of eyes trained to the ceiling, not thinking, not thinking, just feeling. 

But even in primal feeling, even when he snips at the gnaw in his chest, he craves it, needs it. Slave to your touch, your command, your control, your submission. It’s dangerous in a world like this, in a world like yours. 

When your chest settles into a regular rhythm, you curl yourself into him. Your body is warm and firm, still sweaty, your cunt still dripping as you hook a leg over his hip. You wrap around him like he is somebody you miss, somebody you wish to hold outside of this bedroom. Your breath crowds the side of his neck, and he closes his eyes to it, letting himself be swept away. Sedated by what your bodies provide, sleep laps like waves, submerges, drowns, and in the darkness Dave is not sure where he ends and you begin.

When he wakes, still hours from dawn, the bed is cold beside him.

further an: while sedated was obviously the main catalyst here, i'd also recommend listening to massive attack's come near me while/after reading. happy trails!

divider from @saradika-graphics

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Hi! Could would you like to write something about reader and Tangerine where she is the Twins's "adopted sister" but they have always been secretly in love with each other. Anyway at some point they split and later they meet again on the Train (idk... maybe she is an assassin too and is trying to help them?) . Then they argue because something dangerous happens so the truth comes out and a smut at the end?! Ps: Sorry for my bad English but it's not my first language. Thank you so much!

hii! I love it

I did change some things, I hope that’s okay- I changed it to foster siblings and I didn’t do smut, really really really sorry. I’ve written so much smut lately my head might explode😭 but I have already got a train smut one, I’ll link it, in case that suits better. and your English is great, don’t worry! and you’re welcome!

thank you for your request 💌

link for assassin train smut

about time (Tangerine x Reader)

paring || soft!Tan x fem!reader

wc || 1.3k

warnings || nothing really, just fluff

masterlist + rules

taglist

Being a contract assassin meant you sometimes had to do things you weren’t comfortable doing. But right now the thought of walking into a gunfight felt so much easier than the thought of staying in Tokyo a second longer- this feeling was of heartache, rather than of adrenaline.

Momentarily relaxing into the chair of the quiet car- feeling pleased to finally be leaving this city. The thoughts of the current mission resurface, reminding you of your task. You were instructed to snatch a silver briefcase from two people, looking over the assignment paper and silently chuckling reading their names. “Why fruits?” You thought to yourself.

The truth is, you hadn’t dreamt of having this as a career- without sounding cheesy, this career chose you. But lately, you’ve become fed up with your job, you hated the way it made you feel. When you were younger you wanted to help people- not kill them. Shrugging off your consistent thoughts, you get to work.

Getting you up you walk through the carriage doors, checking the luggage area for the correct case. “No way!” You thought to yourself, spotting the train sticker on the handle. “That was too easy.” Leaning over to reach it, you stand upright feeling a bit smug while clutching the case.

A harsh cough interrupts you, turning around to see a tall moustached man glaring at you. “What do you think you’re doing?”

You turn to meet the man’s face and you freeze- not out of fear, but because your past has finally caught up to you. He still looks the same, well apart from the porn-‘stache and his now very buff torso.

His eyes soften when he finally realises who was standing in front of him. Your eyes doe as your lips tug up into a smile. Even with the great speed of the Bullet Train, time stood still for a few moments.

Looking wearingly between him and the case. “Is it yours?” You ask.

“Yeah, but I don’t care about that now.” Trying to hide a smile.

You give him the case with a wry grin, “neither do I.”

When you were a teenager you were passed around the system a lot, you’d stay with new foster families every couple of months. You hated it- never feeling like you had a proper home, but that was until you met two very special people. 

These two very special people were often placed in the same houses as you, which meant that the three of you were able to develop a genuine friendship over the years. You were never able to tell him how much you loved him. It made your heart hurt- the confusion and guilt of being in love with someone from your foster family. But one night it all got too much, you couldn’t take it anymore, so you just left- you ran away. You wrote individual heartfelt letters to brothers before you left, you tucked them under their pillows as you kissed their temples goodbye. You had always regretted the way you left.

Looking at him right now, it’s like nothing had changed like the last fifteen years apart meant nothing.

You cave in, you step towards him extending your arms to initiate an embrace. He doesn’t even need to think about it, he wraps his big arms tightly around you, squeezing you. His chin resting on your head, enjoying this moment as you breathed in each other's familiar scents.

Pulling apart to look him over, beaming with soft eyes, “I can’t believe it’s really you.”

“Neither can I.” A boyish grin plastered across his face, kissing the crown of your head. It didn’t feel foreign or odd, it just felt right.

“We’re finally in Tokyo together.” You smile.

“You remember that too?” Referencing the conversation about cities you had one night, many years ago.

“You need to get off this train.” Tan suddenly admits, with sullen eyes.

“No. I’m not getting off.” You replied simply.

“It’s about to go tits up- I can’t let you get hurt.” He says as his gaze softened.

“I don’t care. I’m not going to leave you again.” Tenderly smiling up at him.

“Please? Just go.” He says a little more sternly.

“No. I can take care of myself.” Standing your ground. “Wait a second- are you both here? Are you the fruit twins?” Connecting the dots.

His eyes squinted so you took that as a ‘yes’.

“You are.” Pointing a playful finger at him, “what one are you? Are you Lemon- is it because you’re sour?” Grinning at him.

“No- I’m Tangerine.”

“Why ‘Tangerine’?”

“Because I’m adaptable- oh bloody hell it’s not important. Are you trying to change the subject?”

Hiding your smirk, “…no”

“You are. You need to go- please. I could never forgive myself if you got hurt.” Face screwing up, hating the thought.

“Tan…” you started with a smirk as you called him by his code name rather than his real name. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” He quickly responds.

“Do you have a girlfriend- or wife or-or someone?” You said slowly.

His head tilted to the side in confusion. “Uh-? Why?”

“Just answer.”

“No…”

“Good. I want to tell you something I should’ve said years ago… I’m still in love with you. So no, I cannot leave you again, but if you don’t feel the way, please stop me- I don’t know why I’m still taking- just tell me to stop- Christ, my hands are getting clammy. I’m sorry, I don’t think I should’ve said that.” Eyes closing as if you were trying to hide yourself.

Slowly opening them when there was a looming silence, looking up to you see him grinning widely at you.

“I’ve loved you since I was a kid- I haven’t stopped.” He admits. “Look at this.” He pulls out his phone showing you the wallpaper. It was a picture of the letter you gave him all those years ago. “It reminds me to keep going.” Looking over you tenderly. “It’s why I’m still here.”

Your chest staggered as you inched closer to him, you didn’t want to wait any longer. You tenderly kissed him, and as you pulled away his hands cupped your face as if he was trying to bring you back in. He gently brushed over your lips as you melted into him, it felt so surreal to be finally here at this moment.

Separating with a twinkle in each of your eyes, beaming at one another.

“We can run away together? And forget this mission? I don’t ever want to let you go again.” You softly ask. It was a big ask, you just hoped he’d say yes.

“I’m not leaving without my brother.”

“I know, I meant him too.” Cupping his cheeks.

A smile arose under his moustache. “Okay.”

“Really?” Grinning.

“Yes. Let’s go get him. And bring that case- we can put it on red and have a wonderful time.”

Struggling to contain your excitement, you kiss him eagerly. “Okay we gotta be quick, next stop is in two minutes.”

You picked up the case as he lead you through the carriage by your hand, immediately noticing Lemon with the Son.

“We gotta go.” Tan says seriously to his brother.

“Who’s the girl- NO! No fucking way!” Lemon shouts, earning a “shush” from a lady a couple rows in front. He rushes up to you, hugging you tightly.

“I’ve missed you! But we gotta go, right now.” You say ushering him along.

Tangerine leans over the table towards the kid sitting close to the window, “you better stay on the fucking train, your daddy is waiting for you at Kyoto.”

The three of you walked off the train together, it felt like you finally had your family back. Who knows, maybe you could work together as a team. No longer hating this city, it brought your family together.

[gogolstoelicker]

Dorm Leaders with a Yosano like MC

warning(s): none

notes: bear with me if they're a little ooc

You carry yourself with grace and dignity. You pride yourself in being a strong individual and a capable doctor. A feminist who believes both men and women should have equal rights.

A calm and composed individual but when angered, you're quite the force to contend, often sadistic in retaliation.

Riddle:

his parents are doctors/healers so knowing that you are a doctor too, makes him have a bit of respect for you

he likes the way you carry yourself, SOMEONE can surely learn a thing or two from you a little

COUGH COUGH adeuce duo COUGH COUGH

probably angered you one time during the tart incident

sometimes he woke up in cold sweat in the middle of the night because he have a nightmare about it

your uh hobby? interest? in scary stuff is making him sweat a little😁

esp when he got hurt and the way you used your ability on him makes him wants to run for the hills

don't get me wrong, it's a cool ability

but he does not want to EVER go through that again

(for context, yosano's ability is "thou shalt not die" and it's a healing ability but she have to put her victims near death to heal them)

other than that, he enjoys being around you!!

you don't go around breaking rules like your two friends did and your aura is just chef kiss

Leona:

at first thought you're just some goody two shoes

until crowley blackmailed asked you to investigate that thing idk what to call it

yeah well uh he lowkey angered you so here we are

he went from 🙄😼 to 😃😦⁉️

well he kind of like how you're strong and know to stand your ground when something that displeases you happened

but damn did that 180 personality and aura switch scared him a little

one thing for sure, he never wanted you to heal him again

even the whole savanaclaw cowers in fear when they see you bc they got reminded of how you healed them

you remind him of those women in the afterglow savannah(?)

he earned a small bit of respect for u

only a little tho

doesn't really care about your hobby for scary things honestly

like you could see a building on fire and say its pretty and he would just shrug and go back to sleep

Azul:

he can relate to you!!

the way you're just full of grace and calm until you did a 180 to a scary and sadistic is just 🤰

(yes thats some random emoji bc idk how else to describe this)

he knows a lot what's that like 🤔

your healing ability is reaaalllly cool yknow😁

he's just saying! but it's reaaaallly reaaaally cool yknow😁😁😁

oh if only he can get his hands on it

along with the others, pls never heal him again.

he'll give u his contracts just pls never heal him EVER again.😁

yes, he's that desperate for you to never heal him again

it gave him more issues than heal honestly /hj

he doesn't really mind your hobby for scary stuff, its just uh

a hobby? u do u. he have his own hobbies too

plus, look at the school y'all are in

mhm. exactly.

Kalim:

oh wow you're a doctor and you have a healing ability? THAT'S SO COOL?

he has fun following you around

probably accidentally followed you on your shopping trip and became your bag holder

while he's more than happy to help, he have the attention span of a goldfish so

see he might've accidentally dropped ur stuff😬

and he may or may not seen you go 😦🤬

anyways, hes fine!! no kalim is harmed in the process!!

he doesn't really get your hobby but he's fine with it

u like these dark and scary things? oh sure!! there's probably smth interesting abt them one way or another

anyways, creativity left the chat again sorry JSNSJS

Vil:

went debby ryan on u

well not literally but yknow what i mean

like FINALLY someone who's even worthy of being looked at by vil

but pls do try to calm ur uh sadistic nature?

while he doesn't mind it that much, he does think it's a little haha uh😬😅😱

well he sure don't mind ur hobby much

i mean look at the people he's next to everyday

look at rook and epel

exactly

shopping buddies⁉️‼️

literally got chef kiss taste

probably bond over yalls scrumptious taste

Idia:

YOU AIN'T SPECIAL HE STILL AVOIDS U (2)🤬‼️

doctor or not, graceful or not, u are a human

meeting human = interaction

human interaction = ❌no❌

or u can talk yeah that's all

well i mean ur healing ability is cool but seeing how you heal ur victims um😅😱

well it's safe to say he found another reason to never go out

that personality switch of urs bro

thank the seven he haven't made u angry yet

well y e t

cause have y'all seen chapter 6

well i haven't but u get me

Malleus:

well he doesn't treat u any different

a friend is a friend yes:D‼️⁉️

tho, he does quite admire how u carry yourself

that 180 personality switch amuses him honestly

well he was probably not there to witness it personally(since he's not invited)

lilia probably told him and he went "ooo interesting😮🤔"

heard of ur healing ability from lilia too probably

or maybe sebek idk

angry scared rants about it and he went 😮⁉️AINT THEY MAGICLESS⁉️

well uh at least he's interested?

[yandere-sins]

hi!! first of all i am big fan of your blog ✨

i see your request opens so.. can i request a yan kirishima with a pregnant darling (i was looking for you rules but idk if you write for that) if you not, please ignore this.

have a good day!!

Thanks for requesting, glad you enjoy my writing!

»»———————— ♡ ————————««    

The soft hums were all you could think about while his hands warmed your sore stomach. It was close to the melodies your mother would hum to you as a child, but Kirishima didn’t hit all the notes, butchering the attempts. He went out of his way to get the tunes from your family, yet, he didn’t have any success with them. You sighed, feeling incredibly exhausted and heavy as you sat up some more. The humming stopped briefly, his hands moving aside for you to make yourself comfortable. Saying he was considered was an exaggeration, but he made an effort.

“You’re doing so great for us,” he praised you after pulling you back into a hug, planting butterfly kisses along your temple. All you could do was sigh even more. No inch of your whole being was comfortable, and you were wondering if your baby felt the same.

Your eyes dragged through this hell hole that was your room. There were so many marks on the walls, the floor, the amenities, all from the times you could still stand for more than 5 minutes before getting cramps and collapse from the exhaustion. Triplets. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have a baby, let alone triplets.

Kirishima.

He was the root of all evil. Ever since he made you believe he loved you, whisking you away to this apartment that was closer to a high-security prison than a home, he had become your worst enemy and, now, the father of your children.

And you? You made him the happiest person in the world.

Pressing his cheek to your head, he let out a content sigh, one hand falling back to your swollen abdomen, circling it gently. “I can’t believe we’re going to be parents soon! It feels like only yesterday where I confessed my love for you under the tree by the school, and now we’re going to have three little babies on the way!”

That much was true. In a way, it did feel like only yesterday since you felt the joy of being loved, but now you dreaded it. Even if you still remembered going through the days spent crying and fighting, in pain or in exhaustion, they all became one big void in your mind, and tomorrow, this day too would be sucked into it. Even if he still loved you, you couldn’t say you had even a little bit of those butterfly feelings left for Kirishima. Now, you just wanted him to disappear from your life. 

Part of you blamed yourself for not being stronger or more clever to escape your predicament. But anyone would tell you how it was his fault, how Kirishima ruined your life in a way you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to recover from. This man, holding you in his arms as gentle as a delicate flower, was nothing but a monster in disguise. A greedy one at that, never getting enough of you.

He may love you - or so he kept assuring you - but it wasn’t a type of love you’d wish to your worst enemies. It was obsessive, possessive, and deluded. A love that turned to fear to anger in a matter of seconds if you two disagreed. Kirishima didn’t fear you hating him, but he feared that you’d leave. That someone else could take you away from his side, so he decided he had to be quicker than anyone else. And because he couldn’t stop loving you in a twisted way, he didn’t listen to your ‘no’ and ‘stop’ and just kept going with what he thought was the best for your relationship.

Until you became pregnant. It should have been a time of joy, but you couldn’t see anything else but madness when he cared for you ever so tenderly. No matter what you did to upset him, he kept smiling, placing his hand on your bump and reminding you cheerfully not to stress yourself. Kirishima came home earlier, cooked dinner, and massaged your feet willingly, even forcefully if you refused. Fighting to make you understand his views ceased. Now it was only you and the babies being safe and healthy. Even if you made him run to the grocery store three times a night, he would always come back with a smile and ask if he can prepare your cravings for you. It was sickening! Absolutely sickening how he took all of these exertions and still managed to be happy to be of service for you. The lovesickness in his eyes was clearer than anything else, and now that you relied on him more, it made him happier and happier. You wondered if he felt remorse for his past actions now, having to see you suffer from the pregnancy and being even more unhappy than you already were. But you doubted it still.

“Us, forever,” he mumbled. Lost in thoughts as you were, he might have mistaken your silence for being asleep. “You, me, the babies. No one can take you away from me now. I’ll be with you until the end. I will do what I have to do to ensure you will be by my side forever.”

Even making me pregnant, you thought.

“Even making you pregnant,” he confirmed as if he had read your thoughts. “You can’t leave me now, can you? You need me just as much as I need you now. I’m so crazy for you, I hope you can understand one day I’d do anything to be with you.”

“That’s not very manly of you,” you muttered, and Kirishima gasped. “You’re awake?!” he asked, surprised, before chuckling, burying his face in your shoulder. “You’re right. That wasn’t very manly.”

With a deep breath, Kirishima collected himself before speaking up again, using his free hand to turn over your head to face him properly. “I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I can’t wait to finally build a family with you. Don’t ever forget that I adore you. I would do anything for you, okay?”

Honestly, you were too exhausted to fight. You wanted it all to be over, the pregnancy, your kidnapping, and his love most importantly. If this had been a healthy, good relationship you two were having, you’d have been nothing but blessed with such a caring and doting lover, but all you had was this. This monster put on sheep’s clothing to fit into an illusion with you that he wanted. You knew you had to do something. If not for you, a least for the children that would be born into such a hostile life.

But it was too late now, your belly rumbling before you felt a tear in it, eyes widening as you stared at the father of your children. But only a broad, proud smile crept onto his face as he, too, realized what was happening. “Let’s be a family, okay?” he asked, and you had no answer to it.

Only a muffled scream escaped you as the contractions began.

[anarmel]

six of crows gang my beloved

what is fanart without me complaining about a thing i like

as a person who read SoC duology a long time ago, my SoC only related thoughts

-did they make Jesper gay and not bi?do not support that decision. that scene in a stable was kinda unnecessary (but i’m not a big fan of those kinda scenes in general) and felt like they just wanted something gay in this season and sort of a nod that they didn’t forget Jesper’s attraction to men but in process of that forgot that he’s bi. i think he should’ve had flirtatious interactions with everyone(he flirty).especially that we know that his main love interest is a man and his light crush on Kaz he should’ve flirted with a woman in this season. and i know that bi people are not obligated to date several people of all gender spectrum to know or like affirm that they’re bi but that’s in real life and SaB is a piece of media that communicates through visuals and limited dialogue and not a book where you have access to mention it in characters thoughts soo....yeah....not invisible bi representation where?and Nina is taken with her romance with Matthias already

-Nina(my beloved) and Matthias...yeah that’s the start of their story

-i liked “more soft” Kaz he felt less like an archetype of a character that he is(a traumatised bad boy who doesn’t care for anything or anyone but will eventually be “fixed” by love for a girl). book version of him works because we have his inner thoughts and machinations if he was on screen like he was in a book it just wouldn’t work as well he needs to emote and show a little bit of feelings that he experiences to work in a given medium and to not be a brick character on screen

-and Inej, my girl, my beloved . i don’t think she would sass tante Heleen while still being under a contract. i don’t understand why they took out her having panic attacks near the menagerie, and she refused Jesper’s backup(girlboss of her to do that but not being alone in that place is beneficial for mental stability !buddy system!). maybe because she is in that situation where she is still under indenture and she didn’t feel real relief and still is to take her first breath as a free person so she doesn’t feel constant fear of being robed of her freedom by the same place again? idk maaan...maybe i’m wrong but that’s jus how i feel. she is the strongest character in the series but that doesn’t mean she should be “strong” in every situation she is still a human who was treated so terribly by so many people and the menagerie represents it. ooof. in a book her strengths and weaknesses were established so well. i appreciated her fangirling for Alina though and that they didn’t brake her character in that way.her beliefs are still intact and she is apprehensive about kidnapping a saint. nice. love her

as a viewer of Shadow and Bone content without a book base but with basic knowledge of the universe and characters:

-(speaking as a slavic person in predominantly slavic society) didn’t like Zoya’s racist comment towards Alina like at all. like she is asian herself different part bur still. and i felt like her problem with Alina wasn’t race related then why throw that in? if my rival was poc i wouldn’t throw a slur at them and go a racist rout because that will not who i am(and i’m not that lazy at insulting/j) and it’s not even a part of my problem with them, i would go for something more personal and connected to the root of the problem to be a full bitter bitch. like Zoya feels useless and like she’s being replaced (right?) she could’ve commented how useless Alina is, how she can’t be strong by herself without help of darkling to reflect her own insecurities on Alina? why drag race into that problem? why? i know they had asian writers working on the script and in my opinion they did a good job at war era racist propaganda and how it ostracised Alina in society but making Zoya on a personal level a racist was kinda dumb. she’s a bitch but not a bigot

-i’m afraid of saying my thoughts on darkling/alina/mal situation because that part of the fandom really scares me. and that was not really my interest in this show

-not enough Genya(i really like her character)

as a person who was born in russia and will die in russia(not by choice) my russia related thoughts:

(i know that it’s only inspired and not based on imperial russia but i wanna nitpick and bitch about things)

-for imperial russia not lavish enough(yeah budget and stuff but it’s true) those bitches only knew how to burn gold on luxuries and wars

-Alina’s last name is Starkov. so in russian usually last names that end in -ov/-ova -ev/-eva are gendered her version is “male”. i don’t care for gendered stuff but in russian every word is that way. as a gender abolitionist i don’t care as a russian speaker kinda not right but eh. i(nb) go by my -ova last name because it flows with my name better like Alina Starkova i kinda like how it has an A at the beginning and on the end. Alina Starkov is still a cool name because fuck grammatically correct things

-i don’t understand why they decided to call uniforms kefta and not kaftan, kefta sounds more like kofta(casual shirt) and kaftan is a real thing and a nicer word in my opinion(and isn’t kefta a dish? but then again we have a dish named “herring under a fur coat”)

-do not understand the name of an episode “otkazat’sya” it means “to refuse” as in like a verb, kinda weird, “otkaz”(refusal) would suit more as a name because it’s a noun and less confusing and a cooler looking word. it just doesn’t work in russian and was kinda jarring to see it. and didn’t they call a food taster an “otkazat’sya” like huh??? he would be just a low ranked “pridvornyy”(courtier) or a “sluga”(servant) or if you want a fancier word it would be “mundschenk”(world of german origin used in imperial russia under Peter the First) but they were only for vine and drink tasting

-there is like three words in russian and pronunciation is funny. o to pronounce ц like ц and not like ts. there is no need to be soft

-and it’s so funny that magic users called Grisha it’s just a slavic name Grigori in short form. imagine a world where magic users are all called like Josh in all seriousness

-(did they have at least one russian speaking person to consult on language usage or pronunciations?they merged two books together couldn’t they change some words to more correct ones?)

-so mad that they killed of my main man Ivan he was THE russian representation of that show. such a single minded serious bitch. i connected to him so much (i love me some unimportant background characters) and that goth bitch(darkling) lives on. i only can be satisfied if one of those shadow monsters is Ivan(i only jest...unless?....)

general:

-found family is top tier, love triangles are in hell(not fun kind) but that’s my general hiccup with this franchise (it has so much potential but choses to focus heavily on romance, like romance is good and great and all that but friendship is magic)

-in conclusion i really liked the story as a separate being and it’s one of the better book to screen adaptations i’ve seen but it’s not without flaws

-i’m always critical of things that i love. it’s my passion to scrutinise and see flaws. i am but a miserable being

🖤only my personal opinions and feelings,hope you enjoyed my art despite my tirades🖤