#retrace xcii

[existingtm]

[fivekrystalpetals]

I haven't really written anything about Noise but Retrace 97 compelled me to write something about her because, by god, of all characters, Noise died the loneliest death ;-;

Break died surrounded by his friends and family. Oscar died after seeing off his kids. Even Fang got a chance to apologize to his family as he was dying. (Elliot's is another matter--but at the least, he got a conclusive death. He wanted to be the one to crack the mystery of his family's serial killing which he did and he died next to his best friend and his big brother. His death continued to be grieved by people who cared about him up until the end.)

But Noise? Yes, Oz was there while her body was breaking apart but..... he was not there for Noise--he was there for Echo. And, Ada came all the way into the Past Sablier to be there for Vincent.

But... Noise.....??

to be honest, isn't that how it's always been? Right from the beginning, nobody was ever there for Noise... this poor girl who became an anomaly because she couldn't control her chain properly, who became a Baskerville but could neither fully become one nor return to being a human either, who couldn't even sleep because her chain might take control of her body and go on a rampage, who was locked up in an underground cellar, this girl who forgot her own name because her mind was so Noisy...

In spite of all her suffering, she still used to have a kind heart before she lost all sense of self. She still looked out for Vincent in whatever way she could:

You can actually feel the loneliness radiating off her in this panel; she doesn't feel included anywhere--she is still in the dark while Vincent has been pulled out into the light by his new friends.

Yes, it is toxic of her wanting to keep Vincent to herself and trying to kill him as soon as he finds new friends in a if-I-can't-have-you-then-no-one-can way.... but both her heart as well as her mind were already completely broken at this point. All she remembers is that slight feeling of protectiveness that got twisted to being possessive over him; she wanted to continue taking care of him in her own way even if she forgot what their original relationship was like.

I actually wanted to talk about this panel too (Retrace 91):

(Let me just set aside the context that Noise is actively trying to kill Ada and Ada is trying to buy time by talking because I want to talk about their words.)

Noise says Ada shouldn't pretend like she knows everything about Vincent and Noise, which is true in a way.... Because, you see, and as much as I love Ada, I still have to admit Ada is selective in what she is trying to figure out. She wants to know more about Vincent, not Noise. She doesn't know (and probably never will) that Noise was once a good onee-san to Vincent and his only true friend when he was surrounded by manipulative adults. So, I don't think Ada is the best person to give an opinion about Noise and Vincent's history when she hardly knows anything about them?

Again, I agree with what she says. Not knowing everything is not a crime, you can always learn things later on; yes, it's true but this line:

You're being criminal by being judgemental without even trying to understand!!

--honestly, applies to Ada too? Because Ada is also being judgemental about Noise without understanding her at all. Ada (and Oz and others too, for that matter) believe that Echo is the 'kind' personality while Noise is the mindless killer personality that takes over Echo.

When, in fact, it's the other way round. It's because of the power of the Abyss (and so, indirectly her chain) that Noise started losing her mind in the first place. Her mind was filled with so much noise that she feared and had dreams of turning into a monster (idk if her mental deterioration was already present before her contract) but I do know Doldum/Duldee (Echos) was only making the matter worse. Yes, all the Echos tried to protect her heart by preserving some of her memories bit by bit but.... wasn't it also because of the chain from the Abyss that she has been suffering all along?

See, again, Ada doesn't grasp the full essence of Noise's words. Of course, she has no way of knowing unless Noise tells her but...

Noise doesn't mean here that Vincent and Noise are different because they are Baskervilles. No, she means they are different because they are the only ones who are not 'proper' Baskervilles, who are cast out from being both human and Baskerville, who are not included anywhere.

Noise was an anomaly because of her weakness to the Abyss and her inability to control her own chain. Vincent was an anomaly because he was a child of ill-omen (something that doesn't exist in Ada's timeline). And those are his words Noise repeats that since both of them were aberrations, it won't be wrong if they stayed together because then, for each other, they can be 'normal'.

Ada is really missing a huge chunk of context here. I agree wholeheartedly that Ada will accept him even if he is a Baskerville and a Child of Misfortune because she is a kind soul, she is gonna accept and forgive Vincent no matter what.

But I am not talking about Ada and Vincent here, but about Noise. The point here is that Ada doesn't understand where Noise is coming from. For Noise, Vincent was the only way she could feel 'normal', among humans or Baskervilles. She heavily related to him, she latched onto him as the only one who could understand her, she did everything, became everything Vincent asked of her; at her heart, Noise, like every character in this story, just does not want to be lonely anymore.

This panel actually made me feel so bad for Noise. Time and again, Ada stands up for Vincent, Oz stands up for Echo, but who stands up for Noise?

(btw, please don't take this in a wrong way. I love Oz and Ada, and I am genuinely amazed and touched at that they can still distinguish Echo from Noise, sympathize with Echo for being an unwilling accomplice and bear no grudge against her in spite of Noise having a major hand in Uncle Oscar's death.

I am just trying to look at the story from Noise's perspective and doing that makes me realize that most of the major characters have no idea what Noise really was like. heck, even Noise didn't know at the time of Retrace 91; she remembers the truth only at the time of her death (Retrace 97).

Because Noise, too, once was a sweet, caring soul just like the present and last Echo (Eko-chan, I will refer to her as that to differentiate her from other Echos). Bit-by-bit, Noise lost all she knew about herself the longer she used her chain and created more Echos. As I said, both Oz and Ada are judging her from what they see before their eyes, not knowing how shattered and sick her mind is at the moment. I can't blame them ofc because that's what I too might have to do when the person before me is actively trying to kill me,, but knowing the context and her backstory, her presence in the story exudes so much loneliness.)

See, you can feel the despair and tiredness already seeping into her. She starts to lash out and reject people around her, even those who care about her to some extent; she doesn't even know what she wants anymore.

She wants to meet Vincent to, she believes, kill him because he is not hers anymore. But what I think is she subconsciously still possesses the protectiveness of a big sister and knows Vincent is in trouble, that's why she wants to go after him to make sure he is okay.

She says the same here (Retrace 97):

...I've had enough. I'm already so tired...

You know, what's even sadder? Eko is not a different person. Taking away the context of a chain and the fantasy surrounding it, she is simply a personality created by the weak-minded Noise to take on her unbearable suffering (like Split Personality (DID) patients do). So when Eko says:

--and asks her to remember herself, Noise is, in fact, in a way, talking to herself. It's the last sane part of her mind that's realized that her body can't hold out longer, and talks to the shattered, tired and lonely part of her, tries to recoup some of her memories so she doesn't end up doing something she'd regret, like killing her only friend and so that she gets a proper closure in death.

To say, Noise has no one but her imaginary self to console and hold her during her final moments. She died as lonely as she lived. I am happy Echo dies in Oz's arms, but....Noise? ;_;

Annnnd, even in the Happy Ending that the author gave us--the Everyone lives/No one dies one from Retrace 104-- where is the original personality of Noise? 😭

(how I wanted to see a normal interaction between Zwei, Gil and Oz; her teasing Oz, "Echo is shy to come out and meet you, so you just have to deal with me today 😈")

Further, about Vincent and Noise--

Something Noise says about Ada (Retrace 91):

Vincent got close to you only to take advantage of you.... You were so carefree…so stupid!

Actually, her words apply to herself as well. Vincent was only using Noise as a tool to his cause because he thought she was a stupid girl who would listen to his every word.

But my question is: does he even remember Noise as that onee-san who used to look out for him? Did he know it and choose to forget? Or, did he really forget? He was even the one who gave her the nickname after she forgot her own. Is it possible he forgot who Noise was to him whereas he remembers even the traumatic events of Sablier (something Gil misplaced his memories of)? Or, did he purposely suppress his good memories so he can recall his days as a Baskerville as being full of pain so that it makes his planned death easier for him?

I don't know but there is an equal chance of him genuinely forgetting who Noise was to him and him knowing everything yet acting like he didn't. If the latter, it's totally messed up on his part. Because Noise forgetting herself doesn't mean Vincent can distort their original relationship? How could he cross the boundary and do what he pleases to a broken, amnesiac girl who used to be his big-sister-like figure once?

This is the reason I am kind of skeptical about Ada saying she would forgive Vincent for everything. Offering him forgiveness for his past mistakes that he committed as a misguided, manipulated child is perfectly alright; but his deeds as an adult? Sorry but Ada doesn't even know half the picture of what Vincent really is like.

Either way, her last thoughts for Ada and Vincent were so sweet and makes me wish she was around, at least, in the Alternate Ending as the cool big sister for the kids.

Another heart-breaking line:

I never wanted to hurt him. Not even if there was no place for me at his side

Why does everything have to be a love triangle? Why can't everyone be a huge fun found family so that nobody feels left out and lonely? I wonder what Noise would be like when she is not in captivity or despair-fuelled-killing-spree. I feel like she would be feisty and sharp-witted, a complete opposite of the shy Echo, and would be going around trolling and teasing the kids lol

Ending this with the panel here, because in spite of their rocky relationship, chatting with Vincent were the few times Noise genuinely smiled ;-;

[yanderefairyangel]

Ph month 2- Faith

"I ´m sure that we all knew that the future we evocated was an unachievable utopie and yet..."

[takumochi]

Hi 18 19 23 for the ask

18: Do I hate or like Jack?

welll,, i dont like him, but i dont hate him either. i used to hate him, but now hes kinda not as hateable. i think xai, the actual scum of the earth, redefined hate for me

19: Lacie?

Yes. (lacie was such a good character. morally questionable bt she was Good. also lacie the ost is THE BEST, i LOVE, makes me cry on demand)

23: Moments that made me cry

warning: spoilers! 

ok so retrace xcii: a story. chapter 92. specifically, xerxes break’s death. i cried like a baby i was blubbering for like an hour the first time i read it at 3 am. but tbh im not even mad!! break deserved that HCNCJD anyway its also one of my favorite moments because dam,, mochijun executed it so WELL good JOB //SOBBING

another was the picnic scene in retrace civ: will / the final chapter! LIKE. BOI it played with everyones feelings so much LIKE break, elliot, echo, oscar, EVERYONE I LOVE CAME BAC AND I JUST :’)

theres prob more bt this is all i could recall right now AAAHHHH

[pamphletstoinspire]

The Church's Year - INSTRUCTION ON THE FOURTH SUNDAY AFTER EASTER

The Introit of this days Mass is a canticle of praise and thanks:

INTROIT Sing ye to the Lord a new canticle alleluia; because the Lord hath done wonderful things, alleluia; he hath revealed his justice in the sight of the Gentiles. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia. His right hand hath wrought for him salvation; and his arm is holy. (Ps. XCII.) Glory etc.

COLLECT O God, who makest the minds of the faithful to be of one will: grant unto Thy people to love what Thou commandest, and to desire what thou dost promise; that amidst the various changes of the world our hearts may there be fixed where true joys abide. Through etc.

EPISTLE (James I. 17‑21.) Dearly beloved, Every best gift, and every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no change, nor shadow of alteration. For of his own will hath he begotten us by the word of truth, that we might be some beginning of his creatures. You know, my dearest brethren. And let every man be swift to hear, but slow to speak, and slow to anger: for the anger of man worketh not the justice of God. Wherefore, casting away all uncleanness, and abundance of naughtiness, with meekness receive the ingrafted word, which is able to save your souls.

INSTRUCTION Of all the gifts that come from God, the most excellent is the gospel and regeneration in baptism, by which He has made us His children and heirs of heaven. How great is this honor, and how earnestly we should endeavor to preserve it! To hear the word of God, when preached to us in sermons, will aid our endeavors. The admonition of the apostle to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, contains true wisdom, for: In the multitude of words there shall not want sin; but he that refraineth his lips is most wise. (Prov. X. 19.)

ASPIRATION Aid me, O Lord, to preserve the dignity received in baptism, grant me a great love for Thy divine word, and strengthen me to subdue my tongue and to use it only for Thy glory.

GOSPEL (John XVI. 5‑14.) At that time, Jesus said to his disciples: I go to him that sent me: and none of you asketh me: Whither goest thou? But because I have spoken these things to you, sorrow hath filled your heart. But I tell you the truth: it is expedient to you that I go; for if I go not, the Paraclete will not come to you: but if I go, I will send him to you. And when he is come, he will convince the world of sin, and of justice, and of judgment. Of sin, because they believed not in me: and of justice, because I go to the Father, and you shall see me no longer: and of judgment, because the prince of this world is already judged. I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. But when he, the, Spirit of truth, is come, he will teach you all truth; for he shall not speak of himself; but what things soever he shall hear, he shall speak, and the things that are to come he shall show you. He shall glorify me, because he shall receive of mine, and shall show it to you.

INSTRUCTION As the disciples, in their grief at Christ's going to His passion and death, after the accomplishment of which He was to return to His Father, never once asked Him: "Whither goest Thou?" many Christians, because of their attachment to this world and its pleasures, never ask themselves: Whither am I going, whither leads my way? By my sinful life I am perhaps going towards hell, or will my little fervor for the right, my lukewarm prayers take me to heaven? Ark yourself in all earnestness, dear Christian, whither leads the way you are going? Is it the right path? if not, retrace your steps, and follow Jesus who by suffering and death entered heaven.

Why could the Paraclete not come before the Ascension of Christ?

Because the work of Redemption had first to be completed, Christ had to die, reconcile man to God, and enter into His glory, before the Spirit of truth and filial adoption could abide in man in the fulness of grace. From this we may learn that we must purify our hearts, and be reconciled to God, if we wish to receive the gifts of the Holy Ghost.

How will the Holy Ghost convince the world of sin, of justice and of judgment?

He will convince the world, that is, the Jews and Gentiles, of sin, by showing them through the preaching, the sanctity and the miracles of the apostles, as well as by gradual inward enlightenment, the grievous sins which they have committed by their infidelity and their vices; of justice, by unveiling their error, and showing them that Christ whom they unjustly rejected, is the fountain of justice; of judgment, by showing them their condemnation in their prince and head, the devil, whom they served. This prince is now driven from idols and from the bodies of men, and his kingdom is destroyed in the name of Jesus by the apostles.

Why did not Christ tell His apostles all He had to tell them?

Because they could not yet comprehend, and keep it in their memory; because they were still too weak, and too much attached to Jewish customs, and also because they were depressed; He. therefore promised them the Holy Ghost, who would fit them for it by His enlightenment, and would teach them all truth.

How does the Holy Ghost teach all truth?

By guiding the Church, that is, its infallible administration, by His light to the knowledge of the truth necessary for the salvation of souls, preserving it from error; and by advancing those members of the Church who seek His light and place no obstacle in its way, in the necessary knowledge of truth.

What is meant by: He shall not speak of himself, but what things soevey he shall hear, he shall speak?

That the Holy Ghost will teach us only that which He has heard from all eternity from the Father and Son; His teaching will, therefore, perfectly agree with Christ's teachings, for the Holy Ghost proceeds from the Father and Son and is equal God to them, and that which He teaches is also their doctrine, which is expressed in the words: He shall receive of mine.

ASPIRATION Ah, my Lord and my God! direct my feet in the way of Thy commandments and preserve my heart pure from sin, that Thy Holy Spirit may find nothing in me deserving of reproach, that He . may teach me all truth, and lead me to Thee, the eternal Truth, in heaven. Amen.

[014eules]

©Marshmallian

[reijikotobussy]

I S2G I NEVER CRY AS HARD AS WHEN I READ PANDORA HEARTS FUCK

[badkerville]

"I will stay here"

[fivekrystalpetals]

this story doesn't exist for me beyond this point in Retrace 92:

everyone is back home safe, the world is saved and they have another tea party, The End!

[fivekrystalpetals]

PH MASTERLIST

(aka I wrote a lot of stuff about this series now trying to put all of it in one place so I find Things when I search for it)

CHAPTERS

retrace i | retrace ii | retrace iii | retrace iv | retrace v | retrace vi | retrace vii | retrace viii | retrace ix | retrace x | retrace xi | retrace xii | retrace xiii | retrace xiv | retrace xv | retrace xvi | retrace xvii | retrace xviii | retrace xix | retrace xx | retrace xxi | retrace xxii | retrace xxiii | retrace xxiv | retrace xxv | retrace xxvi | retrace xxvii | retrace xxviii | retrace xxix | retrace xxx | retrace xxxi | retrace xxxii | retrace xxxiii | retrace xxxiv | retrace xxxv | retrace xxxvi | retrace xxxvii | retrace xxxviii | retrace xxxix | retrace xl | retrace xli | retrace xlii | retrace xliii | retrace xliv | retrace xlv | retrace xlvi | retrace xlvii | retrace xlviii | retrace xlix | retrace l | retrace li | retrace lii | retrace liii | retrace liv | retrace lv | retrace lvi | retrace lvii | retrace lviii | retrace lix | retrace lx | retrace lxi | retrace lxii | retrace lxiii | retrace lxiv | retrace lxv | retrace lxvi | retrace lxvii | retrace lxviii | retrace lxix | retrace lxx | retrace lxxi | retrace lxxii | retrace lxxiii | retrace lxxiv | retrace lxxv | retrace lxxvi | retrace lxxvii | retrace lxxviii | retrace lxxix | retrace lxxx | retrace lxxxi | retrace lxxxii | retrace lxxxiii | retrace lxxxiv | retrace lxxxv | retrace lxxxvi | retrace lxxxvii | retrace lxxxviii | retrace lxxxix | retrace xc | retrace xci | retrace xcii | retrace xciii | retrace xciv | retrace xcv | retrace xcvi | retrace xcvii | retrace xcviii | retrace xcix | retrace c | retrace ci | retrace cii | retrace ciii | retrace civ

some Serious posts: may-reads-ph | some Fun Posts: ph musings

MY ANALYSIS POSTS

1.] Lottie | (add: re: real reason why Lottie changed sides in the last arc)

2.] Noise | (add)

3.] Alice(s)

4.] Lacie

5.] Glen, Children of Misfortune, Juries and the Baskervilles | (Part 1 : Glen, Jury and Knowledge of Abyss) | (Part 2 : Choosing a side) | (Part 3 : Oswald and his sin of passivity) | (Part 4 : Oswald and Lacie)

6.] Core of the Abyss and "her" Children of "Misfortune"

[badkerville]

"If we are to believe what Ru-kun said, Oz's power - the power of the B-Rabbit - is what caused the near destruction of the world 100 years ago. That's why, if Oz-kun appears to be losing control, I want you . . . to kill him."

[badkerville]

That's because we're alive right here, right now! Isn't that obvious?

[badkerville]

Hmm?

[badkerville]

[fivekrystalpetals]

I told myself I won't go PH-blogging today but I just had to add this because these lines are beautiful 💔

this story doesn't exist for me beyond this point in Retrace 92:

everyone is back home safe, the world is saved and they have another tea party, The End!