#idk how to tag this so if you don't want to see it you won't have to see it
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 5 months ago
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Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D
I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.
Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.
I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!
I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.
I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer
I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.
So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3
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w1lmutt · 7 months ago
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Thing is, it doesn't matter if Tomura isn't dead and will be brought back in the future or not. To me, the way his character had been utilized for the story since the end of the first war arc is goddamn awful
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necrotic-nephilim · 4 months ago
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do you ship helena bertinelli with anyone? if yes, then which characters and why? what's your favorite helena ship? do you have any helena rarepairs? (i know you've talked about helena/steph and you're so right about it, it's a very interesting ship)
!!!! i have so many ships for my best girl ever yes oh my god thank you for asking.
my top pairing is probably Vic Sage/the Question. Vic is the basic answer, but man. i love them so much. no couple has matched each other's freak like that have. Justice League Unlimited is a great adaptation of Helena in general, but it also did a great adaptation of Helena and Vic's relationship. how he just dedicates himself to helping her with no expected return, but also wants to make sure she doesn't go too far in a hunt for vengeance that never ends for her. i think a lot of characters often want to change Helena or expect things out of her for their own needs, like the Batfam and the BoP. but Vic is one of the few people who just wants her to be better for her own good. when he tries to stop her from killing it's not because of his morals, it's because he doesn't want this crusade to consume her. and i just. man i think about them a lot. Helena rlly likes weird little men who give themselves wholly to her.
Zinda Blake/Lady Blackhawk is also a top ship for me. tbh i just like Zinda. but i do love how Helena and Zinda interact, being the more rough and tumble members of the BoP. they're both outsiders, in different ways. Helena is an outsider of the Batfam and Zinda is literally from a different time and an outsider to the current world. their friendship is so genuine and i think if Babs and Dinah can have. whatever homoerotic nonsense going on during BoP, then Zinda and Helena deserve some homoerotic nonsense too. as a treat.
if we're willing to count New-52 Helena, then i enjoy Helena/Dick/Tiger. i think Helena and Dick being a past relationship is really important in pre-Flashpoint for Helena's development, though i don't ship them as a serious couple beyond a fling. but in the New-52, i think this throuple be fun. Helena and Tiger respect each other as two very driven, no-nonsense agents and then well. they both clearly have some kind of thing for Dick. so it's fun finding the balance of how they could all work together romantically.
and ofc. it's a crime to mention Helena ships and not mention Renee Montoya/the Question. every time they interact it's really fucking gay. it's so gay that Kate Kane, Renee's own ex, assumed Helena and Renee were gay. i cannot be convinced against this ship. i genuinely think this ship should be canon. i mean. DC did tease us with this moment from an alternate universe and it's lived rent for me since. fucking criminal for us to only get one panel of what we could have if DC let Helena be a fruit in the main universe. being in love with Helena Bertinelli should be a right of passage for the Question mantle, i personally believe. if you asked me like. genuinely who i want to see Helena date in the current comics, Renee is my top pick. (i would say Vic but he's fucking dead and the New-52 butchered him so rip my mans-)
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lois lane (2019) #10
besides those ships, just about every ship for Helena probably falls into the category of rarepair. like you said i've talked about my love for Helena/Steph before bc god. i think it should be a thing more people ship. once i finish the fic i'm writing about them i will convince others to like it.
i also think Helena/Cass could be fun. in a *lot* of ways Helena and Cass are narrative parallels to each other. Helena was a victim of her family being murdered at about the same age Cass was forced to be a murderer. Helena grows up to believe in lethal justice because of this, and Cass grows up to be staunchly against it. Cass' Batgirl suit was made *by* Helena. they both want to be protectors of the most vulnerable people. they balance each other out in a lot of ways and i think they should kiss about it.
also probably a rarepair, i think Helena/Lady Shiva is fun. their fight during Birds of Prey (2010) had... questionable moments for Helena's characterization, but i do love so much that Helena knocks Shiva off her feet and gains a deep respect from Shiva. like. Shiva gives her a nickname and shows her admiration. i would like to see fanfic where Shiva continues to be weirdly admirable of Helena and bothering her non-stop. they could be a fun fucked up toxic yuri moment. this is just. so gay to me.
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birds of prey (2010) #6
my most rare Helena pair would probably be Helena Wayne, actually. but specifically Helena Wayne of JSA (2022). ever since, for some reason, it was made canon that the current Helena Wayne was named after Helena Bertinelli and took the name Huntress to honor her i *cannot* stop thinking about them meeting. because in-universe it makes *no* fucking sense for Bruce to name his kid after *Helena Bertinelli*, someone he's regularly at odds with and doesn't like. it's clearly an awkward explanation to try to make the whole two Huntress situation make sense. (it's almost as bad as Helena Wayne in the New-52 using Helena Bertinelli as an alias.) but because it's such an odd choice, i do think it could be fun for Helena Wayne, when she's back in time to see Bruce, to find Helena Bertinelli to get to know the woman she was named after and Helena Bertinelli just being. baffled by the idea of *Batman* naming his kid after her. it could be a fun fucked up moment.
my other super rarepair is Kara Zor-L/Power Girl. they had like. one meaningful interaction of JSA Classified and it's been PLAGUING me. something about when Power Girl doesn't remember her past and she's seeking a friend, she instinctively goes to find Huntress? but it's wrong bc this isn't *her* Huntress and neither of them understand why Power Girl would seek Helena out? god it's so good. i'm always a big fan of ships where one person in the ship is *so* obviously using the other person as a replacement for someone they lost and they both know it. it's such a doomed angsty thing where you could play with Helena actually really liking Kara, but knowing that she's just a replacement for Kara's Helena Wayne. good fucked up shit man.
and lastly: i really ship her with Dawn Granger/Dove. there's no canon basis for this, they didn't have a ton of interactions even when they were both on the BoP. but there's a very kind innocence to Dawn that contrasts Helena's violence really well. and i do love a ship with a corruption kink vibe to it. let Helena corrupt Dawn. i could write such fucked up porn about these two.
#necrotic answerings#helena bertinelli#idk the ship names for most of these ships so idk how to tag them#most of them are too rare to have ship names. tragic.#anyway i ship her with so many ppl#i do ship her with tim as well but i didn't mention him just bc i default to viewing them platonically.#also think babs is a valid ship for her. but in a hatefucking way.#i prefer their relationship when they can't stand each other it's more fun.#but yeah the realistic “i want to see this in canon” options are vic and renee#and then the rest are “i'm alone in this ship but i see potential” rarepairs#esp lady shiva. like i'm *really* tempted to write that fic.#i just need to read more comics with shiva.#actually the most fucked up option: cass/helena/shiva incestual threesome.#that has potential. but i don't think anyone shares my vision#also i've seen posts arguing for helena/jason#and while. longterm i disagree. i do think them sleeping together is on the table.#but largely ppl always bringing him up when talking about her sours me to that ship. so eh.#also i would ship helena/bruce in a fucked up way if that one batman: the brave & the bold episode didn't piss me off so bad#justice league unlimited is the *only* good adaptation of helena i'm so serious.#everything else eats ass with her. esp the arrowverse.#and the birds of prey movie.#but jlu does good by her and if you just watch that show you do have a solid grasp of her character#it adapts her story into a child-friendly medium in what i think is the best way it could've#anywhore thank you for this ask <3#you actually sent this when something rlly shitty happened so it was a nice little distraction from life to think about my answer#OH WAIT YOU KNOW WHO I FORGOT.#kate spencer. manhunter. I ship her with helena too.#lethal female vigilantes unite.#BRO those two deserve a teamup mini or something. they'd click so well.#dc hire me to write a huntress/manhunter mini series i promise i won't make them gay (my fingers are crossed)
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imminent-danger-came · 3 months ago
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I don't understand the lego ninjago movie
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iwakuraz · 1 month ago
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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zipquips · 4 months ago
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feeling incredibly unprepared for my med appointment today
#i only have original copies of my diagnosis documents#because i can't get my printer to work#and i have nothing but the cvs app to prove my prescription#and i can't even take a screenshot of that because it's blocked due to policy on android#supposedly that's to protect someone taking my info ig#but it's me! i want to take my own info!#all of the papers i have show my meds at a lower dose#idk#i'm hoping if they take my docs they'll make copies (i'm gonna ask or else i won't hand my docs over)#but like idk what to do about my med dosage though#i did write down my mental health treatment history + why i want to see this provider + how each diagnosis effects me so i don't forget#anything#i'm just really nervous#because i am going into the appointment with one of my main goals being adhd meds#and i'm just afraid that that's too suspicious#even though i have a diagnosis and need them#idk i just fear getting denied because i come across wrong idk#and one of my important papers has an incorrect diagnosis on it but i still need to give the papers for the other info on it#<- i got a borderline diagnosis from someone one time and that's the thing some people do when they see non-men with autism#because obviously autism is only for little boys#so like i don't have bpd#but that says i do#but every other provider has said no you don't#but i have nothing documenting the no you don'ts#so like i just need them to believe me because i exhibit no symptoms of it#but i'm terrified they won't believe me#sorry this is so so so so much rambling i am so so so so nervous for this#all of these tags are such great evidence for the anxiety disorder i have a diagnosis for lmaooooooooooooooooooo i hate it here#zip quips
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sherlock-is-ace · 8 months ago
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#gonna be depressing in the tags for a moment#pls excuse me#but whenevery i see a pair of friends that are like soulmates together#who laugh and scream about what they love and have so many things in common#i always become the personification of ''i want what they have''#ever since i was a child i would pray (you heard that right lol) to get a best friend who shared my interests and passions#(and who was gay but that's included in interests and passions lol tho i didn't know it at the time)#i dream with the sitcom worthy friendships with the you get the key to my house and you can come in whenever#we just spend days sitting together and not even talking just being there#or the next best thing. find it online!#but that will never happen and i need to accept that#not even for lack of trying... i even went to a hobby class for a whole month trying to make friends irl#but it's impossible for the simplest reason... i don't enjoy it!#every time i try to do something new and out of my comfort zone i fail misserably because it's literal hell to me#how can i make a friend if i cannot talk to people?#online or whatever?!#i can't even talk to the people i know from school or whatever#i put in so much fucking effort and freak myself out!#and it's not working and it won't work and idk what to do about it!#so yeah i don't think i'm capable of having meaningful relationships actually#and i need to really accept that cause otherwise i will forever dream with it#like i need to stop trying to chase after it it's just not gonna happen#i guess people have these feelings about romantic partners? well not me lol#anyways...#angel talks#personal
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byanyan · 1 year ago
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being friends with byan is so weird bc they say they want you to have the balls to be bluntly honest with them, but then the very moment you're honest about something they don't like, they're peacing out, all "lmao ok friendship ended byeeeee"
#honesty is great until you're addressing their insecurities or anything they're currently in denial over#they have a... weird relationship with honesty lmao#they'll be harshly honest about almost anything and not pull a single damn punch#they will tell you easily that their biological mother didn't want them and that they've lived on the street#they'll tell you that they haven't had a foster home last more than 10 months & that one of their foster parents almost killed them#but they won't tell you about the misery these events caused & how its shaped them as a person#and then there's the way they can dish it but can't take it#they'll tell you to your face everything that's wrong with you (in their opinion)#but the moment you do the same back.... lmao fuck you what the hell kinda bullshit#they're so SO sensitive. so much more so than they let on. and they don't tolerate being called on their shit well.#but I think part of that is bc they spent a lot of their life being belittled rather than built up#and they ended up feeling like every time they were abandoned it was bc of their flaws#so if ur pointing them out........ it's only a matter of time before ur leaving too. so they better leave first.#but also they just hate being Seen. they hate when someone can see behind their facade.#if someone else can see ur pain that means it's really there or something :)#idk I have way more thoughts about this than I realized when I started typing and now the tags are gonna be longer than the post oops#might....... have to make a note to get into all this in a more in depth headcanon at some point#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.
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formulaonedirection · 1 year ago
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i just got round to actually reading the press conference transcript everyone's been lambasting lando for. ignoring the misquote of "He’s never done that in his life. So that's the only thing that Lewis hasn't done that I HAVE in Formula 1." (literal joke about he and mclaren being shite lmao), the other point of his point about lewis complaining... isn't just isolated to him talking about lewis and merc's performance.
see the following quote, from quite literally the same press conference:
"But I think there are still some things from a handling side of it that I would like to be improved. But it's tough. You're always going to be complaining, which is the thing, like Max was complaining yesterday. I’ve never seen him complain so much. Today, it's mega. It comes and goes in little things but even if your car is a lot quicker, you're still going to have some issues here and there."
like... the guy was talking about himself complaining, about VER complaining. the guy just likes to use the word 'complain'.
i'm in tears 😭😭
Friend I didn't want to leave you hanging but I'm truly sick to death of the #landiscourse because simply at the end of the day people will give grace to the people they like and believe the worst about people they hate. Like I get the impetus to defend him but you can show this to anyone that hates Lando and they'll still be able to take his words in bad faith because that's what they want to do. And it's okay! Because it's such a losing battle trying to convince people who don't want to be convinced so I'm so ready to expand my energies elsewhere. But if anyone ever feels like ranting about Lando hate please feel free in my DMs I'm here to commiserate dw I FEEL IT TOO!!!! I just don't really want to answer 75 asks about the same issue because I like to scroll my own blog and having it on here is such a clog bleh
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bandzboy · 1 year ago
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no way i am seeing people saying that stream sniping is not cheating or basically a form of cheating because the stream is public and it's there for everyone to see so it's the streamer's fault like my brother in christ if you need to stream snipe to rank up and win and think it's justifiable to stream snipe because the stream is public then idk what to tell you
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alltimefail-sims · 1 year ago
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Sooooo round walls are buggy as heck?! There's no way the the Sims team isn't aware of this.
Worst part is that their asses are going to try and sell the medieval kit people voted on even though round walls are quintessential to those builds and they do. not. work!!!!
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coulsonlives · 2 years ago
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#my friend and i broke up#she's still on w the whole 'i have this' malingering and attention seeking behaviour and i tried to be sympathetic but she shut me out#her parents apparently even let her see a psychiatrist (that shit's expensive) and she did but she got a different dx now she's mad#and she doesn't want to see a counsellor. i sent her resources for what she (thought) she had and she won't even look at em#she said it's 'big psychiatry' so she didn't trust it?? i wish i was making this up#the links i sent weren't even affiliated with any doctors or psychiatrists!!#they were literally support links and pages from a reputable site for people with this disorder and pages that helped confirm if you had it#SHE REFUSED TO LOOK AT ANYTHING#SHE ONLY WANTED TO SEE THINGS THAT REINFORCED HER DELUSION#heLLO YOU YOURSELF WANTED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN BC YOU GOT THE WRONG ANSWER ITS A NO??#i feel like i'm going to be sick i feel horrible#i'm angry and hurt and frustrated and i don't know how to help her outta this so i feel like a useless pos#i'm so done?? done done done#the sad thing is i can't even tell 100 percent if she's actually sure she has something based on super wrong symptoms or#if she's intentionally faking#i just went thru and blocked a lot of blogs too..#because i'm starting to notice a LOT of this on tumblr too and it jumps out like a sore thumb now esp in certain communities#idk if i have it in me to see all these people in the same exact boat whether it's intentional or they actually don't get what's goin on#i'm not using certain community/label tags in my posts anymore and taking em out of my previous posts#mental health cw#rant#vent#tbd#malingering cw#munchausen cw
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egg2k16 · 9 days ago
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This may be the depression speaking + the earliest trauma I've ever gone thru (completely accidental as well), but I think it's kinda pointless to give me gifts. I have clothes that still fit me and are in excellent condition. I have shoes. I have a sizeable movie collection (that tbf I can always add to), and all the books I'd want. I don't paint anymore so it's useless giving me art supplies. And unfortunately even giving me money is hilariously pointless bcus I'm not even gonna spend it on anything, I'm just gonna put it into my savings account and keep living day by day as I do: doing nothing...interesting
#post#how am I this lifeless at fucking 25 dude. holy shit#vent#personal#my hobbies are watching movies. then writing fic. this if I can even squeeze it in between my classes#(sighs) I'd told my mom at the beginning of the semester that I won't be able to go out anymore#she didn't believe me#she's always desperate to get me to go outside to some event or the other n I'd rather just not go bcus well! I don't have any friends#either so it's like. it's just the 2 of us#I like hanging out w her but man walking around n seeing everything doesn't take as long as you'd think#man this is so sad. and pathetic. I should just straight up die#that's another thing today we went to costco n I went to see if this math book I saw like a week or 2 ago was still there n it's not#I wasn't able to find it online either n it sent me into such a pit of despair that like. wow this sucks#I want so many things!!! and I don't ask for any of them bcus; going to my first point!!!; what'd be the fucking point!!!#the hilarious accidental trauma was that I was 2 and wanted a horse book n threw a tantrum about it#n then my mom took me home n sternly yet calmly explained how she couldn't get it for me n would be able to get it at another time#the thing is is that no one around me wants to acknowledge that I'm autistic so this event resulted in me taking it dead serious literally#and my 2 yr old brain understood it to mean 'never ask for anything ever anymore'#I've never thrown a tantrum since but I HAVE swallowed up and repressed every single desire I've had for material things#hmmm is that why I tend to choose experiences sometimes. like trips n stuff. bcus it's not an actual physical thing#was just thinking earlier how my future therapist might find me annoying in that half the work is done in that I keep learning things about#myself a little Too Well#the only therapist I've had up until now was a lady at my uni campus who could only see me for 2 months until she moved to another uni#n she told me. 'your problem is that you're too logical. you're too aware of yourself. you need to allow yourself to feel something'#like!!! don't I know that all too well!!!#hmm is that ALSO perhaps why I'm having more visible meltdowns?#then again I hate crying in front of my parents. it feels like I'm just. man we always joke about me being a spoiled brat bcus I'm an only#child but maaaaaaaaan. it always feels like I never appreciate things n that they Know this n I'm constantly never living up to my#high potential. bcus I'm so spoilt n everything n beneath me somehow#idk man. one day I'll just tell my therapist to follow me on tumblr n analyze me via my tags
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homosexualcitron · 25 days ago
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the way i should leave tumblr forever zz
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fanfictin · 5 months ago
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a heros consequences
this entire thing needs soo much editing akfjajdj but just got to put it Somewhere for now
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Technically, someone was always trying to 'get' the hero. It was how /being/ a hero had to work.
But, as Tails glanced over his shoulder for the upteenth time to make sure his brother was still stretched out on the sofa at the side of the workshop, despite the 'hero lifestyle', there were very few /real/ close calls with morality that haunted his dreams.
And this was going to now be one of them.
Tails exhaled shakily, forcing himself to turn back to the computer he sat in front of. He had patched sonic up best he could when they got back from the caved in factory, ignoring the weaker than usual protests against care. It wasn't like anything Sonic could say would erase the memory of him inches out of tails' grasp hitting the shallow water and immediately being lit up with what was easily lethal doses of electricity even without the lightshow and screaming of pain as surge advanced unflinching through the crackling--
The fox forcefully shook his body slightly to stop the scene from continuing in his mind. His eyes flicked from the main program he was /trying/ to work on as a distraction to the bottom left of his screen, where he'd brought up the built in link to his communication devices - though they did much more than just work as Comms. Ever concerned about his friends' wellbeing both in and out of adventures, each device had several distinct features, with the currently opened one a screen of tracking vitals.
It was one of the only things stopping him from curling up right next to his brother with an ear close enough to hear any changes in breathing or heartbeat that would indicate the slightest hint of something potentially deadly wrong. There was work to be done, so instead Tails had swallowed as much fear as he could and left Sonic to rest physically, while immediately bringing the vitals program up on the computer and pinning it to the corner before even starting to try and find something useful to work on. Still, despite its several built in alarms for various states and statistics, his gaze kept sliding to the numbers, double checking for any arrhythmia or drop in stats. Anything that would be the only input he needed to drop everything and take his brother to an actual hospital or something so someone /else/ who knew better could tell him that it would be okay, electricity didn't mess with people's heart rates or anything, doesn't mess with your brain's signals, isn't as deadly as lighting in thunderstorms…
A nearby creak made Tails jump an embarrassing amount, and he quickly gritted his teeth against the shock and thoughts that kept crowding him. He was fine. Sonic was fine. They escaped. It was over. For now, at least.
He glanced at the clock on the wall that suddenly sounded obnoxiously loud. It was almost time to wake Sonic anyway. Given the electrocution and recent beating, he would need a lot of rest, but concern about how hard he had hit one of the tanks - hard enough to /crack/ it on inpact when surge hit him back with metal - with his head, leaving a noticeable mark, Tails had quickly decided that being shaken awake every hour or so was more important to avoid coma complications from head trauma than sleeping off probable broken ribs was.
Quietly, he slipped out of his chair, glad at least for something that needed him to physically move, and padded over to his brother's back that faced him on the sofa.
Sonic looked asleep, but a frown on his face and crossed arms even with his body half curled into the pillows suggested it wasn't a pain-free rest. Tails worried his lip as he slowly reached out to carefully shake the available shoulder, making sure not to get pricked by any quills.
"Sonic? Can you hear me? I just need to check your eyes."
Despite keeping his voice soft, Tails shook the hedgehog slightly more firmly when there wasn't a real response, until Sonic groaned and half rolled towards the interruption, managing to squint open an eye after several blinks.
"Mm? Tails? Wha's up?"
His words were slightly slurred, but Tails was happy to chalk that up to exhaustion without further evidence of serious injury, and he gave an encouraging smile as he raised a small torch in his other hand into sonics sight.
"Cmon, you know the drill," he cajoled, trying for a more casual tone, "both eyes open for a second. Up and at 'em."
Sonic groaned with slightly more lucidity, and slowly opened his other eye, still half squinting in the dim workshop light. Tails quickly clicked on his tool and carefully watched as pupils sluggishly followed it to one side, slowly shrinking against the close brightness. Tails switched off the torch with a hum.
"Slightly better," he allowed, watching as sonic grumbled and screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to reset his now spotlighted vision. "Do you know where we are?" Tails pressed, ignoring the huff in reply.
"Workshop," sonic mumbled after a beat.
"That'll do," Tails allowed only slightly reluctantly. Precise location could come later. "What's your name?"
This time sonic slipped open an eye again to offer a disbelieving look. "Sonic the hedgehog," he replied with a hint of bemusement and clearer than the last answers.
Tails smirked at the attention, mood slightly lifted by a show of his brother's usual humour. "Just gotta make sure that tussle with metal didn't knock anything important around, big bro," he responded with the smirk.
Sonic huffed again, but it was more of amusement this time. Tails' grin faded into a more sincere smile.
"Did you need anything else? Hows the leg?"
"Eh. Still healing. It'll get there," sonic replied tonelessly, almost subconsciously tucking the rebandaged limb more into himself as he already started to shift in facing the back of the sofa comfortably again, tiredness quickly pulling him back under. The amusement slipped away as Tails watched the hedgehog flinch when the right side of his face touched the sofa cushions again, the covered injury from hitting the tank still sore of sudden pressure.
Tails grimaced in concern at the clear signs of a fight on his older brother. Fur was sticking up in wrong directions, dotted with blood here and there, and small gashes littered the blue body. Some were hidden under square plasters pressed against skin on his limbs and head. Neither of them were unpractised at treating the odd visible injury, but this…
It was a lot. It was a real close call. The physical injuries, the electrocution, the water damage, the /finger marks/ around his neck--
Surge had really been trying to kill him. Trying to /end his life/ to gain her freedom, as she put it.
They all liked to give benefit of the doubt. That was another thing heroes did. But there was no mistaking someone's intentions when Tails was mere metres above, watching in horror as she simultaneously tried to electrocute and strangle and drown in an attempt to /kill/ while he could do /nothing/.
His own slight knock to the head had made their escape a little fuzzy after helping sonic out the water, so consumed with fear and worry he couldnt articulate more than /oh my gosh/ even as his brother tried to put on a shaky smile and make a joke about the water.
But he remembered gripping the metal bar, his fingers strong next to sonic's slipping grasp, helping his brother over the last edge, glaring at eggman together, and then trudging out of the collapsed factory. Adrenaline had began to wear off, clearer on sonic as his trembling escalated to shaking only minutes into their walk away from the city. They had left the tornado just outside of it, barely half an hour away even at a normal pace, but when sonic stumbled so bad he had to lean heavily against a tree to keep from collapsing, breathing harshly with a hand pressed to his chest, tails had thrown concealing his concern to the wind and pulled the hedhogs free arm around his shoulders, getting a good grip before quickly flying them forward so sonics feet barely touched the ground.
His mind had raced between the restoration, a hospital, maybe shadow or chaos emeralds themselves as he got them back to the plane with his brothers pained grunts and uneven breaths in one ear, wondering if the sound were so unusual that they could be classed as /dying/ noises worthy of some emergency reaction--
It wasn't until he was trying to bundle sonic into the back seat of the tornado that he had realised he was being talked to.
"'m okay, Tails. Just a bit…" Sonic tried to take a deep inhale, as shaky as it sounded, in an attempt to calm his little brother's impossibly wide eyes, "a bit out of breath," he admitted, clumsily patting Tails' grip on his shoulder in what was hopefully reassurance.
It didn't feel that much better to get acknowledgment of /struggle/, unfortunately.
Tails did pause though, trying to slow his panicked thoughts down enough to take in his brother's state - bruised and battered, yes, but alive. His breathing was still slightly forced, and there was a lazy drop of blood clinging to a small wound just under one slightly torn ear, but he was talking and conscious, and the trembling had calmed to the occasional shiver.
"Does it hurt?" Tails asked, realising he had yet to reply, eyes still wide on smudged red mixed in with blue fur.
Sonic grimaced for a second before raising an eyebrow. "Anything in particular you're talking about?"
"Is it hard to breathe? Do you need medical help? I can call someone at the restoration, or, or knuckles could come get us--"
"Tails, hey, it's okay. I'm--" Unfortunately the attempted reassurance was again ruined as sonic coughed and wheezed for a second, retreating the hand he tried to place on Tails' shoulder to cover his face.
Catching his breath, he managed a shaky but sure smile, and Tails finally felt some of the blind fear fall away.
"Let's just go home, kid. I could do with a nap, at least."
So Tails had nodded numbly and made sure his brother was strapped in and safe before settling himself into the seat in front and automatically starting their way back.
.
Which led to now. Where sonic was still banged up, still shaky in body, and definitely exhausted everywhere.
Tails looked down at his brother quickly slipping back into sleep after being woken for coherence. This really had been a close call. Too close.
Aside from his already injured ankle and knee, his ear had been daubed with cream along with the small head wound underneath, and several scrapes disinfected and covered. It was the internal damage that was the most worrying.
But no alarms had gone off still, and when Tails hesitantly pulled himself away from the sofa to head back to the computer, his gaze immediately watched the vitals monitor calmly measure what would usually be an alarmingly fast rate, but for sonic it read as natural, even slightly slow in his rest.
The only arrhythmic movements reported was a slight jump when there was a sudden ringing as tails sat down, making him startle aswell.
Quickly, he answered the communicator call. "Hello?"
"Tails! Thank goodness. Whisper said you'd gone to get her wisps, so when they came back alone, she came to ask if we'd seen you, but no one had- wait, is sonic with you?"
It took a moment for Amy's voice to register and then its content to sink in enough for a reply.
"Oh, um, yeah, we're both here," he managed, pausing to remember what Amy had started with. "Oh, they went straight back, I should have figured," he realised. Granted, he had been half out of his mind with fright that sonic was imminently dying at the time, so it was possible he lost track of the wisps that had left the factory with them before disappearing at some point.
There was a sigh of relief and muffled talking in the background. Tails' gaze went back to sonic who shifted slightly on the sofa.
Amy's voice returned, "As long as you're both safe. Are you heading back now then?"
Innocent enough question, but even the thought of being anywhere but /home/ (or the closest thing they'd ever had to it) right now after such an experience put a lump in his throat. He swallowed.
"We're staying here," he replied, knowing it lacked information by the hesitant silence on the other end. "Sonic's…" The stress of the day, and the last few days, was catching up, tears beginning to threaten to breed. "She went after him, Amy," he half whispered, tone dropping as if speaking it quietly made it less real. "She was trying to- she wanted to /get/ him."
For once, Amy did not demand details or panic about injury. There was something in the fox's voice that kept hers as quiet as though calm.
"Okay. Okay. Do you need medical help?" She asked, background fading as she assumingly sought privacy for the conversation. "How bad is it?"
"I… I've done what I can," Tails rubbed an arm over his face despite its dryness, refusing to let that change. "And I'm monitoring him. He, uh, said that there was some numbness, sort of tingling in his hands, but I think I can. Well, I'm. I'm watching out for anything. He'll be okay."
It felt like more reassurance to himself rather than for someone who didn't know the situation, but Tails couldn't bring himself to care that much. Electrocution couldn't be messed with - he'd had enough accidental shocks with inventions to know that if nothing else. He wasn't an expert, but neither was he clueless. It would be enough.
There were a few more quiet but persistently vague details exchanged, before Amy made him promise to check in later and Tails did his best to actually focus on the computer programme to make some progress for some time.
A glance at the clock next showed another hour had passed recently. Surprised but grateful that he had actually managed to get work done for a good amount of time, Tails stretched and clicked on the still linked communicator window; in the longest gap yet between checking it, the report showed vitals were stabilising well and already resembling more normal baselines that they had never been /that/ far off.
More residual fear slipping off his shoulders, Tails sighed out a deep breath and glanced at the sofa only once before shuffling out the room into the kitchen, returning less than a minute later with a mug of juice and heading to his brother's sleeping form.
"Sonic. Hey."
This time the hedgehog reacted at the first tapping of his shoulder, groaning before shuffling to push himself up slightly as he turned around. "This again? Already?" He grumbled without heat, nevertheless keeping his eyes half open to eye his little brother grumpily.
Tails gave a half sympathetic smile. "Indulge a little brother's worries," he wheelded, but the tone was only half teasing. "Do you remember where you are?"
"Workshop. I'm sonic the hedgehog and my brother is a genius that needs to sleep more because he clearly doesn't know how it's meant to work."
Sonic stuck out his tongue slightly and Tails wouldve been worried it was lingering muscle spasms if not for the certain glint in his brother's eye that wasn't there before. Playing along, he raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? So you /don't/ want this juice? Waking up tomorrow with a dehydration headache is how to /properly/ sleep?" He retorted, no bite whatsoever to the teasing words.
Their eyes met for a moment in a typical sibling standoff. Then sonic chuckled and carefully pushed himself out a little more. Tails grinned and offered the mug when he was appropriately reclined more upright than flat, enough to drink the liquid without choking on it and causing more unecesary drama for the day.
"Thanks, tails," sonic murmured as he carefully took the mug in both hands and sipped with it close to his face, a barely visible trembling passing through the grip occasionally. Tails purses his lips.
"How's your hands?" He asked quietly, crouching down slightly so not to be looming above his brother. "Are they any less tingly?"
Sonic took another sip as he considered, turning one of them over in thought. "Not as numb," he agreed. Tails sighed in relief.
"That's good. Any dizziness or nausea? Does your chest hurt?"
After taking another sip, sonic shook his head slightly. "Just feelin' a bit drained, 's all," he smiled, and it was only slightly off.
Regardless, tails smiled back, a lot more relaxed than his previous run through of questions. He waited for sonic to drink about half the juice before offering to take the mug from trembling hands. sonic accepted and yawned, stretching his arms by his sides as tails put the mug down nearby and turned back to the sofa.
"Do you want anything else, or-" Tails started, only to be interrupted by a hand on one arm.
"I want /you/," sonic tugged slightly, making tails fall in a controlled manner down next to him on the sofa, "to relax, buddy. I'm safe. You're here. We're okay now."
As he reassured, sonic lightly moved his hands through yellow fur, ruffling the kit's head affectionately. Tails tried not to melt into the touch too much and put him off.
Still, it wasn't quite enough to calm the dread that had clenched into a ball in his chest ever since he saw the cubes disappear under his brother's feet with only water and danger waiting hungrily below. The way he flew down after him, their fingers centremetres apart when he landed, the shallow water barely softening the hard fall against stone and nothing blocking out the scream that followed when electricity surged through the liquid and seized his body.
Tails found himself the one to shiver now, the memory still horrifyingly fresh even as physically he could feel sonics arm draped around his shoulders, a little too tight to be completely casual.
He glanced to the side, meeting his brother's wary eyes. "I just…" He began without being sure how to phrase what he was feeling. Sonic nodded anyway.
"I know, bud. It's been a lot."
And that was all there was to say, in the end. Tails leaned against the warm solid form of his brother, and sonic sighed slowly, letting his aching body rest against the soft sofa, holding his little brother closer than usual. A hero's work was never easy, and it was never done. He did it because he wanted to, mostly. But at times like this, when the one out to get them had almost succeeded, it struck a stark reminder of mortality in such a lifestyle.
Still, they suffered close calls before. There was no time to look back, and it was not in sonic the hedgehog's interests to /dwell/ on what ifs. No matter how unclear things seemed, moving forward was the only option he was willing to take.
They were together, and alive, and /that/ was what mattered. Sonic tightened his grip to press his little brother against him for a moment, drawing comfort and courage equally from the contact. Tails glanced up at him with slight confusion, but didn't say anything. He smiled and it was only a small bit off.
"It's good, little bro," he nudged the kid affectionately to draw a giggle and his own smile felt more natural. "It'll be just fine."
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scrcrwfsh · 1 year ago
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