#Then I slept for a few minutes then had a seizure then slept a bit more and tried to round it off just now

[fanfictin]

a heros consequences

this entire thing needs soo much editing akfjajdj but just got to put it Somewhere for now

.

Technically, someone was always trying to 'get' the hero. It was how /being/ a hero had to work.

But, as Tails glanced over his shoulder for the upteenth time to make sure his brother was still stretched out on the sofa at the side of the workshop, despite the 'hero lifestyle', there were very few /real/ close calls with morality that haunted his dreams.

And this was going to now be one of them.

Tails exhaled shakily, forcing himself to turn back to the computer he sat in front of. He had patched sonic up best he could when they got back from the caved in factory, ignoring the weaker than usual protests against care. It wasn't like anything Sonic could say would erase the memory of him inches out of tails' grasp hitting the shallow water and immediately being lit up with what was easily lethal doses of electricity even without the lightshow and screaming of pain as surge advanced unflinching through the crackling--

The fox forcefully shook his body slightly to stop the scene from continuing in his mind. His eyes flicked from the main program he was /trying/ to work on as a distraction to the bottom left of his screen, where he'd brought up the built in link to his communication devices - though they did much more than just work as Comms. Ever concerned about his friends' wellbeing both in and out of adventures, each device had several distinct features, with the currently opened one a screen of tracking vitals.

It was one of the only things stopping him from curling up right next to his brother with an ear close enough to hear any changes in breathing or heartbeat that would indicate the slightest hint of something potentially deadly wrong. There was work to be done, so instead Tails had swallowed as much fear as he could and left Sonic to rest physically, while immediately bringing the vitals program up on the computer and pinning it to the corner before even starting to try and find something useful to work on. Still, despite its several built in alarms for various states and statistics, his gaze kept sliding to the numbers, double checking for any arrhythmia or drop in stats. Anything that would be the only input he needed to drop everything and take his brother to an actual hospital or something so someone /else/ who knew better could tell him that it would be okay, electricity didn't mess with people's heart rates or anything, doesn't mess with your brain's signals, isn't as deadly as lighting in thunderstorms…

A nearby creak made Tails jump an embarrassing amount, and he quickly gritted his teeth against the shock and thoughts that kept crowding him. He was fine. Sonic was fine. They escaped. It was over. For now, at least.

He glanced at the clock on the wall that suddenly sounded obnoxiously loud. It was almost time to wake Sonic anyway. Given the electrocution and recent beating, he would need a lot of rest, but concern about how hard he had hit one of the tanks - hard enough to /crack/ it on inpact when surge hit him back with metal - with his head, leaving a noticeable mark, Tails had quickly decided that being shaken awake every hour or so was more important to avoid coma complications from head trauma than sleeping off probable broken ribs was.

Quietly, he slipped out of his chair, glad at least for something that needed him to physically move, and padded over to his brother's back that faced him on the sofa.

Sonic looked asleep, but a frown on his face and crossed arms even with his body half curled into the pillows suggested it wasn't a pain-free rest. Tails worried his lip as he slowly reached out to carefully shake the available shoulder, making sure not to get pricked by any quills.

"Sonic? Can you hear me? I just need to check your eyes."

Despite keeping his voice soft, Tails shook the hedgehog slightly more firmly when there wasn't a real response, until Sonic groaned and half rolled towards the interruption, managing to squint open an eye after several blinks.

"Mm? Tails? Wha's up?"

His words were slightly slurred, but Tails was happy to chalk that up to exhaustion without further evidence of serious injury, and he gave an encouraging smile as he raised a small torch in his other hand into sonics sight.

"Cmon, you know the drill," he cajoled, trying for a more casual tone, "both eyes open for a second. Up and at 'em."

Sonic groaned with slightly more lucidity, and slowly opened his other eye, still half squinting in the dim workshop light. Tails quickly clicked on his tool and carefully watched as pupils sluggishly followed it to one side, slowly shrinking against the close brightness. Tails switched off the torch with a hum.

"Slightly better," he allowed, watching as sonic grumbled and screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to reset his now spotlighted vision. "Do you know where we are?" Tails pressed, ignoring the huff in reply.

"Workshop," sonic mumbled after a beat.

"That'll do," Tails allowed only slightly reluctantly. Precise location could come later. "What's your name?"

This time sonic slipped open an eye again to offer a disbelieving look. "Sonic the hedgehog," he replied with a hint of bemusement and clearer than the last answers.

Tails smirked at the attention, mood slightly lifted by a show of his brother's usual humour. "Just gotta make sure that tussle with metal didn't knock anything important around, big bro," he responded with the smirk.

Sonic huffed again, but it was more of amusement this time. Tails' grin faded into a more sincere smile.

"Did you need anything else? Hows the leg?"

"Eh. Still healing. It'll get there," sonic replied tonelessly, almost subconsciously tucking the rebandaged limb more into himself as he already started to shift in facing the back of the sofa comfortably again, tiredness quickly pulling him back under. The amusement slipped away as Tails watched the hedgehog flinch when the right side of his face touched the sofa cushions again, the covered injury from hitting the tank still sore of sudden pressure.

Tails grimaced in concern at the clear signs of a fight on his older brother. Fur was sticking up in wrong directions, dotted with blood here and there, and small gashes littered the blue body. Some were hidden under square plasters pressed against skin on his limbs and head. Neither of them were unpractised at treating the odd visible injury, but this…

It was a lot. It was a real close call. The physical injuries, the electrocution, the water damage, the /finger marks/ around his neck--

Surge had really been trying to kill him. Trying to /end his life/ to gain her freedom, as she put it.

They all liked to give benefit of the doubt. That was another thing heroes did. But there was no mistaking someone's intentions when Tails was mere metres above, watching in horror as she simultaneously tried to electrocute and strangle and drown in an attempt to /kill/ while he could do /nothing/.

His own slight knock to the head had made their escape a little fuzzy after helping sonic out the water, so consumed with fear and worry he couldnt articulate more than /oh my gosh/ even as his brother tried to put on a shaky smile and make a joke about the water.

But he remembered gripping the metal bar, his fingers strong next to sonic's slipping grasp, helping his brother over the last edge, glaring at eggman together, and then trudging out of the collapsed factory. Adrenaline had began to wear off, clearer on sonic as his trembling escalated to shaking only minutes into their walk away from the city. They had left the tornado just outside of it, barely half an hour away even at a normal pace, but when sonic stumbled so bad he had to lean heavily against a tree to keep from collapsing, breathing harshly with a hand pressed to his chest, tails had thrown concealing his concern to the wind and pulled the hedhogs free arm around his shoulders, getting a good grip before quickly flying them forward so sonics feet barely touched the ground.

His mind had raced between the restoration, a hospital, maybe shadow or chaos emeralds themselves as he got them back to the plane with his brothers pained grunts and uneven breaths in one ear, wondering if the sound were so unusual that they could be classed as /dying/ noises worthy of some emergency reaction--

It wasn't until he was trying to bundle sonic into the back seat of the tornado that he had realised he was being talked to.

"'m okay, Tails. Just a bit…" Sonic tried to take a deep inhale, as shaky as it sounded, in an attempt to calm his little brother's impossibly wide eyes, "a bit out of breath," he admitted, clumsily patting Tails' grip on his shoulder in what was hopefully reassurance.

It didn't feel that much better to get acknowledgment of /struggle/, unfortunately.

Tails did pause though, trying to slow his panicked thoughts down enough to take in his brother's state - bruised and battered, yes, but alive. His breathing was still slightly forced, and there was a lazy drop of blood clinging to a small wound just under one slightly torn ear, but he was talking and conscious, and the trembling had calmed to the occasional shiver.

"Does it hurt?" Tails asked, realising he had yet to reply, eyes still wide on smudged red mixed in with blue fur.

Sonic grimaced for a second before raising an eyebrow. "Anything in particular you're talking about?"

"Is it hard to breathe? Do you need medical help? I can call someone at the restoration, or, or knuckles could come get us--"

"Tails, hey, it's okay. I'm--" Unfortunately the attempted reassurance was again ruined as sonic coughed and wheezed for a second, retreating the hand he tried to place on Tails' shoulder to cover his face.

Catching his breath, he managed a shaky but sure smile, and Tails finally felt some of the blind fear fall away.

"Let's just go home, kid. I could do with a nap, at least."

So Tails had nodded numbly and made sure his brother was strapped in and safe before settling himself into the seat in front and automatically starting their way back.

.

Which led to now. Where sonic was still banged up, still shaky in body, and definitely exhausted everywhere.

Tails looked down at his brother quickly slipping back into sleep after being woken for coherence. This really had been a close call. Too close.

Aside from his already injured ankle and knee, his ear had been daubed with cream along with the small head wound underneath, and several scrapes disinfected and covered. It was the internal damage that was the most worrying.

But no alarms had gone off still, and when Tails hesitantly pulled himself away from the sofa to head back to the computer, his gaze immediately watched the vitals monitor calmly measure what would usually be an alarmingly fast rate, but for sonic it read as natural, even slightly slow in his rest.

The only arrhythmic movements reported was a slight jump when there was a sudden ringing as tails sat down, making him startle aswell.

Quickly, he answered the communicator call. "Hello?"

"Tails! Thank goodness. Whisper said you'd gone to get her wisps, so when they came back alone, she came to ask if we'd seen you, but no one had- wait, is sonic with you?"

It took a moment for Amy's voice to register and then its content to sink in enough for a reply.

"Oh, um, yeah, we're both here," he managed, pausing to remember what Amy had started with. "Oh, they went straight back, I should have figured," he realised. Granted, he had been half out of his mind with fright that sonic was imminently dying at the time, so it was possible he lost track of the wisps that had left the factory with them before disappearing at some point.

There was a sigh of relief and muffled talking in the background. Tails' gaze went back to sonic who shifted slightly on the sofa.

Amy's voice returned, "As long as you're both safe. Are you heading back now then?"

Innocent enough question, but even the thought of being anywhere but /home/ (or the closest thing they'd ever had to it) right now after such an experience put a lump in his throat. He swallowed.

"We're staying here," he replied, knowing it lacked information by the hesitant silence on the other end. "Sonic's…" The stress of the day, and the last few days, was catching up, tears beginning to threaten to breed. "She went after him, Amy," he half whispered, tone dropping as if speaking it quietly made it less real. "She was trying to- she wanted to /get/ him."

For once, Amy did not demand details or panic about injury. There was something in the fox's voice that kept hers as quiet as though calm.

"Okay. Okay. Do you need medical help?" She asked, background fading as she assumingly sought privacy for the conversation. "How bad is it?"

"I… I've done what I can," Tails rubbed an arm over his face despite its dryness, refusing to let that change. "And I'm monitoring him. He, uh, said that there was some numbness, sort of tingling in his hands, but I think I can. Well, I'm. I'm watching out for anything. He'll be okay."

It felt like more reassurance to himself rather than for someone who didn't know the situation, but Tails couldn't bring himself to care that much. Electrocution couldn't be messed with - he'd had enough accidental shocks with inventions to know that if nothing else. He wasn't an expert, but neither was he clueless. It would be enough.

There were a few more quiet but persistently vague details exchanged, before Amy made him promise to check in later and Tails did his best to actually focus on the computer programme to make some progress for some time.

A glance at the clock next showed another hour had passed recently. Surprised but grateful that he had actually managed to get work done for a good amount of time, Tails stretched and clicked on the still linked communicator window; in the longest gap yet between checking it, the report showed vitals were stabilising well and already resembling more normal baselines that they had never been /that/ far off.

More residual fear slipping off his shoulders, Tails sighed out a deep breath and glanced at the sofa only once before shuffling out the room into the kitchen, returning less than a minute later with a mug of juice and heading to his brother's sleeping form.

"Sonic. Hey."

This time the hedgehog reacted at the first tapping of his shoulder, groaning before shuffling to push himself up slightly as he turned around. "This again? Already?" He grumbled without heat, nevertheless keeping his eyes half open to eye his little brother grumpily.

Tails gave a half sympathetic smile. "Indulge a little brother's worries," he wheelded, but the tone was only half teasing. "Do you remember where you are?"

"Workshop. I'm sonic the hedgehog and my brother is a genius that needs to sleep more because he clearly doesn't know how it's meant to work."

Sonic stuck out his tongue slightly and Tails wouldve been worried it was lingering muscle spasms if not for the certain glint in his brother's eye that wasn't there before. Playing along, he raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? So you /don't/ want this juice? Waking up tomorrow with a dehydration headache is how to /properly/ sleep?" He retorted, no bite whatsoever to the teasing words.

Their eyes met for a moment in a typical sibling standoff. Then sonic chuckled and carefully pushed himself out a little more. Tails grinned and offered the mug when he was appropriately reclined more upright than flat, enough to drink the liquid without choking on it and causing more unecesary drama for the day.

"Thanks, tails," sonic murmured as he carefully took the mug in both hands and sipped with it close to his face, a barely visible trembling passing through the grip occasionally. Tails purses his lips.

"How's your hands?" He asked quietly, crouching down slightly so not to be looming above his brother. "Are they any less tingly?"

Sonic took another sip as he considered, turning one of them over in thought. "Not as numb," he agreed. Tails sighed in relief.

"That's good. Any dizziness or nausea? Does your chest hurt?"

After taking another sip, sonic shook his head slightly. "Just feelin' a bit drained, 's all," he smiled, and it was only slightly off.

Regardless, tails smiled back, a lot more relaxed than his previous run through of questions. He waited for sonic to drink about half the juice before offering to take the mug from trembling hands. sonic accepted and yawned, stretching his arms by his sides as tails put the mug down nearby and turned back to the sofa.

"Do you want anything else, or-" Tails started, only to be interrupted by a hand on one arm.

"I want /you/," sonic tugged slightly, making tails fall in a controlled manner down next to him on the sofa, "to relax, buddy. I'm safe. You're here. We're okay now."

As he reassured, sonic lightly moved his hands through yellow fur, ruffling the kit's head affectionately. Tails tried not to melt into the touch too much and put him off.

Still, it wasn't quite enough to calm the dread that had clenched into a ball in his chest ever since he saw the cubes disappear under his brother's feet with only water and danger waiting hungrily below. The way he flew down after him, their fingers centremetres apart when he landed, the shallow water barely softening the hard fall against stone and nothing blocking out the scream that followed when electricity surged through the liquid and seized his body.

Tails found himself the one to shiver now, the memory still horrifyingly fresh even as physically he could feel sonics arm draped around his shoulders, a little too tight to be completely casual.

He glanced to the side, meeting his brother's wary eyes. "I just…" He began without being sure how to phrase what he was feeling. Sonic nodded anyway.

"I know, bud. It's been a lot."

And that was all there was to say, in the end. Tails leaned against the warm solid form of his brother, and sonic sighed slowly, letting his aching body rest against the soft sofa, holding his little brother closer than usual. A hero's work was never easy, and it was never done. He did it because he wanted to, mostly. But at times like this, when the one out to get them had almost succeeded, it struck a stark reminder of mortality in such a lifestyle.

Still, they suffered close calls before. There was no time to look back, and it was not in sonic the hedgehog's interests to /dwell/ on what ifs. No matter how unclear things seemed, moving forward was the only option he was willing to take.

They were together, and alive, and /that/ was what mattered. Sonic tightened his grip to press his little brother against him for a moment, drawing comfort and courage equally from the contact. Tails glanced up at him with slight confusion, but didn't say anything. He smiled and it was only a small bit off.

"It's good, little bro," he nudged the kid affectionately to draw a giggle and his own smile felt more natural. "It'll be just fine."

[psiroller]

you're gonna hate me soon ch. 2 preview. because i like you a lot

When the party reconvened the following Monday, it was like nothing had ever happened. It wasn’t the first time that someone in the group had drunk a little too much or too fast and said something they shouldn’t have—that person was usually Laios—but it hadn’t gone as far as a fistfight in recent memory. Still, when Laios and Falin arrived at their usual spot at the tavern, his teammates greeted him like any other day. Chilchuck raised a stein of something Laios hoped wasn’t alcoholic to hail him, but there was an ever-so-slight upturn to his normal morning grimace, so maybe it was. Laios felt his pulse quicken and focused on his breathing, but it just made him look even more flustered. He cleared his throat in address.

“Alright, everyone, it’s slim pickings on the available jobs this week,” Laios announced. “There weren’t many listings on the boards, and most of them sounded sketchy. Another ‘package delivery’ to one of the unregulated taverns on the second floor, another ‘contraband seizure’ on the lower levels with no seal of authenticity, tons of requests for those kinds of walking mushrooms, a couple of ‘succubus hunts’ looking for entry-level adventurers…”

Chilchuck rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue. “People are still posting those? I can’t imagine there’s a wide pool of scabs left to take them.”

“There’s a sucker born every minute,” Namari shrugged, gnawing on a strip of bacon burnt into a stick of charcoal, just the way she liked it. “Half-minute, for you guys.”

Chilchuck swatted Namari in the shoulder, a backhanded crack of his knuckles that felt like a bug bite to her. She laughed it off, giving him a gentle sock in the arm that made him wince.

“The postings have been generally dubious lately, haven’t they?” Shuro asked. Laios nodded to him, defeated.

“There’s a lot of bureaucratic red tape involved in making sure the job postings are legitimate,” Marcille said, twining a ribbon through her rope braid. Falin went to hold one of the partitioned locks of hair for her as she struggled with an awkward angle. “But I’ve heard that the correspondence offices are swamped with all the new people coming to the island lately. Maybe things are starting to slip through the cracks?”

“Nothing’s stopping anybody from just walking up to the public postings and sticking up a piece of official-looking parchment, either,” said Laios. “Generally, there are officers on patrol to monitor what goes up, but they go out in shifts. If they’re spread too thin, they check less, forget more often, and a newbie takes a crappy monster bait job.”

“And probably dies,” Chilchuck chimed in.

“Thank you, Chilchuck.”

“So, is there anything worth doing this week?” Namari crossed her arms. “Or could I have slept in today?”

“There is one…” Laios said, trying to contain his excitement. “There’s a hydra on the fourth floor.”

Namari grinned and leaned in, elbows on the table. “Now we’re talking.”

Shuro nodded seriously, indicating he was already planning his approach. Marcille blanched at the concept; she hadn’t been to the fourth floor yet in her adventuring career. Falin had assisted in the job hunt and was aware of the plan, but she still grinned toothily at the thought of seeing one.

“You sure we can handle a hydra?” Chilchuck asked. “Two manticores were tough enough. These things have a dozen heads, don’t they? It’s like fighting a whole group of monsters at once.”

“Oh?” Laios grinned. “Are you planning on participating in the hunt this time?”

Chilchuck spat his orange juice (?) back into the cup. “Hell no!”

“That’s a shame,” Laios pouted. “At any rate, I was hoping to borrow those manticore quills you picked up. Did you happen to sell those off?”

Chilchuck had to think about it, scratching his sideburns. Laios had seen him hungover before, but he was in a better mood than usual for such a state, if a bit slow. “I think I got a few still lying around.” He’d been planning to try to find a way to fletch them without spilling the venom everywhere, having found no success. The tips were sharply pointed and might serve well as a pick if carved down, but they were quite valuable in their raw form. Like many things he had trouble deciding on, they’d been stuffed under his desk and left alone.

Laios beamed at him. “Awesome. That’ll be really helpful.” Chilchuck averted his eyes and got his orange juice (?) back down on the second shot.

“Don’t mention it.”

“According to the posting, this hydra is still a juvenile.” Laios continued. “It should be much easier to take down than a full-grown adult, but there’s something to consider: this listing is almost a month old by now. The hydra shouldn’t have grown too much from that sighting, but we all know the thing about hydras, right?”

Everyone around the table nodded; Namari made a what-do-you-think sort of gesture.

“I need all of you to verbally confirm it for me, okay? Just to be sure.”

A collective groan arose.

“Cut off all the heads at once, or two more grow in its place,” the party intoned, with the slow and deliberate cadence of grammar schoolers.

“Very good, everyone. Thank you. I know that sounds insulting, but if you have experience in this kind of work, you know why I’m checking.”

“Common rookie mistake.” Namari sipped her coffee.

“That’s right. And if there’s an influx of rookies coming in, desperate for work…”

“Then the hydra might have gotten a few heads trimmed already.” Shuro folded his arms into his sleeves. “That could be a problem.”

“But it also means that there’s more we can loot from it,” Laios smiled. He pumped his fist a little, unable to control his excitement. “We’ve got some good experience under our belts now, and I’ve done a lot of research on hydras. I think we’re ready to take one on now. They’re fascinating monsters, members of the dragon family! They’ve got an extremely interesting skeletal adaptation that—”

“Sounds good to me.” Namari rose from the bench and stretched, pulling her arm over her shoulder. “I need a really thin taper on the blade for hydras, right?”

“Y-yeah, the hide’s thin for a dragon but the muscle is tough. We need to make sure we get a clean, complete slice when we do get the chance to take a swing. When hydras are young, their heads get severed easily. It sounds like it’s counterintuitive, but—”

“I get it. I’ve fought them before. Just tell me when to slice ‘em and I’ll slice ‘em.”

“See, that’s the problem. We don’t know exactly how many heads this thing has. How do we ensure that we cut them all off at once?” Namari grimaced and sat down, settling in for another lecture. “So that’s why I asked you to meet me here! I have an attack strategy I like to call ‘the kebab method’.”

Namari stood back up. “Nah, that’s cool, see you—”

Chilchuck put a hand on her arm. “Let him talk, Namari.”

Namari stared incredulously down at Chilchuck, then grimaced when she put the pieces together. She clucked her tongue and flopped into her seat for good. She elbowed Chilchuck in the ribs and muttered something in a language Laios didn’t recognize. Chilchuck drummed his fingertips on his arm and ignored it.

Laios smiled down at Chilchuck, and the sour look on his face softened. He twirled his wrist, motioning for Laios to continue. “Continue. I don’t have all day, pal.”

Laios chuckled, blushing a bit. “Right, sorry! So, the manticore quills are great for this, but I’ve also picked up some long-range spears—well, I guess they’re more like polearms?” Falin shot Marcille a horrified glance. The hydra was the furthest thing from their minds. Namari opened her mouth to correct him on his weapons terminology but jolted a little, having gotten kicked in the ankle. “Each head of the hydra has its own spinal cord, much like ours, that runs down down the center and to the back of the hydra’s throat.  So if you stab around the spine between the ribs that protect the hydra’s esophagus, everything stays intact. Severing the spinal cord is what triggers the new heads to grow in, provided that at least one head is left intact when the reflex kicks in.”

“So we could use those polearms to hold it in place? I don’t think my upper arm strength can pull that off,” Marcille protested.

“We could push the spears into the walls and floor to ground them,” Shuro offered. Laios snapped his fingers.

“Yes! That’s a great idea. But I could only afford so many spears, and Chilchuck only has so many quills long enough to pull this off. So it’s important that we’re careful about how many we use. Considering how thin the hydra’s necks are, I thought we could try to skewer multiple heads on the same spear.”

A silence fell on the party, and perhaps the next table over, upon hearing this flawless plan.

“Hence, the kebab method,” Marcille clarified, her tone flat. Chilchuck shrank into his chair when he felt Namari looking over at him. Laios nodded.

“I think it could work,” Shuro said. Laios lit up at the validation. “There’s some merit to restricting the hydra’s movements. Not all of us can restrain the beast on our own, but if securely speared through, we could use the hydra’s muscle strength against itself. Stabbing through the esophagus would also prevent the hydra from swallowing any of us outright, if it has grown large enough to do so.”

“Exactly! Thank you, Shuro.” Shuro seemed a little exhausted by his energy, but Falin gave him a hearty pat on the shoulder that he’d be thinking about for the rest of his life. “And we don’t have to get a perfect hit with every spear. I got as many as I could afford, so if the hydra rips the spear out of your hands or it’s too dangerous to keep going, we can fall back, grab another spear, and try again.”

“So we’re trying to reduce the amount of variables in fighting the hydra?” Marcille asked, more convinced this time.

“The less we have to worry about the hydra writhing around, the easier it’ll be to synchronize the finishing blow.” Laios grinned at Namari. “And that’s when we finally slice ‘em. Everyone clear?”

Namari grinned back. Shuro bowed his head in understanding. Marcille still had her reservations, but Falin was pumping her up. Chilchuck sat back in his seat with his arms crossed, abstaining from any conversation about combat, but when Laios caught his eye, the corner of his mouth curved up in a smirk that Laios couldn’t decipher.

“That’s—that’s all!” Laios croaked. “We’ll all meet at the dungeon tomorrow, as usual. Take whatever preparations you need. Pack heavily, it’s a long trip.”

The party dispersed. Falin and Marcille lingered at their end of the table as Namari hustled to leave, lost in consideration of what weapon she’d be taking down with her. Shuro hung around for a while, trying to find an inroad to talk to Falin, but Marcille was well-equipped to play defense and came prepared with updated Daltian Clan relationship charts. The long-haired swordsman was stuck talking to Laios for an excruciating moment before he politely excused himself.

“Hey,” Chilchuck said, raising a hand. Laios turned from watching Shuro leave, ears perked.

“You have a question, Chilchuck?”

“You mind going over that thing you said about their skeleton? Sounded like it might have been important. You said severing the spinal cord is what activates the head… growing… thing?”

Laios’ eyes glittered. “Oh, uh, yeah! It’s like how some lizards can drop and regrow their tails, just done way faster. Most lizards don’t regrow brains in their missing limbs, either, so maybe it’s not the best analogy…”

“How come it dies if all the heads come off? Can’t it just regrow them anyway?”

“That’s a great question, and one still up for debate! The leading theory is that the heads grown by the hydra are clones based on one of the intact heads. They have the same scale patterns and eye colors as the one closest to it on the array, and…”

Falin had tuned out of Marcille’s rant and had tuned into Laios’, instead. She watched as Chilchuck leaned onto his elbow and listened, looking bored. Laios continued undaunted. Marcille’s slight hand came to rest on Falin’s shoulder, and she gave a reassuring squeeze.

“You don’t have to protect him from everything, you know,” Marcille whispered. Falin bonked their foreheads together and sighed.

“I just can’t watch him get hurt,” Falin said. “Never could.”

Marcille coaxed Falin out of her seat to go get breakfast with her, leaving Chilchuck and Laios shoulder-to-elbow on the bench.

“So it’s kind of like how a flower can grow back if you prune it right,” Chilchuck said, nudging his plate over to Laios, tossing him an unused fork and knife swaddled in a napkin. There was an uneaten, soggy waffle on it, but Laios wasn’t picky. He bit into his takeout budget to get their hunting supplies.

“Yeah, that works! If you cut too much off the whole thing wilts. Most flowers aren’t trying to wrestle you into pruning them, though, so you have to…”

[edgessunflower]

Can I have Damian priest x reader where she comes home from spending a few days in the hospital 🩷 love you sweetheart!!

Love you dear!

No control

Pairing: Damian Priest x Fem reader

Description: You come home after being in the hospital after having a seizure

You sink on the couch after you and Damian walk through the door, he knew you still felt bad for having him be stuck in the hospital with you but he would have stayed no matter how long you had to be in there. You were in the hospital for four days after having a terrible seizure, you were in the Judgement Day's locker room watching Damian and Dom's tag team match against Santos Escobar and dom's dad Rey feeling proud when they won until you start feeling fear and feel the familiar small twitch of your leg "Hey baby wanna head for drinks?" you turn to damian as you stand but shake your head frantically before everything goes dark, damian quickly grabs you laying you on your side while carefully holding you gently talking to you while your three friends immediately jump into action first dom grabs cold water, Rhea grabs a blanket and places it on you as the seizure continues, and Finn tells the medics who followed him while he called an ambulance each of them being worried as the seizure continues until a few minutes before the ambulance came in feeling slightly confused as damian slowly sits you up against the couch wrapped in the blanket "What happened...what's going on?" you close your eyes feeling dizzy as dom hands damian the water "You had a seizure mi vida it was bad" you feel frustrated and embarrassed as tears brimmed in your eyes after being put on the stretcher with damian by your side in the ambulance. "God I feel embarrassed and just upset" he looks at you as you lay in bed after blood work and being looked over by a doctor "Baby you can't control the seizures and I know you feel bad for it but you can't do that to yourself" he kisses your forehead and caresses your hand as your friends walk in instantly relieved to see you alert, awake, and aware as they each gently hug you before all of you are talking assuring you that they still cared about you and you didn't need to be embarrassed by a condition you don't have any control over whatsoever, after awhile they leave as you began to doze off feeling damian run his hand through your hair "Get rest I know you're tired Mariposa, I love you" you fall asleep a second later after feeling the bed sink slightly knowing that he was laying with you being careful of your IV line as he gently holds you making sure you slept for the night waking up to find warm takeout making you swell with warmth as you eat together, the next four days go by slowly as more tests are done and you rest with visits from friends which helps you pass time until finally you were released. You smile seeing damian looking at you "You wanna shower? I know how much you don't like the antiseptic smell" you smile sweetly before heading upstairs and showering with damian who watches you closely as he washes your hair and washes your body from the lower waist down so you wouldn't have to bend down knowing you were still woozy and dizzy which is what your seizures did to you quite a bit drying off and throwing on one of his shirts and underwear while he makes dinner watching tv together until you went to sleep wrapped in damian's arms feeling more relaxed and glad to be home.

[oldbutnotyetwise]

Her

Six years ago I started this blog, and my very first piece was called Questions Without Answers and in that piece I introduced the reader to a lady I had a brief encounter with.  I have always wondered about this lady and since I don’t know what her story was, I decided to make one up.  Yes this is my first attempt at fiction.

     She could feel the sun upon her face, the cool salty breeze off the ocean, and the warm light brown sand that her feet was sinking into.  Her husband Sam was a short ways out into the ocean and swinging their daughter Annabelle back and forth so her feet would swish through the surface of the water.  Annabelle was laughing harder then she had heard her laugh in a long time, and she was thinking that this was such a good day.  A loving husband, and beautiful healthy daughter.  Where should they stop for dinner on the way home from the beach, Annabelle always voted for McDonalds but she rarely ever finished her fries or burger and they usually ended up just being thrown into the garbage……. Suddenly she was having slight pains in her feet, kind of a tapping pain, was she having foot cramps, was this some kind of seizure, she could feel herself panicking, looking out to Sam but he wasn’t looking her way, her world was suddenly getting dark, the outside of her vision was closing in with darkness, her view was just a circle in the middle getting smaller and smaller until it disappeared.  There was a man’s voice becoming louder and clearer, he was saying something.

     She abruptly woke up, she wasn’t reclined on that beach lounger anymore, she was laying on the dirty floor in a bank vestibule opposite two ATM machines.  The voice was clear now, it was coming from a cop standing by her feet towering over her saying that she had to move on now.  That slight pain in her feet was where the cop had been taping on the bottom of her shoes with his nightstick.  It made her angry, why couldn’t he just shake her shoulder rather than using that nightstick like that?  As she started getting herself up on her feet, she saw how dirty she was, she couldn’t even remember the last time that she had a shower, God she missed being clean, wearing clean clothes.  No, she couldn’t blame the cop, she wouldn’t want to touch someone like herself either.  He stood there while she gathered her meagre belongings, exited the door and wandered down the street.  Without turning around to look, she heard the Police Car door slam shut and quickly accelerate away with its lights flashing and reflecting off the office towers around her as it sped by.

     She was trying to think of where she could go to get a few more hours sleep, somewhere safe and out of the weather where someone else wasn’t already sleeping.  She wouldn’t go to the shelter, it wasn’t safe there.  All the junkies and dealers were there, and they would try to steal what few possessions that she had left.  Maybe she would move onto the stairwell of the parking garage, the only problem there was if someone was to find and hurt her there, no one would hear her calling for help.  She always had to think of her safety, lots of bad people on the streets that would beat her up, or worse, and no one would care.  Some days even she wouldn’t care.

     When she woke up it was dark, cold, her body was all twisted up and it felt like everything was hurting.  It took a minute or two but then she remembered crawling into the Clothing Donation Bin, she had slept among the bags of clothes inside.  She carefully lifted the door  a tiny bit and peaked out.  It was morning, but it was still early so staff at the Amity hadn’t arrived yet, she knew it was best if she got on her way.  They didn’t like people sleeping in the Clothing Donation Bin, and she knew that a few months earlier someone had crawled into this same bin and died there, but it had been much colder that night.  She crawled out, but it was difficult for her as the opening was about four feet off the ground.  She was in her early sixties, but life on the street had taken its toll, she felt like she was in her eighties, everything hurt, there were sores, scrapes and dirt all over her skin, her skin colour had a yellowy tinge to it and her teeth were missing or badly stained yellow.  There were the nicotine stains not just on her teeth but also between her two fingers where she held the cigarette butts she collected off the street.

     The first order of business was to find something that would ease the hunger pains that she was feeling.  She had been lucky that the night before, she was there when the Salvation Army Food Truck pulled up, she quickly accepted her soup in the styrofoam container, her sandwich wrapped in wax paper and the steaming coffee in the paper cup.  She had stuffed the sandwich in her pocket and carried the soup and coffee letting them warm her cold hands.  She quickly moved away as soon as she had her food, she didn’t trust or feel safe around the other street people.  Too many crazy people, or just plain mean people that liked to see the pain they liked to inflict on random strangers.  She liked the Salvation Army people, they didn’t ask questions or make her talk to them.  They smiled and seemed satisfied when she nodded her head in their direction, her way of thanking them.  

     She walked for a long time, she liked to be far away from downtown, it was safer that way.  She liked to check things out near the strip malls that had McDonalds, or the pizza places.  Pizza places were like a gold mine to her, so many people didn’t eat their pizza crusts and she could often find them near the tops of the garbage cans she checked.  The McDonald’s French Fries were like that too, many didn’t finish them, and sometimes part of the hamburgers were left uneaten.  She thought back to her previous life when she had bought Lottery Tickets talking about what they would do when they won, now she plays the garbage lottery searching for edible food.  Some days she wins and some days she doesn’t.  Hopefully today would be a winning day.

     She wandered into the park, she liked this park because it wasn’t busy, and it was about two blocks from some food places, which is just about the right distance for people to throw the food they aren’t going to eat into the park garbage cans.  She looked around and when she didn’t see anyone she started going through the garbage barrel at the far end of the park.  God she hated that people put their bags of dog shit in the garbage, it made her feel that much more desperate about eating any food that she would find.  

     She must have been rummaging for a minute or two because suddenly that guy with the dog was there about twenty feet away.  He didn’t look friendly, but then he didn’t look unfriendly either.  It didn’t matter, she liked to keep her distance from people, she was like a lone wolf.  She quickly started walking away but she heard the man repeatedly saying “Excuse me”. Knowing that no one else was around she knew he must be talking to her, but why would he do that.  She was quickly accessing if he might be dangerous but then decided people who said excuse me probably weren’t too dangerous.  

     She paused looking at him suspiciously keeping her distance.  She winced when he extended his hand but then she saw that it contained a five dollar bill.  He kept repeating that it had fallen out of her backpack.  She knew her backpack was hanging open, but she also knew that it certainly had not contained any five dollar bill.  She tentatively accepted the money, quietly saying to him “Are you sure?”

As soon as she took the money he said have a good day and quickly turned and walked away with his dog.  

     She stood there or a minute or two trying to figure out what had just happened.  She didn’t trust people, other than the Salvation Army people she didn’t accept help from people.  This whole thing didn’t make sense to her and when things don’t make sense they scared her.  She knew what she had to do, she quickly set off after the man and his dog.  She could see that they were walking slowly as the dog kept sniffing around, this time it was she who surprised the man when she caught up to him.  She handed him back the money and said she couldn’t take it.  He asked if she was sure, and she again repeated she couldn’t take it offering no explanation.  He took it back, she said “God Bless” to him, not because she was religious but because people seemed to like to hear that.  She quickly turned and walked back the way she had come.  She could feel his confused eyes watching her back as she walked away.  She felt better, she didn’t like feeling like she owed anyone anything, if she had kept the money it would have continued to bother her.  She had survived all these years on the street without taking money or begging money from people.  She was a survivor.  

     As she walked away she felt good, this stranger had offered her a kindness, even if she had chosen to return it she liked that for just a few minutes her ugly world was a little less ugly.  She was also proud that she didn’t need to accept the money.  She may be dirty, she may smell, people may look down on her but underneath all that she was still a proud woman and she wouldn’t let anything, or anyone take that away from her.

                 #street person #homeless     

[lifewithoutmeds]

February 26, 2024

feeling better, in general, about things, thankfully.

quick ... month's recap: Monday, February 5th: went to visit caroline in the hospital. also met up with grace, her husband, and patrick. grace brought delicious burritos from sonoratown and we chatted with caroline as if things were normal despite the fact that she had had a seizure, was hospitalized, and more recently, we learned that she had a large brain tumor that would likely need removing. i teared up seeing her in the hospital bed, in the hospital gown, but i eventually was able to stop. Tuesday, February 6th: Lorena swung by on the way to work and we chatted and caught up a bit. Later that day i went to a 6:30 showing of Poor Things at the local theater which i didn't love, but am still glad i saw, just to see. Wednesday, February 7th: In the office. It says ... lunch with Lana. what did we eat? Hmm, strangely no idea.

Friday, February 9th: Doctor's appointment, dinner with Lana, as she swung by with fish king poke and salads and we ate a nice healthy protein-filled dinner. then we ubered to Hot Goss in ... Cypress? and we watched Sophie Santos again and some other queer or allied stand up comedians, and it was great. i a bit avoided sophie as i had recently learned that she was in a serious relationship with a very reputable and older director, and so i wanted to stay out of the way, out of respect.

Saturday, February 10th: Matt K came over with some e-waste and we dropped it off in sunland, then went to Barcade to meet up with his friends, and then i rushed home to sprint out again for a speed dating event downtown. traffic and parking was horrible, but i met up with steph, met some nice people, and then we kinda went to town, eating at sushi gen, and then winding up at Eighty-Two, drinking too much, and making a new friend, who in retrospect I don't think i care to keep in touch with. Sunday, February 11th: No church as I was just too tired to do anything. Probably did nothing the whole day and regretted how a few hours of fun at night did not equate the entire waste of the subsequent day. Monday, February 12th: worked from home, then went to CVS to pick up photos of Rafa for grace's surprise visit. Wednesday, February 14th: In office.

Thursday, February 15th to Tuesday, February 20th: a whirlwind of airbnb's, hotels, meeting up with grace, her family, and her friends, antoinette, her family, and her friends. lugging a heavy duffel bag everywhere, taking endless subways and buses, taking my heavy jacket on and off, sweating, then shivering. there was some fun, but more crying, which i'm a bit too tired to get into at the moment and which i've rehashed enough to kind of be over talking about for now. i also watched three episodes of The Curse, and decided to watch it once i got home, even though it meant subscribing to the Paramount Plus channel. Wednesday, February 21st: In office Thursday, February 22nd: Dr. Sobhani appointment at lunch and Kelda afterwork. Dr. Sobhani was rather pleased at my progress so we pushed our next appointment out further than usual. i also felt some progress with kelda and i was calmer than usual, which was nice.

Saturday, February 24th: Just slept, for hours and hours. i think my mom briefly came over with some bread/pastries, and i ate it, chatted a bit, then went back to sleep. i felt a bit bad that i wasn't productive and didn't check off anything on my list, but i also felt that i really needed rest, and that my past week had been super draining and i kind of enjoyed just lounging about, knowing i had no real responsibilities, and zoning out to meaningless things on youtube.

sunday (yesterday), i didn't end up going to church, but a bit at the last minute, hung out with tracy, who is still reeling from the unexpected passing of her mom. she picked me up as i've been having car trouble, we went to Gap outlet in burbank so she could return something, meandered about the mall, did a brief hike nearby, and then got some sugarcane drinks and wandered a bit before she dropped me back off. it was weirdly ... like comfortable, and not stressful. it was ... easy. i think there are so few people i can be like that with. lana. maybe nida. and i guess her, which is weird because we've known each other for just under a year but somehow we're pretty similar and/or she's just so empathetic that she gets me regardless of how different we are. i also watched In the Mood for Love at the local theater at 7 and was struck by how much i still enjoyed it, and how it dragged less than i remembered, how effective the music was, and how gorgeous maggie leung was. new crush. although now she must be in her 50's or 60's.

today is monday, February 26th, and it's been a productive day of dishes, work, dropping my car off at the mechanic's, getting picked up by my mom, and treating her to pho. i just agreed to get dinner with Patti even though i subsequently remembered that i don't have a car, but I do have uber, so i'll just get driven over.

i'm feeling weirdly ... calm. is it the drugs? am i getting exhausted with the sadness? within a week the Sophie storm that had raged through me just as suddenly calmed down. this morning i took a brief walk in the morning as the sun rose, and i think even made my bed almost as soon as i woke up. i've been weighing myself daily and committing to losing a healthy and hopefully attainable 1 pound a week. i bought some apples and i ate one yesterday and one today. i'm trying to get in 1-2 servings of fruit/vegetables a day, and average 10,000 steps/day/week. i walked close to 20,000 steps yesterday, but today was significantly less, partly due to taking my car in during my lunch, and partly due to some random rain that prevented me from going after work.

but in general i feel more calm, less frenzied. i'm journaling, as can be seen, and i watched 1-2 episodes of The Curse each night until i finished it. i read a bit yesterday too and think that i might be able to finish this book by the end of the month, which would be fantastic as I started this in August or September and i've been having so much trouble reading, and just focusing on anything but my own misery in general.

although i'm almost always focused "on myself," i'm trying to just be mindful and intentional with how i spend my time, with my diet, my exercise. i'm trying to decrease screen time, see more shows, and experience things outside of my head, and outside of my condo. i've eaten at a bunch more restaurants and bars so far, so think i'm okay with that aspect, but am thinking now that instead of a bar/week, maybe i could switch it out occasionally with a coffee shop/weekend, and i'll sip some coffee and read a book for 30 minutes or so. and just be. that might be nice.

i'm also cleaning more, and noticing that there are things that could use a deeper cleaning. my flatware. the little dirt trapped around my windows that make it harder to open and close. my laptop. just finding little projects around the condo that make me feel mildly productive but also maddeningly dull.

and i'm remembering .... that i'm feeling more like a former version of myself, but one that i don't find so despicable. yes, i kind of just endlessly scroll for things i might like to buy at REI and random camping goods that once i purchase, i immediately forget, but i'm also enjoying movies again, i'm tracking things, which i weirdly like doing. i'm watching minimalism and frugal living videos instead of police body cameras. i also feel like i'm a bit funnier, a bit lighter, a bit more appreciative.

i'm hoping i'm on a bit of an upswing and this isn't just the minor blip before the inevitable fall. i want to be more disciplined, and feel like the central character in a story, in my story. i don't want to feel ashamed of the way i look, and want to be in a body that i'm proud of, and in clothes that i think flatter me. i want to make sure i get regular haircuts and massages and exercise and just ... all of the things. i want to feel and be healthier.

i think i'm doing a bit of a better job in trying to clean things up in my condo. i got rid of a few bags of e-waste, like jadai's old vacuum and my robot vacuum, some wires, batteries, etc., just things i've wanted to get rid of for a long time. i took some stuff over to goodwill, and to the animal shelter. there's a lot that i've left undone, that i just .... lost the motivation and lacked the wherewithal to address, but i can feel myself gradually starting to care again, noticing things that need repair and/or attention. like getting rid of the old line in my fishing rods, and giving them a rinse as they haven't been used since last june. steven t has been reaching out and updating me on his kids, and wanting me to spend more time with them. grace k's family apparently has lice right now, so can't be socialized with, but once they are, i'd like to see them too. i'm just .... feeling things other than negativity, which is such a relief.

[zakubabbles]

Yesterday afternoon, my mom sent me a text message, "Coffee is dying." These past weeks I've been dreading looking at my phone anytime I'd get a text message notification. I called and asked what was wrong. She said she thought he was either having a stroke or seizure. He stepped outside to go to the bathroom and immediately collapsed and lost bodily function (fluids everywhere from every end). I drove to my parents and when I stepped inside the house, my brother, who had just arrived from work, was on the floor with Coffee lying on a towel panting aggressively and seemingly not responding to us. He's deaf but he can still see although not very well.

My dad (Mr. No-Pets!), told me to take him to the vet, I said I didn't know if they'd see us since it was so late in the workday. I called and thankfully someone answered. I explained the situation to the receptionist and she said to take him in asap and they see us. I told my brother to grab his keys so he could take us to the vet (which is nearby thank goodness). My dad then said, "Let's all go."

I picked up Coffee wrapped in a blanket and off we went to the vet. They took him almost immediately and we stayed in the waiting room for a bit to answer some questions. A short time later they called us to go into a med room to see the vet (only two at a time so my brother and myself). The vet asked a little bit more of what happened and reviewed his medical history (he's 16, grade 6 heart murmur, liquid in chest/ wet cough, deaf, arthritic... old). She explained that she thought it wasn't a seizure nor stroke, but probably a fainting spell. Because his heart is so weak and chest filled with liquid he probably has been having trouble with getting enough oxygen. Maybe the jump outside in excessive heat triggered it, who knows. The vet told us she gave Coffee a diuretic injection and he perked up and sat up right. A minute later a tech came in carrying Coffee and he looked much better. No longer panting and his head propped up. Tech said he even stood up for a sec, but then laid back down.

Vet said we could go with a treatment plan. I explained that last check up in January the other vet who saw him gave us a plan (labwork, x-rays, heart medication, diuretics, and antibiotics) but it was way out of our price range. We were able to do two antibiotic cycles though. She said that maybe the diuretic could potentially help him feel better and if it did we could move forward with that. To call her the following day and let her know how he responded. And then we also discussed the alternative.

My parents have been, not "pushing", but certainly have suggested that maybe it's time to let Coffee go. I am not one to keep a living being alive out of selfish stubbornness, but it's something that I want to be very sure about. No take backs, ya know?

The vet gave us information and pricing about their end of life process and I asked for information of any at-home euthanasia services they knew about. She gave us a phone number, shared a little more info, we said our thank yous, and left.

Once we were home, Coffee was extremely lethargic, tired, and distant. He'd stand there in one spot and slowly sink down by his own weght. He would take a few steps and stop again. He'd try and lay down only to get back up. I could also hear his wet rattly breath. It reminded me of both myself when I had blood pooling in my lung and my great grandfather who had miner's lung. It's horrible.

After about two hours he finally managed to stay lying down and even slept for a bit. I decided to spend the night since doc said he'd probably be peeing a lot because of the diuretic, and my brother can't be getting up multiple times in the night when he's working (my parents don't hear him).

During all this I found the website for the at-home euthanasia service providers and...

...it's $600.

Not even the treatment plan suggested by the vet was that much. This was such a blow.

The reason why I've been so pushy about home euthanasia with Coffee is because he hates the vet. Loathes going to the vet. It's the scariest most awfulest place ever and I don't want his final moments stressed and scared in his least favorite location. Ideally, he'd passed naturally in bed here at home. If not that, then euthanized at home surrounded by his family was the next best thing. But it didn't seem this was going to be possible.

We talked and decided that, unfortunately, euthanasia at the vet was the only option, and we'd definitely all be there to try and make it as less awful for him as possible. I was to call the vet office in the morning and find out how to proceed.

I hoped he would pass in the night.

I spent the night checking on him and his breathing. I cried (as much as I physically can anyway). Memories of my other dogs and Coffee's life just... it was a rough night.

At one point he did get up, wobbly and weak, which I took as a cue to go outside. He peed (a lot) and tried pooping. I believe he may be constipated and the strain to do so left him very weak. He was barely able to keep himself up. I scooped him in my arms, sat in the arm chair, and he laid on my lap and chest and fell asleep. He hasn't done that in months. I think it's because his arthritic joints get tired and uncomfortable. But we spent a good couple of hours like that. He was so limp and weak. I was hyper aware of his breathing and heart beat against my abdomen where he lay.

Bro left to work. Dad woke up and ate breakfast, and Coffee remained lethargic, weak, and distant.

Exhaustion set in around 8 or 9 am and I fell asleep in the living room with Coffee in his bed, but not before calling the vet office and finding out how to go about euthanasia (it's a walk-in situation).

I then woke up to some very loud slurping. Coffee was up and he was eating. He ate everything in his bowl. He then walked over to where I was, licked my foot, and stared at me! I picked him and he sniffed my face. We went outside, he did his business, and ... he was fine?

My parents came back from the their errands and were surprised by how wide eyed he was and the fact that he was walking around.

Bro came back from work and Coffee greeted him.

I've been walking around the house and he's been following me.

I've been teasing him and he's been responding to everything I and others do.

He was back to normal, or as normal as an old arthritic dog can be.

I called the vet office again and asked to speak with the vet. She was busy at the moment but was told she'd call me back. In the meantime, Coffee was happily sitting on my lap. When doc did call back, I gave her the update and she sounded so happy and surprised at how well he responded. I agreed to continue with the diuretics as suggested because I can't bring myself to take away his life when he's still willing to keep on keeping on and is still alert and responsive.

She prepped the meds and said to pick them up whenever I was available (pickrd them up a few minutes later).

We decided to try the diuretics for the time being. Coffee will die soon. His heart will give out, but maybe hopefully now with these tablets he'll be in less pain and discomfort and hopefully, maybe, pass away naturally. If not, we will go forward with euthanasia.

But right now, my puppy is doing better.

tfw when you hope your pet passes peacefully during the night so you don't have to call the vet in the morning to set up an appointment to euthanize him.

It's been a tough day.

[wheresmypenn]

Just Gone

(3) Nightmares and Scars

I knew where they kept the soap they used for laundry and was able to get to it easily. Once I had the soap in hand I snuck down to the quarry. I had to walk slowly because I couldn't see the path well in the dark.

At the shore of the water, I took my shirt off, welcoming the coolness of the air after the hot day. My throwing knife fell to the ground, I forgot that after leaving Merle and Daryl I had put it back into my sleeve. I rubbed the soap into the shirt and washed it the bet I could. When I was finished, my hands were numb from the cold water, and I was beginning to feel cold myself.

I squeezed as much water out of it as possible.

This was the worst part.

Putting the shirt on. Biting my lip, I did it, already shaking from the cold.

Stop being weak, it's just a little water, just a little cold. You'll be fine later, you always are.

I tucked the knife back into the tightness of the sleeve as I walked back to camp, and put the soap back where I found it. I approached the fire pit in the centre of the camp and sat on the ground, watching the dying embers. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I rested my head on my knees. I was really tired, but I didn't want to sleep. The reason I didn't sleep in the tent was because I was afraid of waking Officer Shane up. Back at home, I always woke Daddy up with my nightmares, he was always really mad. I didn't want to make anybody mad.

I was also afraid of him asking me questions I didn't want to answer.

I didn't know why I was running, or what from, I just knew I had to run. I felt scared, I couldn't breathe. Why was I so scared?

I heard the cracking, snapping sound as pain spread throughout my back. I cried out, falling to the forest floor.

Lying in the dirt and crying from the pain, I turned my head. I looked up to see Daddy standing over me, holding the belt over his shoulder.

But there was something wrong. His skin was darker, dull, almost grey. Blood streamed down his face, but I couldn't see a wound. His eyes were yellow, dead. He's dead. He's dead.

I cried harder as he came closer, opening his mouth as a snarling, hissing, growling sound rang out. I was crying screaming words at him, but I couldn't tell what I was saying.

Words escaped my mouth as I gasped awake, I wasn't sure what I said. My eyes were watering and a few tears escaped. I wiped them away. I glanced at the fire pit, most of the embers had died out.

Oh no, how long had I slept?

I couldn't catch my breath, I just kept gasping, trying to get as much air into my lungs as possible.

" Please no , what?"

I jumped, falling to the side, attempting to scramble away from whoever had spoken.

"Damn, girlie, calm the hell down. What's wrong with ya?"

I relaxed a bit, recognising Merle's rough, scratchy voice. But I was still shaking and struggling to breathe. Whether I was shaking from the nightmare or the cold, I had no idea.

"The hell, ya havin' a seizure or somethin'?"

Why is he up? I was out here every night and not once had I seen him out. "N-no. I'm . . . I'm fine."

He didn't say anything right away, just watched me for a minute, "why ain't ya in bed?"

"Ain't tired."

"Course not, that's why your sleeping out here." He scoffed. "Why ain't ya in bed? Gonna get yer'self in trouble. Where ya sleep anyway?"

"I share a tent with Officer Shane. Don’t wanna be there." I was breathing deeply, finally able to calm myself down. I could still see Daddy's dead eyes, was it possible he was one of them now? Is that why he isn't here?

He smirked, "Why not? He's an officer of the law, serve an' protect and all that shit."

"That's exactly why," I grunted out, frowning. I didn't have the energy to be blank. I was angry, at myself, at him. Even after that, I still wanted to go back to sleep. I was so tired. I thought by now maybe I would get used to so little sleep, and getting nightmares, but still every night, I felt so scared. I wish I could sleep.

He sniggered, "from the way ya talk, I have to guess your Daddy ain't so fond of the law."

"No, mister."

He rolled his eyes, "Name's Merle."

"I know that," I snapped.

"Then what's with all that mister shit? No use actin' all prissy and proper now, girl. Cut it out."

I clenched my teeth together, holding back a retort.

"You get nightmares a lot?"

My jaw dropped, "I . . . how-"

"-Ya talk in your sleep. Bein' outside ain't gonna help ya much with that."

I looked away, feeling angry. "Yeah, well. What do you know."

"I ain't no stranger ta nightmares, girlie."

I couldn't help but look at him again, as I did he lowered himself and sat beside me.

What is he doing? After watching him from the RV, he hardly ever talked to anyone else at camp. Why is he talking to me? I honestly thought that after skinning the squirrel, the brothers would shoo me away and that would be that.

"Ya gonna tell me your name?"

He 's still on about that, really? Everyone else had given up already. "No, not tellin' you nothin'."

He elbowed me lightly, "Ya owe me, I taught ya how to skin."

"And ya got dinner."

He hesitated, looking at his elbow and at the area he bumped me with. "Why’re your clothes wet?"

"I washed it," I said bluntly, avoiding his eyes.

"Why don't ya wear somethin' else?"

I was getting really annoyed at this point, why was he asking questions? Couldn't everyone just shut up and leave me alone? "I don't have nothin' else."

"I'm sure someone else'll have somethin' for ya."

"Don't wanna." I snapped again.

After a couple moments of silence, his voice is calm, quiet, in a way I hadn't heard him speak before. "See the way ya flinch. Too hot for those clothes, haven't complained once. You're coverin' somethin' up."

I held my breath, he knew . I hugged my knees to my chest tightly, as I did before. I stared into the fire pit but I knew he was staring at me. I could feel his eyes burning holes into me.

" . . . Ya gonna tell?"

I could hear the smirk in his voice, "tell ya what, tell me how old ya are, an' I won't say a word."

"I ain't nine," I said through clenched teeth, turning to him, "I'm twelve. Why you keep askin' so many questions? You don't ask no one else no questions."

"You remind me of my brother when he was a kid. Tryin' to act all tough, tryin' to prove himself. It was funny ta watch. He used ta get lots a' nightmares, acted like such a baby an' tried so hard not ta be. Kinda miss it."

"He ain't like that no more?"

He stared back at me, not smiling or smirking. "Had to go away lots. Once I left for a long time, came back, he was different. Still acts like the big tough guy he isn't, though."

"What for? Why did you go away?"

"Different things . . . One time was for the Army."

"You joined the Army?" I asked, a little surprised.

He shrugged, "ain't got no profound reason for it, wanted ta get away, leave home."

I nodded, "I'm too young for it, but I thought of it, once I'm old 'nough. I know lots 'bout weapons from daddy. Would be nice ta get away too . . ."

"An' whys that?"

I hesitated, "never really left home, 'cept for campin' an' huntin'."

"So, ya think of the army."

I shrugged, "Daddy knows lots a' people who were in the military, so I hear 'bout it lots."

"Ya wanna get away from home, or get away from your daddy?"

My eyes widened, I don't even have time to hide my shocked and fearful expression.

"He hurt ya. Ain't hard ta tell."

"I-I . . . I get . . .I just get inta' trouble lots . . ." I put my head down, hiding my face with loose strands of hair from my ponytail.

A noise escaped his throat that sounded almost like a growl, "Ya ain't in trouble now. Stop fuckin' cowerin', I ain't no kid beater."

He sounded mad but at the same time he didn't. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say sorry, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do at all.

"I didn't get along too well with my daddy either, had ta leave, or I woulda killed the bastard."

I raised my head to look at him through the corner of my eye, "it's not that we don't get along, I just . . . don't always listen too well . . ."

He pressed his lips together and looked around, obviously in search of something to say, "Ah, fuck."

Merle abruptly stood up, motioning for me to do the same, "c'mon." He sighed.

Hesitantly, I stood, following him toward the RV. At the side of the RV, lined up were three cardboard boxes. It was where we put stuff after Glenn came back from his runs into the city.

"Was goin' through these this mornin' . . ." he mumbled, going through one of the boxes. I wasn't sure fully what was in all of them because of how dark it was.

He pulled something out, then shook it out, as if trying to remove dust or dirt. He threw the fabric at me, once I caught it I held it out in front of me.

It was a light coloured, long-sleeved, button-up blouse. Feeling the material between my fingers, I could tell it was really thin.

"Girls like pink, right?"

It was hard to tell in the dark, but after he mentioned it, it did look to be a light shade of pink. I hated pink, but I didn't say anything.

"Won't fit too well, but it's better than what you have. You can't wear that no more, black attracts heat, and it's thick. Gotta be torture."

My mouth opened, but I couldn't get anything out. I was sure that he was angry a moment ago, but he seemed calm, I couldn't read his expression. The situation seemed kind of . . . awkward .

"Git outta that wet shirt. I'm goin' to sleep, fuckin' tired." He rubbed the back of his neck and began walking toward his camp. "Go ta bed, can't hide from sleep forever."

"G'night, mister Merle," I said, feeling the corner of my lip curving upward.

He turned back to me, "what I tell ya 'bout that mister shit."

"I said Merle ."

He smiled, pretending to act mad, "Cut it the fuck out."

I returned the smile, trying not to laugh. He rolled his eyes and started to walk away again. My stomach did a nervous flip as I bit my lip. I wasn't really sure what made me tell him, but I didn't want to not tell him. I couldn't even stop myself before the words left my mouth.

"Toby."

He glanced at me again, narrowing his eyes, "Toby?"

I nodded.

"Nice ta meet ya, Toby."

I let him leave as I stared down at the shirt he gave me.

Links

Ao3

Fanfiction.net

Wattpad

Patreon

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 21: Prinxiety (pt 2)

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 21: Combine two soulmate prompts. (This will make sense soon, I promise.)

It’s the sequel you’ve all been waiting for! This is the second part to day 16 (read that first!!!!!), and y’all finally get to see what happened to Virgil! Please heed the trigger warnings below.

TRIGGER/content WARNINGS!! Anxiety, food mention, crappy foster system/group homes, implied past abuse, religious guilt/negative view of religion, homophobia, conversion therapy/abuse, starvation, sneaking medication (antipsychotics/side effects), electrocution, seizure, ambulance. I’m sorry. 

Word count: 3.8k

Unlike most kids in the foster system, Virgil didn’t know his birthday. He knew it was sometime in December, but that didn’t do much. Technically, birthdays weren’t really a huge thing anyways, not when the group home he rarely left was awfully underfunded, and a party came second to little things like working sinks and clothes without holes. Even still, all the other kids at least got a little cupcake and a half hearted birthday song on their special day, and his festivities were pushed onto Christmas. He didn’t get a weak excuse for a celebration, because the other kids ‘found it unfair’ that he got that and Christmas in the same month. To prevent an upheaval, the workers told him that he’d just have to be happy with what he got.

But it wasn’t fair, because some kids got Easter and a birthday, or Halloween and a birthday, or New Years and a birthday, and poor Virgil didn’t. The fact of the matter was, they plain didn’t like him. The other kids didn’t like that he got extra free time because of his anxiety, or was allowed to leave the table when they weren’t, and they especially didn’t like he was the youngest of the bunch. The youngest had the highest chance of getting adopted, it was just facts, so they had seemingly decided that if his stay here would be the shortest, it would be the most tortured. 

It wasn’t the shortest stay, though. With his barrage of anxiety related issues and group-home-toughened demeanor, no foster home wanted to deal with him. He was snarky, ran away, regularly got in fights with the biological children of the parents, and was promptly labeled a problem child. Eventually, it was deemed easier for him to just stay in a group home until he outgrew the system, since he seemed set to escape every other place. Virgil tried to pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it did; it was his fault, after all. As he watched all his older tormentors grow out of a crooked system, he resigned himself to the same fate. After all, he was almost sixteen now, and he knew his chances were out. So he stayed stuck in his group home, lashing out at his caretakers and therapists, refusing to eat unless it was alone in his room (technically, three kids slept in there, but he so rarely left it, and they wanted to avoid him, it was unofficially deemed his room), and listening to music on his phone.

He’d been given the phone on his fifteenth birthday, a gift from one of his caretakers. It was the cheapest piece of crap he’d ever seen, glitched out every other minute and needed to be charged at least three times a day, but it was a phone nonetheless. Granted, he had no one to text. But he had access to a computer, a totally one hundred percent legal music downloading website, and a strong sense of determination, so he’d soon filled the phone’s entire measly storage with all the music he could cram on the thing. 

That’s what he was doing on the night of December 18th, listening to his “Emo Playlist” on a pair of $4 Dollar Store earbuds, laying on his bed and finding shapes in his popcorn ceiling as the moon shone through the window. In the bunk beds across the room from him, his two other roommates were fast asleep, but he couldn’t follow suit. It was sadly normal for Virgil to have sleepless nights where no matter what, his anxious brain just wouldn’t shut off, and it just felt like one of those nights. His hands shook and his eyelids flinched every few seconds for no reason, so he turned the music just a little bit louder and tried to calm his breathing. 

It was just past 1 am when his life changed forever. 

He was on the fourth cycle of his playlist, eyes no more heavy than hours before and just as flinchy. It was just entering the “existential crisis” time of the night where he started questioning reality, and he was about to give in and start letting his mind drift to darker places, when a song distinctly not his began to play in the midst of a song switch.

How can you miss someone you’ve never met?

Because I need you now but I don’t know you yet,

But can you find me soon, because I’m in my head,

Yeah, I need you now but I don’t know you yet.

He froze, eyes suddenly wide open, and yanked the earbuds out of his ears. The song continued; not in his headphones, but in his head. It didn’t take an idiot to realize that it was his soulmate, responding, and as an afterthought, Virgil suddenly identified that today was probably his birthday. Both amazing revelations, but one was slightly more time sensitive. 

Desperately scrolling through his playlists as the song stopped after the chorus, he tried to find a song that would be an adequate introduction to this new person. When his eyes landed on a song from his Adele phase (he didn’t talk about that time) that he hadn’t had the energy to delete yet, he simultaneously groaned and grinned. Subtly meme-y, heartfelt like the song his soulmate had played, a decent greeting. He tapped play. 

Hello,

It’s me.

He hoped his soulmate had the same sense of humor of him and had actually given a laugh, since he was trying to stifle laughter behind his sleeve to avoid waking the sleeping kids. He paused after the first verse, since he didn’t really want to remember that phase of his life more than he had to, and waited for the other to play the next song. Hopefully they could work out some sort of rhythm, play songs back and forth. He for sure wouldn’t be able to sleep now.

(The next song his soulmate played was an almost atrocious obviously-musical-theatre song that almost made Virgil hit his head against the wall, so he retaliated with a favorite of his, the most ear assaulting screamo he could find on his playlist.)

The clock had just passed four in the morning when there was a small pause in the routine, before his soulmate played a children’s lullaby. It definitely wasn’t something you’d listen to in everyday life, so Virgil could only assume it was the other’s way of indicating that they had to sleep. As if I’m going to let you go that easily, Virgil smirked, opening YouTube and begging that the video he’d chosen would play without an ad.

It did, filling his crackling, cheap earbuds with the opening chorus of Baby Shark. Fight fire with fire, he decided, chuckling to himself as he turned off the song just before the ‘mommy shark’ verse. Silence filled his head and he mentally wished the other a good night, turning onto his stomach and screaming into his pillow, grinning madly. 

Eight months later, their new way of life was deeply imbedded into him; getting woken up at asscrack o’clock in the morning by a worker who wanted to be there as much as he did, and either playing his morning playlist to get himself slightly more ready to face another monotonous day or waiting in silence until his soulmate woke up and played their own music. He’d begrudgingly started to even enjoy the showtunes. Everyone around the home had noticed his gradual shift in attitude, and he couldn’t help the natural smiles that pulled at his cheeks when a new song played out of nowhere. It got to the point where his therapist noticed his lifted mood, and the other kids stopped avoiding him and, unknown to Virgil, his social workers decided that he was ready to try another foster home. 

That’s why, eight months later, there was a knock on his bedroom door and his main worker poked in her head, asking him to come downstairs. He’d been playing music for his soulmate, so he silently apologized and joined her at the dining room table, giving her a half hearted smile. 

“Virgil, we’ve found a new home for you. A foster home that specializes in… harder to place cases. They’ve opened their doors to you, and we’re hoping to get you into a trial period there within the next week.”

At first, Virgil vehemently refused. No. He didn’t want to go back to foster homes, not after… everything he went to in the first few. The ones that hurt him, the ones that were more densely crowded than group homes, the ones that turned him into the angry shell he was before he had met a sign of a possibly happy future. He didn’t want to lose the progress he’d made. 

But Bev looked so hopeful, so pleadingly at him, that he gave in after three days of denying. He said goodbye to the kids he’d unfortunately grown attached to, threw his few belongings into a black garbage bag, and got into his worker’s car for the first time in years. Just rebuckling that seatbelt caused a shudder to run up his spine. 

------1 month later------

“Virgil, what are you doing? Do you have earbuds in? We’ve made it abundantly clear that you are not to have technology at the table.”

Virgil fought every urge in his body to roll his eyes, flicking his hair behind his ears to show they were empty. It had gotten long and shaggy, just reaching his jaw in the back. “No earbuds. My soulmate’s listening to music, and it’s catchy.” Frankly, he was surprised he hadn’t been caught bopping along to silence before by the stiflers. 

They were nice enough, a woman and a man and their two biological children, but they were too religious for Virgil’s liking. He’d never had qualms with religion before, but he had grown tired of spending Saturdays and Sundays (his only days off from their homeschool regime) in a church, surrounded by older people singing repetitive songs and being yelled at by a guy on the pulpit. Faking being sick only worked so many times before they refused to listen to his excuses. They also insisted he go to a specialized youth group on Tuesdays, but that was easy enough to escape. He just waved by and booked it to the closest 7/11 when they left, making sure he was back at the church by the time it was over and made up some bullshit about the gathering. Jameson, the attendant at the gas station, was becoming the closest friend he’d ever had. 

“Your soulmate?” One of the children asked around a bite of toast, spitting a decent amount onto Virgil’s sleeve. 

“Like daddy and I, Mariam.” The woman explained briefly, not bothering to chastise her about speaking with her mouth full. 

“Yeah.” Unlike most of the kids at his old group home, he wasn’t warming up to theirs. They were too spoiled, too bratty. One had even bit him in his first week here and he was still bitter about it. 

“When did you connect with yours, Virgil?” The question wasn’t asked kindly, more for the sake of being polite, and he assumed if he didn’t answer in an equally polite tone, they’d probably make him paint a fence or something. 

He knew they cared about his bond about as much as he did about theirs. Which was approximately none. The mom took her children’s empty plates and placed them in the sink, Virgil quickly following suit. No use losing more computer time because he didn’t clean his plate.  

“Last December. I didn’t even know it was my birthday, and they started playing music out of nowhere. It was pretty cool.” He finished rinsing off his plate and was confused at the sudden stillness in the room.

“‘They’?” The mom asked, giving her husband what she must have believed to be a subtle glance.

“Uhm… yeah?” Virgil said slowly, “I’m bisexual. So I’m not sure if my partner’s a guy or a girl or… something in between. So… they?” 

He stared with rising anxiety as the two parents had a silent interaction over the kitchen island, before the dad stood up. “Kids, plates in the sink and then go get ready for church. Virgil, you too.”

There was minimal whining as the younger ones did as they were asked, racing each other up the stairs. Virgil followed, slower, listening to hushed beginnings of a conversation, unable to fight the feeling that he’d just royally fucked up. 

------------------------

“Virgil, may we speak with you for a moment?”

He froze, slowly turning from where he’d been half way up the stairs. They’d just wrapped up lessons for the day (Virgil never thought he’d miss an actual school building before, but alas) and the kids had been excused, leaving just him and the parents behind. It had been almost a week since the incident, and a part of him had been hoping they’d just drop it. There wasn’t much they could do, anyways; if their religion conflicted so badly with his sexuality, the worst they would do is send him back to the home anyways. In all honesty, he kind of hoped they would. He was sick of being here, and it was better for his record if he didn’t run. 

Not that it mattered much anymore. He was almost aged out of the system anyways. 

He took a cautious seat back at the dining room table, which they had just cleared from classes. The mom sat back in her chair, eyeing him carefully, as the dad began to speak.

“We spoke with our pastor the other day, and we think it would be best if we put you in therapy.”

“I don’t…” He’d stopped regular therapy at the group home almost a month before coming here, and he couldn’t imagine why he’d need to go back. He definitely wasn’t happy here, but he didn’t figure a grumpy mood was enough to warrant counseling. “I don’t understand.”

“After… what you told us? About your… urges-”

“Urges.” He couldn’t help his own disgusted tone. Of course they were homophobic.

“Yes. Our pastor suggested we try conversion therapy.”

Virgil scoffed, but he couldn’t ignore the way his heart started pounding, “Right. As if you could ever get my social workers to approve that. Ward of the state, remember?” He tapped his chest a couple times.

“Fortunately, we already talked to your social worker, Virgil. We had it approved just this morning.” The man finally stopped, as if waiting for a response.

Virgil’s eyes grew wide as he looked frantically between the two of them, the woman quickly avoiding eye contact. That wasn’t normal. 

“There’s no way in hell that you-”

“Profanity, Virgil!” The man barked and Virgil shrank back in his chair, impulsively ducking to avoid a fist that didn’t come. They hadn’t hit him so far, but old habits die hard. “We’ve already signed you up. Your first session is tomorrow. First thing’s first-” He stood up, reaching a hand out to a still-shaking Virgil, “Hand over your phone.”

-------------------------

His hair was short now. Shorter than he could ever remember it being. He missed his bangs, he missed the tiny boosts of confidence it gave him when the rest of his appearance disgusted him. Now there was nothing for his hands to run through. There was no style to it, just an electric razor in the hands of his silent foster mother. He should have fought it, he really should have, but he was shaking far too much to try to move.

He didn’t like hands so near his throat. 

------------------------

Surely, his social worker didn’t approve of this. The only explanation Virgil could possibly rationalize was they’d lied about the purpose of the therapy, or the method, or something. But any type of change in a foster kid's life had to go through about a million different levels to get approved, so how the hell were they getting away with this?

It wasn’t too bad. A lot of it was using religious guilt, something Virgil did not have much of, saying he was immoral and inhumane. The rest of it was just his new therapist trying to dig into his supposed ‘trauma’ that made him ‘this way’, as if there was something that caused it. They talked a lot about his old foster homes, and his therapist seemed positive something there had to be the root to everything. It made his blood boil.

It didn’t help that they still hadn’t given his phone back, and they confined him to his room when he wasn’t doing school work at the kitchen table. He could hear the way his soulmate was losing morale, the longer he didn’t respond. The songs were darker, and were few and far between. They still refused to play songs on what he’d called ‘his days’.

--------------------

His ‘therapy’ had ended hours ago, and yet he couldn’t stop twitching. Every time he closed his eyes in a vain attempt to sleep, it was like the electrodes were attached to him again. The images they’d shown him flashed before his eyes, of men kissing, holding hands, and were quickly followed by the sharp sting of electric shocks. He couldn’t close his eyes without flinching violently, no music to calm his nerves.

Virgil didn’t sleep that night.

----------------------

He held to the music like an anchor, soaking in every rare song his soulmate played like a sponge. It was his only relief from the hunger pangs in his stomach, reminding him that he hadn’t been allowed to eat at all in the day leading up to another therapy session. Apparently they wanted to put him on some kind of medication, try to increase the intensity of his sessions. It was getting to the point where Virgil was tempted to pretend it was working just to make them stop. 

He missed his soulmate. 

----------------------

No. He’d said no to the drugs. They wanted to put him on anti-psychotics, claiming he was severely mentally ill, and he’d downright refused. There was no way in hell he was going on anti-psychotics. Finally, after days of their demanding being met with stubbornness, they’d given in. 

That had been a month ago. Maybe. Time had gotten kind of funny, like in that limbo between Christmas and New Years, or in the depths of summer break. It had been a while, for sure. They still fed him so rarely a growling stomach was more common than a full one, claiming it was part of his new therapy. He couldn’t help wonder why he was gaining weight, though. He’d been underweight for a majority of his life, thanks to a constantly overworking metabolism and genetics, along with the nasty food they served at group homes that he gladly avoided, but he was starting to fill out slightly. His ribs were barely showing. 

That would be a symptom of being on antipsychotics, he knew from previous research. But he wasn’t on them, so why…?

He took another sip of his apple juice his foster mom had brought him, trying to focus on his homework. Had apple juice always tasted that bitter?

-----------------------

They’d gone too far this time, Virgil knew that much. Curse his stubbornness, his inability to just lie and go along with it. He could have just claimed the conversion therapy was working, ‘oh golly, I’m healed!’, and go on with his life, finally talk to his fucking social worker, but no. He wasn’t capable of that. 

They’d shown him more pictures, shocking him more frequently, refusing to stop the session even as tears streamed down his face. It just hurt so bad. Then he remembered a shout (maybe his own?), blinding pain, and the next thing he knew, he was in his foster dad’s car. He said he’d had a seizure, but he was okay now, so they were heading home. A cup of water was forced down his throat and he was laid down in bed, commanded to rest. He was so confused, but also so tired, so he let his eyes drift shut. 

Just before he lost consciousness for the second time that day, he heard a soft melody drift through his mind as his soulmate played another song. It had been so long since the last time he’d heard them play music… despite his exhaustion, he fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

--------------------

The days had been a bit of a blur since his seizure. It was probably because his brain had done the human equivalent to ‘Have you tried turning it off and back on again?’, but even that was hazy in his mind. All he wanted to do was sleep, to rest, to not have to do the school work that they were still shoving down his throat. From where he was laying motionless in his bed, he watched the slowly setting sun dip below the horizon. 

There was a knock at the door downstairs. Virgil flinched from the noise, triggering a series of twitches down his spine and into his limbs. People were talking downstairs. He could distinctly hear the voice of his foster parents, but the others were unfamiliar. They were getting louder, near shouting, and there were pounding footsteps echoing up the stairs and down his hallway. 

He couldn’t even find the energy to be scared as his door was thrown open and a man’s voice shouted, “He’s in here!”. A flurry of people stormed into the room, the ones in the lead dressed in blue. 

Clambering, people shifting to make space, a woman holding his hand. She was asking him questions as they loaded him into a stretcher and he tried his best to answer, but he was just so tired. His name was said multiple times, as well as the names of his foster parents, but it was hazy, so hazy… 

“We were just trying to help, I didn’t want this to happen, I don’t-”

“Quiet, woman!”

She raised her voice but it was growing farther away. Virgil realized with a start that he was looking at the sky, bumping along on the gravel path, the bright lights of an ambulance flashing across his vision. 

The husband shouted again, trying to silence his wife. That was the last thing Virgil heard as the doors slammed shut, and he finally allowed his eyes to close. 

Part 3 HERE

Taglist: 

@sapphic-satan 

@anxious-logic 

@wigsnatchedhoteltrivago 

@extraintrovertedalien

@punk-academian-witch 

@ray-does-stuff

@chimneychimney 

@i-cant-find-a-good-username 

@falsemood

@wtf-casper 

@cpmansion 

@killjoyjay 

@fandomfan315

@anxious-darkwolf

@eternalmoonlight19

@winterwynd

@espepspes

@ironwoman359

@willowaudreykeyes

@mycatshuman

@weweregoddesses

@im-an-anxious-wreck

@imknittingahat

@surohsopsisofclouds

@korsaromantic66

@astraheart04

[ratsarecute4]

Tips For How to Write Fainting

From me, a person who faints a lot

I hardly ever see people writing fainting correctly. They always write like it is just an on/off switch between consciousness and unconsciousness, but it is actually quite a bit different. I will tell you my personal experience with fainting so you can get it right!

Everything is under the cut because I don't like cluttering up my blog with long-ish posts.

(Disclaimer) there are many causes of fainting and I have only fainted from blood loss, dehydration, fatigue, and low blood sugar. They all feel the same to me but I am not sure if other types of fainting feel different.

Fainting isn't just being awake one moment and being gone the next. You can feel it coming on and it feels terrible. Here are the steps I have noticed when I faint. It might be different for other people, but this is just what I have felt.

1) It starts with your limbs feeling numb. They are hard to move and they tingle like there is electricity in them. It doesn't hurt but it is a bit unpleasant.

2) Then you start to feel a bit dizzy and lightheaded. Usually, at this point I still haven't recognized that I am about to faint. The dizziness is quite subtle.

3) Confusion and brain-buzz. You start to get really confused and have trouble thinking. I am not sure what brain-buzz is really called but that is what I named it. It feels like your brain is fuzzy. It also feels... electric? Like your brain is being zapped? It feels pulsing but constant at the same time. Like, have you ever not slept for 24 hours? Your brain gets the same feeling then, but lesser.

4) Nausea. My least favourite part. It's not like "I will throw up right now" nausea but more like "I'm a tad carsick" nausea. It gradually begins to build up but I never feel like I will actually throw up. I always get really panicky.

5) You get really hot all of the sudden and begin to have cold sweats. Sometimes you start shivering even though you aren't cold. At this point, you can hardly feel your limbs at all and your head feels like it is underwater. Sound becomes muffled and is replaced with high pitched ringing. The world feels like it is spinning and it kind of feels like you are floating but in a really bad, really scary sort of way.

6) Sound goes away completely. You can't feel your body anymore and your vision starts flashing. Everything starts feeling even more unpleasant than before. The first time I fainted, this was the point where I became genuinely scared that I might be dying.

7) Vision tunnels and goes away completely. This part always panics me because I can't see or hear and the only thing I can rely on is my senses of smell and touch, which also slowly begin to go away. This whole process feels like it takes hours, but it only lasts for about a minute. Longer if you fight it. I think it feels unpleasant so I try not to fight it anymore just to make it go faster.

8) At some point you come back and it starts with your sense of touch first. Then, your ears start ringing again before they stop and your ears feel underwater again. For me, sight always takes the longest to come back. For some reason, certain colours come back first. It looks like you are staring into a black void and then suddenly green things start to pop through the blackness and they look neon. I think purple comes back next but I'm not sure because I am usually too busy trying to figure out what's going on to notice.

9) You feel shaky and confused for a good amount of time afterwards. Usually, I can shorten this period by figuring out whatever made me faint (i.e. low blood sugar or dehydration) and taking care of that.

Some other things:

•When you faint, the part where you are unconscious only lasts a few seconds to about a minute. I see lots of people write about a character being out for several days. Dude, thats not fainting. Thats a coma.

•Sometimes when you fall you hurt yourself but you don't notice that it hurts until the confusion wears off.

•Sometimes something can prevent you from fainting. I had low blood sugar once and was nearly out but someone gave me a pixie stick and I didn't end up losing consciousness. However, I was horribly confused and still couldn't see. I would have preferred to faint, honestly, because staying awake felt awful. It just left me trapped in the horrible pre-fainting period.

•A character won't recognize that they are fainting unless it has happened to them often enough to know the signs. The first time it happened to me, I thought I was dying. The second time it happened, I thought it might be a seizure. After a while, you start to recognize the signs.

•For a character who faints often, they may be able to recognize the early signs and find a safe place to lay down so they won't hurt themselves when they fall.

I hope this helps! I also hope you never experience fainting because it really sucks.

[darlingandmreames]

@kiwitown requested an Arthur/Eames fic where Arthur has epilepsy and Eames helps him through/takes care of him after a seizure, so here it is!

*******************************************************************************************

Eames glanced over as he heard Arthur turn on the coffee machine and looked down at his watch, frowning. It was nearly nine in the evening. Not exactly prime time to be making coffee. “You planning on sleeping tonight?”

“Maybe. Probably not, though,” Arthur sighed. “I have a lot to get done.”

“You know we have a little time, right?” Eames leaned back in his chair. “Even if Maurice Fischer keeled over this very minute we’d still have at least a few days to get everything set. I think you have time for a night’s rest. You certainly look like you could use it.”

Arthur leveled a deadpan look at him. “Thank you, Eames. Your compliments are flattering, as always.”

“I’m just saying, you look like you’ve barely slept recently.” Eames paused, frowning again. Now that he thought about it, Arthur really did look exhausted. Eames could see the dark circles under his eyes even from all the way over here. “Seriously, when was the last time you got a decent amount of sleep?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. Besides,” he raised an eyebrow, “you’re not one to talk, considering you’re also still here at 9pm.”

“Yeah but at least I’m not making coffee.” Eames shrugged and turned back to the documents he’d been going through. “When you’re exhausted and pissed off at everything tomorrow, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

"I'll be fine. And if I'm not, I'll even let you say I told you s-"

Arthur's voice cut off with an odd, strangled sound and a moment later Eames heard something shatter on the ground. He turned, confused. Had Arthur accidentally burnt himself or something? "Arthur?" His confusion turned to panic as he finished turning. Arthur was leaning against the counter stiffly, face slightly contorted and a shattered coffee cup on the ground by his feet. He dropped down to the ground as Eames watched, landing heavily on a few of the ceramic shards. "Shit, Arthur!"

Eames ran over. Arthur's eyes were open but they were rolled back and he was still making the odd strangling noise, back arched and body tense. "Arthur, can you hear me? Arthur?" Eames pulled off his jacket and slid it carefully under Arthur's head and neck; his best guess was that Arthur was having a seizure, and while he wasn't entirely sure what to do he knew enough to know that, whatever was happening, he should protect Arthur's head. "You're okay, it's okay." 

He swept the remainders of Arthur's mug across the floor and away from where they were; if this was a seizure and Arthur started convulsing, Eames didn't want anything even remotely sharp nearby for Arthur to hurt himself with even more than he might've already hurt himself with the fall. He kept his hands loosely on Arthur's shoulders, mind racing as he tried to recall something, anything, about what to do when someone was seizing. "It's okay, you're alright, you're fine." Fear tightened Eames' chest as Arthur started jerking slightly and he brought a hand up to the side of Arthur's face gently. "It's okay, darling, you're okay."

The convulsions probably lasted little more than a minute, if that, but it felt like an hour, panic and helplessness gripping Eames like a vice as he muttered to Arthur softly, telling him over and over again that it was alright. He didn't know if Arthur could even hear him, he probably couldn't, but it seemed wrong to stay quiet. Eventually the shaking lessened, then stopped all together, and Arthur seemed to go limp. Eames rolled him onto his side carefully, making sure to keep his head resting on the jacket and brushing away the ceramic shards he'd fallen on. Thankfully it didn't look like he'd cut himself. "Hey, there you go." Eames ran a hand through Arthur's hair as the rigidity slowly seeped out of his posture. "That's it, you're alright."

"'mes?"

Arthur's voice was muddled and disoriented, and Eames probably wouldn't have recognized the word if it hadn't been his name. "Yeah, darling, it's me." He ran his hand through Arthur's hair again, other hand rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. "You back with me?"

"Mm." Arthur mumbled something that Eames couldn't quite catch, words running together incoherently.

"I think you just had a seizure, do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No, 'm fine, I've had…" Arthur trailed off slightly for a moment. "'ve had them before."

Eames blinked, surprised. He'd known Arthur a long time, and he'd never seen him have anything like that before. If Arthur said he didn't need an ambulance though, Eames trusted him. They sat there like that for several minutes- Arthur laid on his side, Eames kneeling beside him- until Arthur finally sat up slowly. Eames kept his hand between Arthur's shoulders, steadying him as he swayed slightly. "Are you alright?"

Arthur nodded. "It's been…been a while since I had anything s’bad as that." 

He wiped at his mouth with his sleeve, wiping away the saliva that had rolled down his chin during the seizure. The movement was slightly uncoordinated and there was still disorientation in his voice, but he sounded at least a little more present. Eames helped him shift so that he was leaning back against the cabinets. "Didn't realize you had seizures."

"Don't usually. Not anymore at least." Arthur blinked slowly and took a few deep breaths. "I take meds 'nd they usually work, but I guess the stress 'nd not sleeping…"

Arthur closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning slightly. Eames felt his fear spike and he readied himself in case Arthur started seizing again. "Are…are you…?"

"'m alright. Just a headache. I get them after."

Eames nodded, fear dissipating slightly, though not much. “Do you need anything?”

“Water.”

Eames nodded again and propped Arthur up against the cabinets a little more fully, waiting a moment to make sure he didn’t tip over before standing up and grabbing a glass of water from the sink by the coffee machine. Arthur accepted the glass gratefully and leaned against Eames' shoulder heavily as he sat back down, seeming to sag against him. He took small sips until the glass was empty and set it down on the ground beside him, leaning his head back against the cabinet and closing his eyes. After a moment Eames shifted to wrap his arm around Arthur's shoulders and pull him in a bit. Arthur moved with him easily, resting his head in the crook of Eames' neck. "You scared the shit out of me. Just went down with no warning. You're lucky you didn't cut yourself on the shards of your mug."

"Sorry. Didn't mean t' frighten you."

"I'm just glad you're okay." Eames went back to stroking  Arthur's hair. "Will you be okay the rest of the evening?"

Arthur nodded. "Just need to rest."

"Alright. Just let me know when you're ready, and we'll head back to the hotel. I can call us a cab." 

"Thanks."

"Of course, darling." Eames rested his cheek on the top of Arthur's head. He still had work he needed to do, but it could wait until tomorrow. They had time. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. It was alright, Arthur was alright. "Of course." 

After a few minutes Arthur sat up slightly. "I think I'm starting to fall asleep, I should get back to the hotel."

Eames nodded and helped Arthur up carefully. He was less unsteady now and the disorientation was mostly gone from his voice but he looked exhausted, even more so than he had before. Eames brushed his hair back gently from where it had fallen in front of his face. "Are you okay to sleep?"

Arthur nodded. "It's fine. I don't think I've ever had more than one seizure in a 24 hour period. Going to bed and getting some rest is the best thing I can do right now" He made his way over to his workstation and pulled his coat on slowly before heading towards the door.

Eames followed him, grabbing his own coat on the way. He caught up to Arthur quickly, resting his hand on the small of Arthur's back; he was moving mostly normally now but his gait had the slight unsteadiness of someone barely awake, and Eames didn't want to take any chances. Arthur didn't seem to mind at least, leaning against Eames as he hailed a cab from the sidewalk. His head was nodding slightly and Eames wrapped his arm around Arthur's waist, worried that Arthur might actually drift off standing up and fall again. He even took the middle seat in the cab so that Arthur could stay leaned against him the entire ride back. Sure enough, Arthur seemed to doze off on his shoulder within a minute of the cab pulling out.

The cab ride and walk up to Arthur's hotel room was thankfully uneventful and by the time they were outside Arthur's door he seemed nothing more concerning than just very, very tired. Eames couldn't help the pang of concern in his chest, though, as they paused in the hall, the image of Arthur convulsing on the workshop floor still fresh in his mind. "You sure you'll be alright tonight?"

Arthur gave him a tired smile. "I'm okay now, Eames, really. Thanks for helping me." He started to unlock the door but hesitated, turning back to Eames with an unsure look. "I'd, um, I'd prefer if this just stayed between us. No one else knows about this and I'm…not exactly keen on that changing."

"Of course, love. Not a word." Eames rested his hand on Arthur's arm, shoving down his worry as best he could. "You'll text me if you need anything?"

Arthur nodded, opening the door and heading into his room. "Thanks again."

"Don't mention it." Eames watched Arthur's door a moment longer even after he'd closed it behind him before finally heading down the hall to where his own room was. He pulled his phone out of his pocket as he walked, turning the volume up; he usually kept it on silent, but not tonight. He trusted Arthur when he said he was fine now, but if that changed Eames fully intended to be there to help.

[haikyuupaladin]

One Day

Since today is Epilepsy Awareness day, I thought I’d write a fic that raises some awareness for epilepsy. It’s a day in Asahi’s life with epilepsy. I hope you all enjoy! See the end for some important notes!

***

Asahi groaned as he rolled over in bed and looked at his alarm clock. His eyes blew open in surprise when he saw how late it was. “Shit. I’m going to be late for practice.” He ran to the bathroom with his volleyball clothes in hand, splashing his face with water, brushing his teeth, and quickly taking his meds as he tried to get dressed as quickly as possible at the same time. Once he’d done that, he threw some bread in the toaster and scrambled to make sure he had everything he needed for the day in his backpack and gym bag. When the toast was done, he quickly grabbed everything and ran out the door, eating the toast as he ran to practice.  

“Sorry I’m late!” He called out as he burst through the doors of the gym, trying to catch his breath.

“Oi, Azumane!” Coach Ukai called out and he winced. He’d only been back on the team for a week. This was not the impression he wanted to make on the new coach. “Warm up and then I want to talk to you for a bit!”

“Ok!” Asahi yelped. A week of being back and he was sure to get kicked off the team already at this rate. Coach Ukai probably thought he was being lazy and avoiding practice, never mind the fact that the rest of the team had just barely finished their warmups when he’d made it there. Their last coach had been super strict about attendance and Daichi had said that the new coach was his grandson, so Asahi was wary. 

He did his warmups as carefully as possible, putting off the lecture he was sure to receive, but eventually, there was nothing more he could do to warmup. He slowly stride over to where Coach Ukai was sitting on the bench, flipping through something on his clipboard. 

“Sit,” the man gestured to the bench beside him, and Asahi reluctantly joined him.

“I really am sorry I was late today coach, it won’t happen again! I must’ve slept through my alarm but I promise I’ll make sure I’m early tomorrow to make up for it!” Asahi started rambling until he was given a strange look and interrupted.

“What? No no no, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. You’re like… five minutes late, it’s not a big deal as long as you don’t make it a habit to be late every day.” Asahi let out a sigh of relief. 

“What did you want to talk to me about then?” Asahi asked, wracking his brain for any other topics he should be worried about.

“The school just finally gave me your file,” Ukai told him and Asahi froze. 

“If this is about that fight with Noya last year I promise that won’t happen again either!” Asahi panicked.

Ukai gave him a deadpan stare. “Will you let me finish what I’m saying before you start panicking?! You’re not in trouble, that was already dealt with and frankly, as long as it doesn’t affect the team going forward,  I don’t really care. What I do care about is the fact that I’m technically responsible for you kids now. I wanted to talk to you about the medical section of your records.”

Asahi sighed, in relief but also frustration. “Oh. That. Yeah, I have epilepsy, it shouldn’t interfere with volleyball though. Well except for some of my doctor’s appointments but I can schedule those around anything major. I haven’t had a seizure in a year and a half and on the off chance something did happen, all the third years and Tanaka and Noya know and they all know what to do.” By the time he was halfway through his explanation, Asahi was no longer sure if he was trying to reassure the coach or himself. Just because his meds were working, didn’t mean there wasn’t the possibility of a breakthrough seizure at any time, and if that happened, it could interfere with volleyball, and that was the absolute last thing he wanted. 

“Is there anything I should look out for?” Ukai pressed. 

“Trust me, if something happens, you’ll know,” he laughed,  slightly bitter. 

“I know that kid,” groaned Ukai. “I meant like… before.”

“Not really,”  Asahi shrugged. “My parents say they can tell by my eyes but I don’t really know what they mean by that.” 

Ukai nodded. “And let’s say something does happen, what should I do?” 

“Mainly just time it and get anything I can hurt myself on away from me” Asahi mumbled wanting to get away from this conversation now. He knew the coach was trying to be helpful, but talking about it like this was making him more nervous that something would happen, and that was the last thing he wanted to think about right now. “Can I go join practice now?” 

“Sure,” Ukai pinched the bridge of his nose, looking frustrated. “Just… let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Asahi nodded cautiously before running off to join the rest of the team in spiking drills. 

***

“What was that all about earlier?” Suga asked when they stopped for a water break. 

“You’re not in trouble or anything are you? I can talk to coach if you are,” Daichi chimed in.

“It was nothing like that,” Asahi shook his head, appreciating his friends’ concern. “He wanted to talk about my epilepsy.”

Suga raised an eyebrow at that. “Really? He does know you haven’t had a seizure since first year, right?”

“I mean, it makes sense though,” Daichi shrugged. “I don’t think he has any experience with that sort of stuff, makes sense he’d be a little freaked out I guess.” 

Kiyoko nodded quietly beside him. 

“It was kind of embarrassing though,” Asahi admitted, whining. 

“Why?” Daichi laughed.

“I’m pretty sure none of the first years even noticed,” Kiyoko said, placing a hand on Asahi's back comfortingly. 

“Hinata and Kageyama definitely didn’t,” Suga said, eyes sparkling with laughter. “They were too busy fighting, I’m not even sure what started it,but Tsukishima was encouraging it.”

“And you were doing nothing to stop it,” Daichi pointed out. “I can’t believe you’re my vice captain sometimes.”

“Hey! Let me have my fun!” Suga complained. “I would’ve stepped in if it got out of control but it was amusing and you seemed to have it under control anyway.”

Asahi relaxed as the conversation turned towards the antics of the first years. Suga always knew just how to steer the conversation how he wanted to, and not for the first time, Asahi was glad that Suga used that for his benefit sometimes. 

***

The rest of practice had gone by without incident, Kiyoko and Suga were right, nobody else had even noticed Coach Ukai calling him over, or if they did they’d chosen not to ask about it. The conversation had made Asahi more aware of potential auras than usual though, and it had been hard to focus in class. He had a weird headache for a bit during third period and he’d spent most of class muttering to himself and fidgeting with his hands, trying to focus on the fact that his jaw and hands seemed to be working just fine, finding reassurance in that, though he was still nervous.  He’d have to ask Kiyoko for the notes later. 

It was lunchtime now though, and Asahi hoped that his friends would be a welcome distraction from his worries. “Asahi! Hey!” Noya called out as Asahi exited his classroom. He chuckled fondly and shook his head.

“Hey Noya, what’s up?” 

Noya regaled Asahi with stories of his day as they walked to meet up with Daichi, Suga, and Tanaka. How Noya always had so much to say, Asahi would never know but he was grateful for it right now, the conversation kept him from getting too stuck in his own head. He grinned as they spotted the others and joined them, the rest of his worries melting away for the moment as they fell into easy conversation, Daichi scolding Noya and Tanaka for their antics as Suga egged them on. 

After practice, Daichi, Suga, and Kiyoko walked home with Asahi for their weekly movie night. He’d been avoiding them during his time off the team, but it was nice to see how quickly they fell back into these old habits with him. He’d missed Daichi and Suga’s teasing and their laughter and how they would jostle him around, and he’d missed how Kiyoko would giggle at their antics despite her halfhearted futile attempts to get them to behave.

He was even more grateful for how easily they fell back into old habits when the movie they chose ended up having more flashing lights than he remembered. On another day he might’ve been able to brush it off and keep watching, but despite having calmed down from earlier, he was still being more vigilant than usual, so he covered his eyes and looked away. Suga noticed and paused the movie.

“Shit, sorry Asahi, we forgot how bad this part can get. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Asahi mumbled, a little self conscious about how nervous he was. On any other day he’d be able to handle this so it was a little embarrassing to be avoiding them right now.

“So how are we doing this?” Daichi asked casually. “Different movie or do you want us to narrate for you?”

Asahi laughed. He’d almost forgotten how easily his friends adapted to these situations for him. 

“Narrating’s fine. We all like this movie and if we have to pick a new one we’ll have to reschedule movie night with how long it’ll take us to decide.”

Daichi laughed. “That’s true. Ok then, you ready to start back up?” 

Asahi nodded, and soon the room was filled with more laughter than before as Daichi and Suga humorously described what was going on, with Kiyoko chiming in with quiet corrections or details that the other two were forgetting to mention. Asahi couldn’t help but laugh at some of the descriptions his friends were using and his heart filled with warmth as his friends did their best to make sure he didn’t miss anything about the movie, even throwing in some of their usual jokes about the movie in their descriptions.

***

Later that night, Asahi’s friends escorted themselves out and headed home. He still lay on the couch, too tired to move, but groaning as he knew he had to. He wanted to pass out on the couch, but he had to go take his nighttime dose of his meds. He lay there for a few more minutes before finally deciding if he didn’t get up now, he wasn’t going to be able to and dragging himself off the couch. He walked drowsily to the bathroom, blearily took his meds and then stumbled to bed. It had been a long day, but a good one, he smiled to himself as he fell asleep.

*** 

Notes time! First I want to make it clear that the medical side of things depicted here is based on my personal epilepsy and should not be read as a one size fits all type of deal. 

Second, Ukai’s assumption that it will be noticeable when Asahi has a seizure is accurate for Asahi, but not for everyone. Some types of seizures are barely noticeable on the outside, if at all, and even then you have o know what you’re looking for. 

Third, Asahi’s explanation of seizure first aid is not a complete explanation, for more on seizure first aid please look at https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/seizure-first-aid-and-safety (I’m not making it a link so it will show up in the tags, but I have provided the entire url).

Fourth, an aura is a warning sign or set of warning signs leading up to a seizure. Not everyone has one, and it can be hard to recognize it if you do sometimes. 

And fifth, Please take today as an opportunity to learn more about epilepsy. www.epilepsy.com and www.talkaboutit.org are my personal favorite starting points to recommend, as well as reading through some of the blogs in the epilepsy community here on tumblr. 

[botchedbabe]

When I was 15 I had my first seizure. My very first boyfriend was driving and we were picking up my little sister from elementary school. We parked in the retirement home next door to her school and waited. While we were waiting I got a little dizzy so I placed my head on his shoulder, it slipped onto his lap and I had my very first grand maul. Of course I don’t remember what happened for the next few hours, but I guess he got ahold of my mom and I was taken to the hospital. He did not go with me. From that point on he would not hang out alone with me, we would not have sex, he wouldn’t let me stay the night or even watch a movie with me (I was having at least one every other day for a while with absolutely no cause). He dumped me on my 16th birthday. He said that it was “too difficult for him to see me in so much pain”. I thought about what he said every single day of my life for YEARS, it drove me to attempting suicide multiple times.

Anyway after he left (good riddance), dispite my neurologist’s opinion, my family and I decided to take me off of the birth control pills that I started taking only a month before that first grand maul. That didn’t stop them completely, but I went from having at least one every other day to once a week. So improvement, right? That was when my stupid know-it-all, but really know-nothing neurologist starting trial and erroring medications. After at least two dozen different medications which some caused me to throw up everyday, have a lot more seizures, slow down on them but still having the occasional, sleep for days at a time etc. I finally thought I found the miracle pill and went almost a year without seizing at all.

Then senior year of high school happened... sitting in Current World Problems class with a dickwad teacher who yelled at me minutes before for having my phone facedown in the corner of my desk while popular kids were literally showing him memes on their phones. Anyway the left side of my face tingled (as it always did milliseconds before), I remember thinking ‘Shit’ then dropping to the floor out of my desk. I guess the fire department showed up to the school and called my mom. I had pissed my pants and bit through the side of my tongue. I briefly remember walking into the hospital holding my moms hand asking her what happened, then I black out again.

The rest of that year was absolute hell, my asswipe Current World Problems teacher tried to fail me because I couldn’t take a big test because I was IN THE HOSPITAL-my mom bitched him out and I passed barely with a D-. Other students were dicks and called me names because of my pants pissing. There was a rumor spread that my boyfriend (who I didn’t have) was beating me and that’s why I had a black eye and a fractured nose, NOT because I cracked my face on my desk on the way down and then hit my face against the ground before someone flipped me over. I later found out that most of the kids that were in my classroom when that happened didn’t defend me and were spreading the rumors as well.

Moral of this story is learn who your real friends are, I have kept ONE best friend through that entire thing-beginning to end. He saw me at the hospital, brought me flowers and slept on the couch beside me, even went to senior prom with me.

Secondary moral of this story is no matter how bad life gets, don’t give up. I just passed 7 years since that last one and my life is getting better by the second. I went from a depressed, anxiety ridden, suicidal bitch who avoided the world and as many people as I possibly could- now I’m 25, engaged to the love of my life, very successful insurance salesman, own my home, two dogs. Life couldn’t be better, sometimes I look at the scars on my wrist (poorly concealed with tattoos) and I think about how stupid I was to think that killing myself would fix anything.

But with absolutely everything that has happened, If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing (:

@fuckepilepsy

[saturnville]

home!

CHAPTER XIII.

Her lips quivered as she huffed and hiccuped aggressively. Her feet moved rapidly across the marble floors of the hospital as she rushed to the automatic doors. Her palm covered her mouth as she was afraid that if she dropped it, the people around her would hear her cries.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her left hand. She felt so embarrassed, so ashamed, over a situation she had no control control over.

While she was getting her blood drawn by her doctor, it seemed that her body lost control over itself. Her eyes rolled back and began to flicker like an old light bums. Her body shook like she was standing on the icy glaciers in Antarctica with no coverings. Her heart rate increased so high that it almost seemed it would pump out of her chest.

It was a seizure, they told her. It lasted only two minutes, but her primary doctor, along with two other doctors from the neurology unit felt that it seemed so much longer.

They informed her that it could possibly be a case of epilepsy. The look upon her face was horrid. She looked frightened in the beginning, because she came to the realization that she could lose control of her body at any place, at any time. Then, it morphed into a frown, and she couldn’t look into the eyes of any one in the room. She was embarrassed.

Now, she refuses sorrowfully down the street to the apartment she shared with Katya and Adya. For once, she was glad that they weren’t there when she pushed the door open and saw their boots weren’t by the door as they usually were.

Sarai kicked off her shoes and placed them on the designated boot tray by the front door and locked the door behind her.

She sauntered today her bedroom and immediately stripped out of her clothes and into more comfortable clothing. After she finished changing, she crawled into her bed and laid on top of her covers.

As she laid against her comforter, she felt her body slow down and her eyes flutter closed. She fell into a slumber.

-

Two hours had passed when she woke up. She could’ve slept throughout the rest of the day and well into the next day if the buzzing of her phone hadn’t caught her attention.

Sarai turned her head against the pillow a few times then extended her hand towards her nightstand. She swiped the device off the surface.

She unlocked it and read the text message she’d received.

Adrian

— How’s 7?

A pout formed upon her lips. She was so into her emotions from earlier that she had forgotten about the dinner. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t feel like rushing to put herself together within two hours. She wasn’t in the mood to go out, there was still a lot for her to process regarding her newly found health condition.

Sarai

— So, so sorry, but I’m not feeling up to going out tonight. I’m not feeling well.

She bit along the skin of her thumb as she waited impatiently for his response. Her heart dropped when she saw the three little bubbles disappear after a short while.

She stared at the screen for many seconds hoping he’d reply, but he didn’t. Her shoulders fell and she released a broken sigh. Great, she said to herself, now he’s upset.

She huffed and tossed her phone to the side before stuffing her face back in her pillow.

-

A knock on the front door hindered her from continuing to stare at the gray wall ahead of her. Her eyebrows furrowed as she wondered who’d be at the door unexpectedly. It obviously wasn’t Katya or Adya, as they had keys to their own home.

Sarai hummed to herself as she pushed herself off her bed and tipped towards the front door. She wrapped her arms around herself as she weaved throughout the maze she called her home.

She peeked through the peephole to see who it could be, and her frown slowly turned into a smile. She quickly unhinged the door and swung it open.

“What’re you doing here?” Sarai gushed as she stepped to the side for the person to enter.

“I mean, you said you weren’t feeling good. So, I thought I’d stop by to check on you,” Adrian explained. “Oh, for you.” He held out a yellow bag that was filled with little goodies.

Sarai hesitantly peeled the bag out of his hand and started towards the living room, gesturing for him to follow. “What’s this?”

Inside the bag was a small little teddy bear along with some of her favorite candies. It was such a simple gesture but she appreciated it so much. It definitely brightened her mood. Aside from Katya and Adya, she didn’t have anyone present to pull her out of her occasional funks. It was nice to have another person to care for her, even if they hadn’t known each other very long.

She opened her arms just slightly for a hug, which he immediately accepted. The young man wrapped his long arms around her small frame and squeezed her tightly.

“Thank you...”

Sarai almost melted into his embrace, finding comfort in his stronghold. She let her cheek fall against his shoulder and her small hands gripped his sweatshirt. She inhaled softly, his sweet cologne filling her nostrils. Her body felt tingly and her eyes slowly began to sting. It was only when she felt his hand rub her back soothingly that the dam had broken.

Everything she’d felt and had thought about, things she kept tucked in the back of her mind because she was too afraid to speak about, in addition to the news she received earlier, hit her all at once and she couldn’t control the way she was feeling.

Sarai was never the type to show any kind of emotion that was deemed concerning. Of course, she seemed shy and quiet, a bit standoffish to some, but she never allowed her sadness, anger, or frustration to become evident to those around her.

Since she kept them all hidden, she had no way of expressing them, she had no way of getting any comfort, any closure. Now, she sat in the arms of the boy who seemed to have more care for her in the world, with tears streaming down her face.

She was tired.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

Sarai pulled away just slightly and wiped her damp face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

“I come with a lot of baggage, Adrian,” she whispered. “and that’s a huge deal breaker to some. But, I’m tired, to say the least. I just feel stupid crying. We’ve been talking for a few weeks and you’ve already seen me cry.” A humorless chuckle feel from her lips as she snatched a tissue from the box on the side table next to the couch.

Adrian swallowed and shook his head subtly. How could someone so beautiful, so deserving of every ounce of happiness the universe could provide, be so full of pain and sorrow.

He knew from the get go that there was something pulling her down, locking her in place, but he wasn’t going to ask. It wasn’t his place. She was so closed off, and now she was opening up. Slowly, but surely, she was blossoming. It may have seemed as if she was crumbling in her own eyes, but it was growth.

“There’s no shame in letting yourself feel everything. It’s apart of being human, Sarai,” he started. “Let yourself feel. Let yourself be open and speak about what’s bothering you. It doesn’t have to be to me, or Katya, or Adya. Maybe to a notebook, I don’t know, but don’t hold it in.”

He looked into her sad hazel eyes and bit along the side of his cheek. He hesitantly brought his thumb to her cheek, and he softly wiped the falling tear away. “It’s okay. You can cry today then smile tomorrow...”

it’s the first update in MONTHS. i’m trying to see if i can summon the inspiration to write the last 10 ish chapters of this then edit it. ahhh

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Twenty

Robyn sighed as she carefully made up the bed then plopped down to catch her breath. The kids were asleep but Chris was still up doing work for when he returned back to work. He had agreed that it was time for him to move back into their bedroom but she was really worried about whether that’s what he wanted to do. They hadn’t slept in the same bed in weeks and she was concerned whether it would be awkward for them.

“Babe, you up?” Chris called out as he made his way to their bedroom. Robyn turned towards the doorway just as he appeared, “hey you. How’s work going?”

“It’s going. You ok? I thought you’d be asleep by now.”

“I needed to change the bedding and stuff. You alright?”

“I’m good. I think I’m done for the night.”

“Oh. Just coming to say goodnight then?”

“I thought I was moving back in here unless plans have changed.”

“ Huh? No. I just didn’t- never mind.”

“You thought I changed my mind?”

“I didn’t think you were gonna do it anyway.”

Chris chuckled lightly as he walked over and sat down beside her, “I thought we were working on trusting each other.”

“We are. I just didn’t want to rush you into anything. It’s only been a week or so since we’ve started hashing things out.”

“We can hash things and still share a bedroom.”

“I know.”

Chris slipped his arm around her shoulder and hugged her close to him. Robyn kissed his chin before resting her head against his chest, “you drive me crazy but I love it.”

“I don’t mean to.”

“You still do. How was lunch with Mel?”

“It was good. I liked getting out of the house.”

“I’m glad. I’ve still been a little worried about you being isolated here.”

“I’m isolated for medical reasons and I’ve learned to accept that and adjust. My life is just gonna be different for a while, that’s all.”

“How’s the business going?”

“Good. Mel and I dropped in on the shelter while we were out. We hired another on-call doctor to help with the increased business but other than that not much has changed.”

“Beverly enjoying being the boss?”

“She’s always thought she was, now she just getting the pay too.”

Chris laughed, “gonna be hard to talk her down once you go back.”

“I think I’d let her stay vet director and just be the doctor for a change. I can’t handle the stress of patients and paperwork.”

“Oh, that sounds great.”

“If having a five minute argument with you had me passing out, I don’t think dealing with vendors and donors is gonna be too good for my health either.”

“Understandable. You sound a little winded, do you need your inhaler?”

“Please.”

Chris reached into the nightstand and handed the item to her. Robyn pumped on the trigger two times before inhaling deeply. She handed the inhaler back to Chris and he put it back in the drawer, “Sorry.”

“What you apologizing for?”

“I’m sure having to take care of a sick girlfriend, a toddler and a newborn wasn’t in your plans when we got back together.”

“No but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“We’re being open here, you don’t have to say the ‘right’ thing.”

“I’m not. Listen, having you back in my life in general was not something I ever thought would happen. Being in a relationship with you and having a baby, double miracles in my book so I am happy to take on whatever I need to because this happened.”

“Don’t start making me be all mushy.”

Chris chuckled, “Don’t start crying or I might have to get your inhaler back out.”

Robyn laughed as she leaned into his chest, “I have a feeling I’m never gonna get rid of that thing.”

“There’s always room for things to get better. Do you feel like your legs are getting better?”

“Yea, I can stand a little longer so I guess the physical therapy is working. I still got months to go unfortunately.”

“What’s so unfortunate about it?”

“Us can’t do us things because I can’t physically handle it. I’m not trying to have a seizure while we fucking. Too weird.”

Chris laughed, “Robyn, the last thing I’m worried about is sex. As long as I can wake up to you, I’m good.”

“Here you go being all perfect again.”

“What would you like me to say, Babe?”

“I don’t know. Just stop being so good because it makes me wanna fuck you and I can’t.”

Chris kissed her temple as he wrapped his arms around her, “Woman, I love you so much, you know that?”

“I love you too. You’re really gonna stay in here with me tonight?”

“Tonight and every night after.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Whatever you need.”

Robyn smiled up at him, “stop being so sweet. Anyway, can you check my stitches for me?”

“Of course. Is the kit where I left it last?”

“Yea. I’ve been trying to keep it clean but I don’t know if I’ve been doing a good job because I can’t really see it.”

“That’s not an issue, Sweetie. You could’ve asked me to do this a long time ago, you know?’

“I was embarrassed. I still am but since we’re being open, I’m rolling with it right now.”

“I understand. Lay back.”

Chris went to the bathroom to wash his hands and grabbed the little medical kit out the bottom of the sink then went back into the bedroom. Robyn was lying on her back with her shirt pushed up to the underside of her breast. Chris sat the kit on the bed beside her then put on some latex gloves. Carefully he pressed around the sides and top of her belly then moved down towards the spot where the doctor’s had cut her open. He gently pressed against the closed wound, “can you feel that?”

“Yea, I can feel it.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No.”

“No stinging? No sharp pains?”

“None.”

He shined a small flashlight on the area for a second then grabbed a small jar of black/white ointment, “have you been putting this on?”

“Trying to. I don't know how much I’ve actually put on the stitches or just around it.”

“It looks pretty good to me. It doesn't hurt but you’re also not numb and there’s no smell to it. I think you’re good.”

“Ok. Thanks, Babe.”

“You’re welcome.”

He carefully put some ointment on the area before throwing his gloves in the trash and repacking the kit, “you got any other pains in your belly, not just near your stitches?”

“No. I’ve had some stiffness in my neck but that’s usually only in the morning.”

“Have you told your doctor?”

“I mentioned it but it wasn’t that bad really.”

“So you mentioned it but you downplayed it.”

“Kind of.”

“Robyn.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sweetie, the fact you are still having so many aftereffects is concerning. Nothing is a small thing when it comes to that, ok?”

“I know. I just didn’t feel like having them poking me and sending me for a bunch of tests.”

“What else is bothering you?”

“I’m forgetting stuff more frequently.”

“Things or thoughts?”

“Thoughts. A lot of my memories are fuzzy or missing parts. Sometimes I can’t remember what I did for pockets of time.”

“Robyn, I think you’ve been having mini seizures.”

“What? No. I don’t shake or nothing.”

“Not all seizures require shaking though, the doctor told you that.”

“He did.”

“I think we really need to get you checked out.”

“In the morning, please. I really need to sleep.”

“Tomorrow morning we are going to the hospital, ok?”

“Ok. I promise to cooperate.”

“I don’t want to lose you not just after getting you back.”

Robyn gently palmed his face, “don’t get all melancholy on me. I’ll be fine.”

                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris kissed the palm of Robyn’s hand as the doctor hooked her up to an EEG, “you ok?”

“I’m fine,” Robyn replied as she looked up at him, “you’re more nervous than I am.”

“You can tell?”

“Definitely can tell but I appreciate the concern, Baby.”

Chris turned to the doctor, “Will you be able to tell if she’s had any previous seizures?”

“We will attempt to use her last EEG and compare if there has been any changes. There’s no guarantee that we’ll see anything but if she’s been having them often, there should be some kind of abnormality,” Dr. Richardson replied as he carefully checked the placement of the nodes, “it doesn’t hurt a bit and should be over fairly soon.”

After a few minutes, they were sitting in a regular examination room as Dr. Richardson placed her EEG results up on a board beside him, “so, there is definite evidence of prior seizures. Have you ever felt stiff, unable to move, sort of like you're frozen in time?”

“Yes, a few times,” Robyn replied.

“You were having mini focal seizures. People often don’t categorize them as seizures because there’s not always shaking or twitching involved. When this begins to happen postpartum, the usual cause is eclampsia. They are also contributing to your respiratory issues as well.”

“Oh. Does it affect memory?”

“Yes, it does. We may need to change the anti-seizure medication you are currently using because it doesn’t seem to be working for you.”

“Do you know how long I’ll have this problem?”

“Usually it only goes on for about six weeks postpartum but seeing as yours has persisted beyond that, we don’t have a clear window on whether your body will completely return to normal.”

“So I’ll be on anti-seizure medication for the rest of my life probably?”

“That is a high possibility.”

“And the respiratory issues?”

“Your respiratory system is stronger than it was, so it seems to have rebounded well. I still want you to take it slow, minimize your stress and continue your physical therapy.’

“Does this happen often?”

“It is rare for a case to be this severe but it does happen. Unfortunately, there’s no definite explanation for why it develops or why it persists longer for some women than others. With monitoring and care, you should be relatively back to normal within a few more weeks outside of the need for medication.”

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem. You’ve been doing well so keep up the good work but please don’t hesitate in letting me know about any more symptoms, I can’t treat what I don’t know about.”

“I understand.”

“I’m going to write a prescription for a new medication. You are not to take it for a week, I want your system cleared of the last medication before you start this to minimize any complications. I don’t want to set back your progress.”

“Ok.”

“I will notate the date you are to start on the prescription bottle. After about a month, we’ll run a new batch of tests to see if it’s helped. In the meantime, if you have any more symptoms, that includes stiffness, numbness, an altered state of consciousness, inability to move your limbs, feeling like you're frozen, blackouts etc., return to the hospital. I don’t want you to ignore it and it becomes worse and possibly causes a stroke.”

“Yes, Dr. Richardson.”

“You can sit here for a few moments or go to the waiting room while I complete your chart and send your prescription.”

Chris shook the doctor’s hand before he left, closing the door behind him. Chris turned to Robyn, “how are you feeling?”

“Overwhelmed. I didn’t anticipate this after having our baby.”

“It’s a lot to take in but we’ll get through it especially now that we know what to expect going forward.”

“I just wanna go home and lay down.”

“You hungry?”

“No, I’m good.”

Chris helped her down off the table and to stand up straight, “you need your walker?”

“No, I think I can make it without it.”

Chris grabbed the portable walker and folded it up into itself while following Robyn’s slow gait out of the examination room. They sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before they were cleared to leave.

Chris watched as Robyn tucked her feet underneath herself as she sat in a chair on the front porch. The newly installed rocking chair helped as the weather got warmer and the kids wanted to be outside more. She carefully started to rock and Chris had to stop himself from going to her immediately. He knew she was still trying to come to terms with the doctor’s diagnosis. Having your miracle baby but developing serious health problems as the result of it is a lot for a person to handle. His therapist had cautioned him to let Robyn take her time to adjust to any new situation before he rushed in to talk to her about it. Everyone needs their space to think before trying to problem solve. He finished washing the cup he was holding when an idea came to him.

Robyn sighed as she brushed a tear off her face. She didn’t anticipate postpartum life being this hard. A few minutes passed when she heard a knock on the wall beside her. She looked up and Chris smiled at her, “Hey Babe.”

“Hey you. Mind some company? I got hot chocolate and sweet cake.”

Robyn giggled, “my favorite. I guess you can sit out here too.”

Chris set the tray down on the side table while he grabbed a chair from the other side of the porch to sit down.

“How you feeling, Baby?”

“I’m ok. Still wrapping my mind around my new body, I guess but I’m ok.”

“You know you don’t have to put on a front for me. I know this is hard and definitely not either of us anticipated when you got pregnant.”

“Definitely.”

“But you don’t have to suffer through this in silence. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

“I don’t know how we do this.”

“The same way we do anything else; we adjust, adapt and just do it. Unfortunately, there’s no prewritten playbook for this.”

“I know. It’s just- it’s overwhelming. How are you?”

“I’m good but I’m focused on you. I wish I could tell you I understand how it feels but I’m no woman and I have not given birth so I can’t possibly help in that aspect but I want to help you by making this easier for you to deal with.”

“I don’t know. I’m trying to adjust to the weight, the breathing, the walker, and the seizures all at once.”

“It’s a lot, Sweetheart. I know but you are the strongest woman I know. You’ve made it through so much that I have no doubt if we really give it our best shot, you’ll get through this. You’re not alone in this. Maybe we can approach this the same way we’ve approached getting back to center. One thing at time. Your health is way more important than the whole weight thing right now. Once we get your seizures under control which in turn assists with your breathing, we can worry about that.”

“I guess that would be best. I guess I’ll have to get used to being a size 14 for a while.”

“Which is not a bad thing.”

“You’re only saying that because my butt is bigger.”

Chris playing raised his brows at her and Robyn laughed, “Listen, intercourse may be out of the question for a while but my hands are not broke.”

“Oh my God, Christopher.”

“What? I’m just being honest. I can rub on you a little bit, it can’t hurt.”

“You’re such a troublemaker.”

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

Chris smiled and leaned over to kiss her lips, “you wanna go on a date with me?”

“We have the kids here.”

“I know. We’re not gonna leave the house but I wanna do something special for you.”

“How?”

“You let me worry about that. Just need a yes or no.”

“Uh yes.”

“Good.”

                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ok, are your eyes closed?”

Robyn chuckled, “does it matter? I have a blindfold on.”

“I’m just checking, Ms. Fenty-Brown,” Chris replied with a laugh, “it’s just a few more steps.”

“I don’t know why I have to be blindfolded, we’re at your house.”

“Our house. And I still want this to be a surprise. You been fussing for the last five minutes.”

“Because I’m anxious. Hurry up.”

Chris carefully guided her to the middle of the backyard before standing behind her and taking the blindfold off, “what you think?”

“Aww Babe, this is beautiful.”

Chris held her waist to keep her steady as she started to walk around. Decorative lanterns were placed inside and outside a large tent with the opening flaps pinned to stay open. Small lights were hung inside the cloth and metal structure as the all white pillows and palettes glowed underneath them.

“Can we go inside?”

“Yea, just hold onto my hand  and i’ll help you get down.”

Robyn kneeled carefully as she held onto Chris’s wrist then slowly crawled inside the tent, “this is so pretty.”

“You like it?” Chris replied as he sat beside her.

“I love it. It’s comfy and relaxing in here.”

“Good.”

“So what else you got up your sleeve?”

“What you mean?”

“I know you and I sense there’s something else going on here.”

“There’s no hidden agenda here, Robyn.”

“I didn’t say it was a hidden agenda, I just think you got something else planned.”

Chris smiled, “it’s not anything like you think, I promise.”

“Ok.”

Chris moved to close the flaps of the tent and shifted to press a button on  a small black box that was situated on a small table behind them. A lens popped up out the top of the box and began to project an image on the white flaps.

“Aww Babe, my favorite movie. This is so cute.”

“I wanted to get the usual movie stuff but I know you can’t eat any of it so...I got this,” Chris grabbed a tray and sat it between them, “so there’s some green tea with honey, some mini sweet cakes and cookies.”

Robyn did a little dance and Chris chuckled, “I’m guessing I did good.”

“You did perfect. I only find these cookies at the airport, where’d you get them?”

“You can order them in bulk online. I found them last week.”

“You even chilled the green tea. You remembered.”

“You’re the only person I know who drinks brewed green tea cold.”

“It just tastes better to me.”

“You ready to watch the movie?”

“Yes. Can you move closer?”

Chris furrowed his brow then moved the tray out the way and scooted closer. Robyn leaned down and put her head in his lap. She grabbed one of his hands to hold it as the movie began to play.  Chris leaned down and kissed her temple before whispering in her ear, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Baby.”

[rosesvioletshardy]

can we do it? - billy/four - chapter 5

okay it’s here. and sorry it took so long i was busy and i just started school so updates are going to be even slower even though you guys don’t read this

but this is a long one and i really hope you enjoy it

summary: one team, seven people, two lovers. things are about to get crazy and zero and four don’t know if they can manage to do it.

masterlist

# of words: 4,628

warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of anxiety attacks, throw up??, implied smut

taglist: open

--

Four and Zero pretended like nothing happened when One came back but still managed to see each other in private and would usually wait until One fell asleep before they went to see each other. Zero had let go almost all of the anxiety and anxious thoughts of them being caught together every time they felt like they were going to be caught. Four felt the same way but he never showed it because he wanted to make sure that Zero didn't see another side of him that he wasn’t ready to show her yet just like he wasn’t fully ready to tell her about his past time from that one night. 

Over the next few days, they have done nothing but go over how they were going to fix up a coup to get Rovach’s brother. Zero and Five were going to be in the lobby, Four was going to try and sneak in as One broke the windows with his inventions, Two and Three were going to be the ones taking out any guards and getting Murat, and Seven was apparently going to hang on a construction bridge to scope everything out and help them out and get them in under the radar.

The night before they left, they were told to pack a bag since they were going to leave first thing in the morning so they had time to get everything ready by the evening. Zero was packing everything she was going to wear while there as well as her equipment before she heard a knock on her door. As she opened her door, she was pushed back into her trailer with a smile when she realized who it was.

“I’ve missed you.” he told her hugging her

“You saw me an hour ago but i missed you too.” she told him, pulling back and looking into his green eyes. The two walked over to her bed and laid down facing each other as they just admired one another. They took in a moment to study their faces, as she studied his facial features, the way his scare blended into his eyebrow. It felt nice to just lay there in silence and just admire each other before she spoke up.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?”

“I’m a little scared, but i feel like with me with you i  know i’ll do good.” he admitted tracing her face with his fingers

“You got this. Which reminds me.” she said getting up and walking over to her desk and taking something out that he couldn’t identify as he sat up

“I’ve created a separate headset for us to talk in. You’ll have your regular one with everyone else and me, but this one, it’s just me.” she explains to him giving him the earpiece as he took it from her fingers. 

He stared at it for a bit before giving her a hug. He didn’t know why he was feeling this but for some reason he knew that something bad was going to happen again. Zero hugged him back with a confused look on her face but accepted it and gave a small peck to the exposed part of his neck. The two went back to laying next to each other and held each other as if it was going to be the last time they were to ever see each other again.  They didn’t know how long they were going to keep it a secret before one figured out but they knew they were going to have to tell him as soon it was over. They were both disobeying his orders and wanted none of them to get involved but he knew he should know better. Zero knew some about his life until he cut it off. She wanted to yell at his face for what she knew but it would make everything much worse than it already was.

The following morning, she had felt Four move out of her arms so he could go back before One had started knocking on doors to wake everyone up for the plane ride. He gave her a kiss on the forehead before heading out back to his trailer to finish packing.

By late afternoon they had managed to get everything they had needed and walked to the jet. Seven was still unsure about his place in the team and why he wasn’t a six. It made sense for it to be a six since it went after five and they were in numerical order under him.

“Hey One! You ever plan on calling me Six?”

“Nope!” one yelled back as the team smiled.

“Hey, i know we don’t get to ask-”

“Then don’t” three interrupted him

“Anyways, who is One? Like who is he?” seven finished looking over to his team 

“A rich guy who snapped” five said 

“Yeah, but how did you meet him?” 

“We didn’t. He met us. In really weird ways.” Four told him

“Perfect timing kind of weird.” two imputed

“Zero, c’mon. You're the computer girl. You must know who is and such” seven pleaded

“I do, but I'm not allowed to say. I knew him even before he faked his death” Zero told him looking over

“But did you tell your lover boy next to you?” he said smiling at the two of them

“Keep it down. And no. I didn’t tell him as much as I wanted to but he knows the rules and so do we.” Zero said grabbing Fours pinky and hooking it with hers

“Okay how did you all meet him just give me like a small gist at least.” he asked 

“Fine, i was exposing some people, got caught, went to jail for a bit, he found me, faked my death in my cell before a hearing, and now i’m here.” 

“Can’t believe i’m saying this. I worked for the CIA, captured Murat in Uzbekistan and had him delivered, reluctantly, Rovach. After that, he found me through some “intelligent contacts” which i’m guessing is just Zero.” two explained smiling over at her

“I used to be a hitman. Killed a little girl's dad right in front of her without me knowing. Still feel the guilt everyday.” three explained bowing his head down

“Went on a mission to get a very expensive necklace, didn't make it across the building, so my ex took the necklace out of my mouth where I was holding it and I dropped who knows how many stories into a random building before I woke up and found one almost killing me with a fake gun set up. Nearly wanted to kill him.” four explained before taking squeezing Zero’s hand to calm down as his jaw clenched. She remembered the day too as they fought, just not in full detail as she used to.

“I was conducting a surgery, and things started to escalate when they began to have a seizure. Felt like it was my fault when they died since they didn’t get the right amount of the anesthesia and almost quit right there on the job. When I went home, the next day, he was there and knew what had happened.”

“Jesus christ you guys had some fucked up lives. Never thought I’d meet a family more screwed up than mine.” seven said

“Hey, no. don’t say that. He hates the word “family”. I don’t know. I think he never had one, but our dear, sweet Zero won’t tell us if he did or not.”

“I’m just going to let you guys figure it out so one or more of you can win that bet you have going on” Zero said 

“And if you’re ever left behind in a mission...he’s not going to come back for you.” Five imputed

“We deltas didn’t operate like that. Things are gonna have to change. I promise you that.” Seven finished

“Finally, I thought I was going to do this mission by myself and leave you all here.” One said sitting on the steps

“Seven, you’re going to be my co-pilot. Let’s go.”

The group rolled their eyes as they entered the jet and put their stuff above them in the departments. Before they reached the jet, four and zero had let go of their hands once One came into the view and decided to sit opposite of each other with Five on the couch, and Two and Three on the other set of chairs. 

The ride to Hong Kong was quiet. Everyone was busy doing their own thing. Four and Zero talked for a while but whispered even though their relationship was something that was known to the people near them and continued to talk up until Four fell asleep. She noticed how his eyebrow will sometimes twitch and his face will scrunch up which was something she never noticed the first few times they had slept together. Three looked like he was about to die and whispered silent prayers, Two glanced up at him every now and then, and Five was reading one of her books that she brought along. 

After almost 17 hours of flying, they woke up to Seven on the intercom telling them to buckle up since they were below radar. As they buckled up, Zero softly kicked Four’s food to wake him up, but when she noticed he was still sleeping, she got up and went over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek which caused his eyes to flutter open.

“Hey, we need to buckle up. I guess we’re already here.”

“5 more minutes please.” he grumbled fixing his makeshift pillow that was his jacket he had on earlier

“Later. C’mon.” she asked again causing him to ignore her again. 

 “How about after this mission, if we don’t die, I'll do something you’ll like.” she whispered into his ear causing him to open his eyes and go wide eyed and make his cheeks turn red causing her to giggle before she looked over and saw what looked like Three having a panic attack.

“You good there Three?” she asked him concerned 

“Yeah. I usually looked at the stewardess to see if I should be scared.”

“Flight attendant” two corrected him with an annoyed look on her face

“You can look at me” she finished looking over to him

“Oh, darling, you could be on fire and you would have the same creepy blank expression on your face. No offense.” Three stated before finishing

“You what sucks? If we were to crash, no one would ever know or care. We would have no impact on anything. Like we never existed” three finished yelling the last sentence to One

“I mean, don’t the pilots get parachutes with them?” Zero asked 

“Uh I can hear you and if you’re going to shit your pants, there’s a bathroom in the back. And Zero we do have parachutes but who knows maybe we’ll remember you maybe we won’t” One said over the intercom system. 

When they arrived, they noticed it was still too early for them to actually do anything and had to blend in until it was time for the mission. They ended up walking around trying to find a place to eat before settling at one place. When they ordered, everyone became invested into Two and Three’s relationship as they started to mess around

“So, how long has this been going on?” Seven asked, going over to the table with his beer.

“Yeah, I've been wondering the same thing. Florence?” Five asked curiously looking over at Two as they stayed silent

“No, Vegas.” Seven smirked as they all agreed

“So, you guys know about us?” three asked as they all stared at him

“Well, we do now, dumbass” Five told him ask Two gave him an ‘are you kidding me” look  

“Pretty much. but we’ve had our suspicions.” seven said

“Well, I guess it’s not against the rules, right?” Two asked before One answered

“It depends. So, are you guys fucking or making love?”

This caused Zero to start over thinking again about her and Four’s relationship and where it firmly stood. Was it just going to be something to help them pleasure themselves without a label or was it a true relationship? Four looked over and saw her freeze up and stopped eating to grab her hand under the table and looked over to her subtly and asked her if she was okay with just the look on his face. The most she could do was nod as he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles before they broke hands and went back to eating.

“What’s the difference?” Three asked him

“We’re fucking.” two said with a straight face as three looked heartbroken

“Good. Hey, who’s this honey badger?” one asked pointing to the guy who joined them

“Oh, I’m Raymond” he said

Zero didn’t hear the rest of the conversation and could only focus on messing with her noodles before she felt a sudden urge to go throw up and ran to the bathroom. Everyone watched as she ran before One finished talking to Raymond and Five and Two went over to where she was. She knew she wasn’t pregnant because they had still been safe the few times they’ve had sex, but she couldn’t think of another reason why she would throw up everything she’s had in the past 24 hours. When Two and Five entered, they found her sitting down next to the toilet, already sweat covering her face. Zero saw the two women and got up and walked over to the sink and began to wash her face. She knew what they were going to say and she shook her head as Five rubbed her back. Crouched over the sink for a couple more minutes, she took a few deep breaths before she was ready to head back out. The guys all looked over to Zero when she walked back and went to her spot next to Four. They looked over to the two other women who shrugged as if they didn’t know anything that was happening. 

Nighttime came and everyone was ready for the mission. They all felt some sort of anxiety inside of them but pushed it away knowing that they weren’t going to mess up this time. Smoothing down her dress one more time, Zero left the room with Five as they were ready. She felt a little better from earlier that day, but Five still demanded a test when they were done. She felt like she was like an older sister to her, the one who made sure she was okay whether it be mentally or physically. They all had to take separate cars to get to the building while Seven, Four, and One went off to different locations near the area. Four nodded when Zero gave him asking if he had his earpiece that differed from the others.

As they entered the building, they noticed there weren't that many people in the lobby besides a few guards and a couple of businessmen. Five and Zero sat down far from each other so they didn’t raise any suspicion while Five began to read a magazine and Zero pretended to do work on her laptop so she could make sure they weren’t being caught on any cameras and diverged them. 

“How’s it looking down there?” Zero mumbled 

“Well seems quiet. Four looks afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.” four snapped back glaring at one

“Well good luck.”

“Saying good luck is bad luck”

“I take it back then”

“Taking it back is even worse luck.” Four told One as he started to get annoyed and told him to leave

“It’s time for you to go now if you want to make it.”

“Go, go, go, go, go. Good luck” One said at the same time as Zero

“Do you want me to die? wanker.” 

“Did you kiss your mother with that mouth?” seven joked

Five looked up at Zero and she nodded 

“It’s time.” she said as they heard the sound of an engine roaring meaning that Two and Three have arrived.

“This is great, One. it’s a little scary up here but it’s fine.” Seven said as One started to move the bridge

“Nah, this is the fun part. Don’t be a pussy Seven.” Four said

“Not all of us aren’t scared of heights.”

“Yeah, I got the gun, smartass. Remember that.” Seven joked as Five and Zero smiled 

“One, you’re going to fast, you need to slow it down a bit.” Zero told him discreetly. She began to feel her anxiety set in as she started to tap her finger on her computer. Five looked up and saw what she was doing before getting worried again. Zero shook her and only gave her signal by showing the number four meaning she was worried for him. Five nodded and understood but still kept their eyes on her as they both put on their gas masks while Zero packed up and Five got up to go ready the gas.

“You know, laughter is life. Just kidding. I stole that from my old dentist’s office. Along with a shit ton of nitrous.” she said as Two and Three got ready

“One, laughing gas is working. Fuck.” Zero said as she saw a manager she thought, get to the phone and call the police before disconnecting the signals as Five went over to knock him out

“Zero, were cops called?!” She yelled to her

“Cops?” One asked

“I blocked all signals to avoid phone calls so they wouldn’t get through! They must’ve had an emergency that didn’t require one. We have 13 minutes. FUCK!” Zero yelled packing all of her stuff up

“Zip lines secured.”

“Zero, there’s movement everywhere. Four of them at the rooftop.” Seven said as Four tried to look for an escape plan

“Four i’m sorry but you’re going to have to go into the pool.” Zero said as she saw there wasn’t a way out until they all left. Four got in and slowly moved angles to make sure he wasn’t seen 

“You got targets coming. Eye level” One told him as Four saw and went underwater. Zero was listening and she didn’t know whether or not how long he would be there as she switched to their walkies

“Four? Four? Can you hear me?” she asked nervously hoping he would respond soon until seven spoke up saying that he needed to be underwater for thirty seconds which made her worry more.  She knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold his breath long after he said he’s had trouble doing it underwater. Zero looked at her watch and saw that thirty seconds have passed so far and that he still hasn’t responded.

“Four freeze. He’s right above you.” One told him

“For fucks sake, One. He’s going to drown. Seven do something.” Zero said as she started to pace.

“Seven, don’t do anything. The mission will be compromised.”

“One, let me drop ‘em. This is what I do.” Seven told him back

“One, he has been under for 120 now. Four, go to the glass and Seven shoot the glass” Zero told him not caring about what One thought.

“Gotcha. Four, move right.” Seven said as he shot the glass and gave him some air to breathe as Zero calmed down as Three began to flirt with Two forgetting that they had mics

“It’s a little over the top, guys.” One said trying to get him to focus as they found out Three was on laughing gas.

At this point Zero and Five were in the car waiting for the rest of them to finish so they could get out and leave with Murat. Zero saw that Four was finally on the side of the building setting up some traps to get inside. She was going to talk to him privately before One interrupted her and began to ask him stupid questions. 

“Is it fun up there? Doing all right?” 

“Anyone ever asked you dumb questions when you’re 90 stories up?” 

“No need to climb angry Tarzan.”

“Mate, you’re really ruining my flow right now, you know that?”

“Just get the high intensity speakers placed. Targets are all grouped in the kitchen.” Seven interrupted

“Have you guys ever… you ever been to an American movie theater? Between 1983 and 2015?” One asked all of them

“Almost every weekend with my family since I was a kid before this shit.” Zero said

“No need to be aggressive” 

“No, I just pirate them on my phone.” Four answered

“That’s just an asshole move.” one told him. “Get ready to pull those triggers everyone” 

As soon as he pressed the button, the familiar tone of the THX noise went blasting as Two and three started to shoot while Four went to go get Murat. So far everything was going smoothly and they hadn’t had any interruptions up until three decided to pick up another guys gun causing Seven to shoot him in the mask. Thankfully, it’s bulletproof.

“This is going great. Everything is just fine.” One said

“You guys have to get out quick. There are more guys headed towards you. Four, you need to go now, head to One. we have a minute left”

More and more guys continued to come towards them as they tried to leave making it harder for them to get Murat out of the building and across the other. All that was heard was gunshots and glass crashing before sirens were heard and police arrived. Five and Zero had managed to get out and pretend they were innocent as One started to scale another bridge commenting on the height.

“We’re out of time and you guys are fucking around up there?”

“We’re stuck in the stairwell, Zero, is there anyway down?”

“No. this place is already full of police. Your only other option is the zipline.”

“Guys. i have a bad idea.”

“What do you mean “bad idea”?” no, you’re supposed to have good ideas.” one told seven

“Like, a really bad idea. One, remember when i said some shit was going to go bad? This is that shit. You guys might want to grab onto something.” Seven told them shooting the pool caused it to spill into the penthouse and ruin everything and almost drowning the team while Zero and Five got a car for them to drive away in as they soon got down.

“Oh how I miss therapy. My therapist would’ve loved hearing a story like this.” Zero said as she looked around hoping to find someone on the team until she heard his voice

“Three bullets. That’s all i have” 

“Four, come on. We’re moving.” One told him

“ Just go. I’m not going to make it. They cut the zip line.” he said as the color from Zero’s face drained causing her to speak up

“Four. you can get out i found-”

“No. it’s just bad luck. It happens.” 

Everyone except for Four had made it to the elevator to get down and get into the car with Murat in the back and Three driving while four was trying his best to escape. Zero was looking for ways he could escape while talking to him and telling him where to go.

“Four, listen to me. Please don’t do this your way. I’m telling you a safer way.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m coming. What did I promise you? I promised you that we were in this together and i won’t let anything happen.” he said before getting cut off by a gunshot near him as she looked up to find hi running across the construction site as the rest of the team came

“What is this?” one asked

“Three blew the budget on the Ferrari. This is the best we could do.”

“Oh god. We are not having a good night.” One said as they all got in now waiting for Four.

 A few minutes passed with three driving until a guy landed on them and three running him over as police chased them and cornered him. Zero couldn’t focus as to the conversation that was happening and only focusing on him getting out alive. She looked out the window to see that there was no way out for Four as he hid to avoid the railings that were failing and almost killing them.

“I made it across. Southwest side. Where are you guys? NO!” they all heard in their coms until he yelled and got hit by the huge dude and fell out the window onto a panel 

“Stop the car.” Seven said 

“Don’t stop the car. We’re leaving him” one retorted back

“One. please. Three, stop the fucking car.” Zero exclaimed on the verge of tears knowing what was going to happen

“He’s on his own.”

“Stop the car.”

“Don’t stop the car.” everyone yelled at once until zero, one, and seven all put out a gun to point at three on whether on he should stop the car or not, which he did

“I’m sorry. She cocked it on me first.” Three told one as zero looked over at Seven

“I’m not doing this again. I’m going to see another person I love die as I sit and do nothing. Seven?” she said as he nodded and got out of the car

“He’s in the net up there.”

Seven set up his sniper against the car and began to aim. Zero started to pace back and forth again debating on whether she should contact him. One couldn’t believe what was happening. Even after their talk, she still went around and went with him. She knew she would have another talk, but she couldn’t see another person she loves die right in front of her eyes.

“Four, we’re coming to get you. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to be okay.” she said as four got caught up in the net as he started to get choked. She started to bite her nails as Seven shot the guy. 

“Carvers.” was all he said.

“Cleavers.”  one finished

Four came down to where they all were and Zero jumped right at him giving him the tightest hug she could. All he could do was return the favor and put his face into her neck wanting to cry after thinking he was going to die. 

The ride back was quiet. Four and Zero sat next to each other holding hands as she had her head on his shoulder and One glared at them through the mirror knowing that they broke his rules. He was also mad at Seven for doing what he did, but he understood that he couldn’t leave another man behind. No one didn’t even make a noise, unless it was Murat telling them it was a bad idea with what they just did. 

When they got back to where they were staying, everyone went to their own rooms, except for Four and Zero, hoping that One didn’t see them. As soon as the door closed, Four fell to the floor and broke down. She sat next to him and began to hold him as he just cried and let go everything he has been holding since he almost died. She began to caress him, whispering in his ear that he was safe and he wasn’t going to get hurt anymore before taking his hand and holding it, kissing his tattooed knuckles. They stayed like that for a few more minutes until they decided they needed to sleep. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was knocked out and Zero held him, assuring him that he was safe and couldn’t get hurt anymore as he became less tense.

[soheila-1996]

My story- part two

Hi! Thank you all so much for all the lovely comments and support I got on the first part! It made me wanna write a second! 

My little disclaimer: 

I have epilepsy. This details my seizures, I can’t speak for everyone, everyone’s seizures/ experiences are different. This is graphic. Seizures are messy. They aren’t fun and it felt wrong to make it out to be cute when they really aren’t.   Pretty much all the things that happen in the plot have happened to me. Well, I’m not married to a king or live in a palace so…there’s that but everything else is accurate.  There may be some jokes about it here because I do joke about it sometimes. It makes me more comfortable and I find it helps relax everyone around me. I’m also writing about it because there really aren’t that many fics written about it and I think it’s important to shine light on it.

Any feedback would be really appreciated! :)

Tagging people who shared the first part. You don’t have to read it! I just thought you might want to see what happens: @kacie-0156, @texaskitten30, @cordonianroyalty, @kingliam2019, @bebepac, @kingliam-rys, @cordonia-gothqueen, @kimmiedoo5, @bbrandy2002, @loveellamae, @bobasheebaby

This is also part of wacky drabbles hosted by @emceesynonymroll. The prompt this week is: #38: Please don’t leave. 

Paring: Liam and Riley

Warnings:  Blood, hospital setting. 

Word count: 5261 

(Riley’s POV) 

I woke up the next morning sore. Everywhere was achy. My tongue felt like it had been speared, I hadn't really noticed it the night before. I was so tired and still a little ‘seizure drunk’ that I hadn't realised. 

I’m in my bed but I can’t remember coming to bed the night before. The last thing I remember is coming back to the apartment and explaining to everyone about my epilepsy then we decided to put a movie on- I must have fallen asleep and Liam probably had carried me to bed.

I really don’t deserve him.

I turned over to be met with empty cold sheets. His side of the bed was unmade so he had slept here but he was nowhere in sight. He was probably still mad. I don’t blame him. I'd be a little pissed had I just found out he had a serious medical condition that he never told me about. 

I hate talking about it. I don't understand why though. It’s not something I can control or should be ashamed of but in a way I am. I’ve always longed to be normal and before last night everyone thought that I was and I, if i'm being honest, loved it. I revelled in being like everyone else for once. 

I turned back onto my  back, throwing my head back against the pillow as I let out a drawn out sigh. I feel like I’ve messed everything up. It’s like I’m back when I messed everything up with Tom, my ex, he found out about my epilepsy and left. I had a seizure in front of Ben, another ex, my high school crush, and like Tom, he left after saying some pretty disgusting things to me. I know that my seizures aren't pretty, I know they're scary but I have no control over them. If I had it my way I wouldn't have them. 

Jacob- my last boyfriend before Liam, he wasnt as ignorant as the last two. He tried to be there for me like a normal boyfriend but he just couldn't seem to let it go. He was constantly on edge that I'd have a fit. Eventually, it got too much for the both of us and so our relationship came to an end. Now, I’m scared of what’s going to happen with Liam. I don't want to lose him. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. 

I’m just hoping we can find a way to move forward. Together. 

A few minutes went by before I decided to throw the comforter off of me and get out of the bed. I winced slightly as I stood. I had forgotten how much my muscles always ache after a seizure. It’s horrible. All of it is horrible. 

I opened the bedroom door after taking down my robe off the back then padded toward the kitchen. I lingered outside of the half-closed door when I heard Liam’s voice coming from inside.

“...That’s not the point Drake. The point is what if she had a seizure and no one was there or knew about it? What if she does have one and she’s alone? What if her stubborn nature comes out and she doesn't tell anyone when she’s not feeling well?”

I felt my heart sink down into my stomach. Liam is stressed anyway and I've just added to it.  I feel terrible, physically and mentally. He doesn't need to constantly worry about me. I don’t want him to constantly worry about me, he’s my husband not my carer. 

I needed to face the music so to speak so I pushed the door fully open. The squeaking of the door opening got both men's attention. It wasn’t until I was fully in the room I realised, Hana and Maxwell were also here too. 

Everyone looked at me expectantly, “Liam, all I can do is tell you that I’ll be honest. I’ll tell someone when I'm not feeling well. I know you have no reason to trust me after the stunt I pulled last night but...I’m still the same person I was before last night. Please, please don’t treat me differently,” I’m pleading with him and my friends now although I know I don't really have a right to ask for anything not after all the chaos I’ve caused. 

Liam and I briefly locked eyes. Liam sighed and opened his arms. “Come here.” 

I didn't hesitate to walk into his embrace. I clung tightly to him. I’m scared and he’s the only thing that ever makes me feel safe. Like everything will be okay. 

I felt him wrap his arms around me tighter and place a kiss on the top of my head. “You really scared me last night, Ri,” Liam told me quietly, “I’m just glad you’re okay.” He pecked my head again as he let me go and stepped back.I looked up to him and gave him a reassuring smile. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m okay,” I nodded, he raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m a bit sore but that’s normal.” Liam nodded. I understood his concerns about me not telling him about how I'm really feeling. I just have always found it difficult to be honest about it. 

A few moments of awkward silence went by. No one knows what to say, I don’t know what to say or how we go from here. There’s no guide on what to do when your wife of two years drops an epilepsy bombshell. 

Drake finally broke the silence, “His Majesty over here was just bragging about how, he, in his own words ‘make the best pancakes.’ We were just about to put that to the test, weren’t we Li? Before Brooks interrupted.” 

I saw Liam’s eyebrows crease as he looked to his oldest friend. Drake shot him a look enough to tell him to just go along with it. 

Liam smiled, it was his fake, forced one. I could always tell, his real one always showed his pearly white teeth and reached his eyes. This one his lips were in a tight line and his eyes didn't twinkle. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. 

I, of course, knew it was a cover but I was thankful for Drake’s distraction. Drake and I sat down on one side of the table and Maxwell and Hana on the other as Liam got started on mixing together the ingredients. 

A little while later, we all had our  own plates full with pancakes. We all dug in silently. It was awkward, not a comfortable silence at all. 

I placed my fork down just as everyone else was just finishing there’s. I hadn’t  finished all of mine, when I chewed the cut on the side of my tongue brushed painfully up against my teeth.

“Guys…,” I started but was promptly cut off by Maxwell. I could tell last night that  he was hurt I didn’t  tell him. 

“Just promise us that you’ll tell us when you’re not feeling well next time, Little Blossom.” 

“That and take your medication,” I heard Drake mumble from beside me. 

“Okay,” I nodded, ignoring Drake’s snarky comment.  “I’ll tell one of you.” 

“Promise?” Maxwell asked me. 

“I promise.” 

Maxwell held out his pinky. I promptly wrapped my own little finger around his from across the table. “You can’t break a pinky promise,” Maxwell reiterated.

“I know, Max,” I sighed as I let go of him and placed both my hands back down into my lap. 

“We’re all just worried about you,” Hana spoke up. I nodded in understanding. Here comes the pity party. “But we can get through anything together.” 

We all stayed there for a little while, each of them reiterating how much they loved and supported me. They were honestly the best group of friends I could ever have asked for. They loved me no matter what and I loved them too. 

Later that day, I discovered the surprise Liam had in store was a trip to go to our honeymoon island in a couple weeks time. Our diaries were both packed and that was the only time we could make the trip.  Leo and Katie also had headed back to the States that evening. 

They had  all checked in now and again but not too annoyingly. It had been a bit overboard over the first couple of days but their overprotectiveness was easing off a bit. Thankfully. 

I still was having trouble sleeping and not getting enough so I started sometimes having a nap during the day when I had the time to do so. Liam had taken on some of my responsibilities, I hadn't been pleased about that but I needed to sort my sleep out and he was aware that a lack of sleep and stress was a massive trigger for me. 

Everything had changed that night but nothing really changed- if that makes sense? For two years my condition had been my dirty little secret and now it was finally out in the open, I was hardly going to go shouting it from any rooftops anytime soon but I felt much closer to everyone. I hadn't realised how much I had been distancing  myself.  

Liam had taken it better than I had expected. He, of course, was worried but he didn't overwhelm me with it. He  asked me questions about it as well as doing research on my type of seizures to try and understand as much as he could. He wasn't like Jacob, he could at times be overbearing with his desire to know everything about my condition. 

If I was honest all of my friends had been phenomenal. It was only our tight knit group that knew about it still. I didn't feel a need to announce it to an entire country and so I didn’t. 

All in all, I felt better than I had for a long, long time. 

I still should have told everyone about it at the beginning but my fear that they’d see me differently, that they’d treat me differently had gotten in the way but they had all proven me wrong time and time again. 

It was the day of The Five Kingdoms festival, It had originally meant to have been a few weeks ago but the weather had been appalling so it was rearranged for a day with much nicer, inviting weather. It's the only day of the year that the palace is open to the Cordonian Public so naturally we wanted as many of our citizens as possible to attend. 

Liam and I  had been gallivanting  around the palace grounds, playing games and talking with our people. It was the normalcy that I had always wanted, with a husband who didn't treat me like I’m made of glass. 

A little while later, I slipped back inside the palace and headed to the nearest toilet which ended up being in my apartment. I’ve lived here for two years and I still don't know where anything is.  I needed to go and couldn't hold it in any more. I had tried to find one of my friends or husband just to let them know in case they needed me but the crowd was massive so it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack so I headed in on my own. It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t need a babysitter. 

I had  just done what was needed and was standing by the sink, washing my hands when I felt my stomach roll.

Oh no.

I, initially, ignore it. I had been ignoring feeling sick for a little while, I thought it was just because I haven't eaten much today but then my arms started to go numb and I know what’s coming.  I’m all alone and I know I won't be able to make it to Liam or one of my friends in time. 

“Oh no, no, ” I whispered to myself. I reached into my back pocket in my pants and pulled out my cellphone as I carefully lowered myself down onto the cold, bathroom tiles. 

Still sitting up, I unlocked my phone and looked for Drake’s contact. I know Liam doesn't take his phone with him to royal events. 

I fumbled with the device, my arm doesn't want to cooperate properly. I hit a contact, I just hope it’s the correct one. 

Everything is becoming confusing again. I lie down with the phone beside me. I don’t really remember where I am and why I’m here. 

I heard the phone ringing in the distance and Drake’s gruff voice come through on the other end. “Brooks?” 

I don’t know what to say, I��m not sure what to say so I don’t talk. “Brooks, are you okay?” 

I try to speak but it comes out as a whimper. Why is this happening again?! I took my meds, I followed the rules! 

Drake’s tone changed, “Brooks, talk to me. What’s wrong?” 

It takes more effort than it should but I manage to get out a jumbled sentence, “I dun’t feel good,” my voice is slurred, I’m talking like a child. 

I vaguely hear Drake curse. “Okay...Where are you?” He sounds out of breath to me. 

I looked around me. I’m not sure where I am.  

Am I on the ceiling? 

I don’t understand. 

My head fell to the side, no I'm on the floor, I’m sure.  It’s cold under my back. I still can't figure it out though. 

I can’t think. 

I can’t tell Drake where I am!

“I-I don-” I started, my voice is so slurred I don't think Drake can understand me. “S-scared,” I squeaked. That's all I know right now. I’m scared. 

“I know. It’s going to be okay.” I don’t remember Drake’s voice being so echoey. “Riley, listen to me...you need to tell me where you are.” 

Drake’s not here but I can hear him. How? 

I feel myself beginning to gag and I’m sure Drake hears it too because he’s telling me to roll over onto my side.  That’s hard. My limbs don't want to cooperate but I manage it and the vile stuff easily flows out of my mouth. 

My fear mounts. What’s happening to me?! 

I can’t focus on anything, my eyes are darting around the room. It’s making me more dizzy and disoriented but I need to know where I am. 

“Li-” I’m trying to talk again but my voice is still jumbled. 

“It’s Drake,” he told me. Drake? I don’t understand. It sounds familiar but I can't picture him. 

I- Where am I?

I try to move but I can’t. My limbs feel heavy and I don’t have the strength to lift them anymore. 

I just want this all to stop!

(Drake POV) 

I’m weaving  in and out of the crowd around me, my phone still against my ear. Riley’s scared whimpers coming through from the other end. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. Riley is like my sister and she’s scared, in trouble and I don’t know where she is so I can help her. I need to find Liam and I need to find her but I don’t know where either of them are! 

I know she’s still conscious, she’s mumbling something incoherent. I’m trying my best to reassure her but I don’t think she understands.  

Finally, I found Liam. He’s apple bobbing with someone. I ran over to him, Bastien is standing near him and is the first to notice the panicked look on my face.  I walked past Bas and straight to Liam, I tapped him on the shoulder. He immediately stood back up to his full height turning to face me. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked me, his eyebrow creased with concern. 

“It’s Riley,” I told him. I quickly passed him the phone as we stepped away from the now curious onlookers. “I can’t get her to tell me where she is. I think she's going to have a seizure.” Liam eagerly took the phone out of my hand, putting it immediately to his ear. 

(Liam’s POV) 

Drake had just handed me his phone telling me that my wife was going to have a seizure and nobody knows where she is!

I can hear her scared whimpers coming through  the other end. “Love? Riley, can you hear me?” I asked. Panic is evident  in my tone but I’m really trying to keep myself composed. 

I really am. 

Last time was terrifying but at least that time people were there to help her. I was there to help her. This time nobody is there to help. 

“Riley?” I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I’m sure it's about to come right out of my ribcage if it carries on. 

Drake, Bastien and I are now walking inside the palace. It was only Riley’s voice coming from the other end  so we made the evaluation that she wasn’t outside in the crowd and must be back in the palace somewhere. 

She’s not talking but I can  hear her crying. “Love? Riley, can you talk to me please?” 

“I don–” I heard her stutter. I can hear in her voice that she’s scared and confused. “What is…? I don’t…” She said, trailing off. 

“Riley, it’s okay,” I told her but it’s not. None of this is okay, “You’re just a little bit confused, sweetheart. That’s all.” 

Through her sobs she said, “Li? I don’t feel good.”

“It’s okay, Riley. It’s all going to be alright,” I told her, trying to soothe her. We’re still walking around the palace- well, actually we're running around like mad men but we need to find her. 

So many things are going through my head, so many worst case scenarios. I can barely hear myself think. I just need to find her, if I find her It’ll all be okay. 

“Li, I dun’t feel glood,” She told me again. Her words have become more jumbled  now. She’s speaking to me like a child who's just learning their first words. That’s okay though, I know she’s still awake and I’ve still got time to find her. 

I froze mid-step as I heard her crying stop and then less than a second later,  heard  the sickening sound of her limbs flailing  and hitting the floor below her. “Shit. Shit. Shit,” I whispered to myself.

My eyes widened as my panic mounted. 

I listened closely, hearing for anything that could suggest where she is..then I heard it,  dogs barking in the background. 

She’s in the apartment!

I started running, not giving Drake or Bastien any indication of where I was going or an explanation.

 I was on the other side of the palace! 

I don’t think I've ever ran this fast in my life. I can hear Drake and Bastien behind me, I assume they’re both  aware of what’s happening by now. I can still hear her limbs hitting the floor and the dogs barking in the background. 

I’m really starting to panic. My legs aren't taking me to our apartment fast enough. I need to get to her! Now! 

Another minute, another minute too long and I finally rounded the last corner, it took me slightly off balance as my left foot skidded but I managed to get back on track. 

My lungs feel like they’re screaming for air but I don’t stop. I  can see the door now! 

Finally, I reached it and threw it open. I was greeted by both of the also panicked looking corgis, scratching at my legs. I looked around, she’s not in the living room, kitchen, bedroom. 

I left the bedroom and headed down another little corridor and saw the bathroom door closed. I don't waste any time opening it. 

I opened it hurriedly but cautiously. I don't know where she is and I don’t want to hurt her. Luckily, she’s in the middle of the floor. She’s not seizing anymore, she’s laying flat on her back. Her eyes are slightly open but I don't think she’s awake. 

I don’t waste any time getting down on my knees beside her. I quickly placed Drake’s phone down away from us, there’s a little bit of blood pooling out from the corner of her mouth and I notice the sick on the other side of her. I don’t know how long she’s been laying here like this. The phone had cut off a little while ago. 

I quickly pull her towards me, over onto her side. A little bit of blood flows from her mouth and onto the bathroom floor tiles. 

Something feels really wrong to me. Her breathing isn't right. I placed my hand on her chin and opened her mouth properly. She gags and coughed as more of the blood tinged spit came out.

“It’s alright, Love,” I whisper quietly to her.

(Riley’s POV)

My eyes fluttered open slightly. Whatever I’m laying on is cold beneath me. I can see a figure in front of me only a few inches away  and that’s when I start to panic . 

My vision is disfigured. 

I can’t hear. 

I can’t move. 

I feel something behind me, jumping up on me. I don't know what it is but I don’t want it touching me! 

What is it?! 

Get it off!

I try to squirm away and whatever I was is pulled away from me. I didn’t get far, I’m so tired and my body doesn't want to cooperate with me.  

Why is it so hard to breathe? 

I look around again, there’s something by my face which I soon discover is my own hand. 

What’s happening to me? 

I can feel somebody touching me- that figure in front of me placed a hand on my arm. I try to get away but I’m unable to. 

….Why can’t I breathe properly? 

It feels like I’ve drank some water and it’s gone down the wrong way. I’m coughing and gagging, trying to get rid of this feeling but it’s not going away. Why isn't it going away?!

My mouth hurts, stung by what tastes like vomit. 

My hearing starts to return to me and my vision begins to sharpen. The figure in front of me moves so their face is in my eye line. It’s Liam. 

I still don’t understand what’s happening. All I know is that it’s hard to breathe. Why? 

My ability to think hasn't quite returned to me yet. I don’t remember how I ended up here. 

I’m staring at Liam now as I splutter about, trying to get air to my agitated feeling chest. I think he’s figured out that i can see and hear him now. He slightly titles his head at me, giving me a soft, comforting smile. 

“Hi, love. It’s okay. I’m here now.” 

I gripped at my chest. Good, my arms are working again. “ C’breathe,”  I tried to say. My sentence was rudely interrupted by a choking sensation that i tried to swallow down but that just made me cough more  

I’m still really confused. The last thing I remember is just a sense of dread, pure fear.  

“What’s hap-” My sentence is cut off by another coughing fit. I felt him as he started running his fingers soothingly through my hair. 

“You had a seizure,” he explained to me calmly,” But you’re okay now.” I nodded, it all slowly but surely starting to come back to me.

(Liam’s POV)

It really is breaking my heart to see Riley struggling and I can’t do anything to help her. I wish I could take all of her pain away from her. She’s the most amazing person I've ever met and doesn't deserve this.

She seems drowsier to me than she did last time. While Riley was waking up Bastien had told me he had called an ambulance as a precaution while we were looking for her and now it’s looking like it’s actually needed. She really is struggling to breathe properly. 

A few minutes go by and she’s still not fully alert. Her eyes looked  up to meet mine, her eyes fluttering as another coughing fit. I smiled reassuringly down at her, “It’s okay. Paramedics are coming and they’re going to help you breathe better, okay?” She nodded sleepily. 

She coughed again and foamy, blood tinged spit came out. I could see her trying  to turn further onto her side but she was struggling. Too weak to do the task on her own. I help her gently back over.

“Liam,” She gasped as she finished emptying out what she could. 

“It’s okay, I’m here.” I gently rubbed her shoulder as I tried to soothe her the best I could. I feel powerless. 

I heard some voices outside of the bathroom- one I recognize and two I didn’t. Drake had taken the dogs away, so they weren't being a nuisance and Bastien had been waiting for the paramedics to arrive, which was who I presumed who he was showing in now.

Riley flinched when the sound of boots and the rustling of bags could be heard, as the medics made their way into the bathroom. I had moved out of the way and sat  down by her feet. I kept a comforting hand on her calf so she knew I was there and wasn’t going to go anywhere.

It was like I was trapped inside of my own head again, like I had been the first time I had witnessed it. It’s the worst feeling in the world when someone you love more than anything is struggling and there’s nothing you can do to help them.

I hate this. 

I had seemed to have zoned out, getting trapped back inside my head, where so many scenarios were racing. The paramedics were treating my wife with a level of urgency that scared me. They had mentioned being concerned about how she was breathing and made quick work of getting out of the palace and into the awaiting ambulance. 

I should have been there! If I had been there then this wouldn’t be happening right now. I should have been there to protect her! 

After a quick ride in the ambulance, we arrived at the hospital, where doctors and nurses immediately got to treating my wife. 

Like I had guessed, she had aspirated on her blood and spit. After I found out about her epilepsy I had done a lot of research and looked into possible complications. I knew that having that much fluid in your lungs is dangerous. The doctors had kept her on oxygen and given her some medication. She could breathe easier now, thankfully. 

Riley was stable now and had been admitted. I was just relieved that she was going to be okay. I was so, so scared when Drake initially told me and then  when I found her that fear only tripled.  

The entire experience had been traumatising for both me and her.

 I never wanted to let her out of my sight again if I’m being honest. I don’t ever want her to be scared, alone and in danger like that ever again. I don't ever want to fail in helping her again. It feels like I’ve failed to protect the one person that means the absolute world to me. The only person that I’m sure I wouldn’t ever be able to live without. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that. 

I headed down the hospital corridor to her room. She was fast asleep in the bed. She looked so tiny and vulnerable. I hate seeing her like this. 

Drake had kindly dropped off a bag for us both, I placed it down by the chair beside her bed as I sunk down into it. It was now the early evening. I’m not entirely sure what had happened with the festival after I left. All I had been told was that  Madeleine had ‘handled it’ whatever that meant. 

I keep thinking over what happened today. This all could have gone very, very differently. 

I try hard to keep back the tears pricking at my eyes but I ultimately fail. I can’t keep them in. I’m so scared of something happening to Riley, like what happened today, or something so much worse. I’m scared of losing her. She means everything to me. 

I quietly get to my feet. I’m planning on just going for a little walk to clear my head. She’s asleep and I know she’s safe here. As I’m about to walk away her hand gripped onto my wrist. I stopped and looked down at her. 

Her eyes sleepily opened fully, “Please don’t leave.” 

“Okay,” I said, sitting back down in the chair and looking over at her.

 Riley rubbed at her tired eyes then scooted over in the bed. She patted the space next to her, “Get in with me,” she ordered me so of course I complied after slipping my shoes off. I wrapped my arms around her as she rested her head against my chest. 

We lay like that for a few minutes.  The silence was broken when I couldn't hold in a sob anymore. Riley sat up slightly, looking up at me. She took one of her hands and wiped away the tear that was falling down my cheek. 

I don’t understand how she’s doing this. I’m supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around. 

“I love you,” I blurted out. My voice cracked and my bottom lip quivered. 

“I love you too,” She said, as she snuggled up closer against me. 

I sniffled then wiped at my now irritated, red, puffy eyes. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry.” 

(Riley’s POV) 

I’m so overwhelmed with guilt right now. I knew this would happen if Liam were to ever find out. I knew he’d blame himself for everything, he always does. It breaks my heart to know my husband is devastated because my brain can't just behave itself.  

This is what I was more scared of. 

I’ve always been treated differently because of my condition- the sad thing is I’m used to it. It’s been a part of my life since I was a little kid. It’s all I really know. I could deal with Liam being overprotective- well, more than he already is to begin with over him being heartbroken over something, neither him or myself, can control. 

I snuggled closer against him. I just want to be close to him right now. 

A short while later, Liam’s sniffling stops  and I look up at him again. Tears are pricking at my eyes as I figure out how to word my next sentence of the offer I had been thinking over and over for the last few minutes. “I don’t want to hurt you…” Damn, the tears are already starting to flow. “If you love someone then you let them go...I’m giving  you an out because I don’t want to hurt you.  I-I don't want this stupid condition  to ruin your life too.”

Liam didn't say anything to start with. My heart sinks as I think he’s considering my offer.  Unexpectedly, he pulled me tighter against him and pecked the top of my head. “I’m never going to leave you. I love you too much to let you go.”

I let out a loud half laugh, half-cry of relief. I don’t want to lose him either. Saying that sentence obliterated my heart. 

I sniffled, “I love you too much to let you go too.”