#idk how to hold conversations
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fake ep idea + doodles
#i was thinking abt how funny it would be if there was a shiftythrifting blog equivalent in lmk. and half the stuff on there is#submitted by wukong. so i thought a yard sale ep would be funny lol#basically the hoard becomes problem one way or another and wukong figures the best way to get rid of his junk is thru ebay#somehow ends up selling world ending artifacts to random megapolis citizens so mk mei and redson have to scramble to find em#purposely meant to mirror the weekly shenanigans s1-2 style eps that are really goofy (dumpling ep noodles ep etc)#but it gets darker and darker because MK is not fucking ok after that whole thing with the scroll and some unchecked identity crisis#for me id want him to kind of. freak tf out because they have to find MULTIPLE chaos inducing items that could end the world while trying t#be sillygoofy and funny about it. so hes trying to mask his panic with āohhh guys its just like the good ol days ^_^ remember that ^_^ā#ESPECIALLY after that whole thing with the ink scroll. also mei doesnt buy any of it and is worried for him the whole time#as for the B plot it could be monkey king also trying to be very relaxed abt selling 4000 years worth of stuff and tang getting all huffy#like āthese are priceless artifacts that could help us learn so much about the past!! wtf man!!!ā#and maybe it reveals smth like wukong not wanting to hold on anymore bc his past weighs him down. and theyre all reminders#i think azure mentioned that wukong is sentimental (idk if that was genuine or lying to mk) so that could be touched on to#so basically. the theme would be some sort of conversation abt nostalgia. i think. im not a writer so its very fuzzy in my head#if anyone wants to add on or include their own spin on it feel free. also included undercut redson as a treat somewhere in there#myart#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk red son#lmk mei#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lmk xiaojiao#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#doodles#lmk tang#lmk pigsy#lmk traffic light trio#yard sale ep
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I refuse to go into more detail, but, I will no longer hold my tongue. my biggest gripe with this fandom is the way a majority of it erases Lo'ak's actual trauma and struggles (with his identity, his father/family, his clan, etc), and essentially gives him Spider's traumas/struggles in some idealized form (whether for over the top and oversimplified "hurt/comfort" scenarios, or max woobification), while absolutely dragging and/or ignoring Spider's entire character and the realistic depictions of those traumas and what that does to a kid.
like I can't exactly put words to it or go into a deep analytical post, but I've been thinking about it, and some other stuff I've seen online have been making me think about it.
stop doing a disservice to both of my boys. they both have such interesting and complex stories and you're ruining it!!!
#also. please stop acting like they hate each other deep down#idk why I keep seeing this. they are best friends and. more importantly. they're brothers.#they're dumb teenage boys and they get into squabbles and hold grudges and say the wrong thing sometimes. but they're brothers.#even if. *if*. they had moments of true anger or hatred or jealousy. they would be short-lived and come from a place of insecurity. and-#lead to insurmountable guilt immediately after.#and that bond. the understanding between them. even considering how distinctly different the circumstances of their daddy issues/identity-#issues are. is what makes them so interesting.#that bond then needs to be considered in conversations of the aftermath of Spider saving Q. cause Lo'ak will understand him best out of-#anyone in the Sully family. not to say that there will not be anger or fighting. but he will not immediately go to kill his *brother*#anywho. idk why I expect fandom spaces to be full of media literacy and understanding of complex characters. but I thought I'd throw this-#out there. feel free to build on this.#spider socorro#spider avatar#avatar spider#miles spider socorro#miles socorro#loak sully#avatar loak#atwow loak#lo'ak sully#lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan#lo'ak avatar#avatar 2#avatar the way of water
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I relate to Sanji too much because it really does seem like heās adopted the mentality that physical and mental abuse is a form of significant affection but only directed towards himself, like he sees itās wrong and unjust when other people are being abused, but when heās the victim he feels this conflicted sense of I deserve it and Wow they love me so much! Itās heartbreaking just to think about tbh
#it makes sense looking at his past#and how he interacts with people he cares deeply aboutābesides woman who he holds#to a higher standard which I more so interpret as him looking back#on his mother and not wanting to see them abused and sick and whatnot like she was#look at how he acts around Zeff and compare it to Zoroāitās the exact same really#not compare the above with his brothersāheās cold towards them and obviously wants nothing to do with them completely different#to the amount of emotion displayed in his eyes AND body when conversing with the men on his crew and Baratie#hes a victim of physical and psychological abuse and severe child neglect(?)#heās going to have a vastly different way of expressing his emotions and how he expresses them to loved ones#for woman itās unashamed intense infatuation#that he usually expresses with a showering of flowery lovey dovey words and gifts#for men itās closed off and angry but once you get to know him he shows his kinship through his ACTIONS#idk if any of this makes sense to anyone else lol#but Sanji is a really interesting character when looking at him through the lens of an abused child#one piece#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji
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I am so curious if anyone else does this, one of the most useful things I do when making art is being stupidly overconfident almost deluding myself, like if throughout the entire process I completely convince myself I can pull off whatever it is Iām trying to do, even if itās something beyond my skill level that I naturally donāt end up reaching at the end, the end result comes out better than I expect even when it doesnāt look like what I was going for. I donāt rly know how to properly explain this but Iāve been doing it all my life and itās probably one of the funniest mental processes I go through when making art
#you would think this leads to feelings of disappointment when the end result doesnāt meet my lofty goals but it doesnāt#idk how it works#I mentioned this in an art class once related to a conversation I canāt remember now#no one related š#I will convince myself I can do this super impressive thing beyond my abilities#and hold onto that delusion the entire time im working#and of course the outcome isnāt that I actually achieve this impressive thing#but the outcome is often better than I wouldāve expected when looking at it at the end no longer in the overconfident delusional headspace#I think I have a mental illness
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"Nice work, Bryant!" // "Leave it all on the floor, Bryant!" // "I love you, Faran."
#pretty little liars: original sin#pretty little liars: summer school#pll original sin#pll summer school#faran bryant#henry nelson#faran x henry#zaria simone#ben tyler cook#i don't usually do more than 10 in a parallels gifset but here we are... the evolution of fenry#really went from staring at lips at rehearsal to liplocking on opening night in that first pair of gifs...#then maybe ''accidentally'' brushing against each other in the hall to holding hands...#conversations by the ballet barre...#hand holding after meaningful conversations...#watching the other dance...#and interrupted makeout sessions...#there were probably a few smaller parallels but these are the ones that came to mind but i also could do a second ''parallels'' gifset idk#pllosedit#pllssedit#faranbryantedit#zariasimoneedit#zariaedit#henrynelsonedit#bentylercookedit#bencookedit#i think i have at least one more ben/henry gifset left in me#i didn't know how to color the pool scene... they may have tinted the episode still? that was my reference photo damnit#tw: flashing gif#zaria really was on twitter and instagram being like ''stan fenry'' and ''fenry forever''... she is this ship's captain#sorry about my 02x03 gif being ugly it's in 720p
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okay but i need ALL of the fics that take place during crozier getting sober. like i feel like there is SO much potential here bc it is THEE biggest turning point for him! esp with regards to fitzjames and their relationship. like fitzjames seeing crozier's choice to sober up as this huge defining moment, one that ultimately and unequivocally earns his respect (back, really, because he DID have respect for crozier at first, before he met him. and now he sees that that respect wasnt misgiven, not really). and like the way this choice is what causes the first crack in james' mask around crozier! ugh it's just DELICIOUS.
#i just want to see ALL of the fics where james sits by francis' bedside while hes sleeping uneasily#ALL the fics where james takes care of francis#ALL the fics where james takes that first step towards repairing their relationship#perhaps apologizing ā not for having called franics out because that was needed but for the way he did it.#stooping so low as to use sir john's words against him only sharper#maybe james holding francis' clammy hand while he sleeps fitfully and whispering to him about the way he'd hoped francis would be when they#met and how now he thinks that may still be possible because he knows franics must be a good man beneath the drink#maybe the first conversation the two of them have with francis clear headed and hes already holding himself differently ā more assuredly#more confident and yet softer around the edges too#and they clear the air between them too#idk im just rambling now but#I JUST LOVE THIS PERIOD FOR THEM OKAY#there is SO much potential#that being said fjdkskd if yall got any recs PLEASE send em my way (they could be for smth like this or anything really!!)#the terror#fitzier#francis crozier#james fitzjames
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would you all think that continually rescheduling even up to the last minute before an appointment, regularly switching from call to texting even when iāve said i find texting less helpful because it comes off more brusque, no consistent linear topic directing, constantly directing focus to my day to day life/relationship rather than anything else about me even if i express concern about the rest of it is reason to consider breaking up with a therapist
#i like my therapist but iām just getting to the point i kind of wonder why iām paying for it#i donāt feel like anything has really been resolved and i feel like thereās kind of#idk unrealistic expectations of how a man should act when you throw therapy talk at him?#idk#but moreover i just donāt know#i donāt like the constantly being rescheduled#and then also she always says i can āreach out to her any time with problemsā#and then when i do i get an āoh iām on vacation so iām not reading that till next weekā#or āhave a crucial conversationā i KNOW that#i know thatās what i SHOULD do but for various reasons i canāt#maybe a āhowā would be helpful which is what iām looking for#i want to express that i do in fact know my relationship has issues that need to get worked out#but therapy makes me feel like itās kind of my job to force him to change some things and i canāt#i feel like any attempt to āforceā this stuff would just build resentment/contempt and not actually be useful#and again#itās not being EXPLAINED.#itās just āwell hold him accountableā HOW#i have had this therapist for like 3 years and while Iāve made some progress i donāt really feel like itās because of therapy per de#i feel like my eating disorder has gotten NO in depth attention whatsoever#like itās just āwhy do you think you do thatā āhow do you think you could stopā wow thanks i could ask that myself (and have)
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actually first ep of Voyager where Janeway talks to Tuvok about how his family misses him is that when she says they Worry about him Tuvok contradicts her and claims that Vulcans don't do that but when she corrects and says they Miss him he accepts this and admits he misses them too; implying perhaps a pedantic difference between 'Vulcans do not Feel Emotions' (false) and 'Vulcans do not Act Out of Emotion' (accurate) -> 'Miss/Longing' is an emotion, but 'Worry' is an action one does out of emotion -> one Vulcans do; one Vulcans do not.
#N posts stuff#continuation of thoughts from my last post bc i can smell the counterarguments of 'vulcans are not emotional and are#therefore not impulsive and therefore no vulcan child Would run off unattended' which is Wrong#but also a half formulated thought regarding: how often characters will CLAIM that 'vulcans don't do X' and how often#people take that at face value instead of accepting it as like. a character motivated Lie that is being told lol#ie) when Spock claims 'Vulcans don't Have emotions' this is a lie he tells because 1) it's funny to him or 2) this is an Exaggerated#expectation he feels put on him BC other vulcans are more ready to judge his behavior based purely on the knowledge of his#half human genetics -> Spock is forced to hold a Higher standard just to get others to acknowledge they are Minimally equal#ALT: we do Know that Vulcan emotions are deeper/more intense than they visibly show; it doesn't feel Standardized to me that#daily Vulcan culture would DENY the existence of emotions entirely (unless one undergoes Kohlinar which seems to be a Rarer#and more Intense lifestyle Choice SOME vulcans make) bc that Feels like it would be a Lie which wouldn't be Logical to uphold#BUT i Can see conversations About those emotions being one of those things Vulcans keep extraordinarily close to their chest#in Amok Time Spock was ready to Die before he'd tell anyone about a biochemical process his body was experiencing; I can see#emotions as a whole being an almost Equally intimate thing to share w/ outsiders -> hence the 'Vulcans Don't experience emotion'#claim being made in broader Outside society ; you'd talk about it w/ other vulcans but Not with a bunch of humans#(Spock being an arguable Exception to this standard BC of the 'has to uphold a Higher Standard just to be permitted on even ground)#this post is a lot of thinking aloud idk how much coherence there is here but it's fun to think about on many paths
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NOBODY MOVE I'M HAVING POSITIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MORDRED AND ATLAS.
#they finally talk. mordred tells his big brother that 'once upon a time i was supposed to stop breathing before i hit my teens.'#he tells him everything about knowing when his death day passed about the nightmares and the confusion and the agoraphobia#he tells him about his insecurities and his self-hatred -- how terribly must he have fucked up to not even be worthy of dying?#he tells him he's scared and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with all this....life.#and atlas is THERE and he hugs him and he's so fucking relieved that - whatever his brother was meant for - he survived.#he hugs his little brother and tells him its okay to be scared because no one really knows what theyre doing with their lives#he holds his face between his hands and god when did mordred get so big?#''all you have to do is KEEP living okay? that's what you do with life: you live it.''#its not exactly poetry but it IS what mordred needs to hear#ive been thinking A Lot about mordred making an appearance in the searching but idk for sure yet#i just need to figure out WHEN this conversation happens so i can wrap up mordreds arc the way he deserves#i think im gonna try patching his and atlas's relationship across the second and third book#like atlas is HOME and then he's not and mordred is bitter but then- a letter. atlas has written to him.#and he keeps writing. bc he knows now what it is to lose someone and he doesnt want to lose his brother#so they're pen pals!! and it's stiff and formal and awkward and slow going but eventually they're exchanging gossip and venting and.#aaaa#happy lavore content wow look at me go#lavore brothers#mordred lavore#atlas lavore
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Hey question 4 autistic/adhd/ppl who didn't socialize much as a child, do y'all have ppl say shit like "can't you talk about anything besides yourself?"/"you're really selfish/self centered" to you??
#the last couple times I've been trying 2 talk 2 mom she keeps saying shit like that and its bugging me#bc 2 me im just having a conversation abt my day or whatever#or im saying smthn i wanted to tell her b4 i forget which occasionally interrupts her#and she keeps saying it like im being this narcissistic person or smthn. as if me talking abt the MH dolls i saw @ work last week is like-#idk man. like im boasting abt how great i am. also she asked when i was gonna grow up after i talked abt the dolls so.#anyway#ive noticed that idk how 2 rlly hold conversations with other ppl so i just- default to talking abt somethin i did or whatever#when idk how 2 respond 2 smthn. is that rlly me being self centered?#i just- all i had 2 talk 2 for the last like- 8 or 9 years was myself and now i have 2 socialize again & i feel like im being rude#or only talking abt myself bc i have no experience with talking 2 other ppl#idk#anyway lmk#autism#adhd#elliot rambles
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#the 'they would not fucking do that' meme is starting to feel like yall just wanna make fun of people's headcanons#but tumblr is not ready for that conversation lmao#'they wouldn't start a family' okay maybe that's just not your trope. i get it. not mine either usually#but like. maybe they WOULD in that person's fic! maybe we can learn to like that trope more!!!#idk man my creative philosophy has always been 'have fun and let everyone else have fun too'#like. i get so sad when people make a point to disagree with headcanons#maybe it's a specific sore spot for me after Situations and Circumstances#but just. we can all coexist. we don't need to prop one thing up as ULTIMATE 'HE WOULD DO THAT AND NOTHING ELSE'#it comes back to how canon is more important to some people than others#but we all have to coexist in the fandom spaces anyways and find ways to get along#we can have different ideas all meshing and coexisting!!! i do it with my friends every single day!!!!!#like!!! palletshipping and oakshipping are holding hands and skipping off into the sunset in my friend group#same with contest and respect. vibing#we make it work. we vibe with other people and have fun#i promise you'll like fandom more if you focus on the happy parts of it and not the parts you hate
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Why can't I have friends that want to talk to me?š„²
#like it doesn't have to all the time obv just. yk. genuine.#johnny's silly rambles#i feel like they're tip-toeing around me when i just want to *talk*#everything is better than them being idk. scared?#it feels like they're scared and idk why#I may be distant but so are they#at least I'm trying to hold a conversation...#and i don't want to let them go like that#we've been friends for 6-14 years (depending on the friend) they are important to me!#but at this point it feels like I'm begging for their attention#and then i feel guilty bc of it#I don't want to be annoying#and i think they like me like in general. it's just like in school where everyone didn't know how to handle me#and they've turned into those people themselves over the years#I don't know what to doš i don't want to be entirely alone#vent#once again#helpš
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why doesn't anybody notice.. in real life i mean.. am i really that good at hiding it.. i'm so angry.. and sad.. my anger is just a violent sadness..
#idk but friends make it better#like genuinely platonic love is keeping me afloat atp#not that i have any āride or dieā typa friends#but you don't understand how much simple conversation means to me#where i just say stupid shit like i wanna say#and i kinda trip over my words#maybe cuz im in my head sm#but they don't hold it against me#i love friends#i love friendship#friends are the best#greatest creation of earth fr#mithi's own#vent post#personal vent#venting#vent#vent blog#tw vent
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I have the opposite of special interests and you may think thats just like, how non-autistic ppl experience stuff but i mean the complete opposite end of the scale.
I like stuff but cant retain any information about it at all. Ppl hear i love birds and ducks and go to ask me to elaborate but idk anything about em i just forget everything. I have favorite medias i watch 10x per year and someone will ask "do yu remember when xyz" and ill be like. No i do not ā¤ļø ā¬
ļø this is also all why its insanely difficult to interact with me even if we do have shared interests...bc i cant retain any info about the stuff i like
#weird considering there's nothing else in my brain but yweah#talkys#this is my number one argument against when ppl speculate i have autism wwwwww#i enjoy things but have no idea how to Know about them and then i forget very easily ā¤ļø#i love printmaking and screenprinting its my calling i was born to do it ive literally forgotten everything about it ā¤ļø etc#its weird. like again its not like my brain is used to hold anything else in there idk why it so easily dumps information#i may just be stupid literally#i remember rewatching venture bros with someone recently. i watched that series like times in a year once#i cldnt retain any conversation about the plot and such bc i cldnt Remember. insane.#*5 times in a year once
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#god i was so giddy today (or well i guess yesterday. its almost 2am JDJFJFJF)#i was waitin all day for him to finish work so i could message him n he messaged me in seconds... triple texted NDNDJDJDNDNDMDMDN#god hes so cute. im so !@@@@@ i like him so much. like ..... !!!!!!!!!!!!#he makes me so happy idk how to explain. i just !!!!!!@@ like him so !!!!@@ much !!!!#why do i deprive myself of him ššššš#but i mean we did talk for 2 hours straight in person a few weeks ago. not much you can like. converse about after that JDJDJDJDJDJDJ#:')))))))))#maybe i'll let myself be a lil hopeful.... š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ#personal#also omg i think i figured out why he was so combative??? when i saw him last#i think it was bc of our mutual friend...........#n e way HDNDNDNDNDN#so maybe thats why he was like that. bc with me.... sure we tease each other but hes not like....... out for the kill idk JDJDJDNDNNDNDND#hes so sweet.... like not in an obvious way but like NDNNDMDDMD IDK.#we'll put it this way....#when ppl ask him for help... he tells them to google it#meanwhile hes explaining stuff to me in detail; going up to the teacher n asking questions for me; getting up out of his seat n#looking for a plug for me JFJDJDJDD LIKE ?????#hes also so polite... thanks ppl... holds the door for ppl. god hes so......#if he's like....... the guy im gonna be with for the rest of my life... o i'll be so happy BDJZNZNNZNZNZNZNZ#THIS IS SO SAPPY GOD.#if u saw the messages you'd be like literally what are you giddy over HFJDJDJJDJDJDJD AND THATS OKAY#hes just some guy.... love that about him the most.....
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Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags
#Iāve spent a very long time trying to change my brain so I can just operate at a neurotypical level#itās always been impossible and I feel like shit for it#so recently I finally just said#I am not neurotypical and never will be no matter what I do!#so I need to be kind to myself and make the accommodations I need for myself!#which is a work in progress but idk. itās kind of painful that the neurotypical people in my life act like Iām asking for an arm and a leg#when Iām very genuinely asking if slight changes could be made between us#I absolutely donāt expect anyone to change their lifestyle for me or anything#itās stuff like not holding long conversations when Iām in the middle of writing because it messes up my flow#and I tell my family beforehand! hey Iām gonna write for a couple of hours does anyone need anything from me before#and they say no! but then ten minutes later will start telling me a story about their day#which Iām okay to hear BEFORE I start a writing session or AFTER#and I goddamn communicate that!!! but they act like Iām asking for nobody to ever speak to me again#another thing is that I CANNOT eat anything past an expiration date#I know itās still probably good but my brain will just keep saying YOURE GONNA DIE OF FOOD POISONING#so say the half gallon of milk is past its date#I will buy a fresh one to start using myself but I donāt toss the old one because I know others donāt care as much#and they they complain that Iām wasting milk#like Iām sorry itās 1) my money and 2) how is it being wasted when yāall are happy to drink it til itās done?#idk man!! neurotypical people sure do say that shit should be easy for neurodivergent people#but they sure do struggle to be slightly accommodating without bitching#idk rant over peace out
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