#idk how to do ids sorry
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Autistic Stigma Axis Chart
This isn’t meant to be taken really seriously, just comparing how different people experience different forms of ableism I guess. Honestly I think most autistic people have dealt with all of these things at some point.
#idk how to do ids sorry#neurodiversity#neurodiverse stuff#autistic#actually neurodiverse#actually autistic#autism#developmental disabilities#high masking#low support needs#low masking#high support needs#moderate support needs#support needs#masking#neurodivergent masking#autistic masking#neurodivergent#autistic things#autism memes#autistic community#ableism#developmentally disabled#neurodivergent things#neurodivergent community#neurodivergent memes
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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gaslight gatekeep girlboss
#driftoodles#ishmael#faust#rodion#limbus company#i wanna make one for heath but his 000 canto 6 id doesnt exist so i hsve to wait n see if theyll make one before i do it#these are discord reacts i made fr the girlies.....on a whim#like the lil reactives streamers use. but as a funfact. they animate if used as a discord icon when yr yappin in call#neat!#rodya doesnt have a proper 'bad end' for her canto n i think its got to do with her being not special#but in my heart i need one to exist for her or ill explode#i cant wait to make a don one. gotta make nclair spicebush yisang n g corp gregor too#but idk if anyone would want those#these r from a few months ago i think. i hope i remember how to do them#two captain ish posts in a row? im on a roll#sorry theyre not synced im stupid
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space/saturn imagery ritsu i love you
#qkdraws#id in alt#mob psycho 100#mob psycho#mp100#mp100 ritsu#ritsu kageyama#eyestrain#sorry i keep drawing rings around ritsu. no im not im not sorry even a little bit#anyway i tried a sliiightly smoother shading method there. idk if it reads like that but ! was fun to do regardless#takes a lot longer than my cell shading but the process is relaxing#this was mainly hair practice. and ngl !!! i kinda like how it turned out. the hair anyway#i had Very different plans for this pic i originally wanted it to be solidly light blue everywhere#and the shading would simply pick things apart and make it readable. instead it became one of my most colorful pieces ????#don't ask how that happened. im terrible at sticking to the plan#most of my art turns out completely different from the idea i first had. maybe one day i'll stick to the script#a bit mixed on my feelings for this one. i don't think it's bad but i think it...... could use some work
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Birthday boy at the bottom of an ancient ocean
#unlabelled drawing tag#vocaloid#kaito#yeah this is the last time i'm doing lineless art *blows up and dies*#i did my best to make these as scientifically accurate as possible. idk how well i did#i know charnia + lantianella lived before the others but i have seen reconstructions with charnia amongst the other guys#jury's still out on lantianella so i'm invoking my artistic license just this once#in terms of colours it's anywhere between ''yeah a lot of the reconstructions for this organism are a similar colour''#and ''fuck it we ball''#some of the smaller stuff is meant to be tribrachidium as well as smaller dickinsonias but they're too small to properly tell#there's also another organism behind kaito however i forgot what it was called u_u sorry#anyway. i hope i did an okay job in both that regard + this whole thing looking nice#id in alt text#ik im probably posting this too early however. i donot caare
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i'm cooking
ok guys i'm riding the brainrot and trying to make a marble hornets friday night funkin mod so i gotta know, do i make Boyfriend [little blue boy who sings] Jay? Or does he stay little blue boy?
also, tim's pose sketches so far,, if u think i should change anything lmk! i feel like his down pose might be a little lame? unsure
i am perfectly aware i might not get much of a response seeing as this is literally such a niche BUT.
#marble hornets#marble hornets tim#tim wright#jay merrick#mh jam#friday night funkin#marble hornets jay#idk how tumblr algorithm works just. hoping a few people see this LOL#also if ur wondering. no i dont do music this will be my first time ever trying#oh god why am i doing this#FOR TIMOTHY#I plan on HOPEFULLY as long as the dopamine allows doing 3 songs for tim#then hopefully at least 2 for alex#id also like to do a cool lil special song where its like tim chasing alex#craziest rap battle ever dawg#IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING IN TAGS OMG TUMBLR WILL HAVE MY HEAD
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I've had a Kirby hyperfixation since my childhood and your art and super good animations bring back even more of the joy the games gave me. The lighting captures such a sweet mood in all your stuff also as someone who tried animation briefly... Chefs kiss to all of your animations anyway if just thought I'd join in on thoughts about u and ur stuff <3
HI HI im so sorry for not responding to this for a month :sob:
this is EXACTLY how i want my work to feel to others! a brief feeling of joy, something to make you think, something to make you feel something. anything can be artwork, but my favorite kinds are ones that makes you think or feel something, anything. to be able to convey that through artwork and have it work, it feels so special everytime :') i really appreciate your words, i kept replaying this message in my mind, thinking id respond then forget😭.. you get a small part of a bg in an animation im working on as an apology............
#you mention trying animation briefly.. i do wonder who sent this :( id love to look through your work#idk how to explain it but looking through someones work is so magical. you get to know a little piece about them#my mom always tells me how someone presents themself - how they express theirself artistically - how they articulate themself#it all says something about them. and i do believe it to an extent. it isnt always true but you get to talk a little look into someones min#and idk its just so interesting. i like it a lot i love art so much#erm erm lets just say a callum can ramble SORRY. in a life appreciating mood lately. everyone needs it every once in awhile#gamezz.txt
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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have any other afab trans and/or nonbinary phannies gone through a gender crisis about phannie demographics? like when i was in middle school working through internalized misogyny and gender dysphoria at the same time, i struggled a lot with dan and phil having a majority female audience, not in the sense that it made it juvenile/silly (which. still pisses me off to this day. let teenage girls like things ffs) but in the sense that, as a closeted afab enby it felt like the only way to androgynize myself was through seeking out stereotypically “masculine” interests, and dnp were distinctly and proudly not that.
ive def come a long way in separating gender presentation and hobby demographics from gender identity, deconstructing gendered ideas altogether, and feeling more secure in my identity even if i’m still in the closet, but it was such a strange and difficult time and im just curious if anybody else has dealt with the same thing !
#im sure there are probably incredibly essay length posts out there on this but i haven’t found them#*incredible#please can someone do your thesis on media demographics and gender identity and have dan and phil at the center of it#id so read it#dan and phil#phan#dnp#gender crisis#nonbinary#idk how to tag this sorry lol
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Yea...
youtube
#NEW ZOLU FANS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET GO DO THAT ITS SO GOOD AUGHH#actually ill just embed under cut. i love it so much#i will watch this animatic daily before going to sleep at this point#psii.txt#zolu#mi capitàn - kiltro#id in alt text#but it kinda sucks sorry idk how to describe memes#Youtube#(should clarify i am also a new fan. sososo happy to be here btw)
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bandanna
#art#oc bracket#mona#mona's first run#pokemon rejuvenation#THIS. TOOK. FOREVER. but its worth it for my character moments.#i don't know how to properly format this so it goes like this so sorry#there probably are errors cause i didn't want to kill my hands over perfectionism. but. eh.#also so sorry if aelita seems ooc. i tried to pinpoint stuff. remembering how she was in ch 8. does she know how to sew? idk.#mona's birthday was somewhere in blacksteeple arc id say. they don't know it until Nancy told them via Crescent via Variya etc etc.#also finally. mona dialogue. yippee. they can talk now. i wonder what to do with that now. i hope it showcases a bit of their personality.#also i hate backgrounds. i feel thats obvious. guh.#i love these two they are the Best friends :D
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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St:SNW rant
I just saw the most amazing gifset of that moment in momento mori where chapel tells una "it's like giving birth through your mouth" (edit : it was @startrekuniverse who made the dope gif set, I love you btw)
Una and Christine are the MOST UNDERRATED dynamic. Genuinely I need to see them interact more. I've said before I don't think that T'pring is Christine's character mirror foil or whatever bc she isn't really. Una is the opposite of Christine.
Una is so put together. She is the literal poster person of first officers. She is always put together and just radiates dignity. (Somehow she gives like. Teacher vibes but I can't see her teaching a specific subject?? Maybe she just authority-s so hard I'm getting confused idk) She has been trying to be the picture perfect officer for years. She said it her self, she worries how people would see her (as an illiyern(fuck spelling I'm tired)) if she wasn't Ms. "She's beauty she's grace she's gonna punch you in the face" Because she hasn't ever had the chance to exist in starfleet without that threat of being discovered, she holds her self to this impossible standard that she some how achieves. Outside of that, she is a silly little workaholic who loves her job a little too much at times. (I mean. Tbf it's STARFLEET I'd also love it)
Compare that polished, put together-Ness of a first officer to someone who didn't even technically join starfleet, Chrsitine is part of an exchange program. (I'm only considering snw, sorry) Christine is bouncy and open as soon as we meet her, she sasses back at La'an and jokingly flirts with spock. She has the worst bedside manner and loves to chase people down hallways. Her reaction to Una bring Illiriyan was basically "I'm not a cop, I'm cool with it" She radiates weird girl in the best way possible. We see her be messy in relationships and goof off here and there. (Can you tell I hyperfixate on her all the time?) Uhura is "unburdened by conversational boundaries" and will say things on accident, Christine will say the weird thing and she will say it with her chest.
Christine is so unabashedly herself while Una is always on duty as the first officer, so professional. Una ties a lot of herself to her job and Christine loves science to the point she will chase it to other planets, she isn't tied to the ship.
There is so much space for tension and conflict between them. I can see Christine making a joke during a hard time and Una snaps. Maybe Una makes a tough call command wise that Christine disagrees with because they could've done something, the head vs the heart. They would also make an excellent team, Una with her tactical experience while Christine has science and leaps of faith.
You know those videos where the magnets are on a track and they collide really hard and the thing in the middle gets fucked up? That's what I want with them. I know im seeing the shrimp dynamics but I swear something there is worth exploring I SWEAR
#i suppose if I wasnt ace id want them to fuck nasty or smth but im sure other people are doing that#i dont ship to be clear but i woild read romantic fics between them for the dynamic#star trek#snw#snw meta#star trek snw#star trek strange new worlds#star trek: strange new worlds#strange new worlds#una chin riley#Commander una chin riley#whats her rank? idk#christine chapel#nurse chapel#una x Christine#there isnt a ship tag :/ i swear i saw one#una chin riley x Christine chapel#im so sorry for spelling stuff. im tired and kn moble. finger go brr#i know how niche this is but also i havent felt up to making fandom shit in. a long while sk this is a win
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one day we will talk about how tennis fans talk about/treat players they find attractive versus players they dont…………
#and sorry but. a lot of you do this!#im sure i do it as well#but sometimes it’s just feels like…idk really obvious that that’s what’s happening#idk it pisses me off. but especially with the wta it feels reductive sometimes to call it out#like ‘oh you’re only supporting her bc she’s pretty’ like EWWW. what a nasty thing to say#BUT i do think it’s true sometimes!!!!#not that people only support players they think are pretty#but that people are far more sympathetic or that they’re more likely to get behind a player they aren’t *usually* a fan of#does this make sense?#and i think it extends to the atp as well but partially less obvious bc ppl let men get away with anything anyway lol#lowkey it feels mean to talk about because any comparisons i make have to insinuate someone’s attractiveness…#but like it really feels like the elephant in the room sometimes…like how do you not see what you’re doing here#and can i be real! i think karo is a massive beneficiary of this!#and i think that’s part of why i notice it so much because i notice the way people talk about her and support her (which of course i love)#but then i compare that with other players who have had similar stories…and i feel like i do have the perspective here—#because i see so much of what is said about karo#so it feels quite obvious when she’s honestly? treated *very* well considering her career#we’ve seen plenty of players who have injury issues who are just labeled inconsistent or as having ‘physical issues’#i think karo gets a lot of sympathy in comparison…and id even go so far as to say i think she’s overhyped sometimes!#which i know is a wild thing to say as a huge fan of hers but i think it’s true! idk. this is not really the point but im trying to explain#what i meant by the earlier tags. that some players who are seen as attractive are given way more leniency in general
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^_^
#sorry doomer posting#but like idk!#i keep talking abt how if i werent trans id be more inclined to accept my fate of living w my parents/family forever#but also with upcoming election and living in Texas maybe i just wont ever get to transition anyway and that will solve everything wont it#i want to leave so badly but i think id just be swapping my current misery for another set#like id be alone but at what cost. and id be alone. no friends no partner to live with no people in my empty home#work and sleep and struggling to eat. idk#im simply not meant to be alive honestly#talkys#delete later#in general i keep wanting things but not wnough bc ive been taught to not want things#i don't want to leave enough to put in the work to do it#i dont want to transition enough to get past the fear of change#i dont want anything. i dont want anything. i am a good dog
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