#idk how i'm gonna do this
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I get even less much-craved attention from you now. I'd rather have it this way, though, for both of your happiness. You deserve to have your dog, and so does she; the both of you were decaying without each other. And dogs only exist for so long, it's our human duty to cherish and spoil them every day forever. This way is also important for me to learn. These days are very hard lessons for me, in regard to finding comfort in this troubled, fearful, tired human vessel. I like feeling close to you, but you like to push away, and to be alone
I also just realized that i am a cat person, through and through.
#personal#words#sorry i'm rambling idk what to do about Any of this#i have feelings for my best friend and she lives with me now and she doesn't feel the same way#love for me doesn't subside#it doesn't just go away#idk how i'm gonna do this#if she finds someone she's interested in and we're still close i genuinely don't think i could be in her life anymore#and that terrifies me#i want to be strong. i want to be WHOLE#as myself#because once i know who and how i am and what i need and want in all aspects of life i think i'll be able to have healthy relationships#what's holding me back is the fear of the unknown. like jumping off of a cliff in pure black darkness and somehow expecting not to at least#break my legs#i know i cannot live my life in fear nor let my paranoia and bpd stop me from truly living#i know i cannot engulf and give all of myself into one person and expect a similar energy in return#i know i cannot become all encompassed by someone. it's not healthy and it ruins relationships#i know i cannot be a devotional servant every second of every day of my life#and i know that i expect way too much of myself. to do better and be better. to not do this or do that better.#i try to remember to work toward being my own true love but it's so hard when i have so many memories that have convinced me i'm not good#enough
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like “i'm about to tear this commenter in twain” and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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His gentle hands are covered in blood
(Had some fun with the colors on procreate so more versions are under the cut also if you like my art then please reblog it, thank youu)
#i'm really proud of this one#also i had lots of fun drawing it!!!#i tried to do a more like sketch-y style#please zoom in for detailsss#lyxchen's art#squid game#squid game fanart#ginho#inhun#gihun x inho#inho x gihun#hwang in ho#hwang inho#seong gi hun#seong gihun#457#okay actually you know what i'm gonna talk about this drawing a little bit and point out some details i like just because#so for inho's hand i wanted it to look like he's trying not to touch gihun too much because he doesn't want to get blood on him#gihun has less blood on his hands but that big streak on inhos chin is from when gihun touched him there#also idk if that's too visible but inho has blood in his hair too#also i said that already but i tried to do more of a pencil drawn style#i really like how it looks especially on the hands#like all the little individual brush strokes#tw blood#blood tw
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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kitamoto does make me so emotional. natsume says some embarrassingly earnest shit that reveals how undersocialized he is and kitamoto's reaction is to spend more time with him and introduce him to friendship. when someone who appears to be a girl his age tells him she's never read a book before, he's like oh okay, and then the next day he gives her a book with easy-to-read stories in a genre she said sounded interesting. he not only doesn't judge people but he also actively meets them where they're at...i love this sweet teenager so much i could cry.
#he's like huh. what a weirdo. i'm going to respect the shit out of them#he and nishimura taught natsume how to ride a bike. remember that? because i do.#natsume is like will i ever be able to tell him about the youkai? and idk if he means youkai in general or specifically kaeda#but either way. kitamoto would be the absolute chillest person to tell. he's so accepting. even if he thought it was natsume's delusions#he would just like. be so fucking supportive ah goddammit i'm gonna cry again#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#kitamoto atsushi#my posts#f
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.
Part 22 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.
Bonus:
I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.
#Chara and Azzy have another talk#Finally Chara shows their mischievous side.#and Azzy knows Chara's language well#my art#deltarune chara timeline#art#bread#deltarune#ngl im so happy with how that chocolate shake came out. I want to eat it so bad#yay 6 pages of taking :') i hope you guys like that lmao#Glad I got this one done in basically a month and a week! Hah. I'm trying me best :') Halloween.. Exams and a ton of other things came up#surprisingly these backgrounds weren't terrible to do... I mean took more than two hours but you know what I mean#i struggled with how to frame the background though. I actually liked drawing it. But because both the background and my characters--#--are super colorful I have to make sure I don't muddle the whole page.#Ive been thinking of doing the overworld in black and white recently... may help me actually finish the comic lol. idk i may make a poll#gonna try and get the new part out in maybe a month again? sorry. Thanksgiving and Christmas get me exhausted.
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Watched a horrendous video on a yaoi ship and one of the guys was called "spicy kitten uke" and it literally made me tear up and cry. This is how I cope with it. Ugly phone doodle starbee be upon ye
#maccadam#transformers#starscream#bumblebee#idw starscream#idw bumblebee#starbee#lmao.. the quality of how I draw them has declined so much#every time I see bee's fucking face it makes me giggle#I'm so proud of the expression#yea it looks ugly but I'm not gonna redraw this#and this is DEFINITELY for SURE something the people need to see#transformers idw#tf idw#idw transformers#idk what I'm doing tbh#spent a total of 34 minutes on this and it shows lmao
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STAR TREK: LOWER DECKS — SEASON 1 (2020)
#trekedit#lower decks#star trek lower decks#lowerdecksedit#startrekedit#scifiedit#tvedit#animationedit#i did this for s4 and now i'm gonna go back and do the rest i've decided :)#and i think it'll be fun if i change up the layout each time but we'll see what i come up with :')#also i love how i was like. idk if i'm coming back here fr. and then keep posting gifsets#with like at least 15 other ideas still bouncing around in my skull like ping pong balls skdhdjdk
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It's dark Arthur, pull out your lighter.
(practically I know john is most easily portrayed as a normal hooded guy with a mask but deep down my heart of hearts still belongs to mergo's wet nurse)
#can you tell i think mergo's wet nurse had the coolest design in bloodborne?#descriptions and author's notes in the image captions#i feel like that's the funniest way to stick those in there tbh lol#flashing image#hopefully not too flashing but idk how gifs get crunched on tumblr#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#john doe#mp#my art#doodles#animation#kinda#lots of opacity filters that are suuuper disorganized lol#at some point i'm just gonna do a character sheet for john/KiY but it will actually just be a dozen designs i think are cool#but then will not draw in a practical setting because they're too wonky#i do think the masked guy design is quite charming and is objectively the right way to draw him interacting with anything#i just think fucked up creatures are cool#man i still love drawing profiles#idk why but they're soo much easier than drawing faces straight on#they're just Nice
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[ID: A digital comic in two images of Samama Khalid and Celia Ripley from The Magnus Protocol on a gray background. Sam is a fat South Asian man with short, curly black hair, and a mustache and small goatee, and he is wearing a turtleneck, a cardigan, black nail polish and small black earrings. Celia is a slim Korean woman with short black hair, and she is wearing a button down shirt, a vest, rectangular glasses, an x-shaped earring, an industrial piercing, and snakebite studs. Sam is colored in solid red, and Celia is colored in solid green.
The first image is three drawings of Sam. The first is of him looking up pleadingly with his hands clasped and his eyes large and sparkly with sparkles around his head saying "Ahem, please?" The second is him holding up two tickets and smiling, saying "Ta-da! These incredibly exclusive, hardly-discounted, barely obstructed theatre tickets?" The last is him holding up the tickets to himself to read them and saying "I don't really know much about it, I just thought-" His eyes are drawn as dots in the last one.
The second image is of Celia smiling down at him with half-lidded eyes and an amused and slightly scheming smile. She is blushing lightly with a thought bubble next to her with partially blocked out text reading "I need to (blank) him and (blank blank) him until he (blank)". The censored parts also contain pink hearts on the black censor bars. end ID]
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thinkin bout that one bit. i love him <3 celia you need to kiss his silly little face or i will
#fg's art#the magnus protocol#tmagp#samama khalid#celia ripley#ripsam#that's what im going with for now for the shipname akjlshdakldh#comic#suggestive#i guess?? idk how to tag this augh#this was the awkward silly sam celia thing from that poll btw <3#every time i listen to that scene i am just. banging my hands into my desk he's so CUUUUTE I'M GONNA EAT HIM ALIVE#HIS TAP-DANCING FOAL CHARM. HIS BABY SHRIMP SWAG#celia you need to do this for me please girlie treat him RIGHT or I WILL
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The Council of Optimuses: Pleasant, generally positive, they exiled Bayverse a while ago but they still check in once in a while to make sure he's ok/out of curiosity, Earthspark enables One's 'I can fix him' delusion to the point that Prime is falling into it too, IDW does NOT want to add to the delusion pile so he shuts up, Cyberverse kinda doesn't want to be at this meeting it feels too much like a party, IDW keeps making calls to somebody but he won't tell anyone who, they used to have 'bring your Bumblebee to work day' but Skybound had a breakdown over it so they can't do that anymore, everybody is suspicious of Skybound's new arm but the only person who actually brought it up was Bayverse whose solution was 'kill him' so now everybody thinks they are getting paranoid and should maybe start seeing a therapist (they should start seeing therapists, but they ARE right about the arm).
The Council of Megatrons: They are having a great time even if it looks horrible from the outside looking in, Prime constantly wants to fight IDW for his spot as the strongest Megatron but IDW is not about that, they tried to kick out Earthspark but he somehow keeps getting in (IDW leaves the door open), One has like 5 devils on his shoulder telling him to escalate and two fallen angels who are desperately trying to get across that maybe total destruction isn't the move, IDW is trying to hide his redemption arc in order to keep the situation under control (only Earthspark is aware of it, though Skybound has his suspicions), Cyberverse always tries to kill the others to take over their universes and it's the highlight of everybody's month, Bayverse is mocked for being killed by Optimus but secretly everybody is kinda jealous about it (Prime especially), one time an unidentified Starscream (it was Animated) broke in and it was on sight (he got away because every Megatron wanted to be the one who killed him and they fought each other over it), IDW keeps taking calls from somebody but he won't tell anyone who, Skybound can listen in on his Optimus's meetings due to being his arm and reports back, there is an ongoing debate about whether Galvatrons should be included.
Inspired by @jyang030107 's art of ES and IDW Megs advising their One counterpart.
#optimus prime#megatron#tf one#tf prime#tf cyberverse#tf idw#tf earthspark#tf bayverse#tf skybound#animated and G1 cartoon are my main blindspots so I didn't include them here#can you tell which one of these is my favorite based on how often I brought up their versions relative to the others?#I do genuinely like all of these interpretations for varying reasons but idk man I love comics so much#though I do only like Bayverse Optimus because I'm imagining every other Optimus just being genuinely upset at his existence#'GIVE ME YOUR FACE' 'or maybe we could just talk to him? or kill him normally?' '*fast forward one movie* 'hey megatron was just saying#that he wants a truce!! How lucky!! that's further than most of us have gotten on the path to peace!! what are you gonna...#...you're just gonna kill him? and then kill Sentinel as he begs for his life? when you could have ended this peacefully? what?'#he's uninvited from meetings but sometimes he shows up anyways and the others just get so curious#'what has he done this time?' 'I heard him say that he swore to never kill humans.' 'That's progress!'#*one meeting later* 'ok so you know how he just swore to never kill humans? he just killed a human.' '...what is wrong with him?'#meanwhile Bayverse Megatron fits right in with the others. I like him less by virtue of the movies he's in but he's still like#recognizably Megatron and not so ooc that it makes me bust out laughing during serious moments. he's a fairly standard Megatron.
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incest and pedophilia isn't sexy
#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd x reader#bsd fanfic#bsd headcanons#fanfiction#fanfic#x reader#anti incest#from someone who's so terrified of something like that happening to me#its caused me several panic attacks#from intrusive thoughts and certain remarks made towards me#i cant fathom how people can request and write about it#and how people defend others for writing about it and requesting it#fantasizing about it is insane#just simply sparing it a thought makes me want to cry#I'm gonna block the tags and peopl but still#idk#i just feel very strongly about it#whether you act on it or not#not targeted#same as people say#if you dont like their content block them#if you dont like my opinion on this block me too#dead dove do not eat#sensitive content#| ray's yapping ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
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It's so fucked how they suddenly removed cabanela from the remastered 2010 official art. i'm assuming they thought he might be too "spoilery" of a character (despite first showing up in the same chapter as kamila)
they took him out back and shot him
#ghost trick#catamari post#i'm gonna be honest i'm tired of this game covering so much “spoilers” bc where does it start and when does it end#yes you “ghost” and “trick” but.. the story is good too. how do you *properly* advertise that#ur main audience are aa fans + they're mostly there for the story so idk if gameplay is the best way 2 promo it but thats just what i think#<- i will say it also took me a long while to finally pick up the game bc of how intimidated i was by the gameplay + i had 0 info on anythi#why must these lovely characters + story be kept entirely secret... capcom please do better
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the scarf is coming along and soon I'll have to get used to wearing *gasp* actual colors that aren't black or grey or so dark they could be mistaken for black when it's dark out
#still not sure abt the colors#I kinda took whatever yarns felt comfy&homey to me#which might be why it matches my apartment decor a bit too much lmao going out dressed like my apartment sure okay that works#it's also giving ''scarecrow'' to me for some reason (tho.. I could be madder abt it like scarecrow could be a look)#anyways the joy of doing things urself is that u can choose whatever colors and just sorta see how it goes#like idk if it's colorblind combo but I think I'm definitely gonna be wearing it#(my main point wasn't to make something actually super good and great; just to have something to do and practice my knitting which like#I made a hat like 9 years ago and have barely done anything since (aside from like 4 random squares when I once thought I'd knit a blanket#but like dude?? a blanket as the second thing u've ever knitted?? that was too ambitious. So hence a scarf; a small blanket))#aesthetic#I truly dont know any arts&crafts tags#studyblr#booklr#bookblr#december 2024#2024
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After Angband, Maedhros had a complicated relationship with his hair for a long while. The thing he once used to cherish and carry with pride, inherited from the mother he had left behind, was now tainted with memories of unwanted attention and derogatory touch.
After his rescue, it had to be cut short for the sake of his recovery, and he could never quite figure out whether he was more hurt or relieved by the act. It was Fingon, during those times filled with anxiety and doubt and shame, who helped him learn to accept his own appearance again– from the stump of his right arm and the scars littered across his freckled body to the locks of copper hair, ever so slowly regrowing to their former glory.
And little by little, the lingering memories of malevolent hands harshly yanking at his scalp were replaced by the feeling of tender hands carefully braiding familiar golden ribbons into his hair, once again beloved.
#so basically#they are in love and i love them very much#just don't think about how during the peaceful days of valinor they used to spend days just sitting around and braiding each other's hair#and after his rescue maedhros could never do that again#or maybe curufin–#after seeing his brother moping around all day sad because he could no longer braid his bf's hair#–engineered his a prosthetic hand to help him do just that#who knows not me#fun fact i spent all day yesterday drawing this-- no literally i didn't do anything else please send help#the silmarillion#silmarillion#maedhros#nelyafinwe#maitimo#russandol#fingon#findekano#russingon#why do they have to have so many names my god#maedhros x fingon#fingon x maedhros#silmarillion fanart#russingon fanart#maedhros fanart#fingon fanart#idk what to tag here i'm gonna be honest#art#my art
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