#idk I guess art doesn’t need meaning and I don’t usually think or put weight into that at all

[gyorslab]

I really wanted to draw fanart today but I hurt my wrist a week ago and it’s still being annoying about fine details so I’m just doing stuff like this tonight… I don’t usually draw abstract things like this and I never fully understood how to go choose and convey something abstractly so just wanna say like… I didn’t go into this planning anything in advance so if you’re confused that’s why. I just took a palette on my iPad and did stuff on a blank canvas until I felt decently satisfied moving on.

[jujutsu-headcanons]

Gojo Satoru general headcanons

Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.

Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.

He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.

All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.

Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn't mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop

Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o

It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know

He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver's license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He's hella bilingual

Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn

[timextoxhajima]

Playlist Feels

Member: lee jaehyun aka hyunjae from tbz cause i feel like there are too many jaehyuns around now ;_; my heart can’t take too many perfect men of the same name

Genre: COLLEGE... CRUSH? idk this is probably gonna be my most crack piece (you can already tell by the track)

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: I wrote this at like 1.30am so please bear with me lol my inspiration always come in the middle of the night because it’s so quiet and conducive 

this will be a one shot cause i’ve got no fucking clue how to make it into a series/short novel without an actual conflict/angst/drama involved :”) if you’re a writer and you see this and you want to make a 2nd part or something, BE MY GUEST

lee hyun jae. 

who was he to me?

oh, i don’t know.

just the prettiest but handsomest man alive. if that’s even a word. 

he’s always surrounded by like, eleven other boys who are also good-looking and talented in some way or another. 

god must’ve invested his entire life into crafting these fine, fine specimens of men to be placed on earth.

maybe there was a mix up somewhere and they were supposed to be angels or demi-gods and god just fucked up. 

but i’ve got no complaints. 

i’m satisfied that i get to feast my eyes on such a gorgeous, rare, one-of-a-kind version of a person i’m sure exists nowhere else in the world. 

he’s known for being one of the most caring ones of the group. he’d make his friends laugh but watch out for them at the same time. he’s so easygoing, i wonder if he’d smile at me if i tripped him over or something. 

you might think i’m exaggerating. 

well,

i’m not.

so who am i to him?

sadly, nobody.

harsh truth.

there was absolutely nothing wrong with the man. there was a lack of flaw, and that was literally the only flaw he had. if it could even be considered as a flaw. i could spend my seconds, minutes, hours, days, just staring at him. it was so unfair that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM.

sometimes it pisses me off.

it kind of pisses me off that he doesn’t have a girlfriend despite half the school simping over him.

i mean, who wouldn’t? just look at him.

there have been rumors flying about that he was gay or something. 

doesn’t matter if he is gay though.

it simply hurts to know he’s not dating anybody.

it’ll be such a waste if such a man ends up living a life alone. a waste indeed.

so what was it that was stopping me from putting that destiny of his to a screeching stop?

well, there was just one problem. 

“hELLO, earth to y/n?” the sudden waving in your face with the heaviest textbook in your curriculum snaps you back into reality. 

“which one of the twelve are you thinking up some magical fantasy over now?” your best friend frowns at you, the vein on her arm popping from the weight of the fat textbook. 

“ah-- it doesn’t matter who i’m daydreaming about, let me have my moment, would you?” you lean back in your seat, disgruntled at her telling you what not to do with your own imagination. sometimes it was difficult to look at her without seeing all the little hints of lee hyunjae in her.

they had the same nose, but that was it. honestly, it was a miracle you just happened to make friends with one of the prettiest girls in school, and good for you, she ended up becoming your friend and stayed in that position for more than a decade. naturally, she was upgraded to the ‘best friend’ title. 

the biggest issue you had with lee hee jae was that she hated her brother getting so much attention, and she has always condemned him about it. 

which was pretty ironic, given the number of love letters that show up in her locker everyday.

but thanks to her cold, a-little-more-than-mean superficial personality, most guys don’t have enough of a pair to talk to her in person. sure, she won’t hesitate to stab a bitch, but you knew her well enough to know that if the love of her life, son young jae, were to suddenly sprout feelings for her and confess, she might just nose bleed and pass out. 

but does she know you have had the biggest, fattest crush on her older brother?

no. 

she’d kidnap you and torture you and brainwash you to unlike him. 

maybe that’s why he hasn’t got any girlfriends.

“you’re zoning out again,” she snaps her finger in your ear and the sharp click jumps you. you bare your teeth in annoyance and feign a hit towards her, but she doesn’t flinch. 

your little high school crush on her brother wasn’t getting any weaker as the years went by. in fact, it’s been getting stronger. now that you’ve seen the way he treats his friends, how kind and considerate he was, not to mention that body-- well--

let’s just say you went from just appreciating his face, to everything in general. it was only a matter of time before she finds out that the one man you were simping over out of the eleven boys was her brother.

of the eleven boys, it just had to be her brother.

“hee jae,” you pull out a pencil and start to randomly doodle in your notebook. “haven’t you ever considered talking to eric?” 

she shoots you a death glare, but you’re used to it. 

“i thought we agreed not to speak of this in school!” she leans into you and hisses, eyes piercing right through your head. if her eyes had lazers, your head would’ve been blasted off completely after years of her angry glaring. 

“no, but eric just seems so... chill, y’know? he’s either cleaning his table and packing his stuff or outside playing baseball, there’s literally nothing stopping you from talking to him.”

she rolls her eyes and snatches your pencil away from you in a bid to piss you off so you’d stop talking.

“give it back--” you snatch the stationery from her and hiss at her like a cat. “you’re literally in the damn baseball team with him. it’s not that difficult to make up a story and start a conversation with him.”

“ha,” she’s finally mastered the art of fake laughter. “easy for you to say. you simp for all eleven of them and can’t choose one for you to worry about it like i do.”

that was fun to hear.

“well, forget eric,” she waves it off. “are we doing anything after school?”

anything but going to your house. i don’t want to be stuck under the same roof as your brother, my heart would get a seizure and i’ll probably die on the spot.

“my mom’s making crepes today, and i know you love that shit,” hee jae snickers, pulling out a baseball from her bag and throwing it into the air and catching it. 

“aw, man... not the crepes,” you pout and side eye her, leaning back into your seat. 

“why are you so uptight about going to my place? you’ve been there a billion fucking times, you literally live there now.”

that’s cause i’m only over when your brother isn’t around!

“ugh, okay fine. but i gotta dash home first to grab some homework. i left some of it at home ‘cause i wasn’t expecting an invitation today.”

she squeals, showing you a part of her that nobody else has the privilege of seeing. “sick,” she gets out of the seat she dragged to yours and brings it back to where she took it from. “call my home number and tell me you’re on your way before you leave your house!”

you nod un-enthusiastically, waving her off before she leaves the classroom and returns to hers. 

you were finally back at home, showered and changed into comfortable clothes while you shoved all your homework into your bag. you leave your parents a text to tell them that you’d spend the afternoon and evening at heejae’s so they don’t have to worry about your dinner, then you dial her home number.

the phone was on it’s eighth ring, and you were already one foot out of the door. usually, it doesn’t take her that long to pick up the phone.

“this little bitch invites me over and doesn’t pick up the damn--”

“hello?”

your grip tightens around your phone and you stumble out of your house, the door swinging shut behind jumps you and you process the voice on the other end of the line. 

“uh--”

“is this y/n?”

“uh... yeah, this is she.”

he knows me?

shut up, of course he knows you. you’ve been friends with his sister for a decade!

“oh, okay, cool. heejae’s in the toilet right now and she said she’ll get it but i couldn’t stand the sound of the phone ringing.”

“ah...” your voice trails off, unsure of how to respond. you were just preoccupied with how soothing his voice was, and just imagining his face with the phone to his ear on the other line was just so--

“hello? y/n? you there?”

“yeah, yeah, sorry i was... crossing a road.” you weren’t even moving; you were just planted into the pavement like a tree. 

“actually, why don’t i go and pick you up? your place is on the way to the shopping mall and my mom just told me to go get some groceries, do you want to tag along? we can head back to my place afterwards and you can get the crepes you like.”

where in the world was he getting all this information from?

“uh--” you stammer into the receiver for the billionth time. he must think you have some kind of speech problem by now.

“you know what? just hang tight for a few minutes. heejae’s still in the bathroom so she doesn’t get a say in what i do if i decide it without her presence,” you hear him walk around on the house and call out for his mom to tell her he was leaving for the shopping mall. “you live on 31st avenue, right? the white house with the blue roof?”

“uH--” you really need to get a grip on yourself.

“i guessed. hang tight, i’ll be there in a sec! see you!”

hyunjae doesn’t bother to wait for you to hang up before he does. the line goes dead and the beep nearly deafens you, but you couldn’t believe your ears. you were about to be in the same vehicle as lee hyun jae. one of the most popular boys in school, the handsomest man alive, the love of your li--

whoa.

too fast.

you shake the nonsensical daydreams out of your head and walk back to the steps of your door. while waiting, you can’t help but to let the quiet crush on him run your mind recklessly. 

what if he was just messing with you and he’s just chilling at home? what if he knows that you have a crush on him and he’s just having fun? what if he thinks you’re weird for hanging out with his sister? what if he’s caught you staring and he thinks you’re a creep? oh my god, what if heejae’s told him embarrassing stories about you and now he’s going to poke fun at you with that? 

you stare blankly at the little weeds in the cracks of the pavement, the thoughts in your head running wild as you slowly convince yourself he’s not going to turn up. 

but the familiar silver family car rolls up at the end of the pavement, and the windows roll down to reveal hyunjae in sunglasses wearing a simple white tee-shirt. 

“did i keep you waiting?” he pushes down his sunglasses and looks at you over the rim, one arm dangling outside the window. 

you shake your head, suddenly losing all ability to speak. 

“alrighty then, get in. we’re heading for the shopping mall.” he nods his head towards the car, retracting his arm back into the vehicle. 

your heart was thumping so aggressively and so loudly you were sure he could hear it. hell, he could probably see it. 

“how’s school? i haven’t seen you around back in my house after... what, about five years? you were always around when i was out, if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were avoiding me,” his voice was so alluring, you had to constantly remind yourself that he was actually saying something.

“uh-- well....” 

come on, say something. anything.

“i guess god just doesn’t want us to meet.”

no, it’s because you were avoiding him. what the flying fuck was that?

he laughs heartily, his teeth catching the light of the afternoon sun and glistens in your vision. “if that’s the case then god really needs to give me a break.”

your little-crush-on-him morphs into a tiny character in your head and it starts yelling at you. did he just say what you think he just said?

“no, i mean,” he glances at you, hands still on the steering wheel once he notices you’ve gone eerily silent. “i would’ve spoken to you and tried to be actual friends with you sooner, but heejae never wants me talking to her friends. you can imagine how she is with her best friend.”

you sigh heavily, the mention of your best friends’ name loosening some knots in your stomach. “lee hee jae is just something. not sure what, but something.”

“it does baffle me to think about how you put up with her for what, nine years now?”

you were looking out the window, and the idea of being in the same car as hyunjae doesn’t seem as tormenting as it seemed once you realise the best support you’ve had for the last ten years was lee hee jae. 

“eleven, actually,” you say without looking at him, eyes zeroing on a couple walking a dog on the pavement by the road. “yeah i guess she can be a handful sometimes, especially with how cold and mean she is on the outside...”

the car stops at a traffic junction.

“but put her in front of one guy and she’ll pass the fu--”

“‘one guy’?” he interrupts.

your eyes widen and you suck your lips between your teeth, wincing a little to yourself when you realise what you just said. 

“lee hee jae has a crush on someone?” you hear him scoff and a brotherly chuckle rushes out his lips. “do you know who it is?”

you were about to protest and stop him from trying to dig the information that you nearly disclosed, but he interrupts you again.

“y’know what? don’t tell me. i’ll guess. i’ll just watch your reactions while i’m at it.”

you grit your teeth and tighten your temples. you don’t realise how sweaty your palms were until your phone slides out from underneath your skin when the car starts to move. 

“is it kevin? no wait-- doesn’t feel like it.”

is he going to just start talking on his own until he finds someone he thinks suits her and then look at my face to read my expression?

“i don’t think she’s the kind to go for someone older than me or my age. so that takes sangyeon, jacob, younghoon-- is it younghoon? no, it’s not... ah, no matter how i think about it, someone nearer your age pops up. haknyeon, sunwoo, eric. it’s one of the three.”

that wasn’t so hard. hee jae must be easy for her brother to read.

“are you really going to let me play this elimination game alone?” he raises a brow and turns the wheel, driving into the car park of the shopping mall. the little gesture causes your heart to involuntarily skip a beat, and you could see his eyes folding even behind the sunglasses when he turns his head.

“your sister would kill me if she knew i even started this conversation, so i’m just refraining from deepening my grave.”

you hear him laugh through his nose. “relax, i’m not going to tell her you said this. i’ve seen the way she looks at us whenever we’re in school. she gives me a look of disgust but she always reserves a blush on her cheeks for someone. i just can’t put my finger on who it is.”

“you mean you notice the way she looks at you and your friends? that’s a little weird.”

the car starts to reverse into a parking lot and he pulls the gears into parking mode. there was a short silence in the air as he lays his finger on the start up button of the car and he turns to look at you, now without the sunglasses to block your view of his eyes.

“you’d be surprised that i notice a lot of things.”

he flashes you a smile and reaches for the door on his side, pushing himself out as if he didn’t just expose both you and your best friend. 

you were just tailing hyunjae while he told you what was on the grocery list, and you start filling the basket. he doesn’t stop guessing though, but the entire time spent with him only made you feel like he was so comfortable to be around.

besides his pretty face, of course. 

you were waiting for him to pay for the items while you stood outside when heejae’s caller ID showed up on your phone screen.

“where the hell are you?”

“hello to you too,” you roll your eyes. “your brother said he was going to get me and now we’re shopping for groceries before we return to your place. didn’t your mom tell you?”

“what? no, she didn’t. she just told me he went out to get groceries.”

“huh?” you look over your shoulder to see hyunjae paying the cashier. “are you saying that your mom lied about me?”

“now, why would she do that?”

“she’s your mom, not mine. why don’t you ask her instead?” 

hyunjae picks up the grocery bags and walks towards you, looking into them and making sure he didn’t miss out anything. 

“this is so fucking weird. where’s hyunjae? pass the phone to him,”

“we’re done, let’s go.” hyunjae stops by your side, noticing that you were on the phone. 

“don’t you dare hang up on me, pass the phone to him!” hee jae screams into the receiver. you wince and pull it away from your ear, shooting hyunjae a look of slight confusion as you hand him the phone. 

“it’s your sister.”

he sighs and places the bags on the floor, wiping his hands on his pants before taking it. 

you could hear hee jae screaming at him on the other end, but hyunjae’s face doesn’t change one bit besides that sweet smile plastered to his lips while he let his sister berate him. hyunjae got bored extremely quickly, and he was already removing the phone from his ear while he repeated the word ‘bye’ into the receiver. 

he hands the phone back to you and hangs it up for you, picking up the bags and heading back to the car. 

by the time you reach the road right outside their house, heejae was standing on the porch, anxiously tapping her foot on the wooden boards. 

“oh, no,” he groans, looking out the window and observing heejae like she was a lion in the savannah. “well, just another day for us people who have to deal with miss lee.”

he says so coyly, pushing himself out of the car and going to open the door of the backseat. you help yourself out, and heejae storms toward you, fists balled by her side and steam coming out through her ears.

you thought she was going to scream at you for accepting a ride from hyunjae, but she dodges you and opens the backseat door opposite hyunjae to yell at him in the car. 

“what made you think it was a great idea to pick her up? didn’t we have a deal that both our friends were out of bounds to each other?”

wait what--

“yah, lee hyunjae!” she yells at the top of her voice as he ignores her, pulling out of the car and walking towards the house. “we had a deeeeeaaaaaaal!” 

you grab onto heejae and turn her around, trying to peel her attention away from her brother and to you so you could get a grasp on what she just said.

“did you just say what i think you just said?!” you blink in surprise at her, and the thought of hyunjae finding an excuse just to spend time with you melts you into a puddle of hopeless goop. 

“no,” she says with a stern face, lifting a finger and pointing at you in the face. “no.”

“well--” she yanks herself out of your grip and turns to the house. “what’s so bad about dating your siblings’ friends? you like eric.”

she literally screeches to a stop and turns around with eyes that were burning. honestly, it was pretty funny to see her so riled up, knowing that she wasn’t angry at you. she was angry with hyunjae for... whatever he did, and the fact that she just had to fall for someone in hyunjae’s circle of friends. it was a slap in her face, or whoever thought about the no-dating-siblings’-friends pact.

“is that why you don’t want to talk to eric? because of this... deal?” you raise a brow, entertained, completely forgetting that there was the slightest chance that hyunjae might’ve been looking for an excuse to hang out with you, and he had just succeeded.

she had no words, but her silence was enough to let you unpack the situation.

“ah... i see,” you fold your arms across your chest and smirk at her. then you remember you were standing right outside lee hyunjae’s house. this was your chance to dig the information out from her. “so if this deal is stopping you from talking to eric, then is it safe to assume that it’s similar for hyunjae?”

you could see her bottom lip quivering upon your question, as she realises that you’ve finally found out why she was keeping a distance from her own teammate. but her silence also pushes you further into confusion. does that mean--

“look, you can’t date hyunjae, okay? i forbid it. the last time a girl dated someone in that group of friends of his, they broke up because she got bullied by other girls in school. i told hyunjae he wasn’t allowed to date any of my friends so i wouldn’t need to beat the fuck out of any bullies and get myself expelled,” she huffed and hugged her torso. “and i made him agree to that deal by promising him that neither i nor any of my friends would date his.”

you shake your head, fingers pressing into your temples and hair while you let the story unfold from her narration. 

“my mom didn’t tell me about him going to get you because... well... he--”

“i like you!”

your heart stops and you think your blood stopped flowing through you as well. heejae’s head snaps back to look at the house and the source of noise, and she pulls out a shoe to hurl it at hyunjae. 

“ah--!” he starts yelling once she reaches him with the shoe. “let me at least try, god damn it! sunwoo only let his girlfriend get bullied because he’s a dumbass-- ow! but i’m not gonna let her get bullied, i promise!”

you slowly turn your head to see hyunjae trying to dodge every hit, and he starts running away from her and toward you. he pulls you in front of him so you were standing between him and heejae, who was holding onto the shoe so tightly, her knuckles were turning white. 

“y/n, take a chance with me, would you? i’ve always noticed the both of you looking at us but it always bothered me that i have no idea who either of you are looking at--”

he dodges a side swing, and your view of heejae trying to reach him was pretty hilarious, if you weren’t acting as his shield. 

“what makes you think she’ll say yes?! she can’t even choose--”

“i do, heejae,” finally, you’ve decided to shoot your shot. heejae freezes with the shoe in mid-air, and hyunjae’s hold on your shoulders tighten. “i’ve only said i can’t choose only because i didn’t want you to know that it was your brother i liked.”

you couldn’t believe what was coming out of your mouth. all that effort to keep it hidden only to expose yourself infront of both heejae and her brother at once?!

she looked like she wanted to slap you with the shoe now, and you flinch when she shifts, closing your eyes to brace for impact. 

but it doesn’t come. 

you open one eye and look at her, and she looked like she’s completely resigned to fate. she shakes her head like your mother would when you did something stupid, and she squats to get her shoe back on her feet. 

“i give up,” she grunts, shoving her feet into her shoe and tying the laces messily before standing up again. “of all eleven of them, him?” she raises an agitated brow and points to the boy hiding behind you. 

“it wouldn’t have been so annoying if it had been one of his friends, but him?!” 

you turn back to look at hyunjae, who was giving you puppy eyes as if he was already your boyf--

too fast. 

“does it look like i chose to like him?” you pout, hands reaching out to her and trying to play for affection. 

“for fucks’ sake,” she groans, face palming herself. “now i’m going to look like a shitty friend and sister if i don’t let you two date.”

“on the bright side..” you pull her into a hug and tighten your hold, knowing that whatever you were going to say next was going to warrant another violent outburst from her. “if hyunjae and i date, that means the deal’s broken and...”

“you can talk to eric now.”

“AH! SO IT’S ERIC?!”

[mercuryislove]

Don’t hate me but… I kinda want you to answer all of the deep dive WIP asks 🥺 if that’s unreasonable tho, just 2, 9, and 10 please!

I am SORRY for the delay!!! i answered every question for BOTH projects so you're in for like.... several thousand words of shit that makes absolutely no sense, but i hope you you enjoy it! :)

1. Who are two characters that don't like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?

White Crane: okay this is hard because like. so many people do not like each other. (I know I made a post once about how terrible it would be to be one of twenty-eight people that have the power of dead gods but are trapped in stupid human bodies and you're all a thousand years old and hate each other so so so so so much because you all SUCK.) But for the sake of simplicity, I will talk about Ciaran and Sihla who never got along but only played nice to keep Anwei happy. They absolutely do NOT put aside their differences lmao once everything kind of, um, blows up between the three of them, all they want to do is KILL each other. She makes it her life's goal to make him suffer, and he basically loses his sanity in the process of trying to find a way to kill her for good. The beef is unbelievable. ANYWAY, what they reveal about each other is that Ciaran is not nearly as innocent in anything as he likes to pretend and Sihla is not as guilty as everyone says she is. I mean, she is still a terrible person in many ways, but that does not excuse the things he did to her all those years ago. She hates him for many, many good reasons.

Old Blood: Andhira HATES the entire Ekion family, but specifically the oldest son (who does not have an official name yet.... oops). He doesn't much care for her either but is usually too busy trying to better his social standing to worry too much about her. Except when they're in the same room together (which happens semi-regularly because her brother is kind of in love with him lmao). They hate each other for the exact same reason and it's that they're both SO arrogant. They look down on everyone around them (which in Andhira's case is like. fair. She's the firstborn of the two most powerful people on the planet, and the only person that comes close to that level of power is her twin brother who was born a mere fourteen minutes after her) but think the other is completely unjustified in their actions. Really all it reveals to a reader is that they both kind of suck and need to get over themselves because all that behavior does is make people resent you. They only put aside their differences because she does kind of need his help once or twice, but they would gladly spit in each other's face and/or push each other down a flight of stairs in the name of pettiness.

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2. What do you hope your readers will take away from your wip? Is there an intentional theme to the story?

These can be answered together! I started writing these stories because I wanted to have fun but they've both kind of morphed into a long-winded way of saying that like. it's okay to be messed up and hate yourself and have major internal struggles because there are people who still love you. I KNOW it doesn't sound like that from uhhhhhh literally everything I've ever said about this stuff but bear with me. The BIG theme is that love is EVERYTHING. All kinds of love. It's the reason to keep on going. You are never alone, even strangers can love you in their own way, etc etc etc etc. Also gay love fucking prevails always and forever.

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3. What do you love most about your protagonist?

Yixing is funny and weird and definitely a horse girl and he kind of sucks sometimes because he's stubborn as hell and has terrible people skills and maybe also a drinking problem, but he is kind and empathetic and despite the absolute hell he's lived through, he still sees the good in people and knows that it's easy to make mistakes and that most people deserve second chances in life. Also I like him because he is without a doubt the ideal man and I made him that way on purpose. And god I wish we could drink together. I'm talking stumbling drunk, crying on the bathroom floor, please-hold-my-hair-i'm-about-to-throw-up kind of drinking. We would have a great time being stupid together I think.

Vera is resilient and mean and stubborn and cold and off-putting and hard to get to know, and she sucks for those reasons but it's also why I love her so much. She has also lived through hell and it didn't make her try to see the good in people like Yixing does. It just made her bitter and resentful. She warms up over time, but she fights tooth and nail against it. I also love her so much because she is the archetype of like. the washed up former prodigy that has to return sort of against her will to her old life, and she realizes that she misses it in some ways but also remembers exactly why she left. I would Not want to drink with her (because she doesn't drink anymore), but I would love to take one of her art classes.

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4. Is there anything in the story that is implied but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?

White Crane: This is hard because I'm so invested in my own shit that it feels obvious to me, but I try to lay out a little candy trail that tells the reader that Ciaran and Anwei are Not What They Seem right from the start. It’s hard to explain without specific examples but it’s in the way they talk, they way they interact with other people, the way certain things they say don’t line up, etc etc etc. And there is a Big Hint of what will happen to Ciaran in the second and third installment, but idk if that counts. Also there are definitely implications that Yixing is trans but that's neither here nor there (honestly I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not he should be explicitly trans or if it should be left to reader interpretation because well... I don’t know if I'm capable of writing the nuance of transness because I'm not trans despite my complex and confusing relationship with gender but I'm also not a thirty-something year old Asian man NOR am I a god NOR am I a former vampire hunter NOR am I like. any of the things I write about other than a mean lesbian so. who knows?)

Old Blood: TRUE FANS already know this one, but regular degular readers that haven't participated in funny question friday or read my random late night posting would not immediately know that Josef and the Sovereign were once involved. Basically the only characters in the story that know are Josef, Luka, the Sovereign himself, and Tahire. But there are definitely some hints peppered throughout conversations and perhaps some photos and trinkets that Josef has kept after all this time... It has like no weight on the events of the story but I just think it's fun. Once again I am way too invested to know if it's easy to pick up on or not but I think it takes some theorizing about maybe? Other than that there aren’t any significant secrets.

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5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does the backstory affect the narrative?

White Crane: this is unfair because some of the characters are almost a thousand years old and some of them are like. 35. I DO have a full timeline written out of the thousand years of history that Ciaran and Anwei have lived through, if that counts as an answer. Like it doesn't have every single day and year, but it has all the big events for sure. Barring that, Yixing definitely has a pretty complex backstory. The man gets around lol and I try (and maybe fail?) to make him seem not too complex initially but then things get revealed and you learn more about him and are like “oh my god no wonder this man has Problems.” Also if he was like. “normal” and perhaps “well-adjusted” the story would not exist at all because he is the way he is and makes some of the stupid decisions he does because of his weird little life.

Old Blood: ONCE AGAIN, this is unfair because the Sovereign is like older than god. And Vera is 37. But like. I haven't fleshed him or any of the old ass vampires out nearly as much as Vera so there's your answer I guess? And I guess the important things are known from the start (that she was a prodigy, that she retired because terrible shit happened and she couldn't handle it, that she suffers from significant ptsd because of it, etc), but there is a lot of detail that doesn't come out until much later when she has to confront her Feelings (ewww feelings). Uh... the backstory affects the narrative because it wouldn't exist at all if Vera wasn't plagued by her fucked up blood nightmares lol

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6. Which two characters have the most complicated relationship? How does their relationship develop over time?

White Crane: Ciaran and Anwei totally. They love each other because they're brother and sister and were all the other had for a VERY long time (and even when they were still uh mortal, they relied on each other constantly), but also they hate each other because they're brother and sister. You know how it is with siblings. I love my brother and sister to pieces but I can't imagine being immortal and having to put up with the both of them for all eternity (sorry guys if you are reading this somehow.... I love you but we are all so annoying god bless). They handled their newfound godhood very, very, very differently and it kind of colors their relationship for the rest of time. There were times where they were extremely codependent and other times where they didn't speak to each other for DECADES. At the start of our story, they're on much better terms and have buried all their hatchets, but it doesn't take much for that to change....

Old Blood: Probably Vera and Andhira? They're only brought together because of their shared fucked up blood nightmares, and neither of them like that thought. They both resent the other for everything they are, and Vera is pretty much completely hostile to Andhira about it for a long time (and Andhira is only just barely cordial lol), but obviously a significant part of the plot revolves around them like. falling in love so they DO get over it after a while :)

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7. What is the most heart-wrenching scene in your wip? Why?

White Crane: When Yixing fucking DIES. I feel like this one should be self-explanatory. But I mean if you would like further explanation, it's unpleasant and slow and agonizing and nobody can do anything to stop it (haha....... unless?) so Ciaran gets to hold him for a long time and feel really bad about it lol

Old Blood: idk if there are any really heart-wrenching scenes but there are definitely some miserable and uncomfortable scenes like where Vera relives in vivid detail the days that she witnessed the gruesome deaths of her young apprentice and her last lover. They're upsetting because those are the two days that basically ruined her life (and one was the final straw that sent her spiraling completely out of control) and it's painful to watch her have to live with the guilt of what happened even if it wasn't her fault.

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8. What is a song that you associate with your wip? Explain.

White Crane: not to be basic but absolutely without a doubt in my stupid mind “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears lol it's because uh. well. Everybody wants to rule the world right? Basically way back in 2019 when I was crafting the ideas for the dnd campaign that became this thing instead, I was definitely having a metal gear moment (honestly I’m about to have a metal gear moment NOW lol) and was listening to a lot of like. mgs adjacent music and latched onto this song (and also promises, promises by naked eyes lmao) as some like thematic element. Like my brain making amvs. You know how it is. ANYWAY the point is. The concept was originally way different and was supposed to be more about the immediate aftermath of the so-called end of the world (yes Yixing was still there and yes he was still just some guy), and it focused a lot more on power struggles between all of these insane people that were granted godhood in the wake of the dying world. Which........ is something I'd like to write about at some point because it's intriguing in its own way but at the time I was unequipped to write about that when I really just wanted to write about people who are, for all intents and purposes, quite average getting caught up in the batshit drama of higher powers. (fun fact: Ciaran was supposed to be a tyrant king that ran a death cult and Anwei and Yixing were working together to figure out a way to kill him. Which is. Kind of what my dnd campaign is like now lol BASICALLY he's like if Big Boss was unkillable and could also rip souls out of people's bodies and eat them. I absolutely do not remember what this question originally was. Something about a song?)

Old Blood: THIS is the reason it took me so long to answer this whole thing. I thought long and hard and looked through all my playlists and listened to random songs that came to mind but it turns out the song I was looking for was right in front of me the whole time. DUH. It's “Golden Light” by Twin Shadow :) In my humble homo interpretation, I think it's a song about being afraid to fall in love and. Well. That's the whole point. Also #spoilers but the first time Vera sees Andhira and is like “oops I think I have feelings” is when they've just arrived at Andhira's home and the sun is rising and she looks over at her as they stand at the top of a hill and she has her eyes closed to the sun and she's bathed in golden light and OOUGGGGHGHHH poetic cinema. (honorable mention goes to “Groove is in the Heart” by Deee-lite because it’s quintessential early 90s music that Vera would be super into)

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9. What does your protagonist want most? What would they do to achieve this? What is something they wouldn't do to achieve this?

White Crane: Yixing wants to be happy for once. Like actually really happy instead of just. getting by. There's a scene where they're making wishes for the next seasons during the summer solstice and someone asks what he wants and he's like “uh I guess I want to still be alive at the end of the year?” and the other person is like “isn't that what everyone wants? Raise the fucking bar please. What do you REALLY want?” and he's stands there for a really long time and thinks about it before finally saying “I think I just want to be happy for once” and everyone else is like. wow. Way to kill the fucking mood dude. Anyway. He has had fleeting moments of happiness in his life but wants nothing more than to feel that way forever. It's kind of hard to say what he wouldn't do for that because like. there's not really much you CAN do in the first place, so I feel like there's even less you couldn't do. I guess he wouldn't like sell his soul to the devil or something lmao (though by being involved with Ciaran he's pretty much halfway there)

Old Blood: to be left alone. Vera just wants a normal life. She really truly does want to pretend that none of the horrible shit happened to her and that she was never a world-famous hunter. And she wants to teach art classes and live a quiet life!!! I mean, she is already mostly doing that exact thing when we first meet her, but obviously she has some hindrances (aka fucked up blood nightmares). She is begrudgingly helping Andhira because she assumes that will fix her problem and that she'll be able to get to that quiet living as soon as all is said and done. The only thing she really wouldn't do to get what she wants is like... live somewhere far away from Josef and Luka lol She likes having them close by more than she wants to be left alone.

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10. Within your story's world, were there any events that impacted every character (or most characters)? How would they be different if this event never happened? (Alternatively, erase an important even from on character's backstory and imagine where they'd be now.)

White Crane: well. If the stupid old gods didn't all kill themselves and almost end the world then I guess none of this story would exist lol But the actual answer is like. If Yixing had never run out on his girlfriend of ten years then he wouldn't have moved across the continent to Jengmi and wouldn't have made a name for himself way out there and wouldn't have been scouted and recruited and wouldn't have met Ciaran or Anwei and wouldn't have gotten in the middle of the batshit grudge between a bunch of ancient petty gay people and wouldn't have DIED and wouldn't have made one of the ancient petty gay people in particular lose his grip on his humanity via a lust for power in a desperate attempt to guarantee his safety and wouldn't have been the reason that tens of thousands of people die in his name and wouldn't have accidentally set off a chain of events that resulted in him having to hunt down and kill the Actual God that started it all in a fit of jealous rage. So like. maybe he should have just gone through with the wedding. All things considered, his life would have been way less stressful.

Old Blood: uhhh, that's tough because the stuff that happens only really has any effect on the mortal characters (I mean yeah people still try to kill the Sovereign but they're too dumb to know the ACTUAL way to kill him.... haha unless??), so it would be more like a what if Vera didn't witness the violent deaths of both her apprentice and her lover and have a full blown nervous breakdown and abandon her career? Well...... I think most things in the plot would transpire more or less the same, except she would be WAY less pissed off about it. In fact, she would probably be hyped as hell to get the chance to make the acquaintance of the Sovereign's family like Josef had before her. The thought of Vera being upbeat and not a sleep-deprived asshole that hates being dragged back to her old life..... ew. Not that I enjoy her suffering but you know what I mean. It just wouldn't be the same.

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11. What is something from your wip that you just really want to ramble about?

Are you sure you're ready for this. This is going to be so so so so long I'm sorry in advance. It's Saturday night and I'm alone and kind of sad so I'm just going to let loose.

As I hone down plot elements for next two installments in my little trilogy, I have kind of become obsessed with the passage of time and how different it must feel to someone that, well, lives forever. One of the ways I'd written (that has since been kind of changed) for Yixing to start to figure out what Ciaran really is was that he would casually be looking through his bookshelf and find an old photograph of Ciaran, Anwei, and their mom standing backstage together after one of his performances. And when he eventually asks Ciaran about it, he gets upset because how dare you touch the one thing I have left to remember my mother? To remember what my life used to be like? There are so many names and faces and places and foods and sensations that I've forgotten in the 940 years I've lived like this and I would give anything I have to see any of it just one more time because I didn't know that the last time I would ever speak to my mom we would have an argument on the phone about how I need to go to the temple and pray for good fortune on my birthday, or that the last time I would ever see my best friend would be at 6am when we both came into the studio to practice and he asked me to go out to breakfast and I said no because I thought a nap would be more important. And there are so many people that I've watched die whose names I never learned and whose faces I forgot the moment I turned away, and there are so many others that I loved so dearly that I had to leave behind because they grew old and I didn't. And I have lived lifetimes in solitude to keep myself a secret from other people and I have died more than any person should ever have to die and I have witnessed atrocities no one should ever witness and I hate everything about this life so much but I love everything about this life so much and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think I would give it all away in an instant if only to remember the scent of my mother's favorite perfume and I think I would give it all away in an instant if it meant I didn't have to watch you turn to dust in my arms.

ANYWAY. I think a lot about the agony of loving things that aren't permanent and how it really DOES drive you mad because lately I have been unbelievably nostalgic for certain things that weren't even that long ago but..... I didn't appreciate them at the time and I feel so guilty about it. (And like. I too would give up my entire life to be able to remember the scent of my grandmother's favorite perfume.) And all my pent-up sadness is for things that only happened in my childhood. I have pictures and videos and other people to share those memories with, but what does it feel like to be one of very few people that watched the entire world fall apart and rebuild itself and have nothing to hold onto from that time? What does it feel like to foster dozens of generations of children and outlive every single one of them? What does it feel like to have only fragments of memories of entire lifetimes? How lonely is it? I mean, Ciaran and Anwei have each other and that makes a difference but it still has to be the most isolating feeling. And then there's the pain that comes with memories that have faded or otherwise become hazy. I doubt either of them remember their father's face. They hadn't seen him in years even before it all happened. If it wasn't for that single photo he has, they wouldn't remember their mother's face either. Do they still remember her name? Or her birthday? Do they remember anyone else? Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers? If they do, do they even want to talk about it? One thing I worry about in my own life (and this is how I know I have Problems) is that I'm so afraid that talking about memories will alter them somehow. There are so many things that I don't even like to share because once the words are spoken the little vhs tape that has all my memories has been recorded over, even if it's just by a single frame. Something about it has been changed forever each time I talk about it. Do they feel the same way and keep things to themselves instead of sharing the sadness? I think maybe they used to talk about the “old days” or whatever much more often back in the past, but as the years went by.... they just learned to keep it to themselves.

I think maybe I have a lot of anxiety about the passage of time and of being forgotten!

Anyway again. The passage of time drives me insane. And I think it would make me even more insane if I had been chosen to carry the mantle of a dead god and would live forever. My dog died a year ago and I still cry like every single day thinking about her. If I was doomed to live forever I don't know how the sadness wouldn't swallow me whole! No wonder all the people in this book are fucking CRAZY!!

And don't even get me started on the Sovereign lol he's like “oh boo-hoo you've lived for not even a thousand years? Bitch they hadn't invented fucking GLASS yet when I was born. The horse wasn't domesticated yet. Cry harder!!”

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian s2 ep1 Reactions Post That’s right I’m BACK

and none of you not even god himself can stop me from rambling about space cowboy dad and tiny green baby stuff for much longer than any sane person should 

the TL;DR is that I still love this show SO MUCH, beware a bunch of spoilers under the cut!

- costume design wise I LOVE how badly the armour fits Cobb Vanth

 especially when you get shots with him and Din side by side for contrast:

It’s not just that it’s clearly not made for him (it seems he’s a lot lankier and more wiry than Boba is), he simply doesn’t know how to wear it, and he doesn’t know how to take care of it, because he doesn’t know what it means. Remember when Din’s breastplate got bent completely out of shape by the mudhorn and he had it repaired to the best of his ability long before they even finished with the ship? That’s why he looks so grounded and natural in it and Vanth has sort of a clumsy Spiderman-in-his-first-home-made-costume air about him. (also Boba’s helmet has a beautiful heft and solidity to it in this, they make all the beskar have a Feel and weight to it, makes it feel important)  

I like that Vanth is taller than Din; everything that drives home that Din’s strength doesn’t come from being naturally physically imposing or impressive is a joy to me 

- Boba’s armour seems to be confirmed to be real beskar, which gives me so much hope that they’re doing something actually nuanced and interesting with Boba and Jango’s cultural identities as Mandalorians (whether they do consider themselves that or not, for example), unlike George Lucas’ inexplicable yet unbending stance of ‘They aren’t and never were lol get fucked Fetts’  

the way the triumphant heroic part of the mando music sputtered and died when the man himself showed up tho... uh-oh this might be bad news 

man but that’s a stunning and surprising way to introduce a well-known character divorced from what makes them so iconic, though, just from that I’m going to trust they know what they’re doing (AND they got temuera morrison back I’m so EXCITED!!!). without the armor there’s the face of someone who shared that face with literal millions and at the same time must be looking older than his father ever got to at this point, and that’s super interesting as a starting point to me. (I... guess there’s still a chance it’s a fakeout and that it’s actually another clone, but that would be such a letdown when they’ve already given us this haha) 

- an excellent [mando sighs] moment

this opening scene did a great job of re-summarizing him for the audience -- establishing again that he gives you one chance at dealing with him fairly and if you insist on continuing to be an asshole about it, you’re toast, the fact that his fighting style is so much about being able to tank blows rather than not getting hit in the first place, the horror movie monster mando setup as he stalked the dude down and strung him up, the Poetic Justice predicated on some very careful word choices, and most importantly “where I go, he goes”... all wonderful, I’m sure I’ll watch this scene back for fine details and better looks at the background characters many many times 

(word seems to have spread about him and the baby for real now, which makes me VERY nervous btw)

- Pulserifle’s back! Jetpack’s back! Razor Crest’s back! Grappling line’s back! PELLI’S BACK!!!!!! Tattooine... is also back *Finn voice* Why does everyone want to go back to Tattooine????

I really enjoyed the way they fleshed out and (for lack of a better word) humanized the sand people, though, if you are going back to this desert hellplanet again that is a worthy reason to do it 

- Din swearing :O!! and one of the less egregious star wars swears too, I’m fine with this

- in campaign star wars news: I guess there was sort of both a binbon and a jubna in this ep! what a time to be alive

- as usual I love the jawa. a bright spot in any day, just a bunch of lil goblin-y friends hanging out having the best time loving sparkly crystals and rescuing silver foxes.  

get in loser we’re going shopping

-  

I uh. Do you think. Hm. Is there maybe a metaphor here somewhere. Is there perhaps a hidden, one may say double, meaning, at play, right here, in this image? Who can say, it’s just niggling at me (there’s a very similar set of shots with Toro in season 1, but seemingly the show went ‘I fear we might have gone too subtle with it, let’s amp it up this time’ over the season break loool)

honestly though this dynamic really highlighted everything I love about the ways Din performs masculinity. It’s so much softer and more community/collaboration focused and more comfortable to be around than Vanth’s version -- and Vanth isn’t a bad dude by any stretch of the imagination, it’s not hard to see why he’s like that considering where he’s from, he’s just such a... man. The lone person who can protect this village! The only man who’s got what it takes! It’s all on his shoulders and no one else’s, so do exactly as he says or he’ll put a hole in you! (I think it’s telling that one of his first comments to Din is ‘I’m sure you call the shots wherever you’re from, but ‘round here, I’m the person who tell folks what to do’, because as we as the audience knows, Din very much does not call the shots of where he’s from lol) I guess it says some nice things about the tribe of Mandos Din is from that this is how he approaches things, and it says some good things about Vanth how quickly he comes around to this smarter and less confrontational/domineering style of doing things once he’s been exposed to it and sees how it works. it’s just neat

(it’s smart of Favreau to set his ~*lone gunslinger*~ character up like this, too, it makes him so much more interesting and versatile)   

- With the way Din says ‘a Mandalorian Armorer sent me on my path’ it does seem confirmed that’s the equivalent of a priest role or a sort of shaman -- I wonder if he knows the name of ‘The’ Armorer or if they take on the role as a whole identity 

- the sheer contrast between the two people who wanted Din to take his helmet off for them in this ep tho... wants Mando’s armour off for horrible awful reasons and got exactly what he deserved:

wants Mando’s armour off for entirely sympathetic and understandable, just culturally uninformed, thirsty thirsty reasons & also having drinks together:

 (the sort of... little lick over his bottom lip he does there? keep it in your pants vanth my GODjflsadf he’s a good dude tho he understands and respects the ‘no armour removal before marriage’ thing and backs down gracefully)

- This is a nuanced thing: I don’t think I actually ship it (not in a requited way from Din’s side, anyway, Vanth I’m 100% sure about lol), but the incredible potential for out-of-context-taking of “Take it off, or I will”/”...we doin’ this in front of the kid?” is uh astounding  

(anyone got the vibe Vanth sort of had something with the bartender too? no just me? well well)

- I was never really scared Din was actually dead or hurt b/c baby wasn’t scared and I figure he’d know lol, a very useful fear barometer 

- “What’s the plan?” “Take care of the child” “What are you gonna do?” “I don’t know, but wish me luck *yeets his new bro out of harm’s way before diving in head first himself*” fksdjhfkjlashdfkjsldahfkasldjhfskldajhfsadkjfh WHAT a summation of Din’s entire approach to battle & life, dad please you carry a not insignificant part of my heart around with you be careful 

(Also with the heavy implication that Boba was watching the whole thing... can you imagine him just looking on as Din throws himself down that gullet like a madman. There must have been some ‘o_-7 *headscratch headscratch* ???’ going on for him there)

it’s kind of sweet that din trusts vanth will take care of the baby if something happens though, they really bonded quickly huh 

- the sand people who kept willingly going over to the krayt dragon’s cave are honestly braver and more admirable than anyone else has ever been, I kept just shouting in anguish as they were gobbled up, they deserved better 

- can we talk about how clear it still is that Din’s just... lonely. When he thinks he’s found another Mando and he sounds almost reverent with relief... and then it gets odder and odder (’uh... drinks? I guess... does he have drinking straws with him or -- HE’S TAKING THE HELMET OFF???’ oh buddy)

I wonder if they’re building towards something about him realizing it doesn’t have to be Mandos for him to trust and bond with people longer term? Basically all the characters he’s met and we’ve watched him form attachments to and get help from are non-Mandos -- Kuiil :’^(, Cara, Omera, Cobb Vanth, IG-11 :^’’(, Greef Karga to a degree. Establishing so firmly what he’s looking for this early would be good setup for a ‘what a character thinks they want vs. what they need’ thing later on just on a writing level, anyway, Boba Fett could bring in some interesting points of view about Mandalorianness too   

- baby’s happy gurgles when he sees pelli!!!!!! din speaking sand people language and petting alligator doggies!!!!!!

- pedro pascal’s voice work remains an utter joy to me. din’s measured, earnest, occasionally slightly stilted way of talking is still so good, and then he does things like inserting some more... idk life is the wrong word but that more charged and dynamic tone he took on when he said (”I thought you weren’t a gambler”) “I’m not”. *chef kiss*

- if the pulse rifle’s stun is able to do that to a fuckn krayt dragon... that’s some serious shit din is carrying around with him lol (interestingly the actual shooty pew-pew part of it didn’t seem to do much to it, but then I guess he was shocking it from the inside out and not through thick hide, so idk)

- my only real complaints about this ep: Vanth’s backstory ran a bit long, and not enough baby & dad interaction. the concept art’s got me tho: 

 (din often wears his original/old armour in concept art still, incidentally, don’t know what that’s about)

awwwwwww

+ omfg ;______;

- this sand people person conscientiously brushing a bantha’s teeth... blessed

- Customary flame thrower report: there was a rare useful deployment of the flamethrower. Good job Mando’s flame thrower for furthering the field of diplomacy

ETA: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS: DIN BEING COMFORTABLE(ISH) AROUND DROIDS NOW!!!! GROWTH????!?! IG-11 WE MISS YOU??????????

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #293

“your head upon a stick would look really sick, but they would call me crazy for the way i spoke to it”

Hey bitch, what's your fucking name? What a start, jc lmao. Brittany. What color are your nails? They're not painted. Last time you got some ass? Well this survey's gonna be a journey. Many years ago. Do your parents like your style/music choices? Yeah, at least most of it. Some music my mom really doesn't like or just hates, while I can't even imagine Dad's reaction to some bands I enjoy. Ever seen your parents make out? tbh would rather slam my ankle on a Razor scooter. What's your dream height and weight? Forget about my height, if I could just be at least 120 again... Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What do you do when your house loses power? Light a bunch of candles and carry flashlights. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek piercings. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes. I grew up going to Sunday school and church, even though I hated both. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Gah... it was a very, very big source of argumentative fuel between Mom and me all the way up to my late teenage years when she just gave up; now, it's to be expected and is completely "normal." I always wanted to be on the computer once I was introduced to it; she tried to limit my time on it, and it was without fail what she would take away whenever I was grounded. I'd even sneak onto it when I wasn't allowed to if she wasn't home and Dad was in their room. My mom really did try to keep me from being hooked on technology, she really did, it just didn't work, but dear god I wish it did. I just about turn into a caveman without some form of it, and it's pretty pathetic. Dad meanwhile has never really cared much, but he'd make a comment here and there that would make me self-conscious about it. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, and guess who would be ignored for the rest of their lives if they did. It's so fucking disrespectful and objectifying to me. If someone wants to send a partner something like that by their own volition, that's cool, but asking, that just seems incredibly rude to me and turns the person into an object of lust. Ever been so scared you pissed? Caaan't say I have. Can you watch scary movies at night and not be scared? Yeah, they've never really fazed me. Last reason you got your cell taken away? I actually don't know if that's ever happened, given the aforementioned computer thing. I was never hooked on my phone. Could you handle working on a farm? Nooooo, that is way too much physical exertion. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? ugh Do you have a favorite type of firework? Well, visually I really just like the big colorful ones, but I don't endorse the use of fireworks anymore. Some animals literally die from fear, they can be seriously upsetting to veterans with PTSD (you could have one in your neighborhood and never know you indirectly gave them a panic attack), and they're a large source of litter. Where would/did you get your first tattoo? My right wrist. What's your favorite kind of pet? Snakes. Favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is obviously the coolest. It's always been my fave. How many pets do you have? Sigh, just two. Our landlord doesn't want us to get anymore pets than what we came in with. What were two of your favorite Disney movies as child? The Lion King and Finding Nemo. They're still my favorite Disney movies. When carving pumpkins, how do you decide what you're going to do? I haven't carved a pumpkin in years... so idk. Do you own any art supplies? Some, yeah. Do you believe you have a higher IQ than most? Definitely not. What is the name of the doctor that delivered you? I have no clue. Mom knows him for sure because she's mentioned him from my childhood, but I don't. Have you ever seen a Lamborghini in person? Hunny, I live in rural North Carolina. You don't see that level of bougie here lmao. Shane Dawson: funny or annoying? I honestly think he's fucking hilarious. I just have such conflicting feelings about him after "the drama," hearing so many people's opinions (particularly from those who know him so well, like his fiance and Ryland's sister), fact checking, audio cutting and mixing, the whole "people change" philosophy... I don't know. When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? I ain't touchin' strawberry. Gross. If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? I'd wanna be a shapeshifter/druid. What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? Yikes, sex toys. Given my age, I'd say if I bought adult diapers, people would assume they weren't for me. I'm awkward enough with all things relating to sex to begin with, so. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Yo wtf I never have and never will (intentionally) kill an animal. Well, correction: I've killed bugs before, the biggest probably being some spider or something, but I really try to avoid this now. Could you win the Hunger Games? lol hell to the fuck no, have you seen me??? For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? ... Maybe? Not saying I wanna find out, though. Have you ever been punched in the face? No, plan on keeping it that way. Is morality universal or relative? I question this myself. Who is your favorite late night talk show host? I don't have one. Where do you put your keys when you get home? They stay in my purse. Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? Neither. The sheer variety of questions relating to coffee and tea in surveys boggles my mind, always feel left out that I can't answer 'em lmao. What’s your phone background picture? My lock screen is this pretty, soft aesthetic screen that has "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough" written in the center. I've really needed it for my mental health lately. My home screen is some meerkats. I know, can you believe neither are currently Mark? Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? Plenty. How do you cope with anxiety? Deep breathing, mindfulness and grounding exercises, confiding in my mom, listening to music (usually my favorite calm, instrumental soundtracks, like from the Silent Hill franchise - particularly the second game! - or Shadow of the Colossus), try to nap, play a game as a distraction, watch my favorite YouTubers (typically something funny)... I'm lucky to have learned a lot. Now, if only I could cope with social anxiety... What was the last takeout food you ate? Oh Jesus, how embarrassing is this timing, seeing as it was one of my unhealthiest fast food orders: Son of the Baconator and Baconator fries from Wendy's. It was so fuckin good tho. Who makes you laugh the most? My friend Girt. What does a successful relationship look like to you? One with great communication and total honesty, and when you are able to build each other up and bring out the best in your partner. It's also imperative for you to feel safe being your authetic safe for me to consider it "successful." What do you like to put on your baked potato? "Salt, pepper, butter, cheese, bacon bits." <<<< That's how we do it, lads. What was the most memorable birthday you’ve had? My 16th, but not for good reasons. Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? That's easy as hell, mountains. I don't like the beach. Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah. Not gonna like what I see no matter what, but I'd like to make sure I don't look worse whan what's normal. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. What do you like to dip your fries in? It varies between ketchup and honey mustard. What’s your favorite kind of museum? Science. Do you believe in alternate universes? Nah, I don't think so. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. What games do you play on your smart phone? Mostly just Pokemon GO nowadays. I haven't touched Dragons of Atlantis in a long time... Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Jason's older brother is red/green colorblind, I think? Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? Middle. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? Ugh, I need to finish decorating my damn room... Got most of the stuff on the walls now, but it's still pretty skeletal in self expression. My motivation is abysmal. Have you ever flown a kite? Oh yeah, I loved to fly a kite with Dad as a little kid when the tobacco field just across the road was barren. Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? My doctor. How many brothers does your father have? I'm almost certain he doesn't have one, just one sister. Do you think you act older or younger than your actual age? It depends on the situation. When it comes to "adulting," I don't have a fuckin clue what I'm doing. I doubt anyone would believe I'm a month shy of 25. In terms of general maturity, I think I act my age, if not older. When was the last time you swam in a pool? It's been years. What are your parents' views on your relationships? Mom is always very supportive so long as they treat me right; she's taken to all my previous partners very well and treated them like family, too. My dad is also supportive as long as I'm treated properly and happy. Is your best friend dating anyone? No. Have you ever babysat before? Twice, but not really willingly. Way too stressful. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? It took a very, very long time, but all pictures with Jason are forever deleted. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? Not a huge crush, no. Ever watched porn? No. You do you, but I don't see the appeal of watching some random people fuck. Ever performed in a talent show? No. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nope. How many celebrity crushes have you had? I'd say Jesse McCartney, Link Neal, and Mark Fischbach are my only BIG celeb crushes I've had. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? I dunno, don't feel like reaching back and counting. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Not visually, but with my adoration of animals. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? Oh, I'm sure. None that are horribly embarrassing though, or else I would have deleted them. Ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen a therapist since the 6th grade. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yep. A Facebook message? Sure have, when I was beyond done arguing with a former friend. A friend request? No, I just decline or accept it. My page is private, so you can't see my activity, and it's not like they get notified if it's declined, Would you say you read into things too much? I am the fucking sovereign of this. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? I love my mom to death, but no. I'd be disappointed. Ever had a credit card denied? I've never had one in the first place. Ever had the lead in a play? No. I do remember though in elementary school, I was real bummed that I wasn't Snow White for one we did for Music class. What about a solo in a concert? Never been in a concert. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Well. One, she's long past menopause. Two, because of ovarian cancer, she had all those organs removed. So, that would be impossible. Have you ever had a threesome? No; I'm personally strictly monogamous and would feel it to be disloyal, even if my parnter was okay with it. What's the last game you used dice for? Not a clue. Are you interested in surfing at all? Have you ever been? No. What brand of bottled water do you prefer? Essentia. What is your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. What is your favorite chocolate candy? motherfuckin REESE'S Have you ever been called a racial slur? No, considering I'm Caucasian. Why did you last stand in line? I was at the doctor's office, I think? What is your favorite pirate movie? /shrug What is your favorite character from Orange Is the New Black? I've never watched it. What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Watching the ending to Paranormal Entity was VERY uncomfortable. It was a decently scary movie, but the ending was seriously intense. When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? I don't recall. Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? I don't know. What are you interested in that most people aren’t? The sheer degree of my love for meerkats would definitely be missed by probably most people. What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I dunno. Anything I could think of, the most current products probably already have and I'm just uninformed of them. Like, I use a Tracfone lmao. What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Their plastic usage and disposal. I'm certainly no saint when it comes to plastic either, but I try to do all I can. What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? Hm, ARE there any? Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? This depends on what you consider "better" and "worse." Environmentally, I honestly don't think mankind can maintain itself for that many more generations at the rate we're currently at, so that's probably just gonna keep getting worse. On the other hand, advances in medicine and things like that will certainly continue to improve quality of life in that sense. Human rights are getting better and better. I do fear that we're becoming too comfortable with laziness and convenience, but I hope that's a decline we don't continue to venture down. What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? I had a college classmate named Apple. Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? Oh, come on now. It's not a competition. What game have you spent the most hours playing? So. When you type /played in World of Warcraft, it will show you your total playtime, and mine is YIKES. Like, around a year's worth of time of pure playing since 2014, I think. What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? I don't recall. What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? When I did WiiFit religiously and lost around 40 pounds in HS. I was in the best shape of my life. What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? Oh, there's certainly something. Probably some Unus Annus clip. That channel was a fucking blessing and a curse all the same. If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? Oh boy, I'd have to think, but probably somewhere in Rome or Greece. What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? I'm unsure. Probably jumping in the pool as a kid. My sisters and I would nag Dad to put the pool up on like the very first day of spring, so of course it was cold, but as a kid, I didn't mind that. What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? Hm. What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? Ha ha yiiiikes, struggle foods... I don't know, but I've had some. What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Herping, though I change my mind on-and-off about it. I'm not very into the idea of disturbing wildlife just because they're cool and you wanna check them out. I'd totally go exploring with a camera, though, and not actually pick anything up. If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? Hm... I actually think something like an art museum for the mentally ill would be pretty interesting and educational? Even something that could build empathy. Maybe mix some psychology in there to understand conditions.

[purplesurveys]

962

Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? I used to have a pair. I mean it’s still around in my closet, but it’s completely broken now with the cable all given out and the cushion for the left ear has been missing for a while. I just don’t have the heart to throw it out because it was my absolute favorite pair of headphones that gave me good memories during a particularly shitty time in high school.

How was your week? A little better. I’ve gotten into the groove at work so I’m no longer shy when it comes to asking questions and giving inputs, and I’ve gained a better grasp of the workplace’s dynamic so it’s also been easier to communicate with people. Heavy life stuff is still around and it won’t be leaving for a while, but they were easier to ignore this week.

Are any of your electronics not working properly at the moment? Not really, but my phone’s charger cable recently stopped working. I have a backup that I’m using at the moment and while it’s able to charge my phone, it’s starting to fray and I’m not feeling too good about the wires that I’m starting to see hahaha. I just don’t know how to take care of my cables, guys. Anyway, this question made me paranoid so I took a few minutes to wrap a shit ton of electrical tape on the frayed area so I think it’s all good for now.

Are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? I like thinking about my wedding but I truthfully dread the wedding gown part. I’ve never been able to decide what look and style suits me best and I’ve just never been good at determining things like that. I like to imagine that I’d leave that bit to whoever my maid of honor will be, because I’d definitely prize a second opinion more than my own.

When was the last time you felt relieved? Yesterday, 6 PM when I exited the last Google Meet for the day. It was a Friday night and it meant my work week was over :)) I mean I love what I do, but Friday nights will always hit differently.

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? I wouldn’t say it bothers me but covers are definitely a hit or miss for me, with way more misses than hits. Nothing wrong with acts putting their own spin on an already existing song, but I’m personally the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” type when it comes to music.

What brand of chapstick do you use? I don’t use any mainly because I’m bound to lose them within a week. Same goes for other care products.

Do you really think someone could be perfect? No. Everyone has their flaws and that should be okay to acknowledge.

When was the last time you cried? Wednesday, I think. It’s been three days! I’d count that as an achievement. But idk, my sadness comes in waves so I shouldn’t be celebrating too early. I’m sure I’ll feel a pang soon and be crying again over the weekend.

What’s a food that you like every once in awhile but not often? Cake. Too sweet and rich; I wouldn’t enjoy eating it every day. What letter is the song you’re listening to under? Not listening to music, but I have a YouTube video on.

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s would be the lesser evil, I guess. I would NOT want to live through Martial Law in the 70s...I originally wasn’t even going to go with 60s because I think the world was a bit chaotic at the time, but I think my country was mostly unaffected by the political/cultural things happening then so it’s whatever.

Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? I don’t actively seek them out but it feels nice when someone likes me enough to extend their arms out to me for a hug. I haven’t been hugged for a while and I feel kinda empty.

Do your socks say anything on them? I think some of my socks have the brand name on them but that’s it.

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. AMC.

Have you found out who your true friends are? For now, yes.

Gray or Grey? I use both spellings for no particular context. I simply like changing it up lol.

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? LOL of course not. And I’m very picky when it comes to concerts that I choose to attend anyway, so I doubt I would’ve bought any tickets in the last six months even without Covid unless it was for Paramore or Beyoncé.

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? Nope, but everyone was hyping that movie up when it came out. It never really looked like my thing < Yeah pretty much. I feel like it’s such a teenage-y movie so I was never drawn to it. I also think it would be too triggering for my depression, so I’ve felt wary about checking both book and movie out.

Is there something you’d fall apart if you didn’t have? One of my biggest fears is to end up alone, so I always have to have some form of a support system to fall back into. I would be very lost if I didn’t have at least one person to rely on.

How many weddings have you been to? I can think of four off the top of my head. I was either a flower girl or a junior bridesmaid for all of those.

When you smile, are you confident? Most times I am; I like to smile. But sometimes I smile just to fake it and avoid any questions.

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yesss, all the time. I’ve always been all about following the rules and I’ve never seen the appeal in breaking them. That makes me sound boring but at least I’ve never gotten in serious trouble lol.

Was the weather beautiful today? For me it is, but only because I like the rain and cloudy weather. Others might find it bleak and sad, but I feel right at home.

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? Yeah, all year long.

Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? If I had my dream modern/brutalist home, grey would be soooo fucking perfect for the bedroom. 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? I’m open to it, but I don’t think it’ll be a good match for my black hair as both are darker shades as it is. If I could dye my hair I’d pick lighter colors like green or even go all the way to blonde.

Have you ever gone to a private school? Yeah, from kindergarten all the way to high school. Private schools here typically give a better quality of education and they don’t give off the for-lazy-spoiled-kids vibe that I always hear from private schools in other countries, which makes them the norm for middle and upper-middle class families.

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I have other favorite animated movies, but that doesn’t stop me from loving Finding Nemo. :) I would always tune in for the whole thing if it were on.

Does/Did your school have a uniform? I had to wear one in my first school, but I didn’t need one for college.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? No TV where I am. I think my parents are watching a movie on their TV, but it’s on Netflix rather than a channel.

Does your house have security cameras? It does not.

Does a popsicle sound good right now? Eh, I guess it sounds fine but I’d rather have a pint of ice cream. I think that fits better with the weather and the mood that I’m in today.

What’s your favorite exercise workout? My weight training class last year was a lot of fun. I always felt dead after every session haha but I definitely felt healthier. I wish the semester had gone on longer just for that one class.

What’s your favorite thing to do? Lol I love doing many different things < Same lmao this question is so vague??? My favorite thing to do these days is binge-watch Rhett and Link content, but I like doing so many other things too.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I was with Gabie that day and we went to a local art museum, as well as to a restaurant that she had wanted to take me to.

Does your local Walmart have benches in them to rest? We don’t have Walmarts.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I never had stuffed animals. Well I was given a few of them as gifts, but I was never into them and they always ended up being owned by my sister.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Not even think about it. Just show them that I couldn’t care less, lol.

Are you good at swimming? I can do a few strokes and am pretty good at treading, but I'm prone to panic-kicking when I can tell that the water is too deep.

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is such a pain in the ass. Shouldn’t even have to be an issue in 2020 anymore.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Cat-called, whistled at, winked at, lunged at. One good thing about this lockdown is that I haven’t had to deal with men as much as I used to. Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Well I only have one layer of bedsheet and it’s the one that covers up the mattress, so it’s tucked in by default. I have a blanket to cover me up when I’m cold.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I find a few videos to watch as that tends to make me feel sleepy the quickest.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? I used to have a tumbler/water bottle in college but I forgot it at the gym one day and when I came back for it, somebody already stole it :( It was such a handy water bottle because it kept my water cold all day, so it sucks that I lost it. I’m planning to buy the same model again soon.

Are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It doesn’t really run in my family save for one grand-aunt who had cancer, so I’m not too worried. But I’ve accepted the fact that it is at least a possibility.

Are you a fast or slow walker? I like being in the middle. Slow walkers are annoying so I try not to be one, and walking fast just reminds me of my mom and how quickly she walks at malls when she’s supposed to be spending time with her family lol.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? No. They all fit me just fine.

Does it bother you when people’s underwear hangs out? Eghhh, it really does. I know it shouldn’t but it really does. I just feel like it’s so invasive and it gives me a lot of secondhand embarassment.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? Not really. I like staying safe with my hair. The most daring thing I’ve done with it is get bangs tbh, and I don’t plan on going any further than that.

When’s your birthday? April 21st.

What age do you look forward to reaching? I don’t feel that way about any age. Whenever I reach ultimate satisfaction and security will be a good enough age for me.

Name a state that begins with the letter M. Minnesota.

What’s the first thing you do after a car accident? Think about how to tell my parents. D:

What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth, drink water.

What exercise do you hate the most? Pull-ups.

What do you do at a party? Drink, socialize, tell stories, eat allllllll the food ha.

[human-trash-fire]

Beautiful Disaster: Chapter 5 (Pynch Soulmate AU)

Alrighty my loves, this chapter has been a labor of love from the beginning. As you continue reading you will see art pieces and each is correlated with a song (those will be at the end), and references yet again will be made to the EMFS playlist (Ronan’s rehab playlist- I’ve actually made it on spotify! you can find it here)

As usual you can find this story on Ao3 @ glam_reaper 2 if you’re interested <3

TW: Mention of suicide attempt, a panic attack though not super descriptive, cannon typical language.

Iv.

You,

I made a friend last week.

I know for most people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I assume by now You understand what that means for someone like me. I guess “friend” may be a generous term? I don’t know if we are there yet, Blue definitely disagrees with him “on principle.” 

You see, President Cellphone as she calls him, or Richard Campbell Gansey III (I know, what a douchey fucking name) is all boat shoes and privledge and perfect teeth. Gansey isn’t someone I’d normally associate with mind you, Henry kind of met my quota for rich extroverts in the inner circle, and yet…

So, here’s the story. I’m writing my last letter right? And I was so fucking lost. I decided to walk home from Nino’s- I thought maybe it would help me settle. And there, right around the corner is this fucking ‘73 camero. It should have been beautiful, really.. A classic like that? It’s a dream to look at. Only this fucking thing is the UGLIEST color of candy orange you could ever imagine… And it’s blowing smoke all over the damn place. I was honestly going to leave boat-shoes to call his daddy or mechanic or what have you, but he looked so confused. I offered to help him out and was able to get it running long enough to get to Boyd’s.

I expected him to just drop off “The Pig” (the car) like any normal person and come back for it, only I apparently made “quite the impression.”

Gansey ended up staying with me, prattling on about his Masters History program and some welsh king the ENTIRE time I worked on the damn car. At first I was tuning him out, but without realizing it I became completely entranced by the whole story. I’ve never seen such passion for anything, and I have VERY spirited friends.

He has one of those voices you know? The kind that can stop a room, raise an army, lead a nation. The kind that demands to be heard without ever having to raise itself.

That’s Gansey though.

I think he’ll be good for me, I don’t think he’d give me much of a choice in the matter though to be honest. He kind of adopted me this week? That should bother me and yet, being around him is just… It’s being included. It’s a sense of purpose.

I think he needs it too, he doesn’t seem to talk about negative things but you can tell, he’s haunted by something. That’s what solidified it for me really. He may be a senator’s son but he’s seen some shit. 

I wish you could have met him, I wonder if you would have been as intrigued by him as I find myself. 

Blue is being a total idiot about him, but I’m about 82% sure it’s because she is into him. I know for sure the feeling is mutual. It took Gans approximately 15 minutes after meeting Blue to ask me for her life story, offend her beyond measure, and then haul ass out of Nino’s. It was the first time I’d seriously laughed in so long. Have you ever been second-hand embarrassed for someone? It was that. 

I’m going to wrap this up now though, I need to head to Nino’s for my shift, Blue’s working so of course Gans is stopping by. He said he’s bringing one of his best friends with him, some dude named Noah. Apparently he’s pretty cool, so I’m moderately less apprehensive. He said he wished he could bring his other best friend/ his and Noah’s third roommate but the guy is staying with family for a few months or something. Idk? He doesn’t talk about the other roommate much. I honestly don’t even think he’s ever said his name. Who gives a shit though, I can barely handle one new friend, let alone a 3-pack of Ganseys. Good God… I hope Noah isn’t another Gansey…. Fuck.

Welp.

Here goes nothing.

*****

It started with a not-so-subtle idea from the esteemed Dr. Allen. “Show me what happened.” Ronan was never great with words before all this, and since… When he spoke it was usually a litany of curse words. So Dr. Allen had suggested art. In the weeks since his entombment in this fine rehabilitation center, Ronan had kind of already been doing what he was being asked to do now. Though, he didn’t mention it to Allen. He’d spent countless hours sketching his life, the whole thing, in snapshots inside that beautiful leather sketchbook Gansey had given him. 

He started at the beginning, pictures of Aurora and his brothers, the Barns, his father playing guitar by the fire. He drew their family vacations, the cows he used to sneak out and sleep beside when he was a child, the feeling of winning the Tennis State Championship when he was 15. He drew the bad things too, his nightmares, his drug-trips, that old stained couch in the basement of Kavinsky’s house. He put every piece of himself, all 22 years of memories down in that book, woven together with song lyrics in the margins. 

So when Dr. Allen asked him to look specifically to his addiction and create, he didn’t see a problem. He needed to return to school with a series anyways, Declan had called to inform him that strings had been pulled to allow him to finish his final semester at Georgetown, but he needed to walk in with something to show at the January exhibition. Two birds, and all that.

He settled on 7 pieces, each done in oils on canvas, each accompanied by a song. 7 moments in the life of his battle with addiction, from the beginning to now. With each stroke of his brush he felt infinesmally lighter, pouring his grief into the images before him. 

It started with “The Fall.” His father’s murder in reds and greys; fracturing lines and deep shadows. He mixed his paints with tears and used his heart to drag color across the canvas. For the first time in years, Ronan allowed the memory to consume him. He’d re-lived it plenty of times in his nightmares, but this was different. His hands shook, jagged strokes of anger and confusion bleeding through. He painted the brief moment, the final moment, when his world was whole before his teenage mind finally realized what it was he was looking at. His last free breath. And he painted his screams, the cacophony of pain, endlessly mixing with sirens until his vocal chords gave out. 

He drowned the canvas in un-kept promises and hung it out to dry with childhood dreams.

Then came “Chasing the Void.” It was a story told in stark lighting. High beams on a backroad, swirling smoke and broken bottles. It was white glasses and white-powder lines on shark-nosed hood. It was going 115mph, bones rattling with the beat of the bass in his sound system. Ronan painted a black tattoo, used the blood on his knuckles to tint bloodshot eyes. His brush moved with his mother’s disappointment and his brother’s anger. Whimsical lines and Gansey’s head shaking when he found Ronan passed out yet again. He painted the highs and lows when sobriety reminded him that he hated the face that stared back at him in the mirror. 

Each new piece he added to the collection was brought to Dr. Allen’s office. Together they worked through each memory associated with the piece and slowly Ronan felt the weight on his chest lighten. 

Gansey visited every Monday and Friday like clockwork. He kept Ronan apprised to all the goings on of Monmouth and updates on Matthew and Declan. Ronan never asked for them, but he appreciated it regardless. His current obsession though seemed to be a new friend, Adam something. He had been going on for 30 minutes now about how this man single-handedly raised the Pig from the dead. Ronan tuned out most of the conversation, but nodded at what he assumed were appropriate moments while sketching.

“Ronan, are you even paying attention?” Gansey asked, irritation only slightly evident.

“Mmm?” Ronan hummed. “For sure. Pig. Smoke. Some new guy.”

“Essentially. I was saying that Noah and I are heading to his second job, the man works 2 jobs and is getting a masters can you believe it? Anyways Nino’s, so Noah can finally meet him and Blue. Have I mentioned her yet?” 

Blue? He thought. Who the fuck names their kid Blue. “Once or twice.”

“Well they both work this afternoon, so I assume we’ll just hang there until they get off. Then maybe grab a bite. I wish you could come, I’m sure you’d get along nicely with Adam.” Gansey said, choosing to ignore the previous sarcasm and barrell on. Excelsior. 

“Doubt it.” Guy sounds like a douche.

“On that note, thank you for another lovely visit. I’ll see you Monday, Ronan.” Gansey gathered his coat and made his way to the door with a final wave.

Ronan waved back with a single finger and a saccharine “Bye, Dick.” Then shoved his Airpods back into his ears and lost himself in the EMFS playlist.

*****

As Adam gathered the tub of dirty dishes from above the trash and made his way back to wash them, he was lost in thought. These last two weeks, recent events, had been so much and yet he strangely was beginning to feel some semblance of peace. He knew that Blue had wanted him to write letters to help him cope. If he was admitting to it helping, he also needed to be honest with himself in noting that it may have been hurting just as much. He was falling in love with a ghost. A figment of his imagination that he could tell his every secret too, someone who listened without judgment; Someone who never asked more of him than he could handle. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t what Blue had intended, of that he was sure. But, if it brought him peace and allowed him to sleep without seeing cold, dead eyes, then what was the harm?

He rinsed the mugs and plates loading them efficiently into the dishwasher, and dried his hands. As he moved to toss the towel into the bin, he heard the bell chime above the cafe door. He made his way slowly to the front, knowing that Blue was currently handling the register meant that he didn’t need to rush. On his way down the hallway he stopped to straighten a missing cat flier on the community bulletin board, taking a moment to snap a picture of the cat in question so he could be on the lookout, then continued toward the front; eyes glued to his phone.

He rounded the corner towards the coffee bar to the tune of laughter, it seemed Gansey had arrived. His eyes found Blue first. For all her insistance that she loathed the man in question, she was positively glowing, head tossed back in a hearty laugh. Lost in the bubble of charm Gansey operated in. 

“-And so I asked him, mind you I’ve had a lot to drink at this point, ‘Hey senator, why do you fucking hate poor peo-‘ Oh! Adam” Ganseys story of embarrassing his mother at one of her Republican fundraisers interrupted, as he caught sight of Adam sliding behind the bar.

“Hey Gans,” He smiled. 

“My apologies, this is Noah.” Gansey stepped to the side to reveal the man in question, and Adam’s breath stopped. 

There, eyes blue and wide with shock, mouth agape stood the man from the alley. The one whose scream still haunted Adam in the dark, solitary hours of sleep. The one that began his every nightmare of that night.

He was different now, tears weren’t pouring from his eyes to dance across the plains of his smudgey face. His blonde hair free of blood was slightly tousled, and his clothes were clean, albeit a little disheveled. 

“No,” the word was a broken noise, barely a word at all, closer to a sob. Gansey and Blue looked frantically between the two for what seemed like an eternity before Noah spoke.

“It’s you…” 

“Who? Noah, you know Adam?” Gansey’s voice was quietly confused.

Adam began to shake his head slowly, increasing with speed as his breath finally returned to him; Erratic and wild. Crocodile tears blurred his vision, and he finally croaked a simple question, “What… What was his name?”

“Ronan.”

“Oh, god” Blue breathed. 

Adam ran, desperately fleeing the scene and chorus of his name called from the front. Ronan, his name was Ronan. Adam couldn’t breathe. His pain fresh, an un-mendable wound reopened now that he had a name to grieve. He paused, only long enough to grab his messenger bag from the back, and took the alley door. 

Then he ran, faster than he’d ever remembered running. Tears turning the colors of the world around him to a haunting watercolor. His breath came in painful stabs, each beat of his bleeding heart an excruciating truth.

He somehow made it back to his apartment. The moment the door closed behind him he fell against it and slid to the floor. Ronan Ronan Ronan-

“R-Ronan.” He spoke the name the first time aloud, the feeling of its weight on his tongue was an answer to a question he’d been asking for a month. For a lifetime.

Adam didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, grief taking time and twisting it in on itself. An amalgam of pain, hopelessness, and questions. Gansey, Gansey knew Ronan, knew Noah. Noah the boy he’d last seen carted away in the back of an ambulance covered in red red red. Noah, who’d screamed for help like the world was shattering. Noah, who’d clung tightly to the shredded arms of a bleeding man in a dark alley.

Help me, his mind screamed, his internal voice morphing into Noah’s from that night. 

Help me, I’m not okay…

A key twisting in the lock above his head brought his attention to the present. Adam pushed away from the door, and waited as Blue made her way into his dark apartment. Night had fallen sometime since he’d been here, on the floor, lost in the alley. Lost in a name.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Th-that was-”

“I know. Noah told us after you left. Adam, there’s… Adam. I need to tell you something.”

It was a concentrated effort to drag his gaze from the space between their bodies on the floor to meet her eyes. Lights from the street poured through the window in the living room, painting Blue’s honey warm skin in a haunting glow. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, so he waited. He watched. She brought a trembling hand to his, her brown eyes lined with silver, she squeezed.

“Adam, he’s alive.” 

A sob born of heartbreak and pain tore from his chest, he couldn’t form words. He broke then, completely and wholly. Blue came to cradle his head against her chest as he cried. Every hope he’d killed since the alley came barreling to the surface; All the pain and confusion, love and questions, beating like waves against the shores of his mind. Some minutes later he finally raised his head and met Blue’s eyes, her smile was wet and broken. He dragged his hand under his nose, across his eyes, and finally found the word to the question he needed to ask. “How?”

So Blue told him. Apparently, him finding Noah and Ronan in that alley, the tourniquet he’d made of his scarf, that extra minute he’d bought him had been enough. The doctors were able to stitch his wounds, and though it had been a close call, he’d pulled through. She explained that he’d had a hard life, though Gansey wouldn’t give details because he insisted those were Ronan’s to share when he was ready. He did however give her basic facts. Ronan Niall Lynch is an artist, a senior at Georgetown. He’s an orphan, and a brother. He’s an addict in recovery at a facility in Arlington, and Gansey’s third roommate. 

Blue explained that, when Adam was ready Gansey and Noah wanted to meet with him, to talk more. She offered to accompany him when that time came, but they all agreed they wouldn’t push him until he was ready. “Thank you,” he’d said to Blue. For getting the information. For telling him. For allowing him space. She understood that his history made this difficult, an addict for a soulmate was something he would need time to process. She eventually asked if he wanted to be alone and when he’d told her “yes” she kissed his forehead, and made her way to the door.

“Adam,” she paused, and he looked up. “We’ll wait on your text okay? Whenever you’re ready. But please check in so I know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

With a perfunctory nod she slid back out the door. 

Adam spent another minute in silence before dragging himself from the floor. He made his way in a daze to his desk and he collapsed into his chair. Slowly, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper. 

His hand shook.

He took a deep breath.

He wrote.

V

Ronan,

You’re alive…

**********************

Art Pieces and their correlating songs (linked):

“The Fall”  The War- SYML

“Chase The Void”  For What It’s Worth- Malia J

[mirthless-misanthrope]

When Snow Turned To Rain Part I (Jotaro Kujo Imagine) Shenmue AU

A/N: alright so. this fic is purely self-indulgent and I’ve been debating posting it since... well, I don’t know if anyone will like it... but I decided why not.

This is the first part of the series,,,, and any future updates will depend on how inspired I get or if anybody else other than me ends up wanting more.

For those who don’t know what Shenmue is: it’s a game series kind of similar to Yakuza. It’s about an 18 year old boy named Ryo that watches his father get killed by the antagonist (Lan Di). I tried to make this enjoyable for everyone, but just know it’s based on Shenmue!

in this AU, Jotaro witnessed his father get killed by DIO and his lackeys (i.e. Hol Horse, Vanilla Ice, etc.) and is pretty mad about it. I mean, who wouldn’t be? The story takes place in a town called Sakuragaoka (and later, other places by there). He only lives with Holly now. Reader or S/O is his childhood best friend, and he always protects her from bullies and... pretty much everything. I wrote this to be like SDC Jotaro since he’s 18 in this.

Trigger Warnings: harassment, swearing, jotaro is kinda cold, bit of a cliffhanger whoops

Enjoy!

(Under the Cut since uhhh idk it’s kind of long)

Jotaro has the weight of his father’s death on his shoulders.

… At least, that’s what he thinks. He claims the death is his fault for being weak and unprepared when DIO showed up with his lackeys, but I know that can’t be true. He’s so strong, always protecting me and practicing his martial arts, so there’s no way it was his fault. DIO just gave an unfair fight. Well, that’s what Holly tells me as I ask her where Jotaro has been for the past few days.

“Could you tell him that I’m looking for him, Holly-san? I’m… worried about him,” I frown at the blonde before me, sighing when she agrees to. “Thank you. Here, I brought all the work we’ve been doing in class so he isn’t stressed when he comes back to school.” My bag almost falls as I pull out the stack of papers and hand them to her. While doing so, I see Jotaro walking through the hall behind Holly and panic at the glare he sends my way. “W-Well, I have to get home, bye!” And I take off running.

It’s normal for him to glare at anyone that tries to interact with him. I’m used to it since I grew up with him, but that doesn’t mean it can’t scare me sometimes. The frustration in his eyes wasn’t directed at me, but rather… the situation I put him in. His mother had to calm me down because he’s been gone. She knows I care for him and will likely ask a million questions… 

I take a mental note to apologize to him later.

...

Stars illuminate the sky on my walk home. As unsafe as it is for a girl my age to be wandering the streets of Sakuragaoka alone, I have no other way home. That doesn’t ease my anxiety at all though. It turns out, I’m so used to having Jotaro with me during my walks at night that being alone makes me uneasy. Darkness shrouds each alleyway as I rush towards my house. Everything seems so much scarier when it’s dark and quiet like this, so I want to get inside as soon as I can.

A few punks don’t think I deserve such a fate, however.

“Oi, you’re Kujo’s bitch, ain’t ya? He should know better than to let a pretty thing like you walk around alone,” a man grabs my wrist and yanks me into an alley, shoving me up against the wall. It’s painful, but I’m more panicked than worried about injuries… “Guys like us though? We’d never let ya leave our sight.” His cackle sends shivers down my spine. This is my absolute worst nightmare, and I have no way out of this. Nobody else is around, and even if they were, they’d be crazy if they tried to interfere with the group of punks crowded around me. “No one else’s around, huh? Why don’t ya come home with us, baby?”

His hand grips my arm tight enough to leave bruises as I try to run. “Please, I’m just trying to get home, my grandma’s expecting me.” My voice quivers at their angered eyes, but I still manage to get the hand off of me and run for it. I don’t look back as I sprint to my home and throw myself inside. No, I don’t look back, since I don’t want to be caught by those perverts again. Why can’t they see I’m not interested in them? And… why do they think I belong to Jotaro? My mind turns into a whirlwind of questions, spinning around and around, and I find myself falling onto the sofa we have. I can’t even get myself up to my bedroom. Somehow, I pass out there on the uncomfortable couch as I think about Jotaro, wondering if he would even care if he found out about this.

...

The next day at school is… awkward for me. I don’t want to be there. I just want to be at home and rest, but my grandma said I needed to go for Jotaro. For Jotaro, I remind myself, you’re doing this for Jotaro. This repeats like a mantra as the same punks from last night approach me again, throwing slurs and raunchy pick-up lines my way. It repeats even more when I get called to the office and told that my mother asked for me to go home early. And then, like a broken record, it repeats. Again. And again. 

Today is exhausting for me. It feels like everything is happening all at once and I find myself thanking my mother for once. Going home early feels like a godsend after those punks wouldn’t stop harassing me for being alone. Jesus, they really don’t want to leave me alone. I guess I depend on Jotaro a lot… 

Speaking of Jotaro… I see him in the distance talking to a little girl - Megumi, if I remember correctly - and he’s not being as harsh as usual. Megumi seems to be okay with talking to him, and that brings the first smile of the day to my face. But… I wouldn’t want to ruin their conversation. So instead of greeting the two, I look around for a different way home… that is, until I hear my name being called.

Megumi waves me over, sounding distressed. I hesitate for a moment, looking up at Jotaro, but he just seems mildly irritated. At least he’s not giving me a death glare today. I don’t think I could handle that. With a light sigh, I head over to the two and notice a kitten. “Her mommy got hit by a black car, a-and she’s all alone, and Mama won’t let me adopt her,” Megumi explains, “will you help me and Jojo take care of her?” Without hesitation, I nod.

“Of course I’ll help take care of her! You know I love cats.” The words slip out as easy as they can. It’s… not a lie, but it’s not the main reason I agree to help, either. I want to make sure Jotaro is alright, and talk to him about his father. He must be going through so much, I find myself thinking as I look up at his guarded expression. “Jotaro, I… It’s been a while, how are you?” Bad way to start this off, my mind screams as he glares down at me. “I-I mean… Are you doing okay? I… I heard about your father,” I frown, “and I… I’ve been collecting the schoolwork for you! Holly-san answered the door, so I asked her to take it to you for me. I hope she didn’t, um… say anything.”

“Yare yare, you’re rambling.” His scoff makes me tense up.

“Yeah, I… suppose I did start rambling. Well… I-I’d better go home.” I take a step back, bowing my head, but before I can get far, Jotaro calls out to me.

“Wait. Did you see a black car come through here when it rained?”

...

I freeze in my tracks. “Yes, I did... It raced past me and splashed me with a mud puddle.” Narrowing my eyes at the memory, I let out a sigh. “They didn’t even apologize for ruining the sweater I was wearing…” As I think back to that moment, a scowl darkens my face. That really pissed me off. Who did they think they were? 

Jotaro asks a few more questions, but I don’t have helpful responses for him so he gets a bit frustrated. “Gotta go,” he grunts, “see you.” And he’s gone, leaving me with Megumi and the kitten. My heart aches at his actions. I guess I’m not useful to him.

Megumi calls out to me again. “Jojo seems fond of you,” she coos, “he had a soft look in his eyes when he saw you.” Her giggle makes me flustered as I realize what she’s implying.

Soon, I would find myself wishing her naive assumptions were right.

And soon, I would regret ever saying anything to Jotaro about said assumptions.

[lavellan-evelyn]

OC interview meme

Tagged by: @dirthara-mama thank you <3

And of course for my bb

After Trespasser

1. What is your name?

Evelyn Lavellan.

2. What is your real name?

It’s cause it’s a shem name isn’t it? Don’t worry, it’s Evelyn Lavellan still.

3. Do you know why you were called that?

Mother was a city elf and a human named Evelyn helped her escape and my ma was inspired so here I am.

4. Are you single or taken?

Very much taken. See this necklace? Half of a dragon’s tooth, The Iron Bull has the other half.

5. Have any abilities or powers?

I mean...I have the genetics to harness magic and I’m good at that so... Well, I’m a Dreamer as well, and can-used to close demon rifts. Also studied rift magic and that’s why the missing part of my arm looks like a translucent green hand.

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Pal, I have a shit load of issues I have to deal with on the daily. Mental shit, physical shit, social shit. Do not even start with me.

7. What’s your eye color?

Pale forest green. Mother had green eyes, Father had heterochromia with one brown and one green.

8. How about your hair color?

Red with brown undertones. Sometimes it looks red red other times it looks brown, depends on the lighting.

9. Have you any family members?

Only child, Mother and Father got divorced cause my mom was emotionally abusive to me. She changed, though I’m still weary around her and happy she doesn’t push anything. I have chosen family from the Inquisition and my old Keeper. My father and I are really the only remaining Lavellans. We are a direct bloodline from Lavellan themself as well. Other than that, not much, but we’re close.

10. Oh? What about pets?

When I was little I had a pet rabbit and was best friends with a Halla. Now I have a pet dragon-well, she’s imprinted on me, I’m her mom. And I have a dracolisk that chose me as well.

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me something you don’t like.

The way you phrased that statement at the beginning is a good start. I have a long list, you have to be more specific. People who are ignorant and arrogant piss me off, so there.

12. Do you have any hobbies/actives you like doing?

Well they wouldn’t be a hobby if I hated it now would it? Yes, reading, writing, hanging off of things, instrument playing, singing, art as well.

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

Oh plenty. And I hate myself everyday for it. Each time I’m forced to kill someone I know that that person had a family and friends, maybe completely innocent to the situation. And they’re going to receive a letter that says their loved one died, and it’s hard. I feel like I’ve let people down multiple times due to being ignorant and naive. Yeah sure, saved the world the weight should be off my shoulders right? Nope. It lingers like fade pain. Haunted by so much. The fact that Thedas could still be destroyed because the Veil falls, doesn’t help matters much because now I feel like I did everything for nothing so...

14. Ever...killed anyone before?

Many. I always try to do it in self defense and only if the killing is necessary.

15. What kind of animal are you?

Watch it. And if you don’t know any better don’t ever ask that question to anyone, especially elves. Though, I feel like my familiar would be a fox or cat or OH, gargoyle cat if they only existed past sculptures.

16. Name your worst habits.

I’m oblivious. I cry a shit load, so I always seem over sensitive or over emotional when most of the time I’m not. Guess who’s never taken seriously? Um, I put others needs before my own, which might not sound too bad until you realize I cannot truly help another person until I know I’m fully able to by prioritizing myself first.

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

My father. And a few of my friends.

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

Pansexual.

19. Do you go to school?

Taught by my clan, first hand by the Keeper. Yes and no.

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

Marriage is important to help put who I am in stone. Like, another document that says I was an elf mage. And of course for legal reasons if Bull and I wanna do things economically speaking. But, I am infertile and have zero motherly type instincts. And no, caring for safety of others doesn’t guarantee that I have said instincts, just means I care.

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

Probably.

22. What are you most afraid of?

Abuse. And any of it’s synonyms and connotations. Being like my mother was.

23. What do you usually wear?

Clothes. Um, easy things to put on or take off. I stray from pants when I can. Hate those bastards.

24. Do you love someone?

I killed dragons in his name, yes I love someone. And platonically or family wise I also love others.

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

Diaper years.

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

Lovely.

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

High class now. I hate it. I try to give away all the money I can to charities and people who need it but for some reason I keep getting fucking paid and I want them to stop because I’m fine, it’s everyone else that needs the money.

28. How many friends do you have?

Around 15ish. But like, my closest best friend group is around three. Yes, I count Bull amongst them.

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

Fucking love it. Blueberry pie is my favorite and I can make it and ugh, i need one now.

30. Favorite drink?

Alcoholic wise, I prefer rum, but I actually don’t drink much and don’t really enjoy it all that much but I can tolerate a few rounds for fun. Bull is respectful of that. Otherwise, it’s a tie between apple juice and hot chocolate.

31. What’s your favorite place?

I have pillows in the corner of my room I snuggle in a lot and it’s my safe space kinda. But, I really enjoy Crestwood, I think the scenery can be beautiful.

32. Are you interested in someone?

...yes. The Iron Fucking Bull.

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

Um...small? Bull describes it as the size of medium oranges. Don’t ask how we got into that discussion because it was really a random topic that just came up.

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

Well, I really like how calm lakes can be. But I do feel a sort of calling towards the ocean. I think that’s because every few years or so, my clan would go to a coastal/island clan and exchange stuff and have fun. My father actually is half coastal and half Lavellan blood, so I have a bit in that in me. Though I’m like 200% sure because he has vitiligo and my ma had really sun sensitive skin, I can’t tan or be out in the sun very long even with protection.

35. Whats your type?

Intelligent, that does not equate to book smart by the way. Open mindedness, humorous, playful but can be serious in serious situations, kind, someone who can match my morals. Good chemistry.

36. Any fetishes?

Not by the true definition of one, no, but I have a shit load of kinks. That’s for another discussion if you wish. I’m not ashamed.

37. Seem or uke? Top or bottom? Dominant or submissive?

I’m a submissive brat about 90% of the time, sometimes I have a craving to be dominant, though, but I know Bull is extremely uncomfortable in truly submissive positions so we try and work things out, compromise.

38. Camping or indoors?

Both.

39. Are you waiting for the interview to end?

Yes.

40. Now it’s over!

Thank you.

Tagging: I’ve seen a lot of people do this recently so idk! If you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged!

[maxhoemo]

Joji and the Pussycats

im sorry idk how to write people writing music so I just made this instead...

(it’s literally cc in the josie and the pussycats world its so dumb)

“Another gig, another shit payment... Sometimes I wonder why we even try...” Max sighed, packing up his guitar.

“Come on Max. We play music cause we love it. It’s not about getting rich,” Joji countered.

“Sure, I know...But we need something! It’s just so unfair, I don’t want to work at the record store my whole life....”

“Well...” Ian tried. “We’re out here, playing. We’re putting ourselves out here, we’ve got our stuff online. What else can we really do?” 

“Guess you’re right....” Max frowned, as Ian pulled their van into the driveway of their shared house. They unloaded their equipment back into the house, Max feeling disappointed and frustrated. 

---

Meanwhile! At Cancerous Trash Music Inc.

“I can’t believe this!” The blonde executive screamed into her phone. “You killed another band! Was it at least on purpose this time!?”

“Tana, relax. I did what had to be done...”

“Yeah, great going, Keem! We don’t have a goddamn band for the Arena Show! And we cannot afford another TanaCon disaster!”

“Well, I mean, that was mostly your fault...”

“Shut the fuck up! If you don’t find a new band within 24 hours I am going to break both your legs!” 

--- 

“Oh hey Chad, nice of you to show up...” Max glared as Chad and Jack came strolling threw the front door.

“What’s your problem?”

“You’re our manager, cunt...” Ian chastised. “You’re supposed to at least show up to our shows!”

“Well, Jack and me we’re busy...” he defended.

“Yeah, buying matching pink outfits by the looks of it...” Joji snarked. While they weren’t exactly matching, both guys were dressed in various shades of pink.

“Pink is the new yellow,” Jack shrugged.

“Ugh. You two have more money then you know what to do with....” Joji shook his head.

“So, Ian...” Jack started. “Given any more thought to me maybe joining the band?”

“Uhh.... Well, jeez, Jack. You don’t play anything or anything, you know?” Ian tried to be polite, but it was difficult.

“Yeah, I know. I was thinking I could be a dancer for you guys! Check this out!” Jack gave the band an enthusiastic dab.

“Hey...That’s...Pretty good.... We’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay, Ian,” Jack smiled at him.

“Look guys, don’t go crowing at me for being a bad manager or whatever. Check out what I just got you guys from City Hall. A busking permit!”

“Busking?” Max asked. “You want us to go play out on the street corner for change like we’re bloody homeless or something?”

“Well Max, you already look the part,” Jack quipped. 

---

“I’m nervous about this...” Ian admitted. Driving the van, the group were headed to a meeting with Cancerous Trash Music Inc. “The guy barely heard us play. He spotted us on the street-corner and offered us a record deal...”

“It seems a little suspicious...” Joji admitted.

“But Ian,” Max interjected. “You said we have to make things happen for ourselves, and we did... What do we have to lose?”

“We either become huge stars, or we’re right back where we started,” Joji said. 

“There’s always the possibility we become moderately successful.”

----

“Alright, these guys are fucking perfect I swear! They’ve got a great look. They’ll look great on the cover of J-14 or some shit.”

“Look, I know you aren’t good for much with your minuscule little pee-sized brain, but I hope to fucking god that these three dumb cunts are in the fucking studio!”

“O-on their way right now!”

“Good! Record a fucking song and shove it on the air! I’ve got a meeting with some failing old media morons!” Tana slammed down her phone.

----

Max was taken aback. He had never been in a recording studio like this before. It was pristine, everything was brand new. It was too perfect, as if it were artificial or something. “Wow...” he whispered under his breath. 

“It’s all state of the art,” Keem said. “Latest greatest technology, boooiiii!”

“What does it sound like?” Joji asked. 

“Well, go on and play something fella’s. I’ll show you!” The executive crossed his arms over his chest, giving the trio a confident, and slightly unnerving smile.

Still, the boys picked up the brand new instruments that were provided and played one of their songs. Just some silly breakup song they had written back in high school. It was one of their oldest, so they had it perfected at this point. 

“And now, we’ll play it back...” Keem grinned. The boys followed him over to the sound board. 

“Holy shit...” Ian exclaimed, listening to the playback. He had never heard them sound so clear and....Huge... It was nothing compared to the GarageBand laptop recordings they’d done at home. 

“I want a Big Mac…”

Ian looked over at his friend who had suddenly spoken. “Max, you’re a vegetarian...”

“I know, but I just want one!” 

“Okay….” Joji agreed, nodding his head to the music. “As long as we can stop by Foot Locker for a new pair of green Tretrons!”

“Jerkin’ Tretrons are the new Adidas!” Ian exclaimed. 

“Yeah, sounds like that’s working really nicely....” Keem grinned, turning the sound off.

As soon as he did, Ian clutched his head, looking over at his two friends. Like him they looked slightly dazed.

--

“Two weeks ago, nobody knew who the fuck you were. And now you have a number one hit song?” Jack asked, looking Max up and down suspiciously. “It seems a little suspicious...”

“Suspicious? That’s the business!” Keem exclaimed from the background. Jack just rolled his eyes.

“You’re only jealous.” Max answered. “You’ve always wished you were in the band, and now you see us have a little success, and you wanna ruin it...”

“Whatever,” Jack dismissed. “I’m just saying. I turn on the radio, there’s Max. I go outside, there’s Max on a billboard or an advert. Max on TV, Max all over the front page of YouTube....”

“Oh god, are you jealous!” Max laughed.

“Alright ladies, enough yammering. Time for everyone to shut their pussy-hole’s!”

“Well, I don’t know about these guys but I don’t have a pussy hole...” Joji started, but was quickly cut off by Keem again.

“You guys have to get ready for your record release party! Tana went all out, and she cannot wait to meet you guys. She has been talking non stop about this party for Max and Joji.”

“What about me?” Ian asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Huh...” Keem glanced at his phone, pretending to check something. “No, doesn’t look like you were invited, Ian. Well, I guess you can tag along too if you really want.”

“What about us?” asked Chad.

“No.”

--

“Wow, Max...You look amazing...” Ian was a bit taken aback when he met Max at the party.

“Thanks...” he laughed nervously. “I mean, they sent this outfit over....”

“Yeah, but...You wear it well....”

“So, did you guys meet Tana yet?”

“Yeah,” Joji answered. “She’s nuts.” 

Ian nodded in agreement. “She gives me this...creepy feeling, I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”

“I kind of get that same feeling from everyone here...” Joji added. “It’s all so...Fake...”

“It’s more than that,” Ian went on. “All these people we’ve met in the city, all our fans, everyone, they’re all such sheep. They all dress the same. They talk the same...”

“Well...People are usually sheeps...” Max countered.

“I know. But... I’ve just been thinking. When we did that fan meet and greet, nobody could tell us why they liked our music. They all just liked it. No personal story, no connection.  Just ‘Deadly Twister is the new Boyinaband’.”

“Boyinaband? I know that name...” Max said. “He’s that musician from YouTube. He was so big. And then he died in that plane crash....”

“Deadly Twister is the new...” Joji muttered to himself. “That reminds me of something... When we recorded in the studio for the first time...Remember Ian? You said something just like that. We all did.”

“Yeah... That was so weird...”

--

“Why are those two asking so many questions?” Tana sneered, tapping her long fingernail on the desk as she watched her security footage. “I don’t like that... I want them taken care of... Max is the star anyways. Those two snoop dogs are dead weight and dead meat!”

“Tana... I don’t think Max will play without his friends.”

“Oh no? Well Keem, I think we might persuade him...”

--

“Ian...” he heard someone whisper from behind him as he was trying to sleep. “Ian... Get up...”

“What’s going on...” He rolled over, seeing Jack at the edge of his bed. “What are you doing?”

“I saw someone...”

“Huh?” Ian asked, taking his glasses from the nightstand and putting them on. 

“Someone is creeping around in the hotel room... I’m scared...” he pouted.

“Shit...” Ian rolled out of bed. He didn’t like the sound of that.

“Oh, Ian, I’m scared!” Jack clung to Ian as they checked the room. “Hold me...”

“Be quiet!” Ian whispered. 

“Hua! Did you hear that?” 

Ian nodded. He looked around for the source of the sound, just as he did, a crash was heard from inside the closet. Ian signalled for Jack to be quiet, tip toeing over to the closet and opening it with a creak. Something was moving under a coat on the ground, but nothing big enough to be a person. He pulled off the coat, annoyed at what he saw. “Goddammit Jack! It’s just your dog!”

“Oh, Klondike! You useless mutt! You ruined everything!” Jack pouted.

“What are you talking about?”

“I told you it wouldn’t work...” Chad smirked, emerging from the kitchenette.

“What the fuck?” Ian questioned.

“Jack wanted to play damsel in distress.”

“Shut up, Chad!” Just as he was about to speak again, the three heard another loud crash. “What was that?”

“Jack...”

“It wasn’t us!” Chad assured.

Ian raised a brow. “It came from the bathroom....”

Ian cautiously opened the door, Jack cowering behind him. He looked around, seeing nothing. He switched on the light. Luckily the bathroom didn’t have any hiding spaces, so it was obvious nobody was there. At least, not anymore.

“Shit, look!” Chad pointed.

“A message on the mirror!” Jack exclaimed.

Ian looked over, taking a few steps towards it. Huge letters, written using the bar soap. “Beware the music...” he read.

“What does that mean...?”

“I don’t know.... But I’m going to find out...”

---

“Alright, hope you’re ready for your press conference!”

“Press conference?” Max asked. “I wasn’t...”

“No, no, no,” Keem interrupted. “Not you, Max. Just Joji and Ian. You know, Tana’s idea. She thinks the public needs to get to know your backup a  little better.”

“Backup?” Ian questioned. 

“Look, let’s not get caught up in semantics. There’s a car waiting downstairs, come on, you’re gonna be late.” 

“Hang on...” Joji protested.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry, they’ll be wardrobe at the studio, come on,” he insisted, practically shoving the two of them out the door.

“So...Do I have the day off then?” Max asked.

“Not exactly. Here, just one thing you need to do,” Keem smiled again, that smile that made Max unnerved. “I just need you to listen to the demo for your new single.” He took an ipod shuffle from his pocket, handing it to Max.

“Oh...Well, Okay... What exactly am I listening for...?”

“Just listen very carefully. Trust me, you’ll get the idea.”

---

“What the fuck is going on?” Joji asked, looking around at the barron location they’d been dropped off at. 

“This is just an empty warehouse.”

“I’ve got a really bad feeling about this, Ian...”

“Me too. Like, I never got the chance to tell you. Last night, there was this message written on the bathroom mirror. But in the morning, it was gone.”

“What did it say...?”

“It said-”

“Hey dudes, what’s up!?” 

Joji and Ian turned around. “Jake Paul?”

“Ricegum?”

“You’re the guys they sent to interview us...?”

“Oh man, it’s Ian and Joji!” Jake shouted.

“You guys have like, the most popularist band in the world,” Rice added.

“What? You mean most popular?” Ian asked.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s the word...”

“I don’t get it...” Joji told them. “Why here? There’s no camera....No nothing....”

“Well, that’s the funniest part,” Jake laughed. “We weren’t exactly sent here to interview you.”

“We were sent here to kill you.”

Later that night...

Max was sitting in an arm chair. The new single sounded pretty good. In fact, he couldn’t seem to stop listening to it. God, no wonder he was such an overnight success. He was good. 

“Max!”

Max jumped, pulling the earbuds from his ears. Joji and Ian bursting through the door obviously giving him quite a shock.

“What’s going on?”

“Max, Jesus Christ!” Joji panted. “Jake Paul and Ricegum just tried to kill us. And I know that sounds like a joke, but that literally just happened.”

“I think it has something to do with our music. The mirror. Last night. Did Jack and Chad tell you?”

Max only blinked. Giving the two a skeptical look before finally speaking. “...Why did they let you two in here?”

“What...?”

“Max! Are you even listening!?” Ian demanded. 

“Yes, Ian... I am listening very carefully. And do you know what I hear? I hear someone glomming on to my talent, and my credit... Our music, Ian? I basically write everything!”

“No, you don’t.” Ian said bluntly. “Someone tried to kill us. We had to steal one of their lambos to get away. What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

“Nothing is wrong with me. You two on the other hand... Your days are numbered, you know.”

“Max, you’re starting to scare me...” Joji took a step back.

“Ian. How long do you really think you can keep up the act? You’re replaceable. Bass players are a dime a dozen, and you’re not even one of the better ones. I’m the face of the band. I’m the one with the talent. I’m the one with the looks. I don’t even know why I brought you along.”

“So that’s how it is, Max? What? Keem and Tana finally get to you? Or is this how you’ve felt all along?”

“Ian. I don’t need you. I never needed you. Now get out of my hotel room before I call security.”

“Fine!” Ian spat, turning on his heel and slamming the door behind him.

“Max...?” Joji asked. “Why are you doing this...? We have more important things to worry about....”

“Oh, what’s the matter George? Is the little emo boy gonna cry? Go on, Joj. Cry for us. Oh, I’d love to see it one last time. One last time just for fun.”

“Shut the fuck up, Max.”

“You talentless fucking loser. I can’t believe you convinced me to keep you around all these years...”

“I’m going to find Ian.”

“Good. I hope you never come back.”

--

“How’s Max doing?” Tana asked, grin crossing her face.

“Oh, he’s just perfect now,” Keem smiled. 

“Excellent! I don’t want anything coming in the way of this arena show! This is bigger than coke, Keem! Bigger than maxi pads or tide pods! Tomorrow night these kids will be exactly where I want them!”

--

Max was glad Ian and Joji were gone! He didn’t need them! He never did! He strutted down the street, ipod in his ears. He’d never felt this confident in his life. It was probably Ian and Joji holding him back all this time.... Sure, he was glad they weren’t dead. He guessed. But as far as he was concerned, they may as well have been. As Max walked along, he suddenly felt someone grab him from behind. He let out a scream. “Let go of me!” he kicked and flailed, doing everything he could to get away. When he finally broke free, he bolted down the sidewalk as fast as his feet could possibly carry him. He ran, looking straight on ahead. Not looking down, his foot hit a raised edge of concrete, causing him to come crashing to the ground. 

He stayed there for a moment, in shock. His hands has scraped across the sidewalk from breaking his fall. His headphones lay on the ground, as well as his wallet. The contents spilled over onto the streets. Quickly, he began to gather them up and put them away. Money, keys, credit card, busking permit...Wait, why did he still have that? He paused for a moment, looking at it. 

This busking pass gives permission to Max Stanley, Ian Carter and Joji Miller....

Max blinked. It was only dated two weeks ago.... “Max...Ian...Joji...” he read aloud to himself. He put it away, stuffing his wallet back into his pocket. Then he looked at the ipod lying on the ground. He could hear the music faintly as it blasted from the headphones. The sound made him nauseous. He picked up the device and threw it out into the street. Taking a moment to catch his breath, he stood and dusted himself off. As he did so, he came face to face with a billboard across the street. ‘Deadly Twister Twist of Lime Pepsi!’ He looked up into the faces smiling back at him. Fuck... 

---

“Ian!? Joji!?” Max called, bursting into the hotel room. He looked around. Nobody but Chad and Jack. “Where the hell are Ian and Joji!?”

“Since when do you care?” Jack asked. “I heard what you said, diva cunt...”

“Look. Something is going on! Joji and Ian are in trouble, and I have to get to the bottom of this! Chad, Jack! You two are gonna help me, come on!”

---

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be in the studio this late...” Chad said warily.

“I don’t care...” Max groaned. The three sat at the mixing board, Max fiddling with different switches and sliders. “There’s something on this track. I know it...I was listening to it and...There’s something about it...”

“What? It sucks?” Jack asked.

“Ugh...” Max groaned in frustration, turning down the volume on the vocals but hearing nothing. He turned down the guitar, then the bass, then the drums and the background vocals until all he heard was silence.

“Great sleuthing, Sherlock Homo....”

“I swear to God, Jack...There’s....” He blinked, and he saw it. Out of the corner of his eye. Something on the monitor was still flashing. Moving up and down. Arching a brow, he scanned the mixing board. Finding only one slider that wasn’t completely at the bottom, he turned it all the way up. As he did, an off-putting, stunting and nasally voice filled the room.

“Freedom is slavery! Conformity is freedom! Deadly Twister is the most rockin’ band in the world!”

“Oh my God...” Jack let out. “I know that voice...That’s... That’s Top15! How the hell did you get him to put this on here!?” He demanded. “You slept with him!”

“Shut up! I didn’t put this on here! Tana did....To brainwash us....”

“You need an H&M vintage tee! Ethan Klein is the new Pewdiepie!”

“I want a vintage tee...And Ethan Klein...”

“Chad!”

“Sorry, it’s just...That voice... It’s so strange, yet...Hypnotic!”

“Exactly! This is why! Everyone dressing alike, talking alike, buying shitty products! They’re selling all this shit through the music!”

“...Deadly Twister is the most rockin’ band in the world!”

“They’re selling us through our music! Well, it stops here! They can’t control people like this! It’s wrong! It’s evil! And Tana... Tana is gonna pay!”

“Oh...Am I now?”

“Shit...It’s Tana...” Chad squaked. 

“Fuck!”

--

“God, Max, you almost got me...” Tana smirked sarcastically. Leading her muscular goons, Max, Chad and Jack in their grip, across the basement of the arena. “Take those two and tie them up over there..” She pointed with a manicured nail, the men leading Jack and Chad away.

“Where are Joji and Ian!?”

“Don’t worry. They’re safe. At the moment...” She laughed.

“What are you gonna do to them!?”

“That all depends on you, cupcake...” She patted his cheek. “Keem!” With a shout and a snap of her fingers, Keem emerged. Ian and Joji bound by their wrists, and lead out by a tight grip to their shoulders.

“Get your hands off me, cunt!”

“Shit Ian, it’s Max!”

“Max!?”

“Ian! Joji!”

“So Max, are you going to co-operate? Or is Deadly Twister going to have to meet the same fate as Dave and Pewdiepie...”

“Pewdiepie...?” Ian asked. “Pewdiepie’s dead...!?”

“Oh, very shortly!” Tana laughed. “Special request from our new client, the Wall Street Journal! In fact, I think I’ve got a late breaking news story about it! Keem...”

He switched on a nearby flatscreen. “What is up, you beautiful bastards? Some really sad news to start off with, unfortunately. Pewdiepie was found dead late last night...”

“See, Maxy?” Tana cooed. “Philly-D here is a good little cupcake. He does what he’s told. And Maxy, I think you should too. Otherwise, well... I think Phil provided us with another advanced news story, huh Keem?”

“Oh, I think you’re right...”

“Ian Carter and Joji Miller, brutally murdered in their dressing rooms.... Police have already confirmed their manager Chad Roberts as the culprit...”

“What!? Why me!?”

“I don’t like you,” Tana shrugged.

“...Max Stanley has yet to release a statement on the tragedy....”

“Well, Max...” Keem grinned. “What is your statement? Did you always know Chad was so unstable? Will you be releasing a memorial album in tribute to your friends?”

Max glared at his captives. “What do you want...!?”

“Simple, dollface. Just go out there, and play the show. It’s the last thing I need you for.”

“Why don’t you just get a new band, and let us go home?”

“You can go back to your shit lives after, I promise. But it’s too late to get a new band. It has to be you, Max.”

“It doesn’t matter...” Max looked over. It was Ian who spoke. “Your threats won’t work, so you might as well kill us. He doesn’t care what happens to us.”

“Ian, that’s not true!” Max shouted. “It wasn’t me, okay!? I didn’t mean anything I said! It was the single! The music! It has subliminal messages, that’s how they’re able to control everyone!”

“Of course! That’s why I wanted those ugly shoes!”

“Beware the music....” Ian paused, the pieces falling into place. “...Oh God, Max, I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, very touching...” Keem rolled his eyes. “I’m tired of all this time wasting!”

“Me too! Someone get me some of that fat cunts hair to plant on these two before we kill them!”

“No! No! I’ll do it, okay!?”

“Good to hear...”

---

Max returned minutes later, after being whisked away to hair and wardrobe. 

“Alright Max, ready for your big night? You’re finally a star! Doesn’t it feel great!?”

“Tana...” Max sneered. “You’re gonna have a difficult time with your secret messages once your secret’s out...”

“Oh, please! Who the hell would listen to the insane ramblings of some paranoid, Aussie cunt!?”

“We will!” A voice echoed off the walls. Tana and Keem turned to the source.

“Who the hell are you?” She demanded.

“Someone you thought you’d gotten rid of....”

“Fuck!” Joji shouted. “It’s that Dave guy! I thought you died in a plane crash!”

“So did I!” Tana spat. “What the fuck, Keem!?”

“Oh no, I never boarded that plane. I overslept.”

“Keem!! You fucking idiot, you told me he was dead!”

“You two have to stop with the assassinations...” Another voice rang out. That Swedish accent was unmistakable. The two stepped out of the shadows.

“How the fuck did he get out!?”

“It doesn’t matter! I’m not dealing with these two right now! Congrats, you survived! You shouldn’t have come back, but I’ll have to finish you two off later!” The two turned back to Max, who had taken the opportunity to untie his friends. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’ve got them, Tana...” Keem grabbed Ian by the arm, who quickly gripped him by the wrist with his other hand. Pushing him backward, he punched him hard in the stomach.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long...” Ian smirked.

Tana immediately put her two goons up against them, but Ian, Max, Joji, Chad, Jack, Dave and Felix managed to take down the group in an epic fight scene I’m not going to write because I can’t write fight scenes but trust me it’s pretty cool.

“That’s it Max, you’re finished!” Tana screeched, grabbing a guitar and swinging it above her head like a weapon. Max put his hands up in defence, taking a few steps backwards.

“W-what are you gonna do...? Kill me with the guitar!? Who’s gonna go out there and sing!? You need me, remember!?”

“Need you? Muffin, I created you... And believe me, I can destroy you!” She swung the blunt instrument hard at Max’s head, who dodged just in time. Instead, hitting the sound system behind him. “Oh, no no no...” A loud hiss and feedback emanated through the room.  “Keem! Fix it!!”

“Oh god...” Joji covered his ears at the sound. Before anyone could do anything, Top15′s secret message began to ring out.

“Shit....” Tana muttered.

“Tana, is the most coolest, hottest girl in the world!”

“What the fuck....?” Chad muttered.

“Most coolest?” Joji asked.

“Well, it’s the Top15 guy...” Max shrugged.

“Everybody wants to be just like Tana Mongoo!”

“No, no, you aren’t doing it right!” Tana’s own voice came over the speakers. “It’s pronounced Mojo! Do it like this! Every guy wants Tana so bad, and all you girls, you wish I was your best friend! Everyone wants to dress like me, they think I’m hilarious! My abrasive attitude is charming! Not disgusting or anything like that at all! I’m the prettiest, and the most smart! TanaCon was the funnest ever! You wanna go back every year!”

“That’s the secret message that you wanted to send out?” Max asked in disbelief. “That you’re cool!?”

“Shut the fuck up! You’re so pretty and talented! You have no idea what it’s like... To be mocked and ridiculed your whole life!” For the first time, the blonde seemed to be showing some form of vulnerability. In fact maybe a little too much. “All I ever wanted was to be popular! Tell me, is that so bad!?”

“But you’ve been conspiring against the whole world to do it!” Ian shouted. “You’ve been manipulating people, killing! You’re a total sell out on top of it! You’re no better than anyone who’s bullied you! In fact, you’re actually a lot worse, considering....” he gestured around the room. “...All this...”

“Uhhh, Ian...” Jack questioned. “I’m lost. What exactly is the point you’re tryng to make? I mean, what’s the moral of the story here?”

“I think the moral of the story is...” Chad spoke up, “...That we should be happy with who we are. This whole time we’ve been spending money on expensive clothes to try and impress people? Never made me happy. No! Happ - -Oh, my God…..Happiness is on the inside! I’m not this.” He ripped off his shirt, throwing it on the ground with force. “ I’m not what I wear. I’m not what I wear!”

“Wow. That’s beautiful Chad,” Joji smiled.

“What the fuck is going on here....?” a man in a suite asked, coming across the entire scene.

“Who the fuck is this?” Felix questioned. 

“I’m Agent Smith, I’m with the government.”

“Oh, thank god you’re here!” Max ran up to him. “Tana and Keem over there, have been using their music to brainwash people. To make them buy things and think things....”

“....What!?”

“Oh come on,” Keem laughed nervously. “You guys knew about this the entire time...”

“No, no, I can assure you the government knew nothing of any brainwashing... You two are under arrest...”

“They totally knew...” Ian shook his head, watching the two record moguls be dragged away. 

“Now what?” asked Max.

“Well...” Chad, now completely naked, came up between the two and put an arm around each of them. “I think you’ve got a show to play...”

---

Max looked out into the crowd. The biggest crowd he had ever seen. He looked to Ian, then to Joji. They smiled at him with encouragement. Taking a deep breath, he stepped up to the microphone. “Umm...Wow...Hi...” The crowd cheered. But Max frowned. They’d all been manipulated. “Umm... I know...I know you guys came out because you heard something on our album that you liked....” They cheered again. “Well... We’re gonna play something different tonight. It’s cool if you like it, it’s okay if you don’t. Just...Decide for yourselves...” As Max started up the first few chords to a new song they’d recently written, his friends soon followed. The crowd seemed unsure at first, but before long they seemed to get into the groove of the song. Max couldn’t believe it. They liked them for them!

As the song came to a close, the crowd was losing it. Screaming, jumping up and down with pure excitement. “Max, Max!” Ian shouted into his microphone. He looked just as hopped up as the crowd.

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something! I don’t know when else, or how else to tell you! But I feel really fucking good right now so I’m gonna say it! Max... I love you!”

The crowd erupted in cheers. 

“Ian!? I love you too! I always have!”

“Oh wow... I never thought you felt the same!”

“Of course I do!” Stepping forward, bass still in hand, Ian kissed Max the best he could in their position. Again, the crowd cheered. Max just grinned in shock disbelief.

“Ohhhh....!” Jack whaled, watching the scene unfold on stage. “it isn’t fair...”

“Hey...”

Jack looked up, Felix now by his side. “Hey...”

“You know, I always thought you were pretty cute...” he said, placing his arm around Jack.

Jack grinned. “Same to you...”

“Do all ya’ll motherfuckers want another song!?” Joji screamed into his mic. The crowd shrieked. 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Max practically jumped in place. “Joji fucking Miller on the drums! Ian mother-fucking Carter on bass!”

“And this bitch on guitar is the love of my goddamn life! Max Mother FUCKKkkkker!!!”

And they all lived happily ever after. Probably. Maybe. I’m not sure. But probably.

[stephantom]

Which, you would be fair to point out, is often all that “shipping” means.

(ponderous rambling to follow behind the cut)

I guess what I mean is that I’m a little wary of shipping here in just a very stanny “it’s so real!, they were together, and isn’t it perfect/hot/cute” way because like. They’re real people. And real messy people. I’ve generally always avoided RPF because it’s inherently messier than looking at fictional characters.

Partly there’s just the usual. Easy to fall into glorifying or fetishizing or whatever reductive modes of analysis and the weight of any implications from any analysis feels greater. Fictional or real though, giving attention to a person or relationship doesn’t mean endorsing everything about that person or relationship. (I think any of my mutuals agree on that but I still feel this need to sort of preface this whole Beatles thing with a disclaimer like, “I know they were all flawed and problematic people who’ve said and done harmful things, and I know that it’s important to keep that in mind because they’ve been put on such a pedestal of genius and almost saintliness over the years.)

The other concern with RPF is that it’s prying into or having fun with someone’s life, and the possibility of them reading fic or being affected by it is pretty gross. This is a risk with actors depicting characters too though, although there is a clearer boundary there at least. And so for the Beatles, they’ve been living under a microscope pretty much from the moment they got famous. I guess that’s the definition of fame. And the difficulties of fame are inherently a part of the lives and trauma of any famous person, so to analyze and dig into their lives feels like participating or even supporting. And I guess I don’t think that we should generally know all this stuff about celebrities. People who make popular art should be able to just live without becoming consumable characters and we shouldn’t know things about them or their opinions etc unless they freely offer that information.

But on the other hand, it’s already out there. With the Beatles, they’ve sort of been mythologizing themselves and forming narratives forever. My point of entry here is a self-commissioned documentary, you know? Which isn’t to say that they’ve asked for this fandom treatment but. But they’re used to it and have been engaging with it always. McCartney’s watched and given opinions on most of the biopics. Etc. Temporal distance makes some of this less pressing, and this story mostly was a long time ago now. (Uh, but obviously I don’t want Paul, or anyone’s living kids or whatever to be impacted by too much fandom weirdness and that is still a concern so.)

And I wonder if it’s better to keep it to “what did they mean here? how should we understand the facts?” types of discussions and dig into sources, analyzing it all sort if like you would someone in your own life, your own relationships. But more like a case study. Contextualizing documented interactions and reflections and claims with each other, with the culture, with psychological theories. (Assuming we can trust anything anyone has ever said about any of these people including themselves! lmao my perceptions and leanings just keep shifting!) Or is it better to approach it as a fiction and keep the reality at arms length? “This is a fictional, speculative, conceptualization of these people and I recognize the impossibility of engaging with their stories as real people because I simply don’t know them.” Maybe it’s impossible to do the first approach without some of the second actually. But yeah idk if their being larger than life looming mythologized figures makes it ok to perceive them as like blorbos or poor little meow meows. There’s are dangers in both approaches, but to an extent both approaches are inevitable if you are going to interact with the thing at all! And I do want to.

So. I guess what I’m working up to saying is that I want to try to do all of that and be as respectful and mindful as I can. I think there isn’t a great need to be super cautious and restrained in this particular case? What I think the “shipping” that I want to engage with here looks like is this:

I want to examine how societal repression and homophobia and conceptions of masculinity and masculine bonding and sexism in the 50s-70s UK and US impacted these people. How they were impacted by trauma and the isolation of fame. And how their particular personality quirks interacted with each other and with their circumstances, the particular ways they communicated and related to each other and how that changed over time.

And I want to appreciate the narrative(s) that arise(s) from all of this, the melodrama and tragedy and the universal themes of it all. Because what I see is just so full of familiar archetypal story elements that I’m drawn to, that make me feel a lot of emotions. This is almost a Charles Xavier/Erik Lensher 60s rock star AU, right?

Anyway, uh, please let me be forgiven/tolerated/understood. Lol.

Look, guys, I am uh. I am going to have to reblog some beatles bullshit. Im just going to have to. I feel like my head is going to explode.

[justletmelovemyself]

hey auntie. it’s almost your birthday, you’d be almost 50. oh god i know you’d have some jokes about that. but to be honest, i always thought you were 10 years younger than you really were. you never aged. you’re forever 41 though. after your birthday it’ll be christmas, then the anniversary of your death. 7 years it’ll be.

that’s a long ass time you know that. the pain hasn’t stopped tho, this aching i be feeling all the damn time hasn’t ever went away. you still haven’t got justice and the sad thing is, you won’t. not legally. all we can do as your loved ones is tell your story, tell everyone how great you were and how much we miss you.

losing you fucked me up. and i know it’s almost your birthday and i should be telling you how much i love you, and how i hope you’re so good with other angels but damnit i’m selfish and i can’t. i’m always mourning you and it’s been 7 years and i still check your facebook on your birthday and your death day. i check it every month at least. i click the messages button praying there’ll be a message from you and there isn’t. but i still check. i write to you sometimes. i pray to you pretty often. not lately... but usually. i hate how we have to be accustomed to this life without you. how everyone is supposed to go on even when they’re hurting.

caitlin has gotta be feeling that shit in her heart everyday. she posts about you sometimes. i think she does drugs and drinks to fill the void in her heart. i think she surrounds herself with her friends 24/7 because she doesn’t want to be alone. there’s nothing wrong with that. but i see it in her. she lost so much weight after you passed, she looked so sick. she’s beautiful though, definitely your baby girl.

everyone always says to see the good in everything. i can see if you’re having a bad day maybe something better will come tomorrow. but i swear the universe made a mistake taking you... why ever God needed you, i’m not so sure it was big enough to take you when he did and how. everyone says things will get better. but i know that if they could have, it would’ve happened by now.

i’ll never forget your house feeling more like my home than anywhere else sometimes. i’d always want to stay over, even when caitlin wasn’t home. i remember you have a little art area in the basement. we didn’t get to go in there often but when we did, that was my favorite. it had a distinct smell, i can’t explain it and it wasn’t bad, but it was like an art room. i remember one time caitlin and i were sitting in the lazyboy watching Aquamarine, a mermaid movie. and you came into the living room with tears in your eyes and i was so worried and you told me no kristi these are happy tears. i don’t know why you had happy tears but it kinda confused me. i remember your little gazebo next to the house, it was so cozy. it had a little tv and was lit dimly, but enough. you had some fur and animals in there, it was your sanctuary. i would always find you in there. i remember one time a little boy that went to your daycare was locked outside or something or wanted to come in, idk. but you thought i was being mean to him and you put me in time out. i think that was the only time and i was SO mad at you because i didn’t do anything!!! but aside from that, i was always your Kristi Leigh. that was my whole name to you, i wasn’t ever just kristi. i remember around the time of karen’s funeral you had two dresses you gave me. i wish i fucking kept them. that would’ve been all i had of you and i didn’t, i got rid of them before you passed. but i remember i was really going through it around the time. not because of karen but just because i was depressed and didn’t quite realize it yet. but the whole time you were around, i laughed. i smiled. oh my god i felt so whole. i got to thinking, some quality family time is what i needed. that was you though. you were the glue that held everyone together even when we weren’t falling apart. sometimes i do stuff and know you’d be so disappointed in me and sometimes i feel like i’m doing great and i know you’d be so proud.gotta have that balance i guess.

i think i’ve rambled enough. talk to you on your bday auntie. i’ll never stop fighting for you. 💜