#idk! it wasnt bad just. felt like it wasnt worth my time

[arsenicflame]

soooo. how did we feel about that christmas special then?

[abbs-writes]

chronically ill | Tara yummy and Jake Webber

Pairings: bsf!tara yummy x reader, friend!jake Webber x reader

Warnings: mentions of a chronic illness, vomiting, migraines, MRIs, doctors appointments, parties, drinking, Tara practically takes care of you, Jake's a lovable idiot per usual but he cares a lot

Authors note: this is very self indulgent and basically my experience with being chronically ill and wishing someone had been there for me (though my best friend was right by my side and I'll forever be grateful for her) but yeah idk it's self indulgent so yeah.

You'd been sick your whole life, it was something you'd unfortunately grown accustomed to. It wasn't until recently that it started getting worse, the headaches used to be manageable but now they would turn into migraines that lasted days at a time. You used to be able to fight through the nausea like a champ, forcing yourself to go to sleep rather than throwing up. The tremors were annoying but manageable. But recently something changed, everything had gotten so much worse. You were missing work more than usually, your boss started to believe you were faking it, along with many of your friends. So you stopped telling people and you quit your job. The only person who stuck by your side was your best friend Tara, she was there for all the doctor's visits and blood tests and everything else.

First you started with your general practitioner who ran a blood test and sent you to the rheumatologist. Then from the rheumatologist, who found nothing and claimed you were just severely depressed, you were sent to a neurologist. It was months and months of tests and they found nothing. They started you on migraine medication that you'd take every other day, along with two more migraine medications to use as 'saviors' as the neurologist called it. But that didn't stop the nausea or the tremors and the migraines would still leave you bedridden for days. So, the neurologist suggested an MRI. It was anxiety inducing, the thought of an MRI and finding out something could be wrong but you knew you had to do it. Without the support of Tara, you swore you wouldn't have been able to do it.

She drove you to your appointments, sat through some of the doctors visits, kept you distracted as they drew blood by showing you funny tiktoks. But she couldn't be there for the MRI, no you had to sit in the metal tube alone with your thoughts. Thankfully they let you listen to music, keeping your mind occupied. It was oddly calming, the music and sounds of the machine. You expected to have full blown panic attacks or for your tremors to get worse but that didn't happen. You closed your eyes, focused on the music and relaxed.

It wasnt until the nurses came back in and wanted to do a contrast with your MRI. You hated needles, IVs, blood tests, all of it. At first the contrast wasn't so bad, the IV went in smoothly and so did the dye. But the second the IV was out, you got nauseous. It came over you like a wave and you couldn't stop from vomiting. The nurses helped you sit up, holding the vomit bag for you as you threw up over and over again. As a child you hated throwing up, it hurt, your body convulsing as you gagged and threw up. It was a terrifying and uncomfortable experience but you fought through it. Now you were throwing up almost every week, multiple times a week, you grew used to it. But still you felt horrible, having the nurses hold you up and hold a vomit bag, scrambling around and getting you a cold water and tissues. Finally, after you were done, you wiped your mouth, drank some water and took some gum offered to you before laying back down to be sent back into the machine.

Tara picked you up from the MRI, asking you how it was but not pushing when you said it was horrible. She drove you home, "I can stay," she offered. "It's okay, I think I'm gonna go to bed." You responded. "Okay, then I'll stay and do the laundry." Tara said as she parked the car. You sighed but knew it wasn't worth fighting, Tara was the sweetest girl, always offering to help you even when you told her it was okay and she didn't have to. There was no stopping the kindness of that girl.

You walked into your home, crawled into bed and let Tara do whatever she wanted to do to help, sometimes it would be doing the laundry, cleaning out the fridge from expired food and doing whatever else she could to help. You slept most of the day, only being woken up by Tara who came into your room. "You need to eat," she said softly. You groaned, burying your face in the pillows. You worried your stomach was too messed up to eat. "Come on, I'll make soup," Tara grabbed your arm, pulling you up. You sat up, groaning again. "Come onnnnn," Tara said, practically pulling you out of bed and dragging you to the living room.

"Sit," she said, and you sat on the couch. She went to the kitchen, she had already made the soup. You wondered what she would've done if you refused to get up. She came back with the bowl full of soup and a water, setting them down on the coffee table. "What're we watching?" Tara asked as she sat down next to you. You shrugged, leaning forward to eat some soup. Tara's phone buzzed making her look down, "shit," she muttered. "What?" You asked, looking over at her. "It's Jake, he's having a party tonight, he's asking if we're coming," she said.

That was one thing you loved about Tara, she invited you to every single thing she was doing, parties, shopping, you name it and she'd bring you with her. "You should go," you said, going back to eating soup. "Nah, we have movies to watch," Tara said, setting down her phone and grabbing the remote. "Tara, I'm not going to let you skip a party because I'm sick. I'm always sick." You sighed. "That's not true, you're not always sick. You're sometimes sick. Plus, a party without you? I'll pass." She said, giving you a smile. "Tara, if I say I'll go, will you go?" You asked. You weren't feeling 100% but you could handle a party. You just wouldn't drink and you'd probably wear sunglasses the whole time to hide your tired eyes. "You don't feel well," Tara frowned. "I can handle a party, I've been to plenty of parties with headaches. I can handle it." You said. "Fine, but I'm not drinking and I'm not letting you out of my site." She said, reluctantly agreeing. "Fine, if you wanna have a lame time, then that's fine." You giggled, playfully rolling your eyes.

Tara borrowed some of your clothes, sure you didn't have as good of clothes as she did but she knew how to make them work. You just threw on jeans and a hoodie and a pair of sunglasses. You grabbed your bag, the one full of medications, your 'just in case bag' as you called it. Tara told you to bring it, so you did. You two piled into an Uber and headed to Jake's house. You two arrived late, but that was Tara's style so you didn't mind it. Usually you hated being late to places but it was a party, there was no set time to be there.

You got out of the Uber, following Tara inside where you two greeted everyone. She stuck to not drinking which was a little surprising, even after you insisted to her it was okay to drink. It was going well, until a wave of nausea hit you. Used to you would fight it off and choke it down but you knew you couldn't fight it currently. Tara was talking to Johnnie, you didn't want to grab her attention so you made your way to the bathroom but it was locked. You didn't think you could make it to the other bathroom so the closest place was outside. You made a b-line to the backyard. Going around the corner where to one was. You bent over, pushing your hair back as you threw up. "Fuck," you whimpered.

You didn't realize Jake had seen you. He was outside, talking to Carrington and smoking a cigarette. "One sec," he said to Carrington, tossing the cigarette on the ground and following you around the corner where he saw you bent over, throwing up. He quickly grabbed your hair. You were a bit too out of it to care who it was, you were just thankful someone was holding your hair back as you pulled off the sunglasses. You threw up again, coughing as well as you spit out whatever remained in your mouth before standing back up. "Thanks," you mumbled, taking deep breaths. "No problem," Jake said, letting go of your hair. You turned looking up at him and your face flushed red.

You didn't realize it was Jake, you thought maybe it was Tara or some other random person, but no, it was Jake. It just had to be Jake, someone you had a raging crush on and now you looking like a fucking idiot. Another wave of nausea hit you, making you turn back around and bend over. Jake grabbed your hair again, watching as you threw up once more. He'd seen many things at his party and throwing up wasn't a first so he truly didn't mind.

"Shit, are you okay?" Tara came around the corner. "Give me your bag," she said, you held out the bag as you tried to take deep breaths. She took your bag, looking through it. "How much did she drink?" Jake asked. "Nothing," Tara said. She pulled out a pull bottle, "Found it." She said, opening the nausea medication. You held out your hand and she put the pill in your hand. You waited till you were good before standing back up and taking the pill. Jake once again let go of your hair. "Are you sick?" He asked. You felt bad, knowing exactly what Jake was probably thinking. What kind of sick girl comes to a party?

"It's not contagious, Jake. She's fine." Tara said, taking the sunglasses from your hand and putting your bag over her shoulder. She rubbed your back, "are you okay?" She asked softly. "I'm okay, I'm good." You said, wiping your mouth with the sleeve of your hoodie. You knew it was nasty but you'd clean it later. "I'll call an Uber," Tara said, pulling out her phone. "I can drive you," Jake piped up, you almost forgot he was there. "Jake, how much have you had to drink?" Tara asked. "None, I was waiting till you two got here. How can I drink without my girls?" Jake laughed. "That's weird Jake," Tara said, playfully glaring at him. She was joking but in her usual way. "Come on, I'll give you two a ride." He said.

Tara put her arm around you, leading you through the party, following Jake to his garage. Tara climbed in the back with you. "What am I? An Uber driver?" Jake joked as he got in. "Unpaid uber driver." Tara retorted. You giggled softly, shaking your head. "You can lay down," Tara said, you nodded, too tired to say anything or fight her. You put your head in her lap and she played with your hair as Jake drove. Jake played music softly, tapping the steering wheel and singing softly as he drove. Tara every now and then would make a comment making both you and Jake laugh but mostly it was quiet.

Jake was very gentlemanly, parking in your driveway and opening the back door for you and Tara. "Here, I'll take the bag," he offered. Tara hanging him the bag and he put it on. Tara helped you out of the car. "I don't need help," you said. "Yeah, well you're getting it." Tara said, putting her arm around your waist and walking you to the door. You grabbed your keys and opened the door, the three of you walked in and Tara walked you to your bedroom, helping you lay down to sleep.

Jake stood awkwardly. He'd been to your house plenty of times. But he was just awkward sometimes. He sat your bag on the counter, hearing the sound of pills rattling around. He knew it was wrong but he was curious. He opened the bag, seeing at least 3 pill bottles. He took them out, unable to read the names since they were long and confusing. Tara came out of the room, shutting the door quietly. "Jake!" She whisper shouted, walking over and taking the pills from his hand and shoving them back in the bag. "Is she okay?" Jake asked, seeming very concerned now. "She's fine, why are you still here?" Tara asked, sounding a bit annoyed with him.

She'd always been very protective over you. Especially since you told her about your mystery illness and how you didn't want anyone else to know. "Because- I don't- I don't know," Jake stumbled over his words. Tara sighed, she knew he cared about you. She wasn't blind, she knew he liked you. She wasn't upset about it either, but she knew it was a weird position for both of you to be in. "Jake, if I tell you something, do you promise- and I mean swear on your life, you won't tell anyone? Not even Johnnie, or Carrington." She said, looking and sounding extremely serious. "Yes- yeah? I promise." He said, nodding.

Tara sighed, "She's sick, and not like a cold or the stomach flu. She has some sort of mystery illness that we don't know what it is. She had an MRI today, and- and I told her we shouldn't go to the party but she insisted. But you can't tell anybody." Tara said. "I won't.. how long has this been happening?" Jake asked. "Her whole life, just recently it's gotten worse." Tara sighed, she never wanted to admit that it stressed her out, all the things going on with you but it did. It worried her beyond belief and she didn't want to lose her best friend. "You know, I noticed a while ago her hands shake, is that part of it?" Jake asked. "You noticed that?" Tara asked. "Yeah, we were at a party, she was pouring herself a drink and her hand started to shake so- I kinda took the drink from her. I thought she was going to drop it or spill it." Jake said. "I didn't realize you noticed that, you don't notice things usually." Tara said. Jake's face heated up, he was blushing, hoping that Tara wouldn't realize that he actually noticed a lot about her but didn't say anything.

Tara giggled, rolling her eyes, "I know you like her, you idiot. I'm not blind. I just didn't realize how much you liked her." Jake's eyes widened, "What?" He said, high pitched, "I do not- I have never in my life liked a girl." He said, making Tara laugh, "you're such an idiot. Go home," she said, pushing him towards the door. "Will she be okay?" He asked as he walked towards the door. "She'll be okay, I'm here." Tara said. Jake turned around, "I wanna be here too, if I can," he said. "One step at a time, okay? She can't know you know. Just give her time and maybe she'll tell you but right now, you have to act normal which I know is impossible for you." Tara said, giggling again. "I'll be as normal as I usually am." He said. "So not normal at all, got it." She nodded, "now go," she said, practically pushing him out the door. He left, albeit, reluctantly, but he did leave. Now he just had a bunch on his mind.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I an asshole for making fun of someone’s name and interests but then apologizing? I (16M) recently became friends with some people in my lunch hour. They are Z (17NB), M (18NB) and K (17M). M is dating A (18FTM), who i have met twice and had maybe two brief convos with, and he seemed sweet at the time. However, A is friends with the whole group, so they all know him and talk about him. We have joked in the past about the fact that A has the same nickname as one of my other friends. For the sake of fake names, lets say the nickname is Alex. I refer to my friend as Alex and Z,M, and K all call their friend Alex too. However, one day i called my friend by his full name- again, fake name, but lets say- Alexander. M makes fun of my friends name, saying its a bad name. In retaliation I jokingly say ‘your partners name is worse!’. A’s full name is a different spelling of a rather nice name, for this lets say its Alexyus (like Alexis). I mention that i like the name alexis, just say “but who spells it with a y!”. I also add, “plus theyre literally a dsmp and homestuck fan!”. OKAY BEAR WITH ME! i will fully accept and admit that thus far i have been an asshole. It wasnt okay for M to make fun of my friends name, but it also wasnt okay for me to make fun of their partner.

Anyways- no one seemed too upset by it in the moment, but later when i got home i received messages from M, K, and A. M’s had some odd sort of long copy pasta which basically said i hope you suffer, but it felt like a joke to me so just responded withh “i aint reading all that”. K’s message was wild tho- he said “i was just hoping you would kill yourself, overdose, hang yourself, or even just cut ur wrists. what is wrong with you, you fing freak!”. which is… wow! After i read the message i saw him edit it to add a “/jay” (meaning joking) at the end, but the original message had no indication of it being a joke. However, i accepted it as a joke because…. Why would he tell me to kill myself lol…. Anyways, A’s message was polite and formal, asking to talk about something i said earlier at lunch (A isnt in our lunch, he wasnt there when i made the comment about his name, but i assume M or K told him). I respond equally politely and we had a good conversation about it, i realized that it wasnt at all my place to make thats jokes or poke fun at A in that way, and i apologized. A said it was all good and honestly i was impressed with their forgiveness and maturity. I hoped A and i could become potential friends in the future, even. I was still peeved that K literally told me to commit suicide, but whatever yknow. The next few days at lunch were awkward but my other friend, Z, and me mostly just didnt talk to M and K. At some point my other friend, who i told about this, mentioned to K kinda offhandedly like “yo it was kinda fucked up u told (me) to kill himself..” and K informed us that he actually didnt send the message, it was A on his phone. M corroborated this story and then we left, but i was honestly so shocked.

Now i dislike and feel uncomfortable around M, K and A (although not Z, who agreed that what the rest of them did was not okay), because to me it feels like they all were okay and agreement of the message. But ultimately i’m really conflicted- it was definitely wrong of me to make fun of A (even if it was not meant to be serious, i dont know A well enough to joke like that), but i feel like telling me to kms is unjustified. Maybe it all is stupid drama tho, and i should just let it go?

*** i forgot to add- if its worth noting, since A is trans, he chose his own name, and mentioned that was one of the reasons he was specifically upset. Should i have not made fun of his name because i know he chose it himself? (Idk if it matters but my friend alexander is also trans and chose his name too. Also i love him and his name to death so maybe thats why i was specifically defensive of it.) but anyways:

Am i the asshole? Are we all assholes?

What are these acronyms?

[ritz-writes]

@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

[sketchesandnonesense]

Kinda fucked up realizing that at the end of January it'll mark a full year I've been dealing with liver cancer.

2 years in general dealing with cancer, but I cant remember the precise day of my first diagnosis. Just that it was also around january/february.

The first time around was esophogeal cancer, technically. It was right on the borderline where my esophagus and stomach meet. "Late stage 2" they said.

Half my year was weeks full of radiation and weekly chemo days. Other half was getting my entire stomach removed along with that lower esophagus chunk to get rid of the tumor. Recovery was hell. Figuring out how to eat again was hell. Trying to get used to everything that'd been done to me was hell.

But I found normal again and the scans for afew months said I was cancer free.

Until they said they spotted something suspisious.

And then, January 31st they told me the biopsy results.

Cancer. Again.

More biopsies and tests and looking at options.

Back to going in for chemo days and feeling like shit for days on end. Already still beaten down from last time.

N this year's been kinda a roller coaster in the worst way. Every time things looked up, it all came back down hard.

Right now I'm on my 3rd different drug cocktail to see if it kills the cancer before it kills me.

First one was the most aggressive and miserable, i think, and I had to take home a chemo pump for a day that made it drag out how long I felt like total shit. It seemed to stop the growth for awhile on the scans. So it seemed worth it. Until it just. Stopped Working. The tumor had grown alittle more.

So onto the next one.

Second one I had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs so every chemo day I'd have to be put in a benadryl coma. Over time it got alittle more bearable with the immediate post-chemo-agony symptoms though. It actually worked stupid good for awhile there. First scans were really promising. The tumor was shrinking up.

And then it just. Also stopped working. My tumor hadnt shrunk at all between scans.

And worse: there were afew little "suspisious dots" peppering the inside of my liver that had been holding steady but were now growing.

And with how those drugs were fucking up my body, it wasn't worth putting me through it still with results that useless where its not being really contained.

So, i was off chemo entirely for abit while my docs figured out another treatment and whether insurance would cover.

I almost got into a medical trial they really thought looked promising and might help. Even so far as going to the clinic to see it and signing consent forms. Once they double checked my chart, though, and saw I literally didnt have a stomach though, they pulled away n decided I didnt qualify after all.

We'd even already scheduled my appointment days because we were so sure I was gonna do the trial.

Idk how they didnt see something That Important as a Disqualifier earlier, but what can ya do I guess.

They scanned me again before starting up chemo again. Seems in the time it took between drugs my tumor had pretty much grown back to original size. Back to square one. Plus the slowly encroaching New Spots.

N now I'm on my shiny new third drug. Second dose just yesterday. Day right after wasnt too bad last time, either, but I think once those really good Long Lasting "Don't Feel Like Death" drugs they gave me wore off I'm gonna be in a world of hurt.

I got 2 more doses, then we scan again.

And I don't know what I'll do if the results arent optimistic. Like. Even a "nothing has changed, its Contained" will work. Just anything.

Because I have only one other drug left to try if this one doesnt work. And my docs dont seem super confident in it. Though it also could be because its a pill and with No Stomach that makes things alot more complicated with oral medication.

After that?

I don't know.

I don't think any of us wanna talk about it much.

There's been the vague talk of finding other medical trials but nothing concrete.

Idk why I'm writing this, really. Just to get all my Cancer Lore down, maybe? Incase anyone's wanted to know.

My body's been totally destroyed by all this. I'm skin and bone but because I lost the weight so fast my skin doesnt Fit right anymore. And I think thats what fucks me up the worst. My clothes dont fit either, half the time. Even when it feels like I just bought some new pants that fit comfortably and then suddenly they're too big on me (or if I'm really lucky, too small).

Idk really how to end a post like this. I feel like I SHOULD be making some speech about Fighting and Not Giving Up or something optimistic.

But I just. Don't have it in me.

I dont really have some gloomy thoughts to dump either, though.

Today I just kinda feel numb. Atleast so far. The day is young.

I'm gonna try n figure out breakfast before I start feeling bad now lol

[dancinginmydressinthesun]

MY ERAS TOUR CONCERTS - GELSENKIRCHEN N1 AND N2 (chaotic version)

Gelsenkirchen (or should I say Swiftkirchen) put so so much effort in those three days that Taylor was there, it was insane!! Renaming the city, creating "Taylor Town" and parties and fun stuff everywhere, it was really great. Since it is the most unknown city on the whole Eras Tour (and believe me, I live nearby, it's pretty ugly usually), it needed to shine a light on the city, especially given that everyone would want to come to Hamburg or Munich (or Berlin or Cologne if she had included those), but no one ever wants to come here. I was so amazed by all of it and I cannot fathom that all of my dreams just came true, it was all a fever dream, it felt like heaven and I didnt think I would ever be able to experience something like that.

N1: I was so so excited, all was perfect (almost)!! The atmosphere was really wonderful in front and inside the stadium, I traded my bracelets, people were there from all over the world. I went with a friend and a friend of a friend and I loved it. I cried when my tickets were scanned and they let me in and when I saw the Stadium from the inside (i didnt cry when I saw Taylor although I was convinced before I would, I think I had nothing left inside me anymore because of all the adrenaline before haha) Paramore was really really good!!! The seats were okay, I was a little irritated that there was a pole (idk what its called) that was a little bit blocking my view of the middle stage, you can see it in the video. It was so so good tho, I lvoed when Kam said "Kannste knicken" i died!! I also loved that Taylor acknowledged the paper hearts but I am so so mad bc i forgot them!!!! I had them all printed out and it feels so bad that I was not one of those people holding them up even tho I could have... It really still makes me so mad, I dont wanna think about it anymore.... anyway..... I was so happy being the first one to listen to Superstar on the Eras Tour, a few people around me definitely didnt know the song and it made me jump and scream even more, everything hurted that day, my feet hurt my lower back but I stood and jumped during the entire thing except for the transitions!!1 I was also dancing so dramatically and it must have looked so embarrassing but idc, it was all worth it!! I loved the face she made on Midnight rain btw

N2: Boy N2 was so much more relaxed, I wasnt that scared that anything could go wrong anymore, I could sleep better, my feet and back didnt hurt nearly as much anymore (but they still did haha). I once again had the best time (although I didnt like the girl sitting next to me AT ALL but anyway), the seat was so much better this time yay, I LOVED THE 22 HAT GIRL, MAYBE MY FAVOURITE THING OVERALL, I cried for this little baby :'). I loved the face she made on midnight rain again so much, SHE SANG THIS IS ME TRYING!!!!! I COULDNT STAND ANYMORE WHEN SHE STARTED SINGING IT, I HAD TO BE ON MY KNEES FOR A QUICK MOMENT, I loved Hey Stephen sm as well, expecially because people once again were not happy about it around me and I was so so furious, i mean BUT WOULD THEY WRITE A SONG FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I jumped, one time I almost jumped so high that I thought I would fall over the seat right in front of me and crash the girl before me, thankfully I didnt hahahha

N3 in Taylor Town, Swiftkirchen: It was so so nice being there, I got merch, I ate Swiftcream, we danced to her songs (the dj even played Crazier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), took pictures with all of her albums, and then I went to one of my friends houses and we watched the livestream and BOY I was devastated when she played Better Man and I WAS NOT THERE. I really got a little sad but I dont think I would have even survived another concert right the next day, idk if I am old but I was definitely feeling the toll those 2 days took on my body but it was so so worth it tho!!!

Today I am just happy about the Gelsenkirchen post on her Insta and tomorrow I will pack my suitcase for Hamburg N1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the-crimson]

Q!BBH and Generational Trauma

For a long time this has been something I’ve noticed in the halo family that I’ve strongly related to. Idk if it’s an intentional theme bbh and Dapmin (and pommin but im mainly gonna focus on Dapper) put into their characters but it’s definitely there. So heres my perspective on bbh’s character arc so far observed through a lens of generational trauma.

(Quick side note. Writing this post was a journey tm and my initial view of bbh and god’s relationship and what the afterlife scene meant shifts dramatically half way through XD)

Even if a parent does everything right, they will still hurt their children. It’s part of the job. It’s part of life. Even if we choose to be better than our parents, the scars they left will bleed onto our children. I think every family has an element of generational trauma - I certainly do but im not gonna trauma dump on yall - but the severity of it is a spectrum.

Q!bbh was cast from his home due to the conditional love of God/the Father and this has left a clear impact on him. His self worth is in the gutter and he lacked a sense of purpose. According to everything we know of bbh’s life before the island, he didnt really care for much of anything other than finding the next source of entertainment - i mean, he remembers the salem witch trials fondly because of the drama of it all regardless of the fact that hundreds of innocent women were murdered.

Was God being intentionally cruel or abusive? Probably not. From His perspective, he may see casting his angels from heaven as a temporary punishment - like spanking a child for throwing a tantrum - without really understanding the damage such treatment is actually doing. He isnt teaching his children the lesson he thought he was just as spanking a child doesnt teach them to behave, only to fear. Bbh redeemed himself in the eyes of the Father and thus was granted the choice to return home. The Father was doing his child a kindness, he was welcoming his lost angel back home because what fallen angel would ever choose anything other than Elysium? And thats the point of conflict. The Father thinks he is doing right by his child but hes only causing bbh more pain. Bbh has to choose between his own children and eternal salvation (that he knows can be taken away on a whim). His heart has been severed in two.

Bbh’s wounds from his disownment run so deep he doesnt even notice them and thus, doesnt notice how they impact his children. Dapper has taken after so many of bbh’s characteristics and a complete lack of self worth is one of them. Selflessness to the point of self annihilation. The fear of being a burden. The need to feel useful otherwise why am i even alive? Dapper was borderline suicidal because they felt useless and nearly killed themself trying to be useful by farming soul hearts and they learned all of this behavior from Bad. Bbh showed Dapper unconditional love but it wasnt enough. Bbh couldnt save Dapper from his own trauma.

Breaking cycles of generational trauma takes more than just realizing how you were raised didnt work and trying something else. Bbh never healed from the wounds left by the Father and thus they were passed down to his own son.

When i started writing this analysis, i thought that this was the tragedy between bbh and the Father. God was too stuck in his ways to understand what His child needs, what would truly make bbh happy. I thought that the Father had not changed. His love remained conditional. Bbh could only come home if he chose god/heaven. The door might be closed next time. This is his only chance of coming home. But now after laying it all out like this… it made me wonder why the Father decided now of all times was when bbh redeemed himself. My initial cynical reading was that the Father was putting bbh through a test of loyalty. He only truly earned his redemption if he would abandon his children in favor of god/heaven but now… i can see a more hopeful reading.

God watched bbh become a father. He watched bbh become a better person through fatherhood. He also watched as the trauma He caused was passed onto bbh’s child. If the Father wanted bbh to come home because he’d redeemed himself, then the Father could have snapped bbh away at any time. Perhaps thats what He would have done 14,000 years ago when bbh first fell. What if the Father recognized his mistake? What if this was His attempt to fix things after seeing just how much damage He’d done? What if he did finally understand what bbh truly needed?

Bbh was stuck in his trauma because he lacked agency in his current state. The Father still had all the power between them by holding heaven hostage. The only way bbh could ever start to heal from this damage was if he was given back the choice that was made for him. Bbh needed to choose one way or another in order for him to take the first step towards healing even if it causes him anguish in the moment. He needed the choice. He needed the freedom to refuse.

But giving freedom to your children can be scary. What if they make the wrong choice? What if they screw up and ruin everything? For a god who expects perfection from his children, freedom must be terrifying. Giving His children freedom means giving them the option to turn away from him. But that is part of being a parent.

What if unlocking the gates was an apology? Im sorry i hurt you. Im sorry i made this choice for you. I see you. I wont take this choice from you again. Its too late to change the past but you can change the future. Dont make my same mistakes.

What if it was a gift? God relinquished his leverage over bbh and gave him the option to come home. An opportunity for bbh to break the cycle. A chance for bbh to make a choice for himself for once. To free him of the shackles that tied him to God. To heal and stop his own son from continuing the cycle of generational trauma.

After all, the greatest gift a god can give is the freedom to choose one’s own destiny.

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[mspeevee]

Would it help more to ask you questions so you can vent, or would you prefer comfort? If so, would you prefer reassurance or advice?

I know it's a lot, and I don't want to condenscend. But I do promise that you aren't doing anything wrong by feeling this way. Take as much time as you need <3

i just wish i felt like i was important to my friends enough that i was worth the time i put into them back

i wasn't gonna vent but then i exploded anyways.

the gist is that multiple times now i've felt like i do all this effort, messaging first, making art (i don't do it expecting anything back), sharing my life with people only to receive like, appreciation but not reciprocation. and then i watch them do all of that for other people and i can't help but feel like it's my fault. like i am just so replaceable.

and then when i am hurting so bad i understand they don't know what to say me, hell they prolly have my vent and complaining tags blocked i'm sure, but i feel left to rot and seethe until i fucking hate them. and then i feel bad about it, cuz i don't want to, but i'm so tired of feeling this way every few months. it makes me wish i were dead because i don't see any point in going on if no one genuinely cares if i'm in pain or not. not even a simple "hey im sorry you're going through this but i care". i get ignored. and i feel like it reflects my worth to them.

and rn i can't blame myself for feeling so angry about it too when i feel like i'm bleeding out with their backs turned to me. and maybe that's dramatic but i'm not exactly rational right now anyways so.

and later on i prolly won't blame them or anything, i know this is all because my mental health is bad and my brain tortures me using them against me, but when it happens so often and i feel like i'm finally getting better only for something random to set me off into wanting to stop existing again i'm like, well what's the fucking point??

would they even cry about me for that long? would me leaving leave any impact longer than a week? a month? would they regret not taking every chance i gave them to engage with me? did i deserve their time at all anyways? am i selfish for interpreting continual silence as dismissal?

this applies to literally everything but i cannot blame myself for not knowing how people think when they don't tell me. i can't know if anyone likes my art if they don't like it or reblog it or tell me. i can't know that you told your friends you really enjoyed a post on my blog if that's the only people you told.

and obviously that extends to me, too, how can they know i'm slowly resenting them if i dont say something? but isn't that so cruel of me to mention? isn't it so mean of me to make them feel bad for doing harmless things that just so happen to be used as ammo against me because of my own problems by my own brain? should i just stop making friends? where do i give up here? where do i work on it?

honestly i'd love advice, idk how to cope like this. everything online just says therapy but that's not an option for me. im trying so hard to practice mindfulness and challenging the thoughts but they seem so right and like there's so much "proof". "oh you did all this for your friend but they never did it back but look now they're doing it with this new friend! and it's not the first time either, how many times will you assume you mean as much to them as they do to you."

i wish i wasnt struggling alone. even tho i know i'd just think they're lying if they ever reached out to me at least i would remember they tried when i started to come out of this ditch. but no one wants to try with me anymore, and it's my fault.

[willemdamonstercock]

my relationship with sex is so strange, sometimes I desire to be the penetrated other times the penetrator. often times i just wish I had a pussy, like it was flat down there. meanwhile new found complexes have developed as I think about my relationships with my father and step dad whoops…

needless to say, what I desire most out of sex or sexual acts is yes the connection with someone but more than anything foreplay and cuddles afterward. cumming is a wonderful bonus though, i do like being able to come, even if I have a weird as fuck relationship with my penis, sometimes i do want a blowjob! at least I can pretend like it’s just a clit in their mouth. getting it stroked is just as nice though.

I don’t feel alone in this, often isolated though, a partner is what I desire most out of a sexual relationship.

I lost my virginity when I was 20 (so really not too long ago). I had been in a problematic age gap relationship over discord with an older woman for some time at this point, we met when I was 19 and she was 34. we connected though pretty well, and I often think if we didn’t get into the relationship we would still be good friends. I had realized I was trans a few months before I lost my virginity and I wanted to have sexual experiences with people to make sure it wasn’t just a lack of sex in my life that was making me have these “dangerous trans thoughts.” so, naturally this woman and I opened up the relationship while we couldn’t be fucking ourselves.

so I matched with this girl on bumble, absolutely gorgeous. she came over to my place and we watched the Brandon cronenberg film “possessor.” crazy film to watch as a trans person the night you lose your virginity. it follows an assassin who possesses people to kill others, and naturally she gets trapped in a man’s body and has sex with a woman. after the film, we got to making out; then very vanilla sex. it was weird, feelings id never felt, I really didn’t know what i was doing and kind of let her take the lead on top. I was so nervous and wasn’t able to cum, she was so pretty! I wanted to be her. I honestly felt bad for my performance, and the fact too that I realized I really wasnt happy in my manipulative relationship. I was an emotional anchor for this woman who should have had a better grasp on life than me.

let’s just say this night really fucked me up and I broke up with my partner shortly after out of panic. I felt terrible for both parties involved, and I was left alone and confused about everything.

after this my (last) ex and I really got into a close friendship that involved us hooking up on and off. between us hooking up as friends and us getting into a relationship I was assault by a man, and I think that definitely has had an impact on how I feel about sex for sure. point being, I need a lot of attention after sex for it to be worth it for me… idk just though I’d leave some thoughts here because I’ve been trying to make sense of all of it, especially *as* a sexual person who wants to partake in kink and stuff.

[g0dtier]

the list that makes me and @dentist-brainsurgeon mortal enemies from now on i guess

extremely lengthy explanations under the cut:

i actually think the S+A tier speak for themselves?

S tier: the goats. im aware its full of third versions but they just happen to be extremely good and added some insane shit to already solid base games (ok diamond and pearl werent solid but the foundation was there). replayability is insane for these.

A tier: the Oh Fuck Yeah games. not in any particular order actually. hgss is absolutely the best remake of all, only held back by the few inherent flaws of the Johto region and by not emulating Crystal enough. as much as i like bw, reverting back to only one region of pokemon never sat right by me, but it's been a while since ive played it, and nowadays i make much more of an effort to try out all new mons. so i could change my mind on this.

i liked usum more than sun/moon, if only for the post game. replayability isnt as high because of the cutscenes every 3 steps, and rotom dex is annoying as shit. aside from that, insanely solid story & postgame imo. red/blue and gold/silver are brimming with weird places in their regions and are chock full of in game lore and legends, which i really like. the ruins of alph & pokemon tower are some of the best locations theyve ever made imo

B tier is the "good but couldve been better" tier. lets go is insane for shiny hunting, but it stops at that imo. the new rival is garbo. sun and moon are good, but the postgame + alola in general is just lacking enough in these games that they dont reach A tier for me. loveeed the island challenges tho. alola itself has just such a good vibe. you really feel like its about community rather than competition. legends arceus couldve been insanely good, but i have never felt as ripped out of a pokemon game as i did when i walked through that cave in the coronet region and started seeing stray pixels around my character. which wasnt a one time thing btw this happens to anyones game & every time as far as ive seen. its gonna sound dramatic but this combined with other graphics glitches made it so clear i was playing a game that it just took me out of the adventure entirely. this is where the graphics glitches really started, and they havent stopped since.

C tier: yellow is just kinda there? i dont care for starter pikachu. i want to, but it gets killed when breathed at, so. idk. the gimmick doesnt work that well for me. sword and shield introduced some insane mons that i love and i want to call it solid real bad, but the story was hot garbage even for pokemon standards, and while the wild area was a great idea, the execution was lacking & because what i assume is a time crunch, the towns were boring as shit as well. diamond & pearl are mediocre to bad, with a great story and mediocre to bad execution, and i shouldve put oras in the :( tier, but the postgame is worth it.

actually im gonna rant about oras. i was so hyped for it but, just, ugh. if youre gonna turn a 2d vague not-specified-what-a-character-is-doing-or-feeling player character to 3d, at least do it correctly. 2d sprites where someone can fill in the blanks not seen on screen but hinted at in text (ie expressions, actions like handing someone something) work infinitely better than 3d sprites who show it badly. also still suffers from the desaturation curse that the 3ds games suffer from. postgame was dope, though. shame the mega latis are ugly as shit.

:( tier: garbage, im so sorry. SV's only redeeming factor is the area zero story. there is nothing else in the game that held my attention. fuck the star team, fuck the big pokemon quests, fuck the towns where you cant talk to anyone or find anything interesting or walk into a house and where every shop looks the game. fuck stores not even having an interior anymore. fuck this larger but emptier and stripped down world full of graphical glitches. fuck the weak ass gyms, fuck geeta, and fuck terrastalizing most of all. i will die for Koraidon & the professor fight fucking ruled but that's all the game had to it for me. do any of yall remember the gym leaders besides like, iono and the snowboard man? no you dont, stop lying to me. gen I put more life into lavender town by making a npc reference some ghost hand on your shoulder than SV does for any town, and they only had black and white 32mb cartridges or whatever to work with. for fucking shame gamefreak. give your devs some time to make a halfway functioning game.

firered and leafgreen do nothing new. i will not discuss the sevii islands. what the fuck even was that. boring. same with brilliant diamond and shining pearl. theyre lower than diamond and pearl because why the fuck did they not decide to remake platinum. what the hell was their damage. seriously platinum was RIGHT there. i caught a full odds shiny ghastly in that game and i still dont care about it.

X&Y suffers from. everything.

[alvie-pines]

The post you thought was about my little pony. Yeah I probably would have too if I wasn't specifically looking in the tags for what it actually was. Luna and Mafuyu aren't really that similar (imo Mafuyu is closer to Twilight(still not really)) but you've got me thinking about Celestia and Shizuku and I didn't watch the later seasons of MLP so I could be wrong but like. Shizuku felt like she had to be perfect and couldn't make a single mistake. She felt like allowing herself to be imperfect was letting everyone who looked up to her down. She just wanted to do the best thing but she felt cornered and like she didn't have anyone to talk to about it.

oooh yeah! celestia 100% had a ton of responsibility on her shoulders and it canonically stressed her out. and she felt disconnected from everyone else because of it. iirc there were a couple episodes that touched on this. one was the episode where starlight switched celestia and luna's cutie marks and they had to take on each others roles for the day, and luna found out just how strict the expectations and responsibilities on her sister were. (celestia also found out that luna's life wasnt easy and fun either. but we're talking about celestia here.) the other was the one where luna and celestia tried to take a vacation and celestia was over the MOON that she got to act "normal" for a few days. though she was bad at it, lol. and celestia in general doesnt really have anyone to turn to, except maybe luna, but luna is her little sister and has already been thru a lot. in s3e1 (which i just watched, hehe) i noticed that celestia told twilight she'd always be there for her, and also added "and i hope you will be there for me when i need you." this was right after twi became a princess. it was said very casually but seemed a little out of place compared to the slighty aloof, all powerful princess we saw before... i think she was very grateful to have someone else close to her level who she felt she could be vulnerable with and turn to for help... bt the thing is, she doesnt lean on twilight emotionally or open up to her much throughout the rest of the show. so i kinda get the vibe that she WANTS to lean on people but when it actually comes time to ask for help, maybe she's not able to.

god, i didnt expect to analyze celestia so much-- she's never been a favorite of mine, but the great thing about mlp is that theres something worth looking into for pretty much all the characters. its a very character driven show. idk where im going with this now so im going to end it there 👍

[sir-sillybunny]

i have never been so deeply disappointed in a story's ending as i was with this game

it was such an amazing beautiful game. there were so many very intriguing mysteries that had very satisfying answers. it was just so amazing and i was ready to consider it one of my favorite games of all time but then after the end of like chapter 5 i think it just all went downhill.

the story just went in a direction that felt really like boring? and just kind of forced. it started to feel less like i was reading a real story and more like i was a reading a fanfic of the story. like a fix it fix. it was nice to see the characters get a chance at getting fixed but just? idk. their motivations behind what they did were already obvious. we had already seen their personalities and what lives they led before in the first 3 doors. we did not need to it again. it was just the same story again except the characters were wearing costumes. and i slighlty disagree with the message it was trying to push. i understand that revenge is often not worth it and only serves to hurt you more if you seek it and i understand that everyone should get a chance at a new life to change for the better. but i dont believe that morgana was wrong for hating those men as deeply as she did. i agree that she shouldnt have cursed them, to that degree at least. but she had every right to hate them and to want terrible things to happen to them. idk. it was just so frustrating to have to sit through michel talk for hours with morganas murders and sympathize with them about what they did to her. all while knowing that morgana, the girl they were leting fucking die in a locked room, was upstairs from him slowly dying.

i get that the 3 men had the keys to free her but he didnt have to spend as much time with them as he did. the fact that he spent so much time talking with them made him too late to save her and she died anyway. which i guess it wasnt real anyway, he couldnt have actually saved her. but still. she deserved his attention and care more than any of them ever did. all she wanted was someone to save her. she didnt need to understand her murderers stories, she didnt need to feel any sympathy for them. i think if she was saved by someone before she died she wouldnt have turned into the witch after death.

and also????????? why is no one talking about how fucking creepy and literally pedophilic it was that the original jacopo was in love with morgana???????????? when she was 12 and he was 21?????????????????? that happened multiple times in the story. weird age gap relationships that are not at all presented as bad. the first times i noticed it i could chalk it up to trying to being historical accurate or something but that last one was just too much. jacopo literally said he had a crush on a 12 year old girl and that he would "wait for her." until she turned 18. which he didnt even do btw. he told her he was in love with her when she was 16, and attempted to do it before then. it was just gross and completely and utterly unnecessary to add to the game. also im remembering that earlier in the game the player gets asked which of a group of 3 girls he fancies and you had the option to say he fancied one of the girls who was 14 years old !! just so unnecessary to add and so creepy. this game came out in 2012, its not like it would have been normal to think that was okay.

another thing that weirded me out is that giselle in her normal character sprite had a normal sized chest and her dress wasnt all that revealing. but in every cg her tits were huge and basically completely out. in every single cg. theres nothing wrong with that if it was simply part of her style and looks. but it wasnt like that in her character sprite. it took away from the cgs and was just annoying.

it just sucks because up until that point it was such a good game. the music was beautiful, the story was so so good, it was all just so good. but i really wish the game ended when when saw morganas real body for the first time. it should have ended with a big long conversation or something. but instead it was another several hours of gameplay after that about forcing yourself into morganas memories and sympathizing with the men who killed her. it just sucked. even ignoring me disagreeing with the moral of it, it was just bad. we learned nothing in that chapter. every single major thing that got revealed about the mens motivations for what they did was already completely obvious. it just felt like they were trying to make the game longer. and after that the ending i honestly couldnt even pay attention to. i skipped through half of it. which maybe there was some super amazing dialouge in there that compeltely magically fixes all the stuff from before but i doubt it lol. either way the pedophila was still gross. so im deeply disapointed either way.

i spent 30 hours in that game and im never getting them back lmao

[byuntrash101]

Just saw ur post about depressed at work and went like, "mood". Is your job hurting you or is it something else...?

first of all thank you just for reacting to this i was just kinda just screaming into the void with this post like idk i didnt even know actual people would see it so thx for just checking on me this means the literal world <3

i try to keep my blog as much "good vibes only" as possible so if anybody reading this post dont want to be bummed out (which i understand) dont read under the cut

to put it simply yes. yes it's my job.

like i've been knowing this job was the problem for a rather long time because i was super stressed all the time and all it wasnt fun but like i only truly understood when i went on vacay some weeks ago it was the FIRST TIME that i enjoyed my days off without stressing about work and/or just ended up actually working FOR FREE because i was stressed that too much work would be waiting for me when i get back. that time i was literally stranded in the ocean and i didnt have a choice to just let go and not worry about work it felt AMAZING. i've been having non stop headaches and panic attacks and i didnt have ANY while i was on vacay. i remember so clearly thinking at some point wow that is what life is about...

and yeah so im gonna quit. like freal. yesterday they anounced us something again and i know this new thing will result in more work and im sick of the pressure they constantly put on us because they treat the clients like literal infants and we have to find every way possible to make them satisfied. so that was the last sign i needed from the universe to get the fuck out.

sure im well paid and can afford to travel and go to kpop concerts and buy the things that i want but honestly at what cost? no amount of money is worth the mental and physical torment... because at this point my stress level is constant and so bad that im noticing physical repercussions.... and yeah not worth it.

so im going to quit. ill look for an other job i know grass is not always greener on the other side but there MUST be a side where the color of the grass suits me! coporate life is a bitch honestly and clients are the worst i love my team so much ive been holding on for so long for their sake because my colleagues are the greatest but honestly none of them deserve to go through what they put us through. they should all quit.

i dont wanna settle. i can find better. (honestly none of us should ever settle for less. lets know our worth. we are bad bitches <3)

so yeah ill make an anouncement soon about an incoming writing hiatus (i will still be reading and reblogging and lurking like the cave troll that i am) because i'll be looking for a job and that takes a lot of time and i still have my current job i have to go to (unfortunately).

sorry for the unsolicited rant... but yeah BUT because im a person that focusses on the bright side... other than my shit job! everything is good! im okay if it wanst' for that my life would be perfect! dont worry too much about me <3

also i've seen your recent post your job also sounds complicated. i hope you're ok too <3 dont hesitate to rant to me lets both talk shit about our company together. lets bond over hatred <3

[miss-jaffacake]

So I watched Avatar 2 at the cinema last night and now Im gonna drain you with my boring stories and opinions (I will marry whoever understood that reference) SPOILERS FOR BOTH FLIMS AHEAD READ WITH CAUTION

Anyway.

Avatar was a good movie not because of the story or characters; in fact, the plot was very much an exact copy of the Hero's Journey, and the characters were annoyingly bland, even if they were fun to watch. Jake's character in particular had no personality whatsoever, and he was more of a blank slate for the audience to project on. The real issue with the entire franchise is that they created an amazing, detailed, immersive world and made the movies with the purpose of showing it off, not with the purpose of creating an interesting storyline or characters.

All that aside, Avatar 1 was an incredible experience, and the effects were, without a doubt, absolutely worth the hype. The story was predictable, and there wasnt anything else to particularly distinguish it other than the worldbuilding and stunning effects, but Id still recommend it simply for how wonderful of a viewing experience it was.

Avatar The Way of The Water, though.... *wince*

Jake's lack of personality, values or morals were, in my opinion, what ruined the movie (and the numerous subplots, none of which were tied into the main plot). The whole "running away" thing was completely ridiculous; it went against every one of Neytiri's values, and it broke the idea that Jake is a powerful force, which was a prominent message in Avatar 1. After establishing his strength and making a big deal out of him, so to speak, he ran away???? It was more than infuriating, but since Jake had no values in the first movie either, it was easy to mould him into a completely new character. It felt jarring that his new motivation was to protect his family, even it was at the cost of his own people whom he so sought to protect in the prequel. He literally did a 180 degree flip. (and dont give me any bullshit about how being a parent alters your brain chemistry or whatever)

It was embarrassing to watch Neytiri and Jake ask for sanctuary when they were so powerful and respected in their community, and it was a poor way of introducing the idea of other tribes. There were a million other ways to do it; maybe the Omatikaya kidnapped his children as leverage because they wanted Jake on their side, maybe there was a debt to be repaid, maybe they asked for help in fighting the war, maybe the heartbeat Kiri heard was leading them there, maybe Grace got pregnant from one of the Omatikaya and Kiri wanted to find her real father, maybe Lo'ak ran away there after being berated one too many times,,,, you get my point. We couldve seen our main characters interact with the Omatikaya in a way that didnt completely demolish the ideas established in the first movie: that Jake had earned his place among the forest people and was a force to be reckoned with and that Neytiri had promised to never abandon her people.

So, we reach the Omatikaya, and Jake has to relearn how to be a part of a clan all over again, but this time with the rest of his family. I LOVE the premise of doing it all over again but this time with a family by his side, I really do. I like the nods towards Jake and Neytiri's dynamic reflected in Lo'ak and Tsireya, and it felt fitting that Jake's character arc had to take another turn.

Now onto each of the characters' respective, screwed up subplots and back stories. It very much felt like Jake took a backseat in the movie, and his children were now in the spotlight. Which isnt necessarily a bad thing, it just wasnt very well executed and I was hoping we'd see Jake wrestle with the implications of having lived two lives at once and maybe have an identity crisis idk.

Kiri's backstory is interesting, but i was beyond pissed that we didnt get any sort of explanation for how Grace's avatar got pregnant. Also, how does that tie into the fact she has different abilities than the rest of them??? The whole scene where she made the bond with the spirit tree was confusing and unnecessary; it didnt advance the plot, but merely opened yet another door that we didnt venture through. Im assuming she will be the "seed bearer" in the third movie. Her character had potential, as did all the others, but it was untapped throughout the whole movie, and we didnt get any explanation for why she was so different than the others, and what her biological family had to do with the fact she could "hear Eywa's heartbeat". It was made to seem like a deciding plot device in the trailer when really it took us nowhere.

Neteyam and Tuk had no personality; they existed for the character development of everyone else and to be a hindrance, respectively.

Lo'ak was the most thought-out character by far. One might even go so far as to say that this was his movie. Bonding with an outcast tukun was great, loved seeing his character projected back at him, and the cruel irony of Jake making his son feel how he felt when trying to join the N'avi was also pretty cool (Lo'ak has a severe case of middle child syndrome) Jake was the asshole dad to him for almost the entirety of the movie (hypocrite), cementing the idea that he was now a side character.

And Spider. Man i hate that kid. Not a terrible idea for a character, but i cant believe that "a son for a son" at the end of the movie. "Im so devastated my son is dead to the point im gonna replace him with the little shit that saved the guy who killed him". That was a gross storyline. Also, how come the only human kid speaks more N'avi than the actual N'avi??? Like,,,,, what??? Why do the have an accent??? It kinda ruined the immersion factor. HE WASNT EVEN YOUR FATHER, DUMBASS. HES A LITERAL CLONE GROW TF UP

So yeah, it was immensely rude of them to use Quaritch as the villain again. That was bad enough, but letting him survive??? Recycling a villain twice??? Wheres your dignity??? Have you no class??? And I understand that it was done so there could be a betrayal subplot in the third film, but that does not make it acceptable by any means. Also, none of the characters went through any development whatsoever. They literally killed Neteyam to give Lo'ak some kinda growth but it was for nothing. NOTHING!!! No one changed from the beginning of the movie to the end, and the only one who was true to their character from the first movie to the end of the second was Neytiri.

So, basically:

The subplots werent properly tied in, no character development, they ruined Jake, we have the same villain as last time, and the storyline is veryyyyy similar to the first.

Watch it anyway, the graphics are stunning and honestly almost make it worth the 3.5 hours. Almost.

[whtybsshe]

I can tell their whole rant is not worth reading by the fact that

:they can’t properly see that Hinata was NOT the one said “Be at peace!” It was Neji.

If you can’t read the notes I made, everytime when Neji or Hinata speaks, the speech bubble either has a little pointer at him or her. Even if the panel shows Hinata, it doesn’t mean she’s the one saying it. Two, even if it’s a translation, it does not make sense for Hinata to say“But you need not suffer any more. Be at peace! But you’re wrong cousin Neji…I can see it now even more than me…” does it now?? Like can’t you figure out that contextually it sounds weird!

The other points that they make sound like “Guys, well yes she did experience abuse but IT WASNT THAT BAD😅😅GUYS she smiled like two times so IT WASNT BAD AT ALL GUYS😅😅😅 trauma is bad 😅😅but well assume she doesn’t have it😊😊😊because it serves my personal narrative☺️☺️☺️☺️”

But I as a Neji Stan, should be the bigger person here and actually logically explain to the ENTIRE SEVEN HUNDRED NOTES that Hinata neither conformed to system, or fought the system.

The hate Neji fans have towards Hinata (idk if OP is a Neji fan so scratch that, any fan in particular) comes mainly from his death as a side branch and we all hate that, im gonna agree with you there. But I think the entire thing got twisted to the point where everyone has this misguided narrative that “Neji actually tried to fight the Hyuuga system whereas Hinata didn’t, she’s a privileged princess that took advantage of Neji.” Which, it’s totally wrong because truthfully? Neither of them did. Well yes Neji might’ve made Hiashi acknowledge him but that was ALSO because 1) Hiashi felt a responsibility to his late twin brother. 2)It is constantly repeated that Naruto had a huge impact as well. So it wasn’t just the effort of a young fourteen year old no matter how much of a genius he might’ve been. Later in Shippuden we never see Neji against the clan, in fact, in SD, in Ninja Storm (I think) Neji is always portrayed to be prideful of his herritage no matter the shitfuckery that goes on and even if he’s a side branch in the eyes of the clan, he keeps it as a badge of honour and status to anyone else. And one can argue that him being against the clan but also prideful of it can exist as two mutually exclusive truths , yes. But they also can’t. We don’t see Neji actually challenge the system again, because the writing doesn’t allow for the Hyuuga subplot to develop, plain and simple.

Now everyone will agree with me on this paragraph, why can’t anyone agree that the same exact case IS for Hinata and pull out the dumbest shit from the asses to justify this twisted vision that they have of Neji and Hinata.

Now I got sidetracked a bit so im coming back to OP post and some interesting points that they made.

-She did have a carefree childhood thanks to her friends and teachers. The last words are what people should focus on. The happiness she might’ve felt during her childhood does not clash with the battered relationship she had with her father. Now according to Naruto Shinden: Parent and child day, Hinata could only remember the smell of blood and kunai. She as trained from day 1 to be a clan head. Thats exploitation, abuse, both physical and mental . Even if she doesn’t piss herself from fear seeing him, it’s sure as hell mentioned that Hinata still dreads him from underneath. All the good things happened outside of her home. She did experience trauma. Her behaviour as a “weirdo” at first, and everything I said in the above paragraph is TRAUMA. You can’t zig zag your reasoning trying to question her every step. That is TRAUMA, point blank period.

And then the all famous as the OP quoted: “It's correct to point out what she had to go through, surely having such enormous pressure on her shoulders at such young age and not being able to deliver is harsh on everyone, but pointing out her position as a victim is often done either to dismiss her implication and endorsement on her clan's slavery system and/or to downplay Neji's own experiences with the abuse of the Main Family. Not only did he have to endure a similar type (meaning: worse) of degradation from Hiashi, but also had to experience the threat of physical torture and/or murder shall he disobey, something that Hinata canonically never was hinted to suffer from.” End quote.

It’s the all famous Struggle Olympic no jutsu!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘

As I mentioned above, Hinata did suffer from physical abuse. Even if it’s in the guise of training, that’s things she did not have a good experience to say the very least.

I think we keep downplaying the fact that Hinata got kidnapped by foreign ninjas way too fucking much. They would a) murder her b) train her to be a weapon and pair of binoculars c) rape her (shes young then, but what if they kept her for more years?) to get Byakugan individuals afterwards

By using the Hyuuga affair example:

You don’t endorse the Hyuuga system by defending Hinata, along with Hizashi and Neji that have been quite literally the actual victims from start to finish of the entire Hyuuga affair.

Most important point: Don’t compare the suffering of two charachters!!! “Oh Neji has had it more difficult than Hinat therefore I reject the validity of all her struggles!!!”

Neji ACTUALLY recognising her pain (I want to discuss about this in a separate post but just keeping this here for now), he actually says he” to be at peace “, he does say that as well in the anime (although worded differently cause interpretation and translation and all of that)

It’s true that Hinata has not experienced what Neji has, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been abused by a clan that glamourises power and birthright status over anything else. Why is it so necessary to compare them in this way, rather than capture their differences and nuances in actual meaningful way.

First point of the last point: The Hyuugas system was never mentioned or properly addressed in shippuden (not filler episodes) LET ALONE BORUTO. We can’t conclude whether they actually abolished the system, but neither can we claim that they didn’t. The Hyuugas are only mentioned as a “changed clan” and Hiashi “a changed man” so the abolishment does happen in some way.

Second point of the last point: We have absolutely no clue of how the seal is practiced or applied. The only thing we know is that Hizashi got it as the younger twin. That doesn’t mean that it’s the standard practice used to decide who gets the seal and who doesn’t. The reason is that it is never even mentioned, the seal itself is barely brought up after the chuunin exam.

Also on an interesting note: somebody pointed out that since Hiashi and Hizashi were twins, both had the automatic right to be clan head no matter who was born earlier (this according to inheritance law I don’t have enlightenment of) hence the seal was used to settle the place of the clan head beforehand. I think it’s a pretty solid and logical reasoning which also proves the point of what I said above.

I know it sucks for Kishimoto to end it this way without putting an end, but that’s basically what happens.

Idk if I’ve put my thoughts well into this, but to conclude this entire post: it’s the writing, not the charachter. That goes for both Neji and Hinata.

Shyness, a scapegoat.

Or, Hinata endorses slavery -but she's cute so who cares?

There’s something quite incredible that happens with Hinata as a character and her loyal stans who fiercely defend her actions. There're a few things to point out about this particular topic and I can't start anywhere but on the main reason as to why she's left off the hook.

Let's establish this: Personality traits aren't synonyms for someone's ideology.

Let me expand on this: Hinata is shy, mostly quiet, and superficially "nice" to the people around her -therefore, her mannerisms clash with (or rather, disguises/downplays) her actions and/or what she supports. No one denies Hinata is soft-spoken, yet she downplayed the psychological and emotional trauma that Hizashi's torture at the hands of her father brought on Neji, putting herself as a victim of the same level as her cousin (the "be at peace" line she says during the preliminary rounds become particularly malicious when you have this specific context, because how could Neji be at peace with his role after such cruelty?)

Over and over, her stans use two specific arguments to defend her behavior, so I shall try to break them down:

1- “She was disowned and/or was too young to do anything”: While both of these statements are true, particularly in the first part when this issue is introduced, and I’m sure many anti-fans complain about her inaction, the fact that the only thing pro-fans take for “action” is to specifically stand (meaning, rebel) against Hiashi is very telling of their bias.

Hinata taking a stand against the slavery of her clan is just as easy as showing uneasiness with the situation (something she did not, never, at any point), or understanding Neji’s resentment. Instead, she acknowledges Neji’s anger only to quickly brush it off: paraphrasing, it will be something along the lines, “Oh, you’re annoyed because you’re a slave, you should get over it because I had it rough too” -the fact that she canonically knows the problem it presents to enslave people (let's remember: she witnessed her father torturing Hizashi as to "remind him" of his place), yet believes it to be something to “be at peace with”, it’s the thing we’re pointing out when saying she endorses her family's, let's call it, tradition.

However, It’s not only with Neji Hyüga with whom she displays no discomfort about their situation, the same happens with her interaction with Ko Hyüga during Pain’s arc; he expressively tells her he will be "never forgiven" (implying that he will be punished) should she get injured; yet, despite knowing this, she jumps in to “save” Naruto, fully aware of her incapacity to fight someone who literally destroyed Konoha by himself and not caring about Ko’s destiny at the hands of the Main Branch. [If this doesn't show how Hinata is, quite literally, not even minimally capable to be a commander in any single spectrum of the title, then I don't know what will. She's literally prioritizing her own feelings and/or desires over the lives of those under her command. It's true that she's not the heir of the Hyüga clan during this time, yet she's still in a superior position.}

In regard to this specific argument her stans use in her favor, let’s add something else to question it: Ko would have been punished non-other than Hiashi and Hanabi Hyuga, he specifically mentions both of them; which means that her sister, who is five years younger -eleven/twelve years old at this Arc’s time- acknowledges her position and the branch family members' (lower) place and takes immediate action over that difference. So either Hinata's [young] age has nothing to do with her (in)action on the matter of her family's enslavement practices, or Hinata isn't even as smart as Hanabi to understand how her clan works. So under this premise, she's either endorsing slavery or incredibly moronic, your choice.

[And to those who might want to use the "she knows how her clan works, she just never wanted to use her privilege to hurt lower members": There's not a single panel to support this. Not a single one. Furthermore, Ko's situation and her speech to Neji during the Chünin Exams point out she did nothing on the matter because she simply didn't care about them, too preoccupied with Naruto and feeling sorry for herself for not being acknowledged the way Hanabi was. Hinata is, simply, bad at fighting. She isn't squandering her potential for her sister's benefit, she is, simply put, bad.]

The argument “Hanabi and Hinata were raised differently” has no hold other than in fandom mentality, for they differed at the beginning simply on their training:

Source

Hiashi trained Hanabi whilst Hinata trained with Kurenai, but that only seemed to happen after her graduation as gënin, for all we know, and for what is pointed out in Hanabi's entrance in the First Databook, Hinata was raised as the Hyuga heir until her first graduation when she proved to be not in the standards expected for an heir her age. Even back then, Hanabi wasn't "officially" Hiashi's successor.

2- “She was afraid of Hiashi since he was/is her abuser”. While it’s true that Hiashi downgraded her and psychologically mistreated her when constantly demoting her value and, in exchange, raising Hanabi’s, there are few things to say about this:

a- It’s established in the Databook that she had a pleasant childhood, and while having carefree infancy doesn't exactly contradicts the idea of Hiashi being verbally abusive to her, it does clash with the idea of her being absolutely (that is, completely) scared of him rather than sad for the degradation.

Source

b- The relationship between Hinata and Hiashi dramatically changed during the second part of the manga (after the Chünin Exams, she’s seen smiling and bringing tea to both Hiashi and Neji), to the point where even when “disowned” she got no Cage Bird Seal (meaning, she still was part of the main family and therefore still possessed the privileges that came with it) and how Hiashi, even when away, went out of his way to ensure her safety (such as forcing Ko to protect her). To claim that she was “still afraid” of her father when there’s not only a single indication of her uneasiness but there’re quite obvious displays of their good-terms relationship it’s grasping at straws to defend something that doesn't exist. And while it's true that trauma can't be easily overcome, there's no indication of Hinata experiencing such a thing (claiming "internal struggle" is not a valid counterargument because, while plausible, is not canonically established during the second part of the manga).

c- It’s correct to point out what she had to go through, surely having such enormous pressure on her shoulders at such young age and not being able to deliver is harsh on everyone, but pointing out her position as a victim is often done either to dismiss her implication and endorsement on her clan’s slavery system and/or to downplay Neji’s own experiences with the abuse of the Main Family. Not only did he have to endure a similar type (meaning: worse) of degradation from Hiashi, but also had to experience the threat of physical torture and/or murder shall he disobey, something that Hinata canonically never was hinted to suffer from.

It could be reasonable to spare Hinata from any responsibility on the matter during the first part (I, personally, since she displayed enough knowledge about the matter and what it entailed, don’t think so), but during Shippuden -when she’s not young anymore by shinobi standards and her relationship with Hiashi is shown to be better, the arguments in her favor collapse completely.

Are we forgetting that those who see abuse/harassment and do nothing about it might as well be endorsing it?

To simply claim “oh, well, the real villain is Hiashi because he’s the one actually enslaving people” without taking into account those who are in power and decide not to intervene (every single Hokage, including now Kakashi and Naruto, who changed nothing), and those who know what the system entails yet also display no discomfort/do nothing (Hinata might not have “real power” but she still is part of the Main Family and keeps quiet when she could easily reach to her sister and speak about her discomfort with the matter), it’s simply looking at the superficial reflections of the issue -instead of taking care of the roots.

And truthfully, the fact that somehow Hiashi is the villain for enslaving his people (as I’ve said, they put the entire weight of the Hyuga clan’s problems solely over his shoulders despite the existence of a political system that supports him), yet his words during the war are taken by Hinata's stans as inexorably proof of the change that apparently her (alongside Neji) brought it’s quite… striking, to say the least. More considering that he was a character already proven to lie/hide important truths from (cadet) clan members before.

In addition, the Branch Family still possesses the Cage Bird Seal, while the main branch doesn’t: which means that, first, there’s still a distinction between both families that goes beyond political positions inside Konoha and goes into a physical difference: ones are marked while others aren’t -and second, whether Hiashi still performs torture or not doesn’t deny the quite real possibility of him re-incurring in such behavior, the threat of physical violence still stands for the branch family.

Taking care of the seal is also a task quite easy to do, should they truly want to take care of it, I’ll put here some ways to resolve it at the top of my mind:

1. There’s no canon proof nor mention that the Cage Bird Seal can’t be removed. Neji states that the seal disappears when those with the mark die, yet, he might not know if it can truly be erased or not, since with that knowledge many branch members might seek freedom.

2. Even if we take Neji’s words as truthful, and we believe the Seal can’t be removed, there’s absolutely no evidence to state that the seal can’t be counteracted by another seal (a technique similar to the one Orochimaru used against Minato’s seal).

3. The main family could easily get the seal so the Byakugan gets sealed when any member dies and the threat of someone torturing another member through it gets “nullified”.

Nothing of this is shown in the manga nor brought up by these individuals.

Source

Why is Naruto claiming this, if the Hyuga changed already? It's true that he was away for a long time, but are the changes Hiashi spoke about so little or subtle that Naruto wasn't able to see them during the duration of Shippuden? Which character are we calling a liar then, Hiashi, or Naruto?

And I’ll add this here, for good measure: Hinata might as well be endorsing slavery (she is, in fact, canonically endorsing it), and it will be fine from the narrative’s point of view because the manga ended with these issues not only not resolved, but accepted as the “lesser of all evils”; the problem here are her stans trying to save her from the implications of condoning such actions -when there’s no substance for their claims.

She either agrees with the Hyuga practices or she doesn’t, in this specific case, there’s no middle, no gray areas, because even ignoring the matter (despite knowing its existence), makes her an accomplice. You can still like her and very much enjoy her, but that doesn’t mean she’s free from problematic characterizations, as every single character introduced by Kishimoto. Edit to add: I received long ago an interesting ask that said: "You want Hinata, after everything she got through, to get the Seal?" and while that wasn't my point it further proves my point of view: if her stans are aware of what being marked implicates why are they looking the other way when it comes to the branch family situation? Why are they specifically ignoring Hinata's very purposefully dismissal of the matter? Why is Hinata the only character who needs to be spared? Her stans excuse Hinata's inaction because she was "too young", but condemn Neji, who's just a year older, for lashing out at her because "she's shy and nice" without minding his background and how Hinata is the embodiment of the Main Family that tortures him and he loathes.

Hinata's background allows us to understand where she comes from and why she's the way she is, yet it does not justify her behavior.

Context is for understanding, not condoning.