#idiot in office

[theoldkyokodied]

Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')

[nelkcats]

Scamming the scammer

John Constantine was the biggest headache Danny had managed to get, ever. After becoming King he did not think that his first task would be to solve the man's soul problems.

And it seemed quite incredible to him that the hellbazer would consider selling his soul as if it were a used car that he wants to get rid of to buy a new one. He was aware that he needed a soul, wasn't he? That it was not possible to buy a new one? Because he didn't want to be the one to inform him if that was not the case.

To top it off, beings from different domains within his kingdom came explicitly to claim the British's soul, which didn't even make sense, there were thousands of souls! Why did everyone want the same one? And why did he have to be the one to take care of it?

Completely frustrated, he placed all the paperwork for John Constantine in an empty room and locked the door. He smiled as he came up with a plan to improve the situation, it might be worth it.

That's how a drunk John Constantine found himself signing a dubious contract in exchange for the power to turn any liquid into beer, he didn't bother to read the contract, most demons just wanted his soul and this guy looked so human, with a presence so light it must be a minor demon for sure.

This turned out to be a bad decision when the next morning he found himself trapped in a room full of documents, the door locked. Taped to the door was a green note that said "Enjoy doing your own paperwork sir, I hope you're pleased with yourself", and well, maybe he should have read that contract after all.

[recurring-polynya]

rip twitter, if it weren't for you i would never have known about the only good moment from the bleach dub

[sanguinemoonlight]

Trump guilty on all 34 counts but now we get to hear republicans talk about how a convicted felon should get to run for office even though felons can’t vote (besides in Maine and Vermont wtf guys)

[statementofjoespookie]

little robin study and other doodles

[demaparbat-hp]

Yoi is a babe 🫶

A diva, is what he is.

[emperiocism]

I was thinking about an alpha Elias and beta Jon earlier today. Elias is in an unplanned rut and subvocaling all over the place and Jon is totally out of the loop :'3

[yallthemwitches]

House Guest

“Potter—what are you doing here?”

“Happy Christmas! I know I could have waited until we got back to school but—”

His voice trailed off. What should he say? But I missed you? But I’ve been thinking about you night and day since the moment I met you? But we left for holidays just after you kissed me in the common room unprovoked and I really really would like to do that again?

Another extra fluffy, 6th year xmas fic for @jilytoberfest Day 8, Prompt “Maybe we can find out what the hell your problem is over dinner sometime”

AO3 Link Here

 James stood in the garden memorizing the wood grains of the Evans’ front door. He shifted his weight back and forth, hoping that his parasympathetic nervous system would kick in before he possibly made a complete ass of himself. Like a hum in his ear, Sirius’ voice pushed him on.

“Birds love surprises, Prongs—she’s gonna be chuffed.”

But then again how many times had he steered him wrong? A lot.

He closed his eyes, tight enough until it hurt and felt his hand hover over the door before making a few raps with his knuckles. Courageous…Gryffindor…not at all nutter behavior…

The door swung open. A girl older than Lily with mousy blonde hair stared up at him, mouth set in a frown. 

“Yes?”

James cleared his throat. On a second scan of her face, he could see the same shape of almond eyes as Lily, same slender nose, like looking at some completely flawed interpretation of her. 

“Uhm, Is this the Evans’ residence? I’m looking for Lily.”

The girl’s eyes narrowed, teeth clenching before slamming the door in his face, making his glasses go askew. James just stared back at the wood again, wracking his brain if Remus had ever mentioned very specific muggle etiquette for house calls. 

He heard a shrill voice loud enough to pierce through the wall and the shuffle of bodies. The door reopened. It felt like one of those muggle style magic tricks he had seen on the Lupin’s TV once. Instead of the other girl, Lily stood in her place, all her features righted back to their natural form. 

“Alright, Evans?” His hand jumped into his hair on instinct. Lily blinked at him, hand grasping the knob.

“Potter—what are you doing here?”

“Happy Christmas! I know I could have waited until we got back to school but—”

His voice trailed off. What should he say? But I missed you? But I’ve been thinking about you night and day since the moment I met you? But we left for holidays just after you kissed me in the common room unprovoked and I really really would like to do that again?

Instead, he didn’t say anything, opting to extend the gift he held against his chest towards her. Lily eyed it, then flitted her gaze back up to him. He tried his best smile, hoping she couldn’t tell that his confidence was waning the longer he stood on the stoop. 

She ignored the gift, leaving her hand firmly on the door knob.

“How do you know where I live?”  

James shifted again. He was hoping she wouldn’t ask—it was the part of this outing he wasn’t very proud of.

“I–uh.” He knew if it had been any other time he would have been able to think of a million lies that would have suited as a response. Instead, the truth fell out.

“I knew you lived in Cokeworth,” he began, “so I took Sirius’ motorbike here and—”

“Sirius’ what?”

Her arms were now crossed, incredulous. 

“Can I explain that one later? That might take a bit more time..”

“Fine–so you came to Cokeworth.”

James sighed, his Gryffindor courage was not coming in handy. 

“--So I came to Cokeworth and wandered around for a good hour until I found a bookshop–and I said to myself hey, Evans likes books—so I went in and I asked the bloke behind the counter if he had seen the most beautiful redhead to ever exist with an incredible pair of–”

“What the fuck, Potter.” She took an indignant step towards him. 

“--pair of green eyes, Evans. I know I’m a randy teenager but cut me some slack…”

It shouldn’t have, but the rhythm of banter brought new life to him. He was starting to feel back to form, though still very much making a fool of himself on the stoop. Lily tried to say something multiple times, but clipped off her words with each attempt, completely flabbergasted. 

“---but anyways turns out he did know you so here I am.” James finished his ramble, finding himself now rather pleased. 

Lily looked at him for a while, eyes searching for some sort of answer he wished she’d just ask for. Finally, she let out a defeated sigh, stepping further out onto the stoop and a bit closer to him. She was only wearing a light sweater, and she wrapped her arms around herself to hold out the cold. 

“I guess fighting you on this is useless.”

He could have been hallucinating, but a smile twitched on her face. 

“So will you accept my gift?” It might have been snowing out, but he was starting to feel incredibly warm. 

“I’ll accept your gift.”

Lily took the package, turning its bulbous shape in her hands. Some pink formed at her cheeks and her eyes flicked up to his before shucking off the wrappings. An ornate china teapot with etchings of leaves curling their way through wind scrawled around its base. 

“Mum helped me pick it out–told her you were a fan of art nouveau. I charmed it so all you need to do is add water and it will automatically make your drink of choice—I couldn’t help but notice you have a whole beverage routine in your day.”

Lily twisted the pot in her hands, eyes soft and adoring. 

“Beverage routine, you say?” An eyebrow disappeared up into her fringe. 

“Well, sure,” he cleared his throat, “In the mornings you drink black tea with milk. To study you drink coffee–an espresso with foam if possible but black works too. When you read in the common room you like either mint or ginger tea depending on the season, and on the rare occasions I’ve seen you and Marlene put on a muggle film you have hot chocolate or cider.”

Lily looked up again, mouth slightly agape. James felt his confidence wane. 

“--- not that I’m paying attention or anything.”

Lily burst out laughing, holding the teapot close to her body with two hands.

“You are an absolute nutter Potter, you know that?”

“I’ve actually been told I’m a pretty normal bloke until I’m around you.”

Lily dropped her gaze, her cheeks were burning from an equal mixture of laughter, embarrassment, and the cold.

“Thank you,” she stammered, “It’s incredibly sweet.”

 A part of him wanted to start in on everything: ask why she had kissed him the night before holidays, demand to know where they stood or what to expect once they returned to school. Instead, he reached out a hand and placed it on her cheek, feeling the sting of the winter wind on her skin. 

“You should go back in, it’s bloody freezing out here.” 

He moved to drop his hand but she placed hers against it, leaning her cheek into the warmth of his palm. Turning her head slightly, she tucked her lips into his hand, cold lips pressing into calloused fingers. 

“Have you had dinner?”

Her question zapped him back to reality. From the feel of her lips, he had been completely transported out of body, fighting all urges to curl his arms around her, kiss her like she had kissed him in the common room and then some, and wrap her inside his coat until all the cold melted away.

“Uhm, no I haven’t.”

She removed their hands from her cheek, and they dropped between them, fingers now interlaced. 

“Would you-”

She didn’t even need to finish the question. He squeezed her hand and with a laugh she pulled them both through the front door, no longer cold.

[c-hrona]

Vash > Woowoo tits + mistletoe prompt 6?

:3c (requests closed)

[foxy-kitsune]

someone please sedate me right now

[clumsycapitolunicorn]

"You know what we're gonna do? Pretend this club was a ship. We're gonna take that ship, we're gonna turn it around. Go against the tide, point that baby right at the North Star and follow it all the way home."

Ted Lasso | Signs 3.05

[stardustinthesky]

Susan, during World War II, the French Resistance used to go on the air for one hour a night, always from a different location, broadcasting the real news about the war, providing intelligence for the Resistance's fighters, encouraging the Germans to defect. Why can't we do the same thing here?

[roman-roy-apologist]

yeah ok i get it you don’t think transandrophobia exists but you do realize that it’s still bad to be shitty to transmascs right? you get that right?

[ladykissingfish]

Tobi: Tobi hasn’t had sugar in three whole days. If Tobi doesn’t get some cake or something soon, he’s going to die.

Deidara: If it’s sugar you want, why not just eat an apple, hm?

Tobi, hardcore switching to Madara’s voice: Why don’t you just mind your goddamn business, “senpai”?

Deidara:

*Edit: I thought of an alternative 😅

Tobi: Tobi hasn’t had sugar in three whole days. If Tobi doesn’t get some cake or something soon, he’s going to die.

Deidara: If it’s sugar you want, why not just eat an apple, hm?

Tobi, in Obito voice: How about you let me sample that sweet ass of yours instead?

Deidara: … What?

Tobi: Huh?

[sparingiscaring]

Like once a week I remember that wild-ass line from MOTR where Pages says souls aren't real and I fully have to stop and compose myself

[inchidentalmeowmeow]

At what point would the FIA officers be armed w a spray bottle full of water to spritz at Lestappen when they are yapping for too long? Like trying to keep two unruly housecats off a counter.

Cuz at this rate, the answer is SOON.

Gif credit: @souvenir116 and this amazing post they did: HERE i died laughing