#identity line my beloveds <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[ilya-sorokin]

she martin in my cizikas till i clutterbuck

[oh-meow-swirls]

kinda wanna replay 3 but also. never finished my last playthrough i started in 2. and i don't wanna have to delete one of my save files. hhhhhhhh 3 WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE MORE THAN TWO SAVE FILES I KNOW YOU'RE THE BIGGEST 3DS GAME BUT ISTG-

[absolutebl]

Mirror mirror on the wall,who are the top 5 greenest flags of them all?

ooof, this is more @heretherebedork than my cuppa but lemme see

you didn't specify seme or country so that makes my life easier, because bettcha can't guess who's gonna top this list

My Top 5 Greenest Flags in BL!

Noh from Love Sick

Look, he's just like the Nicest Little Dude. He's loyal and kind and good to his friends, and tries really hard to communicate the truth and be honest about his feelings even when he's a crazy hormonal teen and doesn't understand his own or anyone else's. Noh is not just any green flag he's a teenager green flag. That never happens.

Xun An from My Tooth You Love

He is so damn sweet and thoughtful and he tries so hard to protect everyone (except himself). But it's that moment in the car where he finally understands the extent of his baby's psychological issues that we all got to meet The Real Deal. Because what does he do? OMG he actually recommends Bai Lang seek professional help, from an actual therapist! Like that's THE MOMENT. The biggest green flag balls we have ever seen in a BL. Ever. I will brook no discussion on this matter.

Plustor from Destiny Seeker

Bite me. I know you haven't seen this. How do I know? No one has seen this show. Such a shame. Plustor is 1/2 of the 3rd-string couple, the crumbs, the freshmen babies. Most of the drama is with the 2 older pairs, but these boys are GREAT. One of them is out gay (with his shit together) who hooks up with hot jock CHAOS bisexual and we all think we know where it's going (because when does the chaos bi have his shit together and not act like a predator slut? - yes I AM looking at you, Mame). Except, Plustor fucking TOTALLY has his shit together! He researches gay sex and how to do it right, he asks his new bf questions, he communicates his self-confidence issues over never having been with a dude before. He talks. They talk. As a result these kids spend most of the show annoyed by the unnecessary drama of their piers who do NOT have their shit together and being the best bfs ever.

Mork from My Ride

What, you surprised? Mork goes through an entire identity crisis and manages NOT to drag anyone else into his drama. He keeps his life together, takes care of his family, asks his gay uncles for advice, realizes he is in love. He does not force that love on his beloved. Instead he stays in the side lines, tries to be a good supportive friend to the object of his affection, and a consistently chooses the path of decent human being. He's careful and kind and communicative when he eventually does make his move. Stand up dude! Adorable dimple! We likie.

Yak from Wandee Goodday

I feel like I have to include someone from this year because Green Flag Semes are such a 2024 trend. For me, it just had to be Yak. He such a great communicator and he just defines the GGG (good, giving, game) attitude that one wants in a sexual partner. I gotta say, it's actually not uncommon to have better sexual communication with a play partner or a fuck buddy than within a relationship. It was nice to see that portrayed on our screens in a BL. Whatcha know, mature characters being mature and shizz. Insanity.

I have to say, if you had given me 6, Alan from Pit Babe would have also made this list.

Others I Thought About

Seryou (Seven Days)

Kakeru (I Cannot Reach You)

Ida (My Love Mix Up)

Kyosuke (Sugar Dog Life) - does cluelessness count?

Kazuma (Tokyo in April)

Both in Some More

Qizhang (About Youth)

Sato (See You After Quarantine?)

Tatch (2 Moons 3)

X (21 Days Theory)

King (Bed Friend)

Khun (Brothers)

Karan (Cherry Magic)

Fueangnakhon (City of Stars)

Gun (Tossera)

Ram (La Cuisine)

Ae (Love By Chance) - I'm WELL AWARE I'm picking a Mame character

God (Monster Next Door)

Li (Moonlight Chicken)

Sun (Sunset X Vibes)

Latte (Knock Knock Boys)

Moo (Only Boo!)

Rome (Puppy Honey)

Alan (Pit Babe)

Touch, Sky (Secret Crush on You)

Na (Tonhon Chonlatee)

Tan (We Are)

San (You're My Sky)

Oh should I define what green flag means to me?

respectful: no dubious consent, takes no for an answer and stops, alcohol is not an excuse,

honest: depicted demonstrating good communication - verbal, emotional, physical

safe: practices safe sex

decent: no violations (emotional, ethical, moral, sexual, cultural, or ya know legal) like breaking into his fucking hotel room

dependable: I'd be fine if my nibbling were trapped in an elevator with him

kind: forthright and not inclined to be manipulative

(source)

[rin-and-jade]

Home Sweet Home..! : A Post about Your Inner-world.

That's right, it is no other than your own comfortable place to rejuvenate and meet your beloved parts.. We all want to access the inner-world as sometimes, the outside world can be daunting, right?

Come and take a seat on this imaginary, velvet textured, freshly imported sofa, i'll tell you what's this about:

to each and every one of those who yearns to visit its own mental home, this post is for you! And also for those who are front-stuck, or wanted to see--and build its world as a better place. This is also a well-rounded discussion regarding today's topic for those seeking general information on worlds.

TLDR PASS: AVAILABLE

-- This post will be long, and be split into three different sections, 1. The Basics 2. How to create a World 3. Ways to access your World So, make sure you sit somewhere comfy before reading. --

1. The Basics

Okay, but why is it called "inner" world?

Well, in general it constitutes things around emotions, sensations, memories, or other intangible things. There is no defined meaning for the inside world, as everyone experience them differently:

"The Inner World is full of choices wherein we choose what we want to do and what not, our emotions, expectations, our perception of things, expression of our attitude, our inner thoughts and our self-concept." - LinkedIn

Though for systems, our usage for the inner-world is similar to daydreaming, or in another name, mental visualization.

This is as to how the mental mindscape is used to express different part's thoughts or feelings, and also develop a sense of appearance which is often disconnected from the biological appearance for better expression and sense of cohesion/alignment for each alters.

Hm.. does everyone have one?

If you're asking wether all system has this mindscape by default? No.

Apparently, there is a common belief where all systems have inner-worlds, but thats due to the expectations of what a system "normally" has or do. Everyone manifests their own disorders differently, there is no right or wrong way, or things that makes you more or less of a system through this topic.

How should i use my world, though?

There's more than one way to use or interpret how it is utilized. Inner-worlds isn't only about imagination,, in fact, it is a mental palace where all internal processes like processing feelings, generate thoughts, or where you also create an artificial interpretation of the outer world for a better perception.

Inner-worlds are also made of literal and symbolic elements. Both shapes how your inner-world looks like, or work like.

Some utilized the mind's world through a storyline or a simulation to navigate it's experiences, some focus on world building to portray how they perceive its own life or state, and others express mainly through feelings or inner monologue without spending time and effort to create a visualized mental world scape. Anyone can do a little bit of those, or all at the same time too, this is about how the world is utilized.

Here are some examples:

Use it as a meeting spot for better communication and identify other speakers easier

Use the imagination to explore how every alters feel with their identity, appearance, and preferences

Use it to depict your state of mind through the areas of your innerworld, that can represent values or beliefs or emotional experiences Your world can be as simple or complex as you want--go wild!

Do i need a world?

It depends on what you want to do. This isn't a yes or no answer, but i would always recommend people to spend more time creating its own mental world to create a stronger gateaway for system communication and self expression.

You can still live a good system life without having or accessing the inner-world often, you know?

But i can't see internally!

Aphantasia is a condition where you cannot imagine mental images--or keep them clear for long periods, lack of color or foggy lines can also indicate a lesser degree of the condition. For this remedy, step back and remember--your mental senses isn't bound to images only, what about vibes? Or tactile sensations? Utilize your other senses to good use, it's still possible. The mindscape is all about memorization and familiarity, you can still navigate the world, although blind, because of this.

2. How to create a World

Before we get into the steps, here is a reminder that mental sensations are reflected from real-life sensations you remember.

For example, think how you can recall that one moment with your favorite food: you can remember how warm it felt, what the texture is like, what layers of flavor it has.

The innerworld works the same too, by reliving or replicating that same detail, projecting it again within the mind's eye.

--

First phase - starting from scratch

For those who hadn't started, the area would look bland or devoid, interpretation can differ greatly for others. Take this moment to think momentarily, and select a theme or vibe you're going for, example: a house if you want to make it the world feel homey / comfortable.

Start from how big you want the floor to be, how tall the walls are, what about the color or pattern? Would you like a plank or a ceramic tile? How much of natural light do you prefer, that can answer how many windows you want to map out later.

Then the furnitures, invoke whatever you want--the perfect fluffy sofa you wish to sleep on, or that huge circular stairway you often see in the movies. Feel them, touch them as if you're currently on it,, things might look foggy at first, which is normal for developing a new item you wish to add.

Tip: laying a groundwork with the 3d interior maker or a sketch (either paper or digitally) can help you plan and visualize better when this first phase is challenging for you to finish mentally from scratch.

Second phase - getting more personal

Now that you've laid the foundation, practice recalling them and remember every crook and cranny of each rooms or paths you have mapped out even more. This will help the ease of visualization whenever you want to access your innerworld, needing minimal strain to immerse fully in your own mind.

Resuming from your previous progress, its time to add your own personal touches (for each alters)! What kind of items or belongings would you want to own? Do you like a specific decor theme? It's best to start with the things you had seen/touched due to the reason explained previously.

When you're confident and had memorized how the main place, try branching off by adding the external background. (E.g. city scenery/forest/mystical). You can even make them as floating islands, there is no bounds to this.

Tip: its best to write out what each alter likes and their preference to personalize their room/area better while also keeping track of any details of the mindscape.

Third phase - room for expansion

This is where you often stumble into uncharted areas in your world, often discovering them without proper visualization. These often get created from qualities / states that you have internalized on the outer world, they can even represent different parts of your own perception (for example, you stumble into a cemetery, where you associate dormant alters resting at) or wellbeing (for example, the weather changes depending on your mood or stress levels). Often times you'll meet interactive elements--or already did so in the earlier phases.

Expanding an area usually means it is built within a different border, separated from your main area and often has a 'transition tunnel' to access the new area. This can be expressed through magical doors, portals, teleportation, or walking. You can also redo phase one and two to expand more areas as you wish, and connect them through a transition tunnel.

As the conclusion, this phase is done through introspection, through deciphering your own well-being. This is because your innerworld is a subconscious reflection of how your mental and emotional state, and vice versa. This can also manifest in ways like designated areas or interactive elements from the world.

Tip: let your mind wander around freely. Your expectation and prediction kills abstract creativity, which your mind is designed for. This can sometimes happen when you least expected it, don't use this as a time to rush, go slow!

3. Ways to access your World

Behind the scenes

Every system processes, including your world, happens in rest mode-- this is because our brains operate through sets of programs/functions that transitions depending on demands.

There are many sets your brain operates in, but for the sake of simplicity i will educate you on the necessary ones:

DMN - activates when relaxing, exploring creativity, or performing low cognitive tasks. You don't process a lot on this state, and usually related with creative thinking moments.

Do you know why you get creative solutions when you're in the shower but not at the heat of the moment? The DMN does just that. Annoying, i know... i wish it came earlier and not when the argument is over.

VAN - activates when exposed to threats, or sudden change of stimuli. This mode is mainly tasked in selective attention, focusing on what is deemed important depending on your values. Operates in fright factors

Suddenly jerked your head to the falling sound of a plastic cup from the other room whilst focusing on your activity? VAN is the culprit, sudden yells or getting your name called also counts.

CEN - activates your directed focus and controls how long you commit to a task. It is responsible for cognitive demanding tasks that requires problem solving or decision making. You are in a state of action or processing, which is the opposite of rest.

Like how time passed without your awareness, or when you ponder less while committing all your attention to that one difficult combo you have to pull of in the game because you can't risk any distractions or disturbances until you absolutely made it to the next level after the 11th try? Now that's a CEN for you.

--

Now that you're all on the same page, time to get into the details:

The only way to access your world is to look inwards -> inwards mean you engage with thoughts and images -> thoughts and images usually pop when you're calm and not distracted -> a calm state is achieved in a safe place or non-busy environments.

So if you ever thought of being busy, or feeling stressed makes talking to your alters more difficult, you're not making that up! That's exactly what your brain modes are doing even if you are never aware of it.

Tips to facilitate better communication & access

Find videos or songs that promotes calmness

Retreating to a less bustling room, silence is your friend

Balance your emotional state to feel more stable

Tune out any distractions if any

Focus to any subtle signs or alter thoughts you've missed

These tips help you connect to your DMN state easier, which will make it easier to retreat to your innerworld or talk to your other parts.

Now it's time to bring you to your world;

(Important. Only do this when you're calm, because the only moment you can do so, is within the DMN. It is not effective nor recommended to attempt this within high stress or busy moments, and for reasons on how frustration and added stress on not being able to retreat mentally blocks your ability even further.)

Start closing your eyes, and recall a specific place you want to be in your world, determine your position, are you sitting or standing somewhere? What are you doing inside there if you can notice? Pour all your attention as your mind creates a mental picture, which brings you to your world.

Designating a real piece of furniture or item you own in the real world and associate it as an item in your mental world would also create an easier short cut to transition between two dimensions, it can be your bed, or a chair, or even a hanged painting.

Im stuck outside for a long time, help!

This phenomenon is when you are stuck within the threat-detecting mode, as your brain thinks the danger has not passed away--and should not waste time or be vulnerable to return to DMN.

When you have been struggling to access or communicate to your alters, think back on what is keeping you anxious, paranoid, or scared, as all these negative emotions keeps you away from a calm state.

Chronic exhaustion or stress also plays a role into this. In conclusion, when you have been stuck for long periods and unable to notice system activities--or happening less often, it's time to dig deeper to the root of cause.

This post right here will help you educate and prepare solutions for your stuck troubles. Here, is another post for all about system communication.

But if you need help from an experienced person, or if the posts are just not cutting it,, you can always DM me to overcome your struggles regarding this situation, im here for you!

Takeaway - What a Tour!

(this post is subjected to tweaks and add-ons in the future)

Here's two questions to end the post: what phase are you at on your world-building progress? When is the usual time your system activity peaks at? Feel free to share your experience or questions in this post, i would love to hear what you have to say and answer any concerns you might have!

I hope this post has been worth reading, this totally took longer than it should be, thanks to @starburstsystem for helping me perfect this post for everyone within this community, give some love to the bro <3

- chrono

--

TLDR SECTION

Inner Worlds: Imaginary mental spaces used by some people, especially those with dissociative disorders, to rejuvenate and meet their alters. They vary greatly in form and function, similar to daydreaming or mental visualization.

Usage: Inner worlds can be used for communication, expressing emotions, and creating a sense of cohesion among alters. They aren't necessary for all systems but can be beneficial for those who have them.

Creating an Inner World:

Starting from Scratch: Visualize basic structures and themes, like a house with specific details (floors, walls, furniture).

Getting More Personal: Add personal touches for each alter, including their preferences and items they would like to have.

Room for Expansion: Explore and expand new areas that represent different aspects of your mental and emotional state.

Accessing the Inner World:

Use techniques like relaxing environments, calming music, and focusing on subtle signs to access the inner world.

Understand brain modes (DMN, VAN, CEN) to know why relaxation is key to accessing inner thoughts.

High stress and exhaustion can block access; addressing these issues can help regain access.

Takeaway: The inner world is a useful tool for some people to communicate and process emotions. It's personalized and can evolve with introspection and creativity.

[andyoullhearitagain]

Every Quarkfit Ranked From Worst to Best Part 4

Part 1

5. Space Zebra Print:

Some more top tier pattern mixing. Neither of these are zebra print and yet to me they both read that way? Odd. I LOVE the colors on this one. My only major problem with this one is I oddly want MORE trim? I just wish there was some more detailing down the center front of the vest piece, and maybe something on the sleeves? We hardly ever see it full length from the back (bc like why would we?), but I LOVE the shape of the tails.

4. Red and Blue:

I like the yoke/stripe through the sleeves and the chest a lot, and I like that their contrast is the wrong side of the fabric. Love the little highlights of green and yellow in the bias trim. Love that the sleeves are super short to reveal the sleeve cuffs. The light colored shirt is very nice because it creates nice contrast right next to his face (this is why traditionally your shirt is the lightest part of your suit). It also looks great with the Klingon marriage fur robe thing.

My only real problem with this outfit is that I think cutaway coats in general are a little unflattering tbh. This is the costume that he wears the most without the jacket and he looks like such a little businessman 😭.

3. Mondrian:

Quark is really demonstrating some high-level pattern mixing here but he's following the rules - different scales and similar but not identical color pallets. I love love love the texture of the shirt.

In fact I think this is my favorite of his shirts, and I like that it bears pretty much no resemblance to a modern dress shirt. I love the little double trim on the collar and it's echo on the sleeve.

And I love the weird little Space Fashion shape of the front hemline.

2. Red Striped Tails:

Love the color palette on this one, I'm a suckered for red and pink and purple together. Love the little bias panels down the front.

And look at the pattern matching at the back of the collar!

I also love that the tails go all the way down to his ankles!

Cons: Once again it's a little too Earth for Quark. He looks like a regular Terran ringmaster. He also looks like the Mayor of Munchkinland, but I'm pretty sure the Mayor of Munchkinland is on Quark's fashion inspo mood board so that's fine.

1. Aztec Cherry:

Aztec Cherry my beloved ♥️. I love her. Love the fabric. Love the shape of the lapels. Love the lovely soft roll line. Love the trim on the seamlines.

My only quibble is that it's a little close to his skintone, but they balance it out by putting the blue right next to his face. I love how there's like eight fabrics in this costume but they all balance so nicely.

[blasphemousclaw]

tanith for the character list thing?

MY GIRLLLL

• favorite thing about them

I love how she occupies this position of power as the proprietress of the Manor, the consort of a demigod, and she’s the sole person in charge of operating their cult movement (since Rykard doesn’t seem to do much except kill eat and sleep these days) and yet she comes from such a humble background as a dancer from a foreign land… she projects this image of ruthlessness and strength, but she actually has really deep insecurities about herself that start to come out during Rya’s quest? her greatest fear is that she’s always been weak, and that Rykard always knew that… I think she clings to the entire structure she’s built up at the Manor because she’s afraid of feeling powerless, maybe because she felt powerless in her past? also her mask is sexy

• least favorite thing about them

I just wish she had more content! the dlc introduced the Dancer of Ranah with almost an identical face to Tanith, which implies Tanith was the same kind of Dancer? was she actually an expert swordswoman who gave up the lifestyle to run a cult with a demigod? I NEED TO KNOW

• favorite line

“Dear Rykard, please find purchase within me, I wish to be your serpent; your family.” eating your beloved’s corpse is what true love looks like <3

also it’s super long but her speech about the Volcano Manor’s goals is really good; you can tell she’s tailored her and Rykard’s goals to appeal to the Tarnished and get them fired up against the Erdtree… queen of public speaking

• brOTP

her relationship with Rya is so sweet and also so emotionally complicated, like they love each other so much but Tanith lies to her about the truth of Volcano Manor and the circumstances of her birth and shatters that trust… :(

I also feel like Tanith would’ve had a great dynamic with Bernahl?? there’s this implication that he’s her most trusted Recusant; he never got eaten by Rykard even though Tanith feeds all the greatest champions to him, and Bernahl seems to know everything about Rykard and his mission after we kill him… and there’s also the fact that he uses a really important weapon to the serpent cult, and it’s implied that he goes to Farum Azula to challenge Maliketh, which was seemingly what Rykard was originally gonna do? so Bernahl and Tanith must have shared their plans and secrets with each other… I wonder if he was the “precocious” guest Tanith mentions having long ago whom we remind her of if we show up to the Manor unannounced?

• ОТР

TANITH/RYKARD. OBVIOUSLY. I won’t write a whole paragraph about them because I already talked about their relationship here

• nОТР

Patches LOL I know he’s trying to keep Tanith from destroying herself and remind her that she has other things in life to live for but what if I WANT her to destroy herself because of her undying love for her serpent god husband who’s prophesied to devour the entire world! like what’s sexier than this!! STAY OUT OF THIS PATCHES

• random headcanon

she braids Rya’s hair to match her own hairstyle :,)

• unpopular opinion

I’m never going to police the kind of content people want to make and enjoy, but it really bothers me when I see serious analysis of the game’s story and interactions with my own content that are like “Tanith is such a good mother!” and “this family is so wholesome!” when the actual story involves her making really questionable decisions that ultimately harm Rya’s wellbeing? there’s no doubt that Tanith loves Rya more than anything, but she’s lied to her about the Manor’s true purpose and the circumstances of her birth for her whole life, and then asks us to drug her so she forgets the truths she’s learned? like… it’s kind of baffling to me how these things are never talked about. I just think it’s such a huge disservice to Tanith’s character to smooth over all the flaws in her relationships, because her flaws are what make her so interesting to me… loving someone doesn’t always mean you’re doing what’s best for them!

• song i associate with them

ok I’m so sorry but I never know how to answer these questions because I only listen to instrumental music so I guess I’m just gonna pass 🙈

• favorite picture of them

I think this one is by @/Zlofsky2nd on twitter? she’s so pretty

also this image I edited

[hanafubukki]

hana, i know you reblogged this post but please,

go wild and brainrot;3

Hello Herri 💕💜🌺

As you have asked for, so shall you receive. I AM STILL ROTTING OVER THIS MAN SO YOU HAVE COME AT THE PERFECT MOMENT (then again do I ever not rot over this fae????)

So that quote just hits me right in the feels, its one of the quotes that just steps on your heart, you know? HTTYD 2 is my favorite movie of the three as well

"Go on, shout. scream! Say something!"

"You're as beautiful as the day I lost you."

These two lines are just so so filled with emotions and then you can add so much more feels and angst as well, given how you set up the story line.

SO HERE WE GO, under the cut because I am going to go wild and I ended up writing a few different drabbles.

So, to start of with your idea Herri, I'm going to add a spin on it and more details.

What if Reader was a Fae in this scenario?

So, the situation is similar to HTTYD, but in this case instead of enemies being dragons, we are going with enemies being Humans.

Humans and Fae War will be the setting.

Reader develops sympathy/empathy for the humans, but know that during this time, the Fae are too prideful to sign a treaty with them.

Likewise, humans are just as stubborn.

but the Reader cannot and will not have humans die by their hands, not anymore.

but Reader knows that they are the only ones thinking this way, and knows that their beloved, Lilia, is stubborn and won't change his mind either.

As all problems require, time is needed.

So Reader leaves in the middle of the night without telling anyone.

Time passes, and the war ends, and we come to current times.

You have moved on to another land. You used your magic to hide your Fae features until everything has settled down between the Fae and Humans.

Now that peace has come, you can’t help but wonder, should you go back? Should you reveal yourself?

Coronation Route: You went back home once you heard that Maleficia is stepping down, and her grandson Malleus will be taking her place as King. You have heard how he has a fondness for humans, and even made friends with them. You have heard rumors about how his lover might even be human. You have heard rumors how Lilia is by his side, and so are two guards (one who is human and another who is half fae and half human). You can't help it. You want to go back. You want to see him again. So you go back to your kingdom on the day of the coronation, wearing a robe to cover you. You watch as Malleus and his entourage greet the people and then you see him. He has changed...yet he is the Lilia you love and cherish. You can't help it; you utter his name. He shouldn't have been able to see you, and yet his eyes snapped towards your direction. You turn to leave quietly, hoping against all odds he's hadn't noticed you. But of course, he is the Phantom General, he catches you. You could see that he still has the love he always had for you and then those lines are uttered by you both. You end up breaking down and crying in his arms. You missed him, all these years and your love for each other never faded. It seems there is more than one celebration to celebrate tonight. It was also a night of lovers being reunited after hundreds of years.

NRC Route: I'm thinking of reasons why Fae Reader ended up at NRC and I'm going with they are a professor there. NRC is nothing, if not perfect at hiding secrets and they hid your identity well. That is until you attended the ceremony for the new students and lo and behold, Malleus and Lilia are both part of the new class. You have to force yourself from shaking. You have to stop yourself from looking at Lilia again and again. You can't look at him again. You can't drink him in as if he is water and you are very much parched for him. You try to act normal as you feel eyes on you, and you know it is him. You leave the ceremony right after is it finished, hoping to evade him just a bit longer. What can you say? What can you do? How would you face him after so long? But you have missed him so. Time is taken out of your hands when you see him in your room, while he may not look the same, he is skillful and has been known as the Phantom General after all. He is a silent as the shadows and you can't help it. You break first. You say those words, only for him to call you beautiful in return. You sob as he cups your face and wipes your tears. His arms as warm and comforting as you remember. You two have many years to make up for, and lucky for you both, you two have all the time in the world.

NO ONE LOOK AT ME I AM STILL FEELING SOFT AFTER WRITING THAT JKLWJEDLJFLJL

Now, what if Reader was human?

There's so many different situations I can come up with, but I'm going to go with two of them. One is going to be with a Human and reincarnation trope and another is going to deal with my Yume Hana Asteria.

Reincarnation Route: You were a human who had met the General on the battle field. He was ensnared by a trap set by the humans, but had gotten free. At the cost of grave wounds, you chose to heal his wounds instead of leaving him. You knew that you should have left him be, knew that he would likely kill you. but you couldn't, at the end, he needed help and you wouldn't leave him. He ended up in your care. He wasn't the...greatest patient. He snarled at you and demeaned you, but you let him be. He had many chances to kill you, but never did and that was good enough for you. You ended up dying protecting him. He had tears falling down his face while he cradled you. You told him it was okay and that you cherished your time together. You prayed you two would meet again. You did not know it, but you were the start of why he started softening towards humans. Hundreds of years passed, you had returned as the magic-less Prefect. You two made a connection as if you were soulmates, but neither of you knew why. It was only in the dream world did you both finally understand. After Malleus' OB had been settled, you yelled. Not at him, never at him, you yelled at the unfairness of it all. But he just uttered, how much you haven't changed and how you are as beautiful as he remembered. And you both knew, No matter the situation, this time you both would have a Happy Ending in this life.

Hana Asteria Route: Hana tried to stop the war between both sides, but no matter what she did, it was never enough. Hana eventually gets captured by the Fae, and in time, she forms a camaraderie with them. Eventually, she has to leave, her powers were used too much and she would shatter if she stayed any longer, so she said good bye. When she finally returned, she did not remember her time in the past. But as the story progressed as in canon, she remembered. It was then that she shouted. She felt useless. She couldn't even help those she loves, but Lilia comforted her. The stars had granted him his deepest wish. He would meet her again, and so they were reunited. This time though, they both would work together to bring forth the world they dreamed of. This story Anonie wrote speaks to me on so many levels on how Hana and Lilia met. It is beautiful and I recommend everyone to check it out.

PLEASE I AM STILL SO SOFT. IT IS SOMETHING ABOUT IMMORTALS AND MOTALS LOVING EACH OTHER. ABOUT HOW, THROUGH TIME, THEY WILL MEET AGAIN AND AGAIN. HOW THEY WILL CONSTANTLY FALL IN LOVE THAT HAS ME GO FERAL 💜💚💚💚💚

Going to stop here because then I will never stop at this rate lolol I want to hopefully write one of these ideas one day but we will see.

I hope you enjoyed what I wrote Herri and that it helped with your writer's block.

Your ask certainly has me going feral again, but hey, at least this time I'm not stating how bad I want to...uhhhh ah-hem.

Thank you of sending this in 💚🌺

Additional Credit for the Quote by @aqua-beam

[sotwk]

Cinder Girl (Fíli x unnamed OC)

Summary: The Crown Prince of Erebor faces the dilemma of losing his heart to a lovely yet humble palace servant.

Word count: 2.4 k

Content: Fluffy, tropey romance and comfort, Durins Live AU, post-BotFA, class division, love confession, Pining Prince Fíli

Rating: General (no warnings apply)

To Read on AO3: Link

Dedication and Inspiration: Thank you to the Anon who inspired this concept long ago by sending me this message! <3

Also for my friend, @guardianofrivendell, a true Fíli aficionado with an incredible repertoire of fics of our beloved Dwarf Prince. You probably don't remember, but this fic fulfills the "Love Confessions" request you made from my Valentine Event in 2023! Better late than never? Welcome back! <3

Cinder Girl 

The Reclaimed Kingdom of Erebor

Third Age 2945

What to do, what to do? The proper thing, of course. The decision should be that simple, and it usually was so for Fíli.  

Except now. Except when it came to her. 

The young dwarf lord tugged on the beaded braid of his mustache and leaned forward in the cushioned bench on which he sat. He made a motion to stand, only to plop back down again with a frustrated grunt. He had been dithering that way for the last ten minutes, at least. 

And he had spent twice as long sitting there, only half ashamed of allowing himself to enjoy the sight that surprised him when he returned to his chambers following a day-long council meeting. 

I am just looking, is all, Fíli reminded himself, desperate to excuse his poor manners. He knew the right thing to do would be to gently wake her, assure her that she was in no trouble, and allow her to discreetly exit the room she should never have been caught in. 

Surely this was a sign. A gift from Mahal himself, to force his stubborn, weak arse into action. Yet there he was again, he who was hailed as the Lion of Erebor, one of the bravest warriors in the kingdom, just sitting there stupidly, staring as he always did, because he could never find neither strength nor courage to do anything else in the presence of this dwarrowdam that stole the very breath from his lungs. 

Even as she lay there on the lush fur rug by the fireplace, in a cozy warmth that likely had lulled her to sleep, her presence paralyzed him. She was that very rare gem, found only once in a generation, exquisite in itself without need for cutting or polishing, or settings of gold, or other fine stones to accompany it. 

"Beyond beautiful," Fíli thought, and his chest filled with both longing and wonderment of how utterly she had ensnared him with so little effort, with such little awareness of the effect she caused.

She had dazzled Fíli the moment she cast her first smile and first spoke his name, and from then on the prince was blind to all others. When she laughed, Fíli finally understood why his brother Kíli constantly acted the fool just to earn that sweet sound from his own lady’s lips.

And so Fíli neglected to mention the titles that accompanied his name, and as a result he was able to enjoy hours of conversations with the newcomer from the Blue Mountains, basking in her uninhibited laughter and open stories and playful touches.

But the ruse would not last even a month. When she finally discovered that the new “friend” who had welcomed her to Erebor was actually King Thorin’s heir, next-in-line to the throne of Durin, an invisible wall rose between them. She never laughed in the same way around him again. She remained friendly and kind, yes, but every action toward him was suddenly restrained by prim courtesy. Their once animated conversations were dampened by measured, cautious responses. Even her beautiful smile was dimmed by a strange sadness, as though the knowledge of his royal identity disappointed her. 

"Please, you don't have to…" he said, when he once tried to stop her from bowing to him as they passed each other in the hall. 

"It is only proper, my lord," she murmured, keeping her lovely eyes lowered to her feet, only doubling Fíli's frustrations. "I bid you a good day, Prince Fíli."

And she hurried away with her cleaning pail in tow, before Fíli could offer to help, before he could muster up the nerve to invite her to dinner, which was why he had come down to the servants’ hall in the first place. All he had succeeded in doing was send the tongues of the palace domestic staff wagging. 

Eventually Fíli's despair grew heavy enough that he sought Balin's counsel, daring not to broach the topic with the one person who could completely relieve him of his fear: that no future was possible between the Heir of Durin and a dwarf not only from a different clan, but without rank or advantages. 

Balin remained silent while Fíli laid out his entire predicament--during the prince’s impassioned speech, and a long while after. Too long, so much that the thoughtful calm Fíli usually admired in his sagacious old cousin only set his teeth on edge.

“I must say this is troubling news to hear indeed,” Balin finally spoke, tugging thoughtfully at his beard.

“Troubling?!” Fíli exclaimed. “How could you already deem it as such when you have not yet met her? What matters her lack of status when she is the sweetest and gentlest soul to ever bless me with her company?! That is, until she decided she could no longer tolerate my presence,” he amended glumly. 

“Calm yourself, boy.” Balin chuckled between sips of his ale. “You have only ever raved this passionately about very few things before, and never about a bonnie lass. For a moment I thought I might actually be speaking to Kíli.”

“That isn't close to either the comfort or counsel I was hoping for, Balin.”

“Harrumph. That is because I have neither of those things for you, lad! What you need is to be slapped back into your senses!” Balin shook a stout finger at the dwarf-prince. “Have you so little knowledge or faith in your Uncle that you could not bring this matter straight to him?”

Fíli drew back, eyebrows lifted in bewilderment. “I thought he would scoff at the frivolity of it, before declaring my desire for her as unsuitable.”

“Because the girl is common?” Balin snorted when Fíli nodded. “It would wound Thorin so deeply to hear this, that I shall not even bother repeating your words to him.” He reached across the dinner table to grip Fíli’s arm. “Your Uncle risked his life, risked everything to take back this Mountain for you, my boy. To give you the future that he felt you deserved. Do you think that future is all about gold?”

Balin smiled and slapped Fíli gently on his slack-jawed face. “It is about choice, and freedom. The freedom to chase whatever dreams you wish. Go and speak to Thorin. It appears there is much he needs to clarify about his expectations of you as the realm’s prince and his heir.” 

Fíli had genuinely intended to heed Balin’s advice to discuss things with his uncle. But after failing to quickly gain an audience with the chronically busy king, he let his nerves conquer him yet again, as he put off pursuing that conversation. And so day after day passed with him stuck in the plight of his own making… leading at last to that evening, when the source of his agony literally lay right before him inside his own chambers, demanding to be dealt with.

The more time passed with him just sitting and staring at the sleeping chambermaid, the longer each minute seemed to stretch, and the more ridiculous Fili felt in his inertness. 

Just when his frustration came to its peak, and he felt unable to tolerate himself any longer, the prince rose quietly and stepped towards the figure on the fur rug. 

A pounding knock barely gave him any warning before his chamber door swung wide open and Kili barreled inside. “Did you not say you were starving, brother? What is taking you so--??”

Kili stopped short, his wide-eyed stare darting between Fili and the lady that had stumbled to her feet, disheveled and disoriented. It was impossible to tell who looked more mortified by his arrival. 

“Have I… am I interrupting something?”

“I am so very sorry, milords!” the maiden blurted out. “I didn't mean to, I---I am so--!” Her ashen face suddenly colored by the violence of her embarrassment, she grabbed her cleaning pail from the hearth. The contents rattled inside the metal bucket, so badly did her hands shake as she gave a hasty curtsy to the royal princes.

“N-no, no wait, please… h-hold on for just a moment--” Fili began, when his tongue finally came unstuck from the roof of his mouth, but it was too late. She rushed across the room and straight out the open door without ever lifting her gaze off the ground. 

“Brother, I am sorry, I didn't know--”

Fili brushed aside the apology and scrambled past Kili to fly out into the hallway. Panic had broken through his earlier paralysis and suddenly he could not move fast enough, his body acting beyond the constraints of his judgment. 

He called after her; the sound of her name and his footsteps chased her down the empty corridor. But to Fili's dismay she did not stop or even slow down, and just as she was about to turn a corner and descend the stairs leading from the palace wing, a desperate shout escaped containment, partially strangled in the tightness of his throat, but still too loud to be ignored. 

“I love you, all right?! I love you!!”

The frantic clatter of the metal pail ceased, and all Fili could hear against the ensuing silence was the roar of his pulse beneath his ears. In several strides, he closed the distance to come before the maiden. She stayed rooted to the spot and motionless, apart from the heaving of her bosom as she chased her breath. 

“This was not how I wanted you to find out.” The calm in his own voice surprised Fili, as did the confidence that drove his words. “But I also do not wish to take it back. Hiding from the truth has gained me nothing but pain.”

“I appreciate your candor, milord, and I regret your pain.” She continued to address him, but her eyes remained firmly lowered towards her hands, white-knuckled in their grip around the pail handle. “But what am I to do with these fine words you offer? How can a peasant be worthy to receive the affections of a prince?”

“Worthy?” Fíli repeated in distaste. “What causes you to believe that you must be worthy to--?”

“You are the future King of Erebor.” She spoke loudly over him, as though she had not heard him at all, or was determined not to. “The blood of Durin the Deathless runs in you! I am just a nobody from a Broadbeam village in the Blue Mountains--” 

“I was born in such a village, same as my father!” Fíli cut her off with matching fervor. “And you are certainly not ‘just a nobody’ to me.”

Something in his words finally reached her, for at last she raised her bowed head ever so slightly, just enough for her gaze to meet his, and the tears that shimmered in her eyes wiped away the last of his hesitation.

“We are not different, ghivashel. Not in any way that matters.”

Her smile that bloomed at that word, one that proclaimed her more precious than any treasure in Erebor, revived a light in him that had gone out in the long weeks of her absence. 

When Fíli reached out to relieve her of the cleaning pail, she did not resist. Grasping her wrist, he rested her open hand upon his. He swept his thumb back and forth all across her palm, over the red scrapes and dirt-streaked calluses that made her all the more beautiful and admirable in his eyes.

“Not long ago, I spent each waking day with my face smeared in soot, my arms and hands burnt from the blaze of forge fires, aching to the bone after hours of back-breaking labor.”

He pushed up his tunic sleeve to show her: the patches of discolored skin from old burns, the countless scars that littered the entire length of his arm, almost to his elbow. 

“But I would always go to bed happy, and proud of my honest living, of the smith that I was.” He shook his head and corrected himself. “The smith that I am. Whatever titles and additional duties I may now carry as a consequence of my inheritance, I am still that same soot-covered dwarf.”

He sealed her hand between his two and lightly kissed the fingertips that peeked out from the cage of his palms.

“All I ask is for a chance to show you that,” he said softly. “With the hope that you might come to love what you see in me. For I have already, absolutely, fallen in love with everything I see in you.”

Her silence filled the entire length of the passageway, all the way up to the high ceilings. Under the crushing weight of its persistence, Fíli’s hope started to falter. But as the fear of his failure to convince her started to creep in, his grip all the more tightened around her hand. He couldn't let go. He did not know how he could ever let her go.

“From the first day we met,” she finally spoke. “I already loved everything I saw in you…Fíli of the Blue Mountains.” She tipped her chin up and squared her shoulders, face set with resolution alongside her gentle smile. “I think that love can bring me the courage I need to let the other side of you, Prince Fíli of Erebor, into my heart as well.” 

Fíli’s entire being swelled with such relief and unbridled joy he thought he might catch flame. His arms found themselves around her waist, drawing her close to his desire to demonstrate the feelings he had restrained for too long.

Alas, a sudden and deafening crash rang through the hall to cut off Fíli’s eager quest.  “Sorry, sorry!” yelped a guilty voice in the shadows.

Fíli groaned, then chuckled, and settled for another chase kiss upon his lady’s hand. 

“Would you care to have dinner with my brother and I?” he asked her, nodding in the direction of the ruckus as Kíli struggled to straighten up the decorative suit of armor he had knocked over. “An unrepentant snoop he may be, but I can assure you he is otherwise harmless and actually quite pleasant company.”

“It sounds like a wonderful start to getting to know the rest of you,” she said, eyes bright from their shared laughter, free of even a speck of her earlier doubts. “Because I very much would like to know everything, Fíli. To discover and delight in every wonderful bit of you.”

“And you shall have that,” Fíli vowed, brushing his thumb over the curve of her cheek, over an ashy mark of the fireplace cinders that had brought her back to him. “You already do have me, but I shall also endeavor to give the whole world to make you happy.”

“You are already the whole world,” she declared, and rose on her toes to do what he could not, sealing their confessions with a sound kiss.

For more SotWK Fanfiction: Fanfiction Masterlist

Other useful links:

Introduction to SotWK

Headcanon Masterlist

[shreddedleopard]

I genuinely think William’s real name is actually still William, just with a different surname.

Hear me out.

#1 — irony.

Remember the omake where Bonde asks him and he’s got his ☺️ face ‘that’s a secret, heh heh heh.’

Lol William is the biggest mischievous jokester going. This would be his exact reaction if people were asking like 👀 omg what is it?? And all along he’s like, lol will.i.am guys, chill. No-one cares about your first name, it’s your surname which means anything around here. You’ve all been barking up the wrong tree. Which brings me on to my second point ~

#2 — symbolism.

I cannot scream enough about how bloody genius it would be for William’s name to be, in fact, just William, but with a more common surname like ‘Smith.’ For the purposes of this discussion, let’s call him William Smith. As an orphan, he gets adopted into the family Moriarty, where there is in fact another William: Master William James Moriarty. Immediately, you have two boys of similar ages with the exact same first names, highlighting how, in fact, they should be equal if we’re looking at their basic information and identifiers. But what is it which sets them apart, and is the very message and theme running through the heart of Yuumori? Class inequality. And what dictated your social class at the time, so very unfairly? Your family lineage.

The name of Moriarty is what gives Albert’s little brother his superior, privileged position in life, over William ‘Smith.’ And yet, they are both young boys, both Williams, both should have the same sort of start in life in the equal world our William wishes to create. But they do not; the moment they are given their surnames — the moment those are penned on the paper of their birth records following ‘William’, the chasm that divides these boys is immense and unfair.

#3 — interesting coincidences, hints and clues in the text.

• William loves Shakespeare — that’s part of his identity in the same way being a mathematician is. He quotes Shakespeare all the time, he grew up in a library and has all of the plays memorised. Shakespeare’s first name was also William. Additionally, Shakespeare’s birthday is believed to be April 23rd. William’s birthday is listed as April 1st — April Fool’s Day, and it has been confirmed that this is a fake birthday, so we don’t know his real one currently. (But my guess is it’s still in April).

• The Moriarty’s never call William by his name, pre-fire, but the children at his orphanage do, and they call him Will.

At the Moriarty house, he is on the receiving end of more hate than Louis; they seem to despise him to the nth degree. I wonder if this might be because he shares a name with their precious William, and this irks them. They refuse to call him by his name because that doesn’t belong to him, filth from the streets, it belongs to their beloved son who can do no wrong.

I can see a mother like Lady Moriarty refusing to call another boy by the name she gifted her son, especially when William reminds her that there is something she had in common with his own mother — someone who she would view as completely beneath her: they chose the same name. What a disgrace, to be associated or viewed as having a similar mind to a woman of such low standing!?

We also see William only ever call William Moriarty with the title ‘master’ in front, as though he also feels the need to make the distinction. This could just be because he’s trying to be polite, though. I could honestly dissect the entire first chapter panel by panel and highlight how William being William is such a simple but perfect concept which highlights this noble family’s insecurities, discrimination and narrow mindedness. William Moriarty feels the need to constantly reaffirm his own identity in the presence of our William.

Because … if they share full names now, with the adoption … the lines are blurring. What makes one William Moriarty superior to the other? A worrying thought indeed for this boy. (Answer: there is no difference, they’re both equally deserving of opportunities in life.)

It all makes such perfect sense and explains away the awkwardness of the writer having to avoid use of William’s name simply because ‘it needs to stay hidden to create the mystery.’ This gives the characters themselves reason within the text to avoid using it, which makes everything so much more authentic and real. It makes sense because it does, not because it has to for the plot.

• William promised not to steal anything. Twice, we see him reassuring and then reaffirming that he wouldn’t steal anything, and both times are in the presence of William Moriarty.

If we want to take this statement in light of names, and toy with that lovely device foreshadowing, William having always shared the same first name would in fact mean that statement holds true — he did not steal William’s name; it was always his own to begin with, and Moriarty was a name given to him as part of his adoption, the same as it was given to Louis. He really didn’t steal anything, despite the fact that he was probably made to feel guilty or worthless every day because of the name he shared with William Moriarty.

This also means that William probably never actively deceived any of the townspeople, either; it really was just a case of mistaken identity which he manipulated for his own cause.

The townspeople made the mistake, rather than William outright lying. William is, by trade, more of a master manipulator who turns situations to his advantage with his quick thinking, rather than straight up lying or deceiving people (see: The Merchant of London.)

• Sherlock saw his birth name but never mentions it. And still chooses to call him Liam. Yes, we might’ve had a conversation happen off screen. Yes, Sherlock might choose to do that because that name is sentimental and William has asked not to be called his true name for reasons unknown. But it would fit so beautifully if William really is his name, and Sherlock’s realisation that day when he read the birth records was that oh, so this — William ‘Smith’ — is Liam’s real name. Naturally, he would continue to call him Liam with no discussion needed, because it’s a shortened version of William.

• We have lots of characters who share the name William, but with different variations on the shortened version; another symbol of how people can be equal in some senses but also their identity can be individual to them also. William H Bonney is Billy the Kid, the mathematics genius William and Sherlock stumble upon in Durham is called Bill Hunt.

#4 — practicality and marketing.

People become attached to characters and their names, and there comes a certain point in a work where it’s very difficult to alter a character’s first name and still retain a fan base’s sense of identity for that character. Calling William say, Robert, from now on, or revealing that as his true name while we continue to see him referred to as William is all sorts of confusing, emotionally. Perhaps it’s just me. But the idea that I’ve been calling William the wrong name all along feels off and sad, whereas the knowledge that he’s at least been able to keep that part of himself consistent, when everything else has had to be an act, is actually really comforting and empowering.

I’d love to write another thought dump on why William being William all along is also, so very emotionally delicious when you explore the implications in the story; it’s heartbreaking and makes him an even more sympathetic character who I just wanna hug, so perhaps I’ll come back to this! Because re-reading those earlier chapters with this in mind really hurts so good.

He stole nothing; he was always the true William, that at least is one thing that always belonged to him — it was only society and us that dictated there was one William worth knowing more — was more interesting and held more narrative power — than the other.

This is still William’s story.

[piesafterdark]

Predictions for Arcane as a franchise + my thoughts! Season 2, Act 3 spoilers ahead.

jayce, viktor, and jinx can't be dead. Let me tell you why.

no. 1, Arcane's been pretty explicit with deaths. Silco, Vi and Cait's moms, Benzo, the sergeant from season 1 act 1 etc etc we've all seen dead bodies, time pass without them coming back, or character arcs shifting to accommodate deaths (lsha's and Silco's death shaping Jinx). In season 2, Maddie's, Ambessa's, and random extra's deaths were all shown on screen. Therefore, if we don't see a body, the body's still moving.

no. 2, while this is Arcane's last season, there's going to be more Runeterra shows. Of course we don't know what's going to happen over there, but I don't think Riot and Fortische are just going to throw Arcane's characters away unless they do. "the arcane is waking up" and all that jazz. Seems to me like the arcane isn't back to sleep, and who has experience with the arcane. Oh, right, all these cool guys. Leading to points 3 and 4.

no. 3, Jayce's crystal, given to him by the mage (Viktor) in season 1, was used for teleportation, if I remember correctly. Rather than dying/getting sucked into the crystal, they've been teleported somewhere else and will be used to shift the focus onto that location. This fits. Moving to a completely different location would disrupt the glorious evolution. Plus we didn't see their bodies so.

EDIT: apparently it was the rune of insight or smth. my bad. Still, theres a chance? Please Riot, pleaaseee

from arcanegifs

no. 4, Jinx my beloved. There was a line of shimmer leaving the explosion at the bottom of the pit, and the epilogue of Cait looking at the pit and seeing air ducts hints that Jinx/Powder escaped. I'm pretty sure the Zepplin shown at the end was to imply she left Piltover and Zaun, finally becoming her own person. Throughout the show, her identity was determined by her relationships (hair mirroring Silco's, smoke tattoos for Vi, mental illness from causing her brothers' deaths), and with hallucination Silco suggesting the best way to change the Cycle of Killing is leaving, that's what she chose to do. Additionally, her handwriting for the "the end" at the finale suggests that she was there to write it. She's alive guys trust me. Her change of scenery can be used to shift the focus to a different location.

My personal Thoughts:

on no. 4, I would hate it if they decided to kill Jinx after she found herself. It's overused. Seeing Jinx/Powder finally become herself without Silco's, Zaun's, and her sister's baggage in a new place would be super interesting. As someone who doesn't play League, I've heard there's some blond character she's shipped with from a different country/city? Foreshadowing perhaps? Plus it'd be so in character for her to start a new series with a chaotic "I bet you're wondering what I did after I faked my death."

Cait and Vi will probably remain in Piltover/Zaun doing reform (the show's whole point). The reason why Vi didn't look super duper sad is probably because she's going through shock or because Cait reassured her that Jinx/Powder isn't dead (air ducts). Ekko's probably going to do reform w/ the power couple because that's his motivation.

The sex scene's context is a bit odd, but Jinx literally gave Vi permission to be with Cait so... ? When life gives you lemons, give your gf head i guess. Wish Cait did apology head though, she really hurt Vi... But then again, Vi probably wanted to get lost in the sauce and forget about everything around her, hence the "I don't fucking care" comment.

Jayce was right, Viktor was blinded. Love that they're in love.

It's so interesting to see Sevika going from backing revolutionaries (Silco and Vander) to becoming a revolutionary herself and actually getting a seat on the council!! She went from kingmaker to king.

Thought season 2 was kinda rushed? Idk wished we had hour long episodes just to flesh things out.... still a great season.

It's not over. With the success this show's been giving Netflix, there's at least twenty more on the horizon. God bless Riot and Fortische.

going to go cry now.

[henrysglock]

High Existence and ZeroSpace: The First Shadow and NINA May Be Massive, Immersive Drug Trips

The blurb in last Friday's video from TFS sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I found a lot of sites quoting The Alchemist about the universe conspiring to give you what you truly want (which is similar and it's probably what I was thinking of when this blurb registered as familiar), but I couldn't find this exact quote:

Well...not at first, anyway. I decided to stick every word I could make out here ^ into my search bar...and I found where the blurb comes from:

This blog post is quite literally the only source I could find for it, and the whole damn thing is directly lifted.

Right off the bat, the site fucking jump-scared me:

And it doesn't end there. Let's dive in, because this rabbit hole is a trip unto itself...no MDMA​ ​required.

1. The Fucking Website...#1 (HighExistence.com)

High Existence is a sort of drug-induced-spiritual-trip centered self-help site.

It's got blog posts and podcasts and all that jazz. Here are some of the highlights:

Wow! That was...a lot. A lot of words from the word show, too:

Wholeness, heroes, ancient aliens, prisons of politeness, and the fucking Shire, too, I guess. Why not?

(An Aside: I've included the VR in here too because of the sheer similarities between Henry's experience with the Shadow in VR, El's experience in NINA, and The First Shadow in general.)

Like fuck it, why not keep going, these posts date back to at least 2017:

And don't let me start in on that Creel boy and Faust...

[Jason voice] "[Eddie] made a deal with the devil and now he has his powers!" (Also we get it, one of them is neurotic and the other is psychotic. I've been saying this since like...forever)

Of course, all that insanity aside, the Russian base arc has just...an insane amount of ST4 and TFS stuff packed into it in general:

(And this isn't even all of it. I know others [cough] Stav Heroesbyler [cough] have covered it even more...but bro it is THERE)

But most importantly for the NINA arc:

Three things: Dialogue doubling (there's the one I showed, plus a) Robin yelling "Wipeout!" at Steve which has the pipeline -> "Wipeout!" at Rink-O-Mania -> 002-005 bullying El in a very similar manner and b) Steve's "that's amazing" line about the water fountain -> "This is amazing!" not only from Alice irt the Creel house but also from Mike irt Will's painting on their way to save El from NINA. Again, these are just a few of MANY instances), makeup doubling with the bloodshot eyes, and my beloved: set/prop doubling.

I love that beautiful framing on the nearly-identical square clocks. I have so much to say about that clock, but specifically:

The clocks being set 9 minutes apart, which happens to be the exact length of time from the end of Vecna's voiceover in 4.07 to the start of the fight sequence in 4.07 (aka the length of One's frozen-clock monologue).

Not only that, but the clock isn't even right. It says it's 3:55, but it's definitely not 3:55 AM (see: movie theater scene) but it's also not 3:55 PM:

(And why do we have a clock in an elevator anyway? That's the real question. That thang only exists to deliver subtext, baby! It exists to connect the two scenes further!)

Anyway, as you all likely noticed, this site mostly deals in psychedelics, stimulants, and empathogens.

link

Hell, you could even pull One's bit on the ecosystem into it, since he's describing connections between beings that are being disturbed/destroyed by humanity.

Anyway, the site tends to center specifically on DMT and MDMA...so let's talk about those:

MDMA & DMT An aside: Interesting to me that psychosis here can be counteracted with sedatives. Makes me wonder if whatever happened in 1979 could have been halted if they'd just tranq'd One. Hm.

First off: Did I read that right? Piggy-backing? Damn, son. 4.09, The Piggyback, is pictured in that paragraph. So is Brenner's candy bit with the children -> "candy flipping" vs LSD use in Brenner's lab.

Second: Ah, how nice. Intravenous/injectable. Just like how El is constantly being shot up with...something...to enter NINA.

Now, nearly all psychedelics can induce psychosis, but especially so if they're combined with other psychoactive substances and/or if the user has a history of psychosis (either themselves or in their family).

However, MDMA specifically has been posited as a treatment for PTSD and retrograde/traumagenic amnesia:

link Like...wow. Okay, I guess!

tl;dr: One seems to have been tripping fucking balls during the monologue. Literally every fucking version of him. El likely is as well. Funny how that works. Was any of that real? [smash cut to the way blood pours down the walls and the dead children dance around in the VR version of NINA] And either way, Henry in TFS isn't far behind with his hallucinogenic moments.

The connection? Whatever the hell is going on in Hawkins Labs...and symptoms of drug use.

I was not expecting to get this much out of a single rabbit hole. But...that's life with this show, isn't it? And this is only Part 1.

2. The Fucking Website...#2 (Futurism.com)

The guy who made that original post that TFS lifted the blurb from (Jordan Lejuwaan) runs a couple different websites. The most interesting one is Futurism, which is basically an online version of the Weekly Watcher:

It won't let me filter by date, but it seems to have been founded in 2017, stemming from an infographic subreddit. (Now, it says it's a trustworthy news source, and maybe it is, but... Do your own assessment of that. I'm not your mother, yknow?)

Jordan Lejuwaan was also involved in something far more interesting irt Stranger Things...

3. Zero Space

Jordan co-founded an immersive, interactive theater experience called ZeroSpace back in 2018. As we all know, TFS was just in the beginning phase of its creation around this time.

So...This was like a brick to the skull:

"Alice in Wonderland" (don't get me started: rabbit fuckery, DRUGS!!!!!, clocks/being later, Alice Creel, Fringe connections (Through The Looking Glass and What Walter Found There being the episode about the pocket universe where 20 years passed in 5 days...and also wherein we find out about him hiding away an Observer child that he will later time travel with to save the world from the Observer takeover...erasing himself from time/the timeline by doing so...there is SO much) not to mention the "one pill makes you larger/smaller" vs teen El and baby El...it's too much to try and fit in this post), "ALIENS AND LASERS", "stretch the perceived reality of the sense", "art, actors and your own mind converge to prompt MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS" (which was a common complaint about TFS: it leaves people with more questions than answers).

("See you on the other side" being an in-show line from Henry in the lab to Patty in the void, but this image is ripped directly from the same promo video that the High Existence blurb appears in.)

Here's a little taste of what ZeroSpace is like, but I suggest going to the actual page to see it in action:

It's heavily heavily reminiscent of TFS, even just in the content warnings...

Not to mention the actual show content SFX:

However, the goal of TFS isn't to stretch our senses. We're just watching. We are not the volunteer seeing the other side.

For most of the show, that person is Henry (except the first 5 mins, when it's Cptn. Brenner and his crew literally experiencing the other side). Henry is doing the experiencing. He's the one breaking the fourth wall by picking at/breaking the sets, the one running through the audience and leaving out the theater doors (only to end up right back on stage just like El in the Rainbow Room in 4.05).

With each bit of info I find out adjacent to the play, the more convinced I am that this is some secret third boy's experience in a NINA-like simulation.

Overall—

a) TFS most likely isn't wholly real, and it seems very likely that it's the same kind of simulation as NINA.

b) El was probably drugged up with some kind of empathogenic psychedelic going into NINA, likely with the goal of setting her up to form emotional connections quickly and deeply only to rip that deep connection away in order to bolster her abilities.

c) NINA is not, then, wholly based in truth. Parts of NINA (staring at the bullying from 002-005) may have been generated from El's memories of the outside world.

d) With NINA and TFS seeming so similar, I wouldn't be shocked if parts of it are just one massive empathogen trip (staring at how quickly Henry and Patty bond, similarly to how quickly Henry and El bond in NINA).

e) Whoever is in NINA with teen El is also tripping balls, most likely, and may have gone off the rails in that regard. However, that's in a simulation...hard to assign guilt or blame for things done in a fictional/unreal world.

f) Whoever was with baby El in 1979 may have been in a similar situation "moving chess pieces"-style instead. Read: drugged in order to put him in a situation where he would bolster El's latent abilities...and it went wrong (see also: Walter Bishop's orchestrated/fake massacre meant to bolster Olivia's latent abilities.)

g) Richard Brenner having been the head of narcotics makes me question which Brenner we're seeing at any given time: Martin, or Richard?

[randomalistic]

Anyways here’s a rambling infodump thing about all the similarities between Spamton and Turbo and then some. (you should bully me for this)

My fixation on both of them… they feed into eachother.

3 foot tall FREAK !!!!!

THE INSANE SMILER…

Glitchy and pixelated

Full of envy, pent up hatred, DESPERATELY CRAVES REVENGE.

Kinda ugly </3

Or at least. Unconventional!

Used to drive a car when he was popular

I know there’s a difference between being a car spokesman and being a racer but it’s close enough <3 Spamton would not know how to drive a cungadero they just told him to pose in there and smile. Ok Headcanon OVER !!!!

Had it all in the 80s/90s before losing the spotlight

Turbo did his bullshit in 1987 (actual road blasters release year) and Spamton did his bullshit in 1997

Only really known as an unspeakable rumor and lives in infamy

It’s more like everyone “moved on” from Spamton and forgot about him (or at least tried to forget about him…) where with Turbo what he did was so bad that he’s only known for that ONE thing

Goes in hiding for decades

Spamton has his alleyway dumpster, and maybe other areas of cyber city with low traffic. Turbo’s hiding was implied to have been in the depths of game central station until Sugar Rush was plugged in. (Which I think was asked about in an AMA) Both are like. ~30 YEARS of hiding 💀

Would go any length for the same attention again

The interesting thing about this is Turbo DOES win. He does get that attention back by disguising as King Candy and being able to race again, and he keeps it for however long Sugar Rush was around for before the events of the movie. Spamton never gets it back…

But at least Spamton doesn’t get INCINERATED so I’d say he’s better off, even if the best outcome is him becoming an item

Dependent on some kid for his plan to work

Although Spamton’s relationship with Kris (dependent on them helping him) is pretty different than King Candy’s relationship with Vanellope (dependent on her not interfering) I still think it’s funny that they both have beef with children

Later attempted murder of said kid

Quality villains out here not even hesitating to kill kids to get what they want !!!

Imitated/fabricated identity

Spamton imitates Swatch, Turbo fabricates (?) King Candy

Stupid catchphrase

NOW’S YOUR CHANCE TO BE [TurboTastic!]

BOSS BATTLE FORM IS FUCKKKKED

They essentially have the same monologue of “THANKS TO YOU I'M MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER!! But it's not enough... so I'm going to kill you anyways"

I think King Candybug’s Face resembles SNEO in a weird way. Mostly just the big eyes and weird nose and THE SMILERRRRR. They have very similar vibes! I will stop myself now!

Virus/malware adiacent

Turbo literally claims he’s a virus by the end of the movie and Spamton is Spamton

Critically Acclaimed Tumblr Man (and hated)

From my RESEARCH. (Aka. Looking up art of him) Apparently a lot of people on tumblr liked Turbo in 2013. And those people have since become spamton people (perhaps ……) I guess that is me now too. Really unfortunate

Lore ties into a real life video game (Petz & Road Blasters)

In the sweepstakes spamton was kinda confirmed to come from a Petz game. I also didn’t know road blasters was Real until I started looking into it . (TurboTime is fake tho) But there’s a very specific similarity for you. Fucked up characters blurring the lines into real life my beloved

Rivalry/broken friendship with Those similar looking fellas (I’m running out of brain power here)

Spamton had the Addisons, which were like his friends? Fellow advertisers. Looked a bit like him, just taller with different colors. Spamton left them after becoming a big shot because he thought he didn’t need them anymore…

Turbo had the “turbo twins” (the 2 other blue racers in his game) idk if that’s their official name cuz they kinda barely exist in canon.. I think it’s popular fanon that Turbo is shorter than both of them, but that’s actually not true. But I’m still gonna count it. Anyways he KILLED them when he got turbotime unplugged. THEYRE DEAD.

Extreme temperature related death (is this a stretch)

Less of a similarity and more of an interesting contrast

Turbo burns to death when he’s INCINERATED in diet cola mountain. I could ramble about this a lot but. That’s for my second account

And Spamton NEO (in snowgrave at least) is FROZEN SOLID by noelle. He shouldn’t have asked for that ice cream man

Anyways I get similar vibes from those guys..

I hope they explode.

Also thinking more about this is making me realize how similar in concept deltarune and Wreck it Ralph are. As in, those apps and computer programs in the computer lab ? Yeah they’re alive and theres a whole ass cyber city and mansion and theres a ton of little guys living in there! (And same goes for the card kingdom in chapter 1)

Like if there was a dark world created in an arcade, it would probably look something like the WIR world. In a way, lightners would be the “players” because everything the game characters (darkners) do is to serve the players. I’m just saying !!!! These pieces of media are both Really Good!!!

[clownakai]

Today’s a pleasant Saturday, and after having a good laugh at the "The reviews are in" post, I thought I’d dive into an intersting theory about the possible connection between Gin and Mary :)

Shared Phrases (?) Both Gin and Mary are the only characters to say, “It’s like encountering a demon in the darkness.” Similarly, Tsutomu and Shuichi are the only ones who’ve said, “The fault is 50/50.” I mean.. it's pretty obivious from just here already.

Appearance In terms of appearance, Mary, Sera, Akai, and Gin share two notable features: green eyes and distinct lines under their lower eyelids. Mary also has platinum hair, much like Gin’s.

Mary’s shrinking instead of being killed Mary’s shrinking, rather than being executed by BO, is particularly strange. After all, BO is notorious for ruthless efficiency—why use APTX 4869 instead of simply shooting her? The idea of sparing an enemy with a “golden medicine” that took years of research feels uncharacteristically merciful for BO. Their usual motto of “leave no trace” makes this decision seem odd and deliberate.

The boss’s decision to let Mary live seems to be a carefully calculated trap. It’s confirmed that Sherry’s mother and Mary are biological sisters (as the author has stated that Akai and Sherry are cousins). This means Mary and Sherry share familial genes as aunt and niece, making their bodies react similarly to the drug. I believe Gin may have known early on that Sherry was alive and was aware of Kudo's survival as well. Therefore, Gin and the boss know that Mary will survive this drug as well. Gin likely hinted this to the boss and orchestrated events to leave Mary alive. Why? They will use Mary as a bait to retrieve the antidote.

If BO were to capture Sherry, she’d likely refuse to cooperate. If they killed her, they’d lose their only chance at the antidote. Raising Sherry, funding her studies abroad, and investing years in her research suggests how vital she is to the boss’s plans. Killing Kudo would also be out of the question—Sherry’s guilt over Kudo’s predicament is what drives her to work on the antidote. If Kudo were killed, Sherry might even commit suicide, leaving BO without their much needed antiodote.

Mary’s shrinking seems to be a part of the boss’s larger scheme to manipulate Sherry. By targeting Mary, someone closely tied to Sherry and the silver bullet Akai, the boss ensures that all roads lead back to Sherry. This clever and cost-effective strategy leverages Mary’s condition to force Sherry’s hand, ensuring she stays within BO’s reach. In the process, it draws in powerful agencies like the FBI, CIA, and MI6, all of whom may unwittingly aid the boss’s agenda. In the end, the trap wasn’t just for Mary—it was a strategic move to draw out Sherry and secure BO’s ultimate goal: the antidote. This theory further supports the idea that Mary and Gin might be related, potentially as mother and son. Otherwise she wouldn't have been alive until now.

Hello anon! Just so you know this was a delightful surprise to find in my inbox today :3 I think I reread the whole thing like four times before even thinking of doing anything else djsjfsk I love theories so much💥💥💥

(Everything else is under the cut because I ended up yapping too much. I'm so sorry)

I really like this theory, especially since it indirectly covers for the fact that Masumi (partly due to Mary's orders as she's getting more and more impatient) hasn't exactly been subtle in her attempts to get the temporary antidote and has generally been very liberal with the information she has about Conan and Haibara's identities, talking about it in public and even getting overheard (granted, Subaru isn't the issue here, and it's not a guarantee that she's being tailed 24/7 as that would be a bit of a hassle to keep up, but still). One would think that they'd have been found out by now, given that the BO is now fully certain of Masumi's existence and relations (Vermouth on the Mystery Train my beloved & beloathed... Girl why r u so evil) and, as minimal as it is, she does represent a threat, but nothing has happened to either of them yet.

I do think that the point about the BO's decision to use the poison is a little shaky, seeing as it's been explicitly stated to leave no trace on the body— which actually fits pretty well with their motto, and we do glimpse a pretty long list of people it's been used on a few times throughout the manga (we only see a few names, but it's speculated to be much longer than what is shown), so it would seem that the BO has been using it semi-regularly when they wanted more down-low executions.

There was also no guarantee that Mary would react the same way to the APTX even with a possible genetic advantage observed in Shiho (and without knowing exactly what they were looking for, I'm fairly sure trying to compare the two's DNA in order to confirm their theory would be really difficult if not outright impossible in such a short timespan, and that's if you don't consider the absence of the person who knows the most about the APTX in the first place and could have sped things up if she was there). <- sidenote: I feel like I may have misread this point of the theory, so my interpretation and objection could be completely off bc it's not what you were talking about djsnfns

That said, I find the point about ensuring a direct line to Sherry through familial relations very interesting, in the sense that it made me stop and ask myself how she would react upon finding out that she has more living family still, but over half of them are people who she may see as having caused her grief/major discomfort at best. Would her wish to connect to her family be stronger than her self-preservation (along with the fact that she doesn't really know these people and therefore has no emotional attachment to them, not even as abstract idealized family)? I'm genuinely not sure, but the BO banking on this, possibly because having essentially groomed her they know her weaknesses best, is very juicy.

Honestly, thanks to that post (and a few delightful conversations about it), I do think that making Mary and Gin related in some way would be like. Really really funny. It'd also probably piss off a lot of people, but it'd be so funny.

And, given Gosho's magic retconning powers, I have come to the conclusion that Gin being Elena and Mary's brother that nobody ever talks about for some reason would be peak comedy. It even gives the whole "Elena and her husband received an offer they couldn't say no to because it'd let them continue their research" thing a new layer of context if you consider that Gin may have been the one who brought them to the Boss's attention.

This is also brought to you by my superficial genetics liker ass who says "Tsutomu's hair is brown and Mary's is blond. Brown is a dominant gene while blond is recessive, so unless Tsutomu's genotype was heterozygous (which we unfortunately can't know without the rest of his family tree. Also Gosho only seems to care about genetics from time to time) Gin should also have brown hair".

Also it's infinitely funnier if this is all a very complicated example of what Cain's Instinct looks like. Imagine playing the long game for literal decades because you want your siblings dead but it should also wipe out the rest of the family. Insane

[thrawns-babygirl]

Hello there lovely, is there any chance that you could write something - anything really idc if it's a drabble, hc or oneshot- involving tatted Crosshair and his send nudes tattoo?

No pressure of course. love your stuff and keep it up^^

have a nice day <3

This was only meant to be a drabble but I got carried away.

And yes I know this fic starts off almost identically to one of my other fics (I think it was one of the follower celebration ones) but for this specific fic I needed to reuse an old trope dont @ me please I've had writers block （；¬＿¬)

This is also another one of my classic medic!reader fics because I wanted it to be gender neutral and doc is the easiest gender neutral nickname I can come up with.

I am not a creative person lmao.

anywho, this is based off of @cloned-eyes absolutely sinful art, which is honestly some of my favorite Crosshair art of all time.

Rating: E (18+) Warnings: Sexting (I think that's it lmao) Words: 2200+

Been a while since ive written anything this long so i hope my writing is still up to snuff

Masterlist

Where could he be? Where on this maker forsaken facility could he possibly be? You storm through the halls of Kamino looking for Wrecker, the errant clone needing to come and see you for updates to his immunisations before he or the rest of clone force 99 are allowed back out into the field.

It’s not surprising that he’s avoiding you, out of all of them, Wrecker is by far the worst with needles. The man can’t stand them, avoids you like the plague when he knows that it’s time to keep his vaccinations up to date and for what its worth you can’t really blame him. No one enjoys needles.

You huff and place your hands on your hips as you think about where the lovable giant could possibly be. You’ve already checked the mess, the armoury, the Marauder and the training centres with zero sign of him. When you got to the marauder Tech just gave you that look that says, “I understand you need to find him but I’m not going to rat him out” and while you often applaud clones for their loyalty to one another, when it stops you from doing your job it makes you want to rip your own hair out in frustration.

You make your way over towards their barracks, hoping and praying to whatever deities that will listen that you’ll find him and be able to get on with the rest of your job. You take a deep breath, standing out the front of their doors, before keying in your medical override and stepping inside.

You don’t find wrecker, and you wish you had knocked.

Standing in front of you is Crosshair, in just a towel, dark lines of ink on full display over his tanned body. You’ve never actually seen him without his shirt on before, never needed to. The sniper usually manages to stay out of trouble and doesn’t need any assistance when the boys return to Kamino so you had no idea he was covered in tattoos.  

You run your eyes over his chest, taking in all the impressive art that litters his toned form. The silhouette of his beloved 773 Firepuncher that stretches along his chest, the artfully done letters of aurebesh that stretch above his stomach, the other smaller words and phrases that extend down his hips, tantalizingly low, slightly obscured by the fabric of the towel that’s gripped in his left hand.

You run your eyes up his arm towards his face, knowing that he’s going to be wearing that sickeningly infuriating smirk of his and wanting to avoid the cliché “Like what you see?” you know he’s going to drawl at you like you’re in some terrible holodrama.

As you brace yourself to face him, your eyes catch on a single phrase tattooed on his left arm, slightly more patchy and faded than his other ink as if it were the result of a drunken night out in some shady tattoo parlour in the Uscru District of Coruscant. Two simple words that have a profound effect on your physiology causing even more heat to rush to your face, deepening the blush that you know is already far too pronounced on your cheeks and ears.

“Send Nudes”

You finally have the courage to snap your eyes up to his and just as you expected you’re greeted by his frustratingly handsome smirk, his eyes boring into yours, as if he’s waiting for you to say something, as if this is going to be the final nail in the coffin for your poorly hidden mutual attraction to one another that’s been simmering the last few cycles that’s threatening to reach boiling point as you maintain eye contact.

You lamely open and close your mouth trying to find something to say to the barely covered man in front of you before he decides to end your suffering, breaking the silence with the just as cliché “See something you like doc?” he raises an eyebrow at you before walking over towards his bunk, reaching into a pouch on his discarded armour and producing a toothpick, slipping it between his lips as he looks you up and down.

“I um-” you finally look away from him, suddenly finding the old training posters above his bed intensely interesting trying to figure out what to say to him as if you weren’t just ogling his naked chest and arms for an unprofessionally long amount of time.

You clear your throat “I was just looking for Wrecker… he needs his shots” your eyes dart around the room, avoiding his smug, self-satisfied face for as long as humanly possible.

You cringe at how your voice falters, yours and Crosshair’s interactions are always a battle of wits and snark, constantly trying to one up each other as the rest of the batch endeavour to ignore your vague attempts at flirting with one another. Both of you trying your best to goad the other into making the first move, dancing around the invisible line you’ve both drawn in the sand but never crossed.

From the corner of your eye, you see him walk towards you, you see his arm adjusting the towel around his hips and your eyes are drawn to that stupid tattoo on his arm again, the one that makes you want to throw professionalism out the window and jump his bones regardless of any regulations or rules that would get in the way and muddy the waters.

“Wrecker’s not here” his voice has dropped an octave, as if getting you alone in his room has made him realise that there is nothing physical stopping the two of you from muddying the waters of your relationship and taking that final step. You swallow the saliva that’s started pooling in your mouth, attempting to remind yourself that you’re on duty, you’re in the barracks, any one of the rest of his squad could walk through those doors at any moment an interrupt whatever lewd and improper things you both want to do to one another.

While you were wrestling with your own thoughts and feelings you miss how close he’s managed to get to you, his silent footsteps bringing him directly in front of you and you stare up at him. Has he always been this tall? You lock eyes with him, neither of you saying anything as you just stare at one another, each of you silently willing the other to close the distance between the two of you and take the leap.

He begins moving his face closer to yours, his warm breath brushing over your face, it smells minty you vaguely register as you move your face closer to his, closing your eyes and the distance between the two of you when suddenly you hear loud, boisterous laughter approaching from the other side of the door.

You curse under your breath. Despite this being the whole reason you’re in the barracks to begin with, you would give anything for a few more moments alone with Crosshair. Both of you pull away from one another, Crosshair grabbing a spare change of blacks and walking back into the refresher before the door to the barracks opens and you see the wayward clone himself stare at you with wide eyes. He knows he’s got nowhere to run now as you fix him with a glare that one would assume is because of the amount of time and effort you put into finding him and not because of the fact he just interrupted… whatever was about to happen between you and Crosshair.

You walk out of the barracks with Wrecker in tow, attempting to push whatever it was that was happening with Crosshair to the back of your mind, at least for now.

After another few hours on duty, you finally return to your quarters, sore exhausted and replaying the interaction you had with Crosshair over and over again in your mind. No matter how you try to distract yourself, whenever you close your eyes, you see the dark lines of ink that cover his sculpted body. Does he have more tattoos? Do the go lower? You mind is reeling, and you can’t focus on anything else, you can’t even sleep all you can think about is stupid Crosshair with his stupid tattoos and that stupid send nudes tattoo he has on his stupid arm.

You sigh, picking up your datapad in a vague attempt at tricking your brain into doing something productive when you get an idea. Arguably a terrible and stupid idea that could have a negative affect on your career but… an idea, nonetheless. Sighing and shaking your head you throw your datapad down onto your bed as you stand up to take a shower.

No… this is a terrible idea.

You undress and stare at yourself in the mirror. Maybe… its not a terrible idea? Your mind keeps going back to his tattoos and you decide to throw caution to the wind. Walking back into your bedroom you snatch up your datapad and open an encoded chat with Crosshair’s personal frequency double and triple checking the recipient to make sure what you’re about to do doesn’t end up in the wrong hands before steeling your nerves and standing in front of the mirror. The lighting isn’t the most flattering but you don’t let yourself dwell on that for too long before you strike what you hope is an appealing pose and taking a series of pictures, attempting to highlight your assets.

You flick through the pictures selecting the ones you think are the most flattering and before you have a chance to second guess yourself you send them through to Crosshair with the caption “As instructed”.

You wait for a moment, encrypted chats don’t have notifications for when the recipient has seen the messages so you wait with baited breath for a response. When one doesn’t come immediately you throw your datapad down onto your bed and run your hand through your hair, deciding that maybe he’s just not looking at his datapad right now you finally take your shower, attempting to wash away your nerves and embarrassment, pushing your fear of rejection out of your head as you let the warm spray wash over you.

When you exit the shower and towel yourself off you look at your datapad and see a reply from Crosshair. Your breath catches in your throat as you move to open the message and see that it comes with an attachment.

Holding your breath, you open the attachment only to be greeted by a picture of Crosshair, standing in the refresher in his barracks, wearing only a pair of loose fitting black pants that are pulled down to his thighs revealing what can only be described as the nicest cock you have ever seen. You’ve never thought that cocks were attractive before, but somehow he’s managed to change your mind. It’s long and thick and the way his slender fingers wrap around his girth makes your mouth water.

After spending far too much time searing the sight of it into your memory you read the text that he sent along with the photo just one simple word; “More”.

You dive into bed, datapad in one hand, legs spread however before you get a chance to take and pictures you receive another message from Crosshair, this time there is no text, only a video. You open it and press play.

You watch in pure delight as the recording of Crosshair’s hand moves over his hard, weeping length, his fingers tightening as he gets to the tip creating more pressure around the head. Small sighs and choked breaths can be heard from the audio as his hand works his cock and just as the video ends you swear you hear a whisper of your name.

You scramble to return the favour, attempting to capture the best possible angle as you manoeuvre one hand down between your legs to begin working yourself over. You have the luxury of not needing to share your living space with anyone, so you put on a bit of a show, moaning and whimpering and gasping his name as you touch yourself and push yourself over the edge with a final long moan of his name. Your chest rising and falling as you hit send before you can change your mind or second guess yourself.

Not long after that you receive the final video of the night, your mouth waters and you can feel heat rushing down south again as you watch Crosshair vigorously stroking his cock, muffled gasps and groans coming from his end as he works himself, the head of his cock is so red it’s almost purple and you can see beads of precum leaking out of the tip and running onto his hands as he brings himself closer and closer to the edge. You watch as he bites his lip, face contorting in pleasure as the lines of ink on his skin move with the rise and fall of his chest as he struggles to stay quiet.

He screws his eyes shut and bites his lip so hard you think you see him break the skin, as he stifles a moan of your name, spilling ropes of cum over himself, his hand and his chest, panting before the video ends.

You get one other message from him on the encrypted channel.

>Might need to see you in medbay tomorrow for a busted lip

@where-is-my-mind-tho@antishadow2021 @healingskywalker @crosshairlovebot@ilovestarwarsmen725@vincentferard

[chronologically-challenged]

2, 9, and 13 for the ask game? ^_^

Isat ask game link!!! Thank you for the ask!!!!

2. Least Favorite Character?

Oooh, my spicy take first.

...Mal du pays.

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN, I adore them in concept!!!!! I think mdp is a good emotional conclusion to the ghost arc and a good way to show Siffrin losing his resolve at the end of act 5. There was an amazing analysis post about mdp and Siffrin's relationship with their own homesickness as well. However. Ngl. I remember none of mdp's lines. Also, the "someone intimidating your loved ones yelling back they hate you" isn't my favorite trope either.

Idk, mdp did nothing for me. I'm much more of a "darkness parts of your mind sound like sweet nothings" sorta person rather than the intensity of mdp. I'm sorry little homesick fella. Love that you had the fucked up version of the death music though.

9. What would your wish at the Favor tree be?

I am. Limiting the range of this question because otherwise I'd be here all day. I am going to assume that we're in a similar circumstance as the party and we're about to go fight the King, and I'm just a little guy hoping for some favor tomorrow, and don't know the favor tree has actual major reality bending power.

In THAT circumstance, I'd probably wish that we all would survive the next day.

13. Favorite Line?

Don't make me choose between my darlings-

Tbh I could pick nearly any line from the Loop fight tbh. When looking for any one particular line, I nearly cried, so there's that. My darling Loop my beloved, I want to give you the world.

But if not for that, tbh both the act 3 and act 4 versions of Odile's quest just stick with me. In general, Odile's quest is just one of the most fascinating in the game, and provides such a depth to the world. But I REALLY like that quest in particular reveals about Siffrin. Particularly act 4, between the family quest and the sus quest, you get a lot of the reason WHY emotionally Siffrin sticks with the loops and doesn't tell their family what's going on.

(Is it any wonder you crave knowledge? Habits?!?) (If it all keeps happening the exact same way every time, you'll never lose anything, will you? You'll HAVE to remember it all, because you're living it!!!) (Forever living in memories you can't let go of!!!) (You're so pathetic.) (Telling the King to let go?) (You can't even do that. Can't let go of it.) (This perfect play.)

Also it's one of the few family quests where Siffrin thinks mean things about them while not in act 5 aslkdja .

(What a privilege, to be able to think your roots don't inform your identity.)

(chef's kiss) love that for you Sif. Go be a little mean in your head. it's unfair, but also the fact it took this long to be mean is impressive tbh. Also good set up for act 5 alskdjsa.

[lurkingshan]

10 Things I Love About Khun Chai

I did it, y’all. I watched my first lakorn, and let me tell you, I had a fucking fantastic time doing it. Now that’s not a blanket endorsement of the genre, because I understand Khun Chai aka To Sir, With Love is pretty unique, particularly in that it’s a period queer love story with a happy ending. But as a different kind of Thai drama than any I’d previously seen, it was truly a great watch.

It has some flaws, sure. It’s a soap opera, so melodrama, repetitive story beats, overdramatic acting, and slow pacing are par for the course. If you go in understanding that, you’ll be fine. And the episodes are long af but don’t be shy about increasing the playback speed - I watched a lot of it at 1.5x and it was perfectly smooth. Now that I’ve finished it, I think the time investment was totally worth it (@bengiyo my final rec - worth going back to finish! It worked better for me when I broke it up in chunks of 2-3 episodes at a time).

Without further ado, the top ten reasons I loved it:

1. TIAN MY BELOVED

Look at him. Just look at his beautiful traumatized face!! I hold that it’s impossible to watch this entire show and not come out absolutely loving this man. He is so believably flawed but at his core he is good. He is generous. He is loyal. He is brave. And he looks very good in a three piece suit.

Honestly I could do a whole top ten list just about Tian but let’s move on and give some love to the rest of the show.

2. Did I mention this is a PERIOD ROMANCE??!! Something we get so precious little of in bl. I asked @absolutebl a while back if they knew of any other Thai period bls, and this was the entire list. So good thing it’s excellent!

The show is set in the 1930s and 40s in Japanese-occupied Thailand, and it centers on a powerful Thai-Chinese family (currently leading a cooperative partnership of five families) and the power struggle over who will be the heir (Succession, but make it Asian and queer). The show digs into really interesting family structure, politics, and class struggle stuff.

3. The brotherly bond is unmatched and undefeated. The plot centers on two brothers, Tian and Yang, who love each other so much, like I cannot emphasize enough how willing these brothers are to protect and die for each other. If someone was shooting at them they would both try to dive in front of the bullet. Their bond is so touching and provides an emotional through line when the plot gets wacky.

4. The classic soap opera plots are truly brilliant, all your favorite tropes are here. This show has everything - family secrets, nefarious schemes, murderous maids, mystical poisons, faen fatales, even sex pollen! As I believe @ginnymoonbeam put it at one point - everything is happening so much all the time. It’s truly a delightful romp, especially after the halfway point when the plot machinations really kick into high gear.

5. The queer love story is the main romance and emotional heart of the show. There are actually two romances in this show - each of the brothers gets a love interest. And both of them are lovely. But rather than the typical move where a het drama features a queer side pairing, here the entire story is driven by Tian’s sexual identity, the burden placed on him to keep it a secret, and how increasingly impossible that becomes once he meets Jiu. Over the course of this show, we get to watch Tian fall in love and finally live his truth and see how that changes him. It’s truly beautiful, and the romance between Tian and Jiu is so sweet (and a bit racier than I expected - the show does not shy away from the sexual aspect of this relationship). The romance between Yang and Pin is also very sweet - they are adorable tbh - but entirely secondary.

6. Every frame of this show is absolutely gorgeous. The scenery is lush, the costumes are beautiful, the tailoring is impeccable, the hair and makeup never misses. It’s truly a feast for the eyes.

7. There are so many good female characters in this show, y’all! Tian and Yang have not one but 4 or 5 different mother figures. They are all flawed, complex, and a little nuts. They get up to so much trouble and drive a lot of the plot with their scheming, hijinks, and prolific wielding of murderous sparkle dust (don’t ask, you have to see it to understand). Pin, Tian’s would be fiancé turned sister-in-law, is a total sweetheart, but she’s also smart and fierce with a steel core and not afraid to tell her man when he’s being stupid. There’s even a lady boss at the head of one of the five families.

8. Relatedly, there is so much complex family drama in this show, and so many interesting dysfunctional parental relationships. @waitmyturtles you will have a field day when you finally get to watch this. Both brothers have fraught relationships with their various parent figures, for very different reasons. The various relationships and resentments that form between the wives and the sons in a polygamous family unit (did I mention that yet? there are three wives in the mix here and the brothers have different biological moms) are absolutely fascinating.

9. The resolution to the succession plot and ultimate defeat of the Big Bad was so satisfying. I won’t get into spoiler territory, but let me just say that the characters went through a lot together and to see the way they ultimately had to come together and let go of their baggage to survive was very cool. It felt earned.

10. IT ENDS WITH A BIG OLD HEAP OF GAY DOMESTIC BLISS!!! I will get into spoiler territory here because you deserve to know that if you put in the time to watch this show you will be rewarded with a very happy couple forming a family unit and living peacefully on their own terms. I was so pleased with this ending, I can’t even tell you. The final scenes made me cry real tears, I was so touched. And they even put a literal rainbow in the sky at the end. A literal rainbow! Come on!

Watch it, friends! It’s worth your time.