#id rather die than go thru this life

[nightfallsystem]

vent in tags lol

[catravandece]

I took my cat to the vet early this morning after not sleeping and frantically shoveling out my driveway at 8am. I forgot to bring a blanket to cover his crate and the office receptionist who was helping me carry him used her keffiyeh to protect my boy from the snow. We had a shining moment together when I complimented it, I made her smile because most people didn't know what it was, and I swear to god I nearly busted out sobbing on the icy steps of that vet office. I was an emotional wreck and a hot sweaty mess, worried my cat was gonna die and she covered him from the snow. People in Palestine are fighting genocide and halfway around the world, a woman in my community used a bit of that culture to show my cat a kindness. It was beautiful and I am going to remember her for the rest of my life.

[erikahenningsen]

sneak peek friday 🫶

“Why didn’t you text me back this weekend?”

Janis jumps, nearly spilling her cup of coffee. “Jesus.”

Damian grins. “Yes, tell me your sins.”

Janis rolls her eyes. “I was busy. Sorry.”

“Regina stayed the whole weekend?” Damian asks, having the good sense to keep his voice low.

“No,” Janis says. She leans against the counter next to the coffeemaker in the teacher’s lounge. She sips her coffee and it’s as shitty as she remembered, but the line at the Starbucks drive-thru was too long to stop. “I just had other shit to do.”

“But Regina did come over?” Damian prods.

Janis sighs. “She might have—hey, do not scream.”

“You don’t know what I was going to do.”

Janis points a finger at him. “That was your about-to-scream face.”

“And what does Regina’s about-to-scream face look like?” Damian asks, smirking.

“We’re done talking about this.” Janis starts to walk out of the teacher’s lounge, but Damian is hot on her heels.

“Janis, you know I can’t focus when there’s unspilled tea!”

“Skill issue.”

“Hey guys!”

Janis turns to see Cady, keys and school ID hanging from a lanyard around her neck and hair in two braids. It makes her look like a student.

“Hi, Caddy,” Janis says.

“Janis was just about to tell me about what she and Regina did this weekend,” Damian says, and Janis contemplates jumping her nasty coffee on his shoes.

Cady’s eyes widen. “What did you and Regina do this weekend!”

“Nothing!” Janis insists, walking away. “So maybe we hooked up. Whatever.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” Damian blocks Janis’s path. “You can’t ‘whatever’ your way out of this one.”

“Why?” Janis asks, voice bordering on a whine. God, is it too much to ask to just sit at her desk and stare off into space undisturbed until her students arrive?

“Because my life is boring,” Damian replies.

“Come on,” Cady says, frowning. “She doesn’t have to talk about it right now if she doesn’t want to.”

“Thank you,” Janis says.

Cady smiles, a little mischievously. “But you do have to tell us everything later.”

Damian holds his hand up for a high-five and Cady slaps it.

“Goodbye,” Janis says, flipping them both off before heading off to her classroom. The kids will start coming into the school any minute, and she’d rather die than be caught getting grilled about Regina in the hallway.

[marley-manson]

Finally watched the Xena finale, thanks to the fanon episode order treating it as a midseason soft finale that gets fixed by When Fates Collide lol.

And man, it really was a hot mess. I could barely follow the plot, and many aspects were very arbitrary and like, revealed off-screen. The most hilarious of course being Xena suddenly announcing, like a minute before the end of the episode, that oh actually apparently she has to stay dead, sorry Gab, xoxo

It is VERY Xena though to have a plotline where Xena anticlimactically dies in the pre-credits scene at the beginning of part 2 and both you and the characters assume for the rest of the episode that she's going to come back to life like usual until the tragic twist lol.

Akemi was... resoundingly mediocre as one of Xena's exes. Her only personality traits were 'proto-Gabrielle' and 'wants to kill her dad.' Also like... was there incest subtext there? Like it was implied that the little creepy afterlife she was in was like, her dad's ghosts' personal brothel or something? But like I said, the plot was very hard to follow.

The themes were also a mess of course, it's been said many times but yeah ignoring the central theme of the show (atonement is pointless if you're doing good now) in favour of redemption thru death was dumb, the set up was dumb (we're blaming Xena for 40k deaths because she set a couple dudes on fire in self defense? Man at least give me an actual deliberate atrocity here), and choosing death over Gabrielle was like a dumb reverse Ides of March. Also Gabrielle just going like, 'damn okay I guess, bye forever,' was unbelievable. Even if Xena wants to backslide, I'm pretty sure Gabrielle would force her to come back to life anyway, fuck those souls. Like, it's not even clear how Xena's death helps them? Killing Akemi's evil dad again freed them from torment or whatever, who cares if they don't get avenged? What is a state of grace? How will they be lost, if she comes back to life? People go unavenged all the time, deal with it.

That said, I'd been under the impression that somehow Xena's death here contradicts the whole reincarnation thing, but I didn't get that at all? Idt there's any stipulation that she has to stay in the Japanese afterlife, just that she has to be killed and stay dead, and it does make sense since in their next lives Xena is a lot older than Gabrielle, so she should logically die a few decades earlier.

On the more positive side of things, it was very fun to see Gabrielle shining as ~the new Xena~ Love to see her kicking that one dude's ass twice, and the moment she catches the chakram is super cool. The non-Xena chakram-catch has always been framed as an 'oh shit, this woman's gonna be hardcore as hell' moment in the show so I love that they use it to show how far Gab's come.

And of course, gay gay gay homosexual gay. Like, season 6 is the point where I would say it is textual if only the show didn't go out of its way to scream "IT'S STILL AMBIGUOUS" a couple times lol (reporter's question in You Are There, fans in Soul Possession saying "yay Xena and Gabrielle are finally together" when they hear Harry and Mattie are married, eg.) "If I only had thirty seconds to live, this is how I'd want to spend them: looking into your eyes. I love you, Gabrielle." Like goddamn. I appreciate this cast and crew so much. Plus the incredibly thinly veiled makeout scene <3

Finally, while I think her chatting with Xena at the very end was meant to be more metaphorical or symbolic rather than literally Gabrielle talking to herself, it was an unfortunately funny image and a pretty terrible final scene imo. I do like the 'I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram' reprise though, I gotta admit. Go kick some ass babe <3

And despite very much not liking that Xena dies in the finale, I would still read/watch the shit out of Gabrielle's now-single adventures as a just-as-invincible gay hero, kicking ass, fucking women without ever settling down with anyone, telling stories about Xena and becoming even more famous herself.

[bobothefuckingfool]

life is so lovely to me rn why do i wanna die

oh right im still facing homelessness , not rly i guess ,no one will let me go without but good lord i Hate being in a time of need id rather drudge thru it myself than lean on others for Anything

[a-v-j]

Akills and Hryxy rp-turn-to-short fic

Content warning:

Swearing, not really a polished fic so format can be a bit wonky, mentions of sex, a bit of 4th wall break, existential crisis

Written by @nyxus-nyx and me

Enjoy~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 4: Youre the first

Akills: italic

Hyryx: bold

Akills waved it off and went to stare somewhere else, scoffing at the idea that sex could be as sacred as a SOUL bond.

"Welp, good to know we have difference views and principles when it comes to that...for us, skeletons, SOUL bond is what we consider a big deal. Any skeleton unfortunate enough to be sexual just do it for shits and giggles or basic intimacy" He rambled

”I dont get it.. for halfbreeds.. we use intercorse as the moment we.. soul bond.. its.. just how we Roll..” he holds his own hand to his chest where his soul is.

“Skeletons just do it for fun hm..? Stupid..”

"your kind soul bond thru sex? Well, that's doing two things at once"

"Doesn't mean we dont do that too, sex and a bond can happen when passion peaks high enough. We can just do either just sex or bond, or both. Some skeletons dont have parts for sex so that's why the bond is the main go-to" He continues on, ignoring that slight comment.

”Mm..”

He sighs.

“What does it even feel like.?” He scratches at his chest again.

"heh"

He tilt his head down as he quietly chuckled.

"Ya gotta be specific, buddy"

”Soul bond.. I never did it to my wife.. she never deserved it but stil..”

He clenches his fist.

“Told it felt nice..”

Akills expression softens a bit as he's able to recollect what a soul bond felt like, he stares blankly for a moment as fond memories softly flashed back to him, then he got a faint image of who he was doing it with and made his mood sour. His expression changes but went on to describe it to Hryxy anyway.

"It's more than nice...it felt like a connection...overwhelming, rush-inducing, feeling of completeness, we can actually feel what we feel for each other... it's like you're able to see what's exactly inside. You'll feel a lot of emotions there, some that are even hidden from both of you. It's more than nice, it's feeling fulfilled "

Hryxy looked at Akills and chuckled.

“Sounds like you have a bit of venom in those words..”

He turns to face Akills once more.

"..heh...one of the many things robbed away from me..."

He looks back to Hryxy, his sockets void of his eyelight and expression unreadable. But his vibe indicate it was a big deal for him

”Hm.. did you ever.. find that one person who robbed you of it..?”

He crosses his arms.

"theyre watching us right now"

Hryxy twitches.

“Oh..?”

"theyre the one playing god and making me, me...i never ask to be, to be honest"

"But boy they sure do like exploring possibilities"

He stopped his leaning position and went sitting cross legged, head down, making his face hidden in the shadows.

”Well. Mine is trying to make me, sentimental.. and feel things..”

He grumbles as he grits his teeth.

“Stupid.”

)HEY-)

"its funny how we are aware of it and still play the stories set for us as if it's a real thing...kinda depressing when you think about it..."

Akills started fiddling with his fingers, not looking at anything but still under the darkness of his hood

Hryxy looks at Akills.

“We have to.. or we’ll end up being scrap.. well.. atleast me..”

Hryxy reaches over and pats Akills head.

Akills stiffens at the touch but lets it be

"Heh, id rather be scrapped, left, forgotten. And i don't mean killing myself, it's more like wishing there were never a trace of me ever. It suck to be who i am"

"Pretty sure you feel the same...being thrown in unnecessary angst for the sake of a "what-if"..."

”Yeah. That atleast my whole life.. hated it.. but gotta live through it.. well for me to die through it and grow rotten..”

He laughs a lil rubbing his hooded skull.

“But bud, im not good with.. ‘comfort’ but atleast.. use that anger or hopelessness on thing that drive you.. well.. crazy.. that works for some of us atleast..”

Akills laughs bitterly

"What do you think im doing. Im killing myself off frame by frame. I know it's hopeless. But...

It gives me a sense of purpose.

Even if it's a fake one.

I know for sure i wont be scrapped like those fortunate enough to be uninteresting, might as well take some of what's coming for me"

"Cant exactly fight god, they could let me but it'll never be real. Dont exactly have a choice but play by their rules, pretend i mean what i am and forget all this is just play...

Heh

Sorry, it's getting existentially heavy" 

Hryxy sighs and grabs Akills and pulls him into a bear hug. “Dont say shit.. just fuckin calm down.. not the end of our worlds yet..”

He grits his teeth wanting to scratch his chest but he protests it.

“Not everyday meetin someone.. who wanted to ring you of your spine then get sentimental.. huh?”

Perhaps forgetting the heavy things is therapeutic, he always been doin it and it felt more better to be in character than feel like shit for being aware of being a character.

Akills would usually kill for the unwanted hug but this one felt right. Felt like a kind that actually gets where his coming from and that it indeed appropriate for the situation. He accepts it

"Heh, nope, youre the first"

(End rp?)

"God, fckn finally"

(Or ya wanna add Hryxy's response?)

"Oh ffs"

(we can end it buddy.)

“Lol.”

The end :D

[mistigri0000]

Id rather die than fall in love again

Nothing wrong with falling in love but i never wanna go thru a break up again

Time stopped and my life is on pause im lost

[pepprs]

u kno That anxious unavoidable Dread when u kno ur abt 2 spend time w some ppl who ur rly uncomfortable around n u gotta pretend it’s ok and suck it up for like 5 hours? ....yyyyyyyeah

[nitebloom]

Can you share some of your favorite books with us?

oh ym god thank u this is the best question <3 definitely leaving a lot out but here for the sake of time and space but here are the ones id rather die than be without lol

the way of the tarot - alejandro jodorowsky literally my bible like ive slept w this in my bed like a stuffed animal multiple times it’s underlined and written all over lmao, ended up writing my thesis on the tarot (and leonora carrington, who was his tarot teacher) based off the stuff ive learned from this book song of songs from the bible uuuhmmm yeah one of the greatest poems and mystical texts ever written also reading it 20000 times and thinking about it a lot really influenced my spiritual philosophy ladders to fire anais nin love and other demons gabriel garcia marquez wise blood flannery oconnor weetzie bat (and all the books in that series), got the 1st book when i was 13 changed my life forever going solo roald dahl this compilation of edgar Alan poe poetry lol night wraps the sky: writings by and about mayakovsky my beloved mayakovsky ilysm <3 les fleurs du mal baudelaire duhhh tristessa jack karouac isabelle and the angel - thierry magnier literally a kids book that ive had forever and have a complex about where i feel like it prophecized the course of my life, also the illustrations are oil painted and so beautiful i’m with the band - pamela des barres <3 i first discovered gram parsons cuz of this book need i say more ask dr. mueller: the writings of cookie mueller -cookieee i love you so much. this is a compilation of her short stories and such and mostly it’s my favorite for this one story about her going to jamaica in the 70s with her son and gf and it’s seriously some of the most beautiful writing i’ve ever read. all the other stories are so good too. i discovered it in 2018 while going thru cookie’s archive at the NYU library and read an original copy that allegedly belonged to david wojnarowicz (<3) moon moon anne kent rush alice in wonderland - lewis carroll literally fave forever ive owned like 30 copies throughout my life& its another one w an intense affect on my subconscious lol

also the collected articles of ida craddock (!!! google her), the bell jar (duh), ram dass be here now, d’aulaires book of greek myths and euripides the bacchae

[blurays]

.

i feel like i need to remember ppl have it worse than me and make it through

because i know people think im self centered and think my own problems are the only ones which like i dont think that but if it comes off that way its the same effect

but its like every Little bad thing feels like the end of the world im not one of those grateful terminally ill people who enjoy every little thing now i think when ur already horribly depressed its instead just. every good thing actually makes you sad too and every bad thing makes you feel cursed

idk if i over think or barely think abt things

and in regards to how bad i have it

again im like oh i whine so much people make it thru worse

but sometimes i barely think abt how bad ive had it

like as in the pandemic has been weird for me hearing people complaining about not having close contact for (under a) year and im like well. the last time i had a friend in real life i was. twelve

and if u count a friend i talked to outside of school think it drops down to like eleven and im 22 now and my parents have ranged from neglectful narcissistic to gaslighting to just. maybe they love me but they dont say it i dont feel it idk we're more roommates than anything else i think. and its hard to feel like im being honest that they’re bad because i used to think i had to lie for pity but i mean i havent been to school since i was 12, so...

like its ✨embarrassing✨ but im so incredibly lonely i have been for a really really really long time its why when i have a gf or whatever theyre the only thing i care abt which everyone including them understandably is like shut the fuck up but rlly im at the point where a mutual randomly dms me hoping im ok and i burst into tears because people are nice (here usually) but i feel like its just cause they feel bad for me and i dont even believe that anyone thinks abt me if im not talking which is probably why i feel like im suffocating if i cant tweet or say smth whatever 3x to the same ppl like ik ppl think i love attention because im a cunt or a leo or whatever but i rly think im just trying to like not die of loneliness its not even just the like lack of rl friends for uhm ten plus years its like i dont even go anywhere except the doctor or the store or whatever the people who ive occasionally seen like when i helped with scouts one time the woman said i know you hate hugs but i want to and i was like what and realized i just. dont even know how to react to physical contact cause again i mean christ i didnt know being touch starved was an actual like Thing beyond me being sad about it i guess but yeah i really only get touched at the doctor or if i ask for help when surgery leaves me particularly disabled which is ✨painful and humiliating✨ i think when my mom massaged my back a couple times after hospital beds had me like super fucked up tensed was like . the nicest thing ive experienced in . well yeah 11 years and its not like i can remember before that ive just never been physically close w someone and thats not even Normal and im not going to be Loved any time soon like i cant even work still i just dont interact w anyone making friends irl sounds horrifying and impossible idk how to act w people after this long and tht feels supported by ppl lately

and thats just loneliness if uve ever read like one post from me u know the. illness thoughts

im tired its weird because i dont think i couldve imagined ever being 22 when i was 12 i think i was really planning to die before that but i didnt and now i might not ever be 25 or 30 and i dont know i think that makes me really sad but i think if they told me it was happening i might be just. a little relieved because im so tired i wish i didnt have to choose to die like cause id Rather be loved touched happy but that doesnt feel realistic ever and im tired of this i think id just rather it be over lol

sorry if u read all this and thanks .

[patheticfrogarchive]

anyway tw for me talking abt my asshole 

ANYWAY update on my anxious breakdown re: my colon and asshole. my ass is bleeding like its BLEEDING for about a month now every 2-7 days ill go to either pee or poop, wipe, and then wipe again, and theres a tiny lil spot of blood. and i kNOW its not from my uterus bc 1) im not on my period every day of my life 2) i specifically like. pat my hole to see. like it was a TINY amount to begin with i mean i wouldnt even have noticed it if i wasnt specifically looking for it and it was always just one dot and thats it. never mixed in w my pee or poop that i could see, never randomly throughout the day, always jsut one lil dot

BUT OF COURSE im paranoid so i fucking ordered an at home lab test colon cancer screen so i shat in a box and mailed it in and SURPRISE they found no blood in my shit nothing wrong with me and youd THINK that combined w my 100% normal bloodwork would finally calm me down but NO im still worried

i dont actually know the human body anatomically but i remembver reading something that was like “ur colon is on ur left” so magically  a few weeks ago i started feeling like. a vague ache/twinge/whatever in my left side like up near my chest and like of course i go “fuck its my colon im dying” even tho my dad was like “you stupid thats not where ur colon is”. amazing that i only started feeling something after expecting to feel soemthing

anyway my parents are convinced its a hemorrhoid and my mom has a LOT of experience with those so like, she would know. anyway yesterday my asshole like, felt itchy and bad and uncomf and i felt like there was something like... slipping out of it??? anyway my mom says thats a hemorrhoid and sure whatever but im still freaked out. anyway today at work i went to drop a turd and my ass bled that little dot and i was like ‘ok thats a little more than usual’ and i patted AGAIN and there was more blood. and more. and like, ok it wasn’t actually a lot like its not like i was bleeding out  and it wasnt gushing or anything but compared to the previous times it was more, but also im finishing up my period so ??? but also i specifically only patted my butthole. and it happened every single time i went to the bathroom at work, even if i just pissed. and my asshole felt like, scraped raw and it was itchy and uncomf and i hated it. 

so during my lunch break i called my doctor and made an appointment to get examined in like 2 weeks which. im obviuously GONNA do it bc while this is prob just a combo of shitty retail rough toilet paper, me rubbing too hard, and me giving myself a hemorrhoid by straining too hard a month ago, id rather be safe than sorry. but also i am NOT looking forward to having a FUCKING FINGER up my ASSHOLE i barely managed to get thru my first vaginal exam a few months ago idk how im gonna get thru a fucking finger up my goddamn ass

and also when i got home i was like ‘ok im gonna check my asshole in the mirror and its gonna bleed i bet but at least ill see it’ fufcking nothing. no bleeding, magically not itchy and raw anymore, i even got some toilet paper and rubbed at it but??? nothing??? and like idk what an asshole is supposed to feel like but everything seems completely normal lmfao. tho sometimes it feels like. not liek my ass is gonna fall out but like. like theres a tiny thing in my ass thats ABOUT to come out but when i go to try and poop it out nothing will come and i dont actually feel like i need to do a whole poop. its like somethings stuck in my hole but there isnt anything??? anyway that feeling comes and goes like i had it a month ago and then it went away afte rlike 3 days but its back  now and ugh

anyway my current hypothesis is that its just shitty target sandpaper toilet paper ripping my asshole to shreds and also a hemorrhoid that i gave myself. but also i cant help but worry bc im fucking bleeding from my asshole and im terrified im gonna die at the ripe age of 23 of colon and/or asshole cancer.

i also have had like. not a headache not dizzyness but SLIGHT ever so slight like. lightheadedness? idk i feel off headwise so of course im like “oh my god im anemic bc im bleeding internally” even tho my bloodtests from like a month ago showed that if anything ihave MORE red blood cells compared to last time i got tested and im not in fact anemic. but also idk anything medical and so of course im like “BUT WHAT IF THINGS HAVE CHANGED” anyway in an ideal world i would probably be getting a blood test every week bc im fucking paranoid.

 i have also been sleeping horribly due to anxiety lately so im prob just tired but bASICALLY IM STRESSED LMFAO 

if anyone read all this. sorry. 

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 30

30 issues wow...forget the fact that I skipped like 5 issues of crossover event nonsense

another big ole swerve recap omg

this trial is so messsyyyyyyyyy lmao 

hvbajdfbahsjkfdbhjs starscream listening to meagtrons speech looking like ‘hmmmmmmm I may have miscalculated’ 

prowl looks pissed af meanwhile optimus just looks dead inside lmao

I mean. megatron kinda does have a point. this is like, the most biased, conflict of interests lookin trial of all time, in that all the major participants have some sort of long, complicated history with each other. what a mess

optimus, listening to megatron’s speech: wow this is worse than divorce court was

oh shit I totally forgot that those decepticons attacked the trial 

MAGNUS HAMMER AYYYYYY

a guy saying ‘objection!’ as optimus prime punches half his face off...that pretty much sums up idw op lmao 

op: oh thank god, I can punch shit now. I'm not cut out for this bureaucracy nonsense

megatron: thanks, random decepticon, for the attempted rescue, but I'm super old and I just want to nap so no thanks

random decepticon: wtf- [gets murdered by optimus prime]

I love op’s big ass antennae 

meanwhile, brainstorm goes to a bar and instead of buying anything, pulls out his own drink. I feel like that isn't allowed in most bars, or is at least frowned up vbsjdhfbhjdkfn. ily brainstorm 

also? big ass mood I was so broke last time I was on a barhopping vacation w/friends that I brought a cheap giantass bottle of mixed drink in my backpack and just drank that at all the bars lmao

WHIRLLLL I love his humansona sm. and also I love that whirl is into artsy french movies or w/e omg

brainstorm, drinking thru a wrist funnel: sorry I cant take my mask off rn it isn’t plot relevant yet

‘earthlets’ lmao

I love that rung is like, too pretentious to care that much about movies and would rather read earth books lol

and then bluestreak is like ‘yeah they have books...comic books’ can this man not read

I still cannot fuckign believe that the argument that got megatron out of a for-sure death sentence or w/e was ‘its not a war crime if we’re on the moon’ liiiiike what the actual hell lmao

also I love that, once again, we see magnus’s strict adherence to the law, technicalities and all

magnus: you cant really stop a trial and move it somewhere else where the laws are better suited to the outcome you desire

prowl: what are you, a cop? fuck off

also op being like ‘ok whatever all that doesn't matter...what DOES matter is that it would look bad for us to move the trial to cybertron in an obvious attempt to circumvent the rules, and public perception is what’s most important, fuck all that ‘morality’ bullshit’

meanwhile, rodimus is dead! and ambulon is also dead, which makes first aid sad, which makes ME sad

ayyy, rodimus is still alive! well, one rodimus is alive, at least 

rodimus and megatron really have the vibes of ‘stepfather and stepson forced to work together on a family road trip gone wrong after dad decided to sit this one out’ lmao

ah yes, ‘malaise’ the medical diagnostic term for ‘I don't feel so hot and idk why’ that practitioners like to throw under the ‘diagnostic notes’ section of lab orders to explain why they're ordering every blood test under the sun for a patient 

I love medical terminology. ANYWAYS

BE NICE TO MY BOY MEGATRON. 

rodimus: listen I have to come to terms with the fact that there's another version of me right here, and he’s DEAD, which means we can’t fuck, which is super lame 

I firmly believe that rodimus would be team ‘hell yeah id have sex with my AU self’ tbh 

I find it interesting that megatron is often casting blame for his actions onto others - here, he says that rodimus made him realize he doesn’t want to stop doing stuff w/his life, and then says that starscream forced his hand w/the whole ‘luna 2 law’ thing, and previously he’s said how whirl beating him up in jail is what led to him abandoning pacifism - take responsibility for your actions and decisions dude!

though he goes on to say here that he resorted to violence because he realized that the system that was in place could withstand everything else he would have tried to use to change it, which is super interesting 

megatron: okay, yes, I MIGHT have murdered billions, but I could help find us a new planet, which would be baller, sooooo...how about you co-opt your lame son’s frat boy ship and put me in charge? 

op: sounds fair to me. now how about we do some more Big Speeches before I make you somebody else’s problem

vbhdjskfbhaskdjf the ‘team rodimus’ lineup setup reminds me so much of the ‘together we make the ______’ meme with the different members being like, ‘the power’ ‘the gay’ ‘the awesome’ ‘the guy with no ears’ hbvhjdkfbs

chromedome: if I do this I could die

rodimus: that sounds like a you problem bro

‘this one time’ YEA RIGHT c'mon cd honor your dead husband’s wishes

omfg I forgot abt brainstorms ‘early early warning system’ lmao

I love nautica soooo much oh man

ooooof drift :( :( oh no

dead future rodimus!! uh oh is right

rodimus, known himbo: I'm sure I can defeat the inevitability of future events! all I have to do is cut my own arm off!

tailgateeeee he’s so cute...I love that he can tell stories of his daring escapades, just like at the beginning of mtmte, but this time its actually TRUE

OH SHITTTT GETAWAY

he looks so fucking sinister there lmao how are we NOT supposed to realize he has bad intentions from the get-go

‘you’ll make a prime one day’ well, getaway, you’re right about that at least...

cyclonus in the bg like 🤨🤔 at getaway

seriously I cant get over how getaway has such a slimy kinda vibe to him, like specifically in his interactions w/tailgate - this is before things even really take off but I'm still like TG GET AWAY (lol) FROM THIS GUY

cyclonus: somebody flirting with my crush? better go stare out a window instead of communicating absolutely anything to said crush about my feelings!

honestly I feel like, while megatron renouncing the decepticons and becoming an autobot is certainly interesting, it would be equally interesting for him to remain a decepticon but try to change the philosophy of the movement 

like, I get why op had him give that speech - to prevent the cons from trying to free megs again/thinking that he was being coerced into things (ironic considered he WAS coerced into giving that speech) - but it’s kinda the easy way our for megatron - being able to completely abandon the decepticon cause and not deal with it at all, and start over anew as an autobot

it would've been a lot harder to remain a con and try to reform what he has broken in the decepticon movement - but I think that would've been really interesting

though from a writing logistics standpoint, I get why jro didn't go for that bc we don't get a lot of other decepticons in the cast for that to work, and also megatron still definitely DOES have to face down all his mistakes w/the decepticons w/the djd and overlord and whatnot

anyways. I cant believe that all megatron had to do to join the lost light was make ONE speech denouncing the decepticons. like, they should've at least had him do a tiktok dance too or something, just to make it a really tough deal

I love the rodpod vbhjfsdkfbjaskjndfj

ok but I still don't really get the logic of making megs CAPTAIN like ouch. poor rodimus 

I feel like making megs a bartender at swerves or st would've been WAY more useful in showing him humility or w/e. OR it would've made him evil again, which, fair, 

ratchet: don't worry, we’ll medically poison him, it’ll be fine

ok but rodimus is right, this is SO messy, op wants to prove his ex husband isn't 100% evil so he’s like ‘ill let my rebellious son deal with him’ lmao god. I love this setup so much, its so wild

ratchet is also right, rodimus’s fuckup definitely pales in comparison to megatrons All That 

OH BRUTALLLLLLLL when ratchet says the list is fake ‘because my name’s not on it’ FUCKING OUCHHHHH

‘only bad guys say ‘unhand me” rodimus ily

omfg ‘we’ve practiced this’ of course they've done evacuation drills...magnus ily

lmao it’s the panel where it looks like rodimus and megatron are doing karaoke or having some sort of rap battle

and the lost light is GONE! oh shit!!!!

and there closes issue 30! once again we’ve gotten a lot of setup and exposition - which, while definitely necessary, means I don't have too much to say

I will say, throwing megatron onto the lost light has definitely mixed things up, and it’s interesting to see new dynamics already forming

so, until next time!

[galoslio]

Anyway sure im 19 but surviving till im 30 sounds tiring and stressful so like maybe 25 ya know

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[healingstargirl]

the drama that comes with breakups is so fucking hard man!!!

but if u dont suck it up and push thru, ur cursed w a million more “damn id rather die than feel like this again” moments instead of living a life more true to urself with someone that makes u happier. so u cant even be mad fr just gotta push thru the inevitable darkness that comes with being alone again after a long relationship.

find peace and happiness in finding yourself and loving yourself again, cus time is passing whether u like it or not so wasting it with somebody that u intuitively know isnt right for u as well as physically experiencing more negative emotions than positive ones w them etc, thats just digging that hole deeper when u could be flourishing

i want to be able to look back on my life and know atleast i was true to myself and my emotions and that i didnt waste time with people who made me unhappy just cus i didnt wanna be alone

making more friends and staying in touch w them, watching more dope youtubers, learning new healthy meals to cook, spending time in nature & working out & working on my spirituality, going to parties meeting new people finding new loves exploring your sexuality theres so much life to live thats best lived solo mode honestly

[abthepoet]

So Id like to mention that COVID19 has put a lot of things into perspective.

My industry of experiential marketing was literally one of the first to go about a week ago when stores began banning all live demonstrations. I work in the natural and organic food industry doing live events and cooking recipes on site to sample brands to customers at grocery retailers.And because sampling tables are good places to spread germs, my demos all immediately came to a stop. I'm also an in home, private Music Teacher to kids of various ages and needless to say if schools' on hold, so is teaching. and so is income. My Venmo is :ABBlas22

Which sucks, a lot because the majority of my work is independent contractor based. . . .and there's no health care, paid leave, unemployment, or sick time. Why do I still do it? Because I love the industry, the opportunities it affords me, and the pay is solid. Except come tax season. The Government likes to fuck you if you work for yourself. . . .even tho I pay for all my own equipment and car repairs to get me from job to job. My Venmo is ABBlas22

However, amid the panic, I havent felt this calm in years. The constant anxiety and pressure of having to make money and go to work and be on time and make my schedule and drive from this city to that city for this demo and that demo, has subsided. I finally wake up and I'm not staring at the clock counting down how long before I have to leave which triggers an anxiety fest about leaving my dogs home alone because my one dog has such severe separation anxiety she destroys her crate, escapes, and then ruins the house(we are actively working on it) . . .so I'm up early and nervous about, "ok I have three hours I have to walk the dogs for at least one of those hours, feed them, get dressed, brush teeth, try to eat, clean the house, stuff their Kongs, make sure I have everything I need, and then try to sneak out before the dog starts freaking out." followed by "did I book enough demos this week, if I have to execute 16 for the month where can I put another demo, should I give myself a day off? nah, i need the money, let me check my Google calendar for the 65th time this morning and stare at all the blank dates I should be booking demos instead of doing anything else because no matter how much I work, it is never enough. So I spend an hour worrying about plunging my family into financial ruin. . . . better get online and start digging thru emails and brand Ambassador groups to make sure I've got enough work. Oh what's that? the sound of my entire family and partner telling me to get a *regular* job even though the idea of punching a clock and working for someone else makes me physically sick. . but I go and do it anyway because its a W2 position so you think well maybe I'll get health benefits at least and then come to find out that this bullshit retail job doesn't give part timers benefits of any kind, but I keep the job anyway because everyone said a normal job was best, but it pays $6 less an hour than my demo gigs and is a total waste of my skills and professional experience and eventually is cutting into my income because its taking up so many weekly hours but pays significantly less that I start calling out to go do demos instead and then the same people who were like "get a regular job" turn around and go "no, not That job, try This job."

and I'm over here ready to fucking scream because I've Been very clear about wanting to be in business for myself. I have tried many things, including testing an extremely beta version of what eventually became Uber Eats. . . I could be a millionaire but my parents thought it was a stupid idea and once I used up my resources trying to drum up business, that was it.

also, this is the worst part about being a millennial. I went to college for music because they said be anything and follow your dreams . . .but then I graduated into recession (2006) and got the first job I could,at a deli, which . . . .isn't exactly a degree holding position. For years we said,"I'm just grateful I Have a Job right now." and we got bitter, broke, and depressed as a generation. We're in our 30's now and it's just as bleak an outlook for our generational future. At least until the boomers die out and free up some of that wealth, if they don't all leave it to the cat and state first just to spite us.

So yea, people are freaked out with COVID19 but for the first time, I dont feel pressure or anxiety to rush out the house or make money because everything got cancelled. All I want to do is work super hard on my own online store via Shopify and grow from there. I love to work and I love the discipline of hard work. I would rather spend 18 hours in a day working on my own business and hustling my ass off to make it work using over a decade of marketing and sales experience to promote my brand for once.

But that's hard to invest time and money when I live paycheck to paycheck and have a partner and fur babies who depend on me. Everytime I excitedly talk about dropshipping through shopify and all my plans for it, it's met with a nervous "I believe in you but dont fuck us financially." "I believe in you but doesn't that take time." "I believe in you but why don't you just work here, they pay decent."

I love that the #Coronavirus hit and suddenly human rights are easy to hand out. I love that Coronavirus got us to halt economies on a scale so massive that will actually help us fight climate change. Capitalism has destroyed our planet and our species.

I want to always remind everyone that we are a species first. Not countrymen, not race, not religion. . . we are all dancing flesh bags, given different corporeal conduits with which to experience life and then later compare notes with one another.

"What's life like in that short skin suit?"

"Not bad but I can't reach anything."

"Good thing I got one of these tall skin suits." *grabs top shelf items*

"Thanks!"

It's to help us come together, understand similarities thru differences and use them to gain new perspectives while helping our species and our planet thrive.

This insane notion that everyone needs to have a job needs to go. Our species was Not made to do slave labor all day long for an invented wage that keeps us stuck fighting for basic survival when we have the potential to completely alter our lives.

The Earth is a hostage who's not allowed to feed her own kids. They locked up every fruit bearing tree, enslaved every animal, poisoned the soil, polluted the water and then held your life at gunpoint and demand you hand over hours of your life to work that does a disservice to your potential for greatness just for a chance to get a taste of what should be your birthright.

Basic needs of survival that all humans will die without shouldn't be prizes for who can work themselves to death the fastest.

Im using this time as an opportunity and am taking what little resources I have to work on my online store and sell off and flip what I can to make start up money on Ebay. (I dont even have WiFi and my apartment complex has locked the business center for CoronaVirus) . Using my phone for everything is really fucking tedious, especially because I've had it for 4 years and it doesn't always cooperate, but I'm grateful I even have one to use. If you want to invest in me, even just $5 I will 100% be using it to get a business off the ground. I've got most of the basic work done and market research, but with no income I cant even afford the basic Shopify plan at $30 a month, I'm hoping they pass a moratorium on evictions because how do I pay rent with no job to go to!?

My Venmo is : ABBlas22 and I do reward!