#id like to have something to go by online that i feel more attached to but i haven't realllyy got that so. Shrug!

[sleepyyghostt]

heya, do you have a preferred name to use here?

well, i used to use a real name but at some point i decided to try dabbling in basic internet safety so im honestly not sure. sleepy or ghost or some kinda variant on my username is perfectly fine

[cy-cyborg]

Disability Tropes: The Miracle Cure

The miracle cure is a trope with a pretty negative reputation in disability circles, especially online. It describes a scenario in which, a disabled character, through either magic, advanced technology, divine intervention or some combination of the three, has their disability cured throughout the course of the story. Sometimes this is literally, as in the disability is completely and entirely cured with no strings attached. Other times, it looks like giving an amputee character a prosthetic so advanced that it's basically the same as "the real thing" and that they never take off or have any issue with, or giving the character with a spinal injury an implant that bypasses the physical spine's break, or connects to an exoskeleton that allows them to walk again. Sometimes, it can even look like giving a character some kind of magic item or power that negates the effects of the disability, like what I talked about in my post about "the super-crip" trope. Either way though, the effect is the same: The disability is functionally cured and is no longer an "issue" the author or character has to worry about.

But why would this be a bad thing? In a world with magic or super-advanced tech, if you can cure a character's disability, why wouldn't you?

[ID: a screenshot of Roy mustang from Full metal alchemist Brotherhood, a white man with short black hair in a hospital gown. In the corner of the screen is the hand of another person holding a small red gemstone. /End ID]

Well there's a few reasons. First, lets talk about the purely writing related ones. If you've been around the writing or even media critique communities for a bit, you've likely heard people voicing their frustrations with tropes like "The fake-out death" where a character is either implied to have died, but comes back later, or is explicitly shown to be dead and then resurrected. Often when this happens in media, it leaves the audience feeling cheated and like a character's actions and choices don't really matter if even the worst mistakes and consequences can be undone. In the case of the latter situation, where they die and are brought back, it can make the stakes of the whole story feel a lot lower, since even something like death is shown to be reversible, so the audience doesn't really have to worry about anything bad happening to their favourite character, and once you've used this trope one time, people will constantly wonder why you wouldn't use it every time it comes up.

The same is true for "fixing" a character's disability. It sets a precedent that even things as big and life-changing as disability aren't permanent in this setting. We don't have to worry about anything major happening to the characters, there's no risks associated with their actions if it can all be undone, and it will lower the stakes of the story for your audience. Personally, I also feel like it's often used as a cop-out. Like writers wanted to include a major injury the leads to something big like disability for shock value, but weren't sure how to actually deal with it afterwards, so they just made it go away. Even in cases where the character start the story with a disability and are cured, this can still cause issues with your story's stakes, because again, once we've seen you do it once, we know its possible, so we won't feel the need to worry about anything being permanent.

Ok, so that's the purely writing related reasons, but what if that situation doesn't apply to the story you're writing? What if they're "fixed" right at the end, or the way they're cured is really rare, so it can't be used multiple times?

I'm glad you asked, because no, this is far from the only reason to avoid the trope! In my opinion, the more important reason to avoid it is because of how the a lot of the disabled community feels about the miracle cure trope, and the ideas about disability it can perpetuate if you're not very, very careful.

You might have noticed that throughout this post, I've put words like "cured" and "fixed" in quotes, and that's because not every disabled person wants a cure or feels like their ideal to strive for is able-bodied and neurotypical. For many of us, we have come to see our disabilities as part of us, as part of our identities and our sense of self, the same way I, as a queer person might see my queerness as a part of my identity. This is an especially common view among people who were born with their disability or who had them from a young age, since this is all they've ever really known, or who's disability impacts the way they think, perceive and process the world around them, how they communicate with people or in communities who have a long history of forced conformity and erasure such as the autism and deaf communities. Many disabilities have such massive impacts on our lives that we literally wouldn't be who we are today if they were taken away. So often though, when non-disabled people write disabled characters, they assume we'd all take a "cure" in a heart-beat. They assumed we all desire to be just like them again, and this simply isn't the case. Some people absolutely would, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not as universal as media representation makes it out to be.

Another reason it's so heavily disliked is because this trope is often used in conjunction with other ableist and harmful tropes or it's used in ways that perpetuate misinformation about living with a disability and it can have ableist implications, even if that's not what the author necessarily intended.

If the miracle cure is used right at the end of the story for example, as a way to give characters a happy ending it can imply that the only way for a disabled character to be happy in the long run, is for them to be "fixed", especially if they were miserable all the way up until that point. If it's used earlier in the story as a way to get said character back into the action, it can also be read as the author thinking that disabled people can't be of use to the plot, and so the only way to keep them around is to "fix" them.

Of course, there's also the fact that some authors and writers will also play up how bad being disabled is in order to show why a cure is justified, playing into the "sad disabled person" trope in the process, which is pretty much what it says on the tin. Don't get me wrong, this isn't to say that being disabled is all easy-breezy, there are never any hard days and you should never show your character struggling, not at all, the "sad disabled person" trope has it's place (even if I personally am not a fan on it), but when both the "sad disabled person" trope and the miracle cure trope are used together, it's not a great look.

This is especially bad when the very thing that cures the disability, or perhaps the quest the heroes need to go on to get it, is shown to be harmful to others or the disabled person themselves. Portraying living with a disability as something so bad that it justifies hurting others, putting others at risk, loosing yourself or killing yourself in order to achieve this cure perpetuates the already harmful idea that disability is a fate worse than death, and anything is justified to avoid it.

I've also noticed the reasons the authors and writers give for wanting to cure their characters are very frequently based on stereotypes, a lack of research in to the actual limits of a person's disability and a lack of understanding. One story I recall reading years ago made sure to tell you how miserable it's main character, a former cyclist, was because he'd been in a car accident where he'd lost his arm, and now couldn't ride bikes anymore, seemingly unaware of the fact arm amputees can, in fact, ride bikes. There are several whole sports centred around it, and even entire companies dedicated to making prosthetic hands specifically for riding bikes. but no, the only way for this to resolve and for him to be happy was to give him his arm back as a magical Christmas miracle! It would be one thing if the story had acknowledged that he'd tried cycling again but just had difficulties with it, or something was stopping him from being able to do it like not being able to wear the required prosthetic or something, but it really did seem as though the author was entirely unaware it was even possible, which is an issue when it's the whole point of your story existing. This happens a lot more often than you'd think, and it's very clear when an author hasn't even bothered to google search if their character would be able to do something before deciding the only solution is to take the disability away.

There's also the frustration that comes from being part of an underrepresented minority, finally seeing a character like you on screen or in a book, only for that representation to be taken away. Disabled people make up roughly 16% of the population (though many estimate these numbers are actually much higher), but only about 2.8% of American TV shows and 4.1% of Australian TV shows feature explicitly disabled characters. In 2019, around 2.3% of films featured disabled characters in a speaking roll, and while it's slowly getting better as time goes on, progress on that front is very slow, which is why its so frustrating when we do see characters like ourselves and so much of their stories focus on wishing to be, trying to become or actually being "cured".

An finally, there's the fact this is just a really common trope. Even if we ignore the issues it can cause with your story's tone and stakes, the harm it can do to the community when not handled with care, the negative perceptions it can perpetuate and everything else. It's just a plain-old overdone trope. It shows up so often that I, and a lot of disabled people, are just getting tired of seeing it. Despite everything I've said, there are valid reasons for people to not want to be disabled, and just like how I made sure to emphasise that not everyone wants a cure, it's important to recognise that not everyone would refuse it either. So long as it's not done in a way that implies it's universal, in theory, depicting someone who would want and accept a cure is totally fine. The issue is though that this trope is so common and so overdone that it's starting to feel like it's all we ever see, especially in genres like sci-fi and fantasy (and also Christmas movies for some reason).

[ID: A Gif of a white man in a top hat nodding his head with the caption "Merry Christmas" down the bottom. /end ID]

Personally, because it's so common, I find even the few examples of the trope used well frustrating, and I honestly feel that it's at the point where it should be avoided entirely where possible.

Ok but Cy, you mentioned there are ways to use this trope well, what are they?

So, like I said, I'm of the opinion that this trope is better off not being in your work at all, but if, for whatever reason, you can't avoid it, or it's use is really that important to the story you want to tell, there are less harmful ways to implement it.

Don't have your only disabled character take the cure

If you really must cure your disabled character's disability, don't make them the only disabled person in the story. Show us another character who, when offered the same cure, chooses not to take it. This at least helps push back a little against the assumption of "of course everyone would want this" that these kinds of stories often imply and doesn't contribute (as much) to disability erasure in the media.

Don't make it a total cure

In real life, there are cures for some disabilities, but they rarely leave no trace. For example, an amputee's limb can sometimes be reattached if it was severed and they received medical treatment fast enough, but it usually results in at least a little nerve damage and difficulties with muscle strength, blood flow or co-ordination in that limb. Often times, these "cures" will fix one issue, but create another. You might not be an amputee anymore, but you're still disabled, just in a different way. You can reflect this in your fictional cures to avoid it feeling like you just wanted to avoid doing the work to write good disabled representation.

Do something interesting with it

I got a comment on my old tumblr or possibly Tik Tok account ages ago talking about their planned use for the miracle cure trope, where their character accepts the cure at the cost of the things that made her life enjoyable post-disability. Prior to accepting the cure, she had found other ways to be independent to some extent and her community and friends helped her bridge the gaps, but they were all taken from her when she was "cured" forcing her into isolation. Kind of like a "be careful what you wish for" sort of thing. The story was meant to be a critique on how society ignores alternative ways of getting the same result and how conforming to other people's ideas of "normal" isn't always what you need to bring you happiness. This was a genuinely interesting way to use the trope I think, and it's a perfect example of taking this trope and twisting it to make an interesting point. If you must use a trope like this, at least use it to say something other than "disability makes me sad so I don't want to think about it too much". Alternatively, on a less serious note, I'm also not entirely opposed to the miracle cure being used for comedy if it fits the tone. The Orville has some issues with it's use of the Miracle Cure trope, but I'd be lying if I said Isaac amputating Gordan's leg as a prank, knowing it could be reversed in a few hours did get a chuckle out of me.

If your villain's motivation is finding a cure for themselves, don't use it as justification for hurting people

Disabled villains need a post all their own honestly, but when a villain's motivation for doing all the terrible things they do is so they don't have to be disabled anymore, it's especially frustrating. Doubly so if the writer's are implying that they're justified in their actions, or at least that their actions are understandable because "who would want to live like that?" Honestly, as a general rule of thumb, avoid making your villains disabled if you aren't disabled yourself (especially if they're your only disabled character), but if they are disabled, don't use the disability as a justification for them hurting people while finding a cure.

So are there any examples currently out there to look at where the trope is used, if not well, at least tolerably?

Yeah, I'd say so, but they're few and far between. Two examples come to mind for me though.

The Dragon Prince:

[ID: A Gif of Ava the Wolf from the Dragon Prince, a light brown, fluffy wolf who is missing her front right leg. /End ID]

The Dragon Prince on Netflix uses the miracle cure twice, but I still really enjoyed the show (at least I did, up until my Netflix subscription ran out, so I've only seen up to season 4). The first time the trope is used in the series, it's actually a fake-out. Two of the main characters, while looking for someone to help them heal the dragon egg they're carrying, encounter a young girl named Ellis and her pet wolf Ava. The two explain their egg is not looking good and they need to find someone to help it, but no one they've found had the knowledge or ability to do anything to help. Ellis says she knows a healer who can help them, and tells them that this healer even restored Ava's amputated leg when she was a pup. When we actually reach this "miracle healer" however, she is revealed to be simply an illusionist. She explains that Ava is still missing her leg, she simply made it look as though she had restored it because Ellis's parents were planning to throw the puppy out, believing it would not survive with its disability and would only be a drain on supplies. This was not actually true and Ava adapted to her amputation very well, she simply needed more time, and hiding her disability and making her appear abled gave her the time she needed to fully recover and adjust. When they return to the healer with the main characters, she removes the illusion and explains why she did it, emphasising that the real problem was never with Ava, but with how people made assumptions about her.

While I do feel it was drawn out a bit too long, I do appreciate the use of the trope as the set up to an overall positive twist. Disability does come with down-sides, it's part of the deal and it would have been nice to see a bit more of that, but for disabilities like amputation in particular, the worst of our problems often come from a lack of adequate support and people's pre-conceived ideas about us, and it was nice to see this reflected, even if it is a little overly simplified.

The second time this trope comes up in the series is when one of the antagonists, Soren, is injured during a fight with a dragon, becoming paralysed from the neck down. His sister, Claudia is absolutely beside herself, believing it was her fault this even happened in the first place, but Soren actually takes his new disability very, very well, explaining that he understands there are things he can't do now, but that there's a lot of things he can still try, that his previous job as a soldier just didn't allow time for. It's possible this reaction was him being in denial but it came across to me as genuine acceptance. He is adamant that he doesn't want a cure right from the beginning because he knows that a cure would come at a cost that he doesn't want his sister to pay, and that he is content and happy with this new direction his life will be going in. Claudia, however, is not content. It had been shown that she was already using dark magic, but this event is what starts her down the path of using it in earnest, disregarding the harm it will cause to those around her. She ignores Soren's wishes, kills several animals in order to fuel the healing spell that will "fix" him, and Soren is pretty clearly shown to be horrified by her actions. What I like about this use of the miracle cure trope is that it touches on something I've seen happen a lot to disabled people in real-life, but that rarely shows up in media - the fact that just because we accept ourselves, our disabilities and our new limits, doesn't mean our friends and family will, unfortunately. In my own life, my mum and dad were always accepting of my disability when I was younger, but as I got older and my support needs changed, my body took longer to heal and I stopped being able to do a lot of things I could when I was little, they had a very hard time coming to terms with it and accepting it. I'm not alone in this either, a lot of disabled people end up cutting contact with friends and family members who refuse to accept the reality of our situations and insist "if we just try harder maybe we won't be so disabled" or "Maybe you will get better if you just do [xyz]". Unfortunately however, some disable people's wishes are ignored completely, like Soren's were. You see this a lot in autistic children who's parents are so desperate to find a cure that they hurt their kids through toxic and dangerous "treatments" or by putting them through abusive therapies that do more harm than good. Claudia has good intentions, but her complete disregard for Soren's decision still harm them both in the long run, leading to the deterioration of their relationship and causing her to spiral down a very dark path.

Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood

[ID: A Gif of Ed from full metal alchemist, a white boy with blond hair, staring angrily at a jar of milk on the table. His brother Al, a sentiant suit of armour, is in the background looking directly at the camera. The caption, spoken by Ed, says "So we meet again you little bastard" /end ID.]

The show does begin with Ed and Al looking for a way to cure their disabilities (which they gave themselves when trying to resurrect their mother as children went horribly wrong). However, when the boys discover that the object needed to do that - a philosopher's stone, can only by made through absolutely abhorrent and despicable means, and using one, likewise, comes at the cost of potentially hundreds or thousands of people's souls, they immediately stop, and shift their focus on finding the stones that had already been made so it can't fall into the wrong hands, and preventing the creation of new ones. The core theme of the show is that everything has a cost, and sometimes the cost is simply too great.

However, right at the end of the show, several characters are healed in a variety of ways. Ed gives up his ability to do alchemy to get his brother's body back, as well as his arm so he can save his friends in the final battle, but neither of the boys come away from this completely "healed". Al's body has not been used since he was a child, and so it is shown he has experienced severe muscular atrophy that will take a long time and a lot of work to recover from, acknowledging that he has a pretty tough road ahead of him. When we see him in the epilogue, he is still on crutches despite this being several months after getting his body back. Likewise Ed is not fully healed, and is still missing one of his legs even if he got his arm back.

The more... interesting use of the trope, however, is in the form of Colonel Mustang who was blinded in the final season. Mustang is shown to take to his blindness pretty well given the circumstances, finding a variety of ways to continue doing his job and reaching his goals. When other characters offer to let him use the philosopher's stone to heal himself however, he takes it, acknowledging that this is a horrible thing to do and that Ed and Al would be extremely disappointed in him if they ever found out. He uses it both to cure his own disability, and to cure another character who was injured earlier in the show. While I'll admit, I did not like this ending, I can at least appreciate that the show made sure to emphasis that a) Mustang was doing fine without the cure, and b) that this was not morally justified. The show spent a very long time drilling into the viewer how morally reprehensible using the stone was, and it didn't try to make an exception for Mustang - you weren't supposed to like that he did that.

When I talk about these tropes, I do try to give them a fair chance and discuss the ways it can potentially work, but I really do want to reiterate that this particular trope really is best avoided. There are ways to make it work, but they will still leave a bad taste in many of your viewer's or reader's mouths and you have to be exceptionally careful with your wording and framing, not just in the scenes where this trope is used, but in the lead up. If you really must use it, I highly recommend getting a few disability sensitivity readers and/or consultants (yes, even if you are disabled yourself) to help you avoid some of the often overlooked pitfalls.

[drawcupidsbow]

Hi i made a post on instagram about the top five games i played for the first time this year and thought id share it here! none of these are in any particular order. except the last one. my favorit....

first up is oneshot! it took me wayyyy too long to play this game. oneshot feels kinda like one of the staple rpg maker games, yet i went into it pretty much completely blind, "finished it" in one sitting, found out there was over half the game left, played the rest, and cried real hard. such a good game that breaks the fourth wall in really interesting ways. and also it has niko who doesnt love little fella niko

♡

second is halope! this is a game i had never heard of before my friend ángel (@raccoonlover333) told me to play it and i feel like i still dont really see people talk about it? it has a very unique style i think and each of the areas have their own atmosphere and feel to them (aside from the fact that all of them have distinct color palettes lol). very lovely game i enjoyed it a lot. also one of the first times i played a game with multiple endings and felt satisfied not going out of my way getting any i missed ? i enjoyed what it had to offer and didnt feel the need to pry for more (good thing)

♡

hard shift from story based rpgmaker games but next is webfishing. webfishing is good. its so good youve probably heard a lot of people say this by now but its just so fun and calming to sit around with friends and fish for hours. theres something special about the kinds of online games where theres a physical space you share with people, especially those you havent met in person. makes you feel like youre there with them. and also you can get a man i love fishing shirt whats not to love

♡

o yea baby farming sim. this game is so charming and has a lot of quality of life features that i feel are missed in other farming sims. it is still in early access so i cant be too harsh on it, but i will admit that the characters feel a bit too flat currently. a lot of nothing burger dialogue which isnt always a bad thing but when 20 characters tell you Hey this weather huh? must be good for farming! its hard to differentiate their personalities in your mind lol. im sure thatll be added to in the future though like i said its still ea and only has enough content to last you about a year in game. what it does have is very fun though and i would recommend it

♡

You knew it was coming be honest. where do i even start. technically i Did play isat for the first time last year, however, it was for like one hour and then i didnt pick it up again for half a year. so it counts to me. and also i take any excuse i can to talk about this game

in stars and time is a game that portrays characters and relationships in such a realistic light to a degree ive never seen in any other game. it makes it so easy to immediately become attached to this group of friends despite knowing them for less than ten minutes. its a very emotion heavy game. and who can forget the time loop Ohhh yes the time loop. siffrins slow decent into hopelessness and anguish after failing to escape time and time again is something rarely shown in time loop media i feel. at least to this degree. madoka magica comes pretty damn close though lol. also looping in time and zoning out through dialogue (and doing so having consequences) is such a cool game mechanic

while im talking about isat im slipping its prequel game in too, start again start again start again a prologue (or just start again). this one, though much shorter and more of a proof of concept, feels much more harrowing in the ways it pulls it off, especially without a certain characters presence. but i wont say more than that as to not spoil it teehee

this game changed my life for the better. and has been causing me psychic damage every day for 8 months. heart ♡

♡

and thats some of my favorite games i played this year! there were more but not enough for it to be 10 and 5 was a nicer number than like 7 lol. happy new year! i hope this year treats you all well and i cant wait to draw one million fanarts as i have been doing for the past 5 years. Yayyy

[wishhalcyon]

Do you want to read HALCYON?

do you like...FREE BOOK NO STRINGS ATTACHED?!!?!?!?

if so im posting it online! but its not going to be as cleanly edited as my other works.

i only have like, a few things id like to request, and its kind of on an honor system i'm not going to really get mad or upset if you don't do it, but its something really sweet you can do to help me as an author!

but first a description of the book!

book is: about a not nessisarily romantic but definitely bizzarely close feel free to read it however you want im not making anyone kiss project whatever you want onto them, story of a bunny girl superhero with a murder problem , and her wholesome supervillain bestie who wants nothing more than to save her, with fun themes such as found family , memory loss, and of course, miserable children, also the supervillain is a theater kid with a heart of gold and a cup of tea <3

a mix of silly and serious, I put a lot of my heart into it! And it would have been done sooner, but well i kind of got kidnapped so that kind of slowed down most of my writing and other projects for a bit there, it was only for an afternoon, no one got hurt, but it was kind of weird. it was a sort of well intentioned kidnapping though and the lady who did it is getting professional help now which is great, so im just happy she and everyone else is okay :)

I made this book wanting to make a fun world and characters and setting and stuff anyone could enjoy and find interesting, and I think the magic system in place in this lil superhero book (based somewhat on magical girl anime-) will be a fun setting for fanfics and fanart and stuff, and im SUPER excited to see if anyone makes ocs or anything for it because that'd be super cool and I love seeing other people be creative-

anyways onto the rules.

if you read it, please reblog where you found it and that i'm the author, and tell me what you thought!

im posting this online *because i want to interact with people and share what i made with others*, and celebrate other peoples craeativity too in line with that, I dont want to sue you for writing ANY fanfiction or fanart you write about my story, as long as none of you don't try to sue ME if i get inspired by them and or make fanart of them or things like that myself. I want to be an active participant in whatever fandom may or may not form around this, I want to have fun with you guys and enjoy my story WITH you guys. this means you also MAY have more control over how any future things with halcyon goes, and you may be able to help guide some decision making! But I still own halcyon it's not public domain- like i dont nessisarily expect or think i 'deserve' (though it would be so cool) a fandom like that over my book, but i think itd be neat and as someone who really heavily participates in fandom, I really want to be a part of it if i have my own. A lot of times I and other readers are VERY bothered that companies and authors dont litsen to their fans...but oftentimes they legally CANT or theyll get sued.

(Though I still get the final say in any decisions since...my book)

3. If you make anything related to it or post about it at all pretty please @ me, i WANNA SEE ALL OF IT please dont be shy, please ask questions, please say hi to me, Im posting this online because i wanna talk about my blorbos with you, @ing me is like, the reader tax- gimme your headcannons and weird cursed creations, idc if youre photoshopping Acianne into the backrooms ominously or posting about like, alternate universe where Ciero's a rabbit who's wildly daydreaming all of this up, or if youve decided to make thirst traps of hearts, go ahead, @ me, I wanna see it, if i suffer the cost so be it. Carve a watermelon to look like Cieros dad and throw it at the concrete, go splat. just go wild, have fun, just like, no hateful stuff and everyone be nice to each other.

4. im doing this partially with the thought that i could mostly make money off this via selling my own art of it and possibly a game based on halcyon...if so, then i may just post any future books online too, any thoughts guys? are these fair rules? any additions youd add? things like that? thoughts? I also have other books that I plan to publish more traditionally, This is kind of a test to see what works best really. I guess! If this takes off i might stick to free books only, if not, well publishing traditionally it is, whatever I need to do to get by you know? gotta make a living.

the biggest rule is just dont sue me please or pursue me legally im just trying to be a silly lil author who actually engages with their fandom and can get away with it i dont want to steal your stuff, i want to share headcannons with you guys and confirm or deny stuff and give you sneak peaks and PLEASE I JUST WANT TO READ FANFICTIONS WITHOUT BEING SUED IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY I LOVE FANFICTIONS LET ME FANDOM WITH YOU GUYS I DONT WANT TO BE SHADY PLEASE BY READING MY BOOK LETS JUST HAVE FUN PLEASE- CAN WE PRETTY PLEASE ???? FANFICTIONS ARE SUCH A VALUABLE AND EXCITING FORM OF LITERATURE- AND THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY SO PRETTY PLEASE BE NICE THANKS

remember DONT RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE BY SUING ME FOR GIVING YOU SOMETHING TO ENJOY, if you want nice things, don't misuse the nice things!!!! okay? okay so everyone agrees to be nice?...okay then! enjoy!

Ciero/Darling says "Please enjoy chapter 1~"

PLEASE ENJOY CHAPTER ONE I PLAN TO POST THE OTHER CHAPTERS DONT WORRY IM NOT JUST DANGLING A WORM IM JUST TRYING TO EDIT IT AND THERES A LOT OF WORDS SO IT MAY TAKE A BIT OKAY- SO YOURE GETTING IT ONE CHAPTER AT A TIME

: ) enjoy! and tell me your thoughts please <3 all i ask in return for letting you have a free book is some validation and maybe sharing it iwth others if you want-

full book is about 49 almost 50k words :) so look forward to it! it's all written i'm just trying to clean them up with a rough edit through before posting them-

also sorry for emphasising dont sue me so much but im trying to cover myself as much as I can safely I REALLY love writing and my favorite part of it is engaging with my readers, but ive been scared of doing this for a while out of fear thanks to a lot of horror stories ive read online. so please dont be mean : (

[spectres-fulcrum]

I did a thing today! I made the Isaac Potts House in the Sims 4. This was the house that was George Washington's headquarters at Valley Forge in winter of 1777-1778. I've been wanting to build it for ages and it's Gwash's birthday so I finally did. I like to think, sometimes about all the things the walls of this house saw. Hamilton and Laurens kissing, probably. Maybe more. A hundred mornings of the aides laughing. Lafayette coming to talk endlessly with Washington. The boys meeting Martha and everyone welcoming Von Steuben.

I'm actually SUPER proud of the recreation. From the front it looks really good. But pure honesty, things don't translate perfectly in the Sims. Some things you have to go "this doesn't look good in the Sims. Am I going for accuracy or prettiness or the vibes?" Or some things just don't work(More on that under the cut). (Oh and the small bedroom is the bedroom Lams shared in Duty and Inclination I know it's not official but like. Lams bedroom sharing)

This shell is CC free but does use a fair amount of packs cause I was going for accuracy. It's up on my gallery, ID Minimoon46, though. I can say Castle Estates is just for outdoor stair railings on the back and sides of the house so super easy to download without CE

Like the kitchen. If I wanted to attach it, I couldn't put it on the ground, it had to be on the same foundation level and tbh I LOVE the look of the stone archway tunnel so we had to deal with a raised kitchen and stairs. (or the entire house could've been on a platform but that would've been ASKING for bugs)

Also the windows of the Aide-de-camp's office are so off. But the other shuttered windows seem so small and I wanted to go larger windows so we lost the traditional panes and white shutters but the vibes fit better. The little hanging over the front door looked horrible so I was like nope you're not getting included. It would've needed to be an actual porch to get included.

Inside it's mostly a shell but what details are there I got from the virtual tours online. I took liberties with a wallpaper that I liked better that purely plain white walls but the floor should be decent. I gave each room a door and a fireplace of a semi accurate color(I wanted to make them uniform) in appearance. I cut the attic bedroom though.

I kinda want to furnish it but also not sure HOW. Do I furnish it like the current one? Do I just do it for fun? A regular home? A big shared study and a dining room? It would be a waste to furnish TWO studies. What about bathrooms? The kitchen would be more modern though ngl. (Would people be interested in a furnished version? Any ideas?)

There's something about this house that I just want to see in person and feel the air knowing that... they were there. Like in that tiny house, they lived and loved and were real people. And there's no place where that feeling fills me more than the IPH. Maybe one day.

[saltynsassy31]

no cus i totally understand your frustration, ive also quit splatfests for the moment until they get an overhaul

i suggest if you feel close to getting hateful to either shiver or shiver fans then maybe quit for a while for your own sake cus ive felt a lot better after doing so, im still really sensitive to negative comments towards frye or rude ones about shiver winning but taking some time for myself has made me feel infinitely better

ive been close to hating shiver before bc of how cocky and rude them and their fans can be but it doesnt really do anything but sour your enjoyment of the game more, so its really not worth it

i do have to say though, anyone who says "its just a game" reaaally needs to understand the frustration of people OTHER than them, sympathy is something a lot of people forget about when it comes to things that arent real life. just because it doesnt affect you doesnt mean everyone can shut off their attachment to the game or a character like a light switch; a lot of the time you dont know whats going on with them. i myself am really attached to frye cus i am hashtag autism creature and he brings me comfort, so anyone being rude to me about shiver winning really REALLY gets under my skin. its not entirely (if they were serious, if they werent then its not at all) their fault, but nintendo fixing the frustration of splatfests constantly keeling in one direction (which theyre supposed to do anyways but they havent) would definitely fix the issue. we need to find a way to have nintendo fix this, not attack anyone else for what bundle of pixels and text theyre attached to.

not everyone has really thick skin and if we want splatoon 3 to be more hospitable then we should try to cut down on the general splatfest bullassery in public spaces (being overly cocky and rude/blaming others in a way with no basis or truth behind it). its not something everyone can always do since we arent all perfect, but if we make steps in that direction then we could help more people enjoy the splatoon community rather than being eaten up by toxicity and spite

i didnt word all of this entirely correctly so like interpret ad best as you can cus im eepy but yeah.

a fye for u to enjoy (also ur anon is off btw)

u dont have to but for the sake of not being harrassed id appreciate if u didnt tag with public tags

👏👏 PREACH

I don't want to quit playing it, I do enjoy splatfests, to a certain extent, i like going with my friends and i made a lot of new friends through it, it's like, the online community that I'm having a problem with

I don't hate shiver, I thought I did but I can't, she is still a comfort character (tho Frye is like, my obsession besides being my comfort character cuz I am also part part the 'tism XD), in a way, I like her dynamic with the group at least, she annoys me, yes, very much so, but I don't hate her

And I don't hate people who like her either

Who I do hate is people being mean about it, I had turned off anon cuz of a stupid person who was going around every frye support account anonymously just saying mean stuff and praising shiver as the best, I just forgot to turn it on, so thanks for reminding me 😅

Saying that "It's just a game" is so annoying to, tell that to the football fans, they go just as crazy if not more so

Splatfests are ment to be fun! You should be able to enjoy the splatfest without having to worry about people fighting

I don't like fighting with people, I hate how angry I become, how mean I can sound sometimes, I usually just vent without interacting

At least she won in Japan, so that is one other win under her belt, I just wish she'd win more in the future 😔

Oh also I almost didn't participate in this splatfest either and I did only because I haven't had time to play and I haven't finished my catalogue yet 😅 I usually use splatfests to up my catalogue quicker lmao

Also, don't worry, I won't tag anything that could get you harassed, if anything does happen, please block for your health, I don't want anything happening to you, you seem very sweet ;w;

Edit: also YOUR FRYE PLUSH IS SO CUTE! I've been seeing people get her but idk where to buy her!!!! Where'd you get it? :0

[poorticklishsoles]

When I was around 10, I searched for the word "tickling" on Google and stumbled upon a guy face down, feet tied together to the bed, getting his feet methodically tickled with fingers and a small electric toothbrush. This was my introduction to what would later become my seemingly lifelong attachment to this kink we all share. I can still hear the exact sound of that toothbrush in my brain, but sadly the video has been erased with no trace of it online. (It was called Ken's Feet Get Tickled if anyone has it)

Throughout the years, while growing up, I knew there was something weird about liking this stuff. It seems like I also became attached to feet from that video, and I soon became very fascinated and almost obsessed with finding these so-called "tickle videos" online. Soon enough, I realized it made me feel funny, and at that point where tickling, feet, and bondage became full-on fetishes for me.

I spent even more time after this realization digging deeper into the topic and trying to figure out just how many other people were like me. There were times when I felt really alone and strange... and sad while growing up because although I knew there were people like me online, they all happened to be much older, and I was not of the age where I could meet anyone anyway. I ended up signing up for forums with like-minded people, creating a kink Instagram account, and desperately searching for people like myself. I just remember thinking, "Why am I such a freak for being into this stuff so young." I would have to wait much longer to realize this is common for many more people than I initially thought.

I got supper excited when I turned 18. I thought, "wow I can finally get out there and explore this stuff safely!" I was pumped to be out there and meet cool people that I could become friends with. That was important for me. I feel like I never could properly engage with my kinks if I wasn't friends with the person first... So I decided to make friends.

I met so many incredible people through Instagram, as I thought that that was where the largest group of people in the community were. (I didn't know about Tumblr yet) One of whom became my best friend. I met ticklewitchjess on Instagram back last year. What amazed me about her was our ability to talk about things outside the kink. We formed a genuine friendship. I learned about her favorite color, how she loves thunderstorms like me, some of her trauma, how she cosplayed, and how she loved to learn things even if they were random because of her adhd... I learned that we had many similar interests in the tickling tropes out there. We roleplayed... A lot. I learned that she was an absolutely gifted writer from that, and I genuinly feel like my own writing improved as a result.

We talked everyday like that for a few months... From morning to when we would go to sleep... but one day she told me....she told everyone that she had to take a step back for personal reasons and take a break from her kink account. We talked for the last time and I gave her my last bit of support. I hope one day she does come back when shes in a better place... 

I never thought I'd have a connection like that with someone ever again... And for the most part I was correct, at least for just under a year. One night I again got in my feels about not having any real connection with anyone, now at the age of 20. I genuinely felt sad and depressed that I wasnt getting to explore my kink irl and even felt jealousy when id see tickle vids with 18 and 19 year olds having such a fun time. I ended up sending around 6 or 7 copy pasted greetings that night just to see if anyone would respond. I was about to send the same thing to a person I found that was super far away from me but instead I decided to switch it up and be genuine. And that's how I met @tklish-princess

We started chatting, taking our time at first, but eventually speeding up when we realized we had so much in common! Over time we flirted with the idea of meeting up and I honestly still can't believe we made it work. That's right! I had my first meet up ever! It wasn't just sessions though. We stayed together in the same Airbnb for a full week, essentially living together, and she showed me all around. We even got to do some super fun stuff further away from the town. It was just such an amazing time and Ari was just so sweet and kind to me that I was just constantly melting. I've never really been to college yet so I never got to have the experience of like..really being on my own and living with someone so I can't lie and say I wasn't a little nervous, but as soon as we met and hugged all that went away.

As you've probably seen on her post we did have sessions...some of which were recorded, and we'll be dropping teases as time goes by 🤭. I'm super excited for that and I'm super excited to finally say I have a real tickle partner in my life now! She has the cutest little feet and toes and even her hands are cute and ticklish 🥺.. I'm quite literally obsessed. She's such a sensitive little tickle bug but also a pretty evil ler...which surprised me because when we started talking she claimed to be 90% lee....yeah no. Youll see soon enough that that's not the case. I truly believe I found the best and it was 100% worth the wait.

So Ari...thanks for making this stubborn little dream of mine come true. I love you, and I can't wait to see you again.. 😇

TLDR: I MET AN AMAZING PERSON IN THE COMMUNITY IRL AND SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND NOW AND IM SUPER HAPPY 😄

[faggotry-enjoyer]

hi welcome

he/him, it/its, xe/xyr. ND disabled transfag, gay trans boy. not putting your age in your bio is online privacy 101 but for those who need to know i am over 18.

no DNI but i do block liberally. this is a strictly inclusionist space and i will not tolerate presuming to know someone else's experiences better than they do or demonization (etc.) attached to any identity. in particular i would like to mention that those with paraphilias and paraphilic disorders are welcome here. yes, even the big three.

I always want my blog to be more accessible, and welcome feedback or suggestions on how to do so.

If I add an image description to your post, please edit it in with or without credit. If you want to reblog a different chain/version of a post I've added a description to, please copy the relevant description into your reblog, again with or without credit.

If you want to include my tags in your reblog, please either copy/paste or describe your screenshot.

Tagging system is in the works, I have a few running tags but they're not very consistent. If you want me to tag something, ask me and I will either tag it or tell you that I won't.

Accessibility tags:

# undescribed : for any image or video that isn't described

# description implied : for when there isn't an ID explicitly written out, but it's easy to infer the image from the rest of the post

# image incidental or irrelevant : for when a post can be understood without any of the (undescribed) images

# described : (inconsistent) for when an image or video is described

# id in alt : (inconsistent) for when an image is described in the alt text

# captioned : video may not be transcribed or described, but you can get all necessary information from either the video or the audio, without needing the other. if there's small differences between captions and audio i may tag this and then add a second tag with what the differences are rather than type a full description.

# minimal audio : for when a video can be understood without the audio. i may add a short description of the audio in the tags rather than a full description.

note: i'm in the process of rethinking how i tag for videos, and will likely do more to separate out the visual and audio components in my tagging, as those are (in)accessible to separate groups of people. i'm going to continue using these tags for now but may be adding new ones and updating this in the future.

# no plaintext : (inconsistent) for posts with cursive, zalgo, more than a few words in all caps or colour, leetspeak, heavy typing quirks, or any other form of text that may not be easily readable or screenreader friendly, and that don't have a plaintext version included

# plaintext : (inconsistent) for posts with any of the above that have a plaintext version included

# flashing : (inconsistent) for flashing lights

# eyestrain : (inconsistent) for stuff that seems eyestrain-y

# unreality : (inconsistent) for unreality

# unreality maybe : (inconsistent) for stuff that i'm not sure whether or not is unreality, which is more often than being sure

note: may add a tag for stuff that isn't real but is more of a bit that doesn't fall into typical unreality triggers - think promotional posts for things that don't exist, onion headlines, and the like. The closest i have right now is # satire but that doesn't feel quite right for everything in this category.

Other tags:

# faggotry-enjoyer original : for my posts

# faggotry-enjoyer asks : for asks

# faggotry-enjoyer additions : for when i add in the text of a reblog rather than just tags, excluding image descriptions

# horny on main : what it says on the tin

quite a few others that are primarily vibes-based and which i barely keep track of in my head.

[regulationlistener]

news years resolution post. resolution seems too firm theyre more pretty loose goals. theyre not all that serious its just my way of reminding myself theres something i want to do. intention is to update every month to keep track of my progress. or lack of it. who knows what will occur.

read 26 books

last year the goal was 52 and for some reason i didnt read anything until december, so im halving it. i did read fifteen books in december so as long as i actually read for at least two months i should finish this up no biggie. 13 of those books were library books and i need to start working on all the books that i own because i dont really have room for all of them and im sure once read i wont keep most of them.

read in public once every two weeks

this has less to do with reading and more to do with trying to get myself to go to parks and such as that, i just feel like reading is an activity to do while there that isnt exercise which i would get self conscious about. every two weeks is really arbitrary, i just need to try to consistently do this. i think existing in public and also being outside is good for pretty self explanatory reasons and i want to try to explore more of my town on foot, which admittedly ive never really done.

watch 104 movies.

last year i watched 121 so this should be relatively easy. its two movies a week which is not an absurd amount by any means. historically speaking i wont do it this way and will instead watch like 30 movies in one month instead but its not necessary.

finish baldurs gate 3/one of the switch pokemon games

i have three pokemon games that ive played like three hours of each and i want to at least make an effort to finish one of them, same with baldurs gate. i dont finish most video games i buy and i dont buy enough of them for it to be a big deal but it does sort of make me feel bad and also i do like playing them, so i really wanna try and finish them.

visit all county historical plaques

this sounds fun and also i think itll be a good way to get myself exploring and paying more attention to the local area. theres only like 45 and most of them are clustered together so i think i could do this relatively easily in a handful of afternoons.

go to a live event once a month

ive been wanting to go to a ball game for more than a year and i just keep never getting around to it, so i really wanna try to get myself to go see shit. im not attached to sports, it could be any live event, but sports does seem the most plentiful and generally speaking i think id need to go out of state to see a comedy or music act that i like unless i deliberately go to one ive never heard of, which im not really keen on, because the thought of being at a comedy show i think isnt funny is a nightmare situation for me, and also ive never been to a live music event so i feel like i should at least be familiar for the first ones i go to.

general life improvement shit

i want to get a job that doesnt make me wanna kill myself. preferably with insurance, because i need new regular glasses and i want to get prescription sunglasses, which ive been wanting for nearly a decade and i just havent gotten yet for some reason, and also depending on how annoying it is it would probably be nice to get on anxiety medication for a bit. or maybe not. taking medication gives me anxiety so it might be a net zero gain. i also want to try to take some online classes at the community college cause ill get financial aid so i might as well slowly work my way to some sort of degree even if i dont really care about it.

new hobbies

i think i should get a record player and try to get into records, which is something ive been thinking about getting around to for like four years. i also really want to try to make a blanket[?], which i assume will be kind of shit ass, but it seems like a very approachable project in terms of someone basically new to fiber arts that will also find some sort of use in my house, its just a really time consuming one. everything else you can make is stuff that i dont want so i wouldnt make or its like clothes and that seems intimidating cause you gotta wear that shit outta the house. i also really want to try my hand at painting, i dont have any thought that ill be good at it but its something ive had in the back of my mind for a while so i want to give it a go at least a few times and see if i enjoy it.

[maximuswolf]

Probably unpopular opinion round based/horde modes never seemed to hook me

Probably unpopular opinion round based/horde modes never seemed to hook me Im talking about modes like zombies in cod, horde mode in gears, firefight in halo, etc. Im not saying I hate them but I only find them enjoyable in very small doses. The amount of times I hear people say that they only like COD for zombies and people who just spend hours playing only zombies.In my opinion yea its a fun little bonus game mode but I dont get what the craze is about. Felt the same way back in WaW and BO days. To me the biggest thing is, and this is closer related to earlier COD zombies games, is the lack of progression. There is no goal you just go and go until you hit your eventual failure. Yea you spent hours and hours getting to high rounds and now youre dead and for what? This sucked even more when you didnt even gain EXP for playing zombies. These types of modes just seem more like time wasters than anything to me. Any time Id get online and super hyped to play some multiplayer or these days Warzone and the boys are saying they want to play zombies I just roll my eyes. Just brain dead bore fest that will always end in failure at some point with nothing to show for the time. Im competitive I like to play against REAL people. Im not a super sweat demon by any means but I am competitive and I need to feel like Im beating someone at something and making some kind of progress and have some kind of end goal or victory condition. The only thing I even use zombies for these days is leveling up guns to get certain attachments for warzone. Im never playing zombies because I want to play zombies lol. Seriously what is the obsession with infinite round based horde modes? Submitted November 24, 2024 at 08:43AM by nrizzo24 https://ift.tt/wNSpVMH via /r/gaming

[garysversionforlegalreasons]

im back in the dl fandom. you might remember me from @the80srewinders . well ive grown up since then and i want to distance myself far from that account as possible.

i was dumb when i made that account. i thought posting my personal experiences with dissociation and trauma was a good idea and it would be a "you benefit i benefit too" thing- id post about my experiences to give validation to those who also have the same thing and id get validation from knowing im not alone. i ended up getting involved in syscourse, feeling like im not valid because of how the online mental health community dramatizes and seeks attention, and at the end being harassed by multiple accounts. i thought this was a toxic place and i could never be happy if i stayed here. but i did months of thinking and now i know i can be happy here if i stay in music fandoms. im not venturing into mental health anymore. i run a sa survivor support blog on the side, but only when my mental health can handle it. and thats not the same thing. and if i have to end the blog i will.

id like to talk about this because ik its a hot topic with me. no, i did not leave because of remy in the dl fandom. i didn't like her actions and shes hurt other people too, but thats between them and her and im not going to announce what happened between other people publicly. i could have stayed even with remy, but by that time more than one account was harassing me in anons and i would get the dumbest comments because of syscourse i couldn't handle remy properly as i would have without all the other drama i was in. the toxic mental health community is the real reason why i left tumblr, not one person.

this whole past several months has been a lesson for me. ive learned that its stressful to keep up a mental health blog, the online mental health community is alot more about attention seeking and talking over each other than it is helping other people, and that music fandoms are not as toxic. i also learned that when a person shows the first sign of being toxic, please fucking cut them off. keeping toxic people in your life just because you're attached to them for whatever reason when you have way better friends will ruin your mental health and cause you to waste months and energy on someone that doesn't deserve it when you could be devoting that time and energy to something useful.

so yeah, ive grown up. and im back in the dl fandom and the classic country fandom. i missed yall so much <3

[panickedpanromantic]

im gonna dump all my unorganized thought about games here because im freaky

under this is my largest yap session to date

fallout 4s power armor is 1000000 times than 3 or new vegas

it feels more like something that needs to be maintained

and the fusion cores give me a reason to not use it all the time

splatoon is so rooted into my psyche that i have dreams about it

been playing since i was like 5 and its all i ever think about

games

infinite games

but no games

bacon

unliminted bacon

but no games

if i were to live in a game id be stardew valley

no taxes

live on a farm

free cat

make millions in a year

life good

video games are possibly the perfect outlet for trans people

your telling me i can play a girl and no one will question it

AND ITS COMPETITIVELY BETTER

sometimes games become my personality a bit too much

but honestly at the end of the day

im me

and thats all that matters

cyberpunk 2077 changed me as a person

watching someone struggle with the fact that their gonna die and theres not much they can do about is heavy

and also theres a terrorist rocker boy talking their eat out, telling them to do various crimes is great

i never found dark souls that difficult

i found it like opressive thematically

but its not hard

the difficulty is learning

guess im just better

so theres this game called a township tale

its a very unknown vr game, small community

and it is one of the reasons i could be trans comfortably

its a vrrpg

but everything is based around community

and every gameplay element is tactile

for example

in other rpgs to make a weapon you need the materials, maybe a workbench or experience, and bada bing bada boom you have a sword or something

but in ATT you have to mine the ores manually by going into pitch dark mines siphoning the ore from the earth (which in some servers theres a limited supply of) then you need to make a handle from wood by using a hammer and chisel then you need to turn the ore into ingots, then melt the ingots into a mold of whatever weapon or tool you want

then you have to heat it up and smash it with a hammer on an anvil

and then and only then can you connect the handle and blade together to make the weapon

i feel like this makes you more attached to your weapon or tool

i have an axe that took me an actual week to make

and i love that thing so much

also they can break

but the main kicker about this game is that there are very little tutorials

game teaches you how to do very basic things like connect things and make a bag

and thats it

only way to learn is to talk with your fellow townspeople

and the friendships you can make in this game are priceless

i hate using my voice to talk in online games so i use voicelines from payday 2's jacket hotline miami as a voice

imagine a robotic commercial woman voice being used to say very threatening things

at first i thought people would think its kinda cute or something

but then people were scared because of shit like this

imagine hearing something like that behind you and you turn around and its a small black woman with an axe handing you a flower

i started using it to repel toxic players (which are uncommon but still very possible)

long story short i love this game so much

i have 650 hours

[justalilpearlie]

hi guys dont mind me being insane again

im not tagging this too much cus its more of a personal ramble cus idk im feelin silly today and the BPD hits too hard. i wont be explainin what BPD is either so if u dont know either look it up or ignore this post,,

man i. have you ever loved someone so much you cry? /pos

like man i. its not romantic, may i clarify. most of my fps, except for my main one, are platonic. one of them is familial even

but i just. i feel like such a parasocial freako but i genuinly feel so intensely. its so positive too. if you ignore the crippling paranoia i always have abt my fps hating me or me being so intense they get uncomfortable...

but i just??? im not. normal about them.

i dont wanna sound creepy but they make my world so much better. id take a bullet from them. if give anything for them to be alright. i genuinly just REALLY enjoy their company and knowing theyre having fun with me aswell. knowing they enjoy me as a person. that im not a nuisance for the people i love the most.

and gosh i really hope they dont see this. i would feel so ashamed and embarassed if they did.

luckly i have better ways of copying with distress, attachment issues, jealousy, possesiveness, and all that other FUN (not) stuff that comes with BPD or rather specifically having an fp. A nice trustworthy psychologist (if u can afford it) does wonders to you, let me tell you.

its still hard sometimes but ive learnt to deal with it in ways that arent destructive to my relationships with those around me. i can cool down and such instead of lashing out or splitting for the most minimal things.

but now. for whatever reason. i went on a huge "positive" ramble instead. it was meant to be appreciation at the time, and still is, but i feel like its something that couldve scared them off. i showed some stuff to irl friends and online family, and everyone said theyd feel very appreciated if someone told them that stuff, but i cant help but feel is because they're my loved ones also and stuff. i really. really feel like i was too intense. i suck at showing affection in a normal way, a calm way, subtle way, like a normal person.

at this point i think. sigh i think its better if i just say nice things anonymously. i think if people, in general, not only my fps. but if people dont know affection comes from me they'll take it so much better than if they know its *me* in particular. and idk why! its just my brain being stupid again.

brains love doing that, dont they? being stupid. telling you everyone hates you oh so much no matter what you do. that theyre lying behind your back, and hate you in secret, theyre just being polite and allat.

well let me tell you, dear reader, whoever the fuck might read this, specially if its from the bpd tags: thats not true. sure, there might be assholes out there, but those people you think hate you despite how close you are, most likely dont. and i cant even get this through my own head but my sister repeats it to me all the time. "[name] talks so nicely about you and seems so happy seeing you". even then its hard to believe, i gotta stare at nice screenshots ive saved where i believe ive done something good, something worthy of appreciation, something that has not only meaning but an impact, a possitive one. and i know the chances of them actually hating me are low, but i still believe more in those chances than the proof.

i feel a bit delusional in a way. and i mean, i am, often times. but this is one of those thoughts- those god dammed thoughts where you're self aware yet- yet it doesnt shake the feeling away, you know? like no there is no proof, no logical proof at least, only what your mind twists into proof. but you still just "know it", yknow? even if you dont actually know shit and are very wrong. you feel like you do and it- it fucking sucks.

dont even get me started on splits and mood swings, highs and lows. Cause well. THATS NOT THE TOPIC OF THIS POST !! Lmao. i could go on for hours complaining tho. ough.

but yeah!! i just !! sorry, this took a turn. i just. needed to express myself idfk. i'll go back to posting abt minecraft men kissing soon or whatever, sorry normie followers /hj

i love them so much its overwhelming, yet i wouldnt change it for everything in the world, you know? not them. its hard but id rather endure it for them than have them not be THIS level of special to me anymore.

i really REALLY hope theyre not. uncomfortable by it tho. and wont dump me for it. i really wish i had a guide to how to and how to not mess up. so i could avoid doing dumb shit on accident.

and its funny cause theyre ppl that would absolutely tell me if im doing shit that bothers them, yet i believe theres smth else, stupid thoughts man. LEAVE ME ALONE FREDDY MERCURY!! UR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD !! /ref

sighhhh anyhow yeah im dropping it here. bpd is a bitch. and to anyone out there dealing w it? godspeed. you can do this, i know life already sucks and this shitty dissorder doesnt help, but i know you can push through, mi gente bella.

Pearlo out. BPD hours rlly seem to be hitting at around 11-12 am, huh? /ij

[wingsfromwhere]

My point about people woobifying serial killers and murderers and making fan bases around them and even making shows where murder is cool and bad ass is to point to the societal treatment of murder and heinous unjustified crimes as something that can be admired. These murders also do get sentences that will allow them to see the outside world again. My point is that murder is a much more heinous crime than rape or domestic abuse but our culture around the latter two is so volatile that people will call for harsh death sentences, long sentences, or completely forgo the idea of redemption because they want to paint sexual crimes and domestic abuse as especially heinous. It , of course, is not especially heinous because murdered people can't recover and had their lives taken from them as opposed to sexual crimes and domestic abuse, which are frankly not as bad. My point is public outcry and perception for these crimes is too skewed and too irrational. You should be angrier and more upset and more critical of murderers especially serial murderers than you are of someone who hit their wife in an argument or someone who raped someone. It's pretty obvious what I'm saying but you ofc are exhibiting the exact type of irrationality I'm calling out because what I'm saying is true and you don't have a real argument against it so you have to resort to the same societal tendency to create an air of irrational disgust around something to avoid the fact that the people who claim some moral righteousness are in fact very vain and not that moral in the first place.

Man you should post sources when you make these claims, who is letting murderers go without life in prison or the death penalty. I dont doubt you, but ive never heard of it and feel like you are cherry picking. Obviously murder is worse than assault, i didnt even argue this in the last ask. Litterally didnt even mention it. I just questioned why you think murderers dont get the death sentence and why you keep attaching a subjective influence on an objective problem.

If murder is worse than assult, then congratulations it dosnt matter what people think because the court knows the difference. If the court dosnt know the difference then your argument should be with the us govt and justice department. Do you live in brazil where all justice is from lynch mobs? (Sorry for the racist remark Brazilians) Why do you care what people think? If a judge is being biased then sure, but give me a source, then ill stand right by you.

But really it seems like your entire point is that you wish people hated murder more than assault. I think you have a skewed perception, or you surround yourself with people that have skewed perceptions. This sounds like an opinion id only find on twitter because in real life nobody thinks this way. I think the arguement you should be making is that online people should touch grass and realize murder is only outdone by torture, wich is debatably overlapping in some regards to assault.

Now i hate to ask you this, since i know you cant answer, but do you think the dead are glad they died quickly or that they would prefer to live in constant agony? Like i said, unfair question, but i think your argument is more grey than the black and white you think it is. From a legal persective i think its mostly black and white, so who cares? And from a societal perspective its grey and case by case, so who cares wich is worse objectively? Go touch grass

[yak-leather-whips]

Kat Blaque, amazing artist and well known online black trans woman, has made a number of videos talking about why she is not queer. She does not identify as queer, and she does not appreciate people applying that label to her against her explicit wishes. She at one point identified as queer early on in her transition, and realized later that it just didn’t fit for her. She identifies (as far as I’m aware) as a heterosexual binary trans woman. She respects queer people, she’s not bothered by “its a slur” discourse, she advocates people should be allowed to identify themselves as queer and as a part of the queer community. She just…isn’t. She has been passing for basically her entire adult life, and being trans at this point doesn’t play a huge role in her day to day existence. Kat argues that in her day to day life, being a black woman has a lot more of an impact on her marginalization than being trans, and I’m inclined to taker her at her word for that.

People keep insisting to Kat that by virtue of being trans, she IS queer, whether she likes it or not. I find this to be…an odd assertion. These people make the point that queerness is about being on the fringes, and while I think that’s definitely true, I have always understood the fundamental difference between “gay” or “trans” or “ace” versus “queer” to be that queerness is a deliberate decision to go toward those fringes. To decide that instead of trying to claw your way back into the center, you were going brace your shoulder up against the edges of society and PUSH. Being queer was choosing that instead of letting the boundaries push you inward, you were going move the boundaries outward, and then, just for good measure, you were going to keep going and find out what lies beyond the fringe.

Being queer may not , but it also isn’t something that’s inextricably attached to any particular set of identities. We are all familiar with the existence of conservative gay and trans people. None of these people would be likely to identify as queer, and nobody inside the queer community is likely to go out of their way to claim Blaire White or Kalvin Garrah or Milo Whateverthefuck are actually queer. But allowing for the fact that these people aren’t inherently queer just by virtue of being gay or trans means that queerness is not an inherent trait of being one of those things. Which also means that people you might want to describe as queer on the basis of their identity must have the option to reject it, and people you wouldn’t necessarily think of as queer must also have the option to claim it and you don’t get the option to tell either of those people they’re wrong.

Cishet asexuals don’t have to identify as queer, any more than cisgender gays or heterosexual trans people do. And I’m sure some of them don’t, based on how many of them I’ve encountered in the queer is a slur discourse. Likewise, anyone who disputes the queerness of cishet drag queens or autistic people seems to think somehow they have found themselves in possession of the authority to map out the in-group/outgroup topography of the “fuck your in-group/outgroup dynamic” community.

Getting an autism diagnosis was the first step to me coming out. My autism and my queerness are inextricably linked. My autism and my asexuality are inextricably linked. I’m not cishet, but i do happen to know an autistic cishet guy whose been exploring the aroace spectrum for a while, but as of right now feels more at home identifying as queer than with any other specific label. And I’m certainly not inclined to say that deciding he IDs as ace would make him somehow more queer than he is right now, especially when I for one feel that discovering i was autistic was the first step in discovering my queer identity.

TLDR: Labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. There is no defined set of qualifications by which these people are determined to be inherently queer, and these people are just converts.

y'know the thing a lot of people who worry about "well if we just let ANYBODY be queer what will happen!!" don't talk about is like. what will probably happen if some cisgender heterosexual calls themself queer for X reason is that they will go to an inclusive queer space and listen to other people and discuss their own unique perspectives on issues. like a cishet ace might hear a gay man talk about feeling broken and ashamed and go "oh I've had a similar experience being ace!" and everyone else will get a chance to learn about how being ace changes your experiences with sexuality. if someone comes in and says "i'm queer because i'm autistic" and then talks about how their autism & experiences with ableism has impacted their interactions with gender in society, everyone will get a chance to learn how neurodivergence can change how you internalize gender and how ableism is often directly tied to gender.

the thing is, people will use shocking phrases like "oh so a cishet autistic person is queer now?? so a cishet incel is queer now???" because they have a very bitter and small-minded view of sexuality and gender. they are (not in a societal power sense, but in a moral/rhetoric sense) no better than conservative cisgender heterosexuals who lose their mind at butch lesbians and cis men wearing nail polish.

because what happens when a person says they are queer and get let in to queer spaces just on that is... they learn about other people and other people learn about them. if they act like an asshole they get educated and if they keep doing it they get kicked out. people who understand the radical nature of queerness should also understand that if someone says they are "queer", they probably have put thought into that and have a reason for feeling that way, and by letting them into queer spaces you have an opportunity to learn more about experiences outside of your own. and you get to help a person! it's a win-win scenario for everyone!

if someone says "i'm queer because of [wild crazy thing]," my reaction is going to be, "cool, i'd love to know more about how you came to identify as queer, i'm sure you have some really interesting things to say about queerness based on your experiences!" it's that simple. queerness is vague and unique and constantly shifting, and we all have more to learn about aspects of it. if someone finds comfort and solidarity in calling themself queer, then i'm sure we have some interesting things to talk about and learn from each other! nobody knows everything and humans can't be put in perfect boxes.

[leotello]

YES HELLO I AM A TRANSFEM LEO ENTHUSIAST<3 plleeeeaassee imagine karai doing leo's makeup for the first time.... especially if she's still in her questioning/denail phase AA and she looks in the mirror and just. emotions. ough.

also the teenage transgender angst. myyyyyyyy god🙏 leo being extra irritable and upset, snapping more often, maybe even neglecting responsibilities, and no one knows why. leo doesnt know either.

egg leo asking april looootttssss of questions about being a girl. isnt it nicer? does it feel better? do you feel lighter for being a girl? and april is like. Um. well ive never thought about it like that. leo being like wait, do you never think about what it would be like to be a boy? doesnt everyone fantasize about being the opposite sex?

just🙏 i love her sm

YES YES YES TRANSFEM LEO <3

oh my god karai doing her makeup. yes. i feel like leo isn't much of a makeup girl most of the time, but it still does something, it makes her see a side of her she didn't realize she wanted to pursue.

just, karai helping her realize she's a girl in general. they have a lot of long talks at night on rooftops, mostly leo rambling in circles, talking herself in and out of IDing as trans, while karai listens and nods and occasionally tells her point-blank when she's being stupid or way too hard on herself.

i like to think that she wants to keep the name leonardo; she feels very attached to it, both because it's a nice name and because master splinter gave it to her and she values that greatly; and also because, while yes technically its a boy's name and you don't really meet any girls named leonardo, you technically... also don't meet any boys named leonardo either? so she kind of wants to keep it. but that makes her feel like she's not "girly enough." karai is the one to tell her "it's just a name. i could change my name to greg right now and it wouldn't make me a guy." and leo's like oh. i never thought of it that way. huh.

and yes, teenage leo hitting puberty and suddenly being so irritable and uncomfortable in her own skin, as her dysphoria intensifies. her voice deepens and she can't say why she hates it. her plastron dips inwards and she can't explain why she doesn't want to look at it. her skin darkens and she wishes it would go back to how it was before. (these are turtle sexual dimorphism btw, im just a biology nerd)

i feel like april gives leo a lot of words to describe her experience, lots of labels and info on communities (online, of course, she's still a turtle), while karai is less label-savvy but better at getting to the heart of the issue and asking leo the hard questions about how she really feels.