#i. meta: the triumvirate.

[sleepymccoy]

Two thirds of a whole

“Your report indicated that you spent some time with the other Spock.”

“He was a strange man to meet,” McCoy muttered, sinking into a chair hesitantly.

“Tell me about him,” Spock invited, filling their glasses.

McCoy leant on the table and raised a hand. “Now, I don't want to sound egotistical, but the only change I know of was my not being on the Enterprise.”

“It is not egotistical to report your observations.”

McCoy smiled. “You might be wanting to take that back shortly, we'll see if I let you.”

Spock's gaze flashed to him. A strange expression passed his face, softer than most Spock let through when he was in control of himself, then he seemed to make a decision and looked at McCoy squarely. “Tell me,” he repeated.

“Well, he was lonely,” McCoy said simply. “He and their Jim weren't friendly. You- they weren't arguing or any sort, just not friendly. Jim was thinner too, more professional and detached. Broke my heart a bit. He did too.”

“He being the other Spock,” Spock clarified.

“Yeah.” McCoy pulled the water glass over and pressed it against his bourbon glass, feeling the grating tension of glass on glass in his fingers. “Didn't get along a lick with anyone on board. Didn't offer comments or defend his opinions beyond the bare minimum. He just worked, then went to his room and stayed there.”

“He sounds like a better Vulcan than I.”

McCoy glared at Spock. “You're the better man,” he shot back. Then, before Spock could disagree on principle, he continued. “He was sad, Spock, miserable and lonely! The way he latched onto me at the end there, you…” he sighed. “Ah, I dunno.”

Spock's eyebrow raise was enough of a response to keep McCoy talking.

“I don't know,” McCoy said carefully, “what he was getting out of me that no one else gives. I'd like to understand.”

“You are asking what benefit I find in knowing you?”

McCoy grit his teeth. “I suppose.” He drank. “You’re allowed to kick me out.”

Spock crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. “It is a simple enough answer,” he said. “You are the antithesis of Vulcan logic. You exemplify the most challenging type of human interaction I could have - that is, one whose argument is based in emotion and unmoving. But you explain yourself well, and have improved my comprehension of the convoluted decision making processes humans take.”

“Huh,” McCoy said. He drank.

“Additionally- ”

“There's more?”

Spock ignored him. “- you take time to point out when I am culturally insensitive. Many simply take offense, but you communicate it. Often, you communicate it excessively. Perhaps this other Spock lacked your early tutelage and suffered for it. Although, I must add, Vulcan intimacy is far more impersonal than human and perhaps he is pleased with his relationships on board. Knowing no other.”

“He kissed me like he was dying.”

Spock's hand lurched, knocking against his water glass. It didn't tip over, they had broad bases in case of turbulance, but it shook from the impact.

McCoy went quiet and drank his bourbon.

“Where did he kiss you?” Spock asked at a whisper.

McCoy looked at the table top. Real wood, Spock was more of a sensualist than he admitted. “On the mouth, Spock, how dirty d'you think I am?”

“I mean- so, he kissed you in the human way?”

Spock's hands were balled into tight fists. His eyes were wide, his cheeks green. He was quite still.

“Yeah, I hadn't considered that,” McCoy said, trying with all his might to sound unaffected and like they were discussing lab results. He remembered the feeling of Spock’s fingers in his mouth. “He was good at it too, wonder where he learnt it.”

Spock waved his hand absently. Those fingers… “Before I met you,” he muttered. “Wait. You allowed it to continue long enough to tell? Were you willing?”

“I was surprised at first, but, Spock, there’s something about you- ”

Spock stood, his chair scraping back loudly.

“God, don't hit me,” McCoy muttered, “you're really strong.”

---

This fic is complete now! If you enjoyed the snippet you'll enjoy the rest of the shenanigans they get up to <3

[druidx]

The Council Tower of Torguard

Torguard's Council Tower is the central base of government within the city-state.

The building itself is constructed mainly from white marble, golden granite, and glass, and was produced by mixing the talents of Human inspiration, Elven fabrication magic and Dwarven engineering. This diagram is representative of the third¹ time of rebuilding, and as such includes the drop shaft where levitation mages ferry bureaucrats up and down the many levels of the tower.

The city's government is headed by what's known as the Triumvirate: The Commander-in-Chief, the Arch-Magus, and the Exchequer. At time of writing, these positions are chaired by General Johan Strucker, Thazar Clayrmantle (after Selene Fridwake stepped down), and Mr Thatcher (after Reginald Striker was killed by the Firre explosion)².

There is also a special executive exclusion held by a mysterious entity known as the Emissary, whose power comes not from internal meritocratic advancement nor is an elected position. Instead this individual's power is enshrined by the dragon, Drakemar, who's funding allowed Torguard to regain her feet after the Balor, Yagrin, opened the Hellmouth and razed the city.

After these main positions, the council is comprised of approximately³ 100 mixed elected & meritocratic positions, broken down as:

20 Religious representatives

35 Guildheads

10 Trade guildheads

20 elected City District representatives

15 other various elected representatives & interested parties

Each of these representatives holds an office somewhere in the tower, and they meet with reasonable regularity in the main council chamber at the top of the tower.

As may be expected there are many other bureaucratic positions to be filled, such as sanitation and infrastructure, which take up the rest of the tower's office space.

While there are other outposts around the city walls, the majority of military activity is consigned to the tower's lowest levels: training facilities, barracks, stables, etc. This is because in the event of a dire emergency, the island on which the tower sits on can be cut off from the rest of the city.

--- ¹ Firstly, after the city was consumed by a Hellmouth; Secondly, after the cleric Laurence summoned a Firre to explode the council chambers; Thirdly, after the internals and part of the outside were destroyed by demons summoned by the dragon Armageddon.

² Edited details courtesy my delightful co-conspirator, @aquadestinyswriting

³ This is, as noted, approximate due to the guilds and religions growing such they need their own rep, or shrinking such that they are folded under the banner of another. For example, in Titan's canon there are 29 gods of the Animal Court. While each of these could have its own separate church, they're all so tiny they'd be folded under the banner of Galantanka's representative.

[vitasexualiiis]

i love how mori, francis, and fukuzawa are all paralleled with/against each other because each of them is driven by responsibility, loyalty and love. it's just expressed in very different ways.

[lenievi]

I think what I would really like to see more of are tos fics - gen fics, because that's where it can work the best imho - where McCoy and Kirk are close friends, and with their teasing they make Spock fit seamlessly into their dynamic and friendship

yes, Spock and Kirk served together for a while (but honestly mostly just a year) at the beginning of s1, they are friends, but not close friends, and there's still this weird distance between them - because both of them keep a distance. But McCoy and Kirk's friendship is portrayed as very close and intimate right from the beginning - they know things about each other, they call each other by a first name and a nickname, the lines between a superior and subordinate are blurred.

And both McCoy and Kirk like Spock and want him to feel included. But Jim can't really approach Spock from a more personal angle and Spock will call him out if he crosses a line (e.g. "Captain, I hardly believe that insults are within your prerogative as my commanding officer."). And that's where McCoy comes in with his teasing and banter - a banter that Kirk himself enjoys, allows, and occasionally joins in on. Each duo has their own dynamic, but a new one, the strongest one, evolves between the three of them, created not because Spock and McCoy were friends with Kirk, so they had to "get along for Kirk's sake", but because McCoy served as a bridge Spock could walk over towards them and they could become a strong, unbreakable triangle (shape).

McCoy connecting Spock and Kirk to their own emotions. Kirk balancing McCoy and Spock’s worldviews. Spock being balanced by Kirk (intuition and human instinct) and McCoy (compassion and humanity).

It's not surprising at all that when Spock thinks he needs to confront Kirk, he takes McCoy with him. Or sends him in first.

[larsisfrommars]

So I’m a few episodes into El Hotel De Los Secretos

I’m so overjoyed to find that Andrés Salinas is not just played by 💕Carlos Rivera💕 but is second most important male lead AND my favorite character archetype/personality!

He’s the emotional heart/rock of the series!

He’s the counterbalance of caution, patience and kindness to Julio’s zero-impulse control and scrappy investigative zeal and I’m in love with that dynamic! (If I’m not careful I’m gonna ship it lmao, eh whatever! Whose gonna stop me if I do?! Lol)

In a way they remind me of the Triumvirate dynamic from Star Trek. Julio is Kirk and Andrés is a very charming combination of Spock & Bones. Andrés is like 85-90% of Julio’s impulse control

I smell the potential of him being the moral compass if things get darker than they are. Which, they probably will, it’s a telenovela/period DRAMA after all.

What really sold me on the show (and this character) was the third episode.

Waking up and comforting Julio when he breaks down in tears because it seems that his sister didn’t just disappear but was (probably) murdered thanks to some emotionally devastating evidence.

God just LOOK at them 🥲

¡Voy a llorar! 😭😭😭

I don’t know man, Andrés really went “this man has body slammed me TWICE in less than 48 hours and I saw him cry once. You know what though? He’s earnest and funny and I feel bad for him. So! We Are Now Inseparable.”

Then what he does for BELÉN, pobresita 😭

Andrés comforts her (who he clearly already cared about before, can’t really tell if it’s a “he/they were already a little in love but we’re hiding it” situation or a “friends that become lovers(?) due to fanfic level circumstances” situation).

He doesn’t pressure her when she won’t say who the father is and doesn’t seem to think less of her for having a child out of wedlock. Which is like, a HUGE deal considering this takes place in the early 1900s.

Not only that! But what does he do in order to keep his mother (the chief of staff regarding the maid staff) to keep her from firing Belén?

HE LIES HIS MOM AND TELLS HER THE BABY IS HIS. He sacrifices his mother’s respect for him for Belén’s sake! Like, W H A T.

HELLO? H E L L O?!?!?!

Ahh! I love this series!

Oh man, I really hope he doesn’t become a target in whatever Diego’s shady ass plans are if he ever finds out Andrés is taking credit for the child/pregnant woman he discarded like trash to protect his engagement to Isabela 👀 (not that Andrés knows who the real father is) ¡NO MORTES POR FAVOR!

Does anybody else watch this show?! Send help! I’m chewing on the upholstery!!

[artbyblastweave]

I've seen it said that Worm has two distinct takes on the Evil Superman archetype. One is, obviously, Scion. The other that I've heard is that the Triumvirate each represent aspects of Superman. Alexandria is the flying brick archetype, Legend is the charismatic aspect, and Eidolon is the "World's Strongest Hero" part. Any thoughts?

Yeah, essentially right, with a few extra elements- Legend is also the one who gets to have a functional civilian life, Alexandria gets the double identity element, and Eidolon gets not just the status of the world's strongest hero, but also the editorial baggage of the world's strongest hero running out of things to fight. Legend's also the one who gets to act as a critique of Superman’s squeaky-clean boyscout morality; he gets to have comparatively clean hands because he’s out of the loop on all the morally fraught decisions, and he’s out of the loop on the morally fraught decisions because he didn’t really look all too hard at what was obviously a shady setup. And this feels reminiscent of the persistent meta-level criticism of superheroes in general and Superman in particular (which for the record I only loosely endorse at this point, but which was absolutely true at one point) that their classic "good guy" behavior is only really possible if they're forcibly kept out of contact, on an editorial level, with all the real-world systemic problems that actually cause crime and war and so on, kept out of contact with anything morally thorny, kept away from the question of why something is a crime when a burglar does it but not when a Senator does it. Certain evils you're allowed to target, certain assumptions about the system you're part of that have to go unchallenged- assumptions that raise serious questions about the heroes' ethics, savviness, and personal politics unless you're portraying a world in which all of that under-the-hood societal stuff magically isn't there to be noticed at all. Which Worm, you know, isn't.

[markcampbells]

002 | Give me a character & I will tell you: Spock

I also got this from an anon so I'm assuming everyone's like we know how she feels about McKirk, what about Spock?? 😂

How I feel about this character: Okay, so… it is not the character, it is the fanbase. Spock is awesome! All three actors do an absolutely fantastic job! But the fanbase is kind of… too much for me. I'm not speaking so much about the intense love for him as I am talking about projecting things onto him that have very little to do with the writers' initial intent and then getting angry when canonical portrayals don't match up. Like, people will absolutely INSIST that Spock is gay and then get angry when he's paired with women in new incarnations, despite the fact that (a) bisexual+ people exist, so him being with a woman does not automatically make him straight, and (b) Spock was never intended to be anything but heterosexual anyway. I won't deny that SNW in particular has made some choices where I understand the frustration--I absolutely understand why Jewish fans are upset by the bacon scene--but I think the preciousness over Spock and his fanon is what puts people like me off him a bit. He's a great character, excellently portrayed, but I could really do without the people who can't recognize where their fanon ends and canon begins.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I understand the love for Spirk! But of the triumvirate and its satellite ships, it's kind of the least interesting to me. I like how Spock/Uhura works as a companion ship to McKirk! And I think SNW is doing really cool stuff with Spock/Christine and the idea that a young Spock would explore emotionality that way (especially after seeing his parents' marriage).

My non-romantic OTP for this character: The triumvirate, of course! Particularly in Star Trek V, I love the warmth and camaraderie of the camping scenes. I also really love his familial dynamics with Amanda and Michael (Sarek is… complicated…), and when it comes to Pike, the SNW S1 finale actually made me cry with how it portrayed their relationship and its impact on both of them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I kinda accidentally got into that earlier, didn't I. Oops. I think something that strikes me about Spock and how I relate to fanon is I actually see him more as aro/ace, but I understand how complicated that gets as a headcanon because it might imply that aro/ace people are unemotional, etc. I sort of see him as a keen observer of relationship dynamics (in McKirk fics, I always appreciate a Spock who understands they're romantically involved but keeps quiet out of discretion), but someone who doesn't necessarily desire a romantic relationship for himself.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I totally understand why the subsequent AOS movies past the first one used him sparingly--having him in the first movie at all is a base to bridge the universes on--but I would find more knowledge of what Spock did to rebuild Vulcan society and how he adjusted to a new universe fascinating!

my OTP: Secondary to McKirk, I really do see the appeal of Spones! I think they're an awesome ship and I want to write more for their dynamic (thus far I've written a friendship fic I'm still really proud of). I love both the silly memes people make about them as well as the serious meta people do about why these characters work as a pairing and their relationship to each other.

my cross over ship: I don't think about crossover ships that much! Although now that I'm thinking about it, I would find him having some sort of relationship with Garak fascinating. Garak lies and eludes constantly, and Spock is held to not lie but actually does, and I think they could play off each other in an interesting way. Plus Garak is so lively and jovial whereas Spock is more serious but also has a dry wit I think Garak would love.

a headcanon fact: In my fic I linked above, I tried to build more on the idea of Spock having a dyslexia-like condition that Discovery established. I thought it was pretty cool that Discovery gave a character who's well-known for his intellect a learning disability! I like the idea that it gives him a lot of empathy for those in similar situations and that he's able to use his past struggles to help those on ship crews or in academic settings who need it.

[waywardtrek]

On the rare occasion when i see sunnyblr like “oooooh i hope rcg never witness how much we macdennis truth/go hard for sunny/meta til our eyeballs bleed on here etc. EMBARRASSING lol” like have you seen rcg? watched the sunny podcast?

those are the three most beautifully unhinged, undiagnosed adhd-iest, different-zones-of-the-autism-spectrumiest, neurodivergent motherfuckers i have ever had the pleasure to witness up close. like the holy neurodiv triumvirate lol. hell, they’re probably all already on tumblr, relentlessly liking/reblogging posts of sunny memes and other hyperfixations lol. good for them

^^posting this today, in light of certain updates, but pinkie promise you it sat in my drafts - without useful tags - for an entire three weeks (thanks, adhd and anxiety LOL). Anyway, good for rob for talking about it and being brave enough to do a whole podcast about it, very inspiring.

[laventadorn]

why do you think lily married james? i know she wasn't friends with sev anymore so she technically didn't owe him anything but for the life of me i cannot figure out why she would marry him and be friendly with other marauders when they made his ex-bffs life a living hell. or why she agreed to entrust her own son's life to pettigrew. she only knew him for 4 years. did she even have any say in who to make the secret keeper?

first disclaimer is that i don't vibe with j/ily or j/ames p/otter, so i have the subsequent thumbs down opinion on it --

as it's presented/known in canon, the pairing makes no sense to me. sometimes i've tried to make the two halves jive -- the friends with sev to loving james pipeline -- and come to the conclusion that lily is... kind of an edgelord asshole skjfkl. i mean, that's fine, i support harry having not one but two asshole parents, but that's the only way i can see that fitting.

i also know that ships are about the vibe -- i can ship snarriet, for example, without characterizing harriet as an edgelord asshole -- but i also see grown up snape as, believe or not, somewhat mellowed. i always think of teenage snape as just fucken unhinged. it's also canon that harry was appalled by his dad's behavior (i once wrote this meta that idk if i ever posted, but it was about james/draco/dudley being a triumvirate of horribly spoiled and privileged little shits who eventually straightened out, for various reasons). and harry(et), as a bullied and neglected child, has more in common with snape than his/her own adored and pampered father.

*pulls the cart back on the track*

anyway, i subscribe to the theory that if they'd lived, j/ily would've eventually broken up.

the joke answer is "bun in the oven"

[citrusreadstoa]

Reading The Dark Prophecy: Chapter 20 (SPOILERS)

"Leg irons are fashionable / Cue the screaming god" What the fudge is the leg iron. What new torture device--

"playing my combat ukulele." Again, what makes it a combat ukulele? I have yet to see it do anything other than play regular ukulele music.

"That night I slept like the dead" Can Brieanna sleep? Can ghosts will themselves to sleep?

"I'll do my best to train your friend Calypso this morning" Complaint: we hardly get to see Leo and Calypso together. Where is my Caleo content?

"You don't have to fly. The idea was to make two ankle bracelets, but I didn't have time." Ten bucks Apollo is going to end up using the flying feature one way or another and he's just gonna get pulled by one foot swerving uncontrollably.

"Commodus blames me for his death" Because you killed him. "Why?" "Probably because I killed him." Yeah.

"Meg made a sound like a cat's sneeze." That's... an astoundingly accurate way to describe a short laugh.

"He's also vainglorious" This one's probably straightforward, but just in case... VAINGLORIOUS (adj.): excessively proud of oneself or one's achievements; overly vain Yep, just what I thought.

"So he's like your competition, then?" Lol Leo's not wrong tho

"Why Commodus? . . . Why not some eviler, more famous guy" That's what I've been wondering, too. I figured the guy who got stabbed 23 times but 60 people actually volunteered (I think the emperor's name was Julius Caesar but idk) would be one of the three. I simply assumed I was ignorant of Roman history (which I am). I looked it up. HE STARTED THE FIRST TRIUMVIRATE. HE WAS EVEN POSTHUMOUSLY DEIFIED. WHY IS THIS GUY NOT ONE OF THE VILLAINS? They're probably going to make a reference and give a good explanation later. Talking meta, it's probably because everyone already knows him and expects to see him. We already have Nero and Caligula, so having a third name that everyone's heard of would get excessive. Or, idk, maybe Rick Riordan just didn't feel like it.

"the third one, the emperor in the west" Oh, so now Meg watches her words. Doesn't care about Nero or Commodus, she just can't say Caligula's name. What's the point at the point? She's already drawn everyone else's attention. "Nero never used his name." Oh, that explains it.

"Nero took him." NERO BETTER NOT BE HURTING PEACHES

"A line of chevrons rippled on the green water" CHEVRON (n.): a line or stripe in the shape of a V or an inverted V

"I think that's another part of the same creature." Sea monster sea monster sea monster

Ooooookayyyyy we need to wait 'til next chapter to see the sea monster.

[ayearwithoutwater]

Nine.

I remember regarding the vicissitudes of my love life in 2014 rather wryly.

I felt caught between—by—a trio of men: my personal triumvirate, I'd named them amongst my closest friends. Alberto, Stephen, and John were united in my mind by their graduation year, as all three were just one year ahead of me in college, as well as by the persistent notion I'd had that they'd all resided at the same dorm in their freshman year. Although they weren't personally acquainted with one another, they knew of each other, perhaps mostly through me and the stories I'd tell them of the others. I'd met them independently as a sophomore during what I'd later come to view as the most formative year of my love life thus far.

By 2014, I had already created defined roles for each of them in the narrative of my life. Alberto was the loving boyfriend who would soon depart for the next exciting chapter of his life, Stephen was the off-limits figure with whom I had palpable chemistry, chemistry that I pointedly chose to ignore out of fear that I would do something I'd regret, and John was the equally beautiful and philosophical man whose presence was profoundly aspirational. While graduation brought separation for Alberto and me, it also gave me space to explore myself with the remaining two.

I confess that there aren't enough words for now to give as much attention as I'd like to Stephen, but that's fine; John was always today's intended focal point, most specifically because he was my formative one that got away.

When I first met him in China Gazing, the seminar we shared, I didn't think much of him. Honestly, I didn't pay much attention to any of my classmates; 2013 was a busy time for me, and I was perennially preoccupied with my seventeen-hour days.

John set himself apart from the rest of our classmates with his insights during our roundtable discussions. China Gazing was one of our college's few courses that examined, broadly speaking, Chinese culture and society via its presence within the proliferation of written materials and literature produced by Westerners; it was one of few meta-analytical courses taught at my college that dealt with my heritage as parsed through Western conceptions and could easily be put into conversation with the discursive output of Edward Said, which explains my interest in the subject matter…and John's, too.

John grew up in San Francisco with mixed Irish and Chinese ancestry. Later, I would marvel at his prodigious command of Chinese, particularly his fluency in Mandarin outpacing my own despite him having grown up in a Cantonese household. (Plenty of people are capably or equally fluent in both, but his mastery was all the more impressive to me because he is a second- or third-generation Chinese American.) In class, his essays and input stood out to me from the rest because he spoke eloquently (and without pretension) while offering novel analyses of our coursework; suffice it to say that, almost immediately, it was he who I strived to emulate. Merely knowing that he would hear what I had to contribute to any discourse was enough motivation for me to devote special effort to my preparations for class—I wanted to appear nothing less than erudite.

In hindsight, John was probably my first intellectual crush. Everything he said seemed to be something that nobody else had ever conceptualized, and his writing seemed full of references both seminal and obscure that I could build an entire syllabus around solely his bibliographies. Perhaps I myself was simply unlearned—he'd had an entire year of life more than I did to study, after all—but wasn't that the point of college, to be surrounded by intellectuals and inspired? While my friends were off reading Foucault and Freud, I wanted to read John.

I can't say that I remember how we became friends, which is probably to say that it wasn't too important. Class ended with the semester, and I no longer had anything in common with him, but I would still see him around, sometimes. As I ascended the ranks of our student government, I ran into him more and more often because he had a vested interest as a composer in our music club. As the class of 2014 graduated, I was suddenly single, and I found myself attending the same graduation party thrown by our college. He, too, was single.

I remember being plied with wine by all of my friends. I remember being a nuisance, walking around to tipsily ask all of my gay male friends in attendance why they weren't attracted to me (to which their joking response was that they were). I remember seeing John from across the room and making eye contact with him. I remember walking directly towards him, ignoring anyone and everyone else. I remember us sequestering ourselves within the photo booth for hire, and I remember kissing him for the first time.

I don't—didn't—know what I'd expected. It was as if kissing him unlocked from deep within me a torrent of truths that I had never given the space or effort to confront, that he was ridiculously handsome from the shape of his eyes to the sharpness of his jawline, that I was immeasurably attracted to him but never realized it because I'd locked away in the recesses of my psyche even the tiniest inkling of attraction to anyone else because I already had a partner. It wasn't just that he was smart—it was also that he was unbelievably beautiful.

I had a Lily Allen concert to attend, but, later that night, I slept with him in his Harlem apartment.

I remember feeling bewildered. I remember clumsily going through the motions in his bed because I was freshly out of a relationship, and I was in complete disbelief that the most stunning species of man was interested in me. I'd never been with anyone else other than my first boyfriend, and I wasn't sure how to behave in uncharted territory.

I hate to say it, but it was also uncanny because he was kind of an older brother figure to me. He was someone who sort of looked like me and therefore also had gone through life facing similar obstacles as I did or would. I often went to him for advice, whether personal or academic or philosophical, and I treasured his presence in my life. When our relationship became physical, I felt awkward because I felt that I didn't measure up. I didn't feel insecure, but I felt as though I still had some growing to do.

I think I botched it. Over the summer, our time together was marred by him trying to figure out his preferred type of employment and, predominantly, me trying to answer the question: how soon was too soon? I liked John a lot, but conventional wisdom said that any relationship that developed too soon after a prior relationship would be doomed to be a rebound and nothing more. But, I didn't want him to be a rebound, and I certainly didn't want him to feel as though he was one, because I liked him a lot and I wanted his company. Still, between that and my lingering sadness for my breakup with Alberto, I felt like a mess. Summer was here, the days were warm and I had all the freedom in the world to move on with my life, but I felt intuitively that I needed to slow down and process. I wanted to be with John, too, but I was afraid of being inadequate.

I remember a conversation over brunch with John at Serafina that to this day defines the restaurant chain in my mind. I remember him offering to bring me Chipotle on a day when I was particularly depressed. I remember having my read receipts on for text messaging and leaving his messages to me unread, because I was possessed by some ridiculously misguided notion that being fair to him meant nipping our budding situationship or relationship or whatever it was, because I was afraid of breaking his heart, too. It wasn't quite cutting off my nose to spite my face, but it may as well have been because the end result was the same: I denied myself what I wanted for no reason other than to appear noble and soured my relationship with him in the process.

Seasons later, he invited me to his birthday. It was a casual gathering of the people in his life as he celebrated at a nightclub, and I showed up late. Again, I was awkward, but I knew I still liked him, and I felt more ready to explore that. As we greeted each other, I wanted to kiss him—but he was no longer interested. Embarrassed, I ran away, hiding myself in a bathroom stall while one of our mutual friends consoled me over text messages, telling me that the timing just wasn't working out. The next year, he moved to Hong Kong.

Honestly, I don't know if he was actually the one that got away. I don't know if we would've worked out. Our interest in each other was reciprocated, but everyone tells me that the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.

It doesn't matter. Whether or not he's actually my one that got away is immaterial because what matters more to me is that he was the first in my life to personify that trope: whereas Alberto set the standard for the boyfriends I would come to have, John set the standard for the boyfriends I would come to never have. Again, it all came down to choice. I chose to commit to Alberto just as I chose not to commit to John. I pressed myself to avoid making John my rebound but, in retrospect, I should've just let myself go all in instead of imposing arbitrary rules upon myself for no rationale other than to perform correctness, as if there's a correct way to accept the love that entered my life.

A decade later, John was one of the men upon whom I relied during my year without water. Time's distance did little to separate him from his big brother archetype in my head. As I parsed my newest breakup with him, I confessed to him that, all those years ago, I'd loved him, too, and that I was sorry for how I had behaved.

I suppose that my experience with John taught me not to fetishize a perfect goodness, to not let it stand in the way of romance, because there is no perfect love. It's taught me to accept the flaws that realistically accompany any relationship, which therefore has empowered me to go after what (or whom) I want—not just someone who checks most, not all, of my boxes—because perfection does not exist.

Equally, I've been wondering whether I've ever been that person for anyone else. I've wondered whether any of my exes look back at me as their person that got away, but I suppose it's all moot. I think I might have been idealizing the role of the one that got away out of fear—fear that I wouldn't be the one that was chosen, birthed from a childhood of being the one that was left behind. Yet, all my insecurities and arbitrary rules have done nothing but prevent me from living the life I've been wanting to live, and so I'm now choosing to stand my ground as I stare down my future. I've come to conclude that I'm not going to be the one that got away, anymore or if at all—instead, I'm going to be the one that chose to stay.

It is, after all, the more interesting choice.

[arnorion-in-arda]

A New Idea

I was very excited to hear that my abstract has been accepted for Mythmoot. My co-author and I will be presenting a talk on the resilience inspired by the imaginative frameworks constructed by characters within several of our favorite stories, but more on that later. For now I wanted to jot down an idea I had while hiking with my family.

Our kids were having a pretend, playing characters exploring a landscape on a quest into an enchanted forest while we were on our hike through some marshy woods near the Charles River. I was thinking about our Mythmoot concept (the power of creating a narrative to explain the events of our lives) when it occurred to me that our kids were doing something similar. But rather than real people creating imagined but really-believed stories to give or understand the meaning behind events, they were creating a deliberately fantastical story and layering it on top of their experience of the primary world - a kind of augmented reality.

It struck me that they were having an experience of fantasy similar to what Tolkien described in On Fairy Stories; but rather than fantasy being a kind of harbor away from the primary world their fantasy was a layer on top of it. Their play was amazing to watch and their collaborative, spontaneously constructed meta-narrative really gave them much joy. I think this kind of fantasy-pretend game might have some kind of corollary to Tolkien's triumvirate of Recovery, Escape, and Consolation. Something like enhancement, engagement, and enchantment. Because rather than drawing them out of the sensible world into a fantastical imaginary land, their play brought the wonder of fantasy into the world as they were imaginatively experiencing it.

I think there is something here worth exploring further.

[druidx]

WIP Intro - Her Countenance was Light

~SYNOPSIS~

The 1970s, twenty years after the rebuilding of Toreguard, semi-retired Sergeant Elowyn O'Toreguarde is called in for a new case - the murder of her childhood best friend, Evelyn Strucker. When the King of estranged Iceland turns up for an unexpected visit, the Triumvirate Council force O'Toreguarde to play tour guide, passing the murder case to her subordinates. But it doesn't completely leave her hands. A strange set of circumstances reveals an ethereal side to the City, filled with secrets. Secrets which may hold the key to Evelyn's murder.

~DETAILS~

Genre: Crime/ Urban Fantasy Type: Novel POV: Third person limited, predominantly Present tense Themes: Grief/ mourning, Change is neutral, Accepting who you are, Mercy is the preferred choice Aesthetic: Dieselpunk, Detective Noir, Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales Status: Technical editing. Posting weekly on Archive of Our Own and Tumblr. Tags: #WIP 'Her Countenance was Light' (All posts inc. meta info); #HCWL Chapters Only (Follow this tag for only the chapters in posting order)

~MAIN CHARACTERS~

Elowyn O'Toreguarde - F, Sergeant-Detective, Freeman of the City

Johan Strucker - M, Evelyn's Father, General, 1/3rd of the Triumvirate Council

Storri Nargondsson - M, King of Iceland

Lerrald Brauma - M, Master of the Exchequer, 1/3rd of the Triumvirate Council

~MINOR CHARACTERS~

Farren Breakwood - M, Constable-Detective, Elo's Police partner

Thazaar Clayrmantle - M, Acting Magister, 1/3rd of the Triumvirate Council

Snotgrut - M, Unusual fellow. Curiosity. Shouldn't exist. ???

Meredith Gruksdottir - F, Bodyguard of K. Storri, Old friend of Elo's

Yoruk Copperheart - M, Bodyguard of K. Storri, Husband of Merri

Irvine Cobbleskater - M, Constable, subordinate of Elo

~OTHER STUFF~

Written for NaNoWriMo 2017. Technically a Modern, Mundane-ish AU of a TTRPG set in the Fighting Fantasy World of Titan. Formerly known as "FF/T Modern-Ish AU".

The plot is... not something I would normally write, and for a long while I hated it. Then I thought it was a too cringy, and tried to 'fix' it, only to give up. Now, on a recent re-read, I think this is the shape this story has always had to have. So I've decided to suck it up and get it ready for posting, so at least it's out there and not loitering on my hard drive.

Title is from a traditional song, Besse Bunting, arranged by Mediæval Bæbes.

~EXCERPT~

She cuts through a narrow alley of dark soot-stained brick, trots down a short set of steps and onto the flagged towpath next to the canal. There is an improvised bridge up ahead that will allow her to pass over the canal closer to where the station lies. She has run this route a hundred times, she knows every nook and cranny along this path, so when she reaches where the bridge should be, and finds it missing, she is perturbed, but not worried. Maybe someone finally reported the ramshackle thing, made of old boards and stolen scaffolding.

It was quick work though, she thinks as she back-tracks to where a tree clings to the bank. The bridge was still there when she came home in the early evening. She shakes the thought aside as she unhooks a rope swing from the tree. It's been a while since she had to use it, but she's in a hurry and has no time for the uncertainty that tries to drape over her like a cloak. With a running start, she jumps. It is only as she enters the apex of the swing that she realises something is wrong. The weight of the rope is too heavy, it shifts alarmingly as she reaches the apex of the swing. Then it has snapped, and she is falling, and she cannot remove her hands from the tacky surface of the rope, and the water is closing in over her head, and she thinks she sees the blaze of red eyes on the bank as she sinks through the darkness.

[raspberry-gloaming]

I've spent a couple long car journeys this weekend listening to the first three episodes of Gallifrey Time War 2, so here's my thoughts on Havoc and Partisans (mainly Partisans since I forgot to make notes on Havoc.) It may come across a bit negative but that's mainly because I just didn't vibe with Partisans ig the way it happened and just the writing didn't work for me, it's definitely for me one of the weakest episodes, even though I did enjoy the overall plot. So under the cut, here's a belated liveblog from my notes app:

Is eladra the one (well this universe's version) from Gallifrey IV?

"Equally unpleasant band of xenophobic imperialists" WOW DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR OR WHAT HMM WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE

Why in Havoc so much more human-y language, like "children" and "seconds" and "0200 hours" also a lot of saying "kill" in a way that didn't feel that very timelordy

Partisans so far feels very expositional

Narvin in partisans is snipy in an almost MCU level quippy way

When notifying Mantus that Narvin and Eris are off Gallifrey the timelord (check name later) refers to Narvin as Coordinator instead of Deputy Coordinator

Triumvirate sounds iconic it's giving Shadow and Bone vibes with the iconic Genya-Zoya-David triumvirate

TW2 aka high treason the boxset aka oh fuck we fucked up by ressurecting Rassilon the boxset

I resented trave in tw1 but this series I've changed my tune. he's going this way that way forwards and backwards in my opinion from good books in enemy lines, to the opposite in tw1 to back again in tw2

I do enjoy Romana and Livia together as allies especially when adding Trave to them as well political machinations and their vibe are really fun

I wonder if the "bohemian" style family members Romana refers to are Heartshavens or Dvora

Still not vibing with Partisans so far

Where are all the students in the academy? (when Livia and Romana are there and it's mentioned to be empty? are they not training them up still? what's going on with the education system rn? I hope this gets brought up again and explained but I'm not really expecting it to be

They're always getting bugged and stuff why don't they just like talk over telepathy? like that's a big thing they're telepaths like in universe that would be a very useful option to pick instead. I understand this from a meta perspective as it being a plot device, but in character-

They really do like putting Narvin into situations this boxset

[for-the-win13]

CRITICAL REALISM AND PANDEMIC TEACHING

Tentative Research Question: How did teachers creatively strategize to deliver Mathematics learning during the pandemic?

Critical Realism as a meta-theory is pertinent to generate meaningful and impartial interpretations and conclusions. It posits that the world is intransitive, stratified, works as an open system, and is emergent. It demonstrates a harmonious balance between Ontological Realism and Epistemic Relativism. A researcher who subscribes to this theory values sound methodologies and comprehensive analysis before making interpretations. Critical realist researchers understand the plurality of ideas and adhere to certain standards to develop the most logical conclusions. I intend to apply this meta-theory in my present and future research endeavors.

My present research project covers Mathematics teachers' experiences in distance education during the COVID-19 pandemic. It aims to determine the creative teaching strategies that Math teachers implemented despite the challenges and restrictions brought by the pandemic. This paper explains the assumptions of Critical Realism and its implications in my research project. This paper discusses how Critical Realism influenced my research decisions.

The world is intransitive, but the knowledge about the world is transitive.

Ontological Realism is a significant part of the triumvirate of Critical Realism, asserting that the world is autonomous of the knower. It explains why judgement is possible. On the other hand, Epistemic Relativism states that human knowledge is dependent on the knower. It asserts the plurality of interpretations and perspectives that underscore the need for judgment.

The assumptions of Ontological Realism and Epistemic Relativism emphasize the need to do research and commit to making rational judgments. Although the world is intransitive, the knowledge about the world is transitive. Our understanding of the world is constructed from our perceptions and perspectives. This assumption should inspire all researchers to use the most appropriate methods and the right analytical framework to acquire a more comprehensive knowledge of the world. Notably, this assumption should teach humility to any researcher. Regardless of the sophistication of the implemented research methods, all research studies will only uncover fractions of the truth.

Critical Realism is a potent framework for studying how teachers creatively strategize to deliver Math lessons during the pandemic. The idea that the world is transitive posits that knowledge about the world is bounded and necessitates the practice of judgmental rationality. With the limitations of knowing, the selection of the most suitable research methods is critical. Anchored on the assumption of intransitivity, I intend to employ a combination of qualitative and quantitative methods in my research project. The inclusion of qualitative methods provides an in-depth explanation of an existing phenomenon. The combination of qualitative and quantitative methods is a big help in practicing judgmental rationality. It will lead to more comprehensive information about the experiences of Math teachers during the pandemic.

The world is stratified into domains of empirical, actual, and real.

Critical Realism claims that the world has different but distinct domains: the empirical, the actual, and the causal (Schiller, 2016). According to Allana and Clark (2018), human perception and personal experiences define the empirical domain. In this domain, knowledge is derived from what is perceived and what generates an effect. Schiller (2016) asserts that the actual domain covers all events that occur regardless of whether they are perceived or experienced. Meanwhile, according to Allana and Clark (2018), the real domain includes the causal powers that affect events in the actual and empirical domains.

 One significant impact of this worldview is the idea that reality is not limited to human perception and personal experiences. The stratification is a substantial rationale for conducting research in pursuit of a deeper understanding of the causal domain. Within the scope of my research project, I intend to transcend the empirical and actual domains. Some studies asserted the factors that affect teaching experience during the pandemic. Akar and Erden (2021) found that distance education limits teachers in motivating students, providing adequate feedback, and facilitating communication and interaction. Fakhrunisa and Prabawanto (2021) discovered issues involving the readiness of teachers to use online applications, limitations in student access to learning resources, problems in facilitating mathematical thinking processes, and limitations in providing feedback. Although some studies covered the factors that affect the teaching experiences of Math teachers during the pandemic, these research papers did not investigate the interrelation of factors. Given this gap, I intend to examine the experiences of Math teachers during the pandemic and determine how different factors interplay and profoundly impact the decision to implement creative teaching strategies.

The world is an open system.

After writing the draft of my review of related literature for my research project, I noticed the permutation of factors that define the experiences of teachers and students in the context of distance education during the pandemic. Some research studies highlighted the benefits and opportunities of distance education (e.g. Hebebci et al., 2020; Aksan, 2021; Lavidas et al., 2022). Some research studies identified the issues and challenges (e.g. Aldon et al., 2021; Roman, 2021; Akar & Erden, 2021).

 The difference in findings indicates that the world is an open system. Multiple causes interplay and determine an event. The difference in results can be attributed to the difference in various factors. For instance, the difference in preferred learning modality of teachers and students after the pandemic may be influenced by the diversity in readiness level, available resources, quality of support, and other factors. The study of Ince et al. (2020) discovered the views of students on distance learning are determined by their access to gadgets and the availability of an Internet connection.  Students who are more active in online classes are the students with better access to gadgets and the Internet. Although the studies have similar contexts, learning modality and the global pandemic are only two of the many factors that impact teaching and learning.

There are two significant implications of the notion of an open system in my research project. First, a mixed-method approach is essential to examine different factors and their interconnection. According to Clark et al. (2008), explanatory studies necessitate a combination of both qualitative and quantitative methods. The assumption that the world is an open system explains why qualitative methods are appropriate in examining how Math teachers creatively strategize. Experimental control is not possible in an open system. If exclusive causality is absolute, there is no need to do interviews and observations because a single statistical test would suffice. Given that multiple factors influence an event, a mixed-method approach is needed to cover the complexities of the teaching experience during the pandemic. The second implication is on the application of the results in other disciplines. The findings of my research project on teaching experiences may be recommended to other subject areas and disciplines. Since multiple variables are interconnected in an open system, my findings may contribute to studying other phenomena. The results may serve as a reference for future research studies.

The world is emergent.

It is assumed in Critical Realism that the world is emergent. The multiple factors that influence an event in an open system have distinct levels: physical, biological, psychological, social, and cultural.

In the context of pandemic teaching, the experiences during the pandemic are affected by several factors. Aldon et al. (2021) found four that define the teaching experience of Mathematics teachers: management of learning sessions, implementation of assessment, addressing student problems, and providing instructional support. These factors belong at distinct and different levels. The experiences of teachers in managing learning sessions and implementing assessments are products of the existing cultures and values. The objectives, decisions, and performance of teachers during the pandemic are influenced by their mental state and physical condition, and the well-being of the people around them.

The assumption that the world is emergent made me understand that studying teaching experiences is more than just gathering data about teachers. With this assumption, it is recommended to design research instruments in a way that covers the various aspects of teaching and the different factors that impact teaching experience. In my research project, I intend to examine how factors related to teachers, students, and the learning environment interact and impact the implementation of creative Math teaching strategies.

Summary

            The assumptions of Critical Realism had a significant influence on the decisions that I made for my research project, and I intend to continue utilizing these assumptions in my next decisions. The belief in the intransitivity of the world is a reminder of the limitations of research studies and the importance of selecting the most appropriate methods to uncover the truth about pandemic teaching. The idea of stratification motivates me to go beyond the empirical domain by examining the interrelation of factors that impact teachers during the pandemic. Furthermore, the viewpoint that the world is an open and emergent system demands a mixed-method approach to obtain more comprehensive information on how Math teachers creatively deliver math lessons during the pandemic.

REFERENCE

Allana, S. & Clark, A. (2018). Applying Meta-Theory to Qualitative and Mixed-Methods Research: A Discussion of Critical Realism and Heart Failure Disease Management Interventions Research. International Journal of Qualitative Methods. 17, 1-9. https://doi.org/10.1177/1609406918790042

Sage. Schiller, C. J. (2016). Critical Realism in Nursing: An Emerging Approach. Nursing Philosophy, 17, 88–102

Yohannes, Y., Juandi, D., Diana, N., & Sukma, Y. (2021). Mathematics Teachers' Difficulties in Implementing Online Learning during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Journal of Hunan University（Natural Sciences). 48(5), 1-12. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/352290221_Mathematics_Teachers'_Difficulties_in_Implementing_Online_Learning_during_the_COVID-19_Pandemic

Sugilar, Rajati, J., & Achmad (2021). A Hierarchical Component Model of Students’ Difficulties of Learning Mathematics in a Distance Higher Education. Journal of Physics: Conference Series. https://doi.org/ 10.1088/1742-6596/1918/4/042053

Hebebci, M. T., Bertiz, Y., & Alan, S. (2020). Investigation of Views of Students and Teachers on Distance Education Practices during the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic. International Journal of Technology in Education and Science. 4(4), 267-282. https://doi.org/10.46328/ijtes.v4i4.113

Aksan, J. A. (2021). Effect of Modular Distance Learning Approach to Academic Performance in Mathematics of Students in Mindanao State University-Sulu Senior High School Amidst COVID-19 Pandemic. Open Access Indonesia Journal of Social Sciences, 4(4), 445-467. https://doi.org/10.37275/oaijss.v4i2.64

Lavidas, K., Apostolou, Z., & Papadakis, S. (2022) Challenges and Opportunities of Mathematics in Digital Times: Preschool Teachers’ Views. Educ. Sci. 2022, 12(7), 459; https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci12070459

Aldon, G., Cusi, A., Schacht, F. & Swidan, O. (2021). Teaching Mathematics in a Context of Lockdown: A Study Focused on Teachers’ Praxeologies. Education Sciences. 11(2), 1-21. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci11020038

Roman (2021). Experiences of Teachers on Using Modular Distance Learning (MDL) in Teaching Mathematics During the COVID-19 Pandemic Southeast Asian Journal of Science and Technology. 6 (2),78-86. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/357957500_Experiences_of_Teachers_on_Using_Modular_Distance_Learning_MDL_in_Teaching_Mathematics_During_the_COVID-19_Pandemic

Akar, S. S. & Erden, M. K. (2021). Distance Education Experiences of Secondary School Math Teachers During the Pandemic: A Narrative Study. Turkish Online Journal of Distance Education. 22(3). https://dergipark.org.tr/en/download/article-file/1857612

Fakhrunisa, F. &  Prabawanto, S. (2021). Online Learning in COVID-19 Pandemic: An Investigation of Mathematics Teachers’ Perception. http://dx.doi.org/10.1145/3439147.3439179

Ince, Y. I., Kabul, N., & Kabul, A. (2022). Opinions of High School Students about Distance Education in Pandemic Process. Journal of Learning and Teaching in Digital Age. 7(2), 192-199. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1350878.pdf

Aldon, G., Cusi, A., Schacht, F. & Swidan, O. (2021). Teaching Mathematics in a Context of Lockdown: A Study Focused on Teachers’ Praxeologies. Education Sciences. 11(2), 1-21. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci11020038

[knowshisowna]

META | the relationship between rod & bella.

one thing i feel like i don’t talk about enough on this blog is the actual relationship between rodolphus and bellatrix. not the perceived relationship , not the one crafted and solidified for them , not the one on paper. no , the real and raw relationship they share between the two of them when no one else is around , when no one else is watching. because it is one of the most important relationships not only to rodolphus but to rabastan and the death eaters as a whole.

first and foremost , they are as close to close friends as either of them can imagine , more so even than rodolphus and antonin although their relationships do not at all look alike and not just physically. bella and rod grew up together , and while he is substantially older , they learned from one another. they didn’t get along at first probably. they are at two opposite ends of a vast scale , and there was a lot of push and pull to start. he was order , and she was chaos. limits had to be tested. lines had to be drawn. and some things had to give.

of course , him being older and a lover of organization , this clashed with a reckless little girl’s idea of fun , but they grew to respect each other , or at the very least each other’s abilities. it was evident to everyone how formidable they could be together under the right circumstances , circumstances tom himself manufactured. and a union between the two of them would offer them both the freedom few others could say they had without upsetting tradition. bella wouldn’t have to bare children , and rodolphus wouldn’t have to worry for his home.

the marriage is of course more to the benefit of tom , but it benefits the two of them as well because at the time of the union , they had the same ambitions. they wanted the same things , and they were focused on the same goals. bella is still up in arms about it , but more so about the marriage itself and the fact that not even she , protege of voldemort , is able to evade the horrid tradition. but she and rod are still friends. and more importantly , they are partners and allies. they aren’t focused on raising a family , they’re focused on raising an army , and whatever may come of that , the foundation still holds. 

and in his canon verse , rod becomes comfortable in his role. he gets to do what he wants , bella gets to do what she wants , and they both reap the benefits of being in tom’s inner circle although those benefits differ between the two. and eventually they grow to love each other , which bella is still bitter about lmao , but it isn’t a love that looks like any other. they aren’t overly romantic and head over heels or anything , but they care for one another. they look out for one another. they worry about getting the both of them home. and they call the other out on their bullshit always. 

most of all , they’re honest with each other and with themselves. tom and bella will always take precedence for bella , and the brothers lestrange will always take precedence for rod ( and narcissa takes precedence for both , but anyway ) , and they have a comfortable understanding. they trust and respect each other , and while they can still be selfish , they accept that about each other.