#i've put way too much effort in this than was necessary for such a silly comic

[lampochkaart]

Knight Princess Dragon

[starleska]

Hello again!! I'm the anon from before (and I'm glad to hear you had a nice time yesterday!!!), and here's what I wrote.. I've been thinking a lot about the 'Wally eats with his eyes' idea, as many have been !!! I'm not sure how to warn for what this exactly so feel free to tag it with whatever you deem necessary. Wally just. Likes you a lot lol. i guess this is a little silly but i had a good time writing it haha

You are having a staring contest with your friend Wally.

You can't quite remember who started this, or why. Just that Wally had wanted to draw somewhere outside and you tagged along with him, until you were sitting somewhere in a field of flowers around the Neighbourhood.

Wally simply returns your gaze, unblinking, his hands folded over on top of his sketchbook. You think this has lasted long enough. What you want to do is crack a smile or a joke, but you find that your muscles are frozen stiff, and your tongue is so, so heavy.

His pupils expand.

You're supposed to panic about being this frozen up. Moving shouldn't be so difficult. But it's like your body feels like even stressing out about this is too much effort. You feel warm. Your eyelids tremble with the effort to blink. There is no movement, though your eyes don't burn either. You've held them open for so long that the world starts to gray out around you.

His pupils expand.

Wally leans his head to the side, little by little. You mirror his movements without thinking. The tips of your fingers are tingling, your feet feel numb as if fallen asleep. He smiles at you even more than usual. You think that this makes you happy. His lips part slowly, as if to speak, and-

"Hiya, guys!" Eddie calls out from the path to your right.

Your body jolts in surprise, and the spell is broken. By the time you whip your head around to look, Eddie has already continued his delivery route without waiting for a response.

Your returned awareness feels like breaking the surface after almost drowning. A weight disappears from your body, and you practically double over, gasping for air. Your shoulders are shaking, your eyes wide. When you squeeze them shut, it burns. You feel tired like you never have before.

"That was good," Wally says. For a moment, you are hesitant to turn your head back and look at him. You want to hide from his eyes. But you snuff that thought out as soon as it pops up, because that's just silly. You must've eaten something wrong, or have caught a cold. What else could explain this.

You look at Wally. He looks normal, and his eyes upon

"W-what did you say?"

"I asked: Are you feeling good?" Wally speaks even slower than he otherwise would, but his smile is as wide as ever. "You don't look good, friend."

"I don't… I'm a little out of it," you force out a laugh. "I think I'm getting sick."

Wally leans forward.

"You'll be okay," he says, and puts a hand on your knee. "Let's sit here until you feel better."

!!!!!! anon!!!! anon do you know how good this is?!?! oh my gosh!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 honey, i cannot express how much i adore this fic. it's such a wonderful blend of terror and intimacy, so frightening and claustrophobic yet warm and safe in a way you can't understand...ugh, i'm in love 🥴 your descriptions are so vivid - i could really feel Your panic and nausea. some real Lovecraftian horror stuff going on in here. and oh my God the little detail of him saying, 'That was good' and then switching to 'Are you feeling good?' absolute chills!!! 😱😱 if you feel comfortable enough, you should absolutely post your writing somewhere!! you've got such a talent for writing, Wally in particular, and i'd love to read more of your stuff should you be inclined. i'll definitely be taking some tips from this awesome little fic going forward 😉 thank you so much for sharing 🥰

[mychlapci]

In honor of no horny week, let it be known that the autobot high command polycule isn’t /only/ having kinky sex with ageswap Prowl. Like that is a definite part of it. But he really is their darling boy and they do actually see genuine potential in a young Prowl. It takes a lot of time and effort to peel back layers of insecurity and trauma, but it’s very rewarding when he comes to Sunstreaker and Sideswipe to willingly ask for help. He can be very sweet when he feels safe and nowhere is better than curled up between the twins, fast asleep and snoring quietly.

Prowl’s been thoroughly adopted by command, and they actually teach him and respect the effort he puts in to not only finding a healthier lifestyle but honing his own skills. And they are appropriately honored by the amount of trust and faith he puts in them all.

YESSSS I'm so happy you brought that up, I've been thinking about the setting of the Ageswap Prowl thing for a while now… It can definitely be taken down a darker route, but I like the thought that Prowl actually finds comfort and companionship by hanging out with all the older bots.

If he was just freshly onlined a few hundreds of years ago, Prowl would have been forged into the war and been witnessing the horrors of it since, well, since he had optics at all. That definitely marks a mech. Again, I think that while he does act a lot like the Prowl we know, his behaviour probably stems from a different place. He’s young, he’s scarred, he knows he can’t be weak, and he’s trying to forcefully carve a place for himself in the autobot ranks by any means necessary. He’s probably unsure about the actions the army has taken in the past and wants to climb the ranks so they would do things his way. The right way. Talk about cocky. But it’s all he has left. 

He definitely doesn’t get along with the other young bots. They see him as a bit of a buzzkill. Prowl doesn’t want to play silly games and race until the end of the hallway and get overcharged when the high ranking officers aren’t looking! Why would he ever want that? That, and he’s just plain weird. He’s just not good at talking to them. 

But the older officers? They find out that Prowl is much more mature than the other kids. A little mouthy, not afraid to speak his mind, far too rude for his own good, but he’s got more potential than any of the other cadets they’ve ever seen. That processor of his is so clever they wouldn’t be surprised if he was made in a military grade forge and simply mislabeled and sent off to do sad grunt work… He’s mature and knowledgeable, with a shell of hostility fragile enough that Sunstreaker and Sideswipe can start chipping away at it right away. Prowl lets them. It feels nice to have someone who knows him, someone he can come back to and show a sliver of weakness and for no one to scold him for it.

I think it’s good for Prowl to build strong relationships with the older high command. To trust all the older bots, to have them and their experiences to land on. Most young bots think he’s trying to sleep his way to the top, but it’s not like that at all. 

I have no idea if any of the things I’m saying make sense. I’ve just been thinking about the ageswap prowl thing a Lot and i have a bunch of shit to say all at once.

[cosmictapestry]

A48? 👉👈

A48. tentacles

hi sorry it's so lonf and that there are feelings .

morphienne prompt list + fills here

Lucienne, sorting through some new additions to the library, opens to the middle of a newly drafted graphic novel—and promptly shuts it, surveys her surroundings—and then opens it again.

It is always gratifying to see how many mortal desires can only be captured in the imagination, satisfaction only met in dreams. Sexual fantasies are no exception. Still, she would rather not be seen reading pornography on the job.

The woman in the story is a skinny little white thing, drawn with an exaggerated delicacy that accentuates the obscenity of the slimy, muscular tendrils that invade her orifices. Her expression is twisted in bliss, stretched as it is around the tendril plundering her mouth. Lucienne thinks the whole ordeal looks grotesque. Then she thinks it's rather interesting.

She stares for longer than is strictly necessary. The image on the page shifts and resizes, revisions that haven't been made yet, blurry in the way of unfinished things. The following pages are more of the same, the girl suspended in the air, pinned to the ground, braced against a wall, helpless and beholden to the tendrils' whims. It is very interesting.

Interesting enough that when Lucienne feels Lord Morpheus sweep into the library, she does not try to hide her discovery. Instead she holds it up higher, knowing that in a second's time he will be looking over her shoulder to see what's so captured her attention. Indeed, his shadow falls over the page not a moment later.

He says nothing while she flips through, pausing on a particular image of the tendrils retreating and leaving one to flick gently at the woman's clitoris while she trembles and spasms. The tenderness of it is striking. Lord Morpheus gives a thoughtful hum. "Bipedal humanoids rarely take interest in body plans different from their own," he says. "It appears humans are becoming lenient. Moreso than most of their predecessors."

"Surely you've seen as much in their dreams," Lucienne murmurs, tracing the length of one tendril with her thumb.

"Of course. But to imagine and to produce art are very different things," Lord Morpheus steps out from behind her, looking now at the rest of the bookshelf where, presumably, they'd find more of this content.

Lucienne glances at him without turning her head. "Have you known many bipedal humanoids with such interests?"

"Not personally, no," he says, and his eyes wander back to the open graphic novel.

That seems a shame, to have the King of Dreams as a lover and not explore all the possibility he contains. Of course, knowing him, there's every chance that he would find something in that request to hurt his pride or otherwise make him uncomfortable. He clears his throat. "And. Are you. Interested. In such things?"

Lucienne bites her lip to stop herself from grinning and possibly scaring him away. His request that he could not voice. That makes perfect sense, too. "I cannot say I've ever indulged in this act, in particular." The nature of soft spaces in the Dreaming, and indeed in her own quarters, means that raw dreamstuff is at the command of the imagination. And there have been many an attractive shape to fall in and out of style in the universe. "But I am interested."

She makes him sweat, just a little. He stands there and shifts and looks at the shelf, then back at the book, and not at her at all. "With me?" he asks, finally, in a tiny voice.

The grin breaks onto her face despite her best efforts. "Yes, with you, silly man," Lucienne puts her hand to his sleeve, stretches up to kiss his reddened cheek, which he grunts and huffs about. "Only your slimy tentacles will do."

His noise wrinkles; she kisses it, too. "They need not be slimy," he protests. "And those are tendrils, not tentacles, besides."

She laughs and waves him off with a gentle swat on his arm and a tap on his arse, too, for good measure, and when he disappears from view it's with an amused glare.

Their night begins normally, with Lord Morpheus stepping into their room and Lucienne already there, meeting him with slow kisses to coax out the worries he's sure to have let settle in.

The room looks much the same as usual, which she wonders about until he pulls back enough to speak. "I was thinking. Perhaps. They might come from under the bed," he says. His gaze flickers across her face nervously. "If you are comfortable with that. We might change the narrative from there."

Lucienne pauses heavily. She cards her hand through the hair at his nape. "Why would I not be comfortable?" She has seen everything there is to see in all of time and space. Though that matters little in the grand scheme of things. Regardless, she does not scare easily.

"I think I will enjoy this immensely," Lord Morpheus says, and the predictability of it threatens Lucienne's careful neutrality with compassionate-but-agonized exhaustion. He is asking, as he often does, if she is sure. "And the thought that I might not be. Suitably attentive. Is frightening."

Lucienne hums, plays with his hair, aches for him. He is never less than exactly as attentive as she wants him to be. But, oh, who knows what might happen, if he feels too good, if he likes it too much. "Have you experience with similar practices?"

"I do predate bilateral symmetry," he says, faux-offended. He tips his head forward to avoid her eyes and arch his neck into her hand. He enjoys her attention for a long moment before he speaks again. "I remember. How it felt. To be so close."

Her thumb traces his jaw, nail digging soft into the clenched hinge until he relaxes. "I am not afraid of you enjoying yourself," she tells him. Her lord's shoulders lift on a sigh, because he thinks that isn't what he's talking about. "I've known you by every name, and I'd know you by every shape." She brushes under his eye to feel the flutter of his lashes, then lifts his face to hers. "And I would welcome you as close as you can get."

He's moaning before he's kissing her, feverish hunger, like the limitations of finite-limbedness are only frustrating now in anticipation of something more. He wastes little time with her clothing, taking slow, significant care only in sliding down her knickers, gripping her under the thighs and lifting her, bracing her on his hips with his bulge grinding into her. He doesn't stop kissing her while he walks them to the bed, and she pants to keep up, tongue lolling lazily with his, the friction on her clit honey-sweet and rough until it is gone altogether.

Lord Morpheus lays her down in the sheets, bare and hazy and wanting, and when he retreats entirely to sit at the foot of the bed he leaves her skin buzzing. Draped in soft black, one knee drawn up to his chest, gaze unwavering, he is completely still, taking in the image of her, an offering. "I'm right here," he tells her. She knows he is. His hands are clasped in full view and she feels him touch her.

She turns her head to see the expansion of her lord's material aspect. The width of an inkpot, warm and firm, slippery-wet, soft as velvet, a slip of darkness wraps her wrist. From there it coils up, its course seemingly predetermined, to slide smokelike between her fingers and coil in the palm of her hand. Lucienne stares at it, matte black muscular pulse of shadow, and she notes that it is shivering.

Lucienne sits up, the tendril thrumming in her hand. Its tapered head lifts, seeking, reaching for warmth. With her other hand she strokes along its length, down to where it disappears over the edge of the bed. She looks up when she hears her lord's breath catch. "How sensitive is it?"

He swallows and twitches and pulls his robe closer around himself. "It is. Me," he mumbles. That is the encouragement she needs to lean forward, lips softly parted, and kiss the top of the tendril's head. A shiver runs through him. Gently she draws the tip into her mouth.

Lord Morpheus gasps and rocks and whispers her name. The tendril pulses hot in her mouth and squirms deeper like it has no choice. It is silken-soft, sweet-tasting, muscular and firm on her tongue. It is not thick enough to fill her mouth but it makes a valiant effort, folding on itself, trying to stuff its way in. She pushes forward, makes herself gag on it. He sobs out and pulls back. "Lucienne," he gasps.

Lucienne waits, the tip of the tendril resting on her tongue, and she watches him. He is sweating already, and he pulls his robe away, leaving him in soft shirt and trousers that have begun to stick. He pushes one hand back through his hair while he catches his breath. "Can I—more?"

Her heart soaring, her core aching, she takes him back into her mouth. His head tips back, throat bobbing on a broken groan. Lucienne is too busy watching a bead of sweat course down his neck to notice a second tendril appear until she feels it slip, thick and supple, under her breast. It slicks her skin, touches the other breast, tweaks the nipple, wraps it and pulls.

Lucienne arches her chest into the touch, forces the tendril in her mouth deeper. Wet heat grips her left ankle. She suckles on the length in her mouth—it's getting thicker, swelling—and it calms her while a matching shadow takes her right ankle. Her legs are drawn apart, slowly, and she watches her lord's face, watches the way his nostrils flare when she is spread for him.

Her wrists are grabbed next. Sweetly she is guided back in the sheets, laid out and spread open, squeezed in meaty rhythmic pulses, slick pulses and caresses on her breasts and in her mouth and all across her prickling skin. She groans with her mouth stuffed full and shakes when she feels a push at her core.

The tendrils feel so strong, unshakeable, and the one that teases her folds is no exception. Smearing slickness, heat and pressure, maddening soft texture so tender and teasing, playing, thrusting between her lips, flicking her clit. It's thinner than the ones that tie her down, and as it slips inside her, it feels so nerve-shatteringly smooth and good that her eyes roll.

She's choking, drooling, and she feels—a second tendril, twining with the one inside her, entering her, dragging, throbbing, until she is full, strung through on either end, stretched all around him. He is whispering, now, asking her—"can I lift you? Please, can I—" and she can do nothing but moan and scream yes through their dreamscape.

More tendrils, thicker ones, embracing her waist and upper arms and thighs, lifting her up off the bed, sitting her up in the air. More tendrils stroking her all over, a thin one playing with her clit, another sliding in the cleft of her arse, another between her breasts, leaving her skin shining. Her lord watches. Dream-gravity forces her down on the entwined tendrils and she clenches and comes on them until she cannot tell whose pulse she is feeling.

Still reeling, she is maneuvered above the bed, stretched out, wrists lifted above her head. All she can hear are her own stricken sounds and wet slipping and his ragged, desperate breath. A new, thin tendril plucks at her arsehole, rubs at it, worms its way inside. Her legs spread and twitching, she cannot even struggle to get more contact.

He pulls an orgasm from her like that, with sharp insistent thrusts, until she squeezes hard enough to almost force him out. Then she is horizontal, the thick tendrils binding her arms to her sides, her arse spread, and then she is upside-down, one leg dangling helplessly, and then, eventually, at some point, she is back on the bed.

Lucienne gasps and heaves and the tendril in her mouth slips from her. She feels the graze of soft fabric, not so different from living shadow, as her lord climbs atop her and kisses her shocked-open mouth. He pants and quivers and ruts against her inner thigh. "Please," he gasps, shoving his trousers down, heedless of the copious mess inside, smeared as it is over his cock and thighs. "Please, Lucienne, can I—"

He's wetter than his tendrils are, nudging at her clit, mouthing at her jaw. She's possibly never seen him so desperate. She is exhausted. With the last of her strength she reaches down with a newly freed hand and touches him. His hips jump and stutter and he sobs into her neck when she guides him in alongside the tendrils already inside her.

The stretch is immense. It makes her cry. Overwhelmed, stricken, shocked, she arches her back, takes him, barely, speared impossibly. She comes when he bottoms out. He does, too, when she spasms and grinds him into his own tendrils, squeezes him in soaking heat.

The tendrils do not withdraw. They lie together and pant and shiver and are still. The tendrils disappear entirely, and Lucienne is left loose and open, fluttering around him. "Thank you," Lucienne whispers. She takes his face, pulls him up to kiss away his tears and smooth his fear. "Well done, love, thank you."

[lumenflowered]

Hello. My name is Maria—nothing more, nothing less. I am a Faller hailing from a place known as Yharnam, though I am currently in the Johto region. It is a less harsh place than what I am used to; I would not recommend requesting further information regarding Yharnam unless you are mentally prepared.

Out of a lack of anything better to do after falling here, I embarked upon the Gym Challenge. At the time of writing this, I bear seven of the eight Johtonian badges, and intend to attain the eighth as soon as I have recovered enough to travel.

As of less than a week ago, I have been Chosen as a champion of sorts by Ho-oh, a Pokémon with power tantamount to the gods of my former world. While I still have rather complicated feelings regarding the matter, the gods of this world are considerably kinder than those I am used to, and doing this allowed me to put an end to Team Rocket's machinations once and for all.

My team is as follows: Rakuyo (Meganium, X) Hunter (Furret, F) Molotov (Arcanine, M) Adeline (Gengar, F) Evelyn (Seadra, F) Eileen (Honchkrow, F)

Adeline, my Gengar, rather likes to steal my device and make posts for herself—she is considerably better with this world's technology than I, so I have no qualms with this—and her commentary can be found in purple.

Though this has thus far only occurred once twice thrice, Ho-oh has utilized this platform and blog to communicate directly with me and others before, and they have done so in bold orange text. They have recently adopted another name in addition to their first: Solaire.

A very angry child named Silver, who inexplicably decided to form a rather one-sided rivalry with a grown woman, is unlikely to be on the blog again given how much the anonymous masses of Rotomblr set back my progress in having a reasonable conversation with him. However, while he was posting here, he used blue.

I am more than happy to discuss a great many things. Do keep in mind that I hail from a far deadlier place than this one, should you care to ask about my past prior to Johto.

...I still would rather like to know why and how I am here at all.

(OOC info under cut.)

Sup, it's still @ofstormsandfire getting perhaps a little too invested in my silly little blog where I throw a Bloodborne boss into the world of pokemon. I really wanted to make a faller blog of some kind, and promised myself that I could if I survived Nanowrimo, and... then I did. And went well, alright, Lady Maria's going to have a great time in Johto!

(That was sarcasm. Though honestly even a terrible time in Johto is an improvement over what she's used to.)

Do keep in mind that Maria is in fact a Bloodborne boss and as such will be unfazed by things that would disturb the vast majority of characters. I'll happily tag things as necessary, just ask if I've missed something you would like tagged.

Here's some navigational tags for y'all. If/when I actually reach the conclusion of this blog's story maybe I'll make more.

#firebird arc: I smashed together the Radio Tower plot and the Ho-oh plot, made the Kimono Girls more relevant, and also ramped up the stakes a little. Called that because Ho-oh is a firebird and also I'm 90% sure there's a kind of rocket called the Firebird. I like puns. I also put way too much effort into this and I regret nothing.

#the vampire allegations: A couple of people made jokes about Maria being a vampire. Admittedly, she is from Cainhurst which is the closest Bloodborne gets to proper vampires, and I thought it would be really funny to have her be allergic to garlic for legitimately mundane reasons.

#rainbow wings: That time Ho-oh showed up on the blog specifically to tell Maria to take a break. Same tag is used whenever Ho-oh turns up. (It's been like three times now.)

#what's with this sassy lost child?: The Silver takeover. For some reason the last couple posts just aren't showing up in the tag despite being tagged with exactly the same thing, but he got Pelipper Mailed bad memories of his dad and promptly dipped.

#hints to the future: Bits of prose foreshadowing things to come, because I got really into that one ask game with the gears.

[userlando]

I dunno if you do requests, but if you did a possessive/jealous Tom Hardy (or Eddie, or Alfie.... I dunno, they all give off the vibe) I would I've you like my soul or something......,........

oh god, inspiration strikes again..

Alfie wasn’t a soft man, both physically and mentally. He didn’t grow up in the warmest household and his mother, bless her heart, did everything to raise her boys to be great men when their father failed in that department.

Not to say that she’d failed, considering where Alfie had ended up, but it provided him with enough resources and money to take care of her the way she’d struggled to put food on the table and provide for him and his siblings during his childhood.

Alfie wasn’t soft when he’d done unspeakable things during the war, and he certainly wasn’t soft when he’d taken his place as the king of London. His hard exterior and the amount of blood on his hands was enough for people to fear him. And that’s all he would ever ask for. Because fear was respect, and Alfie would pry out anyone’s teeth with pliers if anyone dared to show him anything else.

Alfie wasn’t soft, but that’s the word he’d describe himself feeling when he heard you laugh for the first time. It had been five years but he remembered it so vividly that it still - to this day - made his hands shake in a way he’d never admit out loud. God forbid someone would hear him spew soppy shit that only you found endearing and romantic.

It was a rainy afternoon and Alfie was craving an evening at the pub after a long day at the distillery. A drink was all he’d come for, but then he’d heard you laugh and his ears had immediately perked at the sound.

It wasn’t difficult for him to locate where that sound came from. Because as he suspected, your face was just as radiating as your laugh and it sounded silly, but he knew from the moment he laid eyes on you, that he had to have you.

You were tough at first, your boundaries and lack of interest unlike any other woman’s he’d usually pick up. The way you seemed so unattainable only seemed to pull unwanted male attention, but the more he tried to pursue you, the more word got around. You were his woman, and only his. It infuriated you at first because you were no one else’s but yours, though Alfie knew you’d secretly loved it. Even though you refused to admit it even years later when the topic arose in conversation.

So, Alfie wasn’t soft. But he was soft for you, and he was soft for your laugh. Which was why his ears - much like that day at the pub - perked when he heard your giggle echo in the distillery. A frown immediately cast over his face as he placed his pen down on the surface of his desk.

He glanced around in confusion at first, wondering who the fuck you were speaking to that made you giggle like that. And his stomach churned when he thought of all the greasy men who were working under the roof of his distillery, who’d been instructed to not speak to you if not absolutely necessary. Everybody knew this. No one was foolish enough to risk losing their ball sack to a rusty shank.

Or so, that’s what Alfie thought.

The chair squeaked in protest as he rose from it, rough hands flat on the table to heave himself up as he grunted in annoyance. Annoyance because someone was clearly not doing their job, and annoyance because you knew better than to prance around at the distillery when there was work to be done. And chances are, you looked absolutely gorgeous doing it.

Alfie’s suspicions were correct, he realised, as he walked down the creaky stairs to the base floor. He found you a few yards away, legs that he loved so much clad in stockings he knew he’d be ripping off later. You had the same green dress on he’d seen you dress in before he left for work that morning.

He would’ve stood there and appreciated the way your dress flared where your back met your bottom, or the way you’d prettily pinned your hair back just far enough to reveal your neck. The very same neck he’d buried his face into the night before and just this morning.

Alfie couldn’t appreciate it though, mostly because of the two dimwits standing in front of you, greased up faces smiling as they spoke to you. As if Alfie paid them to slack off. Fucking idiots.

As Alfie moved closer, he could hear your soft voice ask ‘How’s Claire doing? What a strong woman she is for birthing your lovely twins!’ It admittedly made Alfie soften for a second, because of course you’d take interest in everyone’s life and show genuine concern. That was the major difference between you two. Where Alfie lacked, you made up for.

“Right, last time I checked, I paid you fucking idiots to do your jobs,” Alfie startled the two men as he approached, voice booming as usual. “So, tell me what you’re bloody standing around here for.”

You turned around with ease, having been with him long enough to not bat an eyelash at his vulgar words and flaring anger. His face was scrunched up in an expression that would make any sensible man and woman in London cower in fear, and you placed a hand on his meaty arm in a poor effort to calm him down. And to silently tell him to shut up and behave.

“Alfie.” You greeted him like he wasn’t shooting daggers at the two men who now looked like they wanted nothing more than to bolt. You couldn’t blame them. “Hi sweetheart. I was just talking to Christopher and William here about their families. Did you know Will had twins?”

Alfie only managed a grunt because why did you know their names? And Will?

He didn’t know if he wanted to drag the bastard into his office by his cock and beat his face into three different shades or to toss them out on their sorry arses. He knew the first option would send him into the doghouse for God knows how long, and the other option would cause more problems between the two of you than he dared to think about.

“Two girls.” The one he assumed was named William said, albeit a little shakily. The man next to him elbowed him and they both went quiet.

“Right, I must’ve missed the part where I fucking asked.” Alfie was livid, and there were so many factors playing into that reason.

These animals who worked under him knew to never lay their eyes on you, nevertheless talk to you. And he wanted to be angry at how good you looked, at the audacity to walk into the distillery when he knew he disliked you hanging around here during office hours.

Mostly, he wanted to spank your stubborn arse black and blue.

“Alfie, why don’t we go to your office, hm?” You asked softly, feeling the way he was shaking as you squeezed his bicep gently.

He knew what it was though. Your way of telling him to simmer down and behave.

You didn’t wait for him to answer, turning on your pretty polished heels to walk around and past him toward his office. He didn’t miss the way your legs wobbled, and he knew you were well aware of what you were to expect once the fragile door of the office closed behind the two of you. Alfie knew that the wobble of your legs derived from excitement and not from fear. You could scowl and reprimand him all you wanted, but you both knew that you loved his possessiveness at the end of the day.

He watched you walk away, his anger simmering down just a wee bit before he turned his head to the two men standing in front of him. He sucked his teeth, smacked his lips and contemplated beating them with his cane before thinking twice of it.

“What the fuck are you two still doing ‘ere?” His roar was enough to have them scatter like mice.

Alfie huffed and turned around, following in your footsteps to his office where you were waiting.

“How many times have I told you, right, to not fuckin’ walk in here when I’m working, woman?” He walked in and closed the door behind him.

He struggled to contain his anger when he saw you sitting on his desk, legs crossed over each other and his eyes immediately went to the sliver of skin where the hem of your dress had ridden up on your thigh. Alfie’s first instinct was to march up and grab the delicate skin until you squirmed, but he stopped himself.

He gripped his cane tighter in his right hand and rubbed his forehead with the other one. “You’re fuckin’ impossible.”

You frowned. “I can’t help it if you’re possessive, Alf. That’s your problem, not mine.”

“You know how these men are.” He gritted out, gesturing behind him to the distillery. “You cannot be this dim.”

“Alfie Solomons, I know you didn’t just call me dim.” You said and Alfie paused at the tone of your voice.

You sounded annoyed but he could detect the hurt in your voice and it was enough for him to let out a grumbling sigh, stepping up to the desk where you sat. He silently admired the frown lines on your pretty face and prayed that he hadn’t shoved his foot in his mouth.

Alfie got his answer when you parted your legs enough for him to step between them, and he struggled to breathe properly when you circled them around his behind to pull him closer.

“You’re my girl, yeah?” He muttered, bringing a hand up to cradle your cheek.

“Woman.” You protested softly, welcoming the touch as his silent apology.

You watched as his eyes appraised you and held back from preening when he grunted in appreciation and what you knew were hunger as his eyes trailed your body before landing on your face.

“And what a fucking woman you are.” He said lowly, using his hand on your cheek to pull you in for a kiss.

The clatter of the cane falling to the floor didn’t deter you as he let go of it in order to grab you by the waist, pulling you in closer as he deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth, not caring if anyone heard you. Alfie pinched the top of your arse in retaliation and you squealed.

“Alfie!” You sounded scandalised but the enormous smile on your lipstick smeared lips said otherwise.

Alfie admired his artwork with a smug smile, knowing that his mouth probably looked a mess too.

“Don’t Alfie me, woman.” He pressed an open mouthed kiss to your lips that tasted a lot like a promise. “This is just a preview of what I’ll be doing to you tonight.”

* * * * *

Welp, that turned sexual. But hello! Hi! Surprise, here’s me answering to an ask five hundred years later. I was in a writing mood so.. hope you enjoy x

[spectral-apparitions]

Hi! If you still take requests... I've been thinking how would DJ Subatomic try to comfort s/O when they complex about his feelings. s/o is much younger than him and they're afraid he will get bored with them eventually or he doesn't take them seriously as a partner

Ohh anon, don’t doubt that he loves you. If it’s okay, I split this up a little and added some other possible worries too.

If you’re worried you’re too boring:

”You know, if my music weren’t a necessity to keep this city alive, I wouldn’t open Club Planetarium’s doors as often as I do. Do you know why? It’s because, as fun a rave may be, it’s exhausting. Some nights I would much rather stay at home and read. And doing so is no less pleasant than partying.

What I’m saying, my dear, is that I don’t need a life of thrills to be happy. You needn’t be spontaneous or extravagant to keep my love. You are so uniquely you, even the simplest of everyday occurrences are special with your perspective.“

.

If you’re worried you’re not serious enough:

”Have I told you why I picked up music? I didn‘t buy my first mixer planning on fame. No, I did it because I thought it would be fun. Then, when I saw how people listen to my music, I decided to pursue a career.

And you, darling, I did not see as a partner at first. I simply found you mesmerizing enough that I wanted to be closer. I didn’t decide to love you, it just crept in until one day I realized that I would work for you, make sacrifices for you, be the best for you.

You don’t have to write me letters or speeches, or talk about your deepest feelings, or engage in business for me to know that you take us seriously. I can tell by your joy and your openness with me. And I hope that you can tell that from me as well.

You don’t have to change who you are. You can act as silly as you want and I still know that you’re intelligent and capable. Fun and serious are not separate things, and personally I enjoy getting to know both sides of you.”

.

If you’re worried about your appearance:

“When I look at you, I don’t just see your body. I see you as you are in your entirety, and it is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever beheld.

Still, I look at you sometimes more closely, noticing the color of your skin, the shape of your face, every little detail I can find. Like mapping the lights in the sky, I look at everything, thinking both of how lovely it is, and how lovely it is that it exists. Every bit of you is a piece of history of the universe, a testament to all the occurrences that created you as you are.

I could never change you, dear, for you’re perfect. That said, if you want to change how you look, I will love that as well. It’s important that you’re comfortable with your appearance.”

.

If you’re worried you’re not smart enough:

“Well, not everyone can match my brilliance.” *chuckle* “No, darling, you’re brilliant enough yourself. Perhaps not in the same way that I am, but you shine nonetheless.

I had forgotten, for a while, that intelligence is multifaceted. Your knowledge, your wit, your creativity, your consideration, they each have their own strengths. It’s silly to think that only one stream makes you smart. Your intelligence is complex, as is mine, as is anyone’s. Just because I excel in my own fields does not dampen your achievement. I admit, I haven’t been the kindest in regarding the intelligence of others. But you, dear, I could never think of as stupid. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that I do.”

.

If you want to change something about yourself and are worried he won’t like it:

”Hm, change may not be my favorite thing, but I understand it’s necessary at times. Whatever you want to do, I’m not going to stop you. I know at your heart you’re always changing, and yet, constantly you. I won’t ask you to change, darling, or ask you to not change. This doesn’t affect how I love you. You don’t need my permission for this, but if you want it, you have it.”

.

If you’re worried you’re not accomplished enough:

“I understand such worries, I fear the same of myself. I fear that everything I do will mean nothing. But, I have comforted myself knowing that, even for a moment, I may be remembered by others. Remembered by you.

Some people will remember me for my music. Unfortunately some will remember me only as a passing face, as their worst professor, or someone they despise. But some will remember me as their favorite professor, one great night out clubbing, the person who adopted a cat from them.

You don’t need to be famous to be known, my star. It doesn’t matter if you are loved by many or few, only that you are loved. And you needn’t earn that love. If you never do anything that the world praises again, I still will be proud of you.”

.

If you’re worried you’re too high maintenance:

”Let me tell you one of the ways I know I love you: I want to work for you. I don’t lend a hand to just anybody. And, I’ll admit, some days I don’t feel like putting in effort for myself. Yet, I continuously feel ready to assist you. I suppose that’s love.

Yes, there will be days that even though I care so much for you, I will be so tired that at doing so is hard. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you. You are not “too much” for me. I can only imagine how the experience feels for you. I want to ease your troubles, my love. I don’t mind putting in the effort. It’s no chore to love you.”

.

If you’re worried you’re too clingy:

”You’re afraid you give me too much attention? Really? In case you haven’t noticed, I like being noticed and cared for. Hm, well, I do like my alone time. I always have. I don’t think anything is going to change that. It’s not your fault. I simply need time to be alone to think and to rest. I do enjoy having you in my company during quiet moments. You‘re not as draining to be around as most people are. I don’t mind you spending extra time with me.

I couldn’t reject your affection, either. It’s…nice, admittedly. It feels nice to be cared for. You don’t need to worry about how much you’re around me or speak to me. As long as you understand I may need to be alone at times, I’ll make it up to you later.”

.

If you’re worried you’re not affectionate enough:

”I do enjoy when you’re affectionate with me, my dear. But you don’t have to do so constantly for me to know there’s love between us. If you’re not comfortable touching or speaking like most couples do, that’s alright. I still enjoy spending time with you.”

.

If you’re worried he doesn’t love you:

”Is that what you’re upset about? I don’t mean to offend you, but that’s preposterous. Why would I keep you in my life if I didn’t want to? You are special to me, starlight. Perhaps I haven’t made that clear enough. I feel like I can be myself with you, and I want to give the same to you. You are important to me. You make my life better. There is nobody else I would rather call my love.

Tell me, is there something I can do to show you my love? I don’t want you to doubt it, ever. I’ll remind you as often as you need.”

.

And finally:

”You know I chose to date you, darling, and I’ve chosen to stay with you. I don’t regret doing so. And I don’t see myself choosing to leave you. That should be the least of your worries. I consider myself lucky that you‘ve chosen to be with me as well. I love you, my star.”

[curioskitty]

THE・Rarest Bakugou

Given Bakugou-kun's description as a "juvenile delinquent" (Horikoshi sensei uses the term 不良少年, or furyou shounen, meaning juvenile delinquent boy), it's expected that he wouldn't conform to standard. So obviously, it's not possible to find Bakugou-kun wearing a tie properly................

What is up with this perfectly tied nonsense right here?!

Bakugou-kun, I thought I knew you!!! THE LIES! THE BETRAYAL!!!

But, it's probably just a fluke. You didn't mean it, right Horikoshi-sensei?

WTF?! WHY?!!! Horikoshi-sensei?!

Yep. Contrary to expectations, Bakugou-kun wearing a tie correctly only ranks at Ultra Rare status: difficult to find, but not impossible.

So, what's rarer than a tie-wearing Bakugou-kun? Go Beyond, Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In fact, it's even harder to find Bakugou-kun wearing a tie improperly. Given proto-Bakugou's loose tie design, I would have expected that to be the likelier delinquent-esque tie option. But I've only seen Horikoshi-sensei draw him like this once:

(Horikoshi-sensei's one year celebration illustration. This is still fairly early in the publication.)

On top of that, Bakugou-kun consistently wears his uniform tie-less and with at least one button undone on his shirt collar. His pants are always slung low on his hips and legs bunching up at his feet (except when he had to wear jeans for Best Jeanist). You can even see panels where Horikoshi-sensei drew in the rips at the hems near the heel where they drag on the ground.

So why the inconsistency, Horikoshi-sensei? I see you over there, stop pretending you didn't notice. I know you're paying attention.

Horikoshi-sensei gave proto-Bakugou a loosened tie, so what is the reasoning for taking Bakugou-kun's tie away?

Some No-Tie Theories

Fan Theory #1: HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW

//Like Midoriya-kun, Bakugou-kun came from a middle school with gakuran uniforms. They never learned how to tie them. Midoriya-kun messes up his tie, while Bakugou-kun doesn't even bother to try.//

I actually think this is the least likely reason. Bakugou-kun was designed to be a naturally talented genius. I think this applies to anything he wants to do. If he does something, it's always perfectly done.

Bakugou-kun can (and does if you look above) tie it perfectly when necessary.

CONCLUSION: If Bakugou-kun doesn't do something, it's completely out of personal preference or because he doesn't see a reason to.

Fan Theory #2: REBELLIOUS NATURE

//Bakugou-kun is a delinquent and maintains that image because he thinks it looks cool. Or maybe he is rebelling against fashion designer parents. Either way, because of his family background he knows how to tie a tie, but wants to be a rebel.//

I'd give partial points for this one. I'm pretty sure he wears his pants loose at least partially because he thinks it looks cool. However, Bakugou-kun's parents were noted to be designers and not specifically fashion designers.

Despite appearances, this is the kid that sleeps at 8:30pm, doesn't break school rules, and yells at his friends for smoking.

He zips up the collar on his gym track suit all the way. Both the summer and winter versions get the same treatment. He doesn't feel the need to "make a statement" by wearing his track uniform incorrectly. Outside of class, he can and does sometimes wear his track jacket unzipped, but during class he always wears it properly.

So then why does Bakugou-kun refuse to wear the band T-shirt and Christmas party Santa outfit? Because he isn't cooperative. In Ultra Analysis, his Cooperativeness Stat was the lowest rank: E.

CONCLUSION: Bakugou-kun may be non-conformist and uncooperative, but he isn't a rebel.

Fan Theory #3: TRAUMA/PTSD

//This is one of the more popular theories. Between Dabi grabbing his neck, the Sludge Villain and being restrained at the School Festival, our boy has been through the wringer. As a result, he just doesn't like stuff around his neck because it gives him anxiety.//

The Western Fandom is definitely concerned about the mental health of the kids. But I don't actually think this is the reason. Not that I don't think they all need some therapy and self care, especially right now, but there just isn't evidence for this specific trauma in Bakugou-kun.

He wears scarves and even turtle necks without a problem.

On top of that, Bakugou-kun ALSO unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and gakuran in middle school; even from before the Sludge Villain incident. There isn't any evidence Bakugou-kun changed his dressing habits due to trauma. He wore a scarf to the entrance exam for UA, too.

CONCLUSION: Bakugou-kun has ALWAYS worn his shirts with the top button unbuttoned.

These 3 theories are inadequate, too. Even if they did explain the reasons Bakugou-kun doesn't wear a uniform tie, they don't factor in the reasoning for why he DOES wear his other ties properly sometimes.

HC#1: Bakugou-kun's preference

Bakugou-kun doesn't seem to care about his image and how "extras" see him. Even during the press interviews after his hero debut, he wore the same style of open collar look. He's not shy about being nude or taking his shirt off.

But what he hates is being uncomfortable.

He is "explosively brawny". Just look at how thick Bakugou-kun's neck is when compared to Midoriya-kun's. It isn't just that Midoriya-kun is supposed to be scrawny, but also that Bakugou-kun has a thicker than average neck.

Bakugou-kun doesn't like to button up his shirts all the way because it's uncomfortable. It's reasonable that he zips his track suit and everything else up because those are looser at the neck or made of stretchier materials.

As for why he doesn't wear the uniform tie at all... Don't forget Bakugou-kun is a perfectionist and a bit of a neat freak.

He always tucks his shirt in. For the band performance he wore a collared black dress shirt. From what we saw of his room, it's minimalist and clean. I don't see him wanting to look like a slob.

A sloppy loose tie would probably irritate him more than just not wearing it (which is even funnier when you think about Midoriya-kun's chonk tie. It probably makes him want to strangle Midoriya-kun, or maybe just tie it himself...)

Bakugou-kun has difficulties compromising when it comes to his high standards. So if he has to wear it, it's going to be either 0% or 100%.

HC#2: Explosiveness

Why draw Bakugou-kun with either 0% tie or 100% tie? If Horikoshi-sensei is going for a delinquent image, wouldn't the 50% tie option make more sense?

Taking a look again at Bakugou-kun's profile page, Horikoshi-sensei describes him to be explosive in every way. That includes his whole body being "explosively brawny", but also adds a note that he looks slender in clothes.

Horikoshi-sensei put an effort to make every element of Bakugou-kun's character in some state of either fully compressed or explosive.

His slimming clothes, general appearance and even his speech patterns are highly compressed (blunt/terse) and loud. The extremes of his attitude are compressed too; if Bakugou-kun is not loudly raging, then he's quietly observing.

This contrast is key to his character. You can't explode if you aren't compressed first. It's supposed to be shocking to see how brawny he actually is under his slenderizing clothes. And I always feel shocked whenever I see this kid compressed into a tie.

HC#3: Deku & Kacchan

These two are set apart from the class by design and very much on purpose. Horikoshi-sensei designed them to be at opposite ends of the same spectrum.

If Bakugou-kun has muscular arms, then Midoriya-kun needs muscular legs. If Midoriya-kun buttons up his shirt all the way to the collar, then Bakugou-kun's collar has to be loose. Their designs reflect their connection.

So if Midoriya-kun has a poorly tied tie, the opposite of that is either non-existant or perfectly tied. If it's perfectly tied, he'd just blend in with the class.

The no-tie option just makes more sense.

Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou

Horikoshi-sensei only ever draws Bakugou-kun with a tie in specific scenarios. Costume events that require the neck tie as part of the costume or "fancy" events where everyone is in formal wear. And even in those, Bakugou-kun manages to not wear his tie 90% of the time.

So, I just imagine that when Horikoshi-sensei makes Bakugou-kun wear his tie, he's super grumpy! Just look at his face in every illustration he's wearing a tie in. He's probably hot, uncomfortable, and really not enjoying himself at all.

Ultimately, the "Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou" is a Bakugou-kun who wears the tie and SMILES while doing it.

(Yes, I know that's NOT actually a tie. Shut up Bakugou-kun. You're only smirking in this one because you won the Popularity Poll for the 5th time in a row...)

(Well that's random, you say? Welcome to my blog. Considering the stuff going down on canon, I figured I should give fans, and myself, a break from angst to talk about something silly.

Please note that this applies only to the manga. I've found that the anime isn't quite so strict about how Bakugou-kun looks.

Regarding the headcanons, I just want to clarify that everyone is free to think whatever they like. I enjoy all headcanons and support your right to have them.

I wrote this a while ago and then debated posting it because it's such a huge meta about... Bakugou-kun's tie. I had regrets. But now it's become my new years post. Regrets were for 2020, it's already 2021!

Demons out, fortune in!!! I know it's not setsubun for another month, but 2020 was such a demon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!)

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan in 2020

I've sort of dropped doing detailed chapter posts on the series because that type of writing wasn't very fun for me anymore and I have taken a liking to a bullet point kind of approach where I list the elements that stood out for me in the chapter or make a separate post for some specific topic I'd like to talk about in it.

I've started like 10 different posts to attempt to talk about AoT this year and I always end up with incoherent rambling because of all of the elements I'd love to to talk about.

This year's chapters were 125-135 and this year's episodes episodes 1-4 of season 4.

The anime episodes in particular have given me a lot of food for thought, so I'm just saying fuck it.

I think the biggest misstep of the story for me will forever be the fact that it decided to use fairly specific historical imagery.

The Eldians are clearly supposed to have allegorical equivalency with Jewish people, but the Jewish people were never the oppressors. There weren't any Jewish empires. That's conspiracy theory bullshit.

But on the other hand, the series clearly takes great effort to not stereotype any of the groups it's portraying and gives complex reasons for what both sides do. It's one of the few Japanese series that I've seen not stereotype Middle Eastern-coded people (Ramzi and Halil) or black people (Onyakapon). Everyone are people, it says. It even champions diversity:

(Chapter 118)

It is also very much true that a bunch of fascist states use long-term history as an excuse for their actions:

(Chapter 127)

Nation did X 2000 years ago therefore our conquest of them is justified.

This makes discussion about the series' themes like a minefield.

The people who are very critical about its imagery are right, but the people defending the series aren't wrong, either because it condemns all of those nasty ideas of conquest and hurting innocent people.

You can't have a more clear-cut condemnation of genocide:

(Chapter 127)

If you combine all of these details instead of zoning in on them one by one, to me what the story is saying is that *even if* all of that conspiracy bullshit is true, innocent people don't deserve to be slaughtered no matter the reason because they are still people who have their own feelings, thoughts and wishes.

The story clearly gets the baseline, but fumbles the details. I decided to look up some more discussion surrounding this these past few days and I just wish there was more good faith discussion about it. A lot of it feels like a moral superiority contest.

I think it's these kind of flawed stories that actually deserve detailed scruitiny over stories that are rotten to the core because they are *almost there*. Talking about them is a good topic starter in what to do and not to do in a story like this.

Speaking of rotten to the core, I think the absolute highlight of the chapters this year is Eren and some of the chapters this year finally gave me a pretty clear picture of what is going on with him.

Context from 123 certainly helps, though:

(Chapter 131)

This is about Eren's perspective. He can't accept the destruction of Paradis.

It's not that this solution was inevitable looking in from the outside (which is one of the interpretations I see around for Eren's actions), it's that *Eren* can't see any other way out of this except the most extreme because of all of the horrible things he has seen from the outside world. It is very similar to the way suicidal people can only focus on the negative.

You can tell them everything is going to be okay, but those words won't reach them because their mind won't let them and loops them back to those negative thoughts.

Eren can't see the ice cream or silly clowns. But he can see how the other Eldians in the league of Eldians are willing to push Paradis under the bus. He can see how Grisha's sister was killed. He can see how racist and cruel Marley is towards the Eldians in Liberio (and how the people have racist leanings towards other nations, too).

He can only see those bad things. But he also understands how everyone outside of the walls are human just as the people inside of the walls are.

So he is torn to pieces by guilt.

He doesn't want to do this, but he can't see any other solution.

This is why I also think he can't rob his friends of their agency. He is fighting for them to have a good future:

(Chapter 133)

(Chapter 131)

What really stood out to me on a revisit is that Eren considers himself much worse than Reiner.

I've seen criticism on how the story pushes the narrative of both sides being the same and this detail is really important to me because this is the story acknowledging that what Eren is doing is worse and gives all of the following exchanges about this the context of it being a similarity in principle.

Both sides have killed for what they think is right and have to deal with how they have killed people. This is such an important detail in the Uprising arc, too, where Erwin firmly acknowledged that overthrowing the government might not actually be the right choice by him. It was simply what he saw as right. On a narrative level this avoids absolute truths and preference of one character perspective over the other and once again makes it about individual perspectives.

The theme of individual perspectives is so ingrained in this story at this point in my eyes that it's another cornerstone in understanding what is going on with Eren to me.

I think it's great.

I also really appreciate Annie and what was done with her in this chunk of chapters.

(Chapter 127)

There has been this narrative going around that proposes that the story is in Eren's corner too much. But these chapters are nothing but questioning Eren and Annie is one of the main voices in this. It's the Marleyan girls, really and I think this is a very necessary part of making the narrative work. Once again, it separates the narrative and character perspective.

It says that the Paradis side caring is about character perspective, not what the narrative sides with and Annie is even sympathetic to Mikasa in that instance.

She gets it. Unexpectedly, I think Annie might play a bigger role in taking down Eren than expected. Her character arc about deciding to no longer go with the flow because she doesn't want any more tragedy to happen is basically calling for it.

(Chapter 128)

Another element I've seen brought up is the fact that nobody seems to address the Bert-sized elephant in the room, but some of our characters are certainly thinking about him.

This is such a thematically strong element and really interesting because Connie joined the military to make his mom proud and be a good soldier. This is the motivation behind his claim when he says they are going to save the world. But what does becoming a good soldier mean, exactly?

Well, apparently possibly gunning down people you care about.

This moment is so good because it's another moment where the idea of glory in war is taken down a peg.

The moment with Connie declaring they're going to save the world is so often criticised, but it is actually turned on its head in 128. There is no heroics in this. This is actually Connie's big "killing a person" moment because it strips away the final bit of comfort in killing in war, the excuse of killing for good moral reasons.

It is also a wonderful complex evolution of the series' themes. Trost was about fighting monsters. In the Female Titan and Clash of Titan arcs some of those monsters turned out to be human. In the Uprising, Return to Shiganshina and Marley arcs all of those monsters turned out to be human and here in the War of Paradis arc, everyone is human and the only separating system is what everyone views as right.

I really hope the anime will let this chapter breathe a little bit more.

Moving on, I guess it is time to address the rumbling.

I love it as a horror spectacle.

(Chapter 130)

And I really I think it needs to be non-CG when animated. CG is fine in spectacle battles, but not in horror settings because it is too clean.

The rumbling needs to be disgusting and dirty.

Chapter 132 gave me one of the few moments in which I truly cared about Levi. I think him telling Hange to dedicate her heart was a very good moment to cap off their relationship. He sent another SL commander to fulfill their duty.

The speech about hatred in chapter 134 also stood out to me. I think it definitely should be fitted in there somewhere in this, but I also see a bunch of criticism for it.

I want to point out that this is the side of present Marley talking here. It's the military dictatorship.

It's the Nazis. I think the Nazis should feel regret for exploiting innocent people and admit they're wrong.

I also like how the horrors here are undoing the brainwashing and showing the truth to the citizens.

I guess you could read it as heavy-handed, but it is also something that needs to be addressed and in principle, it's not wrong.

I'm also going to put a mention of Historia here. I've talked about how this is my biggest and most glaring problem with the series because of how thematically unfitting it feels, but I've also talked about it in many posts. I wanted to focus more on other stuff in this post.

So now, we make it back to chapter 135.

I think having stewed on it for a month now, I like the element of mindscrewing our cast with the Titans of the people they love is the strongest element of it. It's making them face their personal traumas and we also get some great character moments and payoffs from it.

Mikasa ended off the year in a very good note in my eyes.

Even this deep in the story, this chapter left me in a situation where I have no idea how things might turn out.

I might have rough ideas, but not anything specific and that's fun.

Well, this is it on my retrospective.

2021 is confirmed to be AoT's final year of publication as volume 34 is set to be the story's final volume.

Those who hate the story can finally be free of it and those who care for it, can look back on it with fondness and sadness and many other emotions and evaluate.

It's been 7 years for me. What a wild ride.

So, I'm asking everyone, what are some of your observations on AoT in 2020?

Is there anything you'd like to add or do you have any observations or counterarguments for anything I've said?

I'd be curious to see what everyone else thought of AoT in 2020!

[tarotnoob]

Pick a card - advice from your spirit guides

Hi, folks. I drew these cards four days ago, lol. Please take a second to look over the piles or gems or numbers, whatever pile you feel drawn to. You may find some advice from your guides. I shuffled while looking at the stones and asked for advice from the guides of those picking that pile. You’re welcome to pick none, one, two, all. It’s a general/timeless reading, take what resonates!

With stone names and numbers:

Take a deep breath, concentrate, and choose :)

Pile 1: Rose Quartz

If you chose pile 1, rose quartz is associated with the heart chakra (yes, even though it's pink in color), so this relates to compassion, self-love, love for others, relationships, forgiveness, acceptance, inner peace. I did do clarifications when I first pulled and now, and if I squint, they're similar enough. The magician is about manifestation, having the skills necessary to bring your dream to life. It's ruled by mercury (communication), so this is a Gemini/Virgo card.  Mercury is in Virgo right now, so you may feel more inclined to get organized. It also means that your way of communication (Queen of Swords), might become more tactless than usual. I do think you'll feel a shot of ambition/drive to make certain decisions, either regarding relationships or creative projects. Queen of Swords is a master of communication, the authentic self, honesty, integrity. It's fitting the integrity oracle fell out as if we want to manifest something, we have to make sure we are 1.) aligned and have good intentions to receive it 2.) making sure that our interactions with others still maintain a sense of compassion. The Freeze oracle is about - if something isn't working correctly, stop to analyze (very virgo energy) the situation to see what you can do differently. Two of pentacles reversed indicates you may be having difficulty juggling something in your life, and I feel this has to do with what you want vs the effort you're putting in plus the result. As elements go, the queen (air) is next to a pentacle (earth), so the issue is in regard to the queen. Your communication and motivation seem to be lacking, so remember that what you put out into the universe is what you're going to get back. Take time to consider what you do have and be grateful for it, for the people in your life, be softer in communication with them and if you feel stuck, take a step back, you may be taking on too much or trying to cut too many corners. You may encounter some obstacles in getting what you want, but don't take that frustration out on anyone else. The Servant card also indicates that you need to project a little more compassion - toward yourself and to others, don't get too defensive, don't feel like the world is set against you if you haven't achieved what you want, as it may be your own attitude getting in the way and not anyone or anything else. If you're having financial issues (two of pentacles reversed), the shadow side of the Servant is using lack of money as an excuse not to move forward with life. I've been there and done that, but it can make you feel stuck, but the more you tell yourself and the universe you're stuck, you won't go anywhere at all.

---

Pile 2: 

Howlite represents the spiritual qualities of stillness, tenderness, and open-mindedness. Howlite is associated with the crown (head) chakra. Originally, I think all these cards came out reverse, but that's silly, so we'll set them upright. Howlite is about finding peace and calm, which is interesting because both of the oracles get a sense of a need to relax, to take time to laugh or get outside more, take a walk, socialize (safely). The engineer card makes me think you've been busy trying to make your dreams a reality. There's a lot of fire energy here with queen of wands and six of wands, ace of swords ads in a lot of thinking, so it looks like you're hard at work on a project that you want to be successful, but it could be taking a toll on yourself. The shadow attribute of engineer is a "reliance on mechanistic solutions without regard for emotional consequences".  Your guides are suggesting that no matter what you are currently working on, remember to take a break once in a while. If you're feeling blocked, this might also be good advice to let the creativity and ideas flow. After looking at the clarifiers, additional advice:

1.) Ignore others who might have been critical of your way of thinking or doing things. If you are an unconventional person, it's important to allow yourself to be who you are authentically. You don't have to do things the way others do them for it to work. Innovation is always important!

2.) If you've, in the past, lacked the ability to execute your creative ideas, you may find inspiration in looking at the project from a new perspective after giving yourself some room to breathe and think clearly. 

It's always possible that the solution isn't quite what it seems and, in that way, you may discover a whole other means for success.

The Queen of Wands is a master of creative abilities, six of wands is success/fame/acclaim, and ace of swords is mental strength. If you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed in any way, if you have so many ideas you can't stand it or you're just a person who doesn't know what to do with all of their fire energy, I think your guides are definitely telling you to find practical applications for that excess energy, if not in bringing projects to life, then taking to the outdoors, unplugging from social media, working out, trying something different, especially if you're feeling blocked.

---

Pile 3: Citrine

At least I am pretty sure it's citrine. I've bought a lot of gems lately. Citrine attracts wealth, prosperity, and success. It helps with envisioning your goals and pursuing them. It's associated with the solar plexus and sacral chakras mostly. That has a lot to do with our confidence, desire, passion.  Before clarifiers, we have five of wands (light conflict or competition), ten of cups (emotional contentment), king of cups (emotionally balanced, diplomatic, compassionate). Oracle is Journey and Mediator. King of Cups definitely fits with the mediator oracle, which says you have a gift for negotiating fairness and strategy in personal and professional life. Heh, maybe one of you is a Libra or has strong Libra in your chart. They're not showing in the photo, but clarifying and thten going through the back of deck, there are a lot of fours, so four may be significant to you and is generally about being organized and well-balanced (Emperor energy), able to take ideas and execute them. Don't worry if this doesn't sound like you, haha.

Journey can relate to a physical or emotional or spiritual journey, so you may be planning a trip but are concerned about spending money on it, or you may feel emotionally stuck and in need of vacation (I did see four of swords at the back as well as four of wands), so i think if it's in the cards that you can and can travel safely, it might take your mind off of things. Even if you think it's out of your budget and your pinching pennies. 

Five of Wands was clarified by the four of pentacles (holding onto something, saving money, security, control, conservatism). So, you may have issues with spending money right now or have been having arguments with others about spending. It's also possible you or someone else has had a conflict with another person and are holding onto a grudge. 

I do feel like this conflict is getting in the way of emotional happiness or is disturbing some relationships that are otherwise quite stable. Ten of cups is clarified by ten of swords, so there does seem to be an end to a cycle coming or something is a little stuck in that department. I always like to look at the elements, so seeing five of wands (fire) next to Ten of cups (water) - there seems to be a conflict between this mundane argument and (emotional) happiness. But I think for some of you if this doesn't apply, you may be really good at smoothing out petty arguments amongst family or your friend groups, but particularly family. Or maybe some of you are holding onto grudges or arguing with family over money. If that's the case, I do think the mediator card is suggesting that you try to look at the situation from the other person's perspective. Are you being petty? A little too picky? A little too stingy? Maybe take a Mediator's approach to the situation instead of putting the other person on their guard. Finally, King of Cups is clarified by two of swords (making a decision, usually between two options and typically you already know which one to choose or maybe both options are equally bad or good but the point is making the decision). The King of cups suggest making the decision so that it's fair to all parties involved and to make the decision very calmly. Four of swords ended up being at the back, as well as four of wands. So, there is a sense of a need to rest or take a vacation or take a step back from the situation, so that all involved are happy and not just one person wins out. 

Shadow attribute for Mediator argues not to try to negotiate with any hidden agendas, so make sure that you're being fair. It's always best if everyone comes out with something good. Like, if one of you wants to go to the mountains and one wants to go to the ocean, you'll have to compromise and come from a place of compassion and love.

And if you're still working on taking that approach toward decisions and interactions with loved ones, then that's just part of your journey. So, good luck!

[fal-carrington]

168 hours without you

Pairing: Kamilah x Mc

Disclaimer: Characters belongs to PB

A/N: Mother has arrived bitches

Prompt: Married life was something so new, so strange and wonderfully good, being a wife was something Kamilah would never have imagined she was extremely good at, but when Mia has to travel to a business conference and spend a week away, Kamilah will have to deal with the 168 hours without her wife, can she handle it?

tag list: @made-me-deep-blue @gavryllo @kamilahtopme @nighthuntresskatherine @iam-the-fuckin-queen @whoinvitedalx @thepotatobleh @zerozone-80 @shanuuh @scarlet-letter-a0114​ @soundtrackforlife​ @thecleveridiot09​ @wildsayeed @deereboy97​ @justejuste727​ @ilovekamilahsayeed​ @otakufangirl-12 @sapphics-choices @desireepow-1986

The penthouse, 21:45pm

Leaning against the threshold of the door, Kamilah stood silently watching Mia, with her back to her, patiently packing her suitcase, folding piece after piece and placing them in her Louis Vuitton suitcase.

"So, are you leaving already?" The question came out in a low tone, but enough so Mia could hear it.

"Yup" She answered without turning around, her attention focused on her purse and the items she was going to put in it. "Do you think it would be too much if I put on a sixth dress? I want to keep my options open."

Kamilah shook her head when she heard that, an affectionate smile on her lips.

"In all my business trips, I never considered adding more than two dresses, but you seem to be the exception to the rule."

Mia laughed looking over her shoulder with her greenish eyes, and that bright dimpled smile, which made Kamilah's heart soar with a certain frequency, more than she would like to admit out loud.

"I am aware, Mrs Sayeed." She smiled and went back to what she was doing.

Kamilah crossed her arms and entered the room, seeing Mia going on a business trip to London, leaving her at a crossroads of feelings.

She was proud, incredibly proud that her wife had ascended to such an important position as COO of Raines Corp, even though Adrian was now completely devoted to his position as Senator of New York, he still remained CEO, and the promotion her wife had received was more than deserved.

However, another part of her heart still remained restless, both were married for only 4 months and that was still all too new for her, and seeing her wife travel, and spending a week away negotiating with investidors in London and leaving her in New York alone in their penthouse, made her heart restless more than she would have liked.

"I know you're worried about me" Mia broke the silence, surprising Kamilah before she could say anything. "But it'll be okay, I promise. I won't mess up this opportunity."

Her words left Kamilah surprised in those mere seconds, and Mia saw this, her green eyes carefully watching her wife recover her composure and her usual stoic look.

"I-" Kamilah began to say, but was interrupted by her young wife.

"Telepath, remember? I know you don't like it when someone invade your mind. It's not as if I'm reading your thoughts on purpose, sometimes it gets out of my control." She shrugged.

"What I mean is I know the importance of this trip and the seriousness, and it's an opportunity to show Adrian that he wasn't wrong to give me the COO job, and to show you that I've matured."

A smile escaped Kamilah's lips before she could contain it.

"I know. I see it, every day."

"You know you could go with me." Mia approached Kamilah, a small trace of hope in her eyes.

Kamilah smiled at her words. As much as she wanted to go with her wife, she knew that this was to be her trip, and the success of the negotiation depended exclusively on her, and Kamilah did not want to steal her merit or distract her from her goal. Besides, she still had to keep her company in control too.

"You know my company needs me, even if I am supervising from home, and my garden needs my attention too."

"I knew you'd say that" Mia gave a smug smile that Kamilah knew perfectly well and turned her attention to her bag.

"Okay, I think we're all set." Mia climbed up the zipper of her purse, looking around at all her necessary utensils on the bed. "I think I've got everything I need."

"Dresses"? Check. Heels? Check. Dryer, toothbrush, notebook and everything a modern woman needs to survive on a trip? Check. Joke cards to tell at the meeting? Check."

Kamilah rolled her eyes.

"You're not taking this." She said by approaching and taking the joke cards out of her wife's hands. "That'll stay with me."

"Hey! I got great jokes there." Mia tried to take them back, uselessly.

"Are you seriously considering telling jokes during an important business meeting?" Kamilah arched one of her eyebrows, knowing Mia that was a silly question. Of course she would.

"I don't see a problem with that, it's to relieve more of the weather and tension. I do it when I'm nervous."

"Absolutely not." The Egyptian vampire ripped up the cards and threw them in the bathroom trash.

"Uh... You know I have a copy of these with my assistant, right?" Mia said pointing to the bathroom.

"You're unbelievable." Kamilah rolled her eyes again.

"I prefer the term ‘misunderstood amazing genius’, but we can work with that one too.”

Mia checked her wristwatch.

"Alright, I have to run so I don't catch traffic."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather use the jet? I'm not using it."

"Of course not." Mia took her bags out of bed without the slightest effort and put them on the floor, wearing her overcoat that was on the bed. "It's a business trip for Adrian to make a profit, and besides, I'd much rather travel at the expense of the company and Adrian than yours. It's my way of fighting capitalism."

Kamilah didn't contain her smug smile.

"Do I need to remind you of your salary before we go to argue about capitalism?"

"Nobody's perfect." Mia fired back while finishing the final touches to her makeup.

Kamilah accompanied her with her handbag, while both went down the stairs towards the elevator. Mia left her bags on the elevator floor and took a step towards Kamilah.

"I love you." Mia fired before Kamilah could say anything. "Kind of a lot."

Kamilah laughed a little, smiling affectionately.

"I love you too. Very much." Mia wrapped Kamilah's neck with her arms, standing on tiptoe and giving her a long, warm, deep kiss.

"I'll miss you every day." Mia said. "I don't know how I'm going to sleep without you, I got used to sleeping with you, you know? Because when I hug you when we go to sleep cuddling, your hot ass warms me up during the night. And there's this way that we sleep that you fit in with me, which is so good."

"Was that supposed to be a declaration of love?" Kamilah arched an eyebrow, the humor evident in her face.

"Of course it was." Mia rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips. "I love you, babe." She said leaving kisses on Kamilah's cheek and lips.

"All right, before I go I want to say goodbye to someone else, where is he?" Mia looked over Kamilah's shoulder, looking for that little fuzzy ball.

"Come on, kid." She whistled with her fingers, and seconds later, a little Corgi's puppy appeared in the penthouse living room, with his tongue out, his collar leaping as he ran, stumbling on his own paws trying to get to Mia.

Kamilah watched the scene with her usual stoic look, maybe that dog was the animal personification of her wife, — dumbass, hyperactive, always cheerful and clumsy.

"Who's the good boy? It's you, Dexter. You're mommy's good boy." Mia got down on her knees to welcome him, picking him up on her lap and pouring kisses into his hairy body. Dexter reciprocated her affection by cheerfully wagging his little tail.

Kamilah remembered perfectly the day Mia adopted Dexter.

"Please, please?" Mia followed her through the penthouse, while Kamilah kept busy with some reports from her company that had just arrived. 

"No." Kamilah responded without diverting her attention from her reports.

"Why not? I won't even buy it! We won him. My cousin's dog had puppies and she asked if we'd want one, I don't see why not adopt one. He'll keep us company."

Kamilah sighed, stopping in the hall, turning to look at her wife.

"We live in a penthouse..."

"...Which is very big, by the way."

"The dog will bark and defecate and leave excrement all over the house, and I don't know if you've noticed, but I have objects over 2000 years old in this house, worth millions, which would make me very angry if some animal destroyed them.”

"It could be our son, love."

"When your mother asked us when we'd give her grandchildren, I don't think it crossed her mind that it could be a dog. The answer is no." Kamilah walked down the hall again.

"Don't you love me anymore?!" Mia screamed after her trying to keep up, frowning.

"I love you, even too much. Stop being dramatic, I'm doing this for your own good."

Mia ran in front of her and crossed her arms, staring at the tall vampire, the woman who for many could be the worst nightmare of their lives.

"You want to bet me we'll adopt him?" Mia smiled with conviction. 

Kamilah gave her the smile back.

"Nothing you do will convince me to keep him. I am a woman of my word."

...

"What were you saying?" Mia lifted her face, with a sarcastic smile on her lips, the apparent victoriness before her wife.

Kamilah opened her mouth to answer, still panting. Her chest descending and rising as her breathing returned to normal. Ignoring her wife's words, she took it upon herself to pull up her pants and fasten her belt, then closing the buttons on her shirt.

"I can't believe you convinced me through sex."

"Fucking mind blowing good sex, by the way." Mia laughed leaving a kiss on her right shoulder.

"You can keep the dog, but I don't want him near my plants, my things and my garden, you hear? You're responsible for him," she said standing and leaving the room.

...

"I don't want to be late, I better go." Mia stood and left him on the floor. "Take care of him, okay? His things are in the kitchen. I think you two can keep each other company while I'm gone."

Kamilah rolled her eyes.

"Looks like I don't have much choice." Mia gave her that bright dimpled smile, came up and kissed her.

"Behave yourself while I'm gone." She gave her that look Kamilah knew well, a funny look, but deep down, Kamilah knew about her wife's jealousy, and she had fun knowing that. "I promise I will behave and not cause any confusion."

"As if you could keep that promise." Kamilah laughed, gently kissing her lips.

"Well, at least I can promise to make you proud. I'll make you proud of me, you'll see." Mia got in the elevator and pressed the button.

"Call me when you get to the hotel." Kamilah said, Mia just nodded before the doors closed. "And so there were only two left."

Day 1

The alarm clock next to the bedside began to ring, showing that it was already morning, the CEO passed her hand through her tired eyes, she sighed, her hand stretching out to her right side, finding only the emptiness.

She was not there. But her perfume remained present, as if she had slept through the night next to Kamilah. The Egyptian woman stood under her elbows and lit the lamp beside the bed, turning off the annoying alarm that sounded over her ears. Automatically she looked to her right side, being greeted by just a smiling photo of Mia in a portrait beside the bed.

"It's weird not having you here and waking me up with all that noise you make in the morning." Kamilah laughed at herself with that thought and sat down, looking for her slippers.

As she looked down, she was greeted by Dexter who was nibbling her slippers with his little teeth.

"How you got up here I'll never know." Kamilah sighed and took her slippers and put them on. The dog sat down and looked at her, tilting his head to the side. "Well, good morning to you too."

Kamilah put on her black robe, and left her room going to the bathroom for her morning routine involving a great dozen hair and skincare products. After finishing, she directed her attention to the kitchen after a good breakfast, being followed by Dexter who ran as fast as his little paws allowed.

With the intention of preparing her breakfast, Kamilah turned on the coffee maker and set out to prepare her pancakes. With Mia absent, she knew perfectly well that she would not get her morning coffee made by her wife, she would never admit it, but she had a weakness for the coffee made by Mia.

As soon as she set the table, Dexter's bark caught her eye.

"Are you hungry?" She asked to him. Then, she made sure there was food and water in the bowls, which made him run to her to eat.

Never that she thought she would have a dog, Mia really was a box of surprises, it was amazing how she made Kamilah agree to everything.

Sitting at her usual place at the table, having everything settled and reading the newspaper, her cell phone started vibrating on the table and Kamilah caught him, seeing a picture of Mia on the screen. She smiled unconsciously.

"Hey!"

"Good morning, my love." Kamilah smiled.

"Okay, first of all, hotel rooms on the penthouse are incredible! Ugh, you don't know how I missed sleeping with you. And that wonderful thing you do in my hair, you know what I'm saying?"

"I certainly missed sleeping with you too, and you stealing all the bed space, sleeping on me and stealing all the covers for yourself."

"It's not my fault what my subconscious does and I've apologized!"

Kamilah laughed lovingly.

"How's the trip?"

"It's great, I've been to three stores and yes, I ignored you and bought you a present, even though you said it wasn't necessary."

"You're impossible."

"Just fulfilling my duties as a wife. How are you doing? I bet it sucks to stay in New York without me. Without my coffee, without my good morning kisses, and without me to put my Angry Birds socks on your feet every cold night." Kamilah smiled, feeling her playful tone on the other end of the line.

"...Every time I wake up they're on my feet."

"You're welcome."

Kamilah laughed affectionately.

"Well, since you asked, the house is slightly quiet without you. Just the way I like it."

"Oh, come on. You love my noise." Mia laughed. "So, how's Dexter?"

Kamilah spied over the counter, finding him on the carpet.

"Right now he's in a war against a rubber duck." Kamilah listening to the shrill sound coming from the duck being attacked.

"Aw, send me pictures of him later."

"Absolutely not."

"Is everything okay in there?" Mia asked, worried.

"It's all right, my love. I'm fine, and yes, I'll be fine for the whole week."

"That doesn't mean I won't call you every day just to make sure." Mia replied stubbornly, making Kamilah laugh. "I miss you, a lot. I can't wait to come back and see you."

"I miss you too, love. When you come back maybe we could go to that shady restaurant in the suburbs you love to go to."

"Excuse me, I like my shady restaurant in the suburbs, thank you very much, it was the restaurant I used to go to when I didn't have a dollar in my pocket when I started in New York, I have to stay humble, but OH, HELL YES!". Her excitement was so infectious, Kamilah barely noticed the smile on her face.

The CEO could clearly hear voices in the background behind Mia.

"Who's there with you?"

"Just Tyler and Nathalie, my assistants. They're discussing which of my cards I should use first."

Kamilah rolled her eyes.

"And I told you not to use those cards."

"When will you and Adrian learn that I do the opposite of what I'm told to do? It's in my nature."

“Your brat.”

"I have to go, I have a meeting in a few minutes and I have to finish my paperwork. Good luck with your garden and your reports, sweetheart. I love you." Mia said a few seconds to say goodbye and hang up.

“I love you too.”

Kamilah sighed, a week without Mia would probably be something new, especially knowing that since the wedding they have not separated for a long time, now she would have to spend a week alone, just her in that big apartment, with all her attention on her plants, and with an unexpected company.

[psychologyserviceannoucement]

I've Done Therapy Before and It Didn't Work

Therapy is a hard thing to go through. It’s success is dependent upon both the participation of a professional and the individual. It requires discussing and evaluating a lot of personal information that can be hard to tolerate, let alone put active work into. While therapy is a proven effective treatment for a variety of mental health conditions, the reality is that it often takes people multiple attempts to actually reap the benefit of it. That may seem like an oxymoron, but there are a few reasons why someone’s first go at therapy may not work out and why it’s still worth giving a second shot.

If you’ve ever gone through therapy before then I wanna give you props for putting yourself out there to begin with. It’s uncomfortable and vulnerable, but I appreciate that you gave it a shot. Moreover, I extend my sympathies that your efforts didn’t end up being rewarded. I can understand if that experience has kind of turned you off to the idea of therapy or if it’s made you doubt the effectiveness of it all together. After all, there aren’t many other medical procedures that have this same problem. If you go to a doctor to get a bone set, you generally expect it to work without a second attempt. It’s not a very flattering look to say the least. Even still, despite how negative those experiences may be, I believe it is important to consider why things didn't work out before. Because when I say that people often need more than one attempt at therapy, that doesn’t just mean that it didn’t work. It also means that it did work later on. So it naturally brings us to question about what made the difference between the first try and the third.

One of the biggest reasons people give up on therapy is because of the timing. When people are struggling, they can become desperate for any sort of relief. However, therapy as a treatment takes time. Without going into too much detail about how therapy works (see here for a longer discussion), the process is essentially attempting to work with a part of your health that cannot be observed through traditional methods. Instead of conducting tests or making measurements, therapists have to rely on a far slower way to gather information, talking about symptoms a lot. Even after they are able to identify potential factors contributing to the problem at hand, enacting solutions can also take time. Correcting maladaptive thinking patterns, for instance, can be an extended process of convincing a patient that the pattern exists, that it should be changed, and helping them make that change. That’s already going to take a few sessions to accomplish. Lifestyle changes similarly take some weeks to show the effects of. And that’s assuming the first attempted solution proves correct. As such, the typically recommended period of time suggested before you may start to see results from therapy is 3-4 months or 12-18 sessions. And that’s a long period of time, especially for some more severe conditions. It’s very common for people to get frustrated with the process because they are being asked to do a lot of work even though they aren’t feeling better yet. In fact, a large percentage of patients quit therapy well before it has the chance to show it’s effectiveness. So although the effort you put into treatment before was likely difficult and shouldn’t be diminished, it’s possible that things simply needed more time before they could work. On the other hand, by the second or third attempt people are more likely to stick with therapy longer. They also have the benefit of their previous experiences helping them to progress more quickly. So if you’re willing to try therapy again it might be a little easier than the first time.

Another obstacle people encounter is finding a therapist that fits. I often describe individual therapists as akin to a primary care physician, a general knowledge health professional that’s able to tackle a wide diversity of problems. However, while they may have a surface level understanding on many topics, any specific therapist is not going to have a deep knowledge of all of them. Just like other kinds of doctors, individual therapists specialize in different fields and are going to have gaps in their information. These gaps sometimes prove problematic if a therapist is attempting to treat someone with a condition they are not familiar with or cannot relate to. They have a lot of skills and tools that are universally applicable to any problem, but they may not always use them effectively. And that barrier to understanding can appear for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s a lack of personal, academic, or professional experience. Sometimes it’s a difference in cultural background: religion, race, sexuality, gender, or so one. Sometimes they have certain core beliefs that are in contrast with yours. Some therapists are very strict and direct. Some prefer a more patient-focused approach where they have a more passive role. Not every therapist is a good fit for everyone. It’s entirely possible that the first person you saw just wasn’t the right person for the job. If you were dissatisfied with your previous therapist, I would encourage you to seek out one that specializes in the specific issues you are struggling with. Alternatively, you can seek someone with a similar background to you. I would go so far as to recommend interviewing them to see if they have views and personality traits that would compliment your treatment.

The last obstacle I would like to discuss is a bit more personal. I’d like not to come across as if I am blaming anyone for their negative experiences or accusing them of not trying hard enough. However, it is sometimes the case that someone may attend therapy sessions without truly giving treatment a shot. The thing about therapy is that it looks silly from the outside and there are still a lot of people who are hesitant to accept it’s validity. That is perfectly understandable. I do not expect everyone to put the same value in therapeutic techniques that I do. Unfortunately though, therapy depends on patient participation. Therapists can help you identify necessary changes in thinking patterns and lifestyle, but only if you allow them access to the information they need to understand you. Moreover, it is entirely up to the individual to actually enact the changes recommended. As such, entering treatment without an open mind that is ready and willing to adhere to the treatment can often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go to treatment, fully believing that it won’t work and letting that belief drive your actions, then it certainly will not. And that’s not to say that everything will work perfectly if you try hard enough. It will still be a process. Sometimes you will put your best effort into something and it still won’t work out. However, the only way to know one way or another is to try it thoroughly. I understand that those who are seeking mental health treatment are oftentimes not in a place where they are able to be very hopeful or optimistic. That’s ok. I’m not asking you to believe with all your heart that you certainly will get better soon. But I am asking you to consider if you really did give it your best shot the first time around.

At least those are some of the bigger reasons why people have trouble with their first attempt at therapy. It’s possible they apply to you, but I don’t know much about your specific experience. I can provide as many explanations as possible, but I can’t account for everything because sometimes things just happen. The truth of recovery is that it’s work, but it’s not like climbing up a mountain. Recovery is more like being lost in a forest. It can take a lot of persistence.  You can’t take three steps in one direction and decide that you’ll never find your way out.. You have to walk pretty far in one direction before you can really find out whether something is there or not. If that attempt didn’t work out, you’ll need to change directions and try a different way. It would be much easier if there was a simple path to follow, but it's simply something you’ll have to work on for a bit. Granted, things aren’t always a struggle. There is a way out. The forest doesn’t go on forever. It does stop eventually and there might be signs to help along the way to point to where that might be. You have your therapist as a guide to help you along and the longer you walk, the better you’ll get at navigating. I’m sorry if you feel stuck, or you’re tired of fighting, or you’re frustrated that nothing seems to be working. But hope is not lost. Statistically, you can still and likely will get better. Perhaps it shouldn’t take this much for you to get to that point, but it is still within your reach. Recovery is very much worth the work that it takes to get to it. So despite the obstacles, I hope that you continue to pursue treatment and put as much as you can into it so that you can find what’s effective and make therapy work for you, even if it takes a few tries.

For more information on mental health topics, check out our Index

[merakiaes]

To begin with, I'm full of contradictions, utterly boring, very insecure and highly complicated. I would say my strongest personality traits are my kindness, calmness and sympathy. It's almost impossible to scare or upset me, because I always see the good in a person and recognize where anger, frustration and despair come from. There's no cruelty in me at all. I'm open and impartial towards everything and everyone, without any judgment or prejudice. I also have a calming/grounding effect on other people and animals, which is great because I honestly love all sorts of animals (I'm also a vegetarian because I refuse to intentionally hurt any animal). I'm always well-meaning and there to help others. I despise people who enjoy the suffering of others, just because they have the 'power' to. I'm very open-minded and I think that every opinion matters and that whatever someone has to say is important, at least to them and therefore for me. I will never ignore someone's sorrows and suffering and I try my hardest to help and comfort as best I can. But, even though I see the good in everything, I'm very insecure myself and have little love and understanding for myself. I have a very bad self-esteem and not a particularly positive self-perception, which mostly defines my actions. It makes me believe that I'm a burden to others and that I annoy them. I feel like I'm not "worthy" of love/there's nothing lovable about me, that there are too many problems in contrast to the little good things. Nevertheless, I would never change myself for anything or anyone, I am who I am. This is one of many reasons why I try to stay away and distance myself from others. For me, dealing and interacting with people is really difficult, because I'm so clumsy and nervous around them and easily feel like I'm making a fool out of myself. Another reason is that I fear to be rejected and thrown aside when someone sees how boring, problematic and annoying I actually am. It's also hard for me and incredible frustrating that I'm unable to articulate myself the way I want to, so that I mostly stay silent. And, since I'm a very quiet and rather shy person, I prefer people who initiate the contact and talk a lot/like to talk, who do the talking instead of me, but without intending to suppress myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (I'm always wearing only black, have dyed my hair a little and two ear piercings). Because I'm easily sad and not a funny/joking person, I like and enjoy people who are not too serious themselves. And I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. I've always felt alienated from my surroundings, like I don't belong anywhere, like I'm the only cat in a room full of dogs. That's probably why I have a soft spot for the weirdos, outcasts, loners and "crazy" ones. Though, in my opinion, the definition of normal, crazy and real are very subjective. My whole life I've felt kinda judged, misunderstood and unwanted. People often falsely think that my unassuming nature is naivity and take my social-insecurity for aloofness and coldness. I'm also quite opinionated and aware of what I want, how I feel and who I am. I'm often questioning my surroundings, the traditions and rules and if I believe that something is wrong, I have absolutely no problem challenging others, even authority. I'm a perfectionist, which often leads me to overthinking and that can be equally good and bad. I'm absolutely clueless in romance and totally oblivious to flirting because I'm 100% inexperienced in this stuff, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.

I crave physical touch and am literally melting into and bathing in any sort of touch, but I'm way too reluctant to initiate it. I'm rather sentimental with things given to me by people who I deeply care for, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. Sadly, I'm not good with words to repeat how much someone means to me and I never know how to show/act on it either. I'm lazy, forgetful and sleepy most of the time and too much people, noise and light is exhausting for me. That's why I prefer to cozy up at home, watching a movie or TV show and listen to music. Music is my greatest passion, even if I can't sing or play an instrument. It's the most calming and therapeutic when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. When no one is around, I even sing along really loudly and off-tune. The meaning music has for me is hard to put into words, but it's my sanctuary for when I feel like my thoughts and feelings are suffocating me. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. My taste in movies is more horror, fantasy and drama and in music it's rock, punk and pop, but for both I enjoy when it's themed around mental illness and real-life problems and when it's from the 80s and 90s. I like vintage things and would love to live in the 80's. I love the feeling of freedom and liveliness. My favourite weather is when it's gloomy and more cold, when it's pouring big fat drops and the air smells like rain and my favourite season is autumn because of the weather, colors, temperatures, flavors and overall aesthetic. I'm on the curvy-side and incredible insecure about it, although I really don't want to be. Once I trust you, I would love to talk for hours about music, movies, dreams, fears or anything alike and life in general, no matter how silly it may seems. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things. I also love to take late-night strolls, to gaze at the nightsky and literally feeling the freedom and infinity. My favourite colours are dark green, black, dark purple and gold. I love the scent of peppermint, cinnamon and the forest. I love plants and would love to decorate my home with them, but unfortunately I don't have a green thumb at all. I like ivy, lavender and roses the most. I wish I could live peacefully in a cottage, surrounded by a forest and many animals. I feel little conected to where I lwas born/am living and I'm deeply convinced that my soul belongs in the UK, always has.

+  Could I please request a male matchup for Stranger Things and Peaky Blinders? I'm female, she/her. (I know you said that no amount is too much, but I still hope that I didn't exaggerate here - and I'm sorry for any spelling and grammatical errors, english isn't my first language)

STRANGER THINGS

I ship you with Billy Hargrove!

This is somewhat of a controversial ship that can be both good and bad depending on the circumstances. I’m choosing to look at it from a positive perspective so bear with me.

Kindness, calmness and sympathy are your strongest personality traits and that is just what Billy Hargrove needs to bring him back to reality, because it is my opinion that the Billy we’ve gotten to see is only the version of himself that he has allowed us to see. 

Billy’s automatic response when someone tries to help him by digging into his emotions is to get angry and defensive. Why? Because he’s put so much time and effort into building up walls around himself in order to not have to feel all his pain over and over again, and every time someone comes and pokes holes in those walls, he snaps.

He’s so used to not being loved and being abandoned that he automatically assumes that people who come off as supportive are going to leave eventually, too. So in his mind, he might as well scare people away at once so that he doesn’t get his hopes up and ruins the walls that he’s put so much into. That’s just easier for everyone.

But although he succeeds in pushing people away by getting angry and therefore succeeding in protecting himself from more heartbreak, he still feels a subconscious guilt when seeing how much he scares people, because that’s how scared he is of his dad. He treats people like his dad treats him and it destroys him to live with that, but he just doesn’t know how to do anything else at this point because his only purpose in life now is to uphold those walls, by whatever means necessary, so while I don’t condone his behavior, nor do I support mentally abusive relationships, I do from a psychological standpoint, think that it would help Billy that you don’t get scared easily. 

Seeing people get so scared, even if it’s by his own doing, breaks him down more and more every time, a little at a time, and it would change everything for him to be met by something else than that immediate fear. He would be faced with an outcome he hasn’t experienced before, which is being seen as something more than a monster; or more specifically to him, being seen as something other than a replica of his dad, because I can guarantee you that that’s something that keeps him up at night. 

Anyone can say that they understand, that they know where someone is coming from, that even if they don’t understand, they can see a persons reasons. But a lot of the times, this is just a case of empty words. Billy knows this and that’s another reason that he doesn’t let people in when they try to get closer, and he proves his point by getting angry at them and seeing the way they react. All of them get scared and leave. Rightfully so, but it also does proves the point in his logic. 

You say that you have a calming and grounding effect on people which is something he’d really benefit from, as well. He naturally surrounds himself with people who match his energy; impulsive, wild, preferably illegal, with little to no thought of consequences. That’s his form of self-harm - to constantly surround himself with things and people that are bad for him, who likes his bad boy-image and encourages his bad behavior.

What he needs is something else entirely; and that is to be in a calm environment. He needs silence, peace, and even if just for a while, just anything but excitement. He needs someone who won’t encourage his chaotic and reckless lifestyle like most of the people he hangs out with do, in order to bring himself back down to earth and find himself again. 

Once he actually meets someone genuine and like-minded and realizes that they’re there to stay, he’d most likely accept the help he’s offered. And after that, he would be so loving toward his significant other because he’d never want her to feel like he does. He would want her to be the happiest person on the planet and if there’s something I’ve learned, myself, it’s that the people who love the hardest are usually the ones who have been loved the least. So if you were feeling insecure, he would lift you up and compliment you constantly, always let you know how beautiful and amazing he finds you, and how lucky he is to have you. He’d be so overly loving and appreciative toward you and everything you do that you’d rarely even have the time to get stuck with your self-doubt.

He, too, feels like he’s undeserving of love, because when has he ever been shown differently? So I also think it would give him somewhat of a wake-up call to see someone he cares about, or just such a kind, genuine person in general, feeling like that. At the same time, I also think he’d react strongly to the way you accept yourself and refuse to change for anyone despite all the self-doubt you have, because that requires an insane amount of strength. It would probably inspire him a lot to be better, himself.

Billy would, most definitely, be the one to initiate contact with you just like he does every other female in his presence. Maybe it’s my mind being too mushed together by all the fanfiction I’ve read over the years, but I feel that once he got to know you, he would just fall for you on the spot. Not just “fall”, either. He’d trip on his shoelaces, fall on his face and roll down a flight of stairs once he finally managed to wrap his head around the fact that you understand, that you care and that you’re not going anywhere.

After initiating contact and coming to that realization, he wouldn’t mind just spending time with you in silence. All that talking he does is nothing more than a façade he’s put up to feel less out of place, less pathetic about being so weak around his dad, but it’s not the real him at all. Billy has been cold and guarded for so long that he, just like you, no longer knows how to communicate his feelings through words, either. Instead, he tends to show his emotions through his actions, so I can imagine there being a lot of silence. Mutual silence.

Would he still enjoy having genuine conversations with you? Yes, absolutely. As would he never hesitate to joke around if you felt down and needed to laugh. But he would also feel safe enough with you to be silent and vulnerable, without feeling that pressure to always keep talking and acting like he does when he’s with other people. He pretends to be comfortable, pretends to fit in, but in reality, he feels out of place, too. He’s felt unwanted, judged and misunderstood for most of his life just like you describe yourself to have done.

He has fooled around with a lot of girls but he’s still touch-starved, because no-strings-attached relations doesn’t do anything for him other than provide a temporary distraction. It never gives him the emotional, sentimental, meaningful proximity that he needs, so you have in common to crave physical touch and it would be a mutual thing for the two of you to show your emotions through touch rather than words.

You also have your love for music in common, and it’s so fitting because you like the same genres, which would only give him another way to be free around you. I can just imagine the two of you belting out your highest notes, totally off-key, while blaring rock music in his car.

To finish it off, loyalty is something he values above everything which is why he can never really hold on to long-term relationships or friendships. The only person who has ever been truly loyal to him was his mom, and even she made the active choice to leave him in the end, which is where his commitment issues stem from. So the fact that you’re genuinely loyal will be a complete game-changer. 

He, too, loves the feeling of being free, and I have no doubt in my mind that the two of you would find ways to feel that way together without him going back to his old, problematic methods.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I definitely don’t condone his behavior nor do I encourage anyone to stay in a toxic and abusive relationship, whether it be mental, emotional, or physical abuse. I don’t like savior-complexes and I don’t encourage anyone to get together with a “bad boy” because they think they can “cHaNgE HiM”.

But I feel like Billy is one of those cases that has certain circumstances that makes him a bit of an exception. He’s made some reaaaally bad choices and treated people very badly which he still has to be held accountable for, but going forward, he could be an amazing person if only he got reminded of what it feels like to be loved. Because at this point, he’s probably completely forgotten it, and living without love for so long will drive any person into madness.

I still wouldn’t recommend someone heading into a relationship with him solely for the purpose of “changing him”, but I do think that, if the right person came along on random, these changes wouldn’t at all be impossible.

The way he behaves toward people can’t be excused and he still needs to own up to his behavior and mistakes, but I think we’ve gotten it proven at the end of last season that he actually does want to be better and that all he needed toward the end was to be shown some genuine love in order to be able to make that change. 

 PEAKY BLINDERS

I ship you with Arthur Shelby!

Arthur is like Billy in a lot of ways, so this is a controversial one too for the same reasons, but Arthur is also very different.

While Billy has built up tall, strong, practically non-penetrable walls around himself to avoid having to feel anything, Arthur is much more emotional and aware of his mistakes since he never really managed to use his trauma to build up a protective wall, but rather just let them pile up without knowing how to properly process them so that he’s now stuck having to feel it all at once with no way out. 

He was left really vulnerable after his dad left which, I think, made him more open for the trauma he experienced during the war. It is my honest opinion that, had his dad still been in the picture, he would’ve been a lot less unstable today. But, as we know, his dad left him and his siblings, and that was the first trigger to a long line of domino bricks.

At this point, he’s so damaged that he has no sense of self-worth, whatsoever. He doesn’t feel worthy of love or a good life even though he wishes and dreams of it, so once he actually finds someone who wants to be with him, he falls hard, and would do anything in his power to be the best possible partner.

He’d be so romantic, so loving, so eager to please that he’d agree to pretty much anything requested of him. He’d abandon all of his other responsibilities to just live a happy life with you so living peacefully in a secluded area in a cottage with lots of animals is not something he would be opposed to at all. Nor would taking late-night strolls or staying in with you when everyone else goes out to drink be, because I’m certain that the only reason he drinks is because being sober on his own is too painful. 

His way of acting out with anger and violence is nothing more than a product of his environment. Every day, every sound, every smell, every person he surrounds himself with, are triggers to his multiple traumas and the longer he surrounds himself with chaos, the more he’s going to lose himself to his anger – because anger is the only emotion through which he knows how to handle his trauma, as no one has ever tried helping him onto a healthier road of recovery but rather just told him to “suck it up”.

So the fact that you’re so kind, calm, sympathetic and understanding, and that you’re recognize where anger, frustration and despair comes from, that you’re open and impartial toward everyone without any judgment or prejudice, and also have a calming and grounding effect on people would just help him so much. Everyone else that he frequently surrounds himself with are big parts of the problem that is his mental illnesses and aggressive and violent tendencies. They do nothing to help but rather encourages it and fuels the fire so they can use his anger for their own winning.

He’s just constantly told to suck it up, be a man, have a drink or three, snort a line of cocaine, blah blah blah. The way his mental instability is treated by his inner circle is the literal embodiment of toxic masculinity and does nothing to help his case, because then he starts hating himself even more for feeling all the emotions that he does.

So, once given the correct support that he needs, he would pay you right back by making sure you never go a day without being told how amazing you are and how lucky he is to have you. He would throw, or at least try to his absolute best ability to do so, all of your insecurities out the window before they’d even gotten the chance to get through the door. He would literally adore you and, metaphorically speaking, be ready to eat straight out of your palm if told to do so.

All he needs is kindness, understanding and most of all patience, because while he is a work in progress, he is trying.

[indecisive-v]

NINJAMUFFIN DOING ANOTHER AMA ON TWITTER, HERE'S MORE SHIT FOR YA! keep in mind i'm just sharing the funkin related stuff, though i am including WAAAAY more than what i shared before 👍 go check out ninja's twitter profile for questions about stuff like ritz! questions in blue, answers in orange. if yall don't wanna read everything i MIGHT make a version of this post where i replace the answers with my own summaries of em (and if the questions are long, those too)

and here's a link to the ama tweet itself! dunno if it's still goin

Q: I figure the answer will be yes but do you have more plans to implement more guest appearances from people in the newgrounds community into FNF? Or are you all gunna focus on OG lore and stuff going forward

A: for guest appearances, I think we have always seen it as getting a healthy mix of both. PERSONALLY I'd like to lean towards having more OG stuff than guest stuff, BUT it's all a matter of what other boys think of that as well. I'm not the sole person working on game!

Q: Are you gonna release the full FNF game or are you gonna be releasing week after week? Like, are you gonna release week 8 or are we gonna wait some years until The Full Ass Game comes out?

A: Release plan for FNF right now is a few more updates or whatev to the 'demo' we have out right now, and then a long silence of probably no updates whatsoever until the full game is done (which will likely be a few years). That's partly why we made kickstarter for game.

Q: Hey so like, how much will Fnf cost after it's finished? And when will you ask the supporters what they want the game on?

A: It's all subject to change, but right now it prob gonna be standard 15-25$ lil steam indie game.

We will ask Kickstarter pledgers and whatnot what they want the game on SUPER close to when its released, to keep options open if we get onto anything like a console people want.

Q: 1. how was your day

2. are you releasing a week 8 song early like week 7, or are you goin full lockdown

A: I am doing GOOD today, and I think recently I've been good in general.

up to the mood, but so far we doing good about not having anything leak or whatev, so I think it'd be fun to have update come out with people not knowing what to expect at all. Build dat intrigue

Q: Will fnf ever get official plushies?? Seems like an untapped market

A: FNF plushies will prob happen some point, we have a lot of current merch stuff on our plates already though! (Mostly kickstarter type stuff, shirts, pins, posters, and all the physical OST stuff) Its a lot to sort out, but in time more and more stuff will happen. We r jus 4 boys!

Q: did you ever expect your game to blow up as it did? what was your first reaction to seeing it become super popular

A: FNF never had a humble moment, literally day 1 before the prototype even came out, the vid on twitter had like 5K likes overnight. Then when ludum dare version came out, it got 5K likes again, like it wasnt just a fluke. Was crazy, and def felt like somethin was different wit FNF

Q: Do you plan on getting other people to come in to help with the music? That seems like a lot of work to dump on one person, what with the erect mode and whatnot.

I guess the question could apply to all aspects of development. Will you be bringing on more people to help?

A: We definitely are getting help from other people. We are always keeping an eye on people for various different things. In terms of programming, already I've gotten 2 people (MtH and Geokureli) to help with certain Week 7 stuff (charting/polish, and loading stuff). Shit like dat

Q: Oh, also, will the Steam version be Workshop compatible? That'd really help streamline the process of downloading mods.

A: Steam version of FNF will likely NOT be Steam workshop compatible, because we want all the mods to NOT be spread out through different places. There WILL be modding support that is as streamlined as Steam workshop though. Mainly for non-steam versions of the game!

Q: Are there any chances that the game will have a physical release? Also any updates on a switch port? I remember one of you guys talking/joking about it.

A: Not impossible for FNF to get a physical release. We would want to see how far we could go with it though. I think it'd be super easy to do something wit people like LimitedRun games or whatev, but I think stuff like that can only go so far. I wanna see Funkin in mf Walmart!!!!!!

not that LimitedRun isn't going to be an option! Just we consider and pursue many different things! FNF release is years away, so we have time to think about everything. Whole mindset can be different just a few months from now.

Q: Out of curiosity, how are you dealing with all the popularity? It blew up so fast id barely be able to handle it if I was in your shoes.

A: The only way I've been able to handle it is having the other boys on the crew and being able to talk to them about all the overwhelmingness.

Part of it feels very lonesome, feels like NO ONE can come close to comprehending exactly how I'm feeling, except them. also other PALS!!!

Q: Do you own any of the bootleg FNF merchandise? Like any bootleg plushies or anything?

A: i dont, i genuinely think they r a waste of money, and I know any bootleg shit that gets made, we can prob go about and make it, and make it 100x cooler because we actually put effort into shit. bootleg shit just in it for the coin, so they aint gettin that from me

Q: How did you go about getting in contact with sr pelo for skid and pumps vocals?

A: Pelo i think was familiar and pals wit PhantomArcade a bit thru various Newgrounds things and collabs and whatnot.

pelo retweeted the first OG FNF posts first ever, and brought a LOT of attention to it. to pay him back, we put skid and pump in game! ask dave for more info prob

Q: what's the plan for having the full ass game open source if it's gonna cost money? couldn't people just download the source and compile the game for free?

A: when FNF is fully released, the full source code will be released as well.

the game will be DRM free so it will be way easier for people to redistribute the released/offical .exe instead of compiling it, so that's not the issue anyways. people will pay for things if they like it

Q: What are the chances of it getting on consoles like switch or Playstation, ps5 would definitely be my preferred way to play

A: it'd be a matter of hiring someone to build out backend stuff for those specific consoles. someone who knows their way around all the wacky code stuff, AND knows console hardware stuff. Then its just a matter of hittin up those console manufacturers (Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo)

the CLOSEST one is SWITCH. pretty much all of that backend is already made, so it just a matter of gettin all that access and shit.

i think in any case though, there's a lot of NDA stuff required, i dunno how much we'd be able to talk about it even IF we get that stuf sorted

Q: any ideas of releasing it on epic store or another platform?

A: Right now, the only thing that is 100% confirmed and WILL happen is a Steam version, itchio version, and mobile versions on respective app stores. Other storefronts aren't out of the picture though, but we don't want to spread ourselves too thin with it.

Q: Will you continue using HaxeFlixel to make the rest of FNF?

A: yes, because it is what I'm the most technically proficient in, and generally is VERY flexible. just a matter of ME becoming a better coder. It's ALL open source, so if I need something done a certain way, either I can do it, or we can hire someone to do it.

Q: have you seen game theory's videos on your game yet and if so, what do you think about them? (not talking about his predictions because i dont want spoilers. i like mystery)

A: it is always good silly fun to watch the Game Theory vids about Funkin with some pals, and see what matpat thinks of the game. i lov the vids, but wish he used my face less! Or at least used a cuter pic of me like this one!!

Q: Ok so: What does the future of FNF look like to you?

A: future of FNF is a rhythm game that not only exceeds every expectation that people have of it, but subverts most expectations and conventions as well.

Q: Do you plan on retouching on older weeks once the game is fully out? Like reanimating sprites, redoing some charting, updating the background, etc

A: retouching and probably overhauling certain aspects is almost definitely gonna happen. Everything is fluid and can be changed (and should be changed when necessary). i dont think anything should be too attached to, especially this early on in development

Q: I honestly do not care if the answer to this is vague as hell to keep surprises and shit lol but… Since Week 7 was the closest we’ll get to a playable girlfriend (still bf controlling tho), do you have plans to make girlfriend playable in spin-off things or just freeplay?

A: wouldnt be out of the picture for a playable GF, i don't think we've had some hard thing AGAINST it. just a matter of what we want out of the game, and what sort of story or whatev we could do with that concept

Q: How do BF and GF manage to meet famous newgrounds characters (such as pico, tankman and the others to come) like is this all in one universe/ timeline or are they being brought in?

A: i think they are all just there existing. i think there's a lot of wacky things in other media that try to justify crossovers, like MULTIVERSE bullshit or TIMELINE shit, but i dunno, its like subspace emissary. Captain Falcon and Olimar from Pikmin just hang out. Shit like dat

disclaimer that all lore shit is in phantomarcade head pretty much and maybe there is wacky dimensions or somethin

Q: Will the game have dlc?

A: its not too unlikely that we'd have expansions of some sort, but i mean right now we plan on packing in as much as we can into base game, and trying to make that as pure as possible.

if there is ANY dlc, i would personally want it to be 100% free updates

Q: How did you meet Phantom Arcade, Kawai Sprite, and EvilSker? And what do you think about the community and its controversies?

A: me and phantomarcade been fukin around NG for years so years and years ago we naturally crossed paths and became pals

about 2 years ago i found kawaisprites music on NG, and started talkin wit him, made Ritz wit him and we fell in lov

and evilsk8r i met cuz of FNF!!!

quik elaborate on evilsk8r, wanted artist for gamejam FNF was for (ludum dare), and OG person i asked wasnt available, so he referred me to evilsk8r, who I have never met or talked to before ever.

[wedreamedlove]

I'd love to know what you headcanon Xu Mo's mbti as! I've seen a lot of INTJ and INFJ but I feel like you've done so much research into his character (which I am a HUGE fan of by the way, your character studies are top notch honestly) that you'd have a good grasp on what his is the closest to 😊

first, thank you for enjoying my character studies! i feel like i spammed the tag by throwing in everything all at once, haha, oops.

second, before i get into this, i should disclaimer that i actually don’t know much about mbti apart from being intimately familiar with my own. which leads into the next part.

third, i’d definitely label xu mo as an intj which just so happens to be what i am. (funny enough, he’s also a sun scorpio when i’m a moon scorpio which, overly simplified, means we feel and approach things similarly but he does it publicly while i do it privately).

the reason i don’t think he’s an infj is from these sources: 16personalties and type in mind. i’ve put links for those who want to do their own reading but i’ll sum it up below.

basically, infjs are compassionate in their idealism and their second and third dominant function in approaching the world is external feeling and internal thinking. infjs are talented with connecting to people and want to do it warmly. they think the world is filled with inequity when it doesn’t have to be and will work to fix that.

this is the opposite of intj who have external thinking (objective decisions; efficiency in all things) and internal feeling (mull over details; slower to process emotions) as their second and third dominant function, respectively. sounds more like xu mo just from these words, right?

in the glimpses we get of xu mo’s childhood, there’s an impression that he was an isolated child who didn’t care for connecting with others, and he had a single-minded focus:

[Lucien Nightmare SR Rumors and Secrets: Lion Slumbering in the Dorm] shows that he was a quiet kid who minded his own business and was studying advanced topics because he was focused on a goal.

[Blossom Date] supports this too when xu mo says: “Yes, I skipped grades […] Silly, you want to hear about everything, don’t you. It’s the same as how you were before you took your entrance exams, there were things I needed to do.”

[CN Character Profile] there’s a testimony from someone who knew xu mo as a child: “Xu Mo? We’ve only seen one side, but he looks a lot like the small boy I knew when I was young, but Xu Mo’s attitude is much more modest. If that boy is still alive, I hope he’s living like someone as likable as Xu Mo.” — Fan Zihang

xu mo’s idealism is based on cold logical utilitarianism. you see this in the news conference [Chapter 16] when he talks about necessary sacrifices for the advancement of humanity, including himself. [Firefly Date] also has him asserting his belief in mistaken darwinism: survival of the fittest.

the world is full of inequity and he’s not going to change that. the bigger picture is for humanity to ascend with the least amount of casualties, meaning sacrifices have to be made willingly or not.

his ideals, and his methods (creating the virus and then changing his mind in Chapter 16), are pretty much the epitome of: “you were so busy wondering if you could that you never questioned if you should”.

this sort of detached chessboard outlook, not leaving things to chance, massive ambition, the ability to cut off and drop their emotions if it gets in the way, and the intelligence and logical paths to reach that goal is pure intj.

however! i think some people get mistaken in believing intjs to be cold robots and that’s why there may be opinions about xu mo being something else (because he’s socially savvy, right?).

imo it’s a misconception that intjs are robots when it’s just because intjs start off life with underdeveloped emotions. this just means that, in order to fully mature as a person, intjs have to put more effort into developing their emotional side. so ideally adult intjs should be more in touch with their emotions and interacting socially than adolescent intjs.

this is where the type in mind comes in handy again. there are some key quotes in there like:

When NiTe’s are younger, they don’t have enough past experience in various areas of life to pull from in order to know which reactions would be appropriate in social and relational settings. Their safest bet is often to try a small tweak to see if it makes a difference, rather than trying an entirely new approach.

remember fan zihang’s testimony? the present xu mo is more modest and humble than the child version, and he’s clearly more personable than how he was during his high school years (girls love him at the research university). he’s clearly worked on his social skills.

not to mention, it’s not a coincidence that a lot of fictional villains are modeled off of the burning drive and cold logic of intj but still having massive amounts of charm (ex. moriarty and hannibal). intjs, being all about efficiency, can easily put their scary intelligence to use in studying social interactions and mastering that.

but, anyway, to move on a lighter note there’s other smaller traits xu mo exhibits that point him strongly towards being an intj, like having encylopedic knowledge on a ton of things (an esoteric knowledge too, not just science-related).

his extreme curiosity towards things that would push him to do unusual things like watching cartoons to understand human nature [CN Character Profile].

his natural confidence and lack of a need to demonstrate it unless you ask him directly about something (i strongly believe li zeyan is an entj so he and xu mo share a lot of similar qualities too, like this one). they know they’re smarter than a majority of people and they’re so used to this that it’s not a point of pride or anything. just a fact.

xu mo also has an open mind which shows when he listens to whatever MC says without judgment. he takes things in like a sponge and then vigorously tests it in his mind with the tried and true “does this make sense?” “will it work?” and then he’ll gently guide the MC to a better and more efficient path, if he believes there is one.