#i've pretty much told them to stuff it and mind their own business

[disdaidal]

I saw a post about tomboys on my dash and I wanted to rant a little, but I got distracted halfway through and forgot what I wanted to say.

[worldly-fluster]

I have decided to try some comfort. Because I can't sleep and my mind won't shut the up.

How the LADS would react to you saying...I'm just a useless piece of s***.

(based off of some honestly real stuff in my life that still needs healing.)

Sylus, Xavier, Zayne, and Rafayel.

Here goes nothing.

Also, this could also be an almost confession from the boys if you squint.

Sylus-

He's staring at you for a moment, not really believing what you just said.

"Come again sweetheart?"

"Sorry..."

"No. No don't ever apologize for that."

He walks forward and pulls you into his arms, his chest warm and soft only for you.

"I want to know...who told you this."

His anger is palpable and raw.

"Because there is no way this is something that you would think by yourself."

There is a beat of silence before you can wince out a response.

"I...it's just something I've been told most of my life...it's nothing, not a big deal."

Sylus scoffs and holds you tighter to him, trying to protect you from your own thoughts.

"It is for me."

He pulls back just to look at your beautifully perfect face. His eyes held a deep emotion mixed with anger at the ones who hurt you and love for the person you are.

"Sweetheart, I would burn the world for you."

Xavier-

"What?"

His response is so quick compared to how he normally is that it almost gives you whiplash. You look at him for a moment as he stares at you with a look in his eyes you can't quite place.

"I-"

"No I know what you said. I want to know why you said it. Why you even think it."

He hardly let you even get a word in before he's standing closer to you.

"Who told you this?"

Came his last rather cold question.

"it's really not that big of a deal-"

Xavier scoffs slightly before he pulls you into his chest.

"Everything about you is a big deal, to me anyway. Now especially, since I've come to the conclusion that you let people walk all over you."

You feel a light peck on the top of your head as he nuzzles his face into your hair.

"You're too important to me...I can't let you keep thinking this about yourself, so, I'm going to change that."

Zayne-

Zayne freezes in place when he heard those awfully familiar words.

He's familiar with where you heard them, with the person who drilled it into your head.

His brows furrow as he turns to look at you, sitting on the couch in his office.

"What? You know they were right..."

Hearing you continue to say that, he quickly sat down whatever he was holding-he can't even remember what it was, important or not- and takes quick steps towards you.

"Zayne-?"

You're cut off as he gets on his knees in front of your sitting position and pulls you towards him in an icy embrace.

"They are wrong."

Came his reply, his voice slightly wavering with emotions.

"You are, if not the most important person I know. You are strong, talented and the most breathtaking person I will ever have the privilege of meeting in all my lifetimes. I'd rather die than let those words continue to stay in that pretty head of yours."

Rafayel-

He didn't even hear it from you.

He had to hear it from Thomas, of all people.

You were minding your own business in your small apartment when suddenly you hear loud banging on your door.

When you answer it you are met with an upset Raf that looks like he's about to cry as he flings himself through the door, shutting it with a kick of his heal.

He's breathing erratically as he buries his face into the crook of your neck.

"Raf-?"

"Shh- just...let me say something."

He shushes you before you can ask why he's so high stung this time.

"You... I've-...heh, I can't even put it into words how you are so important to me. You've become my one and only muse. I've talked about you to the ocean so much that the dolphins can sing your name, even the jellyfish will remember every syllable because I'll never shut up about you...and they don't have brains."

He lets out a strained chuckle as he refuses to let you go.

"Even if you were to slice off all of my scales and steal my breath...I would give everything of mine to you for it's already yours..."

[hiskillingjar]

First of all if this is a question you are not going to answer you can skip it.

If Mc got pregnant and told them she/they was pregnant, how would Ren Strade Law react?

g-d i've been on such a pregnancy kink lately. i blame it on the end of my twenties approaching and being in a relationship with a heterosexual cis man. anyway.

ren 🦊

ren would be absolutely fucking delighted oh my g-d

he might just cry. like full on

you do a test and he might start crying

he gets someone new to take care of (and depend on him), and your bond is going to get even stronger. why wouldn't he be delighted!

he'd also have a brain and be super gentle and. Normal Boyfriend with you while you were pregnant

because like obviously you can't stand some of the things you usually do, and he's not going to put your body through any stressors. you might have kind of an easy go of it, to be honest

he'd even take you to a hospital for check-ups and stuff, just to make sure there's nothing to worry about, in spite of the whole. kidnapping thing. what a nice guy!

and like. obviously he's gonna get a little eager about your body changing, your hips and tummy filling out (your breasts getting bigger)

seeing the effects of his "love" on your entire being, your body might make him go a little insane (positive)

that's fine though. you're pretty insane by the end of it too <3

written this with fox :)

law 🥀

law would freak OUT

oh my g-d they are not ready for that at all

idk law is so. on the precipice of death at all times, so the very idea of creating life with you would really make them panic

like. okay in the context of them in canon, they might lose themselves and accidentally kill you

(and open you up and cut out the foetus to put in a jar. freak)

but okay. you make a baby and SOMEHOW you manage to carry it to term

they still wouldn't really know what to do but may be a little more intrigued as time goes by

the human body changes so much during pregnancy, your bones shift, your organs move to make room for this...invasive thing inside you. that's pretty interesting

and they'd definitely be compelled by the idea of you sharing your body with them to such an intimate degree. you let them curl up inside you, be carried there, be assimilated to create a combination of the two of you...there's romance to that

things that freak you out can be pretty sexy!

strade 🔨

strade would honestly be in two minds about it

like on the one hand, he's a total hedonist who wants to do what he wants and works in porn and snuff. what business does he have having a child?

but then. he's a man (derogatory). the idea of claiming you, corrupting you, taking everything you are and creating a legacy for himself...that's compelling. that's interesting!

and what man can say no to big boobs and a heightened libido

and like if you're insane (like i am), the whole pseudo-housewife thing just has its natural conclusion in him knocking you up so. that may be where the story takes me

granted, he's an idiot and would treat you like he normally does, baby be damned (ren would be sooooo mad at him for it which just gives him more incentive to do it)

and he also wouldn't let you go to a hospital for check ups so like. hope you have a lot of pregnancy books, because you're doing this on your own babes

he MIGHT pay a dark web surgeon to deliver it though, american mary style. he doesn't really want you dead, after all

unfortunately he might be a pretty good dad.

he's got a lot of energy to keep up with a baby, he's interested in seeing it grow, he's interested in seeing how it develops.

might see it more as like. a neat houseplant or a dog, not really a human being though

[stupidvillainousposts]

Shit's Been Angsty, so Take This

I'm gonna let y'all guess first thing if this is a merciful post

Stan, walking through the aisles of the grocery store: *Minding His Own Business*

Robbie: *Tosses a Tomato at Stan*

Stan: *Snarls and Turns to Glare at Robbie* Why you little-

Wendy: Whoa! Whoa! Hey, it's okay! I am so sorry for Robbie. He can be... him.

Stan: *Growls Softly*

Wendy: Whoa there, no need to get all growl-y, dude. I won't hurt ya. Pretty sure that muzzle and shock collar does enough on that end.

Stan: *Huffs and Blushes* Are you done talking? I have to get back to my family before the town gets the idea to throw pitchforks at me.

Wendy: Yeah, yeah sure. Again, sorry about Robbie.

Stan: Whatever. *Walks Off*

--------------------------------

Stan: *Walking to the Pier After an Argument with Fidds*

Tyler: Oh no! Get away! Get away! *Runs Off in Terror*

Other Townspeople: *Overlapping Shouts of Fear and Disgust*

Random Person: *Throws a Stick at Stan*

Stan: *Snarls and Barks/Whimpers as His Collar Shocks Him*

Wendy, from a few feet away: Yeesh, that looked like it hurt.

Stan, rubbing his neck: You? What are you doing here?

Wendy: My dad brought me and my brothers here so we could practice fishing with our hands. I've caught the most so far so I got to take a break. What about you?

Stan: Why do you care?

Wendy: *Shrugs* I guess angry wolf men are pretty interesting compared to just standing and staring at myself in the water.

Stan: *Flicks His Ear Curiously* Yeah, well, it's grown-up stuff. Kid like you wouldn't get it.

Wendy: Lemme guess; Ya got in a fight with your boyfriend?

Stan: How did you-

Wendy: I know relationship issues when I see them.

Stan, defensively: We don't have issues! We just... didn't agree on something important. And I... I lost my temper.

Wendy: You still love him, though, right?

Stan, genuinely perplexed: Wha- Of course I do!

Wendy: Then for the sake of those kids I see hanging around your shack, I suggest you go let him know that.

Stan, after a brief pause: You're unnaturally mature for your age.

Wendy: I get that a lot. *Playfully* Now go before I call the pound.

Stan: *Snorts* Alright, alright.

---------------------------------

Stan: *Relaxing with Fidds in Their Room*

Dipper: Grunkle Stan? There's a teenager at the door saying she knows you.

Stan: *Sits Up in Surprise* Red Head?

Fidds: *Amused* Ya nicknamed a random teen?

Stan: *Flicks Fidds' Cheek with a Smile* She's charming. Besides, I don't know her name.

Fidds: Then I suggest ya ask, it's the polite thing t' do.

Stan: *Playfully* Yes, dear. *Makes His Way Downstairs*

Dipper: *Follows Curiously*

Stan, upon seeing Wendy: Hey kid. Why're ya at this dingy place? Surely ya have better places to be than here.

Dipper, tugging Stan's shirt: *Quietly* Ask her what her name is! Grunkle Fidds told you to!

Stan: *Rolls His Eyes and Sighs* And, if this doesn't come off as too weird, think you could tell me your name? I don't think constantly calling you "kid" is appropriate.

Wendy: Name's Wendy. And I just thought I'd visit to make sure you guys were okay. I haven't seen you in town in a while.

Dipper: Grunkle Stan buys a lot of groceries at once so he doesn't have to go out much.

Stan, gritting his teeth: Dipper, why don't you go see what your sister's up to?

Dipper: But-

Stan: We can talk about it later, okay?

Dipper: Fine. *Stomps Away*

Wendy: Cute kid. He yours?

Stan: Brother's grandchild. We have them while some... stuff is being sorted out by their parents.

Wendy: Ah, poor things.

Stan: Yeah... So are you gonna just stand there or...?

Wendy: Are you gonna invite me in, or...?

Stan, holding back a smile: Alright, watch it smart mouth.

-------------------------

Fidds, during dinner one night: So, I take it we have another youngin'?

Stan: *Nearly Chokes on His Water* Wha- HUH?!

Fidds: Wendy, sweetie. Ya really seem t' like her. And she seems real nice.

Stan: Yeah, well, she also has a family. Unlike Soos.

Mabel: Soos has his grandma, though?

Stan: *To Mabel* Eat your veggies. *To Fidds* And no, we are not adopting another random child.

Believe it or not, they did end up symbolically adopting another random child.

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

Seventeen with an s/o that writes/produces songs? The s/o could be like a very famous one! for example: when fans see their name is in the credits of a song (kpop or even western music, cus why not be a global phenomenon 🤷🏽‍♀️) they already know it’s gonna be so good since they have a history of making amazing music, iykiwm?

THANK YOU SO MUCH! Also I love your work, you’re so talented and you always put stuff out so quickly but to the highest quality it’s quite mind blowing. ilysm!! 💗

🎶Who; Seventeen (individually) x reader, with a focus on Jihoon at the end 🎶What; headcanon, idol/producer au 🎶Wordcount; 570-ish 🎶Warnings; none, I don't think

-2024 Masterlist-

A/N - I'm not sure how to do individual reactions for this because I'm pretty sure they'd all be pretty similar so I don't want to be repetitive, so I'll write a general thought and any extra bits for those who may have an individual line of thought. Sorry it's taken a little while to write too, I really couldn't figure out how to write this so I hope this is okay. Thank you for the suggestion and I hope you like it

Also omg you're so sweet omg, that's genuinely one of the nicest comments I've ever had about my writing! Being told my writing is high quality feels insane in the best of ways! Thank you for saying that! I really appreciate it 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

He will love it if you're in the same industry as him, especially if you're well known because you'll know exactly what it's like to be him; the busy schedules and little privacy with people always trying to have a view into your personal lives. So you'll be able to bond over that from day one.

The biggest hype man for his partner; they won't all cheer the loudest at award shows because obviously, some of them are much too introverted for that but they will all shower you with praise for every award you win. But even if he doesn't cheer the loudest, he will all do his utmost to share every single new release you've worked on, sometimes his social media accounts will seem more like a fan accounts for you but it's very sweet and cute so the fans don't really mind.

Of course, it's not all fun times. What with how busy you both are, it's genuinely really hard to find time to be together so unless you move in together, you probably might not even see each other on a weekly basis. Though even if you live together, your conflicting schedules will probably make it hard to be awake at the same time so most of your quality time together is spent asleep.

So long as you both try to make space for each other in your hectic schedules and try and have a phone/video call every single day and send update/random messages to one another throughout the day when possible, you'll be fine.

Now, of course, I have to do a special shout-out to Jihoon, producer-songwriter extraordinaire. If anyone will understand how much he works, it's you. But the funniest thing is, he's actually the one I think will be able to handle all this the easiest.

Because I have this very vivid of Jihoon in his studio working away with his headphones on and his phone propped up in the matching stands you have in your own studios, your face on his screen showing you doing the exact same thing in your own studio. You can't hear each other and honestly, the calls are muted at both ends so even if it wasn't for your headphones, you wouldn't be able to hear one another, but just being able to glance down and see the other diligently working on the next chart-topper gives you both the energy to keep going. Every now and then, one of you will remove your headphones so the other will notice the movement and look at the screen to copy & unmute the call to hear whatever the other has to say. It's often asking the other's opinion on the track being worked on. Or one of you saying you need to go so the call needs to end. Though sometimes, Jihoon will subtly free one of his ears from his noise-cancelling headphones and unmute the call just so he can hear the tapping of you working away mixed with the random pieces of speech when you mumble to yourself as you work. You may not be paying him any attention at this point and he times it purposely so you never know he does it, but it fills his chest with happy warmth, and then he'll remute the call, fix his headphones and get back to work with a content little smile on his face.

[weebsinstash]

I've talked about romantic/sexual yandere Miguel being goaded on by an alternate of himself or another you, but, I'm also thinking about platonic yandere parental/guardian Miguel getting a little 'push' to realize he wants you to play a more central role in his life, either from being in competition with an alternate of his or outright being told by his alternate that it's what he should do

You're just in the Spider Society minding your own business and you see Miguel talking to, Another Miguel, but this one has glasses or a beauty mark or some distinguishing feature. The two of them are discussing anomalies and "the fate of the multiverse" and other such serious topics when you stroll by, giving a wave and such as hello when the second Miguel actually pauses their conversation to greet you, actually being, well, much like YOUR Miguel with his occasional sarcastic snark but, friendlier, introducing himself to you, shaking your hand, asking you questions like how old you are, how long have you been a Spider, etc, amd you're ready to start cracking jokes about how, maybe you'll start spending time with this new Miguel instead since 'yours' is suddenly so grumpy, when. Oh dear, the awkward thing happens. Here comes the other you, bounding right up to the other Miguel, "Papá, there you are 🥰 this place is like a maze and I got lost looking for you, dont leave me behind again 🥺"

Both you and Miguel are watching your alternates interact, actually silently internally in some weird sort of agreement with "this is kind of weird but also oddly wholesome... what the fuck, why do I want what they have..." but it's just. It's also just a little weird. You're literally watching another you cuddle up to another version of your boss, calling the man their dad, acting like they're legitimately his child, with the other man actually being genuinely caring and considerate back. Eventually in private Dad!Miguel asks Miguel about his relationship with you and is basically met with "what relationship. That's just my coworker" as Dad!Miguel rolls his eyes at his emotionally constipated alternate who's apparently going to need a little encouragement

Part of me is like, what if some bullshit happens like, Dad!Miguel is all "oh yeah well if you have such a handle on things and think they can take care of themself without any support or guidance, what are they doing right now" and Miguel is all huffy and all FINE LETS SEE, IM SURE THEYRE FINE and goes to, use his monitors or whatever to spy on you and, you're having like a mental episode, a real crying session, some real boo hoo sobbing and maybe even cutting yourself as Miguel is "coincidentally" having an epiphany that, hey, maybe you DO need an extra mentor figure in your life... maybe he can... ask you about your day and stuff? Dad!Miguel over here ready to rip his hair out as he realizes your Miguel went through all the second universe stuff and is now an emotionally bottled mess and, in a way needs you as much as you need him

Whether to encourage his alternate or help you since you resemble 'his child', despite all awkward differences, Dad!Miguel sees that you're lonely and struggling and, kinda partially adopts you, becoming something of a mentor, checking in on you, scolding you to est something when his advanced hearing picks up on your stomach growling, making small talk, little things like that, but routinely, becoming a bit of a fixture in your life

Months down the line your Miguel is minding his own business having a pretty ok day and he rounds the corner and. It's Dad! Miguel, convincing you to let him comb your hair because you ran out of the house without doing anything with it first and you've been kind of stressed and tired. Miguel just starting to kind of feel what can only be identified as envy and jealousy as he watches Dad!Miguel spending time with you, "so, are you graduated by now? My child (the other you) is still in university right now" "oh no, I'm not really doing college" "what, but you're so smart! I think you can do anything you put your mind to--"

Miguel turns his back and next time he turns around, Dad!Miguel is getting you gifts for your birthday and it turns out he regularly visits you. The original man's strolling through the lobby and suddenly he sees you with his alternate that he's really starting to hate and, are you speaking Spanish? Since when did you learn Spanish? Did he TEACH you? Have you been spending so much time together that the other him even had that opportunity?

He's just standing there watching Dad!Miguel like, braid your hair or help clean your glasses or do something that's like, platonic but personal, caring, affectionate, and suddenly your Miguel is having the realization, "did this bitch just steal you right under my nose. Did he just baby code MY baby 😤"

Miguel overhears you happily call his alternate Tío and, that's it, he gets so mad he confronts the other him about it in private basically then and there, the other man basically just like "well clearly YOU weren't giving them the support they needed--" and proceeding to give advice on how to get close to you, things you're stressed about and struggling with, things you were too shy and scared to open up about to the original Miguel or anyone who isn't a trusted friend

An alternate version of the YouTwo disaster where YouTwo wants to steal your life because you "stole their dad" when Dad!Miguel spends time with you and they assume they're being replaced out of jealousy, or maybe he even outright wants you for himself, or maybe Dad!Miguel outright meets his unfortunate end in an unrelated villain thing and YouTwo comes to steal YOUR "dad". YouTwo who's more unhinged than ever because their Miguel kind of "broke them in" to be their loving little child and doesn't handle either being replaced or losing the only loved one and source of support they cared about

Of course this is to say, it would DEFINITELY be "unfortunate" if you and Dad!Miguel got so, so close and, then suddenly the man dies and is violently ripped from your life just when you're starting to heal and be happy again and, suddenly you're so heartbroken and vulnerable and, THIS is the moment when your Miguel finally steps up to the plate to truly take care of you amd fully assimilate into your life. You're breaking down sobbing, literally the kind of crying where you can't even stand, you just collapse, and, here he is to pick you up and hold you, embrace you, shoosh you gently and rub your back and let you cry while he helps you feel safe again. He's sorry he's late, but he's here now, so let Papá give you nice big hugs while you cry and then take you back home, ok? His home. Technically YOUR home now, that the two of you share. You'll get served all your favorite foods and made sure you're looked after and, when its time for bed and you get those violent nightmares and images of how your beloved Tío was killed right in front of you and can't manage to sleep, your Papá is there to help hold you and comfort you until you're finally softly snoring in his arms. he looks at you, how heartbroken and, in his eyes, helpless you are, and vows that if anyone ever tries to hurt, or wrong you, or some punk who doesn't deserve you tries to taint your purity, that he'll rip them apart like a wild animal

After all, that's just what good fathers do

[zarvasace]

It’s “appreciate yourself” hours! Pick five pieces of writing/art that you’ve done that you love and talk about them! ❤️❤️❤️

Ahhhh okay, thank you!! 💜🌻 I finally have a free moment (aka work is slow) so I'm going to work on drafting this out :) I have far too much art I'm proud of—I'm at a stage in my progress right now where I think my art looks pretty awesome. So this list will be stuff from my Greatest Hits collection on AO3. In order of oldest to newest, I think:

incandescently happy

An LU post-adventure work, one of the first longer fics I posted. I released one chapter a day over the summer of 2022, so a lot of the notes have something about my day in them. It's about 30k all told.

I absolutely adored expanding on what the boys might do after the whole LU adventure happens (though I did forget about the fact that I think Time and Malon have a kid during this time!) This work features some proto-Shatterproof stuff, like Wind having a prosthetic leg and Four starting to specialize in crafting prosthetics/disability aids. I gave Hyrule longer hair and a job making maps for the royal family. Legend got another adventure but also started a magic garden/orchard, which pulls in more business than Ravio's stuff. Four and his grandpa adopted a single mother and her two kids. Man I went off with some of these headcanons. I've always considered writing more in this world, but I think it stands very well on its own. Maybe someday I might revisit and rewrite it with some of my new skills. :)

Rise and Shine and Fall

Whumptober 2022, focused entirely on LU! Guys this thing is almost 78k. I realize now that most people pre-plan or pre-write for things like Whumptober, but I wrote these one by one every day, which was extra-hard because I had both college classes and a day job at the time. I came up with some fun AUs, learned a lot about writing (especially whump), and proved to myself that I can do hard things like this!! I've adored doing daily challenges since, though I haven't done it in a while. I look forward to this year's whumptober though!

I really like the table of contents in the first chapter—it makes things easy to find. I know individual works are probably more accessible, but I was still getting to know AO3, and those big numbers are fun. XD I have a hard time picking favorites, because I really went off on these, but I'd say a couple of them are:

Chp 3, "Right Here" about Sky

Chp 7, "Proof of Life" about Four and Shadow

Chp 18, "I'm onwy a babey :(" about Wind

Chp 21, "6:13" about Hyrule and Time

Chp 26, "Silence is Golden" about Wild

Chp 31-32, "The Worst Thing About Earth" about Legend, but kind of more specifically the rewrite/expansion I did last year... haha...

The Marvelous Misadventures of Wind and His Merry Band or Maybe-Human Heroes

It's been a while since I updated this story (56k, 6/8 chapters), but it's constantly on my mind. I've started chapter 7 twice, and I know what I want to happen, but I am easily distracted by the siren call of some other whump fics. XD

I freaking love this story, though. I really want to finish it. It's kind of an... experiment? I guess? I want to get published someday, and I picture myself writing middle-grade novels. This story is sort of my attempt to hit that tone. Also I just love Wind so so so much. Let him be cool!!

Blood-Sucker's Guide to High School

56k Four Swords completed story! I wrote this in a frenzy of like two or three weeks, then took another two to edit. It takes plot points from a vampire novel I enjoyed and twists and applies them to a story about Shadow and the Four Swords manga boys. I'm very proud of what I accomplished here, and that it's a complete story! I think it worked out really well. I learned a lot about plotting and handling larger stories, and it helped that I had the half-remembered structure of an existing novel to use as training wheels.

I love the worldbuilding in this story! The premise is that Shadow is an evil soulless vampire from a (rather abusive, not that he sees it) family of the same, but then he gets the ability to walk in the sunshine. He's assigned to go to high school for a while to get a feast for the vampire gala, but meanwhile he's developing a conscience and getting very attached to these human boys. I think I did a good job. I love rereading this, every scene is just so fun! :)

Counterbalance

55k exactly of a stupid LU darks AU. This started life as a series of oneshots and then the plot progressively got more and more convoluted and I love these stupid boys so much. The plot is very much not tight, in contrast to Blood-Sucker's Guide, but I learned a lot about how I write and how I like to plan with this one, too.

The characters are stupid and the plot is just kinda silly and there is both a bathhouse scene AND a spa scene. Legend blows up multiple things, my lovely nasty little Dark Links need smacks and therapy, and Prince has a legitimately emotional moment at the end. I love how it turned out, it's like an ugly little stuffed animal I made and hug until the eyes pop out.

That's five but I would be extremely remiss if I did not also mention something from Shatterproof:

The Incredible Shrinking Chain

About 10k, this is entry 31/68 in my series Shatterproof, which is a close-canon AU in which each of the boys has a different physical disability. This series also plays into my publishing ambitions, because whatever I publish will very likely have some disability representation. I'm rather passionate about it, actually! Shatterproof is close to my heart, and I'm so honored that so many people seem to love it too. :) I need to work on the next entry again!!

This entry in particular is so much fun. In it, the whole Chain sans Four is stuck mouse-sized, and Four has to travel out to Twilight's castle with them to get Dusk to help break the curse. They all have to figure out how to navigate while tiny, and Four pulls some very silly stunts. I love them.

Anyway, there's my list!! I've written a lot over the last like two and a half years, and I'm so so glad that I get to be here and part of this community. The LU fandom as a whole (or at least the parts I've seen!) is so welcoming and positive and I try to give back where I can! I'm going to suggest looking through my bookmarks and ultimate rec list collection to find some new favorites from some very talented authors! :) (oof I need to update the collection soon!! I've been seeing some awesome stuff!)

[writtenjewels]

Feeling it Out

Shepard had no idea how he was going to broach this subject. He tried to make his crew feel comfortable talking to him as a friend, but was this too personal even for that? Truth be told, he didn't have a lot of experience. Jumping from ship to ship growing up didn't allow him to make lasting friendships. Ashley was raised in a similar way, but she at least had her sisters. Shepard was an only child, no one his own age to consult on such matters.

So how? How was he going to ask about Kaidan's love life?

When the lieutenant mentioned Rahna, Shepard was curious. Then Kaidan started praising her, even admitting to once having feelings for the girl. According to him, nothing came of it. Still, hearing the story had upset Shepard for some reason. Because he never felt that himself? The few times he did, it was short-lived as the object of his affection was quickly out of his life thanks to his parents being reassigned. Or was his reaction because it sounded like Kaidan carried a torch for Rahna?

No. Why the hell would that bother Shepard?

He stood in the galley, trying to look busy. Shepard and the lieutenant were usually the first ones there to make coffee. Not that Shepard was here hoping to run into the lieutenant. He just liked fresh coffee. Sure enough, Kaidan appeared, stifling a yawn.

“Hello, Shepard. Got the coffee going already?”

“Yeah. It should be done soon.” He took a breath. How to bring this up? “So, Alenko, I've been thinking about what you told me. The stuff at Brain Camp?”

“Sorry for dumping all that on you,” Kaidan interrupted.

“No, it's fine,” Shepard assured him. “I'm glad you felt you could talk to me about it.” The coffee was ready. Shepard poured them two cups. “I was just curious about... after that. Your service record shows you enlisted about ten years ago.” He felt so awkward and had no idea where to take this train of thought. “Sometimes I feel like I've been enlisted my whole life. Of course I couldn't officially enlist until I was eighteen, but because of my parents, I felt like I was always in the Alliance.” God, this was going terribly. “I just wondered what you did with your civilian years.”

“Not very much,” Kaidan shrugged, sipping his coffee. “I needed the time to sort myself out.”

“You seem pretty sorted to me,” Shepard commented.

“Thanks.” Kaidan flashed him a smile. “It was a lot of... searching. Heart, mind, and soul. I was lost.”

“Did you... get lost with anybody?” Shit, that didn't sound subtle at all. Kaidan blinked at him. Shepard was glad he had a coffee mug to hold close to his face. “I mean, did you, uh...”

“Date?” Kaidan finished for him. “I wasn't ready for that. I wouldn't have known how to navigate that, anyway. My formative years weren't very normal.”

“About as normal as everyone else on our squad,” Shepard said dryly.

“I think that's why I like being here,” Kaidan said with a smile. “I don't feel like such a freak.”

“I feel like you just indirectly called me a freak, Lieutenant,” Shepard frowned. “But I know what you mean. Our team makes me... comfortable.”

“Exactly the word I was thinking of,” Kaidan agreed.

“Comfortable enough for you to, ah...” Shepard got nervous and dropped the sentence. Kaidan managed to pick it up all the same.

“As for that, I don't know.” He sipped his coffee, glancing at Shepard over the rim of the mug. “I'll keep my eyes open.”

That, for whatever reason, made Shepard feel a little more hopeful.

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e3 rewatch notes

One more before the weekend...

"When I was a kid anything that would give me some type of excitement, or amusement or enjoyment would get fucked ... Sometimes they'd try too hard, or they'd make promises they weren't able to keep" - everything in Carmy's AA statement can be related to cooking, the restaurant, drawing, Claire - pretty much the sum of Carmy's parts now.

Second Carmy/Syd kitchen scene:

Carmy is always the first to ask about anyone's parents (but only to Syd) - just like he inquires about Syd's Dad, his first concern is to ask about Marcus' mom while they debate sending him to Copenhagen. Family and people, in general, are always at the forefront of his mind, while progression is always at the forefront of Syd's (even if she does genuinely cares and checks in, it's secondary)

Carmy's "I want to make a suggestion" to go out was so loaded - it was obviously a premeditated move that he wanted to do the food tour with Syd. "I think WE need to go out, and we need to try some stuff"

After he tells her he'll see her in an hour, Goodbye Girl by Squeeze starts playing, and the track ends as Tina realizes that Ebra isn't ever going to be by her side in class *dies twice*

Richie dropping off his daughter: I have a precocious 6-year-old daughter as well and.....they tried to squeeze way too many lines into Eva to advance Richie's storyline when it should have come via Tiff or something - I hate being a negative nelly, but this part is so botched/lifetime drama-y.

(His obvious tenderness is sweet though)

10:44am call with Claire: this is only 2ish hours after his AA talk - I guess the subject matter was resonating with him?

Her forcing the convo on how ingratiated she is with his family makes me throw up my hands and say "no wonder the guy had a fucking panic attack later!". I was just highlighting how in AA how his family tries too hard sometimes - this is a prime example with her "I know all the fuckin' Faks" jousting.

And my god, she knew he was about to tell her that he was busy today, and she claps back "can you not make this weird?" - it literally harkens back to his family's bullying and expectations that Carmy will pacify them. (I know she can't know all this, but damn)

This part of the conversation gets its own bullet point:

"You know, he [Fak] told me that you guys are really close and that he's your best friend" - I didn't realize the first go around how bold the attempt at enmeshment was. With Fishes as context, the toxicity levels in this conversation are off the rails.

Also, her demented smile when she says "really?" when he says "no...no, Fak's not my best friend" - aggghhhh!

"No, no. He is. He's probably my best friend"

What the hell is this? "That's interesting, to sit with, for you" with the continued weird little smile -this isn't flirting, this is her relishing in the fact that she can manipulate him.

Why didn't I clue into how caustically fucked this scene was the first time? I think I was so distracted by the whispy dialogue and cadence of the conversation that I actually blacked out of the dialogue. Thank goodness for subtitles, because this script is mildly psychotic to read.

I know Storer said that one of the themes of this season is "winning is losing" - Claire is definitely playing to win at all costs. Is s2e10 showing that she lost? Or am I sitting through this dialogue again next season? I NEED TO KNOW.

Anyways, Secret Teadrops by Martin Rev (google the lyrics) plays as sydney enters Kasama - God, the music suggests she was thrilled to be spending a day out of the usual context with Carmy, and her checking her phone constantly is killing me.

Twenty Five Miles by Edwin Starr starts playing at the start of the food montage, just as Sydney gets the text from Carmy that she'll be doing it alone.

"I've been walking for three days and two lonely nights, and you know that I'm mighty mad"

After the owner of Avec tells her that she needs a great partner above all else, the lyrics blare again with "although my feet are tired, I can't lose my stride" - she can't abandon faith in Carmy just yet.

After the Pelican meats scene where the butcher (I forget his name, sorry!) tells Syd that he and his wife lost their restaurant in Bucktown after a business partner cut and ran, the song again blares with "I'm SO tired, but I just can't lose my stride"

Syd starts to adjust her language to "I'm not exactly solo" in the next restaurant scene- ugh - painful.

Enter conversations about profit sharing. Naiya assumes that she and Carmy are INVOLVED involved, and when she finds out they're just "gentleman's agreement" partners, she basically tells her to watch her back. Syd registers the statement, but looks so dejected, like she knows she's on a fool's errand now.

The lyrics flare one last time simply with "I've got to walk on"

Cue Carmy's phone going to voicemail as she has the jitters on the loading dock. She looks so sad, but also resigned to her fate at this point.

Sydney calls Marcus right after trying to call Carmy looking for any kind of sign or reinforcement. We're at the triangle again, with Marcus interpreting it one way, and Syd....really not reading anything into it at all.

I feel like Fak making fun of Marcus for "looking forward' with that big, dumb smile on his face means he knows Marcus' affection for Sydney.... and I'm starting to realize all the plots I don't like are the result of Fak's intuition and/or meddling.

Syd awkwardly trying to poach BOH workers is adorably baller and shows how aggressive she is just now realizing she needs to become- and she's so terrible at it, and I love her.

Future Perfect by Duretti Column (what an awesome deep cut) playing - I love that this part of the montage is Syd diving deep into herself and her more analytically-bent creative process and fuck everyone else. It's just her carrying the creative load of the restaurant right now, but she's truly free.

Lyrics repeat "You tell me stories, you speak in pictures"

She's being absolutely present ("Don't live in the future") and letting the food and the city that birthed it speak to her honestly and it's just so beautiful. The old family pictures surface in her memory alongside the plates she's crafting - her own contribution to the chaos menu, her past and present combined, her future (The Bear) undetermined.

Back to The Bear with "Make You Happy" by Tommy McGee playing in the background - I feel like enough ink has been spilled on this scene, but honestly read the lyrics here - ack.

One small observation after Carmy says "I'll let you know" - in the background, Marcus looks completely defeated, Fak's suppressing a laugh or something, and we get Richie's "ooooooohhhhhhh!"while Carm gives him dagger eyes. Y'all....these are not great men.

Syd rightfully realizes she needs to get the fuck away from everyone in that instant if she's going to do anything productive with the inspiration she's culled from her day of exploration and calls in the favor from the kitchen. I love that it almost immediately cuts to her there with her emotional support spoon 🥺

The ravioli failure - i.e. the fantasy vision of the food she had on the plate during her journey day not matching the reality of what she can craft on her own = the fantasy vision of the restaurant/life she could craft with Carmy not matching the reality of what she can is forced to craft on her own.

Oof, taking a break for a few days now....

[asidian]

F for the Fic Writer ask game, please!

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oh, man. Bold to assume I remember my own dialogue after I've written it.

Um, okay, these are probably not all-time favorites or anything because my brain writes over things like an Etch-a-Sketch after I post things and kick them out into the world, but I'm going to say, recent things that come to mind:

The entirety of Sharing.

God, writing this fic was painful. Cannot possibly recommend writing a seven-way conversation about serious-business topics. It was like pulling teeth.

But! I got it done, and I feel like the characters' voices came through, and somehow it went more or less where I wanted it to go.

I was also quite proud of the conversation at the start of Pixie Dust, for its pacing, playfulness, contrast between the character voices, and, lets be real, the opportunity to write the ever-put-together Edwin Payne saying truly humiliating bullshit.

"Alright then," says Charles. "Up you get." "I'll have you know that I am perfectly fine where I am," says Edwin. He says it crisp and proper, careful in the way of a bloke who's properly trollied and busy pretending he's not. "Sure, mate," says Charles. "Cause you're all about naps in the middle of a bloody hedge maze. Big hobby of yours, yeah?" It's a brilliant hedge maze, honestly – posh and put-together. Fountain at the center, flowers round some of the bends. Somebody's got to be out here trimming it every other day. It'd be better if it wasn't for the mushroom circle Edwin's lying in the middle of just at the moment, but there's no helping it when it comes to pixies. Bloody menaces, the lot of them. Charles kneels down by Edwin's side and gets an arm around him – levers him up to sitting. Edwin blinks, slowly, like he's some sort of owl that just got walloped upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. "I am not prone to naps at all," he declares, as though he suspects Charles has gone daft. "I know," says Charles. "Funny, innit? But here you are." Edwin blinks again. He looks down at the mushroom circle, and then up at Charles. "Charles," he says. "You have the most remarkable eyelashes." "Right," says Charles, and hauls him up to standing. "Time to get you home, mate." Edwin staggers, and Charles loops an arm around him. Odds are good he'd have gone right over, otherwise. He's listing like he's well and truly off his face. "Your eyes as well," Edwin says. "They are quite fetching, framed by those cosmetics of yours." "We'll just pop inside, yeah?" says Charles, guiding him toward the entrance of the hotel. "Posh place like this'll have a mirror in the lobby." "And your mouth is really quite fascinating," says Edwin. "I find myself distracted by it from time to time, truth be told." "One foot in front of the other," says Charles. "There's a good lad." Edwin leans in a bit more, and for just a tick, Charles thinks he's going to go down. He's not, though. He's just sort of – nuzzling, a little. "I think about kissing you quite a lot," Edwin says. "I rather like kissing you, you know." Charles rather likes kissing him, too. The past couple months have been pretty brills, honestly, after he got himself sorted and had a sit-down with his feelings. He's never been in love with anyone before, but he's in love with Edwin Payne, he thinks, if he's got any idea what love is at all. He's in love with Edwin's smile, and the way he steeples his fingers upside down before he makes a right tosser of himself, and how he bloody sashays across a room like he owns it, and how properly invested he gets on board game nights, and – well, kissing him. That, too. But there's a time and a place, really. "If we were to kiss now, no one would be able to see us," says Edwin. "Regardless of how thorough we chose to be." "Bloody hell," says Charles. "How much of that stuff did you get on you?" He leans back, slightly, to get a better look at Edwin, who's smiling faintly, pupils entirely blown. "Quite a lot," says Edwin, serenely. "I think I may have swallowed some." "Course you did," says Charles, and walks the both of them straight through the wall into the hotel lobby. "Bloody fairy circles are nothing but trouble."

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Brotherhood, Pt. 1

So, in The Brotherhood (S01E16), we find the team looking for the ZPMs on the Ancient outposts Weir's alternative self pointed out for them. At the end of the previous episode, Sheppard and his team seemed to be ready to take off. Sheppard himself certainly was eager to do something that might help him correct the mistake he made in rousing the wraith, thinking the burden of the responsibility for letting this happen is his and his alone. Finding the ZPM also represents a chance for them to return to Earth one day. Important stuff all around. This episode also features the Genii, and the aftermath of the events during which Acastus Kolya held Rodney McKay's life hostage to get to Sheppard. All of this is relevant for what takes place.

We find the team already on a planet called Dagan, and it seems as though they have been there for a while, they have established relations with the locals. The planet is a Renaissance society, technologically undeveloped. We find McKay carrying a stack of books, talking to what appears to be a female historian or librarian of the planet. They've known each other for a while, as established in the dialogue:

McKay: Allina, I know I've said this before, but thank you so much for letting us in here, helping us through the material. It's been utterly fascinating. Allina: I'm happy to do it, Doctor. I'm sorry this information is so scattered. I'm afraid we're working on so many projects at once, reference materials tend to get misplaced.

Significant for later is that Allina is secretly a member of the Brotherhood trying to find and claim the ZPM for themselves. At present, she is still under the impression that they are veritable Atlanteans, actually representing the "Ancestors" that are the rightful owners of what they call the "Potentia", and that it is her sacred duty to assist them in reclaiming it. Helping them do this is pretty much the entire purpose of her life. She is very happy to be assisting them.

While McKay briefly glances as Sheppard as he passes him, Sheppard is keeping a keen eye on McKay. His gaze follows him as they walk past him, keeps following him as they circle the table behind him. He does not let McKay out of his sight, and he's sure as heck not paying attention to the page he has open in front of him. Sheppard looks at McKay like he misses him something terrible.

The thing is, because there's this natural "jock vs. nerd" dynamic with the characters, and because Sheppard employs various psychological defense mechanisms to protect himself, people may easily come to the conclusion that Sheppard is nonchalant and McKay is his cheerleader, is the fanboy. That somehow McKay admires and likes Sheppard more than Sheppard does him. This is wrong in the sense that we've already seen several indications of Sheppard actually being a geek, having this whole other side to him that he mostly conceals (or conceals from most people; also he's actually a prep instead of a jock, but we learn that much later), but also in that Sheppard is needy. He has a lot of issues, they both do, but Sheppard needs McKay more than McKay needs Sheppard, whereas McKay probably wants him more--and not only or even primarily in the sense of physical desire.

This episode also follows the events of Sanctuary (S01E14), and your casual viewer was left with the impression that Sheppard just romanced a beautiful woman out of his own volition (he didn't), probably even that romancing beautiful women is something typical for him (it isn't), and that he told McKay to mind his own business about that. It's a surface level reading, and I can imagine that a casual viewer will be confused by Sheppard's behaviour in this episode, like they can't even be the same character.* Why is he behaving like he's jealous of the attention McKay is getting from this woman? Why would he care even a little bit? If he was interested in this woman, why wouldn't he just try to charm her and dominate the "competition," if we assume that it's competitiveness that is making him sour, watching the pair of them?

And yet, it wasn't the woman his eyes were following, it was him. It wasn't a conscious decision, either, but the natural orientation of his attention.

McKay is talking to the local historian in an excited, animated fashion, speaking the words "It's been utterly fascinating" as he passes Sheppard. He is not interested in this woman, as we later learn, and does not understand that the woman is at the very least feigning an interest in him. He is on task, he enjoys research, and it is the prospect of finding a ZPM that has him on such a good mood. ZPM!

McKay's research is interrupted by overhearing the others laughing around the table, and approaches them:

McKay: What is going on here? Sheppard: Just having a little fun, McKay. McKay: Can we get back to work now?

McKay sounds tense, probably not wanting to spend any more time on the planet than they have to, like the rest of them. We don't know what they were laughing at but we do find out later that they've been gossiping about McKay and this woman. It's obvious to all of them, Teyla tells him. We don't know who said something that they all laughed at, but it's Sheppard who volunteers to give him an explanation that is not really an explanation at all; doesn't actually explain anything. The fact that he volunteers to explain either makes him the culprit or what ever was said was something that McKay doesn't need to hear.

It's possible that what ever they were laughing at was prompted by Sheppard's long and rather obvious look at McKay, which was peculiar enough that he probably had to offer some kind of an explanation to the others. And what ever it was, it certainly did get McKay to break away from this woman and give attention to them for a change. Attention to him.

As much as Sheppard looked at McKay when he wasn't paying him any attention, now that he's here, Sheppard is not looking at him. This is emphasized by the fact that Ford, who is not the one talking to him, does look at him. It's not that Sheppard is acting like an actual child here, even though it can certainly be interpreted that way, but that he has trouble navigating this new and rather complicated situation they are in. What ever they have been doing together, whether it's just playing "the game" that they want to keep secret, they cannot be seen doing it. Ford especially is at the forefront of a long list of people that can't ever figure it out. So especially if he had just been caught looking at McKay by the others, he now has to exaggeratedly perform the opposite. But it is obvious.

Sheppard looks at Ford when he's talking but is still not looking at McKay. He looks at the charcoal drawing McKay holds up but is still not looking at McKay. I'll remind you of the fact that in the previous episode, Sheppard confessed that he's unsettled by the possibility of having his thoughts read right from his face by someone, and both McKay and Sheppard have a tendency of not looking at the other person when they don't want them to see something, don't want them to be able to see right through them. But it seems like here, it's not so much about them as it is about the other people present. It's not that he doesn't want McKay to see him looking, it's that other people currently around the table can't see him doing it.

While Sheppard is the team leader, it certainly seems like McKay has taken (or been given) charge of this operation, and is trying to keep everyone on task:

McKay: Look, we are close, closer than we have ever been before. Now, there may very well be hundreds of zero-point modules hidden in this galaxy, but the only one we are remotely sure of is here. Here. Now, if you ever want to go home, if you ever want to protect Atlantis from the Wraith, we need to find this.

They are closer than they have ever been before, this we certainly witnessed in the previous episode. McKay isn't talking about the two of them, obviously, but Sheppard certainly reacts to this particular sentiment, actually looking at him then. Or let's say that it was the man's impassioned plea that caught his attention. What ever the reason, he emphatically agrees.

McKay reminds Ford about the fact that this represents the possibility of returning home, he reminds Teyla that this is the best way to protect Atlantis. He does not need to remind Sheppard about either of these things. It's not a thing he could forget even if he wanted to. With this, too, he emphatically agrees with McKay. He knows what's at stake here.

They all seem to be a little frustrated to be sitting around a table going through musty old books but it is not as though this is McKay's cup of tea, either. He later even tells Allina that his particular brand of science is something else entirely. They are all getting edgy but this is something that they have to do, that is vitally important for them to get done. But it is interesting that Sheppard seems to have relinquished command to him, here. McKay is calling the shots, directing them to do things.

We get a lot of exposition at the start of the episode. From Dagan, we jump back to Atlantis where Sheppard and McKay are having a meeting with Weir, just the three of them. They discuss the McGuffin, with Weir asking questions and McKay explaining. Sheppard is mostly quiet, only clarifying to Weir that it's the ZPM they're talking about. The whole meeting, he doesn't say anything else. However, even this tells us that he understands McKay's explanation, once more, well enough to be able to translate it to someone else. Sheppard is not a scientist but he speaks fluent McKay. Or that McKay has learned how to explain things in a way that Sheppard can work with.

Sheppard seems to be lost in thought but we don't know what he's thinking about. At any rate, he's somewhat distracted from the topic of the meeting. The scene is framed with two shots of Weir over Sheppard's shoulder, so you might think that he's looking at her pensively. By the framing, we are certainly being lead to think that Sheppard is looking at her.

Only, he's not looking at her. He's tilting his head to the left and they're seated like this:

McKay is between them, as is the computer. Sheppard is leaning back, hands defensively crossed over his chest like he needs to create (or perform) some distance between them for some reason. However, he has turned his chair so that his body is turned toward McKay.

Sheppard still seems to be avoiding looking directly at McKay, or at least letting McKay (or Weir) see him looking at him. He looks but he looks when McKay (or Weir) can't see him look:

He has a very serious, somber look about him but this seems to be some kind of a performance, putting up a front. His expression is unreadable. And even when he does meet his gaze, when McKay turns to look directly at him to gauge his reaction, he's expressionless. His face is purposefully blank. He seems to be reading McKay, is in fact keenly observing him, but making sure that the others can't read him at this moment.

What ever Sheppard is doing here, Weir seems to think that it's strange. Sheppard looks at McKay while touching his jaw (which he also seems to be doing at the beginning and end of the scene, as we watch over his shoulder, so he's doing that quite a lot here; touching the face is also one of the signs of attraction/being turned on, as being in proximity to the object of one's affection makes the skin extra sensitive), lost in some thought or memory. He lifted his jaw up similarly back on Dagan when McKay mentioned them being closer than ever before.

He's not entirely focused on the conversation the other two are having. In fact, if one was so inclined, this could be compared to the meeting Weir and Sheppard had with Chaya where he had precious little to add to the discussion and had trouble keeping his focus on the topic of conversation. Only, there's nothing nefarious going on here, no mind-control, no alien influence. It's just... McKay. I mentioned the slightly intoxicated look of a man in love that he didn't have, there. But here.

He then notices that Weir is watching him so he returns her look with a noncommittal expression. It's almost a kind of challenge. He has no intention of letting either of them read his thoughts from his face here. She looks from Sheppard to McKay. McKay seems to be acting normally, if in a really good mood. Sheppard is acting strangely. Is this a cause for concern? Is this something she needs to know about or just their normal shenanigans?

Weir does eventually give them the go-ahead, all agreeing that this important, and tells Sheppard to take his team back to the planet. This suggests that Teyla and Ford had returned with them to Atlantis but for some reason were not in this briefing where usually they would be. Apparently the team had been on Atlantis for approximately 12 hours and seem to head back pretty much right after this (morning?) meeting which means that they probably had had time for a night's sleep before it. Or, you know. What ever. Playing a game. It is interesting that they feel the need to tell us about this 12 hour window, which serves absolutely no narrative purpose (they start on the planet, jaunt for a meeting for exposition that could have been given on the planet, and head right back, and we are told this took 12 hours), between both Sheppard and McKay being tense and on the edge on the planet, and then what ever this here is.

Further, we are confirmed later, in Echoes (E03E12) that this here, this auto-erotic touching, is precisely what John Sheppard does when he's looking at McKay. In this scene, he has apparently, by his own confession, been looking at McKay's backside a lot longer than he usually does. When McKay's mind is working on a problem, Sheppard's mind is working on McKay, looks like.

What is going on, here? Why is Sheppard behaving in this strangely sensual manner? Why does he have trouble focusing on a meeting about something he seems to understand well enough to be able to not only follow it but to explain it to someone else? Why is he, like he did in the previous episode when he was sitting next to McKay, having trouble getting up and being noticeably slow about it? Does he currently have some physical reason why he needs a moment before getting up, or is he just getting up... gingerly due to events of the previous night? if you know what I mean.

I mean, sure, you could probably interpret the scene with Sheppard looking at Weir and being weird about it (because recently watching her die of old age was just so hot or something), with just the briefest of flickers from him to McKay to make sure he doesn't see him staring at Weir openly. There's just no motivation for it. He is looking at Weir because Weir is the safe place to look at in the room. If Weir, his superior, was the one he was interested in, that's what he would be trying to avoid doing. But now, he's just politely keeping his eyes on where it's safe to keep them while still unable to keep himself completely from looking at McKay. His eyes keep drifting back to Mckay time and again. The fact that his looks are so quick and he's clearly trying to not do that is way more incriminating than if he was just openly ogling at the man. But again, however one interprets this scene, there is definitely something odd going on. Sheppard is not behaving in a normal way.

So probably purely by coincidence we move from this strangely sensual scene directly to the Genii home world where there are a bunch of half-naked men sweating and we get a close up of the naked back of the man who Sheppard previously shot his load on.

The title of the episode refers to the Brotherhood guarding the Potentia, the phallic object containing potency. But, in addition to being a notoriously homoerotic film (at this time it was already becoming a whole-ass franchise),** the title is also a reference to other kinds of brotherhood.

Brotherhood is a bond forged in close proximity where individuals have become something more than friends, are bound together by ties of mutual loyalty, trust, and support creating a unity that leaves others without. They are closer than they have ever been, McKay says. We have seen that this is true. The Genii were there when they were beginning to forge these bonds, and it is through the Genii that we see how far they've come by this time.

Continued in Pt. 2

-* I imagine the casual viewer is frequently confused by Sheppard's behaviour. If you don't "read Sheppard," it's so easy to get the wrong impression of him. One of the most egregious examples is in The Last Man (S04E19), where he says to McKay's hologram, "Couldn't use anyone else, huh?" If you don't get where Sheppard is coming from, you might interpret him as meaning that McKay is his least favourite person and he would have preferred to be met with someone else--or that he's joking about that being the case. Only, we just saw him figure out that McKay is dead. Him, specifically. The person he loves the most and whose death has been a recurring nightmare to him for the past several years is dead and in front of him is an animated effigy of the man that reminds him, every second that he is there, that the love of his life is dead. That's why he wishes McKay had used someone else, anyone else, even an anthropomorphized Microsoft Clippy, to deliver him this message.

McKay had thought that his visage would be a comfort for Sheppard, marooned alone in the distant future, and on some level it is. But it's also horrifying, even (unintentionally) cruel. Sheppard didn't wish it was anyone else but McKay because McKay is his least favourite person, he wished it was anyone else but McKay because he loves him more than anything or anyone (he is literally willing to sacrifice everyone else, very much including himself, to give McKay a chance to live a normal life), and seeing him while knowing that he had lived a whole lifetime without him and died hurts. He has had no time to even grieve this and has to basically watch his lover's corpse walk and talk right in front of him. There are two times during the whole five seasons of the show that we see John Sheppard's raw undisguised emotion, and one of them is in that episode.

-** So, about The Brotherhood (2001): It's not just a homoerotic film, it's considered actual queer cinema. Relating to what I wrote about Back to the Future and subverting the male gaze to allow for the eroticization of the male body, Horror Queers had this to say about the film: "Growing up with horror from my early teens, I never struggled to read between the lines to see the subliminal text within the genre. Like science-fiction, horror films can get away with a lot more because they are fantastic, so political, social, cultural considerations are codified and hidden away in ghosts, demons, killers and Final Girls. ...

Their power lies in subverting the traditional male gaze associated with horror films and, as a result, objectifying the male bodies for the audience’s viewing pleasure. In this way, both films are quietly revolutionary; they open up a dialogue with the audience not only about the conventions (read: expectations) of the genre and who the “intended” audience is, but also what bodies are and are not “appropriate” for consumption."

Featured: a jock and a nerd

[matrixxsystem]

Terrapin Soup Part 9 (6/7)

"Easy love, I'll help. Just tell me what to do." Leo smiled a little more, finally able to take a breath and calm down a bit with Usagi's reassurance. April and Donnie didn't know what they were talking about, they had nothing to worry about. And so what he ate people, that was nothing dangerous compared to some of the fucked up things villains have done, even Draxum who was like their weird step-dad did some pretty fucked up things, including attempted genocide! So who cares if his boyfriend ate some bad guys.. Isn't that what recycling is? He's not a killer he's an environmentalist! Leo got all the tools he needed and set them on a roller table, sitting himself on the bed not too far from Hyo so Usagi wouldn't be too far incase he woke up. He'd most likely sleep through the night but he still didn't want to make his boyfriend any more anxious about it then he was already. "Here, I marked where it should be, all you gotta do is cut it out, I'll give myself a lil adrenaline shot to stop the bleeding, then you stitch it up and well be good to go. Should only take.. Maybe five minutes?" Usagi nodded and grabbed the small knife on the tray after unwrapping his arms, "Y'know, I've never done this on someone who's alive, so make sure to let me know if I hurt you." Leo nodded, "I just.. Can't believe he'd spy on me, what if he heard something I didn't want him to or something private! I just- What else has he been doing without me knowing?" Usagi nodded and gently grabbed Leo's arm, pressing his fingers against his muscles trying to pinpoint where it was exactly to make sure he didn't hurt anything else. Once he felt the small bump under his skin he tugged his arm out further and glanced to Leo a last time, "Ready then? You may continue to vent, it may help keep your mind distracted." Leo nodded glancing to the knife then back up to him, "Yeah, I'll be fine, I mean you know the kinda stuff I used to do to myself so I can handle this. Besides, maybe if you kissed it better I'd be more inclined to sit still for you~" Usagi rolled his eyes and pressed the knife against Leos inner arm, "Well if you want fewer stiches try not to move anyway." He stopped talking as he started to concentrate, glancing between the incision and Leo's expression to make sure he was actually alright and not just trying to be brave. Leo however wasn't paying much attention, he was looking back at Usagi's expression. "I can feel it in there, what now?" Leo at first didn't respond, too busy fawning over his boyfriends features but soon snapped out of it and looked back, "Right- Uh you can use those uh.. Tongs? And grab it. If it feels stuck you can probably cut it out but I don't think it'll be too hard to get." Usagi nodded doing as told, the faint smell of blood rising making his nose twitch. Leo held back a chuckle as he watched him work, there was of course a small amount of pain but it was well over shadowed by everything else distracting him. Like his cute boyfriend doing his little nose twitch as he sorted through the small line of tools. Once Usagi got a hold of the device and carefully pulled it out he set it on the tray, studying it for a moment, it was about the same size as a grain or rice. "That's.. Under other circumstances this would be quite intriguing.. The man who invented this technology was in his forties when he first began materializing it. Yet your brother is only near sixteen and fabricating his own… But anyway- The stitches, right, walk me through it." Leo pulled up a video on his phone for a better visual and explained things around the images to help, thanks to the internet it was over and relatively painless. Usagi held Leos arm after the final stitch was in place and as promised, gently pressed his lips above the wound kissing it better. "I'm a little surprised you didn't ask for a bite~"

Part 9.7 Part 1

TS Master Post

[tears0fsatan]

                ♰          ・        𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇!

✦ ⊹ ˚˖ warnings... dead dove do not eat, gn!reader, spoilers for lesson 35 whoops, brief stalking mention, scent kink, established relationship, obsession, body horror, unhealthy attachment to a corpse

 :¨·.·¨ ♥︎  a.n... I'M FINALLY WRITING SOMETJIMG FOR MY NUMBER ONE BABYGIRL CAN I GET A WAHOOO??!???!! BONUS BECAUSE SHES WEIRD!! AND A LITTLE UNSETTLING!!! (this turned out sadder and more romantic than i thought lol oops) srry that this is so latebtw i've been doing uh teenager stuff lol <3

 #﹏𖣠ㅤHEART SHAPED HICKIES MASTERLISTㅤ. . . ㅤ !! ( ☠️ )

from the very moment she had caught a whiff of your scent in her lair, thirteen was hooked. it didn't take a genius or a powerful existence to sniff out the stench of other living beings that had trespassed her den. amongst the familiar smell of demons and that pesky sorcerer, yours had stuck out like a sore thumb, so much so that all thoughts regarding your illegal trespassing flew out her mind.

perhaps it was because she was a reaper, but she could practically taste the life that seeped into your scent. for someone who was neither dead nor alive, hell was it addictive.

she just had to seek you out, there was no way someone brimming with so much life could escape her grasp now that she had her sights on you. whenever she wasn't busy watching the life candles or coming up with new fun trap ideas, she couldn't resist the temptation to follow and watch your every move. after all, when would another human who smelt so good and wasn't a sham of a sorcerer come down to devildom and pique her interest like you did? she needed to have you, needed to trap you somewhere where only she could see you, where only she could be with you.

there were nights she found herself craving you and your scent, despite her plan still in the works. there moments where the thought of leaving all her work behind, to sneak in your room and take you away with her and live out the rest of your lives together (or more so, your life..). an itch to steal the clothing she saw you wore often made her feel restless, but she was nothing if not patient and told herself she'd wait until she was closer to you.

eventually, the two of you were bound to run into one another at RAD, but that moment didn't come nearly soon enough. so, the reaper took matters into her own hands. she waited for the moment you weren't surrounded by those clingy demons to make her move, making it seem as though it was completely coincidental and not carefully thought out on her part. gosh, you were so much cuter in person, she had fantasised the moment she could finally talk to you dozens of times and you went beyond all her expectations.

this was perfect; without realising, you were slowly playing into her trap. the reaper made sure to play up a facade, one that would keep you curious about her and have you coming back to find out more. she played the role of a trickster until you tied the strings of your heart around her marionette controller all on your own accord, swept away by the sweet words and barrage of attention from such a pretty, powerful being. she had you in the palm of her hand and you were more than alright with it.

there was an ornate fear that constricted thirteens heart, or at least a reaper's equivalent of one, something she feared for more than anything else in all three realms. as a reaper, she was far too aware of how short human lifespans were and how much shorter it would be around her and it terrified her. now that she had you in her grasp, she couldn't afford to lose you. there were unspoken lengths she was willing to go in order to keep you next to her, even if it meant breaking the laws of the three realms.

while humans were satisfied with a life together until death parted them, for a reaper, even death wouldn't be enough to part ways. being surrounded by death, the very being that watched over every human from the second their flame lit to the moment their light blew out, it was hard to form an attachment when such lives were fickle and could go out at any given moment. thirteen knew that, she knew that one gust of wind could easily put an end to you and everything you had lived for and so she wanted to cherish what short time she had left with you.

the day you died, many souls died with you. the reaper lost all control and threw a rage, at the other living beings who wouldn't understand her pain and at the world for making her kind so detrimental to human life. it was unfair, unfair how you had just started out your life and now you were gone, unable to spend many more of your firsts with thirteen. she didn't even have the chance to show you just how much she loved you.

not a day went by where thirteen didn't take care of your body, washing your body with extra care and dressing you in your favourite clothes, keeping your appearance the same as it was the day you died. even as your flesh began to turn all sorts of hues, she still thought you looked as beautiful as the day she lost you.

your body, now lifeless and cold, a mere shell of the human you once were, could no longer support the weight of your head and slumped forward onto thirteen's shoulder whenever she would pick you up. the reaper held onto every inch of your being left, afraid that if she let even a hair shed, your entire existence would cease to exist, as if you had never been here in the first place.

your eyes were always something she adored, something that left her speechless and the first time she got to see them up close and in person, she was left in awe. by now, she's stared at you long enough to determine that yes, stars do swim in your eyes, and never missed the opportunity to go stargazing. even after your eyes became blurry after your death, they never lost that sparkle that she fell in love with in the first place.

how could she resist pulling you into her arms and dance along to inaudible music when you looked so beautiful? even though your skin was icy to the touch and your joints refused to move from the rigor mortis, she still enjoyed holding you close and swaying to an unknown rhythm. especially on nights when the moonlight would peer into her lair and cast a shadow on your features that just ever so slightly make you appear alive, she would dance until the sun took the moons place and brought her back to reality.

nevertheless, until the moment she reaped her last soul, she would continue to love you and keep you by her side, no matter the cost.

© 2023 TEARS0FSATAN. please don’t translate, modify, repost or plagiarise my works anywhere.

[tobiasdrake]

So, if I know my Mesa Island geography, we should be getting pretty close to Songshroom Marsh. Wonder if Yoyo's still hanging around here?

That's, uh... that's... not an ominous name or anything....

This place... doesn't seem quite as fun as Luana made it sound.

Okay, full disclosure, I was actually trying to drown myself in the mire because I want to tell Quarble about all the cool stuff I did.

But this is cool too. I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes attempted suicide comes with neat prizes. If they ever write a fable about all the things I learned on my travels, I'll be sure to include that.

Holy shit, the Magic Seashell? The one from Watcher Island that lets you breathe underwater?

Wait, no, I can already do that for some reason. Plus, it doesn't really look that cute. Luana said it was a cute pink clamshell thing. She was very excited about it. But this more resembles a slug.

That does sound like it relates to the magic Docarri shells, though. Hmm....

Yeah. Uh. What the hell happened to this place? Luana didn't like it very much but what she described pales in comparison to how tortured and gross the marsh is.

Also, she called it Songshroom but the sign at the entrance said Quillshroom. So. Obviously some changes have taken place.

Oh, is it the cool magic seashell I found? 'Cause I found it. You can't have it back. It's mine now, as laid down in the Mine Now, Fucko bylaw.

Primal Fear... fuck, I know that name. It's... somewhere. Maybe one of Teaks's stories? I don't know. I've heard it before. I know I've heard it before.

No, wait! It was one of the volumes of prophecy that Yoyo kept in her cabin. She had a book on Primal Fear. That's where I know the name from.

Is. That. Where the living mushrooms come from?

...Luana wrote about them singing. The ones I've seen have not been singing. I don't think they're enjoying their fungal lives anymore.

With gusto.

I can't believe you told me to fight it! Do you have any idea how humiliated I was!? That was the most embarrassing moment of my goddamn life.

And I once screwed up Cloudstep practice so hard I ended up dangling from a tree branch by my pants around my ankles. I met Quarble on a return trip through a challenge I'd already solved. So the competition is steep.

How many times have you sent members of my order to their graves to pick a fight with a harmless glowball minding his fucking business!?

FUCK. No wonder Luana called probably-you an assclown!

WHAT. NO. I don't really see much relevance or importance in your stories - I think the pear tree one might have been about Yoyo maybe? - but I've been enjoying them nonetheless.

I'll stop touching your cabinet if you keep sharing stories with me. ._. Pweese?

Oh, there's the singing mushrooms. Okay, so they are still here.

They. Uh. They don't look very cheerful, though. Luana said they were cheerful.

Gotta say, not a fan of the titular quillshrooms. Their quills are incredibly difficult to dodge, especially when they fire while I'm in midair. What total assholes.

As a botanophobe, I can't be surprised by this, but fungus is far more dangerous than turtles.

...how stupid do I feel like being today?

I am... passably competent at the Cloudstep. I think I could--

Okay, I want it on record that I actually made it, but was killed by a Quillshroom afterwards. After being thoroughly tenderized by spikes in the process of making it but that's beside the point. The point is I'm awesome and this is definitely going down as a W in my book.

Not important. What's important is HEY BESTIE, check out where we are? Yeah, that's right, I'm blazing trails through Quillshroom Marsh with my expert jumping and profound getting-stabbed proficiencies.

I know we were in Howling Grotto last we talked but I... found the exit of my own accord and nothing else happened. Now we're here. Trying to not be here as expediently as possible because I don't want to be a mushroom.

...

Why is this my life?

...we've found one secret path beneath the mire. I wonder... This does look very suspicious.

They thought they could hide their secrets from me. Joke's on them, I am highly skilled in observation and pattern recog--

I think I hate this place.

[tarncore]

10/12/2024

Okay like genuinely can society just kill themselves

This morning I cleaned out all my jewelry, accessories n stuff and I found a whole bunch of old stuff like my elf ears and fake bangs and emo ass jewelry. And I was looking back and I was like damn bro I miss my confidence, I know I have a lot of confidence compared to other people but like 2 years ago I genuinely did not give a fuck I miss that so much 💔 I was feeling hella cute n shi and then my mom told me I need to shave my armpits. What the fuck mother. Thank you for making me insecure 💗 i did shave them I fear 😿 but like honestly, who in the world is staring at my pits, who gives a fuck. Like if they were unshaved it was clear I didn't give a fuck so why does she, she wouldn't say anything like that to my brother. What is wrong with women having body hair, like it's literally natural? That's my body protecting itself from the world, but oh no, a women couldn't protect herself she needs her fucking prince charming. I mean icl I don't mean like I wouldn't like a man/woman to protect me but like it shouldn't be expected yk like I can still protect myself idk it's probably not that deep but like I'm not an object on display to look pretty and shit. Tbh the hairless beauty standard is lowk feeling like internalized racism in society idk like ion know but it feels like white supremacy propaganda but I'm probably just on a tangent criticizing everything in the world I'm going too deep.

Also my friend just said that I'm so pretty and that no one but me could pull off elf ears hehe :3

When I was on a walk at the beach it was so so fucking disgusting there was this car with like 4 guys and they slowed down and shouted at me and said “you're hot” while I was taking a selfie. What the fuck. They all looked atleast 18, I'm literally just a fucking child 💔 like wtf i skedadled so fast out of there and I was crying and shit. This kinda stuff makes want to die, okay like honestly what those guys did wasnt that bad like I've lowk seen worse. But like, I don't know why I feel like this it really wasn't that bad. I think it's like the helpless feeling 😕 and like thinking about all the things that could have happened if I didn't leave, if it was me like 3 years ago I would have probably frozen up or something :c and then I started thinking about all the yucky wucky things people have done to me I'm so disgusted how could they, how could I let them… and the most fucked up part is that when they said that at first I thought it's my own fault bc my dress was pretty short and people don't usually say stuff like that if I'm like fully covered and stuff, but wtf why would I even think that. What the fuck was that victim blaming “she was asking for it"ahh mindset, in no fucking universe would that be my fault. I was minding my own business walking in public property and I did not deserve to be treated that way 💔it hurts me so much to think that I thought I did deserve it. What happened to strong opinionated Tarn? I'm better than this, I'm smarter than this, I know I deserve respect.

random notes app ranting, there was more but that part was a bit more personal so yeah

[fizzingwizard]

so here is the video.

I'd never heard of this before but, first of all, respect to all the participants, feminists and anti-feminists. At least they all were willing to meet and speak civilly. They were under a time limit, and that + improvised speech is very challenging. I'm sure I wouldn't do much better in those conditions so props to all of them.

Lots of thoughts about it though.

A few things stood out to me:

A lot of the confusion and reasoning behind individual opinions stem from unclear information. Statistics can be manipulated, relevant groups of people are left out of consideration all the time, and even experts don't always agree - small wonder no one else can either.

The feminist men had some solid points to make. But anywhere a woman's perspective was involved, they seemed lost. There was a lot of "the patriarchy!" thrown around but only at the end did anyone seem to get a sense of what is meant by that. Meanwhile there was no concept of how women have to function in "a man's world" - for example, when discussing jobs where men are paid more than women, there was no real pushback to "it's on women to learn how to negotiate better." Even though business culture and practices were created by men with male comfort and expectations in mind. In my mother's generation, it was completely on women to figure out, with no guidance, how the business world worked. It was only later, when women workers were on less shaky ground, that they could insert their own influence. Most businesses are still culturally male-forward and the men in the video either don't see any any difficulties this means women workers particularly face, or simply accept that male culture is the only correct one for business.

There was HUGE acceptance of the idea that "men's purpose is to be a protector provider," even among the feminist men. The feminist men believe that expectation harms men, but they still believe it exists. The anti-feminist men believe that the expectation is a hard but good one, and that women actively harm men by not "letting" them be the provider. Basically they are suffering but they... want to suffer. And they want to get to complain about how they're suffering in such a masculine way. My problem: This is SO NOT representative of anything I've ever seen. Ever. Where are these male provider/protectors? My dad worked full time when I was a kid, but refused to get a second job to enable my mom to be a stay-at-home mom. This isn't something I'd reproach him for - he was already contributing via a full time job! But, if his "purpose" is to be a provider, he was not adequately providing... Meanwhile, my mom worked part-time, took care of us kids, took care of the house, and pretty much everything else you might categorize as "unpaid domestic work." She didn't get weekends off. My dad slept pretty much all day Saturday and spent Sunday watching football. But if that sounds fine to you, fast forward to my teen years. Dad got laid off and never kept another steady job. My mom, who'd already gone back to full-time work when we kids were old enough to look after ourselves, started taking on extra hours plus weekends at her job. She was working 14 hours a day. Regularly. For years. And STILL taking care of the house and kids. It was pulling teeth to get my dad to do housework. He'd do some things, but without attention to detail. I experienced myself later, when I was in college and came home during a break, and my mom was traveling. I couldn't make my own lunch because my dad trashed the kitchen and was planning to clean up "later." I was really stunned when I realized the extent of picking up after other people, one a grown ass adult, my mother had been doing for years. Fast forward MORE. My dad fucked up some financial stuff. It was not some well-intentioned plan that went wrong... he just flat out didn't do stuff he told my mom he was doing and they ended up in deep water because of it. Hence the divorce. Guess who cleaned up the financial mess? My mom. Guess who got the house? My dad. Among other things! Also I have a brother who is now in his thirties. For most of his adult life he's been supported both financially and emotionally by my mother. He's been on the outs with my dad for years. To be clear: I don't blame him for his troubles and I'm proud of him for the work he's done to get where he is. But I feel that way because I do NOT believe a man's value is based on whether or not he is a provider/protector. And I can't say my dad or my brother ever gave me the impression that they feel that way either. My dad 100% would say he does if you asked him! But, as much as I love him, my mom was the provider. My mom was the protector. For my whoooole life. Furthermore, I was taught - literally taught, as in these were the actual words used to me - that I should never ever "hurt a man's pride" regardless of what he does. I watched my mom try not to hurt any male pride and still somehow step on toes all the time. I watched her, when she occasionally broke down, get told (and believe!) that it was "hormones" and not actual real pressure of doing so much work all the time. ALL THAT to say. I certainly believe men believe society expects them to be providers and protectors. I know there are some women who are traditionally minded in that way too. But I also know there are tons of us who aren't - and many more who have wound up the chief providers for their family whether they wanted to be or not! And there is no pride in that for them. They are demeaned for being single moms or for marrying badly or having too many kids.