#i've only read a few that i don't recommend period but i've read a lot of good ones

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

will you please give us examples of resources to look at if we want to learn more about the concept of gender and maybe even transness in Medieval Europe? thanks!

whooooo boy right, there's a lot! I wanna start this by saying that I am very much not an expert, and I only have access to stuff I can find for free and the handful of books I can afford to buy second hand. Most of my research has been around gender as it relates to transness and GNC people. I am absolutely missing stuff, or have forgotten stuff, or simply lack the know-how to find stuff.

There's a few bits I've got on a TBR but haven't read yet - some I've included and some I haven't, depending on the source and how established it is.

Also: this is medieval Europe. The way pronouns are used to describe people don't really align with modern views of sex and gender. Also be aware of old-fashioned language use (for example, some texts talk about "hermaphrodites"). Remember that the way we talk about gender and trans identities is far different to how we even spoke about it 20 years ago.

So with that out of the way... I am chucking this under a read more, because it's long:

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GENDER

Medieval ideas around gender were different to how we now think about it. The Hippocratic view of gender saw gender as a sort of wet/dry, cold/hot spectrum upon which men were at one end and women the other (and in the middle were intersex people). The male body was seen as hot and dry, and the female as cold and wet. The cold, wetness is what made women try to seek out heat from guys. A lot comes down to humors rather than genitals - if you're hot and dry, that innately means you grow a penis, because the heat sorta forces it out. So the marker is that penis = man, but you only have that penis in the first place because of your hot, dry humor.

Some people believed the vagina was an inverted penis - as in, the penis turned outside in. Some schools of thought believed that both men and women produced "seed", and that both were needed for conception. These thoughts and ideas shifted around a lot.

The Hippocratic view shifted towards Aristotelian ideas around the 12th Century, where the male/female divide was a lot stronger. There were also surgeons throughout all these periods who sought to "correct" intersex genitalia with surgery (how little things change).

This podcast (I've linked to a transcript, because I have more time to read than listen to things) with Dr Eleanor Janega is super interesting. In fact, I'd recommend reading her whole blog, which is fascinating. She also has a book out (but I've not read it so I can't give a yay or nay on that one)

The Meanings of Sex Difference in the Middle Ages by Joan Cadden seems to be a good source on this, but I've not read it so I can't vouch for it 100%.

I've listed below some real people who could fit into our modern interpretation of transness, and the fact that all of these people were only "outed" when arrested or at their death makes me think that there were probably a lot more people at the time who would also fit into this category. It does feel (to me, a layman) that you could rock up in a new town and go "hello I'm Jeff the Man" and people would just accept that.

It's also important to note that the majority of sources I've found are about people we could define as trans men (FTM). I've only found one person who could be described as a trans woman. If anyone out there has more sources for trans women, I'd love to hear them - specifically in medieval Europe/England.

There's also a big discussion to be had around the idea of women dressing as men to achieve a goal. People love getting into arguments about it. My general rule is that if someone lived as X gender, and was forcibly outed against their will or at death, then I feel we can more safely assume that their experience maps more closely onto a trans narrative than it does one of a woman taking on the "disguise" of a man.

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TRANS & GNC ACADEMIA

Here's some of the sources I've been using that examine medievalism through a trans or trans-adjacent lens.

Trans and Genderqueer Subjects in Medieval Hagiography, Alicia Spencer-Hall & Blake Gutt - a deep dive/collection of essays about medieval religious figures/saints through a trans lens, specifically about cross-dressing figures. Really fascinating, and available on open access.

How to be a Man, Though Female: Changing Sex in Medieval Romance, Angela Jane Weisl - goes into detail about medieval texts in which characters change their sex.

Transgender Genealogy in Tristan de Nanteuil, Blake Gutt - trans theory in the story Tristan de Nanteuil.

Trans Historical: Gender Plurality before the Modern, edited by Greta LaFleur, Masha Raskolnikov & Anna Kłosowska - A great big examination into trans history/gender. I desperately want this book.

Clothes Make the Man, Female Cross Dressing in Medieval Europe, Valerie R. Hotchkiss (book, no online source available) - Another look into women dressing as men and gender inversion.

The Shape of Sex, Leah DeVun (book) - A history of nonbinary sex, 200 - 1400BC. Not read this one yet but it's on my TBR.

In fact, I'd recommend all of Leah DeVun's work, which I'm currently making my way through. I'm currently reading Mapping the Borders of Sex.

The Third Gender and Aelfric's Lives of Saints, Rhonda L. McDaniel - An examination into the idea of a "third gender" in monastic life based around chastity and spiritualism

Erecting Sex: Hermaphrodites and the Medieval Science of Surgery, Leah DeVun - an essay about "corrective" surgery on intersex individuals in the 13th/14th centuries. (I've not fully read this one yet but the topic is relevant)

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TRANS FIGURES

Joseph/Hildegund (died 1188) - A monk who, upon his death, was discovered to have a vagina/breasts.

Eleanor Rykener (1394) - A (likely) trans sex worker arrested in 1394 (and another source that isn't wiki)

Katherina Hetzeldorfer (killed 1477) - An early record of a "woman" being executed for female sodomy. Katherina dressed and presented as a man, and some scholars read them as a trans man.

Marinos/Marina the Monk (5th Cent) - A monk who was born a woman and lived as a man in a monastery. Marinos was accused of getting a local innkeeper's daughter pregnant. Their "true sex" was discovered upon their death.

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ROMANCES* & GENDER

If you're interested in the idea of gender presentation and trans-adjacent stories, I very much recommend taking a look at some contemporary sources. I've tried to take a sort of neutral approach to pronouns for these descriptions, but it's hard to marry the medieval and modern ideas of sex and gender! The titles are all links.

*Romances here means Chivalric Romances: prose/verse narratives about chivalry, often with fantastic elements. Not, like, falling in love Romances.

Le Roman de Silence (13th Cent) - in order to ensure inheritance, a couple raise their daughter as a boy. The baby is called Silence/Silentius/Silentia. The poem features the forces of Nature and Nurture, who argue about Silence's "true" gender - Nature claims they're a girl, and Nurture claims they're a boy. Silence has a variety of adventures, largely referred to in the text as a man with he/him pronouns, and at the end their "true gender" is discovered and, as a woman, they marry the king.

Yde et Olive (15th Cent) - to avoid being married to their own father, Yde, a woman, disguises themselves as a man and becomes a knight. They end up in Rome, where the king marries them to their daughter, Olive. After a couple of weeks, Yde tells Olive about their "true gender", but the conversation is overheard. The King demands Yde bathe with him to prove they are a man. An angel intervenes and transforms Yde's body into that of a man.

Iphis and Ianthe (Greek/Roman myth, but also in Ovid's Metamorphois, which first came to England in the 15th Cent) - Telethusa is due to give birth, but her husband tells her that if the baby is a girl he'll have it killed. When she gives birth to a girl, she disguises the baby as a boy. Eventually, Iphis is engaged to Ianthe. (Incidentally, this is also a really early example of same-sex romance, as Iphis struggles with their love for Ianthe "as a woman"). Before the wedding, Iphis and Telethusa pray at the temple of Isis, who transforms Iphis into a man.

Tristan de Nanteuil (11th/12th Cent) - from the Chanson de geste, after his alleged death, Tristan's wife, Blanchandin/e, disguises themselves as a Knight. Clarinde, a sultan's daughter, falls in love with them. Blanchandin manages to hide their "true sex", but when Clarinde demands they bathe with her to prove they are a man they flee into the woods. There, they meet an angel who asks if they want to be transformed into a man. Blanchandin accepts and he is turned into a man for the rest of the poem. (Incidentally the angel gives him a giant cock. Yes, the text specifies this).

Le Livre de la mutation de fortune (1403) - written in the first person by Christine de Pizan, the poem describes how the narrator is transformed by Fortune into a man after the death of their husband during a storm at sea. They maintain that 13 years after the event, they are still living as a man. (They also mention Tiresias, a Greek mythological figure who was a man transformed into a woman for seven years).

Okay, for now - that's about all I can think of. Happy reading!

[kurtsvonneslut]

Wait... what was the swanqueen fic recs? ...and are there more (...esp if theyre smutty) 👀👀👀

oh there are more!!!

first of all i'm just going to plug myself because why not. i have 78 swan queen works up - mostly oneshots, a couple longfics, including the fic i'm currently writing, change with the seasons. a lot of my fics are older (for example my 52 weeks of swan queen series was written in 2015) and i was a teenager when i wrote them, but i still find a lot of joy in them!!

now for the rest of the recs, i'm going to organize them as best i can into a few categories. also, a lot of these recs will be a bit older as i've been away from the fandom for a while, and am only just now coming back again. this is an open question if anyone else has recommendations to add in the reblogs!!!

longfics:

satin town by @coalitiongirl is probably my all time favorite fanfic, period. everything she's written for the fandom is incredible, but this one has always stuck with me. the dynamic between emma and regina (who is in full on evil queen mode) is just DELICIOUS and i love how she worked henry into the story. an absolute must as far as i'm concerned. PLUS she has a whole NOVEL out now, so go support that if you like the fic!!!!

the secret's in the telling by @the-pyrophoric-one is another classic in the fandom, and for good reason. the characterization is so spot on, and i absolutely love the arc of this story. the chapters are suuuuuper long though so it's a time investment!!

somewhere, someone must know the ending by maleficently who is not on tumblr as far as i'm aware is a divorce au. lots of angst with a happy ending. the same author also wrote an incredible three-part series called the fatal plunge, which remains, tragically, unfinished.

you gotta play dirty by amycarey who i'm not tagging because they don't write fic anymore. there's so many fics by amycarey that i absolutely adore (temporary distractions and keep the wolves outside by living well are also up there!!) but i chose this one because it's so unique to me. it's an au in which emma and regina are in a concert band together. i was a band kid myself, specifically a clarinetist, so i was pretty geeked over this!!

all that glitters is not (olypmic) gold by @queststar is another super niche but super fun and well-written au. in this one, emma and regina are olympic speed skaters. i just love the competitive energy between the two of them and the arc as they grow closer and eventually fall for each other. the author even got elizabeth mitchell to read some of it which is just. next level.

one fine star away by @bytherosebushlaughing is another au that gets a little meta, but it's sooooo much fun. in this fic, once upon a time is a tv show that regina, emma, and the others starred in. 20 some years later, the cast is reuniting, and the reunion is being covered by none other than one henry mills. it's such a clever fic, and i absolutely love it so far!!

oneshots:

of love and loss and love again by @snowivyimconfusi oh this one. this one is so bittersweet. emma and regina, grieving the losses of their partners, find comfort in each other. and more. it's so beautifully done, and i just adore ivy's writing style!!

what you thought you had to do by hoovahhoopah is the very first fic i read after making my ao3 account and it's still one that i love!! it's part of a six part series of oneshots called ill fitting pieces, but it also stands on its own just as well. just a beautiful, classic, canon-but-make-it-better kind of fic.

a woman moves when her heart has been broken by etotheswan because who among us wasn't absolutely destroyed by the season 3 finale???? this offered a lot of swan queen based catharsis while we waited for season 4.

monster-in-law by seriousfic is just a funny, light-hearted little oneshot about mary margaret trying to stop emma and regina's wedding by reminding them that they're all sort of related. a big departure from the seriousfic work we all know and miss dearly..... but enjoyable nonetheless thanks to their talent!!

and now, the moment we've all been waiting for, smut:

top of the list is, of course, our prophet of swan queen smut @angstbotfic. the making amends series is my all time favorite, and one that i recommended to my dear friend 27, but you can't go wrong with literally anything they've written.

wicked games by @starsthatburn is so. is so. it left me basically speechless. also recommended this one to 27, and i believe this is the one referenced in the ask they sent. it's the most insanely hot BDSM fantasy. if you like domme regina, look no further.

the thing she won't admit by beattheodds if you like butt stuff, here's swan queen butt stuff. need i say more?

paint it black by wily_one24 heed the warnings, this one is pretty dark. but if that's what you're into, this is the one. it's like if 50 shades of grey was swan queen and also good.

of love and loathing by morganlegaye and its sequel, transgressions of the heart are a hatefuck lover's dream. transgressions of the heart remains unfinished, but god is it good.

fealty by standbackufools you like throne sex? you like honorifics? you like D/s dynamic? enjoy :)

thank god it's BDSM friday by carrotlucky13 this one covers soooooo many kinks. emma and regina enter into a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle. for 95k words. i don't know what else to say but WOWOWOWOW. even if you're not into every kink in here it's still hot af.

emma's little problem by juicecup it's a magic!cock story with a slight humiliation kink if you squint, but otherwise mostly vanilla sex to round out a very kinky rec list.

go give these incredible creators some love!!! and remember, nothing motivates a fic writer quite like a nice comment :)

[copperbadge]

I was making breakfast and listening to an episode of Just King Things this morning, which is a podcast I do recommend -- two very smart English teachers are reading the books of Stephen King in publication order and discussing them. This could go extremely awry except they're both highly conscious of his failings as well as his skill, so they do really well handling a lot of his less salutatory content.

They've hit the point in King's ouvre (this episode was about Hearts In Atlantis) that follows his recovery from the car accident that very nearly killed him, where he was struck by a van while out walking. One of them pointed out that it seems as though he came back from nearly dying determined to write the wildest shit imaginable and only write what he wanted, which struck a chord in me this time despite having listened to this episode before. Perhaps because I was thinking about my own writing and where it's going in the short term (there are a couple of short stories I want to do that I don't quite have a way into yet). I generally don't think about the drift of my creativity in the long term because when I do I usually draw the wrong conclusions.

I don't really classify my life, the way some people who've had high-impact injuries do, as before-TBI and after-TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury -- the fairly severe concussion I had in January of 2020). For one thing, given I had to cancel a trip to NYC because of it, it may have saved my life; I almost certainly would have caught COVID as someone with known lung issues in New York at the time. For another, the TBI was way scarier to almost everyone else; for me it was just one more dumb injury I gave myself and I didn't even remember most of it so it hardly registered. I used to open the story of it with a joke about waking up not remembering going to bed the night before, but nobody ever found it funny.

It's true that there are changes it wrought in my life, though. Even practical stuff like making sure my living space doesn't have tripping hazards and continuing to wear a fitbit even though I don't really need to (the fitbit told us, the morning after, exactly when the concussion happened, because it registered a heart-rate spike when I fell). For weeks after, I had to move slowly and put off making important decisions because I couldn't trust my physical or intellectual judgement; I didn't even jaywalk in my own neighborhood because I couldn't be sure I was judging the cars' speeds properly. For about a year after I had periodic post-concussion syndrome which basically just slammed me back into concussion space, which wasn't painful or upsetting but was definitely inconvenient.

And it's also undeniable that my writing shifted after the injury. It's not necessarily because of the injury, since my initial recovery from the TBI and the declaration of quarantine happened at roughly the same time, and anyone who tells you that a years-long global pandemic didn't impact their artistic expression is selling you a line. But the last thing I wrote before the TBI was the first draft of Six Harvests, and aside from the Six Harvests publication draft, which had fairly minimal changes, almost all that I've written has been blue-sky, light-hearted, PG-rated romance. It's been on my mind that I've been writing different subject matter from what I used to, but the timing of it didn't strike me until just recently.

I don't mind, really. I love fandom and I support fanfic in whatever expression it comes, but I'm also happy writing my own stories. While I'm aware it's been years since I've meaningfully written fanfic, it doesn't bother me per se, as long as I'm writing. It bothered me much more when I could write fanfic but not original fic, especially in those last few awful months at my last job. I'm proud of the literary and non-genre fiction I've written in the past, but it's also much more trying and frustrating to write at times, so I'm enjoying having a different sort of challenge that feels more fulfilling in the process. I'm sure at some point I'll go back to literary fiction -- there are ways in which it's hard to avoid turning the later Shivadh novels into literary fiction, being honest -- but for now I like what I'm writing, and I'm writing primarily to please myself and without regard to what's necessarily rational or linear.

Just struck me, is all, that it's by far the most noticeable major shift in my work. I do sort of wonder what will be next.

[delusionalme8]

hey, i have been a fan yours since your Instagram and old tumblr days, so just wanted to pop in ask you how you've been doing? also asking for your hinny fic recs!

Hey, that's actually so cool!

It's been about three years since I stopped using that account. Unfortunately I had to study a lot to get into University and my free time has been greatly reduced. But all in all I'm fine now, thanks for asking. I hope you are too!

There are so many fics that I love that it's impossible to remember them all, so I'll try to fit some in here!

Consider that I like really everything from these authors, so I recommend you read their other fics in addition to the ones I suggest. It's totally worth it!

-Brumous by @seriouslysam8 and its prequels (my personal favourite is Backstabber). As far as I'm concerned, it's one of the best fics I've ever read and she's an amazing writer. She's on a break from Brumous at the moment, but is releasing Selcouth which is just as good in my opinion!

-7 Scandals and a Baby by @ginnyw-potter ! It's a story set during the Regency and has an incredible atmosphere around it! She's an incredible writer and has an insane creativity too. Think of any trope and 99% of the time she's already written about it lmao (if she hasn't already, she almost certainly will). Also, her Harry and Ginny are soo good. (Not a Done Deal is one of my favourites too!)

-These Cuts I Have by Melindaleo and its sequels. It's a trilogy set in the post-war period and it's a wonderful read. I just reread it for the third time and I love the way it deals with Harry's horrible childhood and the relationship he develops with the Weasleys! Read it!

-The Path From You by @takeariskao3 too! I feel stupid for only now discovering her work, but I'm spending my afternoons catching up on it all lol. It's a story full of angst and great tension building before Hinny arrives. But I love a good slow burn, I have to admit, and she wrote it so damn good! I really recommend reading it!

-An Hour of Wolves by @solvskrift ! This one is quite heavy and angsty because it deals with a particularly sensitive subject, but I think it's absolutely worth it. The worst thing is that it's about something that could have easily happened in the canon and it's horrible to think about. I love the way it is written and deals with such sensitive topics, as well as the wonderful characterization of the characters. It is a work in progress, but it is definitely worth reading because it is incredible!

These are just a few fics and I don't know how many more I'm missing, but feel free to recommend me some too!

[mcaelius]

hi jase!! any recs to learn about caelius? i love the few things i know about him and i need More

hello!!!! yes i Do have recs :-]  however first of all

i am not a classicist and haven't studied him / that time period in any sort of detail academically, so if i recommend an outdated text / miss something really obvious then please more knowledgeable mutuals correct meeee

ANYWAY:

wrt primary sources, all the letters from book 8 of ad familiares were written by him (cicero’s replies can be found in book 2) which are like. thee most important to read i would say

the pro caelio of course . i would also say r g austin’s third edition introduction to it is pretty good for more general overviews of Stuff, though it’s from the sixties so. take it critically

there are small little mentions/anecdotes about him around - seneca mentions him in de ira, he gets a little bit of valerius maximus, there's a tiny section on him in cassius dio and caesar mentions him briefly in his bellum civile

pliny mentions him also when talking about aconite which is how we know about the whole 'accusing bestia of being a serial killer who fingered his wives to death' thing (paraphrasing)

the only surviving fragments of his oratory (to my knowledge) are in quintilian! awesome sexy in hybridam fragment save me

catullus & his world by t p wiseman has a section on caelius which is Really Good .

and also like. catullus in general . read catullus 🫵

another older text is cicero and his friends by gaston boissier - again this is from like the 1800s so a lot of stuff is outdated (esp wrt catullus.? if i remember right. i also remember him being really mean about ovid for no reason :[ ) but you know. awesome and cool. corrupting intercourse etc etc

the only full length biography of him is by marina volponi - i have a pdf (thanks lu!) that i can send you if you’d like, though it is in italian 

this which i found like yesterday . i don't agree with a lot of what it says about caelius esp regarding his later life but it's really fucking funny sometimes??

comedy in the pro caelio 👍

these articles are all pretty good - i used to have a Hoard with many more but i've since lost it. wails.

(probably not what you were asking about but still - wrt historical fiction, the key / the lock / the door in the wall by benita jane karo are all caelius-y (the key + the door in the wall from his perspective) and fun, if not super accurate. attis of course. the cicero trilogy. he shows up like two whole times in masters of rome </3 and i haven't read it but i've heard roma sub rosa has a good caelius in !)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. hope that was at least a little bit helpful!

[notforpenance]

Hey! This is for the askgame, because I’m sure that I’d love any recommendation from you :)

💖 a fic you recently read, loved and why!

💗 a fic you’ve reread again and again and why!

my tastes can be a little all over the place, so i hope some of these interest you C: i wanted to do one carcar and one lestappen for each but then i found like five lestappen fics i wanted to say so you get a few more than one.

💖 a fic you recently read, loved and why!

You'll Just Have to Remind Me by @seaplease (t, carcar, memory loss) this fic is still in progress, but so far, I'm loving it. carlos has antiretrograde amnesia which means he wakes up every day thinking it is the same as the day before, and he keeps going to the convenience store every night where oscar works to buy dryer sheets. oscar begins to realize that there's something a little strange about the same guy buying dryer sheets every single night and engaging him in the exact same conversation each time. when i first started it i was a little confused as to how it could be carcar if carlos never remembers what has happened during his day but the dynamic is carried out so well and it feels really natural and lifelike. definitely recommend it, i'm excited to see more of this one.

blood chem by @sediciii (e, lestappen, vampire, roommates) i'm a sucker for vampire fics (pun intended). this one is probably my favorite i have ever read. it's a lestappen oneshot. max is a vampire, and charles is his all-too-willing-to-help roommate. max looks forward to charles coming back to the room so that he can feed, and charles looks forward to letting max feed for... other reasons. it's very sexy and a little soft, and i love the dynamic between the two of them

💗 a fic you’ve reread again and again and why!

purpose in you by @charlescoded (e, lestappen, arranged marriage, dune au) it's a lestappen dune au oneshot. if you know about dune, charles is a member of the benegesserit and max takes on like a feyd-rautha-type role, and they have an arranged marriage. it got posted right when i was watching the second dune movie for the first time, so it was perfect timing to hook me in. i wish there were more fics in dune au because i feel like that universe has a lot to offer. i cannot express enough how much i am absolutely obsessed with this piece. it is written at a level of writing quality i can only aspire to ever write in my lifetime. the whole piece is entirely enthralling. it is the second part of the series, but this is the one i always reread. the first part is breeding grounds

Ruckus by @tylersayscool (e, lestappen, dystopian battle royale) let me start by saying that everything I've read from this author is so good, i highly recommend checking her out if you haven't already. this one is my favorite, here's the description because i don't think i can do it justice. "The students are taken to a deserted island, fitted with explosive collars, and given random weapons. They are instructed to kill each other until only one survivor remains. If no one is killed within a set time period, the collars will detonate, killing everyone." this fic has such a chokehold on me that i literally was quoting sections in my journal and dissecting them in like essay length entries LOL. the writing is so high quality and the plot is so interesting and unique.

Open my mouth, on my knees (for you) by @lovelylotusf1 (e, carcar) a little less than a year ago i was scrolling through the second round of F1 Kinkmeme submissions looking for oneshots to read and i found this one. funfact: my one fic "you're too sweet for me" was originally supposed to be a lestappen fic and then i read this piece and i was like 'damn i wanna write carcar' and i switched it to that instead. this is a carcar oneshot. here's the description: "Oscar has to deal with the consequences of a drunken confession he sent to Carlos. He gets more than he bargained for." i keep coming back to it because it has such a special place in my heart.

okay i will stop rambling now! there are a few more i would've thrown in but this is already super long i feel like, so i hope some of these are fresh for you to enjoy C:

[sealochs]

a year in review

my therapist recommended that i sit down, go through my diary & calendar & blog, & compile a list of everything i have done this year so that i have incontrovertible evidence of the immense amount of things i have achieved, survived & overcome in the past twelve months. & it has been so affirming & empowering to do; at the end of a year which has felt so overwhelming, i can hardly believe that i actually achieved all of these things. & w. was there for very, very few of them. i deserved & deserve so much better, so much stronger, so much kinder.

anyway, i'm putting the list under the cut, & warmly recommending this to everyone as an activity in self-respect, self-love, self-reflection, etc., etc., & co.

i maintained, cleared and sold my late Mum's house this involved constant emails & phone calls all year, exhausting journeys of over 300 miles by train & then by car once i had my licence, endless tip runs & charity shop runs, selling furniture on eBay & arranging for collections, liaison with estate agents, speed learning a lot about property & finance, exhausting garden maintenance & cleaning, fights with the council who kept fucking up the tax liabilities; and none of this is to mention the emotional difficulty of sorting through my mum's things, deciding what to keep & what to give away & what to sell, & the grief of leaving her house for the final time in july; the house where i had cared for her, the home she had lived & died in. & i did almost all of it entirely on my own.

i bought my own flat in Edinburgh a joyful counterpoint to the above; a safe place finally to land, which i can make entirely my own; i think it's about the best thing i could have done for myself post-breakup, but it is also a very real way of closing the door on my relationship, & i've felt very bittersweet about that. i have also had to make removals plans over the festive period & balance a lot of very time-sensitive admin with similarly time-sensitive end of semester marking. the move in january will be exhausting, but so so wonderful when it is done & i am settled.

i wrote the 2nd chapter of my PhD all 20,000+ words of it! & i have done, of course, all the reading, thinking, editing & rewriting which this involved. but it is now a very solid, very good chapter, & only needs minor edits to be polished. that i managed to pull this off around everything to do with mum's house is truly incredible to me. i don't know how it happened but it did, & it's work that i am so proud of.

i taught on 3 summer schools one in st andrews, one online & one in cambridge. i wrote & gave two lectures, one on mrs dalloway & one on a sketch of the past, & delivered large- & small-group teaching on five different woolf texts. they were such rewarding experiences, & i cannot wait for next year's.

i taught my 1st undergraduate course an introduction to english literature course, 1800 to present day! like the summer schools, this was so wonderfully rewarding. i got to plan & deliver a semester's worth of seminars, & mark coursework essays & exams. i learnt so much about what works & doesn't work for this kind of course, & can't wait to apply those lessons to next semester's teaching. the fact that i even managed to deliver my classes on mrs dalloway the day after w. broke up with me, & find joy in doing so, is probably a highlight, actually. it shows me how good i am at what i do; i can do it with a broken heart.

i went on 2 archive trips one to king's college, cambridge, & one to the british library in london. i made really significant discoveries on both trips & i'm so looking forward to writing them all up into my 3rd chapter next year. both of these archive trips were also done around trips to mum's house to do clearance & maintenance & meet estate agents, & again the fact that i managed still to make them so productive is incredible to me.

i presented at my university's graduate conference & submitted an abstract for next year's international woolf conference! a light conferencing load for me this year, because i simply didn't have time for them, but i already have so many on my cv that i'm feeling very at peace with that.

i passed my theory & practical driving test got my licence finally in may, which made the final stages of dealing with mum's house easier; actually passed in the pissing rain while suffering from a horrendous cold, then did the long drive to the midlands only a few weeks later.

i went to therapy consistently even when it was hard; even when i didn't know what to talk about; even when i felt like i was constantly repeating myself; i trusted the process & i'm so glad i did.

i broke up with my phone this was a gamechanger in september. some of it has slipped since my actual breakup, but some of it has stuck, & i'm hopeful that i'll get back to a more phoneless existence in the new year. at the end of september i felt so much more present, so much more alive, so much more observant & focused & active. i'd like to feel that way again.

i travelled i was so lucky to travel to dublin, iceland, new york, india & france this year; i'm hoping for more european city breaks next year. vienna is already booked for january, & prague, stockholm & copenhagen are on my wish list. solo travel is a big goal.

i reinvested in my hobbies & interests i went pretty regularly to a weekly writing group! i did two blocks of pottery classes! i got a swim membership & took up regular swimming again! i walked & hiked & went wild swimming when i could! i also read 14 books, which maybe isn't a lot, but in the context of everything else i did this year it's something i'm proud of, & i enjoyed every single one. i also cooked a lot of new things, & fed myself well for the most part.

& in addition to all these things; all of this hard work, all of these decisions, all of the admin, & all of my grief, i still held so much time & space for my friends this year. i think this may be what i'm most proud of. going through my diary & calendar, there are so many entries for dinners & visits & trips & drinks with friends, new & old. i have for the most part managed to be present for the people i love & who love me, despite everything. if there's anything i definitely want to take into the new year, it's that.

[weena-mercator]

narumitsu fic recs - part 1

I've been putting together fic recs for a while, trying to sort things into different categories rather than just sharing one big post of stories that are all over the place in type, length, etc. - I've appreciated all the fic recs I've gotten on reddit and in nrmt discord servers, and wanted to compile things in such a way that it makes it easier for those who are interested in reading more fanfic! while I still have decent amount of fics bookmarked on my "to read" list, i have read a not insubstantial number this year (don't mind me just rolling into the fandom nearly 23 years late - actually I really liked AA when I first saw GG play in 2019, bought the game b/c of it - & I liked nrmt but something about JFA was the turning point for me to become just totally normal about them)

anyways, i digress...

I'll start off with my favorite contenders for long (more than 50K words) canon-compliant (or mostly canon-compliant fics) - some are more dramatic and some are more light-hearted

obviously since this is a recommendation list, I may make comments about how I feel about something with a fic that you don't agree with - I only say this to point out some of my thoughts regarding the fic, not to start a hc war... and I'm definitely not trying to say "this author is wrong" or anything like that, just pointing out my personal opinion

a long way to fall by prospectkiss

this is the first long fic I ever read for nrmt and I can't recommend it enough. Heads up that this fic is E - Taking place between T&T and AJ (handwavey give them more time in this time period than in canon), this is also a case fic that majorly ties in to the plot - you've got romantic tension, mutual pining, drama, angst and a great (and spicy) ending. word count: 78K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: I admit I am partial to getting together fics that are pre-disbarment or very early 7YG, the PINING and build up is incredible and it’s very difficult to put down but especially once you get about halfway through, it will be hard to stop! I think I read this in only 2 sittings.

the long way home by griffonage

a fic that deserves SO much more love - it is so incredibly well-written and heart-wrenching. the very beginning covers major events of the first trilogy quickly while the majority of the story takes place during the 7YG. Phoenix is always right there for Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is pretty great at making terrible decisions -including running away from things he wants deep down- and that finally takes its toll on Phoenix, whose anger is very justified. Per the tags: ??? to friends?? to it's complicated to it's VERY complicated to... unsurprisingly this makes for a pretty angsty relationship & moments that make you just want to shake Miles (and Phoenix, but a lot more Miles). This is also an E fic FYI, as far as I remember that stuff is only short scenes in a few places as opposed to like, a whole chapter devoted to it. word count: 84K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: there are multiple little case fics along the way that are interesting, this story truly made me sad I wasn’t also working and exploring in Europe, Trucy!!, the OCs are very well done, it’s a great character study of Miles, and writing wise, this is one of the most well-written stories I’ve ever read among fanfic and published novels written in my lifetime

trace (vestiges) by FaultyParagon

this fic is pretty well known, and while it may not rank quite as high for me now as it did when I first read it, I do regard it highly. I don't know how much editing/beta-reading happened for it, so my one little thing about it is that the grammar mistakes happened a little too frequently to gloss over, but still not terrible (I know we all write for free but with frequent or significant enough errors, I'm taken out of the world easily, maybe that's not a problem that affects the majority of readers, idk). A mostly filling in the gaps fic that takes place from AAPW to right before DD - it's not exactly a slow burn, but just because they manage to get together earlier rather than later doesn't mean they aren't going to encounter obstacles in their relationship. This fic is M - it sort of rides that line between M and E in my opinion, as the sex isn't very graphic but not just glossed over either. word count: 225K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: touch-starved Miles, again, I’m partial to them getting together pre-disbarment, despite it not being exactly a slow burn it does have quite a build up, I really love seeing Miles have a lot personal growth, especially in regards to handling his emotions, during his “choose death” year and during 7YG as well as how he is there for Phoenix and Trucy during that time

turnabout feelings by ssygir

a 7YG fic where Edgeworth requests Phoenix's help to research trials by jury, bringing Phoenix and Trucy with him to Paris - where they unintentionally get caught up in a murder investigation, and Phoenix realizes his feelings for Edgeworth are definitely not platonic. While my personal view is that Phoenix has known he's been in love with Miles for a looooong time, I can appreciate a good fic where he's just now figuring that out. Some little things about Edgeworth's characterization feel off to me, but maybe that's just me. This fic is E, but that's pretty much limited to one chapter. one small note: this fic does have a follow up, but hasn't been updated in over a year (although the author has said they plan to finish it at least! so hope is not lost yet) word count: 76K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s an early 7YG getting together story, the case fic is fun, not a total sloooooow burn but definitely builds up, a good pick when you want a more lighthearted story with very little angst

dating for a turnabout by Mikomikono

technically set in that tiny window between AAI2 and Phoenix's disbarment, Miles asks Phoenix to join him to investigate a smuggling operation at a resort - except they find out that the event taking place at the resort is a couple's retreat, and the only way to have full access is to pose as one... oh and of course Larry happens to be there too. This one is a fun case fic with mutual pining, only one bed and a sprinkling of angst among some silliness and fluff - while I wish there was a little more to the ending, it was a very fun read, T rating. word count: almost 90K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: the author has little profiles and evidence info for the case posted for each chapter, very fun! I’m picky about fake dating stories and I think this one does it very well, and again, I really like seeing pre-disbarment getting together - and they are pining fools here, it’s good stuff

chasing history by SlatedForAbandonment

post canon, Phoenix invites Miles to stay in his guest room while he's in LA working on his PhD. Some small notes on timeline - this is where it gets a little loose with canon compliance, although the author does note that in the tags - Edgeworth is already Chief Prosecutor but currently taking a leave of absence to work on his dissertation, but hasn't found permanent residence again yet, despite this being a few years post SOJ (at one point it is stated that Apollo is 28) - I also feel like a lot of Edgeworth's behavior/reactions are more fitting of trilogy era Edgeworth, or even early 7YG... all that being said, it is a super slow burn, well-written with fun dialogue and very sweet moments as well as a bit of angst. rating is T. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: even though I feel like this story would more realistically take place much earlier in canon, you get a great slow burn with plenty of incredibly sweet moments along the way that just make you melt

the catch-up game by theacegrace

post canon, Trucy is on a year-long magic show tour and Phoenix is left feeling like everyone keeps moving on and leaving him behind, while also dealing with some realizations regarding one Miles Edgeworth. again, my personal take is that Phoenix would've realized this long before now, but this story is an interesting Phoenix character study and once you get about 3/4 through the story, the situation is very tense - it's hard to not read this whole thing, or at least the back half, in one sitting. rated T. word count: 66K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s always interesting to consider that prior to his disbarment, Phoenix was the more self-assured and bold one of the two when it came to matters of the heart, and then afterwards that essentially flips for a while - now Miles has gained a lot of confidence and gone through a lot of emotional growth (Phoenix starts to gain this back a lot after becoming a lawyer again, but he’s definitely not just back to trilogy-era Phoenix)

it would feel so good to make you mine by hi_its_ellis and lowbatteryhealth

post DD, this is an unusual slow burn - both Phoenix and Miles know they're in love with each other, but they've come to an unspoken agreement on how to handle this - there's a winner and a loser, and the "loser" is whoever cracks first. honestly, another fic where I just wanted to shake them until they came to their sense, but it's very fun and sweet, T rating. word count: 54K POV: various why it’s a must read IMO: it’s tagged idiots to usdiots LMAO, so many sweet moments among the aggravation - they are BOTH moron-sexual, your honor, and you’ll want to strangle them /affectionate…

a turnabout toast by ideny

summary by author: (after the events of AJ) an estranged Phoenix and Miles respond to a friendly challenge from an unexpected source: do three things each to fix your lives. this fic is technically the least canon compliant because we of course learn in DD (and this fic was written before the release of DD) that Phoenix and Miles did spend time together during his disbarment, at the very least in Europe helping Miles research. So this is a hell of an angsty read, worth it for the story-telling despite that it departs from canon in that way. Not rated, but I don't recall anything above T rating stuff happening in it. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: damn they really go through it in this one, dealing with the aftermath of the events of AJ is very interesting, lots of angst but I feel compelled to tell you don’t worry, the ending will ease your pain

Obligatory recs:

legal partners by miggy

project: matchmakers by WingSongHalo

how to court a fool in under three months by snowyrunes

All 3 of these are post canon getting together fics, AND all 3 are told from various POVs, not just Phoenix and Miles - there's a reason they are some of the most well-known ones - PM is probably the most fluffy with the least angst (and has a very cute multi chapter follow up), followed by LP (has a fairly short E follow up) - HTCAFIUTM is the slowest burn (it also has a follow up that hasn't been updated since 2022... which stinks because it did leave off on a bit of a cliffhanger and I really wanna know what's going to happen lol)

I have yet to read the highly regarded canon-compliant long fics listed below, but they are on my to-read list!

you ever been in love? by hechima

saturation by tiedyed trickster *

indefensible by zombolouge *

a brief for the defense by Ophelia_Writes * (this has now been orphaned FYI)

turnabout dishwasher by zuzsenpai

*indicates that it has not been finished yet, possibly won't ever be

If you know of any other 50K+ canon-compliant fics that you'd highly recommend, please let me know!

my other posts will be for AUs, chapter fics shorter than 50K, one-shots (might have to divide those up by theme), probably a NSFW set as well if there's interest!

[attempted--eloquence]

hello, good morning/afternoon/night! this is the person from a couple days ago who recommended "scars" by the cranes wives in ur fic. i'm so sorry to bother u but i wanted to say thanks for responding to my comments and share ur own thoughts. i've always kinda kept my observations about the things i read to myself but the way ur works are so good that made me want to stop being a ghost reader and commenting on every fic you publish how much love it.

in fact, i was going to rave about ur fic "boy who cried apocalypse" but i got held up by work and technical problems with the website, so here i am, and i would like to ask, if u don't mind answering of course: what are ur general thoughts on liam dunbar and his development? because i think he is a misunderstood character in this fandom because people forget how he had to adapt a lot quicker in transitioning to the supernatural and the consequences of that. i mean, it's only been a few days since he got bitten, but he already has to fight for his life because of bounty hunters, an experience that he would live again in the season 6b lol. and don't get me started on his nightmares about the berserkers. but i also blame teen wolf for not having more silly episodes in general that remind the viewer how young liam and his friends were when the supernatural shit started and how difficult it will be for them to adapt to the "new normal" that monroe left behind. there should have a been a prom or winter formal episode.

and ur fics are an excellent exploration of that with the way u weave humor and introspection through simple scenarios. the fact that liam's choice to order food had so much background drives me insane; it shows how much thought u've put into everything and also how much u've thought about these characters.

sorry for this long question

Omg hi!!! Thank you so much, that makes me so freaking happy to hear!! :)

Okay, so full disclosure I’m nearing the end of a Teen Wolf rewatch (currently in season 5), and I keep rediscovering scenes or details that I had completely forgotten about over time but that have now definitely impacted my interpretation of characters (like Liam!) — and I’m pretty sure by the time I wrap up the show again I’d probably have a different answer to this question.

Fully agree that Liam has quite possibly one of the roughest (if not the roughest?) adjustment periods on the series both because of everything that happens after he’s bitten AND because of all the shit before he’s bitten.

Expelled, new school, trying to shake the violent reputation following him around, stopped taking his antipsychotics bc they make him feel like shit, trying to stand out on his new lacrosse team—not to mention the team captain and his best friend seem to be out for his head and trying to sabotage him?—fucks up his ankle which jeopardizes his season early on, gets chased onto the roof of the hospital by a cannibalistic monster and then fucking bitten by the lacrosse team captain? And that’s all before the supernatural trauma shitstorm w/ his first full moon, the assassins, and the berserkers even kicks in lmao. Also, this is a weird thing to fixate on but I keep wondering whether freshman year of high school is the first time Liam has ever seen a dead body. Because after transferring to BHHS he sees A LOT.

Sometimes I get sad about how cocky and confident human Liam seemed on the lacrosse field because I feel like a lot of that gets washed away when lacrosse starts coming secondary to like, surviving in Beacon Hills as a werewolf. He found his niche in this sport and now he’s gotta pivot to a whole new life where that’s not the most important thing anymore (cue his little sad monologue to Scott, “I’m not like you. You and your friends trying to protect everyone…”). He also doesn’t get the version of Scott and Stiles that are still kinda fumbling their way around the supernatural while trying to be normal teenagers first and foremost. Everyone is older, more experienced, understands the existential stakes of what they have to deal with—and he kinda has to learn to run before walking, before even crawling, to keep up with them.

Because of the breakneck/back-to-back sequence of calamities between s4-s6 (I mean, obviously there’s some breathing room between seasons, but not much), I tend to feel like post 6b—when Monroe has fled and the Anuke-ite is dead and Beacon Hills isn’t quite normal but also isn’t overtly deadly in the apocalyptic sense—has to be an extremely disorienting and also exhausting time. But also offers a lull to think/reflect on everything that happened—which gives time to like, spiral about everything that has happened as well. Like. What now? What next? Which is why I tend to write about that time period. It’s such a liminal space to me.

TLDR: dude just wanted to play lacrosse.🥲

I hope this is coherent and answers your question even if just a little bit!!!🫶🏾

[littleblueclown]

Someone on AO3 asked me for writing tips since they want to start writing fics for the first time. I kinda wound up typing out a big ol' eleven paragraph essay of advice but my sister said I should post here so more people can read my tips. So uhh if you're interested in some of the tips and advice I've got, you can read my reply below the cut!

I will definitely say planning is important. I've noticed that if I don't have a decent outline that'll take me from start to finish it's harder to actually write the whole thing and it often winds up an abandoned project - having it even more fully planned is preferable but I often have a few gaps where I'll have to figure out how to get from plot point C to D or whatever, which can be annoying to figure out down the line, hence I recommend getting it as fleshed out as possible first.

Write what you love, that's another big one. Start small if it's intimidating - just like, a oneshot, a scene that you think would be fun to see between some characters you love or something. You could always look up writing prompts if you need inspiration. And, of course, reading is a huge help! I can't imagine being a writer without having read plenty of things myself - and read with the mindset of writing too. Like, reading for enjoyment is great (though since I've been writing since I was like, 12 I think I technically always read with the writer's brain somewhat active LOL) but taking note of things you like about how others write as you read can be really helpful. Like artists using other art styles as inspiration!

Also keep an eye on things like punctuation, spelling, grammar, etc - I'm certainly not perfect at it, but if you make a lot of big errors it can really distract a reader. I like to use Grammarly to help point out mistakes that I missed, but a word of warning, it's not always accurate, so definitely don't just accept everything it says as correct. It mostly helps me to see areas that *might* be wrong so I can see whether or not something actually needs changed. One mistake I tend to see newer writers do a lot is failing to make new paragraphs where they should. So be sure to follow the P rule - new Person, Place, Perspective, Plot point, Point of view, or Period of time are all moments when you should be making a new paragraph. So read up on basic grammar/punctuation/capitalization/etc rules and maybe even look up common mistakes people make so you can keep an eye out for it in your own work!

A trick I've found handy to help with writing characters if you're having trouble keeping them in character is to do a character study. Look at what's happened to them, their personality, and write about the whole thing. From their perspective, preferably. Try to get in their head. What makes them tick? What makes them who they are? What events have shaped them?

When it comes to dialogue, I encourage reading the scenes out loud after you write them. Does it sound natural? Does it sound like something they wouldn't actually say? Reading what you've written out loud in general can help you catch mistakes or areas that don't flow right, and if you've got someone you trust to read to, definitely do that - they might point out areas that don't make sense to a third party reader but only made sense to you because you already knew what you meant.

Don't be afraid to use a thesaurus, but don't get crazy with it unless super wordy purple prose with extravagant language is the style you're aiming for LOL use it where it really counts! Not all synonyms have the same feeling and vibe so keep that in mind when deciding what words to use. And do NOT listen to people who say said is dead. If you try to use a descriptive dialogue tag (aka stuff like mumbled, shouted, cried, sighed, etc) for every sentence it's gonna start sounding super weird. Our eyes and brains tend to skip over "said” because it's so basic. So if you need to make it clear who is talking (and you do want to make it clear so people don't get lost in ten lines of back and forth dialogue while forgetting who is saying what) without trying to figure out a special way that person can talk or some action they can do while speaking just so you're not saying "said", don't worry about it. Said is not bad, it's very useful. Save the dialogue tags for when someone is talking in a specific manner that's important to the tone of the story. If they're upset, make it clear in their voice or mannerisms. If they're extra excited or really angry. Use dialogue tags where you actually have something to get across.

I also advise trying to show not tell. Like yeah, some things need to be outright said sometimes, but there's plenty of ways to show things. Don't say "he was mad" if you can say "his fingers curled, anger blooming in his chest". "Thinking of her dead father made her sad" could be "her eyes started to burn with tears at the very thought of her late father's passing". I also recommend avoiding the extensive character physical description all crammed into one or two paragraphs the moment you meet them fjkfkgkgk you can sprinkle in their appearance over time. In one sentence, you can use something like "her blue eyes met his" and then a paragraph later, "shoving her black hair behind her ears with a huff, she (etc)". Unless it's really important to a character, it's not necessary to know what their entire outfit looks like, you know? Unless it helps show who they are or really stands out. It might be good to mention if it makes it clear what they do for work without having to outright say it, or if it helps paint the picture of their personality or life style. But it's not always needed or important. Learning to cut out stuff that's not actually important to forwarding plot or character growth and things can be really challenging (I try and put those in a different document in case I can use them another time or at least draw inspiration from them) but it is good to eventually learn.

What else... Oh, action scenes, if you ever want to write those, know that the more detailed and descriptive you get, the slower the scene will *feel*. This is something that's really fun actually, once you start to get the hang of it. You can have part of the fight feel like it's flying by so fast, wham bam kick just by keeping it within a few sentences. And then you can draw it out a bit more using more descriptive words and actions for another part of the scene. It's neat to play with the timing of things using that method - which can apply to more than just action scenes, but I feel like it tends to be easier to notice during those.

Also, write literally anything down that you come up with and think, oh that's kind of fun! You might find a place for it somewhere eventually. Don't be afraid to write scenes out of order - you can always tweak them to fit later! I've got a separate document for each story I write that's basically just future scenes or lines I'd like to fit somewhere if I can. Don't think there's no point in writing something down just because it's only one sentence. If it's a sentence you like the sound of, it might come in handy later!

Most importantly, practice a lot and don't be afraid to write badly. Like, it's all just steps towards getting better! Everyone starts somewhere! You might suck at first and that's okay - I can't even begin to express how horrible and cringey my writing was when I first started LOL it was like the kind of fanfic materials you see people making fun of and mocking. But I loved writing so I kept doing it and over time I got better! Just like any craft, unfortunately, it takes time and effort and doing it repeatedly (regularity can certainly help - sometimes I feel rusty if I go long periods without writing a single thing). Writing when inspiration strikes is always great, but sometimes you'll find yourself completely without inspiration, and when that happens, sometimes you just gotta force yourself to put pen to paper or fingers to keys and do it anyway. You can always go back and revise and improve later, or rewrite the entire thing if you don't like it, but something is better than nothing. If you hate what you wrote, ask yourself why and look for what it is you want to improve.

I mean heck, I've been writing for, what, over a decade? And I write stuff all the time that I look at and go hhh yeah,,, not the proudest of that, I could do better, I HAVE done better, etc, so even if it's been a long time you'll probably have those feelings plenty, but I think that just comes with creative hobbies because I certainly feel that plenty about my art too LOL don't get too discouraged though. When you read something that makes you go man, I wish I could write like that :/ my stuff sucks in comparison :/ try to think about what it is that's so good about what you read. What it is that you'd love to emulate into your own stuff. Is it the descriptive terminology? Is it the plot? Munch on it and try to figure out how you can use it to improve rather than just get discouraged about your stuff.

That's all I can really think of at the moment as far as the kind of general, all-encompassing sort of advice goes + some extras I just feel like I've picked up over time that I don't see talked about a ton in general writing advice... But if you have any questions, feel free to reach out! I love writing and I love to see people get into the craft <3

[pastafossa]

hi pasta :) hope your week is going well so far !!

i dunno if you’ve spoken about this or been asked before (i apologise if you have) but i was just wondering how you always get matt’s characterisation so spot on?? if i didn’t know any better, i’d have thought you wrote the show. i can literally always picture him doing/saying the stuff you write <333

😭😭😭 This is like, an AMAZING compliment oh my god, thank you so much!

As for the question I'm not sure if I've talked about it before but ironically seeing it in my ask box triggered a discussion with sis. Like, I know there are folks who have a different take on Matt than mine. That's valid! So I don't want to be like... 'I did the research and delved and etc etc' because they do too. But eventually me and sis arrived at a conclusion that it's a few combos of things that makes Matt easy for me to click with:

A lot of psych classes in college that ironically I've used more for writing than anything else. This helped me understand some of how Matt's background of abandonment and trauma would potentially affect him and influence his coping techniques and behavior. I like learning psych stuff in general so that all wound up being an influence. I'll always recommend digging into this when working with characters!

I've watched Daredevil over and over and over and over and the more I've rewatched, the more I wind up picking up on new things and analyzing what Matt is thinking or feeling (bless Charlie for giving Matt so many little hints and fidgets and subtle touches of what Matt's internally feeling). This includes interviews, behind the scenes stuff, anything breaking down the why of Matt. I'm familiar with him at this point.

There are certain parts of Matt's character that I relate to incredibly strongly as a disabled person with chronic pain raised in the church, and also as someone who went through a long lonely period of depression where I felt very isolated, and then was afraid when I did finally make friends that they'd leave me. So. There's always an element with Matt that's like, 'ah I get it', this sense of resonation. I feel like that natural click with Matt really helped me when writing him, cause... been there, get the motivation, also dude needs to cry more and let that stress out, trust me.

This sounds weird but me and my sis love to break characters down, rip them apart to examine their insides. We love our favorite characters and talking about all their wholesome or badass elements, but we also gd love and have fun dissecting flaws, fuckups, the shadow self, character trauma, are they the asshole, is EVERYONE the asshole, what does this mean when he did this or that. The whole Pasta clan is immersed in that - Dad was a theatre major so got a lot of practice, Mom's loved lit forever, and we all have this tendency, so I got very comfortable very early with taking characters apart in a really honest way to figure out how and why they tick and what the writer/actor is trying to tell you. And since we've all seen Daredevil, and dad has also read a lot of the earlier comics, we've all more than once metaphorically laid Matt out on the table like a frog and dissected his character. I feel like having someone who's not only willing to talk about these layers with you, but also comfortable enough with you to kinda push back and go 'Or what if he was doing it because of this' or 'Ok yeah you love him but he was actually being the asshole here because *valid reason*' is important. Get you some allies who love to know why characters tick!

So basically lots of reading, really enjoying picking characters apart with fam, and familiarity, all mixed up in a bucket of 'Ooooh poor thing, I've been there and that was not fun. You really need therapy and maybe some antidepressants.'

[created-system-hub]

Hello! Recently found this blog actually while on the deep dive for tulpa things and needed a bit of help or advice with a couple things?

I've been thinking about tulpamancy and after a long decision, decided I'd go through with it. The major problem I have is attention span. I heavily suspect I have ADHD which makes it hard to focus on doing things for long periods of time. Sometimes I'd forget to force (I don't really like using this term ig but I'll just use it for the sake of tulpa terms) at all until I say something for a few minutes. The thing is, last year towards the end maybe..novemberish or October, there was a week where I somehow gained productivity and I managed to heavily focus on forcing and interacting with my headmate I'm trying to help. I've gotten some signs of head pressures but nothing too shabby. I finally got my first sign that he's sentient/the first sign of vocality when he overlapped my words when I was reading and reacting to a post on the tulpa reddit. Ever since then I've been more convinced that yes I *can* do this and I *can* do this. But once December and January started to come, my mental health started to take a turn and it's been hard for me to do things. Especially around January. And I'm worried that progress mightve back tracked since I either haven't thought about him for the entire day or only passive forced for a few minutes

I want to clarify that I really am dedicated. One thing I saw was this is a long term thing and shouldn't be taken lightly without dedication to start forcing. But I know I'm dedicated. I know he's real. I want to help him reach vocality since I'm hoping that even though I've gotten few signs, that he's here and sentient. But it's hard not to feel discouraged when I'm worrying that I've accidentally back tracked during that period of time and that I'm letting him down

Welcome! Luckily you happened to pick a good blog to talk to because I've got ADHD too :P

That week you had sounds like a hyperfixation, where your brain just gets super obsessed with something for a short time, and then stops. Its so frustrating when those randomly pop in and out, but what can you do.

I would recommend giving yourself a physical reminder to force. I used a repeating reminder on my phone for a while. You could write your tulpa's name on the back of your hand in sharpie. Maybe make a playlist of his songs. Anything that'll make you go "oh yeah, he exists :)" is good. I usually browse tulpamancy guides when I'm bored as a way to get me from being on the internet 24/7. Make tulpamancy like daydreaming, its something your brain can fall back on if there's nothing else to do, and it keeps your tulpa always in the back of your mind.

Tulpamancy, and creation in general, is not a race. Comparing yourself and your progress to others is admittedly setting yourself up for failure, because you'll feel discouraged. I'm a year and a half in, and I admittedly feel like we still have a lot of development to go.

Backtracking can happen, but its not the end of the world. We've experienced a lot of "two steps forward, one step back" in our journey that we admittedly haven't talked much about online. You aren't letting your tulpa down either by having mental health struggles. If he's like most tulpas, he gets it. Remember, he's in your head! He quite literally understands better than anyone else.

Loss of progress sucks, but the only thing to do is continue. If you find yourself in a rut and unable to bring yourself to force, give yourself something to reinvigorate your focus. If you've done chemistry, I think of it like electron energy levels. You need a lot of energy to jump from one orbital to the next. There's often a certain amount of brain fog and general executive dysfunction to overcome that acts like this. Rant about him to someone, find something new he likes, go back over his personality/base (if he has a preexisting one). Do something that gives you enough energy to make that jump to the next orbital.

ADHD brains work best with new and stimulating information. The best kind of forcing you can do with your tulpa will be the kind that's fun and you remember to do. Constantly challenge yourselves, try out new techniques together, even if you think he isn't "there" enough to pull it off. The effort and time spent together is what matters, not how "good" you are at the task.

If you'd like recommendations for guides, I can find you some of my favorites. Feel free to drop me a DM or another ask!

[bonefall]

Hi Bones!! Thank you for you hard work on this project and for sharing it with us!

I've seen your posts about weird representation of society (regarding the "natural order of things") in xenofiction, especially in lion king, so I wanted to ask:

could you recommend any xenofiction media that has all (or most of the) animal species sapient? Or is the only solution to make just one or two species sapient while the others (especially prey) are plain animals?

Really sorry if you've seen this ask from me before - my account had a weird laggy period when I couldn't send or receive messages and asks, so I don't know if you got the previous one! I just know that now it's fixed so I double all the asks sent haha

Honestly I'm not totally sure! If any 3rd person has some good recommendations for "every being is alive" xenofiction types, feel free to weigh in.

If you want to jump in with me though, I am following the webcomic Africa. It updates every Wednesday. Africa is about a mother Leopard on the verge of a great ecological disaster, the relationship between her children and the animals around her, and the strength of both instinct and choice as the characters face an uncertain future.

Since it's ongoing, I still don't know how it's going to end and can't judge it as a full work! But it's absolutely fascinating and I think the author is doing a fantastic job so far. Bonus points for the way it portrays humans, btw.

No more spoilers though, if you're interested, it's on Webtoons.

(I'm also planning to read Oren's Forge soon. Ask me about it again in a few months over on Bonebabbles and I'll give you my thoughts)

As an aside though, funny you mention it because like... ever since I was a kid I've had a story I want to tell with the premise. It's a scintilla I've kept close to me for well over a decade but haven't done anything official with. So this is actually a theme I've thought about a lot.

It's rare to see it done well though because like... its very premise butts heads with reality. The "natural order" that an animal follows is not something it moralizes. A tiger doesn't have the capacity to think about how fucked up it is to kill to stay alive, the deer doesn't know that if its population isn't controlled it will destroy the forest.

They're animals. They don't HAVE that agency. Your dog does not care about being sterilized. A snake doesn't differentiate between a pinky and an adult mouse except in terms of if it will fit in its mouth. But the minute you put human morality in there... they have the ability to reason, create and agree on the rules of a society, make choices about MORALITY.

If nothing is going to change about their world, you just end up putting human arguments about "natural order" in their mouths and, well... start telling a parable justifying this "natural order."

(Genuine) Does what I'm saying make sense? Animals DON'T rationalize or negotiate. HUMANS do.

So the minute you're approaching a world with that logic, like it or not, you are invoking those "arguments from nature." And you're putting them in a being that is not fully an animal or a human, but an anthropomorphic mix which CAN rationalize but WON'T make an effort to change their world.

(Which is why tbh the best examples i know of are works with a theme of "change.")

OH WAIT I also remember another that's interesting!! Leafy: Hen into the Wild actually has a fascinating take on it. It's not interested in "moralizing" or really being about an animal society. It's a very emotional sort of movie, and it's about joys in adversity, the freedom that choice gives you, how bad things are going to happen and you can never completely prevent them.

INTENSE movie emotionally, the ending will wreck you (especially in the English translation which leaves out a really important theme making it feel abrupt x_x) but it's really good. Check that one out.

OH and also You Are Umasou. That one has more pitfalls imo (it does try to moralize a bit) but it's super unique as a movie. And is about dinosaurs.

[fdelopera]

Hey! Hope you’re doing well amidst everything going on. I saw one of your posts talking about Jewish history and something kind of clicked in my mind… because you’re right. I have never once been taught a single droplet of history about Jews besides the Holocaust. I want to turn that around, and learn more, because I find Judaism really cool and I want to learn more about it.

So, do you know where to begin when reading about Jewish history? I know it’s probably going to be extensive, but history is already extensive, and I wish I got taught more than just Christian ideology. This goes the same for any religion beyond Catholicism and Christianity. I really wish I was taught more about it.

Thank you!! Hope you have a good day :)

Thank you for your kind message. I really appreciate it. And thank you for wanting to learn more about Jewish history.

This past month especially has made me realize just how little most gentiles (non-Jews) know about Jewish history. It's been eye-opening, for sure.

It's also been horrifying to see the amount of white supremacist, antisemitic propaganda that people have been spreading online. Some people have been spreading this Nazi rhetoric intentionally, but many others have been spreading it because they don't have the context to understand that they are repeating Nazi dogwhistles. This month, I've seen more of Richard Spencer's Neo-Nazi talking points here on Tumblr than I ever have before. For context, Richard Spencer is this Nazi who got punched in the face.

In talking to gentiles, I often find that their knowledge of Jewish history extends to a few facts about the Holocaust. Some gentiles who have studied European history and political science may also have a general understanding of Hitler’s rise to power.

But that’s only the past several decades of Jewish history! And it's limited almost entirely to Europe!

Jews are a Levantine people from Judea (the area currently called Israel/Palestine), and our history goes back thousands of years to the Late Bronze Age.

For a good overview of Jewish history, from the Late Bronze Age to the present, I would recommend two YouTube channels. That’s a good place to start. There are many history books on the subject, but a lot of them are quite dense, and the videos from these two historians will give you a good general overview if you want to learn more.

Sam Aronow:

Sam Aronow covers the span of Jewish history, from the Late Bronze Age to modern times. It is an ongoing Jewish history project that he’s been producing for the past three years, and it is in chronological order. He is currently in the early 1900s, and he comes out with a new video every month or so (he's just released a new video this month).

Click here to go to Sam’s YouTube channel, and then you can scroll back to watch his videos from the beginning, or you can decide what time period of Jewish history you’re most interested in learning about first.

Useful Charts:

Matt Baker, PhD runs the YouTube channel "Useful Charts," and he often works with Sam Aronow's channel. He has a PhD in education and religion. Matt has a very interesting story. He converted to Judaism as an adult; when he was a young man, he escaped a Christian doomsday cult, which he was born into. This gives him a unique understanding of Jewish history, especially how the "Old Testament" is often weaponized by Evangelical Christians to advance specific right-wing agendas. (As I explain below, the Old Testament is NOT the Hebrew bible. It is a chopped up, reordered, edited, and mistranslated version of the Hebrew bible.) Matt's videos on the history of Judaism are well-researched, and he breaks down different aspects of Jewish history into easy-to-follow segments.

I) Jewish History series:

Which Bible Characters are Historical.

Kings of Israel & Judah Family Tree.

Maccabees & King Herod Family Tree. (by Sam Aronow)

Classical Rabbis Family Tree.

Judaism and Jewish Denominations Explained.

Jewish Streams (Denominations) Re-Explained. (by Sam Aronow)

II) Who Wrote the Tanakh and the New Testament series:

NOTE: The Tanakh (the Hebrew bible) is an acronym that stands for Torah (Instruction), Nevi'im (Prophets), Ketuvim (Writings). It is NOT the same as the "Old Testament" in the Christian bible. The Christian editors of the "Old Testament" cut up the Tanakh and reordered it in a way that doesn't make any sense for Jewish practice. Many Christian bibles (such as the King James Version) also intentionally mistranslate the Old Testament to advance specific religious, political, and social ideologies of their time.

Who Wrote the Torah.

Who Wrote the Prophets.

Who Wrote the Writings.

I am including links to Matt's series on who wrote the New Testament, because many people who were raised Christian were never given a historical context for the people who wrote the books of the New Testament.

Who Wrote the Apocrypha. (The Apocrypha are later-written Jewish books that are not included in the Tanakh, but do appear in some Christian bibles, like the Catholic bible)

Who Wrote the Epistles. (Paul's Epistles were written before the Gospels, which is why the Epistles are linked first.)

Who Wrote the Gospels and Acts. (The Gospels were all written long AFTER Jesus' lifetime, and AFTER the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 AD. They were NOT written by the people they are attributed to.)

Who Wrote Daniel, and Who Wrote Revelation. (Matt includes Daniel from the Nevi'im [Prophets] as well as Revelation from the New Testament in this video to discuss apocalypticism in Jewish and early Christian tradition.)

[daughterofheartshaven]

I had to take a bit of a break from Doctor Who novels to reread my Becky Chambers books this month, and next month I have several books written by friends lined up, but AFTER that I’m going back to reading Doctor Who.

I tried starting last time with the vna where Benny shows up (Love and War, I think?) but I was getting bored with it so now I will ask my better-read friend: where do you think I should start with reading eu books? To date I have only actually finished a few novelizations, some meta books, and Prisoner of the Daleks

I have no idea what your Doctor Who book taste is likely to be, and given that you liked Prisoner of the Daleks and I didn't and that you got bored with a book by Paul Cornel, I can conclusively state that we have very different tastes. So I'm going to recommend a bunch of Doctor Who books with a brief blurb about why I'm recommending them so you can make an informed decision on if you might like them. For the record, I have read pretty much all of the Virgin Doctor Who books (I skipped a few ones I knew I would not like), but have read less than a quarter of the BBC Doctor Who books, so this is going to be a very Virgin-Books oriented reccomendation.

So whenever I talk about the Virgin New Adventures, I will say that Theatre of War, Human Nature, and The Also People are in a three-way tie for my favorites of the range, so let's start with those.

Theatre of War: This is the book that introduced Braxiatel to the Whoniverse. Sometimes when a character gets introduced, it takes them a bit to find their feet and get their characterization nailed. This is not one of those times. Also notable for pulling off the best plot twist I have ever seen anywhere. The basic plot revolves around a theatre-obsessed empire funding an archeological dig to find a theatre machine, but the machine goes haywire and starts becoming actively dangerous.

Human Nature: The story that inspired the Tennant two-parter. It's not as focused on the tragedy of John Smith, but in exchange it has a very fleshed out cast of super interesting characters (the Family of Blood equivalent are now six fully fleshed out characters, as are several of the students and a few people from the local town) and focuses more on the futility of war. Timothy is also much more layered character here. We actually get a lot of lore about Gallifrey. One of the most emotional books I've ever read. I will say this is written by Paul Cornell, same guy who wrote Love & War, so if you don't like his prose or something be aware of that.

The Also People: A murder mystery set on the most realistic depiction of a utopia I have ever read. Unlike most Who books, the threat is on the back burner for almost the entire book, so while there is a mystery at hand, we get to just explore the setting and learn about how it works, and it's wonderful. This is a book about how society functions once it is truly post-scarcity, and the worldbuilding is so rich and accessible and wonderful.

And now some other more random books.

Festival of Death: The best Four/Romana book out there. Period. Also if you like time travel stories, this is for you - this makes Steven Moffat's stuff look simple. But the book does an amazing job of guiding the reader through the whole convoluted plot, so I never felt lost. The Doctor arrives on a space station, then discovers that yesterday, he stopped a zombie apocalypse on said station. So he has to go back in time and do that. That's how it starts, anyway - it gets so much more interesting from there.

Timewyrm: Revelation: This is another VNA, and while it does kinda close an arc, you don't need to understand the arc to make it work. A brilliant character study of both the Doctor and Ace that really understands both as characters. The plot isn't dependent enough on anything that came before, and is kind of a multi-Doctor story without actually being one. That'll make sense if you read it. It's very surreal. Also written by Paul Cornell, if that's a problem.

Blood Harvest / Goth Opera: Two connected books (one with the Seventh Doctor, one with the Fifth), that are notable for explaining how, when, and why Romana returned to the universe and sets her on her political path. They're both vampire stories - Blood Harvest is very tonally similar to State of Decay in your old classic-style horror, where Goth Opera is a much more sleek and modern take on the vampiric concept. Goth Opera is another Cornell book.

The Gareth Roberts books: Three very-well written, Douglas-Adams-esque books featuring the Fourth Doctor and Romana II. I bring them up because I know you really like the Fourth Doctor and Romana II, and these three books do replicate that era very well. Unfortunately, they had the misfortune to be written by Gareth Roberts, who was kicked out of being a Who writer in 2019 for being transphobic. The books are The Romance of Crime, The English Way of Death, and The Well-Mannered War, and while I do think they are well-written, I totally respect if it you'd rather read something by someone who wasn't an asshole.

All-Consuming Fire: The Doctor Who / Sherlock Holmes crossover, and it is glorious. The first third of the story is just a Sherlock Holmes story that happens to have the Seventh Doctor in it. The last third of the story is a standard Doctor Who story that has Sherlock Holmes in it. The middle is an equal mix of the two. Narrated from the diaries of Doctor Watson and Bernice Summerfield. I also do need to state that the story does do the Really Bad Thing of claiming that a Hindu god is an alien, and the way that is handled is just... so problematic. I love this story, but I cannot in good faith recommend it without that caveat and not wanting to see that is a valid reason to give this one a pass.

Dreams of Empire: This is my nostalgia concession - while it was not strictly speaking my first piece of Who EU, it was certainly the first one I loved. It features Second Doctor, Jamie, and Victoria, and uses a sci-fi setting to basically explore "what would have happened if Julias Ceaser had been peacefully removed from power"? Nice political intrigue piece set inside a prison in space. I know you're not as much about the Second Doctor as I am but the writing really does nail him here.

Cold Fusion: Probably my favorite multi-Doctor story in any medium. The fifth Doctor (with Tegan Nyssa Adric) meets the Seventh (with Chris and Roz, who are a pair of cops from a thousand years in the future who realized that ACAB still applies and ran away from their jobs with the Doctor). This one is one of the fastest-moving Doctor Who books, and while it has a lot of depth, it doesn't really front-load anything. Really solid character work with all seven returning characters, explores the setting (a human fringe colony world) really well, and has some good Gallifrey lore.

Lungbarrow: I... actually don't think you should go with this one. At least not at first. Now, its really good! Don't get me wrong. But it is also very dense in its prose and I suspect would be a lot harder to get into than most of the other books I've rattled off, and it does assume you've been reading Doctor Who books. I wouldn't call it a good place to start. But I would be doing you a disservice to not include it, because Lungbarrow is one million percent the precursor to the Gallifrey series - we have Romana and Leela in their familiar roles, with Ferian standing in for Narvin. The dynamic between the three of them isn't, like, what Lungbarrow is about, but it is there. Given how much you love Gallifrey, I can't skip it. Just maybe save it for once you've read a few virgin books and gotten used to how dense their prose always seems to be (Lungbarrow is by far not the worst at this, but I would argue it is probably one of the worst that is still very much worth reading. Marc Platt and Kate Orman have this annoying tendency to write truly amazing books that also have very dense prose).

[wordsofwilderness]

In light of recent events I thought it would be a good idea to make a post with a list of specific things you can do to make a difference, some for your own personal peace of mind and safety, some to fight on. Even if you are not from the US, please read on, many of these are applicable for everyone, the rise of the far right is not a unique problem to the US, and may of these precautions can end up helping in a lot of other situations too.

I've choose to ordered these roughly with the easiest first:

Personal archive

Download your favourite political literature, fics, books ect. You can get a thumb drive for pretty cheap at any tech store and most bigger supermarkets too if you don't already have one. For the tech savvy you can also download the entirely of Wikipedia (guide here).

Emergency money in cash

If you don't already have any emergency savings it's time to get some. Keep some of it in cash in a safe but accessible place. This can also be extremely useful in case of blackouts or natural disasters were the electricity network is likely to breakdown and cards therefor won't work.

Stop using period tracking apps

Switch it out with pan and paper, or a list of dates in your notes app, literally anything else. Even if the owners swear to protect your data and you are essentially blindly trusting your safety in not only their morals but also their security being better than anyone's hacking abilities (including the US government). Even if you for whatever reason isn't personally in a situation where a pregnancy has any chance of happening or would be any kind of problem, know that your data will be used to compare against those not as fortunate.

Keep a few days of food and other essentials on hand

This one might sound a lot more daunting than it is. Keep an extra bag of pasta or rice and a few cans of bean. I can also recommend a big bag of nuts if your not allergic, or an extra bag of flour and a few packs of dry yeast if you bake. Get into the habit of buying new stable items when you open something instead of when you run out. The important thing here is that these are all stable foods that you still occasionally use in day to day life so you can slowly cycle through and replace them so it never goes bad.

Get a passport

If you are from the US, please consider prioritising this one. Currently you can chose which gender marker you want yourself and it doesn't need to match any other ID you have (source), and who knows if you'll be able to under the next administration.

Join a union

Voting is to democracy what washing your hands is to personal hygiene. If you only wash your hands, all your teeth will fall out.

But jokes aside, lately I've encountered a lot of talk about the inherent conflict of interest between the democratic parties' donors and the working class needs. People seem to generally draw the conclusion that this mean there will never be a true left wing party in the US since money is needed to put forth any significant campaign. I live in Northern Europe and here it pretty common for any left leaning parties to get a decent part of their donations from unions.

If you need any proof for the potential for this can be, then look no further than the amount of small donation during the start of Kamala Harris' campaign, or even any of the two campaigns Bernie Sanders ran in 2016 and 2020.

There are of course also many other benefits of joining a union that very much makes it worth it on it's own such as: higher pay, job security, more vacation time and so much more.

Please feel free to reblog and add more, expand on anything, or add any resource!!